1 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:02,654 How'ya doin'? 2 00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:03,785 I'm Jimmy Falcone, 3 00:00:03,785 --> 00:00:05,744 currently known as Jimmy McDougal. 4 00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:08,181 Back in the old days when I was a big-shot, 5 00:00:08,181 --> 00:00:10,749 the most important person in my life... 6 00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,011 was my lawyer. 7 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:13,795 When ya make an honest livin' breakin' the law - 8 00:00:13,795 --> 00:00:18,061 never mis-underestimate the value of a good shyster. 9 00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:20,672 Suppose I allegedly tried to whack a guy 10 00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,065 and he went to the cops... 11 00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:22,587 Would I be in trouble? 12 00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:24,110 Hmm... 13 00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:29,376 [ringing] The guy was available night and day. 14 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:35,165 It's me. I know it's four a.m. and you're in the Hamptons, 15 00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,776 but you gotta come to the city and bail me out. 16 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,038 [sigh] 17 00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:41,693 I need ya to get rid of this for me. 18 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:44,348 [retches] 19 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,218 Nothin seemed to phase this guy. 20 00:00:48,395 --> 00:00:50,832 Then, outta the blue he robs a liquor store 21 00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:52,486 and gets sent to jail. 22 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,749 This guy went to Harvard! Why would he do that? 23 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:58,057 Thank God! 24 00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:00,059 Just put me in a deep, dark hole 25 00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:01,930 and get me away from Jimmy Falcone! 26 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,630 Anyway, now that I'm in witness protection, 27 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:06,979 I don't need no lawyer... 28 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,242 'coz I got my own personal Mountie! 29 00:01:09,242 --> 00:01:10,852 Hey McCool, can you get me one of them 30 00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:12,550 new smartie pants phones? 31 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,204 We've been through this, Jimmy! 32 00:01:14,204 --> 00:01:16,206 I can't cater to your every little whim. 33 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:17,468 The answer is no, so just... 34 00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,818 I can't believe I'm going to say this... 35 00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,602 Forget about it! 36 00:01:21,602 --> 00:01:23,691 ALL: Hoh! 37 00:01:23,691 --> 00:01:24,953 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 38 00:01:24,953 --> 00:01:26,651 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 39 00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:29,784 ♪ Made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 40 00:01:29,784 --> 00:01:32,570 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 41 00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:33,875 ♪ He take the boss, 42 00:01:33,875 --> 00:01:35,747 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 43 00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:38,880 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 44 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,796 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 45 00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:43,972 ♪ The Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 46 00:01:43,972 --> 00:01:47,498 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 47 00:01:47,498 --> 00:01:48,063 ♪ Fugget about it 48 00:01:48,063 --> 00:01:50,370 ♪ Fugget about it 49 00:01:50,370 --> 00:01:51,850 ♪ Fugget about it 50 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,156 Oh! Fugget about it! 51 00:01:56,463 --> 00:01:59,249 So they took your appendix, huh McCool? 52 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,598 I'd give ya one of mine, 53 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:03,166 but it's probably messed up from hard livin'. 54 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,123 But Uncle Cheech, the human appendix 55 00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:06,865 is a vestigial organ - 56 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,083 I been kicked in the vestigials. 57 00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:11,348 I feel your pain, McCool. 58 00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:13,045 I hope you like the flowers. 59 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,656 It was the most expensive ones they had. 60 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:18,006 Nothin's too good for our Mountie. 61 00:02:18,006 --> 00:02:19,269 We got the banner just in case. 62 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:23,055 Listen Doc, this guy's a friend of the family. 63 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,405 Send his bill to us. 64 00:02:25,405 --> 00:02:26,972 What bill? 65 00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,016 I like you. Ya learn fast. 66 00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:31,411 Cookie... Is Jimmy coming? 