1
00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:03,307
How ya doin'?
It's me, Gina.

2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:04,830
Yeah, I'm drivin'.

3
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,875
I'm not wearin'
a seatbelt neither.

4
00:00:06,875 --> 00:00:08,225
Blow me.

5
00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:11,141
Before Pops became the fattest
stool pigeon in history,

6
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:13,143
he was my hero.

7
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,928
If there was an award
for Father of the Year,

8
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,538
Pop woulda got it.

9
00:00:17,538 --> 00:00:20,672
Don Francesco says Hello.[loud bang]

10
00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,978
[laughter]

11
00:00:22,978 --> 00:00:24,893
GINA:
Then this happens...

12
00:00:24,893 --> 00:00:27,244
So, I look at
the FBI guy and say...

13
00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:29,550
You stinkin' Feds
can blow me,

14
00:00:29,550 --> 00:00:31,900
I ain't testifyin'
against nobody!

15
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:33,772
Then the man from
the Feds says...

16
00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,730
But the mob is gonna kill you

17
00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:37,819
and your whole family, Jimmy!

18
00:00:37,819 --> 00:00:39,299
Ya with me so far, kid?

19
00:00:39,299 --> 00:00:41,519
I get it!
You're turnin' rat!

20
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:42,781
Just wait,
there's more...

21
00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:46,089
If you testify,
we can give you immunity.

22
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:48,047
Do ya know what
'immunity' means?

23
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:50,136
Enough with
the [beep] puppets!

24
00:00:50,136 --> 00:00:51,833
[loud grunt]

25
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:53,966
Now, Pops is the puppet

26
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:56,447
and the Feds are the ones
pullin' the strings.

27
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:59,276
This is the thanks I get for
savin' all of your lives!

28
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,974
And if you don't think
I'm better off dead

29
00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:04,324
than livin' in Canada's
icy butt crack,

30
00:01:04,324 --> 00:01:06,413
fugget about it!

31
00:01:07,588 --> 00:01:09,199
♪ Lemme tell you somethin'

32
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:10,852
♪ 'bout a friend
of ours named Jimmy ♪

33
00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:13,899
♪ A "made" wise guy
and a capo with Gambini ♪

34
00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:16,815
♪ But then he found out they'd
be whackin' Uncle Cheech ♪

35
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:19,992
♪ He took his boss, he threw him
from nineteenth floor suite ♪

36
00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:22,864
♪ Wasn't much long till
the mob all wants him dead ♪

37
00:01:22,864 --> 00:01:26,085
♪ So Jimmy had no choice
but to talk to all the feds ♪

38
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,914
♪ The feds said they'd help
if they can use him as a pawn ♪

39
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:31,569
♪ So he ratted out his friends
and moved to Saskatchewan ♪

40
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:33,005
♪ Fugget about it!

41
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,572
♪ Fugget about it!

42
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,877
♪ Fugget about it!

43
00:01:35,877 --> 00:01:36,791
Oh!
Fugget about it!

44
00:01:40,186 --> 00:01:42,667
You clowns think
ya can avoid me?

45
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:45,191
We have nap time
together every day.

46
00:01:45,191 --> 00:01:46,149
Now cough it up!

47
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,586
The new kid already
took our money!

48
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:51,023
What are you little crap
stains tryin' to pull?

49
00:01:51,023 --> 00:01:52,894
Who's this 'new' kid?

50
00:01:52,894 --> 00:01:56,376
Just give me another
wedgie and let me go.

51
00:01:56,376 --> 00:01:57,769
Another wedgie?

52
00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,249
Who gave ya the first one?

53
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,730
Oh, this is gonna be fun.

54
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,647
[shouting]

55
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:11,391
[tense music]

56
00:02:11,391 --> 00:02:14,177
Yeah, hide behind the
skinniest statue on earth.

57
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,482
Dumbass.

58
00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:17,832
[loud crash]

59
00:02:17,832 --> 00:02:19,399
[cough]

60
00:02:19,399 --> 00:02:20,618
[gasp]

61
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:22,141
I know this looks bad,

62
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,882
but for once I'm innocent.

63
00:02:26,754 --> 00:02:28,103
[beeps]

64
00:02:28,103 --> 00:02:30,018
I think the furnace
is on the fritz!

65
00:02:30,018 --> 00:02:31,846
What's ten degrees
in American?

66
00:02:31,846 --> 00:02:33,935
Dunno.
Depends on the exchange rate.

67
00:02:33,935 --> 00:02:35,763
"Apologies for
the intrusion,

68
00:02:35,763 --> 00:02:37,461
but I'm here
to save the day!"

69
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,071
What's with
the pantyhose?

70
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,420
It's a unitard!

71
00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:41,595
I'm MapleMan!

