1
00:00:00,703 --> 00:00:03,321
It's our first wedding together
so we need nicknames.
2
00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:06,521
Nick is Knick-Knack!
Or Mr. Suspenders.
3
00:00:06,603 --> 00:00:08,721
No nicknames, ok?
Your only job tonight
4
00:00:09,003 --> 00:00:10,021
is to be Nick's girlfriend, okay?
5
00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:12,621
And make sure he stays
out of trouble with Caroline.
6
00:00:12,630 --> 00:00:14,000
Why can't you and Winston help?
7
00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:16,500
We've tried...
He doesn't listen to us anymore.
8
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:19,500
She's not coming back, Nick.
9
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,000
He's right, I don't.
10
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:22,100
♪ Da, da-da, dah!! ♪
11
00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:23,149
No!
12
00:00:23,150 --> 00:00:26,700
That is the ugliest dress
I've ever seen, Jess!
13
00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:29,200
I'm really gonna need you
to step it up tonight, ok?
14
00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:31,000
When I see you, I wanna be thinking...
15
00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:33,800
"Who let the dirty slut
out of the slut house?"
16
00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:37,000
Probably the slut butler, right?
17
00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:40,400
Yo, let's go.
We can't be late, I am in the weeding.
18
00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:41,900
You're the usher,
so relax!
19
00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:43,400
Yeah! I'll be busy.
20
00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:44,400
That way
I won't have to sit around
21
00:00:44,450 --> 00:00:45,900
answering a bunch of
stupid questions all day.
22
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,400
Like, "Do you have a job."
23
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:48,900
"Are you still playing basketball."
24
00:00:49,303 --> 00:00:52,221
Does it look like I'm still
playing overseas basketball?
25
00:00:52,306 --> 00:00:53,840
What is the matter with you?
26
00:00:53,891 --> 00:00:55,725
This is the first job I've had
in, like, two months, dude,
27
00:00:55,809 --> 00:00:57,143
and I really want
to just get in there
28
00:00:57,210 --> 00:00:58,311
and ush this wedding in the face!
29
00:00:58,378 --> 00:01:00,646
- You're gonna be great, man.
- So when we do
30
00:01:00,714 --> 00:01:02,815
the chicken dance, I do it
a little bit differently.
31
00:01:02,883 --> 00:01:04,484
I know that it usually
goes, like...
32
00:01:04,551 --> 00:01:05,735
♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da, da... ♪.
33
00:01:05,819 --> 00:01:07,103
Oh. ♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da, da. ♪
34
00:01:08,572 --> 00:01:11,274
But instead of doing claps,
I like to do a peck.
35
00:01:11,358 --> 00:01:13,058
'Cause it's more realistic.
36
00:01:13,110 --> 00:01:14,660
No chicken dance!
37
00:01:14,728 --> 00:01:16,245
Look, we're not
trying to be mean.
38
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:19,615
We just don't want you
to be yourself... in any way.
39
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,001
Okay. Suppress the Jess.
40
00:01:22,068 --> 00:01:23,920
Got it.
41
00:01:24,004 --> 00:01:25,571
Did you use my hair gel?
42
00:01:25,622 --> 00:01:26,873
Did I use your
hair gel?
43
00:01:26,924 --> 00:01:29,425
I'm not gonna be mad.
Just let me know if you did.
44
00:01:29,510 --> 00:01:30,576
- No.
- You sure?
45
00:01:30,627 --> 00:01:31,711
I used your hair gel.
46
00:01:31,762 --> 00:01:33,312
Are you serious?
47
00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:35,498
Yeah. It's...
48
00:01:36,566 --> 00:01:39,135
Who let the dirty slut
out of the slut house?
49
00:01:39,219 --> 00:01:41,854
Wow. You look great.
50
00:01:41,922 --> 00:01:44,807
Let's go knock biscuits,
brother-cousins.
51
00:01:44,892 --> 00:01:46,225
No!
52
00:01:46,276 --> 00:01:48,311
No teeth, Jess.
You can't use prop teeth.
53
00:01:48,395 --> 00:01:49,529
Come on, guys.
54
00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:50,847
These are hilarious.
55
00:01:50,914 --> 00:01:52,231
Kids love these.
56
00:01:53,799 --> 00:01:56,184
♪ Who's that girl?
♪♪ Who's that girl? ♪
57
00:01:56,185 --> 00:01:57,171
♪ It's Jess. ♪.
58
00:01:57,438 --> 00:02:03,440
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
59
00:02:04,944 --> 00:02:06,496
You want to know one
of my beauty secrets?
60
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,631
The only way
I could fit in this dress
61
00:02:08,715 --> 00:02:11,450
was by wearing little girl's
bicycle shorts underneath.
62
00:02:11,502 --> 00:02:12,668
♪ They are tight ♪
63
00:02:12,753 --> 00:02:14,620
♪ I will not be peeing
tonight! ♪.
