1
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:08,084
(心醉)

2
00:00:11,254 --> 00:00:14,290
(JUMP)

3
00:00:15,591 --> 00:00:18,261
大家好,我是JUMP亭JUMP

4
00:00:18,261 --> 00:00:20,129
我最喜歡的服裝是連體衣

5
00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:27,070
有個詞叫“出來心”

6
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:31,474
意思是軟弱的人,一時衝動做了壞事

7
00:00:31,474 --> 00:00:34,010
當你的良心出現裂隙時

8
00:00:34,544 --> 00:00:36,546
惡念便會趁虛而入

9
00:00:37,346 --> 00:00:39,816
我知道自己必須更加努力...

10
00:00:39,816 --> 00:00:40,983
銀次郎

11
00:00:40,983 --> 00:00:44,087
知道他們為什麼說自己要更努力嗎?

12
00:00:45,021 --> 00:00:46,622
他們之所以這麼說

13
00:00:47,323 --> 00:00:51,761
是因為他們還不夠努力
所以才會對自己說

14
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:53,963
要更加努力

15
00:00:53,963 --> 00:00:55,998
真正努力的人

16
00:00:56,532 --> 00:00:59,335
不會把那些話掛在嘴邊
他們只會默默努力

17
00:01:01,904 --> 00:01:03,106
為什麼關了?

18
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:06,342
-我們還在看
-銀次郎,你夠努力嗎?

19
00:01:06,342 --> 00:01:07,810
我...

20
00:01:08,911 --> 00:01:10,146
不是...

21
00:01:11,581 --> 00:01:12,415
特別努力

22
00:01:12,415 --> 00:01:14,484
你該應要努力才對!

23
00:01:14,484 --> 00:01:18,287
現今,那些不上學也不上班
蹲在家裡的年輕人

24
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:20,623
被人們稱作尼特族

25
00:01:21,591 --> 00:01:23,593
這是種精神疾病

26
00:01:23,593 --> 00:01:25,928
也許我就是個尼特族

27
00:01:26,662 --> 00:01:27,497
什麼?

28
00:01:28,231 --> 00:01:30,399
最近我什麼都不想做

29
00:01:31,033 --> 00:01:33,436
看到其他年輕人在不停找工作...

30
00:01:33,436 --> 00:01:35,771
也許我不該混幫派

31
00:01:36,572 --> 00:01:38,241
完全沒有我想要的工作

32
00:01:38,741 --> 00:01:40,042
不如什麼都不做

33
00:01:40,042 --> 00:01:41,377
又來了

34
00:01:42,245 --> 00:01:46,115
等畢業後,你必須專心混幫派

35
00:01:46,115 --> 00:01:48,417
你要在流星會歷史上留名

36
00:01:48,417 --> 00:01:51,721
但我真的想在幫派史上留名嗎?

37
00:01:51,721 --> 00:01:55,491
像高爾夫球這樣的東西讓我感到厭煩
所以我還不如坐在家裡什麼都不做

38
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:57,894
兼職我也不喜歡,麻煩死了

39
00:01:57,894 --> 00:02:00,830
我有錢所以我不需要工作
我不知道...

40
00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:04,734
你這個被寵壞的臭小子!

41
00:02:04,734 --> 00:02:06,869
喂,阿虎

42
00:02:06,869 --> 00:02:10,006
你覺得自己比別人都厲害嗎?

43
00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:12,241
你沒有想做的事了?

44
00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:16,245
都是懶鬼們的爛藉口而已!

45
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:21,417
別再胡說八道了

46
00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:24,020
下定決心,做個真正的日本黑道

47
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:27,223
做一些甚至會讓你老爸驚訝的事情

48
00:02:28,324 --> 00:02:30,760
去國會大樓撒泡尿或幹點類似的事

49
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,763
日向,我沒說錯吧?

50
00:02:33,763 --> 00:02:35,631
沒錯...真的沒錯嗎?

51
00:02:35,631 --> 00:02:38,568
我來幫你擺脫尼特族

52
00:02:39,235 --> 00:02:40,836
好痛...

53
00:02:40,836 --> 00:02:43,172
你踢他也無法阻止他當尼特族

54
00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:44,807
不過尼特族到底是什麼?

55
00:02:44,807 --> 00:02:48,844
“即便解釋個好幾年

56
00:02:49,679 --> 00:02:51,581
他也不會明白具體含義的”

57
00:02:52,081 --> 00:02:56,719
今天的故事
就是關於這個困惑的年輕人的

58
00:02:56,719 --> 00:02:58,120
我們開始吧

59
00:03:00,022 --> 00:03:03,292
虎與龍

60
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,570
{\an8}到底還講不講落語?

61
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:16,839
{\an8}我也不知道自己想不想講

62
00:03:16,839 --> 00:03:19,775
{\an8}-你也是尼特族?
-那店鋪怎麼辦?

63
00:03:19,775 --> 00:03:21,077
沒問題的,這裡還有妳

64
00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:22,044
就我一個人?

65
00:03:22,044 --> 00:03:24,847
也許我們可以做成名人店

66
00:03:24,847 --> 00:03:28,351
就像梅宮辰夫的泡菜店那樣
賣伴手禮之類的東西

67
00:03:28,351 --> 00:03:30,653
等等,我又不是名人

68
00:03:30,653 --> 00:03:32,722
我們兩個可以輪流講落語

69
00:03:32,722 --> 00:03:36,092
我白天講,而你只在晚上講

70
00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:37,560
這樣你就能照顧店鋪了

71
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,731
問題是,我要是當了爸爸的弟子
那我算什麼?開場戲演員嗎?

72
00:03:41,731 --> 00:03:44,233
不可能,他怎麼可能從
開場表演者做起

73
00:03:44,233 --> 00:03:47,403
是啊,他之前差點都成為真打了

74
00:03:47,403 --> 00:03:49,605
比開場表演者更低的,還有實習生呢

75
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:50,740
什麼?

76
00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:54,043
就算是自己兒子
我們也不會特殊照顧的

77
00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:56,879
曾經退出過的人肯定還會再次逃離的

78
00:03:56,879 --> 00:03:59,682
絕不能讓他那麼一帆風順

79
00:03:59,682 --> 00:04:02,818
那就是說他...

80
00:04:02,818 --> 00:04:04,654
級別要比你低多了

81
00:04:07,023 --> 00:04:08,190
他們就是這麼說的

82
00:04:08,190 --> 00:04:09,292
不是吧

83
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,627
-那就超過我
-我會的

84
00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:13,462
但你仍舊是我師兄

85
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,164
一輩子都是我師兄

86
00:04:15,164 --> 00:04:19,735
你總是說我無聊透頂
但你從沒看過我的演出

87
00:04:19,735 --> 00:04:21,237
-我看過
-怎麼樣?

88
00:04:21,237 --> 00:04:23,873
其他人都笑了,所以我就跟著笑了
但不是我的菜

89
00:04:23,873 --> 00:04:25,408
風格太老舊了

90
00:04:25,408 --> 00:04:28,077
我明白了
你就是我討厭的那種運動員類型

91
00:04:28,077 --> 00:04:30,880
那種喜歡秀肌肉的

92
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,716
而且我覺得你表情很凶
小孩會被嚇哭的

93
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:36,752
怎麼...地震了?

94
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:39,422
可惡

95
00:04:39,922 --> 00:04:42,658
小虎臉都漲紅了,跟小雞雞一樣

96
00:04:44,126 --> 00:04:48,230
你們既然這麼說
那就必須來親眼看看了

97
00:04:50,966 --> 00:04:54,337
要是你們這個月不來看我講落語
我就把這店給拆了

98
00:04:58,574 --> 00:05:00,076
我受夠了

99
00:05:00,076 --> 00:05:01,277
這什麼情況...

