1 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,394 How ya doin'? 2 00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:05,439 I'm Jimmy McDougal but I used to be Jimmy Falcone. 3 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,267 You probably read about me in the papers - 4 00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:11,315 Mafia bigshot turned government stoolie. 5 00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,925 What you don't know is, 6 00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:16,407 despite all the bad stuff I done in my life, 7 00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:20,193 the one thing I'm most ashamed of was ratting out my friends. 8 00:00:20,193 --> 00:00:23,196 That, and the time I had to give my grandmother a bath. 9 00:00:23,196 --> 00:00:26,547 He was so gentle. You mind? 10 00:00:26,547 --> 00:00:28,506 Mr. Falcone, you told us your crimes. 11 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,856 Now please point to your accomplices. 12 00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,292 How could I do it? 13 00:00:32,292 --> 00:00:33,293 I loved these guys. 14 00:00:33,293 --> 00:00:35,600 Sure, they was trying to kill me 15 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,472 but that's no reason to ruin a buddy's life. 16 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,692 Uh, what was the question again? 17 00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:42,694 Enough stalling, Mr. Falcone. 18 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:44,087 Either you testify 19 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,218 and you and your family will receive protection, 20 00:00:45,218 --> 00:00:46,785 or, you can all take your chances 21 00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:49,570 on the street. 22 00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:50,789 That's blackmail. 23 00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,617 Arrest that man! 24 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,401 Final warning, Mr. Falcone. 25 00:00:54,401 --> 00:00:55,794 Fine! 26 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:57,883 To keep my family safe, I'll do it. 27 00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,537 Here goes. Ready? 28 00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:01,365 I'm going to point now. 29 00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:02,409 Yes, I am. 30 00:01:02,409 --> 00:01:03,932 Can you feel the tension? 31 00:01:03,932 --> 00:01:05,804 You could cut it with a knife. 32 00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,414 Especially you, Tommy. 33 00:01:09,329 --> 00:01:11,157 Have it your way, Mr. Falcone. 34 00:01:11,157 --> 00:01:13,768 Perhaps your friends will give you a ride home. 35 00:01:16,597 --> 00:01:18,121 Okay! 36 00:01:19,948 --> 00:01:22,647 Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. 37 00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:24,692 Now get us to Arizona. 38 00:01:24,692 --> 00:01:27,478 Uh, Mr. Falcone, it may be best 39 00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,523 if you don't announce where we'll be hiding you. 40 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,655 Yeah. That was dumb. 41 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:32,700 Can't hide in Arizona now. How about Florida? 42 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:33,962 Oh my God. 43 00:01:33,962 --> 00:01:35,399 New Mexico? 44 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:38,097 And that's how we came to be livin' here in Vagina - 45 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:40,491 Regina -Saskatchewan. 46 00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:42,014 But if any of youse think a little cold weather's 47 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,582 gonna get us down... 48 00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,975 Fugget about it! 49 00:01:46,975 --> 00:01:48,238 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 50 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:49,848 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 51 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,894 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 52 00:01:52,894 --> 00:01:55,897 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 53 00:01:55,897 --> 00:01:57,116 ♪ He take the boss, 54 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:59,074 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 55 00:01:59,074 --> 00:02:02,121 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 56 00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:05,080 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 57 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,127 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 58 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:10,738 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 59 00:02:10,738 --> 00:02:12,087 ♪ Fugget about it 60 00:02:12,087 --> 00:02:13,698 ♪ Fugget about it 61 00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:14,264 ♪ Fugget about it 62 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:15,352 Oh! Fugget about it! 63 00:02:19,399 --> 00:02:21,793 Leave the sauce alone, Jimmy.'Kay. 64 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,273 Gina! Do your homework! 65 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:23,882 I already did it! 66 00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:26,014 I want to check it! 67 00:02:26,014 --> 00:02:27,407 Jimmy, leave the sauce alone. 68 00:02:27,407 --> 00:02:28,365 'Kay. 69 00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:29,931 It's not due 'til Thursday! 70 00:02:29,931 --> 00:02:31,585 Today is Wednesday! 71 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,196 Not due 'til Friday! 