[PA system announcement and background chatter]
- Pff! Look at this!
It's like opening day for Revenge of the Sith
all over again!
You know, minus the stormtroopers.
- My mom thinks I should donate. She says my blood is special.
I think it's exactly why I should keep it where it belongs: in my veins.
- Dude, she has to say your blood is special. She's your mom!
Anyway, the reason you don't give blood is 'cause
you're too scared of needles, you big chicken!
- I'm not afraid! I just don't like them.
[Background chatter] - Right, the same way
you don't like the commercial with the dancing crackers?
It freaks you out! - It does not!
Okay? I'm just uncomfortable with eating things that dance.
Plus, I don't see you rushing to donate.
- Uh, yeah. They can lift your entire genetic code from one drop!
But what is someone cloned me? No way am I...
- Oh my God! - Ow!
[Background chatter] - Then again...
I could stand to lose a pint or two,
if you know what I'm saying, I mean...
Come on!
Unless, of course, you're too chicken?
[Clucking like a chicken]
- I'm not a chicken! I'm a hawk!
With huge talons
and laser eyes!
[Background chatter]
[Feebly]: I just... have to...
talk to Sarah!
About something.
- Fine.
More nurse time for me, then.
- Whew! Hey, Sarah. - What's up?
- Not much. You okay?
- Sure! I'm fine! Why? Don't I look okay?
- You have, like, half a bag of chips on your face.
- Fine! - Seeing all this blood is really getting to you huh?
- It's like letting contestants from The Biggest Loser lose in a chocolate factory!
- Do you need help? I could be, like, your diet buddy.
- It's Erica I'm worried about. She doesn't have much self-control, and if--
- Hey, Sarah.
Cookie?
- She's the girl next door
Nice, but not in a heart that's pure
She's the girl next door
Just for me
What you get
Is what you see
No more maybe it's may believe
She can give you
Everything you need
She's the girl next door
Nice, but not in a heart that's pure
She's the girl next door
Just for me
[Background chatter]
[Machines beeping slowly]
- A student volunteer? That is so devious!
Hmm! Kind of clever.
- I know, right?
So, when are you gonna take a sip? The sooner we get past
this whole awkward phase of our friendship, the better.
- I don't eat humans. Sorry if that's awkward for you.
[Heartbeat]
- What's the deal with Sarah? - It's the smell.
She's scarfing junk food to dull the craving.
- Mortal foods won't satisfy her hunger. That's Vampire 101.
- You better keep an eye on her.
And our other fanged friends as well.
- Dude, if anything bad happens, we must rescue the nurses.
I am saving that one! [Background chatter]
Called it.
- I've got to get me one of those! Hey!
You're a big, strong guy.
You've got one more pint for me?
- Annie, keep the line moving. I'm off to the truck.
- Truck? Full of blood?
Is it Vampire Christmas already?
Ooh, could be risky!
I need a gullible little monkey to steal it for me!
- Oh, baby!
A blood vending machi-- - Shh!
- Sweet!
- How would you like to go on a secret mission?
[Whispering]: Here's the plan. - They're up to something.
I'm gonna try to get closer.
[Moaning and falling with a thud]
- Ethan? [Nurse gasping]
Well played, young padawan. Well played.
- Ugh! No! No! No!
Don't do this to me!
- You do realize
you could end your pain with one teensy little sip?
- That blood is meant to save lives, you know.
- Well, duh! Mission accomplished.
Ah! See? No screaming.
- Right. Until you get caught. We'll see who screams then.
- Oh! No problem.
Five-second rule.
- I... am strong enough
to fight this craving!
After I eat this chip.
- You're not actually thinking of coming back, are you?
'Cause I seriously doubt you could top that faint.
- Did Spock give up when he watched Vulcan sucked out of existence
[by a single drop of red matter?]
- Sorry, dude. You're on your own. Later.
- Ugh! [Background chatter]
Sarah!
Hey, you're doing okay with the whole...
- Don't say it.
- So, after you're done for the day,
what's say we grab a quick za?
- I'm just here for the blood.
- Fine.
I'll just- I'll just bleed, then.
- Now you're getting it. Sweetie.
[Moaning in pain]
[PA announcement in the background]
- Hey, Ror. - I can't tell you anything.
Erica would kill me. Though I already said too much.
[Gasping] Not cool!
- What's up with Count Darkula?
- Sounds like Erica's pulling his strings.
- Oh, so she's the puppet master!
- I bet they're after the blood!
- Hmm, the crimson nectar! Time to call in the big gun!
- If you mean Sarah, she's got enough on her plate today.
It's time you and I got our hands dirty!
- Good thing I brought hand sanitizer!
You were speaking metaphorically, weren't you?
