1
00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:04,090
How ya doin'?

2
00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:06,788
If you're like me,
you could use some time off.

3
00:00:06,788 --> 00:00:08,268
In the old life,
it was never easy for me

4
00:00:08,268 --> 00:00:10,183
to take a vacation.

5
00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:12,881
Bookin' on points
is so freakin' complicated,

6
00:00:12,881 --> 00:00:14,405
plus I had to leave
Cheech in charge.

7
00:00:15,971 --> 00:00:17,277
[Sighs]

8
00:00:17,277 --> 00:00:19,149
[Phone rings]

9
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,889
Son of a!

10
00:00:20,889 --> 00:00:23,370
Cheech, ya better
be on fire or dead.

11
00:00:23,370 --> 00:00:25,285
And if so,
how are you calling?

12
00:00:25,285 --> 00:00:27,113
CHEECH: Jimmy,
I'm locked outta the club!

13
00:00:27,113 --> 00:00:28,723
JIMMY:
What are ya botherin' me for?

14
00:00:28,723 --> 00:00:30,899
Call Fats
and get the other key!

15
00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:32,988
I can't.
He's locked inside.

16
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,688
[Phone rings]

17
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:38,342
[Inaudble phone chatter]

18
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:40,822
Whaddaya mean you
and Fats are both locked in?

19
00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:43,347
I was on the roof.
There's a skylight.

20
00:00:43,347 --> 00:00:44,739
The rest is a blur.

21
00:00:44,739 --> 00:00:46,437
But, it's not our club.

22
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,047
What?

23
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:49,309
CHEECH:
Someone's here. I gotta go.

24
00:00:49,309 --> 00:00:51,703
Turned out to be
the Spumante family's club.

25
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:54,140
Cheech didn't want to pay
for the skylight he broke,

26
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,447
so he just up
and shot everybody.

27
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,884
Around the neighborhood
they still call it

28
00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:01,060
the "Jimmy's Trip
to Aruba Massacre".

29
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,627
I always called it

30
00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:04,672
the "Fats is a Big [BLEEP]
Crybaby Bloodbath".

31
00:01:04,672 --> 00:01:06,152
God rest his soul.

32
00:01:06,152 --> 00:01:08,415
Now that I'm in
witness protection

33
00:01:08,415 --> 00:01:10,765
it's like
a permanent vacation.

34
00:01:10,765 --> 00:01:13,028
At a two star resort
where everybody says,

35
00:01:13,028 --> 00:01:15,422
"so-rry," all the time.

36
00:01:15,422 --> 00:01:17,163
We've only had one vacation

37
00:01:17,163 --> 00:01:19,339
from this apologetic
iceberg of a country.

38
00:01:19,339 --> 00:01:21,211
And was it worth it?

39
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,169
Fugget about it!

40
00:01:23,169 --> 00:01:24,692
♪ Lemme tell you somethin'

41
00:01:24,692 --> 00:01:26,477
♪ 'bout a friend of
ours named Jimmy ♪

42
00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:29,784
♪ A "made" wise guy and
a capo with Gambini ♪

43
00:01:29,784 --> 00:01:32,787
♪ But then he found out they'd
be whackin' Uncle Cheech ♪

44
00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:35,442
♪ So he threw the boss out of
his nineteenth floor suite ♪

45
00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:38,489
♪ Wasn't much long till
the mob all wants him dead ♪

46
00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:41,753
♪ So Jimmy had no choice but
to talk to all the feds ♪

47
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:44,799
♪ The feds said they'd help if
they can use him as a pawn ♪

48
00:01:44,799 --> 00:01:47,237
♪ So he ratted out his friends
and moved t'Saskatchewan ♪

49
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,803
♪ Fugget about it!

50
00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:50,065
♪ Fugget about it!

51
00:01:50,065 --> 00:01:51,589
♪ Fugget about it!

52
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,459
Oh!
Fugget about it!

53
00:01:55,723 --> 00:01:58,987
Jimmy get in here!

54
00:01:58,987 --> 00:02:00,250
I got the dirty
little bastard cornered!

55
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:02,948
What is it, a mouse?

56
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,558
Nah!

57
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:07,039
It's one of Theresa's boyfriends
tryin' to sneak out!

58
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:08,736
[Grunts]

59
00:02:08,736 --> 00:02:09,998
[Sighs]

60
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,350
No sleepovers, kid.

61
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,788
That's it?
You're lettin' him go?

