1 00:00:01,261 --> 00:00:04,264 How ya doin'? I'm Jimmy "Turncoat" McDougal. 2 00:00:04,264 --> 00:00:06,049 I been in Canada a while now, 3 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,659 but there was a time 4 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,965 when I was not so versed in its lame-ass ways. 5 00:00:10,792 --> 00:00:12,316 THERESA: I'm confused. 6 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,361 I thought Canada was a State, 7 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:16,537 like Iowa or South America. 8 00:00:16,537 --> 00:00:18,017 It's a separate country 9 00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:19,627 attached to the top of America, 10 00:00:19,627 --> 00:00:21,760 like a bad toupee.Or a braintumour. 11 00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:25,416 Hey gang, I asked the mess hall to prepare some 12 00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,853 authentic Canadian cuisine 13 00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:30,595 in anticipation of our naturalization! 14 00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:33,206 OTHERS: Ewww! 15 00:00:33,206 --> 00:00:35,948 This is a French-Canadian dish. 16 00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:38,603 It's French fries, cheese curds, and - 17 00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:41,432 Whoa, did you say "cheese turds?" 18 00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:43,521 Curds - Like "curds and whey." 19 00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:45,044 In Little Miss Muffet? 20 00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,654 I don't care who she is. 21 00:00:46,654 --> 00:00:48,178 She just murdered them French fries. 22 00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:50,180 And than someone blew a load all over 'em! 23 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:51,833 What's the brown stuff? 24 00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:53,661 Looks like crap. 25 00:00:53,661 --> 00:00:55,315 Do they eat crap in Canada?! 26 00:00:55,315 --> 00:00:57,970 They do not eat crap in Canada! 27 00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,798 So what do them Frenchies call this stuff? 28 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:02,670 Actually, it doesn't matter what it's called. 29 00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:05,282 Sure it does! Let's hear it.I don't want to say. 30 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,240 Petey, ya can't just roll out [bleep]-covered cheese fries 31 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,850 and hold out on the name. 32 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:11,244 Fine, it's called poutine!What was that? 33 00:01:11,244 --> 00:01:13,464 Ugh. Poutine, alright? 34 00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,379 It's called POO-teen! 35 00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,120 [Others laugh] 36 00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:19,905 I rest my case. 37 00:01:19,905 --> 00:01:21,472 But it ain't all bad up here. 38 00:01:21,472 --> 00:01:23,343 They got this fluffy, delicious taste sensation 39 00:01:23,343 --> 00:01:24,910 called a Beaver Tail. 40 00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:26,955 Thanks, Petey.My pleasure! 41 00:01:26,955 --> 00:01:28,957 Boy, those sure went fast. 42 00:01:28,957 --> 00:01:31,221 I'm all over it! Get the maple syrup! 43 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,962 We'll be lickin' tail and eatin' beaver in no time! 44 00:01:33,962 --> 00:01:35,790 Now that we live here in Regina, 45 00:01:35,790 --> 00:01:37,444 if you think we're above making 46 00:01:37,444 --> 00:01:39,359 a few obvious beaver jokes... 47 00:01:39,359 --> 00:01:40,708 fugget about it! 48 00:01:42,275 --> 00:01:43,885 ♪ Let me tell you something 49 00:01:43,885 --> 00:01:45,452 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 50 00:01:45,452 --> 00:01:48,412 ♪ Made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 51 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,892 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 52 00:01:50,892 --> 00:01:52,503 ♪ he take the boss, 53 00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,331 ♪ he threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 54 00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:57,421 ♪ Wasn't much longer 'til the mob want him dead ♪ 55 00:01:57,421 --> 00:02:00,685 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 56 00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,644 ♪ The Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 57 00:02:03,644 --> 00:02:06,256 ♪ so he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan. ♪ 58 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:09,041 ♪ Fugget about it! ♪ Fugget about it! 59 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:11,739 ♪ Fugget about it! Oh, fugget about it! ♪ 60 00:02:14,829 --> 00:02:16,744 ANNOUNCER: He's a big-city lawyer. 61 00:02:16,744 --> 00:02:18,442 He's a West Coast beachcomber. 62 00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,357 Along with their wacky special needs canine, 63 00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:22,228 they're Two Men and Half a Dog! 64 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,100 That looks terrible! 65 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,320 Is it me, or is everything up here a crappy imitation 66 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,061 of stuff they do better in the States? 67 00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:30,758 Codswallop, Jimmy! 