1 00:00:01,609 --> 00:00:03,568 How ya doin'? 2 00:00:03,568 --> 00:00:04,656 You know me as a card carryin' ex-capo 3 00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:06,788 from the New York mob. 4 00:00:06,788 --> 00:00:09,661 Let the record show I'm also a hopeless romantic. 5 00:00:09,661 --> 00:00:11,271 I met my wife the same way as a lotta people... 6 00:00:11,271 --> 00:00:12,794 at work. 7 00:00:12,794 --> 00:00:17,321 [♪♪♪] 8 00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:19,845 See, Bobby Pelts was behind on his protection money 9 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:22,413 so we went over there to discuss "payment options". 10 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,589 [Screams] 11 00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:30,116 I never let emotions get in the way of my job... 12 00:00:30,116 --> 00:00:32,336 Until that night... 13 00:00:34,207 --> 00:00:36,470 She was the classiest broad 14 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,906 I ever laid eyes on. 15 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,693 The face of an angel and a killer body... 16 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:43,782 I mean that 'figuraly' 17 00:00:43,782 --> 00:00:45,262 and literally. 18 00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,745 From that moment, I was head over heels -- 19 00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:55,010 I courted her through the arraignment, 20 00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,882 trial, and sentencing. 21 00:00:56,882 --> 00:00:59,232 And on visiting day, 22 00:00:59,232 --> 00:01:01,278 she agreed to be my wife. 23 00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,584 Yes, yes! 24 00:01:03,584 --> 00:01:05,760 Now that we're in chilly Vagina, 25 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,458 we still know how to keep it hot. 26 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,155 Wait a sec. 27 00:01:09,155 --> 00:01:11,288 How'd you sneak the engagement ring into prison? 28 00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,811 He stuck it up his wazoo. 29 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,247 [All groan] 30 00:01:14,247 --> 00:01:16,989 What? It was romantic. And kinda hot. 31 00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,730 The ring, I mean. 32 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:19,861 On account of it havin' been crammed so far up his-- 33 00:01:19,861 --> 00:01:21,385 [All grunt] 34 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,387 Ah, Cook, fugget about it. 35 00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:24,997 ♪ Lemme tell you somethin' 36 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,694 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 37 00:01:26,694 --> 00:01:29,262 ♪ A "made" wise guy and a capo with Gambini ♪ 38 00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:32,831 ♪ But when he found out they'd be whackin' Uncle Cheech ♪ 39 00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:34,049 ♪ He take the boss he threw him ♪ 40 00:01:34,049 --> 00:01:35,616 ♪ From the nineteenth floor suite ♪ 41 00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:38,663 ♪ Wasn't much long till the mob all wants him dead ♪ 42 00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:42,536 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds ♪ 43 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,017 ♪ The feds said they'd help if they can use him as a pawn ♪ 44 00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:47,454 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved t'Saskatchewan ♪ 45 00:01:47,454 --> 00:01:49,021 ♪ Fugget about it! 46 00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,588 ♪ Fugget about it! 47 00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:51,893 ♪ Fugget about it! 48 00:01:51,893 --> 00:01:53,243 Oh! Fugget about it! 49 00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:58,509 Aw, remember our weddin' day? 50 00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:01,599 You looked so handsome stranglin' the DJ. 51 00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:03,340 Happiest day of my life. 52 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,168 What about when we had the kids? 53 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,257 That's the day happiness died. 54 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:09,215 Thank God we sent 'em to... 55 00:02:09,215 --> 00:02:10,608 Where'd we send 'em? 56 00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:12,131 Summer camp. 57 00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:13,915 Ya know, to get in touch with nature and crap. 58 00:02:13,915 --> 00:02:15,700 I'd like to get in touch with your nature 59 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,745 if you know what I mean. 60 00:02:17,745 --> 00:02:20,270 What the hell is this? 61 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,794 Ya keep an album of your stinkin' gumars 62 00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,622 with our family photos?! 63 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,798 Cookie, I can explain! 64 00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,539 Actually, I got no idea how this got here. 65 00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,671 Hoh, you guys found my memory journal! 