1 00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,582 {\an8}FASCINATION 2 00:00:08,951 --> 00:00:11,320 {\an8}MEGUMI 3 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:18,761 What are you looking at? 4 00:00:20,763 --> 00:00:23,032 I'm Megumi, your tour guide for today. 5 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:28,805 Let me guide you through the wonderful world of rakugo. 6 00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,673 Look over here, please. 7 00:00:31,441 --> 00:00:34,444 Once the curtain-raisers finish their performances, 8 00:00:34,444 --> 00:00:36,379 they attend to their master 9 00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,281 and share stories with him. 10 00:00:38,281 --> 00:00:39,949 That's part of their job, too. 11 00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,618 Did you get a cell phone? 12 00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:43,619 I did. 13 00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:48,758 So I want to send Sayuri-chan... What do you call it? 14 00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:49,926 E-mail? 15 00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:50,860 E-mail? 16 00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:53,763 I want to send her an e-mail. 17 00:00:54,363 --> 00:00:55,131 Let me do it. 18 00:00:55,131 --> 00:00:57,467 Really? Thanks. 19 00:00:58,768 --> 00:01:02,705 "Sayuri, thanks for everything." 20 00:01:02,705 --> 00:01:06,075 - What's her address? - Asakusa, Taito-ku... 21 00:01:06,075 --> 00:01:09,145 - Master did it again! - You're so funny! 22 00:01:09,145 --> 00:01:10,713 What's so funny? 23 00:01:11,747 --> 00:01:13,916 - So what's the address? - Asakusa... 24 00:01:13,916 --> 00:01:17,086 Only a few rakugo performers make a living out of it. 25 00:01:17,086 --> 00:01:18,621 Those who don't 26 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:21,090 work second jobs. 27 00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:24,694 Bastard! I'll make you pay for this! 28 00:01:24,694 --> 00:01:27,096 Pay up, or we'll throw you into Buckingham Palace! 29 00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:31,267 When one stops performing because of a setback, it's called retiring. 30 00:01:31,267 --> 00:01:32,602 Ex-ugly cow! 31 00:01:32,602 --> 00:01:36,739 If you fold it like this, you can't see the Tiger and Urahara Dragon! 32 00:01:36,739 --> 00:01:38,574 Some of them end up choosing 33 00:01:38,574 --> 00:01:41,511 a career that doesn't suit them at all. 34 00:01:42,512 --> 00:01:44,413 Don't change it back! 35 00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:46,449 There are all sorts of difficulties. 36 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,486 Still, if you'd like to see a live rakugo performance, 37 00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:52,421 come to the rakugo theater. 38 00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:53,823 There are also 39 00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:56,792 musicals, magic shows, and stand-up comedy. 40 00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:59,695 I told you not to smoke while you walk! 41 00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:01,664 Shut up, idiot, or I'll beat you up! 42 00:02:03,266 --> 00:02:06,536 Right. Let's get back on track and begin! 43 00:02:06,536 --> 00:02:09,405 Tiger and Dragon! 44 00:02:20,983 --> 00:02:22,985 {\an8}UMAYA KAJI EPISODE 45 00:02:22,985 --> 00:02:25,421 {\an8}Stop gawking, idiot, or I'll beat you up! 46 00:02:27,423 --> 00:02:29,258 Oh, it's Maruo! 47 00:02:29,258 --> 00:02:30,693 When did you get out? 48 00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:31,827 End of last year. 49 00:02:31,827 --> 00:02:34,797 We should have come to see you sooner. 50 00:02:34,797 --> 00:02:36,265 I'm glad you're well. 51 00:02:36,265 --> 00:02:37,700 How's work going? 52 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:43,039 He decided to reform himself and start anew in Tokyo. 53 00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:43,973 He did? 54 00:02:43,973 --> 00:02:47,009 I'll have Tora drive you back. 55 00:02:47,009 --> 00:02:48,678 Oh, and take this. 56 00:02:48,678 --> 00:02:51,581 Please don't! 57 00:02:51,581 --> 00:02:55,251 - Congratulations on your new beginning. - It's really okay. 58 00:02:55,251 --> 00:02:59,388 - Just take it! - How could you? Well, thank you so much. 59 00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:05,828 If he asks you to stop at a liquor store, ignore him. 60 00:03:07,096 --> 00:03:10,333 He was in jail for assault after getting intoxicated. 61 00:03:11,834 --> 00:03:13,035 How much did he give us? 62 00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:14,937 70,000 yen. 63 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,140 Awkward number. 64 00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:20,476 Should have been 50,000 or 100,000. 65 00:03:20,476 --> 00:03:23,179 Maybe Ryuseikai is doomed. 66 00:03:23,179 --> 00:03:25,147 Stop by the convenience store. 67 00:03:26,148 --> 00:03:27,083 No, Maruo! 68 00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:28,985 ALCOHOL 69 00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:30,620 You deaf? 70 00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:32,388 I said the convenience store. 71 00:03:33,356 --> 00:03:35,291 I'll stop at the next one. 72 00:03:40,563 --> 00:03:41,430 What's this? 73 00:03:42,298 --> 00:03:43,799 Rakugo. 74 00:03:44,734 --> 00:03:46,135 I'm into it these days. 75 00:03:46,736 --> 00:03:48,237 Ever been to a rakugo theater? 76 00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:51,507 It's perfect for short-tempered people like you. 77 00:03:52,074 --> 00:03:54,710 You can laugh away your stress there. 78 00:03:54,710 --> 00:03:55,878 Really? 79 00:03:56,846 --> 00:03:57,947 Maybe we should try. 80 00:03:58,848 --> 00:03:59,749 Whatever. 81 00:04:08,591 --> 00:04:10,593 {\an8}TODAY'S LEAD ACTORS 82 00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:19,769 {\an8}KAMIGATA MARIMO AND MARUO 83 00:04:23,239 --> 00:04:26,175 Hello! We're the Dreams Come True of Naniwa. 84 00:04:26,175 --> 00:04:29,045 This is Marimo and Maruo! 85 00:04:29,045 --> 00:04:32,348 - The pretty one is Marimo. - The dirty one is Maruo. 86 00:04:32,348 --> 00:04:34,917 Don't you care about saving your husband's face? 87 00:04:36,919 --> 00:04:38,554 What the heck are they doing? 88 00:04:38,554 --> 00:04:40,222 It's manzai! 89 00:04:40,222 --> 00:04:42,858 They're Kamigata Marimo and Maruo from Osaka. 90 00:04:43,426 --> 00:04:45,695 I didn't know they were a manzai duo. 91 00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:48,030 But what is manzai? 92 00:04:48,030 --> 00:04:50,266 I realized I had to work harder. 93 00:04:50,266 --> 00:04:52,868 - Don't try too hard, honey. - Why not? 94 00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:53,836 If you were to die... 95 00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:54,870 If I were to die? 96 00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:56,339 I'd get insurance money! 97 00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:57,640 How creepy. 98 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,141 Save your husband's face! 99 00:04:59,141 --> 00:05:03,879 As you can see, we're a manzai duo who are also married. 