1 00:00:01,609 --> 00:00:03,350 How y'doin? 2 00:00:03,350 --> 00:00:05,613 I'm Jimmy McDougal, but I used to be Jimmy Falcone, 3 00:00:05,613 --> 00:00:07,180 a respected New York businessman in the gangster 4 00:00:07,180 --> 00:00:09,487 and gangster-related industries. 5 00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:13,099 Then I whacked my boss and ratted out everyone I knew 6 00:00:13,099 --> 00:00:15,145 to save my uncle's life. 7 00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:17,973 Now, ratting out the mob is not as glamorous as you think. 8 00:00:17,973 --> 00:00:19,584 Before the trial, they stick you in a federal safehouse 9 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:22,717 on an army base so no one can get to you. 10 00:00:22,717 --> 00:00:23,892 But that doesn't mean they don't try. 11 00:00:23,892 --> 00:00:26,547 Jimmy, you killed the Don. 12 00:00:26,547 --> 00:00:28,723 A simple apology isn't going to cut it. 13 00:00:28,723 --> 00:00:31,030 Hey, I offered to do the eulogy. 14 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,250 I wasn't the one who said that's in bad taste. 15 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,295 It was the family Consigliere. 16 00:00:35,295 --> 00:00:37,297 His coming to see me could only mean danger 17 00:00:37,297 --> 00:00:38,472 but it was still nice to have a visitor. 18 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,996 You know, Jimmy, back in the Roman Empire, 19 00:00:40,996 --> 00:00:43,477 and in "Godfather II", 20 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,740 when someone messed up the way you did, 21 00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:48,134 they were given a way to provide for their wife and kids 22 00:00:48,134 --> 00:00:51,181 for the rest of their lives. 23 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,052 All they had to do was kill themselves before the trial. 24 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:57,622 Over my dead body you sonuvabitch! 25 00:00:57,622 --> 00:01:00,668 Said with all respect due a man of your position. 26 00:01:00,668 --> 00:01:02,757 Look Jimmy, I've always liked you. 27 00:01:02,757 --> 00:01:07,501 In fact, I went to the mat for you to help your family. 28 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,590 Help me help you. 29 00:01:10,591 --> 00:01:12,811 Wow. 30 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:13,812 When does the guy who doesn't like me get here? 31 00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:16,467 Listen, it'll be very embarrassing for me 32 00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:20,166 to go back and say you won't honor this request. 33 00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:22,255 If you don't do this, 34 00:01:22,255 --> 00:01:25,519 I will dedicate my life to hunting you down. 35 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:28,392 You and your family will never know a moment's peace 36 00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,176 the rest of your days. 37 00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:31,786 How 'bout the nights? 38 00:01:31,786 --> 00:01:33,614 Can we get the nights off? 39 00:01:33,614 --> 00:01:37,357 It was the hardest decision I ever had to make... 40 00:01:37,357 --> 00:01:38,228 Alright, I'll do it. 41 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:41,318 Toss it over. 42 00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:50,631 Turns out, it was an easier decision than I thought. 43 00:01:50,631 --> 00:01:54,244 So here I am with my wife and kids alive and well in Vagina - 44 00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,376 Regina -Saskatchewan. 45 00:01:56,376 --> 00:01:57,725 But if you don't think 46 00:01:57,725 --> 00:01:59,684 that's pretty much the same as being dead... 47 00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:02,165 Fugget about it! 48 00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:03,470 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 49 00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:05,385 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 50 00:02:05,385 --> 00:02:08,388 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 51 00:02:08,388 --> 00:02:11,086 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 52 00:02:11,086 --> 00:02:12,218 ♪ He take the boss, 53 00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:14,481 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 54 00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:17,484 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 55 00:02:17,484 --> 00:02:20,444 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 56 00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:23,490 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 57 00:02:23,490 --> 00:02:25,927 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 58 00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:27,581 ♪ Fugget about it 59 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:28,147 ♪ Fugget about it 60 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,105 ♪ Fugget about it 61 00:02:30,105 --> 00:02:31,716 Oh! Fugget about it! 62 00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:36,895 Jimmy Falcone has done it. 63 00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,201 He has won the Masters. 64 00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,767 He wears the green jacket. 65 00:02:39,767 --> 00:02:41,943 He wishes it was a blue jacket to offset his eyes, 66 00:02:41,943 --> 00:02:42,944 but whatever. 67 00:02:42,944 --> 00:02:45,077 Let's hear from the champion. 68 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:47,297 I knew that if there was a day without snow... 69 00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:47,732 that I could... 70 00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:49,690 ...win this. 71 00:02:49,690 --> 00:02:52,258 I, I did it for my wife, Cookie. 72 00:02:52,258 --> 00:02:55,609 Cookie! Cookie! 