[instrumental music]
[wheels creaking]
Oh. Here's one.
(Bugs) 'It says compact.'
This is compact.
Compact, huh?
Relax. We'll use the back door.
What back door?
(Bugs) 'Where is it? I-I can't..'
(Daffy) 'It's right there!'
[grunting]
Ooh. I got to oil that.
[theme music]
Hey, Speedy.
I'll have a couple of slices of carrot pizza.
Or you can have as many slices as you want
at the buffet! Six bucks, all you can eat.
Oh, I like a buffet.
What's, uh, going on?
- Sullivan's. - What's Sullivan's?
The new restaurant across the street.
I don't want them taking any of my customers.
I'm going to eat all your profits.
Bad business move, Speedy.
Except for him. They can have him.
Come on, Bugs, check it out.
And don't think I'm not coming back for seconds
and thirds, and fourths, and fifths!
[chokes]
[coughing]
Okay, we got the pepperoni, we got the sausage
we got the classic cheese, some..
We got the... ooh.
Good thing you're not the health department.
(man on TV) 'They've been on a roll offensively.'
'Thompson with the..'
It's just so horrible. Me, almost choking.
I know. Very scary.
chomp
I mean, so, so horrible!
click
You want to talk about it some more?
No. I'm fine. You watch your game.
(man on TV) 'Since the all-star break, they've been shooting..'
I mean, it's just that you realize how fragile life is.
- 'From the three point line.' - It can just turn, in a second!
A second.
'So horrible.'
(man on TV) 'Hey, I think if they score here..'
click
- Do you need to talk? - No. No.
Keep watching.
I'm going to learn to play the piano!
What?
My whole life I've wanted to play piano
but I always said, "Tomorrow, I'll learn tomorrow."
Well, guess what. Tomorrow isn't promised to you.
All you have is today.
Why piano?
My grand mummy played.
I distinctly remember listening by her side
as she tickled the ivories.
I would dance as she filled the room
with the sounds of Chopin, Bach, Jerry Lee Lewis.
She offered to teach me many times
but my answer was always the same..
Tomorrow, grand mummy. I'll learn to play tomorrow.
So now do you see why I must learn to play the piano?
Ehh, not really.
But whatever floats your boat.
Then it's settled. Tomorrow I will learn to play piano.
Don't you mean today?
Nah, it's kind of late, it's almost dinnertime.
Oh, I'm starving.
I didn't eat that much after I choked.
Where's the TV?
(Daffy) 'In here, boys!'
Daffy, where's the TV?
I sold it. Put her upstairs, boys.
First bedroom on the right.
- What do you mean you sold it? - To buy a piano.
- We talked about this. - No, we didn't!
Well, no, not explicitly, but yesterday's conversation
was riddled with undertones and innuendos.
You said, whatever floats your boat.
'And selling your TV to buy myself a piano floats my boat.'
'But I guess what you're really saying is'
'you want to sink my boat.'
You hear that, boys?
Looks like the "S.S. Daffy Duck" is going down.
Take her away, boys.
I should have just died choking on that pizza.
You hear that, boys? I should have just died.
Fine. Keep the piano.
You hear that, boys? The piano stays.
You're not gonna regret this.
Soon you'll be the one dancing beside the piano
as I fill our home with the sounds of Beethoven
Rachmaninoff, and Bruce Hornsby.
So much Bruce Hornsby.
That'll be all, boys.
[groaning]
Why are the boys still standing there?
You got to tip 'em.
I'm kind of tapped out.
I didn't get that much for your TV.
[clearing throat]
[off-key piano music]
(Daffy) 'Whoa! Listen to this sucker!'
This plays so much louder than my grandmother's!
- I'm going to go buy a new TV. - What?
- I'm going to buy a new TV! - I can't hear you!
Because you're playing too loud!
You're right! Grand mummy would be proud.
Alright, your TV will be delivered next week.
Can I get you anything else?
Nah. I think I'm.. What are those?
Noise-canceling headphones. They're great.
You can't even see them, and they block out all sound.
All sound, huh? I'll take 'em.
- Speedy? - Oh, hey,senor Bugs.
What are you doing here?
Buying a bunch of flat screen TVs.
Sullivan's, man, they're killing me.
They've always got the big game on.
You got to keep up with the Jonas'.
- Who? - The Jonas'.
- You know, the competition. - The Joneses.
That's what I said.
[piano music]
You're a natural piano player.
Do you mind?
I told you I'd give you your lesson when she's done.
Very good, Winnie.
Oh.
I'll see you next week.
So is this your first piano lesson?
Yep, and I want you to be harsh. No sugar coating.