66 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:34,284 Those were the days, huh Jimmy? 67 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:35,850 Remember these two broads? 68 00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:38,679 Twins, Jimmy. Double your fun! 69 00:02:38,679 --> 00:02:40,812 And there's Sukie Blowsgood! 70 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,553 I still don't think that was her real name. 71 00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,859 Jimmy, I know floozies on the side 72 00:02:44,859 --> 00:02:46,339 were part of the old life, 73 00:02:46,339 --> 00:02:49,168 but I don't need 'em shoved in my face! 74 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,388 And here's Patty Pontoons. 75 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,781 Boy did she ever have big-- 76 00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:55,348 --feet. 77 00:02:55,348 --> 00:02:56,958 G'night Jimmy. 78 00:02:56,958 --> 00:02:59,700 Uh oh. You made her quiet angry. 79 00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,789 The kind where ya think she forgot 80 00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:03,835 and them, bam! Your nuts are in a vice. 81 00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,271 Baby, wait. 82 00:03:05,271 --> 00:03:07,404 These memories ain't even mine. 83 00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:08,883 I dunno what you did, Jimmy, 84 00:03:08,883 --> 00:03:11,234 but think next time, okay? 85 00:03:15,281 --> 00:03:16,935 I'm confused. 86 00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:20,199 Where's the spa at this crummy freakin' resort? 87 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:22,636 There is no spa at summer camp, counsellor McDougal. 88 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,029 Counselor? 89 00:03:24,029 --> 00:03:25,465 But I've never even been to law school. 90 00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:27,467 I object. 91 00:03:27,467 --> 00:03:29,687 Okay, to review our whistle signals. 92 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,036 [Whistles twice] 93 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,820 Means rabid cougar. 94 00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:34,648 [Long whistle] 95 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,172 Means escaped manic with a chainsaw. 96 00:03:37,172 --> 00:03:39,827 Now, who's ready for a hike through Cougar Canyon 97 00:03:39,827 --> 00:03:43,222 to the abandoned mental hospital? 98 00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,963 We're all gonna die. 99 00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,834 Can you kids take of your boots 100 00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:48,096 so my ride's not so bumpy? 101 00:03:50,098 --> 00:03:52,753 Alright, time for some real fun. 102 00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:57,323 Ya hungry? How about a shishkebab? 103 00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:05,940 Ya missed! 104 00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:07,594 No I didn't! 105 00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:08,900 The raccoon's kids were in there. 106 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,862 Nice shot. Name's Carmine. 107 00:04:14,862 --> 00:04:16,473 Gina. 108 00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,823 What's a wiseguy like you doin' out here in the weeds? 109 00:04:18,823 --> 00:04:21,913 Two months for pissin' off a juvie judge back home. 110 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:24,307 I guess you can't escape from the wilderness. 111 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,570 You're tellin' me. This place blows. 112 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:30,051 So let's mug someone. 113 00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:31,966 Screw that. Let's mug everyone! 114 00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:37,232 [Grunting effort] 115 00:04:37,232 --> 00:04:40,540 Good! After screwin' up my weekend ya should move out. 116 00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:42,716 No, I booked you and Cookie a romantic getaway. 117 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,892 Spared no expense... 118 00:04:44,892 --> 00:04:46,807 got ya lotsa points on your credit card 119 00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:48,418 for which you are welcome. 120 00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:50,158 That's not gonna work. 121 00:04:50,158 --> 00:04:52,857 She's so mad she's sellin' her weddin' dress on Ebay. 122 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,424 Look, I been married six times. 123 00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:55,990 I know women. 124 00:04:55,990 --> 00:04:57,949 Take her to this place in the country. 125 00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,646 Make her feel special. 126 00:04:59,646 --> 00:05:00,995 She'll melt like butter... 127 00:05:00,995 --> 00:05:02,475 [Chuckles] 128 00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:04,564 Hey, remember Butter Peccaro? 129 00:05:04,564 --> 00:05:06,914 Nothing melted in her mouth, huh? 130 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:10,265 Cook, I'm sorry. 131 00:05:10,265 --> 00:05:12,224 Lemme make it right and take ya away for the weekend. 