73 00:02:56,784 --> 00:02:57,611 Breakfast is ready. 74 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,918 What's your problem? 75 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:02,573 The sun's shining, temperature's above zero. 76 00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:04,139 You know that ain't gonna last. 77 00:03:04,139 --> 00:03:04,749 I'm off to the food-court at the mall 78 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,359 to hang out but not eat. 79 00:03:06,359 --> 00:03:09,362 You are not going out dressed like that, young lady! 80 00:03:09,362 --> 00:03:10,537 There's a reason they call your privates private! 81 00:03:10,537 --> 00:03:13,279 Fine. God! 82 00:03:13,279 --> 00:03:14,759 I'll be at the science center. 83 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,761 They have a new exhibit on nanotubes. 84 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:17,979 Petey, what did I tell you about hanging around 85 00:03:17,979 --> 00:03:19,720 those kinds of places? 86 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:20,939 Don't ask, don't tell. 87 00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,158 I'll be home in time for dinner. 88 00:03:23,158 --> 00:03:25,291 I'm not making dinner! And don't be late! 89 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:26,684 You okay, Cook? 90 00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:28,251 Like you care! 91 00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,774 Alright Jimmy, I dusted off the clubs 92 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:31,689 and been working on my swing. 93 00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:32,994 Get a load of this. 94 00:03:35,997 --> 00:03:40,263 Who's handicapped now, ya son-of-a-bitch? 95 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,047 Save it for the course, Cheech. 96 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:45,093 Tee time's in twenty, and no way I'm gonna be late. 97 00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:46,617 Oh sure, go, have your fun. 98 00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:48,836 I'll just stay here and do what I did yesterday, 99 00:03:48,836 --> 00:03:51,143 and the day before, and the day before that... 100 00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:52,579 Nothing. 101 00:03:52,579 --> 00:03:55,060 Alright, well, try to find some time for yourself. 102 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,540 Don't you get it? 103 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,368 I'm bored out of my mind. 104 00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,021 I can't talk to my friends, my sister. 105 00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:01,284 There's no good shopping. 106 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,286 I'm going crazy here. 107 00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,069 Well ya gotta do something. 108 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:07,028 Find a hobby, like I got golf. 109 00:04:07,028 --> 00:04:08,291 Or get a job. 110 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:09,161 One of those'll shut you up. 111 00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:11,468 But what am I supposed to do? 112 00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,470 I ain't worked since we got married. 113 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,733 What about back when we was kids that summer in Atlantic City? 114 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,256 You had a job then, 115 00:04:17,256 --> 00:04:20,520 and you were very respected in the community. 116 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,696 You mean a fortune teller's assistant? 117 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,046 Yeah, workin' for Madame Scam-ya. 118 00:04:25,046 --> 00:04:26,178 Ooh, I loved that job! 119 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:29,660 That cute little kiosk on the boardwalk. 120 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,270 All those scarves you got to wear. 121 00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,140 Talkin' European. 122 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:34,926 Not having to shave. [laughs] 123 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,449 Those were good times. 124 00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:38,190 So why don't we open up your own shop here in Vagina? 125 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:41,062 Oh, I couldn't. I don't have the gift. 126 00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:43,717 Madame Scam-ya, she had the gift. 127 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,589 She could see things years into the future. 128 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:50,898 She was a special, special lady with a God-given talent. 129 00:04:50,898 --> 00:04:51,464 We could fake it. 130 00:04:51,464 --> 00:04:52,639 I could do that. 131 00:04:52,639 --> 00:04:53,988 Then it's settled. 132 00:04:53,988 --> 00:04:55,250 We'll dip into the nest egg, 133 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:58,123 find you a nice place and get you all set up - 134 00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:00,081 but first, I ain't missing this gorgeous weather. 135 00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:02,127 C'mon Cheech, let's hit the links. 136 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,959 You know what, baby? 137 00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:09,482 Your needs come first. 138 00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:13,791 Okay, Theresa, you're at reception, 139 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:14,966 you distract the clients. 140 00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,011 Gina, you pick their pockets and get their info. 141 00:05:17,011 --> 00:05:18,273 Cheech is on sound. 142 00:05:18,273 --> 00:05:19,884 Jimmy, you're lights and smoke machine. 