1 00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:04,134 How ya doin'? Good? 2 00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,658 Yeah, well, if I asked ya that question in the old life, 3 00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:09,574 I wouldn't know if you was actually tellin' the truth - 4 00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:12,272 'Cause back then, ya couldn't trust nobody. 5 00:00:12,272 --> 00:00:14,796 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 6 00:00:14,796 --> 00:00:17,103 ♪ We can't afford Happy Birthday ♪ 7 00:00:17,103 --> 00:00:20,019 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow... ♪ 8 00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,760 Blow out your candles, Jimmy. 9 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,328 [Others laugh] 10 00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:25,981 JIMMY: Most guys learn not to trust people 11 00:00:25,981 --> 00:00:27,592 by gettin' screwed over, 12 00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:29,724 but it was birthday cake that taught me. 13 00:00:29,724 --> 00:00:31,813 Know what? You blow 'em out. 14 00:00:31,813 --> 00:00:33,902 This guy! So suspicious! 15 00:00:33,902 --> 00:00:36,340 No one's gonna pull that trick again. 16 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,297 Hm. 17 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,866 [Others laugh] 18 00:00:40,866 --> 00:00:43,303 JIMMY: There's an expression - Fool me once, shame on you. 19 00:00:43,303 --> 00:00:45,044 Fool me twice, 20 00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:47,568 I will rip your [bleep]in' ears off! 21 00:00:47,568 --> 00:00:49,831 Really? Do I look stupid to you guys? 22 00:00:52,225 --> 00:00:53,922 There! 23 00:00:53,922 --> 00:00:55,707 There's your [bleep]in' cake! 24 00:00:57,752 --> 00:00:59,928 It's okay. He missed my dick. 25 00:00:59,928 --> 00:01:01,756 Anyway, now that I live among 26 00:01:01,756 --> 00:01:03,584 the goody-good people of Regina, 27 00:01:03,584 --> 00:01:05,760 I still don't trust nobody. 28 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,502 Yeah, yeah, thanks to you, I don't got a spleen. 29 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,591 Now say the thing so we can go inside. 30 00:01:10,591 --> 00:01:13,072 Nah. You say it. 31 00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:15,466 Why should I say it? YOU say it. 32 00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,816 Oh, for Christsake. Fugget about it! 33 00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:19,209 [Others laugh] 34 00:01:20,427 --> 00:01:21,994 ♪ Let me tell you something 35 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,778 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 36 00:01:23,778 --> 00:01:26,781 ♪ Made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 37 00:01:26,781 --> 00:01:29,262 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 38 00:01:29,262 --> 00:01:30,872 ♪ he take the boss, 39 00:01:30,872 --> 00:01:32,700 ♪ he threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 40 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:35,747 ♪ Wasn't much longer 'til the mob want him dead ♪ 41 00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:39,011 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 42 00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:42,014 ♪ The Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 43 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,669 ♪ so he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan. ♪ 44 00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:47,454 ♪ Fugget about it! ♪ Fugget about it! 45 00:01:47,454 --> 00:01:50,153 ♪ Fugget about it! Oh, fugget about it! ♪ 46 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:57,377 "For Canada, where Canadians are from..." 47 00:01:57,377 --> 00:02:00,337 That's awful! Where's the poetry, the insight? 48 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,165 This is uninspired and lazy! 49 00:02:03,905 --> 00:02:06,169 "For Canada..." Good start. 50 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,083 "...Go Blue Jays?!" Oh, come on! 51 00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:09,911 I let you order Chinese, 52 00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:11,609 and this is the best you can come up with? 53 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,393 [Loon call phone ring] 54 00:02:13,393 --> 00:02:15,352 Hi-lo-lo. Blast! 55 00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:16,918 Even my phone greetings are terrible! 56 00:02:16,918 --> 00:02:18,398 We'll do those next. 57 00:02:18,398 --> 00:02:20,095 It's Theresa. 58 00:02:20,095 --> 00:02:22,402 I've been in a teensy little fender-banger. 59 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,405 I'm on my way. [Whistle] 60 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,757 For Canada, where - 61 00:02:29,757 --> 00:02:32,238 "maple syrup lacrosse double-double?!" 62 00:02:32,238 --> 00:02:33,979 Now you're just mocking me. 63 00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,850 [Window smash] 64 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:38,331 [Distant car alarm] 65 00:02:47,514 --> 00:02:49,255 What's a six letter word for "hurry?" 66 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,913 Hm... No serious damage. 67 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,958 Horse, get this out of the ditch, will you? 68 00:02:56,958 --> 00:02:58,873 Please don't tell my folks about this. 69 00:02:58,873 --> 00:03:01,006 [Hiccup]Smooth Canadian Club! 70 00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:02,747 Have you been drinking? 