1 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,916 How ya doin'? I'm Jimmy Falcone. 2 00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:05,831 I used to be part of a crime family in New York, 3 00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:07,398 and like any father, I wanted to see if my son 4 00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:10,444 was cut out for the family business... 5 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:11,619 but ya can't just jump into extortion, 6 00:00:11,619 --> 00:00:15,710 racketeering, and murder. Ya gotta take baby steps. 7 00:00:15,710 --> 00:00:17,582 See that guy delivering papers on YOUR block? 8 00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:21,194 Your turf. Don't you want a piece of that action? 9 00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,674 Go. 10 00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,589 There ya go! Look Out! 11 00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:26,721 Oof! [Panting] 12 00:00:26,721 --> 00:00:28,984 He's supposed to beat the kid up and take his money! 13 00:00:28,984 --> 00:00:30,682 What's he doin'? 14 00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:31,857 He's workin', Jimmy. 15 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:33,380 Makes me sick. 16 00:00:33,380 --> 00:00:35,208 Okay, so we find someone weaker. 17 00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:36,905 Build the kid's confidence... 18 00:00:36,905 --> 00:00:38,385 See that old deadbeat? 19 00:00:38,385 --> 00:00:40,561 He's behind on his payments. 20 00:00:40,561 --> 00:00:42,998 Take care of him. 21 00:00:42,998 --> 00:00:45,958 My first assault was an old guy, too. 22 00:00:51,006 --> 00:00:53,792 Look at him. This is humiliating - Ow! 23 00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,707 What the hell? 24 00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,926 What's this about you groomin' Petey to take over 25 00:00:57,926 --> 00:01:00,233 the family business? - What? No! 26 00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:01,191 I can't believe ya picked him over me! 27 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,976 It's not like that. - Fine! 28 00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:06,021 One day I'm gonna start my own crew and 29 00:01:06,021 --> 00:01:08,633 I'll bury you, fat man! 30 00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:10,983 [Gulp] - Anyhow... 31 00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:13,681 I realized Petey wasn't cut out for gangsterin'. 32 00:01:13,681 --> 00:01:15,205 No [beep], Sherlock. 33 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:17,642 But hey, now that I live in Regina and work in an office, 34 00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:21,559 maybe my son will finally follow in my footsteps! 35 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,822 Actually, Pop, I'm gonna be a physicist. 36 00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:24,823 37 00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:27,304 Like you could ever be a gym teacher! 38 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,221 Fugget about it! 39 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:32,439 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 40 00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:34,441 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 41 00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:37,401 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 42 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:40,055 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 43 00:01:40,055 --> 00:01:41,405 ♪ He take the boss, 44 00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:42,710 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 45 00:01:42,710 --> 00:01:46,497 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 46 00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:49,543 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 47 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,633 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 48 00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:54,940 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 49 00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,594 ♪ Fugget about it 50 00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:57,203 ♪ Fugget about it 51 00:01:57,203 --> 00:01:59,205 ♪ Fugget about it 52 00:01:59,205 --> 00:02:00,598 Oh! Fugget about it! 53 00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:03,775 Drive, Jimmy! Drive! 54 00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:04,776 What's it look like I'm doin'? Givin' birth? 55 00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:08,954 [Meows] - Ooohh! 56 00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,390 I can't see! 57 00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:11,783 Ow! Ow! 58 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:15,003 Okay, there's definitely a wall on your right side. 59 00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:17,441 [Screeching tires, crash] 60 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,878 Screw it, we'll go on foot! 61 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:22,097 [Huffing and puffing] 62 00:02:22,097 --> 00:02:24,056 Go on without me, Jimmy! 63 00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,797 Leave me to die. 64 00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:27,712 ♪ 65 00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:30,454 Oh come on! You can't... 66 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:33,631 I just need a case of beer! 67 00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:38,026 I can't believe you left me back there to die! 68 00:02:38,026 --> 00:02:39,811 We didn't make it. It's closed. 