1 00:00:02,571 --> 00:00:04,492 Living in New York has taught me 2 00:00:04,493 --> 00:00:06,545 that life is full of surprises. 3 00:00:06,546 --> 00:00:09,532 They can be scary, but if you're open to them... 4 00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:11,532 they can also change your life. 5 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,474 Steven. 6 00:00:13,475 --> 00:00:14,595 Chloe. 7 00:00:14,596 --> 00:00:17,500 I knew this was going to happen. 8 00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:18,571 So did I. 9 00:00:22,571 --> 00:00:25,496 Oh, God! Yeah. 10 00:00:25,496 --> 00:00:27,554 Oh! 11 00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,529 - Ohh! - I like this picture of you. 12 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,542 Oh, thank you. 13 00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:35,486 Yeah. Uhh. 14 00:00:35,487 --> 00:00:36,582 Ohh! Oh, God. 15 00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:38,482 Such a bad boy. 16 00:00:38,483 --> 00:00:40,486 Oh, yeah, take me. 17 00:00:40,487 --> 00:00:42,496 - Aah! - Oh! Oh! June. 18 00:00:42,496 --> 00:00:43,583 What the hell is going on?! 19 00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,579 Hey, um... I can explain. 20 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,596 No, Steven, let me. 21 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,558 June, sweetheart, 22 00:00:51,559 --> 00:00:54,486 I screwed your fiance on your birthday cake, 23 00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:56,574 and I'm gonna be late with my half of the rent. 24 00:00:57,153 --> 00:01:00,127 That's right. My roommate slept with my fiance 25 00:01:00,383 --> 00:01:01,783 on my birthday cake, 26 00:01:01,864 --> 00:01:05,518 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 27 00:01:05,827 --> 00:01:15,903 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru 28 00:01:18,483 --> 00:01:20,567 It's just like in "Friends." 29 00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:22,498 Have you ever seen anything so beautiful 30 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:23,525 in your entire life? 31 00:01:23,526 --> 00:01:25,542 Only my newborn son's face. 32 00:01:25,542 --> 00:01:27,473 I have to take a picture. I have to show my parents. 33 00:01:27,474 --> 00:01:28,563 They're not gonna believe this. 34 00:01:28,564 --> 00:01:32,474 I've heard that bread out there is $4 a loaf. 35 00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:34,571 Don't buy bread! I will send you bread! 36 00:01:34,571 --> 00:01:36,519 I can't wait to show this to Steven. 37 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,585 He's my fiance. 38 00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:39,592 He's getting his master's degree in behavioral psychology. 39 00:01:39,593 --> 00:01:42,528 Once I finish my thesis, I'll join you in New York, 40 00:01:42,529 --> 00:01:44,504 and we'll get married. 41 00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:46,275 I'll be counting the days, June-bug. 42 00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:48,502 - I made a giraffe out of pipe cleaners. - Oh! 43 00:01:48,504 --> 00:01:50,487 I know what you're thinking. 44 00:01:50,487 --> 00:01:51,592 How did I get here? 45 00:01:51,593 --> 00:01:53,578 It's like you're inside my mind. 46 00:01:53,579 --> 00:01:56,579 Buchwald mortgage company. They paid to relocate me. 47 00:01:56,579 --> 00:01:58,558 They gave me this company apartment. 48 00:01:58,559 --> 00:02:01,532 I mean, can you believe it? I'm turning 26 next week, 49 00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:03,533 and my life plan is right on schedule. 50 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,507 Hey! What's going on? 51 00:02:23,528 --> 00:02:25,136 Uh, we've been shut down. 52 00:02:25,137 --> 00:02:26,827 - The government froze all our assets. - What?! 53 00:02:26,856 --> 00:02:28,430 Yeah. Apparently, Mr. Buchwald's been embezzling 54 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,941 investors out of billions of dollars. 55 00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:31,348 Police are looking for him right now. 56 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:33,466 Where's Buchwald?! 57 00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:36,519 I don't think you understand. 58 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,498 I moved all the way from Indiana for this job. 59 00:02:39,499 --> 00:02:42,444 Oh, you're June Colbern. Mark Reynolds. Hey. 60 00:02:42,445 --> 00:02:44,508 I would've been your associate mentor. 61 00:02:44,508 --> 00:02:47,516 Little advice... adopt a looting mentality. 62 00:02:49,474 --> 00:02:52,448 Oh, see? She gets it. You're never gonna use that, Rhonda! 