68 00:02:30,758 --> 00:02:33,848 Our culture is as strong as a California Redwood - 69 00:02:33,848 --> 00:02:35,981 uh, er, a BC Redwood. 70 00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,769 Here's a prime example - 71 00:02:41,769 --> 00:02:43,945 The Canadian Football League. 72 00:02:43,945 --> 00:02:45,599 A true original! 73 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,210 Adding "Canadian" doesn't make it original. 74 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:48,733 It just makes it suck. 75 00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,604 Well, Cheech seems to like it. 76 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,127 COMMENTATOR: Hey, there's one of Rider Nation's 77 00:02:52,127 --> 00:02:53,825 more dedicated fans! 78 00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:55,522 I wonder if this guy could be any more green? 79 00:02:56,697 --> 00:02:58,743 Yes, yes he can, folks. 80 00:02:58,743 --> 00:02:59,874 Ew. 81 00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:03,487 Eyyy, Jimmy! 82 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,010 What are ya doin'? 83 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:07,230 You're goin' to Canuck football games behind my back? 84 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,580 I go to games, I go to rub n' tugs... 85 00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,625 I lead a rich and varied life, Jimbo. 86 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,801 It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. 87 00:03:13,801 --> 00:03:15,499 You're one of "them," a Canadian! 88 00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,109 But it's great! 89 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,242 Three downs instead of four, a bigger field, 90 00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:21,156 a faster, more excitin' game. 91 00:03:21,156 --> 00:03:22,941 You're just jealous 'cause I'm assimilatin' 92 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,247 better than you. 93 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,118 Fine, I'll give it a shot. 94 00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:28,120 Can't be worse than Canadian TV. 95 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,166 [Crowd cheering] 96 00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:33,343 Go! Go! Go! 97 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,822 Touchdown! 98 00:03:34,822 --> 00:03:36,476 We did it! 99 00:03:36,476 --> 00:03:38,870 We're goin' to the Grey Cup, Jimmy! 100 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,654 Yes! Grey cup! 101 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,787 Grey cup! Grey - 102 00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:44,136 Wait, what the [bleep] is a Grey Cup? 103 00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:48,575 I dunno why they picked Petey 104 00:03:48,575 --> 00:03:50,185 to work at the TV station. 105 00:03:50,185 --> 00:03:53,014 Don't they want someone beautiful on camera? 106 00:03:53,014 --> 00:03:55,060 I'm just observing for my elective credit. 107 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,975 I'm not actually on camera. 108 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,933 Aw, too bad... 109 00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:01,936 said no one, but me, just now - 110 00:04:01,936 --> 00:04:03,503 and I can't remember why. 111 00:04:03,503 --> 00:04:06,027 Besides, ladies love journalists! 112 00:04:06,027 --> 00:04:08,813 Hopefully they love guys who sit near them as well. 113 00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:10,554 DJ: I don't need to tell anyone with a pulse 114 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,947 that this weekend Regina is hosting the Grey Cup... 115 00:04:12,947 --> 00:04:14,471 That's the football championship 116 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,255 named after the fourth Earl of Grey. 117 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,909 No one gives a [bleep]! 118 00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,737 DJ: Due to Sarah McLachlan harshing everyone's buzz 119 00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,347 at last year's game, 120 00:04:21,347 --> 00:04:22,957 Sunday's half-time show will be 121 00:04:22,957 --> 00:04:24,959 hair-metal gods SNAKEHAMMER! 122 00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,222 Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! 123 00:04:27,222 --> 00:04:29,573 DJ: Call in now and sing your favourite Snakehammer song 124 00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,749 for a chance to go to the game and meet the band! 125 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:33,968 Mom! 126 00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:35,753 [Screams] 127 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,756 What's the number? What's the number?! 128 00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:41,019 Nine-one-one... 129 00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,455 [Phone dialling] 130 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,371 OPERATOR: Nine-one-one. What's your emergency? 131 00:04:45,371 --> 00:04:48,113 I need Snakehammer tickets!! 132 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,899 Great game, Bubba! 133 00:04:51,899 --> 00:04:53,205 We allowed in here?Sure! 134 00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:54,467 I just wanna say hi to the boys. 135 00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,035 ALL: Cheech! 136 00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:58,819 Great game, fellas! 137 00:04:58,819 --> 00:05:00,647 Way to take it up the middle! 