132 00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:14,835 Why don't ya take one of your bimbos? 133 00:05:14,835 --> 00:05:17,838 Maybe Butter Pecarro's available? 134 00:05:17,838 --> 00:05:20,667 Oh, Butter was always available. 135 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:22,539 Jimmy knows what I'm talkin' about! 136 00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,454 [Chuckles] 137 00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:25,846 Ah, shut up, Cheech. 138 00:05:29,502 --> 00:05:32,592 ♪ [Car radio] 139 00:05:32,592 --> 00:05:34,289 Look, I just -- 140 00:05:34,289 --> 00:05:37,684 ♪ [Radio gets louder] 141 00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,255 I don't know how you idiots forgot that-- 142 00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:44,735 [Three whistles] 143 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,737 [Squawks like a bird] 144 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,609 --means hornet's nest surrounded by poison ivy. 145 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,135 I said, it's a loonie for number one 146 00:05:54,135 --> 00:05:55,963 and a deuce for a deuce. 147 00:05:55,963 --> 00:05:57,443 Or five bucks for both! 148 00:05:57,443 --> 00:05:59,619 Yo' Carmine, gimme a sec 149 00:05:59,619 --> 00:06:01,273 I gotta go make fun of my brother. 150 00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:02,753 Hmm... 151 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,276 [Laughs] 152 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:05,625 Only you could come to summer camp 153 00:06:05,625 --> 00:06:07,105 and catch the leprosy. 154 00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:09,020 Gina, what's that boy's name? 155 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,282 What are you, a cop? 156 00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:11,805 It's Carmine. 157 00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:16,244 I think that's Carmine Gambini. 158 00:06:16,244 --> 00:06:18,595 As in his father was Don Gambini. 159 00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:21,032 As in Dad killed him Gambini 160 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,600 and that's why we're in witness protection Gambini! 161 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,037 You been drinkin' from the rusty fountain? 162 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,255 'Coz that's two bucks. 163 00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:29,083 I'm telling you, that's him! 164 00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:30,389 We were at his Christening! 165 00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:33,131 I Christen thee, Carmine. 166 00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,089 [Glass shatters] 167 00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:37,396 C'mon, just 'coz he's from New York 168 00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,311 and his pop worked in sanitation 169 00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:41,661 and fell from a nineteenth floor window-- 170 00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:44,359 Oh my God how did I not see this? 171 00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:46,187 You have to stay away from him! 172 00:06:46,187 --> 00:06:48,494 What if you let it slip that Pop killed his father? 173 00:06:48,494 --> 00:06:51,236 I don't let things slip. What am I, a Cheech? 174 00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:53,934 You can't go near Carmine! Okay? 175 00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:56,067 Stay away from him, he's trouble! 176 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:59,200 Carmine equals trouble! 177 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,464 Petey, if you're on your period be careful. 178 00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:02,943 There's bears out here. 179 00:07:06,033 --> 00:07:08,732 [♪♪♪] 180 00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:10,821 Dinner at five. 181 00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:12,387 Dress code in effect. 182 00:07:12,387 --> 00:07:14,259 Enjoy your stay. 183 00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:16,479 You hear that? A dress code. 184 00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:18,698 Only the best for my Cookie. 185 00:07:18,698 --> 00:07:21,005 Don't pin your hopes on any "undress" code 186 00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,441 when we get upstairs. 187 00:07:25,531 --> 00:07:27,228 You were informed of the dress code, 188 00:07:27,228 --> 00:07:28,839 were you not, sir? 189 00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,710 Of course I was! What are you, blind? 190 00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:32,364 Ya believe this prick? 191 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,192 I guess he just knows a sleazebag 192 00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:36,542 when he sees one, Jimmy. 193 00:07:36,542 --> 00:07:38,675 Can we stop? 194 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,981 Let's not mess this up by bein' mad about the past. 195 00:07:40,981 --> 00:07:42,635 Let's just enjoy tonight. 196 00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:44,115 Whaddaya say, baby? 197 00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:49,033 [Both gasp] 198 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,256 Oh, you sick motherfu- 199 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,959 I am amazed at the size of your freakin' balls. 