63 00:02:52,449 --> 00:02:54,128 I love it. 64 00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:55,275 Oh, Rhonda. 65 00:03:00,220 --> 00:03:03,270 Oh, my... What happened? 66 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,277 This building is an asset of Buchwald mortgage company 67 00:03:05,278 --> 00:03:07,225 and has been seized by the government. 68 00:03:07,226 --> 00:03:08,583 But I live in there. 69 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,888 I don't think you do. 70 00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,888 June Colbern? 71 00:03:11,888 --> 00:03:13,859 Where you want your crap? 72 00:03:17,792 --> 00:03:19,846 Excuse me. You can't live here. 73 00:03:19,846 --> 00:03:21,600 I ordered a small coffee. They said I could sit here 74 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,361 if I ordered a small coffee, so... 75 00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:26,809 June? It's me, Mark. Hey, yeah. 76 00:03:26,809 --> 00:03:27,890 Just got hired as a manager here. 77 00:03:27,891 --> 00:03:29,880 Can't have a gap in the resume, right? 78 00:03:29,881 --> 00:03:32,388 It's been, like, four hours. 79 00:03:32,447 --> 00:03:33,491 Oh, yeah, I know. 80 00:03:33,492 --> 00:03:34,539 Right. Well, I have a plan, too, 81 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:37,955 and it does not involve me going home and telling my family 82 00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:39,085 that I'm a failure. 83 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,083 We have a spent a lot of money 84 00:03:41,084 --> 00:03:43,081 putting you through grad school. 85 00:03:43,082 --> 00:03:45,068 You're our little investment. 86 00:03:45,069 --> 00:03:47,041 We've missed our last three mortgage payments, 87 00:03:47,042 --> 00:03:49,094 but no pressure, honey! 88 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,757 I have to make it. I'm just... 89 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,764 I'm just gonna have to wait out the storm. 90 00:03:52,813 --> 00:03:56,733 I mean, this bad luck cannot last forever. 91 00:03:59,053 --> 00:04:02,006 "Roommate... wanted." 92 00:04:02,007 --> 00:04:04,115 And that's Billy. That's Joanne. 93 00:04:04,116 --> 00:04:07,090 That's Austin, and that's Karen. 94 00:04:07,091 --> 00:04:09,070 She's the serious one. 95 00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:10,103 Oh. 96 00:04:12,007 --> 00:04:14,001 Can you believe I'm a grandmother? 97 00:04:14,002 --> 00:04:15,041 Look at my thighs. 98 00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:16,112 Taut. Ropey. 99 00:04:16,112 --> 00:04:18,083 Madonna ropey. 100 00:04:19,103 --> 00:04:23,069 I don't enjoy rude women, loud women, 101 00:04:23,070 --> 00:04:24,090 talky women, 102 00:04:24,091 --> 00:04:26,048 or redheads. 103 00:04:26,049 --> 00:04:28,037 We may or may not become lovers. 104 00:04:28,037 --> 00:04:30,049 That's... up to you. 105 00:04:32,074 --> 00:04:34,098 So my last roommate of four years just moved out 106 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:37,007 to get married, and I say "roommate," 107 00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:38,060 but we were more like sisters. 108 00:04:38,061 --> 00:04:40,101 We helped each other through all the ups and downs. 109 00:04:40,102 --> 00:04:42,074 New York can be such a scary place 110 00:04:42,075 --> 00:04:43,395 when you first move here. 111 00:04:43,489 --> 00:04:45,070 You really need to have a good support system. 112 00:04:45,088 --> 00:04:48,041 Chicken satay? 113 00:04:48,041 --> 00:04:49,448 Top three things in my perfect day... 114 00:04:49,484 --> 00:04:50,111 chicken satay, 115 00:04:50,112 --> 00:04:53,040 live Brazilian music, and Baz Luhrmann movies. 116 00:04:53,041 --> 00:04:55,070 And Prince Harry in my bed! 117 00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,020 I extended it. I extended it to four things. 118 00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:02,006 Is that a picture of Dawson? 119 00:05:02,007 --> 00:05:05,007 Ah, yeah. James Van Der Beek. 120 00:05:05,007 --> 00:05:07,074 The beek from the creek. Le beek c'est chic. 121 00:05:08,995 --> 00:05:11,007 Yeah, we dated for a while and then decided 122 00:05:11,007 --> 00:05:12,074 we are better off as friends. 123 00:05:12,075 --> 00:05:15,044 We weren't really compatible genitally. 124 00:05:15,045 --> 00:05:18,015 Imagine trying to fit a cucumber into a coin purse. 125 00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:19,069 Ooh. 126 00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:21,733 Anyway, so yeah, now he's like my gay B.F.F. but straight. 127 00:05:21,814 --> 00:05:23,471 Have you ever had a straight gay B.F.F.? 128 00:05:23,519 --> 00:05:25,020 You're fantastic. You're fantastic. 