62
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,356
Take him out back and explain
the rules to his face!

63
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,314
Ah, Cook,
who gives a crap?

64
00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:23,403
I'm free!
I've been in there since...

65
00:02:23,403 --> 00:02:25,710
Ah, my eyes!

66
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:26,798
[Screams]

67
00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:29,235
Look at him,
McCool.

68
00:02:29,235 --> 00:02:30,497
He's depressed!

69
00:02:30,497 --> 00:02:32,456
Snap out of it!

70
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:33,979
Ya got nothin' to
be depressed about,

71
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:36,199
ya useless
sack of garbage!

72
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:37,765
Pop, if ya decide
to slit your wrists,

73
00:02:37,765 --> 00:02:39,463
have some courtesy

74
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,507
and do it in the bathtub.

75
00:02:40,507 --> 00:02:42,248
Ya need a gun, slugger?

76
00:02:42,248 --> 00:02:43,945
Take McCool's.

77
00:02:43,945 --> 00:02:45,773
I'm not wipin'
your brains off mine.

78
00:02:45,773 --> 00:02:48,123
Nah, Jimmy'll go out
like a wiseguy.

79
00:02:48,123 --> 00:02:50,604
Suckin' an oxygen
tank in prison.

80
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,954
Sweet Mitsou's Cowboy!

81
00:02:52,954 --> 00:02:54,434
Jimmy's under the moon,

82
00:02:54,434 --> 00:02:56,306
and you're all
making morbid jokes!

83
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:58,830
Clearly Canada's character
building mid-winter gloom

84
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,266
is affecting all of you.

85
00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:02,921
But I have a solution.

86
00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,966
Please say therapy...
Please say therapy...

87
00:03:04,966 --> 00:03:06,577
A vacation!

88
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,666
Oh, come on!

89
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,668
Hear that, Jimmy?

90
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,104
We're goin' on vacation!

91
00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,540
Yeah right.

92
00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:15,368
Knowin' McCool,
it'll be a day trip

93
00:03:15,368 --> 00:03:16,717
to Lake Who Gives A [BLEEP].

94
00:03:16,717 --> 00:03:18,458
For Canada!

95
00:03:18,458 --> 00:03:20,417
Where everyone needs

96
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,201
to get the hell out
once in a while!

97
00:03:30,165 --> 00:03:31,906
[All gasp]

98
00:03:31,906 --> 00:03:33,691
Don't move,
you Capitalist Pigs!

99
00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:35,388
I'm taking this plane to Cuba!

100
00:03:35,388 --> 00:03:36,998
[All gasp]

101
00:03:36,998 --> 00:03:38,696
Just kidding!

102
00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:40,088
Welcome to Cuban Airlines.

103
00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:41,873
I'm your pilot, Brad.

104
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:43,266
That's just a little
thing we do to lighten

105
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,528
the mood around here.

106
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:45,877
Enjoy the flight!

107
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,053
McCool, ya said vacation,

108
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,969
not bein' babysat by a Fed
in a Communist hell-hole.

109
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:53,058
But Cuba's perfect!

110
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:56,322
There's literally no chance
you'll be spotted by the mob.

111
00:03:56,322 --> 00:03:58,019
Then why you
comin' with us?

112
00:03:58,019 --> 00:04:00,326
I need a vacation
from all things Canuck

113
00:04:00,326 --> 00:04:02,502
or I'm gonna lose
my freakin' mind!

114
00:04:02,502 --> 00:04:04,852
Oh... Of course.

115
00:04:04,852 --> 00:04:08,247
I just thought we could,
you know... "hang".

116
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:10,945
The whole point of this was
to stop me from hangin'...

117
00:04:10,945 --> 00:04:12,207
myself.

118
00:04:12,207 --> 00:04:14,427
No problem, Jimmy.

119
00:04:14,427 --> 00:04:16,864
I won't get in your hair.

120
00:04:16,864 --> 00:04:18,910
For the next week, ol'
Strait McCool's

121
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:22,435
gonna be all about rest,
rejuvenation, and relaxation.

122
00:04:22,435 --> 00:04:25,482
How can you relax in a country
that treats people so bad?

123
00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:28,093
Every country has its share
of human rights violations...

124
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,443
Except Canada,
of course.

125
00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:32,663
Yeah, no, you
guys are awesome.

126
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:34,447
I ain't seen a Cuban
since that thing

127
00:04:34,447 --> 00:04:36,667
we did not do
in Dallas.

