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Ha-ha-ha!

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Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!

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# She's Mrs Brown
Agnes

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# That's Mrs Brown
Agnes

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# Oh, Mrs Brown. #

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MUSIC: Morning Mood by Edvard Grieg

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NEEDLE SCRATCH, MUSIC STOPS

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Look at all this.

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SHE GROANS

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Another week in them.

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For God's sake. Dirty clothes.

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Dust and dirt everywhere.

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I'm even getting a smell.

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HE SNIFFS

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Urgh! You need to tidy it up.

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I'm talking about you,
you wrinkled old camel scrotum.

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I haven't been to the toilet
in three days.

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Oh, we'll get an Uber
to take you there.

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Hello, there.

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You're up very early.

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Come on, come in.

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You'll notice I'm not looking my
usual beautiful self. Well, I...

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CLATTER

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This house is turning into the
lost and found at Dublin Airport.

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And who owns all the stuff?
Not me.

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I'm sorry. I'm just...

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I'm not sleeping great.

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I go to bed at night, exhausted,
barely able to get up the stairs.

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But do I sleep?

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No.

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Hm!

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And I worry about it...

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..because I don't know
what's wrong with me.

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Hm!

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I spend the night tossing
and turning.

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Me body wants to go to sleep,
but my brain is going,

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"No, feck off!"

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Ugh.

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I know I should count myself lucky.

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There's people my age who are out
there, they say goodnight

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to their loved ones
and drift off to sleep.

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And the next person they
see is... Oh.

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Jesus Christ.

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Hiya, Mammy.
Turn off the buckin' light.

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No. Wakey-wakey.

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Bad sleep again last night? Yes.

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You need to do something about that.

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I've tried, Cathy.

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I've tried brandy, Horlicks,

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the porn... The news channel.

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You need to talk with Dr Flynn.

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Cathy, I want to have a sleep.

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I don't want to go
into a buckin' coma.

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Where are you off to?

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I'm meeting Sharon and Maria
for breakfast

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down the shopping centre. Oh.

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What?!

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You look awful, Mammy.

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Good, because I feel it.

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Can I do anything?

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You could gather up some
of the clothes and put a wash on.

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There's more in the wash
basket there. Ah, no.

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I just did my nails.

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I didn't ask you to take them
down to the river and beat them

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on the rocks.

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What's the rush? I'll do it later.

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It's always that with you, Cathy.
Always later.

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Even with sex.

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Sorry, sorry, sorry.

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Did I say that out loud?
Yeah, I did.

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Try it again.

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It's always later with you.

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Oh, right, I'm going to go
because you're obviously in one

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of your moods.

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I'll see you when I get back.
If I'm still here. Oh!

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Mammy, will you call Dr Flynn?

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He'll prescribe you something.

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And before you know it,
you'll be back to normal

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and you can straighten
this place out.

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Well, that's a family vacuum,
by the way.

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I won't be insulted
if I see you using it.

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How bad does a house have to get
before one of them decides

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to empty the dishwasher?

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Or put out the buckin' bin?

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Agnes! What do you want now?

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Call the doctor.

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What's wrong with you now?

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I haven't been to the toilet
in three days.

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Well, at 60 euros
for a doctor's visit,

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you can hang on to it. Ah!

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I haven't even the energy to go
over and make myself a cup of tea.

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I'm constipated!

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No, you're not.
You're just full of shit.

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IN POSH ACCENT:
Hello. How do you do?

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AUTOMATED VOICE: To speak to
Dr Flynn, press one.

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Hello.

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To leave a message
for Dr Flynn, press two.

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Hello, Dr Flynn,
this is Agnes Brown.

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End of message.

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Health Service, my arse.

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I've been on that phone
for nearly a feckin' hour.

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Count yourself lucky, Agnes.

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Winnie, there's people
out there dying.

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In the garden?

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No, Winnie, at the bus stop.

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Do you take sugar?
One. No - maybe two.

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What spoo...? I'll do it myself.