67 00:02:31,411 --> 00:02:33,935 His smiling face and ceaseless cigar smoke 68 00:02:33,935 --> 00:02:35,415 always brighten my day. 69 00:02:35,415 --> 00:02:37,939 Don't worry, I'm sure he's on his way. 70 00:02:37,939 --> 00:02:40,203 I sent that bonehead plenty of reminders. 71 00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,682 [snoring] 72 00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:42,901 [ding] 73 00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:45,382 [dinging] 74 00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:48,689 Whoa! 75 00:02:48,689 --> 00:02:50,561 Aw crap, I slept past five. 76 00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:54,565 What's with him? He's lookin' right at me. 77 00:02:57,176 --> 00:02:58,438 He's still there. 78 00:02:58,438 --> 00:03:00,310 What if he's a hit man? This is bad! 79 00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:03,704 Son of a-- 80 00:03:03,704 --> 00:03:05,358 Toby, what are ya doin' sneakin' up on a guy like that? 81 00:03:05,358 --> 00:03:08,883 [straining] Ahh, sorry Jimmy! 82 00:03:08,883 --> 00:03:10,929 I just came to remind you. 83 00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:13,453 If you're going to stay late... [groan] 84 00:03:13,453 --> 00:03:15,803 don't forget to put in for overtime. 85 00:03:15,803 --> 00:03:17,240 Thanks Toby. 86 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,284 My pleasure. 87 00:03:19,981 --> 00:03:21,983 [alarm beeps] 88 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,683 [quietly] Alright ya bastard. 89 00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,075 Ya want me? 90 00:03:27,075 --> 00:03:28,642 Come get me. 91 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,209 Gotcha! 92 00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,385 Toby? Jeez, sorry! 93 00:03:32,385 --> 00:03:34,996 I thought you was someone else. 94 00:03:34,996 --> 00:03:37,390 Maybe I should start wearing a bell. 95 00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:38,435 Wish ya woulda thought of that earlier! 96 00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:44,441 It's that guy again! 97 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:45,920 What guy? 98 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,705 All I can see are fuzzy shapes. 99 00:03:50,098 --> 00:03:51,361 [ringing] 100 00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:54,625 You've reached Special Agent Strait McCool. 101 00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,540 Just leave a message, Jimmy. 102 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:57,715 You're the only one who ever calls. [beep] 103 00:03:57,715 --> 00:03:59,847 McCool, I been made. There's a guy tailin' me! 104 00:03:59,847 --> 00:04:02,328 Meet me at home! 105 00:04:02,328 --> 00:04:03,286 And grab me a slice on your way, I'm starvin'. 106 00:04:07,855 --> 00:04:09,901 Ow, what the hell, Ma? 107 00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:11,946 Ya know that bear Gina has in her room 108 00:04:11,946 --> 00:04:13,252 with the dollar sign on it? 109 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:15,428 Sure, sure, Moneybear.Okay. 110 00:04:15,428 --> 00:04:16,429 I was in her room gettin' rid of anything 111 00:04:16,429 --> 00:04:20,259 that might be construed as evidence, and... 112 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:23,131 I think I mighta threw out Moneybear!What? 113 00:04:23,131 --> 00:04:25,656 You know how Gina gets when you touch her stuff. 114 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,962 Remember when you tried to get her off the pacifier? 115 00:04:27,962 --> 00:04:31,488 She was like a badger, clawin' and scratchin'. 116 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,228 And that sound she made! 117 00:04:33,228 --> 00:04:37,102 [whimpering] [growling] 118 00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:39,409 [shudders] I wore an eye patch for a year! 119 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:42,325 Exactly, so I don't wanna know about this. 120 00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,849 I can't believe my own daughter's gonna abandon me 121 00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:47,330 in a time when I'm... 122 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,156 in danger from my other daughter. [door opens] 123 00:04:51,072 --> 00:04:52,770 What?BOTH: Nothing! 124 00:05:02,562 --> 00:05:05,522 No! Why'd you hafta drag me into this? 125 00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,175 I didn't do anything! 126 00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:08,263 Shut up! Shut up! You're in it now! 127 00:05:08,263 --> 00:05:11,484 Someone's after me! I need a gun! 128 00:05:11,484 --> 00:05:14,226 Thanks, kid... Where'd you get this? 129 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,663 Ya wanna gun or ya wanna ask stupid questions? 130 00:05:16,663 --> 00:05:18,622 Where the hell were you? 131 00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:21,146 Poor McCool's lyin' in the hospital and you can't - 132 00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:22,930 Wait a second, McCool's in the hospital? 133 00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:24,584 Why didn't ya tell me? That means we're on our own! 134 00:05:24,584 --> 00:05:27,544 What are you talkin' about? [doorbell] 135 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:28,719 I don't got time to explain, I think we been made. 136 00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,634 [inhales] 137 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:34,072 Whoa! Easy tiger! 