72
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,424
MapleMan?

73
00:02:44,424 --> 00:02:46,861
Canadian superhero?

74
00:02:46,861 --> 00:02:50,038
Fighting minor infractions
and belligerence everywhere?

75
00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:51,953
Ya look unitarded,
Captain Leaf.

76
00:02:51,953 --> 00:02:53,477
[gasp]Theresa?

77
00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:55,218
Why are you dressed
up as Sapling Girl?

78
00:02:56,523 --> 00:02:58,612
MapleMan's trusty sidekick?

79
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:01,267
Who's always getting him
out of sticky situations?

80
00:03:01,267 --> 00:03:03,704
I'm just wearing what
they gave me for my job

81
00:03:03,704 --> 00:03:05,402
as a booth babe
at Regina ComicCon.

82
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:07,839
[gasp]
Do you know what this means?

83
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:09,493
Of course not.

84
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,451
You'll be working with
Bentley Withermoon,

85
00:03:11,451 --> 00:03:13,453
the renowned actor
who plays Terence Timber,

86
00:03:13,453 --> 00:03:15,150
aka MapleMan!

87
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:17,065
That sounds like
a lotta nerds.

88
00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:18,545
I better bring
my pepper-spray.

89
00:03:18,545 --> 00:03:20,504
Theresa, you have to
introduce me to him!

90
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,070
So much of my belief system

91
00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:23,942
is based on
the teachings of MapleMan!

92
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,857
Well, it's a hundred
bucks for an autograph,

93
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:27,380
three hundred for a photo,

94
00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:29,252
or a thousand
to brush his hair.

95
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,166
I have to go sell
my stamp collection.

96
00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:32,516
And can I borrow
your brush?

97
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:38,783
Gina, you've irreparably
damaged school spirit

98
00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,654
here at Celine Dion
Elementary!

99
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,135
Don't worry,
our hearts'll go on.

100
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,616
The only place that'll
accept you now, my dear,

101
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:49,141
is Our Lady of Peace
School for Wayward Girls!

102
00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:52,449
Not the nuns! No!
Anything but the nuns!

103
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,059
That's right.

104
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:56,279
Enjoy that juice
while you still can!

105
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:59,064
The only snacks
the nuns'll give you

106
00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:01,762
are warm holy water
and stale body of Christ!

107
00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:02,807
Yummy!

108
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:04,461
[tense music]

109
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,027
[gasp]

110
00:04:09,117 --> 00:04:11,250
Thank you for coming
Mr. McDougal.

111
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:13,513
I came as soon as
I got your call.

112
00:04:13,513 --> 00:04:15,733
Ya got a real
sultry phone voice.

113
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:19,606
I'm afraid Gina's
in a great deal of trouble.

114
00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:21,521
Your fancy skeleton statue
nearly crushes her,

115
00:04:21,521 --> 00:04:23,044
and she's
the one in trouble?

116
00:04:23,044 --> 00:04:24,568
You got a lotta nerve,
professor.

117
00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,831
Next thing ya know,
she'll be blamin' you

118
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:29,399
for this hat I stole
off that Special Ed kid.

119
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:31,836
Well, we talked her down
to a one-day suspension.

120
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,707
Pretty good for
your 'old man', huh?

121
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,536
Just wait'll I get my hands
on that kid who framed me.

122
00:04:36,536 --> 00:04:38,625
Knock out his teeth
for me, will ya?

123
00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:40,235
I missed
Readin' Rainbow for this.

124
00:04:42,455 --> 00:04:44,631
Five seconds
and I'll be shaking hands

125
00:04:44,631 --> 00:04:46,720
with a syndicated
television legend...

126
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:50,855
Okay, that's it for today!

127
00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:53,248
Maple Syrup Man will
be back tomorrow...

128
00:04:53,248 --> 00:04:55,468
for some reason.

129
00:04:55,468 --> 00:04:57,905
[loud whisper]
Theresa! Theresa!

130
00:04:57,905 --> 00:04:59,429
Introduce me!

131
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:02,214
Er, Tabitha,
I had some notes

132
00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,651
regarding your Booth
Babe-ing skills.

133
00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:07,350
Shall we discuss
them over a drink?

134
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,613
Sorry, I left
my fake I.D. at home.

135
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,354
[chuckles]
Don't worry.

136
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,573
No one asks for I.D...

137
00:05:13,573 --> 00:05:16,054
in my hotel room.

138
00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:18,012
Yeah, no,
I'm really tired

139
00:05:18,012 --> 00:05:19,971
from wincin' at people's
breath all day.

140
00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:22,103
Most girls in
your position

141
00:05:22,103 --> 00:05:23,888
would leap
at the chance

142
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:26,891
to get a few tips
from an industry veteran.