138 00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:02,127 That's how ya pound the weak side! 139 00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,563 Nice ass, Billy! 140 00:05:04,999 --> 00:05:06,958 Fellas, this is my nephew, Jimmy. 141 00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:08,960 [Yelp]Good to meet ya! 142 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,092 Thanks, uh......Dexter. 143 00:05:11,092 --> 00:05:12,355 G'on, now. 144 00:05:13,921 --> 00:05:15,619 [Giggles] 145 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,011 That all you got, boy?! 146 00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,493 [Giggles] 147 00:05:20,493 --> 00:05:22,495 So, we on for Saturday, fellas? 148 00:05:22,495 --> 00:05:24,105 Damn straight, Cheech. 149 00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:26,325 I told the guys if they made it into the Grey Cup, 150 00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:27,587 I'd take 'em all out for dinner. 151 00:05:27,587 --> 00:05:29,110 Fugget that! 152 00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:30,938 You're all comin' over to our place! 153 00:05:30,938 --> 00:05:32,636 Who's with me! 154 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:37,118 [All cheer] 155 00:05:37,118 --> 00:05:39,207 [Pained grunts] 156 00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:43,951 Ma, someone's about to butcher 157 00:05:43,951 --> 00:05:45,997 a song by that band ya like. 158 00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,868 DJ: Among the many losers in our Snakehammer contest, 159 00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:49,609 this next one's so awful 160 00:05:49,609 --> 00:05:51,655 it can only be a sign of the coming apocalypse. 161 00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,178 You're gonna love this. 162 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:55,833 They been playin' it all afternoon. 163 00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:59,445 COOKIE: ♪ It's a rainy night on the boulevard, ♪ 164 00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:01,012 I know, right? 165 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,927 Cats gettin' gutted sound better than this. 166 00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:05,843 COOKIE: ♪ So kiss my ass! 167 00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,192 It's not that bad! 168 00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:08,454 What are ya kiddin'? 169 00:06:08,454 --> 00:06:11,065 It's terrib - Oh my God, this is you! 170 00:06:11,065 --> 00:06:13,807 Don't you dare tell anyone that's me. 171 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,027 DJ: That was Cookie McDougal! 172 00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:18,377 Cookie McDougal you are a terrible singer! 173 00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:19,770 Ugh! 174 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,467 [Laughs] 175 00:06:21,467 --> 00:06:23,469 [Muffled] Hey, let's all hear Cookie McDougal 176 00:06:23,469 --> 00:06:25,297 literally murder this song one more time... 177 00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,647 [Laughs] 178 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:32,043 Thanks for fittin' us into your busy schedule, Dexter. 179 00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:34,393 Hey man, we play in the CFL. 180 00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:37,004 Someone says free food, we come runnin'. 181 00:06:37,004 --> 00:06:39,006 And what a runnin' game you guys got! 182 00:06:39,006 --> 00:06:40,617 We're gonna need it against Toronto. 183 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,706 That's a world class city. 184 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:45,056 How's that?Ya ever meet someone from Toronto? 185 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,492 Within 30 seconds, 186 00:06:46,492 --> 00:06:48,363 they tell ya they're from a "world class city." 187 00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:49,930 New Yorkers have a name for Toronto. 188 00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:51,323 "Nice try." 189 00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:54,413 [Both laugh] 190 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,893 COOKIE: [On radio] ♪ It's a rainy night 191 00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:56,720 [Electronic feedback] 192 00:07:00,027 --> 00:07:01,202 What's goin' on, Cook? 193 00:07:01,202 --> 00:07:03,248 Stereo's broken. 194 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,513 Who wants more six-alarm chili? 195 00:07:07,513 --> 00:07:09,123 No thanks, I'm a vegetarian. 196 00:07:09,123 --> 00:07:10,777 Don't worry, this ain't real meat. 197 00:07:10,777 --> 00:07:11,952 It's pigeon. 198 00:07:11,952 --> 00:07:14,215 Did you say "pigeon"? 199 00:07:14,215 --> 00:07:15,652 It's good, huh? 200 00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:18,045 I used my senior's discount at the dollar store. 201 00:07:18,045 --> 00:07:20,221 North Korea's finest. 202 00:07:20,221 --> 00:07:22,441 Aw Christ. 203 00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:24,530 Jimmy, I don't feel so - 204 00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:27,185 [Heaves] 205 00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:29,840 Are you kidding me? Pigeon meat? 206 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,886 I suppose his majesty would prefer seagull? 207 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,322 The rich man's pigeon. 