1 00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:03,916 How ya doin'? 2 00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:06,571 In the old life, the trickiest part of pullin' off a big heist 3 00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:08,312 was dividin' up the loot. 4 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:10,662 So many fingers, so little pie... 5 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,057 Seems a shame to give all this money away 6 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:17,060 considerin' these guys already skimmed it behind my back. 7 00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:19,105 So I want ya to put a little surprise 8 00:00:19,105 --> 00:00:20,672 in the boxes. 9 00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,630 Jimmy, you are a no-good, 10 00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:24,850 back-stabbin' scumbag 11 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,244 who'd sell out his own mother to turn a buck. 12 00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:29,811 I mean that from the bottom of my heart. 13 00:00:29,811 --> 00:00:31,900 Aw Cheech, ya always know what to say. 14 00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:32,945 Thanks pal. 15 00:00:43,216 --> 00:00:45,653 Ya put the cash in with the bombs, didn't ya? 16 00:00:45,653 --> 00:00:47,177 Was I not supposed to? 17 00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:50,180 Oh. Oh! I get it now! 18 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:53,270 C'mere, you! I can't stay mad at ya. 19 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:54,880 That ain't what happened! 20 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,925 Ya went to town on me with a baseball bat! 21 00:00:56,925 --> 00:00:58,753 So? Ya deserved it! 22 00:00:58,753 --> 00:01:01,452 I still got Louisville Slugger imprinted on my ass! 23 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:02,757 Ya know what you are? 24 00:01:02,757 --> 00:01:04,803 A brutal, bloodthirsty hood, 25 00:01:04,803 --> 00:01:06,935 who beat up his mother for crossing him. 26 00:01:06,935 --> 00:01:08,546 Aw. 27 00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,504 Ya always know what to say, Cheech. 28 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:11,897 C'mere you... 29 00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,290 No way, Jimmy! 30 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,814 You ain't messin' up this hair again! 31 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,337 Fugget about it! 32 00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:19,992 ♪ Lemme tell you somethin' 33 00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:21,689 ♪ 'bout a friend of ours named Jimmy ♪ 34 00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:24,039 ♪ A "made" wise guy and a capo with Gambini ♪ 35 00:01:24,039 --> 00:01:26,041 ♪ But then he found out ♪ 36 00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:27,956 ♪ they'd be whackin' Uncle Cheech ♪ 37 00:01:27,956 --> 00:01:30,611 He take the boss, he threw him from nineteenth floor suite ♪ 38 00:01:30,611 --> 00:01:33,658 ♪ Wasn't much long till the mob all wants him dead ♪ 39 00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:37,096 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds ♪ 40 00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:40,012 ♪ The feds said they'd help if they can use him as a pawn ♪ 41 00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:42,580 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 42 00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,016 ♪ Fugget about it! 43 00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:45,496 ♪ Fugget about it! 44 00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:46,845 ♪ Fugget about it! 45 00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:48,151 Oh! Fugget about it! 46 00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:53,765 I know you're tryin' to save money, 47 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,636 but if you fall offa there, 48 00:01:55,636 --> 00:01:57,421 I'm not spendin' the rest of my life 49 00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:59,162 changin' your diapers. 50 00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:01,207 Cook, I didn't rise to the top of organized crime 51 00:02:01,207 --> 00:02:02,643 bein' scared of heights. 52 00:02:02,643 --> 00:02:04,428 I wish ya were! 53 00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,952 Ya wouldn'a chucked Gambini outta that skyscraper 54 00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:09,520 and someone else would be fixin' that roof. 55 00:02:11,826 --> 00:02:13,828 I gotta go get ready for Jazzercise. 56 00:02:13,828 --> 00:02:15,874 [Laughs] 57 00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,224 They still do Jazzercise in Regina. 58 00:02:18,224 --> 00:02:20,313 Since when do you wear diapers? 59 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:25,927 CHEECH: Ya done yet? I'm bored over here. 60 00:02:25,927 --> 00:02:28,582 What are ya doin'? Who's holdin' my safety line? 61 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,237 I tied it off. What am I a mook? 62 00:02:31,237 --> 00:02:32,891 COOKIE: See ya later, boys! 63 00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,284 [Car drives off] 64 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:35,807 [Screams] 65 00:02:39,506 --> 00:02:41,247 [Groans] 66 00:02:41,247 --> 00:02:44,250 ♪ [Angelic music] 67 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,686 Salut, mon amis! 68 00:02:45,686 --> 00:02:48,646 Holy crap, God is French. 