DONKICHI
Let me tell you a silly story.
When two rivals compete against each other,
it is called "dragon versus tiger."
But when you think about it, it doesn't make sense.
A dragon is an imaginary creature. No one has seen it.
But a tiger can be found easily. You can see one at the Ueno Zoo.
A tiger and a dragon can't compete because they live in two separate worlds.
This is a story between such a tiger and a dragon.
"Hey, Tora!"
Tora! Toraji!
Tora!
Do you hear me?
Toraji! Tora!
Toraji!
Toraji! Tora!
Toraji! Answer me!
Answer me! Toraji!
Toraji, answer me!
I'm sorry. I was too late.
He's with his woman and kid. They're all dead.
I think they took pills and sniffed gas.
Brother!
Ambulance! Call 119!
Yes!
The kid is alive.
One more? You mean, Yasuo?
I haven't gotten him yet.
Since he swiped our funds, we should chop off his finger.
Use normal language.
Should I go find him and cut his finger off?
No. Your work's done today.
How is the young master?
His spirits are low.
Feed him a good meal.
He loves curry, so any curry will do.
Got it.
This is Toraji Yamazaki. Oh, I'm sorry for the intrusion.
As you can see, he's a yakuza, and he has his troubles.
Young master, would you like some curry?
Seeing that on your first day on the job. It's enough to spoil your appetite.
Please don't be so polite.
I can't do that.
You may be my little brother now,
but you are the group's heir.
And stop calling me young master. It doesn't do me good.
Sorry.
Then I'll stop at 6 p.m.
What troubles him is this atmosphere.
He wants people to relax when they're with him,
but Toraji here is not a good speaker.
So even before he starts to speak,
he gets nervous, and eventually,
he just clams up.
Because he looks so scary when silent, no one dares to talk to him,
and the silence goes on forever.
Brother?
Oh, that's me. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
The second "sorry" was for being polite
and saying sorry to you after 6 p.m.,
so that's different from the first "sorry." I'm sorry.
I just remembered a funny story about curry.
What?
Well, it might not be very funny.
Want to hear it?
Sure.
Yesterday or the day before,
I went into a curry shop in Harajuku or Omotesando.
Only a group of middle-aged women
and a young punk were in the shop.
I was resting and was about to leave...
When ding-dong! Guess who came in?
This is Ryuji. He's the dragon.
He's all talk.
Death Kiyoshi, former vocalist of Death Romantic.
Really?
Sorry, I'm not into rock.
Not rock! Death rock! All the members are named Death!
I covered them in high school.
I will leave everyone half dead
Death, death, romantic!
Won't let them live, won't let them die
Death, death, romantic!
But he had parted hair and wore an electrician's uniform jacket.
Electrician?
How many times must I tell you? Don't wear boots to work!
They're Death boots!
Who cares!
Everybody could hear him being scolded,
but nobody knew he was Death Kiyoshi of Death Romantic.
There were only Indians, middle-aged ladies,
and a yakuza who must have a big dick.
I wasn't really interested, but as I was listening,
it came.
Who?
Not who. What was it?
- None... - You mean, naan?
Then the curry was served,
but neither one of them touched it.
Why?
I don't think the boss has had naan before.
No way!
I bet I'm right!
So he doesn't know how to eat it.
And Kiyoshi's just been scolded, he's feeling so down he can't eat.
Enough. Eat it up!
So the boss began to gobble up the curry
and lectured him again
as he sweated like a candle.
Your voice is too small!
And to think you were a rock star.
Then...
You're a musician, aren't you?
Which one?
Um... I forgot.
I remembered! Hiroshi of Mass Communication, right?
It's Kiyoshi!
Get me a pen!
"They're yelling 'pen, pen.' Then..."
I've got one!
Thank you!
Anything to write on?
Too bad I didn't have any paper with me. But then...
Here!
You're kidding!
I'm serious!
He autographed the naan?
Kiyoshi probably couldn't argue after all that scolding.
Why don't you get one, too?
Thank you! This is great!
And so I got that!
"To Dragon Soda."
"Kiyoshi of Death Romantic."
What you're saying is
he autographed a naan, because they had no paper?
Yeah.
So who was that electrician?
That's not important.
He had no paper to sign on
and autographed a naan. That's the funny part.
That's not very funny.
Sorry, I didn't get it.
I guess there was supposed to be a joke in there.
But the story was too long, I gave up.
I didn't find it funny. Sorry.
No, it's my fault. I didn't tell it right.
I wouldn't have laughed anyway.
Sorry, I'll go catch a movie before I go home.
There's "none" to autograph.
Autograph a naan!
Whoa!
And now we're done with the introductory small talk.
Now, here is the main story.
Tiger and Dragon!
Hey Ginjiro.
- Yes? - Isn't Asakusa part of the old downtown?
It is.
Isn't it where lively Edo natives hang out?
What the heck?
It's just old folks and tourists. Nothing lively here.
Where are you from?
Yokosuka City, Kanagawa.
That's cool.
Ever been there?
Nope.
And yet you wear a jacket from there?
Well, it makes me look like a junior yakuza.
Says who?
Me...
Well, the stylist inside me.
Was that a joke?
Yes, it was.
There is no stylist inside me.
Let me tell you something.
I don't get jokes.
Yes, sir!
So, did you?
Did you bring this month's payment?
Are you listening?
Hey, what the...
Number Four won?
What a fool I was.
How much did you lose?
I have no interest in gambling.
My brother hates jokes!
Anyway, young master,
you've grown so much.
Remember? When you were around three or four,
you got lost in the amusement park,
and I ran all around it looking for you.
He's the young master.
I see.
Young master! I see!
You did a good job.
He must have learned from the experience.
He was stuck in his room for a few days.
We'd like you to take him somewhere else.
It's like a kid's errand. I lent this guy my pocket money.
Get the details from Hyuga.
Please take care of me.
Two years ago, the boss lent 4 million yen to a golf buddy.
He has to repay 100,000 a month, but he is way behind.
He's not the type to run away,
but put some pressure on him.
Shoukichi Yanaka. 2 p.m. At a diner called Yoshiko in Asakusa.
Listen. What relationship you have with the boss
or how you used that 4 million is not my concern.
I don't care. But debt is debt.
He lent you the money, because he trusted you.
So Mr. Yanaka,
if you can't pay, at least come up with an excuse.
- Right. - What are you doing?
Sorry. I was just...
Your job! You must have one!
Me? Yeah, I must be doing something.
What do I do?
Service industry?
Does he make money?
I wouldn't be eating here if I made a lot of money.
Nice watch, though, for a poor guy.
This? Nice, right? It's a Rolex. Oh, it's already time.
