1 00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,263 How ya doin'? 2 00:00:03,263 --> 00:00:05,396 Back in the day, I made a lotta money 3 00:00:05,396 --> 00:00:06,745 sellin' protection. 4 00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:08,660 That's when someone pays ya not to hurt 'em. 5 00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,183 It's like buyin' insurance, 6 00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:11,924 'cept ya don't get nothin' in return. 7 00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:13,360 Oh wait, it's exactly like buyin' insurance. 8 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:14,970 There was this one guy - 9 00:00:14,970 --> 00:00:16,972 Don Gambini's wife's cousin. 10 00:00:16,972 --> 00:00:18,539 The Don said we were allowed to collect protection off him, 11 00:00:18,539 --> 00:00:21,325 but we hadda do it "nice". 12 00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:23,892 I couldn't break his face, so I had to be creative. 13 00:00:23,892 --> 00:00:25,198 But I was a wiseguy, 14 00:00:25,198 --> 00:00:27,592 what the hell did I know about creativism? 15 00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:29,333 [♪♪♪] 16 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:32,640 ♪ "Gimme gimme gimme gimme MON-AY!" ♪ 17 00:00:35,643 --> 00:00:37,167 I learned how to play 18 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:40,126 this stupid thing for nothin'? 19 00:00:40,126 --> 00:00:41,997 I got blisters on my fingers! 20 00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:46,611 It's me stompin' on your head coz ya didn't pay protection. 21 00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,917 Ya don't see it? 22 00:00:48,917 --> 00:00:50,789 I thought it was a duck ridin' a pony. 23 00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,747 Or a giant wang. 24 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:59,363 [♪♪♪] 25 00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:06,413 [Laughs] 26 00:01:06,413 --> 00:01:08,285 JIMMY: He was laughin' at me like I was some kinda clown. 27 00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:11,244 So I figured I'd show him who the clown was... 28 00:01:11,244 --> 00:01:13,333 It was me. 29 00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:18,164 [Giggles] 30 00:01:18,164 --> 00:01:20,819 That tickles. Haha! Stop it! 31 00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:23,735 Ah, screw bein' nice! Let's go with Plan B. 32 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,478 [Shoes squeak] 33 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,483 Being creative is fine, 34 00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,485 but sometimes ya just gotta kick some ass. 35 00:01:34,485 --> 00:01:36,443 Well one thing ain't changed since Brooklyn. 36 00:01:36,443 --> 00:01:38,358 You're still a [bleep] clown. 37 00:01:38,358 --> 00:01:40,230 Gina, don't swear when ya insult your father. 38 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:41,927 Fugget about it, kid. 39 00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:43,494 [bleep] you! 40 00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:45,931 Don't tell me to [bleep] fugget about it! 41 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,021 ♪ Lemme tell you somethin' 42 00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,805 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 43 00:01:50,805 --> 00:01:54,113 ♪ A "made" wise guy and a capo with Gambini ♪ 44 00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:57,116 ♪ But then he found out they'd be whackin' Uncle Cheech ♪ 45 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:59,727 ♪ He took his boss, he throw him from nineteenth floor suite ♪ 46 00:01:59,727 --> 00:02:02,730 ♪ Wasn't much long till the mob all wants him dead ♪ 47 00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:05,994 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds ♪ 48 00:02:05,994 --> 00:02:09,041 ♪ The feds said they'd help if they can use him as a pawn ♪ 49 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:11,609 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 50 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,045 ♪ Fugget about it! 51 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:14,351 ♪ Fugget about it! 52 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:15,830 ♪ Fugget about it! 53 00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:17,180 Oh! Fugget about it! 54 00:02:20,487 --> 00:02:23,011 Good morning, big boss man. 55 00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:26,319 What are ya doin', Cook? 56 00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:28,060 Just wanted to say I love ya, 57 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,367 and that you're the best husband in the world. 58 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:31,977 That's real nice, but... 59 00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:34,414 this ain't exactly a good time. 60 00:02:34,414 --> 00:02:35,937 [Fart and splash] 61 00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,550 Cook, if ya want somethin', ya don't gotta butter me up. 62 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,769 How much do ya need?Forty. 63 00:02:41,769 --> 00:02:43,858 Ya Frenched me while I was droppin' a deuce 64 00:02:43,858 --> 00:02:45,295 to get forty lousy bucks? 65 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,079 No, forty votes. 66 00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,950 I'm runnin' for VP of the PTA 67 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:50,735 on a healthy snacks platform. 