1 00:00:01,609 --> 00:00:03,176 How y'doin'? I'm Cookie McDougal. 2 00:00:03,176 --> 00:00:05,091 I used to be Cookie Falcone, 3 00:00:05,091 --> 00:00:07,137 wife of Mafia big shot, Jimmy Falcone. 4 00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:08,442 We was living the good life back then. 5 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,749 But I didn't know what was going on 6 00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,098 and I didn't want to know. 7 00:00:12,098 --> 00:00:13,273 'Cause I knew what was going on. 8 00:00:13,273 --> 00:00:14,579 Anyway... 9 00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:16,842 Jimmy's Uncle Cheech was giving away mob secrets 10 00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:18,148 so it was only a matter of time 11 00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,888 before he was six feet under. 12 00:00:19,888 --> 00:00:22,065 And I've never been one to wait 'til the last minute. 13 00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:25,851 [sobbing] He was such a good man. 14 00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,332 I'm going to miss him so much. 15 00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:29,072 Don't put red flowers beside red flowers, 16 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,596 what's the matter with you. 17 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:36,122 Poor Cheech, I will never forget his little laugh. 18 00:00:36,122 --> 00:00:37,254 What're you doing? 19 00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:39,430 You can't put food next to a dead body! 20 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:40,387 Get it out of here! 21 00:00:40,387 --> 00:00:44,696 [sobbing] Oh Cheech, Cheech, Cheech... 22 00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,132 Wait get back here give me a crab cake. 23 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,572 Oh, it's dry! 24 00:00:51,572 --> 00:00:52,747 Cook, I got news. 25 00:00:52,747 --> 00:00:53,966 I know Jimmy. 26 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,446 It wasn't your fault. 27 00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:56,969 You did everything you could, 28 00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:58,971 but Don Gambini is an unbending man. 29 00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,364 He bent when he hit the pavement, 30 00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:01,843 I'll tell ya that. 31 00:01:01,843 --> 00:01:02,844 These crab cakes are dry. 32 00:01:02,844 --> 00:01:04,455 Hey. Who died? 33 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,371 Holy crap! Cheech, you're alive! 34 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,894 I'm so happy. 35 00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:10,156 Jimmy, you got the Don to call off the hit? 36 00:01:10,156 --> 00:01:13,420 Well, yes and no. Mostly no. 37 00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:15,422 See, I threw the Don out a window, 38 00:01:15,422 --> 00:01:17,207 everyone wants to whack me, so we're moving to Canada. 39 00:01:17,685 --> 00:01:20,862 [wailing] 40 00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:23,430 And that's how we wound up living in Regina - 41 00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:25,563 Vagina -Saskatchewan. 42 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:27,217 But if you think livin' here is gonna change us... 43 00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:28,870 you can go [beep] yourself! 44 00:01:28,870 --> 00:01:31,003 "Fugget about it!" 45 00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,135 She meant to say, "fugget about it!" 46 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,440 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 47 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,182 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 48 00:01:36,182 --> 00:01:39,142 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 49 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,056 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 50 00:01:41,056 --> 00:01:43,363 ♪ He take the boss, 51 00:01:43,363 --> 00:01:45,235 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 52 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:48,238 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 53 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:51,241 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 54 00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:54,287 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 55 00:01:54,287 --> 00:01:55,984 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 56 00:01:55,984 --> 00:01:58,335 ♪ Fugget about it 57 00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:58,900 ♪ Fugget about it 58 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:01,207 ♪ Fugget about it 59 00:02:01,207 --> 00:02:02,208 Oh! Fugget about it! 60 00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:14,699 [sucking noise] 61 00:02:17,092 --> 00:02:17,615 [harp music] 62 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:20,400 Welcome, my son. 63 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,359 How ya doin'? I'm Jimmy Falcone. 64 00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:25,623 Jimmy Falcone... Jimmy Falcone... 65 00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:28,365 [laughs] I'm just kidding. 66 00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:30,018 You're not on the list. 67 00:02:30,018 --> 00:02:32,020 You're sooo not on the list. 68 00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:34,501 Maybe this'll change your mind. 69 00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:37,809 Jimmy, you've done terrible things in your life. 70 00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:41,334 Murder, assault, trying to bribe your way into Heaven. 71 00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,771 Okay, try Jimmy McDougal.I don't think so. 72 00:02:43,771 --> 00:02:44,990 [coughs] 73 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,471 Are you alright? Do you need some water? 