1 00:00:01,783 --> 00:00:04,047 Welcome. Bienvenue.[horse whinnies] 2 00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,745 My name is RCMP Special Agent Strait McCool. 3 00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:09,400 I was just your ordinary run-of-the-mill Mountie, 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:13,273 until that day I first heard the name Jimmy Falcone. 5 00:00:13,273 --> 00:00:16,711 I'd like to request a transfer, sir. 6 00:00:16,711 --> 00:00:17,408 Again? 7 00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:19,105 You'd be my best agent 8 00:00:19,105 --> 00:00:21,020 but you've got ants in your pants. 9 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:24,241 I've put you on vice, narcotics, homicide. 10 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,851 You've cleaned up the entire west side... 11 00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,506 of this country! 12 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,290 What's even left for you? 13 00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:31,248 Witness protection. 14 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:34,120 What? Forget it! Not a chance! 15 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,643 Reforming the most hardened American criminals 16 00:00:35,643 --> 00:00:39,082 and turning them into respected members of society... 17 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,953 What a challenge. What an honour. 18 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,607 Can't do it, McCool. 19 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,565 You're too valuable to me on the streets. 20 00:00:44,565 --> 00:00:45,827 I want the Falcone case, Chief. 21 00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:48,700 Nay, I demand it! 22 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,354 Don't you nay me, Mister! 23 00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,791 You're too high up for a job like that. 24 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,185 And I'm not gonna demote my best officer 25 00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:58,405 just 'cause he wants to join the baby sitter's club! 26 00:00:58,405 --> 00:01:01,626 I had to take action. 27 00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:02,975 Perhaps there was something I could learn 28 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:05,108 from Jimmy Falcone. 29 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:10,156 You are so demoted. 30 00:01:10,156 --> 00:01:11,636 And that, kind viewers, 31 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:13,464 is how I received this assignment. 32 00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:16,641 And I won't rest until this ragtag American household 33 00:01:16,641 --> 00:01:20,906 becomes the epitome of fine Canadian citizenship. 34 00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:23,474 And if you think I'm ever going to give up on this family - 35 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:24,605 Vagina- 36 00:01:24,605 --> 00:01:26,259 ...You can forget about it! 37 00:01:26,259 --> 00:01:27,521 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 38 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,220 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 39 00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:33,179 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 40 00:01:33,179 --> 00:01:35,050 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 41 00:01:35,050 --> 00:01:37,401 ♪ He take the boss, 42 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:39,272 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 43 00:01:39,272 --> 00:01:42,275 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 44 00:01:42,275 --> 00:01:45,278 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 45 00:01:45,278 --> 00:01:48,281 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 46 00:01:48,281 --> 00:01:50,022 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 47 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:52,372 ♪ Fugget about it 48 00:01:52,372 --> 00:01:52,981 ♪ Fugget about it 49 00:01:52,981 --> 00:01:55,158 ♪ Fugget about it 50 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:56,159 Oh! Fugget about it! 51 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,076 Next item on the agenda... 52 00:02:01,076 --> 00:02:04,732 As you know, the annual Regina Winter Carnival is here, 53 00:02:04,732 --> 00:02:06,473 and one of us will be spending the week 54 00:02:06,473 --> 00:02:08,258 manning the tourism booth. 55 00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:09,433 Hold up. 56 00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:09,911 Did you just say one of us gets a week off 57 00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:11,043 to go to a carnival? 58 00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:14,481 Well, not so much a week off as - 59 00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:15,656 A week off. 60 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:17,354 Man, I would kill for that. 61 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:20,052 Hell, I used to whack guys for a lot less. 62 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:22,359 I once whacked a guy just for a Klondike bar. 63 00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,361 I should write the company and tell them that. 64 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,841 They're always lookin' for positive testimonials. 