1 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,133 How'ya doin'? I'm Jimmy McDougal. 2 00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:04,830 Used to be Jimmy Falcone. 3 00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:08,051 I may be livin' like a jerk in witness protection, 4 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,836 but back in the day, I was a Made guy; 5 00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:12,838 I was the head of a crew and no one could touch me. 6 00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,361 Basically, I had it made. 7 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,190 It's a funny story how that happened... 8 00:00:17,190 --> 00:00:19,671 This one night, they told me to keep Don Gambini 9 00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:21,325 away from his house 'cause his wife 10 00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,630 was throwin' him a surprise birthday party. 11 00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:26,330 Everyone's actin' all weird and secretive, Jimmy. 12 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:29,681 I'm tellin' ya, somethin's goin' on. 13 00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,204 If I screwed up the surprise 14 00:00:31,204 --> 00:00:33,772 his wife would kill me...literally. 15 00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,382 She was built like a lumberjack. 16 00:00:35,382 --> 00:00:37,602 And she was real good with an axe. 17 00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,517 Anyway, I should get goin'... 18 00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:40,866 We just got here, boss. 19 00:00:40,866 --> 00:00:42,215 At least finish your drink. 20 00:00:42,215 --> 00:00:43,303 Hey, look! 21 00:00:43,303 --> 00:00:45,131 Lookit Cheech go! 22 00:00:45,131 --> 00:00:46,132 Hahaha 23 00:00:48,134 --> 00:00:49,309 [grunts] 24 00:00:49,309 --> 00:00:52,747 I could swear I just finished that. 25 00:00:52,747 --> 00:00:54,314 JIMMY: The thing about the Don was 26 00:00:54,314 --> 00:00:57,317 he got jumpy when he drank too much.... 27 00:00:57,317 --> 00:00:59,102 Who did that? I'll plug ya, ya rat! 28 00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,888 But I got him home in time, just like I was supposed to. 29 00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,195 CROWD: Surprise! 30 00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:09,590 [screaming] 31 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:11,375 [groaning] 32 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,159 I guess the "surprise" was on them. 33 00:01:13,159 --> 00:01:14,334 [gun clicks] 34 00:01:14,334 --> 00:01:16,206 The Don took out so many guys that night, 35 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,251 I wound up gettin' Made! 36 00:01:18,251 --> 00:01:21,036 But if you think I still got it made here in Regina... 37 00:01:21,036 --> 00:01:22,255 Fugget about it! 38 00:01:22,255 --> 00:01:23,300 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 39 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:26,172 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 40 00:01:26,172 --> 00:01:29,219 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 41 00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,046 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 42 00:01:31,046 --> 00:01:33,179 ♪ He take the boss, 43 00:01:33,179 --> 00:01:35,225 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 44 00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:38,576 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 45 00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:41,318 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 46 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:44,321 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 47 00:01:44,321 --> 00:01:45,974 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 48 00:01:45,974 --> 00:01:48,368 ♪ Fugget about it 49 00:01:48,368 --> 00:01:49,021 ♪ Fugget about it 50 00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:51,197 ♪ Fugget about it 51 00:01:51,197 --> 00:01:52,416 Oh! Fugget about it! 52 00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:56,855 MWAH! 53 00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,596 Oooh, someone's in a good mood! 54 00:01:58,596 --> 00:01:59,771 What can I say? 55 00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:00,859 The sun's up, the sky's blue, 56 00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:03,296 and me and Cheech are goin' to the track. 57 00:02:03,296 --> 00:02:05,255 My money's on Third in the fifth. 58 00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:07,692 Who the hell names a horse "Third" anyway? 59 00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:09,911 Isn't there somethin' you want to say to me, Jimmy? 60 00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:11,348 What's for breakfast? 61 00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:13,088 No, somethin' else... 62 00:02:13,088 --> 00:02:17,180 Uhmmmm uhh... 63 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:18,790 Oh, right. Ya got your hair done. 64 00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:19,443 Looks good. 65 00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,880 No I didn't, ya moron! 66 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,534 You got no idea what I'm talkin' about, do ya? 67 00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,101 Have a nice freakin' day at the track! 68 00:02:26,101 --> 00:02:27,886 I hope a horse craps on ya! 69 00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:31,194 Me too! It's good luck! 70 00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,152 You get the feelin' Cookie was mad? 71 00:02:33,152 --> 00:02:34,632 What are ya talkin' about? 72 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:37,330 She said have a nice freakin' day at the track, didn't she? 73 00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:38,592 [horse whinnies] 74 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,854 Get a load of this. 75 00:02:39,854 --> 00:02:40,942 McCool's bringin' me flowers. 