68 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,389 I need ya to help me win. 69 00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,217 By bein' nice... or with a bat? 70 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,827 Can ya be nice with a bat? 71 00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,742 I don't wanna make a bad impression. 72 00:02:57,742 --> 00:03:00,048 McCool? Why is Petey in handcuffs? 73 00:03:00,048 --> 00:03:01,963 Your son was protesting 74 00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:03,748 at the site of the new oil pipeline. 75 00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,663 Hoh, Petey broke his cherry! 76 00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:07,142 Good for you, kid. 77 00:03:07,142 --> 00:03:09,362 Even if it was a candy-ass crime. 78 00:03:09,362 --> 00:03:12,017 I didn't arrest him. I simply gave him a ride home! 79 00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:14,498 If there's one thing Mother Canada respects, 80 00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,456 it's an orderly protest. 81 00:03:16,456 --> 00:03:18,241 Granted we don't listen to them, 82 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,243 but we damn well respect them. 83 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,679 I asked McCool to cuff me 84 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,942 so the other protesters would think I was cool. 85 00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,509 What do ya got against oil? 86 00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:27,250 How else are we supposed to lubricate engines 87 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,730 or maintain fine hairstyles? 88 00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:31,819 To answer, I will recite 89 00:03:31,819 --> 00:03:34,605 one of my incendiary poems on the matter... 90 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,128 Oh God! He's reading another one! 91 00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,608 For Canada! Fill in the blank! 92 00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:43,875 'But soft, what shame on yonder pipeline breaks 93 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:46,312 'Tis the government, trading blood for oil--' 94 00:03:46,312 --> 00:03:49,663 Yow! Ow! Hot! 95 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,230 See Petey? 96 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,797 That's how ya get things done. 97 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,755 Readin' poems, singin' songs, 98 00:03:54,755 --> 00:03:56,844 and wavin' signs are for pussies. 99 00:03:56,844 --> 00:03:58,759 Ya wanna get ahead? Ya gotta have balls! 100 00:03:58,759 --> 00:04:00,805 And ya gotta show 'em! 101 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,023 Like you are right now, big guy? 102 00:04:02,023 --> 00:04:03,982 Oh, sorry... 103 00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:08,900 Hello, friend. 104 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:12,469 Can Cookie McDougal count on your vote for the PTA? 105 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,993 Sorry. I'm voting for my husband. 106 00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,473 Is that so? 107 00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,997 Cheech, show her the incentive package. 108 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,220 Next time, your husband'll be in there. 109 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:27,745 My husband was in there. 110 00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:29,877 Vote Cookie! 111 00:04:31,879 --> 00:04:34,665 Do I have your word you're gonna vote for Cookie? 112 00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,101 Uh, yeah. 113 00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,887 Are those Cookie's? 114 00:04:39,887 --> 00:04:41,628 What else am I gonna wear on laundry day? 115 00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,893 [All screaming] 116 00:04:45,893 --> 00:04:48,113 Not so fast. You votin' Cookie for the PTA? 117 00:04:51,464 --> 00:04:53,336 Right this way, madam. 118 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:55,947 That's better. 119 00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,646 C'mon Jimmy, let the kids out. 120 00:04:59,646 --> 00:05:01,518 They can't even vote. 121 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,781 No, but their parents can. 122 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,130 Good point. 123 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,481 Woohoo! We did it! 124 00:05:08,481 --> 00:05:11,658 We shut the pipe-line down for fifteen whole minutes! 125 00:05:11,658 --> 00:05:12,746 [All gasp] 126 00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:16,054 Don't engage the police! 127 00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:18,361 We may have taken ballsy hardcore action 128 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,450 but we must remain peaceful! 129 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,147 [Gunfire] 130 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,496 Run for your lives! 131 00:05:23,496 --> 00:05:25,019 They're gonna murder us! 132 00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:27,631 Don't shoot! 133 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:28,719 But if you have to, 134 00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,503 tell the world I wet myself after you fired. 