1
00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:02,958
How y'doin?

2
00:00:02,958 --> 00:00:04,221
I used to be Jimmy Falcone,

3
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:06,136
a capo in a New
York crime family.

4
00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:07,615
Now I'm Jimmy McDougal,

5
00:00:07,615 --> 00:00:10,009
livin' like a schnook
in Canada.

6
00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:12,838
Now gangsterin' wasn't exactly
your safest line of work...

7
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,796
Uh...
Got any twos?

8
00:00:14,796 --> 00:00:16,450
Go sleep with the fish.

9
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:17,582
[loud bang]

10
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:19,410
But that's exactly
what I wanted.

11
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,455
I lived danger.
I breathed danger.

12
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,066
Danger was
my middle name.

13
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:25,024
I never did forgive
Ma for that.

14
00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:26,852
Don Gambini,
we did as you asked.

15
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,506
The charge is set.

16
00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:31,639
Pretty soon Tall Bobby is
gonna be Little Bobby Chunks.

17
00:00:31,639 --> 00:00:35,208
But if I may inquire, what
exactly did Tall Bobby do?

18
00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:37,950
He didn't show
respect, Jimmy.

19
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:40,735
It always felt like he
was looking down at me.

20
00:00:40,735 --> 00:00:42,955
You too?
I never did like that guy.

21
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:44,087
Good riddance.

22
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,828
In exactly ten, nine--

23
00:00:46,828 --> 00:00:48,526
Cheech! When you were
under Tall Bobby's car,

24
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:49,266
why didn't you
set the charge?

25
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,268
I did, just like
you said. See?

26
00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:53,792
You were supposed
to leave it...

27
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:54,184
under his car!

28
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:58,449
JIMMY: You know, it's a wonder
I lasted as long as I did.

29
00:00:59,841 --> 00:01:01,408
But just because I'm in
witness protection now

30
00:01:01,408 --> 00:01:04,455
doesn't mean I don't
still face danger.

31
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,066
'Cause if you think minus
fifty-five in January

32
00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:08,328
ain't real danger...

33
00:01:12,854 --> 00:01:14,987
...Fugget about it!

34
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:16,031
♪ Let me tell you
something ♪

35
00:01:16,031 --> 00:01:17,816
♪ 'bout a friend of
ours named Jimmy ♪

36
00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:20,862
♪ made the Wiseguy and
the Capo with Gambini ♪

37
00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:23,735
♪ When he found out they'd
be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪

38
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:24,866
♪ He take the boss,

39
00:01:24,866 --> 00:01:26,868
♪ He threw him from
the 19th floor suite ♪

40
00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:30,263
♪ Wasn't much long
'til the mob wants him dead ♪

41
00:01:30,263 --> 00:01:33,005
♪ So Jimmy had no choice
but to talk to all the Feds ♪

42
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:36,095
♪ the Feds say they have to
take and use him as a pawn ♪

43
00:01:36,095 --> 00:01:38,706
♪ So he ratted out his friends
and moved to Saskatchewan ♪

44
00:01:38,706 --> 00:01:40,099
♪ Fugget about it

45
00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:41,709
♪ Fugget about it

46
00:01:41,709 --> 00:01:42,841
♪ Fugget about it

47
00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:43,363
Oh!
Fugget about it!

48
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,761
Jimmy, may I speak
to you for a moment?

49
00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:50,892
Yeah, yeah, one sec.
I just gotta beat this level.

50
00:01:50,892 --> 00:01:54,244
[video game noises]

51
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:55,419
[explosion]

52
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,072
Oh!
Ha ha ha!

53
00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,251
Alright, this better
be good.

54
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,904
Human Resources
can't find

55
00:02:02,904 --> 00:02:04,993
your high school
diploma on file.

56
00:02:04,993 --> 00:02:06,473
I hate to be a bother,

57
00:02:06,473 --> 00:02:08,606
but can I get you to
send it over again?

58
00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:09,476
Tell 'em to
look harder.

59
00:02:09,476 --> 00:02:12,262
Actually, I was
being polite.

60
00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:14,177
Truth is you still
haven't submitted one.

61
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,830
So now ya need a diploma

62
00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:16,657
to sit at a desk
and not work all day?

63
00:02:16,657 --> 00:02:18,877
Uh huh.

64
00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:21,836
Only the best and brightest
for Regina Tourism!

65
00:02:21,836 --> 00:02:23,534
What if I don't
got no diploma?

66
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:24,622
[laughs]

67
00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,145
You're such
a kidder, Jimmy.

68
00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:28,365
Only losers don't
finish high school.