69 00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:42,335 Kill me now, Jimmy, please. 70 00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:45,251 ♪ 71 00:02:45,251 --> 00:02:47,601 Hey McCool! When I agreed to move to Canada, 72 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,777 nobody told me the government controls the liquor. 73 00:02:49,777 --> 00:02:52,215 They also control gambling, medical marijuana, 74 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,129 and heroin injection sites! 75 00:02:54,129 --> 00:02:57,307 No matter what your vice, Canada's got you covered. 76 00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:58,743 Why can't I get a freakin' bottle of booze 77 00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:00,092 after nine p.m.? 78 00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,572 Jimmy, the days of drive-thru liquor at 79 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:04,749 alcoholic-enabling prices are behind you. 80 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:08,100 Mother Canada is here to save you from yourself. 81 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,057 [rears Horse] For Canada! 82 00:03:09,057 --> 00:03:12,017 Where no one has fun after nine p.m.! 83 00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,281 [Horse whinnies] 84 00:03:15,281 --> 00:03:16,717 Except in Quebec! 85 00:03:18,719 --> 00:03:21,156 [Grunts] - Oh, cheer up! 86 00:03:21,156 --> 00:03:22,810 One night without a few drinks ain't gonna kill ya. 87 00:03:22,810 --> 00:03:24,072 That ain't the point! 88 00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:27,511 Nobody tells me when I can and can't enjoy a drink! 89 00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,687 Well, looks like Mother Canada just did, 90 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,166 ya big baby. 91 00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:34,126 Screw this. I got an idea. 92 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,737 Back in prohibition days, how did people get booze? 93 00:03:36,737 --> 00:03:39,871 Mama used to blow sailors for a bottle of gin... 94 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,829 Which way to the docks? 95 00:03:41,829 --> 00:03:44,397 ♪ 96 00:03:44,397 --> 00:03:47,879 For the last time, I didn't take your cheap, 97 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,620 gold-plated earrings that are only worth 98 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,622 six bucks at the pawn shop. 99 00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,711 It's not that. It's my report card. 100 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:56,235 I'm acing all my classes - straight D's - 101 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:58,019 except I got this one 'F'. 102 00:03:58,019 --> 00:04:00,631 You're failin' P.E? HAHA! 103 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,546 Who the hell fails gym? 104 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,504 Gym? I thought P.E. was a bathroom break. 105 00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:07,594 Anyway, if I fail, I fail the eleventh grade. 106 00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:10,641 Coach says the only way I can pass is to sign up 107 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,643 for an intramural sport. 108 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,079 If ya ask me the only sport 109 00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,386 worth signing up for is hockey. 110 00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,257 It's got speed, blades, and fighting. 111 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:20,999 I don't know. - You're right. 112 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,914 Look at the bright side... 113 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:26,483 After ya fail, you and Petey can be in the same grade! 114 00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:29,094 YEAH! You can be lab partners, 115 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:32,793 share a locker, eatin' lunch at the nerd table. 116 00:04:32,793 --> 00:04:35,579 Stop it! Stop it! I'll play hockey! 117 00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,407 Ah, but it's gonna suck to have three periods. 118 00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:40,671 ♪ 119 00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:44,022 You boys do realize the liquor store's open again. 120 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,806 We don't need 'em no more. 121 00:04:45,806 --> 00:04:47,504 Mother Canada can blow me. 122 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,201 Well don't come cryin' to me if drinkin' that crap 123 00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,594 makes ya go blind. 124 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:53,858 Jimmy, if we do go blind, can I get a monkey? 125 00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:58,602 Hey. This beer ain't half-bad. 126 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,647 Half-bad? It's whole good! 127 00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:02,475 What a relief! 