69 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,300 I owe Shwa Shwa 20 bucks. 70 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,740 [Applause] 71 00:02:58,177 --> 00:02:59,526 I can't believe they're forcing me 72 00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:01,789 to be on the stupid debate team! 73 00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:03,878 Next time think before skipping class 74 00:03:03,878 --> 00:03:05,619 to drive a friend to an abortion. 75 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,665 Yes, that's right. 76 00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:09,014 A friend. 77 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:12,017 Madame Chairperson, judges, 78 00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:14,149 esteemed yet poorly prepared opponents 79 00:03:14,149 --> 00:03:15,716 from the Catholic school-- 80 00:03:15,716 --> 00:03:19,067 Shut up! Jesus totally rode a dinosaur! 81 00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:21,766 I have crafted a tight rebuttal. 82 00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:24,725 [Crowd laughs] 83 00:03:24,725 --> 00:03:27,250 Oh, I get it. "Tight rebuttal". 84 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,642 Very mature. 85 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:31,602 [Crowd laughs] 86 00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:34,953 Er, let me begin by saying... 87 00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:38,348 [Crowd laughs] 88 00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:40,785 [Sighs] Pass. 89 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,308 [Crowd laughs] 90 00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,530 Do you want a--No thank you! 91 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,314 Ew. 92 00:03:48,314 --> 00:03:50,273 Even your sweat tastes like failure. 93 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,366 Baby, I'm so sorry. 94 00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,585 I didn't know you were tied to the car! 95 00:03:58,585 --> 00:04:00,283 Cancel the bulk diaper order. 96 00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,675 'Ello. I'm Jacques! 97 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,155 Glad you're okay! 98 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:04,504 Hey Jack. Jimmy. 99 00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:06,419 See this TV he's got? 100 00:04:06,419 --> 00:04:07,986 It's like you're right there with the Wiggles. 101 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,684 Hoh! Speaking of wiggles. 102 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,773 'Dis is my wife Ginette. 103 00:04:12,773 --> 00:04:15,428 Do ya mind my askin', but were you ever a dancer? 104 00:04:15,428 --> 00:04:18,910 Oui, oui. But not with de clothes on. 105 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,173 I knew it! A sister stripper! 106 00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:22,348 Gimme five up top! 107 00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:26,439 Want to 'elp me put up my stripper pole? 108 00:04:28,789 --> 00:04:30,748 Yo, Cheech, quit starring at her ass. 109 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,140 Why don't you take a picture? 110 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,189 I like this guy already. 111 00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,365 Well, we don't got no more Labatt's. 112 00:04:39,365 --> 00:04:41,193 Where does a guy get the beer in Vagina? 113 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,935 I know it's Re-gina, 114 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,154 but Vagina make me laugh. 115 00:04:46,154 --> 00:04:48,113 Trust me, that joke gets old quick. 116 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:54,249 So Jacques, where's that accent ya got from, France? 117 00:04:54,249 --> 00:04:56,077 'Ell non! 118 00:04:56,077 --> 00:04:59,385 I'm from da place with da man-skirts and... 119 00:04:59,385 --> 00:05:00,908 'ow you say... 120 00:05:00,908 --> 00:05:02,693 Squeeze bags of music? 121 00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,303 Scotland? 122 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,218 Oui, c'est ca! I'm from de Scotland. 123 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:08,525 I think man-skirts are Greenwich Village. 124 00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:09,830 What's your last name? 125 00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:11,049 It's Boucher-- 126 00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:15,009 I mean McFelcher. 127 00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:16,446 I already told you once, bud. 128 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,099 Feet off the table! 129 00:05:18,099 --> 00:05:19,710 Okay, but first you kiss my hairy ass? 130 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,542 Ya believe this, Cheech? 131 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,282 A bar fight! 132 00:05:27,282 --> 00:05:29,459 It's like I'm twelve again! 