Gotcha!
- Hey. - Dude, I told you! Lips sealed.
- It's not that. I just have a quick question.
If you could be anyone for one day, who would it be?
Thor or the Hulk?
- Thor is a Norse god, with a magic hammer
than can summon lightning from the heavens!
[Beeping] The Hulk is a big green doofus
with purple short shorts.
Next time, at least try to make it challenging.
- 'Muchos' gracias, amigo!
- Say what?
- GPS is in place. We can now track Rory's position at all times.
[Satisfied sigh] - Well, I never thought I'd say this,
but let's spend the day following Rory around.
- Do you have a plan for the truck?
- Yep!
And it's tight, see?
The spaceship is the blood truck.
I'm the mini marshmallow. You're the red cinnamon heart.
Because you're red hot.
So, you wait over here, out of sight,
while I attack the truck and remove anyone crazy enough to get in my way!
[Fighting yells] - Ahem.
- But, you know, I won't get mooshed up like that.
We get in and take off with the blood!
- Great. That is... fine.
Do you have my laundry?
- Hecks yeah! Cleaned and pressed.
[Short laugh] - You're the best!
- Thanks. Oh, so soft!
- Duh-duh-duh-duh! Surveillance music!
Duh-duh-duh! Spyin' on you!
- Benny! Knock it off! - He's just doing her laundry!
- Looks like it.
But why was he showing her that model spaceship?
- Ah, gee, I don't know! How many times has he brought toys over to your place?
- You're right. - Mm-hmm.
- Anyways, the clinic's closing. I think our work here is done.
- You want to come over and play Robo Zombie?
I used a cheat code to unlock a new brain grade!
- Uh... - But we can still monitor his GPS signal from there.
- Deal. We've earned it. [Short laugh]
Uh, you go ahead.
I'll catch up, okay?
Hey, Sarah, hold up. - Hey, Ethan.
Sorry. I've been a bit moody today.
- Um, no, I totally get it.
But you'll be happy to know that Benny and I held down the fort while you were gone.
The blood is safe. - But at what cost?
Maybe we should have just let Erica have it.
I mean, better blood bags than body bags, right? - Wow!
I guess that follows a certain vampire logic.
You okay?
- Yeah. Kinda.
Nothing a dozen powdered doughnuts won't cure.
Are you heading out? - Um...
No. I have to see a nurse about a chicken.
[Background chatter]
- Now's your chance! Go! - You got it, hot stuff!
- Don't call me that! - Good idea.
Switching to alternate codenames, sweet cheeks!
[Erica sighing]
[Suspense music]
- Thor's beard!
- Hey.
I know I missed last call,
but I got a pint of blood just sloshing around inside me.
If you want it, I... promise I won't faint.
- Come on.
- What is taking so long?
[Gulping sound]
[Hello! Earth to moron!]
[Videogame sounds]
- What are you doing
behind the school, Rory?
Let's see what the security camera has to say.
[Satisfied sigh] - Huh?
- Hey! What gives? That's my blood!
- I was, uh, just making sure
it was good enough for your lips, my sweet.
- What's going on here? - Back off, sweetie,
or these blood bags won't be the only things getting drained.
[Laughing]
Not exactly the reaction I was going for.
- Before you do it, could you give me, like, a 3-count?
No, no, 5.
A 5-count would be great.
[Cell phone ringing]
Benny--
- Dude, Rory and Erica are gonna hit the donor van behind the school.
- This won't hurt a bit.
Relax. I don't bite.
- Promise?
- You're a nurse. So you know what these little babies can do to a jugular.
[Rory gasping]
- Wait 'til you see what happens when those babies are all grown up.
- She's one of us? - Wow. Did not expect that.
- No. - You have broken one of our oldest laws.
Trying to steal food from your own kind?
The Council will make sure you pay for this.
- Like a vampire fine?
Just give the ticket to pasty face here.
I'm sure he's good for it. - Huh? No, not me.
- Hey! What? Hey, let us out!
- How much blood do you take?
- How much do you have?
[Short laugh] Just a pint.
[Relieved sigh] - Annie, we're leaving. Now.
- Maybe next time.
It's a shame, too.
You smell...
hmm... interesting.
- Annie! Let's go!
- You can, uh, help yourself to a cookie on the way out.
- Ethan? - Okay, we've got big trouble.
Those nurses, they're vampires. I just had a vision.
- What is that smell? It's amazing!
[Heartbeat]
Is that your blood?
It smells so good!
Like, really, really good.
- Thanks?
Here. [Short laugh]
Have a cookie. Take two.
- What? Seriously? I ran for nothing?
[Catching his breath] - Benny?
- Ethan! You hung up on me!
- Later! Right now, we have vampire nurses to deal with!