128 00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:04,695 Now we gotta have to throw all this out. 129 00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:08,873 ♪ 130 00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:10,614 Oh for cryin' out loud! 131 00:05:10,614 --> 00:05:12,311 I'm gettin' sick of you two sittin' around 132 00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:15,053 drinkin' beer all day! You wanna be bums? 133 00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,620 Go do it in the garage! 134 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,797 We can't, coz the garage is fulla beer. 135 00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:20,841 Hoh! 136 00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:22,539 Ow. - Oh. 137 00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,236 Well could ya at least quit usin' our living room 138 00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:26,412 as your own personal clubhouse. 139 00:05:26,412 --> 00:05:28,240 Why you gettin' on our case, Cook? 140 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,373 We ain't hurtin' no one! - Oh no? 141 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:32,462 What about the example you're settin' for the kids? 142 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,028 Nah, they know better than to sit around 143 00:05:34,028 --> 00:05:36,335 drinkin' like degenerates. 144 00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:39,033 What are you lookin' at old man? 145 00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,252 You wanna fight? - [Glass shatters] 146 00:05:40,252 --> 00:05:42,385 I'll[beep] fight ya! 147 00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:47,520 ♪ 148 00:05:48,956 --> 00:05:50,741 I don't know why I didn't think of this place sooner. 149 00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:53,526 It's right next door and no one's lived here for months. 150 00:05:53,526 --> 00:05:57,269 It's gonna be perfect. Our own personal clubhouse. 151 00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,966 I always wanted to have a man-cave... 152 00:05:58,966 --> 00:06:01,708 that wasn't, you know, an actual cave. 153 00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:04,189 ♪ 154 00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:06,409 Okay, let's work on the fundamentals. 155 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,193 You mean skating and teamwork? 156 00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,021 Nah, fugget all that. 157 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:12,763 First off, both ends of your stick come in handy. 158 00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,155 Ooh! [Coughs] - See? 159 00:06:14,155 --> 00:06:17,115 It's easy to make that one look accidental 160 00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,943 if you're keepin' up appearances. 161 00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:21,380 Now later, when you're not... 162 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:23,034 This is called "shirting". 163 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:24,818 [Punching sounds] 164 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,124 Ya do this on the street, ya get five months. 165 00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:28,126 In here, ya get five minutes. 166 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:30,998 God I love this game! [Yells] 167 00:06:30,998 --> 00:06:33,827 ♪ 168 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,133 Once we get power, we should put in a 169 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,135 big-screen TV and a juke-box. 170 00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:39,050 And a bubble machine, Jimmy! 171 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,705 Nothin' says man-cave like a bubble machine. 172 00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:44,316 [Crash] 173 00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:46,057 I thought this place was empty. 174 00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,799 It's s'posed to be. C'mon. 175 00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:50,844 Maybe it's one of them polter-ghosts. 176 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,150 Ya mean "geist". 177 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,979 What the hell's a geister-ghost? 178 00:06:54,979 --> 00:07:00,898 ♪ 179 00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,029 Ah, there's nothin' here. 180 00:07:02,029 --> 00:07:02,508 [Loud burp] 181 00:07:02,508 --> 00:07:05,859 ♪ 182 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:08,079 [Shattering glass] - How's it goin', eh? 183 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,080 Who the hell are you and what are you doin' 184 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,821 in our clubhouse? 185 00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:12,910 I'm Mike, that's Ricky, 186 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,912 and this here's Kenny. 187 00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:17,175 Thanks... for giving me one of my beers. 188 00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,873 It's ghost beer now, Jimmy! 189 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,527 Let it go. 190 00:07:21,527 --> 00:07:23,573 Somethin' tells me you're not the new owners. 191 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:24,661 Well, no. 192 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,620 We smelled fresh brew, door was open, 193 00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,535 the mat said "Welcome"... 194 00:07:29,535 --> 00:07:31,885 woulda been kinda rude not to come in you know. 195 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,626 Well, you guys are still trespassin'. 