72 00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:34,588 Now you listen here, young lady... 73 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:37,243 Mom, can I have four hundred dollars?No. 74 00:02:37,243 --> 00:02:39,027 When I say do your homework, you do your homework. 75 00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:41,204 Not later, not after your show, but now! 76 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,858 Jimmy! The sauce!'Kay. 77 00:02:43,858 --> 00:02:45,512 I already handed it in. 78 00:02:45,512 --> 00:02:47,645 That's not fair. Why not? 79 00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:48,820 Because I said so! 80 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:49,995 You did not hand it in! 81 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,562 And leave the sauce alone! 82 00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:52,954 'Kay. 83 00:02:52,954 --> 00:02:56,088 Mother, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, 84 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:58,090 and it's always best to lead by example. 85 00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,352 Observe. 86 00:02:59,352 --> 00:03:01,572 Gina, I already did my homework 87 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,443 and now I'm doing it a second time. 88 00:03:03,443 --> 00:03:05,097 Get outta town. 89 00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:06,098 Honest. 90 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:07,665 Homework can be fun. 91 00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:09,580 It can? For real? 92 00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:12,931 I hope she wets on you. 93 00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,976 Daddy, can I have four hundred dollars? 94 00:03:14,976 --> 00:03:17,022 'Kay. 95 00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,110 What the hell are you doing? 96 00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,633 Are you giving her money? I just said no. 97 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,897 The kids always come to me after you say no. 98 00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:24,464 Why do I have to be the bad guy? 99 00:03:24,464 --> 00:03:26,684 Why can't you ever be the bad guy? 100 00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:29,991 Cook, we met when I robbed your father's liquor store. 101 00:03:29,991 --> 00:03:31,123 I'm always the bad guy. 102 00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:33,038 And then we got drunk on the stolen Sambuca. 103 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,866 It was our first date. 104 00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:37,347 [ laughs] 105 00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,958 To this day I don't know why your father don't like me. 106 00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:42,526 Alright Theresa, maybe I answered too quickly. 107 00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:44,005 Why do you want the money? 108 00:03:44,005 --> 00:03:45,616 Well, I was at the mall the other day 109 00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:48,532 and I saw the cutest little cashmere dog. 110 00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:51,404 I would look so adorable with its little fluffy head 111 00:03:51,404 --> 00:03:52,579 peeking out of my little designer purse. 112 00:03:52,579 --> 00:03:55,495 I'd bend over to give it a lil' kiss, 113 00:03:55,495 --> 00:03:56,453 and everyone would look at me and just die. 114 00:03:59,194 --> 00:04:01,980 Honest to God, Cook, it's like Chinese to me. 115 00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:03,416 "3 x 10?" 116 00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:04,069 Yes, that is boring. 117 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,593 But what if it asked... 118 00:04:06,593 --> 00:04:08,595 "three of your friends owe you ten dollars each. 119 00:04:08,595 --> 00:04:11,163 How much money are you owed in total?" 120 00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:12,817 Thirty, thirty-four with the vig, 121 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,819 and I better have it by Friday. 122 00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:17,343 You're right, this is fun! 123 00:04:22,609 --> 00:04:23,697 Jimmy. 124 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,046 You know what I love most about Regina? 125 00:04:25,046 --> 00:04:27,658 The excitement? 126 00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,050 Yes, but more than that. 127 00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:31,836 In addition to being the capital of Saskatchewan, 128 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:34,882 Regina is also the second largest city in the province - 129 00:04:34,882 --> 00:04:36,493 after Saskatoon - 130 00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:39,365 and Canada's eighteenth largest by population. 131 00:04:39,365 --> 00:04:40,453 Its summer agricultural exhibition 132 00:04:40,453 --> 00:04:43,848 was originally established in 1884 133 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,893 as the Assiniboia Agricultural Association... 134 00:04:45,893 --> 00:04:48,679 [phone rings] 135 00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,245 I got it! 136 00:04:50,245 --> 00:04:53,597 I don't want it but it's somethin' to do so I got it! 137 00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:54,467 Vagina Tourism. 138 00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:57,252 You may need a bit more training. 139 00:04:57,252 --> 00:04:58,732 Regina Tourism. 140 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,212 Why, yes. 141 00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:03,302 Regina was named in 1882 after Queen Victoria, 142 00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:07,567 i.e. Victoria Regina, by her daughter Princess Louise... 