64
00:02:14,671 --> 00:02:16,088
Oh, my God, bubbles.
65
00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:18,057
No, no, no, no, Jess. No
bubbles, no bubbles, please.
66
00:02:18,124 --> 00:02:23,563
Ooh, a lot of big game here tonight. Yo.
67
00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:25,464
- Oh. Oh, there's Brooke.
- Who's Brooke?
68
00:02:25,516 --> 00:02:27,466
He's been into her
since freshman year.
69
00:02:27,518 --> 00:02:28,968
She used to get drunk
and pass out on our porch.
70
00:02:29,019 --> 00:02:30,853
It was like having a hot,
alcoholic cat.
71
00:02:30,938 --> 00:02:32,321
I'd always leave
water out for her.
72
00:02:32,406 --> 00:02:34,357
Okay. Tonight
just got real.
73
00:02:34,441 --> 00:02:36,141
She goes on top
of the kill list.
74
00:02:36,193 --> 00:02:37,493
Is that because
you're gonna attempt
75
00:02:37,578 --> 00:02:39,328
to kill her
by having sex with her?
76
00:02:39,413 --> 00:02:40,746
More or less, yeah.
77
00:02:40,814 --> 00:02:43,449
Oh, Schmidt, one day you're
gonna kill the nicest girl.
78
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:47,787
Look at my new boyfriend.
79
00:02:47,838 --> 00:02:50,506
So fancy in his big boy tie.
80
00:02:50,591 --> 00:02:52,008
Jess, would you
please stop?
81
00:02:52,092 --> 00:02:53,376
Okay, what is it with Caroline?
82
00:02:53,460 --> 00:02:54,710
You're like a different person.
83
00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:57,346
Just focus on getting
through today, please.
84
00:02:57,431 --> 00:02:59,832
Okay, Mr. Boy T. Friend.
85
00:02:59,883 --> 00:03:00,850
What did I tell you?
86
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:02,351
Don't be myself.
Yes.
87
00:03:02,436 --> 00:03:04,187
That's what I love
about our relationship.
88
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:05,555
You never let me be myself.
89
00:03:07,891 --> 00:03:09,442
Hey!
90
00:03:09,509 --> 00:03:10,943
Winston!
91
00:03:12,011 --> 00:03:13,067
- You're back.
- Yeah.
92
00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:14,947
What are you up to?
Where you working at?
93
00:03:16,015 --> 00:03:17,900
Here. As an usher.
94
00:03:18,485 --> 00:03:20,453
Hi. What a beautiful dress.
95
00:03:20,537 --> 00:03:21,871
I'm surprised
you noticed the dress.
96
00:03:21,955 --> 00:03:23,239
I was distracted
by the woman inside.
97
00:03:25,492 --> 00:03:27,293
Jimmy Longjam, alternate usher.
98
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,794
Alternate usher.
99
00:03:28,862 --> 00:03:30,546
I mean, I'm here.
I'm the usher.
100
00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:31,914
You were late.
It's called commitment.
101
00:03:31,999 --> 00:03:33,716
Look it up
in a typewriter, old man.
102
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,635
- What?!
- How much money do you make?
103
00:03:35,702 --> 00:03:36,802
Where is your mother?
104
00:03:36,870 --> 00:03:37,970
Can someone help me?
105
00:03:38,038 --> 00:03:39,872
Hello. Bride or groom?
106
00:03:47,231 --> 00:03:49,181
Oh, no. No, not tonight.
107
00:03:49,233 --> 00:03:51,934
No!
108
00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:52,885
Who is that?
109
00:03:52,936 --> 00:03:54,053
Gretchen Nelson.
110
00:03:54,104 --> 00:03:55,271
She's a terrible person.
111
00:03:55,355 --> 00:03:56,405
We can't stand each other.
112
00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:58,107
At every wedding, we end up...
113
00:03:58,191 --> 00:03:59,175
we end up having sex.
114
00:04:09,886 --> 00:04:11,037
I mean, look,
the sex is amazing.
115
00:04:12,088 --> 00:04:13,405
Oh, she's coming over.
116
00:04:13,457 --> 00:04:14,740
Hey, there are those
people that we know.
117
00:04:14,791 --> 00:04:15,875
Oh, what people?
118
00:04:18,243 --> 00:04:20,846
- Hello, Gretchen.
- Uh-huh.
119
00:04:20,914 --> 00:04:22,131
I see you wore
the pantsuit again.
120
00:04:22,215 --> 00:04:23,516
This is a new one.
121
00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:26,769
It's got way more
stretch... in the pants.
122
00:04:26,853 --> 00:04:28,638
- That's horrible.
- Are you ready for tonight?
123
00:04:29,322 --> 00:04:30,689
I'm gonna tie you down
124
00:04:30,756 --> 00:04:32,441
and show you pictures
of my river rafting trip.
125
00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:34,426
Oh, my God,
how many are there?
126
00:04:34,478 --> 00:04:36,395
- It's a two-hour slideshow.