133 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:34,986 I know Botox helps excessive perspiration, 134 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,379 but why do you care? 135 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,642 If I gotta be on a team fulla losers, 136 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,644 I want it to be a winner. 137 00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:42,385 You're our only hope! 138 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,693 Doc, fill these pits with everything you've got! 139 00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:53,221 Ew! Now his face is leakin'! 140 00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:57,661 I got this one! 141 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,101 Everyone at headquarters had a good laugh 142 00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,842 when they heard I had to bail you out of jail 143 00:06:04,842 --> 00:06:06,104 yet again, Jimmy! 144 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,975 Did anyone mention me? 145 00:06:07,975 --> 00:06:10,282 We didn't start it, we just joined in when it got goin'. 146 00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:12,632 Oh, of course! You didn't do it! 147 00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:15,026 Just like the last time, and the time before that. 148 00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,245 There will come a day, Jimmy, 149 00:06:17,245 --> 00:06:18,899 that I won't be there to catch you 150 00:06:18,899 --> 00:06:20,553 when you take yet another 151 00:06:20,553 --> 00:06:23,208 of your enthusiastic leaps from grace! 152 00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:25,253 Oh you'll be there, McCool. 153 00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:27,560 Ya got no friends, no life. 154 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,127 Ya got nothin'! 155 00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,955 He's right. 156 00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:35,873 [♪♪♪] 157 00:06:38,266 --> 00:06:40,225 Hey, don't ya think it's funny 158 00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:42,096 how we got so much in common? 159 00:06:42,096 --> 00:06:44,490 Almost too much, if ya know what I mean? 160 00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:47,885 He means your wives are both hot-lookin' broads. 161 00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:50,365 Ho-ho-ho, sounds like somebody 162 00:06:50,365 --> 00:06:53,412 want a crack at Ginette, non? 163 00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:55,153 You're a big man and I've seen ya fight, 164 00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:57,024 so I'll pass. 165 00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:00,985 But I may rub one out to her at some point 166 00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,900 if that's okay with you. 167 00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:07,034 You honor me with your future masturbation! 168 00:07:09,123 --> 00:07:11,822 [Hums] 169 00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:12,823 [Gasps] 170 00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,608 Still rockin' the dress reds, McCool? 171 00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:18,219 Ya look like a giant apple with legs man. 172 00:07:18,219 --> 00:07:20,178 David Suzuki's whispy beard! 173 00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:21,614 Slade Donovan? 174 00:07:25,313 --> 00:07:28,360 Lanny MacDonald's magnificent moustache! 175 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,275 That's right. 176 00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:33,234 What are you doing here? You need something? 177 00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:36,368 What I'm doin' here is above your pay-grade. 178 00:07:36,368 --> 00:07:38,196 What I need is for you to do your damn job, 179 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,763 Dudley Do-Wrong. 180 00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,286 [Glass shatters] 181 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:44,289 [Raucous laughter] 182 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:45,856 JIMMY: Nice going Cheech! 183 00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:48,119 [Both laugh] 184 00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:51,339 Jacques, I told you not to associate with these people! 185 00:07:51,339 --> 00:07:52,993 What in the hell is goin' on! 186 00:07:52,993 --> 00:07:54,778 Cheech tried to hump the Wiggles 187 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,954 and he knock over de TV. 188 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:58,869 I need a new one, Mountie! 189 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,784 Yeah and get us a new TV, Mountie! 190 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:03,613 Wait a sec, why do you have a Mountie? 191 00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:06,616 Why do you have a Mountie? 192 00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:09,488 BOTH: Witness protection! 193 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,447 [Both laugh] 194 00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:14,014 I was a Biker in Quebec 195 00:08:14,014 --> 00:08:15,842 who ratted out my own drug suppliers! 