129 00:05:25,096 --> 00:05:27,102 And you're drinking a pink drink, 130 00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:30,019 and... I-I wanna live here. 131 00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:32,115 It's first, last, and security to move in. 132 00:05:32,116 --> 00:05:34,998 Oh, fine. I mean, that's everything I have in my savings, 133 00:05:34,999 --> 00:05:37,024 but it is worth it. 134 00:05:37,024 --> 00:05:38,062 Okay. Let's do it. 135 00:05:38,063 --> 00:05:40,116 Oh, my God! Really? Thank you! 136 00:05:42,053 --> 00:05:43,074 Friends! 137 00:05:49,070 --> 00:05:51,090 Psst! You. 138 00:05:51,091 --> 00:05:53,028 Come here. 139 00:05:53,028 --> 00:05:54,091 Come here. I'm trying to help you. 140 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,053 This is important information! 141 00:05:57,112 --> 00:05:59,103 Are you here for the roommate posting? 142 00:05:59,104 --> 00:06:01,077 Oh, yes, in fact, I-I... 143 00:06:01,078 --> 00:06:05,019 Don't trust the bitch in apartment 23. 144 00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,899 Uh, excuse me? I'm... I'm sorry. 145 00:06:06,926 --> 00:06:08,405 You said something really disturbing, 146 00:06:08,457 --> 00:06:09,566 and then you slammed the door. 147 00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:11,966 Hello? 148 00:06:12,024 --> 00:06:13,036 No one's home! 149 00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,530 Hi, Steven, it's me. 150 00:06:22,592 --> 00:06:25,548 Oh, you're never gonna believe what has happened. 151 00:06:25,549 --> 00:06:28,052 Call me when you get this. Okay? Bye. 152 00:06:28,335 --> 00:06:29,348 Hello, neighbor. 153 00:06:29,349 --> 00:06:33,276 Hi. I'm Eli. Building next door. 154 00:06:33,277 --> 00:06:36,269 Oh, hi. I'm June. I-I just moved in. 155 00:06:36,269 --> 00:06:38,296 You must be pretty hot from carrying all those boxes, huh? 156 00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:39,335 - Pretty sweaty? - Yeah. 157 00:06:39,336 --> 00:06:41,330 I guess I am. I'm a little sore. 158 00:06:41,331 --> 00:06:43,314 Yeah. 159 00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:44,323 Sore. 160 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:48,302 What are you doing? 161 00:06:48,303 --> 00:06:49,310 Hmm? 162 00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:52,340 Oh, no. Oh, no. 163 00:06:52,341 --> 00:06:53,873 - No! You stop. - Mm-hmm. 164 00:06:53,898 --> 00:06:55,732 No, you stop that! I'm calling the cops. 165 00:06:55,768 --> 00:06:56,773 I'm calling the police! 166 00:06:56,774 --> 00:06:57,785 What's up? 167 00:06:57,786 --> 00:07:00,119 Whoa! Whoa. Whoa. Hey. I can see your no-no's. 168 00:07:00,183 --> 00:07:02,357 Don't come in here. There's a pervert right there. 169 00:07:02,774 --> 00:07:03,847 Hey, Eli. 170 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,881 Hey, Chloe. 171 00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,565 Wait. You know that guy? 172 00:07:06,565 --> 00:07:07,884 Oh, yeah, we're old friends. He shut down 173 00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:09,895 this underground sushi restaurant I was working at. 174 00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:12,853 Health inspector. Too much rat feces, Chloe. 175 00:07:12,853 --> 00:07:13,895 So how was moving? 176 00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:17,831 I was gonna help you, but then I didn't want to. 177 00:07:17,832 --> 00:07:20,810 Um... every... yeah, it was fine. 178 00:07:20,811 --> 00:07:22,524 It was fine. Um, I did kind of have 179 00:07:22,573 --> 00:07:24,395 a weird exchange with a woman down the hall. 180 00:07:24,518 --> 00:07:27,514 She sort of warned me not to... trust you. 181 00:07:27,836 --> 00:07:30,882 - Ohh. That's Robin. She's in love with me. - Okay. 182 00:07:30,882 --> 00:07:32,882 Yeah. We met a few years ago shooting a rap music video. 183 00:07:32,883 --> 00:07:36,514 She was a P.A. I got champagne sprayed on my ass. 184 00:07:36,547 --> 00:07:39,539 ♪ Bitch, do your dance ♪ 185 00:07:39,539 --> 00:07:40,631 ♪ I can draw a circle ♪ 186 00:07:40,632 --> 00:07:42,567 Take it. 187 00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:43,970 Yeah. Take it! 188 00:07:43,971 --> 00:07:46,925 I wrote a rap at Christian camp. 189 00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,963 It was called "Jesus is My 'n' Word." 190 00:07:50,988 --> 00:07:52,971 It's funny. 191 00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:57,962 Oh. 192 00:07:57,963 --> 00:07:59,987 What is going on? 193 00:07:59,988 --> 00:08:01,916 Oh, hey, roomie. 194 00:08:01,917 --> 00:08:03,978 You're just in time for a little 4-way action. 195 00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:06,953 Take off your pants. I gave assurances. 