"Previously on ""Mohawk Girls""."
I can never show my face again!
Why aren’t you working on a Monday afternoon?
"I, um..."
Can’t hide out forever.
I’m not hiding out.
I’m not mad at you because you’re less than 50%.
I’m mad at you ’cause you lied to me about it.
And then you beat up Tulip!
I’m a horrible person!
Butterhead...
...we’re done!
You could...
...move in with me.
It was a one time thing.
It was so wrong!
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever been with.
Lollipop’s got nothing on you.
She’s your wife.
You’re worth the risk.
It’s a secret paradise back here.
I know, eh?
Ken lets me use it whenever he’s out of town and in return I let him use my yacht.
Yacht, huh?
All yours.
Anytime you want.
As long as you take me with you.
And...
These.
Stunning earrings for a stunning woman.
"Trumpet, this is too much!"
[imagination swoosh]
I have to make dinner,
do the laundry and dust the mansion.
Maybe then we can hang out, honey?
We’ll see.
Depends how late I’m out with this one.
[Brooklyn accent] Good luck with all your chores, honey.
Oh, this is the life.
What the hell?!!
I thought someone was coming!
So you tried to drown me!
Screw you!
Stay!
Please.
Next time we’ll go away so we don’t have to worry.
Anywhere you want.
Aruba? Anguilla?
Can we take the yacht?
Of course.
Anything you want.
♪ [theme music] ♪
Look what I got you.
♪
Self-help books?
These are for losers.
There’s nothing wrong with a little encouragement to help you reach your goals.
You can do this!
♪
Hi.
Okay...
When the cateripiller completes its struggle
it become a beautiful and unique butterfly.
♪
You must be the creator of your own self-esteem, confidence and worth.
♪
Get rid of toxic people in your life and make room for love.
"Hell, yeah."
♪
Aboriginal...culture...
Okay...Population...Songs... Traditional healing...
[message pop up]
"Oh, God!"
I can’t believe I did that to her...
Aboriginal...Healing salve...
This isn’t fair.
All i’ve been doing is eating this tasteless
healthy crap and I still haven’t lost any weight.
Hasn’t it been like three days?
Hey, I think Leon’s a personal trainer.
You should give him a call.
Ha, ha, ha, I’m not sure I want to be a sweaty mess in front of that hottie.
Oh!
"Oh, you’re sexting with Trumpet?!"
Are you having an affair with him?
Keep your voices down.
Hey ladies.
We are having a fundraiser for the youth group day camp on Sunday.
You should come check it out.
And you’re handing out the flyers?
Taking a little break from getting stoned and playing video games?
I’m on welfare for political reasons, not because I’m a lazy stoner.
I volunteer at the youth group every single day.
So if you come, feel free to leave the attitude at home.
Okay?
He’s totally still into you.
Yeah, you should give him another chance.
I am not going to settle.
Oh, and having an affair with Trumpet isn’t settling?
No, it’s not!
It’s romantic and magical and, and exciting.
And wrong!
Yeah, what about Lollipop?
I am not the one cheating, he is.
He’s not even happy with her, anyways.
Okay, fine.
You want to judge?
Judge!
But...do your boyfriends treat you like goddesses?
Do they compliment you twenty times a day?
Do they lavish you with gifts and offer to take you
anywhere in the world on their private yacht.
I rest my case.
Good morning.
Isn’t this cute?
Lollipop and I got pedis.
She’s totally forgiven me.
So cute, right?
I know, we hung out all the time during my vacation.
We’re, we’re BFFs once again.
So...no need to worry about that.
Great meeting!
Thanks, everyone.
It’s good to be back.
Oh...
"Hi,..."
...Mom.
"Look, everything’s fine between me and Lollipop."
This is a letter from a Band Member
Alleging you broke your morals clause
with your shamefull display, at Lollipop’s wedding.
You can lose your job for this!
"No, they, they, they can’t fire me for something that happened at a private affair!"
Maybe not if there was only one letter.
Oh, God.
How did I raise such a selfish child?!
Why can’t you be normal, like other people?
Get a boyfriend and settled down!
Give me grand-kids.
Now I’ll probably be dead before I see any grand-kids.