- No, Gretchen.
127
00:04:36,446 --> 00:04:38,064
We can't do this anymore, okay?
128
00:04:38,115 --> 00:04:39,448
It's not... It's not healthy.
129
00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:40,566
- All right? Please, no more.
- Yeah.
130
00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:44,620
There she is.
There she is.
131
00:04:44,704 --> 00:04:46,072
She's right over there.
There she is.
132
00:04:46,123 --> 00:04:48,107
She's right over here.
She's right...
133
00:04:48,658 --> 00:04:50,659
Just be cool...
Okay, okay.
134
00:04:50,743 --> 00:04:51,410
Hi.
135
00:04:51,461 --> 00:04:52,662
Hey, Caroline. Wow.
136
00:04:53,246 --> 00:04:54,463
I didn't know
you were gonna be here.
137
00:04:54,548 --> 00:04:55,781
Great to see you.
138
00:04:55,832 --> 00:04:57,383
Nicholas, you have
to introduce me.
139
00:04:57,850 --> 00:04:58,834
Uh, yeah, of course.
140
00:04:58,919 --> 00:05:01,053
Uh, Jess, this is Caroline.
141
00:05:01,121 --> 00:05:02,121
Hi.
142
00:05:02,172 --> 00:05:03,806
One more time.
Cara-lee?
143
00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:05,641
- Uh, Caroline.- Caraloo?
144
00:05:05,726 --> 00:05:07,059
- Coraline?- Caroline.
145
00:05:07,127 --> 00:05:10,646
Okay. Fancy.
146
00:05:10,731 --> 00:05:12,732
Well, I'm Nicholas's girlfriend.
147
00:05:12,799 --> 00:05:14,100
We just started dating,
148
00:05:14,151 --> 00:05:17,153
so we're still
in that honeymoon phase.
149
00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,322
I barely sleep.
So much doing it.
150
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,690
So much doing it.
151
00:05:20,774 --> 00:05:21,907
It's crazy.
152
00:05:21,975 --> 00:05:23,359
He's so soft,
like a towel.
153
00:05:23,443 --> 00:05:25,477
Well, it was
nice to meet you.
154
00:05:25,529 --> 00:05:27,413
So nice to meet you,
too, Carol.
155
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,614
Caroline.
156
00:05:28,665 --> 00:05:30,282
I give up! I guess
157
00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:31,751
I'll see you later.
158
00:05:31,818 --> 00:05:33,035
For sure, for sure, for sure.
159
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,041
Oh, my God.
Was she jealous?
160
00:05:39,126 --> 00:05:41,660
I think she was jealous.
You did so good.
161
00:05:41,712 --> 00:05:42,995
That was remarkable.
162
00:05:43,046 --> 00:05:45,998
I just done what
my mama learnt me.
163
00:05:46,049 --> 00:05:47,967
Give me the teeth.
164
00:06:01,011 --> 00:06:01,829
Brooke.
165
00:06:01,881 --> 00:06:03,715
Hi. Wow.
166
00:06:04,099 --> 00:06:05,049
Schmidt.
167
00:06:05,634 --> 00:06:07,936
You used to borrow my
poncho freshman year.
168
00:06:08,003 --> 00:06:09,137
Remember that? No.
169
00:06:09,188 --> 00:06:10,555
Hmm.
170
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,005
Fat Schmidt?
171
00:06:14,026 --> 00:06:15,310
Fat Schmidt!
172
00:06:15,361 --> 00:06:17,145
Of course! Wow.
173
00:06:17,196 --> 00:06:19,113
You look great.
174
00:06:19,181 --> 00:06:20,949
You, also, for sure.
175
00:06:21,016 --> 00:06:22,617
Um, how are your classes?
176
00:06:22,684 --> 00:06:25,019
I mean, not that we're... not
that we're in school anymore.
177
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:26,120
I know that.
178
00:06:26,188 --> 00:06:28,323
What are you drinking?
White wine?
179
00:06:28,374 --> 00:06:29,657
I'm not drinking.
180
00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:31,159
I'm sober, six months.
181
00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:32,994
Can I get a seltzer, please?
182
00:06:33,045 --> 00:06:34,495
Me, too.
183
00:06:34,547 --> 00:06:36,214
You're six months sober, also?
184
00:06:36,298 --> 00:06:37,215
Seven months. One more.
185
00:06:37,299 --> 00:06:38,967
Wow. That's great.
186
00:06:39,034 --> 00:06:40,802
Congratulations.
187
00:06:40,869 --> 00:06:42,003
Here's your, uh, white wine.
188
00:06:42,054 --> 00:06:43,671
What? What?
That's a mistake.
189
00:06:43,722 --> 00:06:44,923
No, I didn't
order that. No!
190
00:06:45,007 --> 00:06:46,341
No, sir!
191
00:06:46,392 --> 00:06:48,059
Even the...
even smell of it.