196 00:08:17,191 --> 00:08:20,281 I was a capo in the mafia who killed my own boss! 197 00:08:20,281 --> 00:08:22,022 I knew you McDougal boys 198 00:08:22,022 --> 00:08:24,329 had a dirty rat deep inside you! 199 00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:25,983 Actually, mine's a hamster. 200 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:28,507 Say goodbye, Jimmy. 201 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:31,249 Protected witnesses are forbidden to fraternize! 202 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,946 Jacques! 203 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,514 Jimmy! 204 00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:37,864 Jacques hot wife! 205 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:42,477 Why am I under house arrest? 206 00:08:42,477 --> 00:08:44,523 Jacques' the one who started the bar fight. 207 00:08:44,523 --> 00:08:47,091 Aw jeez, I just can't stop rattin' on people! 208 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,223 And I cannot have you making me look the fool 209 00:08:49,223 --> 00:08:50,660 in front of my fellow officer. 210 00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,400 Until Jacques testifies, 211 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,620 Slade wants you to stay indoors and be a good boy! 212 00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:55,969 What am I, a puppy? 213 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,580 Metaphorically, yes. 214 00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,625 So don't make me rub your nose in it 215 00:08:59,625 --> 00:09:01,584 whilst hitting you with a rolled-up newspaper - 216 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,411 which I would never do in reality 217 00:09:03,411 --> 00:09:05,718 as cruelty to animals is most un-Canadian. 218 00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:07,590 Unless you're an Inuit seal hunter. 219 00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,287 Then it's a matter of survival. 220 00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,506 But I like hangin' out with Jacques! 221 00:09:11,506 --> 00:09:13,987 He's the first cool friend I've made here in Vagina! 222 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,033 [Laughs] 223 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,861 Yeah okay, still kinda funny. 224 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,166 I'm sorry, Jimmy 225 00:09:19,166 --> 00:09:21,081 but there's to be no more playdates 226 00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:23,127 with your degenerate Quebecois bestie! 227 00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:27,871 For Canada, where uneven population density 228 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,916 makes it's hard to meet new people! 229 00:09:33,528 --> 00:09:35,095 As Ernest Hemingway once said: 230 00:09:35,095 --> 00:09:36,227 [Sighs] 231 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:38,533 "This shotgun tastes like..." 232 00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:40,579 [Gunshot noise] 233 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,320 Thank you. 234 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,889 [Applause] 235 00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:50,328 I never understand what's going on at these talk-fights, 236 00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,112 but we won, right? 237 00:09:52,112 --> 00:09:53,984 Somehow. 238 00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:55,986 Even though I pulled that argument out of my butt. 239 00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:58,292 They don't seem to care what I say. 240 00:09:58,292 --> 00:10:00,251 Your face is doin' all the work for ya. 241 00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,992 That's ridiculous. 242 00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,471 People aren't that shallow! 243 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:09,086 Sorry, I just kinda got lost in your eyes... 244 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,220 Theresa snap out of it! 245 00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:15,266 Okay if you incest-- 246 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:17,050 Insist! I meant insist! 247 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,704 Um, ew... 248 00:10:18,704 --> 00:10:23,578 [♪♪♪] 249 00:10:28,714 --> 00:10:33,632 [♪♪♪] 250 00:10:38,724 --> 00:10:43,642 [♪♪♪] 251 00:10:49,169 --> 00:10:51,128 [All giggling] 252 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:57,003 Are you wearin' a safety line? 253 00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:58,526 'Coz those things are dangerous. 254 00:10:58,526 --> 00:11:00,441 I need a favor, Jimmy. 255 00:11:00,441 --> 00:11:01,921 Can you 'elp ol' Jacques? 256 00:11:01,921 --> 00:11:03,270 I dunno. 257 00:11:03,270 --> 00:11:06,186 If McCool finds out he might take away my TV privileges. 258 00:11:06,186 --> 00:11:08,536 I need you to hide dis pour moi. 259 00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:11,409 Just until Slade stops being such a, 'ow you say? 260 00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,193 Ball-squeezer. 261 00:11:13,193 --> 00:11:14,717 Ya mean ball-buster. 