1 00:00:58,442 --> 00:01:00,042 - Victoria Street, please, doll. 2 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:05,602 - No problem, mate. 3 00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:08,429 Who's got you ready? 4 00:01:09,281 --> 00:01:12,137 Stevie Wonder? 5 00:01:12,137 --> 00:01:13,856 ♪ Everything about you ♪ 6 00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:17,932 ♪ Is how I'd wanna be ♪ 7 00:01:17,932 --> 00:01:22,932 ♪ Your freedom comes naturally ♪ 8 00:01:26,796 --> 00:01:28,832 ♪ Everything about you ♪ 9 00:01:28,832 --> 00:01:32,832 ♪ Has innate happiness ♪ 10 00:01:32,832 --> 00:01:36,665 ♪ Now I won't settle for less ♪ 11 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,170 - How much? - Seven twenty. 12 00:01:44,828 --> 00:01:46,230 - Ta, love, keep the change. - Thanks. 13 00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:49,040 - All right. - And uh, good luck. 14 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,140 You'll need it looking like that. 15 00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:52,072 - Payment in kind? 16 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,174 Payment in kind? 17 00:01:55,174 --> 00:01:56,007 - Keep your wig on, mate. 18 00:01:56,007 --> 00:01:58,108 - No chance, you sweaty little bastard! 19 00:01:58,108 --> 00:01:58,941 - All right, all right! 20 00:01:58,941 --> 00:02:00,219 No chance whatsoever, right? 21 00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:02,099 No chance whatso-bloody-ever! 22 00:02:02,099 --> 00:02:03,150 I wouldn't go near you 23 00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:04,570 with a bargepole. - Fuck you, 24 00:02:04,570 --> 00:02:05,805 there are people watching. 25 00:02:05,805 --> 00:02:07,262 - You little slimeball. 26 00:02:07,262 --> 00:02:08,823 He's got a picture of his kids on the dashboard 27 00:02:08,823 --> 00:02:11,527 and he's talking about payment in kind! 28 00:02:11,527 --> 00:02:15,342 You forget about payment in kind, love. 29 00:02:15,342 --> 00:02:17,568 All right, boys? - All right, love. 30 00:02:17,568 --> 00:02:20,901 ♪ I've got to try, try, try ♪ 31 00:02:20,901 --> 00:02:21,984 - Ooh, hello! 32 00:02:24,439 --> 00:02:26,060 - Jesus. - Tracie, actually. 33 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:28,182 And I'd like a Multiple Orgasm. 34 00:02:29,646 --> 00:02:30,644 - On the rocks? 35 00:02:30,644 --> 00:02:32,016 - Wherever darling, I'm easy. 36 00:02:33,893 --> 00:02:35,274 - The groom is doomed! 37 00:02:35,274 --> 00:02:36,510 The groom is doomed! 38 00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:37,792 To the groom! - Cheers! 39 00:02:37,792 --> 00:02:38,889 - Cheers, lads. - Cheers. 40 00:02:38,889 --> 00:02:39,723 - Cheers. 41 00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:41,199 - To the end of your life. - Cheers to the end. 42 00:02:41,199 --> 00:02:44,074 The end is the beginning, the beginning is the end. 43 00:02:50,816 --> 00:02:54,181 - Come on, one for the bride, two for the groom. 44 00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:55,987 Down in one, go on. - Cheers. 45 00:02:55,987 --> 00:02:57,760 - Cheers - One, two, three, go! 46 00:03:06,324 --> 00:03:10,271 - Hello, could I have a cab to Victoria Street, please? 47 00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:11,669 - Hey! - Romero's Bar, love. 48 00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:12,569 - Hey! - How long? 49 00:03:12,569 --> 00:03:16,180 - Excuse me! - What? What do you want? 50 00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:17,447 - How did he die? - What? 51 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,560 - How did he die? - Who? 52 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,167 - Mr Twanky! 53 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,687 - He bled to death, sweetheart, 54 00:03:22,687 --> 00:03:24,360 after I cut his balls off. 55 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,723 - Ooh! - Tremarco, Tracie. 56 00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:28,289 Can you get one any sooner, love? 57 00:03:28,289 --> 00:03:29,939 - Why all this? 58 00:03:29,939 --> 00:03:32,740 Why, you're not fooling no one, you know what I mean? 59 00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:34,439 - I'm not bothering no one either. 60 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,877 - You're bothering me. 61 00:03:37,877 --> 00:03:38,711 - If I'm bothering you, 62 00:03:38,711 --> 00:03:40,158 why don't you fuck off and leave me alone? 63 00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:44,953 - Tell you what. - What? 64 00:03:46,116 --> 00:03:47,562 - It's more than bothering me, as a matter of fact. 65 00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:51,860 It's sickening. 66 00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:53,819 The last thing that I want, right ... 67 00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:54,849 - Alan, Alan, leave it, lad. 68 00:03:54,849 --> 00:03:55,682 - Hang on, ooh, 69 00:03:55,682 --> 00:03:59,513 is some hairy-arsed nonce putting me off my ale. 70 00:04:01,412 --> 00:04:02,699 - Time you went. - Time I left? 71 00:04:02,699 --> 00:04:04,175 - Get going now. 72 00:04:04,175 --> 00:04:05,008 - Now look love, I'm waiting for a taxi. 73 00:04:05,008 --> 00:04:05,841 - Then you can wait outside. - I've just booked, 74 00:04:05,841 --> 00:04:07,943 and they're coming en route, they're on their way. 75 00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:10,300 - Wait outside, then. - Pain in the arse. 76 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:11,186 - Sad! 77 00:04:11,186 --> 00:04:13,457 That's what it should be! 78 00:04:13,457 --> 00:04:14,540 Not gay, sad! 79 00:04:15,806 --> 00:04:16,639 - Oi! 80 00:04:16,639 --> 00:04:18,439 You can drink up too. - What do you mean? 81 00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:20,529 - Finish your drinks and leave. 82 00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:22,290 - You're a prick, you, nice one. 83 00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:23,610 - Long story but I'm outside now. 84 00:04:23,610 --> 00:04:24,444 - Hey! 85 00:04:24,444 --> 00:04:25,980 - Lone female feeling vulnerable. 86 00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:27,516 Listen, what is it with you, love? 87 00:04:27,516 --> 00:04:29,199 What's your problem? I mean ... 88 00:04:29,199 --> 00:04:30,192 Hello? Yeah? 89 00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,819 Thanks a lot, thank you. 90 00:04:32,819 --> 00:04:35,819 Listen, this is just a stab in the dark, lovey, 91 00:04:35,819 --> 00:04:37,449 but I think I've upset you a little bit, haven't I? 92 00:04:37,449 --> 00:04:38,442 - Ooh, yeah, yeah. 93 00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:40,574 - Shall I tell you why 94 00:04:40,574 --> 00:04:41,894 I've upset you but not them? 95 00:04:41,894 --> 00:04:42,726 - Yeah, yeah, go on, yeah. 96 00:04:42,726 --> 00:04:43,560 - It's because they're confident 97 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,098 about their sexuality, darling. 98 00:04:46,098 --> 00:04:47,538 They don't have to kick off to prove they're men. 99 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:48,452 - Ooh, hang on, hang on, 100 00:04:49,997 --> 00:04:50,995 are you saying I'm a queer? 