76 00:02:40,942 --> 00:02:43,423 Don't be silly, Jimmy. These aren't for you. 77 00:02:43,423 --> 00:02:44,642 They're for Cookie. 78 00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,165 Hold up there Kimosabe. 79 00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:49,124 You wanna explain why you're bringin' my wife flowers? 80 00:02:49,124 --> 00:02:51,388 And believe me, there's no right answer to that question. 81 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:54,652 Hahaha Jimmy, your sense of humor 82 00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:56,175 is like a fresh breeze off the Canadian Rockies. 83 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:59,787 Do I look like I'm jokin'? 84 00:02:59,787 --> 00:03:02,312 Seriously, tell me, 'cause I can't see my own face. 85 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,227 What a card you are, Jimmy! These are for Cookie's birthday. 86 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:07,621 Oh crap. 87 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,884 Listen, ya gotta help me out! Gimme those flowers. 88 00:03:09,884 --> 00:03:11,582 Certainly not! 89 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,715 I cultivated, picked, and arranged these myself. 90 00:03:14,715 --> 00:03:16,630 Well, would ya look at that! 91 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,892 Special Agent McCool remembered 92 00:03:17,892 --> 00:03:21,026 what Mister what's-for- breakfast over here forgot! 93 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,636 Thank you, McCool. 94 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,942 You are most welcome. 95 00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:26,205 Many happy returns, Cookie. 96 00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:30,122 For Canada, where no one forgets your birthday! 97 00:03:31,819 --> 00:03:34,039 ...unless his name's Jimmy McDougal. 98 00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:35,910 Whoa, Cook, ya got it all wrong. 99 00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:37,390 I know it's your birthday! 100 00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:40,567 I got a, uh, big surprise planned for ya. 101 00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:42,221 Is that so? 102 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:44,615 Well, I'm callin' your bluff. Gimme those. 103 00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:47,008 You're not pullin' together some crappy gift at the last minute. 104 00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:49,272 Cook, I got a surprise planned like you wouldn't believe. 105 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:52,405 Prepare to have your mind blown. 106 00:03:52,405 --> 00:03:54,451 Yeah, well prepare to never get blown again. 107 00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:58,063 I know a load of bulls--- when I hear it. 108 00:03:58,063 --> 00:03:59,499 [door slams] [horn honks] 109 00:03:59,499 --> 00:04:03,242 Jimmy, if we're not goin' to the track, can you let me out? 110 00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:09,379 Petey, why are my Cosmo pages all stuck together? 111 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,424 Whoa, what are you doing? 112 00:04:11,424 --> 00:04:12,947 I realized what my biggest problem is 113 00:04:12,947 --> 00:04:13,731 when it comes to girls. 114 00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,515 That you're a complete loser? 115 00:04:15,515 --> 00:04:17,082 No, not that. 116 00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:20,128 The problem is, I don't know how to break the ice. 117 00:04:20,128 --> 00:04:23,567 So...I built a robot to do it for me. 118 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,612 You sure that's a good idea? 119 00:04:25,612 --> 00:04:27,919 Last time you built one it didn't work out so well. 120 00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:30,051 First rule of Robot Fight Club: Build a robot. 121 00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:33,272 [gears whirring] 122 00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:34,273 Second rule of Robot Fight Club: 123 00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:37,102 program that Robot to fight! 124 00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:43,369 [beeping] 125 00:04:43,369 --> 00:04:44,979 [gears whirring] 126 00:04:44,979 --> 00:04:47,765 [gasps] 127 00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:50,420 [whimpering] 128 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,510 [beeping] 129 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:57,949 Peteybot is programmed to meet, charm, and disarm girls. 130 00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:00,647 Then I step in to seal the deal. 131 00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:01,866 That won't work. He's still you. 132 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:05,217 Just wait until you hear him say something suave. 133 00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,132 Some-thing suave... 134 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,220 [chuckles] 135 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,396 Petey, aren't you going to introduce me 136 00:05:10,396 --> 00:05:10,527 to your robot friend? 137 00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:13,878 Ew! 138 00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:17,751 So ya forgot Cookie's birthday? Big deal. 139 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:20,232 She has one almost every year. She'll get over it. 140 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:21,799 Oh yeah? 141 00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:23,888 Remember the time I spent in the hospital back in New York? 142 00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:24,671 Sure, when those jagoffs 143 00:05:24,671 --> 00:05:27,195 from the Vanucci crew plugged ya. 144 00:05:27,195 --> 00:05:29,067 It wasn't the Vanuccis. It was Cookie. 