I don't want you to baby me like you did that little girl.
I'm not here to get a stupid gold star.
I'm here to play. You got it? No coddling.
Okay. Let's begin with "The Grand Old Duke Of York."
[piano music]
[off-key music]
No, that wasn't quite right.
Good Lord, do you have to be so harsh?
This is my first lesson! I'm like a baby!
You have to coddle me.
Okay. Let's try again.
[piano music]
[off-key music]
[screeching]
thud
Do I get a gold star?
[door opens]
How was your first lesson?
Ugh! My teacher is very, very tough
and mean, and unforgiving
but she's easy on the eyes, I'll give her that.
Oh.
So does that mean you'll be playing piano
over there from now on?
No way! The only way to get better
is to practice at home.
And since I have no job and acute insomnia
I can practice 24 hours a day!
[off-key piano music]
[no audio]
Five minutes! What in tarnation is he doing up there?
Sounds like he's throwing a bunch of church bells
down an elevator shaft!
Oh, Daffy's learning to play piano.
Well, it's too dang loud. It's 10 o'clock at night.
Some of us have got work in the morning.
Well, not me, but if I did
I bet my work performance would suffer
and I'd nod off in the middle of a big meeting
due to the fact that I got no sleep the night before
'cause of that butchering of "The Grand Old Duke Of York."
- Anything else? - As a matter of fact, yes.
I got a long list of grievances with you two.
For starters, your sprinklers spray in front of my mailbox..
[no audio]
Uh-huh.
Also unrelated, your dumb dog's got a barking problem.
He don't ever shut up!
All I hear is woof, woof, woof.
Uh-huh.
Actually, it's more like a..
[blabbering]
Uh-huh.
Also, I want to talk about that parade float.
Half the time he parks it in front of my driveway.
And if I got to be somewhere, which I never do
but if I did, I'd not be able to get there
wherever "there" is!
I know what you mean.
You do? You really do?
- Uh-huh. - Wow.
Thanks for listening, rabbit. I feel a lot better.
Well, this is the best conversation we ever had.
Oh, let the kid play piana. I wish I'd learned myself.
You, you have a good night.
You have a blessed evening.
Did you hear me play?
Oh, yeah. "Grand Old Duke Of York," right?
[gasps] You recognized it.
I am getting better.
[off-key piano music]
I'm telling you. They're the greatest things in the world.
Daffy's piano playing is that bad, huh?
They don't just work on Daffy.
They work on all sorts of annoying people.
I had a ten minute conversation with Yosemite Sam
and I didn't have to listen to a word of it.
Isn't that a little rude?
No way!
I was more rude before I got these.
You know what it's like talking to me.
I'm always rolling my eyes, saying something sarcastic.
Not anymore. Now I just pop these babies in.
Can't people tell?
Nah, I just nod a lot, you know, throw in a few uh-huhs
and when it looks like they're wrapping it up
you know, I just say, "I know what you mean."
I'm actually a pretty great listener
as long as I don't have to hear what anyone's saying.
Have you, uh, ever used those things on me?
What? No.
So yesterday when I was telling you
about that recurring dream I've been having
you were listening?
To every word.
Phew! Okay, good
because I had it again last night!
It's the strangest thing.
It's like, I'm in my house, but I'm not in my house.
And it's like everything's in black and white.
'And I can smell someone making breakfast, like buttered toast'
'but then I go into the kitchen and no one's there.'
Uh-huh.
I mean, I feel like the dream
has something to do with my mother.
Or maybe my sister, whatever the case
it's very unsettling.
I know what you mean.
Thanks, Bugs.
You going to eat that?
- Uh-huh. - Oh, okay.
Sorry.
[off-key piano music]
Oh, no.
Nope.
[piano music]
No.
Here, let's try it together.
[piano music]
[no audio]
[music continues]
[no audio]
[off-key piano music]
Well? Do I finally get a gold star?
[door opens]
(Daffy) 'Unbelievable! Just unbelievable.'
Ugh.
I've been practicing forever and I'm still not any better.
What is wrong with me?
What do you think? I need you to be honest.
I want the truth. Don't hold back.
Do you think I should quit piano?
- Uh-huh. - I knew it!
This whole thing's been a giant waste of time
and it's proof that I should never try anything again. Ever.
Because I will fail. I fail at everything.
Uh-huh.
So why try? I just shouldn't ever try, right?
Because when you try, you expose yourself
to the possibility of failure.
And there's no point in trying
if there's a chance that you might fail.
You know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
Thanks, Bugs.
Pretty classy, huh?
Speedy, what is all this?