138 00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:35,465 Boy, Jimmy, 139 00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:36,944 I've been trying to introduce myself all night, 140 00:05:36,944 --> 00:05:38,511 but you kept giving me the slip. 141 00:05:38,511 --> 00:05:40,905 Who the hell are you and who sent ya? 142 00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:42,472 I came as soon as I got your message. 143 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:46,606 Jimmy, this is FBI agent Rick Chickmagnet. 144 00:05:46,606 --> 00:05:49,043 Is pepperoni okay? All they had was pepperoni. 145 00:05:50,436 --> 00:05:51,872 It's kinda cold. 146 00:05:51,872 --> 00:05:53,178 What do you Feds want from me now? 147 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:55,006 The bureau wants to interview you 148 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:57,008 for an ongoing investigation, Jimmy. 149 00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:59,402 Nice to meet you. I'm Special Agent McCool. 150 00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:01,142 Let me guess, first name "Not So"? 151 00:06:01,142 --> 00:06:03,362 Nice uniform, Not So. 152 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,016 [laughter] 153 00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:08,062 So what do you say Jimmy, deal or... not a deal? 154 00:06:08,062 --> 00:06:09,542 No way. 155 00:06:09,542 --> 00:06:12,502 I had enough of bein' a no good snitch for one lifetime. 156 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:15,548 In the eyes of the U.S. Government, you're no snitch. 157 00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:17,637 You sir, are a hero. 158 00:06:17,637 --> 00:06:20,205 You sure you got the right Jimmy? 159 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:23,251 Oh, and by the way, I brought eight pounds 160 00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:24,818 of gabagool from Pauly's Deli in New York! 161 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,951 [cheering] 162 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,648 Jimmy, what's a gabla-goo? 163 00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:31,346 It's lunch meat. Now put on some pants will'ya? 164 00:06:31,346 --> 00:06:32,913 Come on in, Chickmagnet. 165 00:06:32,913 --> 00:06:35,133 I guess I'll be heading back to the old hospital... 166 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,961 [chatter] 167 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,310 [grunt] 168 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,180 For Canada and... 169 00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,313 Ow! My stitches popped... 170 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,017 Well Jimmy, you've been a huge help. 171 00:06:50,017 --> 00:06:50,975 That tip about Don Barzinni alone 172 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,064 is enough to blow the case wide open. 173 00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:54,979 When ya take him down, tell him I said "Yo". 174 00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,415 Heh, I sure will. 175 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:57,764 Now listen. 176 00:06:57,764 --> 00:06:59,723 Between you and me, how do you like it up here 177 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,507 in the Great Mild North? 178 00:07:01,507 --> 00:07:03,901 Don't ask.What if I told you 179 00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,685 that as a reward for your cooperation, 180 00:07:05,685 --> 00:07:09,428 the Bureau is willing to relocate your family. 181 00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:11,430 What?That's right, Jimmy. 182 00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,388 To sunny California! 183 00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:14,999 Really?What'd you say? 184 00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:17,349 California? Are you serious? 185 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:18,785 The details are right in there. 186 00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:20,439 I'll take you and Cheech 187 00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:22,267 down to the North Dakota field office for processing 188 00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:23,834 and the family can meet us in California. 189 00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:26,663 Ya hear that? We're gonna be Americans again! 190 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:29,317 But wait! I was just getting to like it here. 191 00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:32,016 The schools are better, the medical care is top-notch, 192 00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,800 and I just finished building my first igloo 193 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,106 in the backyard. 194 00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:36,455 Pipe down Petey. 195 00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:39,066 Ya can build plenty of googy-goos in California. 196 00:07:39,066 --> 00:07:40,459 Hang on! Petey might have a point. 197 00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:43,680 Is it right to keep movin' the kids around 198 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,291 like homeless gypsies? 199 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:49,033 Let's get the [beep] outta here! Woooo! 200 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,039 Chickmagnet's giving you a six bedroom house, 201 00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:58,869 a full cable package, and a job as a nude beach lifeguard? 202 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,872 Are you sure you don't want to stay in Canada, Jimmy? 