100
00:05:06,315 --> 00:05:07,817
(違規停車)

101
00:05:07,817 --> 00:05:13,222
-等等,我才剛停
-都已經停了兩個小時了

102
00:05:13,222 --> 00:05:14,990
我一直看著呢

103
00:05:14,990 --> 00:05:17,293
求你了,我不能再吃罰單了

104
00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:18,294
誰管你啊

105
00:05:18,294 --> 00:05:19,762
但這是我大哥的車

106
00:05:22,598 --> 00:05:23,733
金子?

107
00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:24,734
中谷?

108
00:05:25,735 --> 00:05:27,536
好久不見,你剛才幹什麼去了?

109
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,471
玩柏青哥

110
00:05:29,405 --> 00:05:30,406
能撤銷罰單嗎?

111
00:05:30,406 --> 00:05:32,074
不行,我是警察

112
00:05:32,641 --> 00:05:36,946
你們黑道的車太帥了
所以我叫了交警

113
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,081
我也沒辦法,這是我職責所在

114
00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:41,884
你今年要畢業了嗎?

115
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:42,918
明年畢業

116
00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:45,654
你打算做什麼?當黑道嗎?

117
00:05:46,188 --> 00:05:47,656
我也沒別的選擇

118
00:05:48,257 --> 00:05:51,927
我完全不知道
你高中畢業後去當了警察

119
00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:52,928
走吧

120
00:05:54,663 --> 00:05:55,731
那是...

121
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:59,235
我在原宿買的,好看吧?

122
00:05:59,869 --> 00:06:02,438
當巡警真的很無聊

123
00:06:02,972 --> 00:06:06,842
要嘛就是來找我問路
要嘛就是去解決醉漢

124
00:06:06,842 --> 00:06:08,878
丟失的錢包永遠都找不回來

125
00:06:08,878 --> 00:06:11,580
我在跟找到我錢包的妹子交往

126
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,215
她在龍之蘇打打工

127
00:06:13,215 --> 00:06:14,116
看

128
00:06:14,884 --> 00:06:15,785
喔

129
00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:16,952
哎呀?

130
00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:19,422
我周圍就沒有女孩的影子

131
00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:21,957
只有粉紅女郎來當了一天署長
就這些了

132
00:06:21,957 --> 00:06:23,526
粉紅女郎?

133
00:06:23,526 --> 00:06:25,528
更像佩珀中士,而不是粉紅女郎

134
00:06:25,528 --> 00:06:26,896
她們好不好?

135
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:32,168
不好,絕對不算好

136
00:06:32,168 --> 00:06:33,669
我們那時候都沒出生呢

137
00:06:33,669 --> 00:06:38,007
我還想像會是更戲劇化的
像柴田恭兵那樣

138
00:06:38,541 --> 00:06:40,176
然而現實很骨感

139
00:06:40,876 --> 00:06:42,978
我甚至能理解那些收受賄賂的警察

140
00:06:42,978 --> 00:06:43,946
我該走了

141
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,781
怎麼這麼著急?

142
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,316
這麼久沒見了

143
00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:51,520
你們幫派販賣毒品或槍枝嗎?

144
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:52,421
喂

145
00:06:52,922 --> 00:06:54,690
沒事的

146
00:06:54,690 --> 00:06:57,726
你要是和警方有關係,是不會被抓的

147
00:06:58,327 --> 00:06:59,562
你們有在販賣嗎?

148
00:07:00,329 --> 00:07:02,998
沒有,老爸不喜歡這些東西

149
00:07:02,998 --> 00:07:05,334
真的嗎?大錯特錯

150
00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:08,504
下定決心,做個真正的日本黑道

151
00:07:08,504 --> 00:07:11,407
做一些甚至會讓你老爸驚訝的事情

152
00:07:13,943 --> 00:07:16,445
所以你有這方面的情報嗎?

153
00:07:16,445 --> 00:07:18,214
上道了啊

154
00:07:18,214 --> 00:07:22,117
我厭倦討債了
大多數人都會乖乖還錢

155
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:24,253
我也想做點電影裡才有的事情

156
00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:30,192
你們總部在新宿
你聽說過神保組嗎?

157
00:07:30,192 --> 00:07:33,963
聽說過,他們差不多都在30歲左右

158
00:07:33,963 --> 00:07:37,399
他們是一群食人魚,什麼事都幹

159
00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:40,970
而且他們的人數還在增加
他們有30多人

160
00:07:40,970 --> 00:07:41,904
怎麼了?

161
00:07:41,904 --> 00:07:43,005
沒事

162
00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,440
重質不重量

163
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,610
我們雖然人少,那是什麼?

164
00:07:47,610 --> 00:07:50,045
抱歉,我今天會去交罰款的

165
00:07:50,646 --> 00:07:53,148
好的,話說那個怎麼樣了...尼頓?

166
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,686
-你是說尼特族嗎?
-我知道,我故意開玩笑的

167
00:07:58,787 --> 00:07:59,822
克服掉了嗎?

168
00:08:00,890 --> 00:08:03,025
或許吧

169
00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:05,327
我感覺自己找到方向了

170
00:08:05,327 --> 00:08:06,395
很好

171
00:08:09,999 --> 00:08:10,866
再見

172
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:11,767
好

173
00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:13,102
去把那個處理好

174
00:08:13,102 --> 00:08:14,703
-好的
-再見

175
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:31,587
(今日陣容)

176
00:08:31,587 --> 00:08:34,723
(屯兵衛)

177
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:35,991
都等著你呢

178
00:08:40,596 --> 00:08:44,433
感謝各位來此捧場

179
00:08:45,034 --> 00:08:49,204
最近啊,小偷們是越來越聰明了

180
00:08:49,204 --> 00:08:50,573
是《出來心》

181
00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:52,107
他們甚至能用驚人的手法

182
00:08:52,107 --> 00:08:55,644
開啟雙重或三重鎖

183
00:08:55,644 --> 00:08:58,948
這裡用“驚人”可能不太合適

184
00:08:59,782 --> 00:09:04,119
我故事裡的小偷

185
00:09:04,119 --> 00:09:08,757
可不是那種會青史留名的

186
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:14,597
“小偷青史留名”聽著就不合適

187
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:15,764
有一種似曾相識感

188
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,367
“你工作怎麼樣了?”

189
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:22,104
“我已經振作起來了
我會盡我所能地幹壞事”

190
00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:25,474
“很好,兒子”

191
00:09:26,141 --> 00:09:28,243
“要不要試試非法入侵?”

192
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:29,878
“非法入侵?”

193
00:09:29,878 --> 00:09:33,983
“偷偷溜進空房子然後把東西拿走”

194
00:09:33,983 --> 00:09:36,485
“但那不是很不光采嗎?”

195
00:09:36,485 --> 00:09:39,521
蠢貨,沒有所謂光采的小偷

196
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:45,194
找一間丈夫外出工作

197
00:09:45,194 --> 00:09:48,597
妻子出去買晚餐食材的空房子

198
00:09:48,597 --> 00:09:50,866
直接闖進去

199
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:54,303
首先,站在外面說:“抱歉打擾了”

200
00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:55,871
萬一他們在家怎麼辦

201
00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:59,341
那就板著臉說點別的,比如...

202
00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:02,611
“你對現在的江戶幕府有何看法?”

203
00:10:02,611 --> 00:10:05,681
你不能問他們太難的問題

204
00:10:05,681 --> 00:10:07,916
就問一些

205
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:12,021
“這裡有叫某某的人嗎?”的問題

206
00:10:12,021 --> 00:10:16,558
不管他們怎麼回答
你說聲謝謝馬上離開就行

207
00:10:16,558 --> 00:10:17,960
萬一我被抓了呢?