101 00:04:50,995 --> 00:04:52,529 - I'm just saying you're a bit confused, my sweet, 102 00:04:52,529 --> 00:04:54,377 but don't you worry about that 103 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,129 because lots of men are, and to tell you the truth, 104 00:04:57,129 --> 00:04:58,379 I think it's rather cute. 105 00:05:02,149 --> 00:05:03,439 - Hey. 106 00:05:03,439 --> 00:05:04,886 - She's only trying to wind you up. 107 00:05:04,886 --> 00:05:06,644 - You're a sick bastard! 108 00:05:06,644 --> 00:05:07,709 - Leave it! - Fuck off! 109 00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:09,632 You're a sick perverted bastard, do you know that? 110 00:05:09,632 --> 00:05:11,637 - Move love, move. - Why should I move- 111 00:05:11,637 --> 00:05:13,216 - I'll kill you, you bent bastard! 112 00:05:13,216 --> 00:05:14,257 - Why should I move, I'm waiting for a taxi! 113 00:05:14,257 --> 00:05:15,437 - Go and wait down the road. 114 00:05:15,437 --> 00:05:16,357 Look, go and wait down the road! 115 00:05:19,812 --> 00:05:21,526 - Yeah, fuck off, you're a sick bastard! 116 00:05:21,526 --> 00:05:22,586 You're 'ard because you're a man 117 00:05:22,586 --> 00:05:24,273 and I will treat you like a man. 118 00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:29,625 Wait, stop that girl! 119 00:05:41,199 --> 00:05:42,894 - Where are you going? 120 00:05:42,894 --> 00:05:43,935 - Canning Street, why? 121 00:05:43,935 --> 00:05:46,379 - Jump in, I'll give you a lift. 122 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:47,850 Tony. 123 00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:56,021 - Thank you, Tony. 124 00:06:04,324 --> 00:06:07,257 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry about Alan. 125 00:06:07,257 --> 00:06:09,089 He's a prick when he's pissed. 126 00:06:09,089 --> 00:06:11,339 - And what's his excuse the rest of the time? 127 00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:15,216 Good friend of yours, is he? 128 00:06:15,216 --> 00:06:17,358 - He's me brother. 129 00:06:17,358 --> 00:06:18,759 - Ooh, you have my sympathy. 130 00:06:21,779 --> 00:06:24,029 - Do you get that a lot, do you? Aggro? 131 00:06:24,029 --> 00:06:24,862 - Unfortunately. 132 00:06:25,930 --> 00:06:26,802 - So why do it? 133 00:06:27,817 --> 00:06:28,843 - Because it's who I am, darling. 134 00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:33,240 - Have you been doing it long? 135 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,072 Yeah. 136 00:06:36,122 --> 00:06:37,726 - What, always like that? 137 00:06:37,726 --> 00:06:39,112 - What are you implying? 138 00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:41,892 - You know what I'm implying. 139 00:06:42,911 --> 00:06:44,045 - Well, I'll never pass as a woman, 140 00:06:44,045 --> 00:06:44,973 if that's what you're implying, no. 141 00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:48,788 But I can pass as a man's fantasy of a woman. 142 00:06:48,788 --> 00:06:50,766 You know, like a tart and a whore. 143 00:06:50,766 --> 00:06:51,600 Anything. 144 00:06:53,302 --> 00:06:55,968 - What got you into it? 145 00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:57,822 - Have you never tottered around in your mother's stilettos? 146 00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:00,490 - Not once I turned 20, no. 147 00:07:06,024 --> 00:07:08,192 - If you take the next left please, my love. 148 00:07:12,694 --> 00:07:14,512 White van man? 149 00:07:14,512 --> 00:07:16,870 - Yeah, aerials and satellite dishes. 150 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,399 - Well look, Tony, I've heard it all before. 151 00:07:18,399 --> 00:07:19,740 What? 152 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,918 - Supposedly straight men 153 00:07:21,918 --> 00:07:24,540 professing an academic interest in my lifestyle. 154 00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:27,182 But I think we both know why you wanted this, Tony? 155 00:07:35,874 --> 00:07:39,170 So, you can either come in with me right now 156 00:07:39,170 --> 00:07:40,550 and satisfy your curiosity 157 00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:42,290 or you can carry on home 158 00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:44,242 and spend the rest of your life regretting it. 159 00:07:45,910 --> 00:07:47,410 It's been nice being with you. 160 00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:08,365 - Long time dead. 161 00:08:25,829 --> 00:08:29,382 All rise. 162 00:08:48,693 --> 00:08:50,360 - "I wandered lonely as a cloud, 163 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,842 that floats on high o'er vales and hills. 164 00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:56,082 And all at once, I saw a crowd, 165 00:08:57,212 --> 00:08:59,023 A host of golden daffodils. 166 00:09:00,149 --> 00:09:03,220 Beside the lake, beneath the trees, 167 00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:06,027 fluttering and dancing in the breeze." 168 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,129 Do you notice how "fluttering" 169 00:09:11,129 --> 00:09:12,730 destroys the rhythm of the poem? 170 00:09:14,994 --> 00:09:16,582 It's impossible to make the line scan. 171 00:09:17,634 --> 00:09:20,971 If you pronounce "fluttering" as a tri-syllabic word 172 00:09:20,971 --> 00:09:23,212 and that's what Wordsworth intended, of course. 173 00:09:23,212 --> 00:09:24,429 Dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-dum, 174 00:09:24,429 --> 00:09:27,559 and suddenly, that rhythm is shattered 175 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:30,379 when he sees the fluttering and dancing daffodils 176 00:09:30,379 --> 00:09:33,913 and the chaos of nature. 177 00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:20,923 "But who hath seen her wave her hand? 178 00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:25,134 Or at the casement seen her stand? 179 00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:28,807 Or is she known in all the land? 180 00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:31,307 The Lady of Shalott?" 181 00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:15,523 Hello? 182 00:11:18,193 --> 00:11:19,409 - Hello, is that, is that Tracie? 183 00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:20,720 - Speaking. 184 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,470 It's me, Tony, I was here last week. 185 00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:25,980 - Oh, well I never dreamt it would be yours, sweetheart. 186 00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:27,298 - You what? 187 00:11:27,298 --> 00:11:28,809 You've come back for your pen? 188 00:11:28,809 --> 00:11:29,643 - What pen? 189 00:11:32,469 --> 00:11:34,700 - Erm, what are you doing here? 190 00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:37,263 - I've, I've come to see you. 191 00:11:39,909 --> 00:11:40,812 - Right, erm ... 192 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:45,035 Oh, I'm just in the middle of something right now. 193 00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,332 All right, all right, I'm sorry. 194 00:11:46,332 --> 00:11:47,437 - No, wait, wait. 195 00:11:47,437 --> 00:11:48,269 Could you come back in an hour? 196 00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:51,373 - Yeah, sound. - Yeah? 197 00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:53,200 All right, okay sweetheart, I'll see you then. 198 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,033 Shit! 199 00:12:11,373 --> 00:12:12,423 Been drinking? - One or two. 200 00:12:13,495 --> 00:12:16,360 Chin, chin. 201 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,192 - Cheers. 