143
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,328
Sorry you were in the war,
but thanks anyway.

144
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:30,547
See you tomorrow!

145
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,244
Theresa!
You gotta introduce me to-

146
00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:33,854
Buzz off nerd -

147
00:05:33,854 --> 00:05:35,203
Oh, Petey!

148
00:05:35,203 --> 00:05:37,292
I didn't recognize
you in your pyjamas.

149
00:05:37,292 --> 00:05:38,424
[screams]

150
00:05:41,427 --> 00:05:43,690
GINA:
Can I ask ya a question?

151
00:05:43,690 --> 00:05:45,431
Shoot.You ever
worry that-

152
00:05:45,431 --> 00:05:46,824
I said
"shoot"!

153
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,129
C'mon,
it's your turn!

154
00:05:48,129 --> 00:05:50,218
Oh, right.Ha!

155
00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:52,482
Ya missed!
What a loser.

156
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,658
Cheech, ya ever worry things

157
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,529
are slippin' outta your control?

158
00:05:56,529 --> 00:05:58,531
Yeah, but I got special
underpants for that.

159
00:05:58,531 --> 00:06:00,620
It's this mystery kid
at school.

160
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:02,274
He's hauntin' me -

161
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,319
and I don't even know
what he looks like!

162
00:06:04,319 --> 00:06:06,670
The Kid Without a Face...

163
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,411
How'm I supposed to sleep now?

164
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,500
Lemme tell ya,
Francis Bacon once said-

165
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:13,372
no, wait, it was Kevin Bacon!

166
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,853
He said
"knowledge is power".

167
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:18,595
Yeah, I should
snoop around,

168
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:20,161
find out who
this kid is.

169
00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:21,815
Good idea,
Cheech.

170
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,557
Oh, and if ya call
me a loser again,

171
00:06:24,557 --> 00:06:26,124
I'll slice your
[beep] nuts off.

172
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,517
[grunt]

173
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,388
You're tough,
but fair.

174
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,478
Get the file
on the new kid

175
00:06:32,478 --> 00:06:34,567
and check the teacher's
lounge for snacks.

176
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:35,655
Not in that order.

177
00:06:35,655 --> 00:06:37,744
What the hell's this?

178
00:06:37,744 --> 00:06:40,225
In case ya gotta hack into
the mainframe or some [beep].

179
00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:44,664
Hey, why is my locker open?

180
00:06:44,664 --> 00:06:47,188
What the hell is this?

181
00:06:47,188 --> 00:06:49,974
It's a picture of
the best summer of my life.

182
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,845
[gasp]Carmine!

183
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,108
I'm baaaack-
OOF!

184
00:06:54,108 --> 00:06:56,067
That's for getting me
suspended.

185
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,982
Not that I care,
but still.

186
00:06:57,982 --> 00:07:01,159
And THAT'S for
breakin' Celine Dion!

187
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:02,856
What was that for?

188
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,249
That's 'coz I missed ya.

189
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,037
I'm impressed.

190
00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:13,432
Musta took a lotta
determination to track us down.

191
00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:15,565
Ya know, your Pop
killin' my Pop and all.

192
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,349
It gets ya outta bed
in the mornin'.

193
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,177
That and...

194
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:21,005
I wanted to see ya again.

195
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:23,921
Musclin' in on my marks
was a nice touch.

196
00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:25,879
And you're short.Shut up!

197
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,403
I grew one and a quarter
inches since last summer.

198
00:07:28,403 --> 00:07:31,058
I mean on the vig,
ya chiselin' mook.

199
00:07:31,058 --> 00:07:32,886
I got expenses.

200
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,454
Takin' a cab all the way
from Brooklyn wasn't cheap.

201
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:37,195
The meter's still runnin'.

202
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,631
Ya wanna lift to your house?

203
00:07:38,631 --> 00:07:40,546
What was I,
born yesterday?

204
00:07:40,546 --> 00:07:42,766
C'mon, I'm gonna find Cheech
sooner or later.

205
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,898
Hopefully sooner.

206
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,596
These vendettas
take a lot outta ya.

207
00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:48,075
Well, good luck findin' him.

208
00:07:48,075 --> 00:07:49,250
The guy's a phantom.

209
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:50,817
He lives in the shadows,

210
00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:52,993
and moves as silent
as a warm breeze.

211
00:07:52,993 --> 00:07:54,778
[horn honks]

212
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:55,996
CHEECH:
Hurry up Gina!

213
00:07:55,996 --> 00:07:58,912
Cheech Falcone
is getting bored!

214
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,523
Anyway Carmine,

215
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,873
I ain't gonna make gettin'
to Cheech easy for ya.

216
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,396
I wouldn't want ya to.