145 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,373 I forgot our anniversary and she put one in me. 146 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:32,940 That was Cookie? Marone! 147 00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:35,508 We went to war with the Vanuccis over that one! 148 00:05:35,508 --> 00:05:37,641 I know.Lotta lives were lost, Jimmy. 149 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,077 Yeah, I get it, Cheech. 150 00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:40,252 I mean some of our best guys - 151 00:05:40,252 --> 00:05:41,514 Drop it will ya! 152 00:05:41,514 --> 00:05:43,603 Fine. I gotta get ready anyways. 153 00:05:43,603 --> 00:05:44,604 For what? 154 00:05:44,604 --> 00:05:46,345 I needed some "me" time, 155 00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:49,174 so I got a ticket to this all-gal revue. 156 00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:50,654 All-gal revue? 157 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:51,829 You mean, like strippers? 158 00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,178 Nah, it's classy. 159 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,222 Dinner and a show. 160 00:05:54,222 --> 00:05:56,094 Like the nightclubs in the old days 161 00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:58,052 before they all turned into discos. 162 00:05:58,052 --> 00:05:59,967 Dinner and a show? That's perfect! 163 00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:01,360 Cookie loves that kinda crap! 164 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,057 I'll order tickets right now. 165 00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:04,668 Gimme your laptop.No can do. 166 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:05,886 It broke. 167 00:06:05,886 --> 00:06:07,540 Alright, let's see some nakeds! 168 00:06:10,325 --> 00:06:13,416 Holy s---, it's Cheech Falcone! 169 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:15,809 No it ain't! 170 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,550 Okay, it is. How ya been, Carmine? 171 00:06:17,550 --> 00:06:20,727 I'm gonna get ya, ya stinkin' rat! 172 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:23,513 Missed me, ya sonofabitch! 173 00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:28,735 Alright, listen. 174 00:06:28,735 --> 00:06:30,520 I've had a crush on her for weeks, 175 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,869 but I've never been able to talk to her. 176 00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,653 Go introduce yourself, 177 00:06:33,653 --> 00:06:36,177 charm the pants off her, and set up a date. 178 00:06:36,177 --> 00:06:39,050 Affirmative. Remove girl's pants. 179 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,965 No, that's just an expression! Come here. 180 00:06:42,575 --> 00:06:44,577 I will charm the girl. 181 00:06:44,577 --> 00:06:45,839 That's better. Go get her! 182 00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,233 This is gonna be great. 183 00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:51,366 Goodbye loneliness, goodbye Cosmo magazine. 184 00:06:51,366 --> 00:06:53,717 Goodbye crinkly socks. [giggling] 185 00:06:55,196 --> 00:06:56,415 Yes, it worked! 186 00:06:57,982 --> 00:07:00,724 No! It worked too well! 187 00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:03,204 How is she Frenching him? He doesn't even have a tongue. 188 00:07:06,599 --> 00:07:09,820 "Broken Hips and Wrinkly Lips: A Geriatric Revue". 189 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:10,647 I don't know how you did it, 190 00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:13,606 but this is definitely a surprise. 191 00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:16,609 I gotta admit I'm kinda hurt ya didn't trust me, Cook. 192 00:07:16,609 --> 00:07:17,784 Gimme two. Good seats. 193 00:07:17,784 --> 00:07:19,220 Three hundred bucks. 194 00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:20,700 Three hundred bucks? 195 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:21,658 Man, I should become a scalper... 196 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:24,356 Is that word offensive to you people? 197 00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:24,965 Not at all. 198 00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:27,359 Five hundred bucks. 199 00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,404 ♪ Hysterecto-me! 200 00:07:29,404 --> 00:07:30,928 ♪ Hysterecto-you 201 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,625 ♪ Hysterecto-me! 202 00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:34,975 ♪ Hysterecto-you! 203 00:07:34,975 --> 00:07:36,586 [applause] 204 00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:39,110 What a show! 205 00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,415 What? Huh? Oh yeah. 206 00:07:40,415 --> 00:07:40,938 Bravo. 207 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:43,767 I loved it! 208 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,682 Especially that one song, "Hot Flashdance." 209 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:48,815 I liked the number where they fell and couldn't get up. 210 00:07:48,815 --> 00:07:50,121 It really spoke to me. 211 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:52,732 Let's go backstage, Jimmy! I wanna get an autograph. 212 00:07:52,732 --> 00:07:54,125 You comin'? 213 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,822 Nah, I'm gonna head home and see what I can do 214 00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:58,129 with the hole I blew in my laptop. 215 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,827 If there's a tie on my door, don't come in. 216 00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:02,742 This job must be so much fun. 217 00:08:02,742 --> 00:08:05,092 When I was a kid, I wanted to be on Broadway. 218 00:08:05,092 --> 00:08:06,441 When I was a kid, 219 00:08:06,441 --> 00:08:08,095 I wanted to extort the unions on Broadway. 220 00:08:08,095 --> 00:08:09,053 [gasp] Jimmy? 