Who would want to be with you now that you’re the joke of the town.
Pff, suck it up.
This is all your doin’.
Don’t act like the victim.
♪
Oh my God, I had such a horrible day at...
I’ve had a stressful day at work and I’m going to take it out on you.
Oh.
You know, I know all about stress at work.
Actually I don’t even know what you do.
I work at The Bradford School.
I’m the...principal.
Wow.
Education is...
Enough talking.
I’m going to give you ten lashes.
If you don’t react to the pain, you’ll be rewarded.
If you do, I’ll have to punish you by starting over.
Got it?
[smack]
Have you done this before?
No.
’Cause you’re not making a sound.
Oh...well, I’m Mohawk, we have a high threshold for pain.
I’m sure the next ones will hurt really badly.
You can just go ahead and keep going.
I’m supposed to be the boss, not you.
You don’t tell me what to do!
You’re right, Master.
I’m sorry, I was just trying to please you and get my reward.
Forgive me please.
I’ll do anything you say.
♪
[smack]
[cries out]
This place is so charming.
How did you find it?
Ah, it’s right next to Le Flambeau.
That fancy restaurant that all the millionaires from town go to.
I went there one night and it was packed so I came here and I loved it.
Now I come whenever I want to be discreet.
Do you often have to be discreet?
Jealous?
No.
Is there a bathroom?
"Oh my God, Trumpet, did they kick you out of Le Flambeau, too?!"
You’re a home-wrecking ho-bag!
You should be ashamed!
Ugh...how...could you...?
Too loud my ass!
"Agh, Racists!"
Bailey?
Are you guys here together?
What?!!
Me and him?
No!
Why would...were you guys at Le Flambeau?
I didn’t see you there.
’Cause I left.
Then I realized, I have to pee.
So I came in here to pee and that’s when I saw Trumpet.
And then now you guys are here.
That’s like what, that’s so funny.
What a small world.
I’m here alone.
Good!
We are starving!
Excuse me!
Hi.
Yeah, we’re going to need a table for eight.
The guys are outside.
Okay.
I’m just going to go.
Bye.
Oh my God, I’m so hungry.
Medicinal plants...medicinal plants...where are you?
Uh, I think I’ve seen this one before.
Ooh, this could be hellebore.
Or it could be poisonous.
Yes, this could be Sarsaparilla.
Sarsaparilla can be used to help rashes, cuts and bruises.
Yay!
"This is harder than, than it looks."
Keep going.
I can’t. "Yes, you can.
Attitude is everything.
You’ve got to believe in yourself.
Aw, did you get that from a self-help book, or something?
No, I got that from experience.
I used to be seriously out of shape, but I worked my ass off and I got to this.
Bam!!
Believe it or not, that gave the me the confidence to start my own business.
Cause I believed in myself.
Seriously?
Well, if I could do anything I would want to run my own salon.
Boss all my employees around, tell them what to do.
I bet you’d be great at telling people what to do.
Yeah, I would.
All right, five squats.
All right.
One.
Two.
Does not live with parents.
No kids.
No crazy exes.
Good family.
Hey, cuz.
Um, I was just wondering,
who are the single guys these days?
Yeah, does he still live with his parents?
Is he the bald one?
No way.
Isn’t he like in jail?!
He’s been with like half the town.
He’s gay now?!
Who’s the winner gonna be?
"Hm, Ohserase."
[texting sounds]
I know he’s cheating on me.
I’m going to find out who she is and I’m going to kill that skanky ho!
Damn straight.
"Hey,...Bailey."
I heard you were in the city with Trumpet.
With him?
"No, not me."
Who said that?
That’s...they’re a liar!
Did you see if he was with anyone?
Um...I, I don’t know.
I don’t think so.
I don’t...I just saw him for like a second.
But I didn’t see him with anyone.
No.
Okay.
Thanks anyway.
This town sucks.
Either you’re cheating, or you’re being cheated on.
I thought things would be different between me and Trumpet.
We just got married like a minute ago.
I just wanted to feel special, at least for a little while.
♪
"Hey,... you okay?"
Relationships are complicated, right?
Shouldn’t we be grabbing happiness
wherever we can find it since its so hard to come by?"