192
00:06:48,143 --> 00:06:49,877
I'm gonna run back to my table.
193
00:06:49,929 --> 00:06:52,981
But you can come talk
to me if you need to.
194
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:54,766
Oh. Okay, thank you.
195
00:06:56,735 --> 00:06:58,319
So what I need you
to do is this.
196
00:06:58,387 --> 00:07:01,055
I need you to put vodka
in a water bottle, okay?
197
00:07:01,106 --> 00:07:03,557
Then rendezvous with me
in the restroom, okay?
198
00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:07,561
Same page? Same page?
199
00:07:10,749 --> 00:07:12,900
This kid is pushing my buttons.
200
00:07:12,952 --> 00:07:15,620
Winston, he's just
a little boy. Relax.
201
00:07:15,704 --> 00:07:17,922
Brooke asks, I'm six
months clean and sober,
202
00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:19,374
and looking to
settle down.
203
00:07:19,425 --> 00:07:21,459
Great. Schmidt's sober.
204
00:07:21,543 --> 00:07:22,627
What are you doing?
205
00:07:22,711 --> 00:07:24,745
She's looking at us.
206
00:07:27,749 --> 00:07:29,917
Your head is shaped
like a yam.
207
00:07:29,969 --> 00:07:32,053
Yeah, I know. I can't
wear soft hats.
208
00:07:32,104 --> 00:07:33,855
Uh-huh.
Hey, when she comes here,
209
00:07:33,922 --> 00:07:34,606
I want to talk
to her by myself.
210
00:07:34,690 --> 00:07:37,025
- No. Are you sure?
- Jess, I'm fine, for real.
211
00:07:37,092 --> 00:07:38,426
Oh, hey.
212
00:07:38,477 --> 00:07:40,028
Could that ceremony
have lasted any longer?
213
00:07:40,095 --> 00:07:41,896
- It really was...
- Ha, ha. We loved it.
214
00:07:41,947 --> 00:07:44,765
Taking notes in case Mr. Commitment-Phobe over here
215
00:07:44,817 --> 00:07:46,484
decides to make an honest woman
out of me.
216
00:07:46,568 --> 00:07:47,435
Oh.
217
00:07:47,486 --> 00:07:48,870
Hey, Jess,
218
00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:50,905
did you want
to go do that thing from...?
219
00:07:50,956 --> 00:07:52,907
Yes, I did.
I want to do it very badly.
220
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:54,108
- Yup.
- Thank you.
221
00:07:54,159 --> 00:07:57,161
And now,
for the first time ever,
222
00:07:57,246 --> 00:08:00,498
Mr. and Mrs. Handelman-Pyong.
223
00:08:00,582 --> 00:08:01,799
♪ ♪
224
00:08:06,338 --> 00:08:09,623
Yay! Bride and groom!
225
00:08:09,675 --> 00:08:11,559
Make way!
226
00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:15,179
Huzzah! Celebrate love!
227
00:08:15,264 --> 00:08:19,767
Get ready for a wonderful
life of merriment and joy.
228
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,571
Jess is... great.
229
00:08:23,638 --> 00:08:26,140
The best. Yeah, so happy.
230
00:08:26,191 --> 00:08:28,276
Are you guys
pretty serious, or...?
231
00:08:28,327 --> 00:08:30,244
Yeah, we are pretty serious.
232
00:08:30,312 --> 00:08:32,313
Yeah, we live together.
233
00:08:32,364 --> 00:08:34,082
I mean, different bedrooms,
but shared bathroom,
234
00:08:34,149 --> 00:08:35,833
so that's something.
235
00:08:36,618 --> 00:08:38,419
Alcohol. Any kind
of alcohol you have.
236
00:08:38,487 --> 00:08:40,088
Just give me anything.
237
00:08:40,155 --> 00:08:41,422
Thank you.
238
00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:42,757
Give me that.
239
00:08:42,824 --> 00:08:43,958
Oh, God.
240
00:08:45,594 --> 00:08:47,495
It's like you're lapping it
out of a puddle.
241
00:08:47,546 --> 00:08:50,631
Ugh! Where'd you get those
boots, off a lady hiker?
242
00:08:50,683 --> 00:08:53,851
Look at those earrings. Are they clip-ons?
243
00:08:53,936 --> 00:08:55,336
I'm gonna make
you wear them.
244
00:08:58,507 --> 00:08:59,640
Huh?
No.
245
00:08:59,692 --> 00:09:00,892
No?
246
00:09:00,976 --> 00:09:05,229
♪ ♪
247
00:09:05,314 --> 00:09:07,014
Is it bad that I
can't feel my legs?
248
00:09:07,066 --> 00:09:09,117
Yes-- now let's talk
about my problems.
249
00:09:09,184 --> 00:09:10,868
Jess, I have to go home
with Brooke tonight.
250
00:09:10,953 --> 00:09:12,370
I deserve someone
like Brooke.
