1 00:00:01,609 --> 00:00:03,133 How ya' doin'? 2 00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:04,612 I used to be Jimmy Falcone, 3 00:00:04,612 --> 00:00:06,571 a big shot in the Gambini crime syndicate. 4 00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:08,442 But I ratted out my friends, 5 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,750 so my family and I had to go into witness protection. 6 00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:13,839 The thing about witness protection is 7 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:16,537 you can't just start off being witnessly protected. 8 00:00:16,537 --> 00:00:18,670 You gotta learn to be a whole other person 9 00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:20,585 and that ain't easy. 10 00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:22,021 So remember, you're no longer the Falcones, 11 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:23,153 you're the McDougals. 12 00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:23,588 What's your name? 13 00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:25,677 Jimmy Falcone. 14 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:26,634 No, your fake name. 15 00:00:26,634 --> 00:00:29,681 Oh, my fake name is Tommy McDougal. 16 00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,161 Don't say "my fake name". 17 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:33,380 I don't know your fake name. 18 00:00:33,380 --> 00:00:34,642 We'll come back to you. 19 00:00:34,642 --> 00:00:37,080 Now Debbie, would you please get me a glass of water? 20 00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,300 Debbie. 21 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:43,086 Would you please get me a glass of water? 22 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,653 Gina, your new name is Debbie. 23 00:00:45,653 --> 00:00:48,613 I know that, but get your own freakin' water. 24 00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:49,483 Come on people. You're moving in two weeks. 25 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:52,095 One slip up and your cover will be blown. 26 00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:52,791 When do I get my nose-job? 27 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:53,922 There is no nose-job. 28 00:00:53,922 --> 00:00:56,099 Boob-job?No boob-job. 29 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,927 Hand-job?There are no jobs! 30 00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:00,059 I thought you said I have to get a job. 31 00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:02,061 Yes, you have to get a job, Tommy. 32 00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:04,063 Who's Tommy?You're Tommy. 33 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:07,458 I killed a Tommy once. Nice guy. 34 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:08,850 Aaaarghh! 35 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:10,635 And that was when they decided 36 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:13,681 we should stick with our real first names... 37 00:01:13,681 --> 00:01:15,770 and then they shipped us off to Vagina -- 38 00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,685 Regina --Saskatchewan. 39 00:01:17,685 --> 00:01:20,035 But if any of you think changing our name 40 00:01:20,035 --> 00:01:22,037 is gonna change the Falcones... 41 00:01:22,037 --> 00:01:24,953 Fugget about it! 42 00:01:24,953 --> 00:01:26,216 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 43 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,869 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 44 00:01:27,869 --> 00:01:30,829 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 45 00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:33,745 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 46 00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,094 ♪ He take the boss, 47 00:01:35,094 --> 00:01:36,922 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 48 00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:39,925 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 49 00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:42,928 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 50 00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:45,931 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 51 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,716 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 52 00:01:48,716 --> 00:01:50,022 ♪ Fugget about it 53 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,676 ♪ Fugget about it 54 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:52,242 ♪ Fugget about it 55 00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:54,113 Oh! Fugget about it! 56 00:01:56,376 --> 00:01:58,204 Thanks for picking me up, Cook. 57 00:01:58,204 --> 00:02:00,946 No problem, but do you think tomorrow you could take the bus? 58 00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:02,469 I gotta take the kids to the doctor. 59 00:02:02,469 --> 00:02:03,992 You ever been on a bus? 60 00:02:03,992 --> 00:02:05,124 They smell. 61 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:07,518 They're filled with derelicts and slobs 62 00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:08,258 and people filled with disease. 63 00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:11,435 Let the kids take the bus. 64 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,306 Oh my God! Jimmy, look! 65 00:02:13,306 --> 00:02:14,786 Snakehammer! 66 00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:15,874 They're playing tonight in Saskatoon. 67 00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:19,094 You know they've always been my favorite band. 68 00:02:19,094 --> 00:02:22,141 My sister and I never missed a single Snakehammer concert. 