74 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:48,646 We'll give you water. 75 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:49,386 Sparkling or holy? 76 00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:53,825 [gasping] 77 00:02:56,044 --> 00:02:57,350 Wow, that could've been terrible. 78 00:02:57,350 --> 00:02:59,613 What happened? 79 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,397 You got a wiener stuck in your throat. 80 00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,268 I tried giving you mouth to mouth 81 00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:03,922 but I just kept pushing it further in, 82 00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:05,619 so I gave you the behind-lick. 83 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,925 Cheech, I was at the Gates of Heaven, 84 00:03:06,925 --> 00:03:08,405 and they wouldn't let me in. 85 00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:11,538 They said I done terrible things with my life. 86 00:03:11,538 --> 00:03:13,845 Who the hell are they to judge? 87 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,020 I don't know, Cheech. 88 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,718 It seemed so real, like I was actually there. 89 00:03:17,718 --> 00:03:19,067 Let me axe you somethin', Jimmy. 90 00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:21,200 You ever wear a jacket you haven't worn in a while 91 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,680 and find a hundred dollar bill in the pocket? 92 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,072 I dunno, I guess. 93 00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:26,292 Well, that did not happen to me, 94 00:03:26,292 --> 00:03:28,251 but I did find Donny the Irishman's ear 95 00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,774 and a yo-yo in my pocket. 96 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:31,732 Get the hell outta here. A yo-yo? 97 00:03:31,732 --> 00:03:34,257 Yup. Hey, an alley. 98 00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,649 I better take a leak. 99 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,825 You never know how far 'til the next one. 100 00:03:37,825 --> 00:03:38,870 [pulls zipper] 101 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:45,659 We would like to buy some marijuana, please. 102 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,357 Alright, let's see the money. 103 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,054 You just took our money. 104 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:49,968 You callin' me a thief? 105 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:52,449 Let's beat the crap out of them. 106 00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:53,972 What's taking him so long? 107 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,582 Cheech, come on, let's go! 108 00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:59,543 [cat howls] 109 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,633 [loud clatter] 110 00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:03,895 [high-pitched scream] 111 00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,726 [loud explosion] 112 00:04:12,033 --> 00:04:14,209 Thanks mister! You saved our lives! 113 00:04:14,209 --> 00:04:16,864 What am I going to do? Not save your lives? 114 00:04:16,864 --> 00:04:18,562 They got a special place in Heaven for people like you, 115 00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:20,520 thanks again. 116 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,870 [sigh] 117 00:04:22,870 --> 00:04:25,438 Jimmy, you ever been in an alley that didn't smell? 118 00:04:25,438 --> 00:04:26,744 Hey, what happened here? 119 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:30,400 I saved some kids from getting their asses kicked. 120 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,053 I done something good. 121 00:04:32,053 --> 00:04:34,534 I done something good too, I drowned a spider. 122 00:04:34,534 --> 00:04:37,450 Look at that, all that reefer going up in smoke. 123 00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:38,582 Hey, we're like those two stoners from the movies: 124 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,888 Cheech and Jimmy. 125 00:04:40,888 --> 00:04:42,368 I guess we ought to tie these guys up. 126 00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:43,456 You got a rope? 127 00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:45,545 Yeah, in my Boy Scout survival bag. 128 00:04:45,545 --> 00:04:47,025 They let you in? 129 00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,505 They told me the cut off was thirty-five. 130 00:04:49,810 --> 00:04:51,899 I know, I'll use the yo-yo. 131 00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:56,600 Oh man, look at that. 132 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:57,992 Another ear. 133 00:04:57,992 --> 00:04:58,776 And it's also a left. 134 00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:01,344 Whose jacket is this? 135 00:05:03,476 --> 00:05:07,132 Okay, first of all, we have to tenderize the meat. 136 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,525 How do we do that? 137 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,745 You try. 138 00:05:14,095 --> 00:05:17,447 [grunting] 139 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,405 [crazed laughter] 140 00:05:19,405 --> 00:05:22,277 [maniacal laughter] 141 00:05:22,277 --> 00:05:23,714 [panting] 142 00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,759 Now what? 143 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,414 We order a pizza... and a therapist. 144 00:05:28,414 --> 00:05:30,721 [♪] 145 00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,897 Petey! I was watching MTV! 146 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,855 I want to watch the news! 147 00:05:34,855 --> 00:05:36,727 I want to watch "Real Teen Grandmas"! 148 00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:37,554 Those shows are stupid. 