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Agnes.

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What?

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Promise you won't get upset.

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Go on.

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Your house. What about it?

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Well, it's looking
a little bit grubby.

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Er, I'm aware of that.

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Winnie, I am running on fumes.

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I haven't time to scratch my arse,
never mind clean the house.

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Well, I could do that for you.

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Clean my house?
No, scratch your arse.

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No, Winnie, no!

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I can do that myself, Winnie.
No, thank you.

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I could do that for you, though.
I could clean your house.

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No, Winnie, no. Don't, no.

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And, Winnie, please, don't
argue with me when I'm tired.

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Or when I'm not tired.

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Good morning, Mammy.
Hey, Mrs McGoogan.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Where's he going with that?

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To the sitting room,
by the looks of it.

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Winnie, do you want that tea to go?
Go where?

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Over your buckin' lap.

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How are yas?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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Just hold on, there, now.

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Excuse me, Mario and Luigi.

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Can I help you boys with something?

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Oh, that'd be great, Mrs Brown.
There's more boxes in the van.

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Well, they can buckin' stay there.
Dermot, what's going on?

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Me lock-up has leak, Ma.

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I have to move my stuff
out while Mark fixes it.

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Why don't you put it
in your own house?

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Are you joking me?
THEY LAUGH

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Maria wouldn't have that, Ma.

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She says it makes the place
look cluttered.

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Have I got a sign on my back saying
"Mrs Brown - storage"?

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No.

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There's more clutter now
I have to deal with.

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Well, you'd hardly notice
it in here, Agnes.

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And what can I do about it,
Winnie? I'm exhausted.

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Well, get the kids to help you out.

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Fat chance with that.

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Hello. Hello, son. How are you, Ma?

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Hi, Mark. How are you, Winnie?

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How are you, Mark?

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Are you on your own?
Ha - might as well be.

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Why? Betty and that phone of hers.

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What about it?

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It's never out of her hand, Ma.

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Come on, Mark. Calm down.
It can't be that bad.

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Hello, Betty. How are you?

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Hi.

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That's ridiculous.

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You see?
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram -

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taking over her life, it is.

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You should get her
just to pick one.

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Exactly, Winnie.

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I recommend OnlyFans.

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APPLAUSE

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I'm not even going to ask.

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Betty nearly died this morning. No!

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Yeah. Staring at her phone.

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Stepped out in front of a truck.

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I saved her just in time.
You gobshite.

172
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You could have been free!

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How are you, Ma?
I haven't slept for a week.

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Grandad doesn't give a shit.

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And I mean that literally.

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I can't get Dr Flynn's clinic
on the phone, the bastards.

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Why is Betty on her phone so much?

178
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Who knows, Winnie?

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She said she's bored.

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She was looking for a part-time job,
but it didn't pan out.

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Well, Agnes is looking
for a cleaner.

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Shut up, Winnie.

183
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Mrs Brown.

184
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There's a really weird smell
in there.

185
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Weird? Yeah.

186
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Like something sour.

187
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Oh, it's probably just Betty.

188
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Sorry. What was that?
Nothing. Nothing.

189
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Betty, I wonder, would you check
has Grandad wet himself again?

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#Grandad. #Piss. #Please.

191
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MRS BROWN LAUGHS

192
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,600
Yeah, Cathy said you weren't
sleeping well.

193
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,720
No. And what did Dr Flynn say?

194
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,800
I told you. I couldn't get him.

195
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,240
But anyway, he needs
to see Grandad, too.

196
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,960
Mm. Well, listen, I just dropped
around to grab some of me tools

197
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,120
from the spare room,
for Dermot's job.

198
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Take all your tools.
I have no room for them, Ma.

199
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,480
I have no room for them here,
either. And with Dermot's costumes,

200
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:28,320
your tools and whoever
bastard owns that thing.

201
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,840
I haven't room to walk
around my own house.

202
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,960
Do you want me to put my tools
into the attic? No, no.

203
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,280
That's full of Cathy's
boyfriend's photographs.

204
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,960
Mrs Brown, Dr Flynn's booked out for
the afternoon, but I managed to get

205
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,640
you an appointment for tomorrow
morning. He'll take you at 10.30.

206
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,640
Thank you. Oh, and Barbara will be
round later to do your hair.

207
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,640
That should cheer you up. It will.

208
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,240
Did you do all that online?

209
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,160
Yeah. Aye.

210
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,440
Oh.  Mark, open the car.

211
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:56,560
OK.

212
00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,640
What's for lunch, Ma?

213
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,480
Nothing.

214
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,440
Come on, Ma. A little mixed grill.

215
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,800
By two.

216
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,560
No! If it was for Mark,
you'd cook it.

217
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,160
Dermot, I am exhausted,
both physically and mentally.

218
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,280
Me house is a tip.

219
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,680
The garden's like a jungle.

220
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,280
Even though you told me you'd
cut the grass a month ago.

221
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,960
So excuse me if I don't jump up,
grab the frying pan

222
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,680
and kill the fatted calf.

223
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:24,800
No calf for me.

224
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,800
Well, what about beans on toast?

225
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,560
No, but you know what I could do
if you don't get out of here?

226
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,640
I could do two stuffed chickens!

227
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,560
Get out.

228
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,480
The cheek of them saying
that I treat you different.

229
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,160
You're not hungry, though, are you?

230
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,360
Well, only if you have
some soda bread.

231
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,120
Actually, I have no bread.
When you're down the shops...

232
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,560
Oh, look at the time, Ma.
I better get my tools.

233
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:00,560
Did you ever have this
sleeping thing before, Agnes?

234
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,040
No, Winnie, not that I can remember.

235
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,720
When I was younger,
I often woke up grouchy.

236
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,720
But most of the time
I just let him sleep on.

237
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,240
How are we?  Hello, Father.
Hello, Father Damien.

238
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,760
What brings you around?

239
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,560
Trevor was telling me you're feeling
a little bit under the weather.

240
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,320
Oh, news travels fast.

241
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,200
So I thought I'd drop in a few
supplies to keep you going.

242
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,360
Oh, thank you, Father.
You're very kind.

243
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,800
Not at all. Sure, didn't yourself
and Winnie look after me

244
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,560
when I had the Covid?

245
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,480
It was mostly me, though.

246
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,000
Not too fancy now.

247
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,360
Just the staples.

248
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,400
Bread, milk, eggs, butter

249
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:41,840
and...

250
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,400
Chocolate eclairs!

251
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,320
You love them, Agnes.
They're me favourite.

252
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,520
The whole lot was just 8.50 euros.

253
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,720
Oh, you're very kind, Father.

254
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,280
There you go. 8.50 euros.

255
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,680
So it was.

256
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,680
Er...

257
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,760
On me, I suppose.

258
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,680
Oh, that's a nice treat.
Thank you, Father.

259
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,360
Sure, we'd have to have one. Oh.

260
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,240
In you go. Thank you, Father.

261
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,720
Thank you, Father. Oh!

262
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,680
This is a lovely treat.

263
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,800
Did you want to say grace, Father?

264
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,200
Nah!

265
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,200
Oh! Mm!

266
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,280
Mm! Oh! Oh!

267
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,360
So that's where I
left my golf clubs!

268
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,160
SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

269
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,800
You bastard!

270
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,200
SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

271
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,040
SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

272
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,600
This is gorgeous.

273
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,200
Expensive, though. Eight feckin' 50.

274
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,840
I think it might be love.
I'm delighted for you.

275
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,600
He's such a gentleman. Hm.

276
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:56,960
He's so romantic.

277
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,960
So honest. And so decent.

278
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:00,520
Hm. So married.

279
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,000
Married, too, yeah. Yeah.

280
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,640
Oh, here's a picture.

281
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,760
Does he work in a butcher's?

282
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,760
No. He has a huge... No, Barbara!