This tailor told me,
"Donbei, a real man needs a real watch." Oh, Donbei is me.
He and I are good friends.
How should I say this?
I have a weak prostate, so my bladder
gets full easily.
May I go to the bathroom? May I?
Who said you may go?
Will you go for me?
Shut up. Leave your watch.
Put it here.
- Yasu, excuse me. - Go ahead.
Brother?
Stay there.
All you dirtbags think the same way.
Donbei!
Off to work?
Cheers! I'll go see you!
This is the door to the dressing room. Guests go to the door over there.
What dressing room?
Don't give me that scary look. Pay for the ticket.
2,500 yen.
A VARIETY OF SHOWS
Welcome!
DONBEI
Thank you all very much for coming.
It has been said
that promises are made to be broken.
"Honey, promise me you'll come home early tonight."
"I will." He might mean it at the time,
but in the evening, when work is over, he becomes somewhat excited.
His heart races.
The person inside him whispers to him,
"It's not the time to go home! Let's go out!"
He forgets all about his wife
and comes back the next morning.
Maybe the wife should have told him,
"Promise me you won't come home tonight."
Then he might have come back early. But it doesn't happen that way.
He'll keep that promise like clockwork.
A person's heart is not to be trusted.
Oh! "Sanmai Kishou!"
Between a man and a woman,
there are too many unfulfilled promises.
In the Yoshiwara red-light district,
they write things called vows.
You write a love message on a piece of paper
and give it to a customer.
It could say, "You are the only one I love"
or "I will love no one but you until the day I die."
These things seem so pointless.
"Next year, I will definitely go break up with you."
A poem even goes like this!
And yet men believe these promises.
Men are simple creatures.
"Isn't that Ino over there?
Ino! Hey!
I'm talking to you! What are you doing there?"
Sorry, boss. It's been a while.
I'll go see you soon!
"Wait a minute! Come, I want to talk to you."
What is it?
Don't you say "What is it."
Your mother was complaining
that you do nothing but party all night long.
Don't be silly.
During the day, I kill time at home and play.
Then at night, I go outside and play.
That's what you call "partying all night long."
"Listen, boss. I'm having a good time these days."
"With a girl?"
"Yes, a girl."
-"Working or not?" -"She both works and plays."
"Let me rephrase my question.
I'm asking if she is a woman of the streets."
"Well, she is a woman from Yoshiwara."
"Yoshiwara? Then she's of the streets."
"Right. A real hooker."
But she did give me a real vow!
You got a vow? Show me!
Most vows are so formal, what they say is obvious.
Let's see.
"In March next year,
I vow to marry you, and...
Kisegawa, a.k.a. Yamanaka."
Kisegawa...
Ino.
Did you get the vow from her?
Yes, it's for me!
How great.
How great it is to be young,
because crap like this makes you happy!
What are you doing?
It's just crap!
If you like it so much, I'll give you mine!
You have one, too?
Sorry, Ino, but she and I go way back.
I've known her since her Shinagawa days.
She told me she would marry me next March.
But year after year, I'm still single!
I feel sorry for you.
Huh?
Wait...
So we've both been fooled?
You just realized that?
What the hell! I'm so mad!
What do we do?
"What do we do?"
It's Sei the chatterbox.
It is! It is Sei the chatterbox!
Sei the chatterbox? That's so harsh!
Oh, a vow?
Let me see.
Most vows are... Huh?
What is it?
Ino.
What?
Isn't she originally from Shinagawa?
Did Kisegawa really write this for you?
Sei, it's not just Ino.
She wrote me one, too.
Damn!
Will another one come out?
Yes.
Shut up! Damn it!
What are you going to do with that wasabi scraper?
I'm so mad, I'm going to scrape her face with this!
"You'll be playing into her hands if you do that.
Listen.
I'm mad, too.
Let's do this instead. I'll get her to come to a teahouse.
The three of us will show up and say to her face,
'Is this the only way you fool customers?'
That'll be our revenge!"
That took forever.
Sorry, but when you're old, it takes time.
You were quite noisy.
I'm so sorry.
- Brother! - Take this back to the boss.
- What? - Just do as I say!
Please, not the watch. Wait, what are you doing?
- You moved me. - What?
You're the best!
I want to be funny like you!
Take me in as your pupil!
Brother?
Is this a joke or a new way to collect the debt?
I told you, I hate jokes.
Then it's a new way to collect the debt. Forgive me, I will pay you back.
Looking for your lenses?
Not here. Let's talk outside.
Please.
Soft or hard?
Um...
SOBA RESTAURANT
Will you please stop kneeling? There are seats...
No. Not until you take me in.
Oh, dear.
I'm dead serious!
I want to tell funny stories like you!
I want people to tell me I'm sophisticated!
So Yanaka. No wait. Donbei,
make me a sophisticated guy.
Let's assume, just assume, that you become my pupil.
Let's just assume, okay? Then...
What will happen to my debt?
Debt is debt. Don't get cocky.
But that doesn't make sense, does it?
I've never heard of a master
who is indebted to his pupil.
And in any case, I don't need a pupil.
I've got plenty, around five or six.
There's no problem then. Let me in!
"Let me in"? We're not playing a game here.
You don't have to force yourself to laugh.
- It's small talk. - Okay.
Can I say something?
What is it, soba maker?
Yes, I'm a soba maker.
Let this soba maker tell you.
Listen.
I've known a few people from your world,
and they all went through a ritual to pledge loyalty.
I don't know what it's like now,
but a man who has pledged loyalty to his boss
can't just go become a rakugo master's pupil.
That's cheating on your boss.
It'll be like you having an affair.
If you want to be Donbei's pupil,
you have to ask your boss for permission to leave
and quit the yakuza before you kneel and beg.
Understand?
Got it. For a soba maker, you're a good talker.
Ah-ta...
Don't you "Ah-ta" me!
Are you from Fist of the North Star?
That was just small talk. No need to laugh.
I didn't get it.
So I'll quit being a yakuza, then!
If you want, I'll even clear your debt.
- Stay right here! - Huh?
I heard, Tora.
You want to do rakugo?
Boss.
Basically, I don't stop people who want to quit.
Do what you want.
Boss!
But I don't think it suits you.
You're not funny.
Boss.
Aren't I more talented?
I agree.
You've never made me laugh, not even once.
As long as he pays the money back, I don't care.
Make sure he pays. And this.
It's fake.
So it turns out until you pay your debt back,
I can't become your pupil.
So,
pay it back.
That's not possible.
He hasn't even paid me back.
Go home. You're disrupting my sales.
This time, it's a fishcake maker.
Right, I make fishcakes.
And let me tell you.
You're probably 25 or 26.
I'm 27 going on 28.
So how many stories do you know?
