1 00:00:01,609 --> 00:00:03,176 How ya doin'? 2 00:00:03,176 --> 00:00:05,439 Who am I? None of your business! 3 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,441 What's it to ya? You writin' a book?! 4 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:09,704 That's how I'd be talkin' if I was still in the mob. 5 00:00:09,704 --> 00:00:11,445 The ancient Italian code of silence 6 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,056 known as "Omerta" 7 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,058 required us to keep our mouths shut. 8 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,234 It all started back in Sicily, 9 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,887 where the mob made an example 10 00:00:18,887 --> 00:00:21,151 of anyone who opened their mouth... 11 00:00:25,111 --> 00:00:27,418 Like this guy - all he did was ask a cop for directions. 12 00:00:29,724 --> 00:00:31,683 After that, no one ever talked to the cops. 13 00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,381 ♪ 14 00:00:34,381 --> 00:00:37,297 ♪♪ 15 00:00:37,297 --> 00:00:39,082 In fact, no one ever talked to anyone, 16 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,387 just to be on the safe side. 17 00:00:40,387 --> 00:00:43,912 ♪ 18 00:00:43,912 --> 00:00:47,655 ♪♪ 19 00:00:47,655 --> 00:00:50,397 Even if my great grand-pop's pants were on fire, 20 00:00:50,397 --> 00:00:52,660 he still would'a kept his mouth shut. 21 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:54,271 Helluva guy. 22 00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:56,925 The whole village grinded to a halt. 23 00:00:56,925 --> 00:00:59,406 They hadda come up with some way to communicate. 24 00:00:59,406 --> 00:01:02,975 ♪ 25 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:06,413 ♪♪ 26 00:01:06,413 --> 00:01:09,982 ♪ 27 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:13,420 ♪♪ 28 00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:17,990 ♪ 29 00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:22,690 ♪♪ 30 00:01:22,690 --> 00:01:25,389 And that's why Italians talk with their hands. 31 00:01:26,694 --> 00:01:28,305 Because of Omerta? 32 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,697 I don't think that's true, Pop. 33 00:01:29,697 --> 00:01:31,264 Oh yeah?Ow! 34 00:01:31,264 --> 00:01:33,223 Ya know what that means, or did I stutter? 35 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,573 Uh... Fugget about it? 36 00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:38,663 ♪ Let me tell you something 37 00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:40,404 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 38 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,407 ♪ Made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 39 00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,844 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 40 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,454 ♪ he take the boss, 41 00:01:47,454 --> 00:01:49,282 ♪ he threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 42 00:01:49,282 --> 00:01:52,372 ♪ Wasn't much longer 'til the mob want him dead ♪ 43 00:01:52,372 --> 00:01:55,636 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 44 00:01:55,636 --> 00:01:58,639 ♪ The Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 45 00:01:58,639 --> 00:02:01,251 ♪ so he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan. ♪ 46 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:04,036 ♪ Fugget about it! ♪ Fugget about it! 47 00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:06,734 ♪ Fugget about it! Oh, fugget about it! ♪ 48 00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:14,220 This corset's so tight my boobs are comin' out my back. 49 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,830 Why are we here? 50 00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:17,832 I gotta support my boss's side business, 51 00:02:17,832 --> 00:02:19,312 'cause he supports my Wednesdays, 52 00:02:19,312 --> 00:02:20,879 Tuesdays, and Thursdays off. 53 00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:23,186 Dinner where someone gets whacked... 54 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:25,188 It's like I'm back home. 55 00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,928 Except I'm dressed like an asshole.[Gunshot] 56 00:02:26,928 --> 00:02:29,322 Oh no! 57 00:02:29,322 --> 00:02:31,411 Someone shoot-em Rancher Dan! 58 00:02:32,847 --> 00:02:34,414 Ooh, the cavalry's here! 59 00:02:34,414 --> 00:02:36,111 ...Albeit unscripted. 60 00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:37,852 Roll with it, everyone! 61 00:02:37,852 --> 00:02:39,550 Don't mind me. I'm just here to see - 62 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:43,641 Buffalo Jump, Toby! You can't wear that! 63 00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:45,033 I can't even wear that! 64 00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:49,037 Jimmy, I'm afraid I have some pressing news. 65 00:02:49,037 --> 00:02:51,605 Great, tell us at home! Let's go! 66 00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:55,609 ALL: Yeehaw! 67 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,611 For Canada... 68 00:02:57,611 --> 00:03:00,484 where white people still think wearing these is okay! 69 00:03:03,051 --> 00:03:04,401 [Groan] 70 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,751 Dances with Horse make biggum angry, 71 00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:08,927 run many paces. 