143 00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,494 Alright, let's do a practice run. 144 00:05:21,494 --> 00:05:23,104 Theresa, you be the customer. 145 00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:26,020 Hello, I'm the customer. 146 00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:28,066 I would like to know my fortune. 147 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,460 Madame Cookie will tell what you she sees. 148 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,286 Please sit. 149 00:05:31,286 --> 00:05:33,941 CHEECH: Testing. Testing. 150 00:05:33,941 --> 00:05:36,596 I am the ghost of the dead person that you know. 151 00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:37,902 Not yet, Cheech. 152 00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,120 Just the mood music to start. 153 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:39,599 And don't say "Testing". 154 00:05:39,599 --> 00:05:41,645 Roger. 155 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,124 [coughing] 156 00:05:43,124 --> 00:05:44,865 Down a notch on the smoke machine, Jimmy. 157 00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:53,091 Her name is Theresa McDougal. 158 00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:55,659 Your name is Theresa McDougal. 159 00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:58,966 She lives at one-two-three-four Jim Carrey Lane. 160 00:05:58,966 --> 00:06:01,229 You live at one-two-three-four Jim Carrey Lane. 161 00:06:01,229 --> 00:06:02,927 She's twenty-five years of age. 162 00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:05,190 You're twenty-fi - What? 163 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,670 Twenty-five? 164 00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,368 Gina, you weren't supposed to pick my fake ID! 165 00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:10,630 Mom's gonna kill me now. 166 00:06:10,630 --> 00:06:11,544 No, I'm not. 167 00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:14,329 I can appreciate a good fake ID. 168 00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:17,158 I went to my first bar when I was seven. 169 00:06:17,158 --> 00:06:19,030 Okay everyone, clients will be coming soon. 170 00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:20,118 Theresa, show a little more cleavage. 171 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:23,382 Jimmy, thank you so much for this. 172 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:24,905 I'm so happy. 173 00:06:24,905 --> 00:06:27,081 I feel like I was born to do this. 174 00:06:27,081 --> 00:06:27,865 Hey, my money's gone. 175 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:30,520 Gina, you stole my money! 176 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,173 Ma told me to. 177 00:06:32,173 --> 00:06:33,523 No, sweetie. 178 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:34,480 You misunderstood. 179 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,527 Get their information, not their money. 180 00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,616 We're running a legitimate scam here. 181 00:06:42,749 --> 00:06:45,317 Can you believe it? 182 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:47,798 I thought she was totally going to ream me out about my fake ID. 183 00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,452 Yeah and I thought she was going to make me 184 00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:50,278 give you back your money. 185 00:06:50,278 --> 00:06:53,847 I know, right? Wait! Hey... 186 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:54,805 Oh, girls? 187 00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:58,156 Where are my magical assistants? 188 00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:00,463 Just look at her, Cheech. 189 00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:01,376 I ain't seen Cookie this happy 190 00:07:01,376 --> 00:07:04,684 since that summer she was on Prozac. 191 00:07:04,684 --> 00:07:06,599 I know what you're up to, gentlemen, 192 00:07:06,599 --> 00:07:07,818 and I shan't allow it. 193 00:07:10,603 --> 00:07:13,650 The good citizens of Saskatchewan deserve better 194 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:16,174 than to be taken in by your flim-flam confidence games. 195 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:19,612 Hey, this is a legitimate business. 196 00:07:19,612 --> 00:07:22,136 What, you don't believe in the supernatural? 197 00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:23,660 You want to know what I believe, Jimmy? 198 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,444 I'll tell you what I believe. 199 00:07:25,444 --> 00:07:28,447 I believe in a Canada true north strong and free. 200 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,970 Universal health care. 201 00:07:29,970 --> 00:07:31,406 The metric system. 202 00:07:31,406 --> 00:07:32,582 The letter zed. 203 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,409 That Saturday night was made for hockey. 204 00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:38,109 I believe Keanu Reeves is highly underrated. 205 00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:40,415 I believe if I were a woman and I didn't have the ability 206 00:07:40,415 --> 00:07:42,156 to wrap my legs around my neck, 207 00:07:42,156 --> 00:07:45,072 I would never take my boyfriend to see Cirque du Soleil. 208 00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:47,684 I believe in football with three downs, 209 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:49,424 two-fours of beer, and maple syrup. 210 00:07:49,424 --> 00:07:51,252 And I believe that Rush 211 00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:54,604 is the single greatest band of all time. 212 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:57,998 Uh, so we can stay open? 213 00:07:57,998 --> 00:07:59,739 I believe we're about to find out. 214 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:03,134 Customer! 