196 00:07:33,626 --> 00:07:34,932 Come on, fellas. 197 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:38,239 Let's go find a snowbank where we can drink in peace 198 00:07:38,239 --> 00:07:40,938 until the cops come... - [Crying] 199 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,287 Don't worry, Kenny. 200 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,855 We'll find a warm place 201 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,944 to drink this amazing beer. 202 00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,163 Really? You guys like it? 203 00:07:49,163 --> 00:07:51,644 Like it? It's the best. 204 00:07:51,644 --> 00:07:54,038 It's even better than what ya get at the beer store. 205 00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:56,127 And I bet around here we wouldn't have to worry 206 00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,520 about bein' cut off 207 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,044 'cause we're all "intoxicated". 208 00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:00,958 Or 'cause they're "closed". 209 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,613 I know what that's like! 210 00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:06,180 You know what? Make yourself at home boys. 211 00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:08,879 Cheers fellas! Welcome to our club! 212 00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:11,751 Where men are free to do whatever they wanna do! 213 00:08:11,751 --> 00:08:12,752 [Zipper] 214 00:08:12,752 --> 00:08:15,059 What the hell are ya doin' Cheech? 215 00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,713 I'm takin' a dump on the floor! 216 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,192 [Grunts] 217 00:08:18,192 --> 00:08:20,238 [yells] FREEEEEDOM! 218 00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:23,807 [Laughing] 219 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,939 We'll keep the party goin' 220 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,115 til you guys get back, okay? 221 00:08:28,115 --> 00:08:29,464 [Laughing] 222 00:08:29,464 --> 00:08:31,379 Nice buncha guys. 223 00:08:31,379 --> 00:08:33,686 Hey McCool. What are ya doin' here? 224 00:08:33,686 --> 00:08:36,254 I felt bad about denying you and Cheech's alcoholic 225 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,648 tendencies the other night... 226 00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,301 So I'm here to show you that we Canadians 227 00:08:40,301 --> 00:08:42,695 still know how to have a good time... 228 00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:45,568 ...but not a long time. I have to work tomorrow. 229 00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:47,787 Sorry, McCool. We're drunk out. 230 00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:50,485 We been partyin' with the neighbors all night. 231 00:08:50,485 --> 00:08:52,531 Great Geddy Lee! 232 00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:55,229 [Laughing] - Those are hosers! 233 00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:57,057 What the hell's a hoser? 234 00:08:57,057 --> 00:08:58,102 Allow me to enlighten you with this 235 00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:00,626 National Film Board of Canada educational film. 236 00:09:00,626 --> 00:09:05,022 ♪ 237 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:07,677 The Great Canadian Hoser evolved under the harshest 238 00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:10,897 of winter conditions, but homo hoserectus 239 00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:13,117 has proven himself a survivor... 240 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:15,336 This meek creature got his name 241 00:09:15,336 --> 00:09:18,383 from having to flood, or "hose", the ice 242 00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:19,558 after losing each hockey game. 243 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:23,518 The Hoser's inability to attract breeding partners 244 00:09:23,518 --> 00:09:26,565 has resulted in a steep decline in its population. 245 00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:29,220 Their struggle for survival is compounded by 246 00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:32,440 encroaching subcultures of Emos, Metrosexuals, 247 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,528 and white people who like hip-hop. 248 00:09:33,528 --> 00:09:36,706 Today, sightings of this plaid-shirted 249 00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:39,360 nincompoop of the North are increasingly rare. 250 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,059 For more information on the Hoser, 251 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:44,931 contact The Heritage Protection Council of Canada 252 00:09:44,931 --> 00:09:46,890 or visit your local beer store. 253 00:09:48,282 --> 00:09:50,545 Gentlemen, we are in the presence 254 00:09:50,545 --> 00:09:51,721 of a wonder of nature. 255 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:54,332 [Farts] 256 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,116 [Laughing] - Yeah, hoh, yeah. 257 00:09:56,116 --> 00:09:58,597 That was excellent. 258 00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,513 ♪ 259 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:04,690 It's too cold. My ankles hurt. 260 00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:06,518 I can't do hockey. 