149 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,991 Nuh-uh! 150 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,558 I want to find out if Amber's going to deliver today 151 00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:42,994 or if she's still grounded. 152 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,038 I stand corrected. 153 00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:46,780 I gotta say, it felt really good 154 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,303 helping those drug-buying frat boys. 155 00:05:48,303 --> 00:05:50,001 It was almost heroic. 156 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:50,871 Just think how you'd feel if you'd done it on purpose. 157 00:05:50,871 --> 00:05:53,134 Petey, put on Teletoon. 158 00:05:53,134 --> 00:05:55,180 The coyote and running-bird show is on. 159 00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:56,964 I bet this time the bird gets eaten... 160 00:05:56,964 --> 00:05:58,052 And last night in downtown Regina, 161 00:05:58,052 --> 00:06:00,098 a vigilante broke up a drug deal. 162 00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:03,841 A vigilante, how cool is that? 163 00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:05,103 Hey! That looks like - 164 00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:07,845 A good job by some good citizen. 165 00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,717 Police claim the dealers were tied up with a yo-yo! 166 00:06:10,717 --> 00:06:12,502 So let's go to the man on the street. 167 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,939 Vigilante: epic or not epic? 168 00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,157 Epic! 169 00:06:16,157 --> 00:06:16,941 Because a vigilante right here in Regina? 170 00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:19,334 That's going to bring tourists 171 00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:21,336 because they know they'll be safe! 172 00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:22,729 It's also The Cabbage Festival. 173 00:06:22,729 --> 00:06:24,775 So double epic!Correct! 174 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,298 Not epic. 175 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:27,908 You go to hell! 176 00:06:27,908 --> 00:06:29,606 Epic. Protecting our children. 177 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,172 Keeping drugs off the street. 178 00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:32,522 That's epic. 179 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,959 Keeping drugs off the street, not epic. 180 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:35,481 Vigilante? 181 00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:37,918 Epic! 182 00:06:37,918 --> 00:06:41,444 And he did it with a Yo Yo, he's the yo yo vigilante, 183 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:42,923 I just came up with that. 184 00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:43,533 Now over to Brick Fitman with sports. 185 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,926 [cheering] 186 00:06:45,926 --> 00:06:48,625 It's not even game-day and fans have come out in droves 187 00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,018 to support the yo-yo vigilante! 188 00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:52,759 Gimme a "V"!"V"! 189 00:06:52,759 --> 00:06:54,587 Gimme an "I"!"I"! 190 00:06:54,587 --> 00:06:57,155 Gimme a "J"!"J"! 191 00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,939 Who wants yo-yos? 192 00:06:58,939 --> 00:07:01,899 Get your yo-yos, Who wants Yo-yos? 193 00:07:01,899 --> 00:07:03,509 Ow, my eye! 194 00:07:03,509 --> 00:07:04,945 My teeth! 195 00:07:04,945 --> 00:07:07,165 My baby! 196 00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:10,734 V-I-J-J-I-L-A-T-T-E. 197 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:12,344 Whatz that spell? 198 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,956 [confused muttering] 199 00:07:15,956 --> 00:07:18,132 EPIC! 200 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:21,658 You believe this, Cheech! 201 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:23,398 The whole town's talking about us. 202 00:07:23,398 --> 00:07:23,834 They love us! 203 00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:25,966 Unbelievable! 204 00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:27,402 Just for beating up a bunch of bikers. 205 00:07:27,402 --> 00:07:29,056 I used to beat up people all the time. 206 00:07:29,056 --> 00:07:30,449 Nobody loved me. 207 00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:30,797 They called me "the assailant". 208 00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:32,799 Or "that guy". 209 00:07:32,799 --> 00:07:34,540 I didn't like that. 210 00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:35,585 They would point and say, "that guy". 211 00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:38,675 Would it have killed them to learn my name? 212 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:41,199 I got a feeling this could be a chance for me, Cheech. 213 00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,331 I mean, maybe there's a reason I nearly choked on a wienie. 214 00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:47,205 Maybe I can be a real... hero. 215 00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:48,423 What about me? 216 00:07:48,423 --> 00:07:49,990 Can I be your, what do you call it, boy toy? 217 00:07:49,990 --> 00:07:51,426 You mean, boy wonder? 218 00:07:51,426 --> 00:07:52,036 I don't know. What was Robin? 219 00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:54,778 Boy toy.Okay, not that. 220 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:55,735 How we gonna do this, Jimmy? 221 00:07:55,735 --> 00:07:57,563 What if we don't see no more bad guys? 222 00:07:57,563 --> 00:07:58,869 Oh, we'll see them. 223 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,262 Or better yet... they'll see us. 224 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,704 [British accent] Oh my, I am so drunk! 