69 00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:24,926 These guys do one show in ten years and where do they go? 70 00:02:24,926 --> 00:02:27,146 Saskatoon. Saskatoon. 71 00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:29,757 Everybody loves Saskatoon. 72 00:02:29,757 --> 00:02:32,282 Oh my God! She's gonna be there! 73 00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:33,935 My sister's gonna be in Saskatoon tonight! 74 00:02:33,935 --> 00:02:36,111 ♪ Snakehammer 75 00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:38,331 ♪ Grab it by the handle 76 00:02:38,331 --> 00:02:39,724 ♪ Snakehammer 77 00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,900 ♪ Put it in your toolbox! 78 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:44,642 I'm gonna break out my leather pants and my hammer halter, 79 00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:48,689 and best of all, I'm gonna see Rosalie! 80 00:02:48,689 --> 00:02:50,909 Jimmy, we're going to Saskatoon! 81 00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,302 Like hell I am. 82 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,130 What are you talkin' about? I could see my sister. 83 00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:57,176 This might be my only chance to ever see her again. 84 00:02:57,176 --> 00:03:00,440 But baby, it's Saskatoon. 85 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,703 I'm a Vagina guy. 86 00:03:02,703 --> 00:03:05,532 How could I go to work and look the other fellas in the eye? 87 00:03:05,532 --> 00:03:05,880 They wouldn't know. 88 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,056 I'd know. 89 00:03:08,056 --> 00:03:10,102 Fine! Don't do me any favors! 90 00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,016 I'll go myself! 91 00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:13,845 Then who'll make dinner? 92 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,368 Well, it wouldn't kill you to miss a meal ya fat f---! 93 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:20,634 Jimmy, Cookie, we'll have none of that public cussing. 94 00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:25,900 Your outdoor arguments are bringing too much attention 95 00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:27,859 and you risk exposing yourself. 96 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,687 I will if you will. 97 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,993 Oh, here she goes. 98 00:03:31,993 --> 00:03:33,821 Don't take her seriously, McCool. 99 00:03:33,821 --> 00:03:35,214 She's just trying to piss me off. 100 00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:37,042 And it's working! 101 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:39,044 Will you two stop. 102 00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:41,655 This kind of behavior is not Canadian. 103 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,223 We're a polite people who keep our true feelings bottled up. 104 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,268 If we must express ourselves 105 00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:48,009 we do it with silent resentment, 106 00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:50,185 glowering looks, and suppressed rage, 107 00:03:50,185 --> 00:03:51,796 all the while maintaining a delicate balance 108 00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,276 of denial and shame. 109 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,321 That's the Canadian way. 110 00:03:55,321 --> 00:03:56,975 Do you think you can do that? 111 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,150 You take denial. I got shame. 112 00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:02,807 Splendid. My work day is done. 113 00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:04,852 Hoh! Is that a Cuban? 114 00:04:04,852 --> 00:04:07,899 Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes smokin' illegal cigars. 115 00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:09,944 Nothing illegal about it. 116 00:04:09,944 --> 00:04:11,076 The Government of Canada 117 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,296 does not maintain antiquated foreign policies. 118 00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:17,256 And our beer tastes better, too. 119 00:04:17,256 --> 00:04:18,736 For Canada! 120 00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,607 Proud to be shameful! 121 00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:23,218 [sonic boom] 122 00:04:23,218 --> 00:04:24,394 Hey Petey. 123 00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:25,830 How 'bout a little "Grand Theft Auto"? 124 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:26,787 Gina, I'm studying. 125 00:04:26,787 --> 00:04:29,094 I don't have time for a video game. 126 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,878 Who said anything about a video game? 127 00:04:30,878 --> 00:04:32,837 You're so funny, Gina. 128 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:35,274 Funny? Funny how? 129 00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:36,667 You mean the way I talk? 130 00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,624 What's funny about it? 131 00:04:37,624 --> 00:04:40,627 Funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? 132 00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:43,064 I make you laugh, I'm here to f---in' amuse you? 133 00:04:43,064 --> 00:04:45,328 What do you mean funny? 134 00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:47,373 How the f--- am I funny? 135 00:04:47,373 --> 00:04:48,809 Yeah, like a clown. 136 00:04:48,809 --> 00:04:53,727 Now that's funny. 137 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,511 You don't even know for sure 138 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:55,947 that your sister will be there! 