202 00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,456 ♪ Caught up in circles ♪ 203 00:12:20,456 --> 00:12:24,038 ♪ Confusion is nothing new ♪ 204 00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:27,260 Am I okay to smoke? 205 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:28,260 - Fire away. 206 00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:35,357 ♪ A suitcase of memories ♪ 207 00:12:35,357 --> 00:12:37,198 ♪ Time after time ♪ 208 00:12:37,198 --> 00:12:38,032 - What do you do for a living? 209 00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:39,460 - Nothing, doll. 210 00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:42,750 Tracie's a good-time girl. 211 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:45,090 - How does she pay for this place? 212 00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:46,982 - She doesn't. - Who does? 213 00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:49,143 - Simon. - Simon? 214 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,070 - Yes darling, Simon, 215 00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:54,982 the most boring man on the planet. 216 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,062 Simon, who couldn't get a wank in a brothel. 217 00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:01,972 - What does he do? - Teaches English. 218 00:13:03,687 --> 00:13:05,236 - Does he like it? - Hates it. 219 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,385 He's currently teaching romantic poetry, 220 00:13:08,385 --> 00:13:10,576 otherwise known as Dee-dum-shite. 221 00:13:10,576 --> 00:13:14,562 "O the mind, mind, has mountains, cliffs of fall, 222 00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:17,173 frightful, sheer, no-man travelled. 223 00:13:18,488 --> 00:13:21,200 Hold them cheap, who ne'er hung there. 224 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,610 Nor does long our durance deal with that 225 00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:25,730 steep, deep. 226 00:13:25,730 --> 00:13:26,830 Here! Creep!" 227 00:13:26,830 --> 00:13:31,148 That's a poem, that's what he longs to teach. 228 00:13:31,148 --> 00:13:32,807 But no, it's "Dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-fucking-dum." 229 00:13:38,066 --> 00:13:41,149 Shall we go to bed, sweetheart? 230 00:13:41,149 --> 00:13:41,981 - Yeah. 231 00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:44,344 - Come on, then. 232 00:13:45,879 --> 00:13:46,712 Come on. 233 00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,763 Ooh, someone's in a hurry. 234 00:14:02,583 --> 00:14:03,417 Might I see you again? 235 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,551 - You might do. 236 00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,082 - Well, do me a favour, darling, 237 00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,620 next time, book by appointment. 238 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,600 You turn up unannounced, 239 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,850 you'll only be disappointed by what you find. 240 00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:21,493 Know what I mean? 241 00:14:25,559 --> 00:14:26,493 I won't ask for yours. 242 00:14:27,725 --> 00:14:28,783 Married men don't give them out. 243 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:32,743 - What makes you think I'm married? 244 00:14:35,659 --> 00:14:37,309 - A lifetime's experience, lovey. 245 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,472 Got married too early, 246 00:14:41,519 --> 00:14:42,351 couldn't go against the grain, 247 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,363 had to demonstrate your heterosexuality. 248 00:14:46,941 --> 00:14:50,059 And now you find yourself in a loveless marriage, 249 00:14:50,059 --> 00:14:51,493 life passing you by, 250 00:14:52,529 --> 00:14:54,399 that nagging voice at the back of your mind 251 00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:57,586 asking, "Oh, is this all there is?" 252 00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:02,580 But you'll never leave her. 253 00:15:04,466 --> 00:15:06,440 So you snatch at chances like this, 254 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,023 oh yeah, a chance to explore. 255 00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:11,379 No harm in that, 256 00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,330 so long as nobody finds out, of course. 257 00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:17,202 Well, Tony, my love, 258 00:15:18,529 --> 00:15:19,883 your secret's safe with me. 259 00:15:21,559 --> 00:15:22,409 - My wife's dead. 260 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:30,513 - I'm sorry. 261 00:15:40,802 --> 00:15:41,635 Did you have any kids? 262 00:15:49,259 --> 00:15:50,110 Did you love her? 263 00:15:56,508 --> 00:15:58,341 - I'll see myself out. 264 00:16:08,273 --> 00:16:09,923 - "Willows whiten, aspens quiver, 265 00:16:11,307 --> 00:16:12,873 little breezes dusk and shiver. 266 00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:16,133 Through the wave that runs forever, 267 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,962 by the island in the river, 268 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,003 flowing down to Camelot. 269 00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:23,748 Four grey walls and four grey towers 270 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,434 overlook a space of flowers 271 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,590 and the silent isle embowers The Lady of Shalott. 272 00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:34,799 By the margin willow-veiled 273 00:16:34,799 --> 00:16:37,230 slide the heavy barges trailed 274 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,600 by slow horses, and unhailed 275 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,009 the shallop flitteth, silken-sailed 276 00:16:42,009 --> 00:16:43,572 skimming down to Camelot. 277 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,610 A bow shot from her bower-eaves, 278 00:16:48,610 --> 00:16:51,340 he rode between the barley sheaves. 279 00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:53,519 The sun came dazzling through the leaves 280 00:16:54,384 --> 00:16:56,085 and flamed upon the brazen greaves 281 00:16:56,971 --> 00:16:58,072 of bold Sir Lancelot." 282 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:09,255 ♪ Could you be the one for me ♪ 283 00:17:09,255 --> 00:17:12,915 ♪ Could you be the one ♪ 284 00:17:12,915 --> 00:17:22,576 ♪ Could you be the one for me ♪ 285 00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:25,826 ♪ Could you be the one ♪ 286 00:17:42,182 --> 00:17:47,182 ♪ Every single thing you do is magic, baby ♪ 287 00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:53,469 ♪ Every little thing that you do is cool ♪ 288 00:17:55,873 --> 00:18:00,715 ♪ Every little thing you do is fashionably hip ♪ 289 00:18:02,512 --> 00:18:05,654 ♪ Could you be the one for me ♪ 290 00:18:05,654 --> 00:18:08,134 ♪ Could you be the one ♪ 291 00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:15,333 Dirty Secrets Limited, how can I help you? 292 00:18:16,477 --> 00:18:18,027 - It's me. - What do you want? 293 00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:21,537 - What? - I said, "What do you want?" 294 00:18:22,499 --> 00:18:23,976 We've got a date. 295 00:18:23,976 --> 00:18:24,952 - We had a date, you missed it. 296 00:18:25,816 --> 00:18:28,111 - I had a pint with the lads. - A pint? 297 00:18:28,111 --> 00:18:28,943 - A couple. 