69
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:30,018
And did those losers
beat you up

70
00:02:30,018 --> 00:02:31,585
before they
dropped out?

71
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,457
Yeah...

72
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:37,504
Jimmy, I don't understand.

73
00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:40,333
Why didn't you
complete high school?

74
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,335
The mob wasn't big
on book-smarts.

75
00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:44,207
I mean, look what they
did to Don Poindexter.

76
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,121
Allow me to quote
Einstein -

77
00:02:46,121 --> 00:02:47,514
[screams]

78
00:02:48,689 --> 00:02:50,778
So, can ya take
care of it, or not?

79
00:02:50,778 --> 00:02:52,258
Well, yes.

80
00:02:52,258 --> 00:02:54,434
It would take just a
few simple keystrokes

81
00:02:54,434 --> 00:02:56,436
to enter a high school
diploma into your file.

82
00:02:56,436 --> 00:02:56,915
Great.
See ya later.

83
00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:58,917
But I won't do it.

84
00:02:58,917 --> 00:02:59,700
Why not?

85
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,920
Jimmy, I can't deprive you

86
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,183
of this invaluable
learning opportunity.

87
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,664
Sure you can!
Go ahead, deprive me!

88
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,013
I was lookin'
for something

89
00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:09,580
to give up for
Lent anyway.

90
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:12,278
Jimmy, education is the
very cornerstone of society.

91
00:03:12,278 --> 00:03:14,367
What kind of friend
would I be

92
00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:16,587
if I took that
experience away from you?

93
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:19,111
The kind I don't want to
whack in the face with a 2x4?

94
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:21,026
Oh, how I envy you.

95
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:23,028
Jimmy, you are about
to embark on a voyage

96
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,335
across the sea
of knowledge,

97
00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:28,120
a sea peppered with
islands of information,

98
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,341
archipelagos of insight
and atolls of wisdom.

99
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:34,126
You are one lucky bastard.

100
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,737
Right back at ya.
Minus the lucky part.

101
00:03:36,737 --> 00:03:38,435
See? You're already
doing math!

102
00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:40,437
For Canada,
where you don't need

103
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:43,657
to play football
to afford college!

104
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,093
[sonic boom]

105
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:50,360
[goose honks]

106
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,013
Great, look what
ya made me do.

107
00:03:52,013 --> 00:03:54,189
[goose honks]

108
00:03:54,189 --> 00:03:55,582
Shut up!

109
00:03:55,582 --> 00:03:57,628
You're startin' to
piss me off here...

110
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:58,019
Whoa!

111
00:03:58,019 --> 00:03:59,804
[honking]

112
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:00,805
Aw Jeez.

113
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:03,416
I better put you
outta your misery.

114
00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:05,549
[honking]Alright, hold still.

115
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:07,594
I said hold still!
It'll be over in a second.

116
00:04:09,117 --> 00:04:11,859
There, got it.
Stupid goose.

117
00:04:11,859 --> 00:04:13,383
Only fat guys drink beer

118
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,994
[honking]

119
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,561
What do ya want,
a medal for not dyin'?

120
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:18,475
Scram.

121
00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:21,521
I ain't kiddin'.
Quit followin' me...

122
00:04:23,523 --> 00:04:24,959
Last warnin', pal,

123
00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,005
unless you want an
ass fulla buckshot.

124
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,097
So this diploma you
got from the Internet

125
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:33,011
wasn't good enough
for 'em?

126
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,404
Apparently Harvard's
not a high school.

127
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:37,015
And it's spelled
with two A's.

128
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,799
Ya learn somethin'
new everyday.

129
00:04:38,799 --> 00:04:39,496
If I don't get 'em
a real diploma,

130
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:40,627
they're gonna
gimme the axe.

131
00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:42,629
You know who coulda
done this for ya?

132
00:04:42,629 --> 00:04:44,152
Freddy The Forger.

133
00:04:44,152 --> 00:04:47,242
One time he made me a fake
ID - got me into Vito's Bar.

134
00:04:47,242 --> 00:04:49,244
Cheech.
You were like fifty.

135
00:04:49,244 --> 00:04:50,898
What'd ya need
a fake ID for?

136
00:04:50,898 --> 00:04:51,856
It was Ladies
Drink Free night.

137
00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:55,120
[♪]

138
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,730
Man, I got bombed.

139
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,777
Next morning I woke up
in some guy's bed.

140
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:00,473
Boy was he embarrassed.

141
00:05:00,473 --> 00:05:03,215
God, I miss
all those guys.

142
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:05,391
Freddy The Forger,
Carmine The Counterfeiter,

143
00:05:05,391 --> 00:05:07,306
Tony The Tiger Smuggler.