Stories?
Rakugo stories!
You're hopeless.
You want to do rakugo, so at least you know "Jugemu," right?
I don't.
I'm so stunned that I don't know what to say.
Then shut it, fishcake maker!
Whatever it's called, I'll learn it.
It's "Jugemu"!
Jugemu Jugemu Gokou...
When will you pay?
You're ignoring me?
Oh, well...
Let's say 100,000 a month. That will take 40 months.
Fine. Until then, I'll live at your place.
Wait! You don't have to do that!
Too late. I already moved out of my apartment.
- What? - Don't worry.
I mostly work nights,
so I can study during the day.
So!
Make me a sophisticated...
Whoa!
You've become used to kneeling.
Why aren't you going home?
Because you'll follow me!
Yeah, right.
Come on in.
Huh?
Come on in.
Come in.
Don't touch me!
Okay. You're going to wake people up!
Don't!
Go inside!
Be quiet.
Please be quiet.
I'm telling you for your own sake.
Don't be a rakugo performer.
The job is not as fun as you may imagine.
Only a handful can make a living out of it.
So I'll collect money from others.
What if those "others" come to see your show?
After you take their money, they go to a show,
and they see you on stage telling a story.
How can they possibly laugh at your rakugo?
What about...
Your parents?
Parents?
Where do they live? What do they do?
No parents.
None?
I was in seventh grade when they both died.
My father borrowed money, from the local yakuza.
When they found out his company was going under,
they hounded him in every possible way.
Finally, while Mom and I were sleeping,
he opened the gas pipe.
Mr. Yamazaki!
Let's go!
I dunno if it's a good thing, but I survived
and was sent to an institution.
The rest is obvious.
After middle school, I became a delinquent.
Hyuga, the underboss of my gang, took me in when I was 18,
and I drifted to Shinjuku.
Come to think of it,
I've never laughed since my parents died.
I thought it wasn't necessary
to laugh or make other people laugh...
until I saw your rakugo.
Shut up!
Are you sick?
No, no.
What is it?
I'm crying.
It's my story. Why are you crying?
Your story is so dark and hopeless.
Oh, sorry.
Now I see.
If that's how it is then it's a different story.
Really? Then...
- Please leave. - What?
Isn't this where you're supposed to accept me?
No way, I can't handle this.
The burden is too heavy.
It's impossible.
Go back to your boss.
Become the best yakuza in Japan.
You've already got the basics down.
Then how about this?
Instead of money, I'll collect rakugo from you.
What?
- Let's trade. - Huh?
You teach me a story, and I'll pay you 100,000 yen as a lesson fee.
I want your skills, not money.
You have the skills, but not the money. I have the money.
So sell me your skills and take my money.
And I repay the debt with that money?
Problem solved!
May I get up?
Oh, get up.
Sorry. Thanks.
Okay, so that means...
100,000 yen per story.
10 stories make a million.
It won't be easy.
I'm not bragging, but I'm the least funny guy in Shinjuku.
Oh.
What's your name?
Toraji Yamazaki.
Not that Tora! Tora as in "tiger."
Oh, that Tora.
I'm Hayashiyate.
So if it's Tora.
Then it's Kotora. Hayashiyate Kotora.
Master!
Yes.
Congratulations!
Excuse me. Thank you very much.
Push properly!
Sorry.
- You did it on purpose! - I didn't.
The master picked up a weird stray!
Did you find it on the street?
He's a new pupil. His legs froze up from too much kneeling.
Darn. No money and another mouth to feed.
Oh god I'm hungry.
A pupil?
My son. He makes the most money.
Hayashiyate Donta. Not Don Tacos.
Stop joking around and help me.
Oh, well. Here we go.
Sayuri-chan, a new pupil.
Welcome. Breakfast will be ready soon.
Mom, you're too welcoming.
With that attitude, our house will be full of strangers.
Good morning!
See? I told you.
What? Who is this handsome man?
A new apprentice, apparently. Your name is?
Kotora. Hayashiyate Kotora.
Are you a tiger or a cat?
- What did you say? - Oh, stop it.
Isn't that a line from the story, "Rat"?
That's informative.
Stop telling bad jokes and eat.
Yes, sir!
This looks good!
Dig in.
Here you go.
- I'll have an umeboshi. - Here you go.
Ma...
Master.
What?
You must be hungry. Eat as much as you want.
Thanks for everything.
Less rice for me, please. I have Gourmet Report today.
He's in a TV show. A TV show!
Well, let me quickly introduce everyone.
You don't have to remember who they are just yet.
This guy with an afro is Donta, my son.
This is my first apprentice, Donkichi.
They perform second.
Over there are the trainees. Dontsuku, Donburi, and your name is?
It's Udon.
Udon, how ridiculous.
You named him that!
They perform after you?
In yakuza terms, they're like underbosses.
More rice please.
You start as a trainee and then move on to perform second.
Then you get promoted to headliner.
And finally, you become the concluding act.
By the way,
I perform second but am very close to being a headliner
unlike this guy over here. Right, master?
Right, let me introduce you to the women.
This is Sayuri-chan, my dearest wife.
This is Donta's wife, Tsuruko, over here.
And my granddaughter, Saya!
How lively.
There's another on the way. Two months to go.
Her stomach is like this.
Enough with the nonsense. Let's eat.
Do you want sausages? Is this not to your taste?
No.
It's good.
It's really good.
He likes it. He sure does!
What do you do for a living?
He's a yakuza.
What?
A silly comedy every time!
Stop, stop, stop.
- Stop! - What's wrong?
Don't ask what's wrong.
This isn't a fire drill. No need to raise your voice.
What did you say?
Wait! Hey, hey.
Hold on!
Kotora, listen.
Watch closely, okay?
First, you bow like this,
then you look to the left
and to the right slowly.
Then, in a voice that will easily reach the audience's ears,
you say, "I have another silly story to tell."
Got it?
They used to speak calmly in Edo.
Try it from the beginning.
Ready? Go.
You good? Okay, let's go!
"I have another silly story to tell."
That was scary! What are you, a professional wrestler?
You're so loud and annoying!
I said stop.
Stop, stop.
Kotora, Kotora.
Don't talk to the elder apprentices like that.
Normally, you would be the one
collecting the debt, and they are the debtors.
But here, you're at the very bottom of the pyramid.
Show him.
Dontsuku, your turn.
- No, it's yours. - What?
Don't "what" me. It's been a year since you've been on stage.
Tell a short story.
Go, Donta. Show us.
We've been waiting!
Yes, please!
Fine... Watch carefully.
Hello, I'm Donta, not Don Tacos.
Let's go, Don, Don, Don!
"So loud!
You're going to wake the kids, damn it..."