143 00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:11,441 No, sir, that's Saskatoon, we're the second largest... 144 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:14,357 No, sir, that's Saskatoon also... 145 00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:16,881 No! No! No! That's all Saskatoon! 146 00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:18,796 Well, if you love Saskatoon so much 147 00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,319 why don't you just marry it? 148 00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,716 Unlike other planned cities in the Canadian West, 149 00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:27,674 Regina had no topographical features 150 00:05:27,674 --> 00:05:29,894 other than Wascana Creek. 151 00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:32,549 Early planners took advantage of such opportunity... 152 00:05:34,289 --> 00:05:35,943 ...I tell ya, Cheech, I can't take this job no more. 153 00:05:35,943 --> 00:05:39,382 All I do is sit around thinking of ways to off myself. 154 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:40,383 And I'm running out of ideas. 155 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,428 Whoa, whoa! Slow down. 156 00:05:42,428 --> 00:05:44,038 Let's talk this through... 157 00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:47,215 Have you considered explodin' yourself in a microwave 158 00:05:47,215 --> 00:05:49,696 like I done to Eddie the Gimp? 159 00:05:49,696 --> 00:05:52,830 I'm not actually trying to kill myself, Cheech. 160 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,222 I'm just a little down. 161 00:05:54,222 --> 00:05:56,486 Hey, you seem a little down, Jimmy. 162 00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,052 But I know what you need. 163 00:05:58,052 --> 00:06:00,403 Yes sir, I know exactly what you need... 164 00:06:05,451 --> 00:06:07,888 ...a good ole fashioned strip joint. 165 00:06:07,888 --> 00:06:10,674 Ah, a taste of the old life. 166 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,153 Great idea, Cheech. 167 00:06:12,153 --> 00:06:14,155 Don't tell Cookie. 168 00:06:14,155 --> 00:06:16,506 Wow, I feel good just saying that again. 169 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:17,898 "Don't tell Cookie." 170 00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:20,945 Meow! 171 00:06:22,337 --> 00:06:23,382 Okay, okay... 172 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:24,731 I haven't actually been in one, 173 00:06:24,731 --> 00:06:26,037 but I been scoping them out. 174 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,299 Don't worry, I got others. 175 00:06:31,259 --> 00:06:34,088 I can't find my foot. 176 00:06:34,088 --> 00:06:35,916 What's the difference between a duck? 177 00:06:35,916 --> 00:06:37,396 I don't know, what isthe difference between a duck? 178 00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:40,965 I already told you I don't know, stop asking me. 179 00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:43,141 There it is! I found my foot! 180 00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:45,926 No, sorry, it's someone else's foot. 181 00:06:49,277 --> 00:06:52,193 I don't even want to go inside. 182 00:06:54,587 --> 00:06:55,719 I can't believe it. 183 00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:59,592 A town called Vagina and not one strip club. 184 00:06:59,592 --> 00:07:01,202 What's become of us, Jimmy? 185 00:07:01,202 --> 00:07:03,770 It's times like this I'm glad I'm in witness protection 186 00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:06,381 because if anyone back home knew I lived in a town 187 00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:08,514 with no strip club I'd be so embarrassed 188 00:07:08,514 --> 00:07:09,907 I'd hafta go into witness protection. 189 00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:12,692 You can say that again. 190 00:07:12,692 --> 00:07:15,303 Y'know, if some dumb schmuck with half a brain 191 00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:17,654 opened a strip club in this town, 192 00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:19,830 he could make some serious coin. 193 00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,396 He'd make a freakin' fortune. 194 00:07:21,396 --> 00:07:23,660 Hey! 195 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,010 We could be that dumb schmuck! 196 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:28,969 Cheech, we're gonna open a strip club! 197 00:07:28,969 --> 00:07:30,841 Jimmy, you're a genius! 198 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:32,059 I woulda never thought of that. 199 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,935 A strip club, it's perfect for us, 200 00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:39,763 it's our bed and butter. 201 00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:42,417 I believe the expression is bed and breakfast. 202 00:07:42,417 --> 00:07:43,810 So it's agreed. 203 00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:45,159 Tomorrow we dig out the nest egg, 204 00:07:45,159 --> 00:07:45,986 get our money from the old life, 205 00:07:45,986 --> 00:07:48,946 find a place and start renovating. 206 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,600 This is a great idea. 207 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,992 It's a license to print money. 208 00:07:51,992 --> 00:07:53,603 Every man in town will be there. 209 00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,778 Oh my God! 210 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:55,953 We got a problem. 211 00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:57,171 Is it peeing, Jimmy? 212 00:07:57,171 --> 00:07:59,260 I got such a problem peeing. 213 00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:00,871 No, the fed. 214 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,960 Our goody-two-shoes Mountie, our protector. 