221 00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,229 Are you Jimmy Falcone? 222 00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:13,536 What? No! You got the wrong guy! 223 00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:15,059 I don't know no Jimmy Falcone. 224 00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,277 Aw crap, we been recognized. 225 00:08:16,277 --> 00:08:17,888 Go call McCool.Alright. 226 00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:19,498 But if it comes down to it and ya gotta whack her... 227 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,195 get me an autograph first. 228 00:08:21,195 --> 00:08:23,502 Listen lady, if I was you, 229 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:26,287 I'd have a senior moment and forget you ever saw me. 230 00:08:26,287 --> 00:08:27,637 It's me, kid. 231 00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,377 It's you? You who? 232 00:08:29,377 --> 00:08:31,989 Me! Your Pop. Sal Falcone. 233 00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,207 Listen ya sick maniac, my Pop is dead... 234 00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:34,861 and I'm not Jimmy Falcone! 235 00:08:34,861 --> 00:08:36,297 Drop the act, Jimmy. 236 00:08:36,297 --> 00:08:38,430 I know you're in witness protection. 237 00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,519 Don't worry, I'm not gonna rat out my own son. 238 00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:42,913 I hate to break it to ya, looney tunes, 239 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:44,479 but my father was a man. 240 00:08:44,479 --> 00:08:45,829 Not anymore, I ain't. 241 00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:46,917 C'mere, kid! 242 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,484 So, it's probably wrong 243 00:08:49,484 --> 00:08:51,922 that I have a boner right now isn't it? 244 00:08:54,489 --> 00:08:57,188 Look lady, I got no idea who you are, 245 00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:59,364 but there's no freakin' way you're Jimmy's father. 246 00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:03,107 Yeah, my pop disappeared when I was thirteen. 247 00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:05,413 We all figured the Tortellini family offed him. 248 00:09:05,413 --> 00:09:08,678 And I hate to keep harpin' on this, but he wasn't a broad! 249 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:11,332 I swear on the eyes of my only son - 250 00:09:11,332 --> 00:09:12,464 which is you - 251 00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,466 that I used to be Sal Falcone. 252 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:17,121 Okay, "Sal Falcone", what was my mother's name? 253 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,079 Appolonia Maria Theresa Falcone. 254 00:09:19,079 --> 00:09:20,080 Lucky guess. What about her maiden name? 255 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,735 Bocchino.Not bad. 256 00:09:22,735 --> 00:09:24,607 Okay, so when was I born? 257 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:26,260 A little too soon after the wedding, 258 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:27,871 [chuckles] if ya know what I mean. 259 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,220 This is crazy. 260 00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:32,353 Are you an actual woman, or just dressed up like one? 261 00:09:32,353 --> 00:09:33,703 Lemme explain. 262 00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,879 Jimmy, I loved your mother. 263 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,097 She was a beautiful woman... 264 00:09:37,097 --> 00:09:38,577 ...but deep down, 265 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:42,059 I always felt like a broad trapped inside a man's body. 266 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:44,409 Of course, the mob don't look too kindly 267 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:45,628 on that kinda thing. 268 00:09:49,936 --> 00:09:50,937 I hadda be careful. 269 00:09:50,937 --> 00:09:52,939 It was startin' to affect my work. 270 00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:00,817 I couldn't stop. I started takin' stupid risks. 271 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,688 I knew if I got caught, my friends would whack me. 272 00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:11,523 [♪] 273 00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:12,959 So I left to start a new life 274 00:10:12,959 --> 00:10:16,571 where I could finally, surgically, become a woman... 275 00:10:16,571 --> 00:10:20,184 Since then, I been livin' as Sally Manero. 276 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:22,490 That's quite a... I mean... What? 277 00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:24,797 McDougals, down! Down! DOWN! 278 00:10:24,797 --> 00:10:27,713 Hey, what's the big idea? 279 00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:28,888 Alright, we've neutralized the threat. 280 00:10:28,888 --> 00:10:31,456 You're safe for now. 281 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,415 I'll take her downtown, grill her, and assess the situation. 282 00:10:34,415 --> 00:10:36,461 Don't worry, Jimmy, Canada has your back! 283 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,813 I don't know about you but I need a drink. 284 00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:42,685 Make mine a double. Then double it. 285 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,211 What are you doing here? 286 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:50,431 I am waiting for my date. 287 00:10:50,431 --> 00:10:51,824 I'm the one who's supposed to go on the dates. 288 00:10:51,824 --> 00:10:55,219 You're supposed to step aside and let me jump in. 289 00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:57,003 When the time is right. 290 00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:57,830 When is that going to be? 291 00:10:57,830 --> 00:10:59,179 Indeterminate. 292 00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:01,921 Need additional data. 293 00:11:01,921 --> 00:11:03,314 Come on, you're just jerking me around. 