200 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:03,221 Thank you. 201 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:05,571 To bring me to a swinger's party. 202 00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:07,704 I had no idea, I swear! 203 00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,183 C'mon, we're gettin' outta here. 204 00:08:09,183 --> 00:08:11,185 Oh no we're not! Ya wanna swing? 205 00:08:11,185 --> 00:08:13,187 You got it! I'm gonna powder my nose. 206 00:08:13,187 --> 00:08:15,320 Try not to get anyone pregnant! 207 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,149 And order me the Tube Steak. 208 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:22,109 [Phone ringing] 209 00:08:22,109 --> 00:08:23,502 Cheech residence. 210 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,330 JIMMY: You humongous idiot. 211 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,288 Hey Jimmy! How'sa weekend? 212 00:08:27,288 --> 00:08:29,160 How the hell did you find this... 213 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,683 pervert parade? 214 00:08:30,683 --> 00:08:32,598 Ad in a magazine, where else? 215 00:08:32,598 --> 00:08:34,295 JIMMY: What'd the ad say? 216 00:08:34,295 --> 00:08:36,733 Uh, "Couples only". Like you two. 217 00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,082 What else? 218 00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,692 "Loving environment". 219 00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:42,521 Again, tailor-made for you crazy kids. 220 00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,784 Okay, did you read the top of the ad? 221 00:08:44,784 --> 00:08:46,003 Uh yeah. 222 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,048 "Mid-summer Bang-a-Palooza". 223 00:08:49,310 --> 00:08:50,703 So, you two all made up? 224 00:08:50,703 --> 00:08:53,140 Hello? 225 00:08:58,058 --> 00:09:01,018 The other counselors are going to feel pretty stupid 226 00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:02,715 at their makeout party 227 00:09:02,715 --> 00:09:05,065 when they realize they forgot dish duty. 228 00:09:05,065 --> 00:09:06,806 [Sighs] 229 00:09:06,806 --> 00:09:08,460 I'm so lonely. 230 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,679 [Door slams] 231 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:10,854 [Gasps] 232 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:15,554 Oh, hey... C-Ca-amper. 233 00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:18,731 I heard ya talkin' about me to Gina. 234 00:09:18,731 --> 00:09:20,298 Oh? 235 00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,474 Wanna hear a joke? Knock, knock. 236 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:24,171 W...who's there? 237 00:09:24,171 --> 00:09:25,999 Orange. 238 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,914 Orange... who? 239 00:09:27,914 --> 00:09:30,656 Orange ya lucky this ain't a bag fulla hammers? 240 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,267 Ow! 241 00:09:33,267 --> 00:09:35,443 I'm sorry! I'm sorry about your dad! 242 00:09:37,184 --> 00:09:39,186 What about my dad? 243 00:09:39,186 --> 00:09:41,624 You know, how my dad killed your dad. 244 00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,408 That's why you're beating me, right? 245 00:09:43,408 --> 00:09:45,236 No, I'm beating you 246 00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:47,804 'coz you told your sister not to hang out with me. 247 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:50,720 So... this isn't about your father? 248 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,635 Well, it is now! 249 00:09:56,377 --> 00:09:58,075 Petey, can you whip up some snacks 250 00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,293 for the makeout party? 251 00:09:59,293 --> 00:10:00,338 [Gasps] 252 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,514 Ew! Is that pee? 253 00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:05,125 Some of it is... 254 00:10:10,217 --> 00:10:11,784 [Clears throat] 255 00:10:11,784 --> 00:10:14,526 Your lack of nudity is making the other patrons... 256 00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:16,484 uncomfortable. 257 00:10:16,484 --> 00:10:18,661 Well we wouldn't want that, would we? 258 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:22,055 I can be just as adventurous 259 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,535 as your little New York skanks. 260 00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,189 I'm goin' to the S&M grotto 261 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:27,104 to spank me an accountant. 262 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,323 That's it! I'm callin' McCool. 263 00:10:31,978 --> 00:10:33,676 Special Agent Strait McCool. 264 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,068 McCool? 265 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,461 [Gasps] 266 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:39,203 Please tell me you're here to watch us. 267 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:42,336 Only if... That's what you're into. 268 00:10:42,336 --> 00:10:44,295 Oh God. Don't come over. 269 00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:46,863 I was nervous my first time here as well. 270 00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:50,170 You can always use the safe word "Kumquat". 