144
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:09,700
The guys you find on Craigslist,
they're just not the same.

145
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,224
Hey, how come Daddy got
to drop out of high school

146
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,617
but you won't let me.

147
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:14,922
You're such a
"high-po-crit".

148
00:05:14,922 --> 00:05:16,054
And that's exactly

149
00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:16,924
why you're staying in
school, young lady.

150
00:05:16,924 --> 00:05:19,536
Theresa, it's apples
and orange juice.

151
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,886
When I was your age,
I was on the streets,

152
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:24,062
hustlin', doin' whatever
it took to make a livin'.

153
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:26,238
[♪]

154
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:29,459
[cheers]

155
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,460
[screams]

156
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,809
So what'cha
gonna do, Jimmy?

157
00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:34,725
I guess I'll just quit
and live off the nest egg.

158
00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,509
COOKIE:
Over your dead body.

159
00:05:36,509 --> 00:05:39,207
What the hell kind of example
is that to set for the kids?

160
00:05:39,207 --> 00:05:40,905
I used to kill
guys for a livin'.

161
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:43,821
Settin' a good example ain't
exactly high on my priorities.

162
00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:45,257
Well now you're a civilian.

163
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,738
So act civilized and
get a [beep] diploma.

164
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:50,175
Fine! I'll go
back to high school!

165
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,916
Pop, you can
just get a GED.

166
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,483
Gina's not
here, Petey.

167
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:55,354
If you want to swear,
you don't have to spell it.

168
00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:57,138
Oh, you are so
staying in school.

169
00:05:57,138 --> 00:05:59,358
PETE: It means General
Educational Diploma.

170
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,359
All you have to do is
pass an equivalency exam

171
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,535
at the community college.

172
00:06:02,535 --> 00:06:05,059
That's it?
Just pass one test?

173
00:06:05,059 --> 00:06:06,670
Uh-huh. I got mine
when I was five.

174
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,715
I only stay in school
for the camaraderie.

175
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:11,544
And how many friends
do you have, Petey?

176
00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:12,327
One hundred and
twenty-seven.

177
00:06:12,327 --> 00:06:14,547
Facebook doesn't count.

178
00:06:14,547 --> 00:06:17,071
Counting you?Don't you dare count me!

179
00:06:17,071 --> 00:06:17,550
Zero.

180
00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:24,035
So look, I see ya got
a lotta wood in this joint.

181
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:26,298
Be a real shame if it
were to go up in flames,

182
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:27,908
if ya catch my drift.

183
00:06:27,908 --> 00:06:29,127
'Course, for a fee,

184
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:32,086
I could protect ya from
that kinda thing, eh?

185
00:06:32,086 --> 00:06:34,262
Aren't you adorable?

186
00:06:34,262 --> 00:06:36,787
Now run along,
little girl.

187
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,441
[screams]

188
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:43,010
[honking and screaming]

189
00:06:43,010 --> 00:06:45,752
[whistles]

190
00:06:45,752 --> 00:06:47,754
I'll be back for
more on Friday.

191
00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,975
Ya got some nice
moves there, kid.

192
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,151
How'd ya like
to join my crew?[honks]

193
00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:55,545
So what do I call yas?
Honker?

194
00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,198
Nah, that sounds stupid.

195
00:06:57,198 --> 00:06:58,896
How 'bout Beaks?[honks]

196
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,898
Alright,
Beaks it is.

197
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,247
Welcome aboard.

198
00:07:05,293 --> 00:07:06,773
I dunno how you're
gonna do it, Jimmy.

199
00:07:06,773 --> 00:07:08,601
The studyin',
lectures, readin'.

200
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:10,908
You couldn't pay me enough.

201
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,170
On the other hand -

202
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,868
it's never too late
to learn your ABD's.

203
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,435
WOMAN:
You've got big dreams.

204
00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:18,350
You want fame.
Well, fame costs.

205
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:22,136
And right here is
where you start paying.

206
00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:24,269
Yo lady, is this
the GED class?

207
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,705
Room 102,
down the hall.

208
00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:27,925
Thank you.
Sorry.Pardon me.

209
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,448
Excuse me.Ouch!

210
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:30,884
Comin' through here.Sorry.

211
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,452
Good luck,
you're gonna need it.

212
00:07:33,452 --> 00:07:35,976
Whoa-hoh!
You are Flexi'!

213
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:38,239
What's your number?

214
00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:45,203
Welcome to High School
Equivalency 101.

215
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,248
I'm Mr. Russo.

216
00:07:47,248 --> 00:07:48,423
Is that gonna
be on the test?