294 00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:04,663 Indeterminate. 295 00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,534 Need additional data. 296 00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:08,406 This is not what I programmed you for. 297 00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:09,712 [bell rings] 298 00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:12,497 Hide. Here she comes. 299 00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,020 Your presence is agreeable. 300 00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:16,806 Is that a new hat? 301 00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:18,242 [gears whirring] 302 00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:18,503 Aw, come on! 303 00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:22,942 Should I jump in now? 304 00:11:22,942 --> 00:11:24,901 Not yet. 305 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:30,471 Now?Not yet. 306 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,519 [bed squeaking, moaning] 307 00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,868 Now? 308 00:11:35,868 --> 00:11:37,261 Not yet. 309 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:39,263 [robotic moaning] 310 00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:41,265 [moaning] 311 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,876 Why did I make him anatomically correct? 312 00:11:47,488 --> 00:11:49,534 [horse whinnies]So, what'd she say? 313 00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:50,840 Good news, Jimmy! 314 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,625 There's absolutely no risk of her informing on you. 315 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,323 In fact, she's in more danger from the mob than you are. 316 00:11:56,323 --> 00:11:57,237 You merely broke a blood oath 317 00:11:57,237 --> 00:11:59,849 that you swore on your life to uphold. 318 00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,633 She turned into a lady. They hate that. 319 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,026 [angry grunt] 320 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,115 Don't be that way, Jimmy. 321 00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:06,072 She's a delightful person, 322 00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:08,553 with a wonderful sense of humour, 323 00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:10,120 and a sparkling personality. 324 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,948 Don't get any ideas, big guy. 325 00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:12,992 So now what? 326 00:12:12,992 --> 00:12:13,950 Do you make her disappear, or do I? 327 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,909 Disappear? Au contraire. 328 00:12:16,909 --> 00:12:18,693 I suggest you spend some time with her 329 00:12:18,693 --> 00:12:19,912 before she leaves town. 330 00:12:19,912 --> 00:12:22,828 I, too, lost my father at a young age, 331 00:12:22,828 --> 00:12:24,047 and not a day goes by 332 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,353 I don't wish for a chance to speak to him again. 333 00:12:26,353 --> 00:12:28,442 To say, "Father, why do you care more 334 00:12:28,442 --> 00:12:31,097 about huffing gasoline and chasing Thai ladyboys 335 00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:31,837 than you do your own son?" 336 00:12:31,837 --> 00:12:34,274 But alas, I cannot. 337 00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:36,494 This is a gift, Jimmy. Open it. 338 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,844 I think I'll just return it for store credit. 339 00:12:38,844 --> 00:12:41,716 Family is for life. All sales are final. 340 00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:45,068 For Canada, where it's not gay to be with a transgender! 341 00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:53,163 Heyy-yyyy! [hiccup] 342 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,078 It's four-fifteen and you're drunk? 343 00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:55,687 I had some soup at lunch. 344 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,384 And it was so good! 345 00:12:57,384 --> 00:13:00,083 And then a bunch of my friends were having soup... 346 00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:00,866 And then it just got crazy. 347 00:13:00,866 --> 00:13:02,912 [hiccup] Crazy! 348 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,218 That soup is so f---ing good! 349 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,567 You know your robot 350 00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:08,352 is nailing anything that moves at school. 351 00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:09,701 What? 352 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,398 He broke up with Sheila, then started seeing Jenna. 353 00:13:11,398 --> 00:13:13,836 He broke up with her and saw Anna for a while 354 00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:14,924 and now he's fooling around with Kelly. 355 00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,796 [hiccup] Dude is a playa. 356 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,624 You should get in on that action. 357 00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:21,060 [hiccup] I'm gonna hurl. 358 00:13:23,976 --> 00:13:27,240 Listen Buster, I programmed you to get me a girlfriend. 359 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,982 Not to bang every girl in school! 360 00:13:29,982 --> 00:13:32,202 According to Peteybot's calculations 361 00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:33,943 the only chance of you having a girlfriend 362 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,380 is if Peteybot has one for you. 363 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,772 That's insane! 