208
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,764
你要是被抓了現行,那逃跑是沒用的

209
00:10:21,764 --> 00:10:24,767
那種情況下就哭著求饒吧

210
00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:25,968
哭著求饒?

211
00:10:25,968 --> 00:10:28,837
把你偷的東西都留下

212
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,439
邊哭邊跟他們講

213
00:10:32,307 --> 00:10:35,477
“我是個與母親相依為命的工匠

214
00:10:35,477 --> 00:10:38,847
她已經病了三年多了

215
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:40,883
我沒辦法去工作

216
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,686
我們存的錢都花光了

217
00:10:44,486 --> 00:10:46,722
我已無法再承擔醫藥費

218
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:51,527
就在我感到痛苦之時
我碰巧經過這棟房子

219
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:55,764
我看到門戶大開
於是我一時衝動,就...”

220
00:10:56,432 --> 00:10:59,468
“流著眼淚
給他們講這個悲傷的故事

221
00:10:59,468 --> 00:11:04,840
只要你說那是一時衝動
他們會同情你的

222
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,776
他們甚至可能
因為你媽媽給你些錢”

223
00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:09,211
計劃就是這樣

224
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:10,979
我說:“抱歉打擾了”

225
00:11:10,979 --> 00:11:15,551
要是有人回應
我就說是來找“某某某”的

226
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:17,720
要是被抓了,我就說是一時衝動

227
00:11:18,287 --> 00:11:19,755
輕鬆簡單

228
00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:21,657
抱歉打擾了

229
00:11:23,092 --> 00:11:24,560
抱歉打擾了

230
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,428
(兜襠布祭)

231
00:11:26,428 --> 00:11:27,563
幹什麼?

232
00:11:29,031 --> 00:11:31,033
這屋子什麼時候會沒人在?

233
00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:38,307
這裡的氣氛越來越熱烈了
所以我們要痛飲到天明

234
00:11:40,843 --> 00:11:42,311
那我之後再來

235
00:11:42,878 --> 00:11:44,613
等等,小子

236
00:11:44,613 --> 00:11:46,915
回來,你到底是誰?

237
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,317
謝謝

238
00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:49,818
那是什麼?

239
00:11:50,519 --> 00:11:53,889
“某某某”在這裡嗎?

240
00:11:53,889 --> 00:11:55,057
什麼?

241
00:11:55,057 --> 00:11:57,493
沒事,謝謝

242
00:11:57,493 --> 00:12:00,362
什麼沒事?他簡直莫名其妙

243
00:12:00,362 --> 00:12:01,897
我們怎麼做,老大?

244
00:12:01,897 --> 00:12:03,098
幹掉他

245
00:12:10,706 --> 00:12:13,041
等等,我想起來了

246
00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:14,276
怎麼了?

247
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:16,779
是西鄉兵衛,你們認識西鄉兵衛嗎?

248
00:12:17,412 --> 00:12:19,114
西鄉兵衛

249
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:20,983
他怎麼可能在這裡

250
00:12:20,983 --> 00:12:21,750
他就在這裡

251
00:12:22,718 --> 00:12:25,854
西鄉兵衛,有人找你

252
00:12:29,424 --> 00:12:31,026
你是西鄉兵衛?

253
00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:36,031
對,你有什麼事?

254
00:12:36,031 --> 00:12:38,300
有人要我代他向你問好

255
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,168
誰?

256
00:12:39,168 --> 00:12:39,968
我

257
00:12:41,170 --> 00:12:41,937
幹掉他

258
00:12:44,907 --> 00:12:47,242
我只是一時衝動

259
00:12:47,242 --> 00:12:50,078
一時衝動

260
00:12:50,078 --> 00:12:52,481
一時衝動

261
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:53,816
真的對不起

262
00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:01,156
可惡,我搞錯了

263
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,258
神保組在第二個街區

264
00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:05,627
他們在那裡藏了一些危險的東西

265
00:13:05,627 --> 00:13:08,530
如果你知道那麼多
你為什麼不親自逮捕他們?

266
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:11,033
笨蛋,功勞又不會算在我頭上

267
00:13:11,033 --> 00:13:13,302
我的上級會把功勞都據為己有的

268
00:13:14,102 --> 00:13:15,003
那麼該怎麼辦?

269
00:13:16,271 --> 00:13:21,009
找出他們的目的,然後勒索他們

270
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:22,811
就我們兩人合作?

271
00:13:22,811 --> 00:13:24,446
金子和銀次郎

272
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,515
金和銀?

273
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:28,083
金子是金

274
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,818
-銀次郎是銀
-夠了

275
00:13:29,818 --> 00:13:30,886
所以?

276
00:13:31,787 --> 00:13:32,955
對流星會來說

277
00:13:32,955 --> 00:13:35,424
這也是個除去對手的絕佳機會

278
00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:40,495
若你問我這麼做是否可行...

279
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:42,965
應該可以吧

280
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,499
(新宿警署)

281
00:13:44,499 --> 00:13:46,869
你真的去哪裡了?白痴啊你

282
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:47,970
什麼?

283
00:13:47,970 --> 00:13:49,304
開玩笑的,抱歉

284
00:13:49,838 --> 00:13:51,406
找到東西了嗎?

285
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:54,476
沒有,地圖是錯的

286
00:13:57,079 --> 00:13:58,547
你現在能看到什麼建築?

287
00:14:00,182 --> 00:14:01,049
壽司店

288
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,085
巷子裡有一棟公寓

289
00:14:03,085 --> 00:14:06,221
房號是101,抓緊時間
要趕在他們回來之前

290
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,123
要是再不對,我就宰了你

291
00:14:10,592 --> 00:14:13,562
“抱歉打擾了

292
00:14:15,264 --> 00:14:19,001
多麼混亂骯髒的地方

293
00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:21,503
什麼值得一拿的東西都沒有

294
00:14:21,503 --> 00:14:23,171
天啊

295
00:14:23,171 --> 00:14:25,340
怎麼有條兜襠布?”

296
00:14:25,340 --> 00:14:26,642
拿著吧

297
00:14:26,642 --> 00:14:28,343
你也太放鬆了吧

298
00:14:28,343 --> 00:14:30,212
還有別的東西嗎?

299
00:14:30,212 --> 00:14:31,346
沒了

300
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,853
什麼?粥?

301
00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:40,422
怪不得什麼都沒有

302
00:14:46,561 --> 00:14:47,796
真好吃

303
00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:51,767
也可能是我太餓了
但這東西真的好吃到爆

304
00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,203
“太美味了”

305
00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:57,172
他表演得真好啊

306
00:14:57,172 --> 00:14:58,740
我都感覺到餓了

307
00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:00,542
“糟了,他們回來了”

308
00:15:04,913 --> 00:15:08,550
他那表情真瘋狂

309
00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:26,101
喂?

310
00:15:29,237 --> 00:15:30,472
不太對勁

311
00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:33,075
我內褲呢?

312
00:15:33,075 --> 00:15:35,544
有人吃我的點心了

313
00:15:35,544 --> 00:15:38,714
蠢貨,我跟你說了要鎖門

314
00:15:38,714 --> 00:15:42,017
我的點心,我的點心沒了

315
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:52,527
難道是...

316
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,264
有什麼問題嗎?

317
00:15:56,932 --> 00:15:57,933
什麼事都沒有

318
00:15:58,767 --> 00:16:00,035
我剛剛接到報警...

319
00:16:00,035 --> 00:16:01,370
來得正是時候

320
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:02,804
...說附近有人閒逛

321
00:16:02,804 --> 00:16:04,573
我誰都沒看到啊,你呢?

322
00:16:04,573 --> 00:16:06,108
我們先出去吧

323
00:16:06,108 --> 00:16:07,242
好的

324
00:16:07,242 --> 00:16:09,644
最近我們老是接到這類報警

325
00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:12,547
是丟了什麼東西嗎?