Otherwise what’s left?
[imagination swoosh]
What do I know?
I built a house years ago, ready to settle down
and have a family,but no luck yet.
"Birds fly from dusk ’til dawn, but the wings of love flap not for me."
That’s beautiful.
Who wrote that?
Ah...I did.
You...writing poetry?!
Shh, shh, shh.
Ah...well, "The wings of love flap not for me" either.
Or maybe they do, but the wings are like broken and the bird flies right into brick houses.
Well, there’s no way your dating stories could be worse than mine.
Wanna bet?
Okay.
Let’s see.
First there was the one who wanted to have my kids after a week.
And then there was the one
who would get drunk and punch random dudes in bars.
And they wouldn’t hit her back, so they would fight me.
And then there was the one who cheated on me.
With my uncle.
Okay.
Yeah, you win.
Told you.
You see, there were a few girls who cheated on me.
And I was pissed at the time,
but now I kind of pity them, you know?
Having so little self-respect.
Good riddance.
Uh, I should probably go take care of that.
Stay, I have loads more stories.
Great.
Hey!
What’s going on, guys?
[texting sounds]
♪
Hey, princess!
You training for a marathon or something?
You’re still in town?
Yeah, I thought I’d stick around and spend some quality time with my daughter.
Quality time?
I didn’t even know you were here!
And you’re hanging out with my ex-boyfriend.
You can’t blame the man if I’m more fun to hang out with than you.
Play nice kids.
And you know, you’re crazy for letting him go.
He’s a good guy.
Dad! You are supposed to be on my side!
I mean, don’t you care how he treated me, or what...
"Don’t let negative feelings become your Master."
You, you,...you know what?
You two deserve each other.
Because you are both toxic.
I want to spend my life with healthy people
who treat me with the love and the respect that I deserve.
Have a great day.
Tulip, what I did to you was unforgivable.
But I made you a healing salve from our traditional knowledge, to help you recover.
You think some gross green mush is going to make up for what you did to me?
Look at my face!
I’m a monster!
I made this salve for Tulip, but she slammed the door in my face!
And now I’m in pain and I’m itchy and covered in these disgusting welts
and I followed the instructions perfectly,
Whoa, slow down, slow down.
What, what..what instructions?
From the Internet.
You probably picked something poisonous.
Oh great.
I’m a useless screw-up as a Mohawk!
Look, come on, come inside.
My tota made this, so it won’t poison you.
That’s not funny.
Why would you go to the Internet for a source on Mohawk culture
when you’re living in the middle of the real thing?
I wanted to do it on my own.
To prove that I’m a real Mohawk.
You are, Anna.
You don’t have to keep trying to prove it to everyone.
Not even to you?
Not even to me.
I don’t care about your number.
I care about you.
Wait!
Am I contagious?
Probably.
"Hi, mom."
Dad.
"Hey, sweetie!"
What do you want?
I want to introduce you to Ohserase.
My boyfriend.
Boyfriend?
What a wonderful surprise.
Who are your parents?
It’s uh...nice to meet you.
"Um, they’re, they’re..."
What football team do you root for?
"I, I..."
How did you meet our wonderful Zoe?
♪
It’s great you’re moving back home.
We’ll get to hang out more.
We can have games nights and we can take up soemthing like bead work
we’re all single and we’re not exactly obsessing over guys anymore.
It’s so great.
I’m almost thirty.
I am moving back in with my auntie.
And all I have to look forward to is taking up beadwork.
Well, I’m glad that you’re romantic fantasy with Trumpet is over.
You’re always chasing these fairy tale, magical mumbo jumbo ideas about love.
That’s in the movies, that’s not in real life.
Real life is about endurance.
And hard work.
"Cause nothing worthwhile comes easy."
Okay, it’s from one of those self-help books.
But it’s true.
You know, you guys are right.
There is no Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet.
Love is like a seed.
And it needs water and it needs sun and...
other stuff and then it blossoms into a beautiful flower.
Thank you guys so much.
I’m going to pick up these boxes later, okay?
Yeah, but...
Bye!
Hey.
Screw the sperm bank.
♪[theme music]♪