215 00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:04,614 You can try to distract me all you want, Theresa, 216 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:09,270 but until you reach legal age, I see only your face. 217 00:08:09,270 --> 00:08:10,968 Nice eyes. 218 00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,578 Bad me, bad. 219 00:08:12,578 --> 00:08:17,148 You'd better not be trying to pick my pocket, young Gina. 220 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:21,065 When I grow up, I want to be a Mountie just like you. 221 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:25,286 You and thirty million other Canadians. 222 00:08:25,286 --> 00:08:28,855 Oh, Special Agent McCool, my very first customer. 223 00:08:28,855 --> 00:08:29,769 You look so dapper today. 224 00:08:29,769 --> 00:08:31,205 That doesn't make you psychic, Cookie, 225 00:08:31,205 --> 00:08:33,860 it only makes you observant. 226 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,949 Noooo, you look good enough to eat. 227 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:36,646 I'd love to put you on a cracker... 228 00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:39,039 or a cookie. 229 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,127 Hoh! 230 00:08:40,127 --> 00:08:41,868 Take it easy, ya big idiot! 231 00:08:41,868 --> 00:08:43,783 I'm just buttering up the customer! 232 00:08:43,783 --> 00:08:45,263 Let's cut to the chase, Cookie. 233 00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,786 [spooky music] 234 00:08:46,786 --> 00:08:48,092 Stop that. 235 00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:50,442 We'll have none of that cheesy 236 00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:53,140 light and sound show here, thank you. 237 00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:00,931 Alright, Madame Cookie. 238 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:03,281 It's just you and me now. 239 00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:04,499 Dazzle me. 240 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,068 I see... 241 00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:11,289 I see... red? 242 00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:12,769 Your favorite color is red? 243 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:17,034 I see leaves. 244 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,339 Uh, oak leaves... 245 00:09:18,339 --> 00:09:18,862 green leaves... 246 00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:20,951 a maple leaf. 247 00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:23,214 You're very patriotic. 248 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,563 Just as I thought. 249 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:25,651 You're a fake, a phony, a fraud. 250 00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:28,306 You leave me no choice but to shut you down. 251 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:30,700 No, no, no, no! I can do this! 252 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,702 You're having lunch! 253 00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:34,181 Your menu is in a foreign language you don't understand. 254 00:09:34,181 --> 00:09:36,749 The milk in your tea is sour. 255 00:09:36,749 --> 00:09:38,142 A baby cries. 256 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,187 A waiter drops a tray. 257 00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:41,406 There's a mouse tail in your soup. 258 00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:44,844 A homely woman in a blue dress asks you for change. 259 00:09:44,844 --> 00:09:47,368 That's so general it can apply to anyone. 260 00:09:52,547 --> 00:09:55,550 Hmmm, not the standard Mandarin dialect 261 00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:56,247 that I studied in college. 262 00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:02,993 "The milk for your tea is sour." 263 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:04,037 Oh, I'm sure it's just a coincidence. 264 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,083 [baby cries] 265 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:06,736 "A baby cries..." 266 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,738 [crash] 267 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:09,303 "A waiter drops a tray." 268 00:10:12,132 --> 00:10:14,091 "A mouse tail in my soup..." 269 00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,440 Impossible! 270 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,397 Ya got change for a five? 271 00:10:20,401 --> 00:10:23,578 I can't wait to tell Cookie how we snowed that fed. 272 00:10:23,578 --> 00:10:26,538 Yeah, how stupid did he look? 273 00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,409 If only she could've been there. 274 00:10:28,409 --> 00:10:30,542 She loves a good short-con more than anyone! 275 00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,196 Jimmy! You won't believe it! 276 00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,415 McCool told me all my predictions came true! 277 00:10:34,415 --> 00:10:35,634 I have the gift! 278 00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:36,330 I actually have the gift! 279 00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:38,637 Just like Madame Scam-ya! 280 00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,508 She always said I would, but I never thought I did! 281 00:10:40,508 --> 00:10:42,423 But I do! I have the gift! 282 00:10:42,423 --> 00:10:43,337 What? You think you have the gift? 283 00:10:43,337 --> 00:10:45,209 Word's already spreading. 284 00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:47,820 I'm booked solid for a week! 285 00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:49,822 This is terrible. 