283
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,080
Change the subject, love.
Change the subject.

284
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,960
I believe you're not feeling well.

285
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,600
I'm just not sleeping.

286
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,120
Dr Flynn is coming over tomorrow.

287
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,960
You need to mind yourself.

288
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,840
At your age,
even a flu could be fatal.

289
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,680
To your health, like.

290
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,520
Thanks very much, Barbara!

291
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,080
How's things in Wash & Blow?
Oh, very slow.

292
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,960
The new salon chain in the
shopping centre, Swifty Cuts,

293
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,600
keep undercutting me prices.

294
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,160
Very hard to compete on your own.
On your own?

295
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,520
They poach the staff.
Then the staff poach the customers.

296
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,680
Ah, no.

297
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,960
What are you going to do about that?
I don't know.

298
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,720
But I'll have to find a way
to bring in customers - and soon.

299
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,760
But I don't even know
where to start. Yeah.

300
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,520
That all right for you, Mrs Brown?

301
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,880
It's fine.

302
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,680
All right. Well, I'll see you, and,
er, I hope you feel better soon.

303
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,120
Barbara. Yeah?

304
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,520
You are not on your own.

305
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,160
This family will support you 100%.

306
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,600
Thanks, Mrs Brown.
DOOR OPENS

307
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,400
Hiya.  Hiya.

308
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,080
How are yous?  Hiya, Barbara.

309
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,600
Nice hair, Mammy. Thank you.

310
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,240
Yours is nice, too.

311
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,240
Swifty Cuts.

312
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:22,480
They had a deal.

313
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:26,080
20 euro for a blow dry if you
followed them on Facebook.

314
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,880
I AM on me own.

315
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,520
Barbara?

316
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,920
Yeah?

317
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,680
Send me that photograph, will you?

318
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,200
Nothing like a bit of retail therapy
to put a smile on a girl's face.

319
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,040
What did you get me?
Oh, sorry, Mammy.

320
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,280
I just got meself a few
bits to wear to Foley's.

321
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,360
You're going to Foley's?

322
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,400
Yeah, tomorrow night. Everybody is.
Do you want to come down?

323
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,800
No, no. I'm going to stay in
and have a bath.

324
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,000
Oh.

325
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,200
So what did you get, Maria?

326
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,200
What did YOU get, more like.

327
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,240
You got something for me? Mm-hm.
Oh, you're very kind.

328
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,720
Betty sent a text to say
you needed a bit of minding.

329
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,600
I didn't realise you were unwell.
Dermot never mentioned anything.

330
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,600
Well, Dermot's been very busy.

331
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,120
Well, all these products
are 100% natural.

332
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,120
What do they do? Help you sleep.

333
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,600
Ohh. This is valerian root.

334
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,520
Now, you take this just before bed,
and you will sleep like a lamb.

335
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,200
Lamb, ha-ha! Try mutton.

336
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,800
Try keeping your mouth shut.

337
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,800
And this stuff is great for helping
you to relax if you're feeling

338
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,040
a bit stressed. Oh...
Three to four drops

339
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,120
and it will mellow you out
completely.

340
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,520
Well, I have been feeling
a bit stressed lately.

341
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,240
And when I ask me own family for
help, they're always too busy.

342
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,960
Well, I'm not too busy,
so let's get you sorted.

343
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,640
Oh, thanks, Maria.

344
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,880
Now, where did I put
those bath bombs?

345
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,000
Bath bombs?!
Oh, you're feckin' spoiling me now.

346
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,480
You should feel those drops
working instantly.

347
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,160
I can feel it.

348
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,360
Nice, isn't it? They sting a bit.

349
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,280
Oh, that's just the coolness
of the peppermint on your...

350
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,000
..your tongue!

351
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,440
Tongue?!

352
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,080
Ah, hello, Dr Flynn.

353
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,280
SHE CHUCKLES

354
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,800
Agnes is in the kitchen, exhausted.

355
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,200
I'm doing the door for her.

356
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,920
Do you have ID?

357
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,080
No, actually, Grandad,
I'm going to see Mrs Brown first.

358
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,360
Ah.

359
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,560
You must get a lot of that.

360
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,200
No comment.

361
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,640
Well, what seems to be the problem,
Mrs Brown?

362
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,480
Oh, my God!

363
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,720
What happened?

364
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,000
What we have here
is a failure to communicate.

365
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,280
Is it painful?
What do you buckin' think?!

366
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,920
OK. Close your eyes and open them
again for me.

367
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,440
I can't close them.

368
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,720
This is worse than I thought.  Oh.

369
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,160
MRS BROWN GROANS

370
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,720
Any other symptoms, Mrs Brown?
I'm exhausted. I'm tired.

371
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,200
Day in, day out.

372
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,080
Oh, dear. Why didn't you call me
earlier? I did call you.

373
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,800
I was an hour on the buckin' phone!

374
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,560
Well, just let me know if
this is too tight, Mrs Brown.

375
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,280
Oh, under any other circumstances,

376
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,920
I'd love to hear that question.

377
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:40,520
OK.

378
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,120
I'm going to test your reflexes.

379
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,440
OK.

380
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,160
Well, they seem to be OK.

381
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,680
So what's wrong with me, Doctor?

382
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,040
I don't know where to start.

383
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,560
That's not very reassuring.

384
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,920
You're fed up, Agnes. What?

385
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,840
Well, your house is in a mess, and
the kids don't give you any help.

386
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,800
You care for everybody. Oh, no...

387
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,560
Yeah, yeah!

388
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,400
When was the last time
somebody cared for YOU?

389
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,280
Never.

390
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,800
OK, Mrs Brown, here's a prescription
for some sleeping tablets

391
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,880
and something
for Grandad's constipation.

392
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,640
But in the meantime, I'm going
to give you an injection.

393
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,200
It'll help you get some rest.
No, no, Doctor.

394
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,240
No, not happening. I don't do...

395
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,680
Nyah!

396
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,480
Done.

397
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,680
This better work. Oh, it will.
HE CHUCKLES

398
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,640
And quite quickly, too.

399
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,640
OK, Grandad.

400
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:45,440
No!

401
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:50,040
No, Grandad, I've given Mrs Brown
a prescription for you -

402
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,080
to give you some relief.

403
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,400
GRANDAD MUTTERS

404
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,440
Oh - and it's quite strong.

405
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,800
My advice to you would be to
have one leg inside the toilet

406
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,760
when she gives it to you.

407
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,960
Oh. Hello, Dr Flynn.

408
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,040
Oh, goodbye, Mrs Nicholson.  Oh!

409
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,800
That injection's not
wor-wor-working...

410
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,120
Agnes, give it a chance.

411
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,040
You know, you won't know yourself
after a good night's rest.

412
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,520
Yeah, I s'pose.

413
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,920
Oh! Hello, there.
Oh, for fuck's sake.

414
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,840
Hello, Mrs Nicholson.

415
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,720
Oh, I best be off.

416
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,840
Now, you try and get some rest,
Agnes. Thanks, Winnie.

417
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,600
Oh, Agnes.

418
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,120
Your eyes are very puffy.
It's an allergy.

419
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,840
Oh, allergic to what?
Uninvited guests.

420
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,960
I do understand, but Winnie as your
neighbour, what can you do?

421
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,440
Hillary, I am on medication

422
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,000
and I'm feeling very, very bad.

423
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,480
What do you want?

424
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,720
Well, where do I begin? Right.

425
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,800
Well, Father Damien was very
impressed with my peaches

426
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,000
and my cantaloupe are magnificent.

427
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,720
Well, I wouldn't go that far.

428
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,280
It's about the arrangements
for this year's garden fete.

429
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:07,160
You see, I wondered, considering
how much hard work goes into

430
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:11,120
the horticultural pursuits of
so many people, that perhaps

431
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,800
this year we might make garden
produce the main event.