128
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,321
Now 'scuse me,
I gotta go kill Kennedy -

129
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,714
I mean take a leak!

130
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:43,021
I can't wait to take
in the music, culture,

131
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,240
and revolutionary
atmosphere of Cuba.

132
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,721
The people's paradise.

133
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,201
Shut up Trotsky.

134
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,768
[Knocking on glass]

135
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:53,988
Kid, get the waitress
to open the door!

136
00:04:58,645 --> 00:05:00,691
"Bienvenido a Cuba!

137
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,736
Liberated from American
business interests

138
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:06,044
and Mafia-controlled
casinos since 1959."

139
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:08,089
Commie Sonsabitches.

140
00:05:08,089 --> 00:05:09,874
Y'know, I ran one
of them casinos down here

141
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,354
back in the day.

142
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,399
I banged so many
Cuban broads

143
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,314
they gimme a nickname:

144
00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:17,751
"Don Juan
de Gonorrhea".

145
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,274
How old were you?

146
00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:21,712
I dunno, twenty?
No, ten!

147
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:25,193
Look around Jimmy,
Cuba's a paradise!

148
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,763
[Giggles]

149
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,069
That's enough!

150
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,506
You're not leavin' my
side for the next week.

151
00:05:33,506 --> 00:05:36,291
Ma, he's a nice
Canadian boy.

152
00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:38,511
He's French-Canadian.

153
00:05:38,511 --> 00:05:40,992
He'll have your panties off
faster than you can say--

154
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,908
--I tink de word you're
looking for is "wow".

155
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,346
Gimme those back.

156
00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:50,088
I should mention,
and I know this from experience,

157
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:52,482
do not drink
the tap water here

158
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,875
lest you get
a porcelain-shattering case

159
00:05:54,875 --> 00:05:56,834
of "Batista's Revenge".

160
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:57,965
Huh?

161
00:05:57,965 --> 00:05:59,445
[Stomach gurgles]

162
00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:00,490
Oh!

163
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,100
[Farts]

164
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,493
[Groans]

165
00:06:04,885 --> 00:06:07,018
Wanna go for
a dip in the pool?

166
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,933
Nah, too many
German tourists.

167
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:11,370
Hoh! It's the Bay of Pigs!

168
00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:16,027
Jimmy, lighten up.
Cuba ain't so bad.

169
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,724
It ain't so good either.

170
00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:19,247
Where's Gina?

171
00:06:19,247 --> 00:06:20,814
I'm supposed to watch
her in case she drowns...

172
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,250
somebody.

173
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,904
She's probably over
at the kids club.

174
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,168
[All scream]

175
00:06:27,168 --> 00:06:29,301
Ah, to be a child again.

176
00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:34,915
That no-good quack
won't even look at Petey

177
00:06:34,915 --> 00:06:36,656
unless I buy a timeshare!

178
00:06:36,656 --> 00:06:38,484
Petey's going to
have to ride it out.

179
00:06:38,484 --> 00:06:39,746
[Farts]

180
00:06:39,746 --> 00:06:42,314
Escorpión azul...

181
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:44,359
Escorpión azul.

182
00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:45,665
[Farting]

183
00:06:45,665 --> 00:06:48,363
Ma, I think he's tryin'
to tell us somethin'...

184
00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,104
Cuba is home

185
00:06:50,104 --> 00:06:52,280
to the legendary
Blue Scorpion.

186
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,761
Reputed to cure
everything,

187
00:06:54,761 --> 00:06:56,850
from cancer
to diarrhea.

188
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,722
[Farts]

189
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:01,551
But Petey, we can't go
into a dangerous jungle

190
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,117
just 'coz ya got
fizzy gravy.

191
00:07:03,117 --> 00:07:05,206
Mom's right.
I'll be at the pool.

192
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,950
How does he do that?

193
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:11,735
On second thought,
we're goin'!

194
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,258
Why should Petey suffer?

195
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:15,521
This vacation sucks.

196
00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:17,480
So long as you don't!

197
00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:23,877
Gina, what are
ya doin' in here?

198
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,445
I thought you'd be out
sellin' black market bibles.

199
00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:28,273
Y'know there's a swim-up bar.

200
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:30,754
Ya don't even gotta
get up to go to the john.

201
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,799
What's this?It's nothin'.

202
00:07:32,799 --> 00:07:35,323
It's a porno machine Jimmy.
Don't ya know anything?

203
00:07:35,323 --> 00:07:37,804
Gimme That!
Mind ya business.