139 00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:58,341 I do know for sure, 140 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,125 and if you'd've taken the time to get to know my sister 141 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,779 you'd know she never misses a Snakehammer show, 142 00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:04,782 but you didn't take the time to get to know my sister 143 00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:07,262 because you didn't take the time to GET TO KNOW ME! 144 00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:11,310 Because you don't pay attention! 145 00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:14,182 I do so pay attention! 146 00:05:14,182 --> 00:05:15,227 Cheech, you're not going to believe 147 00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,271 what I found out about Canada. 148 00:05:16,271 --> 00:05:19,274 You can legally buy Cubans here. 149 00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:20,667 I know. I got a closet full of them. 150 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:23,235 MAMBO! 151 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,369 MAMBO! 152 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,633 MAMBO! 153 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:30,764 MAM--! 154 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,723 --BO! 155 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:35,595 Please, Senor, let us eat. 156 00:05:35,595 --> 00:05:38,468 Wow. You can buy anything in Canada. 157 00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,470 Me and Cheech are going to the cigar store. 158 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:44,125 Tell your mother we'll be back in twenty. 159 00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:46,737 Hos... pi... tal. 160 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:53,308 Ah, this is the life. 161 00:05:53,308 --> 00:05:53,874 Sure is. 162 00:05:53,874 --> 00:05:56,050 Makes you wonder. 163 00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:57,791 Why can't you get these in the States anyway? 164 00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,053 Beats me. 165 00:05:59,053 --> 00:06:01,621 Cuba has a lot to offer. 166 00:06:01,621 --> 00:06:04,668 Cigars, baseball players, Gooding Jr. 167 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,409 I would like to go to Cuba one day, and say, 168 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:09,455 "Why did you make that gay boat movie?" 169 00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:12,153 No, that was Leonardo DiCaprio. 170 00:06:12,153 --> 00:06:14,373 I don't wanna argue politics with you. 171 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,767 Let's just enjoy our smokes. 172 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,551 Alright, bye everyone. 173 00:06:18,551 --> 00:06:20,074 I'm off to see Aunt Rosalie. 174 00:06:20,074 --> 00:06:21,336 See ya in the morning. 175 00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:22,120 Hammer the snake! 176 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,950 Where's the car? Jimmy! 177 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,734 Petey, where's your father? 178 00:06:27,734 --> 00:06:30,215 I like eggs. 179 00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,957 We meet again, old friend. 180 00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:34,654 Where the hell is he? 181 00:06:34,654 --> 00:06:37,178 That stupid, selfish jackass. 182 00:06:37,178 --> 00:06:38,876 [phone rings]I'm gonna kill him. 183 00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:40,181 This is Jimmy. 184 00:06:40,181 --> 00:06:42,967 I'm trapped inside my phone. 185 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,883 Ha, I'm just bustin' your balls. 186 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,841 I can't believe you! 187 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:51,105 You took the car when you knew how important this was to me! 188 00:06:51,105 --> 00:06:53,717 I may miss my sister if you don't get home soon! 189 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,283 So you'd better call me 190 00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:58,199 the second you get this you stupid selfish f---! 191 00:06:59,766 --> 00:07:02,508 [laughing] 192 00:07:02,508 --> 00:07:04,249 That was great, Jimmy. 193 00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:07,774 Great smokes, great booze, great conversation. 194 00:07:07,774 --> 00:07:09,384 We oughtta spend more time together. 195 00:07:09,384 --> 00:07:13,388 Cheech, I'm with you all the time. 196 00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:15,390 Wait. That was you? 197 00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:16,827 Keep an eye open. 198 00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,089 I gotta take a leak. 199 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,699 Hang on, I gotta go more. 200 00:07:19,699 --> 00:07:20,613 Look, I don't want to get into 201 00:07:20,613 --> 00:07:23,573 some kind of pissing contest with you. 202 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:24,791 Why? 203 00:07:24,791 --> 00:07:26,706 Because I can pee farther? 204 00:07:26,706 --> 00:07:29,100 Is that a challenge? You're on. 205 00:07:31,319 --> 00:07:34,105 Okay, we'll call it a draw. 206 00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,585 I'm going to kill him. 207 00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,238 I am so gonna kill him. 208 00:07:37,238 --> 00:07:38,762 No, no I'm going to almost kill him, then let him heal, 209 00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:39,980 then I'll kill him. 210 00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:42,505 No, then I'll almost kill him. 211 00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,768 Cuba Gooding Junior was in... 212 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,422 "Boyz In the Hood" with Lawrence Fishburne 213 00:07:47,422 --> 00:07:51,775 who was in "Apocalypse Now" with Dennis Hopper... 