217
00:07:48,423 --> 00:07:49,512
No.

218
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,252
Now, I know many of you

219
00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:52,384
are going through
some life changes.

220
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:55,996
Divorce, mid-life
crisis, menopause...

221
00:07:55,996 --> 00:07:57,258
Don't forget parole!

222
00:07:57,258 --> 00:07:59,652
But this is your one chance
at a second chance,

223
00:07:59,652 --> 00:08:01,959
so seize it.

224
00:08:03,438 --> 00:08:04,265
Actually you can take the
test as often as you like;

225
00:08:04,265 --> 00:08:07,225
I just said that
for dramatic effect.

226
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:08,922
Is any of that gonna
be on the test?

227
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,446
No, but since you're
so interested in tests,

228
00:08:11,446 --> 00:08:13,884
let's start with
a practice one.

229
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:22,893
[♪]

230
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,808
Hey Teach, you forgot
the eyes and mouth

231
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,287
in this smiley face.

232
00:08:26,287 --> 00:08:28,289
Actually, that's a zero.

233
00:08:28,289 --> 00:08:29,639
What?

234
00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:30,944
Don't I even get a point
for spellin' my name right?

235
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,424
You didn't.

236
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:34,426
Who the hell's Jimmo? [bell rings]

237
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,515
This is gonna be
harder than I thought.

238
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,865
I gotta figure out a
way to pass this class.

239
00:08:38,865 --> 00:08:40,258
Wanna join
my study group?

240
00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:41,738
Beat it, nerd.

241
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,522
Jimmy, it's been thirty years
since you were in school.

242
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:45,611
You gotta get used to
bein' a student again.

243
00:08:45,611 --> 00:08:48,048
But how?

244
00:08:48,048 --> 00:08:48,788
I don't even remember what
it was like bein' a student.

245
00:08:48,788 --> 00:08:50,790
[screams]

246
00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:52,662
Probably 'coz
I majored in hookey.

247
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:54,141
You'll figure it out.

248
00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:56,491
Anyways, listen, this
broad in our class, Debbie,

249
00:08:56,491 --> 00:08:59,059
lost custody of her kids.

250
00:08:59,059 --> 00:09:00,452
And?

251
00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:02,628
And they're having a
kegger at her place.

252
00:09:02,628 --> 00:09:03,150
You comin'?

253
00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:04,151
[beep]
yeah!

254
00:09:04,151 --> 00:09:06,284
[shouting]
Chug! Chug! Chug!

255
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:08,373
[cheering]

256
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,552
Ah, it's all comin'
back to me now.

257
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:16,555
This is just like when
I was in high school.

258
00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:18,426
There's the snobby
Prom Queen.

259
00:09:18,426 --> 00:09:20,777
[scoffs] No, I DON'T
want a beer!

260
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,430
Leave me alone, nerd!

261
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:24,519
JIMMY:
The drug-pushin' preppie...

262
00:09:24,519 --> 00:09:25,738
Come on, Cindy.

263
00:09:25,738 --> 00:09:27,348
All your peers
are doing it...

264
00:09:27,348 --> 00:09:29,481
My peers?
Well, in that case...

265
00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:31,701
[loud snorting]

266
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,050
And who can forget...

267
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,617
the slutty girl.

268
00:09:40,753 --> 00:09:41,928
You know what, Cheech?

269
00:09:41,928 --> 00:09:42,799
Maybe this high
school thing

270
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:45,018
ain't gonna be
so bad after all.

271
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,324
To second chances.To second chances.

272
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,545
Oh God!
Cindy has no pulse!

273
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,508
[♪]

274
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,684
[honk]

275
00:09:58,684 --> 00:10:00,338
[register bell rings]

276
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,427
[♪]

277
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,037
[chuckles]

278
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,474
[chuckling]

279
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,001
[belches]

280
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:15,483
[♪]

281
00:10:15,483 --> 00:10:16,528
[chuckles]

282
00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:17,572
[gasp]

283
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:23,448
[♪]

284
00:10:23,883 --> 00:10:24,754
[honks]

285
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:26,669
Ugh!

286
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:32,631
That. Was.
AWESOME!

287
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,372
[honks]Here's your cut.

288
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,026
Don't spend it all
in one pond.

289
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,160
[gags]

290
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:43,337
[disgusted sigh]

291
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:49,213
Cheech, I feel like
a teenager again.

292
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,910
I'm havin' the time
of my life.

293
00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:53,043
Me too.

294
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,610
Well, except for
this terrible acne.

295
00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:57,961
And I keep gettin' urges to
cut myself while masturbatin'.