71 00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:05,445 I had one beer. I swear I'm not - 72 00:03:05,445 --> 00:03:06,881 Blow. 73 00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:10,972 Hm... You're not inebriated, 74 00:03:10,972 --> 00:03:13,714 but there's a hint of alcohol in your blood. 75 00:03:13,714 --> 00:03:15,325 Provincial law requires me 76 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:17,283 to confiscate your license. 77 00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:18,980 I'm not drunk! 78 00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:20,504 I don't understand. 79 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:21,635 No? 80 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,028 Fortunately, I just completed 81 00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,725 an RCMP workshop 82 00:03:24,725 --> 00:03:26,161 on talking to teens. 83 00:03:26,161 --> 00:03:27,424 Ahem. 84 00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,817 Word on the herd is short ones can't slop 85 00:03:29,817 --> 00:03:31,906 a jorum of skee and skate the jam wagon. 86 00:03:31,906 --> 00:03:33,647 So mind your turnips, ya silly frail! 87 00:03:34,909 --> 00:03:37,172 Teenagers don't talk like that. 88 00:03:37,172 --> 00:03:39,914 Hm... The workshop did seem a tad outdated - 89 00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:42,656 Especially the part about how bathtub gin leads to syphilis. 90 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,049 Whatever. 91 00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,269 Just please don't tell my parents about this. 92 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:49,141 I won't, Theresa - But you will. 93 00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:50,098 [Sigh] 94 00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:55,452 There you go, clumsy. Let's drive you home. 95 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,803 [Neighing] 96 00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,631 No, we can't stop for drive-thru! 97 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:01,936 [Neigh] 98 00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,939 Guess what? 99 00:04:04,939 --> 00:04:07,638 I won first place at the High School Science Fair - 100 00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:09,204 sponsored by Wheatcorp, 101 00:04:09,204 --> 00:04:11,859 a subsidiary of Wheatthin Enterprises. 102 00:04:11,859 --> 00:04:13,513 We have to say that last part 103 00:04:13,513 --> 00:04:15,036 or their lawyers come after us. 104 00:04:15,036 --> 00:04:16,908 Congratulations, Petey! 105 00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:19,127 What'd ya do, cure stupid? 106 00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:20,694 'Cause Cheech'll buy it twice. 107 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,348 I totally would! 108 00:04:22,348 --> 00:04:25,569 I designed a weight loss app that counts calories in food. 109 00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,440 I call it the Calogrameter. 110 00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,400 4,000 calories... 111 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,792 Jeez, pop! 112 00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:36,188 How many calories was that, ya food-shamin' little jerk? 113 00:04:37,232 --> 00:04:38,799 125. 114 00:04:38,799 --> 00:04:40,410 I hate to tell ya, 115 00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:42,237 but somebody already thought of that - 116 00:04:42,237 --> 00:04:43,978 Adolph Einstein. 117 00:04:43,978 --> 00:04:45,589 How is this possible? 118 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,982 "A product of... Wheatcorp?!" 119 00:04:47,982 --> 00:04:50,681 Richard Wheatthin stole my idea! 120 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,509 [Horse whinny]Uh-oh. 121 00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:54,075 Don't wanna be late for school! 122 00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,906 42 calories? 123 00:04:58,906 --> 00:05:00,517 I wouldn't talk, kid. 124 00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:02,214 I've seen you come out of the shower. 125 00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,390 At least mine has a mustache. 126 00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:06,349 I really don't want to tell my parents. 127 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,394 Can't we just forget it? 128 00:05:08,394 --> 00:05:10,396 I can't stop thinking about last night. 129 00:05:10,396 --> 00:05:12,050 The drinking, the blowing... 130 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,007 [Gasp] 131 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,707 THERESA: I didn't blow that bad. 132 00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,317 McCOOL: I'm sorry to tell you, 133 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:20,537 but you didn't blow very well, either.Oh yeah? 134 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,930 I don't think your equipment was working very well. 135 00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:25,106 My equipment may be a bit old, 136 00:05:25,106 --> 00:05:27,370 but I assure you it works just fine! 137 00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:28,893 Or at least it did before you 138 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,590 got your teeth marks all over it. 139 00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:32,375 How could there be teeth marks? 140 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,289 That thing was sooo hard! 141 00:05:34,289 --> 00:05:35,247 [Gasp] 142 00:05:36,509 --> 00:05:38,729 In any case, if you don't tell your parents 143 00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:41,122 about your alcohol- fueled accident, I will. 144 00:05:41,122 --> 00:05:42,863 Now if you'll excuse me... 145 00:05:42,863 --> 00:05:46,911 For Canada, where curling is looked upon favorably... 146 00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,260 Oh, these are atrocious! 147 00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:54,571 Thanks to Cheech needin' a bath toy, 148 00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:57,225 my Virgin Mary statue ain't a virgin no more. 149 00:05:57,225 --> 00:05:59,097 You better step up, uh, 150 00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,969 Saint Polycarp of Smyrna. 151 00:06:01,969 --> 00:06:05,364 Tell me your troubles, my child. 152 00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:07,801 McCool's been foolin' around with my teenage daughter. 153 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,368 What do I do? 154 00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:12,197 Oh, uh, I - I can't help you. 155 00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:16,201 I - I'm the patron saint of earaches and dysentery. 156 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,812 Dysen - Ya mean diarrhea? 157 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,727 And earaches! 158 00:06:20,727 --> 00:06:22,860 I'm very good with those. 159 00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,818 If you eat bad Indian food, 160 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,733 or get some of it in your ear canal, 161 00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:28,605 I'm your man. 162 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,737 Who'd you screw to become a Saint? 163 00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:32,696 Cook, ya done with Polycarp here? 164 00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,437 I got a case of the squirts 165 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,177 that's drainin' the life outta me. 166 00:06:36,177 --> 00:06:38,484 Squat before me, my son. 167 00:06:39,572 --> 00:06:40,486 Hey! 168 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,491 I just spoke to Wheatcorp. 169 00:06:45,491 --> 00:06:47,841 Turns out any idea entered in the science fair 170 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,800 automatically becomes their property. 171 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,541 I like that business model. 172 00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:54,152 Ya want it, ya take it. Screw everyone! 173 00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:56,067 I strenuously voiced my objection 174 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,808 and they promised to send 175 00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:00,419 "an acknowledgement of my contribution." 176 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,073 Whatever it is, 177 00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,770 I get ten percent or I break your foot. 178 00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:04,858 [Door bell] 179 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,558 I'm Pat on the Back, 180 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,995 and I'm here to give you, Petey McDougal, 181 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:13,954 a "Pat On the Back," courtesy of Wheattcorp! 182 00:07:13,954 --> 00:07:15,478 Is it a check or direct deposit? 183 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,392 ♪ Who needs money? 184 00:07:17,392 --> 00:07:19,830 ♪ Not me, Jack! Who needs money? ♪ 185 00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,484 ♪ Take it all back! 186 00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:24,443 ♪ Money won't save you from a heart attack, ♪ 187 00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:27,402 ♪ or get your mother offa the crack. ♪ 188 00:07:27,402 --> 00:07:30,493 ♪ Money is evil, that's a fact, ♪ 189 00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:33,147 ♪ but nothing says "thank you" like a Pat on the Back! ♪ 190 00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,150 Have a great day! 191 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:40,372 [Growl]Lemme guess. 192 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,156 Ya got a white hot ball of rage 193 00:07:42,156 --> 00:07:43,767 right between your eyes. 194 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,072 [Grunt] 195 00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:47,901 You wanna put two slugs in Wheatthin's face 196 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,469 so they can't even have an open casket! 197 00:07:50,469 --> 00:07:52,297 Uh, not exactly. 198 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,125 But I am quite miffed! 199 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,779 Easy there, psycho! 200 00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:57,432 Ya want revenge? 201 00:07:57,432 --> 00:07:59,783 No, I want justice... 202 00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:03,090 ...Godfather. 203 00:08:03,090 --> 00:08:06,093 [Bleep], do you ever know what buttons to push! 204 00:08:06,093 --> 00:08:08,313 Uh, could I grab a ride home off one of you? 205 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,228 McCool and Theresa?! 206 00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:12,273 That's nutso! 207 00:08:12,273 --> 00:08:15,102 What would she even see in that guy?Oh, I dunno... 208 00:08:15,102 --> 00:08:17,365 Maybe his big shoulders, strong arms, 209 00:08:17,365 --> 00:08:18,976 those tree-trunk legs. 210 00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:22,806 [Sigh] Not to mention his dreamy eyes, square jaw, 211 00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:25,373 and the fact that he probably gives horse penis envy. 212 00:08:25,373 --> 00:08:28,289 Yeah okay, but apart from that, he's got nothin'! 213 00:08:28,289 --> 00:08:30,683 Theresa! Get your ass in here! 214 00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,557 Alright, kid, what's up with you and McCool? 215 00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:37,385 Oh my God, he told you? 216 00:08:37,385 --> 00:08:40,040 No, he didn't. But - HA! I knew it! 217 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,999 Hey, that's entrapment! 218 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:43,566 Right, daddy? 219 00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:45,263 Sure is, Buttercup. 220 00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,743 Shame on you, Cook! 221 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,396 If he didn't say nothin', 222 00:08:48,396 --> 00:08:50,137 I'm not sayin' nothin' neither. 223 00:08:50,137 --> 00:08:51,704 Oh, is that so? 224 00:08:51,704 --> 00:08:53,314 Then you're grounded! 225 00:08:53,314 --> 00:08:55,360 Don't she have a right to council?No! 226 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,536 And no phone call neither! Gimme your phone. 227 00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:59,494 Fine, take it! 228 00:08:59,494 --> 00:09:01,584 And let us never speak of this incident 229 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,890 that never occurred again. 230 00:09:03,890 --> 00:09:05,892 Jimmy, why don't ya believe me? 231 00:09:05,892 --> 00:09:08,068 'Cause we're talkin' about McCool! 232 00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:10,244 The guy's an overgrown boy scout! 233 00:09:10,244 --> 00:09:11,811 Sure, he's a ladies man, 234 00:09:11,811 --> 00:09:13,291 but he'd never mess with my daughter. 235 00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:14,901 Oh yeah? 236 00:09:14,901 --> 00:09:16,642 How do ya like your boy scout now? 237 00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:23,388 Get my guns - All of 'em. 238 00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:25,564 Ooh, I can't wait! 239 00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:27,566 No more shooting bums down at the train yard! 240 00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:29,089 What?I mean - 241 00:09:29,089 --> 00:09:30,743 We're back, baby! 242 00:09:33,180 --> 00:09:34,878 McCOOL: How's everyone doing? 243 00:09:36,096 --> 00:09:37,707 Johnny, how's the golf game? 244 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,622 Has your handicap improved, 245 00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:42,015 or are you still a "golf-a-palegic?" 246 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,451 [Laugh] 247 00:09:43,451 --> 00:09:45,323 [Silence] 248 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,412 Tough room. Is it something I said? 249 00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:50,720 What's, uh... What's going on? 250 00:09:56,377 --> 00:09:58,641 See if I ever buy you guys Chinese food again! 251 00:10:00,381 --> 00:10:02,035 Cookie, what the hell is this? 252 00:10:03,471 --> 00:10:06,257 A scumbag like McCool ain't worth doin' time over, 253 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,912 so I figured we should get him where it really hurts. 254 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,391 I was gonna do that! 255 00:10:10,391 --> 00:10:11,915 I was gonna shoot him right in the nuts! 256 00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,612 Jimmy, why kill someone 257 00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:15,266 when ya can ruin their life? 258 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:17,529 Death is but a single moment. 259 00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,749 Misery is forever. 260 00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:23,840 You... You... You're good! 261 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,668 Where'd ya come up with that line? 262 00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,104 [Door bell]It's a Snakehammer song. 263 00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:30,063 Oh look, 264 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:33,153 Roman Pervlanski decided to swing by. 265 00:10:33,153 --> 00:10:34,677 Jimmy, there's a perfectly innocent 266 00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,287 explanation for that picture. 267 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,768 The one of you grabbin' my daughter's keister? 268 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:41,031 This I gotta hear! 269 00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,815 Theresa was drinking and driving 270 00:10:42,815 --> 00:10:44,469 and crashed the SUV in a ditch - 271 00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:46,863 You're a real piece of work, ya know that? 272 00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:48,734 Tryin' to blame the victim! 273 00:10:48,734 --> 00:10:51,432 I'm the victim here! I've been suspended! 274 00:10:51,432 --> 00:10:53,130 They took everything - my badge, Horse, 275 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:55,001 my catchphrases. 276 00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:56,786 Ya got off easy, scumbag, 277 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,222 but not for long. 278 00:10:58,222 --> 00:10:59,876 Mark my words, 279 00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,139 I am gonna destroy you for what you did! 280 00:11:03,444 --> 00:11:04,924 [Sigh] 281 00:11:04,924 --> 00:11:06,273 For Canada... 282 00:11:07,361 --> 00:11:09,276 Aw, come on, Daryl! 283 00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:12,802 [Glass breaking] 284 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:16,196 Okay, now what? We give him a wedgie? 285 00:11:16,196 --> 00:11:17,850 No, wait - Let's pants him! 286 00:11:17,850 --> 00:11:19,722 Shut up and lemme do this. 287 00:11:22,855 --> 00:11:24,727 Alright, wiseguy, 288 00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:27,904 I'm gonna need ya to put the ol' John Hancock on there. 289 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,124 I'm afraid I can't do that. 290 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,691 [Cocking gun] 291 00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:34,432 Gina, what are you doing?! 292 00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:37,261 Ix-nay, on the ames-nay, uck-fay! 293 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:38,871 Ya got a choice - 294 00:11:38,871 --> 00:11:40,612 Either your signature or your brains 295 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:42,570 are gonna be on that contract. 296 00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:44,442 I always wanted to say that. 297 00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:46,270 I am so sorry about this! 298 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:47,924 Shut up! 299 00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,795 Sign over the rights to the app, 300 00:11:49,795 --> 00:11:52,755 or get skull-humped by a nine, bitch. 301 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:55,148 This is NOT what I signed up for! 302 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,498 This is exactly what ya signed up for. 303 00:11:57,498 --> 00:11:59,022 Don't go limp on me now. 304 00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:01,067 Give me that, Gina! 305 00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,852 Hey, leggo, ya dumb motherfu- 306 00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:06,812 [Gasp] 307 00:12:06,812 --> 00:12:08,422 Oh, thanks a lot. 308 00:12:08,422 --> 00:12:10,163 I didn't even get to savor the moment! 309 00:12:12,078 --> 00:12:14,907 MAN: [English accent] You're not welcome in the Queen's Beaver! 310 00:12:14,907 --> 00:12:15,995 [Sigh] 311 00:12:15,995 --> 00:12:17,605 Sicko! 312 00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:19,216 Pervert! 313 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:24,221 ♪ [Sad saxophone jazz] 314 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:29,226 ♪ [Sad saxophone jazz] 315 00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:34,231 ♪ [Sad saxophone jazz] 316 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:37,712 ♪ [Sad saxophone jazz] 317 00:12:37,712 --> 00:12:41,064 ♪ [Sad saxophone jazz] 318 00:12:43,109 --> 00:12:44,807 Look at this one of McCool 319 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,591 stuffin' his face with my lasagna. 320 00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:48,245 Send it in and say 321 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,942 he's one of those guys who pukes after he eats. 322 00:12:49,942 --> 00:12:51,291 McCool's Bolivian? 323 00:12:52,466 --> 00:12:54,164 Are you outta your minds?! 324 00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:56,383 McCool didn't grope me. 325 00:12:56,383 --> 00:12:59,256 He helped me after I drove the car into a ditch! 326 00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:01,345 What?Look... 327 00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:03,347 I drank a little that night, 328 00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:04,914 which is why I called McCool. 329 00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:06,524 Oh crap! 330 00:13:06,524 --> 00:13:08,787 You drove our car into a ditch?! 331 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:10,484 You're grounded, young lady. 332 00:13:10,484 --> 00:13:12,835 I'm already grounded. 333 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:15,011 Well, I'm temporarily un-grounding you 334 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,751 so I can re-ground you! 335 00:13:16,751 --> 00:13:18,666 Yay - Wait, what? 336 00:13:18,666 --> 00:13:21,234 Theresa, we gotta talk about the real problem here. 337 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:24,020 You drove drunk, crashed your car, 338 00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:27,066 and then called a frickin' cop?! 339 00:13:27,066 --> 00:13:28,938 Ya just pry the plates off, 340 00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,896 torch the car, and run! 341 00:13:30,896 --> 00:13:32,463 I can't believe you thought McCool 342 00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:33,812 would do somethin' like this. 343 00:13:33,812 --> 00:13:35,335 You're grounded! 344 00:13:35,335 --> 00:13:38,077 You're all grounded! 345 00:13:38,077 --> 00:13:40,645 We're crucifyin' the guy for no reason. 346 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,168 I gotta go make this right. 347 00:13:42,168 --> 00:13:43,909 Hang on, hang on - 348 00:13:43,909 --> 00:13:45,693 Ya mean this colossal screw-up here 349 00:13:45,693 --> 00:13:47,434 has nothin' to do with me? 350 00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:50,176 I don't know if I'm happy or lost. 351 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,837 I'm too young to go to jail! 352 00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:01,492 Am I gonna die in there? Will people wanna fight me? 353 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,276 Fight ya? No. 354 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,322 Fight over ya? Yeah. 355 00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:07,150 C'mon, let's chop him up, 356 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:09,152 put him in quick lime, and get the hell outta here. 357 00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,893 We've snuffed out a life! 358 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,546 We have to turn ourselves in. 359 00:14:13,634 --> 00:14:15,071 He's smokin'. 360 00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,681 Yes, he was a handsome man, 361 00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,509 but that has nothing to do with -No, ya dope. 362 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,076 He's smokin'! 363 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:21,512 He's a freakin' robot! 364 00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,253 Of course... 365 00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:25,777 WheatCorp is at the forefront of Autobotics research! 366 00:14:26,821 --> 00:14:28,214 Phew! 367 00:14:28,214 --> 00:14:30,608 At least we're only guilty of robicide, not murder. 368 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,305 Congratulations. 369 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,394 Ya just sucked the last bit of fun outta this caper. 370 00:14:39,486 --> 00:14:40,618 [Belch] 371 00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:42,446 Jesus! Lookit him. 372 00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,535 I know. Lucky bastard. 373 00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:47,364 Daytime TV, junk food, 374 00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,148 and a sweet track suit. 375 00:14:49,148 --> 00:14:50,584 [Belch] 376 00:14:50,584 --> 00:14:52,935 It's all my dreams come true. 377 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,806 It's pretty much your life already. 378 00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:55,938 Izzat so? 379 00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:57,852 Do ya see me in a track suit, Jimmy? 380 00:14:57,852 --> 00:14:58,810 Do ya? 381 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:01,421 JIMMY: Hey, Strait! 382 00:15:01,421 --> 00:15:03,467 Jimmy! Good to see you! 383 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,077 Is that Cheech? 384 00:15:05,077 --> 00:15:06,861 You old bag of screws! How are you? 385 00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:08,341 Can I have some chips? 386 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:11,518 Ha! Good ol' Cheech. Always with the chips. 387 00:15:11,518 --> 00:15:14,434 McCool, what are ya doin', eatin' all that crap? 388 00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:16,262 I'm eating my feelings, Jimmy - 389 00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:17,611 and they're delicious! 390 00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:22,790 Listen, about all that stuff in the papers - 391 00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,357 I had it all sorted out. 392 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,229 They're printin' retractions as we speak. 393 00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:28,057 Really?Yeah. 394 00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,189 I talked to your boss and explained the mix-up. 395 00:15:30,189 --> 00:15:32,365 You'll be reinstated by the end of the week. 396 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:35,151 That's wonderful news, Jimmy, just wonderful. 397 00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:37,892 So if there's anything else I can do, name it. 398 00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:39,546 I mean it - Anything. 399 00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:41,374 Um, let me think if there's anything... 400 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,159 Oh, yes. 401 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,944 Maybe you could get the hell out of my house and my life forever, 402 00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:47,380 ya son of a bitch! 403 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,165 Uh... 404 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,341 On second thought, I like not being the [bleep]-up every week. 405 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,302 You ruined my life, Jimmy. 406 00:15:56,302 --> 00:15:58,783 But then I fixed it, so we're good! 407 00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:00,350 That's not the point. 408 00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:02,004 After all we've been through, 409 00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,136 couldn't you at least give me the benefit of the doubt? 410 00:16:04,136 --> 00:16:07,444 I never understood how doubt is a benefit. 411 00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,185 McCool, ya know how I am! 412 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,969 I shoot first, aim later. 413 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:12,623 Well, thanks to you, 414 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,973 I'll be forever known as "the Groping Mountie." 415 00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,540 Well, you shouldn'ta gone behind my back 416 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:17,932 about Theresa's accident. 417 00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:19,543 If I "ratted" to you, 418 00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,066 she would never have trusted me again. 419 00:16:21,066 --> 00:16:22,807 Well, now I don't trust ya! 420 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:25,157 After the jolly rogering you gave me in the press, 421 00:16:25,157 --> 00:16:26,680 I don't trust YOU either! 422 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,334 Yeah, well, screw you McCool! 423 00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:30,162 Screw YOU, Jimmy! 424 00:16:30,162 --> 00:16:32,773 Alright, cut it out, you idiots! 425 00:16:32,773 --> 00:16:34,427 I can't stand listenin' to ya 426 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,081 hurtin' each other like this! 427 00:16:36,081 --> 00:16:38,344 Ya been friends for a long time now. 428 00:16:38,344 --> 00:16:40,390 Arguin' ain't gonna settle nothin'... 429 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,218 You two need to fight! 430 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,615 Okay, can we get out of here? 431 00:16:48,615 --> 00:16:50,530 Ya still gotta get what's yours, Petey. 432 00:16:50,530 --> 00:16:51,879 Let's rob the joint! 433 00:16:55,535 --> 00:16:57,189 Where these clowns goin'? 434 00:16:57,189 --> 00:16:59,844 I wonder if Wheatthin ever makes those robots 435 00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,541 have sex with each other. 436 00:17:01,541 --> 00:17:04,414 Now I know why ya take the clothes off your action figures. 437 00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:06,372 Now get your head in the game! 438 00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:13,597 [Machinery powering up] 439 00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:15,686 Maybe I can program one of them 440 00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:18,558 to sign back the rights to my Calogramolator... 441 00:17:18,558 --> 00:17:20,169 Name still needs work. 442 00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:22,127 Way to think big, dumbass. 443 00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:24,825 Hack 'em to sign over the whole empire! 444 00:17:24,825 --> 00:17:26,871 That's not possible. 445 00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:29,047 You may know more about criminal enterprises, 446 00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:30,962 but when it comes to technology, 447 00:17:30,962 --> 00:17:32,659 I am the master. 448 00:17:32,659 --> 00:17:35,619 More like master-bator - to robot porn. 449 00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,447 I made one little joke! 450 00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:40,058 I read your blog, "Androidlover98." 451 00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:45,019 [Machinery powering up] 452 00:17:45,019 --> 00:17:46,412 Oh dear God. 453 00:17:47,587 --> 00:17:49,633 That is so creepy. 454 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,722 Turn 'em off.Give me a second. 455 00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:53,202 That should do it. 456 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:58,207 ♪ 457 00:17:58,207 --> 00:18:03,255 ♪♪ 458 00:18:03,255 --> 00:18:04,909 If we die, Petey, 459 00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:07,651 I just want ya to know I never liked you. 460 00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:10,697 CROWD: Fight! fight! Fight! 461 00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:13,657 Ya sure ya won't be breakin' some RCMP rule? 462 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,137 Er, yes, now that you mention it, 463 00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,747 we have to call this off. 464 00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:18,227 My hands are tied, Jimmy. 465 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,577 Ya don't get reinstated until next week. 466 00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:22,100 Now go ahead, dance, boys. 467 00:18:23,188 --> 00:18:24,189 Damn. 468 00:18:24,189 --> 00:18:25,799 If we are going to do this, 469 00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:27,366 we will abide by Queensberry rules. 470 00:18:27,366 --> 00:18:30,108 Nu-uh. Brooklyn rules or nothin'. 471 00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:32,632 What are Brooklyn rules?There are no rules. 472 00:18:32,632 --> 00:18:34,156 But that's a rule. 473 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,722 What?Don't you see? 474 00:18:35,722 --> 00:18:37,550 "No rules" is a rule in and of itself. 475 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:38,986 I never thought of it that way. 476 00:18:38,986 --> 00:18:40,597 It's the exception paradox. 477 00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:42,076 It's quite fascinating, really, because - 478 00:18:42,076 --> 00:18:43,991 Would you two just fight already! 479 00:18:43,991 --> 00:18:46,342 MEN: Fight! Fight! Fight! 480 00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,126 Alright, let's do this. 481 00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:49,867 Here we go.This is it. 482 00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,216 I can't believe it's come to this. 483 00:18:51,216 --> 00:18:52,739 Me neither. 484 00:18:52,739 --> 00:18:54,872 You really hurt me, Jimmy.And you hurt me. 485 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:57,788 Will somebody please hurt someone?! 486 00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,964 It ain't nice findin' out your own daughter 487 00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:02,358 calls someone else when she's in trouble. 488 00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,403 She's supposed to call family! 489 00:19:04,403 --> 00:19:07,406 I thought, in a way, I was family. 490 00:19:07,406 --> 00:19:09,147 But I'm her father! 491 00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,845 I may not be the best father, but if my kids are in trouble, 492 00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:13,847 I wanna be the one to save the day. 493 00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:15,893 [Phone rings]Hello? 494 00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,677 Dad! Help! 495 00:19:17,677 --> 00:19:20,202 Gina and I are cornered by a legion of bloodthirsty robots! 496 00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:22,769 It's for you. 497 00:19:25,511 --> 00:19:27,209 Step away from those children, 498 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,775 you robotic abominations! 499 00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:33,563 Prepare to have that finger snapped off 500 00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:35,565 and inserted into whichever orifice 501 00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,480 serves as your rectum! 502 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,916 Nice one!Thank you. 503 00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:43,877 ♪♪ 504 00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:47,403 ♪ 505 00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:52,451 ♪♪ 506 00:19:52,451 --> 00:19:54,540 [Groan][Laugh] 507 00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:55,454 Sorry. 508 00:19:55,454 --> 00:20:00,111 ♪ 509 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:04,855 ♪♪ 510 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:07,292 Whoa, it's just like that one Michael Bay movie. 511 00:20:07,292 --> 00:20:09,251 Which one? The terrible one. 512 00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,731 He never made a terrible one, ya dick. 513 00:20:11,731 --> 00:20:13,994 Jimmy! I'll distract the robots. 514 00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:16,083 You take Gina and Petey to safety. 515 00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:17,955 Uh, you take the kids, McCool. 516 00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:19,739 They stand a better chance with you. 517 00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,395 Petey, what are you doin'?! 518 00:20:23,395 --> 00:20:24,831 Uh, nothing. 519 00:20:26,485 --> 00:20:29,488 ♪ 520 00:20:29,488 --> 00:20:32,535 ♪♪ 521 00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:34,188 Hey, Roboto-Jerks! 522 00:20:34,188 --> 00:20:38,671 ♪ 523 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:43,502 ♪♪ 524 00:20:43,502 --> 00:20:48,159 ♪ 525 00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:50,814 Jump, Jimmy! I'll catch you! 526 00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:53,382 What are you, nuts?Trust me, Jimmy! 527 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,209 In case ya didn't notice, 528 00:20:55,209 --> 00:20:57,603 I kinda got trust issues! 529 00:20:57,603 --> 00:21:00,127 I know, but you can trust me, Jimmy! 530 00:21:00,127 --> 00:21:01,651 Now jump! 531 00:21:01,651 --> 00:21:04,654 ♪ 532 00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:07,526 ♪♪ 533 00:21:09,441 --> 00:21:12,183 THAT'S for thinking I would ever grope your daughter! 534 00:21:12,183 --> 00:21:13,358 [Groan] 535 00:21:16,056 --> 00:21:17,841 GINA: That was a [bleep]in' waste of time! 536 00:21:17,841 --> 00:21:19,625 Wheatthin still owns Petey's app. 537 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,453 There goes my eighty percent. 538 00:21:21,453 --> 00:21:23,586 Hey, we never agreed to -Keep talkin', 539 00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:25,892 it'll be ninety.That app's dead anyway. 540 00:21:25,892 --> 00:21:29,156 Now there's one that lies about how many calories you're eatin'. 541 00:21:29,156 --> 00:21:30,767 What're "calories," anyway? 542 00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,508 Is that some kinda food? 543 00:21:32,508 --> 00:21:35,859 Well, Jimmy, I assume after I beat off all those robots, 544 00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:37,730 there's no hard feelings? 545 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,384 No sir. 546 00:21:39,384 --> 00:21:41,081 And to show you we're square, 547 00:21:41,081 --> 00:21:43,345 I want ya to be the first to sign my cast. 548 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:44,955 It would be an honour. 549 00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:46,565 What about you, McCool? 550 00:21:46,565 --> 00:21:49,089 Any hard feelin's? Be honest. 551 00:21:49,089 --> 00:21:50,830 Hard feelings? No, none at all! 552 00:21:53,833 --> 00:21:55,748 [Others laugh] 553 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,184 What, did he write somethin' cute? 554 00:21:58,316 --> 00:21:59,709 [Laughter]