204
00:07:44,811 --> 00:07:46,552
Greetings fellow Americans.

205
00:07:46,552 --> 00:07:49,294
I represent the five
families of organized crime.

206
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,252
Who do not exist.

207
00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:53,777
We've joined forces
with our government

208
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:57,432
to encourage patriotic
sociopaths, like you,

209
00:07:57,432 --> 00:07:59,957
to eliminate the Communist
leader of Cuba.

210
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,524
If successful,

211
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:04,004
you'll be granted
super-Made status

212
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:06,137
and be untouchable
by the mob.

213
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,834
You'll also get

214
00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:10,184
a lifetime Presidential
pardon from the Feds.

215
00:08:10,184 --> 00:08:11,359
Ain't that right, Jack?

216
00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:15,625
Act fast and we'll
throw in a free lobotomy

217
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,235
for your yappy Missus.

218
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,802
[Moans]

219
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:21,805
How did you
know about this?

220
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,546
How did you not?

221
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,548
It's been around
since the sixties.

222
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:27,811
So you're gonna kill Castro?

223
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,682
Look who just clued in!

224
00:08:31,379 --> 00:08:32,816
Are these guys gonna
[BLEEP] or what?

225
00:08:36,689 --> 00:08:38,778
So once we take out
El Presidente

226
00:08:38,778 --> 00:08:39,866
we can go back
to New York!

227
00:08:39,866 --> 00:08:42,260
No way.
I'm doin' this alone.

228
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,914
When you and Cheech
get involved,

229
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:46,177
things always go straight
into the crapper.

230
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,395
She's got a point, Jimmy.

231
00:08:47,395 --> 00:08:49,223
Sometimes you're
a real screw-up.

232
00:08:50,485 --> 00:08:52,400
Ya can't do this alone!

233
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,098
You'll wind up
in Cuban jail

234
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,926
with all the poets
and playwrights.

235
00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:57,971
It'll be so boring.

236
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,017
Cut the act, Pop.

237
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,106
If we're gonna get our old
life back by killing a guy,

238
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,151
let's do it together
like a family!

239
00:09:04,151 --> 00:09:05,762
Fine!

240
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:08,112
But I'm not takin' a backseat
on my own caper, kapeesh?

241
00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:12,333
[Grunting effort]

242
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:13,857
You were sayin'?

243
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,467
One day I'll
be taller,

244
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,643
but you'll always
be a fatass!

245
00:09:17,643 --> 00:09:18,905
Let's go.

246
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,605
[Screams]

247
00:09:26,173 --> 00:09:27,784
What am I doin' here?

248
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,699
We're supposed to
be on vacation,

249
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,875
not out in the sticks
huntin' down an insect!

250
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,398
Keep lookin'!

251
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:36,183
Extremely rare Blue scorpions
can't be that hard to find.

252
00:09:36,183 --> 00:09:37,576
I see one!Where?

253
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:38,795
On your arm!

254
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:39,970
[Screams]

255
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,362
Get it off, get it off!

256
00:09:41,362 --> 00:09:42,537
[Screams]

257
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:46,498
[Panting]

258
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,195
Are you kiddin' me?

259
00:09:48,195 --> 00:09:50,633
We had one and you
went and killed it?

260
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,330
[Sighs]

261
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,332
Petey, we're not
campin' here!

262
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:55,986
Get outta
the sleepin' bag!

263
00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:05,473
Alright, we only get
one shot at this.

264
00:10:05,473 --> 00:10:06,779
How do ya know
he's in there?

265
00:10:06,779 --> 00:10:09,652
'Coz while you girls
were packin' your bikinis,

266
00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,741
I was plannin' this
caper to the letter.

267
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,265
Every day after brunch,

268
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,049
he comes to that window
to feed his pigeon,

269
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,748
Lee Harvey Birdswald.

270
00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:21,054
And when he does--

271
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,709
--I'm gonna turn his
head into a mist.

272
00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,668
Jimmy, that's beautiful.

273
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,452
I thought it up
on the ride over.

274
00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:28,932
Wasn't sure
if I'd use it.

275
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,369
I for one am glad you did.

276
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:34,241
Gimme that!
Offin' Castro was my idea!

277
00:10:34,241 --> 00:10:35,590
I'm doin' the honors.

278
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:36,983
Why wait?

279
00:10:36,983 --> 00:10:38,376
I'll go in there right
now and blow his head off.