65 00:02:26,841 --> 00:02:28,800 ...And since I've done it for the past five years, 66 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,324 I've decided I should be the one to go. 67 00:02:31,324 --> 00:02:32,673 Hooray! Wait! 68 00:02:32,673 --> 00:02:34,284 No, actually, 69 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:37,200 I think it's great that you're gonna go 70 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,723 to this carnival instead of me. 71 00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,115 It'll give me a chance 72 00:02:40,115 --> 00:02:41,987 to try out some new ideas around here. 73 00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,815 New ideas? 74 00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:46,034 I was just thinking I'd reorganize the files, 75 00:02:46,034 --> 00:02:47,471 clean out the rolodex, 76 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:50,038 move all the bats and bites on the computer. 77 00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:51,301 You won't even recognize the place 78 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:51,779 when I'm done. 79 00:02:51,779 --> 00:02:54,042 I have an idea. 80 00:02:54,042 --> 00:02:54,826 You go to the carnival. 81 00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:57,916 Oh, all right, fine. 82 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,134 But you owe me. 83 00:03:02,529 --> 00:03:05,184 Cookie, you ever see that Tom Cruise-Dustin Hoffa movie, 84 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:06,794 "It's Raining Men"? 85 00:03:06,794 --> 00:03:08,143 For argument's sake I'll say yes. 86 00:03:08,143 --> 00:03:10,972 So this guy has an artistic brother, 87 00:03:10,972 --> 00:03:13,714 terrible with the socialism, 88 00:03:13,714 --> 00:03:15,760 but he's like some kinda superhero. 89 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,848 He could count cards. 90 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,589 It's hardly a superpower. 91 00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:21,635 So I been thinkin', Petey stinks with people. 92 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,594 You ever think he's one of them artistics? 93 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:25,160 Watch how you talk about my son. 94 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,206 He doesn't know what I'm saying. 95 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,903 Whatcha making there, Sport? 96 00:03:28,903 --> 00:03:31,689 It's a high energy particle accelerator in a bottle. 97 00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,168 It's like a ship in a bottle, 98 00:03:33,168 --> 00:03:35,606 but mine's a miniature high energy particle accelerator, 99 00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,085 and it's fully functional. 100 00:03:37,085 --> 00:03:38,696 Ain't that something. 101 00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:41,133 But you can't go to the store by yourself. 102 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:41,568 Of course I can. 103 00:03:41,568 --> 00:03:42,830 Wait... 104 00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:45,833 You think I'm autistic? 105 00:03:45,833 --> 00:03:47,052 I'm not autistic, 106 00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:49,402 and I take offence to your autism stereotypes. 107 00:03:49,402 --> 00:03:54,146 Autistic individuals are people like you and I, 108 00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:56,235 and have a lot to offer their communities. 109 00:03:57,323 --> 00:04:00,718 Petey, where'd you go? Retard-land? 110 00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:04,199 So as I was saying, how many toothpicks? 111 00:04:04,199 --> 00:04:05,723 Three...? 112 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:07,899 Look at this guy, a freakin' genius. 113 00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:09,248 Hey, hey, hey, 114 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,902 who wants to go to a Winter Carnival? 115 00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:13,339 Ooh, a family outing. 116 00:04:13,339 --> 00:04:15,210 I've been going stir crazy here all week. 117 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:17,169 It's always "mommy this, mommy that, 118 00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:19,345 can I have this, can I have that, 119 00:04:19,345 --> 00:04:20,955 he took my this, she took my that, 120 00:04:20,955 --> 00:04:22,653 Mommy, Mommy, Mommy". 121 00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:24,307 [groan] 122 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,873 It's not about you, kids. 123 00:04:25,873 --> 00:04:27,614 A carnival? 124 00:04:27,614 --> 00:04:30,008 No one but rubes and easy marks go to carnivals. 125 00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:32,837 [gasp] Okay, I'm in. 126 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:35,143 I am so going to win Carnival Queen. 127 00:04:35,143 --> 00:04:37,363 Do I have time to throw up, 128 00:04:37,363 --> 00:04:38,103 or should I purge on the way? 129 00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:40,540 You ain't going nowhere, kid. 130 00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:41,889 We gotta practice. 131 00:04:41,889 --> 00:04:42,586 How many cards am I holding up? 132 00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:44,065 One? 133 00:04:44,065 --> 00:04:46,329 There'll be no stoppin' him! 134 00:04:49,288 --> 00:04:50,855 Okay, later.See ya. 135 00:04:54,554 --> 00:05:00,821 [loud thumping] 136 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,738 Oh Jimmy, a sleigh ride. 137 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:05,826 Let's go. 138 00:05:05,826 --> 00:05:07,001 Just you and me... 139 00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:08,786 keeping each other warm... 140 00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:09,656 making people uncomfortable 141 00:05:09,656 --> 00:05:11,745 watching us doing it in public... 