- Vampire nurses? All right! That's worth running for.
Wait. Where's Rory and Erica?
- We figured out they were planning to rob the blood truck.
[Electronic noises] - Okay. Okay.
Rory's on the move - and fast.
He's either flying or... - Or he's on that truck!
And Erica's probably still with him.
- They're in danger. Vampires are super territorial!
- We gotta grab our gear and go after them - fast.
- How is this door so strong?
- Looks like we're trapped, alone, together,
just the two of us, for who knows how long!
- Are you seriously enjoying this?
- Well, let's see.
You, me, a tight space filled with primo plasma...
Hecks yeah, I'm enjoying this!
Have you ever noticed
how, in romantic comedies,
the guy and girl start off fighting, then things change
between them and they end up sucking face by the end credits?
Let's say we just skip to the end, baby!
- Somebody get me a wooden stake!
[Electronic noises] - Look what I found.
These blood-sucking nurses have over 30 towns on their route.
They've been running this scam for years. But they wouldn't run
much longer if everyone knew they weren't real nurses.
We can use that info against them.
- You mean, like, to bore them to death?
Could work. Anyway, we gotta go - now.
Rory and Erica are in trouble,
and I think Sarah's downstairs eating all of your frozen meat.
- I'm so tired of playing it safe!
Why can't we have a little fun with these two?
- You know the rules. We have to take them to the Council.
- The Council? They don't need to know.
It's not like these two noobs would put up much of a fight anyway.
- Maybe they won't.
- But we will.
- You! - Yeah. That's right.
Us! - Yeah. And me!
Too. I'm- I'm Benny.
We met earlier.
I'm the one who didn't pass out.
- Benny, get to Rory and Erica.
Sarah and I'll hold them off.
Mostly Sarah.
[Fighting yells]
- Let my friends go or you nurses are gonna need a doctor!
- Don't move! One blast of holy water and it's all over!
[Catching her breath]
- You're not a real vampire yet.
By the way, you smell like junk food.
- When I... catch my breath,
you are so dead!
[Sarah moaning]
- What now, fledgling?
- Good thing one of us is an expert with a vast electronic--
[Moaning in pain]
- What is that? Is that your blood?
- Yeah.
It's all you're gonna get.
[Taking a whiff] - Mmm! You don't know what you're full of, do you?
- Benny's had some ideas about that.
- Your blood is H-deficient - one in a million.
A single pint is worth more than everything in that truck.
- How about a trade?
One pint of my blood in exchange for my friends.
And you leave Whitechapel forever.
- Why bargain? We'll take it. - Done!
- What? - Annie, why must you do everything the hard way?
If you let me up, I'll get to work.
- Yeah, and I'll give you all my computer passwords, too!
No.
If my blood's coming out, Sarah does the job.
I trust her. [Sarah moaning]
- I don't know what it is: I barely eat anymore, but I'm even gassier as a vampire!
It was so bad that my mom-- - Shut up!
What would it take to shut you up? I will do anything!
- Huh?
- Okay, it's okay. You know...
I know it's hard, but you just have to--
- Done. Now take it,
and get out of here.
- Hmm!
You're a walking blood bank, kid.
What's stopping us from making more withdrawals?
- This, for one thing.
One click and I email the details of your little scam
to every school in a thousand-mile radius.
No one's gonna roll out the blood-red carpet for you again.
- Behold... the power... of technology!
[Electronic noises]
Doorus openus!
[Sighing]
- This isn't what it looks like.
He wouldn't shut up!
Kissing him actually seemed less annoying.
[Sighing] - Ugh!
I'm surrounded by vampire noobs!
Let's get out of here.
- So, uh, you two need a ride home?
- No! We're good.
It's nice out, and, uh, we could use the...
flight practice.
[Slapping sound] Ow! What was that for?!
- Well, something tells me Rory wasn't trying too hard
to open that door.
- Doorus openus?
- Stupidus doofusus?
- Come on! We could make a fortune selling your blood to vampires!
- Nuh-huh! No more needles! Not ever.
- We can cast a fear-reversal spell.
- No thanks! I value my life.
- Turn one goldfish inside out
and all of a sudden you're Lord Voldemort.
- Hey, Sarah. No chips today?
[Sighing] - Yeah, the whole bloodless thing was intense.
But we're all good now that the blood drive's over.
You still smell good to me.
- Gee, thanks. [Short laugh] So do you.
- I almost feel sad that Erica went home empty-handed.
- Hmm, somehow I doubt she'll go hungry for long.
[Satisfied sigh] - Oh, come to mama!
[Banging at the door] - Come on, let me in!
- She's the girl next door
Nice, but not in a heart that's pure
She the girl next door
Just for me