280
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,291
I'm the boss.
I'll do it.

281
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,597
But I'm the boss' uncle!

282
00:10:42,597 --> 00:10:44,338
Shut up, ya mooks.

283
00:10:44,338 --> 00:10:46,471
Ya want the whole country
to know what we're doin'?

284
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,125
She's right.
Keep it down!

285
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,213
Hey look, it's McCool!

286
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,390
Yo, McCool!

287
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,479
Cheech! What are ya doin'?
Hide the gun.

288
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,829
See what I mean?
Right into the crapper!

289
00:10:56,829 --> 00:10:59,571
Fancy seeing
you three!

290
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:01,225
Come to take in
the sights,

291
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:03,488
sounds, and smells
of Old Havana?

292
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,229
Yeah yeah, sights and smells.

293
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,187
We're doin' sounds tomorrow.

294
00:11:07,187 --> 00:11:08,536
Why are ya walkin'
around all alone?

295
00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:09,799
[Gasps]

296
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,104
Not now Cheech.

297
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,497
What?

298
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,151
I'm just sayin' he looks
all lonely and pathetic.

299
00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:15,500
Like a loser.

300
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,502
I'm not lonely!

301
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:20,157
Matter of fact, I'm going
to visit my Cuban friend,

302
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:23,203
Reynaldo...
Garcia.

303
00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:25,075
Well then ya
better get goin'--

304
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:28,252
Hey I knew a Garcia once!
Drove an ice cream truck.

305
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:29,470
Here in Havana?

306
00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:30,994
No, New York.

307
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:32,299
Think they're related?

308
00:11:32,299 --> 00:11:34,780
Oh my God, Cheech!

309
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,086
[Grunting effort]

310
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,696
I doubt it.

311
00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:40,133
Reynaldo is an... orphan.

312
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,701
Well he's probably
dyin' to see ya then.

313
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:46,487
Hang on,
it wasn't Garcia.

314
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:48,489
It was Gonzales!

315
00:11:48,489 --> 00:11:49,795
For the Love of...

316
00:11:49,795 --> 00:11:51,666
[Annoyed grunts]

317
00:11:51,666 --> 00:11:53,233
So, probably not related.

318
00:11:54,887 --> 00:11:57,672
Okay, well, off to
the um... orphanage.

319
00:11:57,672 --> 00:11:59,196
Cheerio.

320
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:04,723
Dammit!

321
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,770
Put this
in your mouth.

322
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,510
What? What did I do?

323
00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:16,517
[Moans]

324
00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:18,215
Ohhh, Esmerelda.

325
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,130
Your hands are so soft...

326
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,914
[Moans]

327
00:12:21,914 --> 00:12:24,743
[Groaning]

328
00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:26,484
He's trippin'
balls, Ma.

329
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,442
When are you gonna give up?
When he's dead?

330
00:12:28,442 --> 00:12:30,531
You wish!
Keep lookin'.

331
00:12:30,531 --> 00:12:32,620
C'mon Petey, let's go
back to the resort.

332
00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:35,667
[Groaning]

333
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,756
Fine. Take your
chances with Ma.

334
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:40,150
Theresa, ya can't
leave me here.

335
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,716
Why? 'Coz you're scared

336
00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:44,154
I might actually
have fun on this vacation?

337
00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:46,243
No!

338
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,201
Because I'm lost!

339
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,334
[Monkey chatters]

340
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:52,031
Get outta here!

341
00:12:52,031 --> 00:12:55,252
That is not how my son
is losin' his virginity!

342
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:58,864
[Monkey slowly chatters]

343
00:12:58,864 --> 00:13:00,474
[Chattering intensifies]

344
00:13:00,474 --> 00:13:02,085
[Laughs]

345
00:13:05,305 --> 00:13:07,699
Our one chance,
and you blew it!

346
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,527
It's McCool's fault!

347
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,485
Guy wouldn't shut up
about his stupid friend!

348
00:13:11,485 --> 00:13:13,400
Ya did it
to me again.

349
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,967
Without you dopes,

350
00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:16,403
I'd be toastin' Castro's
headless cadaver

351
00:13:16,403 --> 00:13:17,796
with a Cuba Libre.

352
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,059
Y'know that's
just rum and coke.

353
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:24,759
Presidential palace,
por favor.

354
00:13:35,422 --> 00:13:38,512
And that, mi amigos,
is how the Cuba Libre

355
00:13:38,512 --> 00:13:40,471
differs from
a mere rum and coke!