142 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,312 [chuckles] 143 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,661 It'll be like old times. 144 00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:16,750 Maybe later, honey, 145 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,448 I gotta go work the tourism booth. 146 00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:20,145 What, you're gonna leave me here all alone? 147 00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:21,842 Some husband you are. 148 00:05:21,842 --> 00:05:23,583 I know that was sarcastic, but... 149 00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:25,019 Thank you! 150 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,328 Say ah. 151 00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:31,678 Mommy'll be back soon, have fun. 152 00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,291 Wow! 153 00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:39,077 Mama Mia, that's an-icy meatball! 154 00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,122 Did you make this?You like? 155 00:05:41,122 --> 00:05:43,342 I done a lotta ice pick work in my day, 156 00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:44,212 but never with actual ice. 157 00:05:44,212 --> 00:05:45,736 Would you like to give it a try? 158 00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:48,391 Thanks, but I got my own. 159 00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:05,146 [indistinct crowd murmuring] 160 00:06:07,235 --> 00:06:08,062 [gasps] 161 00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,935 [Aaahs] 162 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:23,121 [Blue Danube Waltz playing] 163 00:06:32,478 --> 00:06:34,132 Hi, I'm Gina. 164 00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:37,048 Hi, I'm Oliver. 165 00:06:38,353 --> 00:06:40,834 Get offa my turf, Oliver! 166 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,966 And now for everyone's favourite event, 167 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,924 where the ladies really get to strut their stuff, 168 00:06:43,924 --> 00:06:47,754 it's... Parka Time! 169 00:06:47,754 --> 00:06:51,018 [music and cheering] 170 00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:52,150 This is ridiculous. 171 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,805 How is anyone going to know how hot I am? 172 00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:56,415 [gasps] 173 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,286 Alright, who wants to see a wet t-shirt contest - 174 00:06:58,286 --> 00:06:59,940 Nooooo! 175 00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:01,855 Hey, that's my talent! 176 00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:06,599 Why can't we go to the carnival? 177 00:07:06,599 --> 00:07:08,122 Just count the cards 178 00:07:08,122 --> 00:07:09,950 and we'll do whatever you want. 179 00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:13,214 Come on, one, two, three, 180 00:07:13,214 --> 00:07:17,131 after three, next after three, next after that. 181 00:07:17,131 --> 00:07:19,612 Tell me when we get to Blackjack. 182 00:07:19,612 --> 00:07:21,962 That's not how card counting works, Uncle Cheech. 183 00:07:21,962 --> 00:07:23,616 The idea is to know 184 00:07:23,616 --> 00:07:25,792 when there's a concentration of high cards in the deck, 185 00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:26,532 which favours the player. 186 00:07:26,532 --> 00:07:28,491 You assign positive, negative, 187 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,580 or zero values to each card 188 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:31,842 and keep a running count. 189 00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:34,584 And I'm not autistic! 190 00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:38,631 I wonder what goes on in that tormented brain of yours. 191 00:07:38,631 --> 00:07:40,067 He's magnificent. 192 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:41,504 I've never seen anything like it. 193 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:43,375 I've been to New York. It looks just like that! 194 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,638 Who is he? Yes, who is he? 195 00:07:45,638 --> 00:07:47,988 Sweet Lady Gaga, is that who I think it is? 196 00:07:47,988 --> 00:07:49,337 And he's brilliant. 197 00:07:49,337 --> 00:07:51,992 The gentle touch, the keen eye. 198 00:07:51,992 --> 00:07:53,428 How could this be? 199 00:07:53,428 --> 00:07:54,865 He'll be famous. 200 00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,475 He'll be revered... 201 00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,128 and revealed! 202 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,390 Oh this is terrible. 203 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,567 His enemies will find him, and kill him. 204 00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:02,829 This is the best ice-sculpting I've seen 205 00:08:02,829 --> 00:08:04,396 since Ice-pick McGee. 206 00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:06,224 I'm gonna put you on the cover of Life Magazine. 207 00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:07,878 Let's see what's under that scarf. 