217
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:06,006
Last time I had
any real fun

218
00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:08,356
was when you and me
mixed it up at camp.

219
00:08:08,356 --> 00:08:10,271
Ya mean when I
kicked your ass?

220
00:08:10,271 --> 00:08:12,839
How do ya know I didn't
let you kick my ass?

221
00:08:12,839 --> 00:08:14,928
And the gloves
are off!

222
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,017
If you say so.

223
00:08:17,017 --> 00:08:19,498
I left ya a juice-box
and some crackers!

224
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:20,978
See ya soon!

225
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,893
GINA: You back-stabbin'
son of a hoor!

226
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,503
Open this door right now

227
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,592
and I'll let ya keep
SOME OF YOUR LIMBS!

228
00:08:26,592 --> 00:08:28,289
Fruit punch?

229
00:08:28,289 --> 00:08:31,205
Aw, ya remembered my favourite!

230
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:34,948
What's she doin' here?

231
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:38,212
Replacing someone who doesn't
know how to play ball.

232
00:08:38,212 --> 00:08:40,998
Oh, I know how.
Just not with yours.

233
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,521
Sadly, Tabitha,

234
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,044
you lack the talent
to portray

235
00:08:44,044 --> 00:08:46,177
a convincing
Sapling Girl.

236
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,831
Like it takes
talent to have

237
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,702
a unitard jammed
up your butt!

238
00:08:49,702 --> 00:08:52,009
I'll have you know
I majored in unitards

239
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,619
at Juliard!

240
00:08:53,619 --> 00:08:56,013
C'mon, Petey,
let's get away from

241
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:58,406
Doctor "Who Wants
To Touch My Wiener?"

242
00:08:58,406 --> 00:09:00,626
But I sold
my stamp collection!

243
00:09:02,628 --> 00:09:05,370
I told ya the furnace
wouldn't "fix itself".

244
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,111
Now the toilet
water's frozen.

245
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:09,330
I know. I been chippin'
yellow ice all night

246
00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:10,984
tryin' to get
my cell phone out.

247
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,682
Cheech dropped a deuce

248
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,945
and it's just sittin'
there, mocking me.

249
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:17,295
That's it.
I'm callin' the repairman.

250
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:20,820
Is Cheech here?Nope.

251
00:09:20,820 --> 00:09:22,126
Dammit!

252
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:23,475
Between you and me,

253
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:26,434
ya don't really like
Cheech much do ya?

254
00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:28,436
What're ya talkin' about?
He's great.

255
00:09:28,436 --> 00:09:31,701
I mean, he's alright.
He means well.

256
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,267
Actually he doesn't.

257
00:09:33,267 --> 00:09:34,747
But he's my uncle,
whaddya want?

258
00:09:34,747 --> 00:09:36,314
But if he wasn't
around no more,

259
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,707
we'd be okay, right?

260
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:40,623
Maybe you would, but who
the hell would I hang out with?

261
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,624
What, did ya kill him?

262
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,626
How'd ya do it?
Me and Ma have a bet.

263
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,760
[sobbing]

264
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,936
Holy crap!
I was kiddin' around.

265
00:09:49,936 --> 00:09:51,198
Ya did kill him!

266
00:09:51,198 --> 00:09:52,547
JESUS CHRIST, GINA!

267
00:09:52,547 --> 00:09:54,637
I didn't touch him!

268
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:56,595
I haven't seen him
since last night...

269
00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:58,597
[sobbing]

270
00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:00,991
It's all my fault!

271
00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:03,602
Kid relax,
I saw him an hour ago.

272
00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:05,473
He went to them nerd
Olympics with Theresa.

273
00:10:05,473 --> 00:10:07,084
Why'd ya think
he was dead?

274
00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:09,303
I'll tell ya on the way.
C'mon.

275
00:10:09,303 --> 00:10:10,870
And I wasn't crying.

276
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:14,004
Whaddya mean ya can't
get here for two days?

277
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:16,528
It's so cold,
I can see Cheech's breath.

278
00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:21,925
I thought ComiCon
was gonna be

279
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,970
a comedy show
for convicts!

280
00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:26,669
Y'know, where every punchline
is 'don't drop the soap'.

281
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:27,974
[laugh]

282
00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:29,367
Ya'know who should
be in prison?

283
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:30,716
Bentley Withermoon.

284
00:10:30,716 --> 00:10:32,326
He almost was.

285
00:10:32,326 --> 00:10:34,546
Three times,
but he always got off.

286
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:36,940
It's ironic -- nothing
sticks to Maple man.

287
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,725
Why are ya stickin' up for him?
The guy's a pig.

288
00:10:39,725 --> 00:10:41,335
He's not a pig!