356
00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:43,126
Ahh.

357
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,086
I see what
you're doing here.

358
00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:49,045
Ya do?

359
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,177
Don't think
I didn't notice...

360
00:13:51,177 --> 00:13:53,223
You drove around
a little bit.

361
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,790
I-- uh-

362
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,967
[Laughs]
It's okay comrade!

363
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,621
But you do that with
the tourists, yes?

364
00:14:00,621 --> 00:14:02,232
Not with El Jefe.

365
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:03,886
Okay? Okay.

366
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:05,800
Hasta luego!

367
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,631
That is one charming
mother [BLEEP].

368
00:14:10,631 --> 00:14:12,198
What a presence, this guy.

369
00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:13,721
I got goosebumps.

370
00:14:13,721 --> 00:14:16,289
No wonder he's
so hard to kill.

371
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,596
Ah goddammit.

372
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:21,381
It's like, I just
wanted him to like me.

373
00:14:21,381 --> 00:14:24,036
I know!
I couldn't make a move.

374
00:14:24,036 --> 00:14:26,560
Ya almost forget the man's
a bloodthirsty dictator.

375
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,171
Ya think he liked me?

376
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:31,435
Punch it!

377
00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:38,007
[♪♪♪]

378
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,965
[Woman screams]

379
00:14:39,965 --> 00:14:41,314
Oh!

380
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:44,100
[♪♪♪]

381
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,188
[Gasps]

382
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:50,671
[Laughs]

383
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:00,420
Why the hell
are we back here?

384
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:02,335
It's the only road
I recognized!

385
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:04,859
Did ya have to
stop for a fare?

386
00:15:04,859 --> 00:15:06,426
Gina this resort
ain't cheap.

387
00:15:07,514 --> 00:15:09,603
Jimmy!

388
00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:10,909
McCool, you been drinkin'?

389
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:13,564
Oh yeah, me
and Reynaldo Garcia,

390
00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:14,826
when we get together...

391
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:17,698
Ay-chi-wa-wa!

392
00:15:17,698 --> 00:15:19,352
I miss Horse...

393
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,050
[Rattles]

394
00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,529
CASTRO:
I'm in here!

395
00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:23,791
Horse?

396
00:15:23,791 --> 00:15:25,924
CASTRO:
No! It's El Jefe!

397
00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,273
I'm in the trunk!

398
00:15:27,273 --> 00:15:29,319
Oh God, Jimmy, you didn't!

399
00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:30,798
Technically
it was Gina.

400
00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:33,062
And the rat comes out.

401
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,977
Drumheller's dinosaurs!

402
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,848
What have you done?

403
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,502
Okay. This is fixable.

404
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:40,025
We'll drop him back
at the palace and--

405
00:15:40,025 --> 00:15:41,331
Hey, the cab!

406
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,511
[Several loud thuds]

407
00:15:47,511 --> 00:15:50,340
[Sustained horn honk]

408
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,690
[Explosion]

409
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:54,518
Congratulations Jimmy,

410
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:57,912
you've liberated Cuba
and ruined my life!

411
00:15:57,912 --> 00:15:59,479
I trusted you!

412
00:15:59,479 --> 00:16:01,873
See, that was
your first mistake...

413
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,744
[Sirens]

414
00:16:03,744 --> 00:16:04,876
[Gasps]

415
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,660
We can still get through this!

416
00:16:06,660 --> 00:16:08,010
Let me do the talking.

417
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,187
Oh, thanks a lot guys!

418
00:16:12,579 --> 00:16:13,841
JIMMY:
Come on!

419
00:16:14,929 --> 00:16:16,627
Move it!

420
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,063
Keep going, keep going!

421
00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:20,022
CUBAN:
Damn, they took El Jefe!

422
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,371
JIMMY:
Just keep going, keep going!

423
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:23,503
Keep going.

424
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,072
[Grunting effort]

425
00:16:31,076 --> 00:16:32,512
MAN:
Halt!

426
00:16:32,512 --> 00:16:34,427
You are trespassing
on American soil!

427
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,255
Do not move or we shoot!

428
00:16:36,255 --> 00:16:38,997
American soil? Yeah!

429
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,781
[Machine gun fire]

430
00:16:40,781 --> 00:16:43,784
[Kissing sounds]

431
00:16:43,784 --> 00:16:45,264
[Spitting]

432
00:16:45,264 --> 00:16:47,527
Ugh. American soil.