100 00:05:03,879 --> 00:05:05,081 But the truth is, 101 00:05:05,081 --> 00:05:06,482 the marriage is a sham! 102 00:05:06,482 --> 00:05:07,416 For years, 103 00:05:07,416 --> 00:05:08,751 we've been sexless! 104 00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:11,153 - Now... - We've dried up down here! 105 00:05:11,153 --> 00:05:12,788 Why don't we do it? 106 00:05:12,788 --> 00:05:14,557 We both see other people! 107 00:05:14,557 --> 00:05:17,059 But I do hope he works harder... 108 00:05:17,059 --> 00:05:18,327 Hold it, idiot! 109 00:05:19,662 --> 00:05:21,030 It's time for the next story! 110 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,932 I can't let this one go! 111 00:05:22,932 --> 00:05:24,900 Who's the guy you're seeing? 112 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,769 Someone you know well! 113 00:05:26,769 --> 00:05:28,104 Well, that's okay. 114 00:05:28,104 --> 00:05:29,872 But I hope he works harder... 115 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,307 Wait. It is not okay! 116 00:05:32,608 --> 00:05:33,943 What? We're performing! 117 00:05:33,943 --> 00:05:36,345 I don't care! Tell me when it happened! 118 00:05:36,345 --> 00:05:38,147 When you beat up someone 119 00:05:38,147 --> 00:05:39,648 and got thrown in jail. 120 00:05:39,648 --> 00:05:43,252 - While I was in the slammer? - No! After you came out! 121 00:05:43,252 --> 00:05:44,520 Well, that's okay. 122 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,021 Let me sing you a song! 123 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:50,092 Soft rain falling on Midosuji... 124 00:05:50,092 --> 00:05:51,560 Of course it's not okay! 125 00:05:52,962 --> 00:05:55,464 Listen to me first! 126 00:05:55,464 --> 00:05:58,901 Before you talk, will you stop knocking me around? 127 00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:01,771 There's even a plainclothes cop here today! 128 00:06:01,771 --> 00:06:04,006 Really? Where? Is it Yamanaka? 129 00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:07,009 Soft rain falling on Midosuji... 130 00:06:07,009 --> 00:06:08,811 It's not the time to sing! 131 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,783 Listen to what I have to say! 132 00:06:14,350 --> 00:06:17,119 Listen to me patiently today! 133 00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:19,688 I can't let this one slip! 134 00:06:20,189 --> 00:06:21,757 Did you have an affair or not? 135 00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,426 - I didn't! - That's a lie! 136 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,960 - No, it's not! - It's a lie! 137 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,729 - It's true! - It's a lie! 138 00:06:26,729 --> 00:06:29,532 - Actually, it's a lie! - Then it's okay... No! 139 00:06:30,633 --> 00:06:31,500 You! 140 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,968 Ow! 141 00:06:32,968 --> 00:06:34,403 Give me a break. 142 00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:42,745 We've been an item for 20 years, 143 00:06:43,512 --> 00:06:46,015 and you can't even trust your partner, jerk? 144 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:49,552 I've never been beaten up like this. 145 00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:53,389 I'm sorry, my wife! Please forgive me! 146 00:06:53,389 --> 00:06:55,458 Forgive me! 147 00:06:58,294 --> 00:06:59,328 When I lie... 148 00:06:59,328 --> 00:07:01,063 When she lies... 149 00:07:01,063 --> 00:07:02,298 It shows on my face! 150 00:07:02,865 --> 00:07:04,567 It shows too much! 151 00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:08,804 Marimo and Maruo, what a funny couple! 152 00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,239 Thank you very much! 153 00:07:11,574 --> 00:07:12,408 Sorry 154 00:07:12,408 --> 00:07:14,610 for making you come along. 155 00:07:14,610 --> 00:07:17,813 No problem! It all depends on what I think. 156 00:07:18,414 --> 00:07:20,749 Getting beautiful nails and going on a date. 157 00:07:21,750 --> 00:07:23,552 It's a two-bird-one-stone day. 158 00:07:24,119 --> 00:07:24,954 It's strange. 159 00:07:25,454 --> 00:07:26,288 What do you mean? 160 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:29,091 We've known each other for half a year. 161 00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:31,260 - You haven't even held my hand. - I... 162 00:07:31,861 --> 00:07:34,029 You sound like the song "Akai Sweet Pea." 163 00:07:34,029 --> 00:07:36,131 Bad boys are more attractive. 164 00:07:36,131 --> 00:07:38,634 Now you sound like "Nagisa no Haikara Ningyo." 165 00:07:38,634 --> 00:07:42,104 Sometimes I'd like you to take me somewhere you want to go. 166 00:07:42,104 --> 00:07:44,673 Then... How about my place? 167 00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:49,178 Just kidding! What am I saying? 168 00:07:49,979 --> 00:07:53,148 Where do you live, Ryuji? 169 00:07:54,283 --> 00:07:56,785 In Aoyama, actually. 170 00:07:56,785 --> 00:07:58,153 That's cool! 171 00:07:58,153 --> 00:08:01,056 I've been looking for a place in Aoyama myself. 172 00:08:01,056 --> 00:08:02,725 But the rent's so expensive. 173 00:08:02,725 --> 00:08:06,161 Not if we split it. 174 00:08:06,161 --> 00:08:09,131 You can be pretty brazen at times, you know? 175 00:08:10,966 --> 00:08:12,568 - Let's go! - Where? 176 00:08:12,568 --> 00:08:14,270 Your place, where else? 177 00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:15,304 Seriously? 178 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:19,074 Hey! 179 00:08:19,575 --> 00:08:20,509 Hey! 180 00:08:20,509 --> 00:08:22,344 Why can't you wait till I get home... 181 00:08:23,312 --> 00:08:25,681 Thank you for the ride earlier. 182 00:08:25,681 --> 00:08:27,283 - Master. - What? 183 00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:28,817 Not you. These two. 184 00:08:28,817 --> 00:08:30,352 May I shake your hand? 185 00:08:31,854 --> 00:08:35,291 You guys were hilarious! It was impressive! 186 00:08:36,258 --> 00:08:39,261 I've never seen manzai before, and it was awesome. 187 00:08:39,261 --> 00:08:40,896 The force, the speed... 188 00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:42,398 If I had seen manzai, 189 00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:44,533 I might have become your pupil! 190 00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:45,935 Who writes your skit? 191 00:08:45,935 --> 00:08:46,802 No one. 192 00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:48,871 That's just a lovers' quarrel! 193 00:08:48,871 --> 00:08:50,806 They've done it for 20 years! 194 00:08:50,806 --> 00:08:52,541 Shut your trap, broccoli! 195 00:08:53,042 --> 00:08:53,909 I'll beat you! 196 00:08:55,344 --> 00:08:56,345 Forgive me! 197 00:08:56,345 --> 00:08:59,648 What are you doing here anyway? 198 00:08:59,648 --> 00:09:01,817 Kotora, Sayuri-chan and I were 199 00:09:01,817 --> 00:09:04,086 their marriage officiants. 200 00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:09,191 - Marimo used to be my kouta student. - I see. 201 00:09:09,191 --> 00:09:12,061 The first time he got arrested, 202 00:09:12,061 --> 00:09:15,164 I asked your boss to pay for his bail. 203 00:09:15,164 --> 00:09:15,931 The first time? 204 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,700 He was arrested three times. 