196 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,000 I support that idea wholeheartedly. 197 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:11,041 One... I'm engaged, and number two... 198 00:08:11,059 --> 00:08:13,962 I have... I have job interviews tomorrow, so... 199 00:08:13,963 --> 00:08:16,950 - just keep it down. - Oh, come on. Are you sure? 200 00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:17,975 They're super hot! 201 00:08:17,976 --> 00:08:20,921 Ugh. Get off me. 202 00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:23,896 Go to sleep. 203 00:08:29,975 --> 00:08:31,928 Hey, "tiger beat." 204 00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,954 Hey, whore-nado. What you doin'? 205 00:08:33,954 --> 00:08:36,595 Nothing. Just watching some TV. What are you doing? 206 00:08:36,653 --> 00:08:37,658 Just reading a script. 207 00:08:37,659 --> 00:08:39,671 Something judd apatow wants me to do. 208 00:08:39,671 --> 00:08:41,640 You know, with my schedule... 209 00:08:41,641 --> 00:08:43,656 You got a fan over, huh? 210 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,613 - Yeah. - Did she get you to put on the flannel? 211 00:08:45,614 --> 00:08:47,629 We're negotiating. 212 00:08:48,536 --> 00:08:49,780 So the new roommate move out yet? 213 00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:52,072 Soon. I give her three days, tops. 214 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,618 You are such a con artist. 215 00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:55,674 No, I'm a humanitarian. 216 00:08:55,675 --> 00:08:58,720 Really? A humanitarian posts for roommates, 217 00:08:58,721 --> 00:09:01,658 takes their money, and drives them crazy till they move out? 218 00:09:01,658 --> 00:09:03,740 Eventually these girls realize that they don't belong here, 219 00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:05,736 and I'm just helping push them out. 220 00:09:05,737 --> 00:09:07,669 I'm part of the great digestive system 221 00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:09,740 - that is New York city. - Do you think maybe this is why 222 00:09:09,741 --> 00:09:11,156 you don't have any female friends? 223 00:09:11,172 --> 00:09:13,057 Whatever. I don't want any. Girls are too mean. 224 00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:15,618 - So what's this one called? - It doesn't matter what her name is. 225 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,741 She's just another small-town, trusting doormat. 226 00:09:17,742 --> 00:09:21,088 Like, she's got this fiance she's always gushing about. 227 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,146 Meanwhile, he never takes 228 00:09:22,147 --> 00:09:24,082 her phone calls, and he spends all of his time 229 00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:25,572 with some 13-year-old boy. 230 00:09:25,671 --> 00:09:27,751 Hello. Something is not right with that guy. 231 00:09:29,141 --> 00:09:31,145 Okay. Gotta go. 232 00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:35,336 This job is yours. You just have to go in there and take it! 233 00:09:35,336 --> 00:09:37,342 So if you could just give my resume to your boss, 234 00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:38,678 you'd see that I have my MBA... 235 00:09:38,723 --> 00:09:41,234 Lady, we are not hiring. 236 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,332 I told you a million times. 237 00:09:47,344 --> 00:09:49,381 - Hey! - I'm doing it! I'm doing it! 238 00:09:49,382 --> 00:09:51,373 We have another runner! 239 00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,365 I... oh, my God! 240 00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:57,696 You have one new message. 241 00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,650 Hi, honey. Uh, sorry we keep missing each other. 242 00:10:01,052 --> 00:10:03,135 Uh, things are crazy with Jeremy. 243 00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:05,114 He's developed a fear of bicycles, 244 00:10:05,115 --> 00:10:07,060 so I put him in the wind chamber. 245 00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:11,135 I'm gonna be here all night. Uh, I'll try again tomorrow. 246 00:10:11,135 --> 00:10:12,135 I love you. 247 00:10:14,077 --> 00:10:15,135 Hey. How did the job hunt go? 248 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:18,073 Um, I'd kind of like to be alone. 249 00:10:18,073 --> 00:10:19,142 Oh, sorry. Were you masturbating? 250 00:10:19,143 --> 00:10:19,935 What? No. 251 00:10:19,936 --> 00:10:20,881 Don't worry. I get it. 252 00:10:20,957 --> 00:10:23,106 I have a long-standing sexual history with that tub. 253 00:10:23,141 --> 00:10:27,052 It's like I'm Jessica Tandy, and that tub is hume cronyn. 