433
00:16:49,703 --> 00:16:51,444
[Mouth full]
Oh, that's better.

434
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:57,102
I cannot believe you
assassinated a president

435
00:16:57,102 --> 00:16:58,712
to get away from Canada.

436
00:16:58,712 --> 00:17:00,192
I thought we were friends.

437
00:17:00,192 --> 00:17:01,672
What's friendship
got to do with it?

438
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:03,195
Apparently nothing!

439
00:17:03,195 --> 00:17:05,110
Alright, let's get
one thing straight!

440
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,460
I'm not offering you
weirdos asylum, got it?

441
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,810
But we killed Castro!

442
00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,508
We killed Castro, too!

443
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:12,944
Killed him good!

444
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,380
Shut up!

445
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:16,469
If I had a dime
for every nutjob

446
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,167
who hopped that fence claiming
to have killed Castro,

447
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,690
I'd have a mountain of dimes

448
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,213
and I'd sit on that mountain

449
00:17:21,213 --> 00:17:23,476
and declare myself
the King of Dimes.

450
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,825
That sounds amazing.

451
00:17:24,825 --> 00:17:26,566
My point is, we're
handing you right back

452
00:17:26,566 --> 00:17:28,220
to the Cuban authorities.

453
00:17:28,220 --> 00:17:30,962
Excuse me, Colonel Korn,
I think you'd better see this.

454
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:35,227
Multiple sources confirm,
Castro has been kidnapped

455
00:17:35,227 --> 00:17:38,143
by a red-headed midget
posing as a little girl.

456
00:17:38,143 --> 00:17:39,101
Yeah!

457
00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:42,539
[Neighs]

458
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:45,063
Yes Mr. President,
it's confirmed.

459
00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:48,545
Yes sir, I'll do that.

460
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:52,114
♪ [Military snare drum]

461
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:55,334
Oh, I am so [BLEEP] fired.

462
00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:56,422
[Gasps]

463
00:17:56,422 --> 00:17:59,033
What?
I can swear.

464
00:17:59,033 --> 00:18:03,603
[♪♪♪]

465
00:18:13,265 --> 00:18:16,964
Aw Petey,
I'm a terrible mother.

466
00:18:16,964 --> 00:18:19,793
I couldn't find
one stinkin' bug...

467
00:18:19,793 --> 00:18:21,186
[Farts]

468
00:18:21,186 --> 00:18:23,145
It's an arachnid.

469
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:25,016
And you're a great mother.

470
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,192
A great mother
wouldn't let this happen.

471
00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:30,239
But you can't watch your
kid's every move, right?

472
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:33,242
Well, I should have thought
before I drank from that--

473
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,244
--I just want to keep
Theresa from makin'

474
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,897
the same mistakes I did.

475
00:18:36,897 --> 00:18:39,161
Oh we're on Theresa now?

476
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:40,988
You don't gotta
worry about me, Ma.

477
00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:42,642
How did you find us?

478
00:18:42,642 --> 00:18:44,818
And what's he doin' here?

479
00:18:44,818 --> 00:18:46,342
You won't
believe this.

480
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,474
Jean Phillipe here
likes to catch these

481
00:18:48,474 --> 00:18:50,302
and stick 'em up his ass.

482
00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:52,304
Keeps down
da 'emmeroids!

483
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:54,480
[Screams]

484
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:55,873
Get it off, get it off!

485
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:57,744
[Screams]

486
00:18:57,744 --> 00:18:59,355
[Grunting effort]

487
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:00,704
[Panting]

488
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,445
Ma! What the hell!

489
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:05,665
Sorry, those things creep
the [BLEEP] outta me!

490
00:19:05,665 --> 00:19:07,798
Ya got another
one up there, JP?

491
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:11,584
[Squishing]

492
00:19:14,935 --> 00:19:16,154
Oh!

493
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:17,938
[Grunting]

494
00:19:17,938 --> 00:19:19,331
[Farts]

495
00:19:19,331 --> 00:19:21,115
I'm cured!

496
00:19:21,115 --> 00:19:22,987
If you woulda trusted me,

497
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:25,381
we coulda had fun instead
of runnin' around the jungle

498
00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:27,948
like Boob Raider.It's Tomb Raider!

499
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:29,123
Shut up, Petey.

500
00:19:29,123 --> 00:19:30,560
[Sighs]

501
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,692
Theresa you're right.

502
00:19:32,692 --> 00:19:35,042
Um... ya didn't
do anything

503
00:19:35,042 --> 00:19:36,740
with Jan Phillip
here, did ya?

