1 00:00:05,037 --> 00:00:06,705 Cece! 2 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,709 Beep-beep. 3 00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,846 Beep-beep. 4 00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:16,548 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 5 00:00:16,616 --> 00:00:19,217 These traffic patterns are really... 6 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,986 counterintuitive! 7 00:00:22,354 --> 00:00:23,922 Really... 8 00:00:23,989 --> 00:00:27,725 Catch-as-catch-can as far as footpaths go over here! 9 00:00:30,562 --> 00:00:31,595 Cece! 10 00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:33,497 I got your text. 11 00:00:33,565 --> 00:00:34,598 Are you ready to go home? 12 00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:36,233 Argh! Thank you for coming. 13 00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:38,601 Jess, he was making out with another girl. 14 00:00:38,669 --> 00:00:41,738 You... get away from here. 15 00:00:41,806 --> 00:00:43,340 Okay, who are you, Miss Pajama, okay? 16 00:00:43,408 --> 00:00:44,942 You're blocking my booth. Get out of here! 17 00:00:45,009 --> 00:00:46,043 Don't talk to her like that, okay? 18 00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:46,977 That is my best friend! 19 00:00:49,314 --> 00:00:50,113 Oh, Cece... 20 00:00:50,181 --> 00:00:52,448 You ripped my deep V! 21 00:00:52,515 --> 00:00:54,317 This is my favorite deep V! 22 00:00:54,384 --> 00:00:57,386 It's just a deeper V. 23 00:00:57,454 --> 00:00:59,055 Thanks for picking me up, Jess. 24 00:00:59,122 --> 00:01:01,424 I really felt that Gavin was different. 25 00:01:01,491 --> 00:01:03,826 Didn't you feel like he was different? 26 00:01:03,893 --> 00:01:04,828 Yeah. 27 00:01:04,895 --> 00:01:07,529 I mean, he seemed like a really nice... 28 00:01:07,597 --> 00:01:09,797 European DJ with a face tattoo. 29 00:01:09,798 --> 00:01:11,032 Whoo! 30 00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,033 Hey, guys. 31 00:01:12,101 --> 00:01:14,202 I think... Jess, I think these guys are into you. 32 00:01:14,270 --> 00:01:16,137 We should, we should just go back, right? 33 00:01:16,205 --> 00:01:17,439 We should totally head back. 34 00:01:17,507 --> 00:01:19,541 Where am I taking you? 35 00:01:19,609 --> 00:01:21,643 Well, can't go home 36 00:01:21,711 --> 00:01:23,511 because Gavin's, like, staying at my place. 37 00:01:23,579 --> 00:01:24,680 You've known him for three weeks. 38 00:01:24,747 --> 00:01:27,849 Can I just crash with you for a couple days? Please? 39 00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:29,817 I don't know. It's Friday night. 40 00:01:29,885 --> 00:01:32,587 The guys probably have big plans. 41 00:01:41,496 --> 00:01:43,029 Friday night, gentlemen. 42 00:01:43,097 --> 00:01:45,399 - It's on. - What happened to you? 43 00:01:45,466 --> 00:01:47,201 It's on and poppin' up in here, you feel? 44 00:01:47,268 --> 00:01:48,535 - What happened to you? - What? 45 00:01:48,603 --> 00:01:50,170 You didn't used to be like this, Schmidt. 46 00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:51,037 What are you talking about? 47 00:01:51,105 --> 00:01:52,072 You've gotten so much worse. 48 00:01:52,139 --> 00:01:53,373 It's on and poppin'! 49 00:01:53,441 --> 00:01:54,675 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Sync by Alice | Corrections by gloriabg 50 00:01:54,676 --> 00:01:55,974 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Sync by Alice | Corrections by gloriabg 51 00:01:55,975 --> 00:01:58,443 ♪ Who's that girl? Who's that girl? ♪ www.addic7ed.com 52 00:01:58,444 --> 00:01:59,277 ♪ It's Jess. ♪ www.addic7ed.com 53 00:02:00,414 --> 00:02:01,947 Yes. I told you I'd come through. 