296
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,485
Just don't use the
good knives, okay?

297
00:11:03,183 --> 00:11:06,230
Shh, shh, shh,
you'll wake somebody.

298
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,014
COOKIE: Where the
hell have you been?

299
00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:10,408
No call?
Not even a text?

300
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:12,062
I been worried sick!

301
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:14,934
You could be lyin' dead
in a ditch for all I know.

302
00:11:14,934 --> 00:11:17,589
And I'm this close to
puttin' ya there myself!

303
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:20,461
Get off my case!
You don't understand!

304
00:11:20,461 --> 00:11:22,028
I understand plenty.

305
00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:24,683
You're a grown man with
a wife and three kids

306
00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:27,468
and a job you're gonna lose
if you don't get serious

307
00:11:27,468 --> 00:11:28,339
and get that diploma.

308
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,428
I mean look at
this homework!

309
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:31,603
It says "Find X",

310
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:35,650
and you drew an arrow
pointin' to the "X"!

311
00:11:35,650 --> 00:11:37,217
Well, that's where it is!

312
00:11:37,217 --> 00:11:39,176
You're not even
tryin', Jimmy.

313
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:41,308
All you're doin' is
partying and foolin' around.

314
00:11:41,308 --> 00:11:42,788
But -No buts!

315
00:11:42,788 --> 00:11:43,789
Now march up those stairs
and go to your room, old man!

316
00:11:43,789 --> 00:11:45,965
You're grounded!

317
00:11:45,965 --> 00:11:47,619
It's not fair!

318
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,885
What the hell is this?

319
00:11:52,885 --> 00:11:54,887
JIMMY: There's a field trip.
You need to sign it.

320
00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,849
Jimmy, can I see
you for a minute?

321
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:00,893
What up, Teach?

322
00:12:00,893 --> 00:12:02,547
Can I just say what
an amazing time

323
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,069
I've been having
in this class?

324
00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:04,244
No really, I mean it.

325
00:12:04,244 --> 00:12:06,464
Here, go buy
yourself an apple.

326
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,901
Jimmy, night school
isn't all fun and games.

327
00:12:08,901 --> 00:12:11,338
Except for recess.

328
00:12:11,338 --> 00:12:14,820
You're struggling in class and
failing your practice tests.

329
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,735
I think you might have
a learning disability.

330
00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:19,346
Ho! Did you just
call me a gimp?

331
00:12:19,346 --> 00:12:22,306
No, and I would
never use that term.

332
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,829
It's nothing to
be ashamed of.

333
00:12:23,829 --> 00:12:25,048
I am not a gimp!

334
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,310
I agree.

335
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:27,877
All you need is
some extra help.

336
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:30,053
Oh yeah?
Well, help this!

337
00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:34,840
Just to be clear, I do not
have erectile dysfunction.

338
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,842
Yeah, I got that.

339
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:43,066
Did you see the look on
that shopkeeper's face?

340
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:45,677
"Ooh, don't hurt me.
I have a family."

341
00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:47,070
[laughs]
What a wuss.

342
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:50,334
[yawns]
G'night.

343
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,291
I love you, Beaks.[honk]

344
00:12:53,728 --> 00:12:56,035
Tell anyone I said that,
I'll cut out your liver.

345
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,343
I've been expecting
your call, Jimmy.

346
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:00,387
Let me guess.

347
00:13:00,387 --> 00:13:02,607
You need help with
Canadian history,

348
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:04,304
or as we call it -
history.

349
00:13:04,304 --> 00:13:06,350
While it is a long
and noble saga,

350
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,265
I wish to start
on the day in 1814

351
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:10,397
when we marched
on Washington

352
00:13:10,397 --> 00:13:11,355
and burned down
your White House -

353
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:13,531
Stop makin'
[beep] up, McCool.

354
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:14,749
This is serious.

355
00:13:14,749 --> 00:13:16,577
Turns out I got a
learnin' disability.

356
00:13:16,577 --> 00:13:18,536
So seein' as I'm a moron,

357
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,364
I'm gonna need you to
fake that diploma for me.

358
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:21,626
That can't be right, Jimmy.

359
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,280
You ran a large
criminal organization.

360
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,368
The numbers running alone

361
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,326
would have taken
tremendous mental ability.

362
00:13:26,326 --> 00:13:27,806
Not to mention outsmarting

363
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:30,461
legions of dedicated law
enforcement officers.

364
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:31,114
Do you see what I mean?

365
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:32,637
I gotta go back to crime?

366
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,987
NO!

367
00:13:34,987 --> 00:13:36,597
It means there's nothing
wrong with your intelligence!