"I'm in trouble!"
"What's up?"
"The house next door has a fence!"
"Oh, what a nice fence. This was Watanabe Atsushi."
"A new guest? Where are you from? Ginza? You look like a filthy toilet.
I'll clean you. Clean you out like you do your bank account! Don!"
Enjoy the next act.
Start, Chaka Khan!
That's an example of how not to do it.
Oh no.
Jokes like that show that you lack confidence.
Also, making obscenities and poking fun at the guests is not allowed.
They're sensitive.
They may not stay, even.
Okay?
Isn't it time for your TV shoot?
Yes. I have to shoot the celebrity cook-off. I'm off.
- Master... - Yes?
I'm not paying for short stories.
You're annoying! Kick him out!
Excuse us.
I'm aware. You want to do something more classical.
Let's see. What would be good?
It could be "Manju Kowai" or "Tarachine."
You want to do "Sanmai Kishou"?
Idiot, that's the master's go-to act...
Yes. I want to learn that.
Well...
All right.
Okay, okay.
I've not seen or heard of a beginner performing "Sanmai Kishou."
But okay, I'll teach it to you.
However,
I'll be upfront with you.
What?
It's too much for you.
"Wow! The shrimp is bigger than the bowl!"
"Right, Don, Don, Don, shrimp tendon!"
You sure are an idiot.
What?
The thing is,
"Sanmai Kishou" is a story for the masters.
It was originally told in Osaka,
but Master Sanyutei Enyu adapted it for the Tokyo audience,
and it's been passed down the Shinshou and Shinchou line.
Donbei doesn't tell it often either,
and I've heard he doesn't teach it to anyone.
But teaching you that?
I'm Kotora.
Are you showing off?
You don't even know how to eat soba properly, you hick!
You want to have a go with me?
People from Edo do not dunk their soba in the sauce.
Nor do they mix it like natto.
Shut up, I like soaking my soba.
Why do I have to pretend that a fan is a pair of chopsticks on stage?
It makes us look cheap!
All right. Next is the pipe.
Put the tobacco in the pipe,
and light it up like this.
You try it.
Hey, hey, hey, this is Ryuseikai territory.
Think you can sell your shit here without our permission?
What's with your voice? You're not The Alfee's Takamizawa you know!
That's a little funny.
Watch.
You think you can do business here?
What are you looking at?
Wow.
No, no!
There needs to be more sensuality to it.
This song expresses a courtesan's sentiments. Got it?
Don't look sideways like that.
It's important that you play the characters well for the story to work.
That's why I'm tilting my head like this.
Then you'll have to stare up for other characters.
How should I do it then?
I usually tilt my head 30 to 45 degrees.
Do you think I'm a compass?
Hey, watch how you talk to your elders!
GINJIRO
I found Yasuo.
Yasuo?
He's was related to the deceased. The money was hidden in the trunk.
Should I take him out?
Break his legs and dump him in the trunk. That'll stop him from running off.
Okay. I'll be right there.
And?
Do as you please.
Yamazaki, listen to me.
Shinjuku no longer belongs to Ryuseikai.
The boss is so old-fashioned and thinks this is some yakuza movie.
You need to sell drugs and guns in order to claim Shinjuku.
If we join forces, Shinjuku will be--
Shut up.
I don't give a shit about Shinjuku.
And your story isn't funny.
I wasn't trying to be funny...
Yeah, but I want to hear a funny story.
I'll talk to the boss.
If you ever step foot in Tokyo,
you're dead meat.
Run along.
Brother...
Go away.
"Hey, Kisegawa! Come here, you courtesan.
You won't fool anyone unless you write a vow. Okay?
Don't you know the saying?"
What was the line?
Huh?
"If you write a fake vow, three crows of the Kumano will die."
Oh, yes, that's it. What comes afterward?
Kisegawa's turn.
"I'll write as many fake vows as I can and kill off all the crows in the world."
"Why kill them?"
"I work at night, so I want to sleep in the morning."
Right! Sleeping in the morning.
We finally got to the end.
How was it? Funny?
That's not the issue here.
Whether it's funny or not is another matter.
Anyway, we got to the end, so...
The money, as we promised...
Are you kidding me?
I pay after performing on stage.
You want to show what you've just done to other people?
I'm an Edo native.
KOTORA
Don't shout at the audience. I can't emphasize this enough.
Oh wait, Donta taught me a few jokes last night.
Tiger, tiger, Jirettaiga!
- I'll kick you out if you say that. - What?
What do you mean "what?" It's your turn.
Go.
Don't push me.
You got this!
There he is!
Good luck!
Hello everyone!
I'm Hayashiyate Kotora,
not Kotori.
Tiger, tiger, jirettaiga!
He did it. He actually did it.
He sure did.
They're here...
Okay, let's start.
"Hey, isn't that... That over there?"
Um, what is it?
You know...
Master, what was his name?
"Oh, that's right. The chatterbox is here!"
Who is it?
Doesn't matter.
-"Come on in." -"Coming in."
-"Wait, isn't that the vow?" -"Yes"
"I'll read it. I've read it."
Is this "Reader's Digest"?
"Hey, hold on. This Kisegawa woman..."
She's here!
Kisegawa is here!
Hide, you idiot!
What's wrong, boss?
I haven't seen you in a while.
Don't you know that customers are important to a courtesan?
If I don't see you, I can't work.
Am I wrong?
Hey!
There's no need to run away.
Aren't we friends, Don-chan?
I'm sorry.
One of my boys is bothering you, right?
I don't know how things work in your world,
but in Osaka, there's a truckload of people who are funnier than you.
So, why don't you quit now?
I heard that your son's on TV now.
Make him the breadwinner.
Or apply for welfare.
That's...
Ow, ow...
Need a ride to the hospital?
I'm okay.
I can walk. I'm perfectly okay.
Um,
are you finished?
Hey, miss.
Was my story boring?
It was okay.
Oh really?
Rakugo isn't that interesting. I thought it was dead
and was not an important part of our culture.
But seeing someone young like you telling a boring story,
I'd say it's a unique skill.
Even amateurs try to be more interesting these days.
You showing something this bad
is kind of refreshing.
I think you could pass as original.
It's not funny, but if you keep at it,
perhaps someone might eventually enjoy it.
Try your best!
Are you satisfied now? Please leave.
I'll deal with the debt somehow.
Did you say something? What is it?
No.
No one laughed.
Of course, you're not cut out for it.
What's so surprising about that?
Think you had talent?
You of all people can't say that.
It hurts to hear that from you. Tiger Woods.
Please, master! Give me one more chance.
I won't shout or tell bad jokes.
I won't forget the characters' names. Give me another chance.
Even if I wanted to, I can't with this body.