432
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,920
SHE SNORES

433
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,200
OK.

434
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,680
Well, I'll leave you
to think about it.

435
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,560
SHE CONTINUES SNORING

436
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,640
Fine. Bye, then.

437
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,280
Isn't it weird to see Winnie
at Foley's without Mammy?

438
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,240
It is. How is your mother?

439
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,720
I think she's laying it on a bit.

440
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,360
She's saying now that
it's affecting her balance.

441
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,880
Uh-oh!

442
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,000
SHE GROANS

443
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,280
I can't believe you tried
to blind me mother!

444
00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,840
Oh, I feel awful.
And so you should!

445
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,880
Me poor, defenceless
visually impaired mammy.

446
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,600
Shut up, Dermot.

447
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,120
How does a nurse
make a mistake like that?!

448
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,640
I didn't put the drops in her eye,
she put them in herself.

449
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,000
But you gave her the drops.

450
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,960
You were only trying to help, Maria.

451
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,400
Is right, Betty.

452
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,760
And anyway, I don't think her
eyesight's as bad as she says.

453
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,400
How are yous?  How are you, Winnie?

454
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,440
Hiya.

455
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,360
Maria was just filling us in.

456
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,160
It sounds like you're all having
a good laugh about it, anyway.

457
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,200
THEY LAUGH

458
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,680
I'm not.

459
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,120
Well, neither is Agnes.
Oh, stop, Winnie. I'm sick.

460
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,320
That wasn't your fault, Maria.

461
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,320
At least you TRIED to help her.

462
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,320
Didn't see anybody else
making an effort.

463
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:52,960
Mind you, Buster did drop
in a big bunch of flowers.

464
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,040
And they weren't robbed.

465
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:08,040
And, Betty, you gave her a great
lift with your kindness yesterday.

466
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,360
What? Oh, aye.

467
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,560
And she was so happy
having her hair done.

468
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,120
Er, I got the shopping.

469
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,920
8.50 euro!

470
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,480
At least you tried
to do something, yeah.

471
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:29,400
Can I get you a drink, Winnie?
No, you're all right, son.

472
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,120
I'm not staying.

473
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,080
Agnes is at home alone,
cooking dinner.

474
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,040
20 minutes at 250.

475
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,280
Tell Mrs B the cider's on me, Mammy.

476
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,800
Thanks, Sharon, love.

477
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,320
Agnes deserves a little treat.

478
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,920
Winnie.

479
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,040
Thanks for minding Mammy.
Somebody has to, Cathy.

480
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,440
I mean, she cares for all of us.

481
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:03,560
Sad, really.

482
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,560
Yous won't appreciate her
till she's gone.

483
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,720
Thanks for coming over, Barbara.

484
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,040
I got your text, Mrs Brown.
It sounded urgent.

485
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,560
Is everything all right?
Yes, yes. Everything's grand.

486
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,000
Just, I've had an idea of how to
get more people into the salon.

487
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,240
OK.

488
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:33,000
You need to set up a presence
on all of the social medias.

489
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,680
Every platform, like
Ticky-Tocky, Bicky-Bocky,

490
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,320
Nooby-Tube,

491
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,880
and, er, the one that
Winnie recommended - OnlyFans.

492
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,040
That sounds like
a great idea, Mrs Brown,

493
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:46,040
but I don't know a thing
about all that stuff.

494
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,720
But, luckily enough, I know
somebody who's GREAT at that stuff,

495
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,320
and they come highly recommended.
By who? Me.

496
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,200
Who is it? Betty Brown.

497
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,240
She's born for it.

498
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,320
You're right. I'll call her.

499
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,760
You do that.

500
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,320
How's Grandad? Oh, no movement yet.

501
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,280
He hates taking tablets -

502
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,240
so this is going to be a challenge.

503
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,120
Oh, God, Mrs Brown,
he'll never swallow that.

504
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,080
No, no. This is a depository.