208 00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,674 [Heaves] 209 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,545 [Heaving] 210 00:07:39,545 --> 00:07:44,071 [Heaves] 211 00:07:44,071 --> 00:07:48,336 [Heaving sounds] 212 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,212 [Screams] 213 00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:55,996 [Farts] 214 00:07:55,996 --> 00:07:58,216 It burns! 215 00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:02,481 [Heaves] 216 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,397 [Screams] 217 00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:06,920 [Coughing] 218 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,922 [Farting and heaving] 219 00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,361 Hey, a beak! 220 00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:14,624 In North Korea that's good luck! 221 00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,151 Saskatchewan's Grey Cup dreams 222 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,718 took a nightmarish turn today 223 00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:24,198 when the entire team fell violently ill. 224 00:08:24,198 --> 00:08:26,113 Nothing means anything anymore. 225 00:08:26,113 --> 00:08:27,637 I'm going home. 226 00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:31,684 I'm just supposed to be observing! 227 00:08:31,684 --> 00:08:33,468 Can I at least get some powder? 228 00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:40,911 Football fans are gathered outside Wascana hospital 229 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,261 on the eve of the Grey Cup. 230 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,219 Defensive Tackle Dexter Mills 231 00:08:45,219 --> 00:08:48,266 urged Rider Nation not to lose faith. 232 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:51,008 Please, let me die... 233 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,792 Sources suggest the team 234 00:08:52,792 --> 00:08:55,229 got food poisoning at this area home. 235 00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:57,536 Oh wow, that's my house! 236 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,495 Near that house 237 00:09:00,495 --> 00:09:02,672 where the blood-thirsty mob has gathered. 238 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,630 Poor Jimmy can't catch a break. 239 00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,545 [Angry shouting] 240 00:09:07,807 --> 00:09:10,636 [Doorknob jiggling] 241 00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:13,726 Ooh! Ow! 242 00:09:13,726 --> 00:09:15,293 Jesus Christ Cheech! 243 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:16,860 Ow! What the hell? 244 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,818 Sorry Jimmy. 245 00:09:18,818 --> 00:09:20,515 I thought you was one of them nutjobs tryin' to get in! 246 00:09:21,734 --> 00:09:23,431 Ow! Good Lord! 247 00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:26,086 Jimmy! Cheech! What the heck?! 248 00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:27,610 What are ya doin' in here, McCool? 249 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:30,525 Ya should be outside gettin' them lunatics off my sidewalk. 250 00:09:30,525 --> 00:09:32,658 Jimmy, if you thought crossing the mafia was dangerous, 251 00:09:32,658 --> 00:09:34,399 wait until Rider Nation sobers up enough 252 00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,835 to get their hands on you. 253 00:09:35,835 --> 00:09:38,969 Excuse my French, but c'est un gros probleme! 254 00:09:38,969 --> 00:09:40,753 I got no idea what you just said. 255 00:09:40,753 --> 00:09:42,059 Well get used to it, 256 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,495 because that's what you'll be hearing 257 00:09:43,495 --> 00:09:45,018 when I put you in Double Witness protection 258 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,498 in Northern Quebec! 259 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,848 Ooh, those guys hate Canada as much as we do. 260 00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,244 "If we forfeit, you die. 261 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,333 Sincerely, the People of Saskatchewan. 262 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,074 PS - Sorry about the window. 263 00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:58,858 We enclosed a cheque for the cost of replacement." 264 00:09:58,858 --> 00:10:00,643 I think this is for you. 265 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:03,036 No one politely threatens me! 266 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,778 [All scream] 267 00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:07,650 Make sure he gets his ball back! 268 00:10:08,781 --> 00:10:11,871 [Jimmy screams] 269 00:10:11,871 --> 00:10:13,351 Great catch, Jimmy! 270 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:14,613 [Grunts] 271 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,180 Great throw, McCool! 272 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,485 MAN: Great chili, Cheech! 273 00:10:20,575 --> 00:10:22,360 McCool, excuse my French, 274 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,057 but I ain't [bleep]in' movin' to Quebec. 275 00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,409 Ma, ya gotta snap outta this. 276 00:10:28,409 --> 00:10:30,542 What?! I can't hear ya! 277 00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:33,371 I can't hear anything! It's great! 278 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:36,156 Ew! Those are Cheech's sex pillows 279 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,594 Ya can't hide here forever. 