225 00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,923 Why would I leave my fancy mansion 226 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,186 with so much money and expensive jewellery 227 00:08:12,186 --> 00:08:15,015 for someone to rob from me 228 00:08:15,015 --> 00:08:16,364 in my defenceless drunken state? 229 00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:23,502 Oh my, I am far too drunk to ever fight back 230 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:26,810 if someone tried to take my wads of cold, hard, 231 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,682 untraceable cash! 232 00:08:29,682 --> 00:08:34,078 Why or Why would I come to a seedy bar such as this, 233 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,470 it's like I am asking for it. 234 00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:40,127 It's as if I'm saying, "Please rob me." 235 00:08:40,127 --> 00:08:41,651 Take heed, stranger. 236 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,478 We don't want nobody to taking advantage 237 00:08:43,478 --> 00:08:45,655 of your defenceless condition. 238 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,135 They might steal all that fine jewellery 239 00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:50,747 so loosely hanging from your neck. 240 00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:55,055 I think I will go outside to the alley, kind sir. 241 00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:57,536 I feel the need to throw up 242 00:08:57,536 --> 00:09:00,191 from the large amounts of alcohol that I have consumed. 243 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,674 Ba-arf. 244 00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:07,807 Ba-arf! 245 00:09:07,807 --> 00:09:08,373 Hey, rich guy - 246 00:09:12,072 --> 00:09:15,510 You been yo-yoed, punk. 247 00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:16,947 [woman screams] 248 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,601 Sounds like trouble. Let's roll. 249 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,559 Hey Jimmy, we're like that cop team, 250 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,996 "Starsky and Cheech". 251 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:53,592 [♪] 252 00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:57,117 And I assure you this is not acceptable behaviour 253 00:09:57,117 --> 00:09:58,641 by any citizen of Regina. 254 00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:03,341 We are the Mounties and we will catch this... 255 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,996 "yo-yo vigilante". 256 00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:09,129 He will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. 257 00:10:09,129 --> 00:10:10,522 Why do you want to prosecute him? 258 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,045 He's doing your job better than you! 259 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,743 Because the law clearly states - 260 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,005 Why can't the Mounties arrest these crooks 261 00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,528 before the vigilante? 262 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:17,616 Well, I don't think the yo-yo - 263 00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:20,575 Yo, yo, what do you got against the yo-yo? 264 00:10:20,575 --> 00:10:21,576 Is there a drug problem in Regina? 265 00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:24,318 Why have yo-yos been banned from schools? 266 00:10:24,318 --> 00:10:25,580 How often do you mount your horse? 267 00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:26,886 Finally. 268 00:10:26,886 --> 00:10:29,280 Regina has something Saskatoon doesn't! 269 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,848 We have the only vigilante hero 270 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,850 in the great province of Saskatchewan. 271 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,112 What do you think, Jimmy? 272 00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:36,853 Epic or not epic? 273 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,550 I bet he's just a regular guy 274 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:41,031 who puts on his pants one sleeve at a time. 275 00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,336 I wish I was more like him. 276 00:10:42,336 --> 00:10:44,121 Prowling the streets at night. 277 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:46,645 Making my own rules. 278 00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,387 Getting kisses from women I'm not related to. 279 00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:50,431 So you like this guy, huh? 280 00:10:50,431 --> 00:10:52,825 You think he's gonna get into Heaven? 281 00:10:52,825 --> 00:10:54,740 He's already in Heaven, Jimmy. 282 00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:55,698 This is Regina. 283 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:58,875 No, Toby. This is Heaven's nut sack. 284 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,920 But it deserves to be safe. 285 00:11:03,923 --> 00:11:07,144 I heard he's nineteen, six-four, blonde hair, 286 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:08,667 and has his own car. 287 00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:11,017 Well, a lady at the market told the cashier 288 00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:12,845 that her cousin saw him, and he's actually thirty-eight, 289 00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:16,936 gives foot massages and cries when it rains. 290 00:11:16,936 --> 00:11:19,199 No, he's nineteen and he's perfect for me. 291 00:11:19,199 --> 00:11:22,246 No, he's thirty-eight, 292 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:25,118 cares how your day was, and never misses the bowl! 293 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,598 Now go to your room! 294 00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:28,252 Hey, what're you all talkin' about? 