135 00:05:30,503 --> 00:05:32,375 Don't be silly! 136 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,159 We don't shoot suspects in Canada 137 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:36,379 unless they're mentally ill or don't speak English! 138 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,119 Those were mere warning shots 139 00:05:38,119 --> 00:05:39,469 for interfering with the pipeline. 140 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:42,733 Pop said I needed to show more balls. 141 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,387 Well thanks to your balls, 142 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,040 I'm going to have to report you. 143 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,520 That means I'll have a record. 144 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,566 Ladies love a badass. 145 00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:55,659 After nine recounts, it's my horror, 146 00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,617 er, honor, 147 00:05:57,617 --> 00:06:00,315 to welcome the new PTA Vice President, 148 00:06:00,315 --> 00:06:02,492 Twinkie McDougal. 149 00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,407 That's Cookie McDougal, 150 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:07,148 but thank you Mister President. 151 00:06:07,148 --> 00:06:09,455 [Both cheer] 152 00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:10,674 [Clears throat] 153 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,589 [Applause] 154 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,373 My first order of business 155 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,593 is to get rid of school vending machines 156 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,508 for the sake of our kids' health! 157 00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,987 You suck! 158 00:06:19,987 --> 00:06:22,163 Um, no. 159 00:06:22,163 --> 00:06:23,730 You can't get rid of those machines. 160 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:24,949 They're a source of revenue 161 00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:27,212 for after school sports programs. 162 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:30,650 Which kids wouldn't need if they stayed off junk food! 163 00:06:30,650 --> 00:06:34,219 On that note, as President of the PTA, 164 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:37,352 I'm going to put you in charge of the vending machines. 165 00:06:37,352 --> 00:06:40,355 So Cookie's in charge of the cookies! 166 00:06:40,355 --> 00:06:42,096 [All laugh] 167 00:06:42,096 --> 00:06:43,837 Take that, Snack Nazi! 168 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:47,406 Psst. 169 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,843 I heard on the grapevine how yer wife got elected. 170 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,758 I don't know what you're talkin' about. 171 00:06:51,758 --> 00:06:54,631 Oh, I'm not here to dangle yer chubblies over a fire. 172 00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:57,198 I want yer help passin' Bill 158 173 00:06:57,198 --> 00:06:59,200 through the provincial legislature. 174 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,506 Politics? 175 00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:01,986 Do I look like a criminal to you? 176 00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,596 Actually, don't answer that. 177 00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:06,338 Too bad, I could pay ye from the public trough. 178 00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:08,949 And it's a big trough, Jimmy. 179 00:07:08,949 --> 00:07:10,864 How big we talkin'? 180 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,867 And what, if I may ask, is a trough? 181 00:07:15,782 --> 00:07:17,349 Caramel-coated jelly butts? 182 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,003 Chocolate-covered cheese puffs? 183 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:21,396 Cheese-coated licorice nipples? 184 00:07:21,396 --> 00:07:22,659 Why do these say 185 00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:25,879 "for sale only in schools and mental hospitals"? 186 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,055 'Coz President Annabelle doesn't care 187 00:07:28,055 --> 00:07:29,753 about good nutrition. 188 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,885 Ya know, this garbage is why 189 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,757 there's a child obscenity problem. 190 00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:35,672 I'm [bleep]in' starvin'. 191 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:38,979 Ma, ya got any-- Ooh, jackpot! 192 00:07:38,979 --> 00:07:41,068 Absolutely not! 193 00:07:41,068 --> 00:07:42,940 No kid of mine is eatin' this junk. 194 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:45,203 Delicious junk! I could live on this stuff. 195 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,031 Young lady, if that's all you ate, 196 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:49,424 ya'd be so unhealthy that-- 197 00:07:49,424 --> 00:07:52,689 Annabelle would hafta ban these machines forever! 198 00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,038 Challenge accepted. 199 00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:58,042 Gina, that's so bad for you. 200 00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,826 So are STD's, 201 00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:02,176 but that doesn't stop you from gobblin' any old-- 202 00:08:02,176 --> 00:08:04,048 Eat your Fudge holes! 