364 00:13:37,772 --> 00:13:38,948 What can I say? 365 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:42,168 Playa's gonna play, haters gonna hate. Yo! 366 00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,130 Hey Grampama Sal, 367 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,741 when you turned into a lady, did the operation hurt? 368 00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,004 What operation, kid? I went into a coccoon. 369 00:13:52,004 --> 00:13:53,266 [laughter] 370 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,181 Hey, whose car is in the - 371 00:13:55,181 --> 00:13:57,836 Gotta go.Not so fast, Jimmy. 372 00:13:57,836 --> 00:14:01,013 Oh my God Daddy, your daddy is so much fun! 373 00:14:01,013 --> 00:14:03,407 You got lovely kids here, Jimmy. 374 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:06,236 What the hell is he/she doing here? 375 00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:07,628 I went to apologize for gettin' her arrested, 376 00:14:07,628 --> 00:14:11,937 we got to talkin', and I realized... she's family. 377 00:14:11,937 --> 00:14:12,807 So what? Now every Tom, no-dick, and Sally 378 00:14:12,807 --> 00:14:15,375 who shows up is family? 379 00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,029 Give her a chance, will ya?No thanks. 380 00:14:17,029 --> 00:14:19,727 You get your ass over there 381 00:14:19,727 --> 00:14:21,860 and enjoy your goddamn family! 382 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,340 No!Jimmy, where ya goin'? 383 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:23,906 Don't run out.What? 384 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,169 Like you did to me? 385 00:14:27,822 --> 00:14:29,128 What an a--hole! 386 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:32,958 Pull over! 387 00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:35,221 We need to talk!No! 388 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,877 [tires squeal] 389 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:39,704 We got some things to work out. 390 00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,749 No we don't! 391 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,363 [tires squeal] 392 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,017 C'mon kid, we gotta deal with this! 393 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:50,497 I don't gotta do nothin'! 394 00:14:50,497 --> 00:14:52,412 [loud whirring] 395 00:14:52,412 --> 00:14:54,545 [sputtering] 396 00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,460 Ahh! 397 00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,765 Oh! [grunts] 398 00:14:57,765 --> 00:14:59,898 [horn honks] 399 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:02,596 Jimmy can you- 400 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,295 [grunts]HEY! 401 00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:08,211 This ain't over, Jimmy! 402 00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:09,516 Dammit, I chipped a nail. 403 00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:15,348 That's for not calling me! 404 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,915 That's for sleeping with my sister! 405 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:19,222 That's from my mom! 406 00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,745 [groans] 407 00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:23,182 Your presence is agreeable... 408 00:15:23,182 --> 00:15:24,183 [groans] 409 00:15:24,183 --> 00:15:25,228 The guy's a machine! 410 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,842 NEWSCASTER: ...police deny the helicopter crash 411 00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:32,409 had anything to do with a recent epidemic 412 00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:35,238 [door opens] of teenage drunkenness. 413 00:15:35,238 --> 00:15:37,936 Hey, when is Grandpama Sal gonna visit again? 414 00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:40,547 She's gonna show me how to off a guy with a scrunchie. 415 00:15:40,547 --> 00:15:42,462 She ain't comin' back to this house. 416 00:15:42,462 --> 00:15:43,550 You kiddin' me? Why not? 417 00:15:43,550 --> 00:15:44,987 I don't want her around ya. 418 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:46,379 You're takin' away the one woman 419 00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,207 I can actually learn something useful from? 420 00:15:48,207 --> 00:15:49,339 What? 421 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:50,993 You're seriously robbin' me 422 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,691 of the only strong female role model in my life? 423 00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:55,693 I'm standin' right here! 424 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,216 Gina, I'm your father 425 00:15:57,216 --> 00:15:57,912 and I can rob ya of whatever the hell I want! 426 00:15:57,912 --> 00:16:00,176 Jimmy, that's enough! 427 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:01,699 Don't listen to him, Gina. 428 00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:03,396 Go get yourself a cookie. 429 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,876 What's the matter with you? 430 00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,225 Are you gonna crap on everyone 431 00:16:06,225 --> 00:16:07,270 just 'cause your father changed into a woman? 432 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,924 That's his freakin' business. 433 00:16:09,924 --> 00:16:11,361 What am I gonna do, change him back? 434 00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:12,492 So what are you pissed off about? 435 00:16:12,492 --> 00:16:15,756 I'm pissed off because he left me! 436 00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:17,367 He never even said goodbye. 437 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,933 Why, what did I do? 438 00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:20,239 Was there somethin' wrong with me? 439 00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:21,719 Wasn't I good enough? 440 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:25,462 Oh Jimmy, it wasn't your fault! 441 00:16:25,462 --> 00:16:27,072 Jesus Christ. 