215 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,136 He'll never let us do this. 216 00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,441 Then we don't tell him. 217 00:08:06,441 --> 00:08:09,140 And just to be safe, we don't tell no one. 218 00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:11,925 This club will be our little secret. 219 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:15,625 'Kay, you're definitely not in charge of marketing. 220 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,061 [horse neighing] 221 00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:18,671 I got here as fast as I could, Jimmy. 222 00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:19,803 What's the problem? 223 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,243 Because suproblem miproblem. 224 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:28,594 Okay, before you say no, hear me out. 225 00:08:28,594 --> 00:08:31,249 Me and Cheech wanna open a strip club. 226 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,946 The town don't have one 227 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,513 so we're providing a public service. 228 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:37,255 And if it don't work, nobody gets hurt but us. 229 00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,952 There's no law against it, Jimmy. 230 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,475 I think it's a splendid idea. 231 00:08:40,475 --> 00:08:43,914 I will be there opening night to support you. 232 00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,437 Horny bastard. 233 00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:46,830 I beg your pardon? 234 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,135 That's what we're calling it - 235 00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:49,702 The Horny Bastard. 236 00:08:49,702 --> 00:08:50,964 So we can do this? 237 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,880 As long as you follow the provincial guidelines. 238 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,360 Bare breasts and bums permitted, 239 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,231 but no full frontal or related mons pubis 240 00:08:57,231 --> 00:08:58,711 if alcohol is served. 241 00:08:58,711 --> 00:09:02,280 Ladies may touch the man's face, arms, chest and inner thigh 242 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,412 but must remain a minimum five centimetres 243 00:09:04,412 --> 00:09:06,458 from his genitalic region. 244 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,982 Men may not touch, fondle, grope or lick, 245 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:09,722 and must be kept at least three centimetres 246 00:09:09,722 --> 00:09:11,332 from her breasts - 247 00:09:11,332 --> 00:09:13,117 this to be measured from the tip of the nipple 248 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:17,208 and notthe areola or breast major. 249 00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,514 There goes my boner. 250 00:09:19,514 --> 00:09:21,386 I'm proud of you, Jimmy. 251 00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:23,823 This is your first step towards becoming 252 00:09:23,823 --> 00:09:25,825 a semi-respected member of the community, 253 00:09:25,825 --> 00:09:27,958 and I trust you'll do well at it. 254 00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,003 For Canada, and her public education system 255 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:32,789 ranked eleventh in the world! 256 00:09:36,531 --> 00:09:38,708 Gina, eat your asparagus.I did. 257 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,231 No you didn't.I'm not hungry. 258 00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,754 You go, girl! 259 00:09:41,754 --> 00:09:42,581 Don't eat if you don't wanna. 260 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,539 That's how they make you fat. 261 00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:46,019 Stick to your guns, 262 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,542 and you can grow up to be hot and anorexic like me. 263 00:09:47,542 --> 00:09:50,850 I thought you were bulimic.Only when I'm hungry. 264 00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:52,722 Thank you, Theresa. Gina, eat it. 265 00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,419 I don't want to get fat. 266 00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:56,334 Can I change the subject to me? 267 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,162 I've put a lot of thought into the cashmere dog 268 00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,903 and I've come up with the perfect argument 269 00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:02,470 for why you need to give me the money to buy it. 270 00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:04,385 All right, what's your argument? 271 00:10:04,385 --> 00:10:07,432 I'd look really, really, really cute. 272 00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,955 Then get a job. 273 00:10:08,955 --> 00:10:10,217 When your father and I were teenagers, 274 00:10:10,217 --> 00:10:11,175 we worked for things we wanted. 275 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,743 I was sweeping up at the beauty parlor, 276 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,092 and your dad was already breaking legs 277 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,310 for Joey-the-Shark. 278 00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:17,137 But it's a different world now. 279 00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:19,357 We have internet and texting 280 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,576 and cell phones and automobiles. 