203 00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:09,923 I'm proud to announce, 204 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,317 with the support of my enormous caucus... 205 00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:15,189 Ha! Caucus. 206 00:08:15,189 --> 00:08:18,976 That Bill 158 has passed! 207 00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:20,586 How do ya like that? 208 00:08:20,586 --> 00:08:22,501 We did our part to change the world. 209 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:23,937 The real satisfaction 210 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,287 is that we were paid a buttload of money. 211 00:08:26,287 --> 00:08:29,290 Jimmy, I need to see Petey right away. 212 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:30,901 What'd he do? Hug a tree to death? 213 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,250 Worse. 214 00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,513 The recently passed Bill 158 215 00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:37,516 makes any environmental protest an act of terrorism. 216 00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:40,388 Bill 158? Which I... 217 00:08:40,388 --> 00:08:42,347 had nothin' to do with. 218 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:44,305 Of course, if you did you'd be a terrible father 219 00:08:44,305 --> 00:08:47,439 because this new law means Petey is a terrorist! 220 00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:50,485 I'm here to place him under arrest. 221 00:08:50,485 --> 00:08:52,096 Uh, Jimbo. 222 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:54,141 Maybe some time in the big house 223 00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:56,448 is just what the kid needs. 224 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:57,884 Sure, sure. Wait here, McCool. 225 00:08:57,884 --> 00:08:59,277 We'll go get him for ya. 226 00:09:00,713 --> 00:09:02,149 Take your time. 227 00:09:02,149 --> 00:09:04,151 Let Petey cry it out before I bring him in. 228 00:09:04,151 --> 00:09:06,023 If the other convicts catch him weeping, 229 00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,328 they'll pass him around 230 00:09:07,328 --> 00:09:09,069 like a pumpernickel bowl of spinach dip. 231 00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:12,464 You know they took off right? 232 00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,248 No, No they're upstairs right now 233 00:09:14,248 --> 00:09:15,989 preparing Petey to face justice. 234 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,078 Uh huh. 235 00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:19,558 Why am I so nalve? 236 00:09:23,257 --> 00:09:25,172 How long are we supposed to stay here? 237 00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:26,652 I'm claustrophobic. 238 00:09:26,652 --> 00:09:28,262 I need my mouth guard, 239 00:09:28,262 --> 00:09:30,917 and my Neti pot to clear my sinuses. 240 00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:33,441 Kid, it's been two hours. Relax! 241 00:09:33,441 --> 00:09:34,747 I don't know how you could stand 242 00:09:34,747 --> 00:09:36,314 going on the lam in the old life. 243 00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,576 It was tough. 244 00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:40,144 Hidin' at the Plaza hotel under an assumed name, 245 00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:43,060 doin' blow all day, surrounded by hookers. 246 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,583 God I miss it. 247 00:09:45,845 --> 00:09:46,890 I got supplies! 248 00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:51,808 You know, if you hadn't made fun of my lack of balls 249 00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,940 I probably wouldn't be a wanted fugitive right now. 250 00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:56,029 You don't know the half of it, kid! 251 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,727 We're the ones who rammed through the bill 252 00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,163 that made ya a terrorist. 253 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:01,034 Aw Jesus, Cheech! 254 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,427 That was you? 255 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:05,386 In my defense, I got paid a lotta money. 256 00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:07,693 Way to man up and fight for what's right, Pop. 257 00:10:07,693 --> 00:10:09,739 You're nothing but a two-bit bag man 258 00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,566 who sold out his own son. 259 00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:13,046 At least he's not a Taliban. 260 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,657 Neither am I! 261 00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:17,224 And I'm going to fight this like a man! 262 00:10:17,224 --> 00:10:19,226 Whee! 263 00:10:19,226 --> 00:10:20,750 That kid is a monster. 264 00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:26,059 I dunno Ma, this junk food diet you got Gina on 265 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,887 feels like a bad idea. 266 00:10:27,887 --> 00:10:29,889 It's just temporary. 267 00:10:29,889 --> 00:10:31,935 I'm tryin' to prove a point for the greater good. 268 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,242 Did you feel that? 269 00:10:35,242 --> 00:10:36,809 Felt like an impact tremor. 