72 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,276 Am I right, guys? 73 00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:17,283 Alright, McCool, so what's this news? 74 00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:19,154 There's no easy way to say this... 75 00:03:19,154 --> 00:03:21,505 Aw crap, we're movin' again. 76 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:24,247 Who'd ya rat out this time, Hopalong Sacka[bleep]? 77 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,814 I, for one, welcome a fresh start! 78 00:03:26,814 --> 00:03:29,426 That's 'cause you got caught in class with a sleep boner. 79 00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:31,515 It's your grandmother in Sicily. 80 00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:32,994 Nonna?! 81 00:03:32,994 --> 00:03:34,779 I'm afraid she's... dying. 82 00:03:35,823 --> 00:03:37,782 Noooooo! 83 00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,871 Why, God, why?! 84 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:42,090 That woman is a Saint. 85 00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:44,397 Roll out the fluffy red carpet, Jesus, 86 00:03:44,397 --> 00:03:46,181 'cause there's an angel comin'. 87 00:03:46,181 --> 00:03:48,227 Take me instead, Lord! 88 00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:50,534 No, take me! 89 00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:52,318 Take 'em both, God! 90 00:03:52,318 --> 00:03:53,537 Please! 91 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,147 I know your pain. 92 00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:58,063 I was absent when my own dear Grandmother passed. 93 00:03:58,063 --> 00:04:00,108 They say she shrieked my name 94 00:04:00,108 --> 00:04:01,980 as the grizzly bear tore into her... 95 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,200 When I heard about your Nonna, 96 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,942 I resolved to bring her here for a final farewell. 97 00:04:07,942 --> 00:04:08,856 Whaa? 98 00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:12,643 Are you outta your freakin' mind?! 99 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:15,515 I don't wanna see her. I hate that bitch! 100 00:04:15,515 --> 00:04:17,909 She's the whole reason I had an eatin' disorder. 101 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:20,738 I don't understand! 102 00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,827 You were all so upset when I said she was dying. 103 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,219 She's family! 104 00:04:24,219 --> 00:04:25,830 Ya gotta make a big show in case 105 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,571 God and/or the neighbours are watchin'. 106 00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,834 But if she finds out we ratted on the mob... 107 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,314 Yeah, "we." 108 00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:32,750 Don't worry. 109 00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,795 Nonna's practically comatose! 110 00:04:34,795 --> 00:04:36,841 She'll have no idea where she is. 111 00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,495 I'm not takin' that chance. 112 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:40,540 We gotta be ready to make her think it's the old life. 113 00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:42,194 No Witness Protection, no cops, 114 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,848 nothin's changed. 115 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:46,546 That might be tricky... She lands in two hours. 116 00:04:46,546 --> 00:04:47,634 [Gasp] 117 00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:50,071 I'm comin', Jesus! 118 00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:54,075 ♪ 119 00:04:54,075 --> 00:04:58,297 ♪♪ 120 00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:02,562 ♪ 121 00:05:02,562 --> 00:05:06,610 ♪♪ 122 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,742 Alright, one more time. 123 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,571 [Takes a breath] Forget it about it! 124 00:05:11,571 --> 00:05:12,877 What the hell's wrong with you? 125 00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:14,487 Sorry, I'm nervous. 126 00:05:14,487 --> 00:05:16,228 Ya heard me say it like a million times! 127 00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:20,145 [Lights crackle and buzz] 128 00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:22,365 [Shivering] It's here... 129 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,455 See, what did I tell you? 130 00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,456 Shhh! 131 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:28,849 Jimmy? 132 00:05:28,849 --> 00:05:31,635 Uh, that's right, Nonna. It's Jimmy. 133 00:05:32,853 --> 00:05:34,289 [Scream] 134 00:05:34,289 --> 00:05:36,640 Winnipeg Jets! She's up! 135 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,207 That means you're up, Serpico. Make it good. 136 00:05:39,207 --> 00:05:41,558 Fugget aloud in, uh... 137 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,430 So, Jimmy, 138 00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:47,259 I see you bring-a the whore! 139 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,956 Hello, Nonna. 140 00:05:48,956 --> 00:05:50,784 And the cry-baby. 141 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,743 Waaah! 142 00:05:53,874 --> 00:05:55,528 Santa Lucia! 143 00:05:55,528 --> 00:05:57,356 Don't feed-a this one after midnight! 