203 00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:04,483 I'm positive. 204 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:06,354 California's got sunshine, no snow, 205 00:08:06,354 --> 00:08:09,575 and unfettered access to burritos. 206 00:08:09,575 --> 00:08:10,794 My hands are tied here. 207 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:14,537 Well then I suppose this is...goodbye? 208 00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:15,973 Really? 209 00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:18,541 I never hugged a cop before unless I was stabbin' him. 210 00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,325 In a way you have stabbed me, Jimmy. 211 00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:21,108 Right through the heart. 212 00:08:21,108 --> 00:08:22,501 Sheesh. Alright. 213 00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:26,679 [whimpers]You're cryin' now? 214 00:08:26,679 --> 00:08:30,030 No, no, my incision became severely infected 215 00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:31,684 when I left the hospital to meet you last night. 216 00:08:31,684 --> 00:08:33,425 That's what ya get for ignorin' doctors orders! 217 00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:36,297 Anyway, I'll send ya a postcard. 218 00:08:36,297 --> 00:08:38,386 It'll have my new name on it: "Jimmy Gonzales". 219 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,173 [whimpers] 220 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,612 What are you doing? 221 00:08:46,612 --> 00:08:48,658 I got a replacement for Moneybear. 222 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,922 You think that piece of crap's gonna fool Gina? 223 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:53,837 Where's the dollar sign on the front? 224 00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,229 I'll sew it on! 225 00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:56,622 But first we gotta age it to look like Moneybear. 226 00:08:56,622 --> 00:08:59,059 What's he look like? I need details. 227 00:08:59,059 --> 00:08:59,756 I don't know! Ask Petey! 228 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:02,062 I can't. 229 00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:03,237 He'll say, "Mother, honesty is the best policy" 230 00:09:03,237 --> 00:09:05,979 and get us all killed. 231 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,459 Wait, it had an eye missing! 232 00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,417 Good, good, so we'll pry off one 233 00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:10,897 of this son of bitch's eyes. Which one? 234 00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:13,683 Think! 235 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:14,553 I had it, but you slapped it out of me! 236 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,864 Well igloo, in saying goodbye to you, 237 00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:23,214 I'm also saying farewell to Canada. 238 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,042 CHICKMAGNET: Yeah, we're leaving right now. 239 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:26,783 Don't sweat it, they don't suspect a thing. 240 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,219 [gasp] 241 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:30,090 I'm not telling you where they are! 242 00:09:30,090 --> 00:09:31,048 You'll send guys to whack 'em 243 00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:33,703 and I don't get my million dollar bounty. 244 00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,400 See you in Fargo. 245 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,444 You bring the money. I'll bring the Falcones. 246 00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:40,057 God, I hate Canada. 247 00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:41,754 [muffled] Ow, ow, ow! 248 00:09:41,754 --> 00:09:42,537 Snow in my pants! 249 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,932 Alright boys, 250 00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:47,107 let's head off to your new life. 251 00:09:47,107 --> 00:09:48,805 So long, Cook. 252 00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:51,590 Next time ya see me, we'll be in sunny California. 253 00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:53,331 And I'll be sellin' oranges 254 00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,638 at the off-ramp in a leopard print thong. 255 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:58,031 You take good care of my Jimmy, okay? 256 00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,293 'Course I will! 257 00:09:59,293 --> 00:10:02,122 It's not like I'm gonna get him across the border, 258 00:10:02,122 --> 00:10:03,471 put a bullet in his head, 259 00:10:03,471 --> 00:10:05,343 and sell him to the mob or anything. 260 00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,346 [laughter] 261 00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,742 [panting] 262 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,178 [panting] 263 00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,746 Call... McCool... 264 00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,835 PHONE VOICE: Searching for my stool, 265 00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,924 would you like me to book a colonoscopy? 266 00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,839 Agh! 267 00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:29,672 [ringing] 268 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:32,196 Agent McCool Special here... 269 00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:33,545 PETEY: McCool! 