I am literally stuck because of my debt.
That was good!
Anyway, I don't get the story at all.
Huh? Why?
You're the one who wanted to do "Sanmai Kishou."
But I've never seen any vows. Why did the crows have to die?
Someone explain.
Someone explain!
The vows are written on holy paper from the Kumano shrine,
and the crows are the gods' messengers.
If you write a false vow, you're lying to the gods,
and that's why three crows die in Kumano.
What does sleeping in have to do with that?
Courtesans work till late at night,
and when they finally go to bed, the crows keep them awake.
That's why the song says,
"I want to kill all the crows in the entire world and sleep in peace."
I've never seen a courtesan.
Neither have I.
So, you're saying, if the courtesan lies, the crows will die.
And she'll be happy that she can sleep in the morning?
Then what's the point of the stupid song?
That's the beauty of it. You just don't get it.
No, he's right.
The master says you're right.
There are a lot of classics
that require certain knowledge in order for them to be funny.
But that's also why they are classics.
If you don't get that,
maybe you should perform your own "Sanmai Kishou."
How will I do that?
That's what I'm trying to teach you.
- Honey. - What?
- What about-- - Absolutely not.
What is it?
There is this pupil he taught "Sanmai Kishou" to.
- No, I didn't. - Who is it?
- He's behind Harajuku. - Mom, wait!
Not him. He's been expelled.
- He left on his own. - I'll teach you.
Vows, there are three pairs of lips. Vows.
"Sanmai Kishou." Okay Don! Damn it!
Go and see him.
I'll draw a map for you.
I'll ask the master to send him his regards.
Mom! Wait!
Harajuku.
HARAJUKU STATION
Boss, a yakuza is here!
Welcome!
Huh?
Do we know each other?
We've met... I think.
I thought so. Where was it?
Try it on if you want.
Rakugo.
Can you teach me rakugo?
This is a clothing store.
Yeah?
Wait, is something wrong with this?
Damn, I've been wearing the master's watch.
Master?
Hayashiyate Donbei.
You might not know of him since he's not on TV.
By rakugo,
you mean things like "Kuma-san Ha-san" and "Manju Kowai"?
Yeah, that.
I'm not interested.
Are these second hand?
No, I designed them all.
Have you heard of Dragon Soda?
What? Are you trying to make a hit brand?
Yup, Urahara Dragon. It's an original, so you won't find it anywhere else.
Do these lame clothes even sell?
Why are you laughing, ugly cow?
Sorry.
What you said is right,
but we're trying to create a new trend,
so we don't sell things that are already in fashion.
For example, this shirt. It'll become fashionable this year.
Azuma Mikihisa bought it.
I've never seen him wear it.
Why the mesh?
This jacket has sleeves that--
I asked about the mesh!
To let it breathe.
Is it going to be popular this year too?
What's wrong?
Nothing.
You've completely crushed my sense of fashion.
- The first? - The second.
I see.
I guess I knew.
Even my friends. They'll buy my clothes out of obligation but never wear them.
I love clothes and so I wanted to do this for at least a year.
A year?
I promised my parents.
If I don't succeed as a designer by 25, I'll take on the family business.
What do your parents do?
Service industry.
I see.
They even helped with the startup fund.
How much was it?
4 million yen.
Why?
Are you...
the guy who was at the curry shop in Omotesando?
Yes, of course. You're that guy! Who was that?
Death Romantic's Death Kiyoshi.
That's right. Kiyoshi!
I see.
Uggo! I'm going out. Look after the shop.
Where are you going?
- None of your business. - I'm finishing at 5 p.m. today.
Shut up, I don't care!
What do you want? Stop following me.
Rakugo. The master said...
Which one?
"Sanmai Kishou," the master's specialty.
Can you teach me?
I told you, I run a clothing shop.
Yeah, maybe this was a mistake.
Hey!
Ah, Ryuji.
Who's this?
I don't know, but he says he does rakugo.
Kotora. Hayashiyate Kotora.
You look like a yakuza.
This is my friend, Takeshi.
We call him Chibi-T. Did someone dump you recently?
Don't say another word!
I was just on the road to recovery.
Tell him.
Why?
Aren't you curious?
No, I'm here to learn rakugo.
A month ago, at a cabaret club in Roppongi--
Don't start that story!
You know rakugo, right?
I had a girlfriend at the time.
What's the matter with you?
Oh, Kotatsu!
I'm not Kotatsu any more. I'm Ryuji.
There's a weirdo here.
Ah, Toraji.
Yes.
He's got no comedic sense. Please be kind to him.
Don't say that!
What's dad's apprentice got to do with me? I'm going to kick him out.
Let me get your father.
Don't.
I don't want to talk. Ow!
Your dad's been hurt and has been off the stage for a while.
- Help soothe him. - Stop talking nonsense.
Hello, it's me.
How is your business going?
Is everything okay?
Drop by and see your mom at least once in a while.
Beep, beep.
I can't keep up with this charade.
He hung up from the start.
He used to be...
Thank you, Dad!
What's that?
Is it a present?
How did you get something so expensive?
What?
"Relox."
Wow!
What an amazing gift!
How was it?
It was good.
So, tell me.
Okay, so...
Basically, he spent all his money on this girl that he met at the cabaret,
so his girlfriend ran off.
Then the cabaret girl dumped him as well.
Not funny at all.
The story wasn't that simple, and I didn't talk like that either.
It was so funny when I first heard it from Chibi-T.
Yeah, you've ruined it.
You already know the story.
Of course, it's boring the second time around.
Isn't rakugo the same?
It's about telling a story that the audience already knows,
but in a funny way.
I don't know,
but if it's the same no matter who tells it,
why not read a book or listen to a CD?
Sorry.
I didn't mean to brag.
I have to go back now.
Hey Tiny, tell the story again from the top.
It's Chibi-T.
I don't care, you punk.
I'm going to tell your story in a funnier way than you!
Do you have photos?
It is easier to imagine with pictures.
I do, but I'm not showing them.
What're you doing?
What's wrong?
What's her name?
Megumi.
Was she in Shibuya before she went to Roppongi?
Maybe.
Does she have long legs?
How do you know this?
What do you do?
I design clothes.
Haven't you heard of Dragon Soda?
I have a store in Urahara.
Here, this is our latest. Try it on if you want.
You're so brave!
Brave?
To wear such lame mesh clothes in public!
It takes a lot of courage...
And in Urahara?
I'd rather die. I can't do it.
That's not what I meant.
Urahara only has stylish boutiques,
so this lame thing,
something that will forever be lame,
will break the trend. That's important.
I often forget what lame feels like,
so I'll look at this to remind me of it. I won't wear it but thanks.