262 00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:16,109 Not when Slade do it. 263 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,633 Better I don't say what it is. 264 00:11:18,633 --> 00:11:20,592 We keep this entre nous, non? 265 00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:22,507 I don't know what 'under noo-no' means. 266 00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,248 But ya better be careful, 267 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,640 ya don't wanna get kicked outta the program. 268 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,555 Ah, who give a [bleep], eh? 269 00:11:27,555 --> 00:11:30,297 [Sniffs] Oh, you just did. 270 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,823 Mmmm, somethin' smells... 271 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,173 [sniff] ...fun. 272 00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:37,522 What do ya s'pose it is? 273 00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:42,266 What? My crime-dar was tinglin'. 274 00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:46,444 Bolivian marchin' powder! 275 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,924 Just lemme say, 276 00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:50,317 I am so glad you're back in business, Pop. 277 00:11:50,317 --> 00:11:52,667 I never really lost faith in ya. 278 00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:54,017 It ain't mine, Gina. 279 00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,932 So ya stole it? Even better! 280 00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,803 Sorry kid. 281 00:11:57,803 --> 00:12:01,111 Ah, ya rat bumstead stool chicken suck-a-butt- 282 00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:02,590 Dammit! 283 00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:04,331 I'm so mad I can't even curse right! 284 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,817 I can't have this garbage in my house. 285 00:12:11,817 --> 00:12:13,253 We gotta give it back. 286 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:14,820 After we have a taste. 287 00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,430 No! Ya dumbass! 288 00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:17,954 If McCool catches us with it, 289 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,651 he's liable to send us right back to New York. 290 00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:22,088 And the downside to that is? 291 00:12:26,266 --> 00:12:28,834 What's Jack doin' at a rail yard? 292 00:12:28,834 --> 00:12:30,401 Fingers crossed he's gettin' another shipment 293 00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:32,533 of Sweet Mama Yeyo! 294 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:34,100 Get ready to hand this off to him. 295 00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:37,451 Dammit! 296 00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,634 What seems to be the problem offi-- HA-CHOOO! 297 00:12:48,723 --> 00:12:50,377 I hope you have a good explanation 298 00:12:50,377 --> 00:12:53,293 for being out of the house and following McFelcher around! 299 00:12:53,293 --> 00:12:56,340 Mother Courage! I feel great! 300 00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:57,994 You ever just feel great, Jimmy? 301 00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:59,473 Yeah, I wanna order a bunch of Chinese food 302 00:12:59,473 --> 00:13:00,735 and just stare at it! 303 00:13:00,735 --> 00:13:02,650 Egg rolls! Egg Rolls! 304 00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:03,608 We should drive to the coast! 305 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:07,090 And fast! Right? Really goddamn fast! 306 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,961 I swear, I could bench-press this SUV! 307 00:13:08,961 --> 00:13:10,484 You want to see me do it? 308 00:13:10,484 --> 00:13:12,008 I will effing do it, right now! Watch me! 309 00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:15,838 [Screams] 310 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:19,232 [Grunts] 311 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,977 Oh, hey Slade. Just whaling on my pecs. 312 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,721 The devil's dandruff! 313 00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:31,679 This is a new low, even for you, Strait McFool. 314 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:33,290 Shut up! Spot me! Count my reps! 315 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:35,640 Better yet... Come at me, bro. 316 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,819 Where the hell were you? 317 00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:42,168 The dork patrol had a debate tonight! 318 00:13:42,168 --> 00:13:43,909 Oh, right. Sorry. 319 00:13:43,909 --> 00:13:46,172 I was getting a handy from the convertible chick. 320 00:13:46,172 --> 00:13:48,087 You don't even know her name? 321 00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,915 Don't need to. I'm good-looking. 322 00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:51,612 Thank you, Botox. 323 00:13:51,612 --> 00:13:53,658 There's more to life than being good-looking, Petey, 324 00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,268 and as much as that isn't true, 325 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,227 this isn't you! 326 00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:59,925 For once people are judging me not for who I am, 327 00:13:59,925 --> 00:14:01,492 but for how I look! 328 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,798 And it feels great! 