289
00:10:41,335 --> 00:10:43,163
He's the product
of the forbidden love

290
00:10:43,163 --> 00:10:45,252
between man
and maple tree!

291
00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:48,603
You just can't see the real
him past your nerd boner.

292
00:10:48,603 --> 00:10:51,389
By the way, you should wear
a jock under that costume.

293
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,652
Man, I ain't seen
so much butt crack

294
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:55,698
since we extorted
the plumbers union.

295
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,569
Maybe there was something
else you did wrong?

296
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,702
He fired me 'coz
I wouldn't put out!

297
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:02,313
What?!Guy sounds
like a creep.

298
00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:04,445
No respect for
the ladies.

299
00:11:04,445 --> 00:11:06,534
Yo, space jugs!

300
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:08,319
Let's see if I can
come in peace.

301
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:12,018
[doorbell]

302
00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:14,629
Cookie, shame on you
for even thinking

303
00:11:14,629 --> 00:11:17,197
of calling a repairman
when you have me!

304
00:11:17,197 --> 00:11:20,026
A housewife alone.

305
00:11:20,026 --> 00:11:21,593
A repair man.

306
00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:23,943
This reminds me of
a dirty movie I saw.

307
00:11:23,943 --> 00:11:26,076
Does it?
Strange.

308
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,469
Ah, there's nothing
like using your hands

309
00:11:28,469 --> 00:11:30,036
to bring back the heat!

310
00:11:30,036 --> 00:11:32,386
Good thing I
brought my big tool!

311
00:11:32,386 --> 00:11:34,214
That was a line
in the movie!

312
00:11:34,214 --> 00:11:35,955
Did you ever
appear in--

313
00:11:35,955 --> 00:11:37,957
I don't know what you're
referring to, Cookie.

314
00:11:37,957 --> 00:11:39,611
I'm just here to perform

315
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,744
some sweaty, dirty work.

316
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:43,397
That's another line!

317
00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,835
[gasp]
You're The Randy Repairman!

318
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,011
Damn my gambling days.

319
00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:50,317
I knew that video would
come back to haunt me!

320
00:11:52,493 --> 00:11:54,060
Sir, can I see
your wristband?

321
00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:58,499
[squeals]

322
00:11:58,499 --> 00:12:00,937
How is this the first
I'm hearin' about Gambini's kid?

323
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:02,895
What, I gotta tell ya
every little thing?

324
00:12:02,895 --> 00:12:04,767
Ya do when our
lives are at stake!

325
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,551
What if he squealed
on us to the mob?

326
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:09,293
Then we'd be havin' this
conversation in Hell.

327
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,643
The day Cheech gets taken
out by a six-year-old,

328
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,123
I'll eat my shirt.

329
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:15,690
Well, get ready to choke
down some polyester,

330
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:17,736
'coz this kid's the real deal.

331
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,259
Got a little crush there, kid?

332
00:12:19,259 --> 00:12:21,348
Yeah...
I mean NO!

333
00:12:21,348 --> 00:12:23,481
Shut up, dumbass!

334
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:24,787
Alright, to be continued.

335
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:26,310
Now let's find Cheech quick

336
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:28,529
before we wind up
relocated to Yellow Horse

337
00:12:28,529 --> 00:12:31,141
or White Knife
or some [beep] place.

338
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:32,577
[both gasp]

339
00:12:33,926 --> 00:12:36,189
God, ya can almost smell
the virginity in here.

340
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,716
[doorbell]

341
00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:43,327
Hello?

342
00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,111
I'm down here.

343
00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:46,373
How ya doin'?

344
00:12:46,373 --> 00:12:48,114
I'm Gina's friend.

345
00:12:48,114 --> 00:12:50,464
That's funny 'coz Gina
doesn't have any friends.

346
00:12:50,464 --> 00:12:53,206
Hoh! You callin' me a liar,
Gina's mom?

347
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,686
Nobody calls me a liar!

348
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,035
Where do you get off?

349
00:12:56,035 --> 00:12:57,732
What did somebody drop
a deuce

350
00:12:57,732 --> 00:13:00,300
in your cereal this morning,
ya dried up old floozy?

351
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:03,173
Okay, yes,
now it makes sense!

352
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,696
C'mon in and wait for her.

353
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:09,440
So, what's a guy gotta do

354
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,877
to get some milk and
cookies around here?

355
00:13:11,877 --> 00:13:15,272
Oh, you're a hungry little
spark plug, aren't ya!

356
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:18,101
Yeah.
Hungry for revenge.

357
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,406
[chuckle]
Good one.

358
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,889
[tools clattering]

359
00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:25,151
Hello?

360
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,415
Cookie--GAH!

361
00:13:28,415 --> 00:13:31,244
Nice to finally
meet ya, Cheech.

362
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,899
You're bigger
than I imagined.