54 00:02:02,015 --> 00:02:03,849 Okay, Benjamin just invited us to a very cool party. 55 00:02:03,917 --> 00:02:05,884 I just got off three back-to-back shifts at the bar. 56 00:02:05,952 --> 00:02:07,152 I just want to sit here 57 00:02:07,221 --> 00:02:08,987 all weekend in silence playing this game, 58 00:02:09,055 --> 00:02:11,590 then I want to go in my room and do weird stuff on my computer. 59 00:02:11,657 --> 00:02:12,890 Are you even wearing underwear? 60 00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,259 What is between you and that chair? 61 00:02:14,827 --> 00:02:16,027 Just a little bit of sunshine. 62 00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,995 All right, take off that kimono, please. 63 00:02:18,063 --> 00:02:19,831 It's my leisure wear, Winston. 64 00:02:19,898 --> 00:02:21,866 Look, I worked 80 hours this week. 65 00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,835 I just want to come home, put on my 'mono 66 00:02:23,902 --> 00:02:25,503 and just hang loose, man. 67 00:02:25,571 --> 00:02:27,105 Okay? If you had a job, you'd understand. 68 00:02:29,241 --> 00:02:30,140 R-Really? 69 00:02:30,208 --> 00:02:32,109 Wow! It just got real in here. 70 00:02:32,176 --> 00:02:33,810 Okay, you're not gonna take the kimono off? 71 00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:35,679 Fine. Then I'm not wearing any pants. 72 00:02:35,747 --> 00:02:37,715 Boom! Bam! 73 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,250 Mm-hmm. Everybody want to just walk around 74 00:02:39,317 --> 00:02:40,851 this house wearing all kinds of stupid stuff, 75 00:02:41,418 --> 00:02:43,120 then guess what I'm gonna do, Schmidt. 76 00:02:43,187 --> 00:02:46,021 I'm wearing a napkin on my face. 77 00:02:46,089 --> 00:02:48,090 Bam! How you like that? 78 00:02:48,158 --> 00:02:49,292 That doesn't even make any sense, Winston. 79 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,093 It makes perfect sense. 80 00:02:51,161 --> 00:02:52,695 Totally different than me wearing my kimono. 81 00:02:52,763 --> 00:02:54,264 You are laughing in the face of 82 00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:55,865 thousands of years of samurai culture, 83 00:02:55,932 --> 00:02:57,433 and it's an affront, Winston, it's an affront. 84 00:02:57,501 --> 00:02:58,934 Look at me now, huh? This is the vibe 85 00:02:59,002 --> 00:03:00,869 we have in the house now because of you. 86 00:03:00,936 --> 00:03:01,971 You want to walk around here looking silly. 87 00:03:01,972 --> 00:03:04,239 This is handcrafted! In China. 88 00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:10,111 Schmidt, I think you should take the kimono off. 89 00:03:13,348 --> 00:03:16,850 Um, Cece, can you not do your usual thing? 90 00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:17,951 These are really good guys. 91 00:03:18,019 --> 00:03:19,219 Best behavior. 92 00:03:19,788 --> 00:03:20,521 Sure. 93 00:03:20,589 --> 00:03:22,356 Hey, guys, I brought... 94 00:03:22,424 --> 00:03:23,791 You brought this on yourself! 95 00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:27,895 What you doing? 96 00:03:27,962 --> 00:03:29,397 Oh, you know, we're just chillin'. 97 00:03:29,464 --> 00:03:30,798 Just chillin'. 98 00:03:30,865 --> 00:03:31,798 Just doing this. 99 00:03:31,865 --> 00:03:33,166 You know, Friday night. 100 00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:34,834 I'm gonna use the ladies'. 101 00:03:34,902 --> 00:03:35,835 What's up, Cecelia? 102 00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:37,304 Where's the tequila? 