295 00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:30,167 What everybody in town is talkin' about. 296 00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,038 The Yo-Yo Vigilante. 297 00:11:32,038 --> 00:11:33,039 I so want to make out with him. 298 00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:34,519 You put that thought 299 00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:36,651 out of your mind right now little lady! 300 00:11:36,651 --> 00:11:37,827 That's sick! 301 00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:38,915 I mean, the man's a criminal. 302 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,655 That's where I'm torn on this whole deal. 303 00:11:40,655 --> 00:11:42,222 On the one hand he's bustin' crooks 304 00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:44,703 which makes him a gavone, 305 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,923 on the other hand he's breakin' the law, which I respect. 306 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:50,535 I would just like to meet him for one night - 307 00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,406 He said stop sayin' that. 308 00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:56,367 You're Daddy's little girl. 309 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,672 [whispers] To the Yo-Cave. 310 00:11:58,673 --> 00:12:02,329 I know you're the yo-yo vigilante. 311 00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:04,854 Petey, I admit to being a yo-yo dieter. 312 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:08,248 I just can't shake those last eighty pounds. 313 00:12:08,248 --> 00:12:10,294 But a vigilante? That's crazy talk. 314 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,686 Oh, is it? 315 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,602 Alright, you caught us. 316 00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:16,082 But it just sorta happened. 317 00:12:16,082 --> 00:12:17,431 We didn't plan it. 318 00:12:17,431 --> 00:12:18,911 We were a little drunk. 319 00:12:18,911 --> 00:12:21,435 It was an accident, but your mother and I still love you - 320 00:12:21,435 --> 00:12:22,872 oh wait, wrong speech. 321 00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:24,351 Alright, how'd you know? 322 00:12:24,351 --> 00:12:26,223 Every sound in this house travels through those vents 323 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:27,833 and into my room. 324 00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:30,140 Yeah, well if you think you heard Gloria 325 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,447 from the car wash in here the other night, you did not. 326 00:12:33,447 --> 00:12:35,188 So you admit, you're the vigilante. 327 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,364 You rat us out and I'll come at you with the full force 328 00:12:37,364 --> 00:12:39,105 of a sixty-eight year old man. 329 00:12:39,105 --> 00:12:40,019 Rat you out? 330 00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:43,196 Au contraire... 331 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,502 I want to be the Q to your James Bond. 332 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:47,548 The Morgan Freeman to your Batman. 333 00:12:47,548 --> 00:12:49,420 The Elton to your John. 334 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,726 I want you to use my crime fighting stuff. 335 00:12:51,726 --> 00:12:52,902 Check this one out. 336 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,207 It's a modified stud-finder 337 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,470 that identifies the guilty and the criminally insane. 338 00:12:58,951 --> 00:13:00,518 [beep]Hey, it works! 339 00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:03,434 This is my masterpiece. 340 00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,740 Laser-farting gum. 341 00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:07,046 It's perfect if you're being chased. 342 00:13:07,046 --> 00:13:08,134 Try one. 343 00:13:09,396 --> 00:13:10,789 What does it do? 344 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,356 Give me your finger. 345 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:13,400 [fart noise] 346 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,533 [loud blast] 347 00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:18,188 I like it. 348 00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,190 Plus, there'll never be any doubt who dealt it. 349 00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,845 [ringtone] 350 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:23,802 The Mountie wants to see us right away. 351 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:26,587 Hang on, I haven't shown you my best one. 352 00:13:26,587 --> 00:13:29,634 The Holographic Lady. 353 00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:31,723 How does that fight crime? 354 00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:33,420 Who cares?! 355 00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:35,074 [horse whinnies] 356 00:13:35,074 --> 00:13:36,902 I'm sorry to drag you out at this time of night, 357 00:13:36,902 --> 00:13:38,817 but it's about the yo-yo vigilante. 358 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,950 I think I read something about that. 359 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,648 Some handsome hero runnin' around town 360 00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:46,259 stopping bad guys and thumbin' his nose at you feds? 361 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,695 He's no hero. 362 00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:49,132 It's against the law to take the law into your own hands, 363 00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:51,786 and I aim to stop him. 364 00:13:51,786 --> 00:13:53,658 So, stop him. What's it got to do with us? 365 00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:56,182 I... need your experience. 