208 00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,576 Oh no! I must create a diversion. 209 00:08:10,576 --> 00:08:11,316 Face-off! 210 00:08:15,842 --> 00:08:17,757 Works every time. 211 00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:20,499 Jimmy, a word.S'up? 212 00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,979 You magnificent bastard. 213 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:24,155 You're truly gifted 214 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,460 and must never do this again. 215 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:26,679 Oh come on! 216 00:08:26,679 --> 00:08:27,941 I'm really good at this, 217 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,901 and I never been good at nothing 'cept gangstering. 218 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,077 Look what I made. It's a work of... 219 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,253 What's that word, rhymes with fart? 220 00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:36,080 I'm sorry, Jimmy, it's too high profile. 221 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,299 It'll make you famous. 222 00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:39,736 [thump] 223 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,781 Two minutes! Roughing! 224 00:08:41,781 --> 00:08:43,653 Your enemies will find you and kill you. 225 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:44,958 But it pains me 226 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,220 to hide your talents from the world. 227 00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:47,787 But I don't want to see you dead. 228 00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:48,875 But to not let you share your gift 229 00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:53,532 would violate the laws of truth and beauty itself. 230 00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:55,447 You done arguing with yourself yet? 231 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,492 Yes. No. Maybe. 232 00:08:57,492 --> 00:08:58,798 No... Yes. 233 00:08:58,798 --> 00:09:00,452 Come on McCool. I'll wear my disguise. 234 00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:03,498 I won't tell anyone. Not even Cookie. 235 00:09:03,498 --> 00:09:05,326 No one will know. 236 00:09:05,326 --> 00:09:07,981 I'd like to believe you Jimmy, but I've met you. 237 00:09:09,156 --> 00:09:11,376 I swear on the lives of my children. 238 00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,074 Alright. 239 00:09:14,074 --> 00:09:16,120 But you'll need a fake name. 240 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,558 We'll call you Jinksy. 241 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:22,474 What, [beep]hole was already taken? 242 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:48,065 [♪] 243 00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:49,893 Bad omen, kid. 244 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,938 We'll come back tomorrow. 245 00:09:51,938 --> 00:09:59,511 [♪] 246 00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:00,991 Help me... 247 00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:02,862 Help me! 248 00:10:05,212 --> 00:10:07,867 It's 3 a.m. Where the hell you been? 249 00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:10,565 Cook, you have no idea how much work it is. 250 00:10:10,565 --> 00:10:12,872 All those tourists needing directions... 251 00:10:12,872 --> 00:10:14,265 pamphlets... 252 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:14,874 ideas of things to do... 253 00:10:14,874 --> 00:10:17,442 They just take and take. 254 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:18,138 I got nothing left to give. 255 00:10:18,138 --> 00:10:20,401 The carnival closes at ten. 256 00:10:20,401 --> 00:10:21,881 Where the hell you going each night? 257 00:10:21,881 --> 00:10:23,448 Jimmy... Tell me the truth - 258 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:24,579 are you going back to crime? 259 00:10:24,579 --> 00:10:28,322 No, I promise. 260 00:10:28,322 --> 00:10:29,715 That means you're cheatin' on me, you piece of [beep]! 261 00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:31,108 Get the hell out! This ain't your bed no more! 262 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,197 Cookie, I ain't, I promise. 263 00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:36,983 Come on, I'm too tired to argue. 264 00:10:36,983 --> 00:10:38,289 I'll sleep on the couch. 265 00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:41,901 Oh Virgin Mary I need you. 266 00:10:41,901 --> 00:10:43,903 I don't know what to do. 267 00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:45,557 My husband - 268 00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,167 I think my husband is cheating on me! 269 00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,865 Alright girlfriend, spill. 270 00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:50,344 Tell mama everything. 271 00:10:50,344 --> 00:10:52,825 And don't leave out one juicy detail. 272 00:10:52,825 --> 00:10:54,261 I don't know. 273 00:10:54,261 --> 00:10:55,262 He comes home late every night, exhausted, 274 00:10:55,262 --> 00:10:58,178 but with a big smile on his face. 275 00:10:58,178 --> 00:10:59,919 And he won't tell me why. 276 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,312 Does he still want to pork ya? 277 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:02,617 I don't know. 278 00:11:02,617 --> 00:11:05,969 I try but he just rolls over and falls asleep. 