270 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:44,817 [Gasps] 271 00:10:44,817 --> 00:10:47,298 Now I get why Pop and his guys were so big. 272 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:48,865 Someone messes with ya, 273 00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:50,997 ya give 'em a little belly-buck -- Boom! 274 00:10:50,997 --> 00:10:52,738 They're down for the count. 275 00:10:52,738 --> 00:10:54,566 But you're turning into a whale! 276 00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:57,308 Ah, zip it Skeletor. 277 00:10:57,308 --> 00:11:00,528 You're nothin' but a chubby-hatin' Fatist. 278 00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:02,835 Ma, this is child abuse 279 00:11:02,835 --> 00:11:04,141 and I'm not gonna stand for it. 280 00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,579 There, now you're not standin'. 281 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:13,628 Alright, we're conducting a hard-target search 282 00:11:13,628 --> 00:11:15,239 of every road house, outhouse, chicken house, 283 00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,284 and steak house in a three kilometer radius. 284 00:11:17,284 --> 00:11:19,504 Actually, our target's a tree hugging enviro-terrorist, 285 00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,201 so skip the steak house. 286 00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:25,728 Meanwhile, I have a plan so crazy it just might work. 287 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:29,122 [Phone rings] 288 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,255 What took ya so long? 289 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,604 The vain hope you'd have a change of heart 290 00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:34,084 and bring Petey back. 291 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:36,564 Ain't happenin', McCool. We're on the lam. 292 00:11:36,564 --> 00:11:39,437 Ya can look for us but it'll be like chasin' the wind. 293 00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:41,395 Keep lookin' for him! 294 00:11:41,395 --> 00:11:43,136 Petey and I are shadows in the night. 295 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,703 Ya might get close, 296 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:47,184 but we'll slip through your fingers like smoke-- 297 00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,403 He just showed up.Dammit! 298 00:11:49,403 --> 00:11:51,666 I'm surrendering peacefully, McCool. 299 00:11:51,666 --> 00:11:55,061 Good for you, Petey, but Bill 158 is very specific. 300 00:11:55,061 --> 00:11:57,281 I'm sorry to have to do this. 301 00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,499 Do what? 302 00:11:58,499 --> 00:12:00,023 [Screams] 303 00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:02,112 "Die, you terrorist pig." 304 00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,504 That's laying it on a bit thick. 305 00:12:03,504 --> 00:12:05,202 But protocol is protocol. 306 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,861 What happened to you, McCool? 307 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:14,211 You used to be a servant of the people. 308 00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:17,127 Now you're just a stooge for big oil. 309 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,781 If that's going to be your attitude, 310 00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:20,608 you leave me no choice. 311 00:12:20,608 --> 00:12:22,132 Me, me, me. Bee, bee, bee. 312 00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:24,308 A box of biscuits. A box of mixed biscuits. 313 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:25,657 And a biscuit mixer. 314 00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:26,832 Me, me. Good. 315 00:12:26,832 --> 00:12:28,965 Here. You must be thirsty. 316 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:30,140 Thanks. 317 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,273 Well I'm thirsty for justice, you little punk! 318 00:12:33,273 --> 00:12:36,450 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy! 319 00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:38,583 Can't you see the kid's scared? 320 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,541 Oh, he'll be scared all right. 321 00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:42,326 When all he has is a toothbrush 322 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:46,112 to fend off his kill-crazy cellmate, Cannibal Dave. 323 00:12:46,112 --> 00:12:47,984 What's happening? 324 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,768 Better play ball kid, 325 00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:51,509 I can't control him when he's like this. 326 00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:53,554 Just give me a lead pipe and five minutes alone 327 00:12:53,554 --> 00:12:55,121 with this little twerp. 328 00:12:55,121 --> 00:12:57,863 Are you playing good cop and bad cop? 329 00:12:57,863 --> 00:12:59,865 Budget cuts, Petey. Work with me. 330 00:12:59,865 --> 00:13:01,475 What the hell's goin' on here? 331 00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:04,304 I was just about to tell Petey his only way out of jail 332 00:13:04,304 --> 00:13:07,133 is to reveal the identity of his fellow terrorists. 333 00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,482 Hear that, kid? 334 00:13:08,482 --> 00:13:10,833 Tell these guys who your hippie friends are right now! 335 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,095 No! 336 00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:15,533 Unlike some people in this room, I'm not a rat! 337 00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,709 You sonofabitch. 