144 00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,926 And here's-a the fat one. 145 00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:04,058 Hi, Nonna. It's nice to see - 146 00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:08,889 Marone! The idiota lives! 147 00:06:08,889 --> 00:06:11,370 Evenin', Nonna. You're lookin' lovely. 148 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,372 Okay, Nonna, good to see ya! 149 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,679 Let's get this visit over with. 150 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,594 Ey, wait-a for your cousin. 151 00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,030 What cousin? 152 00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,859 "What cousin," says-a the porky pig. 153 00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:24,644 ♪ [Ominous chord] 154 00:06:26,472 --> 00:06:27,430 [Sigh] 155 00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,607 Aww, that's nice. 156 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,784 Apollonia, come meet Dante's Inferno! 157 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:39,093 ♪ [Romantic music] 158 00:06:39,093 --> 00:06:43,141 ♪ [Romantic music] 159 00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:44,751 [Record scratch] 160 00:06:44,751 --> 00:06:47,275 Ya know that's your cousin, right? 161 00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:49,495 Technically not. I'm a McDougal. 162 00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:51,584 Too bad - it's way hotter if she's your cousin. 163 00:06:51,584 --> 00:06:53,760 Okay, let's get ya home, Nonna. 164 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,283 Ya must be tired. 165 00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:56,850 Tired of-a you face. 166 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,504 We no go home. 167 00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:00,811 I wanna see Statue a-Liberty! 168 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:03,857 Uh, Nonna, obviously we're in, uh, New York, 169 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,903 which we are, but, uh, 170 00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:08,166 the Statue of Liberty's a tall order. 171 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,951 Why? This is a city that never sleep! 172 00:07:10,951 --> 00:07:13,476 [Sniff] And never take a bath. 173 00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:14,955 Ugh. We go! 174 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,482 You idiot! 175 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:22,136 Apologize to Nonna like the stinkin' dog that you are! 176 00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:23,747 Hey-o! Bada-boob-a! 177 00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:24,748 [Laugh] 178 00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:27,359 I's reals'a sorry dere, a-Nonna-ballona. 179 00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:28,491 Jesus Christ. 180 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,929 I don't know why... 181 00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:33,496 but I like-a you! 182 00:07:34,627 --> 00:07:36,368 Now take-a me to Lady Liberty. 183 00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:39,850 How ya doin', Paisan? I'm Cheech. 184 00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:46,857 She look... 185 00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:48,293 ...smaller? 186 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:50,600 Yeah, uh... budget cuts. 187 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,297 Thanks a lot, Obama! 188 00:07:54,081 --> 00:07:55,822 We go. 189 00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:57,737 Ah, America. 190 00:07:57,737 --> 00:07:59,522 Is so romantic. 191 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,175 It sure is! 192 00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:03,134 We invented drive-thru wedding chapels. 193 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,224 So, Pietro... 194 00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:08,313 you have a sweetheart? 195 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,445 No, I just haven't met the right cousin - 196 00:08:10,445 --> 00:08:12,273 Girl! I mean girl! 197 00:08:12,273 --> 00:08:13,536 [Giggle] 198 00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:18,062 Il mio hero! 199 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:20,673 Y'know that's your cousin's ass you're gropin'. 200 00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:23,110 [Yelp] Would you stop reminding me?! 201 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,636 House is-a small. 202 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:29,073 Business bad, Jimmy? 203 00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,336 No, uh, the mansion's bein' renovated. 204 00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:33,207 This is... Petey's house! 205 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:37,124 Is Petey in family business? 206 00:08:37,124 --> 00:08:39,692 Yeah, yeah! He's a chip off the ol' block. 207 00:08:39,692 --> 00:08:42,086 Petey, show Apollonia to her room. 208 00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,479 Don't tell me what to do in my own house! 209 00:08:44,479 --> 00:08:46,307 Can you believe this bitch? 