254 00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:30,077 Don't mind me. Get your Cronyn on. 255 00:10:30,078 --> 00:10:33,140 Um, I'm sorry. I-I don't mean to be rude. 256 00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,079 - But I really had a long... - You like it? 257 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,133 It's Alexander McQueen. 258 00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:38,144 I bought it with the extra rent money you gave me. 259 00:10:38,145 --> 00:10:39,656 The extra rent money? 260 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,074 Oh, well, duh. The real rent is way lower 261 00:10:41,122 --> 00:10:43,058 than what I told you, so I used the extra money, 262 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,081 and I bought the purse. 263 00:10:44,082 --> 00:10:48,081 So... you're saying that you stole from me? 264 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,148 Oh, that's such an ugly word. 265 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,148 But yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. 266 00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:53,056 Sue me. 267 00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,050 And you really don't feel bad at all? 268 00:10:56,051 --> 00:10:57,146 Survival of the fittest, my friend. 269 00:10:57,147 --> 00:10:59,125 Nobody gave me a break when I first moved to New York, 270 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,119 and she'll be happier back in Ohio or whatever. 271 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,148 I remember when you first moved here. 272 00:11:03,192 --> 00:11:04,782 You told me your name was Simone, 273 00:11:04,853 --> 00:11:06,062 - and you sold me a condo. - Aah! 274 00:11:06,127 --> 00:11:08,098 And then the owners came back from vacation. 275 00:11:08,099 --> 00:11:11,052 They were really angry. 276 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:16,113 Well, it worked. All her stuff is gone. 277 00:11:16,114 --> 00:11:19,147 No, all of my stuff is gone. Where the hell is my furniture? 278 00:11:19,148 --> 00:11:22,084 I sold it. Since you stole money from me, 279 00:11:22,085 --> 00:11:26,101 I felt like you owed me. Hmm. Sue me. 280 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:29,126 Well... look who decided to pick up a racquet 281 00:11:29,127 --> 00:11:32,090 and join the game. Good for you. 282 00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:34,140 Yeah, well, you can go to hell, too. Wait. What? What? 283 00:11:34,141 --> 00:11:38,122 You've surprised me, and I'm rarely surprised. 284 00:11:38,123 --> 00:11:41,076 James, meet June. June, meet James. 285 00:11:41,077 --> 00:11:43,072 Heard a lot about you, June. 286 00:11:43,073 --> 00:11:45,080 So you like to rub-a-dub-dub in the tub? 287 00:11:45,081 --> 00:11:47,126 What? No. Wait. Did... she... she said that? 288 00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:49,147 Whatever. Most of that stuff was junk anyway. 289 00:11:49,148 --> 00:11:51,131 Wait. Who bought it? 290 00:11:51,131 --> 00:11:53,075 Hello, mom, I can't talk right now. 291 00:11:53,076 --> 00:11:54,140 I'm hanging out with Chloe's stuff. 292 00:11:54,141 --> 00:11:58,109 Ha ha ha ha! Chloe, you are so funny. 293 00:11:58,110 --> 00:12:00,051 Puns. 294 00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:14,545 It's... it's so nice to meet you. 295 00:12:14,546 --> 00:12:17,498 I was a huge "Dawson's Creek" fan. 296 00:12:17,499 --> 00:12:18,495 Aw, thank you. 297 00:12:18,544 --> 00:12:19,545 ♪ I don't want to wait ♪ 298 00:12:19,749 --> 00:12:21,427 Yeah. 299 00:12:21,432 --> 00:12:22,478 That's the song. 300 00:12:22,479 --> 00:12:25,445 You sold my bedroom furniture, too? 301 00:12:25,793 --> 00:12:26,811 Yeah. Like you said, 302 00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,805 all the stuff in the living room was junk. 303 00:12:28,806 --> 00:12:31,808 That Ottoman had been in my family for generations. 304 00:12:31,809 --> 00:12:34,800 My mother gave it to me when my Nana died. 305 00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:36,771 I was 9 years old. 306 00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:39,846 It's the only thing that I owned that I even cared about. 307 00:12:39,847 --> 00:12:42,847 Yeah, well, you deserve... I'm sorry. 308 00:12:42,847 --> 00:12:44,815 I'm really not good at counterpunching, 309 00:12:44,816 --> 00:12:46,765 and I brought a gun to a knife fight. 310 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,841 I did that once. 311 00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:49,838 I was arm-wrestling Kevin Sorbo in a Canadian production of... 312 00:12:49,839 --> 00:12:51,838 James, not now. 313 00:12:56,822 --> 00:12:58,837 Hmm. Hello. 