338 00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,537 No McCruel, don't! 339 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,539 I'm not gonna let some snot-nosed pantywaist 340 00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:23,410 call me a goddamn rat. 341 00:13:23,410 --> 00:13:25,717 He means me, McCool! Calm down. 342 00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,893 Here. Have some water. 343 00:13:27,893 --> 00:13:30,200 No one tells me to calm down! 344 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:35,335 I specifically said 345 00:13:35,335 --> 00:13:37,424 I want the protection money in coins. 346 00:13:37,424 --> 00:13:39,122 Now ya gotta pay twice-- 347 00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:41,689 [Snores] 348 00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:43,517 Huh, wha? 349 00:13:43,517 --> 00:13:46,085 Between these sugar crashes and my sleep apnea, 350 00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:47,391 I'm dyin' over here. 351 00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,088 Hey you! C'mere. 352 00:13:49,088 --> 00:13:51,612 Get back here... 353 00:13:51,612 --> 00:13:54,311 ya little... shit bird... 354 00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,966 Poor needlessly obese child. 355 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:59,577 You need responsible adult intervention... 356 00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:01,753 Ah, Thank God. 357 00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:03,886 Outta my way, mooks! 358 00:14:09,021 --> 00:14:10,893 Freakin' machine took my-- 359 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,503 [Snores] 360 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,157 [Loud crash] 361 00:14:19,814 --> 00:14:21,033 Um, hi. 362 00:14:21,033 --> 00:14:23,949 I'm a vegetarian and I have food sensitivities. 363 00:14:23,949 --> 00:14:26,604 Can you run me through any non-GMO menu options? 364 00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:31,043 When I eat you alive, 365 00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:33,176 will that make me a vegetarian? 366 00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:35,178 I'm askin' for a friend... 367 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:37,658 Who I recently ate. 368 00:14:37,658 --> 00:14:40,139 You mean whom I recently ate. 369 00:14:40,139 --> 00:14:42,925 [Clears sinuses] 370 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,839 I'm going to run screaming now. 371 00:14:44,839 --> 00:14:46,624 It's dinner time. 372 00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:48,582 [Thunder] 373 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,936 PETEY: No, I'm still hearing 'beat you,' 374 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,068 but I think you mean 'eat you.' 375 00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:57,896 Didn't your mother tell you it's rude 376 00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:59,028 to talk with your mouth full-- 377 00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,246 Don't you talk about my mother! 378 00:15:00,246 --> 00:15:01,769 [Chokes] 379 00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:03,554 Hey! Hey! Spit it out! 380 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:06,035 Come on. Spit it out! 381 00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:08,776 The skinny kid's whuppin' Cannibal Dave! 382 00:15:08,776 --> 00:15:12,432 Finally, someone's standin' up to that psycho! 383 00:15:12,432 --> 00:15:15,000 I think we got ourselves a new psycho! 384 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,959 I got ya! Now spit. 385 00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,438 It. Out! 386 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,921 [All gasp] 387 00:15:26,185 --> 00:15:29,101 Yeah! That's right! I'm crazy! 388 00:15:29,101 --> 00:15:31,886 Anyone else wanna slice of Petey Pie? 389 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,889 Can you please pass the salt... 390 00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:36,326 bitches? 391 00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:41,461 Since we helped ya, 392 00:15:41,461 --> 00:15:43,159 I thought ya might spring my kid 393 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,769 from the ol' felony resort. 394 00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,814 Sorry lads, I don't negotiate 395 00:15:46,814 --> 00:15:50,775 with the parents and uncles of terrorists. 396 00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,472 What about aunts? 397 00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:54,083 Say the word, I throw on a dress, 398 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,476 you and I hop a plane to Boca. 399 00:15:56,476 --> 00:15:58,000 My boy might be a know-it-all, 400 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,089 a pain in the ass, and a god-awful poet. 401 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,873 But he ain't a terrorist! 402 00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,396 The law says he is! 403 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,920 Me hands are tied. 404 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,271 A lady-friend did this last night, 405 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:10,099 but ya see me point. 