279 00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,884 Oh yeah, he's cheatin'. 280 00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,537 [loud wail] 281 00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:11,409 What, you want me to lie to you? 282 00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:12,627 He's a guy. 283 00:11:12,627 --> 00:11:13,367 If he ain't getting it from you, 284 00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,630 he's getting it from someone. 285 00:11:15,630 --> 00:11:16,501 [loud sobbing] 286 00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:19,634 Okay, okay, quit your blubberin'. 287 00:11:19,634 --> 00:11:22,420 Look, Joseph wasn't giving me the time of day either. 288 00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,203 Then I hop into bed with God 289 00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:25,336 and suddenly he's all over me. 290 00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,990 Throwing a party in a manger... 291 00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:29,732 Showering me with gold and frankincense and myrrh-- 292 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:32,473 like I need any more [beep]in' myrrh. 293 00:11:32,473 --> 00:11:36,608 So get out there and make him jealous, girlfriend. 294 00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:39,393 Sleep around and win your man back. 295 00:11:39,393 --> 00:11:42,266 I could never do that. 296 00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,746 I took a vow. 297 00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:47,010 I... I love my husband. 298 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,402 That fat freak. 299 00:11:48,402 --> 00:11:50,796 Alright, but don't expect someone 300 00:11:50,796 --> 00:11:52,319 to magically appear in the middle of the night 301 00:11:52,319 --> 00:11:53,451 and do ya... 302 00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:54,757 'cause that's only happened once. 303 00:11:58,282 --> 00:12:00,414 Thinks he can leave me home every night? 304 00:12:00,414 --> 00:12:01,067 Well I don't have to stay home. 305 00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:03,678 I can have fun without him. 306 00:12:03,678 --> 00:12:06,769 So this is that Jinksy everyone is talking about. 307 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:09,859 Wow, it really is beautiful. 308 00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:13,166 Dogs Playing Holdup... 309 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,821 Skater Getting Whacked In The Kneecaps At The Olympics... 310 00:12:15,821 --> 00:12:18,171 Swan and... 311 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:18,781 ...Mistress! 312 00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:23,133 [sobbing] 313 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:23,960 Cookie. 314 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,310 Why are you crying, uh... 315 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:27,311 Miss? 316 00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:31,794 It's... It's just so beautiful... 317 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,839 And so sad. 318 00:12:33,839 --> 00:12:35,449 Sad? Why sad? 319 00:12:35,449 --> 00:12:39,018 Because he's cheating on his wife. 320 00:12:39,018 --> 00:12:41,629 Like my husband is cheating on me! 321 00:12:41,629 --> 00:12:43,501 On you? No way. 322 00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:46,243 I'd -- he'd have to be a total moron 323 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,332 to cheat on a classy broad like you. 324 00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,507 Oh, you're just saying that. 325 00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:50,943 No I ain't. 326 00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:53,946 I'm sure every day he thinks about how special you are 327 00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:55,687 and how lucky he is. 328 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:56,470 And if he ain't, 329 00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:58,603 then he don't deserve you. 330 00:12:58,603 --> 00:12:59,822 How ya doin'? I'm Jinksy. 331 00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:02,172 You're Jinksy? 332 00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:05,305 Oh, I love your work. 333 00:13:05,305 --> 00:13:06,959 It's inspired. 334 00:13:06,959 --> 00:13:10,441 You touch me deep in my soul. 335 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,660 In a way I never felt before. 336 00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,793 I was just about to say the same thing to you. 337 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,403 Now you're making me blush. 338 00:13:16,403 --> 00:13:17,796 Jinksy! 339 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,711 I didn't tell you to stop. [laughs] 340 00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:22,453 Will you excuse me a minute? 341 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,063 What? 342 00:13:24,063 --> 00:13:25,978 Can't a guy flirt with his own wife anymore? 343 00:13:25,978 --> 00:13:27,675 Remember your promise, Jimmy. 344 00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:29,373 She doesn't even know it's me. 345 00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:30,940 I could have some fun with this. 346 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:32,942 Sounds kind of twisted. 