214 00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:54,125 You inconsiderate child! 215 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,866 Cookie, please. 216 00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:58,085 I'm in the middle of a game here. 217 00:07:58,085 --> 00:07:59,826 You took the car! 218 00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:01,654 My only chance to see my sister, 219 00:08:01,654 --> 00:08:04,352 and you took the freakin' car! 220 00:08:04,352 --> 00:08:06,093 Oh, man, the concert. 221 00:08:06,093 --> 00:08:07,921 Cook, I'm sorry. 222 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,183 You're always sorry! 223 00:08:09,183 --> 00:08:10,837 What good does that do me? 224 00:08:10,837 --> 00:08:12,186 You never listen! 225 00:08:12,186 --> 00:08:13,100 You only care about yourself! 226 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:15,276 No, I'm caring about you now. See? 227 00:08:15,276 --> 00:08:18,802 Here I am standing and talking about caring. 228 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,107 If that ain't caring... 229 00:08:20,107 --> 00:08:21,544 Stop it! 230 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:24,459 My sister's gone, the concert's over, and so are we! 231 00:08:24,459 --> 00:08:26,810 You no longer live here! 232 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:30,640 Fine, I'll sleep in the car. 233 00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:33,425 Where'd I put it? 234 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,692 Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do? 235 00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:41,607 How'd I get into this mess? 236 00:08:41,607 --> 00:08:44,044 I've never seen her this angry before. 237 00:08:44,044 --> 00:08:46,481 I mean, we've had some big fights but I've never had to 238 00:08:46,481 --> 00:08:48,483 talk to myself for this long. 239 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:52,531 I wonder if that's the same RCMP Special Agent 240 00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:54,446 Strait McCool that I know. 241 00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:56,491 [O Canada plays] 242 00:08:56,491 --> 00:08:58,755 Jimmy! 243 00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:00,670 What are you doing here at this hour? 244 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,629 Cookie threw me out and it's my own damn fault. 245 00:09:03,629 --> 00:09:05,152 I have nowhere to go. 246 00:09:05,152 --> 00:09:07,024 Oh my goodness, come in. 247 00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:09,069 You'll catch your death. 248 00:09:09,069 --> 00:09:10,375 Wow. 249 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,769 This is the coolest place in the world. 250 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,728 It's like Caesar's Palace meets Old Yeller. 251 00:09:15,728 --> 00:09:17,512 Precisely what I told my decorator, Jimmy. 252 00:09:17,512 --> 00:09:19,950 Have a seat. 253 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:20,603 Thanks for letting me crash here. 254 00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,648 My pleasure. 255 00:09:22,648 --> 00:09:24,258 Now, let's go over the rules. 256 00:09:24,258 --> 00:09:26,434 Rule number one, no feet on the table. 257 00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:28,175 Rule number two, no smoking. 258 00:09:28,175 --> 00:09:29,916 Rule number three, no littering. 259 00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:31,875 No writing on foggy windows. 260 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:32,745 No usage of the word "irregardless". 261 00:09:32,745 --> 00:09:35,182 Brush after every meal. 262 00:09:35,182 --> 00:09:36,880 Lights out at ten fifty. 263 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,751 And no masturbating where I can hear it. 264 00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,886 [O Canada plays]Cheese and whiskers, 265 00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,583 it's like Toronto Union Station around here. 266 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:49,022 Jimmy, Cookie wanted me to give you a message. 267 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:52,286 I wanna make sure I get this right. 268 00:09:52,286 --> 00:09:55,289 "And take your f---in' uncle with you!" 269 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:01,905 [doorbell] 270 00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,167 What? 271 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,342 I'm sorry, Cook. 272 00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:05,865 I screwed up. 273 00:10:05,865 --> 00:10:07,737 I don't know what's wrong with me. 274 00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,435 You deserve better, and I'll try harder. 275 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,132 I'm tired of your apologies, Jimmy. 276 00:10:12,132 --> 00:10:14,178 This may have been the only chance 277 00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,920 to ever see my sister again in my life. 278 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,227 I don't see how I'll ever be able to forgive you. 279 00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:23,622 I can't even forgive myself, I'm such a jerk. 280 00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,408 There you go. Me, me, me. 281 00:10:27,408 --> 00:10:31,543 I'm a jerk, I'm an idiot, I'm an a--hole. 282 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,544 All you think about is yourself. 283 00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:35,590 So go lead your selfish life without me! 284 00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:38,376 [sigh] 285 00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,900 What about my clothes? 286 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,641 And my piano? 