280 00:10:39,594 --> 00:10:41,292 This is the only place I'm safe 281 00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:43,076 from that freakin' song! 282 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,470 And those angry Snakehammer fans outside! 283 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,037 Don't worry. 284 00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:49,126 They're just here to kill Pop for wrecking the gay Cup. 285 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,997 [Cookie singing] 286 00:10:50,997 --> 00:10:52,607 Ahh! That song! 287 00:10:52,607 --> 00:10:54,392 Theresa, have a heart. 288 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,307 Put it on vibrate. 289 00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,787 And miss a call? 290 00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:00,528 Ma, calm down - 291 00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:01,921 [Gasps] 292 00:11:01,921 --> 00:11:03,836 Aw crap. 293 00:11:03,836 --> 00:11:05,055 Nice shirt. 294 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,796 I got a truckload of 'em. What's your size? 295 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,536 [Screams] 296 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:12,715 Cheech and I assembled a team 297 00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,717 to take the Riders' spot in the Grey Cup. 298 00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:17,981 Yes, of course you have. Very good. 299 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,939 You do tickle my funny bone, Jimmy. 300 00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:21,680 I'm serious! 301 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,987 This is the only chance we got to get the people on our side 302 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,206 and to keep them from crapping in our mailbox. 303 00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:27,555 That's my toilet. 304 00:11:27,555 --> 00:11:29,427 You'll be slaughtered. 305 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,342 Like Cookie slaughtered that song on the radio. 306 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,561 The alternative is we throw Cheech to the fans 307 00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:34,954 and they rip him to pieces. 308 00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:36,434 S'good to have options. 309 00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,218 Premier O'Shea's playin' slotback. 310 00:11:38,218 --> 00:11:39,916 Mayor Shwa-Shwa's Tight End. 311 00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,744 There's one spot left to fill, McCool, 312 00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:43,528 and it's gotta be you. 313 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:45,269 With your arm, and my smarts, 314 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,271 we can't lose. 315 00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:49,403 Would that I could, but I cannot. 316 00:11:49,403 --> 00:11:52,319 I once had a promising football career. 317 00:11:52,319 --> 00:11:54,974 That was all before the injury - 318 00:11:56,976 --> 00:12:01,894 [♪♪♪] 319 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,378 A concussion so severe, for weeks I thought 320 00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,554 I was a late-night talk show sidekick... 321 00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,512 So this football player walks into a bar... 322 00:12:11,512 --> 00:12:12,949 Ouch! 323 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,951 Heyo! Who's with me? 324 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,518 I'm sorry, gentlemen. 325 00:12:17,518 --> 00:12:19,303 I cannot risk another concussion 326 00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,479 to help you in this ludicrous endeavour. 327 00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:23,307 Fine, we'll do it without ya. 328 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:24,699 I'll be damned if the Grey Cup 329 00:12:24,699 --> 00:12:26,440 gets cancelled on my watch. 330 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,791 Gimme a grand on the Argos. 331 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,836 Whaddaya mean, "no"? Screw you, Gina! 332 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,322 Despite unseasonably warm minus 35 temperatures, 333 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:41,020 the stands at Grey Cup are empty. 334 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,806 Regina will be out to forfeit momentarily, 335 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,373 so I will have the evening free... 336 00:12:46,373 --> 00:12:48,158 ladies. 337 00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,333 Wait! 338 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:54,164 [♪♪♪] 339 00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:00,605 [♪♪♪] 340 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:03,216 A group of middle-aged men posing as the Roughriders 341 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,957 are taking the field! 342 00:13:04,957 --> 00:13:07,699 And here come the Toronto Argonauts. 343 00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:10,006 PLAYERS: World class city! World class city! 344 00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:12,356 World class city! World class city! 345 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,619 Betcha wish ya ate my chili now. 346 00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,926 Oh boy, my dad is screwed. 347 00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:18,928 Okay, so they're big. 348 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:21,365 Does that make 'em better than us?CHEECH: Yes. 349 00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:22,845 So they're pro athletes. 