270 00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:34,981 Rick Chickmagnet is gonna kill my Dad! 271 00:10:34,981 --> 00:10:36,591 Slow down. 272 00:10:36,591 --> 00:10:38,115 I'm on morphine, so I'm having trouble following... 273 00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:40,291 Who's this again? 274 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,814 It's Petey! 275 00:10:41,814 --> 00:10:43,207 Rick Chickmagnet is taking Dad and Cheech to the mob! 276 00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,470 Chick Rickmagnet? 277 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:46,384 What are you calling me for? 278 00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:49,953 You think you're so cool. 279 00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,476 You want cool? Try morphine. 280 00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,696 This [beep] is awesome. 281 00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,960 This isn't Chickmagnet! It's Petey! 282 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,962 Petey! Hey, kid. 283 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,354 I tell you, 284 00:11:00,354 --> 00:11:02,400 if I tried this morphine junk when I was your age, 285 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,924 I never would have become a cop. 286 00:11:04,924 --> 00:11:07,710 I'd have become a jazz dancer... 287 00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:11,148 Snap out of it! My dad's in trouble! 288 00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,584 Did I ever tell you 289 00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,107 how Mummy supported us when Daddy left? 290 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,456 The men she brought home... 291 00:11:15,456 --> 00:11:18,111 We called them my "uncles"... 292 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,984 No "uncle", I won't fix you a drink... 293 00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:25,075 get your own damn highball, ye filthy pervert! 294 00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:27,817 [snoring] 295 00:11:29,209 --> 00:11:32,082 [grunts] What am I gonna do? 296 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:33,257 Dad's gonna die! Help! 297 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:34,737 [muffled] Help! 298 00:11:39,306 --> 00:11:41,091 I'm bored. Are we there yet? 299 00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,049 Hey, let's play "I Spy". 300 00:11:43,049 --> 00:11:43,658 What are you, six? 301 00:11:43,658 --> 00:11:45,922 Take it easy Chickmagnet! 302 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:48,054 Just kidding, heh heh heh. 303 00:11:48,054 --> 00:11:49,708 Alright, I'll go first. 304 00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:52,711 I spy with my little eye... 305 00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,626 something that's gonna get slaughtered. 306 00:11:56,802 --> 00:11:59,152 What?See? A truck full of lambs. 307 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,633 [bleating] 308 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:02,155 Oh, right. Good one. 309 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,417 I'll try again. 310 00:12:03,417 --> 00:12:06,899 I spy with my little eye... 311 00:12:06,899 --> 00:12:09,467 ...dead meat! 312 00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:11,599 Who, me?[chuckles] No, no. 313 00:12:11,599 --> 00:12:12,949 There's some road kill over there. 314 00:12:16,082 --> 00:12:17,127 [chuckles] 315 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:21,044 One more! I spy with my little eye... 316 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,698 Two wiseguys who are gonna get whacked! 317 00:12:25,265 --> 00:12:26,745 Alright, you're freakin' me out. 318 00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:28,486 What? Relax. 319 00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:29,617 It's just Martin Scorsese's new movie. 320 00:12:33,012 --> 00:12:35,623 We are so seein' that. Hey Cheech? 321 00:12:35,623 --> 00:12:37,321 Cheech? 322 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,627 Aaaaw, he fell asleep... 323 00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:40,628 [farts] 324 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:46,678 [gurgling] 325 00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:49,159 Mummy, you don't have to turn on the red light! 326 00:12:50,464 --> 00:12:53,032 Wow. What a trip. 327 00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:55,121 Won't be doing that again. 328 00:12:55,121 --> 00:12:55,687 Oh look, Petey called. 329 00:12:58,298 --> 00:13:00,431 Thundering Thunder Bay! Jimmy! 330 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,606 [whistles] 331 00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:04,000 [screams, loud crashes] 332 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,003 Gallop like the wind, Horse! Jimmy's in trouble! 333 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,482 For Canada! 