286 00:10:49,822 --> 00:10:52,477 What're you talking about? She has the gift. 287 00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,131 No. She doesn't. 288 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,350 She just thinks she does because of what we did. 289 00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:58,918 Now we gotta keep making her predictions come true. 290 00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:01,007 Jeez Jimmy, that's gonna take up a lot of time. 291 00:11:01,007 --> 00:11:03,444 I know, but look how happy she is. 292 00:11:03,444 --> 00:11:05,708 Shhhhh! I'm gettin' something! 293 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,841 Pluto will be a planet again. 294 00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:12,758 Okay, Jimmy, let's get to work. 295 00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,809 So if we all just keep making her think she has the gift, 296 00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,549 everything will be beautiful. 297 00:11:21,549 --> 00:11:22,899 But that's deceitful. 298 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,204 A white lie is still a lie. 299 00:11:24,204 --> 00:11:25,510 Don't you get it? 300 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:28,208 When your mother's happy, we all get to be happy. 301 00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:29,862 So we gotta do whatever it takes to keep her this way. 302 00:11:29,862 --> 00:11:32,343 No kiddin'. 303 00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,737 I swore this morning and she didn't say a f---ing thing. 304 00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:35,825 Hey Cook. 305 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,565 Tell us about work. 306 00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:39,219 What kind of predictions did you make? 307 00:11:39,219 --> 00:11:41,178 And to whom specifically? 308 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,614 Oh, I can't say. 309 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,050 Psychic-client-confidentiality and all... 310 00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,225 Oh, what the hell. 311 00:11:45,225 --> 00:11:47,445 I told Mrs. Campbell... 312 00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:48,707 ...she'd find ten dollars inside her new sofa... 313 00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:53,843 I told Mr. Peterson he'd have a scooter accident. 314 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:55,148 I told Mr. Chan... 315 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,021 ...his son will set a new record at his hockey game. 316 00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:04,027 I told Old Lady Johnson she'll get pregnant. 317 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,289 I got this one, Jimmy. 318 00:12:07,813 --> 00:12:10,990 Nothing like a nice relaxing game of golf 319 00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:13,906 after a long day of bullsh---ing your wife. 320 00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:16,343 Hey, how'd you get all this time off work, anyway? 321 00:12:16,343 --> 00:12:17,562 I found a sub. 322 00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:22,306 Okay, legs shoulder width apart, 323 00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,351 slight bend at the knees... 324 00:12:24,351 --> 00:12:26,310 You know Cheech, it's funny. 325 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:29,095 They took away my identity, they took away my livelihood, 326 00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:31,881 they took away everything that made me me. 327 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:34,666 But the one thing they couldn't take... 328 00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:36,407 was this game. 329 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,712 And my love for it. 330 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,284 Motherf---in', c---suckin'! 331 00:12:44,284 --> 00:12:45,329 You're right, Jimmy. 332 00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:46,634 This is relaxing. 333 00:12:49,376 --> 00:12:50,682 You'll win a raffle... 334 00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:51,944 You'll be attacked by a goose... 335 00:12:51,944 --> 00:12:53,816 You'll break your leg in a freak fondue accident... 336 00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:56,209 You, never ride a tandem bicycle. 337 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,558 Come on, people, gimme a challenge here! 338 00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,300 She was really good. 339 00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:01,954 Wanna come over for some fondue? 340 00:13:01,954 --> 00:13:03,738 Sure, we'll take my bike. It's built for two. 341 00:13:03,738 --> 00:13:05,740 I appreciate your seeing me on such short notice, 342 00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:08,221 Madame Cookie. 343 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,744 I was hoping you could help me solve a case. 344 00:13:09,744 --> 00:13:14,401 I never thought I'd say these words but, I can't do it. 345 00:13:14,401 --> 00:13:15,750 Really? 346 00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:17,796 'Cause I picture you doing it all the time. 347 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:21,626 It seems there's been a rash of convenience store robberies 348 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:24,063 and I have yet to be able to gain a description of a suspect. 349 00:13:24,063 --> 00:13:26,065 The only lead I have is this handkerchief. 350 00:13:26,065 --> 00:13:28,459 Give me your hand. 351 00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:31,984 Don't you need to hold the handkerchief? 352 00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:34,204 Shu-shu-shu-shush. 353 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,510 We don't have time for this... 354 00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:38,121 ever. 355 00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:40,775 But anything you could tell me would be greatly appreciated. 