287 00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:45,557 And my safe? 288 00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,646 And my anvil? 289 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,735 And my feather? 290 00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:50,954 Ow! 291 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,394 ...I'm telling you, I've never seen her like this. 292 00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,570 This was beyond anger. 293 00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,660 She didn't yell once. It was terrifying. 294 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:04,228 You know what, Jimmy? I got lady troubles too. 295 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,621 Mine is a real ball-buster. 296 00:11:06,621 --> 00:11:08,536 Nothing I do is ever good enough. 297 00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:11,452 And one of these days I'm just going to go up to her and say, 298 00:11:11,452 --> 00:11:14,629 "I won't take this anymore, Mom." 299 00:11:14,629 --> 00:11:17,241 You know what, kid? Today's your lucky day. 300 00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:19,809 I got me a little cabin in the suburbs. 301 00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:20,810 Come on by and we'll commisery. 302 00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:23,856 Commisery loves company. 303 00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:27,294 Shwa shwa shwa... women... 304 00:11:27,294 --> 00:11:29,470 shwa shwa shwa slut... 305 00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:32,517 shwa shwa... lonely. 306 00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,692 There there, Shwa-shwa. 307 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:36,303 You know, me and Cheech, we got a little cabin... 308 00:11:36,303 --> 00:11:39,654 You know, Premier, we got a little cabin. 309 00:11:39,654 --> 00:11:40,177 ... little cabin. 310 00:11:42,396 --> 00:11:44,398 Shwa shwa! 311 00:11:44,398 --> 00:11:46,183 SHWA! 312 00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:49,012 ... but Premier, I didn't even vote for you. 313 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:51,318 Then the joke's on me. 314 00:11:51,318 --> 00:11:53,277 I didn't think you were old enough to vote. 315 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:55,583 Chug! Chug! Chug! 316 00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:57,237 Be at peace. 317 00:11:57,237 --> 00:11:59,936 If you can't enjoy how it goes down, 318 00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:02,808 you'll never like how it comes back up. 319 00:12:02,808 --> 00:12:04,854 Man, I never thought they'd all show up. 320 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,638 I was just being polite. 321 00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,988 Hey, Jimmy. 322 00:12:08,988 --> 00:12:10,250 Isn't that the guy you whacked 323 00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,339 'cause he figured out who you were? 324 00:12:12,339 --> 00:12:15,081 Hey yeah, I hate when they come back. 325 00:12:15,081 --> 00:12:16,256 Hello Jimmy. 326 00:12:16,256 --> 00:12:18,041 And you must be Uncle Cheech. 327 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,346 Wheatthin, hey. 328 00:12:19,346 --> 00:12:21,958 Listen, I gotta ask you something. 329 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:24,047 I'm not sure how to put this but... 330 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,484 didn't I kill you? 331 00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,486 Actually that was my robot double. 332 00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:29,487 And I'm glad you "whacked" him 333 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:32,446 because I think he was trying to kill me. 334 00:12:32,446 --> 00:12:34,840 What? You have robots? 335 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,408 Of course, Jimmy, I'm a master inventor. 336 00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,932 I wouldn't be nearly as wealthy as I am if I didn't 337 00:12:39,932 --> 00:12:43,066 have an army of robots working to undermine my competitors. 338 00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,589 But I've said too much. 339 00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,331 What? You have robots? 340 00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:50,073 Oh, just the one, but you killed it. 341 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:52,771 Oooh dice... excuse me. 342 00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:55,295 Come on, Jimmy. Let's go play. 343 00:12:55,295 --> 00:12:57,428 Look, even the dead guy's having fun. 344 00:12:57,428 --> 00:13:00,126 I'm not really in the party mood, Cheech. 345 00:13:00,126 --> 00:13:02,215 I gotta get Cookie back. 346 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:04,783 I gotta think of something big, something huge, 347 00:13:04,783 --> 00:13:07,917 something so grand there's no way she won't forgive me. 348 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,048 Like what? 349 00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:10,484 I'm thinkin' an X-box. 350 00:13:10,484 --> 00:13:14,358 Jimmy, I've been divorced six times. 351 00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:17,187 I think I know a thing or two about marriage. 352 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,754 She threw you out. It's over. 353 00:13:19,754 --> 00:13:20,886 Time to live a little. 354 00:13:20,886 --> 00:13:23,280 I don't know... 355 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,412 Look, you can wallow and mope for months. 356 00:13:25,412 --> 00:13:27,545 But let me tell you something, she ain't mopin'. 