298 00:18:30,397 --> 00:18:31,262 - What you got in the bag? 299 00:18:34,349 --> 00:18:35,998 - Brandy. - Piss off. 300 00:18:35,998 --> 00:18:37,019 - What? - I said, "Piss off." 301 00:18:37,019 --> 00:18:38,799 - Why? - Why? 302 00:18:38,799 --> 00:18:41,279 Because I'm sick of you taking me for granted. 303 00:18:41,279 --> 00:18:43,655 I'm sick of being your dirty little secret 304 00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:45,219 and I'm sick of you 305 00:18:45,219 --> 00:18:46,259 having to be as pissed as a fart 306 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,846 every time you come near me. 307 00:18:49,854 --> 00:18:52,595 - Yeah, but apart from that, I mean ... 308 00:18:52,595 --> 00:18:54,595 Oh, piss off. 309 00:18:56,232 --> 00:18:58,032 - Oh, well can I come back tomorrow? 310 00:18:59,134 --> 00:18:59,967 - You can do, I won't be here. 311 00:19:01,138 --> 00:19:02,557 - Are you going somewhere nice? 312 00:19:02,557 --> 00:19:05,210 - Er, there's a club in town for girls like me. 313 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,259 I'd invite you, but 314 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:11,089 I know you'd never have the balls to be seen out with me. 315 00:19:17,117 --> 00:19:18,367 Ciao, darling. 316 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:46,909 - I haven't got the balls to be seen out with you. 317 00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:48,619 But, but shall I tell you why? 318 00:19:48,619 --> 00:19:50,079 - Nothing like a bit of Dutch courage, is there? 319 00:19:50,079 --> 00:19:51,029 - It's because you, 320 00:19:51,922 --> 00:19:54,349 because you make no bleeding effort to look like a woman, 321 00:19:54,349 --> 00:19:55,182 a real woman. 322 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,800 - I never claimed to be Cheryl bloody Cole! 323 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,240 - Oh, I never expected you to turn into Cheryl Cole, 324 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,529 but you're gonna have to do a lot better 325 00:20:00,529 --> 00:20:02,525 than Old King fucking Cole 326 00:20:02,525 --> 00:20:03,712 if you want to be seen out in public with me. 327 00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:07,163 So just have a go. 328 00:20:09,586 --> 00:20:11,019 Eh? 329 00:20:11,019 --> 00:20:11,853 - What? 330 00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:15,227 And you'll take me out? 331 00:20:18,637 --> 00:20:19,623 - We're a long time dead. 332 00:20:23,462 --> 00:20:26,009 - "She left the web, she left the loom, 333 00:20:26,009 --> 00:20:28,529 she walked three paces through the room. 334 00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:30,549 She saw the water lilies bloom, 335 00:20:30,549 --> 00:20:33,029 she saw the helmets and the plume 336 00:20:33,029 --> 00:20:34,603 of bold Sir Lancelot. 337 00:20:36,162 --> 00:20:37,259 Out flew the web and floated wide, 338 00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:39,303 the mirror cracked from side to side. 339 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:41,710 'The curse is come upon me,' 340 00:20:41,710 --> 00:20:43,432 cried The Lady of Shalott." 341 00:21:49,769 --> 00:21:52,640 - Hello, Tracie. - What do you want? 342 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,440 - D-did I leave my pen behind? 343 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:55,272 - No. 344 00:21:57,457 --> 00:21:58,289 - You look nice. 345 00:21:59,799 --> 00:22:01,137 - Fuck off. 346 00:22:23,390 --> 00:22:24,222 Hi, Andrew. 347 00:22:25,849 --> 00:22:28,089 - You watch heads swivel, Tracie, 348 00:22:28,089 --> 00:22:31,240 'cause you are absolutely gorgeous, right? 349 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,166 - Right, Tony who? 350 00:22:34,214 --> 00:22:35,061 ♪ She makes me wanna ♪ 351 00:22:35,061 --> 00:22:38,298 ♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ 352 00:22:38,298 --> 00:22:42,923 ♪ Makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ 353 00:22:42,923 --> 00:22:46,843 ♪ London to Jamaica ♪ 354 00:22:46,843 --> 00:22:49,519 ♪ LA to Africa ♪ 355 00:22:49,519 --> 00:22:53,104 ♪ She makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ 356 00:22:53,104 --> 00:22:56,805 ♪ Makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ 357 00:22:56,805 --> 00:23:00,442 ♪ She makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ 358 00:23:00,442 --> 00:23:04,342 ♪ Makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ 359 00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:05,445 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 360 00:23:09,479 --> 00:23:10,311 - Eh, eh! 361 00:23:11,778 --> 00:23:13,857 What do you think you're doing? 362 00:23:14,857 --> 00:23:16,240 What are you playing at? - Leave it, Tony! 363 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:17,317 - What are you playing at? - Tony! 364 00:23:17,317 --> 00:23:18,151 - I'm just a mate. - Tony leave him alone! 365 00:23:18,151 --> 00:23:18,983 - What do you think you're playing at? 366 00:23:18,983 --> 00:23:19,817 - Leave him. - There's nothing going on. 367 00:23:19,817 --> 00:23:20,650 - Just leave him, you prick! 368 00:23:25,644 --> 00:23:27,009 - What do you mean you don't believe me? 369 00:23:27,009 --> 00:23:28,160 Like, turn the news on. 370 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:32,603 A major accident on the M62, five mile tailbacks. 371 00:23:32,603 --> 00:23:33,599 - So why not phone? 372 00:23:33,599 --> 00:23:34,992 - Oh, me phone was dead. 373 00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:38,603 Look, I'm sorry. 374 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,703 And I'm sorry about before as well. 375 00:23:42,703 --> 00:23:44,663 When I saw you with him, I just lost it, 376 00:23:45,529 --> 00:23:46,363 I'm sorry. 377 00:23:51,940 --> 00:23:52,772 You look good. 378 00:23:53,653 --> 00:23:54,803 - You're getting nothing here tonight, darling. 379 00:23:56,048 --> 00:23:57,046 A glass of wine and that's it. 380 00:23:57,046 --> 00:23:59,000 - I'm just saying you look good, that's all. 381 00:24:01,519 --> 00:24:02,353 - Thank you. 382 00:24:04,059 --> 00:24:05,557 - I'll make it up to you. 383 00:24:07,349 --> 00:24:08,323 A weekend away somewhere. 384 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:11,053 Just the two of us. 385 00:24:15,109 --> 00:24:16,009 Where d'you fancy? 386 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:18,502 - The Lake District. 387 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:20,992 - All right. 388 00:24:22,412 --> 00:24:24,744 Soon as I can, I'll sort it. 389 00:24:26,349 --> 00:24:27,182 Promise. 390 00:24:31,579 --> 00:24:33,279 - Fancy a quick one before you go? 391 00:24:34,710 --> 00:24:35,542 - Thanks. 392 00:24:36,434 --> 00:24:38,539 - I don't mean that kind of quick one, darling. 393 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,299 All rise. 394 00:27:07,632 --> 00:27:08,508 - See you later. - Bye-bye. 395 00:27:08,508 --> 00:27:09,340 - Bye now. 396 00:27:10,604 --> 00:27:12,222 - Hello, darlin'. 397 00:27:12,222 --> 00:27:14,019 I've got an appointment er, with Karen. 