356 00:13:40,775 --> 00:13:42,995 Of course. Let's begin. 357 00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:46,564 Yes... Yes... I see someone... 358 00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:47,782 A man. 359 00:13:47,782 --> 00:13:49,219 A middle-aged man... 360 00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:52,048 White... Slight build... 361 00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:55,138 dark eyes... dark short hair... 362 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,313 and a mustache. 363 00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:59,533 Madame Cookie has spoken. 364 00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:00,143 Thank you, Madame Cookie. 365 00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,580 You've been a great help. 366 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:03,363 Alright, boys! 367 00:14:03,363 --> 00:14:05,452 We're looking for Hitler! 368 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,458 For Canada, and Mounties shouting in unison! 369 00:14:11,458 --> 00:14:13,678 [sonic boom] 370 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:22,643 [moaning] No! 371 00:14:22,643 --> 00:14:25,124 Ahhh! 372 00:14:25,124 --> 00:14:27,083 Okay, now you do me. 373 00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:29,824 Get a'load of this! 374 00:14:29,824 --> 00:14:31,261 Zero chance of snow. 375 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,392 Zero! 376 00:14:32,392 --> 00:14:34,568 From the Doppler 5000 no less! 377 00:14:34,568 --> 00:14:37,180 And I read it on the internet so you know it's true. 378 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,355 Let's go! 379 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:39,747 I dunno, Jimmy. 380 00:14:39,747 --> 00:14:41,401 I'm looking at my itinerary. 381 00:14:41,401 --> 00:14:43,621 I got "Wheel of Fortune" at ten. 382 00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:46,319 "Andy of Mayberry" at ten-thirty, 383 00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,234 and scratching my nuts at eleven. 384 00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:49,932 No. We gotta go now. 385 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,281 It could snow any second. 386 00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:52,847 But the Doppler said it won't. 387 00:14:52,847 --> 00:14:54,545 I can't take the chance! 388 00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:57,983 If I don't get in some golf soon, I'm gonna go crazy! 389 00:14:57,983 --> 00:15:00,072 All I do anymore is run around town 390 00:15:00,072 --> 00:15:02,031 making my wife think she's a psychic! 391 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:04,859 I need this! 392 00:15:04,859 --> 00:15:06,209 Good news, Jimmy. 393 00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:07,862 I scratched my nuts while you were choking me. 394 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:08,994 I'm good to go. 395 00:15:08,994 --> 00:15:10,691 Hold it! Nobody move. 396 00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:11,475 I had a dream. 397 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,956 Not like Petey's, I hope. 398 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,827 "Oh English! Oh Math! Oh Science! 399 00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:18,656 Oh! Oh! Oh!" 400 00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:19,744 In the dream we were at a carnival. 401 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:23,095 And the Grim Reaper shot at us seven times. 402 00:15:23,095 --> 00:15:26,751 It means seven attempts will be made on one of our lives. 403 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,448 If anyone leaves this house today 404 00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:30,494 they will be in mortal danger. 405 00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:31,756 Come on, Cook. 406 00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,323 Dreams don't mean nothin. 407 00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:36,630 I had a dream once that the toilet turned into a dragon. 408 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,632 I still sit on the john every morning. 409 00:15:38,632 --> 00:15:40,417 Ma, I can't stay home all day. 410 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,635 Me either. 411 00:15:41,635 --> 00:15:42,071 I got a thing at a thing. 412 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,160 I can't say more. 413 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,465 Mother, dreams are simply manifestations 414 00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:48,338 of our unconscious desires. 415 00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:50,688 Freud says that our conscious mind keeps our primal 416 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,951 subconscious wants and needs suppressed. 417 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,518 Dreams merely represent 418 00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,389 the repressed urges released when we sleep. 419 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,000 Freud also said you want to do your mom. 420 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,262 Do you wanna do your mom, Petey? 421 00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:00,350 Is that what you want? 422 00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:01,699 You want to do your mom? 423 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:02,874 Uhhhh... 424 00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:04,441 There's no good answer so shut up. 425 00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:06,573 This ain't any of that science mumbo jumbo. 426 00:16:06,573 --> 00:16:07,966 This is fact! 427 00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,228 I got the gift. 428 00:16:09,228 --> 00:16:10,186 I had the dream. 