347 00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,117 I know. 348 00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:35,553 How often does a guy get a chance 349 00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,511 to seduce his wife a second time? 350 00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:39,252 Well, just be careful. 351 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,255 Hey, like I'm gonna catch anything from my own wife. 352 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,779 I'll wear a rubber. 353 00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,089 I don't feel right about this, Uncle Cheech. 354 00:13:50,089 --> 00:13:51,482 Gambling is wrong. 355 00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,049 No it ain't. 356 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:54,877 How do you think I won my third wife? 357 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,487 Here, have a drink. 358 00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:57,836 Is this alcohol? 359 00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:59,272 But I'm a minor. 360 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,361 Relax, I put it in your sippy cup. 361 00:14:01,361 --> 00:14:03,450 Don't worry, he's got a fake ID. 362 00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:07,237 And keep 'em coming. 363 00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:08,586 Twenty one. Player wins. 364 00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:18,422 [♪] 365 00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:21,816 Stand! Split! Double-down! Stand! 366 00:14:21,816 --> 00:14:24,254 Another round for all my friends! 367 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:27,257 And a little extra something for you toots. 368 00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,476 Hoh! I created a monster! 369 00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:34,264 It's beautiful. 370 00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:36,483 A pale imitation of the real thing. 371 00:14:36,483 --> 00:14:40,009 Oh Jinksy, I've had such a wonderful time tonight. 372 00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,837 I don't want it to end. 373 00:14:42,837 --> 00:14:44,448 Maybe it don't have to. 374 00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,933 But Jinksy... I'm a married woman. 375 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,586 You deserve better. 376 00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:54,588 You deserve the best. 377 00:14:54,588 --> 00:14:56,242 I shouldn't. 378 00:14:56,242 --> 00:14:57,330 Yeah, you should. 379 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,505 I shouldn't. 380 00:14:58,505 --> 00:15:00,203 Yeah, you should. 381 00:15:02,248 --> 00:15:04,163 Oh, it's on. 382 00:15:04,163 --> 00:15:12,867 [Opera music playing] 383 00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:16,088 That was amazing. 384 00:15:16,088 --> 00:15:17,611 You were amazing. 385 00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:18,743 Am I ever going to see you again? 386 00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:21,224 Tomorrow too soon? 387 00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,095 I got a big show and it would mean a lot to me 388 00:15:23,095 --> 00:15:23,791 to have you there in my corner. 389 00:15:23,791 --> 00:15:26,055 I wouldn't miss it. 390 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:27,578 Goodnight. 391 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,493 Goodnight. 392 00:15:31,886 --> 00:15:33,976 Oh yeah. I still got it. 393 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,281 Jimmy Falcone's still got it. 394 00:15:35,281 --> 00:15:39,155 Wait a minute. She didn't know I was me. 395 00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:40,808 She thought I was him. 396 00:15:40,808 --> 00:15:43,507 Holy crap. My wife just cheated on me! 397 00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,423 Alright Jimmy, calm down. 398 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:46,945 Go to your happy place. 399 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:48,860 Cookie is your wife. 400 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,166 By definition 401 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,689 that means no cheating has taken place. 402 00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:53,691 But she didn't know it was me. 403 00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:54,605 She thought she was boffin' Jinksy. 404 00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,955 And you are Jinksy, 405 00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:59,914 ergo she was "boffing" you. 406 00:15:59,914 --> 00:16:01,264 Yeah, with her body. 407 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:01,960 I'm talking about her mind. 408 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,962 What does she see in this guy? 409 00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:06,486 I repeat - "this guy" is you. 410 00:16:06,486 --> 00:16:08,401 Well, what do I got that I don't got? 411 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:11,317 Jimmy, I'm afraid I can't help you on this one, 412 00:16:11,317 --> 00:16:13,276 so I bid you adieu. 413 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:17,715 For Canada, where we keep adultery in the family! 414 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:19,717 [sonic boom] 415 00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:21,153 Okay. 416 00:16:21,153 --> 00:16:22,937 It's time to put on the charms 417 00:16:22,937 --> 00:16:25,940 and win back my wife from that son of a bitch me! 418 00:16:27,681 --> 00:16:28,769 So listen, about last night... 