210 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:51,399 Nonna, I made eggplant parm just for you. 211 00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:52,923 Ya hungry? 212 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,228 Eggplant? 213 00:08:54,228 --> 00:08:57,362 Nonna thought-a you just put cheese on a dirty sock. 214 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,147 This'll be your room. 215 00:09:00,147 --> 00:09:01,496 [Squeak] 216 00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:04,325 Heh. Plastic sheets. 217 00:09:04,325 --> 00:09:06,937 It's not what you think. I'm just a bed wetter. 218 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,591 In village, 219 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:11,158 I always dream of America. 220 00:09:11,158 --> 00:09:13,857 Now I am here with handsome cousin, 221 00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:16,207 like a dream come true. 222 00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:18,078 If dreams came true, 223 00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:19,689 I'd be your handsome cous- 224 00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,212 Oh, wait! 225 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:24,171 Pietro, will you show Apollonia Big Banana? 226 00:09:24,171 --> 00:09:25,651 Banana? 227 00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:28,088 Well it is kinda yellow and curves left... 228 00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:30,482 Oh, you mean The Big Apple! [Chuckle] 229 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:32,266 I thought you meant my penis. 230 00:09:34,138 --> 00:09:35,139 Whoa. 231 00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:36,793 That's the first time I've ever said 232 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,490 "penis" in front of a girl. 233 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,753 You don't know what I'm saying, do you? 234 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:46,063 Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis... 235 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,760 I like you. 236 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,371 Old hag wouldn't know good eggplant parm 237 00:09:50,371 --> 00:09:52,896 if it smothered her in her sleep with my favourite pillow. 238 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:55,420 Now now, just because she spat it back onto her plate 239 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,291 doesn't mean she doesn't like it. 240 00:09:57,291 --> 00:09:59,946 Jimmy, I think if she finds out, she won't tattle. 241 00:09:59,946 --> 00:10:01,426 She's family. 242 00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,123 She's Sicilian! 243 00:10:03,123 --> 00:10:04,690 We broke Omerta. 244 00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:06,561 That [bleep] runs deeper than blood. 245 00:10:06,561 --> 00:10:07,562 [Shout] 246 00:10:07,562 --> 00:10:09,042 [Sniff] 247 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,131 I smell-a the rat. 248 00:10:11,131 --> 00:10:12,393 [Gasp] 249 00:10:12,393 --> 00:10:15,309 Oh, no, that's the whore's excuse for cooking. 250 00:10:15,309 --> 00:10:17,094 Where's alla your friends, Big Sheet? 251 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:18,530 It's big "shot". 252 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,793 I know what I say. 253 00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:23,491 No friends to pay respect to Nonna. 254 00:10:23,491 --> 00:10:25,363 Something not-a right here. 255 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,975 Put her in a bath, drop in a toaster - 256 00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:31,151 badda boom, pine box back to Italy. 257 00:10:31,151 --> 00:10:33,371 If she's onto us, we gotta send her back - 258 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:34,459 right now! 259 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:35,939 If we send her back, 260 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,984 she'll know we're onto her bein' onto us. 261 00:10:37,984 --> 00:10:39,638 Gina, run a bath, I'll get the toas- 262 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:42,685 [Long, loud, squeaky fart] 263 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:45,600 [Long, loud, squeaky fart] 264 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,777 Oh. Eggplant parm! 265 00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:50,040 So, ya wanna way outta this? 266 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,172 I know just the guy to talk to. 267 00:10:52,172 --> 00:10:53,217 [Fart] 268 00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:54,609 Who?I said - 269 00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:55,698 [Fart] 270 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,874 Who's that now?You know who I mean. 271 00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,440 It's - [Fart] 272 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,007 Thank you. [Sigh] 273 00:11:01,007 --> 00:11:03,009 I said "Timmy."Who's Timmy?! 274 00:11:03,009 --> 00:11:04,837 Ya know, your friend there, Geronimo. 275 00:11:04,837 --> 00:11:07,231 Toby?That's the guy - Tony! 276 00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:08,188 [Fart] 277 00:11:10,451 --> 00:11:12,366 Oh Gina, you're gross! 278 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:15,369 Still tastes better than that [bleep]in' eggplant. 