Yeah, your clothes are really lame, Ryuji.
Lame.
Shut up!
I've seen her before, too.
Really?
She was at the theater. She praised me.
She said my story was unoriginal,
but someone will eventually find me interesting.
That's not a compliment.
Did you sleep with her?
Did you?
If I had, I wouldn't be so disappointed.
Just do it. Don't play it cool with a girl like that.
I will if I ever see her again.
But,
You'll... end up playing it cool.
It's because I had a girlfriend at the time.
Don't blame her.
You were acting cool.
Why obsess over that?
You were, weren't you?
Yeah, I was.
Okay, good.
You've got to play it cool. It's impossible otherwise.
There's no way a long-legged city girl would fall for someone like me.
It never happened before.
At first I thought it was a trap. A cult or something.
Or maybe she was transgender, I don't know.
So I thought I had to make the first move.
Otherwise, it wouldn't lead to anything.
- No. - Why?
Because Takeshi...
You don't actually love me.
But I did love her!
At that point,
I'd broken up with my girlfriend and thrown out all of my porn.
I wanted to get on "the Romancecar leaving Shinjuku and arriving in Megumi."
What are you doing?
This "T" doesn't stand for Takeshi, right?
Does it bother you?
Megumi!
It wasn't the time to be cool.
As soon as I got this tattoo, she changed her number and email.
That's the punchline.
Stop rubbing it!
I finally get the story now that I heard it from you.
I was imagining Donta's wife's face when I heard this story.
This guy is so slow with his jokes.
Should we go?
That was interesting.
This is our latest lame attire.
Where are you going? Your store's this way.
What are you doing?
We're going to find that woman and scrape her face.
Wait... That...
I'm pissed!
She was gentle with Chibi-T
but she wasn't with me. Why is that?
She's probably just an idiot.
Toraji,
there's no need to be nice to her.
Because to me,
she's neither carefree nor interesting.
Hey, hold on a minute!
What about rakugo?
What happened to it?
Don't run.
It's dangerous!
You're being a nuisance to others!
REAL TATTOOING
This is Toshi,
the best tattooist in Urahara.
An apple... I didn't do the girl's tattoo.
Any guys?
I did three, including Takeshi's, I think.
Who are the other two?
One is Teruhiko,
the kickboxer who's sometimes in K-1.
The other was a middle-aged...
What?
Time for rock, paper, scissors.
Rock, paper, scissors.
There are four.
I'm so drunk.
I met her at a cabaret in Roppongi.
And then at a club in Ebisu.
She was wasted and hugged me tightly.
Had I been younger, I'd have done it then and there, but...
You wanted to seem cool.
I don't sleep with women before a fight.
Hey, be quiet!
She was so confident, I thought she was the boss's girl.
But she said that she was my fan and kept looking at me.
She started to touch me, and because of testosterone,
I thought about sleeping with her.
But you played it cool?
Yeah.
It was you!
I knew I shouldn't fall for her, but I couldn't help it.
I ended up falling for her.
Megumi was sick that day and took a day off work.
I wanted to take care of her, body and soul,
so I went to her place with all of my soba tools.
Wow, Ta-chan.
You know how to make soba.
Of course, I own a soba restaurant.
Here we go!
If I'm to marry, I want to marry someone like you.
I pretended to be chill and kept on making the soba,
but a lot more was going on inside my head.
I couldn't concentrate on the soba from that point on.
Megumi, Megumi.
Stop!
Why not?
Because you don't love me.
Once you hear that, you're going to get a tattoo.
But then, she disappeared.
I divorced my wife and was really serious.
Please find that Megumi woman.
Find her!
It looks as if we got involved in something tiresome.
I think you actively wanted to get involved.
So, what now?
What do you mean? It's got nothing to do with me.
Why would you say that?
She almost got you too, brother.
Brother?
You're so dense...
That strange woman thinks she can get any man with a "T" in their name.
T...Toshi, Takeshi, Teruhiko, Tatsu, Toraji...
Oh, it's true.
What'd happen in a rakugo?
In rakugo, there were three vows.
Right!
I didn't say anything yet.
We take the four tattooed guys and punish her!
There will be four vows!
Hey.
"I'll be in the office. Hyuga."
Why is he texting like a teen?
Sorry, something came up. I'll call you tomorrow.
I can't believe I called him "brother."
Now.
They suddenly told me to do an impersonation, and I had no choice.
Then they said, "I don't know who that is. She's so hard to work with though!"
Who did you impersonate?
I'm home! I'm so hungry.
What?
It's my home too, you know.
What's the problem?
Welcome home!
I'll prepare some food.
Master Donta, you seem busy.
Oh my. The shop owner is dissing me.
I'm not.
And you're doing better than this old man who only cares about the classics.
Now you're dissing him.
Sayuri-chan, can you bring my wallet?
It's not about money.
It's been two years, and you've nothing to say?
I've nothing to say to an apprentice I've expelled.
Then why send someone to me?
Someone?
The yakuza apprentice who probably has a big dick.
You mean Kotora. He's got no talent unlike you--
No.
He's similar to Donta.
Sorry, but I'm busy.
I don't have time to think about rakugo.
Ryuji.
Cut it out! Why do you think the master's in such shape?
- Was that a wig? - It is. I can't do this otherwise.
Ryuji,
it's because of the debt.
He's actually a debt collector.
- This is stupid. - Dad.
Dad borrowed 4 million yen from that yakuza's boss.
Stop.
The house was taken as collateral.
I don't want to do impersonations either.
It's embarrassing.
But it's because of you. You and that immature dream of yours.
Dragon Soda, Gorgonzola, or whatever it is
has caused our family to make sacrifices.
Why didn't you say anything.
It's that kind of thing...
I'll pay it back.
I just need to pay it back.
I'll give return that dirty money to you quickly.
Then I won't have to see you on TV anymore!
- You! - Stop!
Stop!
Ryuhei and Ryuji, both of you.
You're making Sayuri-chan cry.
She's crying!
Leave if you're going to make Sayuri-chan cry!
Was it me? Did I make her cry?
I'm serious! I'll get up slowly.
What should I do?
I'll get up like this...
- Ryuji. - And there you go.
Which means nothing's changed.
Walking home...
Ryuji.
She's two now.
I see.
She was still inside my stomach at the wedding.
Go to your uncle.
Hey, what are you doing?
Take it.
It's okay if it's someone else's money, right?
Thank you.
Oh, I've designed a new t-shirt that we can all...
It's a bit awkward if you wear it together, but...
The material is nice.
I'm home now.
Excuse me. Can I have this?
"Yeah, sure."
Why are you smirking?
I wasn't.
You were.
I've never smirked before.
- It's his fault. - Who?
That guy, Ryuji. Who is he?
I've never seen anyone like him. He keeps throwing me off guard.
Really?
Yeah.
He's an interesting guy.
He used to do rakugo, right?
He'd say things that'd hint at it.
He...
was supposed to carry on the name of Hayashiyate.
By the time he was 8, people were saying
that he'd be greater than his father.
Donta was ten years older than him, but Ryuji was much better at it.
Amazing.
He's gifted.
He'd memorize the master's performances in one go.
His "Shinagawa Shinjuu" was actually better than Shinchou's.
I'm a little biased, but Donbei had high expectations.
He thought that he'd carry on the family name.
Ryuji thought the same and didn't go to high school.
Instead, he studied rakugo.
If all had gone well, he'd have been a headliner.
What made him quit?
It's a weird world.
Here,
people older than you respect you as their elder,
but you're cut off from the rest of society.
And if you become headliner in five years instead of the normal ten,
people complain and bully you.
So he ran away.
Either he ran away or we let him.
Donbei is a strict master, but he's a kind father.
He said, "This boy won't be happy in the small world of classic rakugo."
Huh?! Hold on a minute.
He's the master's son?
Did I not mention it?
No, you didn't. That was close!
It was a good story, so I almost overlooked that part.
His 4 million is the 4 million we lent you.
And he's making lame mesh clothes with our money...
Ryuji, you bastard!
I got it. I'm coming.
- There's a fifth "T." - A fifth?
The fifth went to Toshi, the tattooist.
He's getting a tattoo now. Let's go.
REAL TATTOOING
He's come out.
That guy.
Do you know him?
Yeah, but his name doesn't start with a "T."
He's a "Y."
There are rumors that Yasuo is in Tokyo.
What happened? I thought you finished him.
I'm sorry.
You don't know what idiots like him will do once they're mad.
If Yasuo does something to the boss,
you'll lose more than a pinky.
Yamazaki, you can come clean,
but before--
Can you speak normally?
Take responsibility, Yamazaki.
Bro, he's about to go.
Go back. He's not someone you can reason with.
What do you mean? He'll be off to see Megumi.
There are five vows now.
He's a yakuza. Aren't you afraid?
Of course I am. I'm terrified.
But isn't it interesting?
I always think about re-telling stories of situations like these.
But this isn't enough.
It's not funny yet.
Don't you want to tell someone about it, Kotora?
Make them laugh about it?
I do.
I want to be funny.
Kotora.
It wouldn't be fun if it ends here.
Look behind you.
What are you doing?
Shut up, you idiot. It's none of your business.
What did you do with the other one?
He ran off two hours ago.
He slammed his head on the ground and said he's got nothing to do with you.
Okay.
Send.
Yamazaki, do you want to be my apprentice?
If you do as I say, I'll save you as repayment for last time.
Say it. Say you want to be saved.
Say you want to be my apprentice.
I can't hear you.
I want to be saved.
That's right. The next line.
But I've had it with the yakuza.
You and all the other yakuza
talk of revenge and pride.
You're all so boring...
and none of you are cool.
Are you an idiot?
Who said I'm going to be a yakuza?
I'm going to get together with her.
I'll open up a store or something in Okinawa or whatever.
That's why I took the boss's money.
Why isn't it coming? Damn it.
Hey...
Shut up. Don't talk to me.
What was your name again?
It's Tanabe. Yasuo Tanabe.
It was your surname...
What are you laughing about? Damn, shit connection.
"But Tanabe,
you don't actually love me."
She'll never reply to your text.
You can just die here.
You have no parents,
so no one will miss you when you're gone.
Shit! What's with the reception?
Damn it! What the hell?
Reception, reception, dammit!
What a sticky spot.
Thank you for the meal!
Master.
You must be hungry. Eat as much as you want.
Her stomach is like this.
Enough with the nonsense. Let's eat.
Then you'll have to stare up for other characters.
Do you think I'm a compass?
Do not dunk their soba...
First, you bow like this,
then you look to the left...
No, no. There needs to be more sensuality to it.
Tiger, tiger, Jirettaiga!
Three crows of the Kumano will die.
I've never smirked before.
I'll be upfront with you.
It's too much for you.
Welcome. Breakfast will be ready soon.
Mom!
There is reception here.
I'm getting three bars.
Don't get me wrong.
I'd never run off without you, brother.
I ran earlier, because I got really scared.
And if I hadn't,
we could both be dead.
Bye!
Ryuji.
I know. I'm coming to save you.
Wasn't that an experience?
It's all your fault.
But it was fun. It was really fun.
Slow down. You're walking too fast. My legs hurt.
Are you a mama's boy, Kotora?
What?
Sorry,
but I heard you call for your mom.
Sorry about that.
Why are you apologizing?
I called
for your mom.
Huh?
I have no parents.
Yasuo said no one will miss me when I'm gone.
It pisses me off, but he's right.
That's why I shouted "Mom."
If I was to die anyway...
Anyway I began to fall asleep,
and I had a dream with your parents.
I was eating a meal with them.
Then, suddenly, I was afraid to die.
Sorry. It's your mother.
But I couldn't get in the mood to shout "your mom".
So, I figured that "Mom" is better.
What are you laughing at?
Why are you rushing off without me?
What should we do next?
I'm not getting involved with you.
What?
I just saved your life!
But we're lost, not saved.
That's a boring punchline.
I don't understand you.
You've got a nice family, like the ones in TV shows.
So why are you here, dying off with someone like me?
You don't need to get it. I don't really get you either, Toraji.
Why? I'm so simple.
No, not really.
Huh?
Let's slow down.
It's warm in here!
Welcome.
- Lend me some money. - No!
Going to kill me?
We haven't reached the punchline yet.
Punchline this, punchline that, you're just like...
Um...
Otsu Masato!
I can guess what you're about to say as soon as you say "um."
Shit!
I'm learning here.
Hey!
Our punchline is on TV!
What?
At the apple orchards, even in winter,
they continue to trim the tree branches.
Today's weather in Aomori is...
Aomori?
KOTORA GOMAI KISHOU
What? Five vows? That's two more than usual!
Be quiet and just listen.
Um...
Wow, a scary looking guy has appeared.
You might think that this guy is not on the right side of the law,
But you're wrong, I'm actually right-handed.
You probably saw the title and thought,
"What's with the two extra vows?" You there!
You're catching on.
It's said that three crows die in Kumano when you write a false vow,
but the protagonist in this story wrote five.
That would mean a massacre.
"Hey, Ryu!"
"I mean you, Ryu!"
What?
Are we really going to see Megumi?
Yeah, get in.
She tricked you, right?
All of you.
How hopeless.
Who's this old guy?
Know your place, kid.
Megumi is mine, you got it?
This tour is to clear that up.
Okay, let's go.
There's one more.
Sorry.
Get in.
- Are we taking him as well? - Yeah.
He wants to see her too.
If he doesn't behave, throw him out.
- Sounds good. - Get on board.
Carpooling is fun. So, where are we off to?
Aomori.
Really?
No way! Why?
I'm the one who wants to know why.
Why did you vanish?
Takeshi, are you here to see me?
Why are you here?
I'm really happy!
But you're dating the tattooist.
The tattooist?
Oh, Toshi?
He's my customer.
How could I date someone who's tattooed all over like a snake?
She called you a snake.
Hello, it's the snake man.
What?
I hear you're dating a yakuza.
You mean Tanabe?
He's also a customer.
He looks like a dumb muscular porn star.
If I'm a dumb muscular porn star, what about that guy?
Sorry, but I'm all muscles!
Teruhiko!
All of you...
are here to see me!
I'm so touched!
Is this everyone?
Yeah.
Megumi, this has to be some joke.
Ta-chan!
There's also the rakugo performer.
Excuse me. Who are you?
Ryuji! Ryuji from Dragon Soda!
They want to speak with you. Do you have time to talk?
We don't need time. Come back to Tokyo with me.
What's going on?
Who the hell are you?
I'm Megumi's husband.
Turns out she had a husband who's six feet tall.
Leaving would have looked bad.
So Ryu, who's the best talker, decided to mediate.
So, that's the story.
They knew Megumi back in Tokyo,
and we've accompanied them here.
Show him.
Is it true?
Yeah.
I don't understand.
Explain.
All of them are my boyfriends.
That dialect... Are you not from Tokyo?
No.
I'm sorry.
I don't know how I should apologize.
We're more pissed off at you, actually.
Damn it.
Why do you have a lame husband?
Oh!
We married five years ago through a matchmaker.
We lack brides here in the countryside.
My grandma said I was lucky to be able to re-marry.
Grandma?
Yeah, she passed at the ripe age of 92, thanks to Megumi's care.
Alright, here I go.
Oh hey! I don't know who you are or where you're from,
but aren't you pretty.
What do you mean?
It's my wife.
You look like a doll.
Why are you so pretty?
I guess she had Alzheimer's.
Ever since my grandma died,
Megumi kind of became unstable.
It's as if she cut loose.
She "run" away.
You mean she ran away.
Once the apples are harvested in October,
there's nothing left to do here.
Initially, I started working part-time in Roppongi,
either to find myself
or to fill some kind of a void.
All the men were so nice to me,
unlike over here.
No one told me that I was pretty or cute
after she had passed.
It's so cold here,
people don't say anything other than what's necessary.
But in Tokyo, men came to visit me every day
and made me feel needed. That felt good.
It's an extension of her elderly care service.
Don't look at me.
But after some time in Tokyo,
you begin to miss the countryside.
So I'd come back,
but I would have nothing to do once the apple harvest is over,
so I'd go to Tokyo again, then back home.
It'd be like this every year.
So last year, she finally got that "tatsu" of hers.
Tattoo.
I'm not going to Tokyo anymore.
That's why I got the Apple and the "T."
It meant "I'm forever Tamotsu's."
I would have liked to have said something then,
but it's just so cold here.
So, I couldn't think of anything.
It's got nothing to do with the weather.
"He just doesn't say anything, so I got angry and said...
Say something! You good-for-nothing idiot."
It was what was best for the both of us...
We got a divorce last October,
and I sent Megumi back off to Tokyo.
But she came back again last week, for some reason.
Why?
I thought about things.
Me having fun in Tokyo or me working in Aomori.
I wondered who the real me was.
Tokyo people tell you that you're cute even when they don't mean it.
Tamo-chan doesn't say I'm cute, and means it.
Maybe the two are no different.
Sorry.
The only person who truly cared for me
was probably...
his grandma.
Or, maybe,
she was just what I needed.
Okay.
I get that, but I don't know if they do.
Do any of you have anything to say?
No one?
I feel ashamed now that I've heard that.
I understand, Megumi!
I think a lot when I go to the countryside too.
You're not an Edo native?
I lived in Gifu prefecture until I was 24! A true Gifu man!
Let's go, Ryuji.
You've got no chance against a dead grandma.
You've got to be joking.
That's so small!
If you're going to give up after a story like that,
then don't get a tattoo!
Ryuji, you idiot! You're not a T.
I got one to join the story.
You're a true idiot.
You strange bitch!
"I don't care about your soul-searching.
Why did you have them get tattoos?"
I didn't ask them.
Really?
I thought that's what she wanted.
You can always get rid of it later.
I always had them anyway.
Well, we all had ulterior motives.
But seeing them made me happy.
It was proof of my time in Tokyo.
Even if I'm here, cleaning up snow,
to know that people are thinking about me in Tokyo made me happy,
regardless of motive.
Of course!
Of course, I think of you.
Tattoos...
They go forever.
"You're scarring the body that your parents gave you.
If you're a true pro, then talk your way out of things.
Don't leave proof of your lies.
Don't you know the saying?
'When you write a false vow,
three crows will die in Kumano!'"
Really?
It's true, right?
Yes.
I may as well have gotten more tattoos.
Why?
There are a lot of crows around here,
and they ruin our apples.
With them gone...
"I'll be able to sleep in the morning."
Good!
For an amateur you did well!
Here's your pasta!
Thank you.
Hard to call it a classic,
but you did great compared to your first run.
There hasn't been a trainee who got the audience excited
in the past four or five years.
Is that so?
Yes, so...
What?
Oh!
Here's your lesson fee. 100,000 yen.
Thank you.
Ryuji sends his regards.
My son?
Did he?
Thank you!
What's happening?
I need this month's payment.
Yes, that's right.
Something doesn't feel quite right.
Yes, I agree.
He's so late.
Over here is the famous Kaminarimon Gate.
Look at those legs!
To the right is the god of wind.
To the left is the god of thunder.
What are you doing? I'm going.
Where are you off to today?
The bars in Shinagawa.
Oh, it's "Shinagawa Shinjuu."
What?
I'm learning it at the moment. Want to hear it?
No thanks.
"The first stop on the Tokaido highway is Shinagawa."
And... "A courtesan named..."
What was her name?
No idea.
Can I get this removed?
I can, right?
Toshi.
Well...
Toshi, wait!
Damn it, are there no survivors from a double suicide?
Of course not!
I don't understand.
Commit a double suicide, because you can't buy clothes?
Because for them...
Courtesans? Has anyone actually seen one?
Boss,
what's this?
This year's latest.
Tiger and Urahara Dragon!
Gross.
What?