368
00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:39,470
Of course, your morals
are another story.

369
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:40,340
You're right,
I am smart.

370
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:42,865
It's like the time
Don Fanucci

371
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,302
was leavin' Chicago on a train
goin' eighty miles an hour

372
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,043
and Don Polozzo left New York

373
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,609
on a train goin'
fifty miles an hour...

374
00:13:48,609 --> 00:13:50,307
And I whacked 'em both!

375
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:51,264
I'm a [beep]
"gee-nus"!

376
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,528
You mean
'genius'.Whatever.

377
00:13:54,528 --> 00:13:55,790
But Jimmy,
don't forget,

378
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:58,184
genius is one
percent inspiration

379
00:13:58,184 --> 00:14:00,621
and ninety-nine
percent perspiration.

380
00:14:00,621 --> 00:14:02,754
Perfect!
I sweat like a pig!

381
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:05,104
You can do this, Jimmy!
Say it!

382
00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:06,976
I can do this, Jimmy!

383
00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:09,587
[beep]

384
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,502
How do ya get a
minus two percent?

385
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,591
Not everyone learns
at the same pace.

386
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:14,679
So you're on the
slow side, Jimmy.

387
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:18,030
This is the number for
the student help center.

388
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:19,597
All you need to do is ask.

389
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:20,511
"Doy!

390
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:23,557
"I'm Jimmy. I'm slow.[cackles]

391
00:14:23,557 --> 00:14:26,299
I have a learning disability."

392
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,953
[kettle whistling]

393
00:14:27,953 --> 00:14:28,736
[screams][screams]

394
00:14:28,736 --> 00:14:32,001
[grunts]

395
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:34,220
Jimmy, what about your diploma?

396
00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:36,005
JIMMY: Screw that!
School is for suckers!

397
00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:37,441
I hear ya.

398
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:38,442
Though I'm really gonna
miss Debbie's keggers...

399
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:41,184
and I don't mean
her beer parties.

400
00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:42,272
[chuckles]

401
00:14:45,492 --> 00:14:47,451
You dropped out
of school?

402
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,844
What the hell is
wrong with you, Jimmy?

403
00:14:49,844 --> 00:14:52,064
All you have to do is
ask for a little help.

404
00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:54,240
That's it.
Why can't you ever do that?

405
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:55,372
Tell me about it.

406
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:56,677
Remember our
trip to Hawaii?

407
00:14:57,765 --> 00:14:59,854
COOKIE: Would you
just ask someone?

408
00:14:59,854 --> 00:15:01,944
I got it!

409
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:04,990
You better get that
diploma, Jimmy.

410
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,036
It's one thing to drop
out of high school,

411
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,820
but I am NOT livin'

412
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:09,777
with a night school
dropout, ya got that?

413
00:15:09,777 --> 00:15:10,865
I got it!

414
00:15:12,998 --> 00:15:13,433
Here.
Go nuts.

415
00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:14,782
Wait.

416
00:15:14,782 --> 00:15:18,177
Are you asking me to take
your GED test for you?

417
00:15:18,177 --> 00:15:20,310
No. I'm telling you to
take my test for me.

418
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:21,224
I'm afraid I can't do that.

419
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:22,660
Why not?

420
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,183
There's an old saying:

421
00:15:24,183 --> 00:15:26,272
"Give a man a fish and
you feed him for a day.

422
00:15:26,272 --> 00:15:29,101
Teach a man to fish and you
feed him for a lifetime."

423
00:15:29,101 --> 00:15:30,798
I don't understand
a thing you just said.

424
00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:32,887
And now I'm hungry
for sushi.

425
00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:34,585
If you want my
help, Pop, just ask.

426
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,021
I'll be happy
to tutor you.

427
00:15:36,021 --> 00:15:37,762
But I'm not taking
the test for you.

428
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:39,242
Fine.

429
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:40,983
If you won't do it, I'll
find someone who will!

430
00:15:41,896 --> 00:15:43,289
Sir, I understand
you wish me

431
00:15:43,289 --> 00:15:44,551
to take the high school
equivalency exam for you,

432
00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:46,858
is that correct?

433
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,164
Aw, crap.
Can you believe this?

434
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,817
The guy doesn't
even speak English.

435
00:15:49,817 --> 00:15:52,081
Sir, it's my
native language.

436
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,735
You getting any of this?Waka-waka-waka.

437
00:15:54,735 --> 00:15:56,389
Must be Chinese
or something.

438
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,564
[grunts]

439
00:15:57,564 --> 00:16:01,307
I was valedictorian
of my high school.

440
00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:03,570
I have a PhD
from Princeton.

441
00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:05,616
Speak English!

442
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:11,622
[honks]

443
00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:14,712
[engine starts]

444
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:15,930
Alright, so we
just gotta make

445
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:18,498
a few stops
on Albert Street.

446
00:16:18,498 --> 00:16:19,586
[geese honking]

447
00:16:19,586 --> 00:16:21,936
[truck honks]

448
00:16:21,936 --> 00:16:23,460
Eyes on the road!

449
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:23,982
You tryin' to
get us killed?

450
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,549
What are ya lookin' at?

451
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:26,941
Aw, nuts.

452
00:16:26,941 --> 00:16:29,335
Don't ya get it, Beaks?

453
00:16:29,335 --> 00:16:31,642
You don't gotta fly
south ever again

454
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,252
unless the cops
are chasin' ya. [horn honks]

455
00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:35,907
[honks]

456
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:40,912
Did I, or did I
not just tell you

457
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,261
to keep your freakin'
eyes on the road!

458
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:47,005
What the hell?

459
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,528
It looks like you whacked
a library in here.

460
00:16:48,528 --> 00:16:52,315
"There are two blue marbles
and three red cups.

461
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,794
How many different ways

462
00:16:53,794 --> 00:16:55,231
can you place the
marbles into the cups?"

463
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:57,407
I can't do this, Cook.
I'm disabled.

464
00:16:57,407 --> 00:17:00,584
Oh for the love of God,
you're not disabled.

465
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,847
[loud crash]

466
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:03,978
We both know you
didn't quit high school

467
00:17:03,978 --> 00:17:05,371
because you had
to earn a living.

468
00:17:05,371 --> 00:17:09,245
You quit because you wouldn't
ask anyone for help.

469
00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:11,638
Because of your
stupid pride.

470
00:17:11,638 --> 00:17:15,294
Your stupid,
stubborn, sexy pride.

471
00:17:15,294 --> 00:17:17,079
Cookie...
[grunts]

472
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:19,559
where we come from,
a man doesn't ask for help.

473
00:17:19,559 --> 00:17:20,908
A man does things
for himself.

474
00:17:20,908 --> 00:17:23,694
There's only one thing I want
you to do for me, Jimmy.

475
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:25,391
Name it.Pass.

476
00:17:25,391 --> 00:17:27,132
I want you to pass.

477
00:17:29,917 --> 00:17:32,311
[moans]

478
00:17:32,311 --> 00:17:34,226
Wait a minute.
Two balls, three cups.

479
00:17:34,226 --> 00:17:36,620
Six!
The answer is six!

480
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:38,056
[moans]

481
00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:39,449
Uh...Petey?

482
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:40,319
Yeah, Pop?

483
00:17:40,319 --> 00:17:43,192
I need your he-eh-
[stammers]

484
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:46,195
I need your he-eh-eh-eh-eh.
[stammers]

485
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,892
You need a helicopter?[stammers]
Heh-ehh...

486
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,850
You're having a stroke?

487
00:17:49,850 --> 00:17:51,983
Timmy's in the well?"Timmy's in the well"?

488
00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,593
Help! I need your
freakin' help!

489
00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:55,073
Alright, you got it.

490
00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:57,423
But if we're going to do this,
we're going to do it my way.

491
00:17:57,423 --> 00:17:59,947
You're going to become a
lean, mean, learning machine.

492
00:17:59,947 --> 00:18:01,210
When I'm through with you,

493
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:04,213
you're gonna eat Latin
and crap prime numbers.

494
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:07,172
[grunting][♪]

495
00:18:07,172 --> 00:18:08,217
Read.

496
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:09,740
[♪]

497
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:12,134
Faster!
Faster!

498
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:14,310
PETEY:
Read! Read!

499
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,138
Okay, but why is
he exercising?

500
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:19,141
Because that's
the way he learns!

501
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,055
Pick it up.
Faster! Faster!

502
00:18:21,055 --> 00:18:21,752
Slow down!
Check your work!

503
00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:24,189
Check your answers!

504
00:18:25,886 --> 00:18:28,106
Forty one. Forty two.
Forty three.

505
00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:30,064
Fifty seven.
Fifty eight.

506
00:18:30,064 --> 00:18:31,718
Fifty nine.

507
00:18:31,718 --> 00:18:33,503
Twelve, times twelve,
one forty four.

508
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,419
Again![screams]

509
00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:40,553
Again![screams]

510
00:18:42,076 --> 00:18:43,339
Correct!

511
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,123
[screams]

512
00:18:45,123 --> 00:18:45,428
I got it right!