398 00:27:14,019 --> 00:27:16,041 - Oh, right. - Not a problem, is it? 399 00:27:16,041 --> 00:27:17,742 - No, not at all. 400 00:27:17,742 --> 00:27:19,992 I'm Karen, what name is it? 401 00:27:21,162 --> 00:27:23,343 - Tremarco, Tracie. 402 00:27:23,343 --> 00:27:24,869 And I'd like to look like Cheryl Cole, please. 403 00:27:24,869 --> 00:27:26,746 - Oh, oh erm, 404 00:27:26,746 --> 00:27:27,578 I'll take that. - Thank you. 405 00:27:27,578 --> 00:27:29,170 - If you'd like to take a seat. 406 00:27:29,170 --> 00:27:31,109 Do you use concealer? 407 00:27:31,109 --> 00:27:32,680 - Not as a rule, no. 408 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:33,880 - Oh, you really should. 409 00:27:34,911 --> 00:27:36,450 It acts as an undercoat for your foundation. 410 00:27:36,450 --> 00:27:39,920 Helps cover all those tiny blemishes and imperfections. 411 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,923 It's also really useful for disguising dark beard tones. 412 00:27:51,892 --> 00:27:52,724 I think you're very brave. 413 00:27:52,724 --> 00:27:54,174 - Why, are you that bad? 414 00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:56,106 No, no. 415 00:27:56,106 --> 00:27:58,726 I mean, we get a lot of er, celebs here, 416 00:27:58,726 --> 00:28:00,192 but I've never seen them get this kind of attention. 417 00:28:01,269 --> 00:28:02,450 Don't you mind everyone staring? 418 00:28:02,450 --> 00:28:05,529 I'd be offended if they didn't, doll. 419 00:28:05,529 --> 00:28:08,869 - Now, when it comes to foundation, 420 00:28:08,869 --> 00:28:11,893 always go with a shade that's closest to your own skin tone. 421 00:28:12,809 --> 00:28:14,893 This one's from our liquid range. 422 00:28:16,590 --> 00:28:19,090 It gives a really even cover and a natural finish. 423 00:28:23,650 --> 00:28:24,692 Is everything okay? 424 00:28:27,084 --> 00:28:28,662 - No, yeah, yeah, sorry, 425 00:28:28,662 --> 00:28:31,099 I was just admiring your lipstick. 426 00:28:31,099 --> 00:28:33,230 - Oh, right, oh, oh it's new. 427 00:28:33,230 --> 00:28:37,643 Erm, yeah we only got it in last week. 428 00:28:43,460 --> 00:28:45,200 - Have you worked here long? - Nearly three years now. 429 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,917 - Do you enjoy it? 430 00:28:46,917 --> 00:28:49,317 - Yeah, but this is my favourite part of the job. 431 00:28:50,902 --> 00:28:52,710 I trained as a make-up artist originally. 432 00:28:52,710 --> 00:28:54,859 I do a lot of weddings and that. 433 00:28:54,859 --> 00:28:58,578 Oh, I'll bear that in mind. 434 00:28:58,578 --> 00:28:59,952 - You've got fabulous cheekbones, 435 00:29:01,157 --> 00:29:03,539 so we really wanna accentuate those. 436 00:29:03,539 --> 00:29:05,119 Have you been married long? 437 00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:07,702 - 12 year in August, it's flown. 438 00:29:08,594 --> 00:29:09,609 - What does he do? 439 00:29:09,609 --> 00:29:12,303 - He, erm, fits aerials and satellite dishes. 440 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:17,252 - Got any kids? 441 00:29:18,130 --> 00:29:19,460 - Not yet, no. 442 00:29:19,460 --> 00:29:20,559 - But you'd like some? 443 00:29:21,991 --> 00:29:22,880 - Could you just close your eyes for me? 444 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:23,712 - Yeah. 445 00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:30,309 - So, do you dress like this full time? 446 00:29:30,309 --> 00:29:32,940 - No, it's not always practical. 447 00:29:34,248 --> 00:29:35,622 - Have you been doing it long? 448 00:29:35,622 --> 00:29:38,349 - Yeah, I repressed it a long time. 449 00:29:38,349 --> 00:29:39,549 But Tracie's not the sort of girl 450 00:29:39,549 --> 00:29:41,096 that takes no for an answer. 451 00:29:42,031 --> 00:29:43,059 - Oh, could you just look up for me? 452 00:29:43,059 --> 00:29:43,893 - Yeah. 453 00:29:45,829 --> 00:29:48,063 Too many people waste their lives in denial, 454 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,259 always pleasing other people, never themselves. 455 00:29:53,259 --> 00:29:54,093 - Yeah. 456 00:29:56,026 --> 00:29:57,631 - And you're a long time dead. 457 00:29:57,631 --> 00:29:59,380 - Oh, that's Tony's catchphrase. 458 00:29:59,380 --> 00:30:01,220 - Tony? - Me husband. 459 00:30:01,220 --> 00:30:02,660 - Oh. - He's always saying it. 460 00:30:02,660 --> 00:30:04,069 Usually when I'm nagging him about 461 00:30:04,069 --> 00:30:05,626 staying out late with his mates. 462 00:30:05,626 --> 00:30:06,727 "Long time dead." 463 00:30:08,984 --> 00:30:11,603 So, come on, is there anyone special in your life? 464 00:30:14,010 --> 00:30:15,539 - Oh, there is somebody actually. 465 00:30:15,539 --> 00:30:17,890 - A bloke? - Do I look like a dyke? 466 00:30:17,890 --> 00:30:20,140 - Sorry, I didn't want to assume, that's all. 467 00:30:21,086 --> 00:30:21,920 - It's been about three months now. 468 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,202 - Ooh, getting serious then? 469 00:30:25,286 --> 00:30:27,450 - Well, I'm not sure about that. 470 00:30:27,450 --> 00:30:28,852 I found out he was married. 471 00:30:28,852 --> 00:30:30,660 - Oh, he'd not mentioned it before? 472 00:30:30,660 --> 00:30:33,789 - No, I did suspect it at the beginning but 473 00:30:33,789 --> 00:30:35,113 he told me she was dead. 474 00:30:37,690 --> 00:30:39,188 - So what are you gonna do? 475 00:30:39,188 --> 00:30:40,228 - I don't know. 476 00:30:40,228 --> 00:30:42,060 I haven't decided yet. 477 00:30:43,068 --> 00:30:45,068 I don't know what to do. 478 00:30:47,349 --> 00:30:48,650 - Suits you. - Thank you. 479 00:30:50,559 --> 00:30:53,268 - Well, look on the bright side, 480 00:30:53,268 --> 00:30:55,282 she can't be as gorgeous as you. 481 00:30:59,945 --> 00:31:01,523 You won't believe what happened to me today. 482 00:31:01,523 --> 00:31:02,531 - What? 483 00:31:02,531 --> 00:31:04,009 - I had a bloke come in 484 00:31:04,009 --> 00:31:06,576 erm, for a makeover, a transvestite. 485 00:31:09,359 --> 00:31:10,920 - A transvestite? 486 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,482 - Yeah, called himself Tracie. 487 00:31:15,599 --> 00:31:17,465 Said he wanted to look like Cheryl Cole. 488 00:31:17,465 --> 00:31:20,259 I think I managed Myra Hindley. 489 00:33:06,201 --> 00:33:07,203 Hello, your call 490 00:33:07,203 --> 00:33:08,300 cannot be taken at the moment, 491 00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:13,300 so please leave your message after the tone. 492 00:33:14,233 --> 00:33:16,188 It's me. 493 00:33:16,188 --> 00:33:19,339 Right, if you're there pick up. I need to see you. 494 00:33:19,339 --> 00:33:20,346 Look, you might as well answer, 495 00:33:20,346 --> 00:33:21,747 'cause I'm not, not gonna stop ringing until you do. 496 00:33:21,747 --> 00:33:23,373 Okay, I need to see you. 497 00:33:25,132 --> 00:33:25,964 Oh, come on. 498 00:33:27,608 --> 00:33:28,633 Just answer the phone, will ya? 499 00:33:30,138 --> 00:33:32,619 Right, I'm just gonna keep ringing. 500 00:33:32,619 --> 00:33:33,619 I've got to see you. 501 00:33:34,539 --> 00:33:37,042 Please, come on, Tracie, just pick the phone up, will ya? 502 00:33:42,886 --> 00:33:46,391 ♪ Say I'm gonna leave a hundred times a day ♪ 503 00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:48,825 ♪ It's easier said than done ♪ 504 00:33:48,825 --> 00:33:52,571 ♪ When you just can't break away ♪ 505 00:33:52,571 --> 00:33:56,787 ♪ Oh, young hearts run free ♪ 506 00:33:56,787 --> 00:33:58,849 ♪ Never be hung up ♪ 507 00:33:58,849 --> 00:34:00,992 - What can I get you mate? - Brandy, please. 