357 00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,808 She's out there jumpin' up on tables, 358 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:33,203 shakin' her moneymaker, rubbin' her hoo-ha all over the bar, 359 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:35,945 and buying drinks for every guy who pinches her onion, 360 00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,381 all on your dime. 361 00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:39,383 That sounds like our wedding night! 362 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:41,864 Move over! The kid is back! 363 00:13:44,170 --> 00:13:46,869 What in the Queen's name is going on? 364 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,175 Jimmy, what have you done? 365 00:13:49,175 --> 00:13:50,698 It's not my fault. 366 00:13:50,698 --> 00:13:52,831 It just sort of happened origamically. 367 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,659 Here, have a beer. 368 00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,400 [crash]That one's on you. 369 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,923 That's it! 370 00:13:57,923 --> 00:14:00,273 Jimmy, Cheech, you are no longer welcome here. 371 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,057 Everybody out! 372 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,798 Not so fast, Mountie. 373 00:14:03,798 --> 00:14:04,712 Premier O'Shea? 374 00:14:04,712 --> 00:14:06,889 Under the laws of eminent domain, 375 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:07,890 your cabin has been annexed 376 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,327 by the great province of Saskatchewan. 377 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:10,936 So sayeth the Premier. 378 00:14:10,936 --> 00:14:13,156 But your Honour, 379 00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:15,767 eminent domain can only be used in times of war. 380 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,378 Then I declare war on your lame ass, so piss off! 381 00:14:18,378 --> 00:14:20,424 Thank you for hearing me out, sir. 382 00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:23,557 Hey, McCool! Bring back some Cheetos! 383 00:14:26,386 --> 00:14:29,085 Chin up in the face of adversity. 384 00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:29,999 There are those worse off than you. 385 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:33,350 Stand tall and carry on. 386 00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:36,135 And enough with the sad music. 387 00:14:36,135 --> 00:14:39,225 Ah, Peter McDougal. 388 00:14:39,225 --> 00:14:42,359 The only member of the family who's never let me down. 389 00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:44,535 Caaa-caaaahhhhh. 390 00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,754 I stand corrected. 391 00:14:46,754 --> 00:14:48,713 Hey, Theresa. Wanna play Candyland? 392 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,019 Sorry, Gina. 393 00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:52,499 But I stopped playing kids games once I got tits. 394 00:14:52,499 --> 00:14:54,762 Ya sure? I changed it a little. 395 00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,419 Oh, that's pretty good. You're funny. 396 00:14:59,419 --> 00:15:02,031 Funny? Funny how? 397 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:04,642 And I would really think hard about your answer. 398 00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:05,382 [doorbell] 399 00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:07,601 Don't be alarmed, Cookie. 400 00:15:07,601 --> 00:15:09,516 I found him with his tongue stuck to a lamppost. 401 00:15:09,516 --> 00:15:11,736 He has a mild concussion and he's lost his mind. 402 00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,042 Oh Petey. 403 00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,434 Why didn't you tell me you lost your mind? 404 00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:17,133 He'll be alright, thanks to me. 405 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:20,092 All he needs is a good night's rest. 406 00:15:20,092 --> 00:15:21,441 Apologize. 407 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:23,182 I don't know how to thank you. 408 00:15:23,182 --> 00:15:24,531 No need. 409 00:15:24,531 --> 00:15:27,099 You're going through enough yourself. 410 00:15:27,099 --> 00:15:28,579 I know all about you and Jimmy. 411 00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:32,278 He's been staying at my house which I've been forced to leave. 412 00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:34,889 That selfish blob of spit. 413 00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:36,369 Tell me about it. 414 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,545 I gave him a whole list of rules but it never dawned on me 415 00:15:38,545 --> 00:15:41,940 that I had to add "...and flush". 416 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:44,987 He's a pig. So where you staying? 417 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:48,033 I'm hoping to find a dead deer and sleep inside its carcass. 418 00:15:48,033 --> 00:15:49,426 Is that as gross as it sounds? 419 00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,341 You have no idea! 420 00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:52,951 Then you have to stay here. 421 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,997 You wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me. 422 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,912 Come on in, we'll make some more mess. 423 00:15:57,912 --> 00:15:59,697 That wouldn't be appropriate. 424 00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:02,134 I'm kidding. I insist. 425 00:16:02,134 --> 00:16:03,875 You'll stay here tonight where it's safe and warm. 426 00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:06,791 I suppose it's preferable to a dead deer carcass. 427 00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:11,143 Alright, but on the condition that there's no hanky-panky. 428 00:16:11,143 --> 00:16:12,492 How 'bout just panky? Oh, I'm kidding. 