205 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,501 - Right, Maruo? - Shut up. 206 00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:22,104 He's really strong! He used to be a boxer. 207 00:09:23,205 --> 00:09:26,008 I see, professional entertainers like you and my master 208 00:09:26,508 --> 00:09:29,578 all have messed-up private lives. 209 00:09:29,578 --> 00:09:31,614 He included you, master! 210 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,683 You're too serious. You lack a certain flair. 211 00:09:34,683 --> 00:09:36,285 You gotta have an affair 212 00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,988 to make your comic act sexier! 213 00:09:38,988 --> 00:09:42,391 Don't give him crazy advices! He might do it. 214 00:09:42,391 --> 00:09:43,325 It's true. 215 00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:45,661 - I nearly called an escort service! - Idiot! 216 00:09:45,661 --> 00:09:49,598 Maruo, you better be good to Marimo! 217 00:09:49,598 --> 00:09:53,369 - Don't worry. He's a reformed man. - Did you really quit? 218 00:09:53,369 --> 00:09:54,269 Yes. 219 00:09:54,903 --> 00:09:57,039 Not a drop for a year and a half. 220 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,644 What? 221 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,278 - Kotora! - Be considerate! 222 00:10:03,278 --> 00:10:07,049 Your place rocks! 223 00:10:07,049 --> 00:10:08,984 Sorry. That is the Swedish embassy. 224 00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:13,555 It's rather cute! 225 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:22,731 I didn't expect this traditional style! 226 00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:31,073 Wow! You have a whole house to yourself? 227 00:10:33,075 --> 00:10:37,079 Where is it? 228 00:10:37,079 --> 00:10:39,081 Where is it? 229 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:52,528 Take your shoes off here. 230 00:10:53,395 --> 00:10:54,663 Here? 231 00:11:11,513 --> 00:11:14,683 How much is the rent? 232 00:11:14,683 --> 00:11:16,251 65,000 yen. 233 00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:18,821 It's high, but it's Aoyama, after all. 234 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:23,258 - You don't have a bath. - Of course, it's Aoyama. 235 00:11:24,126 --> 00:11:27,996 I smell something complicated... Like curry. 236 00:11:27,996 --> 00:11:29,998 Still, it's Aoyama! 237 00:11:30,499 --> 00:11:33,135 I feel you're trying to distance yourself from me. 238 00:11:33,769 --> 00:11:37,172 No, I'm not! It's just more ordinary than I expected. 239 00:11:39,141 --> 00:11:41,443 Wait, that's not my property. 240 00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:50,819 Welcome to Yanaka Ryuji's castle! 241 00:11:52,354 --> 00:11:53,422 Won't you join me? 242 00:11:56,358 --> 00:11:59,027 Megumi! Why are you here? What is it? 243 00:11:59,027 --> 00:12:01,864 Awesome! Megumi-chan is in my room! 244 00:12:01,864 --> 00:12:03,632 Want some sparkling wine? 245 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,003 Do you live together? 246 00:12:08,003 --> 00:12:08,904 No! 247 00:12:08,904 --> 00:12:11,607 I rent the space from him! 7,000 yen a month! 248 00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:13,041 So, this is mine. 249 00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:15,144 Do you want to see my new designs? 250 00:12:15,144 --> 00:12:17,880 - You ate my pudding again! - I didn't! 251 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,616 I don't mind you licking up the powdered cream, 252 00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,551 but put it back when you're done! 253 00:12:24,052 --> 00:12:26,088 The 65 yen I left here is gone! 254 00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:29,958 - Where is it? - I don't know! Maybe it was Ryu-san. 255 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,561 It wasn't me! It was Ryuji! 256 00:12:32,561 --> 00:12:35,364 Ryu-san won't do that! He's not like Ryuji! 257 00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:36,899 Ryu-san is an honest man! 258 00:12:36,899 --> 00:12:37,966 Right? 259 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:42,871 He sends money to his family in China. Next time, I'll call the cops! 260 00:12:44,006 --> 00:12:44,907 Huh? 261 00:12:45,607 --> 00:12:49,044 Wait, Megumi-chan! You just got here! 262 00:12:49,044 --> 00:12:50,846 Oh, you don't like sparkling wine. 263 00:12:50,846 --> 00:12:52,881 - I'm sorry. - Let go! 264 00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:55,551 Megumi-chan... 265 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,987 I'm sorry, Ryuji. 266 00:13:00,022 --> 00:13:02,691 I think it's wonderful that you pursue your dreams 267 00:13:03,192 --> 00:13:05,828 and insist on your unique style. 268 00:13:06,762 --> 00:13:08,096 But... 269 00:13:09,097 --> 00:13:10,632 I don't like being poor! 270 00:13:10,632 --> 00:13:13,402 I just can't stand it! 271 00:13:23,579 --> 00:13:24,947 So that's why he's 272 00:13:25,948 --> 00:13:27,482 like a mummified monk now. 273 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,485 I haven't heard him speak for four days. 274 00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:34,389 I can't even talk to him about work. 275 00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:36,491 Ryuji! Cheer up! 276 00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:40,229 I have work for you. 277 00:13:40,229 --> 00:13:41,196 Come in! 278 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,001 It's Maruo. 279 00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:46,869 He talked! 280 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:47,769 Hi, Ryuji. 281 00:13:47,769 --> 00:13:50,138 - You know each other? - Since I was a kid. 282 00:13:50,138 --> 00:13:51,807 Good to know. 283 00:13:51,807 --> 00:13:54,443 Can you whip up a costume for him? 284 00:13:54,443 --> 00:13:57,079 I've recently been working as their manager. 285 00:13:57,079 --> 00:13:59,715 Will you let them perform at your event? 286 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:03,518 I don't like Kansai-style comedy, especially the ones 287 00:14:03,518 --> 00:14:05,053 that involve violence. 288 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,323 They're going to be a big hit! Please! 289 00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:11,660 You're a rakugo performer. Why are you working for them? 290 00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:12,794 They're hilarious. 291 00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:16,865 Hilarious stuff like that should be enjoyed by everyone. 292 00:14:16,865 --> 00:14:19,301 It should be shared outside the theater. 293 00:14:19,301 --> 00:14:22,437 Master's rakugo made me want to quit being a yakuza. 294 00:14:22,437 --> 00:14:23,839 I still haven't, but still... 295 00:14:24,606 --> 00:14:27,042 I thought others might enjoy what I enjoyed. 296 00:14:30,045 --> 00:14:30,913 Okay. 297 00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:33,015 I'm not busy anyway. When is it? 298 00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:36,618 Next Friday, so you have like ten days. 299 00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:39,855 That's a tight deadline! I'll make a design today. 300 00:14:39,855 --> 00:14:43,492 I warn you, don't put lame-ass dragons or zippers on it. 301 00:14:43,492 --> 00:14:44,593 It's not lame. 302 00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:45,627 It's a Urahara Dragon! 303 00:14:45,627 --> 00:14:47,496 Just make something awesome. 304 00:14:48,063 --> 00:14:49,498 If it's lame, 305 00:14:50,132 --> 00:14:51,133 I'll beat you up. 306 00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:54,670 - I'm leaving. - How much is this? 307 00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,440 - Let's get to work! - Hey, boss! 308 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,475 Watch the store! 309 00:15:06,548 --> 00:15:07,582 How about this? 310 00:15:07,582 --> 00:15:10,619 I got some great sweet potato shochu! 311 00:15:12,054 --> 00:15:14,556 Just kidding. It's not for you. 312 00:15:14,556 --> 00:15:15,924 You have a gig. 313 00:15:15,924 --> 00:15:17,359 Just in the evening. 314 00:15:17,359 --> 00:15:19,394 So what made you want to do manzai? 315 00:15:19,895 --> 00:15:23,765 - I don't know. It's not like I wanted to. - You must've had a reason. 316 00:15:23,765 --> 00:15:26,134 What about your parents? Are you from Osaka? 317 00:15:27,035 --> 00:15:28,937 I'm from Himeji in Hyogo. 318 00:15:30,372 --> 00:15:31,306 No parents. 319 00:15:33,742 --> 00:15:35,077 They're both dead. 320 00:15:36,011 --> 00:15:38,613 My dad ran away from debt collectors. 321 00:15:39,114 --> 00:15:43,218 My mom worked at bars to make money to raise me. 322 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,357 I'm going to come back late. Buy something warm to eat. 323 00:15:48,357 --> 00:15:49,791 Forgive me! 324 00:15:49,791 --> 00:15:53,462 I took up boxing to give her a better life. 325 00:15:53,462 --> 00:15:55,497 Mom! They scheduled my debut match! 326 00:15:57,132 --> 00:16:00,035 Ten days after she passed away, 327 00:16:00,035 --> 00:16:02,738 Dad drove his car into the sea. 328 00:16:03,972 --> 00:16:05,374 The rest is obvious. 329 00:16:07,109 --> 00:16:08,944 I finished middle school 330 00:16:10,045 --> 00:16:13,148 and began working in cabarets and strip clubs. 331 00:16:14,583 --> 00:16:17,285 When I was 18, I met Marimo, my partner. 332 00:16:18,487 --> 00:16:20,989 We went over to Osaka and started to do manzai. 333 00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:28,130 Ever since my parents died, I've been laughing non-stop. 334 00:16:29,798 --> 00:16:34,102 All that mattered in my life was laughter and making others laugh. 335 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:39,441 What? You sick? 336 00:16:39,441 --> 00:16:42,611 - I'm crying. - Why? It's my story. 337 00:16:44,579 --> 00:16:50,552 Our lives are the same, and then it becomes the total opposite! 338 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:53,789 Maybe it's the cultural difference between Kanto and Kansai. 339 00:16:53,789 --> 00:16:59,428 Now I like you even more. I'll work my ass off to get you more gigs! 340 00:17:00,529 --> 00:17:01,763 Here! Have a drink! 341 00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:07,536 It's hot soba broth. 342 00:17:14,509 --> 00:17:21,149 Todays storey is "Umaya Kaji." com to th theatr as soonas... 343 00:17:21,716 --> 00:17:23,385 He should've spell-checked! 344 00:17:23,385 --> 00:17:24,286 Is it Don-chan? 345 00:17:25,053 --> 00:17:27,422 I don't know what's going on, but I've got to go. 346 00:17:27,989 --> 00:17:31,059 Ta-chan! Watch him and make sure he doesn't drink! 347 00:17:31,059 --> 00:17:32,861 Don't worry about him! 348 00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:40,502 {\an8}HAYASHIYATE DONBEI 349 00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:44,673 Thank you all for coming today. 350 00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:48,176 They say even a dog would ignore a couple's fight. 351 00:17:48,176 --> 00:17:49,911 Oh! It's "Umaya Kaji" today. 352 00:17:49,911 --> 00:17:53,115 These days, you often hear the acronym, DV. 353 00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:56,618 It stands for domestic violence. Hearing it makes me feel like 354 00:17:57,152 --> 00:17:59,387 I've been punched a couple of times. 355 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:02,958 Fortunately, 356 00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:05,694 since I adore my wife very much, 357 00:18:05,694 --> 00:18:07,729 I don't have to worry about it. 358 00:18:07,729 --> 00:18:11,299 However, I do have a certain pupil 359 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:12,801 who can be quite violent. 360 00:18:13,602 --> 00:18:16,838 I always worry that he might slug me. 361 00:18:17,372 --> 00:18:21,009 So in my household, it's not DV but PV... Pupil Violence. 362 00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:22,944 Hey, he's talking about me. 363 00:18:22,944 --> 00:18:26,214 "Osaki, did you quarrel with your husband again?" 364 00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:27,215 "Yes. 365 00:18:27,215 --> 00:18:29,417 My teacher has another pupil. 366 00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:30,952 Her name is Omitsu. 367 00:18:30,952 --> 00:18:31,953 Omitsu. 368 00:18:31,953 --> 00:18:34,823 She hurt her finger the other day. 369 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,625 You know, sir, 370 00:18:36,625 --> 00:18:39,928 a hairdresser can't do anything with a finger injury. 371 00:18:39,928 --> 00:18:42,998 We pupils are supposed to help each other out, 372 00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:45,033 so I filled in for her." 373 00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:50,438 It's you, Marimo! 374 00:18:52,908 --> 00:18:53,875 What's the matter? 375 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:56,945 You look like you're going to faint! 376 00:18:57,579 --> 00:18:58,446 Why are you here? 377 00:18:59,281 --> 00:19:00,215 My annual physical. 378 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:04,419 Once you're my age, the upkeep costs way too much. 379 00:19:04,419 --> 00:19:05,587 Same here. 380 00:19:05,587 --> 00:19:07,589 "And once I got home, my husband asked, 381 00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:10,392 'Where have you been, you lazy-ass woman?' 382 00:19:10,392 --> 00:19:12,561 I got angry, so I shouted back. 383 00:19:12,561 --> 00:19:16,665 'Without me, you couldn't play and drink all day!' 384 00:19:16,665 --> 00:19:19,401 And being the man that he is, he yelled back. 385 00:19:19,401 --> 00:19:22,404 'Who do you think you are? You flat-faced bitch!' 386 00:19:22,404 --> 00:19:24,940 I yelled back too. 'Shut up! Hideous jerk!' 387 00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:27,108 Then he retorted, 'What, you monster?'" 388 00:19:27,108 --> 00:19:28,843 You're always by his side. 389 00:19:28,843 --> 00:19:31,880 That's not healthy for a relationship. 390 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,450 Getting pushed around is okay, because it's part of the job. 391 00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:37,752 But every single hour of the day, 392 00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:40,855 he says he'll beat me up. That's what I can't take! 393 00:19:40,855 --> 00:19:42,624 "You should just leave him! 394 00:19:42,624 --> 00:19:48,330 Although I was your marriage officiant, I never liked your husband. 395 00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:50,665 I checked up on him when you were out. 396 00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:55,370 He was eating a plate of sashimi and drinking sake! 397 00:19:55,370 --> 00:19:59,174 You work so hard as a hairdresser, and he spends all the money! 398 00:19:59,174 --> 00:20:00,542 What a loser of a man." 399 00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:03,812 "It's not my place to say this, but it's not like 400 00:20:03,812 --> 00:20:07,415 he ordered sashimi for everyone in the neighborhood 401 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:10,986 or bought barrels of sake and went into a drunken frenzy. 402 00:20:11,553 --> 00:20:13,989 He only had a few drinks 403 00:20:14,522 --> 00:20:16,024 and a plate of sashimi. 404 00:20:16,524 --> 00:20:17,959 Yet you speak ill of him. 405 00:20:19,828 --> 00:20:20,729 How cruel!" 406 00:20:20,729 --> 00:20:24,399 "I thought you said you wanted to break up with him!" 407 00:20:24,399 --> 00:20:25,634 It's "Umaya Kaji" today! 408 00:20:33,074 --> 00:20:34,242 Hi! 409 00:20:34,242 --> 00:20:37,345 It's a rough draft. 410 00:20:37,345 --> 00:20:40,915 There are times when he's so sweet to me that I feel 411 00:20:40,915 --> 00:20:43,852 there can't be a sweeter man on this planet. 412 00:20:43,852 --> 00:20:44,919 "But on some days, 413 00:20:44,919 --> 00:20:47,622 I wish he'd just drop dead!" 414 00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,425 The thing is, I have no idea how he feels. 415 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,662 Does he really love me, 416 00:20:54,396 --> 00:20:57,666 or does he stay with me just to make a living? 417 00:20:58,366 --> 00:20:59,434 What do you think? 418 00:20:59,434 --> 00:21:02,203 "If you don't know, how should I know? 419 00:21:02,203 --> 00:21:05,340 But I do feel sorry for you. 420 00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:07,842 Sometimes you've got to test a man's feelings. 421 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:10,412 Have you heard of Morokoshi?" 422 00:21:10,412 --> 00:21:12,847 "Of course! Sweet rice balls, right?" 423 00:21:12,847 --> 00:21:15,216 "No, it's another name for China! 424 00:21:15,216 --> 00:21:18,953 There once was a great teacher named Confucius." 425 00:21:18,953 --> 00:21:22,457 - Who's Confucius? - He'll tell you. 426 00:21:25,627 --> 00:21:28,330 Teacher! Confucius! 427 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,165 Confucius! 428 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:33,702 We have bad news! There was a fire in the stable! 429 00:21:33,702 --> 00:21:34,736 What did you say? 430 00:21:37,572 --> 00:21:40,241 We tried to save your favorite white horse, 431 00:21:40,241 --> 00:21:42,344 but we were too late! 432 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:45,747 If you hadn't taken the black horse... 433 00:21:45,747 --> 00:21:49,617 It's our fault that we let the fire start! 434 00:21:50,151 --> 00:21:51,419 We're so sorry! 435 00:21:54,823 --> 00:21:56,524 My beloved pupils. 436 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,260 Did anyone get hurt? 437 00:21:59,961 --> 00:22:01,796 - We're all fine. - Is that so? 438 00:22:02,931 --> 00:22:04,466 I'm glad you are all fine. 439 00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:07,502 Confucius! 440 00:22:07,502 --> 00:22:10,338 They thought, "What a kind teacher he is! 441 00:22:10,338 --> 00:22:13,742 We will serve him with our lives!" 442 00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:15,243 However, 443 00:22:15,243 --> 00:22:17,178 some stories are total opposites. 444 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,650 Once there was a young master of the Saru family. 445 00:22:22,650 --> 00:22:24,652 "That's such an odd name. 446 00:22:24,652 --> 00:22:26,221 A 'monkey' young master?" 447 00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:29,691 "I can't reveal his real name. Let's leave it at that." 448 00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:34,262 This young master was very much into collecting pottery. 449 00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:36,264 Four-Eyes! 450 00:22:36,264 --> 00:22:39,300 The bowl is expensive, so my wife will take it. 451 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:44,172 But it's so old and cracked! 452 00:22:44,172 --> 00:22:48,743 Moron! How could I have afforded it if it weren't cracked? 453 00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:51,379 Without that crack... 454 00:22:55,383 --> 00:22:59,754 How's the bowl? Is it broken? 455 00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:02,157 The young master shouted 456 00:23:02,157 --> 00:23:03,258 "Is it broken?" 457 00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:05,593 Thirty-six times without pausing to breathe. 458 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:08,329 A few days later, the wife's parents took her back. 459 00:23:08,329 --> 00:23:12,567 They couldn't let a man who loved a bowl so much 460 00:23:12,567 --> 00:23:14,736 have their precious daughter as his wife. 461 00:23:15,637 --> 00:23:18,573 "My husband is also very fond of a pottery plate." 462 00:23:18,573 --> 00:23:21,509 "Really? That's great. Break it!" 463 00:23:21,509 --> 00:23:26,548 "But what if he turns out to be like the 'monkey' young master 464 00:23:26,548 --> 00:23:28,983 instead of the teacher in Morokoshi? 465 00:23:28,983 --> 00:23:32,053 Sir, will you go talk to him before I go home?" 466 00:23:32,053 --> 00:23:34,189 "Why should I?" 467 00:23:34,189 --> 00:23:36,624 "Tell him that I'll break the plate. 468 00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:39,427 Tell him to worry about me, not the plate!" 469 00:23:39,427 --> 00:23:41,196 "That defeats the purpose!" 470 00:23:42,163 --> 00:23:43,898 He's hopeless! 471 00:23:43,898 --> 00:23:46,568 Who are you calling hopeless? 472 00:23:46,568 --> 00:23:49,037 What are you doing here? Where's Maruo? 473 00:23:50,705 --> 00:23:52,774 I left him there! 474 00:23:56,277 --> 00:23:59,481 Have a drink, Maruo. It's no fun drinking alone! 475 00:23:59,481 --> 00:24:01,783 I'll pass today. I have a gig in the evening. 476 00:24:01,783 --> 00:24:05,286 But you used to drink in the dressing room! 477 00:24:12,694 --> 00:24:14,896 That's the man I know! 478 00:24:14,896 --> 00:24:15,797 One more! 479 00:24:15,797 --> 00:24:16,831 Wait! 480 00:24:17,365 --> 00:24:18,199 I'll have... 481 00:24:18,733 --> 00:24:19,634 shochu instead! 482 00:24:19,634 --> 00:24:21,135 With pleasure! 483 00:24:22,504 --> 00:24:24,506 I have to go! Back to the dressing room! 484 00:24:25,106 --> 00:24:25,940 See you! 485 00:24:28,042 --> 00:24:29,210 Marimo. 486 00:24:30,778 --> 00:24:31,713 Are you... 487 00:24:32,347 --> 00:24:33,515 really all right? 488 00:24:35,683 --> 00:24:36,818 I'm fine, thanks. 489 00:24:40,989 --> 00:24:42,924 We're too late! 490 00:24:42,924 --> 00:24:45,426 Go find him! He couldn't have gotten far! 491 00:24:48,463 --> 00:24:49,430 Another round! 492 00:24:49,430 --> 00:24:51,599 But I don't have any money. 493 00:24:51,599 --> 00:24:53,101 Found a place! 494 00:24:59,974 --> 00:25:02,110 Ryuji! I found one! 495 00:25:02,110 --> 00:25:03,978 Seriously? 496 00:25:03,978 --> 00:25:05,046 You know, Ryuji? 497 00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,215 Beat Takeshi 498 00:25:07,215 --> 00:25:10,552 used to drink methanol shochu. 499 00:25:10,552 --> 00:25:11,986 Methanol shochu? 500 00:25:12,987 --> 00:25:14,422 Drink methanol shochu, 501 00:25:14,422 --> 00:25:18,927 then run around the street. The alcohol zooms through your body! 502 00:25:18,927 --> 00:25:20,762 It feels so good! 503 00:25:20,762 --> 00:25:23,898 Let's go. Your performance will start soon. 504 00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:26,267 That'll be enough for today. 505 00:25:29,971 --> 00:25:32,173 What are you guys doing? 506 00:25:33,274 --> 00:25:35,843 Adrian! 507 00:25:40,949 --> 00:25:42,250 Not my fault! 508 00:25:46,888 --> 00:25:49,824 Your turn is coming right up. 509 00:25:49,824 --> 00:25:51,192 Hasn't he come yet? 510 00:25:51,693 --> 00:25:54,796 There's no other way. Ma'am, I'll go instead! 511 00:25:54,796 --> 00:25:57,332 Don't rub salt in the wound! 512 00:25:57,332 --> 00:25:59,534 Are you calling me salt? Yup! 513 00:25:59,534 --> 00:26:01,502 The Salt of Hakata! 514 00:26:04,539 --> 00:26:06,975 Perhaps it's time I rose to the challenge. 515 00:26:06,975 --> 00:26:10,411 I'm sorry! This is all my fault! 516 00:26:10,411 --> 00:26:14,983 You were supposed to be watching him! This is terrible. 517 00:26:14,983 --> 00:26:19,220 - You're the one who texted me! - Five seconds later, he explodes! 518 00:26:19,220 --> 00:26:21,489 - So it's my fault? - Not really. 519 00:26:22,056 --> 00:26:24,392 But you're showing off your phone too much! 520 00:26:24,392 --> 00:26:27,228 And I did tell Ta-chan to watch over him. Right? 521 00:26:28,096 --> 00:26:32,266 I couldn't help it! I can't miss Don-chan's performance! 522 00:26:32,266 --> 00:26:33,468 So it is my fault! 523 00:26:33,468 --> 00:26:35,236 Enough! 524 00:26:35,236 --> 00:26:36,938 Marimo is crying! 525 00:26:38,206 --> 00:26:40,675 If she cries, I'll cry, too! 526 00:26:40,675 --> 00:26:41,676 Want that? 527 00:26:41,676 --> 00:26:42,877 No. 528 00:26:42,877 --> 00:26:44,946 I don't want that at all. 529 00:26:47,415 --> 00:26:48,316 I'm sorry. 530 00:27:04,866 --> 00:27:07,502 All right, Ryuji, time to go. Off to the theater! 531 00:27:07,502 --> 00:27:09,837 You can't! You're way too drunk! 532 00:27:09,837 --> 00:27:13,574 I'll be fine! I'm the best manzai performer in Kansai! 533 00:27:13,574 --> 00:27:16,611 A bit of alcohol can't stop me from going on stage! 534 00:27:16,611 --> 00:27:17,512 What the hell? 535 00:27:17,512 --> 00:27:18,913 I'm sorry! 536 00:27:18,913 --> 00:27:20,148 Sorry, he's drunk! 537 00:27:21,249 --> 00:27:23,418 Stop wobbling, you old geezer! 538 00:27:25,186 --> 00:27:26,421 You drunk. 539 00:27:26,988 --> 00:27:28,556 Always so drunk. 540 00:27:28,556 --> 00:27:29,490 Huh? 541 00:27:31,125 --> 00:27:33,327 Ma'am, we should rehearse. 542 00:27:33,327 --> 00:27:36,898 You can't even have a conversation with your own wife. 543 00:27:36,898 --> 00:27:39,434 You think you can do manzai with someone else's? 544 00:27:40,601 --> 00:27:43,271 - This may not be the time, but... - What? 545 00:27:43,271 --> 00:27:45,273 The story. How does it end? 546 00:27:45,273 --> 00:27:47,608 - How insensitive! - I'm curious. 547 00:27:48,176 --> 00:27:51,012 I heard up to the part "Let's break the plate." 548 00:27:51,012 --> 00:27:52,380 And then what? 549 00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:53,214 Well, 550 00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:57,952 the wife Osaki breaks it, and her husband says... 551 00:27:58,519 --> 00:28:00,755 "Are you hurt? 552 00:28:00,755 --> 00:28:03,091 If a plate breaks, I can just buy a new one. 553 00:28:04,125 --> 00:28:06,027 Were you hurt?" 554 00:28:06,527 --> 00:28:07,729 "I'm so happy! 555 00:28:07,729 --> 00:28:11,566 You worry about me!" 556 00:28:11,566 --> 00:28:15,870 "Of course I do. If something ever happened to you..." 557 00:28:18,406 --> 00:28:19,440 "From tomorrow... 558 00:28:22,009 --> 00:28:23,211 I couldn't play... 559 00:28:24,979 --> 00:28:26,347 and drink all day." 560 00:28:27,148 --> 00:28:30,184 Dammit. The police sirens ruined it! 561 00:28:30,718 --> 00:28:31,652 But really... 562 00:28:32,353 --> 00:28:35,556 Don't the sirens sound awfully close? 563 00:28:36,524 --> 00:28:37,658 It can't be... 564 00:28:37,658 --> 00:28:38,626 What? 565 00:28:41,429 --> 00:28:44,398 Damn. I didn't get it at all. 566 00:28:47,702 --> 00:28:48,703 What happened? 567 00:28:48,703 --> 00:28:49,837 It's bad news! 568 00:28:49,837 --> 00:28:52,340 - What happened? - Let us through! 569 00:28:57,712 --> 00:28:59,280 Listen to me! 570 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:00,915 I didn't do anything! 571 00:29:00,915 --> 00:29:03,317 I didn't do anything at all! 572 00:29:03,317 --> 00:29:05,153 Ryuji, that idiot! 573 00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:11,492 Somebody get an ambulance! 574 00:29:11,492 --> 00:29:13,494 No! No ambulance. 575 00:29:14,295 --> 00:29:17,398 What happened? 576 00:29:18,332 --> 00:29:19,967 Wait! It hurts! 577 00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:21,235 I'm not going in! 578 00:29:21,235 --> 00:29:23,871 Ryuji! Why the hell? 579 00:29:23,871 --> 00:29:27,875 You have a car, right? Take Marimo home! 580 00:29:28,576 --> 00:29:30,678 Kotora! I'm putting you in charge! 581 00:29:30,678 --> 00:29:35,116 Sayuri-chan and I have to go to the police station... 582 00:29:35,817 --> 00:29:36,884 To the police... 583 00:29:36,884 --> 00:29:38,019 Don-chan. 584 00:29:38,553 --> 00:29:39,387 They... 585 00:29:39,387 --> 00:29:42,123 Don-chan... 586 00:29:42,123 --> 00:29:44,058 Somebody get her a blanket! 587 00:29:44,592 --> 00:29:46,494 Blanket! Blanket! 588 00:29:47,762 --> 00:29:49,363 I've got to get back to my shop. 589 00:29:50,965 --> 00:29:55,369 What the hell? I don't get this situation. 590 00:30:00,141 --> 00:30:01,943 Hot... 591 00:30:01,943 --> 00:30:03,344 What are you doing? 592 00:30:04,145 --> 00:30:05,313 Sorry, I woke you up. 593 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:09,717 I didn't know whether to cool you down or make you warm, 594 00:30:09,717 --> 00:30:13,120 so I decided on room temperature. 595 00:30:15,089 --> 00:30:16,357 Thanks. 596 00:30:16,357 --> 00:30:17,291 I'm fine now. 597 00:30:19,093 --> 00:30:22,763 Mother called a little earlier. 598 00:30:23,431 --> 00:30:25,600 They're letting Ryuji go, but... 599 00:30:26,601 --> 00:30:27,768 Maruo... 600 00:30:30,471 --> 00:30:31,305 I'm so sorry. 601 00:30:31,305 --> 00:30:34,742 We're terribly sorry for all the trouble he caused. 602 00:30:34,742 --> 00:30:37,745 Don't apologize! They know I didn't do anything! 603 00:30:37,745 --> 00:30:38,746 Ryuji, 604 00:30:39,580 --> 00:30:41,415 how can you be so nonchalant? 605 00:30:42,783 --> 00:30:47,288 Ever since he got out of prison, Maruo hadn't had a drop of alcohol. 606 00:30:47,855 --> 00:30:48,589 Prison? 607 00:30:48,589 --> 00:30:49,724 He got drunk 608 00:30:49,724 --> 00:30:52,860 and beat up people. He got out just recently. 609 00:30:52,860 --> 00:30:58,599 We were all trying to help him start a new life, and you idiot... 610 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,436 You say you didn't do anything? Are you kidding? 611 00:31:03,104 --> 00:31:06,173 You helped enable Maruo. 612 00:31:07,308 --> 00:31:11,012 They should've thrown you in jail for two or three years! 613 00:31:11,012 --> 00:31:13,281 You apologized in tears a while ago! 614 00:31:13,281 --> 00:31:16,217 That was an act. Of course it was an act! 615 00:31:16,951 --> 00:31:19,720 Who the hell would cry over you, idiot? 616 00:31:31,399 --> 00:31:33,768 That was the last straw. I can't stand him. 617 00:31:33,768 --> 00:31:35,703 We've caused you trouble, too. 618 00:31:36,570 --> 00:31:39,040 You worked so hard for us, but... 619 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:40,207 I just hope... 620 00:31:41,442 --> 00:31:43,711 I hope you don't give up on Maruo. 621 00:31:45,012 --> 00:31:46,514 He's not a bad guy. 622 00:31:47,481 --> 00:31:51,185 He told me stuff, and he and I have a lot in common. 623 00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:53,554 Well... 624 00:31:53,554 --> 00:31:55,923 I had no choice but to become a yakuza, 625 00:31:56,524 --> 00:31:58,592 but I'm struggling with myself for it. 626 00:32:00,227 --> 00:32:01,095 I bet he... 627 00:32:01,095 --> 00:32:02,530 I mean... 628 00:32:03,130 --> 00:32:07,134 He had no choice but to do manzai, and he's also struggling with himself. 629 00:32:07,969 --> 00:32:10,071 This time, he lost to alcohol, 630 00:32:10,071 --> 00:32:11,872 but he's not a bad guy. 631 00:32:11,872 --> 00:32:14,942 So if you give up on him, it's like saying, 632 00:32:14,942 --> 00:32:16,644 I'm a hopeless case, too. 633 00:32:19,213 --> 00:32:20,982 Sorry. I can't say it well. 634 00:32:21,816 --> 00:32:23,551 I've been really thinking... 635 00:32:24,185 --> 00:32:25,086 About what? 636 00:32:26,053 --> 00:32:30,324 The story where the wife breaks her husband's plate to test his feelings. 637 00:32:31,025 --> 00:32:32,626 I thought it was a good story. 638 00:32:33,461 --> 00:32:36,030 But my husband has nothing that matters to him 639 00:32:36,764 --> 00:32:38,432 except for alcohol. 640 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,770 So I thought he would care about me once he quit drinking. 641 00:32:43,804 --> 00:32:44,939 But drinking won. 642 00:32:44,939 --> 00:32:47,041 Wait. There is something 643 00:32:47,575 --> 00:32:49,010 that he cares about more. 644 00:32:49,844 --> 00:32:50,678 What? 645 00:32:51,612 --> 00:32:52,580 Manzai. 646 00:33:08,362 --> 00:33:10,798 They say even a dog would ignore a couple's fight. 647 00:33:10,798 --> 00:33:12,233 - It's "Umaya Kaji"! - Hey. 648 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,170 - Your shop! - I'm not working today. 649 00:33:20,341 --> 00:33:23,644 Violence in the home is called domestic violence. 650 00:33:23,644 --> 00:33:29,083 However, today's story is about violence outside the home. 651 00:33:29,717 --> 00:33:33,554 A foolish man made a living knocking his wife around on stage. 652 00:33:33,554 --> 00:33:35,856 It should be called SV or Stage Violence. 653 00:33:36,424 --> 00:33:37,591 He's good. 654 00:33:37,591 --> 00:33:40,961 There was a married couple named Marimo and Maruo, 655 00:33:40,961 --> 00:33:43,731 a duo famous for physically violent manzai. 656 00:33:43,731 --> 00:33:45,699 Being knocked around every day 657 00:33:45,699 --> 00:33:47,668 made the wife feel insecure. 658 00:33:47,668 --> 00:33:50,838 "Does my husband really love me?" 659 00:33:50,838 --> 00:33:54,141 So she decided to put on an act 660 00:33:54,141 --> 00:33:55,609 to test his feelings. 661 00:33:55,609 --> 00:33:58,012 Get hurt right before the performance, 662 00:33:58,012 --> 00:33:59,547 then see if he cares. 663 00:33:59,547 --> 00:34:01,048 That's "Umaya Kaji." 664 00:34:01,048 --> 00:34:04,919 When we were popular, I once got a bad case of whiplash. 665 00:34:04,919 --> 00:34:06,020 What did he do? 666 00:34:06,020 --> 00:34:08,923 He made sure to target my neck. 667 00:34:08,923 --> 00:34:10,124 He's incredible. 668 00:34:10,124 --> 00:34:12,760 He wouldn't even blink an eye at an injury. 669 00:34:13,761 --> 00:34:16,163 But something like terminal cancer... 670 00:34:16,163 --> 00:34:19,100 Good! Tell him you have only a few months left! 671 00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:20,701 That'll surely get to him! 672 00:34:20,701 --> 00:34:21,969 Right! 673 00:34:21,969 --> 00:34:24,839 If he still beats you up, he is truly violent. 674 00:34:24,839 --> 00:34:28,642 What do you think? It'll be quite effective. 675 00:34:29,510 --> 00:34:31,745 I'm not sure this is what we intended. 676 00:34:31,745 --> 00:34:35,015 And so it was agreed upon, and the plan was put into action. 677 00:34:35,716 --> 00:34:38,686 Tiger, tiger, jirettaiga! 678 00:34:39,987 --> 00:34:42,056 Good. 679 00:34:44,258 --> 00:34:47,394 The yakuza boss posted his bail again 680 00:34:47,394 --> 00:34:50,731 and Maruo was set free for the day. 681 00:34:51,899 --> 00:34:53,367 - Ryuji? - Yes? 682 00:34:54,034 --> 00:34:56,237 - Can you take me to Tokyo Station? - What? 683 00:34:56,237 --> 00:34:58,772 - I'm going back to Osaka. - Why? 684 00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:01,108 Shouldn't you see your wife? 685 00:35:01,108 --> 00:35:04,979 How can I face her again, idiot? And I can't do manzai anymore. 686 00:35:08,082 --> 00:35:09,083 What next? 687 00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:11,685 Didn't you hear me? Change destination! 688 00:35:15,956 --> 00:35:18,959 Damn it. Should I tell him? 689 00:35:19,527 --> 00:35:20,728 No, I can't! 690 00:35:21,462 --> 00:35:22,429 What? 691 00:35:22,429 --> 00:35:26,233 Well... I'll just tell you. It's cancer. 692 00:35:26,233 --> 00:35:27,168 What? 693 00:35:27,735 --> 00:35:28,869 You didn't know? 694 00:35:29,503 --> 00:35:30,938 Marimo has cancer. 695 00:35:31,872 --> 00:35:35,943 When you were in prison, she was in the hospital for it. 696 00:35:36,877 --> 00:35:38,345 Are you serious? 697 00:35:38,345 --> 00:35:40,581 What kind of cancer? Stomach? Liver? 698 00:35:40,581 --> 00:35:42,016 I don't know. 699 00:35:42,016 --> 00:35:44,051 How much longer does she have? 700 00:35:44,051 --> 00:35:46,420 Half a year? Three months? 701 00:35:46,420 --> 00:35:49,990 Which is it? There's a huge difference! 702 00:35:49,990 --> 00:35:51,959 Shut up! I said I didn't know! 703 00:35:51,959 --> 00:35:53,160 Go back. 704 00:35:53,727 --> 00:35:55,963 Make a U-turn and go back. 705 00:35:56,630 --> 00:35:58,432 Go back now or I'll beat you up! 706 00:35:58,432 --> 00:36:01,435 "Do you want to have dinner with me that badly?" 707 00:36:02,703 --> 00:36:05,072 What's taking them so long? 708 00:36:05,072 --> 00:36:06,340 Well, Kotora. 709 00:36:06,340 --> 00:36:07,608 They're on their way. 710 00:36:07,608 --> 00:36:10,077 I want to do the opposite. 711 00:36:10,744 --> 00:36:11,612 The opposite? 712 00:36:12,346 --> 00:36:16,050 Even a terminal illness wouldn't shake him, I think. 713 00:36:16,050 --> 00:36:17,918 That's not the man I married. 714 00:36:19,153 --> 00:36:22,356 If he knocks me around on stage even if I have cancer, 715 00:36:23,123 --> 00:36:25,259 I'll still stay with him no matter what. 716 00:36:26,627 --> 00:36:29,897 But if he hesitates or shows any bit of concern for me, 717 00:36:30,931 --> 00:36:31,999 then... 718 00:36:33,834 --> 00:36:36,170 I will break up with him. 719 00:36:39,807 --> 00:36:40,641 I see. 720 00:36:41,308 --> 00:36:43,244 Sorry! We're late! 721 00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:44,078 The costumes? 