363
00:13:33,899 --> 00:13:35,596
Has everyone
seen my movie?

364
00:13:38,077 --> 00:13:39,731
Who wants cookies?

365
00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:40,993
Hey, where'd ya go?

366
00:13:40,993 --> 00:13:42,299
[screaming]

367
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:44,083
Oh my God!
Oh my God!

368
00:13:44,083 --> 00:13:46,129
[grunting]

369
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,174
Hey, you're not Cheech!

370
00:13:48,174 --> 00:13:49,480
No [beep],
you little monster!

371
00:13:50,785 --> 00:13:53,179
Owww!
Jesus, McCool!

372
00:13:53,179 --> 00:13:55,660
[grunting]

373
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,575
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?

374
00:14:01,013 --> 00:14:02,232
It's gone...

375
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:04,190
Hold me, Randy.
Tighter.

376
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:06,540
Cookie!
Get a hold of yourself!

377
00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:08,760
Who was that crazed
demon child?

378
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,457
It was Gina's friend.

379
00:14:10,457 --> 00:14:12,807
That explains a lot,
but why was he after Cheech?

380
00:14:12,807 --> 00:14:14,418
I dunno, let's go down

381
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,289
to the comic book
convention and ask him!

382
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:20,032
A comic book convention?

383
00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:22,730
And I get to kill Cheech?
Double win!

384
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:24,254
GAHH!

385
00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,343
Jeez, I hope Pop's
havin' better luck

386
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,432
findin' Cheech than I am.

387
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,347
Mmm...

388
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,263
Psst!

389
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:35,395
Ow! Gina!

390
00:14:35,395 --> 00:14:37,528
That's for lockin'
me in my locker!

391
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:38,833
Thanks for the snacks though.

392
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:41,140
Hey, can I "aks"
ya somethin'?

393
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,925
Say ya do off
Uncle Cheech.

394
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,448
What next?

395
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:45,492
Oh, I got plans.

396
00:14:45,492 --> 00:14:48,017
I want you and me
to run away together.

397
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:50,584
Hit the open road
like Bonnie and Clyde.

398
00:14:50,584 --> 00:14:52,586
You wanna get gunned
down in slow motion

399
00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:54,414
at the end of
an old movie?

400
00:14:54,414 --> 00:14:56,764
No, I mean the bank
robbin' parts!

401
00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:58,549
But none of
the kissy parts.

402
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,943
Ew, you're gross.

403
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:03,206
Maybe the huggy parts.

404
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,817
Don't get your hopes up,
sicko.

405
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:09,168
But look, do ya really
gotta kill my uncle?

406
00:15:09,168 --> 00:15:10,474
Of course I do!

407
00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:12,998
Good luck findin'
Cheech in this joint.

408
00:15:12,998 --> 00:15:15,827
The man's a master of
disguise and concealment.

409
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,698
He could be standin'
right behind me

410
00:15:17,698 --> 00:15:19,265
and ya'd never know it.

411
00:15:19,265 --> 00:15:20,875
Yo Gina,
spot your Uncle Cheech

412
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:22,442
a couple bucks for
a slice willya?

413
00:15:22,442 --> 00:15:23,835
Dammit!

414
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:27,012
I been lookin' for you,
mister.

415
00:15:27,012 --> 00:15:28,666
Not another one!

416
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:31,190
Look junior,
I know what you're thinkin',

417
00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:33,018
but I ain't your father.

418
00:15:33,018 --> 00:15:35,803
Holy crap, you're even
dumber than the legends.

419
00:15:35,803 --> 00:15:38,154
Time to put you outta
my misery.

420
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:40,983
Yo look everybody!

421
00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:42,854
It's the midget from
Game of Thrones!

422
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:46,336
[excited screams]

423
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:47,990
Funny, huh?

424
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,992
They never look
as tall in person.

425
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:52,777
But this is official
police business!

426
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:54,126
Let me in!

427
00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:55,780
Not until I see
a wristband, sir!

428
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,653
Can we wrap this up soon,
Sugar Cheeks?

429
00:15:59,653 --> 00:16:01,264
I'm getting writer's cramp.

430
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:02,352
Ho!

431
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:08,575
What's the meaning of this,
you me wannabe?

432
00:16:08,575 --> 00:16:10,838
In season one,
episode four

433
00:16:10,838 --> 00:16:12,492
of The Adventures
of MapleMan,

434
00:16:12,492 --> 00:16:15,147
you vowed to stand
against injustice

435
00:16:15,147 --> 00:16:17,106
no matter
where it occurred -

436
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,064
even if the hour
was late

437
00:16:19,064 --> 00:16:21,806
and the location
less-than convenient!

438
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,938
If you want to quote
the show to me,

439
00:16:23,938 --> 00:16:26,115
that's an extra
sixty dollars.