429 00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,235 Is that my lipstick? 430 00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:18,020 Who's funny now? 431 00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,675 Did you use my lipstick to draw a picture 432 00:16:21,675 --> 00:16:24,069 of some poor girl named "Thrsa"? 433 00:16:24,069 --> 00:16:26,289 It's you dumbass. 434 00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:27,464 Whatever. 435 00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:29,640 I want that lipstick back, ya little squirt. 436 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,295 One more step and the lipstick gets it. 437 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,600 You wouldn't. 438 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,862 Try me. 439 00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:37,126 No! No! She means it! 440 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,519 And you have a big ass! 441 00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:40,912 That's it! 442 00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,524 Give it back to me! 443 00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:46,700 What's this about? 444 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:49,355 She stole my lipstick! 445 00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:51,140 She wouldn't play with me and she called me funny 446 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,011 so I swiped it and made a hangman game 447 00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:55,013 where I killed her and I told her she had a fat ass! 448 00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,449 So you can't blame me. 449 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:59,409 You girls don't know how lucky you are to have a sibling. 450 00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:00,932 I was an only child. 451 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:02,716 No one to play with but myself. 452 00:17:02,716 --> 00:17:04,022 That came out wrong. 453 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:06,720 Theresa, put your things where Gina can't get them. 454 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,419 Gina, use your artistic talent to draw happy things, 455 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,812 like rainbows and unicorns. 456 00:17:11,812 --> 00:17:13,858 Problem solved. 457 00:17:13,858 --> 00:17:16,948 That was really impressive, McCool. 458 00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,037 Jimmy would just let them fight and then make fun of the loser. 459 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,431 They're good girls, Cookie. 460 00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:23,563 Not outwardly of course. 461 00:17:23,563 --> 00:17:24,695 Is this better? 462 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:29,134 I'll take that as friendly sarcasm, Gina. 463 00:17:29,134 --> 00:17:31,702 You are quite funny. 464 00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,095 [grumbles] 465 00:17:36,576 --> 00:17:42,756 [loud cheering] 466 00:17:42,756 --> 00:17:44,410 Go Goldie! Bite him! 467 00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:45,716 Jimmy! 468 00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:48,371 You bet on the bear? 469 00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:49,589 Does he s--- in the woods? 470 00:17:49,589 --> 00:17:53,419 Jimmy, this is such a fantastic thing you shwa shwa. 471 00:17:53,419 --> 00:17:57,858 To have this house and this party and shwa shwa shwa. 472 00:17:57,858 --> 00:17:58,990 I don't know. 473 00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,470 I've been trying to enjoy myself, 474 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,602 but the truth is I can't stop thinking about Cookie 475 00:18:02,602 --> 00:18:04,865 and what I done. 476 00:18:04,865 --> 00:18:06,215 Mais non! 477 00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:09,261 What you do is a service for the whole community. 478 00:18:09,261 --> 00:18:12,351 You are a mother-shwa-shwa genius. 479 00:18:12,351 --> 00:18:14,048 To create all this 480 00:18:14,048 --> 00:18:16,312 and then get rid of that shwa shwa Mountie. 481 00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,444 And he moves in with your wife. 482 00:18:18,444 --> 00:18:20,925 What? Son of a shwa! 483 00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:23,841 I gotta do something to win my wife back and it's gotta be 484 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,538 even grander than an X-Box. 485 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:29,194 Somehow I gotta get Cookie together with her sister. 486 00:18:29,194 --> 00:18:30,413 But how? 487 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,545 Jimmy, I can help you. 488 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,677 What could you do? 489 00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:35,244 I'm a billionaire entrepreneur, 490 00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:37,898 world renowned inventor, decorated scientist 491 00:18:37,898 --> 00:18:40,205 and believe it or not, I'm a heterosexual man 492 00:18:40,205 --> 00:18:41,337 who understands women. 493 00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,774 Alright, let's get these two broads together. 494 00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:46,124 You know it's a proven fact 495 00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:48,170 that anything we can do they can do better. 496 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,084 They like to hear that. 497 00:18:52,913 --> 00:18:55,829 [whistling] 498 00:18:55,829 --> 00:18:58,310 Awwwww, little Gina... 499 00:18:58,310 --> 00:18:59,616 [whistling] 500 00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:03,097 Awwww, Theresa... 