334 00:13:08,482 --> 00:13:11,616 Where friendship trumps infection every time! 335 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,487 [sonic boom] 336 00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:21,191 Okay, now we run him through the dryer a buncha times 337 00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:23,889 to make him look old. 338 00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:25,412 I can't do this. 339 00:13:25,412 --> 00:13:28,024 I can lie to you and Pop, but Gina? 340 00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,808 She's got those eyes... 341 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:31,375 They burn right through ya. 342 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,247 Don't you fall apart on me now! 343 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,467 If this doesn't look exactly like Moneybear- 344 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:40,645 you and me are goin' to California in a pine box! 345 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,821 What the hell are they talkin' about Moneybear for? 346 00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:44,170 He's right down here. 347 00:13:44,170 --> 00:13:45,955 What are they so freaked out about? 348 00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,478 THERESA: I'm out! [slap] 349 00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:49,045 COOKIE: You're out when I say you're out. 350 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,002 Hehehe... 351 00:13:50,002 --> 00:13:52,091 I could have a lotta fun with this... 352 00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,356 JIMMY: Look at that. 353 00:13:56,356 --> 00:13:59,098 Three more kims and we'll be in the good ole U.S. of A. 354 00:13:59,098 --> 00:14:01,405 First thing I'm gonna do is get me some poutine 355 00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:03,102 and a bottle of maple syrup... 356 00:14:03,102 --> 00:14:04,408 [sonic boom] 357 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:07,063 Hey, get a load of McCool! 358 00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:09,587 Jesus Christ, are you kidding me? 359 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:12,677 Let us go! It's for the best! 360 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:13,939 For us at least. 361 00:14:13,939 --> 00:14:15,636 It's a double-cross! 362 00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:19,814 I can't hear ya! I'll Skype ya from Cali! 363 00:14:19,814 --> 00:14:21,077 [engine roars] 364 00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,817 [grunts]Yo, Chickmagnet, relax. 365 00:14:22,817 --> 00:14:23,427 He's just tryin' to say goodbye again. 366 00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,646 Pull over.Screw that! 367 00:14:25,646 --> 00:14:26,734 You're under my jurisdiction now! 368 00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:29,346 Technically not for two more kims. 369 00:14:30,825 --> 00:14:32,653 BOTH: Hoh! 370 00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:34,220 Hoh!Hoh! 371 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:36,831 [tires screech] 372 00:14:36,831 --> 00:14:38,007 [whimpers] 373 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,924 We're alive, Jimmy! Ya know what this means? 374 00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,795 Seatbelts actually work! 375 00:14:45,144 --> 00:14:46,537 McCool, ya crazy bastard. 376 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:47,755 What are ya doin'? 377 00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:50,454 [whimpers] Run... Run... 378 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,629 What's he sayin'? Rum? 379 00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:53,892 Rum! Poor bastard needs a drink. 380 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:55,154 I know the feelin'. 381 00:14:55,154 --> 00:14:56,416 [gunfire] 382 00:14:57,635 --> 00:15:00,333 Quit foolin' around! This guy needs help! 383 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,336 Oh God, could you possibly be more dense? 384 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,991 I'm trying to kill you, you stupid moron! 385 00:15:05,991 --> 00:15:07,688 But what about Calif - 386 00:15:07,688 --> 00:15:09,168 Oh... 387 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,565 [loud gunfire] 388 00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:16,697 Why the hell are you tryin' to kill us? You're a Fed! 389 00:15:16,697 --> 00:15:18,264 I'd explain, but I hate it when bad guys 390 00:15:18,264 --> 00:15:21,441 stand around telling their plan 391 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:24,096 when they could just kill the hero. 392 00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:26,838 I'm a lotta things, but a hero ain't one of 'em. 393 00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:29,188 Aaah! My eyes! 394 00:15:29,188 --> 00:15:33,453 Gahhh, do you ever wash your feet? 395 00:15:33,453 --> 00:15:34,498 [loud bang] 396 00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:35,238 [grunts] 397 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,894 Hey Jimmy, if I drop my pants, 398 00:15:39,894 --> 00:15:40,330 do I get a piggy-back too? 399 00:15:42,027 --> 00:15:44,247 Between you and me, 400 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,945 my nuts are like ice cubes. 401 00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:47,990 I know, I know. I'm cold too. 402 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,514 No, I mean all the time. 403 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:51,689 We need to find shelter. 404 00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:55,432 Hey! Maybe there's a Howard Johnson's out here. 405 00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:56,781 How 'bout that old barn? 406 00:15:58,130 --> 00:15:59,392 I bet that joint don't even got cable... 407 00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,049 [loud thumping] 408 00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:08,227 Dammit! It still looks good as new. 409 00:16:08,227 --> 00:16:10,099 [sniffs] And he smells spring fresh! 410 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,491 I'll warm up the car. 411 00:16:11,491 --> 00:16:13,232 We'll run over his head a couple times. 