271 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:52,433 Last year it was "Harder"... 272 00:10:52,433 --> 00:10:54,087 which we really should have thought through. 273 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,655 Isn't this stuff illegal? 'Coz it oughtta be. 274 00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,048 Not at all! 275 00:10:58,048 --> 00:11:00,528 Swinging is perfectly legal, consensual, 276 00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:02,617 and quite frankly, beautiful. 277 00:11:02,617 --> 00:11:05,011 Beautiful? There's a skid mark on this chair. 278 00:11:05,011 --> 00:11:06,709 Don't panic, Jimmy. 279 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,623 You're free to walk out at any time. 280 00:11:08,623 --> 00:11:10,625 Though I recommend staying 281 00:11:10,625 --> 00:11:13,367 for Randy Mouthfeel, the Erotic Hypnotist! 282 00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:16,719 Oh, the things he makes people do! 283 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:19,939 There's Cookie! 284 00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:21,114 I'll go say hello-- 285 00:11:23,943 --> 00:11:26,772 [♪♪♪] 286 00:11:26,772 --> 00:11:28,513 Lemme get this straight, 287 00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:31,603 you thought takin' me to the Royal Pork Hotel 288 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,300 would make up for that photographic walk 289 00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:34,867 down mammary lane! 290 00:11:34,867 --> 00:11:37,000 There's nothin' to make up for! 291 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,349 That was the old life. 292 00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:41,352 Well, 'the old life' was a two-timin' scumbag. 293 00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,093 Ya know, I never heard ya complain about it 294 00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,921 when you were sittin' pretty in Brooklyn 295 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,706 with a big house, fancy cars, and piles of money! 296 00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,795 How dare you! 297 00:11:49,795 --> 00:11:51,449 [Loud pops] 298 00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:56,367 [Both scream] 299 00:11:57,498 --> 00:12:00,153 [Both panting] 300 00:12:03,504 --> 00:12:05,898 Well lookie here. 301 00:12:05,898 --> 00:12:08,466 You folks done blew yerself a foursome. 302 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,642 There's a lotta that goin' around tonight. 303 00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,122 Hop on in! 304 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:14,167 We'll run ya to the gas station. 305 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,429 So ya can introduce us to cousin Leatherface? 306 00:12:15,429 --> 00:12:16,909 Forget it. 307 00:12:16,909 --> 00:12:18,432 We'll just stroll back to the hotel 308 00:12:18,432 --> 00:12:19,825 for some Kinky Karaoke. 309 00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,093 Heh heh heh. Ow! 310 00:12:27,093 --> 00:12:28,442 Pricked my finger. 311 00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:32,925 You toldhim?! 312 00:12:32,925 --> 00:12:35,885 What is with the men in this family? 313 00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:38,670 You're all a buncha natural-born stool pigeons. 314 00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,237 He beat it out of me! 315 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:43,544 Then he got angry... quiet angry. 316 00:12:43,544 --> 00:12:46,199 The most dangerous angry of all. 317 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,636 Ya think they forgot then BAM! 318 00:12:48,636 --> 00:12:50,508 It's Sonny at the tollbooth. 319 00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:53,380 What's nice weather at a tollbooth got to do with-- 320 00:12:53,380 --> 00:12:55,426 Ya never saw The Godfather, did'ja? 321 00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:56,949 No! 322 00:12:56,949 --> 00:12:58,821 It's one of the many things I'll never get to do 323 00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,735 after Carmine rats us out to the Mob! 324 00:13:00,735 --> 00:13:03,173 I'm too young to die! 325 00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:05,262 I'll never know true love 326 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,307 or learn advanced Klingon! 327 00:13:07,307 --> 00:13:09,092 Y'know there's a connection there. 328 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,876 Leave this to me. 329 00:13:10,876 --> 00:13:12,835 We'll have an ol' fashioned sit-down. 330 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:14,140 Oh thank God. 331 00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,100 That's for squealin'. 332 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,537 And that's for never seein' the Godfather! 333 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:30,417 Hey, this ain't no gas station. 