103 00:03:39,473 --> 00:03:42,409 Guys. 104 00:03:42,476 --> 00:03:44,110 Okay. 105 00:03:44,178 --> 00:03:46,112 I would normally never bring her here, 106 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:48,013 but Cece's really vulnerable right now, 107 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,683 and when she's drunk, she has no boundaries. 108 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:53,018 So she's really grabby, really physical, 109 00:03:53,085 --> 00:03:54,720 she's really loose with her body. 110 00:03:54,788 --> 00:03:58,290 So I just want to apologize in advance for anything 111 00:03:58,358 --> 00:03:59,958 that she might do. 112 00:04:00,026 --> 00:04:01,760 - That's good to know. - Yeah, thanks for telling us. 113 00:04:01,828 --> 00:04:02,894 Thank you, guys. 114 00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:04,595 You're the best. 115 00:04:12,905 --> 00:04:14,840 This is the opposite of being alone! 116 00:04:16,209 --> 00:04:18,710 This is the opposite of what I wanted this weekend. 117 00:04:19,277 --> 00:04:21,846 Wow, how'd this happen? 118 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,548 Okay, I'm not a part of this, Schmidt. 119 00:04:23,615 --> 00:04:25,082 I'm not a part of this. 120 00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:26,718 Hi, Cece. 121 00:04:26,785 --> 00:04:29,086 I'm gonna make you a bed on the couch, okay? 122 00:04:29,154 --> 00:04:31,789 You have to stop dancing, okay, so you can go to sleep. 123 00:04:31,857 --> 00:04:34,559 You know, Cece, I think you should dance if you want to. 124 00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:35,926 Why are you talking like that? 125 00:04:35,994 --> 00:04:37,694 Like what? I'm just hanging out. 126 00:04:37,762 --> 00:04:39,429 - You get up. - Really? Him? 127 00:04:39,497 --> 00:04:40,997 But I'm doing this. 128 00:04:43,234 --> 00:04:44,568 - Come on, get up! - No, I don't dance. 129 00:04:44,635 --> 00:04:45,769 I'm from the town in Footloose. 130 00:04:45,837 --> 00:04:47,237 He doesn't want to dance, Cece. 131 00:04:47,304 --> 00:04:48,538 I don't wanna dance. I'm really good. 132 00:04:48,606 --> 00:04:50,540 Schmidt dances... Whoa! What the... 133 00:04:50,608 --> 00:04:53,843 All right, you know what, I'm gonna go to bed. Good night. 134 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:55,878 That's really not great under here. 135 00:04:55,945 --> 00:04:56,746 You have to love hair. 136 00:04:58,313 --> 00:04:59,648 I think it's time for bed. 137 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,783 You can use my bed; I'll sleep on the couch. 138 00:05:00,851 --> 00:05:02,317 Over here. Over here, Cece. 139 00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:03,419 Oh. 140 00:05:03,487 --> 00:05:05,220 Over here. Over here. 141 00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:06,989 Are you sheepdogging her? 142 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,023 Over here, over here. 143 00:05:08,091 --> 00:05:08,956 Over here, over here. 144 00:05:09,024 --> 00:05:09,858 Not here. Here we go. 145 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,763 Good night, Cece. 146 00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:17,799 Yes! Yes. 147 00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:19,701 She is sleeping on my sheets right now. 148 00:05:19,769 --> 00:05:21,503 Not yours, bro. Mine. 149 00:05:23,171 --> 00:05:24,171 Parkour! 150 00:05:28,109 --> 00:05:29,175 You know what? I think I might 151 00:05:29,243 --> 00:05:30,110 actually have a chance with her. 152 00:05:31,377 --> 00:05:32,112 I just have to be 153 00:05:32,179 --> 00:05:33,313 cooler than that guy. 154 00:05:33,381 --> 00:05:34,782 Parkour! 155 00:05:34,849 --> 00:05:36,817 A wise man once foretold of a magical night 156 00:05:36,885 --> 00:05:37,851 where I would engage in nonsexual foreplay 157 00:05:37,919 --> 00:05:39,486 with a model, my friends. 158 00:05:39,554 --> 00:05:40,986 And tonight... 159 00:05:41,054 --> 00:05:42,555 - Don't say... - ...is that night. 160 00:05:42,623 --> 00:05:44,023 No, not a chance. Never gonna happen. 161 00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:45,391 You're not a closer. 162 00:05:45,459 --> 00:05:46,726 Oh, I'm a closer. I'm gonna close 163 00:05:46,794 --> 00:05:48,428 this conversation right now, my brother. 164 00:05:48,495 --> 00:05:50,362 Watch this. Boom, bam, closed. 165 00:05:51,331 --> 00:05:52,131 Parkour! 166 00:05:52,198 --> 00:05:53,833 Short track speed skating. 167 00:05:54,401 --> 00:05:55,768 Apolo Ohno. 168 00:06:00,139 --> 00:06:01,673 Well, at least this tires him out, right? 169 00:06:01,741 --> 00:06:02,607 Yeah. 170 00:06:06,285 --> 00:06:07,851 Look, she's great. You're gonna love her. 171 00:06:08,219 --> 00:06:09,019 Do you want some eggs? 172 00:06:09,087 --> 00:06:10,287 No, I've got my own breakfast. 173 00:06:10,354 --> 00:06:11,622 I don't need you to... 174 00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:12,556 - What? - I don't know. 175 00:06:12,624 --> 00:06:13,523 Take care of me. 176 00:06:14,592 --> 00:06:16,026 Just stop being so nice. 177 00:06:16,094 --> 00:06:17,827 Your mother's being so nice. 178 00:06:19,395 --> 00:06:20,630 Slam on my mother. 179 00:06:20,698 --> 00:06:21,664 Your mother's gonna 180 00:06:21,732 --> 00:06:22,632 slam on your mother. 181 00:06:29,573 --> 00:06:31,340 And 4,000. 182 00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:32,741 Yeah. 183 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,743 Oh, my God. 184 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,311 Wilkommen. 185 00:06:36,878 --> 00:06:37,980 You're covered in oil? 186 00:06:38,047 --> 00:06:39,214 What, oil? No. 187 00:06:39,281 --> 00:06:42,084 This is just, uh... 188 00:06:43,651 --> 00:06:44,920 You okay? 189 00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:46,387 Schmidt. 190 00:06:46,755 --> 00:06:48,523 Hey, are you okay? 191 00:06:48,591 --> 00:06:50,391 Whoa. Whoa. 192 00:06:50,459 --> 00:06:51,892 I just blacked out for a second. 193 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,461 Anything weird happen? 194 00:06:53,529 --> 00:06:56,030 Okay, I need some water, so can you move? 195 00:06:56,098 --> 00:06:57,499 Yeah, that's not gonna happen, honey. 196 00:06:57,566 --> 00:06:59,400 Just, you know, slide me like a curtain, okay? 197 00:07:01,870 --> 00:07:03,904 There you go. I'm good. I'm good. 198 00:07:03,972 --> 00:07:05,106 Sweet. 199 00:07:05,173 --> 00:07:07,508 Hey, can you get me a coff... 200 00:07:19,754 --> 00:07:20,787 What's going on, guys? I-- 201 00:07:20,855 --> 00:07:23,889 Hey. Oh, you're all here. 202 00:07:23,957 --> 00:07:25,291 Um, does the water gets any hotter than this? 203 00:07:25,359 --> 00:07:27,726 Uh, do you want me... 204 00:07:27,794 --> 00:07:30,696 Uh I mean, I could give you, if... 205 00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:31,830 I could... I'm good at fixing 206 00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:33,599 I can fix it, also. 207 00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:34,801 Actually, you know what, 208 00:07:34,869 --> 00:07:35,935 I'll just figure it out myself. 209 00:07:36,003 --> 00:07:37,370 But do you guys have any actual soap? 210 00:07:37,437 --> 00:07:39,805 Because all I can find in here is body gelato. 211 00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:41,105 - That would be Schmidt's-- - Schmidt's gelato. 