513
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,256
So?

514
00:18:49,388 --> 00:18:50,650
Push!
Harder!

515
00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:52,478
Educated guess!
Fill it in!

516
00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:54,001
[honks][grunts]

517
00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:56,917
[cheering]

518
00:18:56,917 --> 00:19:00,530
PETEY: Read!
Read! Read!

519
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:00,921
[screams]

520
00:19:00,921 --> 00:19:03,359
[bell dings]

521
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,578
Sorry, the school
bell is broken.

522
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,015
This is it.
You all worked hard.

523
00:19:08,015 --> 00:19:09,974
Good luck.
You may begin.

524
00:19:13,412 --> 00:19:14,196
[grunts]

525
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,723
[honks]

526
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,551
Cut it out, Beaks.
Ya honked an oath.

527
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:24,728
Once you're in the
life, ya can't leave.

528
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:27,513
Sweetie, ya gotta
let him go.

529
00:19:27,513 --> 00:19:29,211
But I don't wanna
let him go.

530
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:31,735
Honey, it's the
call of the wild.

531
00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,998
Everyone has to
leave sometime.

532
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,434
Just like one day

533
00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:37,523
you're going to
grow up and leave me...

534
00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:39,351
I will?
Uh-huh.

535
00:19:39,351 --> 00:19:42,224
And it's gonna be the
hardest day of my life,

536
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,574
but I'll know that
even when we're apart,

537
00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:47,490
you'll always be with me,
here in my heart.

538
00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:51,320
I'm gonna miss ya,
ya mook.

539
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,582
[honks]

540
00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:53,974
Alright, alright,
don't get all mushy on me.

541
00:19:53,974 --> 00:19:57,978
[geese honking]

542
00:19:57,978 --> 00:20:00,154
What if he can't survive
in the wild no more?

543
00:20:00,154 --> 00:20:01,982
He's a Falcone now.

544
00:20:01,982 --> 00:20:03,245
He's gonna do just fine.

545
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:05,551
[honks]

546
00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:09,512
He's gonna do
just fine.

547
00:20:14,473 --> 00:20:15,257
Congradu -

548
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,476
Aw, [beep].

549
00:20:18,825 --> 00:20:20,523
I passed!

550
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:21,654
You passed!

551
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,265
Hey, me too!

552
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:24,831
Cheech!
That's great! But -

553
00:20:24,831 --> 00:20:26,616
and don't take this
the wrong way or anything -

554
00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:27,399
how?

555
00:20:27,399 --> 00:20:29,096
Ah, it wasn't so tough.

556
00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,756
Goddamit! Why didn't
I think of that?

557
00:20:36,756 --> 00:20:38,932
Jimmy, I'm proud
of you.

558
00:20:38,932 --> 00:20:40,369
You earned it
on your own.

559
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,458
And no one can take
that away from you.

560
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,808
Cookie, I'm sorry I was actin'
like a high school jerk.

561
00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,244
Correction.
High school GRADUATE jerk.

562
00:20:46,244 --> 00:20:48,159
I want to make it
up to you.

563
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:49,856
Cookie, would you go

564
00:20:49,856 --> 00:20:52,250
to the high school
equivalency prom with me?

565
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,208
Of course I will.

566
00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:55,819
But I need eight hundred
bucks for a dress.

567
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:59,562
[♪]

568
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:02,521
What do you mean there's
no [beep] Prom Queen?

569
00:21:02,521 --> 00:21:03,740
[glass shatters]

570
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:06,351
It only took me thirty
years to get ya to a prom,

571
00:21:06,351 --> 00:21:06,917
but here we are, baby.

572
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:09,354
What do ya think?

573
00:21:09,354 --> 00:21:11,225
I think if you play
your cards right

574
00:21:11,225 --> 00:21:12,836
you might get lucky
in the car later.

575
00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:14,620
[cackles]

576
00:21:14,620 --> 00:21:17,362
Every day I'm with you I'm
the luckiest man on Earth.

577
00:21:17,362 --> 00:21:19,408
Oh we are definitely
doing it in the back seat.

578
00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:21,366
[moans]

579
00:21:21,366 --> 00:21:22,672
[feedback]

580
00:21:22,672 --> 00:21:26,806
Congratulations,
Equivalency Class of 2013!

581
00:21:26,806 --> 00:21:28,242
By the power vested in me

582
00:21:28,242 --> 00:21:29,331
by the Province of Saskatchewan,

583
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:31,855
I now declare you...graduates!

584
00:21:31,855 --> 00:21:35,598
[cheering]

585
00:21:35,598 --> 00:21:59,926
[♪]