251
00:09:12,454 --> 00:09:13,571
She's perfect,
252
00:09:13,655 --> 00:09:16,124
and it doesn't matter
that I have gymnastic,
253
00:09:16,191 --> 00:09:19,293
mean-spirited, highly
educational sex with Gretchen.
254
00:09:19,361 --> 00:09:21,529
It's just-- that's not what
I want to do anymore, okay?
255
00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:22,663
Not tonight.
256
00:09:22,715 --> 00:09:23,881
What's so bad about
liking Gretchen?
257
00:09:23,966 --> 00:09:25,249
I mean, you guys
obviously have,
258
00:09:25,334 --> 00:09:26,667
like, a weird connection.
259
00:09:26,719 --> 00:09:28,720
No, no, no, no, I want
to connect with Brooke.
260
00:09:28,804 --> 00:09:30,671
I want to connect with her
in the shower, on the floor...
261
00:09:30,723 --> 00:09:31,973
Okay, you know what?
262
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,341
- ...sitting Indian style.
- You can keep talking,
263
00:09:33,392 --> 00:09:35,510
but I'm going to put
my hands over my ears.
264
00:09:35,561 --> 00:09:37,345
- We got a problem.
- What?
265
00:09:38,981 --> 00:09:40,881
Jess, what did you do?
266
00:09:40,933 --> 00:09:42,767
What? They're fine,
they're just talking.
267
00:09:42,851 --> 00:09:46,554
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
with Caroline he is not fine.
268
00:09:46,605 --> 00:09:49,056
Okay, he ran into her
at a party two months ago,
269
00:09:49,108 --> 00:09:51,692
then sent me a ten-page e-mail
about what she meant
270
00:09:51,744 --> 00:09:53,561
when she said,
"I'll see you soon."
271
00:09:53,612 --> 00:09:57,665
She will flirt with him until
she knows she can have him.
272
00:09:57,732 --> 00:09:59,500
It's like he's
her backup plan.
273
00:09:59,568 --> 00:10:00,668
I didn't know that.
274
00:10:00,735 --> 00:10:01,869
You want to live with Nick
275
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,238
when he's not showering
and crying all day?
276
00:10:04,289 --> 00:10:05,840
He sounds like this.
277
00:10:05,907 --> 00:10:06,907
You ever heard
a grown man sob
278
00:10:06,959 --> 00:10:08,626
and listen
to Simon and Garfunkel?
279
00:10:08,710 --> 00:10:09,761
- Yeah, my dad.
- Yeah.
280
00:10:09,845 --> 00:10:11,763
Okay, I get it...
but I just...
281
00:10:11,847 --> 00:10:13,548
These bicycle shorts
are really tight.
282
00:10:13,599 --> 00:10:14,682
Come on,
283
00:10:14,749 --> 00:10:17,518
- work through it, woman.
- Okay, okay.
284
00:10:17,586 --> 00:10:19,887
Okay.
285
00:10:19,938 --> 00:10:21,973
It's all on you, Jess.
286
00:10:22,057 --> 00:10:25,443
♪ ♪
287
00:10:26,595 --> 00:10:28,762
Come on in, honey.
288
00:10:29,898 --> 00:10:30,815
The water's fine.
289
00:10:30,899 --> 00:10:32,933
Jess, you know I don't dance.
290
00:10:32,985 --> 00:10:35,536
Oh, but you didn't know
that I did this.
291
00:10:35,604 --> 00:10:36,954
I'm mime-walking.
292
00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:38,656
I'm Mime-chael Jackson.
293
00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:40,208
- I'm gonna get a drink.
- Me, too.
294
00:10:40,275 --> 00:10:41,709
Nick, wait, no.
295
00:10:41,776 --> 00:10:43,277
Jess, relax,
this is good.
296
00:10:43,328 --> 00:10:45,613
I may actually have a chance,
and it's all because of you,
297
00:10:45,664 --> 00:10:46,831
- so thank you.
- No, Nick,
298
00:10:46,915 --> 00:10:47,915
that wasn't my intention.
299
00:10:47,966 --> 00:10:50,084
Nick--
oh, hi.
300
00:10:50,135 --> 00:10:53,954
I don't feel like dancing
right now, I'm sorry.
301
00:10:54,006 --> 00:10:57,758
♪ ♪
302
00:10:57,810 --> 00:11:01,095
I'm... really
uncomfortable right now.
303
00:11:01,146 --> 00:11:02,796
Oh, Winston, thank God!
Nick got away.
304
00:11:02,848 --> 00:11:04,232
Nick can wait.
305
00:11:04,299 --> 00:11:05,349
This...
306
00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:06,967
this is about honor.
307
00:11:11,190 --> 00:11:14,025
And...
it looks like we have a dance-off!
308
00:11:18,647 --> 00:11:19,914
What?!
309
00:11:19,981 --> 00:11:22,200
Oh, my God,
what are you doing?
310
00:11:22,284 --> 00:11:23,284
Mommy?
311
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,990
Nick? Nick?
312
00:11:33,922 --> 00:11:34,990
The chocolate fountain.
313
00:11:35,322 --> 00:11:36,390
Reminds me
of the one in Tuscany.
314
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,090
You ever been?
315
00:11:38,122 --> 00:11:39,990
Yeah!
I was just there for New Year's.
316
00:11:40,152 --> 00:11:41,569
Where's the chocolate fountain?
317
00:11:41,654 --> 00:11:43,037
I don't know, I've never been.
318
00:11:43,122 --> 00:11:45,206
I'm just fascinated
with the culture.
319
00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:47,358
Schmidt! Schmidt,
I need you to help me
320
00:11:47,409 --> 00:11:49,711
get these off
so I can go find Nick!
321
00:11:49,795 --> 00:11:51,579
God, are you friends
with that girl?
322
00:11:53,249 --> 00:11:53,798
Schmidt!
323
00:11:53,866 --> 00:11:55,300
Look, I...
324
00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:58,369
I didn't want to have
to tell you this, but...
325
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:01,506
she was a mistake I made
when I hit rock bottom.
326
00:12:01,557 --> 00:12:03,308
It was like I was
her Sid and she was
327
00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:05,727
my Nancy, and then I got sober
and she couldn't deal with it,
328
00:12:05,811 --> 00:12:08,563
and the poor thing just went...
she went crazy.
329
00:12:08,647 --> 00:12:10,598
Schmidt, I need you to come
help me slap my thighs around!
330
00:12:10,683 --> 00:12:11,933
Look, I don't want to scare you,
331
00:12:12,017 --> 00:12:13,434
but she can be really dangerous
when she drinks.
332
00:12:13,519 --> 00:12:16,321
Okay? I shouldn't even be
in the same room with her,
333
00:12:16,388 --> 00:12:18,106
it's just...
334
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:20,024
it feels so good
talking to you.
335
00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:22,277
Maybe we should
get you out of here.
336
00:12:22,361 --> 00:12:23,895
What a great idea. Yes!
337
00:12:23,946 --> 00:12:25,780
I just have to go
to the bathroom really quickly.
338
00:12:25,865 --> 00:12:28,333
Whatever you need,
whatever... of course.
339
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,186
Ready? No lips.
340
00:12:31,253 --> 00:12:34,305
Name one, name one.
Do, uh, wind tunnel.
341
00:12:34,373 --> 00:12:35,673
Super high driver's license.
342
00:12:37,576 --> 00:12:39,928
Can we stay in
here all night?
343
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:46,100
Oh, hi.
344
00:12:46,185 --> 00:12:48,252
Schmidt is very fond of you.
345
00:12:48,304 --> 00:12:49,938
Um, look, I don't...
346
00:12:50,022 --> 00:12:51,873
I, uh, I don't even really
know him that well,
347
00:12:51,941 --> 00:12:53,274
- okay?
- Oh.
348
00:12:53,359 --> 00:12:55,593
I'm just cutting off
my underwear. You know.
349
00:12:55,644 --> 00:12:56,694
Girl stuff.
350
00:13:03,602 --> 00:13:04,569
So tight.
351
00:13:05,938 --> 00:13:07,622
Well, it's been really nice
chatting with you.
352
00:13:07,706 --> 00:13:09,741
But I've got a pretend
353
00:13:09,792 --> 00:13:12,043
boyfriend to hunt down.
I think he's
354
00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:13,828
cheating on me.
355
00:13:13,913 --> 00:13:17,048
Oh, and don't break Schmidt's heart,
or you'll have me to deal with.
356
00:13:21,086 --> 00:13:22,119
Yeah, yeah, of course.
357
00:13:23,756 --> 00:13:26,591
Aha! I trusted you!
358
00:13:26,843 --> 00:13:28,393
- Jess, get out of here.
- Nothing happened.
359
00:13:28,460 --> 00:13:29,727
After everything we built.
360
00:13:29,795 --> 00:13:30,595
Go away, Jess, please.
361
00:13:30,646 --> 00:13:31,630
Who are you?!
362
00:13:31,681 --> 00:13:34,599
No, really, nothing happened.
I have a boyfriend.
363
00:13:34,650 --> 00:13:37,986
Wait, you have a boyfriend?
364
00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:40,355
Yeah, well, I-I've been seeing
someone. I didn't bring him
365
00:13:40,439 --> 00:13:41,406
because I didn't want
to hurt your feelings,
366
00:13:41,474 --> 00:13:44,242
- but now I know that you have Jess...
- Yeah, he has me.
367
00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:46,277
And our baby!
368
00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:48,479
Okay, I'm just gonna
let you guys...
369
00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:51,583
And our other baby!
370
00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:52,667
Jess, what happened with Brooke?
371
00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:54,669
- What?
- She just left here in tears
372
00:13:54,753 --> 00:13:56,454
because she said that you
threatened her with a knife?