279 00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:21,375 ♪ [Upbeat, whimsical music] 280 00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:26,206 ♪ [Upbeat, whimsical music] 281 00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:31,037 ♪ [Upbeat, whimsical music] 282 00:11:31,037 --> 00:11:35,825 ♪ [Upbeat, whimsical music] 283 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:40,525 ♪ [Upbeat, whimsical music] 284 00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:45,008 ♪ [Upbeat, whimsical music] 285 00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:49,664 ♪ [Upbeat, whimsical music] 286 00:11:49,664 --> 00:11:51,623 Alright, we wanna hire your 287 00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:54,191 mystery dinner murder theatre, Tippy.Toby. 288 00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,888 As long as it starts with a T! 289 00:11:55,888 --> 00:11:57,455 Shut up, Robby. 290 00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,892 It's gotta be a New York gangster theme. 291 00:11:59,892 --> 00:12:02,329 Oooh, I love gangster stories! 292 00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:05,768 New Jack City, Boyz n' the Hood, The Goonies... 293 00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:08,161 What Goonies? I'm talkin' the mafia! 294 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,207 Cheech, this is not a good idea. 295 00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,862 How dare you come into my nephew's house 296 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:15,255 and disrespect me like this! 297 00:12:15,255 --> 00:12:17,649 I go to kitchen. I mind-a my business. 298 00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:18,868 Ya see, Taco? 299 00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:21,392 That's the kinda authenticity we're lookin' for. 300 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:22,872 Don't you worry, 301 00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:25,048 authenticity is our new middle name 302 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:28,094 at The Eastside Authenticity Players! 303 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,750 Eastside Toby, 304 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,883 this fightin's gone on too long! 305 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:36,102 We gotta bring the families together, 306 00:12:36,102 --> 00:12:38,801 end the bloodshed, and eat some pasta! 307 00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:43,240 Blood-a-shed-a! Macaroni! 308 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,112 Mama Mia! Abba's the best. 309 00:12:46,112 --> 00:12:47,679 That's insultin' and kinda racist, 310 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,159 but ya got the job. 311 00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:50,638 Oh, Jimmy. 312 00:12:50,638 --> 00:12:52,815 You won't be disappointed! 313 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,469 That's not true, but whatever. Don't moosh this up. 314 00:12:55,469 --> 00:12:57,602 The only thing I'll be mooshing are the Italian peas! 315 00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:00,735 I think I wanna kill him already. 316 00:13:00,735 --> 00:13:02,346 That's good. Use that. 317 00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:07,090 [Thunder][Whimper] 318 00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:11,834 Aww, did you come running to me 319 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,097 because you're scared of the thunder? 320 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,273 No, I come 'cause-a 321 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:18,188 YOU scared of thunder. 322 00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:19,798 Thank you. 323 00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,061 I like-a you... 324 00:13:22,061 --> 00:13:24,672 I like you too, Apollonia, but we're cousins. 325 00:13:24,672 --> 00:13:26,849 "Cousins." It's just a word. 326 00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,459 But it's forbidden... 327 00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:30,809 Except in Kentucky and parts of Manitoba. 328 00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:32,506 What about... 329 00:13:32,506 --> 00:13:34,247 Regina? 330 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,033 You know we're not in New York? 331 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,295 Yes. 332 00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:41,124 I no understand, but I no care. 333 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,865 [Smooch] 334 00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:46,042 I sorry, I cannot! 335 00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,392 I know - it's wrong, but it feels so right! 336 00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:49,915 What can we do? 337 00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:51,438 [Girlish scream] 338 00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,441 I get-a new sheets. 339 00:13:54,441 --> 00:13:56,617 ...and pyjama bottoms. 340 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,449 TOBY: Hey everybody, look! 341 00:14:02,449 --> 00:14:05,583 It's Jimmy Spaghetti and the Spaghetti family! 342 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:07,106 And you brought the little meatball. 343 00:14:07,106 --> 00:14:08,281 [Knuckle crack] 344 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,370 Oooh, she looks mad. 345 00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:13,243 Toby, I told ya to call us the Falcone family. 