350 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,368 Does that make 'em better than us?CHEECH: Yes. 351 00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:25,760 So they're highly skilled - 352 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,762 Hang on. Lemme rethink this... 353 00:13:27,762 --> 00:13:29,764 But I knew most of the answers! 354 00:13:29,764 --> 00:13:31,549 When you guys are out there gettin' pulverized, 355 00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,943 I want ya to remember what we're playin' for. 356 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:35,074 Endorsement deals? 357 00:13:35,074 --> 00:13:36,641 Rider pride! 358 00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:37,990 We're not gonna stand by 359 00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:40,601 and be the first team to ever forfeit a Grey Cup! 360 00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:41,951 Who's with me?! 361 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,346 [Screams] 362 00:13:46,346 --> 00:13:49,045 [Shrieks] 363 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,350 Bit of a mixed message, but I'll take it. 364 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,791 Hey lady, what'd you do with my mother? 365 00:13:56,791 --> 00:13:58,750 I am your mother, Gina. 366 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,926 And it's time I started actin' like it. 367 00:14:00,926 --> 00:14:02,580 Is this about that horrible song, Ma? 368 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,756 'Cause if it is, you're overreactin'. 369 00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,932 Snakehammer was fine when I was in my teens, 370 00:14:06,932 --> 00:14:08,716 but I'm a grown-up lady now, 371 00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:10,544 and you know what it says in the Bible. 372 00:14:10,544 --> 00:14:12,416 Uhhh... wait, I know this. 373 00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:15,071 Jesus throws a big dinner party? 374 00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:17,464 Yeah, and one of the Jonas Brothers 375 00:14:17,464 --> 00:14:20,424 betrays him for 30 peanuts of silver. 376 00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:23,775 No! It says ya have to put away childish things. 377 00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:27,474 Like rock albums and hopes and dreams. 378 00:14:27,474 --> 00:14:29,650 And you two are so goin' to bible camp. 379 00:14:29,650 --> 00:14:33,045 Ma, ya think you're a failure, but you've gone viral! 380 00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:35,569 That was 20 years ago and penicillin took care of it. 381 00:14:35,569 --> 00:14:37,049 No, no - 382 00:14:37,049 --> 00:14:39,008 like that video of the toddler with a shotgun, 383 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:41,575 or the girl who plays trumpet with her butt. 384 00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:43,229 Flattering as that is, 385 00:14:43,229 --> 00:14:45,144 I think I'm gonna stick to bein' 386 00:14:45,144 --> 00:14:46,406 an adult from now on. 387 00:14:46,406 --> 00:14:48,191 No more Snakehammer. 388 00:14:48,191 --> 00:14:49,932 [Doorbell] 389 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,934 Oh my God! 390 00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,544 Izzy Copperhead from Snakehammer?! 391 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:56,416 I'm lookin' for the chick who mangled our song. 392 00:14:56,416 --> 00:14:58,201 Here she is. 393 00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,899 [♪♪♪] 394 00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:04,337 World class city! 395 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,470 [Screams] 396 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:07,601 [Whistle] 397 00:15:07,601 --> 00:15:09,299 Okay, so far so good. 398 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,475 It's our ball, and nobody's dead. 399 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,694 C'mon Jimmy. Lemme be quarterback. 400 00:15:13,694 --> 00:15:15,522 Shut up! I'm quarterback. 401 00:15:15,522 --> 00:15:17,350 But I got this play worked out. 402 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,743 It's a sure thing... 403 00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:22,747 [♪♪♪] 404 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,096 [All growl] 405 00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:26,751 26, four, Hindenberg, blue, hut! 406 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:29,623 [Grunting efforts] 407 00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:35,368 [Screams] 408 00:15:37,544 --> 00:15:38,893 Yay! 409 00:15:38,893 --> 00:15:40,721 [Laughs] 410 00:15:40,721 --> 00:15:44,856 [♪♪♪] 411 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,381 They'll never see it comin'! 412 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,340 Let's keep that one in our back pockets for later. 413 00:15:52,559 --> 00:15:53,473 [Gasps] 414 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,391 [All cheer] 415 00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,568 You weren't going to start this party without me, 416 00:16:01,568 --> 00:16:02,917 were you? 417 00:16:02,917 --> 00:16:04,136 What changed your mind? 418 00:16:04,136 --> 00:16:05,485 You did, Jimmy. 419 00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:07,748 You stood tall while others kneeled... 420 00:16:07,748 --> 00:16:09,837 in front of the toilet, yakking their guts out. 421 00:16:09,837 --> 00:16:12,405 C'mere, ya crazy son of a bitch. 