334 00:13:30,417 --> 00:13:31,679 [Farts] 335 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:32,942 Now it is. 336 00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:33,899 [Both laugh] 337 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,384 What the hell's goin' on here? 338 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,865 Well chubby man and red lady, 339 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,519 these here are my brothercousinfathersons. 340 00:13:45,519 --> 00:13:48,435 So it's a "Deliverance" reunion? 341 00:13:48,435 --> 00:13:50,176 Cookie, in these situations, 342 00:13:50,176 --> 00:13:51,656 scatterguns trump wisecracks. 343 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:52,962 Lemme handle this. 344 00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,311 What do ya want? Cash? 345 00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:55,660 Credit cards? 346 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,357 Our skin to make a suit? 347 00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:59,272 We're from a tight-knit community 348 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,232 in the Black Prairies of Northern Saskatchewan. 349 00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:05,931 And y'all got somethin' we need. 350 00:14:05,931 --> 00:14:08,760 You ain't gettin' nothin' from me, Hills Have Eyes! 351 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,805 Yeah you stay away from my wife-- 352 00:14:10,805 --> 00:14:13,330 Oh go bang a whore, I'm still mad at you. 353 00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:15,985 Aw shucks ma'am, I don't know what yer thinkin', 354 00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,074 but we don't want nothin' from you. 355 00:14:19,205 --> 00:14:21,468 We want yer brother. 356 00:14:21,468 --> 00:14:22,905 He's my husband! 357 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:26,386 Well excuse us Missus High Fallutin'. 358 00:14:26,386 --> 00:14:28,214 Lookit me! 359 00:14:28,214 --> 00:14:30,042 My husband ain't my brother. 360 00:14:30,042 --> 00:14:32,392 I ain't got no blood disorder. 361 00:14:32,392 --> 00:14:33,828 My head's a regular shape! 362 00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:35,178 Whoop-de-do! 363 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:36,744 Shut up, will'ya! 364 00:14:36,744 --> 00:14:38,921 Boys, show 'im we mean business. 365 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,141 Ow! 366 00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:45,449 Easy, Mick. Yer too excited. 367 00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:48,626 Well feller, you can either help us out, 368 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:51,368 or you can eat a buckshot salad. 369 00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:52,891 I never thought I'd say these words 370 00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:54,327 to a gang of horny hillbillies, 371 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,981 but please be gentle. 372 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,682 Hang on, hang on! 373 00:15:01,682 --> 00:15:04,642 You idiots drove all the way from the Black Prairies 374 00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:07,123 to get it on with this sack of crap? 375 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:08,385 Hey! 376 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,430 Wut? No ma'am. 377 00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:12,345 Y'see, as of late we noticed 378 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,348 something real wrong with our young 'uns. 379 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,872 We reckon there's been too many cousins 380 00:15:17,872 --> 00:15:20,832 and siblin's and whatnot makin' babies. 381 00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:24,488 Bottom line is, our chitlins ain't right. 382 00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:27,186 [♪♪♪] 383 00:15:27,186 --> 00:15:28,666 Yikes! 384 00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,189 Stands to reason, 385 00:15:30,189 --> 00:15:32,235 we need a new swimmer in the ol' gene pool. 386 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:34,715 I don't think you hootenannys understand how this works. 387 00:15:34,715 --> 00:15:36,630 I can't birth no babies. 388 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,893 We know! We ain't stupid! 389 00:15:38,893 --> 00:15:40,895 Ours is a matriarchal society 390 00:15:40,895 --> 00:15:43,072 and the womenfolk demand 391 00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:45,204 to be babyfied forthwith. 392 00:15:45,204 --> 00:15:48,816 Now the standards of beauty in the Black Prairies 393 00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:50,949 might not be what y'all'r used to-- 394 00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:52,733 I love it! 395 00:15:52,733 --> 00:15:55,345 After years of hot stripper-body bimbos, 396 00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:57,303 you're gonna have to bump uglies 397 00:15:57,303 --> 00:15:58,783 with a bunch of barnyard fuglies! 398 00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:00,089 Ha! 399 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,786 [Whistles] Alright ladies! 400 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:04,180 He's a ready! Come on in. 401 00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:09,011 ♪ [70s porno music] 402 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:18,716 ♪ [70s porno music] 403 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,239 Close your [BLEEP] mouth, Jimmy. 