366 00:13:56,182 --> 00:13:58,750 As you may know, the legendary "Take me" diamond 367 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,360 is on display at the Regina Museum of Stuff... 368 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,494 And I want you to steal it. 369 00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:05,322 Now you're talkin' my language. 370 00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:07,367 Not really steal it, of course. 371 00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:11,154 I want you to break into the museum and attempt to steal it. 372 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,982 When the vigilante arrives to stop you, 373 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,506 I will swoop in and arrest him. 374 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:16,986 You see gentlemen, 375 00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:20,467 sometimes it takes a criminal to catch a criminal. 376 00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:22,861 Aw man, you had to go and gay it up. 377 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,602 What's in it for us, McCool? 378 00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:26,647 A chance to feel good about doing the right thing, Jimmy. 379 00:14:26,647 --> 00:14:30,129 Something I believe, you really, really want. 380 00:14:30,129 --> 00:14:32,001 You can't tell me what I want, what I really, really want. 381 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,176 Alright, but you owe us. 382 00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:35,221 See you there at midnight. 383 00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:36,614 Midnight it is. 384 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,137 For Canada, 385 00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:41,445 and getting antiquated lyrics stuck in your head! 386 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,360 [sonic boom] 387 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,326 Come find me, my hero. 388 00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:56,982 What the - 389 00:14:56,982 --> 00:14:59,158 What are you doing, young lady? 390 00:14:59,158 --> 00:15:00,029 Mo-om!You get in the house! 391 00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,727 That's so unfair! 392 00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,555 I hate you! 393 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:05,686 And get me some batteries! 394 00:15:05,686 --> 00:15:08,733 There's some in my night-stand, next to my - 395 00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:10,082 Never mind. I'll get it. 396 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,391 Alright, I'll be right over there. 397 00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:15,827 When I give the signal, 398 00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,263 you move in on the diamond. 399 00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:20,527 That's when the vigilante will surely make his move. 400 00:15:20,527 --> 00:15:22,442 I hope we catch those guys, Jimmy. 401 00:15:22,442 --> 00:15:24,444 How are we gonna catch those guys? 402 00:15:24,444 --> 00:15:25,706 We are those guys. 403 00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:27,186 Right... 404 00:15:27,186 --> 00:15:27,970 Well, if I catch you, I'm gonna let you go. 405 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,754 You're my nephew, for Chrissakes! 406 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:32,235 No one's catching anybody. 407 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,410 It's really simple. 408 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,151 All we gotta do is sit here until morning 409 00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:37,196 'cause nobody's showin' up. 410 00:15:37,196 --> 00:15:39,807 Hey, look it's Gina -Shut up. 411 00:15:39,807 --> 00:15:41,722 McCool can't know Gina busted in. 412 00:15:41,722 --> 00:15:43,202 McCool, look! 413 00:15:43,202 --> 00:15:44,943 There's a hot girl in a bikini down the hall. 414 00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:46,292 She's getting away! 415 00:15:46,292 --> 00:15:46,989 My goodness! 416 00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:49,121 The vigilante is a woman! 417 00:15:49,121 --> 00:15:50,253 Of course! 418 00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,732 That's why we couldn't find her. 419 00:15:51,732 --> 00:15:53,299 We were only looking for a man. 420 00:15:53,299 --> 00:15:54,605 How sexist of us. 421 00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,085 How un-Canadian. 422 00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,521 How despicable. 423 00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,523 And look at that ass. 424 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:02,569 Madame, you're under arrest! 425 00:16:02,569 --> 00:16:04,180 Gina, what the hell are you doing? 426 00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:05,659 What's it look like I'm doing? 427 00:16:05,659 --> 00:16:07,052 I'm taking that diamond! 428 00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:08,619 What the hell you doing here? 429 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,360 What are you going to do with a giant diamond? 430 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,275 I'm gonna fence it, duh! 431 00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,146 No, I'm going to wind up fencing it for ya, 432 00:16:14,146 --> 00:16:16,453 'cause you don't know any fences. 433 00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:17,932 It'll be just like the time you got that hamster, 434 00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:20,065 and I wound up feeding it, 435 00:16:20,065 --> 00:16:22,024 cleaning its cage and walking it. 436 00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:23,547 Then when you didn't want it anymore 437 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:24,548 I'm the one who had to 438 00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:27,768 "drive it out to a farm in the country". 