422 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:15,321 If you guys are done chokin' each others' chickens, 423 00:16:15,321 --> 00:16:17,454 we got some football to play. 424 00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:18,977 Your call McCool. 425 00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:20,326 Fast and loose, on two. 426 00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:21,545 [Grunting efforts] 427 00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:27,464 Ha ha! 428 00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:29,335 [All cheer] 429 00:16:29,335 --> 00:16:30,989 [All gasp] 430 00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:33,078 You okay, McCool? 431 00:16:33,078 --> 00:16:34,949 Is your conditioner making you impotent? 432 00:16:34,949 --> 00:16:36,516 Find out after the break! 433 00:16:39,954 --> 00:16:41,434 And we're back! 434 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,176 This Rider B-squad sure has heart! 435 00:16:44,176 --> 00:16:47,136 In fact, I see one of their hearts on the field now! 436 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:50,052 And an Argo player just ate it! 437 00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:52,750 There's a hearty meal, am I right? 438 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,056 You're not supposed to be up here. 439 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,361 Terrific! 440 00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:57,015 Lucky we still got this guy. 441 00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:59,496 The only Roughrider ya didn't almost kill with your chili. 442 00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:01,019 'Cause he's a vegetable. 443 00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:02,107 Ya mean vegetarian. 444 00:17:02,107 --> 00:17:03,500 Hike. 445 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,110 [Whistle blows] 446 00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,068 Now he's a vegetable. 447 00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:11,464 At the half, the stadium appears to be filling up 448 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:14,859 as fans get behind this ragtag bunch... 449 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:17,514 or maybe they're just here for Snakehammer. 450 00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,994 I hear the lead singer had a few too many backstage. 451 00:17:19,994 --> 00:17:21,996 He got... Snakehammered. 452 00:17:21,996 --> 00:17:24,086 Is this thing on? 453 00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:28,177 [Pained grunts] 454 00:17:29,656 --> 00:17:31,180 Sometimes in life, 455 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,269 ya take a few knocks... 456 00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:34,835 ...but ya gotta get back up 457 00:17:34,835 --> 00:17:36,272 and give what ya got! 458 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,057 This little lady right here took a beating 459 00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:41,755 and didn't let it get her down. 460 00:17:41,755 --> 00:17:44,193 Put your hands together 461 00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:47,718 for Cookie... 462 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:51,069 What's her name... Whatever her name, ow!! 463 00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:53,637 [Crowd angrily murmurs] 464 00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:57,119 [Instruments tune up] 465 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,122 Who's laughin' now, ya jagoffs! 466 00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,514 Hit it boys! 467 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,212 [♪♪♪] 468 00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,257 ♪ It's a rainy night 469 00:18:05,257 --> 00:18:07,564 ♪ on the boulevard 470 00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:09,392 ♪ my socks are squishy 471 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:12,003 ♪ my life is hard 472 00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,439 [♪♪♪] 473 00:18:13,439 --> 00:18:14,919 ♪ my nose is runny 474 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:17,008 ♪ but I'm a fighter 475 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,836 ♪ kiss my ass 476 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,664 ♪ and raise your lighter... 477 00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:25,016 [Crowd cheers] 478 00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:26,887 [♪♪♪] 479 00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:29,629 Good for you, Cook. Good for you. 480 00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:34,634 [Sobbing] 481 00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:35,853 We're done, Jimmy. 482 00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,637 Time to throw in the towel. 483 00:18:37,637 --> 00:18:39,944 I'll do it, just show me where they keep the towels. 484 00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:41,380 You wanna give up? 485 00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,600 Lie down and die like stinkin' dogs? 486 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,515 No! I just wanna go home. 487 00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,517 Why ya gotta make it sound so ugly? 488 00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,997 Those people out there are startin' to believe in us! 489 00:18:49,997 --> 00:18:52,435 We give up now, we're givin' up on them, 490 00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,088 and ourselves... 