314 00:12:58,838 --> 00:13:01,842 Robin, hi. I need to buy back that Ottoman that I sold you. 315 00:13:01,843 --> 00:13:05,821 Oh, hmm. How's it feel being on the short end of the stick? 316 00:13:05,822 --> 00:13:07,783 Huh? Yeah. 317 00:13:07,784 --> 00:13:09,784 It's payback time, bitch. 318 00:13:09,784 --> 00:13:11,317 I thought you said she was in love with you. 319 00:13:11,318 --> 00:13:12,825 Whoa! No, I was roommate number four. 320 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:14,837 She stole my jewelry, and she got me fired 321 00:13:14,838 --> 00:13:16,830 from the hospital. 322 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,795 Well, I finally got you back. I've reclaimed my power, 323 00:13:18,796 --> 00:13:19,851 and it feels amazing. 324 00:13:19,852 --> 00:13:23,759 - You never say hi to me in the elevator. - I need the Ottoman. 325 00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:24,834 I sold it. The fabric was... drab. 326 00:13:24,835 --> 00:13:26,763 I'm so sorry. 327 00:13:26,763 --> 00:13:27,817 Well, who did you sell it to? 328 00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:30,808 I need the Ottoman, Mrs. Yilmaz. 329 00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:32,788 I'll pay over full market value. 330 00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:34,734 I'm sorry, but my kids like to sit on it 331 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:35,809 while they're playing the Xbox. 332 00:13:35,830 --> 00:13:38,793 There's no "the," mom. It's just "Xbox." 333 00:13:38,793 --> 00:13:39,843 You want a spanking, Kadir? 334 00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:40,842 Ugh. 335 00:13:40,843 --> 00:13:42,808 Excuse me. 336 00:13:42,809 --> 00:13:44,850 Of course. 337 00:13:44,851 --> 00:13:47,828 We've been wasting our time dealing with the woman of the family. 338 00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:49,269 What are you talking about? 339 00:13:49,270 --> 00:13:51,227 No! Don't. 340 00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:53,235 Don't! 341 00:13:53,236 --> 00:13:55,189 Hey, papa. 342 00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:58,236 Look who wandered into your frosty forest, 343 00:13:58,236 --> 00:14:01,232 ready to whisper wicked promises. 344 00:14:04,224 --> 00:14:06,232 What are you doing? 345 00:14:06,232 --> 00:14:07,263 Going over your head 346 00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,232 and dealing with the patriarch of the family. 347 00:14:09,233 --> 00:14:12,274 He's our neighbor. He comes over to watch the weather channel. 348 00:14:14,278 --> 00:14:16,247 Get out. 349 00:14:16,248 --> 00:14:18,189 Get out! 350 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,231 - Okay, God. - I told you, get out. 351 00:14:20,232 --> 00:14:23,240 Okay, look, yes, Chloe is screwed up, but, you know, 352 00:14:23,241 --> 00:14:25,224 she didn't start off that way. 353 00:14:25,224 --> 00:14:26,282 She was a child once. 354 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:29,189 A normal human being before she got seduced 355 00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:31,278 by the dark side or whatever. 356 00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:33,261 She got this Ottoman at a time in her life 357 00:14:33,262 --> 00:14:35,261 when she could still care about something. 358 00:14:35,262 --> 00:14:37,268 Don't take away the one connection 359 00:14:37,269 --> 00:14:40,206 that she has left to her humanity. 360 00:14:40,207 --> 00:14:42,260 If you do, then... 361 00:14:42,261 --> 00:14:46,240 the crazy bitch might burn this place to the ground. 362 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,278 I like to watch the flames from across the street. 363 00:14:48,279 --> 00:14:50,232 It reminds me of Christmas. 364 00:14:52,207 --> 00:14:55,231 - I'm serious. - Oh. 365 00:14:55,232 --> 00:14:57,253 Oh, thank God. You got it back. 366 00:14:57,253 --> 00:14:59,226 June did. She was kind of a genius. 367 00:14:59,227 --> 00:15:00,269 Hey, all my stuff. 368 00:15:00,270 --> 00:15:02,269 How did you get it back? 369 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,186 I negotiated. 370 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,282 Hey, lovely eyes. 371 00:15:10,282 --> 00:15:13,236 How come you got such lovely eyes? 372 00:15:16,211 --> 00:15:19,268 Hey, so... it was really cool what you did back there. 373 00:15:19,269 --> 00:15:22,239 You know, all the mean stuff I've done to you, 374 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,790 I really appreciate it. Thank you. 375 00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:25,811 You're welcome. 376 00:15:26,811 --> 00:15:27,848 Wait. What... what are you doing? 