505
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,920
Goes up the other end.

506
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,360
I'm going to use this.

507
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,720
Why don't you use a pill-puffer?
What's a pill-puffer?

508
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,680
They use it for dogs and horses.
It's like a pipe.

509
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,240
You load the pill in, insert
the pipe, and blow. Job done.

510
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,840
I could do that.
Right. Well, I'll see you.

511
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,280
See you, Barbara.

512
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,480
Pill-puffer.

513
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,680
Very interesting.

514
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,800
MUSIC: Morning Mood by Edvard Grieg

515
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,000
SHE SIGHS

516
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:57,400
MUSIC SWELLS

517
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,120
Ah, ah!

518
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,640
Hiya, Mammy. Good morning, Cathy.

519
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,920
How are you feeling?
Oh, fantastic.

520
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,880
Ah, good. And your eyes?

521
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,840
Back to 1990 vision.

522
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,080
And I tell you, Cathy, when it was
bad, if I had a spoon I could've

523
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,360
popped 'em out of their sockets.

524
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,320
I'm sorry I wasn't more helpful
around the house, Mammy.

525
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:29,960
It wasn't fair on you.

526
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,880
Well, you've made up for it
with all of this.

527
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,840
Well, it wasn't just me -
the boys were great, too.

528
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,640
After Winnie's little pep talk,
we had to do something

529
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,680
to make it up to you.

530
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,720
Well, that's the garden gate fixed.

531
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,320
And I cut the grass
and put the lawnmower away.

532
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,520
Hello, boys. Hiya, Ma.

533
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,920
Sorry, Ma. It's all right, son.

534
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,880
What's for breakfast, Ma?

535
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,360
Anything you want, Buster.

536
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,560
Really?

537
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,360
Helloooo, Cathy.

538
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,280
No!

539
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:05,560
I feel like I slept for a week.

540
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,760
That's because you did, Mammy. What?

541
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,000
I'm only joking. You witch!

542
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,720
Go on. Go get cleaned up.

543
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,640
I'm first in the shower.

544
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,120
I am, too.  No, you're not!

545
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,080
Come on, lads,
let's get back to work.

546
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,520
See you later, Ma.
See you later, boys.

547
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,160
What are you reading, Grandad?

548
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:28,320
The weather.

549
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,840
Well, I'm no meteorol...
Meteor... Me...

550
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,600
..weather woman.

551
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:36,880
But I can tell you now,

552
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,400
there's going to be
a sharp breeze up the Channel.

553
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,480
Now, Grandad,

554
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,480
I need you to stand up
and bend over the couch.

555
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:56,760
Good man.

556
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,320
That's it, yeah. Good man.

557
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,120
Now drop your trousers.

558
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,920
Good man!

559
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,000
That's it. Good man.

560
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,880
I'm glad that the family have,
you know,

561
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,080
recognised and appreciated me.

562
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,080
You know,

563
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,600
you really should appreciate
those in your lives...

564
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,040
GRANDAD WHIMPERS

565
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,760
..who make you happy.

566
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,320
And show them that you love them.

567
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,040
It can be done very simply,
you know.

568
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,440
Ah-ha... Ah...

569
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,920
With just a smile or a kiss

570
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,840
or a cup of tea.
LAUGHS

571
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:51,800
Fire in the hole!

572
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,080
SHE BLOWS

573
00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,760
PARPING

574
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,440
So, go on.

575
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,640
Put the kettle on
for somebody you love.

576
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:15,800
I need to go to the toilet.

577
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,640
Goodnight!

578
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,800
# Say hello to the Queen
of Dublin town

579
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:28,160
# As the best mum of all
she wears the crown

580
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,600
# Mother hen watching all her chicks

581
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,440
# Sassy old lady full of tricks

582
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:41,560
# It's a safe bet she'd never
let life get her down

583
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,560
# She's Mrs Brown
Agnes

584
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,800
# That's Mrs Brown Agnes

585
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,040
# Our Mrs Brown. #