326
00:16:12,547 --> 00:16:13,682
沒有

327
00:16:23,725 --> 00:16:25,927
什麼?一張DVD光碟?

328
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,535
喔耶!

329
00:16:34,636 --> 00:16:36,271
什麼東西?全都打了馬賽克

330
00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:38,440
喔耶!

331
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:39,708
到底是什麼東西啊?

332
00:16:40,976 --> 00:16:42,444
為什麼要說“喔耶”?

333
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,013
喔耶

334
00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:48,450
馬賽克沒了

335
00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:57,325
這...這太瘋狂了

336
00:17:03,265 --> 00:17:04,633
發現新大陸了

337
00:17:04,633 --> 00:17:06,935
太好看了

338
00:17:19,114 --> 00:17:21,483
-是盜版色情片
-成人DVD

339
00:17:21,483 --> 00:17:23,852
我不管,根本就沒有毒品或槍枝

340
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,254
我也沒說過他們有啊

341
00:17:27,022 --> 00:17:28,490
你是沒說

342
00:17:28,490 --> 00:17:31,927
但你那種說法
怎麼想都會覺得是毒品或槍枝啊

343
00:17:32,894 --> 00:17:34,996
笨蛋,別人都聽見你說話了

344
00:17:36,865 --> 00:17:38,100
抱歉

345
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:41,636
所以他們進口了大量無碼外國色情片

346
00:17:41,636 --> 00:17:43,238
配音之後出售

347
00:17:43,839 --> 00:17:45,974
前兩分鐘有打馬賽克吧?

348
00:17:45,974 --> 00:17:47,209
對

349
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,311
然後馬賽克就消失了

350
00:17:49,311 --> 00:17:51,179
這就是他們掩飾的方法

351
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,851
總之,我們拿到了針對他們的證據

352
00:17:55,851 --> 00:17:58,887
現在我們可以勒索神保組了

353
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,990
就我們兩個?金先生和銀先生?

354
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:03,358
-是啊
-夠了

355
00:18:03,358 --> 00:18:05,927
我才不要做這種無聊的事

356
00:18:06,995 --> 00:18:10,065
“不見了!我的兜襠布不見了

357
00:18:11,066 --> 00:18:16,638
難道小偷除了搶我這樣的窮人以外
就沒更好的事做嗎?”

358
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:22,277
“等等,管理員一直
要求我支付欠款

359
00:18:22,277 --> 00:18:23,745
我可以以此作為藉口

360
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:28,817
我會告訴他錢被偷了
這樣他就不會讓我還錢了

361
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:29,918
我打電話給他”

362
00:18:29,918 --> 00:18:31,253
等等

363
00:18:31,253 --> 00:18:32,954
-“管理人”是什麼?
-就是房東

364
00:18:32,954 --> 00:18:35,157
-房東,那“欠款”又是什麼?
-是房租

365
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,525
那你直說不就行了

366
00:18:36,525 --> 00:18:37,592
自作聰明

367
00:18:37,592 --> 00:18:39,694
無所謂啦,這到底是什麼情況?

368
00:18:39,694 --> 00:18:41,863
-這是在幹什麼?
-好了,繼續吧

369
00:18:42,731 --> 00:18:45,133
我本來應該在約會的

370
00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:48,170
你怎麼能在這種鬼地方跟人約會

371
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,404
這房間怎麼了?

372
00:18:49,404 --> 00:18:51,773
即使是電視實境秀
也不會想在這破地方拍

373
00:18:51,773 --> 00:18:54,176
而且還是三人共用一個房間

374
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,377
不是很有意思嗎?

375
00:18:56,278 --> 00:18:57,512
真的嗎?

376
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:59,514
我們可以了,繼續吧

377
00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:06,488
為什麼我要在女友和她前男友面前
講落語啊?

378
00:19:06,488 --> 00:19:09,524
前男友?阿虎不是前男友

379
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:10,659
我們就是做了兩次而已

380
00:19:10,659 --> 00:19:11,693
我能繼續了嗎?

381
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:14,629
現在我知道那些詞的意思了
從那裡繼續講吧

382
00:19:14,629 --> 00:19:17,599
“管理員,我的房間被偷了!

383
00:19:17,599 --> 00:19:20,669
小偷!管理員!小偷!管理員”

384
00:19:21,236 --> 00:19:23,171
什麼“小偷管理員”?

385
00:19:23,171 --> 00:19:25,507
不是,是我被偷了

386
00:19:25,507 --> 00:19:26,741
丟什麼東西了嗎?

387
00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:29,211
他們把我欠款偷走了

388
00:19:31,313 --> 00:19:33,014
而且不止欠款

389
00:19:33,014 --> 00:19:34,616
所有東西都被偷了

390
00:19:35,183 --> 00:19:40,222
明白了,跟我說一下都有什麼吧

391
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,490
-什麼?
-所有東西都被偷了不是嗎?

392
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:44,292
我們需要上報

393
00:19:44,292 --> 00:19:47,562
你不必為此掛心

394
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,331
我不能坐視不管

395
00:19:50,031 --> 00:19:55,437
當局將發布公告
有時他們會找到被偷的東西

396
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:57,405
然後歸還?

397
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,140
如果找到了就會還給失主

398
00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:05,780
太好了
那請記一下,是一條越中兜襠布

399
00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:09,050
“我不能給當局上報這東西”

400
00:20:10,385 --> 00:20:11,686
“那床墊如何?”

401
00:20:11,686 --> 00:20:14,289
“偷了這麼大的東西

402
00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:15,557
跟我描述一下”

403
00:20:15,557 --> 00:20:17,559
“你的床墊是什麼樣的?先生”

404
00:20:17,559 --> 00:20:19,794
“我的床墊上有蔓藤花紋”

405
00:20:19,794 --> 00:20:22,764
“那我的也是有蔓藤花紋的床墊”

406
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,000
“不需要學我吧”

407
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,501
“後面呢?”

408
00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:27,602
“是死路”

409
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:30,605
“不是在說巷子,是床墊的後面”

410
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:31,506
“描述一下”

411
00:20:31,506 --> 00:20:35,176
“我的是用結實溫暖的靛藍棉做的”

412
00:20:35,176 --> 00:20:38,780
“那我的也是用
結實溫暖的靛藍棉做的”

413
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,649
“還丟了什麼?”

414
00:20:40,649 --> 00:20:42,617
“一條髮帶”

415
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:46,554
“髮帶是什麼?
你是指博多腰帶吧?”

416
00:20:46,554 --> 00:20:49,391
“你還有這麼好的腰帶”

417
00:20:49,391 --> 00:20:52,193
“什麼樣子?”

418
00:20:52,193 --> 00:20:54,663
“正面有蔓藤花紋
後面是靛藍色的”

419
00:20:54,663 --> 00:20:57,098
“腰帶沒有後面”

420
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,535
“它很結實,是用溫暖的棉花做的”

421
00:21:00,535 --> 00:21:02,037
“還丟了什麼”

422
00:21:02,037 --> 00:21:03,605
“一把劍”

423
00:21:03,605 --> 00:21:04,639
“一把劍?”

424
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,441
“是的,後面是靛藍色的”

425
00:21:06,441 --> 00:21:08,176
行了,別說了

426
00:21:08,176 --> 00:21:11,913
怎麼了,小虎?學得這麼快

427
00:21:11,913 --> 00:21:13,081
是吧,屯太?

428
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,418
我聽到睡著了

429
00:21:16,418 --> 00:21:17,819
你進步了

430
00:21:17,819 --> 00:21:18,887
謝謝

431
00:21:18,887 --> 00:21:20,121
誰教你的?

432
00:21:21,289 --> 00:21:22,123
什麼?