377 00:15:27,849 --> 00:15:29,873 Ahh. 378 00:15:29,874 --> 00:15:31,836 Oh, good. 379 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:32,861 - Whew. - Yes. 380 00:15:32,862 --> 00:15:34,828 I loaned her $1,000 to buy those. 381 00:15:34,828 --> 00:15:36,874 Chinese energy tablets. They make you extremely focused 382 00:15:36,875 --> 00:15:38,814 and super slutty. 383 00:15:38,815 --> 00:15:41,873 Wait. So that... that whole story about your great-grandmother... 384 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,836 that... that was a lie? 385 00:15:43,836 --> 00:15:45,857 Oh, no, that was true. You can love grandma's Ottoman 386 00:15:45,858 --> 00:15:48,818 and still wanna make money on pills. 387 00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:51,864 I have paid for drugs. You have made me an accomplice in drugs! 388 00:15:51,865 --> 00:15:54,868 I sell them and give the money to charity. 389 00:15:54,869 --> 00:15:56,798 No, I don't really do that. 390 00:15:56,798 --> 00:15:58,572 I can't believe you! You know what? 391 00:15:58,661 --> 00:16:00,757 You... you just stay the hell out of my life! 392 00:16:00,839 --> 00:16:02,762 Oh, come on. It's not that big a deal. June, don't... 393 00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:04,398 Oh, my God. Steven? 394 00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:06,305 - June-bug! - Oh, my God. Steven. 395 00:16:06,308 --> 00:16:08,311 Well, we kept missing each other, 396 00:16:08,311 --> 00:16:10,653 and, you know, your birthday's soon, so I thought I'd surprise you. 397 00:16:10,667 --> 00:16:11,679 Can I have a snack? 398 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,100 Breakthrough. Um, make a note of that 399 00:16:14,149 --> 00:16:15,191 in Jeremy's cravings journal. 400 00:16:15,192 --> 00:16:17,148 Oh. Who's this now? 401 00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:19,148 Oh. Jeremy's traveling nurse, Nicole. 402 00:16:19,149 --> 00:16:21,212 She's here to monitor him when I can't so that 403 00:16:21,212 --> 00:16:23,170 you and I can have some alone time. 404 00:16:23,171 --> 00:16:25,137 Mwah! 405 00:16:25,137 --> 00:16:26,812 He talks about you all the time. 406 00:16:26,906 --> 00:16:29,089 I'm just happy to be a part of his important work. 407 00:16:29,195 --> 00:16:30,195 Oh. 408 00:16:30,195 --> 00:16:32,199 I used my miles to come here. 409 00:16:34,128 --> 00:16:35,152 Is this your roommate? 410 00:16:35,153 --> 00:16:37,131 Oh! Oh, yes. That was so rude of me. 411 00:16:37,132 --> 00:16:38,147 How could I forget? 412 00:16:38,148 --> 00:16:39,212 Everyone, this is Chloe. 413 00:16:39,213 --> 00:16:41,212 She's the bitch in apartment 23. 414 00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:46,190 Anyone wanna get weird and play "Mario Kart"? 415 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,524 Hey, Jeremy. 416 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,859 - Where is everyone? - June's at work, 417 00:17:04,859 --> 00:17:07,859 and Dr. Clayton and nurse Nicole are in a meeting. 418 00:17:09,825 --> 00:17:12,788 Those two have a lot of meetings, don't they? 419 00:17:13,838 --> 00:17:16,846 Hey, you know what's fun? 420 00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:17,855 Alcohol. 421 00:17:19,796 --> 00:17:21,850 Oh, yeah. They're doing it. 422 00:17:21,850 --> 00:17:23,825 They've been doing it for so long, 423 00:17:23,826 --> 00:17:25,862 and he's also doing nurse Simone, 424 00:17:25,863 --> 00:17:27,813 physical therapist Sheila, 425 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:31,775 and the lady with the limp that sells car insurance. 426 00:17:40,424 --> 00:17:41,940 Hey. 427 00:17:42,023 --> 00:17:43,901 Oh, are you here to cause drama? 428 00:17:44,098 --> 00:17:45,222 I mean, do you have any idea 429 00:17:45,225 --> 00:17:46,741 how hard it was for me to get this job? 430 00:17:46,783 --> 00:17:48,772 Mark here had to pull some serious strings. 431 00:17:48,773 --> 00:17:50,797 Oh, come on. It was nothing. 432 00:17:50,797 --> 00:17:52,732 I just fired someone for no reason 433 00:17:52,733 --> 00:17:54,797 so I could hire a friend. No big deal. I'm no hero. 434 00:17:54,798 --> 00:17:57,809 Steven is sleeping with nurse Nicole. 435 00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,759 Why would I believe anything you say? 436 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,742 It's true, dude. Jeremy told me. 437 00:18:02,743 --> 00:18:03,763 I love Steven. 438 00:18:03,764 --> 00:18:05,759 He would never cheat on me. 439 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,805 June, you're too trusting. 440 00:18:07,805 --> 00:18:09,732 Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I trusted you, 441 00:18:09,733 --> 00:18:10,814 and look where that got me. 442 00:18:10,815 --> 00:18:13,810 Fine. You know what? Forget it. 443 00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:16,734 I was just trying to help. 444 00:18:17,739 --> 00:18:19,763 June. Dawson. 