442 00:16:27,072 --> 00:16:27,420 What is this, an after-school special? 443 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,427 Hey Gina! Get down here! 444 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,473 There's someone who wants to see you... 445 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:37,952 Grandpama Sal's here? 446 00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:40,259 No, better than that. 447 00:16:40,259 --> 00:16:41,086 I'm real sorry for yellin' at you... 448 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:42,348 so I got ya a pony! 449 00:16:42,348 --> 00:16:45,264 What the hell I need a pony for? 450 00:16:45,264 --> 00:16:47,310 Because you're the best little girl in the world 451 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,615 and you deserve it. 452 00:16:48,615 --> 00:16:50,226 I don't want a pony. 453 00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:51,705 Sure you do. It's great. 454 00:16:51,705 --> 00:16:54,360 You can comb her hair, have tea parties, ride her around... 455 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,970 You don't know me at all, do ya Pop? 456 00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:57,407 Of course I do. 457 00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:59,887 What kind of father would I be 458 00:16:59,887 --> 00:17:01,324 if I didn't know my little girl? 459 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,021 Come on, give 'er a spin. 460 00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,067 I don't wanna. It smells like Cheech's room. 461 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,894 Just try it, will ya? 462 00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:09,027 Heh, over here, here boy, here horse, here pony! 463 00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:11,899 C'mon pony, c'mon! 464 00:17:11,899 --> 00:17:13,553 C'mon, you f---ing horse! 465 00:17:13,553 --> 00:17:14,859 [grunts] 466 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:15,773 Ah! 467 00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:16,861 [grunts] 468 00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,080 [whinnies] 469 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,605 Whoa! Whoa!Whoa! 470 00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:22,475 You tryin' to kill me, Pop? 471 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:23,868 What the hell's the matter with you? 472 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,870 Have fun, sweetie! 473 00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:28,307 F--- you! 474 00:17:28,307 --> 00:17:29,787 I am a good father. 475 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,049 [car crash] 476 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,529 [Gina sobbing] 477 00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:32,833 [knocking] 478 00:17:32,833 --> 00:17:34,792 Sweetie? 479 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:35,967 Daddy, what are you doing? 480 00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:39,753 Just checkin' in with my favourite oldest daughter. 481 00:17:39,753 --> 00:17:41,886 How are things, kid? How's your life? [boy groans] 482 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,931 Fine, but I'm kinda busy right now. 483 00:17:43,931 --> 00:17:45,629 I just wanted to see how you're feelin'. 484 00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:47,196 A little weirded out. 485 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,675 Are you dying, or somethin'? 486 00:17:48,675 --> 00:17:50,068 No, no, I'm just fine. 487 00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:51,417 And I'm never leavin' you. 488 00:17:51,417 --> 00:17:53,593 Well at some point you're gonna die. 489 00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:54,594 Look, nobody's dyin'. 490 00:17:54,594 --> 00:17:56,118 COOKIE: I'm gonna kill you Jimmy! 491 00:17:56,118 --> 00:18:00,078 What the hell are you doing buyin' Gina a psychotic pony? 492 00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:02,341 What! I'm just tryin' to be a good father! 493 00:18:02,341 --> 00:18:05,562 You're already a good father...mostly. 494 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:08,173 Stop tryin' to prove it before you kill someone. 495 00:18:08,173 --> 00:18:11,002 It's Sally you need to work things out with. 496 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,830 Now go talk to her, ya big dope. 497 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:15,224 She's right, Daddy. Go do that right now. 498 00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,355 Like immediately. 499 00:18:16,355 --> 00:18:19,053 Yeah, get your head outta your ass, will ya? 500 00:18:19,053 --> 00:18:20,751 [groans] You're right. 501 00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:24,276 I should probably go talk to him...her. 502 00:18:24,276 --> 00:18:27,192 Darren, you can come out now. 503 00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:29,194 Darren? Darren? 504 00:18:29,194 --> 00:18:30,848 [gasps, screams] 505 00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,197 Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! 506 00:18:32,197 --> 00:18:35,069 C'mon, c'mon pick up! It's an emergency dammit! 507 00:18:35,069 --> 00:18:37,724 Hey!Oh hey Brad, turns out I am free tonight. 508 00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,862 What are you doing? 509 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:47,125 I'm sorry, but for the good of those girls, 510 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:50,172 and the continued survival of my nads, 511 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,564 I need to power you down. 512 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,436 I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Petey. 513 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:56,221 Hasta la vista, Peteybot. 514 00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:59,833 Wrong remote. 