433
00:21:22,123 --> 00:21:24,893
你的《出來心》

434
00:21:25,527 --> 00:21:27,329
和我的有些不一樣

435
00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:33,001
你偷了一個關於偷竊的落語故事
這可不是“一時衝動”

436
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:36,004
別裝無辜,你個小偷

437
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:39,874
跟我說實話,你跟誰學的?

438
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,078
龍二

439
00:21:43,078 --> 00:21:44,946
你怎麼想的啊?

440
00:21:44,946 --> 00:21:47,349
別怪他,是我讓他教的

441
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:50,185
小虎,你學落語的時候

442
00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:52,520
不能隨便跟別人學

443
00:21:53,221 --> 00:21:54,289
你知道為什麼嗎?

444
00:21:54,889 --> 00:21:57,959
每個表演者都有自己的癖好和習慣

445
00:21:58,626 --> 00:22:01,863
即使是笑點都會有所不同

446
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,764
所以...

447
00:22:03,298 --> 00:22:04,199
阿屯?

448
00:22:04,799 --> 00:22:06,768
爸爸,你去哪裡?

449
00:22:06,768 --> 00:22:09,337
小虎,跟我來

450
00:22:12,907 --> 00:22:15,243
-阿龍
-怎麼了?

451
00:22:16,144 --> 00:22:18,313
阿虎能順利演出嗎?

452
00:22:19,214 --> 00:22:20,048
這個嘛...

453
00:22:20,849 --> 00:22:24,319
別擔心,我相信阿虎肯定可以的

454
00:22:27,689 --> 00:22:28,690
劉先生

455
00:22:29,457 --> 00:22:30,358
怎麼了,阿龍?

456
00:22:31,526 --> 00:22:34,529
你是從中國跑過來阻止我親熱的嗎?

457
00:22:36,364 --> 00:22:38,566
不要嘛

458
00:22:40,969 --> 00:22:42,404
-師父
-怎麼了?

459
00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,805
你生我的氣嗎?

460
00:22:45,874 --> 00:22:47,876
我跟你說了,我沒生氣

461
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:51,312
-明白了
-好的

462
00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:55,683
我在其他徒弟面前說不出口

463
00:22:56,985 --> 00:23:00,855
但你想提升自己的技巧是個好事

464
00:23:01,756 --> 00:23:05,493
現在,我們先不討論龍二的落語水準

465
00:23:05,493 --> 00:23:07,095
為什麼要在脫衣舞俱樂部?

466
00:23:07,095 --> 00:23:08,396
算是幫你補習一下

467
00:23:08,963 --> 00:23:12,700
實際上,《出來心》有兩個不同笑點

468
00:23:14,302 --> 00:23:17,038
其一是,小偷從藏身處跑了出來說道

469
00:23:17,038 --> 00:23:20,375
“我簡直不敢相信聽到的東西

470
00:23:20,375 --> 00:23:24,712
全是假話,什麼靛藍棉?

471
00:23:24,712 --> 00:23:28,383
別說床墊了,連一件袢纏都沒有”

472
00:23:28,383 --> 00:23:30,452
“喂,你就是小偷吧”

473
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:33,555
“喔,對,我是小偷”

474
00:23:35,890 --> 00:23:39,427
我母親已經病了三年多了

475
00:23:41,062 --> 00:23:43,398
我是一時衝動闖了進來

476
00:23:44,399 --> 00:23:46,835
我該哭一下的...”

477
00:23:48,903 --> 00:23:52,907
“你肯定是個生手小偷吧

478
00:23:53,842 --> 00:23:55,944
如果是一時衝動,那也沒辦法

479
00:23:56,511 --> 00:23:59,514
而你,八公

480
00:24:00,048 --> 00:24:02,517
你為什麼要說謊?”

481
00:24:04,085 --> 00:24:07,489
“我也是一時衝動”

482
00:24:10,124 --> 00:24:12,093
這是A版本的

483
00:24:13,061 --> 00:24:14,562
下面是B版本

484
00:24:15,230 --> 00:24:18,166
“我是一時衝動闖了進來

485
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,601
我該哭一下的...”

486
00:24:21,769 --> 00:24:24,572
“你肯定是個生手小偷”

487
00:24:24,572 --> 00:24:26,374
到這裡為止還都是一樣的

488
00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:29,010
“你怎麼闖進來的?”

489
00:24:30,111 --> 00:24:31,913
“我從後面進來的”

490
00:24:31,913 --> 00:24:33,781
“後面?後面有什麼?”

491
00:24:33,781 --> 00:24:37,318
“後面...後面是靛藍棉的”

492
00:24:41,389 --> 00:24:42,757
更喜歡這個嗎?

493
00:24:42,757 --> 00:24:44,158
也不是

494
00:24:44,158 --> 00:24:45,426
這樣啊

495
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:51,099
實際上我更喜歡這個版本

496
00:24:51,099 --> 00:24:53,768
但我不會在舞臺上演

497
00:24:53,768 --> 00:24:54,702
為什麼?

498
00:24:54,702 --> 00:24:57,338
因為這是阿謙講的

499
00:24:57,939 --> 00:24:58,940
阿謙?

500
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:02,644
你的老大,中谷謙

501
00:25:04,112 --> 00:25:05,046
實際上

502
00:25:05,046 --> 00:25:06,748
30多年前...

503
00:25:07,882 --> 00:25:10,885
我們還一起在這個舞臺上表演

504
00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:12,287
-什麼?
-是的

505
00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:17,191
光說傳統落語是不夠的

506
00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:19,961
所以我說服阿謙

507
00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:24,799
和我一起在這裡兼職演小品

508
00:25:24,799 --> 00:25:27,235
你幹什麼?我沒喝醉

509
00:25:31,239 --> 00:25:32,206
你在幹什麼?

510
00:25:32,206 --> 00:25:33,775
只是做我的本職工作

511
00:25:33,775 --> 00:25:35,843
請你再做一下吧?

512
00:25:35,843 --> 00:25:36,778
做什麼?

513
00:25:36,778 --> 00:25:38,346
走直線

514
00:25:38,346 --> 00:25:41,115
我不走直線,我是黑道

515
00:25:41,115 --> 00:25:42,984
我從不走直線

516
00:25:42,984 --> 00:25:44,552
趕快走!

517
00:25:44,552 --> 00:25:45,820
好的

518
00:25:45,820 --> 00:25:47,589
小心點

519
00:25:47,589 --> 00:25:51,359
我們兩個的中谷中組合
在那時還挺出名

520
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,561
聽起來就像小木矢作組合一樣

521
00:25:56,097 --> 00:25:57,165
抱歉

522
00:26:00,768 --> 00:26:03,605
要不是因為我太過自大還做了些蠢事

523
00:26:04,272 --> 00:26:07,909
阿謙現在可能還是個搞笑藝人

524
00:26:08,543 --> 00:26:09,844
你又做了什麼嗎?

525
00:26:11,245 --> 00:26:15,316
雖然他沒表現出來,但他討厭失敗

526
00:26:15,316 --> 00:26:18,453
我們一起表演時,都是我引觀眾發笑

527
00:26:18,953 --> 00:26:21,623
他可能不太甘心

528
00:26:22,190 --> 00:26:25,159
所以他突然不按劇本演
開始自行發揮了

529
00:26:25,827 --> 00:26:28,830
你要是堅持認為自己沒喝醉的話
我有個建議

530
00:26:28,830 --> 00:26:29,764
什麼?

531
00:26:29,764 --> 00:26:32,300
來表演個模仿,我就放你走

532
00:26:32,867 --> 00:26:33,935
阿謙?