491 00:18:54,088 --> 00:18:55,742 and all the kids who dream of playin' 492 00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:57,222 in a league fulla guys 493 00:18:57,222 --> 00:18:58,876 who couldn't cut it in the NFL. 494 00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,399 Those Argo-nutsacks got ya believin' 495 00:19:00,399 --> 00:19:01,922 ya ain't good enough, 496 00:19:01,922 --> 00:19:03,794 that ya ain't world class. 497 00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,709 Well I say they're wrong! 498 00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:09,060 And if ya agree with me, I'll see ya on the field. 499 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,453 Who's with me? 500 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,675 So we goin' for ribs or what? 501 00:19:19,679 --> 00:19:21,594 And we're back for the second half. 502 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,944 Wow, my mom performed at half-time, 503 00:19:23,944 --> 00:19:26,208 my dad's on the team - 504 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,384 Which one did'ja blow to get this job? 505 00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:29,733 Hey! 506 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:32,039 Give me something I can use. I'm dying here! 507 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:38,742 CHEECH: Jimmy! 508 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:40,483 Cheech! 509 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,180 My speech worked? 510 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,356 God no. You're my ride home. 511 00:19:44,356 --> 00:19:45,705 Let's hit 'em where it hurts. 512 00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:47,620 It's time to get in their heads. 513 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,319 How do we do that? Tiny submarine? 514 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:51,537 ARGOS: World class city! 515 00:19:51,537 --> 00:19:53,104 No, here's what we're gonna do... 516 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:58,152 Yo number ten, it's the NFL callin' for ya. 517 00:19:58,152 --> 00:19:59,937 Really? 518 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,721 Nah, 'course not. You [Bleep] suck. 519 00:20:01,721 --> 00:20:03,157 PLAYER: Hike! 520 00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:05,029 [Crowd cheers] 521 00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:11,122 So when's the last time Toronto hosted the Olympics? 522 00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:13,298 Uh, never, but we had the Pan Am Games. 523 00:20:15,387 --> 00:20:18,129 Pan Am Games. That's cute. 524 00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,174 Two subway lines? 525 00:20:20,174 --> 00:20:22,133 You're about as "world class" as Cleveland! 526 00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,352 ALL: Hey! 527 00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,354 [Crowd cheers] 528 00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,010 This gutsy performance has brought Rider Nation back. 529 00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,535 It doesn't get more exciting than this! 530 00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:35,189 I am so hard right now. 531 00:20:35,189 --> 00:20:36,930 Hey World Class [bleep]y, 532 00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:38,845 is the CN Tower still the tallest building in the world? 533 00:20:38,845 --> 00:20:40,847 Well no, but - 534 00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:43,197 [Whistle blows] 535 00:20:43,197 --> 00:20:44,590 [Crowd cheers] 536 00:20:48,028 --> 00:20:49,334 I'm feelin' somethin' Cheech. 537 00:20:49,334 --> 00:20:51,336 Somethin' I ain't felt since we moved up here. 538 00:20:51,336 --> 00:20:52,337 Internal bleedin'? 539 00:20:52,337 --> 00:20:54,121 No... it's pride. 540 00:20:54,121 --> 00:20:56,254 Alright, let's finish this. 541 00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,996 Hey [bleep]nuts, 542 00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:00,867 how many years since the Leafs won the cup? 543 00:21:00,867 --> 00:21:02,086 [All stammer] 544 00:21:02,086 --> 00:21:03,087 Hut! 545 00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:07,613 Touchdown! 546 00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:12,314 [Crowd cheers] 547 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,316 Shouldn't someone tell 'em we lost? 548 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:16,056 Sure we lost, but look at Toronto! 549 00:21:16,056 --> 00:21:17,231 They're miserable. 550 00:21:19,146 --> 00:21:20,887 World Class City! World Class City! 551 00:21:20,887 --> 00:21:22,585 Come on, guys. World class city! 552 00:21:22,585 --> 00:21:24,064 Shut up, Doug! 553 00:21:24,064 --> 00:21:26,893 But Jimmy, we still lost the game. 554 00:21:26,893 --> 00:21:28,330 So what? 555 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,027 It's a whaddayacallit, moral victory. 556 00:21:30,027 --> 00:21:32,072 But we lost! 557 00:21:32,072 --> 00:21:34,597 It's not about winnin' or losin', 558 00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,642 it's how ya play the game! 559 00:21:36,642 --> 00:21:38,818 Oh God... You're one of them! 560 00:21:38,818 --> 00:21:40,559 You turned Canadian! 561 00:21:40,559 --> 00:21:41,560 [Gasp] 562 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,650 Noooooo! 563 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:48,567 Don't forget - Tonight's game will be followed by the second 564 00:21:48,567 --> 00:21:50,134 and final episode 565 00:21:50,134 --> 00:21:51,788 of Two Men and Half a Dog. 566 00:21:52,919 --> 00:21:54,965 I love that show.