429 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,623 And you don't mess with the spirits. 430 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:15,626 So no one sets foot outside this house today! 431 00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:18,846 Madame Cookie has spoken! 432 00:16:18,846 --> 00:16:22,067 I had a dream about me, you, and your sister, 433 00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:22,589 we never did that one! 434 00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:29,292 But, Pops, ya can't keep us locked up in here! 435 00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:30,554 It's child abuse. 436 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:32,034 We got stuff to do. 437 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,688 Look, we all agreed we'd do this to make your mother happy. 438 00:16:34,688 --> 00:16:35,689 Sure, for a day or two. 439 00:16:35,689 --> 00:16:38,170 But I don't wanna make my mother happy 440 00:16:38,170 --> 00:16:39,171 for any longer than that. 441 00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:42,479 C'mon, it'd break her heart to find out 442 00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,829 she's not a real psychic at this point. 443 00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:46,265 But you don't understand. 444 00:16:46,265 --> 00:16:48,746 I'm supposed to meet the cutest guy - 445 00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:51,096 At the library... 446 00:16:51,096 --> 00:16:52,184 Where we will read our brains out. 447 00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:54,534 And I'm supposed to go 448 00:16:54,534 --> 00:16:56,493 to the Regina Comic-Con with Billy Allardson. 449 00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:58,582 It's the first year they'll have two people. 450 00:16:58,582 --> 00:16:59,800 And I gotta go do this thing. 451 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,933 That kid's not gonna break his own legs. 452 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,413 Hoh! 453 00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,979 You think I like this any more than you? 454 00:17:04,979 --> 00:17:06,720 I wanted to golf today. 455 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,593 But if I can sacrifice what I want, you can too! 456 00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:11,160 Alright? 457 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,944 I said alright? 458 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,163 Fine!Yes! 459 00:17:14,163 --> 00:17:15,338 Good! 460 00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:17,340 I'm going back to bed. 461 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:19,603 Like I'm gonna miss golf 'cause of some stupid dream. 462 00:17:23,389 --> 00:17:25,913 Careful, Jimmy, you coulda killed yourself on that thing. 463 00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:30,483 What are you waiting for, Jimmy? 464 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,964 Just savorin' the moment, Cheech. 465 00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:34,922 Just savorin'. 466 00:17:34,922 --> 00:17:36,750 Okay, legs shoulder width apart, 467 00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:39,492 slight bend at the knees, check the backswing, and... 468 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:40,580 FORE! 469 00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:42,365 You okay? Wanna take a break? 470 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:45,281 No, I'll play through. 471 00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,371 Just take the penalty. 472 00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:50,199 No, I can make this. 473 00:17:52,244 --> 00:17:55,987 You wanna break now? 474 00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:59,730 I'll... play... through. 475 00:18:04,691 --> 00:18:06,258 I'll play through! 476 00:18:08,173 --> 00:18:11,089 [horn honks] 477 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,004 I'll play through! 478 00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:18,401 [growl] 479 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,229 I'm playing through! 480 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,539 Hey look at that, a little Australian boy. 481 00:18:31,457 --> 00:18:32,719 Sorry, Mate! I knicked ya'. 482 00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:38,247 Hey, Jimmy, I'm starting to think Cookie's dream 483 00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,987 may've been about you. 484 00:18:39,987 --> 00:18:43,817 I'm playing through goddammit! 485 00:18:43,817 --> 00:18:46,820 [groaning] 486 00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:50,259 Okay, legs shoulder width apart, 487 00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:53,740 slight bend at the knees, check the backswing, and... 488 00:19:00,225 --> 00:19:03,533 So worth it. 489 00:19:07,667 --> 00:19:09,539 And where do you think you're going, young lady? 490 00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:10,104 Out. 491 00:19:10,104 --> 00:19:12,281 I don't think so. 492 00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:14,283 Are you trying to get yourself killed? 493 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,849 Did you not hear a word I said earlier? 494 00:19:15,849 --> 00:19:17,851 I know. The dream. 495 00:19:17,851 --> 00:19:19,810 I'll die. Blah, blah, blah. 496 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:21,159 But, Mom, I have to go! 497 00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,421 He's so cute. 498 00:19:22,421 --> 00:19:23,640 And he's a goalie. 499 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,424 We met when I was fixing the hockey game. 500 00:19:25,424 --> 00:19:26,860 He's really good with his hands. 501 00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:28,035 What? 502 00:19:28,035 --> 00:19:29,994 We just kissed, I swear! 