261 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,215 Yes you can. 262 00:10:08,215 --> 00:10:10,174 Just pretend the other team's a bunch of 263 00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:11,566 crazy broads at a shoe sale. 264 00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:15,353 Now get in there and take what's yours! 265 00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:21,141 [Fighting sounds] 266 00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:22,186 How'd I do? - Not bad. 267 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:25,319 Next time don't hold back. 268 00:10:25,319 --> 00:10:28,583 ♪ 269 00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:32,326 Okay, this game is called Brewski Roulette! 270 00:10:32,326 --> 00:10:34,154 One of these beers is loaded. 271 00:10:34,154 --> 00:10:36,113 So ya randomly pick one 272 00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:39,159 and open it near your face. 273 00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,253 Ahhh! - [Laughing] 274 00:10:46,253 --> 00:10:47,864 Oh, yeah. 275 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:50,693 Ya been hosed, ya hoser! [Laughs] 276 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:51,998 Now... 277 00:10:51,998 --> 00:10:53,783 Hoh! - No, no. 278 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,915 This next game is choice. 279 00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:59,049 Okay. So like ya take a nickel, eh? 280 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:00,441 Put 'er between your cheeks... 281 00:11:00,441 --> 00:11:03,880 okay, and you get a clench on, right... 282 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,185 and you just like, yu know... 283 00:11:05,185 --> 00:11:07,013 Giv'er! - Ting! 284 00:11:07,013 --> 00:11:09,276 Hoh! - Yeah! [Laughs] 285 00:11:09,276 --> 00:11:11,496 That, ladies and gentlemen, 286 00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:13,803 is how ya play bum darts. 287 00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:16,370 We have much to learn from your people. 288 00:11:16,370 --> 00:11:19,199 [Sighs, grunts] 289 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:22,986 I think it went up. - Hoh hoh! 290 00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,901 That's cheating! 291 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,380 ♪ 292 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:35,085 Ow! 293 00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,739 Two minutes for spearing... 294 00:11:39,872 --> 00:11:42,135 That's it, you're a growing girl. 295 00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:47,314 [Growls] 296 00:11:47,314 --> 00:11:50,143 Yeah, hit her! We're not playin' in Europe! 297 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,493 [Gasp] - [Growls] 298 00:11:52,493 --> 00:11:54,060 [Screams, cheering] 299 00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:56,889 There ya go! Now we're havin' fun! 300 00:11:56,889 --> 00:11:59,631 ♪ 301 00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:02,155 See ya later, Cook. We'll be next door, eh? 302 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,636 Again? That's the third night this week. 303 00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:05,855 I know, eh? 304 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:06,812 But for the first time since we moved here, 305 00:12:06,812 --> 00:12:09,554 I met some fellas I can really relate to. 306 00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,251 Look at yourself. 307 00:12:11,251 --> 00:12:13,601 You can't walk two steps without breakin' into a sweat, 308 00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:17,257 you smell like the floor of a saloon, 309 00:12:17,257 --> 00:12:18,737 and if you say 'eh' one more time 310 00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,958 without meanin' the first letter of the alphabet, 311 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,263 I'll twist your nuts off. 312 00:12:23,263 --> 00:12:25,962 I can still go, right? 313 00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:27,877 Hehehe. 314 00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,356 C'mon Cookie. I'm just goin' over there 315 00:12:29,356 --> 00:12:31,358 for a quick round of bum darts. 316 00:12:31,358 --> 00:12:32,272 Jesus, it's worse than I thought! 317 00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:34,318 It's not what ya think! 318 00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:35,798 It's just a fun little game. 319 00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,147 Jimmy. Think back to the old life. 320 00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:40,063 When you were hangin' around the club with your friends, 321 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:43,066 did you guys ever play games that involved... 322 00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,719 your butts? 323 00:12:44,719 --> 00:12:46,634 [Ticking sounds, ding!] 324 00:12:46,634 --> 00:12:49,812 Hoh... you put it like that, it sounds all kinds of wrong. 325 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:52,727 Warm up the TV. I'm stayin' in. 326 00:12:52,727 --> 00:12:53,685 But first I gotta throw out all our nickels. 327 00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:58,081 ♪ 328 00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:00,387 Oh, hello. 329 00:13:00,387 --> 00:13:03,347 You must be one of Theresa's many, many boyfriends? 330 00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:07,220 [Deep voice] Petey, it's me. 331 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,178 Have we met before? 332 00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:10,571 I can't quite place you. 333 00:13:10,571 --> 00:13:12,791 Well, better get back to the books. 334 00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,488 Nice meeting you. 335 00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:18,144 [Gasps] Oh my god. 336 00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:20,712 What's happening to me? 337 00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:23,802 [Growls] 338 00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:27,937 Hey Jimmy! 339 00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:29,677 Jimmy! 340 00:13:29,677 --> 00:13:32,898 Just ignore 'em and they'll go away. 341 00:13:32,898 --> 00:13:35,031 [Shattering glass] 342 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,510 What's the opposite of ignore? 343 00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:38,338 Cause that's what I'm about to do. 344 00:13:38,338 --> 00:13:40,906 What are you idiots doin'? 345 00:13:40,906 --> 00:13:42,473 I'm trying to watch TV with my wife and 346 00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:44,431 you're breakin' my windows? 347 00:13:44,431 --> 00:13:46,651 We just want ya to come over, Jimmy! 348 00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:48,566 Kenny got fireworks! 349 00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:49,567 We're gonna set 'em off in the house! 350 00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:52,875 Normally I'd bust your head open, 351 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:55,573 but you get a pass 'cause you're mentally challenged. 352 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,705 Ooh take off your dress lady and 353 00:13:57,705 --> 00:14:00,883 come party with some real men, eh! 354 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,450 Alright, I'm warnin' ya now, and ya only get one. 355 00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:04,364 Oof! That's it! 356 00:14:04,364 --> 00:14:08,020 Ahhh! - Whoa, Jimmy. 357 00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,544 I can't allow you to assault these gentlemen. 358 00:14:10,544 --> 00:14:12,938 What the hell are ya doin'? 359 00:14:12,938 --> 00:14:13,896 I reported the Hoser sighting to the 360 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,594 Heritage Protection Council of Canada, 361 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:19,031 and they have proclaimed this land to be a National Preserve, 362 00:14:19,031 --> 00:14:22,992 a protected domain for the endangered Hoser peoples. 363 00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,907 Are you freakin' serious? 364 00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,648 I'm as serious as an Atom Egoyan film. 365 00:14:27,648 --> 00:14:30,347 Ohh I think he just called Jimmy a Gonad. 366 00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,218 They're here to stay, Jimmy, and you, 367 00:14:32,218 --> 00:14:32,958 I'm afraid, are trespassing. 368 00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:35,221 WHAT! 369 00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:37,180 Jimmy, check out these birthday candles from Rome 370 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:39,922 that Kenny gave me. And it ain't even my birthday! 371 00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,793 [Bang] - Ow, that smarts! 372 00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,056 [Bang] - OW! Jesus, another one? 373 00:14:44,056 --> 00:14:47,016 Ooh, I think that's the last - 374 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,147 [Bang] 375 00:14:48,147 --> 00:14:51,324 Marone, those Romans know how to party! 376 00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,376 [Snoring] 377 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:00,203 Nuh unh uh! 378 00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:02,161 [Sighs] 379 00:15:02,161 --> 00:15:03,597 Look at these freeloaders livin' off the 380 00:15:03,597 --> 00:15:05,730 government like a buncha war widows. 381 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,993 Those stinkin' widows get all the breaks. 382 00:15:07,993 --> 00:15:10,430 [Car horn] 383 00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:12,432 Woohoo! 384 00:15:12,432 --> 00:15:14,173 Ow! What the hell? 385 00:15:14,173 --> 00:15:16,262 Hi Pop. 386 00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:17,611 Petey, what are you doin' up there? 387 00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:20,397 I'm observing the neighbors for an anthropology paper: 388 00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,268 "Hosers in the Mist." 389 00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:23,748 I've collected fascinating data on 390 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,402 their nesting patterns. 391 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:26,838 I'm hoping to analyze a sample of their droppings. 392 00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:29,319 Some of them droppings are mine. 393 00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:30,885 How long ya been up there? 394 00:15:30,885 --> 00:15:32,757 This is day six. 395 00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:35,412 You're hidin' up a tree spyin' on three men. 396 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,501 Is there somethin' I need to know about ya, kid? 397 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:41,200 No, but could you empty my pee-jug? 398 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,723 Whoa! 399 00:15:42,723 --> 00:15:44,247 ♪ [Rock music] 400 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,813 Turn off the - 401 00:15:45,813 --> 00:15:49,600 Yo McCool, tell these morons to turn their music down! 402 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,776 I wish I could, Jimmy, but Canadian Classic Rock 403 00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:54,257 from the eighties is their cultural birthright. 