329 00:14:03,798 --> 00:14:06,758 Now excuse me, I need to go buy a crap-ton of body spray. 330 00:14:08,542 --> 00:14:11,241 I'm telling you, McCool, those were Jacque's narcotics! 331 00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,764 Oh Balderdash, Jimmy! 332 00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:14,418 I see what's going on. 333 00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,550 You're jealous of McFelcher's freedoms! 334 00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:18,074 No I ain't! 335 00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:20,598 The guy's about to get himself kicked outta witness protection. 336 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:23,296 Funny, because that's exactly what you're doing. 337 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,645 Now where's Cheech? 338 00:14:24,645 --> 00:14:25,646 I cleaned the car! 339 00:14:25,646 --> 00:14:27,605 Got into all the cracks and crevices... 340 00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:29,302 with a straw! 341 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,608 It's spotless now. 342 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,436 Jimmy, it's spotless! 343 00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:35,395 Cheech, I have no choice but to put this on you. 344 00:14:35,395 --> 00:14:37,702 No! You can't make me a robot! 345 00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,312 Cheech! Stop it. 346 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,618 I don't wanna! 347 00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:42,359 [Both struggle] 348 00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:43,926 That is not funny! 349 00:14:45,231 --> 00:14:47,233 Stop it. Hold still right now... 350 00:14:47,233 --> 00:14:48,582 Stop it! 351 00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,324 Oh, you guys are dicks. 352 00:14:53,761 --> 00:14:56,242 Jimmy, you are de biggest badass! 353 00:14:56,242 --> 00:14:57,591 [Laughs] 354 00:14:57,591 --> 00:14:59,071 You don't just do de coke, 355 00:14:59,071 --> 00:15:01,465 you make de arresting officer do it, too! 356 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:03,032 I love you guys! 357 00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,424 Jacques, level with me, 358 00:15:04,424 --> 00:15:05,817 you're up to somethin', ain't'cha? 359 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,297 Non, mon frère! 360 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,168 Then what were ya doin' at the train yard? 361 00:15:09,168 --> 00:15:10,735 Did'ja join the circus? 362 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,824 Tell me ya joined the circus. 363 00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:14,739 Alright, I tell you. 364 00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:17,263 I got a thing for the train. 365 00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:19,744 [Laughs] 366 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,833 Anyway Jimmy, I go now. 367 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,487 Ya believe that? 368 00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,358 He ducked my question like you duck a subpoena. 369 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,794 He's plannin' a heist! 370 00:15:26,794 --> 00:15:28,144 Before we do anything, 371 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,102 can we get some more Peruvian disco sugar? 372 00:15:30,102 --> 00:15:33,149 Doesn't anybody just say cocaine for Christ sake? 373 00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,281 I got the wobblies real bad, 374 00:15:35,281 --> 00:15:37,414 and I'm startin' to hallucinate. 375 00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,111 Ain't that right, Lonnie? 376 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,636 Who are you talkin' to? 377 00:15:42,636 --> 00:15:44,464 Alright, ya wanna know 378 00:15:44,464 --> 00:15:46,466 what he might be heistin' from that yard? 379 00:15:46,466 --> 00:15:47,772 A lotta stuff comes through there. 380 00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:49,469 Lemme check the manifest... 381 00:15:49,469 --> 00:15:51,210 [Mumbles] 382 00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:53,256 Wheat. Wood chips. 383 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,780 Somethin' called dildos from PEI. 384 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,086 It's so obvious! 385 00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,001 Everyone needs Dildos! 386 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,133 Cheech, grab yourself a Methadone 387 00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:02,613 from the mini fridge and shut up. 388 00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:03,701 Thanks kid. 389 00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,311 Methadone? 390 00:16:05,311 --> 00:16:07,139 It's Sunny D. [Bleep] does he know? 391 00:16:07,139 --> 00:16:08,619 A'right, what else we got? 392 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:11,622 Coal. Lumber. Potatoes. 393 00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:13,493 Hey, wait a sec... 394 00:16:13,493 --> 00:16:15,713 Maple syrup. 395 00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,932 Why would he steal that? It's three bucks a bottle. 