281 00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:22,882 The answer is no. 282 00:10:22,882 --> 00:10:23,622 You just don't want me to look good 283 00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:25,711 'cause you don't and I hate you! 284 00:10:25,711 --> 00:10:28,845 So what else is new? 285 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,760 Gina, eat your asparagus. 286 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:31,935 Petey isn't eating his. 287 00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:32,805 Ah ha. 288 00:10:32,805 --> 00:10:36,417 Petey, eat your asparagus. 289 00:10:36,417 --> 00:10:38,071 Mother, I'm allergic, remember? 290 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,420 No, you're not. 291 00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:40,683 And don't you get it? 292 00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:41,814 It's like the homework thing. 293 00:10:41,814 --> 00:10:44,774 Gina looks up to you and she'll do what you do. 294 00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,166 Okay. 295 00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:48,908 Gina, asparagus is good for you. 296 00:10:48,908 --> 00:10:51,084 I'm allergic.No, I'mallergic. 297 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:54,000 No one's allergic! Petey, eat it! 298 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,175 Fine! 299 00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:00,137 Hey. This is pretty good. 300 00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:05,185 [gasping] 301 00:11:05,185 --> 00:11:07,840 Oh yeah. You areallergic. 302 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,062 ...So we're lookin' for a manager, 303 00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:13,628 someone to run the joint 304 00:11:13,628 --> 00:11:16,109 because we don't want to do any actual work. 305 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,459 We just wanna be the owners, make all the money, 306 00:11:18,459 --> 00:11:20,331 boss people around, and pay as little as we can. 307 00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:24,509 We're like Walmart, but with naked ladies. 308 00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:25,597 [giggling] 309 00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:27,904 Next! 310 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:30,820 ...Because I adore ladies, especially naked ones - 311 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,082 if you know what I mean - 312 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,301 and everyone knows only a straight man 313 00:11:34,301 --> 00:11:36,086 would manage a place like this, which I am. 314 00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,870 So straight it's scary. 315 00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:40,830 First off, no nudity. 316 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:43,484 I'll work twenty-four hours a day, I don't care. 317 00:11:43,484 --> 00:11:46,270 Come on Jimmy, I've run joints like this before. 318 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,228 Yeah, right into the ground. 319 00:11:48,228 --> 00:11:49,577 Hoh! Cheech! 320 00:11:49,577 --> 00:11:51,884 You're talking to my wife here! 321 00:11:51,884 --> 00:11:54,278 I'm sorry Cook, but we checked your references... 322 00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:57,542 If I waz ze manager of zis club, 323 00:11:57,542 --> 00:12:00,458 I make sure dat ze girls are boot-ee-ful 324 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:03,243 but alzo have a zertain shwa shwa shwa... 325 00:12:03,243 --> 00:12:05,593 ...shwa shwa shwa shwa shwa. 326 00:12:05,593 --> 00:12:09,641 And if we could find just one with a shwa shwa shwa 327 00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,817 shwa shwa shwa shwa. 328 00:12:11,817 --> 00:12:12,209 Muah! 329 00:12:14,994 --> 00:12:16,430 I like him. 330 00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:17,692 Me too. 331 00:12:17,692 --> 00:12:19,956 Okay, mac, you're hired. 332 00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:22,436 Who'da thought we'd wind up with the Puerto Rican guy? 333 00:12:25,091 --> 00:12:27,702 No!It's just a haircut! 334 00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:28,791 They're gonna put a sharp blade next to my head! 335 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:31,010 Fugget it! 336 00:12:31,010 --> 00:12:31,489 You'll look adorable! 337 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:34,187 No! 338 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,449 What's going on? 339 00:12:35,449 --> 00:12:37,582 Gina needs a haircut but she won't... 340 00:12:38,713 --> 00:12:40,280 Noooo. 341 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,718 I told you you'd look adorable. 342 00:12:43,718 --> 00:12:46,199 You know, a ride home would've been nice. 343 00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,771 Heckuva job, Monsieur Shwa-shwa. 344 00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:56,296 The joint looks great, and the girls you hired are gorgeous. 345 00:12:56,296 --> 00:12:58,908 Well it iz a pleusure pour moi aussi, 346 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:00,735 Monsieur Mac-A-Doodie-Gull, 347 00:13:00,735 --> 00:13:04,174 parce que I love very much to shwa shwa shwa... 348 00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:07,220 ...shwa shwa shwa shwa shwa shwa. 349 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,613 Who doesn't? 350 00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:09,614 Jimmy. We got a problem. 351 00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:12,312 Ah ah ah, that is a little too close. 352 00:13:12,312 --> 00:13:15,359 Remember the three centimetre rule. 353 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:17,361 It's more than three centimetres. 