346 00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:14,897 It's very important. 347 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,899 I thought about it, Jimmy, 348 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,727 but "Falcone" is just too on the nose. 349 00:14:19,727 --> 00:14:21,251 Are you kiddin' me?! 350 00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,948 Jimmy, you're Scottish. 351 00:14:22,948 --> 00:14:24,558 I worked in Italy. 352 00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:26,996 Ceramic Tile Bazaar for three years! 353 00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,562 I know a thing or two 354 00:14:28,562 --> 00:14:30,390 about the land of grout and marble. 355 00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:31,783 Get those cotton balls outta your mouth. 356 00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:33,219 Ya look like an idiot. 357 00:14:33,219 --> 00:14:36,353 But that's what Marlon Brando used in his portrayal of - 358 00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:37,963 Brando's not even Italian! 359 00:14:37,963 --> 00:14:39,965 And for the record, neither is Bratwurst. 360 00:14:39,965 --> 00:14:42,576 And why is there a Mexican flag up there?! 361 00:14:42,576 --> 00:14:44,970 [Coughing and spitting] 362 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,667 Jimmy, we're walking a tightrope here, 363 00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,234 and it's windy! 364 00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:50,106 Careful not to blow your cover. 365 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,194 Which cover? 366 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:53,500 That I'm a gangster or I'm not a gangster? 367 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,981 I don't know! My mind's racing to keep up! 368 00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,722 Machu Pichu! 369 00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,724 Seriously, it's way better if ya don't talk. 370 00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:01,726 Jimmy, this is all terrible. 371 00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:03,380 Nonna's not gonna buy it. 372 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:05,599 Hoh! Is that Al Pacino? 373 00:15:05,599 --> 00:15:07,210 I'm gonna get an autograph. 374 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:11,649 ♪ [Mariachi music] 375 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,520 ♪ [Italian accordion] 376 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,436 ♪ [Mariachi music] 377 00:15:16,436 --> 00:15:19,962 Hey, Jimmy Spaghetti with the great big belly, eat! 378 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,312 You want more ranch dip for your pizza bagels? 379 00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,750 Look at that Larry Linguine! 380 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,665 Who let such a snake 381 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:30,015 into this gathering of honourable men? 382 00:15:30,015 --> 00:15:31,930 Toss him out with the rest of the garbage! 383 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,018 Wink, wink. 384 00:15:33,018 --> 00:15:34,933 I hope you're enjoying the show! 385 00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,935 ...of respect. 386 00:15:36,935 --> 00:15:38,937 Show of respect, right, Nonna? 387 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,679 I go to the ladies room 388 00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:44,203 and drop, how you say... 389 00:15:44,203 --> 00:15:45,988 "Cookie's eggplant parmesan". 390 00:15:47,424 --> 00:15:49,556 I think she's buyin' it. We're gonna be okay. 391 00:15:49,556 --> 00:15:51,384 We're more than okay. 392 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,170 I'm Facebook friends with Pacino! 393 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,652 Hey, everyone! We just got married! 394 00:15:58,652 --> 00:15:59,958 What?! 395 00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,438 [Cheering] 396 00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,352 [Gunshots] 397 00:16:03,657 --> 00:16:07,009 And someone killed Larry Linguine! 398 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,315 [Crowd gasps, then applauds] 399 00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:14,494 ♪ [Mariachi version of "Hava Nagila"] ♪ 400 00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:17,889 My baby boy's married to his freakin' cousin! 401 00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:20,631 We have to abort!I agree. 402 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:23,112 I do not want a two-headed cousin-baby runnin' around. 403 00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:25,027 No, Jimmy, the mission! 404 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,724 First we gotta break up this marriage 405 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,335 before Nonna finds out and tells half of Sicily 406 00:16:29,335 --> 00:16:31,859 that Apollonia married Petey Falcone! 407 00:16:31,859 --> 00:16:34,166 By the way, Jimmy, my congratulations. 408 00:16:34,166 --> 00:16:35,689 Little something for the happy couple. 409 00:16:35,689 --> 00:16:37,430 Aw, ya shouldn't have. 410 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,953 Will ya forget about that? 411 00:16:38,953 --> 00:16:40,520 Just go keep Nonna in the bathroom. 412 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,827 Cook, you scare some sense into Apollonia. 413 00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,785 I'll go beat the [bleep] outta Petey. 414 00:16:44,785 --> 00:16:46,744 Look, I know in the old country, 415 00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:49,007 people marry their cousins all the time, but - 416 00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:52,054 Ya don't wanna be married to a pimply chronic masturbator! 417 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:54,882 Plus, look at you, and look at him. 418 00:16:54,882 --> 00:16:56,449 You're so beautiful, 419 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,408 and he's... 420 00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,236 He's... 421 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,325 Handsome? Strong? 422 00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:04,762 What are you, a crackhead? The guy's a loser! 423 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,807 What is a "loser?" 424 00:17:06,807 --> 00:17:09,332 A gavone! An idiot! A bonehead! 425 00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,334 I have to love him, 426 00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,336 but you got a choice! 427 00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:15,642 Ah. Si, si. One second. 428 00:17:16,904 --> 00:17:19,603 Don't-a you disa-respecta my husband! 429 00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:20,647 [Bottle breaks] 430 00:17:20,647 --> 00:17:24,260 ♪ [Spaghetti Western showdown theme] ♪ 431 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:27,611 ♪ [Spaghetti Western showdown theme] ♪ 432 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,569 Ow! Hey! 433 00:17:29,569 --> 00:17:31,528 What? Just makin' sure it's sharp. 434 00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,312 [Toilet flushing] 435 00:17:33,312 --> 00:17:35,445 Heya, Nonna! 436 00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:38,491 The big boss-a says you gotta stay in the washroom 437 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,581 'caus-a Larry Linguine's killer is still runnin' around... 438 00:17:41,581 --> 00:17:43,192 Bada bada bingo. 439 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,802 Such a nice-a boy. 440 00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,325 Shut up-a you face. 441 00:17:46,325 --> 00:17:48,197 Sulphur Mountain... 442 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:50,112 That is unholy! 443 00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,331 I know you're disappointed you weren't at the ceremony, 444 00:17:52,331 --> 00:17:54,377 but our love just couldn't wait. 445 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,379 I don't give a crap about your ceremony. 446 00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:58,424 She's your cousin!! 447 00:17:58,424 --> 00:18:00,383 Ya bang 'em. Ya don't marry 'em. 448 00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,036 What is this, Kentucky? 449 00:18:02,036 --> 00:18:04,343 No, it's Regina, and guess what - 450 00:18:04,343 --> 00:18:05,910 My wife knows, 451 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,999 and she doesn't care. 452 00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,522 You told her this ain't New York? 453 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,002 Are you nuts?! 454 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,482 Oh God, I gotta talk to Cookie. 455 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,614 Cheech, keep Petey away from Apollonia! 456 00:18:14,614 --> 00:18:16,268 You can't keep us apart. 457 00:18:16,268 --> 00:18:17,922 We're family now! 458 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,445 ...Again! 459 00:18:19,445 --> 00:18:20,751 ...Still! 460 00:18:21,969 --> 00:18:24,450 Y'know, I'm startin' to like this chick. 461 00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,800 I think she really loves my boy. 462 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,498 Welcome to the family! 463 00:18:29,716 --> 00:18:31,414 She was already in the family. 464 00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:32,806 Don't ruin this, Gina. 465 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:37,550 Hey, Jimmy Spaghetti! I need-a to talk to you! 466 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:38,725 Not now, Toby. 467 00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,859 How dare you disrespect me 468 00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,949 at the wedding of your son to my daughter! 469 00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,994 What he say?Nothing. Kiss me! 470 00:18:46,994 --> 00:18:48,692 [Smooch] 471 00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:50,781 Daughter? What the [bleep] are you talkin' about? 472 00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:53,523 The wedding threw me off. I had to improvise. 473 00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,481 Which is why we're now called 474 00:18:55,481 --> 00:18:58,789 the Eastside Authenticity Improvisational Players! 475 00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:01,270 ...Another domain name I have to check. 476 00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:02,923 Never mind the wedding! 477 00:19:02,923 --> 00:19:05,883 But this union will bring our families together! 478 00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:08,364 What-a wedding? 479 00:19:12,846 --> 00:19:15,197 If your boy hurts-a my girl, 480 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,242 I'll kill-a you, Jimmy! 481 00:19:17,242 --> 00:19:18,983 Please-a do. 482 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,680 Why you wanna be married? 483 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,161 Look at me! I'm free as a bird. 484 00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:25,946 I got my options open. Sky's the limit! 485 00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:27,948 You live alone in a basement. 486 00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:30,255 Never let her go! You hear me? 487 00:19:30,255 --> 00:19:31,865 Never let her go! 488 00:19:31,865 --> 00:19:33,737 And name your first-born after me. 489 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,304 I don't care how many heads it's got. 490 00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:36,696 Excuse me, everyone! 491 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,743 I've always said 492 00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,875 there's nothing more important than family, 493 00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:44,356 and apparently my son agrees 494 00:19:44,356 --> 00:19:46,053 with a vengeance. 495 00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:48,360 So it's my honour to announce 496 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,232 the first dance between Petey... 497 00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:51,972 Cookie, no! 498 00:19:51,972 --> 00:19:54,627 ...and his beautiful - and surprisingly stabby - 499 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,716 bride Apollonia. 500 00:19:56,716 --> 00:19:58,675 Oh dear God... 501 00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:00,546 Let's do this, Nonna! 502 00:20:00,546 --> 00:20:04,724 [Crowd cheering and clapping] 503 00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:07,423 Stop right there, Petey Spaghetti! 504 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,425 You thought you fooled us with this elaborate - 505 00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:11,296 and unscripted - wedding. 506 00:20:11,296 --> 00:20:13,167 Well, you didn't! 507 00:20:13,167 --> 00:20:16,258 YOU murdered Larry Linguine! 508 00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:17,259 [Gasp] 509 00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,609 [Roar] 510 00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:23,003 Apollonia no marry this-a monster![Whimpering] 511 00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:25,919 This-a family bring-a shame to me. 512 00:20:25,919 --> 00:20:28,357 Crime-a! Murder! 513 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,620 But-a no more... 514 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,665 Nonna, calm down, please! 515 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,667 Cosa nostra... 516 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,234 Nonna, stop! 517 00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:38,062 I'm not in the mob anymore. 518 00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:39,803 I ratted out my old bosses 519 00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:42,327 and now I'm in Witness Protection... in Canada. 520 00:20:42,327 --> 00:20:44,590 [Crowd gasps] 521 00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:45,548 [Gasp] 522 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,333 Is-a true, Jimmy? 523 00:20:48,333 --> 00:20:49,943 Is-a true, Nonna. 524 00:20:49,943 --> 00:20:51,858 I'm just a civilian now, a schnook. 525 00:20:51,858 --> 00:20:55,340 ♪ [Tense music] 526 00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:56,994 Nonna so happy! 527 00:20:56,994 --> 00:20:59,388 Thank-a you, Jesus! 528 00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:02,173 Finally, Jimmy see-a the light! 529 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,394 Your cover's blown! 530 00:21:05,394 --> 00:21:07,221 I'll have you inside the Arctic Circle by morning. 531 00:21:07,221 --> 00:21:08,962 That's further north, isn't it? 532 00:21:08,962 --> 00:21:10,616 Jimmy, that's so far North 533 00:21:10,616 --> 00:21:12,531 Cheech'll probably bang Santa's wife. 534 00:21:12,531 --> 00:21:14,141 [Sigh] 535 00:21:14,141 --> 00:21:19,103 [Crowd clapping and cheering] 536 00:21:19,103 --> 00:21:20,931 Take a bow, Jimmy. Quick! 537 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,889 Jimmy McDougal, everybody! 538 00:21:22,889 --> 00:21:25,849 Brought to you by the Eastside Authenticity Improvisational 539 00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:28,242 Surprise Ending Players! 540 00:21:28,242 --> 00:21:31,811 [Crowd clapping and cheering] 541 00:21:31,811 --> 00:21:33,247 So Nonna, you're not mad? 542 00:21:33,247 --> 00:21:34,727 No, Jimmy. 543 00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:36,990 For once, I'm-a proud of you. 544 00:21:36,990 --> 00:21:38,862 But I betrayed Omerta! 545 00:21:38,862 --> 00:21:40,820 I no care about Omerta. 546 00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:42,344 It's just a big stupido 547 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,607 stereotype about Sicilians. 548 00:21:44,607 --> 00:21:48,175 Now I'm-a gonna go-a make-a nice-a pizza pie! 549 00:21:48,175 --> 00:21:51,091 [Crowd clapping and cheering] 550 00:21:51,091 --> 00:21:53,093 Does this mean Apollonia and I have your blessing? 551 00:21:53,093 --> 00:21:54,486 No! 552 00:21:54,486 --> 00:21:56,619 Apollonia no marry the monster 553 00:21:56,619 --> 00:21:59,317 who killed-a Larry Linguine.