439 00:16:27,768 --> 00:16:29,509 But Pop...Get home! 440 00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:31,120 But -Now! 441 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,295 Man. 442 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,513 When I grow up, 443 00:16:33,513 --> 00:16:35,994 I'm gonna let my children steal whatever they want. 444 00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:38,257 She's gonna make a damn fine mom someday. 445 00:16:38,257 --> 00:16:39,476 Oh no, McCool's coming back. 446 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,652 Okay, quick. 447 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:42,783 What happened? 448 00:16:42,783 --> 00:16:44,524 The vigilantes got us. Where were you? 449 00:16:44,524 --> 00:16:45,873 We coulda been hurt. 450 00:16:45,873 --> 00:16:47,005 Yeah, ow. 451 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,267 It's the damnedest thing. 452 00:16:48,267 --> 00:16:50,748 The bikini lady just...disappeared. 453 00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,184 Then I got a call from my captain 454 00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:53,403 saying they've captured the vigilante. 455 00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,839 What? 456 00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:56,275 It was your boss from the Tourism Bureau. 457 00:16:56,275 --> 00:16:56,797 He confessed. 458 00:16:56,797 --> 00:16:57,885 A Toby something? 459 00:16:57,885 --> 00:16:59,670 I did it! It was me! 460 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:03,152 I'm the vigilante! 461 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,415 And visit Regina! 462 00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:06,894 What the hell is that idiot kid doing? 463 00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:08,418 I dunno.Me neither. 464 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:09,375 Sweet! 465 00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:11,073 For once I'm not the dumber guy. 466 00:17:14,554 --> 00:17:16,034 This is bad, Cheech. 467 00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:17,949 How could they have arrested Toby? 468 00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:20,256 Not only is he not the yo-yo vigilante, 469 00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:21,996 he's the nicest guy in the world. 470 00:17:21,996 --> 00:17:23,868 That kinda hurts my feelings, Jimmy. 471 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:26,653 It's like the whole world has gone topsy-curvy. 472 00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:29,003 I try to do good things so that I can redeem myself, 473 00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:31,267 and a nice guy goes to jail because of it. 474 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,007 They'll eat that kid alive in there. 475 00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:35,401 Cheech, our next act of vigilantilism 476 00:17:35,401 --> 00:17:38,448 is bustin' Toby outta prison. 477 00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,798 It's so exciting to be bad again... 478 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,930 or good... whichever this is. 479 00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:46,586 So. A new plan unfolds. 480 00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:47,979 Oh, for the love of... 481 00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:50,068 Go outside, ya little freak! 482 00:17:51,591 --> 00:17:52,114 Give me your wallet! 483 00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,158 Alright, alright here. 484 00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:55,639 Scream for help or I'll shoot! 485 00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:58,250 Help! 486 00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,557 Here, go home. You're useless. 487 00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:01,297 Theresa! 488 00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,299 What the hell are you doing? 489 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,431 Nothing. Just meeting guys. 490 00:18:05,431 --> 00:18:07,172 You're trying to meet that vigilante. 491 00:18:07,172 --> 00:18:09,696 I told you, he's too old for you. 492 00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:13,483 Theresa Maria Falcone, is that a gun? 493 00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:15,354 It's just a water pistol. See? 494 00:18:15,354 --> 00:18:17,008 [loud gunshot]Son of a [beep]! 495 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,662 It's a real gun! 496 00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,316 No wonder it kept leaking. 497 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:21,839 Give me that thing! You get in the house! 498 00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,101 You're grounded! 499 00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:25,234 Go-od, that's like so unfair. 500 00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:28,106 Shake it off, Cookie. Shake it off. 501 00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:30,891 It's just a gunshot wound. You've had worse. 502 00:18:32,893 --> 00:18:35,461 Help! Help! I've been shot! 503 00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:38,377 I need a vigilante! 504 00:18:38,377 --> 00:18:39,204 Nothin'. 505 00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:50,911 [♪] 506 00:18:50,911 --> 00:18:54,393 [blades whirring] 507 00:18:54,393 --> 00:18:55,568 What do we do now? 508 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,222 Now...we chew. 509 00:18:57,222 --> 00:18:58,702 Lock and load. 510 00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:02,140 [♪] 511 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,620 [loud farts] 512 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:07,101 [loud explosion] 513 00:19:07,101 --> 00:19:13,369 [♪] 514 00:19:18,939 --> 00:19:21,246 There's a ton of guys in here. How we gonna find ours? 515 00:19:21,246 --> 00:19:23,117 The Modified Stud-muffin Finder. 