440
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,768
Silence!

441
00:16:27,768 --> 00:16:29,640
MapleMan stands
for fairness,

442
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,903
equality,
and decency.

443
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,861
You stand none
of those things,

444
00:16:33,861 --> 00:16:36,647
you egocentric,
misogynist hypocrite!

445
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,605
How DARE you!

446
00:16:38,605 --> 00:16:40,129
How dare YOU,
sir!

447
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:42,131
You have no right
to fill

448
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,307
the sacred
MapleMan unitard!

449
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,786
Security!

450
00:16:45,786 --> 00:16:48,050
Sure, hide
behind your goons!

451
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,357
Oh, hi Jetsie!
Agh!

452
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,447
Mapleman?

453
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,970
Thank God you're here...

454
00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:57,711
I fell through this table.

455
00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:01,019
Ugh!

456
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:03,326
Uh...
Would Cheech McDougal

457
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,502
please proceed to
the information desk.

458
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,112
[feedback]

459
00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:10,115
That's the big table
near the front door.

460
00:17:10,115 --> 00:17:13,031
If ya get confused,
tell a grown up you're lost.

461
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:14,989
Uh, over and out.

462
00:17:14,989 --> 00:17:18,341
Well if it ain't
Jimmy Falcone.

463
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:21,561
Hoh! Carmine!
Lookit you! 'Scuse me.

464
00:17:21,561 --> 00:17:23,911
Cheech McDougal, do NOT
come to the information desk.

465
00:17:23,911 --> 00:17:25,391
Repeat.
Do not-

466
00:17:25,391 --> 00:17:27,350
CHEECH:
Make up your mind!

467
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:29,003
Gee kid,
ya got the same

468
00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:31,005
psychotic spark in your eye
as your ol' man.

469
00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:32,616
I also got his propensity

470
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,879
for violent, blood-
soaked revenge...

471
00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:36,750
and his inability
to whistle.

472
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:39,623
Kid, look.
I owe ya a huge apology.

473
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,625
I'm sorry for what
happened with your Pops.

474
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:44,454
He was a -- uh, well,
I won't say a 'good' man.

475
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:46,978
He was... a man.
Let's leave it at that.

476
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:50,329
You call that half-assed
tap dance an apology?

477
00:17:50,329 --> 00:17:52,201
You murderized him!

478
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:53,550
He was gonna
kill my Uncle.

479
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:56,944
Then I woulda had to kill him
back, so we skipped a step.

480
00:17:56,944 --> 00:17:58,685
But don't take it
out on Cheech.

481
00:17:58,685 --> 00:18:00,122
I'm the guy ya want.

482
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,645
Don't worry.

483
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,908
I promised Gina
I'd never touch ya.

484
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:06,302
Who's worried?
But that's nice.

485
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,652
She's a good kid.Oh, she's great!

486
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:10,784
Easy there Romeo...

487
00:18:10,784 --> 00:18:13,700
But listen, ya kinda already
got your revenge on me.

488
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,093
How do ya figure?

489
00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:16,790
Look at me!
Look around ya.

490
00:18:16,790 --> 00:18:18,575
I'm livin' like a schmuck here,

491
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:20,229
I mean, my life ain't bad,

492
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:23,057
but it's a far [beep] cry
from good, know what I mean?

493
00:18:23,057 --> 00:18:24,668
CHEECH:
Oh for Christ Sake!

494
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:26,452
For the last time, kid!

495
00:18:26,452 --> 00:18:29,368
I never banged your mother!

496
00:18:29,368 --> 00:18:32,458
[tense music]

497
00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:34,634
Let me tell you something,

498
00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:36,810
you ignominious
little snot-stain!

499
00:18:36,810 --> 00:18:39,291
I am a classically-
trained actor!

500
00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:41,772
If it weren't for
all the money I make,

501
00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:43,121
enduring these weekends

502
00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:45,515
with you halitosis-ridden
cretins,

503
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,865
I'd never be caught dead
in this asinine outfit

504
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:49,910
providing masturbatory
fantasy-fodder

505
00:18:49,910 --> 00:18:53,218
for overgrown
adolescent twerps!

506
00:18:53,218 --> 00:18:56,569
And furthermore,
I hate Canada

507
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,529
and MapleMan
can gobble my knob!

508
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:01,095
[all gasp]

509
00:19:01,095 --> 00:19:03,185
Did you get that,
Theresa?

510
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,622
He's a one-take wonder!

511
00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:08,494
And....Post!

512
00:19:08,494 --> 00:19:10,017
I hate Canada

513
00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:12,237
and MapleMan
can gobble my knob!

514
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,153
You look fat
in that suit.