373
00:13:56,505 --> 00:13:58,957
No, I was talking you up!
374
00:13:59,008 --> 00:14:00,157
No, you shouldn't have been
talking me up.
375
00:14:00,209 --> 00:14:02,326
You should have been taking care
of Nick.
376
00:14:02,378 --> 00:14:04,796
Why is it so hard
to do one thing?
377
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:07,131
- How is this my fault?- Ruiner.
378
00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:10,602
Did you just call me a ruiner?
379
00:14:10,669 --> 00:14:11,836
Yeah.
380
00:14:11,887 --> 00:14:14,839
Okay, you know what?
Forget it.
381
00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:16,340
I'm not helping
you guys anymore.
382
00:14:16,392 --> 00:14:17,692
- Give me my teeth back.
- Stop it.
383
00:14:17,776 --> 00:14:20,061
- You don't appreciate them.
- Cool it!
384
00:14:20,145 --> 00:14:21,562
Give them back.
385
00:14:22,647 --> 00:14:23,648
I'm gonna have fun,
386
00:14:23,699 --> 00:14:26,367
'cause there's nothing wrong
with who I am,
387
00:14:26,452 --> 00:14:28,036
and I like having fun
at weddings.
388
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,537
And I like dancing.
389
00:14:29,622 --> 00:14:33,190
And if you don't like that,
then tough tater tots, tooter.
390
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:35,860
Jess is back!
391
00:14:40,466 --> 00:14:45,169
Oh, you're going home
with me, aren't you?
392
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:46,754
Oh...
393
00:14:48,924 --> 00:14:50,541
Good boy.
394
00:14:58,651 --> 00:15:00,902
♪ ♪
395
00:15:01,686 --> 00:15:04,188
That's Caroline and that's me.
396
00:15:04,239 --> 00:15:05,907
Four years.
397
00:15:05,991 --> 00:15:08,609
Four years together, so...
398
00:15:09,194 --> 00:15:10,227
It doesn't matter to me.
399
00:15:10,279 --> 00:15:13,498
It's just what
matters is respect.
400
00:15:13,565 --> 00:15:14,832
I'm just so alone
401
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,567
right now, man.
402
00:15:16,618 --> 00:15:18,503
It is a real bad situation.
403
00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:19,787
Uh, Steve and Bree, babe.
404
00:15:19,872 --> 00:15:21,122
Steve and Bree, 'cause that's
what this is about.
405
00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,423
I agree with you.
406
00:15:22,508 --> 00:15:24,292
You're good at your job, babe.
407
00:15:24,376 --> 00:15:26,761
I'm so happy for you two.
408
00:15:26,845 --> 00:15:28,463
You look great.
409
00:15:28,547 --> 00:15:30,631
It feels a little bit like
you're rubbing it in my face,
410
00:15:30,716 --> 00:15:32,767
your little happiness,
but let's be honest, Bree,
411
00:15:32,851 --> 00:15:35,019
this doesn't look
great on you-- this.
412
00:15:35,087 --> 00:15:37,421
That's not a great look, Bree!
413
00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:40,358
Congratulations, Steve.
Nice fedora.
414
00:15:40,425 --> 00:15:42,443
And no open bar, Steve?!
415
00:15:42,528 --> 00:15:44,946
Don't you understand
that's tacky?!
416
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:49,433
Your dad's rich,
you're a lawyer, man.
417
00:15:49,485 --> 00:15:51,119
Yeah!
418
00:15:51,203 --> 00:15:52,770
That happened!
419
00:15:57,543 --> 00:16:00,611
The photo booth is a liar-- FYI.
420
00:16:00,662 --> 00:16:03,447
Oh, hey, ladies, you guys want
to see a grown man cry?
421
00:16:03,499 --> 00:16:05,967
No? Then get out!
422
00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:09,286
I think I saw a single doctor
looking at you!
423
00:16:09,338 --> 00:16:11,789
This is gonna take awhile,
Orange.
424
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:21,712
Hey, there, partner.
425
00:16:26,967 --> 00:16:28,135
Hey, can I tell you something
426
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,755
you promise to never
tell Schmidt?
427
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,840
I love bubbles.
428
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:36,894
I don't know why,
I just always have.
429
00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:39,647
You see that? - Oh!
That was like two in one.
430
00:16:42,150 --> 00:16:43,567
You okay?
431
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:45,069
Yeah, I'm fine.
432
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:47,521
Those guys were jerks.
433
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,740
But I know they're
glad you're around.
434
00:16:49,808 --> 00:16:50,808
Really?
435
00:16:50,859 --> 00:16:52,610
Yeah!
436
00:16:52,661 --> 00:16:54,279
They're not just gonna come
out and say it, though.
437
00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:57,998
Especially Nick, you know,
but they're all thinking it.
438
00:16:58,083 --> 00:16:59,617
Even me.
439
00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:01,485
Most of the time.
440
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:07,842
It was weird when I was stuck in
a freak sandwich
441
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,160
between you and that
eight-year-old.
442
00:17:10,212 --> 00:17:12,129
Do you want to talk about that?
443
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:16,017
You know, it's just that he got
to be a bit annoying, so...
444
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:19,854
I kind of took my
feelings out with dance...?
445
00:17:20,723 --> 00:17:23,007
Okay, so, uh, we
have a situation.
446
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,107
Hey, Nick, how you doing, buddy?
447
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:32,367
They want me to leave the
booth, but I'm staying.
448
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:35,487
This is my home now.
It's got everything that I need.
449
00:17:35,538 --> 00:17:37,573
You can see by looking
at these pictures
450
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,075
that he's experiencing a variety
of different emotions.
451
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:43,377
This one is... well,
that's actually his butt.
452
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:44,546
He just keeps saying "Jess."
453
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:51,085
Jess, fact is that I was a mean
person and I'm sorry, okay?
454
00:17:54,922 --> 00:17:55,891
Hi, Nicholas.
455
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,876
Hey, Jess, I live in a photo
booth bow.
456
00:17:57,927 --> 00:17:59,261
Oh, is that so?
457
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,313
Yep, come on in,
come on in.
458
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:02,397
- Thank you.
- That's the kitchen area.
459
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,599
- Very nice.
- This is the common area.
460
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,852
- Okay. - Dining room, living
room, kind of everything.
461
00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:09,720
It's very nice.
462
00:18:09,772 --> 00:18:13,408
Hey! She has a boyfriend.
463
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:16,727
She shouldn't have been
flirting with you all night.
464
00:18:16,779 --> 00:18:19,247
You can't be her backup plan.
465
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:22,066
You have to let
each other go.
466
00:18:22,117 --> 00:18:24,952
So now, you have
to make a decision.
467
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:29,123
"Am I gonna stay locked in a
photo booth for the next hour,
468
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:33,678
"or am I gonna get out
there, take my shoes off,
469
00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:35,847
and dance my face off?"
470
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:40,435
Come on, it's up to you.
471
00:18:47,142 --> 00:18:48,592
All right.
472
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,780
I love you, photo booth.
473
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:58,403
♪ ♪
474
00:19:01,789 --> 00:19:04,108
Yo, look at him.
475
00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:06,744
He looks better.
476
00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:08,463
I can't do this anymore.
477
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:12,750
I have to let you go,
Caroline, for real.
478
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,452
It has to be over.
479
00:19:20,508 --> 00:19:21,625
Good-bye.
480
00:19:21,677 --> 00:19:24,312
Good luck and everything.
481
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:30,151
Good-bye.
482
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:34,638
All right, um, I've got to...
Excuse me.
483
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:44,782
♪ When I'm feeling blue ♪.
484
00:19:45,533 --> 00:19:46,750
Come on, Jess.
485
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:47,585
What?
486
00:19:47,652 --> 00:19:50,338
Just please, just come
with me right now.
487
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,006
- Okay.
- Thank you.
488
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:55,843
♪ Then I'm not so blue ♪
489
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:58,496
♪ When you're close to me ♪
490
00:19:58,547 --> 00:20:02,216
♪ I can feel your heart beat ♪
491
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:08,773
♪ I can hear you breathing
in my ear ♪
492
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,675
♪ Wouldn't you agree? ♪
493
00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:18,983
♪ Baby, you and me got a groovy
kind of love ♪.
494
00:20:19,034 --> 00:20:21,953
That looks like so much fun.
495
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:25,206
♪ Anytime you want to ♪
496
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,543
♪ You can turn me on to ♪
497
00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:31,078
♪ Anything you want to ♪
Okay.
498
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:34,332
♪ Anytime at all ♪
499
00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:38,336
♪ When I kiss your lips ♪
500
00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:42,423
♪ Ooh, I start to shiver ♪
501
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:48,379
♪ Can't control the quivering
inside ♪
502
00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:50,731
♪ Wouldn't you agree? ♪
503
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:55,153
♪ Baby, you and me got
a groovy kind of love ♪.
504
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,321
Check out my beaks.
505
00:20:57,389 --> 00:21:00,525
Ooh, stop copying my beaks.
506
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,619
Gretchen, you think that,
like, hooking up
507
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,287
at all these weddings...
I mean, one of
508
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,423
these times, we can go
on an actual date?
509
00:21:16,007 --> 00:21:19,277
No. I'm just using you
for your body.
510
00:21:20,344 --> 00:21:23,498
Oh. Okay. Cool.
511
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:25,316
How many more of
these things?
512
00:21:25,883 --> 00:21:27,685
We're just getting started.
513
00:21:29,238 --> 00:21:30,554
That yellow helmet.
514
00:21:30,606 --> 00:21:31,789
Ugh!
515
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:36,043
Tonight, I'm gonna get certified
in the River Schmidt.
516
00:21:36,111 --> 00:21:43,946
Sync & corrections by Alice
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