722 00:36:44,078 --> 00:36:45,479 They're not done yet. 723 00:36:45,479 --> 00:36:46,981 Why not, you idiot? 724 00:36:46,981 --> 00:36:49,049 Not my fault! I had to go pick him up! 725 00:36:49,650 --> 00:36:51,151 I love it! 726 00:36:51,151 --> 00:36:51,919 Seriously? 727 00:36:51,919 --> 00:36:52,953 For you, that's good. 728 00:36:52,953 --> 00:36:56,957 I wanted to put a big zipper in the front and a lion on the back. 729 00:36:56,957 --> 00:36:59,226 Don't! Where's Maruo? 730 00:36:59,226 --> 00:37:00,894 - He's changing. - Go get him. 731 00:37:00,894 --> 00:37:01,795 Will do. 732 00:37:03,297 --> 00:37:04,999 So about the cancer... 733 00:37:05,532 --> 00:37:06,500 Forget it. 734 00:37:06,500 --> 00:37:07,401 What? 735 00:37:12,439 --> 00:37:15,242 It'll be the opposite. She wants him to hit her. 736 00:37:15,242 --> 00:37:16,844 If you don't tell him, 737 00:37:16,844 --> 00:37:18,412 he'll just beat her up. 738 00:37:18,412 --> 00:37:20,214 - Too late. - What? 739 00:37:21,015 --> 00:37:23,517 I told him already in the car! 740 00:37:25,152 --> 00:37:28,122 I had no choice! He was trying to go back to Osaka! 741 00:37:28,822 --> 00:37:31,425 Is it my fault again? 742 00:37:32,259 --> 00:37:33,460 Maruo's coming! 743 00:37:38,432 --> 00:37:39,300 Maruo! 744 00:37:40,567 --> 00:37:41,435 Marimo. 745 00:37:43,437 --> 00:37:44,972 Do you have cancer? 746 00:37:48,175 --> 00:37:53,080 Next up is the manzai duo from Kansai, Marimo the wife and Maruo the husband! 747 00:37:55,382 --> 00:37:58,619 We'll talk about it later. We're up! 748 00:38:09,063 --> 00:38:11,999 Hello! We're the Dreams Come True of Naniwa, 749 00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:13,367 Marimo and... 750 00:38:14,702 --> 00:38:15,569 Ma... 751 00:38:16,837 --> 00:38:18,172 Maruo! 752 00:38:21,475 --> 00:38:22,309 It's your line! 753 00:38:23,944 --> 00:38:26,447 The pretty one is Marimo. 754 00:38:26,447 --> 00:38:28,449 The dirty looking one is Maruo. 755 00:38:31,251 --> 00:38:32,353 I'm... 756 00:38:33,887 --> 00:38:36,256 I'm nothing but filth. 757 00:38:36,256 --> 00:38:39,226 No need to cry over it. This is manzai! 758 00:38:40,194 --> 00:38:42,730 Yes. This is manzai... 759 00:38:43,764 --> 00:38:46,066 - Here I go! Compliment me! - Go right ahead! 760 00:38:47,267 --> 00:38:49,536 This rose in the meadow is Marimo. 761 00:38:49,536 --> 00:38:52,740 This criminal running across the meadow is Maruo! 762 00:38:54,475 --> 00:38:55,709 She's right! 763 00:38:58,612 --> 00:39:02,649 All this time, you've stuck by a criminal like me. 764 00:39:04,418 --> 00:39:06,820 I'm so grateful! 765 00:39:07,955 --> 00:39:08,822 Idiot! 766 00:39:09,523 --> 00:39:10,924 I'm such an idiot! 767 00:39:10,924 --> 00:39:12,059 She'll divorce him. 768 00:39:12,626 --> 00:39:13,460 What? 769 00:39:13,460 --> 00:39:16,797 It's a lie. She's just testing him. 770 00:39:16,797 --> 00:39:18,165 It's not cancer? 771 00:39:18,899 --> 00:39:19,900 It's not cancer? 772 00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:21,502 I wish I put the lion... 773 00:39:21,502 --> 00:39:22,703 Shut your traps! 774 00:39:22,703 --> 00:39:26,740 I keep telling myself I need to work harder. 775 00:39:26,740 --> 00:39:29,676 - You don't have to try too hard! - Why not? 776 00:39:30,277 --> 00:39:33,080 If you die, I'll get loads of insurance money! 777 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,214 That's true. 778 00:39:36,884 --> 00:39:42,456 If I die, you'll live in luxury with the insurance money. 779 00:39:43,357 --> 00:39:44,191 But... 780 00:39:47,461 --> 00:39:50,063 Scum like me gets to live, 781 00:39:51,031 --> 00:39:52,065 and Marimo... 782 00:39:57,538 --> 00:39:58,505 You! 783 00:39:59,706 --> 00:40:01,208 Get your act together! 784 00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:04,011 What the hell? 785 00:40:05,279 --> 00:40:06,914 Think about the audience! 786 00:40:08,382 --> 00:40:10,017 I'm so sorry, people. 787 00:40:10,017 --> 00:40:12,753 My husband knocks me around too much, 788 00:40:12,753 --> 00:40:14,822 so I decided to pull his leg. 789 00:40:14,822 --> 00:40:19,660 I told him I had a terminal illness and was going to die in a few months. 790 00:40:19,660 --> 00:40:22,062 He freaked out! 791 00:40:22,062 --> 00:40:22,996 Hold it! 792 00:40:25,599 --> 00:40:26,433 What do you mean? 793 00:40:28,569 --> 00:40:30,704 It was a prank? You aren't dying? 794 00:40:30,704 --> 00:40:32,906 - It's a lie! - It's a lie? 795 00:40:32,906 --> 00:40:34,241 It's the truth! 796 00:40:34,241 --> 00:40:35,108 Which is it? 797 00:40:35,108 --> 00:40:36,009 Idiot! 798 00:40:37,344 --> 00:40:39,112 When I lie... 799 00:40:40,981 --> 00:40:42,816 When I lie... 800 00:40:46,453 --> 00:40:47,921 The lie shows on my face! 801 00:40:57,464 --> 00:41:00,601 So it is a lie! 802 00:41:04,538 --> 00:41:05,973 How dare you! 803 00:41:05,973 --> 00:41:09,476 You made a fool of your husband! 804 00:41:11,078 --> 00:41:16,383 Would a loser like you actually be sad over your wife's death? 805 00:41:16,383 --> 00:41:17,985 Of course, idiot! 806 00:41:19,486 --> 00:41:20,654 If you died... 807 00:41:21,755 --> 00:41:23,156 "From tomorrow on, 808 00:41:24,391 --> 00:41:26,393 I won't be able to have fun and drink!" 809 00:41:33,100 --> 00:41:36,136 Hey! You nailed it, Second Billing! 810 00:41:43,911 --> 00:41:47,648 Thank you so much! Thank you, everyone! 811 00:41:58,325 --> 00:41:59,560 Thank you. 812 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:02,629 Thank you very much. 813 00:42:18,645 --> 00:42:19,813 Don't worry. 814 00:42:21,148 --> 00:42:25,953 We'll keep the incense burning until you are released. 815 00:42:40,567 --> 00:42:41,702 Forgive me. 816 00:42:46,106 --> 00:42:49,343 I had no idea she really had cancer. 817 00:42:50,911 --> 00:42:53,380 You did something real good. 818 00:42:54,147 --> 00:42:58,352 Don't you think? If they had broken up like that, 819 00:42:59,453 --> 00:43:01,722 Marimo would be turning in her grave! 820 00:43:02,723 --> 00:43:05,292 They got to understand each other at their last gig. 821 00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:10,998 As a married couple and a manzai duo, 822 00:43:12,099 --> 00:43:14,701 they probably have no regrets. 823 00:43:16,136 --> 00:43:19,873 You were a wonderful Morokoshi teacher! 824 00:43:20,607 --> 00:43:22,376 I'm not such a great guy. 825 00:43:23,176 --> 00:43:25,312 So this time, 826 00:43:26,313 --> 00:43:29,750 I cannot accept any lesson fee from you. 827 00:43:30,317 --> 00:43:33,220 I learned something very important from you. 828 00:43:33,220 --> 00:43:35,322 I wish I could pay you instead! 829 00:43:35,322 --> 00:43:36,923 Although I can't afford it. 830 00:43:37,424 --> 00:43:40,293 - What about your debt? - About that... 831 00:43:41,928 --> 00:43:45,198 Could you... Could you... 832 00:43:45,198 --> 00:43:47,234 Pay it for me this month? 833 00:43:49,169 --> 00:43:52,105 Okay, just this once. 834 00:43:59,413 --> 00:44:01,181 Shut up and eat quietly! 835 00:44:02,282 --> 00:44:04,518 Number 628! Put your tray out! 836 00:44:04,518 --> 00:44:05,952 I'm Inoue Waka! 837 00:44:09,790 --> 00:44:12,459 At least give me a reaction. 838 00:44:12,459 --> 00:44:15,162 Give me a break. You do it every single day. 839 00:44:19,099 --> 00:44:21,668 You don't know how to take a joke!