212 00:07:41,106 --> 00:07:42,040 That gelato is mine. 213 00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:43,675 If you could just... Don't use it all. 214 00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:44,976 - I'll just not touch it. - Okay. 215 00:07:45,044 --> 00:07:47,312 Hey. Why are you guys all in here? 216 00:07:47,413 --> 00:07:48,346 I'm brushing my teeth. 217 00:07:48,447 --> 00:07:49,881 D-Doing my thing. 218 00:07:49,948 --> 00:07:51,583 She hogging the shower? Cece come on. Hurry up. 219 00:07:51,651 --> 00:07:52,551 Sorry, j just... I can't find 220 00:07:52,618 --> 00:07:54,418 any bigger towels for some reason. 221 00:07:59,157 --> 00:08:00,658 You have a really beautiful body, Cece. 222 00:08:00,692 --> 00:08:02,059 I really appreciate that about you. 223 00:08:02,126 --> 00:08:03,360 Okay, come on. 224 00:08:03,428 --> 00:08:05,028 - I did you breakfast. - You did? 225 00:08:05,096 --> 00:08:06,063 Yeah. 226 00:08:06,130 --> 00:08:07,398 Sorry. I just... 227 00:08:12,102 --> 00:08:13,403 Disappointed with all of you. 228 00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:15,004 - Especially you. - It was a bad moment. 229 00:08:15,105 --> 00:08:16,639 I thought you were better than that. 230 00:08:16,707 --> 00:08:18,974 I know. I am sometimes. 231 00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,443 Did you see that cleavage? 232 00:08:20,511 --> 00:08:22,378 I just want to get my arm stuck down there. 233 00:08:22,446 --> 00:08:24,046 127 Hours style. 234 00:08:24,114 --> 00:08:26,381 And then, and then... 235 00:08:26,449 --> 00:08:27,982 Just cut it for days. I don't care. 236 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:29,518 I'll cut through the bone, the nerve. 237 00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:31,820 Schmidt! 238 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,121 You weren't upset 'cause 239 00:08:33,189 --> 00:08:34,122 I was dancing with Nick, right? 240 00:08:34,190 --> 00:08:35,657 No, of course not. 241 00:08:35,725 --> 00:08:37,492 'Cause I think he's really into you. 242 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,960 Nick?! No. 243 00:08:39,528 --> 00:08:40,596 - No! - Come on, Jess. 244 00:08:40,663 --> 00:08:42,096 This is classic Eduardo. 245 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,367 You want this to go to Cece, right? 246 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,501 "Jess." 247 00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,337 Okay, I'll give it to Cece. 248 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,772 No. Jess! 249 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,140 You don't want me to give it to Cece? 250 00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:55,576 Sí, sí... uh, for you. 251 00:08:55,644 --> 00:08:56,777 For me? 252 00:08:57,045 --> 00:08:59,078 To give to Cece. 253 00:09:00,615 --> 00:09:01,514 We're just friends. 254 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,717 You can't be friends with these guys. 255 00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:05,185 You don't think that every single one of them 256 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,419 has thought about sleeping with you? 257 00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:07,755 No, you just think everyone wants 258 00:09:07,822 --> 00:09:09,289 to sleep with everyone all the time. 259 00:09:09,357 --> 00:09:10,991 They do. That's why I think that. 260 00:09:11,059 --> 00:09:12,726 Don't you hear how he says your name? 261 00:09:13,193 --> 00:09:14,026 "Jess." 262 00:09:14,094 --> 00:09:15,427 He's from Chicago. 