354 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:18,362 I highly doubt that. 355 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:21,887 Three-point-eight, I stand corrected. 356 00:13:21,887 --> 00:13:24,759 All right, bring it in a little. 357 00:13:24,759 --> 00:13:26,196 Gentle circles. 358 00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:27,153 No pinching. 359 00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:28,546 I won't tell you again. 360 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:31,505 And you, inner thigh, inner. 361 00:13:31,505 --> 00:13:32,071 What's so hard about that? 362 00:13:32,071 --> 00:13:33,768 What's the big deal? 363 00:13:33,768 --> 00:13:36,859 The girls won't break the rules, not with a fed. 364 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,077 No, no. It ain't that. 365 00:13:38,077 --> 00:13:41,472 All our best girls just wanna dance for him, 366 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:42,777 and our customers are starting to complain. 367 00:13:42,777 --> 00:13:46,216 I want to come home with you tonight, Special Agent. 368 00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:47,521 No, take me. 369 00:13:47,521 --> 00:13:49,045 No, me. 370 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,960 I could have this place shut down for just asking me that, 371 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,353 Dancer Number Three. 372 00:13:53,353 --> 00:13:54,789 But I'll let it slide this time if you all promise 373 00:13:54,789 --> 00:13:57,967 to never make such a request to a customer again. 374 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,012 ALL: We promise. 375 00:14:00,012 --> 00:14:00,883 Of course, if you happen to 376 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:02,710 follow me home of your own accord, 377 00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:04,234 and no money changes hands, 378 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,018 well then it's all just good, clean fun. 379 00:14:06,018 --> 00:14:08,064 You know what? 380 00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,587 I'm not gonna to worry about it tonight. 381 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,110 Tonight, we celebrate. 382 00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:13,199 To the Horny Bastard! 383 00:14:13,199 --> 00:14:14,940 The Horny Bastard! 384 00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:17,769 Ze horny bastard! Shwa shwa. 385 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:19,640 ANNOUNCER: Thank you, Delila! 386 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,728 And now... 387 00:14:20,728 --> 00:14:21,816 all the way from Paris, Ontario... 388 00:14:21,816 --> 00:14:23,862 put your hands together for the beautiful... 389 00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:27,083 Paris Ontario! 390 00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,519 Ah, zis one is a real find. 391 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:32,958 Theresa? 392 00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:33,828 Daddy? Oh my god! 393 00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:36,483 Ooo, zat is hot. 394 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:40,487 Theresa! 395 00:14:40,487 --> 00:14:42,533 I can't believe you come to places like this! 396 00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:43,273 You're sick! 397 00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:45,101 What are you talking about? 398 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,233 Me and Cheech own the joint. 399 00:14:47,233 --> 00:14:48,843 So I know the owner? 400 00:14:48,843 --> 00:14:50,323 That's a very good connection for me. 401 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,846 Okay, but you'll have to leave the main room 402 00:14:51,846 --> 00:14:53,326 when I'm on stage. 403 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,632 Are you crazy? 404 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:56,547 I'm not letting you work here! 405 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:57,722 You mean... you're firing me? 406 00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,290 You're my daughter! 407 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,466 And what kind of man fires his own daughter? 408 00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:05,208 I hate you! 409 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,252 [bleep] 410 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,214 [crash] 411 00:15:16,523 --> 00:15:19,048 Oh, Gina, I made you a dentist appointment for next Thursday. 412 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:20,092 I'm not going. 413 00:15:20,092 --> 00:15:23,878 Sweetie, it's just a routine check-up. 414 00:15:23,878 --> 00:15:26,055 Your brother needs a root canal. 415 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,012 No, I don't.Shhhh. 416 00:15:27,012 --> 00:15:30,842 All right. If Petey goes, I'll go. 417 00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:32,583 Oh come on! 418 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,846 Where's Theresa?In her room. What's wrong? 419 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:37,501 Nuttin'. Bad day on the job. 420 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,459 Very bad day on the job. 421 00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:41,984 Stupendous day on the job! 422 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,334 You, shwa shwa shwa shwa. 423 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:45,857 You, shwa shwa shwa. 424 00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:47,293 You, shwa. 425 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,950 Monsieur le Mountie, we appreciate your shwa shwa shwa, 426 00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,997 mais shwa shwa shwa shwa. 427 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,477 Shwa shwa shwa shwa shwa. 428 00:15:57,477 --> 00:15:58,565 Ah, your French iz very good. 429 00:15:58,565 --> 00:16:01,351 Shwa shwa. 430 00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:04,310 Baby, can't we talk this out? 431 00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:06,138 It's not fair, Daddy. 432 00:16:06,138 --> 00:16:07,052 All I wanted was four hundred dollars 433 00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:10,229 but Mom said I had to get a job. 434 00:16:10,229 --> 00:16:11,187 She didn't say be a stripper. 435 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:14,712 She didn't say not be a stripper. 436 00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:16,192 And I have wanted to do this 437 00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,628 ever since I thought of it the other day. 438 00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:19,238 Boys like me anyway. 439 00:16:19,238 --> 00:16:22,154 I bet they'd like me even more naked. 440 00:16:22,154 --> 00:16:26,158 Aw, princess, you don't want boys to like you for that. 441 00:16:26,158 --> 00:16:29,422 You're a smart, capable young woman 442 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,424 with a big heart and a good mind. 443 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:35,602 One day you'll find a boy who loves you for that, 444 00:16:35,602 --> 00:16:37,735 and that's all you'll ever need. 445 00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:39,432 Aw, Daddy... 446 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,608 that is so gay. 447 00:16:41,608 --> 00:16:43,958 Baby, I don't want us to fight. 448 00:16:43,958 --> 00:16:46,048 Then don't thwart my dreams! 449 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:49,051 I love to dance! I live to dance! 450 00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:51,488 And I'll never forgive you because I hate you! 451 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:54,360 [sigh] Alright. 452 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:57,189 How 'bout I just give you the four hundred dollars? 453 00:16:57,189 --> 00:16:59,800 I love you! 454 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,584 But I don't want your mother 455 00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,455 knowing I'm going behind her back. 456 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,630 Don't worry. 457 00:17:03,630 --> 00:17:04,892 I don't tell you or Mommy anything 458 00:17:04,892 --> 00:17:06,503 when I go behind your backs. 459 00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:08,113 Good. Wait. Okay, good. 460 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:11,725 [whimpering] 461 00:17:11,725 --> 00:17:15,512 [screaming] 462 00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:17,079 Would you keep it down. You're scaring your sister. 463 00:17:20,995 --> 00:17:22,649 Daddy! Uncle Cheech! 464 00:17:22,649 --> 00:17:25,174 I'd like you to meet the newest member of our family, 465 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,914 Paris Ontario. 466 00:17:26,914 --> 00:17:28,525 I gave her my stripper name. 467 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:29,787 Does it bite? 468 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:30,788 Cheech, it's cashmere. 469 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,747 So, I dunno, do cashmeres bite? 470 00:17:33,747 --> 00:17:36,489 I love it so much, Daddy, thank you. 471 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:37,577 Just wanna make you happy, princess. 472 00:17:37,577 --> 00:17:39,536 I hoped you'd say that. 473 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:40,972 Because when I got her, 474 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,061 I saw the cutest diamond studded collar. 475 00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:45,803 So can I have five hundred dollars more to stayhappy? 476 00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,892 No. Out of the question. 477 00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,415 That's not fair! 478 00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:51,591 Then let me earn it at the club! 479 00:17:51,591 --> 00:17:52,853 We've been through this. 480 00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:55,943 All the other cashmere dogs have diamond collars! 481 00:17:55,943 --> 00:17:57,336 Why do you have to make Paris feel less than? 482 00:17:57,336 --> 00:17:59,860 I hate you! 483 00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:02,472 Okay! Fine! Here! 484 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,648 I love you! 485 00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:07,129 Did you just buy your daughter's love? 486 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:10,044 Hey, it was for sale, and I wanted it. 487 00:18:10,044 --> 00:18:12,525 ...and not a single cavity. 488 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,658 And you sat in the chair so bravely. 489 00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:16,703 I ai ih amiwee. [I hate this family.] 490 00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,493 Hey, how come there's two Ginas? 491 00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:26,191 Mom! Mom! Look what I got! 492 00:18:26,191 --> 00:18:28,324 Isn't she the cutest thing you ever saw? 493 00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:29,586 Where'd you get the money for this? 494 00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:32,066 Oh. Um... I got a job. 495 00:18:32,066 --> 00:18:33,633 Doing what?Uh... 496 00:18:33,633 --> 00:18:34,634 working for Daddy. 497 00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:37,550 She's just keeping the books! 498 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,291 She don't even know what kind of club it is. 499 00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:41,206 I do all the adding and the take aways. 