508 00:34:06,655 --> 00:34:08,396 - I used to think it was, "My Memory". 509 00:34:08,396 --> 00:34:09,929 - What? 510 00:34:09,929 --> 00:34:11,750 - This song, I thought it was "My Memory" for years 511 00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:12,900 and then I saw this er, 512 00:34:14,420 --> 00:34:16,324 saw someone singing it at a karaoke 513 00:34:16,324 --> 00:34:18,400 and I realised it was "My Man and Me". 514 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:19,233 - Cheers, mate. 515 00:34:19,233 --> 00:34:20,112 - Made a lot more sense, you know. 516 00:34:22,869 --> 00:34:25,269 It's funny how songs get you like that, in't it? 517 00:34:28,010 --> 00:34:30,289 But it just goes to show it's the tune that gets you. 518 00:34:30,289 --> 00:34:33,213 I'm straight, mate. 519 00:34:35,085 --> 00:34:36,668 Sorry? 520 00:34:36,668 --> 00:34:37,909 - I'm just waiting for someone. 521 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:41,356 She mightn't turn up but if that happens, I'm, 522 00:34:41,356 --> 00:34:44,000 I'm just gonna get off on me own, okay? 523 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:44,833 - Yeah, okay. 524 00:34:46,612 --> 00:34:49,269 - I just wouldn't want you to waste your time or energy. 525 00:34:49,269 --> 00:34:50,614 You know what I'm saying? 526 00:34:50,614 --> 00:34:52,353 - Oh yeah, I do, I do. - All right. 527 00:34:52,353 --> 00:34:53,813 - And I appreciate it. - No problem. 528 00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:57,032 - Can't blame a bloke for trying though, can you? 529 00:34:58,940 --> 00:35:00,222 After all, long time dead. 530 00:35:03,398 --> 00:35:04,481 - It's you, isn't it? 531 00:35:04,481 --> 00:35:05,880 - Don't apologise, no need. 532 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,182 I'm used to knock-backs when I'm Simon. 533 00:35:08,182 --> 00:35:09,956 - I don't intend to apologise. 534 00:35:09,956 --> 00:35:11,777 You saw Karen, I know you saw her. 535 00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:12,769 So how? How did you find her? 536 00:35:12,769 --> 00:35:14,170 - You passed me in the road. 537 00:35:14,170 --> 00:35:16,086 I was Simon, thus invisible. 538 00:35:16,086 --> 00:35:17,380 And you led me to her. 539 00:35:17,380 --> 00:35:19,130 Why did you tell me she was dead? 540 00:35:19,130 --> 00:35:21,050 - 'Cause you were being a smart arse, 541 00:35:21,050 --> 00:35:23,289 reading me like a book, treating me like a mug, 542 00:35:23,289 --> 00:35:24,652 you condescending prick. 543 00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:26,625 - She's beautiful. 544 00:35:26,625 --> 00:35:27,458 - Yeah, I know she's beautiful. 545 00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:28,291 Right, and there's nothing I wouldn't do 546 00:35:28,291 --> 00:35:29,123 to stop her from getting hurt. 547 00:35:29,123 --> 00:35:29,969 So just stay away from her, right! 548 00:35:29,969 --> 00:35:31,510 - Why, what do you think I'm gonna do? 549 00:35:31,510 --> 00:35:32,420 - I know what you was up to. 550 00:35:32,420 --> 00:35:34,590 Sitting in that chair, inches away from my wife, 551 00:35:34,590 --> 00:35:37,115 nose against her tits, getting off on it, you dirty faggot. 552 00:35:37,115 --> 00:35:39,311 You don't play games with my wife. 553 00:35:39,311 --> 00:35:41,362 Right, you don't play games with my life. 554 00:35:43,900 --> 00:35:46,405 You go near her again and I'll kill you. 555 00:35:46,405 --> 00:35:47,239 - Right. 556 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:48,693 - I'll kill you! 557 00:35:48,693 --> 00:35:50,193 I swear, I will kill you if you do. 558 00:35:50,193 --> 00:35:51,025 - All right. 559 00:35:51,025 --> 00:35:52,329 - Yeah, see I come from the real world, you see, 560 00:35:52,329 --> 00:35:53,300 you little prick, 561 00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:54,530 and in the real world, 562 00:35:54,530 --> 00:35:56,769 there's no trannies, just pervs. 563 00:35:56,769 --> 00:35:59,362 There's no, there's no gays, just queers! 564 00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:02,230 - You know something? - End of. 565 00:36:02,230 --> 00:36:03,063 - It never ceases to amaze me- 566 00:36:03,063 --> 00:36:03,896 - End of. 567 00:36:03,896 --> 00:36:05,300 - It never ceases to amaze me 568 00:36:06,188 --> 00:36:07,039 the lengths men go to, 569 00:36:07,039 --> 00:36:09,032 to suppress the truth about themselves. 570 00:36:09,889 --> 00:36:13,050 Well, I'm glad you've finally shown your true colours, 571 00:36:13,050 --> 00:36:15,717 you spineless little prick, 572 00:36:15,717 --> 00:36:16,570 because Tracie were convincing herself 573 00:36:16,570 --> 00:36:18,077 you weren't like all the others. 574 00:36:18,077 --> 00:36:18,909 All right, fair enough, 575 00:36:18,909 --> 00:36:20,559 she's had her fair share of married men 576 00:36:20,559 --> 00:36:22,309 but you were different, weren't ya? 577 00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:24,750 You came back, and not just once, 578 00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:26,849 but time and time again. 579 00:36:26,849 --> 00:36:28,333 The poor deluded cow, 580 00:36:29,349 --> 00:36:30,619 she'd started to convince herself 581 00:36:30,619 --> 00:36:32,132 you two had something special. 582 00:36:33,425 --> 00:36:34,403 You'd think she'd have learnt her lesson by now, 583 00:36:34,403 --> 00:36:35,237 wouldn't you? 584 00:36:35,237 --> 00:36:36,659 Because the one thing she should know 585 00:36:36,659 --> 00:36:40,277 is men like you never leave their wives for women like her. 586 00:36:40,277 --> 00:36:42,775 - No, they don't, and they never will. 587 00:36:42,775 --> 00:36:46,114 Right, do you know what she said to me, my Karen? 588 00:36:46,114 --> 00:36:48,092 She said, "He asked for a Cheryl Cole. 589 00:36:49,369 --> 00:36:51,849 I think I managed a Myra Hindley." 590 00:37:01,597 --> 00:37:02,429 Have you seen my phone, love? 591 00:37:07,677 --> 00:37:09,456 I had it this morning. 592 00:37:10,510 --> 00:37:11,523 It's not in the car. 593 00:37:32,753 --> 00:37:34,003 - Who's Tracie? 594 00:37:36,233 --> 00:37:39,150 I dunno. 595 00:38:24,644 --> 00:38:25,643 Hello, your call 596 00:38:25,643 --> 00:38:26,639 cannot be taken at the moment, 597 00:38:26,639 --> 00:38:30,927 so please leave your message after the tone. 598 00:38:30,927 --> 00:38:34,344 You're wrong, I'm not spineless. 599 00:38:38,523 --> 00:38:40,856 - What? - I'm not spineless. 600 00:38:42,106 --> 00:38:44,289 - No? - I told her. 601 00:38:44,289 --> 00:38:46,820 - Told her what? - Everything. 602 00:38:46,820 --> 00:38:47,820 - Is this a wind up? 603 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,400 - Do I sound like I'm joking? - Well, why? 604 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,300 - Because she deserves better than me. 605 00:38:57,090 --> 00:39:00,132 - How did she take it? - She's over the moon. 606 00:39:02,586 --> 00:39:03,420 - Where is she now? 607 00:39:09,583 --> 00:39:11,043 - She's gone to her mum's for the night. 608 00:39:12,349 --> 00:39:14,599 I said I'd be gone by the time she gets back. 609 00:39:16,427 --> 00:39:17,530 So, you'd best pack your bags. 610 00:39:17,530 --> 00:39:18,610 - What? 611 00:39:18,610 --> 00:39:20,751 I've gotta go away in the morning 612 00:39:20,751 --> 00:39:21,585 and I want you to come with me. 613 00:39:23,291 --> 00:39:25,652 - Where? - I don't know, anywhere. 