404 00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:26,158 Havin' a sit-down in a boat was a good idea. 405 00:16:26,158 --> 00:16:27,986 'Coz you're not allowed to stand. 406 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,293 Safety first. So... 407 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:31,642 you know who we are. 408 00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,774 And you know what I gotta do. 409 00:16:33,774 --> 00:16:37,256 And you know what I gotta do about what you gotta do. 410 00:16:37,256 --> 00:16:39,258 And you know what I gotta do 411 00:16:39,258 --> 00:16:41,565 about what you gotta do about what I gotta... 412 00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,915 Aw Jesus, sit-downs are boring! 413 00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:46,352 Wanna fight? 414 00:16:46,352 --> 00:16:47,875 I thought ya'd never ask! 415 00:16:49,529 --> 00:16:51,488 [Impacts and grunts] 416 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,620 I better intervene... 417 00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:55,535 and call an adult! 418 00:16:55,535 --> 00:17:00,192 [Imitating a chicken] 419 00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:03,587 He's more chicken than I am! 420 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:08,157 [Whistles] 421 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:11,029 Three full whistles and two semis means stop fighting! 422 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:12,596 Come on, you guys! 423 00:17:16,817 --> 00:17:19,777 I know they ain't pretty. 424 00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:22,649 Just close yer eyes and think of somethin' sexy, 425 00:17:22,649 --> 00:17:25,348 like a siblin' or barnyard animal. 426 00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:28,481 It'll all be over before ye can say 'webbed feet'. 427 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,527 Find yourself another stud, toothless. 428 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:33,617 Uh, Jimmy. 429 00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,053 You're gonna get us both killed! 430 00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:37,142 I'm givin' ya permission! 431 00:17:37,142 --> 00:17:39,797 Fer the record ma'am, we'll only hurt him. 432 00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:42,582 You, we'll intergrate into our community. 433 00:17:42,582 --> 00:17:44,280 Come on you've done it a thousand times 434 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,759 with Cheech and your crew -- 435 00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:47,370 Wait... You know what I mean. 436 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:48,762 Sorry, ain't happenin'. 437 00:17:48,762 --> 00:17:50,329 Oh, I see! 438 00:17:50,329 --> 00:17:52,331 Big stubborn Jimmy's gotta prove a point! 439 00:17:52,331 --> 00:17:54,377 You're gonna feel real superior 440 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,118 when they turn your skeleton into a side table! 441 00:17:57,336 --> 00:17:59,730 Now now ladies. Be patient. 442 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,253 We been out-maneuvered 443 00:18:01,253 --> 00:18:03,864 in this round of the chess game o' reperduction. 444 00:18:03,864 --> 00:18:06,737 So you're gonna let us go? 445 00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:10,262 No ma'am. We're gonna hafta resort to science! 446 00:18:10,262 --> 00:18:11,872 Bring in the do-dad! 447 00:18:11,872 --> 00:18:13,831 [All laughing] 448 00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:15,267 [Mechanical sounds][Both gasp] 449 00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:22,013 [Mechanical sounds] 450 00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:24,146 [Laughs] 451 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:26,626 That do-dad don't sound good. 452 00:18:26,626 --> 00:18:29,325 Oh, it don't feel good neither. 453 00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:33,677 Ow! 454 00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:36,984 Stop it, you two! 455 00:18:36,984 --> 00:18:39,509 You can't settle an old mafia vendetta with violence! 456 00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:40,553 Ow! 457 00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:45,515 I like you, but I can't trust you not to rat us out. 458 00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,821 Wait... Do you like-like me? 459 00:18:47,821 --> 00:18:49,475 Shut up. 460 00:18:49,475 --> 00:18:50,911 Why would I rat you out? 461 00:18:50,911 --> 00:18:52,435 I hate the mob. 462 00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,872 Yeah right, and I'm gonna be Prom Queen. 463 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,178 I mean it. 464 00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:57,831 When your Pop killed my old man, 465 00:18:57,831 --> 00:18:59,964 the mob left us high and dry. 466 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:03,185 That's the mob for ya. 467 00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:06,623 Wait a minute. What am I doing? 