533
00:26:33,935 --> 00:26:34,969
模仿大熊貓

534
00:26:35,603 --> 00:26:38,506
模仿上野動物園的大熊貓

535
00:26:40,475 --> 00:26:42,010
他可能是想

536
00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:43,878
讓我出醜

537
00:26:44,379 --> 00:26:47,915
但相反,我表現極佳

538
00:26:47,915 --> 00:26:50,818
引得觀眾哄堂大笑

539
00:26:53,421 --> 00:26:57,558
我覺得這就是阿謙

540
00:26:57,558 --> 00:26:59,260
放棄當搞笑藝人的原因

541
00:26:59,994 --> 00:27:03,598
下次再見面時,他已經名揚新宿了

542
00:27:03,598 --> 00:27:05,400
我對自己的所作所為很抱歉

543
00:27:07,101 --> 00:27:09,237
我真的很對不起他

544
00:27:10,471 --> 00:27:14,709
他認為自己沒有搞笑天賦

545
00:27:15,677 --> 00:27:18,613
不過他要是沒放棄的話

546
00:27:20,214 --> 00:27:22,550
也不會成為黑道

547
00:27:23,284 --> 00:27:26,454
我們兩個也不會相遇

548
00:27:27,722 --> 00:27:28,756
也許吧

549
00:27:31,325 --> 00:27:34,328
所以小虎,即使你不當黑道了

550
00:27:34,896 --> 00:27:38,199
也不要忘記對他心存感激

551
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,638
多虧了阿謙你才能有今天

552
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,610
所以你在臺上時
你是代替他的位置上臺的

553
00:27:50,178 --> 00:27:52,547
一定要牢記這點

554
00:27:52,547 --> 00:27:53,448
好

555
00:27:54,382 --> 00:27:56,617
抱歉講了這麼憂鬱的故事

556
00:27:56,617 --> 00:28:00,221
《出來心》讓我想起了這些往事

557
00:28:00,221 --> 00:28:03,157
我猜這也是種“衝動”吧

558
00:28:05,460 --> 00:28:06,294
真傻

559
00:28:06,294 --> 00:28:07,195
什麼?

560
00:28:08,162 --> 00:28:09,697
你和我老大

561
00:28:11,065 --> 00:28:13,167
曾經就像虎與龍一樣吧

562
00:28:14,102 --> 00:28:15,636
沒那麼厲害

563
00:28:16,738 --> 00:28:18,339
更像是跳蚤和蝨子

564
00:28:30,585 --> 00:28:32,320
所以我今天去不了

565
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,055
為什麼?又沒有顧客

566
00:28:34,055 --> 00:28:35,289
我明天去

567
00:28:35,289 --> 00:28:37,091
今天必須去

568
00:28:37,091 --> 00:28:39,494
屯吉和他未婚妻旅行去了

569
00:28:39,494 --> 00:28:41,195
所以我是倒數第二個上場

570
00:28:41,195 --> 00:28:42,363
不僅如此

571
00:28:42,897 --> 00:28:43,731
什麼?

572
00:28:45,233 --> 00:28:47,034
還有電視臺的人來錄影

573
00:28:47,034 --> 00:28:51,239
大家聽好,不要因為有電視臺的人來

574
00:28:51,239 --> 00:28:53,608
而太過興奮

575
00:28:53,608 --> 00:28:57,011
-像往常一樣表演就好
-好的,先生

576
00:28:57,011 --> 00:28:58,412
我可以給你畫眉嗎?

577
00:28:58,412 --> 00:28:59,781
拜託了

578
00:28:59,781 --> 00:29:01,449
也給我畫一下

579
00:29:01,449 --> 00:29:05,887
最近落語很流行
已經很久沒有電視臺的人來過了

580
00:29:05,887 --> 00:29:07,288
好像我很在乎一樣

581
00:29:08,089 --> 00:29:11,359
什麼?今天下午3點開始
你最好給我到場

582
00:29:11,359 --> 00:29:13,361
幹什麼?放開我

583
00:29:13,361 --> 00:29:15,129
最近銀銀怎麼樣了?

584
00:29:15,663 --> 00:29:18,166
我這幾天沒見過他,怎麼了?

585
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,868
我該怎麼做?

586
00:29:20,868 --> 00:29:22,570
該不該告訴他?

587
00:29:24,038 --> 00:29:25,139
什麼?

588
00:29:28,075 --> 00:29:31,078
這是什麼東西?不敢相信
你居然看這種東西

589
00:29:31,078 --> 00:29:34,782
-冷靜點
-你可是有女朋友的人

590
00:29:34,782 --> 00:29:37,318
為什麼要看色情片

591
00:29:37,318 --> 00:29:39,821
不是的,不是妳想的那樣

592
00:29:39,821 --> 00:29:45,193
這很重要...這是證據

593
00:29:45,193 --> 00:29:48,830
是重要的證據

594
00:29:49,463 --> 00:29:51,299
有個叫神保組的黑幫

595
00:29:51,299 --> 00:29:53,668
他們販賣槍枝毒品

596
00:29:54,202 --> 00:29:58,472
這就是個...偽裝

597
00:29:58,472 --> 00:30:02,677
他們可能會把毒品藏在光碟盒裡

598
00:30:02,677 --> 00:30:04,312
真的嗎?

599
00:30:04,879 --> 00:30:07,281
所以妳不能告訴任何人

600
00:30:07,281 --> 00:30:08,883
包括妳爸爸,妳兄弟

601
00:30:08,883 --> 00:30:09,951
這是我們兩人間的秘密

602
00:30:11,786 --> 00:30:14,255
而且真的很疼

603
00:30:14,255 --> 00:30:16,390
銀銀說他掌握了證據

604
00:30:16,390 --> 00:30:20,228
他要從神保組那裡拿封口費

605
00:30:20,228 --> 00:30:22,196
那個白痴想什麼呢?

606
00:30:22,196 --> 00:30:25,566
是啊,銀銀根本沒有那個膽子

607
00:30:25,566 --> 00:30:29,203
他又笨髮型又搞笑,我有些害怕

608
00:30:29,737 --> 00:30:31,105
所以我報警了

609
00:30:34,342 --> 00:30:35,543
沒人出現

610
00:30:39,347 --> 00:30:40,248
收到

611
00:30:41,048 --> 00:30:41,883
這是在幹什麼?

612
00:30:41,883 --> 00:30:42,783
房屋搜查

613
00:30:42,783 --> 00:30:46,420
我們接到匿名報警電話
說神保組藏匿槍枝毒品

614
00:30:48,422 --> 00:30:49,557
真的嗎?

615
00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:50,958
怎麼回事?

616
00:30:53,828 --> 00:30:55,062
他們怎麼發現的?

617
00:30:55,963 --> 00:30:56,898
我很抱歉

618
00:30:57,732 --> 00:31:02,436
那天有個警察過來說有可疑分子...

619
00:31:02,436 --> 00:31:05,006
-可疑分子?
-我們沒看到有...

620
00:31:13,547 --> 00:31:15,683
喂?你好

621
00:31:15,683 --> 00:31:18,152
閉嘴,麗莎都跟我說了

622
00:31:18,152 --> 00:31:21,088
那是騙她的,沒事了

623
00:31:21,622 --> 00:31:25,826
他差點抓到我打手槍
所以我就當著她面說了謊

624
00:31:27,261 --> 00:31:30,598
現在?我吃午飯呢

625
00:31:33,968 --> 00:31:35,269
銀次郎?

626
00:31:37,638 --> 00:31:38,572
銀次郎!

627
00:31:41,575 --> 00:31:45,112
(小虎)

628
00:31:45,112 --> 00:31:47,114
都等你上場呢

629
00:31:50,151 --> 00:31:52,954
大家好,我是JUMP亭JUMP

630
00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:54,855
我最愛跳高比賽了

631
00:31:54,855 --> 00:31:56,924
什麼,是少年JUMP

632
00:31:56,924 --> 00:31:59,961
小虎呢?