396 00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:20,631 That's the knockoff crap Ma buys. 397 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:24,330 This is the Grade-A stuff they only tap once a year. 398 00:16:24,330 --> 00:16:25,679 Kid's right. 399 00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:27,638 Back in the day, the 'ol Amber Princess 400 00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,640 was tearin' New York apart. 401 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,250 The Five Families walked away, 402 00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:34,253 let the Frenchies have the whole sticky mess. 403 00:16:34,253 --> 00:16:37,474 Get goin', that train hits Regina any minute now. 404 00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:39,476 And I get points on whatever 405 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,521 ya steal off Pepe Le Puke. 406 00:16:41,521 --> 00:16:43,349 Gina, we're not stealin' from him, 407 00:16:43,349 --> 00:16:45,308 we're stoppin' him for his own good! 408 00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,005 "For his own good"? 409 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,876 What happened to you, man? 410 00:16:48,876 --> 00:16:50,835 Ya used to be beautiful! 411 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,229 I have no father. 412 00:16:55,187 --> 00:16:56,884 How did I get an A+ on this? 413 00:16:56,884 --> 00:16:58,625 I skipped class on test day. 414 00:16:58,625 --> 00:17:00,888 I know. 415 00:17:00,888 --> 00:17:04,979 Now what say we pretend you're 18, studsauce? 416 00:17:04,979 --> 00:17:06,677 If I could move my face, 417 00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:08,809 I'd look very interested. 418 00:17:11,551 --> 00:17:13,205 Okay, if Petey's not gonna show. 419 00:17:13,205 --> 00:17:14,380 One of us has to go up. 420 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,084 [Groans] 421 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,476 [Sighs] 422 00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:26,479 Hi everybody. 423 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,916 I'm Theresa McDougal, thanks for comin' out tonight. 424 00:17:30,657 --> 00:17:32,398 Okay, debating... 425 00:17:32,398 --> 00:17:35,880 Um, I think the other team's points are all lame. 426 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,230 And they dress like dorks. 427 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:40,102 And, um, I do not know what is going on 428 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,320 with that one chick's hair. 429 00:17:45,411 --> 00:17:47,370 I got this one, sis. 430 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:50,851 Thank God, I was runnin' out of argumations. 431 00:17:50,851 --> 00:17:52,505 What made ya come back? 432 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,812 My teacher just touched me inappropriately. 433 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,206 Petey, I'm so sorry. 434 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,990 Oh no, it was great! 435 00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,731 But I realized I can't be the kind of person 436 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,559 who cruises on looks alone. 437 00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:04,648 But the touching? Top-notch! 438 00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:07,564 God, I wish I had your pores... 439 00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:08,608 What did you say? 440 00:18:08,608 --> 00:18:11,089 My point exactly. Now, what's the topic? 441 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:12,786 What's a topic? 442 00:18:12,786 --> 00:18:14,875 I'll begin by quoting Aristotle. 443 00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:21,578 Where was I? Oh, yes... 444 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,362 [All gasp] 445 00:18:23,362 --> 00:18:24,755 Aristotle once said... 446 00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:25,843 [All gasp] 447 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,366 Sorry, I'll start again. 448 00:18:27,366 --> 00:18:29,368 Aristotle once said... 449 00:18:29,368 --> 00:18:31,196 [All gasp] 450 00:18:31,196 --> 00:18:34,199 Ahh! It's like I opened the Ark of the Covenent! 451 00:18:34,199 --> 00:18:35,374 Don't look at me! 452 00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:37,028 Don't look at me! 453 00:18:38,072 --> 00:18:39,335 See kids. 454 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:40,858 That's what happens to fornicators. 455 00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:45,776 [♪♪♪] 456 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:56,047 [♪♪♪] 457 00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:58,005 There he is! Take the wheel! I'm goin' in. 458 00:18:58,005 --> 00:18:59,572 What am I Burt Reynolds ? 459 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,748 Just take it! I'll climb out. 460 00:19:01,748 --> 00:19:04,621 Do I take it and you go, or do you go and I take it? 461 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:06,492 What is the difference? 462 00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:08,929 Crashin' into a [Bleep] train is the difference! 463 00:19:08,929 --> 00:19:10,714 I'm goin'! You figure it out! 464 00:19:15,022 --> 00:19:16,937 Ask Jack if he's carryin'! 