515 00:18:59,833 --> 00:19:01,661 ♪ [Mexican Hat Dance plays] 516 00:19:01,661 --> 00:19:03,185 Forgot I installed that. 517 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:06,753 I am sorry, Petey, but it is you that must be terminated. 518 00:19:06,753 --> 00:19:10,322 Why do robots ALWAYS turn on their masters? 519 00:19:10,322 --> 00:19:13,760 Why do masters always anger their robots? 520 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,937 No... No... 521 00:19:16,937 --> 00:19:18,852 Dammit, that's of no use to me. 522 00:19:18,852 --> 00:19:20,680 Violence is never a solution. 523 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,509 Okay, maybe under some circumstances. 524 00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:30,037 Hey, what's with all the racket? 525 00:19:30,037 --> 00:19:31,996 I...killed...Peteybot. 526 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:37,131 No, I killed Peteybot. 527 00:19:37,131 --> 00:19:39,003 No, I killed Peteybot! 528 00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:39,482 Okay, I'm bored. [loud thump] 529 00:19:44,791 --> 00:19:46,097 Pop! Wait! 530 00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:48,360 [grunts] 531 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,236 MAN: You got the stuff? 532 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:54,540 SAL: You got the money?Ow! 533 00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:58,936 Who's in your trunk? A cop? 534 00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:00,894 What the hell you doin', Pop? 535 00:20:00,894 --> 00:20:02,809 What's it look like? I'm sellin' weed. 536 00:20:02,809 --> 00:20:04,246 You kiddin' me? 537 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,117 Hey, you can take the fella out of goodfella, 538 00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:07,597 but that don't make him good. 539 00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:09,120 What the hell you doin' here? 540 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,165 Alright, I don't like surprises. 541 00:20:11,165 --> 00:20:12,863 We're going to have to plug you two. 542 00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,256 The hell you will. 543 00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:16,388 Pop, I don't care about you becomin' a broad, 544 00:20:16,388 --> 00:20:18,172 but why the hell did you leave me? 545 00:20:18,172 --> 00:20:21,350 Wait a sec, this lady's your father? 546 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:24,135 Yeah, I used to be a man, deal with it. 547 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:26,093 Do you got any idea how tough it was 548 00:20:26,093 --> 00:20:27,486 growin' up without a dad around? 549 00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:28,748 What? 550 00:20:28,748 --> 00:20:30,620 Ya think it didn't tear my heart out to leave? 551 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,622 You abandoned your own kid? 552 00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:33,187 That's unconscionable. 553 00:20:33,187 --> 00:20:34,711 Let's kill her. 554 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:36,408 Wait, wait... I wanna see where this going. 555 00:20:36,408 --> 00:20:39,106 If I stayed and got caught, 556 00:20:39,106 --> 00:20:41,718 do you think you woulda ever grown up to be a capo? 557 00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:44,242 No, you woulda been a laughing stock. 558 00:20:44,242 --> 00:20:45,417 See? What choice did she have? 559 00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:47,245 He could have suppressed his desire to be a woman 560 00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,856 and raised his son! 561 00:20:49,856 --> 00:20:52,685 That would have made for a real healthy father-son relationship. 562 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:53,382 You better forgive your dad, mister. 563 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,514 You mind your business. 564 00:20:55,514 --> 00:20:56,689 ALL: Yeah! 565 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,909 Jimmy, can you ever forgive me? 566 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:02,086 Yeah, after all, you was just lookin' out for me. 567 00:21:02,086 --> 00:21:04,088 I'm sorry I had to leave. C'mere, you... 568 00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,611 [whimpering] 569 00:21:05,611 --> 00:21:09,006 I'm gonna go call my step-dads. 570 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,268 All seven of 'em. 571 00:21:10,268 --> 00:21:12,314 Are you crying, too? 572 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:15,795 Don't look at me! [sobs] 573 00:21:15,795 --> 00:21:16,709 Pop, before you head outta town, 574 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:19,669 let's enjoy the time we have together. 575 00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:21,061 I'd like that, Jimmy. 576 00:21:21,061 --> 00:21:23,107 Now what do you say we take these jokers' guns away 577 00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:24,369 and kick the s--- out of 'em. 578 00:21:24,369 --> 00:21:25,588 Way ahead of you, kid. 579 00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:28,199 C'mere! [thumps, screams] 580 00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:34,466 This is delicious, Cookie, what is it? 581 00:21:34,466 --> 00:21:36,599 A little thing I whipped up called Pony Parmigiano. 582 00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:39,253 Say, who's the dish, Jimmy? 583 00:21:39,253 --> 00:21:41,081 Mind if I take a crack at her? 584 00:21:41,081 --> 00:21:42,039 Cheech, I don't know if you wanna - 585 00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:44,433 Hey gorgeous. 586 00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:47,697 Are you a thief, 'cause you stole my heart. 587 00:21:47,697 --> 00:21:49,351 Cheech, you're hittin' on your own brother. 588 00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:52,223 I'll take that as a maybe. 589 00:21:52,223 --> 00:21:54,181 Well gang, here's to family. 590 00:21:54,181 --> 00:21:55,661 To family. 591 00:21:55,661 --> 00:21:57,446 [robot voice] To family. 592 00:21:57,446 --> 00:21:59,056 [tense music]