614 00:39:28,614 --> 00:39:31,391 I'm working in the morning. 615 00:39:31,391 --> 00:39:32,550 Call in sick. 616 00:39:32,550 --> 00:39:34,780 Look, I'm not promising anything, 617 00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:37,949 but let's just go away for a few days eh, 618 00:39:37,949 --> 00:39:39,835 see what happens. 619 00:39:39,835 --> 00:39:41,271 - I don't believe I'm hearing this. 620 00:39:41,271 --> 00:39:42,655 - Well, you'd better, 621 00:39:42,655 --> 00:39:47,655 'cause I'm coming for you at nine in the morning. 622 00:39:50,530 --> 00:39:51,364 Love you. 623 00:41:18,710 --> 00:41:19,710 - All right? 624 00:41:22,010 --> 00:41:24,273 - Are you coming like that? 625 00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:25,269 - Yeah, why? 626 00:41:25,269 --> 00:41:26,280 - No, nothing, I just thought ... 627 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:27,603 - Thanks very much, sweetheart. 628 00:41:27,603 --> 00:41:28,920 - No, no look I'm sorry. 629 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,280 - Thank you very much indeed. 630 00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,878 - No, I'm sorry, I'm just ... 631 00:41:32,878 --> 00:41:34,461 You look wonderful. 632 00:41:35,764 --> 00:41:36,847 - Ah, thanks. 633 00:41:38,302 --> 00:41:39,135 - No, wait there. 634 00:41:46,396 --> 00:41:47,396 - Thank you. 635 00:41:49,235 --> 00:41:53,134 Are you sure you're all right to drive, darling? 636 00:41:53,134 --> 00:41:54,717 You look wiped out. 637 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,233 - Yeah, I'll be fine. 638 00:42:05,219 --> 00:42:07,572 - On the day before the murder, 639 00:42:08,900 --> 00:42:12,492 Tony Baines made repeated attempts to phone you, yes? 640 00:42:14,019 --> 00:42:14,853 - Yes. 641 00:42:16,860 --> 00:42:17,762 - What did he say? 642 00:42:19,519 --> 00:42:20,733 - He wanted to meet up. 643 00:42:22,050 --> 00:42:22,949 Why? 644 00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:25,333 - To talk. 645 00:42:26,949 --> 00:42:29,623 - To plan? - No, to talk. 646 00:42:34,210 --> 00:42:35,710 - Did you talk about his wife? 647 00:42:37,039 --> 00:42:37,873 - Yes. 648 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,610 - You meet, you discuss his wife, 649 00:42:41,610 --> 00:42:44,313 he goes home and then murders her, yes? 650 00:42:46,289 --> 00:42:47,219 - Yes. 651 00:42:47,219 --> 00:42:49,219 - And then immediately phones you again? 652 00:42:50,199 --> 00:42:51,032 - Yes. 653 00:43:01,369 --> 00:43:02,463 - Someone's popular. 654 00:43:09,139 --> 00:43:09,972 Alan. 655 00:43:12,594 --> 00:43:13,427 Is that Alan the Neanderthal? 656 00:43:14,581 --> 00:43:16,181 - Yeah. 657 00:43:36,255 --> 00:43:37,088 - Maureen. 658 00:43:38,501 --> 00:43:40,001 - Karen's mum. 659 00:44:02,001 --> 00:44:03,420 - Are you not hungry? 660 00:44:03,420 --> 00:44:04,253 - No. 661 00:44:07,659 --> 00:44:08,643 - When was the last time you ate? 662 00:44:09,949 --> 00:44:11,099 - Lunch time yesterday. 663 00:44:12,597 --> 00:44:15,514 - Well, didn't you have any dinner? 664 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:22,280 - She cooked it for me but I didn't eat it. 665 00:44:25,170 --> 00:44:26,413 - You've been very brave. 666 00:44:29,420 --> 00:44:32,262 Some people say things like, 667 00:44:32,262 --> 00:44:34,409 "Oh, I didn't have the heart to do it." 668 00:44:34,409 --> 00:44:36,980 Whatever "it" is, whatever bad news "it" is, 669 00:44:38,822 --> 00:44:40,742 when what they should be saying is, 670 00:44:40,742 --> 00:44:43,302 "I lacked the emotional courage to do it," but not you. 671 00:44:44,969 --> 00:44:46,469 And it was even harder for you 672 00:44:47,489 --> 00:44:49,289 because you've got physical courage, 673 00:44:50,929 --> 00:44:53,829 and you're used to protecting people 674 00:44:53,829 --> 00:44:55,413 and shielding them from pain, 675 00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:57,233 and suddenly 676 00:44:58,940 --> 00:45:01,159 you've got to tell a woman you love 677 00:45:01,159 --> 00:45:02,666 something that will crucify her. 678 00:45:06,646 --> 00:45:08,949 And the temptation to deny yourself, 679 00:45:08,949 --> 00:45:12,340 to go on sacrificing your own happiness, 680 00:45:12,340 --> 00:45:13,679 to go on living a lie, 681 00:45:13,679 --> 00:45:17,199 it must've been overwhelming but you didn't succumb, 682 00:45:17,199 --> 00:45:18,032 you did it, 683 00:45:20,842 --> 00:45:23,092 and I'm so proud of you for that, my darling, 684 00:45:24,661 --> 00:45:25,661 I'm so proud of you. 685 00:45:30,829 --> 00:45:32,972 Young Simon used to lie in bed at night, 686 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:35,672 praying not to wake up, 687 00:45:38,244 --> 00:45:41,447 "To cease upon the midnight with no pain." 688 00:45:42,519 --> 00:45:43,619 But he kept waking up. 689 00:45:45,902 --> 00:45:46,902 He realised, 690 00:45:47,956 --> 00:45:50,657 he had to tell his parents he was gay or kill himself. 691 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:55,170 So, he decided having a dead son 692 00:45:55,170 --> 00:45:57,170 was slightly worse than having a gay one 693 00:45:58,260 --> 00:45:59,610 and that's why he told 'em. 694 00:46:02,159 --> 00:46:03,523 So even when he came out, 695 00:46:06,282 --> 00:46:08,021 he did it for other people. 696 00:46:51,626 --> 00:46:54,208 - We used to come here as kids. 697 00:46:59,646 --> 00:47:03,063 Do you love me? 698 00:47:04,876 --> 00:47:05,708 - Yes. 699 00:47:08,483 --> 00:47:09,833 - What would you do for me? 700 00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:13,233 - Anything. 701 00:47:16,659 --> 00:47:17,492 - You know, 702 00:47:19,510 --> 00:47:21,932 living a lie isn't spineless. 703 00:47:23,230 --> 00:47:24,802 - Simon said that dear, not me. 704 00:47:26,460 --> 00:47:28,213 - It takes guts, endurance. 705 00:47:31,907 --> 00:47:33,262 I love me wife. 706 00:47:34,150 --> 00:47:35,599 I lusted after you, yeah, but 707 00:47:37,599 --> 00:47:38,452 I loved Karen. 708 00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:44,092 How do you, 709 00:47:45,242 --> 00:47:46,617 how do you tell someone you love 710 00:47:46,617 --> 00:47:48,670 that the last 12 years have been a lie? 711 00:47:48,670 --> 00:47:49,643 12 years. 712 00:47:51,599 --> 00:47:52,449 I couldn't do it. 713 00:47:56,045 --> 00:47:58,128 Would've broke her heart. 714 00:48:01,228 --> 00:48:02,146 Better to ... 715 00:48:02,146 --> 00:48:05,164 Better a broken skull than a broken heart 716 00:48:05,164 --> 00:48:06,306 and that's not, 717 00:48:06,306 --> 00:48:07,630 that's not cowardice, that, 718 00:48:07,630 --> 00:48:09,717 that's not lacking emotional courage, that's, 719 00:48:09,717 --> 00:48:11,780 that's just being human. 720 00:48:11,780 --> 00:48:13,639 - What are you saying? 721 00:48:13,639 --> 00:48:14,617 - I killed her. 722 00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,072 I killed her because I couldn't hurt her. 723 00:48:20,530 --> 00:48:22,925 I'm gonna have to weigh her down. 724 00:48:22,925 --> 00:48:25,586 But I can't do that, I can't do it on my own, 725 00:48:25,586 --> 00:48:27,027 I can't move the body out of the boat, 726 00:48:27,027 --> 00:48:28,088 or I'll end up tipping the boat, 727 00:48:28,088 --> 00:48:31,123 and I can't swim, so you're gonna have to help me. 728 00:48:31,123 --> 00:48:32,125 - You've got to call the police. 729 00:48:32,125 --> 00:48:32,958 - No, I can't. - Listen. 