503 00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:32,562 Okay, he may have touched my boobs a little. 504 00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:34,041 Okay, a lot. 505 00:19:34,041 --> 00:19:35,739 What's third base called in hockey? 506 00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,480 You fixed the hockey game? 507 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,829 I had to. 508 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,744 Daddy said we had to make your predictions come true. 509 00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:44,182 Oh my God, I wasn't supposed to say that. 510 00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,010 Oh well, cat's out of the bag. 511 00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,359 Bye. 512 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,187 Petey, is this true? 513 00:19:49,187 --> 00:19:50,884 I am not going to lie to you, Mother. 514 00:19:50,884 --> 00:19:52,321 It is. 515 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,148 You fixed my predictions? 516 00:19:54,148 --> 00:19:56,107 Every single one of them? 517 00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,717 Not me. It was Dad's thing. 518 00:19:57,717 --> 00:19:59,066 I didn't want any part of it. 519 00:19:59,066 --> 00:20:01,678 A lie is a lie is a lie. 520 00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:04,637 Are you tryin' to tell me that your father was sneakin' 521 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,597 around all over town this entire time making every one 522 00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:09,338 of my predictions come true? 523 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:11,383 Why would a person do that? 524 00:20:11,383 --> 00:20:13,646 Believe it or not, he thought it would make you happy. 525 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,344 Well you know what? It did! 526 00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,998 I never been so happy in my whole life. 527 00:20:17,998 --> 00:20:19,522 And what's wrong with you that you wouldn't? 528 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,654 What, you're too good to lie to your mother? 529 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:22,786 Uhhh... 530 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,135 Get out of here! 531 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:26,093 I can't stand to look at you! 532 00:20:26,093 --> 00:20:30,533 And you better think long and hard about your morals, mister! 533 00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:32,578 I can't believe the big palooka went to all that 534 00:20:32,578 --> 00:20:33,971 trouble just for me. 535 00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:37,061 That lyin', connivin', manipulatin' sack o' s---. 536 00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:39,411 I married an angel. 537 00:20:39,411 --> 00:20:41,108 Jimmy sweetie! 538 00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:43,110 ...I'm coming to talk to you! 539 00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,378 Oh! Ah! Jeez! 540 00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,249 I know what you did, Jimmy. 541 00:20:51,249 --> 00:20:53,512 I been here the whole time, I swear. 542 00:20:53,512 --> 00:20:55,253 I know you fixed my predictions. 543 00:20:55,253 --> 00:20:56,515 What are you talking about? 544 00:20:56,515 --> 00:20:59,301 You went behind my back, you deceived me, 545 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:00,998 you made our children deceive me. 546 00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,739 You played me for a fool. 547 00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:06,133 It's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. 548 00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:08,092 You f---in' kidding me? 549 00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:10,921 On the outside you may be tough gangster Jimmy Falcone. 550 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:14,185 But underneath all that macho and beef and provolone, 551 00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:15,578 you're just a big ol' teddy bear. 552 00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:18,842 And I don't need the gift to tell me that. 553 00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:20,539 So I'm gonna close the shop. 554 00:21:20,539 --> 00:21:22,062 After thinking I had the gift, 555 00:21:22,062 --> 00:21:23,542 I could never go back to faking it. 556 00:21:23,542 --> 00:21:25,631 But, Cookie, that's the thing. 557 00:21:25,631 --> 00:21:27,503 It turns out you do have the gift. 558 00:21:27,503 --> 00:21:29,940 That's sweet, but you can stop now. 559 00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:31,681 No, I'm serious. 560 00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:33,509 You have the gift. For real. 561 00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:34,031 Stop it, Jimmy. It's over. 562 00:21:34,031 --> 00:21:36,294 I ain't lying. 563 00:21:36,294 --> 00:21:38,557 Every single one of your predictions came true. 564 00:21:38,557 --> 00:21:40,342 Sure, we rigged a bunch of them, 565 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:41,995 but they still came true. 566 00:21:41,995 --> 00:21:44,084 They all came true! 567 00:21:44,084 --> 00:21:45,651 Give it a rest, will ya? 568 00:21:45,651 --> 00:21:47,000 Ya tried to con me. 569 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,393 It was sweet, but you're pushing it. 570 00:21:48,393 --> 00:21:49,873 I'm not an idiot. 571 00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:51,222 Cookie, I'm telling you - 572 00:21:51,222 --> 00:21:53,529 Now you're just pissing me off. 573 00:21:53,529 --> 00:21:56,227 One more word and I will cut ya, ya guinea bastard. 574 00:21:56,227 --> 00:21:58,316 Well look at that... 575 00:21:58,316 --> 00:21:59,839 They made Pluto a planet again.