419 00:16:28,769 --> 00:16:32,164 What? What about last night? 420 00:16:32,164 --> 00:16:34,384 I'm sorry I been working so hard. 421 00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:36,951 I know I ain't been a model T husband lately, 422 00:16:36,951 --> 00:16:39,215 but it's a new day and I'm here to make things right. 423 00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:42,696 Now I don't wanna come off mushy or anything... 424 00:16:42,696 --> 00:16:44,437 ...but, you wanna get nailed? 425 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:45,786 Tell you what. 426 00:16:45,786 --> 00:16:48,746 You go upstairs and get started... 427 00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:51,270 then finish without me! 428 00:16:51,270 --> 00:16:52,532 Jinksy! 429 00:16:56,536 --> 00:16:57,929 Hit me. 430 00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,713 Kid, you got twenty. You gotta stand. 431 00:16:59,713 --> 00:17:03,021 You shut your face, old man! 432 00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:04,501 Nobody tells me what to do. 433 00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:08,418 I said give me the Ace! 434 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:09,506 Holy crap. It's an ace. 435 00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,464 Whoooo! I knew it! 436 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:14,032 I counted them! 437 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:14,511 You see that? 438 00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:15,990 I counted them! 439 00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:18,645 I'm a card-counting Mother[beep]. 440 00:17:18,645 --> 00:17:21,083 I'm autistic, bitches! 441 00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:24,434 You and me kid! We're going all the way! 442 00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:26,349 I knew it from the day you was born 443 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:29,265 there was something special about you! 444 00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,136 Sir, would you come with me please? 445 00:17:31,136 --> 00:17:32,616 I never seen this kid before in my life. 446 00:17:35,836 --> 00:17:37,360 Good evening, everyone. 447 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,536 I'm Brad Wickers, along with Sal Foster, 448 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,321 and what a treat we have in store for you tonight... 449 00:17:42,321 --> 00:17:43,235 It's... 450 00:17:43,235 --> 00:17:46,934 Jinksy versus Block of Ice! Sal? 451 00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:48,936 As you can see, Block of Ice 452 00:17:48,936 --> 00:17:51,678 dominates in height and weight, 453 00:17:51,678 --> 00:17:54,072 but Jinksy enjoys speed and a definite reach advantage, 454 00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:56,030 so anything can happen. 455 00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:58,598 Ladies and gentlemen. 456 00:17:58,598 --> 00:18:00,687 The moment you've been waiting for... 457 00:18:00,687 --> 00:18:02,254 The Fighting Iceman... 458 00:18:02,254 --> 00:18:04,213 The Chip Off The Ol' Block... 459 00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:05,910 The Pick of Regina... 460 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:08,652 Jjjjjjjjjjj--inksyyyyy! 461 00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:11,655 [♪] 462 00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:15,789 ♪ Living in Saskatchewan 463 00:18:15,789 --> 00:18:19,837 ♪ plain to plain, three TV stations ♪ 464 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:24,015 ♪ Living in Saskatchewan 465 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:28,324 ♪ snow to snow, an arctic nation ♪ 466 00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:32,676 ♪ Living in Saskatchewan 467 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,895 ♪ frostbite leads to amputation ♪ 468 00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:40,379 I must break you. 469 00:18:40,379 --> 00:18:41,685 Cookie? 470 00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:45,471 Cookie, I love you! 471 00:18:45,471 --> 00:18:47,691 I love you too, Jinksy! 472 00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:49,693 Jinksy? 473 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:50,998 Jiiiinnnkkksssyyyyy! 474 00:18:55,394 --> 00:18:58,919 You bring shame and dishonour to our proud establishment. 475 00:18:58,919 --> 00:19:00,182 You can't prove nothing. 476 00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:04,011 I'm a card-counting Mother[beep]. 477 00:19:04,011 --> 00:19:05,665 That could be anyone. 478 00:19:05,665 --> 00:19:07,798 You have disrespected our house 479 00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:09,582 and our house rules. 480 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,629 In return, we shall confiscate your winnings. 481 00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:14,500 Over my dead body. 482 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:17,547 Such arrangements are possible. 483 00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:20,245 Wait! Uncle Cheech, he's right. 484 00:19:20,245 --> 00:19:22,552 This is no place for a fifteen year old. 485 00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:24,031 It's not even legal for me to be here. 486 00:19:24,031 --> 00:19:26,686 Let's go, I should turn myself over 487 00:19:26,686 --> 00:19:27,992 to the Gambling Authority. 