730 00:48:32,958 --> 00:48:34,000 - I can't. - You can. 731 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,896 Listen, listen, listen. 732 00:48:35,896 --> 00:48:37,192 Let's just, let's just do this together. 733 00:48:37,192 --> 00:48:38,025 And? 734 00:48:38,025 --> 00:48:39,585 And then we'll live together, 735 00:48:39,585 --> 00:48:41,804 then we'll go away anywhere you like, 736 00:48:41,804 --> 00:48:43,121 any country you like. 737 00:48:43,121 --> 00:48:45,885 Just me and you, just me and you. 738 00:48:50,851 --> 00:48:52,518 - She's in the boot. 739 00:48:54,445 --> 00:48:57,224 You put her in the boot. 740 00:49:05,847 --> 00:49:07,130 Oh. 741 00:49:07,130 --> 00:49:10,559 - Your fingerprints are on the murder weapon. 742 00:49:10,559 --> 00:49:12,099 - Yes. 743 00:49:12,099 --> 00:49:13,842 Can you explain that? 744 00:49:15,010 --> 00:49:17,413 - It was in the boot on top of the body. 745 00:49:18,900 --> 00:49:20,552 I picked it up to defend myself. 746 00:49:23,507 --> 00:49:24,572 And if I don't help you? 747 00:49:26,894 --> 00:49:29,271 What happens if I don't help you, hm? 748 00:49:29,271 --> 00:49:30,239 Would you kill me as well? 749 00:51:33,432 --> 00:51:34,690 Why had he put the body 750 00:51:34,690 --> 00:51:35,940 into the boot of the car? 751 00:51:37,019 --> 00:51:38,039 - To get rid of it. 752 00:51:38,039 --> 00:51:40,030 You were helping him to dispose of it! 753 00:51:40,030 --> 00:51:41,090 - No. 754 00:51:41,090 --> 00:51:44,623 - Why the middle of nowhere if not to dispose of the body? 755 00:51:46,369 --> 00:51:47,963 - I thought he wanted sex. 756 00:51:52,329 --> 00:51:53,163 - I'm sorry? 757 00:51:56,255 --> 00:51:58,440 I said, "I thought he wanted sex." 758 00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:00,639 With a man dressed as a woman? 759 00:52:03,829 --> 00:52:04,663 Yes. 760 00:52:05,699 --> 00:52:07,222 - In the car? - Yes. 761 00:52:09,679 --> 00:52:11,719 - With his wife lying dead only inches away? 762 00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:15,242 - Listen, I have often had sex dressed as a woman. 763 00:52:16,590 --> 00:52:18,079 I get more dressed as a woman 764 00:52:18,079 --> 00:52:19,800 than I ever do dressed as a man, 765 00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:22,409 but I have never knowingly slept with a man 766 00:52:22,409 --> 00:52:25,070 while his wife lay dead just inches from me. 767 00:52:25,070 --> 00:52:27,353 I did not know she was there! 768 00:52:28,940 --> 00:52:30,289 Have you asked Tony Baines 769 00:52:30,289 --> 00:52:32,342 to give evidence on your behalf? 770 00:52:33,940 --> 00:52:35,489 - Yes. 771 00:52:35,489 --> 00:52:36,853 Is he going to? 772 00:52:37,929 --> 00:52:38,762 - No. 773 00:52:40,382 --> 00:52:42,199 - Well, he was with you the whole time. 774 00:52:42,199 --> 00:52:43,699 He's confessed to the murder of his wife, 775 00:52:43,699 --> 00:52:45,940 so he has absolutely nothing to lose. 776 00:52:45,940 --> 00:52:47,269 If you're telling the truth, 777 00:52:47,269 --> 00:52:49,402 he would vouch for what you say, yes? 778 00:52:51,083 --> 00:52:52,182 - Yes. 779 00:52:59,364 --> 00:53:00,958 How d'you think it's going? 780 00:53:00,958 --> 00:53:03,204 - You can never tell. 781 00:53:06,121 --> 00:53:07,869 - Do you think they'll find me guilty? 782 00:53:07,869 --> 00:53:09,420 - I don't think any such thing. 783 00:53:11,764 --> 00:53:13,320 I'll see you tomorrow. 784 00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:14,893 - Look, could, 785 00:53:16,300 --> 00:53:19,159 could you ask the judge a question for me, please? 786 00:53:37,864 --> 00:53:41,052 - For the avoidance of doubt, this is the accused. 787 00:53:42,340 --> 00:53:43,476 What shall I call you? 788 00:53:44,369 --> 00:53:45,869 - Tracie Tremarco, your honour. 789 00:53:47,010 --> 00:53:49,492 - Very well, Miss Tremarco, go ahead. 790 00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:51,193 - Thank you. 791 00:53:54,639 --> 00:53:57,929 Tony's confessed to murder, the prosecution says, 792 00:53:57,929 --> 00:53:59,380 and he's getting life anyway. 793 00:54:00,460 --> 00:54:03,110 So he's nothing to lose, so why not confirm my story? 794 00:54:04,559 --> 00:54:06,373 He's got everything to lose. 795 00:54:08,030 --> 00:54:12,920 Prison, when you've murdered your wife your wife, that's hard. 796 00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,869 to sleep with a girl like me, that's not hard, that's hell. 797 00:54:17,460 --> 00:54:19,641 Life in prison for a nonce, 798 00:54:19,641 --> 00:54:20,474 and that's what they'll call him, 799 00:54:20,474 --> 00:54:22,619 life for a nonce is absolute hell 800 00:54:22,619 --> 00:54:24,722 and that's why he's keeping his mouth shut. 801 00:54:29,599 --> 00:54:31,900 This is how I was dressed when I was arrested. 802 00:54:33,050 --> 00:54:34,900 And it caused a bit of a stir right now 803 00:54:34,900 --> 00:54:36,000 when I just walked in. 804 00:54:37,103 --> 00:54:38,690 Happens all the time. 805 00:54:38,690 --> 00:54:40,570 Now I don't know about you, 806 00:54:40,570 --> 00:54:43,619 but if I'm getting into a car with a body in it, 807 00:54:43,619 --> 00:54:46,480 the last thing I want to do is draw attention to meself. 808 00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,083 I doubt I'd dress like this! 809 00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:53,690 These are the nails I had on. 810 00:54:54,780 --> 00:54:57,682 French, natural ivory, cost a fortune. 811 00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:01,650 Now, you do not wear these 812 00:55:01,650 --> 00:55:03,739 to drag a body from a car, 813 00:55:03,739 --> 00:55:06,913 put it in a boat and then dump it in the middle of a lake. 814 00:55:08,119 --> 00:55:08,952 Similarly, 815 00:55:10,425 --> 00:55:13,820 these, these are the shoes I had on. 816 00:55:13,820 --> 00:55:17,572 Italian court, saddle stitched, 7.5 centimetre heel. 817 00:55:18,862 --> 00:55:21,762 How do I dispose of a body in these, 818 00:55:22,909 --> 00:55:25,422 when I can just about walk through the court in them? 819 00:55:28,039 --> 00:55:30,043 I'm innocent, members of the jury. 820 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:32,333 Totally innocent. 821 00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:42,043 All rise. 822 00:55:52,963 --> 00:55:55,630 Members of the jury, are you agreed upon a verdict? 823 00:55:55,630 --> 00:55:56,463 - We are. 824 00:55:57,663 --> 00:56:01,400 - Do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty of murder? 825 00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:03,257 Not guilty. 826 00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,838 Right, settle down please. 827 00:56:11,838 --> 00:56:13,210 And is that the verdict of you all? 828 00:56:13,210 --> 00:56:14,110 It is. 829 00:57:56,489 --> 00:57:57,563 - City centre please, darling. 830 00:57:59,527 --> 00:58:02,159 "There she weaves by night and day, 831 00:58:02,159 --> 00:58:04,539 a magic web with colours gay. 832 00:58:04,539 --> 00:58:06,369 She has heard a whisper say, 833 00:58:06,369 --> 00:58:08,280 a curse is on her if she stay, 834 00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:09,483 to look down to Camelot. 835 00:58:15,487 --> 00:58:17,269 Lancelot said, "Her case is won. 836 00:58:17,269 --> 00:58:19,197 Knickers down, let's have some fun." 837 00:58:20,510 --> 00:58:23,123 And then the dirty bastard gave her one, 838 00:58:23,123 --> 00:58:24,873 The Lady of Shalott."