515
00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:17,808
Theresa!
That's not nice.

516
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:19,810
What?
Bitch took my job!

517
00:19:21,246 --> 00:19:23,553
I told ya I wouldn't
make this easy for ya,

518
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:26,033
so you're gonna have
to go through me.

519
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,948
Ya know, for a guy
ya can't stand,

520
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:30,429
ya sure seem to care
a lot about Cheech.

521
00:19:30,429 --> 00:19:32,562
Trust me, this is killin' me.

522
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:35,391
I'm gonna regret it the next
time he opens his mouth.

523
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:37,741
Wait a sec. Does your
mother do hoop waxes

524
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,221
down at the Korean Spa?

525
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,787
See what I mean?[grunts]

526
00:19:42,702 --> 00:19:44,530
[sigh]

527
00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:47,751
Alright, I changed my mind
about offin' Cheech...

528
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,405
But not about...

529
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:50,449
What?

530
00:19:50,449 --> 00:19:52,495
Ah, it sounds mushy.

531
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:54,497
So spit it out!

532
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,239
Nah, some things are
better left unsaid.

533
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:58,501
What are ya chicken?

534
00:19:58,501 --> 00:19:59,806
Shut up.

535
00:19:59,806 --> 00:20:01,721
I'm no chicken,
you're a chicken.

536
00:20:01,721 --> 00:20:04,202
Yeah yeah,
I'm rubber, you're glue,

537
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,117
just shut the [beep] up
and tell me.

538
00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:07,684
[sigh]

539
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,512
I didn't
change my mind

540
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:11,165
about how much
I like ya.

541
00:20:11,165 --> 00:20:13,342
I'm...
I'm glad about that.

542
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:16,301
And bein' glad hurts my face.

543
00:20:16,301 --> 00:20:18,695
Ya make my face
hurt too, Gina.

544
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,566
So whaddaya say
you and me

545
00:20:20,566 --> 00:20:22,264
shake down a coupla
these booths?

546
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:23,874
Why not?

547
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,745
These dorks have been
bullied all their lives.

548
00:20:25,745 --> 00:20:26,964
They know the drill.

549
00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:29,532
You're under arrest

550
00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,577
for assaulting a police
officer, young man!

551
00:20:31,577 --> 00:20:34,754
It's maximum security
juvie for you.

552
00:20:34,754 --> 00:20:37,496
It'll be no picnic
my fine friend:

553
00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:38,628
lights out by ten,

554
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:41,065
and only four hours
of social media per day!

555
00:20:45,852 --> 00:20:47,289
McCool!
Wait!

556
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,204
ALL:
Aw....

557
00:20:50,204 --> 00:20:51,945
Guess I'll have
to take a raincheck.

558
00:20:51,945 --> 00:20:53,382
Guess so.

559
00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:56,646
But those blow job screws
won't keep me down for long.

560
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:59,344
You gonna
wait for me?
Pffft.
Screw that.

561
00:20:59,344 --> 00:21:00,693
That's my gal!

562
00:21:02,347 --> 00:21:04,349
Well, son, I hope
you picked up some

563
00:21:04,349 --> 00:21:05,742
comics to read
where you're going.

564
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:07,657
For Canada!

565
00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:09,963
A dumping ground
for American culture

566
00:21:09,963 --> 00:21:12,488
since 1867!

567
00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:14,228
[loud boom]

568
00:21:17,623 --> 00:21:20,104
I knew it!
There IS a more North!

569
00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:22,106
Yes Jimmy, and this
is where we'll be

570
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:24,064
until I'm certain
the elusive Carmine Gambini

571
00:21:24,064 --> 00:21:25,892
is no longer a threat.

572
00:21:25,892 --> 00:21:27,938
How soon did he
give ya the slip?

573
00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:29,853
Somewhere between the washrooms
and the parking lot.

574
00:21:29,853 --> 00:21:31,289
That's my boy.

575
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:34,205
Petey, did you see how many
hits our MapleMan video got?

576
00:21:34,205 --> 00:21:35,206
Yeah...

577
00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:37,077
But look what
they're calling it.

578
00:21:37,077 --> 00:21:39,645
"Idiot Fan Pwned by MapleMan".

579
00:21:39,645 --> 00:21:41,647
I can't take this no more!

580
00:21:41,647 --> 00:21:42,953
I'm walkin' home!

581
00:21:42,953 --> 00:21:44,171
I'll just head South!

582
00:21:44,171 --> 00:21:45,303
How hard can it be?

583
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:48,611
Which way is south?

584
00:21:48,611 --> 00:21:51,091
We are so far North,
it's all friggin' South!

585
00:21:52,919 --> 00:21:55,269
Agh![growling]

586
00:21:57,402 --> 00:22:00,057
[all laughing]