500 00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:42,599 Aww. 501 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:45,079 I am so proud of you. 502 00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:47,734 You wanted something and you went out and got it. 503 00:18:47,734 --> 00:18:48,996 Thanks Mom. 504 00:18:48,996 --> 00:18:50,868 You want to meet Paris Ontario? 505 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,870 Aww, so this is what all the fuss was about. 506 00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:56,439 I can see why. It's adorable. 507 00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:57,788 Keep it to yourself Cook, 508 00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,659 but I been tryin' to play with that dog 509 00:18:59,659 --> 00:19:02,401 and I believe it to be dead. 510 00:19:02,401 --> 00:19:05,143 I've been saving up for a diamond studded collar for her. 511 00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:06,927 Yes. Absolutely yes. 512 00:19:06,927 --> 00:19:08,320 And you know what would go perfect 513 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,756 with a diamond studded collar? 514 00:19:09,756 --> 00:19:10,279 A gold mesh leash. 515 00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,846 O! M! G! 516 00:19:12,846 --> 00:19:14,544 You are soo right, Mommy. 517 00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,415 And fortunately for me, today's payday. 518 00:19:16,415 --> 00:19:18,722 Isn't it, Daddy? 519 00:19:18,722 --> 00:19:43,747 ♪ [theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly] ♪ 520 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,750 Why, yes, sweetie, today is payday. 521 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:47,968 I love you! 522 00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:51,320 Things are really turnin' around. 523 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,539 You got a business going that's right up your alley; 524 00:19:53,539 --> 00:19:57,151 Theresa's becoming responsible; Gina's behaving. 525 00:19:57,151 --> 00:19:58,892 Being forced to come to Regina may have been 526 00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:00,807 the best thing for this family. 527 00:20:00,807 --> 00:20:02,809 Gina! Time to get ready for ballet class! 528 00:20:02,809 --> 00:20:04,420 Put on your tutu! 529 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:07,292 [screaming] 530 00:20:12,558 --> 00:20:15,474 Hey, Jimmy-boy, why so glum? 531 00:20:15,474 --> 00:20:16,823 This thing with Theresa. 532 00:20:16,823 --> 00:20:19,348 It's emotional blackmail, and I resent it... 533 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,306 and also, respect it. 534 00:20:21,306 --> 00:20:23,395 Oh yeah. 535 00:20:23,395 --> 00:20:26,180 She's playing you like a tuba. 536 00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:29,445 I know the saying is violin, but you're a big man. 537 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:32,665 I can't keep paying her but I can't stand her hating me. 538 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,624 She'd love me forever if I let her work in the club 539 00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:36,278 but I can't do that neither. 540 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,758 And now with Cookie being all proud of her... 541 00:20:38,758 --> 00:20:40,064 [sigh] 542 00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:41,152 How'd I get into this mess? 543 00:20:41,152 --> 00:20:43,937 All I wanted to do was sell bare boobies 544 00:20:43,937 --> 00:20:46,984 to horny Canadians. 545 00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:48,638 You know what your problem is, Jimmy? 546 00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:50,030 You're thinking like a McDougal. 547 00:20:50,030 --> 00:20:52,772 Start thinking like a Falcone again. 548 00:20:52,772 --> 00:20:56,428 Cheech! That's brilliant! 549 00:20:56,428 --> 00:20:58,343 It is? 550 00:20:58,343 --> 00:20:59,866 I guess ya keep shooting off your mouth, 551 00:20:59,866 --> 00:21:01,303 eventually something good comes out. 552 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:04,610 Baby, I been thinkin. 553 00:21:04,610 --> 00:21:06,220 Just givin' you money for doin' nuttin 554 00:21:06,220 --> 00:21:07,700 ain't good for your character, 555 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,963 so I'm gonna let you strip for your money. 556 00:21:09,963 --> 00:21:11,617 Oh Daddy! 557 00:21:11,617 --> 00:21:14,011 I'm going to make you so proud! 558 00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:15,621 I love you! 559 00:21:15,621 --> 00:21:17,406 I love you, too, princess. 560 00:21:21,758 --> 00:21:25,065 God bless insurance. 561 00:21:25,065 --> 00:21:28,025 Now thisis the Falcone way. 562 00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:29,722 I think we're gonna make more money from this 563 00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:31,637 than if we had kept the joint going. 564 00:21:31,637 --> 00:21:34,031 [horse neighing]Oh oh. 565 00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:36,860 Don't worry, Jimmy. 566 00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:39,471 I got this one. 567 00:21:39,471 --> 00:21:41,647 Don't think I don't know what you boys are doing. 568 00:21:41,647 --> 00:21:44,737 You clearly bought this place only to burn it to the ground 569 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:45,869 for the insurance money. 570 00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:47,261 Well, I will not let you get away with it! 571 00:21:47,261 --> 00:21:49,481 Oh yeah? 572 00:21:49,481 --> 00:21:50,134 Well, the joke's on you. 573 00:21:50,134 --> 00:21:53,442 I forgot to buy insurance! 574 00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:55,226 You idiot! 575 00:21:57,446 --> 00:21:59,491 And justice is served!