412 00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:16,366 Whose head is Ma gonna run over? 413 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,412 Oh, hi Gina! 414 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,283 How are ya, little sis! 415 00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,720 What's behind your back?What? 416 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,374 Oh, nothing... 417 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,854 Alright, now ya got me curious. 418 00:16:26,854 --> 00:16:29,422 When I get curious, I like answers. 419 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,163 Ya know how I like to get answers, Theresa? 420 00:16:31,163 --> 00:16:33,905 [teeth chattering] How? 421 00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:34,732 The hard way! 422 00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,560 [battle cry] 423 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:42,740 [grunting] 424 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,481 Poor guy's turnin' blue. 425 00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:45,960 We gotta find somethin' to start a fire. 426 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,397 Don't waste your time. 427 00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:49,790 He knew this was a one-way ride. 428 00:16:49,790 --> 00:16:53,011 C'mon Cheech, the guy risked his life to save my ass 429 00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,795 after I treated him like a jerk. 430 00:16:54,795 --> 00:16:56,841 Which makes him a huge pushover, but still... 431 00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,190 Way I see it, if he dies, 432 00:16:58,190 --> 00:17:00,888 we can survive on him for weeks. 433 00:17:00,888 --> 00:17:02,760 He's built like Conan... 434 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,328 the barbarian, not the weird redhead on TV. 435 00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:07,634 Cheech, I'm hungry, too, but we're not eatin' McCool. 436 00:17:07,634 --> 00:17:09,027 Get a fire goin'! 437 00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:11,073 You worked nights as an arsonist, should be a cinch! 438 00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:17,296 Look for anything that'll burn. 439 00:17:17,296 --> 00:17:20,212 Forget it, Jimmy, we're all gonna freeze in here. 440 00:17:20,212 --> 00:17:21,257 Wait! I know! 441 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:23,520 This oughta burn for a while. 442 00:17:27,654 --> 00:17:28,481 Changed your mind? 443 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,309 Nah, the tag was chaffin' me. 444 00:17:36,576 --> 00:17:39,797 [grunting] 445 00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:41,929 So ya threw out Moneybear? 446 00:17:41,929 --> 00:17:43,844 You got any idea why I call him Moneybear? 447 00:17:43,844 --> 00:17:45,933 [whimper] 448 00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:48,240 'Coz I keep money in him, that's why! 449 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,286 I had three grand in there! 450 00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:51,461 Hey, where's Mom? Dad's in troub-heh.. 451 00:17:54,246 --> 00:17:55,334 [nervous chuckle] 452 00:17:57,771 --> 00:17:59,425 Now, let's have a little talk 453 00:17:59,425 --> 00:18:00,339 about how I'm gonna get my money back. 454 00:18:02,602 --> 00:18:04,517 [panting] I'm not the one you want! 455 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:05,866 It's Ma! She dragged me into this. 456 00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:08,217 Oh sure, I get it. 457 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:11,002 You was just an innocent by-stander. 458 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,482 Oh God! I'm so sorry, Gina. 459 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:12,917 I'll get your money, I promise! 460 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,179 Whatever it takes! 461 00:18:14,179 --> 00:18:16,834 Just don't hurt me!Alright. 462 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:20,707 Seein' as you're family, I'll cap the vig at three percent. 463 00:18:20,707 --> 00:18:22,187 And let this be a lesson to ya. 464 00:18:22,187 --> 00:18:25,059 Don't keep no secrets from me. 465 00:18:25,059 --> 00:18:26,496 Heh heh. 466 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,192 Easiest three grand I ever made. 467 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,153 This ain't what it looks like! 468 00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:33,459 Get up to your room. You're grounded! 469 00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:36,158 Aw crap! 470 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,029 That's it? She's grounded? 471 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:40,814 You didn't say a word about throwin' out her stupid bear! 472 00:18:40,814 --> 00:18:42,555 What am I gonna incriminate myself? 473 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,122 Oh that's great! I owe her a buncha money. 474 00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:46,298 And you got off with nothin'! 475 00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:48,692 Well kid, I'm a mob wife. 476 00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:50,607 I got an instinct for dodgin' bullets. 477 00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:52,957 How much are you into her for anyway?I don't know. 478 00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,046 How many dollars are in three percents? 