488 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,820 Whoa. Fifteen, you say. 489 00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,387 Let us not be hasty, 490 00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:34,651 no need to get the authorities involved. 491 00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:36,000 You may keep your winnings. 492 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,220 Go in peace Head Shaped Like Egg. 493 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:42,833 You done good, kid. Real good. 494 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,356 Thanks, Uncle Cheech. 495 00:19:44,356 --> 00:19:46,402 You know, I'm still not really sure 496 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:47,881 why I said and did all those things 497 00:19:47,881 --> 00:19:49,753 I normally would never do. 498 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,146 Yep, booze has a way a doing that to ya. 499 00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:53,496 But be careful, 500 00:19:53,496 --> 00:19:55,411 you'll go to bed with some very beautiful women -- 501 00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:57,587 Yay! 502 00:19:57,587 --> 00:19:59,545 -- and wake up with some very ugly ones. 503 00:19:59,545 --> 00:20:00,546 Oh. 504 00:20:00,546 --> 00:20:02,548 But they're still women, right? 505 00:20:02,548 --> 00:20:04,333 Not if it's tequila. 506 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,160 Booo! He's just standing there. 507 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,423 Stop pickin' your nose and start pickin' the ice, 508 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,554 ya bum! 509 00:20:08,554 --> 00:20:11,165 I'm so confused. 510 00:20:11,165 --> 00:20:12,689 The more I'm Jinksy, 511 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,473 the more Jimmy loses Cookie. 512 00:20:14,473 --> 00:20:15,169 But if I'm Jimmy 513 00:20:15,169 --> 00:20:17,737 then I can't be Jinksy. 514 00:20:17,737 --> 00:20:20,262 Do I do my art and lose my wife? 515 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,525 Or do I do my wife and lose my art? 516 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:26,311 Or do I do a doobie and put on some Pink Floyd? 517 00:20:26,311 --> 00:20:28,792 Have you ever seen anything like it, Sal? 518 00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:31,795 No, and I once saw a donkey show in Tijuana. 519 00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,971 Jinksy is stinksy! 520 00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:35,451 Fake! 521 00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:38,497 Go back to making ice cubes, ya bum! 522 00:20:38,497 --> 00:20:40,194 Your work is derivative! 523 00:20:40,194 --> 00:20:41,544 What a debacle. 524 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:42,066 And there you have it. 525 00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:44,460 Arena ice sculpting. 526 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,200 Wow, what were we thinking? 527 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,377 Alright, that's it from the Friendly Giant Arena 528 00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:49,856 in fugly downtown Regina. 529 00:20:49,856 --> 00:20:52,294 Stay tuned for Degrassi: The Mid-Life Crisis Years. 530 00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,385 This seat taken? 531 00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:57,777 That depends. 532 00:20:57,777 --> 00:20:59,649 You looking to sit down next to a bum? 533 00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:01,477 You stop right there, mister. 534 00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,261 I don't care what anyone else thinks. 535 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:04,567 You're not a bum. 536 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:07,352 You're Jimmy Falcone.You know? 537 00:21:07,352 --> 00:21:08,875 What, you think I've never seen you in a nylon stocking before? 538 00:21:08,875 --> 00:21:11,400 And they're my nylons! 539 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,490 Plus you used your normal voice, ya big dope. 540 00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:16,013 I knew from the beginning. 541 00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:18,494 I never could put anything past you, Cook. 542 00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:20,409 I'm sorry I neglected ya... 543 00:21:20,409 --> 00:21:22,149 and made you think I was cheatin' on you... 544 00:21:22,149 --> 00:21:25,631 and lied to you, and seduced you, 545 00:21:25,631 --> 00:21:27,677 and banged ya on a block of ice. 546 00:21:27,677 --> 00:21:29,374 I'll never do most of it again. 547 00:21:29,374 --> 00:21:30,506 You kiddin' me? 548 00:21:30,506 --> 00:21:32,856 That was the best sex I ever had! 549 00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:34,292 It was like you were my husband... 550 00:21:34,292 --> 00:21:35,815 but you weren't my husband... 551 00:21:35,815 --> 00:21:37,077 Like forbidden fruit. 552 00:21:37,077 --> 00:21:40,080 And kinda kinky.Hell yeah! 553 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:41,255 I'm just glad it's all out in the open. 554 00:21:41,255 --> 00:21:43,823 'Cause I couldn't take another guy 555 00:21:43,823 --> 00:21:45,172 getting with you, 556 00:21:45,172 --> 00:21:47,218 even if that other guy was me. 557 00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:49,394 It's all you, baby. It's all you. 558 00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:53,877 Uh, you mind putting the mask back on? 559 00:21:53,877 --> 00:21:55,182 Now that, people, is art! 560 00:21:57,271 --> 00:21:59,926 Help me... Help me!