501 00:19:03,097 --> 00:19:03,968 Don't look man, don't look! 502 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,624 Whoa! Cookie! 503 00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,495 No wonder she wanted me to do the vacuuming. 504 00:19:09,495 --> 00:19:10,757 [doorbell] 505 00:19:10,757 --> 00:19:13,325 I'll get it. 506 00:19:13,325 --> 00:19:14,674 McCool, I'm here to see Cookie 507 00:19:14,674 --> 00:19:19,810 but I wanna say I'm sorry about the party and everything. 508 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:21,290 Thank you, Jimmy. 509 00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,074 I hope you're not alarmed by my presence in your home 510 00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,250 but I assure you nothing happened 511 00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:28,819 that would cause me to be less than proud. 512 00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,212 Uh... 513 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:33,563 So does that mean you did her or you did not do her? 514 00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:34,390 God no! 515 00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,827 Good. Then these are for you. 516 00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:39,090 Why Jimmy, your apology was valiant enough. 517 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,135 You didn't need to buy me flowers. 518 00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:42,267 I didn't. 519 00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:43,050 We broke a vase in your living room 520 00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:45,096 and I thought you'd want 'em. 521 00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,706 Now get the hell out of my house. 522 00:19:46,706 --> 00:19:48,230 Cookie? 523 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,275 Didn't I tell you to f--- off? 524 00:19:50,275 --> 00:19:53,322 'Cause if I didn't I'd be more than happy to tell you again. 525 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,019 What are you smirking at? 526 00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:57,500 Get ready to forgive me... 527 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,718 Over my dead -- 528 00:19:58,718 --> 00:20:00,024 Cookie!Rosalie! 529 00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:02,766 Oh my God! It's really you! 530 00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:05,203 I never thought I'd see you again! 531 00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:06,683 You just disappeared! 532 00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:09,468 One day you, Jimmy, the kids were just gone! 533 00:20:09,468 --> 00:20:11,296 I can't believe you're really here! 534 00:20:11,296 --> 00:20:13,690 I talk to you every day in my head. 535 00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,996 That's because you've always had voices in your head, 536 00:20:15,996 --> 00:20:17,476 you crazy bitch. 537 00:20:17,476 --> 00:20:19,826 I missed you so much, you painted ho. 538 00:20:19,826 --> 00:20:21,567 Jimmy, how did you make this happen? 539 00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,482 I called in a favor. 540 00:20:23,482 --> 00:20:28,182 Baby, I screwed up and I had to fix it for you. 541 00:20:28,182 --> 00:20:29,183 'Cause I love ya'. 542 00:20:29,183 --> 00:20:32,839 I love you too, ya big cheeseball. 543 00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:36,800 I love you too, ya big cheeseball. 544 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,932 I'm sorry that was weird. 545 00:20:38,932 --> 00:20:40,717 Weird. Cheeseball. Weird. 546 00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,719 Are you okay? 547 00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:43,850 Yeah, I'm fine. 548 00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:45,199 It was a long flight. 549 00:20:45,199 --> 00:20:49,029 I'm just a little tired. Tired. Tired. 550 00:20:49,029 --> 00:20:49,595 What's going on? 551 00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:52,163 Nothing. 552 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:54,818 It's just the excitement of seeing my sister. 553 00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:57,386 Sister. Sister. Sister. 554 00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,561 Sister. Sister. 555 00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:01,520 [buzzing] 556 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,783 Must kill sister. 557 00:21:05,394 --> 00:21:08,875 Oh my God! Jimmy! Cookie! Hit the dirt! 558 00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,226 I hope I didn't use the nuclear battery. 559 00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:19,233 Busted. 560 00:21:19,233 --> 00:21:22,193 What the hell is going on? 561 00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:24,587 That wasn't your sister. It was a robot. 562 00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,589 Look, I'm sorry. 563 00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:29,896 But there was no way I could get to Rosalie for real. 564 00:21:29,896 --> 00:21:32,029 This was the only thing I could think of 565 00:21:32,029 --> 00:21:33,987 to get you to stop hating me. 566 00:21:33,987 --> 00:21:38,644 So would you mind going inside and tossing me my other piano 567 00:21:38,644 --> 00:21:40,254 and I'll be on my way. 568 00:21:40,254 --> 00:21:42,474 Jimmy, I never hated you. 569 00:21:42,474 --> 00:21:44,215 And I never could. 570 00:21:44,215 --> 00:21:45,912 How many men would go to the trouble 571 00:21:45,912 --> 00:21:47,827 of building a nuclear-powered robot sister 572 00:21:47,827 --> 00:21:49,873 for their wife? 573 00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:51,309 Six? 574 00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:53,529 One. And I got him. 575 00:21:53,529 --> 00:21:56,009 And you're never gonna lose him.