404 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,520 Would you tell an Indian not to bang a drum? 405 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,391 A Quebecer not to eat poutine? 406 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,567 An Albertan not to marry his cousin? 407 00:16:00,567 --> 00:16:02,743 Ah my parents were cousins - no, 408 00:16:02,743 --> 00:16:04,397 wait...siblings. 409 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:05,877 Hey Jimmy! 410 00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:08,401 I got someone who wants to say hi! 411 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,316 [Laughing] 412 00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:12,318 Yeah, this is awesome. 413 00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:14,016 Lookin' good, Mike! 414 00:16:15,582 --> 00:16:16,409 Alright, if we can't touch these guys, 415 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,455 we're just gonna have to drive 'em out... 416 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:19,673 Ya want me to get the car? 417 00:16:19,673 --> 00:16:22,024 No, I want you to turn on the hose. 418 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,940 Let the ice-related injuries begin. 419 00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:32,773 Ouch, uh, Cheech, gimme a hand here. 420 00:16:32,773 --> 00:16:34,732 Sure Jimmy. I'll just - woaah, ow! 421 00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,255 Whoa. - Ow! 422 00:16:36,255 --> 00:16:39,128 Hey... whoa! 423 00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:41,086 Woo... [Laughing] 424 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:43,436 Oh, wow, Jimmy. 425 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,394 How the hell are you stayin' on your feet! 426 00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:48,137 The ol' beercap on the boot. 427 00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,182 What a noble people. 428 00:16:50,182 --> 00:16:52,445 They use every part of the beer. 429 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,969 Alright, we're gonna cut their power, 'cause if 430 00:16:54,969 --> 00:16:56,971 I gotta listen to "Raise a Little Hell" by Trooper 431 00:16:56,971 --> 00:16:59,496 one more time, I'm goin' on a shootin' spree. 432 00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:04,501 [Electric zap] 433 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,070 What the..? 434 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,594 [Laughing, farting] 435 00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:14,424 Wily bastards. Time to play hardball. 436 00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:17,470 Nothin' drives people out like good ol' toxic waste. 437 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,777 That's probably what drove my third wife away. 438 00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,387 Yeah, Cheech. Toxic waste. 439 00:17:21,387 --> 00:17:22,997 In your Brooklyn apartment. 440 00:17:22,997 --> 00:17:24,564 Beauty, eh? 441 00:17:24,564 --> 00:17:27,219 Beauty, eh. It's like the northern lights landed. 442 00:17:27,219 --> 00:17:30,004 You get the beer, I'll get the Kim Mitchell. 443 00:17:30,004 --> 00:17:31,789 That's it! 444 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:34,835 One of us has gotta go, so here's the deal. 445 00:17:34,835 --> 00:17:35,706 One game of Brewski Roulette. 446 00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,534 Mano a hoso. 447 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:41,015 If I win, you guys move away and never come back. 448 00:17:41,015 --> 00:17:42,756 You're on, eh? 449 00:17:42,756 --> 00:17:45,019 But if we win, we get your house! 450 00:17:45,019 --> 00:17:49,241 My house? Alright, fine. 451 00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:51,896 Either way, I get you mooks outta my life. 452 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,332 See ya tomorrow! 453 00:17:53,332 --> 00:17:54,507 Tomorrow! 454 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,292 And don't get cold feet, eh? 455 00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,815 Oh we won't! 456 00:17:57,815 --> 00:18:00,296 I can't even feel my feet. 457 00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,994 ♪ 458 00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,169 What're ya doin'? 459 00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:05,823 You should be suitin' up for the big game. 460 00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:08,130 I'm not playing. I'm out. 461 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:09,740 I already got my P.E. credit. 462 00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:10,871 Are you kiddin? 463 00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:12,482 Ya got a beautiful thing in your grasp and 464 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,962 I ain't lettin' ya throw away my big chance! 465 00:18:14,962 --> 00:18:17,443 Your chance? How is this about you? 466 00:18:17,443 --> 00:18:20,142 Shut up and put on your skates, Frankenstein... 