406 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,926 That pipeline's a cash cow 407 00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:13,798 and I intend to suckle her teat 408 00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:16,670 'til me belly's full and me lips blister. 409 00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:19,064 I see what's goin' on here. 410 00:16:19,064 --> 00:16:21,588 Ya need a little incentive to change your mind. 411 00:16:21,588 --> 00:16:23,373 Can ya break a ten? 412 00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:24,722 Get outta me office! 413 00:16:27,246 --> 00:16:28,813 Pleasure doin' business with ya. 414 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:31,163 Ya didn't do any business! 415 00:16:31,163 --> 00:16:33,774 I got a whole ten spot says otherwise. 416 00:16:36,777 --> 00:16:41,217 [Laboured breathing and giggling] 417 00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:43,567 Don't ya think you've gone too far, Ma? 418 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:46,526 There's Japanese whalers circlin' the house. 419 00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:50,400 Relax, Theresa. 420 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,793 A few more pounds and she'll be unhealthy enough 421 00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:54,665 for me to call a PTA meeting. 422 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,755 Ya know, I'm gettin' sick of people talkin' about me 423 00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,713 like I'm not even here. 424 00:16:59,713 --> 00:17:02,151 It ain't like I'm hard to miss! 425 00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,804 As soon as I get rid of those vending machines, 426 00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:06,155 I'll give ya some carrots and you'll go back to normal. 427 00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:08,070 Listen to yourself! 428 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,897 Whaddaya mean "normal". 429 00:17:09,897 --> 00:17:12,726 Ya sayin' I'm not normal just 'coz... 430 00:17:12,726 --> 00:17:13,771 Hang on. 431 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,950 'Coz I gained a few pounds? 432 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,648 I'm still me, ya know! 433 00:17:21,648 --> 00:17:23,694 Jeez, get off your soap-box, kid. 434 00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:25,522 Before it breaks! 435 00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,872 [Both laugh] 436 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:30,918 Yeah, laugh it up at the fat kid, ya jerks! 437 00:17:30,918 --> 00:17:34,313 I can still kick your asses. 438 00:17:34,313 --> 00:17:37,664 As long as I lean on somethin' while I do it. 439 00:17:37,664 --> 00:17:39,449 Aw crap. 440 00:17:42,843 --> 00:17:45,107 And bring me some freakin' cupcakes! 441 00:17:48,762 --> 00:17:50,808 Okay kid, time to tell on your little Jihadi friends 442 00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,288 and come home. 443 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,507 No way. I'm not a snitch. 444 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,510 Wait a sec', how the hell are you still alive? 445 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,033 I followed the old adage 446 00:17:59,033 --> 00:18:01,210 and kicked someone's ass on my first day. 447 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,299 Good for you kid. Who's ass? 448 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,865 This one? 449 00:18:04,865 --> 00:18:07,477 No, actually Cannibal Dave here 450 00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:10,436 got on the wrong side of ol' Psycho Pete. 451 00:18:10,436 --> 00:18:12,656 Look at you with a prison nickname! 452 00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:15,093 Are you puttin' me on? You beat up this guy? 453 00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:17,704 Shame on you, Pal! 454 00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:20,359 Cheech... drop it. 455 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:22,013 It don't add up. 456 00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:24,755 No way a weed like you could take on this Palooka. 457 00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:26,322 Am I wrong? 458 00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:28,715 Can we drop it-- AGH! 459 00:18:28,715 --> 00:18:30,500 Y'see, that makes sense to me. 460 00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:34,547 Petey, just name names 461 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,897 before Cannibal Dave comes back for another helping! 462 00:18:36,897 --> 00:18:38,899 I will not rat out my friends. 463 00:18:38,899 --> 00:18:40,945 I have to take a stand. 464 00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:43,034 Visitin' hours are over! 465 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,124 I was wrong about ya, kid. 466 00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:47,647 Ya got bigger balls than I thought. 467 00:18:47,647 --> 00:18:49,388 [Groans] 468 00:18:49,388 --> 00:18:50,694 Need a painkiller? 469 00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:53,349 No, you're sitting on my colostomy bag. 470 00:18:58,223 --> 00:19:01,052 Now they'll see what vending machines do to kids. 471 00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:04,621 Better hurry, Ma. 472 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:06,579 Annabelle's about to steal your thunder. 