504
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,132
Not at all.

505
00:19:38,132 --> 00:19:40,222
I'm not the one he likes.

506
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,660
Anybody else feel a breeze or-

507
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,227
holy crap you are good!

508
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:52,886
[Sobs]

509
00:19:52,886 --> 00:19:54,279
Ah, Jesus.

510
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,369
What, no goodbye?

511
00:19:57,369 --> 00:19:59,980
All this time I've gone
above and beyond to protect you,

512
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:01,547
and now you lie to me

513
00:20:01,547 --> 00:20:03,419
and walk away
like it was nothing?

514
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:06,073
What are we, married?
You lied to me, too.

515
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:08,075
I did no such thing!

516
00:20:08,075 --> 00:20:11,427
Really?
What about "Reynaldo Garcia"?

517
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,167
You saw through that?

518
00:20:13,167 --> 00:20:15,213
I made him up.

519
00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:17,215
I felt silly being
out all alone

520
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:19,173
while you three were having
fun committing a murder.

521
00:20:19,173 --> 00:20:21,219
Don't take it
so hard, McCool.

522
00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:22,786
Of all the cops
I've ever known,

523
00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,353
you're my favorite.

524
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:26,093
That's not saying much.

525
00:20:26,093 --> 00:20:27,878
Comin' from me,
that's sayin' a lot.

526
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:29,314
Put 'er there, pal.

527
00:20:29,314 --> 00:20:31,229
[Plane taking off]

528
00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:33,013
Hey, where's
Air Force One going?

529
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:38,932
ARMY COLONEL:
Well, Castro was found

530
00:20:38,932 --> 00:20:40,586
with third degree burns

531
00:20:40,586 --> 00:20:42,936
by three Canadian
tourists who revived him

532
00:20:42,936 --> 00:20:44,764
with the venom
of a blue scorpion.

533
00:20:44,764 --> 00:20:46,418
Can you believe that [BLEEP]?

534
00:20:46,418 --> 00:20:48,551
This family is
a freakin' curse!

535
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:50,727
So... No medals?

536
00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:51,902
No gettin' super-Made?

537
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,120
No.

538
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,600
What about
the free lobotomy?

539
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,602
I'll give you a lobotomy!
C'mere.

540
00:20:56,602 --> 00:20:58,822
Yo Colonel,
seein' as we pretty close

541
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:00,476
to offin' El Commie-dante,

542
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:02,739
ya think we could get a chopper
ride back to our resort?

543
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:05,089
Get the hell off my base.

544
00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:09,528
[Foghorn]

545
00:21:13,227 --> 00:21:15,534
OBAMA:
Gorgeous weather in Cuba, huh?

546
00:21:15,534 --> 00:21:17,580
Damn shame the American
people can't go there.

547
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,103
Maybe I ought to do
something about that?

548
00:21:21,888 --> 00:21:23,368
Can you believe this?

549
00:21:23,368 --> 00:21:25,849
Ma and them
flew home first class

550
00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:27,720
courtesy of
El Presidente.

551
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,766
And we're rowing
a [BLEEP] truck!

552
00:21:29,766 --> 00:21:32,116
I stand by my choice
to sell our passports

553
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:34,161
to those A-rabs in Gitmo.

554
00:21:34,161 --> 00:21:36,425
I don't even know why we
bothered with a vacation.

555
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:39,036
I'm just as depressed
as I was before.

556
00:21:39,036 --> 00:21:40,864
But Jimmy,
you lied to a policeman,

557
00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:42,474
stole a taxicab,

558
00:21:42,474 --> 00:21:44,955
and almost
'whacked' someone.

559
00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:46,435
What more could you want?

560
00:21:46,435 --> 00:21:48,393
Ya know, you're right!

561
00:21:48,393 --> 00:21:50,874
And I made twenty-eight
bucks drivin' that cab.

562
00:21:50,874 --> 00:21:53,485
Which you'll have to
declare at customs.

563
00:21:53,485 --> 00:21:56,532
And you wonder why we didn't
wanna hang out with ya.

564
00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:58,925
Keep rowing, Jimmy.
Keep rowing.

565
00:22:00,405 --> 00:22:22,035
♪ [singing La-la]

566
00:22:22,035 --> 00:22:24,516
♪ La-la-la
Saskatchewan ♪

567
00:22:24,516 --> 00:22:26,518
♪ La-la la la-la