It's called fine dining. Like at Sullivan's.
Shrimp scampi? Oh, that sounds good.
Then again, I've never had it before
and there's no point in trying something new.
Right, Bugs?
I guess I'll just get the buffet.
[indistinct chatter]
You messed with the wrong mouse, Sullivan's.
Uh, they didn't mess with you, Speedy.
It's just another restaurant.
It's my competitive nature.
How did you think I became the fastest mouse
in all of Mexico? No.
If Sullivan's has a buffet, I got a buffet.
If Sullivan's has shrimp scampi, I got shrimp scampi.
If Sullivan's has live music every Friday night
I got live music every Friday night.
You've got live music tonight?
Huh? What are you talking about?
You're the one who arranged it!
- What? - Please tell me this is a joke.
You said you were going to take care of everything.
When did I say that?
I asked you the other day.
I said, "I have a big favor to ask you, and you can say no
"but do you know of anyone who
might be available to perform on Friday night?"
And you said, "Uh-huh."
'And then I said, "Are you sure?"'
And you said, "Uh-huh."
Then I said, "Thank you so much.
"This is such a nice gesture.
'You are a prince among men."'
And you said, "I know what you mean."
Personally, I thought that was a little bit boastful
but I'm not in a position to judge
so, I said, "whatever," and here we are.
Eh, hypothetically just throwing this out there
um, what would happen if, for some reason
there was no live entertainment tonight?
Oh, not much. Other than I will have wasted
$500 on a full page ad.
And all of these people will no longer be customers of mine.
They'll be customers of Sullivan's!
So please tell me you got someone.
- I got someone. - You better.
I've got great news!
You're playing the piano tonight.
Me? I don't play piano.
What are you talking about?
I asked you if I should quit, and you said, "Uh-huh."
Oh, boy. Okay, forget our conversation.
Even the part about never trying anything
if there's even the slightest chance that you might fail?
Especially that part!
That's the worst advice that anybody could ever give.
Daffy, you said you wanted to learn how to play the piano.
So you have to stick with it
no matter how hard it is, or how bad it sounds.
You can do it.
You really believe in me?
Uh-huh. I mean, yes.
[piano music]
Thanks, Bugs.
Don't thank me. Thank Daffy.
Don't thank me, thank Winnie Yang and her parents
for letting her stay up so late.
[theme music]
Eeh! You scared me to death.
That's precisely what I want to talk to you about.
Choking on that pizza has really made me think about things
specifically the arrangements in the event of my passing.
What?
♪ Lay me to rest inside a Corvette ♪
♪ With a trunk full of yogurt for the afterlife ♪
♪ Pull the Corvette with a team of clydesdales ♪
♪ Make sure that Tina is there by my side ♪
- What if she's not dead? - Just make it work.
♪ For my eulogy get Neil Diamond to sing ♪
♪ And use lots of quotes from Lord Of The Rings ♪
♪ In lieu of flowers buy some raw meat ♪
♪ Then pay some pirates to dance in the street ♪
What?
♪ And the party will rage for 900 days ♪
♪ With bonfires and swearing and random gun play ♪
♪ And plaster the town with photos of me ♪
♪ This is my decree it's my legacy ♪
♪ Cryogenically freeze my brain ♪
♪ So the scientists can tinker ♪
♪ Think of the knowledge that they'd retain ♪
♪ From one of the world's great thinkers ♪
♪ It's a trifecta can't you see? ♪
♪ It's me Da Vinci and Socrates ♪♪
Are we still talking about your memorial?
Yep.
♪ All the kids must attend ♪
♪ Daffy Duck High ♪
♪ And train as brick masons and twirlers and spies ♪
♪ Though some should be ninjas that do awesome stunts ♪
♪ They'd all wear black robes with my face on the front ♪
♪ The 50 yard line at the Rose Bowl works great ♪
♪ For my huge marble statue with a big gold nameplate ♪
♪ Or under the Sphinx ♪
♪ Or up here amid ♪
♪ But right at the top just open the lid ♪
♪ And the party will rage for 900 days ♪
♪ With bonfires and swearing and random gun play ♪
♪ And plaster the town with photos of me ♪
♪ This is my decree it's my legacy ♪
♪ This is my decree it's my legacy ♪♪
So, what do you say?
Why wait?
What are you doing? Not now!
The future!
Way off in the future.
[off-key piano music]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I finally got a gold star!
I did it! I did it!
I did it, I did it, I did it!
Oh, ha, I've got to remember to thank Bugs
for giving me these.
[theme music]
That's all, folks for Sullivan's
because they went out of business. He he he.
What? I'm a competitive person.