479 00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:57,353 [snoring] 480 00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,096 I can't take this no more! We gotta fight back. 481 00:19:02,096 --> 00:19:03,228 Our first mistake was not bringin' guns... 482 00:19:03,228 --> 00:19:06,884 Wait, a sec! McCool might have a gun. 483 00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,494 Haha I'm way ahead of ya! 484 00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:11,367 What are you doin'? 485 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:12,716 Passin' the time til help comes! 486 00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,065 Gimme that! 487 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,502 Find somethin' to make clothes. 488 00:19:16,502 --> 00:19:18,939 We're goin' outside. 489 00:19:18,939 --> 00:19:20,289 Hey, we coulda just burned this stuff! 490 00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:30,168 Alright Chickmagnet! Get 'em up! 491 00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:31,952 Get 'em up? Ya sound like a no-good cop! 492 00:19:31,952 --> 00:19:34,216 Let's see them hands! 493 00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,435 Yipee-ki-yay sheriff. 494 00:19:36,435 --> 00:19:37,262 Hoh! You makin' fun of me? 495 00:19:37,262 --> 00:19:40,961 Nah, just kiddin' around, officer. 496 00:19:40,961 --> 00:19:43,268 Spit it out you sayin' I gone soft? 497 00:19:43,268 --> 00:19:44,704 No, I'm sayin' I'da shot the guy already. 498 00:19:44,704 --> 00:19:46,706 Oh yeah? 499 00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,927 How's that? 500 00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,233 Ya missed. 501 00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:55,672 The old snowman decoy trick. 502 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,326 Works every time. Except in summer. 503 00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:00,503 You're a disgrace, Chickmagnet. 504 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,200 Turnin' your back on your badge for a few lousy bucks. 505 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,247 More like a million bucks, Jimmy. 506 00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:07,466 What? Me and Cheech are worth a million bucks to the mob? 507 00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:10,687 Just for you. For Cheech I get a coffee maker. 508 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:12,036 Hoh! I went up! 509 00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,517 I used to be worth a three-pack of tube socks! 510 00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:18,738 The only coffee you'll be brewing 511 00:20:18,738 --> 00:20:20,697 will be in prison, Chickmagnet! 512 00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:21,567 McCool! You're alive! 513 00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,830 Now who'm I gonna have for lunch? 514 00:20:23,830 --> 00:20:25,919 Your humble shirt and pants fire 515 00:20:25,919 --> 00:20:28,966 was enough to temporarily spur my immune system, Jimmy! 516 00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:31,185 Now let's see how your immune system 517 00:20:31,185 --> 00:20:34,885 handles a hot lead injection, donkey dong! 518 00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:38,628 [tense music] 519 00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,978 [whinnies][screams] 520 00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:43,981 Horse! Good boy!Give 'em hell, Horsie! 521 00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:45,939 Stop it, Horse. 522 00:20:45,939 --> 00:20:48,115 You're only stomping lifeless pulp! 523 00:20:48,115 --> 00:20:49,813 Hop on boys! 524 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,902 No sense ridin' on an empty stomach, 525 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,991 let's roast up the G-man before we go. 526 00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:57,081 Enough with the cannibalism! 527 00:20:57,081 --> 00:20:58,778 What do ya want from me, I got a craving. 528 00:21:01,825 --> 00:21:04,784 Petey told us what happened, are you boys okay? 529 00:21:04,784 --> 00:21:06,220 Everyone's fine. 530 00:21:06,220 --> 00:21:08,919 Despite being chased by a lunatic out for personal gain. 531 00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:11,182 Funny, same thing happened to me and Theresa. 532 00:21:11,182 --> 00:21:13,227 But why let one rogue Federal Agent 533 00:21:13,227 --> 00:21:15,055 ruin the big move to California... 534 00:21:15,055 --> 00:21:16,709 About that, Cookie. 535 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,798 It appears that Chickmagnet engineered the whole thing. 536 00:21:18,798 --> 00:21:20,322 I know. What a bastard. 537 00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:23,629 But we're still goin' right? Right? 538 00:21:23,629 --> 00:21:25,109 Sorry Cook... 539 00:21:25,109 --> 00:21:26,371 Jesus Christ.[beep] this. 540 00:21:29,374 --> 00:21:31,855 [hums O Canada] 541 00:21:31,855 --> 00:21:35,293 Well McCool, I guess you ain't gettin' rid of us that easy. 542 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:38,209 I supposed not. I must thank you, Jimmy. 543 00:21:38,209 --> 00:21:40,429 You went above and beyond to keep me alive. 544 00:21:40,429 --> 00:21:42,126 Ah, I just burned the shirt off my back. 545 00:21:42,126 --> 00:21:43,693 It was nothin'. 546 00:21:43,693 --> 00:21:45,521 No Jimmy, it was proof. 547 00:21:45,521 --> 00:21:48,437 You like me! You really like me! 548 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:51,962 Well, I should get back to the hospital. 549 00:21:51,962 --> 00:21:53,790 The infection is starting to take hold agai - 550 00:21:57,837 --> 00:21:59,796 Let's cook him like a Christmas ham.