468 00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:09,060 He's six-years-old! I can totally take him. 469 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,018 Gina! Tag out! 470 00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:14,761 Ouch! Ooff. Bad idea. Terrible idea. 471 00:19:14,761 --> 00:19:16,981 Gina! Tag me out! 472 00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:23,379 [♪♪♪] 473 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,995 Look, the mob screwed me, I'd never help those jerks. 474 00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:33,389 But I gotta avenge my old man. 475 00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:36,348 I know, but you're not touchin' my old man. 476 00:19:36,348 --> 00:19:38,524 He's a gafone, but he's alright. 477 00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:41,135 Fine, but somebody's gotta die. 478 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,964 [Screams] 479 00:19:45,444 --> 00:19:46,750 [Splash] 480 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,534 [Ducks quack] 481 00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:49,970 Not Petey. 482 00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:51,233 Too easy. 483 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,625 That would just make me sad. 484 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,148 How 'bout my Uncle? 485 00:19:54,148 --> 00:19:56,499 Technically he's the reason for all this. 486 00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:58,631 You don't gotta problem with me comin' after... 487 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,503 Cheech? Nah. 488 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,679 But I'm not gonna hand him to ya on a platter. 489 00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:03,941 Ya gotta earn it. 490 00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:05,986 Of course. There's no free lunch. 491 00:20:05,986 --> 00:20:07,597 If you can find out where the Feds put us... 492 00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:08,989 be my guest. 493 00:20:08,989 --> 00:20:11,557 But is it worth all that trouble? 494 00:20:11,557 --> 00:20:13,603 It is if I get to see you again. 495 00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:16,475 Hey keep it down, 496 00:20:16,475 --> 00:20:18,608 we got people tryin' to make out in here! 497 00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:20,218 Okay, I'm gonna just come right out and ask. 498 00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,351 What the hell is 'makin' out', exactly? 499 00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,091 Don't look at me, 500 00:20:24,091 --> 00:20:25,528 I don't know what those [BLEEP] animals do in there. 501 00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:32,186 This here's the suck-nozzle. 502 00:20:32,186 --> 00:20:34,798 The claw's painful, but essential. 503 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,800 Where the hell'd ya get that thing anyway? 504 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,454 Ebay. 505 00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,369 I'm also biddin' on a nice weddin' dress 506 00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,545 from Jimmyeatsballs69. 507 00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:47,245 Jimmy, don't put yourself through this. 508 00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,334 Just nail those broads, will'ya? 509 00:20:49,334 --> 00:20:50,770 Do it for me! 510 00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:53,251 No Cook, I never cheated on ya, 511 00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:55,253 and I ain't about to start now. 512 00:20:55,253 --> 00:20:57,124 If it means my Brajool gets chewed up 513 00:20:57,124 --> 00:20:58,517 by that thing, so be it. 514 00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:03,479 For Chrissake, cut the act! 515 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,219 It's no act. 516 00:21:05,219 --> 00:21:07,221 All the broads back home were for show. 517 00:21:07,221 --> 00:21:09,136 Part of my job as Capo. 518 00:21:09,136 --> 00:21:11,487 I'd take 'em to dinner and drop 'em off after. 519 00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:12,792 No messin'. 520 00:21:12,792 --> 00:21:13,967 Really? 521 00:21:15,665 --> 00:21:18,885 Since the day we met, Cook, it's only been you. 522 00:21:18,885 --> 00:21:20,278 Oh, Jimmy... 523 00:21:20,278 --> 00:21:21,975 Alright, let's do this. 524 00:21:25,457 --> 00:21:27,111 Wait! 525 00:21:27,111 --> 00:21:28,982 I got a better idea! 526 00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:32,551 Step right in ladies! 527 00:21:32,551 --> 00:21:34,814 And don't forget to sign up for Kinky Karaoke! 528 00:21:36,207 --> 00:21:37,426 Sorry gentlemen. 529 00:21:37,426 --> 00:21:39,079 The swinging community 530 00:21:39,079 --> 00:21:41,517 has a strict "no unaccompanied men" policy. 531 00:21:41,517 --> 00:21:44,868 Aw, I wanted ta see the sex rest'ernt. 532 00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:46,522 For Canada! 533 00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:50,090 A country so freaky our national animal is the beaver! 534 00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:53,790 We still got a room here. 535 00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:55,313 Wanna hit the sheets? 536 00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:56,532 Nah. 537 00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:58,055 Let's steal a car and go home. 538 00:21:58,055 --> 00:21:59,361 I hate the [bleep]in' country.