465 00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:22,291 Ahh! 466 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,432 Jacques, stop! Don't throw your life away! 467 00:19:33,432 --> 00:19:36,130 You're a great guy, Jimmy, but I gotta fly free, 468 00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:38,307 like de mighty penguin! 469 00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:39,873 You're gonna get pinched! 470 00:19:39,873 --> 00:19:41,919 And your English sucks! 471 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:43,529 Ya got a sweet deal here! 472 00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:45,575 Why throw it away for pancake topping? 473 00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:47,881 Because ten million dollars in maple syrup 474 00:19:47,881 --> 00:19:50,014 is a lot sweeter deal, mon ami! 475 00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,842 Ten million? 476 00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,931 Jeez, I'd throw away one of my kids for that. 477 00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:55,976 Metaphysically speakin', of course. 478 00:19:55,976 --> 00:19:59,197 Hey, 'ow 'bout I give you ten percent for 'elping me? 479 00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:01,634 After all, you and Cheech's clowning around 480 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,375 took da heat off me, mon chum! 481 00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:04,681 Ten percent? 482 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,770 Okay, make it 15!Deal! 483 00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:07,988 Okay-Alright! 484 00:20:07,988 --> 00:20:10,034 Let's stop shovelling coal on dis diesel train 485 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:11,296 and shake on it. 486 00:20:11,296 --> 00:20:12,515 [Horse whinnies] 487 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:14,125 What's dat?Aw crap. 488 00:20:15,822 --> 00:20:17,389 You were right, Jimmy! 489 00:20:17,389 --> 00:20:19,696 McFelcher was up to something! 490 00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,524 How the 'ell did 'e find us? 491 00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:24,483 He's a, uh, really good cop. 492 00:20:24,483 --> 00:20:26,659 Your ankle monitor! 493 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,835 The one I put on your ankle to monitor you with. 494 00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:30,924 It led me right to you! 495 00:20:30,924 --> 00:20:32,752 Okay, I'll settle for five percent. 496 00:20:37,757 --> 00:20:39,803 I guess I blew the debate. 497 00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:40,934 How badly did we lose? 498 00:20:40,934 --> 00:20:42,545 We won! 499 00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,242 Jetsie totally stepped up! 500 00:20:44,242 --> 00:20:45,635 Boy can he talk! 501 00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:47,201 It was like watching a master at work. 502 00:20:47,201 --> 00:20:50,292 And his Dutch accent! So sexy. 503 00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,989 Sorry I was such a jerk. 504 00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:54,731 Well, good looking people always get a free pass. 505 00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:57,168 So... we're cool? 506 00:20:57,168 --> 00:20:58,865 No! I said 'good looking'. 507 00:20:58,865 --> 00:21:00,519 You're hideous. 508 00:21:00,519 --> 00:21:03,000 Hey, Jetsie... 509 00:21:06,046 --> 00:21:08,135 Looks like your witness was planning a caper 510 00:21:08,135 --> 00:21:10,094 right under your nose, Slade. 511 00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:11,269 What is this, Scooby-Doo? 512 00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:12,923 Shut up, man. 513 00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:15,099 Jacques, listen, I just wanted to stop ya 514 00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:16,622 'coz I liked havin' ya around. 515 00:21:16,622 --> 00:21:18,058 Can ya forgive me? 516 00:21:18,058 --> 00:21:20,365 Non, Jimmy. Vas te faire foutre. 517 00:21:20,365 --> 00:21:21,540 What's that mean? 518 00:21:21,540 --> 00:21:23,150 "Go [Bleep] yourself". 519 00:21:23,150 --> 00:21:25,675 Sounds so pretty in French. 520 00:21:25,675 --> 00:21:29,200 Well Jimmy, you put yourself at great personal risk 521 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,637 to prevent a Maple syrup drought 522 00:21:31,637 --> 00:21:33,378 in Western Canada. 523 00:21:33,378 --> 00:21:35,772 Uh... No, that's not exactly what I was-- 524 00:21:35,772 --> 00:21:37,469 That's our story, Jimmy, 525 00:21:37,469 --> 00:21:38,992 and we're bloody well sticking to it. 526 00:21:38,992 --> 00:21:40,864 Gotcha. Hey, where's Cheech? 527 00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:43,606 Ah, finally gettin' the help I need. 528 00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,651 Your move, Lonnie. 529 00:21:45,651 --> 00:21:48,350 Yep. I'm gonna make a full recover-- 530 00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:51,091 Hey that's my king ya sonofabitch! 531 00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:55,748 Right there is why ya should never touch drugs. 532 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,663 You're right, baby. 533 00:21:57,663 --> 00:22:00,013 Now let's go get hammered on Maple Syrup and Vodka!