445 00:18:19,764 --> 00:18:21,804 Come here. I know you're upset, 446 00:18:21,805 --> 00:18:24,643 but Chloe's actually trying to do the right thing. 447 00:18:24,666 --> 00:18:26,604 Look, she may have the morals of a pirate, 448 00:18:26,604 --> 00:18:28,299 but she would do anything for her friends. 449 00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:29,518 Like this one year, on my birthday, 450 00:18:29,589 --> 00:18:32,415 I was in Vietnam, shooting an energy drink commercial. 451 00:18:32,751 --> 00:18:34,720 She flew all my family and friends out, 452 00:18:34,721 --> 00:18:36,724 threw me this huge surprise party. It was amazing. 453 00:18:36,725 --> 00:18:39,776 Of course, she left me with the bill, took all my credit cards. 454 00:18:42,743 --> 00:18:45,726 Don't be a blonde dude in a vietnamese jail, June. 455 00:18:46,789 --> 00:18:48,780 That's the real life lesson here. 456 00:18:57,776 --> 00:18:59,726 Steven. 457 00:18:59,726 --> 00:19:00,814 Chloe. 458 00:19:09,743 --> 00:19:11,789 - Aah! - Uhh! Uhh! 459 00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:14,729 All right, uh, she seduced me, okay... 460 00:19:14,798 --> 00:19:17,733 Just to prove to you that he's a cheater. 461 00:19:17,734 --> 00:19:19,789 I can't... I'm not... 462 00:19:19,789 --> 00:19:21,372 What... what the hell is going on here? 463 00:19:21,444 --> 00:19:22,484 Ooh. 464 00:19:22,485 --> 00:19:25,422 I knew you were cheating on her with me, 465 00:19:25,422 --> 00:19:26,489 but you're cheating on me with her? 466 00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,180 I thought I was your only mistress, 467 00:19:30,181 --> 00:19:32,159 you son of a bitch! 468 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,125 Ask her about the girl that sells car insurance. 469 00:19:35,126 --> 00:19:38,180 My... my sister?! 470 00:19:38,181 --> 00:19:40,189 Oh! Oh! God! 471 00:19:40,189 --> 00:19:42,151 Oh! Whoa! 472 00:19:52,176 --> 00:19:54,097 Hey. 473 00:19:56,164 --> 00:19:58,133 Okay, listen, I knew that the only way 474 00:19:58,134 --> 00:20:00,101 you would believe Steven was a bad dude 475 00:20:00,102 --> 00:20:03,175 was to literally walk in on him in the worst possible scenario... 476 00:20:03,176 --> 00:20:07,096 having sex with your roommate on your birthday cake. 477 00:20:09,110 --> 00:20:11,176 That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. 478 00:20:13,097 --> 00:20:14,160 How sad is that? 479 00:20:14,161 --> 00:20:16,110 It's pretty sad. 480 00:20:18,118 --> 00:20:20,097 I mean, if you hadn't stepped in, 481 00:20:20,097 --> 00:20:22,151 I probably wouldn't have found out for another ten years. 482 00:20:22,152 --> 00:20:24,093 I'd be divorced with two kids, 483 00:20:24,121 --> 00:20:26,367 you know, hiding fast food wrappers 484 00:20:26,376 --> 00:20:27,679 in the waistband of my mom jeans. 485 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,142 I mean... 486 00:20:29,143 --> 00:20:35,100 you saved me from wasting the best years of my life. 487 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,188 Yeah, well, you know, it came at a price. 488 00:20:37,189 --> 00:20:41,101 I got a lot of frosting in my crack. 489 00:20:41,101 --> 00:20:42,689 Sorry. I don't know why I brought that up. 490 00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:43,814 I think that genuine emotion 491 00:20:43,913 --> 00:20:45,955 just sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable. 492 00:20:46,135 --> 00:20:47,185 Bartender, kamikaze shots. 493 00:20:47,186 --> 00:20:50,138 Thank you. 494 00:20:50,139 --> 00:20:52,185 Happy birthday? 495 00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:54,139 Yeah. 496 00:20:57,189 --> 00:21:00,096 Come on. Let's go home. 497 00:21:05,189 --> 00:21:08,134 - Did we pay for those drinks? - No. Hard times. Keep walking. 498 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,930 So did James actually shoot an energy drink commercial in Vietnam? 499 00:21:11,995 --> 00:21:14,531 Oh, yeah. It's really good. 500 00:21:14,623 --> 00:21:17,565 High energy surge machine! 501 00:21:17,565 --> 00:21:18,653 New cherry taste. 502 00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:20,649 Kapow! 503 00:21:21,649 --> 00:21:24,657 Van Der Beek like. 504 00:21:24,657 --> 00:21:27,603 Dawson is the moon! 505 00:21:30,599 --> 00:21:33,644 What is this? I mean, what... 506 00:21:33,644 --> 00:21:35,580 Could somebody get my agent on the phone? 507 00:21:35,581 --> 00:21:37,619 Have we... have we figured out the country code yet? 508 00:21:39,479 --> 00:21:40,634 Van Der Beek! 509 00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:53,748 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru