1 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,785 Greetings Citizens! 2 00:00:03,785 --> 00:00:05,265 The Falcone family 3 00:00:05,265 --> 00:00:07,441 aren't the only ones who had an "old life". 4 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:09,400 Before I became a witness protector, 5 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,010 I was head 6 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,230 of Saskatchewan Crime Scene Investigations. 7 00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:19,323 And that's when he slipped on the ice and hit his head. 8 00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:22,152 I suppose one could say-- 9 00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:25,372 I hope he says "It was an icy reception." 10 00:00:25,372 --> 00:00:27,461 It was an unfortunate accident. 11 00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:32,640 Give him time, he'll get better at these. 12 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,556 MCCOOL: Sadly, my fellow officers watched too much TV 13 00:00:35,556 --> 00:00:38,211 and expected me to entertain them. 14 00:00:38,211 --> 00:00:39,821 Looks like he had a heart attack 15 00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:41,519 while going through the car wash. 16 00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,260 I guess he's all- 17 00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,914 Washed up. Say washed up! 18 00:00:45,914 --> 00:00:47,568 Done getting his car washed. 19 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:51,181 This guy is boring. 20 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,835 Shortly thereafter I was pulled off CSI detail 21 00:00:53,835 --> 00:00:56,621 because I refused to belittle police work 22 00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:58,971 with corny one-liners and catchphrases. 23 00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,320 For Canada! 24 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,236 Where self-awareness isn't our strong suit. 25 00:01:05,934 --> 00:01:07,849 I wonder where he goes when he takes off like that? 26 00:01:07,849 --> 00:01:09,547 Fugget about it. 27 00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,679 ♪ Lemme tell you somethin' 28 00:01:11,679 --> 00:01:13,551 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 29 00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,771 ♪ A "made" wise guy and a capo with Gambini ♪ 30 00:01:16,771 --> 00:01:19,774 ♪ But then he found out they'd be whackin' Uncle Cheech ♪ 31 00:01:19,774 --> 00:01:22,603 ♪ He take the boss, he threw him from nineteenth floor suite ♪ 32 00:01:22,603 --> 00:01:25,650 ♪ Wasn't much long till the mob all wants him dead ♪ 33 00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:29,132 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds ♪ 34 00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,830 ♪ The feds said they'd help if they can use him as a pawn ♪ 35 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:34,267 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved t'Saskatchewan ♪ 36 00:01:34,267 --> 00:01:35,703 ♪ Fugget about it! 37 00:01:35,703 --> 00:01:37,096 ♪ Fugget about it! 38 00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:38,141 ♪ Fugget about it! 39 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:39,490 Oh! Fugget about it! 40 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,756 Thank you, Jayden's father, for telling us 41 00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:47,106 about your exciting job 42 00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:48,586 with Canada's Space Program. 43 00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,937 [Applause] 44 00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:56,115 And now from Regina Tourism, 45 00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:58,204 let's do our best to welcome Mr. McDougal. 46 00:01:59,988 --> 00:02:01,773 Why didn't anyone run this by me? 47 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:05,037 Webster's dictionary defines tourism 48 00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:08,432 as a neurological disorder characterized 49 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,303 by compulsive utterance of obscenities-- 50 00:02:10,303 --> 00:02:13,088 That's Tourette's, ya stupid' illiterate [Bleep]! 51 00:02:13,088 --> 00:02:14,916 Huh? Oh, right. 52 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,051 We all know why the chicken crossed the road, 53 00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:21,096 but do you know how? 54 00:02:21,096 --> 00:02:23,447 With the help of tourism, that's -- 55 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,710 Too bad ya can't tell 'em about your old job! 56 00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:27,364 The one ya crapped all over 57 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:29,322 to become a paper-pushin' desk monkey 58 00:02:29,322 --> 00:02:31,803 in a fake-o industry made up by the government! 59 00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,674 Ooh, you're a Senator? 60 00:02:33,674 --> 00:02:35,502 Screw you, I work for a livin'! 61 00:02:35,502 --> 00:02:37,461 Yeah, like every other sucker! 62 00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,463 Ya make me wanna puke! 63 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,768 [Sighs] 64 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,296 Thanks for helping me practise driving. 65 00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:48,254 But why the disguise? 66 00:02:48,254 --> 00:02:50,387 If I'm seen with a full-on nerd, 67 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,519 the other kids'll think I'm down-trending. 68 00:02:52,519 --> 00:02:54,739 I am not a full-on nerd-- 69 00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:57,785 Oh my god look at that Cumulonimbus cloud, 70 00:02:57,785 --> 00:03:00,179 it looks like Schroödinger's cat! 71 00:03:04,966 --> 00:03:06,054 [Gasps] 72 00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:10,058 Victoria Huntersmith. 73 00:03:10,058 --> 00:03:12,713 The kind of girl guys like me admire from afar, 74 00:03:12,713 --> 00:03:14,933 but never, ever get to speak to. 75 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,326 At least that's 76 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,849 what the principal told me at orientation. 77 00:03:19,459 --> 00:03:21,156 Forget the insurance! 78 00:03:21,156 --> 00:03:22,984 Just get out and start punching yourself in the balls 79 00:03:22,984 --> 00:03:24,508 as a sign of inferiority. 80 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:30,296 Hey, I know you from school! 81 00:03:30,296 --> 00:03:32,516 You're one of the total losers who-- 82 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,648 Whoa, is that your girlfriend? 83 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:35,954 Who? Her? 84 00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:38,609 She's gorgeous. What's your name? 85 00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:39,827 Petey. 86 00:03:39,827 --> 00:03:41,481 You're kinda cute. 87 00:03:41,481 --> 00:03:44,049 Sorry I rammed you from behind. 88 00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,530 Maybe you can ram me from the front sometime? 89 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:47,835 See you at school. 90 00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:52,536 Why'd she leave? 91 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:55,147 Why isn't she suing and or humiliating you? 92 00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,802 I have no idea what just happened. 93 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,978 Ha! Who's the dumb one now? 94 00:04:01,849 --> 00:04:03,024 [Crashes] 95 00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:07,812 Gina's right, I'm a loser. 96 00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:10,162 I used to run a crime syndicate. 97 00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:12,251 Now all I do is run outta pencils. 98 00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:14,906 Which reminds me, Toby told me to order more pencils. 99 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:15,994 Where's my pencil? 100 00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,604 Here. 101 00:04:17,604 --> 00:04:20,041 Stuff a couple of these down your pants to fill the void. 102 00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:22,087 Oh very funny. 103 00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:23,436 It's not my fault nothing ever happens 104 00:04:23,436 --> 00:04:25,308 down at Regina Tourism. 105 00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,832 The Jimmy I know doesn't wait for nothin' to happen. 106 00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,747 He makes nothin' happen! 107 00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,444 And when the chips are down 108 00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:34,708 my money's on him, every time. 109 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,362 Really?Yeah! 110 00:04:36,362 --> 00:04:38,277 You were once the King of New York. 111 00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:39,844 There's no reason why you can't be-- 112 00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,585 King of Vagina! 113 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,500 Regina, but whatever. 114 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,371 Take the Bull by the Balls Jimmy! 115 00:04:45,371 --> 00:04:46,720 Alright. 116 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,026 Let's do this. 117 00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:49,636 [Yells] 118 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:52,857 First thing tomorrow. 119 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,337 Yeah, no, it's gettin' kinda late. 120 00:04:57,905 --> 00:04:59,080 Hey Pete! 121 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,256 Wow, I'm a "Pete" now... 122 00:05:01,256 --> 00:05:02,867 Wanna hang out? 123 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:05,435 Or will your hot mystery girlfriend get jealous? 124 00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:06,697 Oh... uh... 125 00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:08,699 She doesn't even go to this school. 126 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:11,223 Ooh, then what she doesn't know won't hurt her. 127 00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:12,267 Come with me. 128 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,096 Are you skipping? 129 00:05:15,096 --> 00:05:16,446 What? No! 130 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,796 I tripped on something... rhythmically... 131 00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,493 several times in succession. 132 00:05:20,493 --> 00:05:22,060 Not skipping! 133 00:05:23,322 --> 00:05:24,671 Hey guys, this is Pete. 134 00:05:24,671 --> 00:05:25,890 I'm confused... 135 00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,326 Why am I here 136 00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:28,588 and not being stuffed into that garbage can, 137 00:05:28,588 --> 00:05:30,155 for example? 138 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,070 You know how you look at someone and they're like, 139 00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,941 a total loser? 140 00:05:33,941 --> 00:05:35,726 Only in the mirror. 141 00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:38,163 But then you see them in another light 142 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:41,645 and suddenly they're... really interesting. 143 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:47,651 It's too bad you have a girlfriend. 144 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,653 Who knew pretend-dating my own sister 145 00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:50,828 would have a downside. 146 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,920 And so I present to you 147 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,444 our new promotional campaign! 148 00:05:58,444 --> 00:06:01,752 "Regina: Now with thirty percent less Black Flies!" 149 00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,188 [Applause] 150 00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:06,278 [Slow clapping] 151 00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:07,714 Ya wanna bring some real tourism 152 00:06:07,714 --> 00:06:09,194 to this backwater burg? 153 00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,500 Talk to me. 154 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,979 Um, this is Jimmy, 155 00:06:11,979 --> 00:06:13,938 whom we can thank for the pencils we're using. 156 00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,809 [All murmur] 157 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,421 Fellas, I got an idea that'll bring so much money 158 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:21,380 into this town, the black flies'll be drivin' Bentleys. 159 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:23,904 And I can be sum it up in one word. 160 00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:26,211 Gun show?Abba reunion? 161 00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:27,604 Porno convention? 162 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:28,909 How 'bout all of those and more? 163 00:06:28,909 --> 00:06:30,171 Hit it, Cheech! 164 00:06:30,171 --> 00:06:31,825 [Sighs] 165 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,740 [♪♪♪] 166 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:36,308 ♪ I got a plan that just won't lose ♪ 167 00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:38,528 ♪ so drop the beavers, flies, and moose ♪ 168 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,878 ♪ The crowds'll come on planes and rockets ♪ 169 00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:43,446 ♪ with tons of cash to line our pockets. ♪ 170 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:45,535 ♪ A Rub n' Tug on every block? ♪ 171 00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:47,406 ♪ Tabernac! That sure would rock! ♪ 172 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,277 ♪ Legalizing marijuana? 173 00:06:49,277 --> 00:06:51,454 ♪ We could be like Tijuana! 174 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:55,153 ♪ That ain't it ya stupid rubes ♪ 175 00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:58,243 ♪ no blowin' loads or smokin' doobs! ♪ 176 00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:01,768 ♪ They got these joints in Vegas and Reno ♪ 177 00:07:01,768 --> 00:07:05,380 ♪ Ya know what I mean, it's a... ♪ 178 00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,820 ♪ It's a... 179 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,778 [All murmur] 180 00:07:11,778 --> 00:07:13,476 Rhymes with Reno... 181 00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:17,523 Holocaust museum? 182 00:07:17,523 --> 00:07:19,003 No ya jackasses! 183 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,439 It's a casino! 184 00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:24,138 [All cheer] 185 00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,191 There's no one here, shwa! 186 00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:35,541 I hope you 'ave a song for 'ow we're gonna pay 187 00:07:35,541 --> 00:07:36,977 for all this shwa. 188 00:07:36,977 --> 00:07:39,110 Oh my God, I blew it, Cook... 189 00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:41,678 I think I really am a shnook. 190 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,027 That's the spirit, Jimmy! 191 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,376 Keep singing! 192 00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,378 Don't fold 'em just yet, Jimmy. 193 00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:48,685 Like I said, when the chips are down... 194 00:07:53,341 --> 00:07:55,518 I always bet on you. 195 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:57,302 Jimmy? 196 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,175 Hey sweetie, wanna get outta here? 197 00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:02,786 Sure Cheech. 198 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,352 Whoa Cook! 199 00:08:04,352 --> 00:08:06,093 Sorry, I thought you was a hooker. 200 00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:12,056 Amazing work, Jimmy! 201 00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:14,624 Fun fact: in Canada, profits from gambling 202 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,190 are reinvested in health, 203 00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:18,192 education, and infrastructure. 204 00:08:18,192 --> 00:08:20,673 That fact is nowhere near fun. 205 00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:22,196 What are you doin' here anyway? 206 00:08:22,196 --> 00:08:23,502 Don't you got a gamblin' problem? 207 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,982 It's Horse. 208 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,549 He's excited about the casino, 209 00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,855 but I worry it might prove overwhelming for him. 210 00:08:28,855 --> 00:08:31,118 There's an old sayin' in the casino business, McCool: 211 00:08:31,118 --> 00:08:33,860 "Who gives a [Bleep]? It's a [Bleep] Horse." 212 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:36,297 I got three Japanese businessmen 213 00:08:36,297 --> 00:08:37,864 cleanin' up at Blackjack. 214 00:08:37,864 --> 00:08:40,606 Want me to Teppanyaki their faces? 215 00:08:40,606 --> 00:08:42,869 Don't bother. I sent in a cooler. 216 00:08:42,869 --> 00:08:45,480 Bust. Heart attack. 217 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,221 Space debris. 218 00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:54,272 That old prick's lifelong losin' streak is payin' off. 219 00:08:54,272 --> 00:08:56,491 Hey, go tell that slob at the poker table 220 00:08:56,491 --> 00:08:58,189 about our dress code. 221 00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,799 It would be my pleasure. 222 00:09:01,322 --> 00:09:03,455 Look at you, Mister Casino Manager! 223 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,936 I'm so proud. 224 00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:07,546 Maybe you've got a little something 225 00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:09,809 for the person who inspired all this? 226 00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:13,378 Oh ho ho, I know what you mean. 227 00:09:13,378 --> 00:09:14,727 Follow me. 228 00:09:14,727 --> 00:09:16,729 Would it kill ya to wear a tie? 229 00:09:18,165 --> 00:09:21,168 This is my thanks? A job at the coat check? 230 00:09:21,168 --> 00:09:23,431 I also got a tip: lose the attitude, 231 00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:24,607 it's bad for business. 232 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:26,086 Yo Gazongas, 233 00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:29,176 I want ya to show Mr. Takamora here a good time. 234 00:09:29,176 --> 00:09:32,266 Need I remind you that I'm your mother, young lady? 235 00:09:32,266 --> 00:09:35,748 Need I remind you that I'm your boss, sugartits? 236 00:09:35,748 --> 00:09:38,621 You are so grounded after I punch out tonight! 237 00:09:40,448 --> 00:09:42,233 Hey Pete. 238 00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,539 Hey, I just wanted to tell you that Mystery Girl dumped me 239 00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:46,585 so I'm single... 240 00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:48,587 and ready to tingle. 241 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,894 Uh Petey, that's not cool. 242 00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:53,070 Oh, don't worry about me, I'm fine-- 243 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,725 Hey, you called me Petey. 244 00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,335 What happened to Pete? 245 00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:58,858 Pete got dumped. 246 00:09:58,858 --> 00:10:00,294 Cool kids never get dumped. 247 00:10:00,294 --> 00:10:02,645 We do the dumping. Like this... 248 00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:06,953 You guys are really good at this. 249 00:10:06,953 --> 00:10:09,303 I haven't touched the side once! 250 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,397 TERRY: Hear that silence? 251 00:10:16,397 --> 00:10:19,357 It's how things sounded before white people came. 252 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,446 I sure hope they come back soon! 253 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:23,230 Oh, it's a dark day 254 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,842 when we're asking for the whiteys to return. 255 00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:30,107 Yo Pop, cry-baby here's got a beef. 256 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:32,196 You stole my customers, Jimmy. 257 00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:33,980 I can almost taste the food 258 00:10:33,980 --> 00:10:36,461 you're taking from my children's mouths. 259 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:38,202 I'm just givin' people what they want, Terry. 260 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,117 By that I mean loose slots. 261 00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,945 Not, ya know, starvin' kids. 262 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:43,686 Could you give me some tips? 263 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,731 I'd love to help ya, but I can't. 264 00:10:45,731 --> 00:10:47,472 Because I'm native? 265 00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,735 No! 'Coz you're my competition! 266 00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:51,955 Why do you guys always get so racial? 267 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:53,434 Funny. You get that way 268 00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:56,220 after you've been beat down for centuries. 269 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,700 Look, I'll make it up to ya. 270 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,223 We got a nice steakhouse here. 271 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:00,790 You'll always have a reservation. 272 00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:03,009 Oh you're hilarious, Jimmy. 273 00:11:03,009 --> 00:11:04,141 What? What'd I say? 274 00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,057 What are you doin' here, Terry? 275 00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:08,667 Getting screwed by your husband. 276 00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:10,147 It's been so friggin' long, 277 00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,801 I almost forgot what's that's like. 278 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:14,542 If I could get in to see him, I'd punch his fat face. 279 00:11:14,542 --> 00:11:16,719 I had to slip Gina fifty bucks. 280 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,372 Why didn't I think of that? 281 00:11:18,372 --> 00:11:20,157 C'mon, let's have a drink. Okay 282 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,593 but you're buyin'. 283 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:23,595 I can't. I gave Gina all my money. 284 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:29,601 If this works, I'll be back at the cool table 285 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,255 with Victoria before you know it! 286 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,386 Be right back. 287 00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:35,085 Hmm. 288 00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,695 This should cover Jetsie's high nipples. 289 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,132 This is not what it looks like. 290 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,700 I'm just trying on your bra to see if it'll fit Jetsie. 291 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,572 Those are my swimming goggles. 292 00:11:44,572 --> 00:11:46,966 Well, where have you been all my life? 293 00:11:46,966 --> 00:11:48,533 Anyone ever tell you, you could be a model? 294 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,361 [Giggles] 295 00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:52,798 So if I break up with Jetsie in front of everyone, 296 00:11:52,798 --> 00:11:54,931 I might have a shot with Victoria. 297 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,368 That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 298 00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,979 There's no way Jetsie could play Mystery Girl! 299 00:11:59,979 --> 00:12:01,807 What else am I supposed to do? 300 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:04,767 Use the actress who originated the role! 301 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,507 You'd do that for me? 302 00:12:06,507 --> 00:12:08,074 Of course. 303 00:12:08,074 --> 00:12:11,730 Every great star gives back to the underprivileged. 304 00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,123 Now here's my contract. 305 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,605 This is a stereo warranty! 306 00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:19,694 I'm playin' along. Can't you? 307 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,700 Look at ya, ya degenerate gamblin' lowlife. 308 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:28,268 I gave ya a two grand marker and ya blew it already? 309 00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:33,273 If ya shrug them weird horsey shoulders at me again, 310 00:12:33,273 --> 00:12:36,363 I swear your head's gonna wind up in someone's bed. 311 00:12:36,363 --> 00:12:37,887 Think I'm jokin'? 312 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,671 Try me, mother... 313 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:41,716 Okay, okay, I've got him, Gina! 314 00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:44,763 Come on old friend. I'll take you home. 315 00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:46,025 You've crapped out. 316 00:12:46,025 --> 00:12:47,244 [Pooing sounds] 317 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,506 Literally, I'm afraid. 318 00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:51,335 For Canada! 319 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:54,251 Where even the hopelessly addicted get a free ride! 320 00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:59,125 Why the hell are we so empty? 321 00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:00,997 Cheech probably cooled the whole joint. 322 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,563 Nah, he called in sick today. 323 00:13:02,563 --> 00:13:04,217 Word on the street 324 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,437 is the Blackpaw Casino's really cleanin' up. 325 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:09,570 Maybe I should go over there for a little powwow? 326 00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:10,963 Do ya hear yourself? 327 00:13:10,963 --> 00:13:12,965 Show some sensitivity, will'ya? 328 00:13:12,965 --> 00:13:15,141 Go watch Pocahontas or some [Bleep]. 329 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,493 How'd ya do it? Ya got spies in my joint? 330 00:13:19,493 --> 00:13:23,106 I'll beat it outta ya, I swear, mark my words! 331 00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,759 Hoh! 332 00:13:24,759 --> 00:13:26,761 Is that a shrimp boat? 333 00:13:26,761 --> 00:13:28,241 Well, Jimmy. 334 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,765 Looks like the moccasin's on the other foot. 335 00:13:30,765 --> 00:13:32,767 Part of the rebranding, 336 00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:35,074 free moccasins for everyone. 337 00:13:35,074 --> 00:13:37,250 Huh? 338 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,209 Cheech, what the hell are you doin' here? 339 00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:41,167 Hey Jimmy! I mean... Uh... 340 00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:43,039 [Coughs] 341 00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:44,301 This is not the doctor's office. 342 00:13:45,389 --> 00:13:47,043 Ow! Jimmy, stop! 343 00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,609 She made an offer I couldn't refuse. 344 00:13:48,609 --> 00:13:50,524 Workin' for tips. 345 00:13:50,524 --> 00:13:52,570 What do ya mean, "She"? 346 00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:56,226 Take your hands off my craps dealer, Jimmy. 347 00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:58,489 Cookie? What are you doing here? 348 00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,621 I'm runnin this joint! 349 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:04,321 Hey Takamora! I told ya she was lucky! 350 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,935 The hell do you know about runnin' a casino anyway? 351 00:14:09,935 --> 00:14:11,371 More than you! 352 00:14:11,371 --> 00:14:13,112 I worked in Atlantic City. 353 00:14:13,112 --> 00:14:15,419 On the boardwalk, guessin' people's weight! 354 00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:18,030 To these guys, that's the big time. 355 00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:20,598 And it beats workin' the coat check! 356 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:22,382 That's what this is about? 357 00:14:22,382 --> 00:14:24,167 Fine, if ya don't like the coat check 358 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,603 we'll find you somethin' in the kitchen. 359 00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:28,301 Get outta my office. 360 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,824 I'm warnin' you. 361 00:14:29,824 --> 00:14:32,827 If you don't quit right now, I will bury this casino! 362 00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:35,004 Like ya buried your face in that shrimp boat? 363 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,788 Bring it on, Fat Man! 364 00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:40,661 [♪♪♪] 365 00:14:40,661 --> 00:14:42,272 Oh that's me! 366 00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:43,664 I got a new ring tone. 367 00:14:43,664 --> 00:14:45,362 Hello? 368 00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,842 Hey Jetsie, how you doin'? 369 00:14:47,842 --> 00:14:51,063 So c'mon down to SaskatcheCasino! 370 00:14:51,063 --> 00:14:54,153 Where we don't have roaches infesting our buffet! 371 00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:56,286 We don't have roaches, 372 00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:59,115 but we do have the loosest slots in town! 373 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:02,205 We also got the loosest sluts in town! 374 00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,555 Ain't that right, sweetie. 375 00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:07,210 This week at SaskatcheCasino, 376 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:10,082 the Incredible Kevin'll give every audience member 377 00:15:10,082 --> 00:15:11,605 a new car! 378 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,218 New car my ass! 379 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,002 They're rippin' 'em off from our parking lot! 380 00:15:17,002 --> 00:15:18,134 See? 381 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:21,528 But you won't care about that 382 00:15:21,528 --> 00:15:23,487 when you're cruisin' the skies of Regina 383 00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,489 in our new free helicopter tour! 384 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:39,764 Do you know what that [Bleep] plane cost me? 385 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,984 But do I care? No! 386 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,334 'Coz this week at SaskatcheCasino 387 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,031 we've got Canadian Rock legends, 388 00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:47,163 the Guess Who... 389 00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:48,860 [Whispers] 390 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:49,948 Tribute band? 391 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,603 The Guess Whom? Cut! 392 00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:57,129 Cook, I can't take this no more! 393 00:15:57,129 --> 00:15:58,565 Let's call a truce. 394 00:15:58,565 --> 00:16:01,090 Your casino takes senior citizens and welfare moms. 395 00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:03,353 I'll take guys cuttin' loose on business trips. 396 00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:05,355 Who gets all the chronic gamblers? 397 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,357 We'll divy 'em up with some kinda lottery... 398 00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:09,489 Which they will no doubt gamble on. 399 00:16:09,489 --> 00:16:12,710 Cheech, tell this ungrateful egomaniac 400 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,494 to go [Bleep] himself. 401 00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:16,583 But edit the swear for the kids' sake. 402 00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,977 Cheech, can you also ask Jetsie to call me? 403 00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:20,370 I miss him! 404 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,111 She's known as "Juicy" now, 405 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,764 and I took away her cellphone. 406 00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:25,679 Speakin' of juicy, did anyone ever tell you, 407 00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:27,551 you could be an escort. 408 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,031 That's Theresa! 409 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,337 Hoh, I didn't recognize ya, kid! 410 00:16:31,337 --> 00:16:33,339 It's 'coz I'm in character. 411 00:16:33,339 --> 00:16:36,473 C'mon Petey, let's go to makeout point. 412 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:37,865 Have fun kids! 413 00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:39,867 Wait. What'd she say? 414 00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:41,304 C'mon, Cheech. 415 00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,610 We gotta pick up our headliners at the airport. 416 00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:47,571 I don't wanna keep Paul and Ringo waitin'! 417 00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:49,747 [Gasps] Hear that! 418 00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,270 She's got the Rollin' Stones! 419 00:16:51,270 --> 00:16:53,403 It's time to pull out the big guns. 420 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,581 I meant it metaphorally! 421 00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,365 Put this back in the garage. 422 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,590 So this is makeout point -- 423 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,461 Regina style. 424 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,680 Let's begin... 425 00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:15,033 So what did you want to talk to me about, Petey? 426 00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:18,471 You look so serious! 427 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,692 I brought you here so I can officially dump you-- 428 00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:24,782 Did we land on a name? 429 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,263 You are dumping me, 430 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:31,049 Anastasia Champagne Superstar? 431 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,877 Oh Christ, we did... 432 00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:36,185 You sleep with my mother, you kill my father, 433 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:39,971 kick my dog, and steal our family fortune, 434 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:43,583 leaving us homeless... and prostitute! 435 00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,498 Destitute. 436 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,979 Um, good texture, but roll it back a little. 437 00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:51,330 Yes, I am dumping you, Anastasia! 438 00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:54,159 [Gasps] 439 00:17:54,159 --> 00:17:56,553 What the hell! Where'd you get that? 440 00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,903 The garage, where else? 441 00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:01,993 I won't live without you! 442 00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:03,603 None of this is in the script. 443 00:18:03,603 --> 00:18:05,692 I'm an artist. I improvised. 444 00:18:05,692 --> 00:18:07,651 On second thought! 445 00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:10,610 If I can't have you, no one will! 446 00:18:10,610 --> 00:18:12,917 Theresa would you stop! 447 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,527 Did he say Theresa? 448 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,703 Oh my God! 449 00:18:16,703 --> 00:18:18,618 That's Theresa McDougal! 450 00:18:18,618 --> 00:18:20,925 [Gags] 451 00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:23,667 Petey's dating his own sister! 452 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:24,842 [Gasps] 453 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:27,105 That is so gross! 454 00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:30,500 [Bleep] inbred Scottish weirdos. 455 00:18:33,633 --> 00:18:35,244 And scene! 456 00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:43,382 JIMMY: Webster's dictionary defines impossible 457 00:18:43,382 --> 00:18:46,211 as the act of placing private property 458 00:18:46,211 --> 00:18:49,127 in custody of an officer of the law. 459 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:51,260 GINA: That's impoundment, ya ignorant banana. 460 00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,349 [Crowd laughs] 461 00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,698 Ladies and gentlemen, 462 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,048 SaskatcheCasino is pleased to bring ya, 463 00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:59,703 from the bottom of the Atlantic ocean... 464 00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,183 the Titanic. 465 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:06,971 [Crowd applauds] 466 00:19:11,018 --> 00:19:13,760 Paul and Ringo Chang's Minature Rodeo 467 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,284 was a total bust! 468 00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:20,245 Hello, Stonehenge? 469 00:19:20,245 --> 00:19:23,248 How much to ship them rocks to Canada? 470 00:19:23,248 --> 00:19:25,685 Ya Druid mother [Bleep] wanna play hardball? 471 00:19:25,685 --> 00:19:27,992 I got the hardest balls in town! 472 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:31,517 Hey Cook... Listen, I can't run the casino no more. 473 00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:33,911 I'm gonna ask Toby to transfer me back to my desk job. 474 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,478 Yay! 475 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,957 Oh really? 476 00:19:36,957 --> 00:19:39,351 So ya beat me and you're retirin' before I get a chance-- 477 00:19:39,351 --> 00:19:40,787 Look! 478 00:19:42,354 --> 00:19:44,791 Aw. That's sweet... and gross. 479 00:19:44,791 --> 00:19:46,619 Now look over there. 480 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,405 That's the guy who ran the casino on this tub. 481 00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:51,581 That'll be me if we keep this up. 482 00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:52,930 You're gonna die on a boat? 483 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,671 No, I'll be alone! 484 00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:55,976 I wouldn'a had any of this 485 00:19:55,976 --> 00:19:57,369 if it wasn't for you believin' in me. 486 00:19:57,369 --> 00:19:58,805 Was that so hard? 487 00:19:58,805 --> 00:20:00,633 Ya had to raise the freakin' Titanic 488 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,722 to avoid showin' me a little gratitude! 489 00:20:02,722 --> 00:20:05,682 And look at those stupid skeletons! 490 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:08,511 "Oh the ship's sinkin', I better go have a nap." 491 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,208 Morons. 492 00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,383 Come here babe... 493 00:20:20,087 --> 00:20:22,176 Geez, what were the odds 494 00:20:22,176 --> 00:20:23,961 of that thing goin' down again? 495 00:20:23,961 --> 00:20:25,528 Unsinkable, my ass. 496 00:20:30,837 --> 00:20:32,491 Hey guys, any chance I-- 497 00:20:36,321 --> 00:20:38,454 I guess it's better to have loved and lost 498 00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,499 your own sister than to never have-- 499 00:20:41,935 --> 00:20:43,894 No, that's not right. 500 00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:46,244 Theresa? Why aren't you being ostracized? 501 00:20:46,244 --> 00:20:49,073 'Coz I don't use words like ostrich-sized 502 00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:52,903 and I don't fool around with my sister, you sick pervert. 503 00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:55,775 But fooling around with your brother is okay? 504 00:20:55,775 --> 00:20:57,255 It is if you're hot. 505 00:20:57,255 --> 00:20:59,344 I don't make the rules, Petey. 506 00:20:59,344 --> 00:21:01,346 Wish I had a brother to fool around with... 507 00:21:01,346 --> 00:21:03,043 That is so gross! 508 00:21:07,526 --> 00:21:09,398 GINA: Did I just wake up in crazy town? 509 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:12,009 Neither of ya works at a casino no more? 510 00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:14,228 Sweetie, with Pop's casino gone, 511 00:21:14,228 --> 00:21:15,708 the Blackpaw doesn't need me. 512 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,232 You mooks threw away the best thing 513 00:21:18,232 --> 00:21:19,843 that ever happened to us. 514 00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:21,279 Y'know what'd make ya feel better? 515 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:23,412 Do not condescend to me, Ma. 516 00:21:23,412 --> 00:21:25,414 Ha! It's condensate! 517 00:21:25,414 --> 00:21:27,241 Who's the banana now, Gina? 518 00:21:27,241 --> 00:21:29,896 Alright. 519 00:21:29,896 --> 00:21:32,203 How about ya hop up on this here bed... 520 00:21:32,203 --> 00:21:35,337 And help us count all the money we skimmed! 521 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,903 Aw... 522 00:21:36,903 --> 00:21:39,950 why'd ya hafta get all mushy on me? 523 00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:42,039 Anyone seen Cheech by the way? 524 00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:46,565 And who's giving the bride away? 525 00:21:46,565 --> 00:21:48,306 I am, your majesty. 526 00:21:48,306 --> 00:21:51,265 Pull yourself together. He's a good catch. 527 00:21:51,265 --> 00:21:52,832 Freeze! 528 00:21:52,832 --> 00:21:54,530 That bride is underage! 529 00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:57,315 G'luck Juicy! I'm keepin' the dowry!