633
00:32:09,971 --> 00:32:12,540
你們組就沒好好教育過年輕人嗎?

634
00:32:13,941 --> 00:32:16,610
派個說得上話的人過來

635
00:32:18,679 --> 00:32:21,949
銀次郎,你這是惹了什麼禍?

636
00:32:22,917 --> 00:32:25,152
-走吧,山崎
-是,先生

637
00:32:31,726 --> 00:32:32,560
我也去

638
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,395
他們就是些小流氓

639
00:32:34,395 --> 00:32:35,830
他們不配讓你出馬

640
00:32:35,830 --> 00:32:36,998
別傻了

641
00:32:36,998 --> 00:32:39,567
哪裡有父親不擔心兒子的

642
00:32:44,038 --> 00:32:46,007
他是我小弟

643
00:32:48,009 --> 00:32:48,943
阿虎

644
00:32:53,948 --> 00:32:54,882
我是山崎

645
00:32:54,882 --> 00:32:57,218
閉嘴,你的演出怎麼辦?

646
00:32:57,218 --> 00:33:00,054
抱歉,我得晚些過去

647
00:33:00,054 --> 00:33:01,689
那個深沉的嗓音是怎麼回事?

648
00:33:02,723 --> 00:33:05,059
小虎,你是不可替代的

649
00:33:05,059 --> 00:33:07,194
怎麼了?

650
00:33:07,194 --> 00:33:11,999
快回來,大家都在等你呢

651
00:33:11,999 --> 00:33:15,836
小虎?喂?

652
00:33:15,836 --> 00:33:19,006
你在幹什麼?喂?

653
00:33:19,006 --> 00:33:19,907
怎麼了?

654
00:33:19,907 --> 00:33:21,909
喂?

655
00:33:25,346 --> 00:33:27,448
下一位應該已經準備就緒了

656
00:33:32,620 --> 00:33:34,688
最後唱首歌

657
00:33:34,688 --> 00:33:38,059
當然是範海倫的“JUMP”了

658
00:33:38,059 --> 00:33:40,027
夠了吧,又是JUMP

659
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:43,497
我給各位講一個簡短的故事

660
00:33:43,497 --> 00:33:47,334
小龍,好久沒見你來過了

661
00:33:47,334 --> 00:33:48,302
別那麼大聲

662
00:33:48,302 --> 00:33:49,770
阿虎呢?

663
00:33:50,604 --> 00:33:52,173
還沒出場

664
00:33:55,876 --> 00:33:57,678
準備好了嗎,阿虎?

665
00:33:58,946 --> 00:33:59,814
是的

666
00:34:03,551 --> 00:34:06,153
JUMP亭JUMP快演完了

667
00:34:06,153 --> 00:34:08,456
沒辦法了,只能我上了

668
00:34:08,456 --> 00:34:11,358
屯鈍,給我買些曬衣夾和炸魚板

669
00:34:11,358 --> 00:34:13,027
-還是我上吧
-阿屯

670
00:34:13,027 --> 00:34:16,363
不行的,你要是上了
小虎就得作為壓軸上場了

671
00:34:16,363 --> 00:34:18,332
誰說我要表演落語了

672
00:34:18,332 --> 00:34:20,534
我絕不會把壓軸拱手讓人

673
00:34:28,676 --> 00:34:29,910
老爸?

674
00:34:39,653 --> 00:34:42,156
開始音樂表演了

675
00:34:48,195 --> 00:34:49,563
阿屯

676
00:35:12,419 --> 00:35:14,088
看來我也沒得選了

677
00:35:20,361 --> 00:35:22,396
我唱了歌,我唱出了我的心聲

678
00:35:23,564 --> 00:35:26,767
觀眾們很感動,感覺很棒

679
00:35:26,767 --> 00:35:27,935
你也去唱首歌吧

680
00:35:27,935 --> 00:35:29,770
不了,我可沒那個水準

681
00:35:31,138 --> 00:35:32,006
小虎呢?

682
00:35:32,006 --> 00:35:32,907
還沒來

683
00:35:32,907 --> 00:35:35,409
搞什麼?我要把他逐出師門

684
00:35:35,409 --> 00:35:38,045
曬衣夾和炸魚板呢?

685
00:35:38,045 --> 00:35:39,980
-我沒買
-咚

686
00:35:39,980 --> 00:35:42,116
-怎麼了?
-有人在舞臺上講話

687
00:35:42,716 --> 00:35:43,551
什麼?

688
00:35:43,551 --> 00:35:47,955
空服員一遍又一遍地說著同樣的話

689
00:35:47,955 --> 00:35:49,957
“請用擦手巾

690
00:35:49,957 --> 00:35:53,961
請用擦手巾...”

691
00:35:53,961 --> 00:35:56,497
然後她看到了我的臉,結結巴巴地說

692
00:35:56,497 --> 00:35:58,933
“請用手擦

693
00:35:58,933 --> 00:36:01,202
我真的非常抱歉,先生”

694
00:36:02,203 --> 00:36:03,270
阿謙

695
00:36:03,270 --> 00:36:04,405
那是誰?

696
00:36:05,706 --> 00:36:09,043
一個來自關西的天才
仔細聽他講,好好學習一下

697
00:36:09,677 --> 00:36:13,881
因為我的長相,連路人都覺得

698
00:36:13,881 --> 00:36:17,718
“我肯定是幹那一行的”

699
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:22,356
所以當我走過他們的時候

700
00:36:22,356 --> 00:36:26,927
我能感到背後有什麼動靜

701
00:36:26,927 --> 00:36:30,030
所以我轉頭一看
有個傢伙正在這麼做

702
00:36:30,831 --> 00:36:34,635
那一刻,我們四目相對

703
00:36:35,703 --> 00:36:38,072
他用手指做了這個動作

704
00:36:41,408 --> 00:36:43,377
他很有趣,但不適合上電視

705
00:36:51,118 --> 00:36:52,019
小虎

706
00:36:53,821 --> 00:36:55,723
怎麼回事?

707
00:36:56,957 --> 00:36:59,026
非常抱歉我來晚了

708
00:36:59,026 --> 00:37:01,695
小虎,怎麼了?是誰幹的?

709
00:37:01,695 --> 00:37:04,832
誰幫我拿一下和服

710
00:37:04,832 --> 00:37:06,600
去拿和服

711
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,702
你打算這副模樣登臺演出?

712
00:37:08,702 --> 00:37:11,338
是的,雖然膝蓋可能跪不下去

713
00:37:11,338 --> 00:37:12,940
但有電視臺的人來

714
00:37:12,940 --> 00:37:14,508
閉嘴

715
00:37:16,143 --> 00:37:17,578
幫我解開皮帶

716
00:37:17,578 --> 00:37:19,179
是這個,這個

717
00:37:19,179 --> 00:37:20,748
幫我脫鞋

718
00:37:20,748 --> 00:37:23,884
上次,我乘坐了新幹線

719
00:37:23,884 --> 00:37:26,053
當你上了新幹線...

720
00:37:29,523 --> 00:37:32,993
我的演出到此為止
下次我會繼續講述這個故事

721
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:47,541
抱歉,我來晚了

722
00:37:55,049 --> 00:37:58,018
笨蛋,我才剛說了開場白而已

723
00:38:09,029 --> 00:38:10,030
阿謙

724
00:38:12,166 --> 00:38:13,033
謝謝你

725
00:38:17,237 --> 00:38:18,339
非常感謝

726
00:38:22,242 --> 00:38:25,446
照顧自己人是老大的責任

727
00:38:30,617 --> 00:38:32,786
快點,人呢

728
00:38:33,821 --> 00:38:34,955
他來了

729
00:38:37,891 --> 00:38:38,992
阿虎

730
00:38:38,992 --> 00:38:41,695
怎麼回事?
這是剛打完比賽的拳擊手嗎?