467 00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:22,840 If you like hockey so much, why don't you play? 468 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,234 BECAUSE THEY WON'T LET ME! 469 00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:26,974 I don't wanna give ya the gory details, 470 00:18:26,974 --> 00:18:28,498 'cause there's a lot of 'em, 471 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,413 but I got banned from hockey forever. 472 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:33,198 Apparently the only blades you can use are 473 00:18:33,198 --> 00:18:34,112 the ones on your skates. 474 00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:38,203 Aw Gina... I had no idea. 475 00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:40,684 Why would ya? You're dumb as a post. 476 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,686 But you sure do shine on that ice. 477 00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:44,731 What a waste. 478 00:18:44,731 --> 00:18:47,081 Maybe I got one more game in me. 479 00:18:47,081 --> 00:18:49,345 Ya do? - For you I do. 480 00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:52,348 It's just the Moose Jaw Milkmaids. 481 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:55,568 Bunch of farmers daughters. I'll cream 'em for ya! 482 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,091 You're the best, sis! 483 00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:00,573 Alright, cut it out. Your beard's scratchin' me. 484 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,533 ♪ 485 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:05,752 According to the official rules of Brewski Roulette 486 00:19:05,752 --> 00:19:10,192 scratched in the bar at Jerry's Tavern in Thunder Bay, 487 00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:12,542 three beers in the case are loaded. 488 00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:16,589 First one to spray two beers in his face loses, eh? 489 00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:18,722 Sounds legit. 490 00:19:18,722 --> 00:19:20,332 Jimmy! No! 491 00:19:20,332 --> 00:19:23,335 Have you lost your freakin' mind? 492 00:19:23,335 --> 00:19:25,555 You're bettin' our house on a stupid drinkin' game? 493 00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,165 I won't let you do it. - Oh, [whip sound]. 494 00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:29,428 Shut up, ya drunken mooch! 495 00:19:29,428 --> 00:19:31,517 Cookie's right! They're baiting you, Jimmy. 496 00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:32,605 You can't win. 497 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:33,693 Hosers always think three beers ahead. 498 00:19:33,693 --> 00:19:36,000 I gotta do this. 499 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,480 I can't live this way no more. 500 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,829 Also, I'm kinda thirsty. 501 00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:41,745 Ah! - Ugh! 502 00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:43,660 Ha! Nice one, Jimmy! 503 00:19:47,141 --> 00:19:49,970 Whokay, no, just a false alarm. 504 00:19:49,970 --> 00:20:08,511 ♪ 505 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:11,078 Whoa! - Hahaha! 506 00:20:11,078 --> 00:20:14,168 It's down to four beers. 507 00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:15,866 Two beers, Jimmy. Two. 508 00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:18,085 Shut up, McCools. 509 00:20:18,085 --> 00:20:39,455 ♪ 510 00:20:41,326 --> 00:20:43,415 Who's the best! - Right here, guy. 511 00:20:43,415 --> 00:20:45,069 Pack 'er up, eh? 512 00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:45,896 You been hosed! 513 00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:49,508 Not so fast... 514 00:20:49,508 --> 00:20:51,554 I wanted to study the effects of imported beer 515 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:52,685 on hoser physiology. 516 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:56,385 Everyone knows a genuine hoser's body will reject 517 00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:58,474 any beer that isn't brewed in Canada. 518 00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:01,955 You've been drinking American beer! 519 00:21:01,955 --> 00:21:04,306 You hosers are posers! 520 00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,133 So what? A bet's a bet, eh? 521 00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:08,135 And we won. 522 00:21:08,135 --> 00:21:10,616 That may be the case, but you will no longer enjoy 523 00:21:10,616 --> 00:21:13,097 the protective embrace of the Heritage Protection 524 00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:16,143 Council of Canada. Hosers are endangered, 525 00:21:16,143 --> 00:21:18,232 but goofball louts like you are a dime a dozen. 526 00:21:18,232 --> 00:21:19,973 You boys are on your own. 527 00:21:19,973 --> 00:21:24,021 Good day... eh? 528 00:21:24,021 --> 00:21:27,677 Well Jimmy, looks you better start packin'! 529 00:21:27,677 --> 00:21:30,636 That was pathetic. I can't believe you lost! 530 00:21:31,768 --> 00:21:33,422 Who knew the Moosejaw Milkmaids would be 531 00:21:33,422 --> 00:21:35,554 so freakin' tough? 532 00:21:35,554 --> 00:21:38,905 Oh, look at that hot chick, eh! 533 00:21:38,905 --> 00:21:42,735 I'd sure like to slip a puck past her goalie. 534 00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:43,562 What did you say? 535 00:21:43,562 --> 00:21:47,697 ♪ 536 00:21:47,697 --> 00:21:50,395 Finally disposed of that toxic waste, Jimmy? 537 00:21:50,395 --> 00:21:51,744 Yeah... 538 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:54,704 yeah, that's it, toxic waste. 539 00:21:54,704 --> 00:21:59,752 ♪