473 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,842 Irresponsible parents who don't care 474 00:19:08,842 --> 00:19:10,540 what their children eat 475 00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:13,412 are why I want to remove all vending machines 476 00:19:13,412 --> 00:19:14,718 from our schools-- 477 00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:17,199 Don't you dare, Westminster. 478 00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,375 I'm the VP of the PTA 479 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,464 and I've fed my kid 480 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,509 nothin' but vendin' machine junk food to prove-- 481 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,251 You did this on purpose? 482 00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:27,905 What kind of a mother are you? 483 00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,602 Gina's fine! 484 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,083 She's been on a blissful sugar high for days. 485 00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,867 Lower me down! 486 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,131 Fugget vendin' machines! 487 00:19:37,131 --> 00:19:38,698 The real story here 488 00:19:38,698 --> 00:19:41,440 is how you people treat overweight kids! 489 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,181 I think the real story 490 00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:45,314 is the childhood obesity epidemic! 491 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:48,186 Go eat a sangwich, Boney M. 492 00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:50,406 Maybe if you media jagoffs 493 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:53,147 stopped celebratin' people for lookin' like skeletons, 494 00:19:53,147 --> 00:19:54,758 portly kids like me would- 495 00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:57,543 Oh crap! 496 00:19:57,543 --> 00:20:00,720 Run for your lives! Chunkzilla will kill us all! 497 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,857 [Car alarm] 498 00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,731 Alright, we're gonna get ourselves busted as terrorists 499 00:20:11,731 --> 00:20:14,125 'coz Petey needs help on the inside. 500 00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,780 He better give me the top bunk or I'll cut him. 501 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,956 While we're at it, we'll hit O'Shea where it hurts. 502 00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:20,653 Right in the pipe. Boost me up. 503 00:20:22,002 --> 00:20:24,135 Once we're terrorists, do we gotta pay dues? 504 00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,315 Either that is really shoddy workmanship 505 00:20:30,315 --> 00:20:32,230 or we're the A-Team of wreckin' crews. 506 00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,624 I love it when a plan comes together. 507 00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:35,799 Cheech, no! 508 00:20:40,412 --> 00:20:41,979 The pipeline appears to have been built 509 00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:43,633 with substandard materials 510 00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,156 as part of a kickback scheme 511 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:47,680 master-minded by Premier O'Shea. 512 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,988 Shame on the voters for electin' me! 513 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:52,163 The Judge agreed, 514 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:54,905 and fined everyone in the province 600 dollars. 515 00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:57,647 The men who uncovered the plot had this to say. 516 00:20:57,647 --> 00:20:59,213 Their faces have been distorted 517 00:20:59,213 --> 00:21:01,346 for reasons that are none of your business. 518 00:21:01,346 --> 00:21:04,001 We were, uh, just innocently walkin' by 519 00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:05,959 when the pipeline broke. 520 00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:08,919 And we didn't have to use the bomb or nothin'. 521 00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:11,748 Sorry, I meant "or anything". 522 00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:14,054 REPORTER: Bill 158 has been repealed! 523 00:21:14,054 --> 00:21:15,969 Activists throughout the province 524 00:21:15,969 --> 00:21:19,146 are singing "Yub Yub" and dancing like happy Ewoks! 525 00:21:19,146 --> 00:21:21,323 You did it, Pop! You did it! 526 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,629 Thank God I'm getting out of here. 527 00:21:23,629 --> 00:21:24,978 REPORTER: Unfortunately, 528 00:21:24,978 --> 00:21:26,632 along with the pipeline being destroyed, 529 00:21:26,632 --> 00:21:28,591 so too were the surrounding wetlands. 530 00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:29,722 Dammit! 531 00:21:33,465 --> 00:21:35,641 How's it feel to be a free man, kid? 532 00:21:35,641 --> 00:21:37,730 We miss the quiet time in jail. 533 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,210 Don't we, Wilson? 534 00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:41,081 Nice to see ya looking healthy again, Gina. 535 00:21:41,081 --> 00:21:42,909 I miss my scooter. 536 00:21:42,909 --> 00:21:45,216 You were hell on wheels, sweetie. 537 00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:47,871 Another one died. Sorry, Petey. 538 00:21:47,871 --> 00:21:51,483 "Oil-covered Avian, who hears your call? 539 00:21:51,483 --> 00:21:53,833 I do. Ca-Kaw!" 540 00:21:53,833 --> 00:21:55,269 Cheech! No!