731
00:39:00,647 --> 00:39:02,383
抱歉,剛剛摔了一跤

732
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:07,788
現在的年輕人真不會說話

733
00:39:08,422 --> 00:39:11,959
他們只會說“好”或“不好”
多無聊啊?

734
00:39:11,959 --> 00:39:14,228
老虎、老虎,沉睡之虎!

735
00:39:24,037 --> 00:39:25,272
看來這段效果不行啊

736
00:39:27,474 --> 00:39:29,443
一個黑道老大的兒子充滿了野心

737
00:39:29,443 --> 00:39:30,911
這是我要講的主要故事

738
00:39:31,512 --> 00:39:35,682
他決定和一個狡猾的警員聯手

739
00:39:35,682 --> 00:39:38,352
潛入敵對組織內部

740
00:39:38,352 --> 00:39:42,122
由於他的衝動,悲劇發生了

741
00:39:42,122 --> 00:39:44,024
是《出來心》

742
00:39:44,024 --> 00:39:46,560
他並未發現什麼危險的高價值物品

743
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,262
只是發現了一大堆光碟

744
00:39:48,262 --> 00:39:49,029
這是什麼?

745
00:39:49,029 --> 00:39:52,966
他決定不管怎樣先拿一張光碟回去
結果發現

746
00:39:52,966 --> 00:39:55,736
光碟內容是裸體的金髮美女

747
00:39:56,303 --> 00:39:58,539
也就是被稱為“A片”的東西

748
00:39:58,539 --> 00:40:03,177
雖然這也是違法的
但只發現光碟並沒什麼意思

749
00:40:03,177 --> 00:40:06,447
於是他便散播謠言稱
在對手窩點發現了毒品和槍枝

750
00:40:06,447 --> 00:40:09,016
對方聽到風聲後把他抓了起來

751
00:40:09,016 --> 00:40:11,752
不如按傳統方法來把你手指剁掉吧

752
00:40:12,419 --> 00:40:13,320
二代目?

753
00:40:16,223 --> 00:40:17,658
你看什麼呢?

754
00:40:18,358 --> 00:40:20,561
這可是你挑起來的

755
00:40:26,533 --> 00:40:28,602
舉起手來

756
00:40:28,602 --> 00:40:31,805
我是新宿警署的...

757
00:40:31,805 --> 00:40:32,706
讓開

758
00:40:36,009 --> 00:40:37,644
你小子是誰?

759
00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:39,513
兩個能跟你說得上話的人

760
00:40:39,513 --> 00:40:40,514
大哥

761
00:40:40,514 --> 00:40:42,316
把他交還給我們

762
00:40:43,884 --> 00:40:45,953
我說了把他交還給我們

763
00:40:55,162 --> 00:40:57,431
簡直和電影一樣

764
00:40:58,565 --> 00:41:00,267
20人對兩人

765
00:41:00,267 --> 00:41:04,271
看起來似乎是一面倒的局面
但兩人都是身經百戰的戰士

766
00:41:04,838 --> 00:41:07,174
他們就好像是透過打鬥

767
00:41:07,174 --> 00:41:08,108
釋放壓力

768
00:41:09,643 --> 00:41:11,411
那人可不是我

769
00:41:11,411 --> 00:41:15,382
多虧了若頭,他們救出了老大的兒子

770
00:41:15,382 --> 00:41:18,619
賣A片的敵對組織也被逮捕了

771
00:41:22,489 --> 00:41:23,390
你沒事吧?

772
00:41:23,390 --> 00:41:24,958
當然有事了,蠢貨

773
00:41:26,994 --> 00:41:29,162
我之後還有個重要的演出

774
00:41:29,830 --> 00:41:33,033
真正的黑幫火拼太刺激了
我都被嚇死了

775
00:41:33,033 --> 00:41:34,635
你叫什麼?

776
00:41:34,635 --> 00:41:35,536
我叫金子,先生

777
00:41:35,536 --> 00:41:37,004
-金子
-是,先生

778
00:41:37,004 --> 00:41:40,507
你如果真想證明自己
就不要去利用他人

779
00:41:41,642 --> 00:41:43,911
為什麼
要把我們老大的寶貝兒子牽扯進來?

780
00:41:43,911 --> 00:41:46,113
-該怎麼說呢...
-什麼怎麼說?

781
00:41:46,113 --> 00:41:47,281
抱歉

782
00:41:47,814 --> 00:41:50,617
是一時衝動,我以為可能不會有事的

783
00:41:54,221 --> 00:41:55,055
銀次郎

784
00:41:55,989 --> 00:41:56,823
是

785
00:41:56,823 --> 00:41:59,793
如果你不知道自己想做什麼
就好好跟著我

786
00:41:59,793 --> 00:42:03,497
不要碰槍枝和毒品
聽到了沒有,蠢貨?

787
00:42:04,865 --> 00:42:05,766
我很抱歉

788
00:42:07,034 --> 00:42:11,004
我也是一時衝動
我還以為不會有事的

789
00:42:14,041 --> 00:42:15,242
話說回來

790
00:42:16,076 --> 00:42:17,911
這是正面還是後面?

791
00:42:19,346 --> 00:42:21,949
後面是靛藍棉

792
00:42:36,330 --> 00:42:38,365
快去看醫生吧

793
00:42:50,611 --> 00:42:51,511
抱歉

794
00:42:52,346 --> 00:42:53,680
走了

795
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:57,651
這是你的披薩吐司

796
00:42:57,651 --> 00:43:01,088
真是活學活用啊,那個靛藍棉

797
00:43:01,088 --> 00:43:02,289
還好吧

798
00:43:02,289 --> 00:43:04,224
我聽說龍二來看你表演了

799
00:43:04,224 --> 00:43:05,659
他說什麼了嗎?

800
00:43:05,659 --> 00:43:09,062
我還沒見他,這是這個月的學費

801
00:43:10,097 --> 00:43:11,665
謝謝

802
00:43:12,933 --> 00:43:13,834
金額剛剛好

803
00:43:13,834 --> 00:43:15,369
看,上電視了

804
00:43:21,842 --> 00:43:22,876
那是什麼?

805
00:43:22,876 --> 00:43:24,311
沒什麼

806
00:43:24,311 --> 00:43:26,146
-喂
-我給過你了

807
00:43:27,147 --> 00:43:28,949
果然說謊還是會被你發現

808
00:43:28,949 --> 00:43:31,952
-當然了
-抱歉,這是本月的還款

809
00:43:31,952 --> 00:43:34,821
順便說一下,電視上唱的法語是假的

810
00:43:34,821 --> 00:43:36,623
我都說我知道了!

811
00:43:37,224 --> 00:43:38,392
很有趣啊

812
00:43:38,392 --> 00:43:40,661
就像一個
有唱歌和黑道表演的馬戲團一樣

813
00:43:40,661 --> 00:43:43,330
-你這是在誇我嗎,小子?
-當然是了

814
00:43:43,997 --> 00:43:46,700
我走後舞臺變化好大啊

815
00:43:47,434 --> 00:43:49,870
也許是被你改變的

816
00:43:50,537 --> 00:43:52,239
我老爸竟然唱歌了

817
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:54,241
之前他可絕對不會這麼做

818
00:43:55,642 --> 00:43:57,210
既然舞臺已經變成這樣子了

819
00:43:58,545 --> 00:44:00,414
我也許可以回來表演落語

820
00:44:02,416 --> 00:44:04,618
雖然很不想成為你的師弟

821
00:44:05,519 --> 00:44:06,653
怎麼了?

822
00:44:11,491 --> 00:44:12,926
那個人是...

823
00:44:14,761 --> 00:44:16,530
康雄

824
00:46:08,008 --> 00:46:12,012
{\an8}字幕翻譯:吳春燕