516 00:19:24,858 --> 00:19:25,772 [beeps] 517 00:19:25,772 --> 00:19:26,860 Do you wanna buy some memorabilia? 518 00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:29,036 I got O.J. jerseys. 519 00:19:29,036 --> 00:19:30,908 I got bubble gum cards... 520 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,518 gloves... 521 00:19:32,518 --> 00:19:35,695 They're hard to get on, but they come off easy. 522 00:19:35,695 --> 00:19:36,392 How about a knife? 523 00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,350 ...where'd I put that thing? 524 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,918 Damn, I can never find that knife. 525 00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,528 Did you know he was a football player 526 00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:43,790 before he was a criminal? 527 00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:47,316 [crackling] 528 00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:48,360 [beeps] 529 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:49,840 Hey, come here. Come on. 530 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,450 Come closer. 531 00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:52,059 Let me put this gun in your mouth 532 00:19:52,059 --> 00:19:53,583 and I'll write you a song. 533 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,846 Come on. 534 00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:57,413 Just for fun. 535 00:19:57,413 --> 00:20:00,503 I've been drinking, what could go wrong? 536 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:04,028 Jimmy, don't look but I think that guys wearing a wig. 537 00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:06,117 We'll never find Toby with this thing. 538 00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:07,466 Everyone in here's a criminal, 539 00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:08,293 except the guy we're looking for. 540 00:20:08,293 --> 00:20:11,644 Then we reverse the polarities. 541 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,559 Star Trek?The View. 542 00:20:13,559 --> 00:20:15,692 [crackling] 543 00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,868 Hey! 544 00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,391 You're the two fellas who got me put in here. 545 00:20:19,391 --> 00:20:20,653 I didn't do anything. 546 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,482 I was just jogging with my metrosexual man bag! 547 00:20:23,482 --> 00:20:25,092 You think I haven't used that one? 548 00:20:25,092 --> 00:20:27,181 I invented "I didn't do it". 549 00:20:28,574 --> 00:20:30,446 [beep beep beep] 550 00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,360 His story checks out. 551 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,449 And all I was tryin' to do 552 00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:34,798 was give you back your stupid monocle. 553 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,278 Here. 554 00:20:37,409 --> 00:20:38,018 His story too. 555 00:20:38,018 --> 00:20:39,411 Yeah, and I'm in here 556 00:20:39,411 --> 00:20:41,848 for trying to save a dog from Michael Vick's car. 557 00:20:41,848 --> 00:20:43,197 I don't get it. 558 00:20:43,197 --> 00:20:45,243 Everyone I put away was innocent. 559 00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:48,464 I finally try to do some good and it all goes bad. 560 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,248 And why am I in my underwear? 561 00:20:50,248 --> 00:20:51,597 Jimmy, look! 562 00:20:51,597 --> 00:20:52,816 It's the Fishman of Alcatraz. 563 00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:55,645 Swim! Swim like the wind! 564 00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:57,821 We gotta find all the people we got arrested and set them free! 565 00:20:57,821 --> 00:21:00,084 Not me, Jimmy. [maniacal laugh] 566 00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:01,433 I'm already free! 567 00:21:01,433 --> 00:21:03,000 This is where I belong! 568 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,654 These are my people! 569 00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:08,397 [growls] 570 00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:09,702 Thank you, Jimmy! 571 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,661 Thank you for doing good for once! 572 00:21:11,661 --> 00:21:13,532 And now I eat you alive! 573 00:21:13,532 --> 00:21:14,881 [loud roar] 574 00:21:14,881 --> 00:21:17,057 [screaming] 575 00:21:18,972 --> 00:21:20,234 ...and then Toby eats us. 576 00:21:20,234 --> 00:21:23,499 Man, can you imagine if that happened? 577 00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:25,544 Jimmy, you are so high! 578 00:21:25,544 --> 00:21:30,332 [laughs] 579 00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:31,594 Shut up. Don't make me laugh... 580 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:33,900 [laughs] 581 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:35,293 Stop. 582 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:36,468 So what do ya think? 583 00:21:36,468 --> 00:21:38,122 Should we tie these guys up? 584 00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:39,079 Are you outta your mind? 585 00:21:39,079 --> 00:21:40,951 Then the whole story could come true. 586 00:21:40,951 --> 00:21:42,387 We gotta get outta here 587 00:21:42,387 --> 00:21:44,258 before we do something good by mistake. 588 00:21:44,258 --> 00:21:45,695 What about Heaven? 589 00:21:45,695 --> 00:21:47,958 Some people are put on this earth to do good, Cheech. 590 00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:51,744 Let's get outta here before they come and arrest us. 591 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:53,050 That sure was a crazy story, Jimmy. 592 00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:55,052 But lemme tell you somethin'. 593 00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:58,490 I am the demon Garflop! 594 00:21:58,490 --> 00:22:00,100 Knock it off already.