263 00:09:15,495 --> 00:09:17,496 That's how people from Chicago say "Jess." 264 00:09:17,564 --> 00:09:19,465 Like "Bears" and "milk" 265 00:09:19,532 --> 00:09:21,133 and "Let's go visit the Sears Tower." 266 00:09:23,201 --> 00:09:24,035 Hey, Jess. 267 00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:24,936 I'm going to the drugstore. 268 00:09:25,004 --> 00:09:26,037 - Need anything? - Yes. 269 00:09:26,105 --> 00:09:27,373 Jess, you should go with him, 270 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,207 'cause then you can get that thing that you really need. 271 00:09:31,343 --> 00:09:32,244 Oh, I wonder what that is. 272 00:09:32,311 --> 00:09:34,445 She'll be right out. 273 00:09:34,513 --> 00:09:36,581 Yeah, just... 274 00:09:36,649 --> 00:09:38,816 No. No! 275 00:09:38,884 --> 00:09:41,051 No, you are not coming in here and ruining all this. 276 00:09:41,119 --> 00:09:42,086 I'm happy, 277 00:09:42,154 --> 00:09:43,221 I like these guys, and I think 278 00:09:43,289 --> 00:09:45,222 they're actually starting to like me, too. 279 00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:46,856 Who did you tell me was your perfect man? 280 00:09:46,924 --> 00:09:48,625 Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men. 281 00:09:48,693 --> 00:09:50,494 And I could be girl Jack Lemmon. 282 00:09:50,561 --> 00:09:51,395 He's a total Matthau! 283 00:09:51,462 --> 00:09:53,363 I'm telling you, he gets you. 284 00:09:53,431 --> 00:09:54,265 And did you see his feet? 285 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,099 A guy's feet point at what they want. 286 00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:57,034 His feet were pointing right at you. 287 00:09:57,102 --> 00:09:58,368 Why wouldn't his feet point at me? 288 00:09:58,436 --> 00:09:59,770 Otherwise, he's standing like a duck. 289 00:09:59,838 --> 00:10:01,337 Just come on. Go. Get out there. 290 00:10:01,405 --> 00:10:02,438 Hey, you ready? 291 00:10:02,506 --> 00:10:03,406 Come on! 292 00:10:03,473 --> 00:10:04,774 Be there in a sec, bro! 293 00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:06,342 You just call me "bro"? 294 00:10:08,244 --> 00:10:09,345 Yeah. 295 00:10:09,413 --> 00:10:11,980 Well, how long is she staying? 296 00:10:12,048 --> 00:10:13,849 Oh, not long. 297 00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,884 I know she can be tough to deal with. 298 00:10:15,952 --> 00:10:17,219 Sometimes she just calls me up 299 00:10:17,287 --> 00:10:18,920 and she's like, "Bitch, I love you." 300 00:10:18,987 --> 00:10:20,288 And then she just hangs up. 301 00:10:20,356 --> 00:10:21,423 No other information. 302 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:22,590 Weird. 303 00:10:25,260 --> 00:10:27,429 But I don't know, I kind of like it when she calls me "bitch." 304 00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:29,597 It makes me feel like Janis Joplin. 305 00:10:29,665 --> 00:10:32,099 Fine, but does she have to stay with us? 306 00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:35,001 What? I'm sorry. 307 00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:36,570 What-What did you say? 308 00:10:36,638 --> 00:10:38,405 I'm saying stop trying to take care of everyone. 309 00:10:39,341 --> 00:10:40,708 - Oh, my God. - What? 310 00:10:40,775 --> 00:10:42,476 What? - What! Nothing. What? 311 00:10:42,544 --> 00:10:44,812 What? 312 00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:46,079 What are you doing? 313 00:10:49,317 --> 00:10:50,083 I know she's your best friend, 314 00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:51,718 but I-I didn't mean to insult you. 315 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,686 Just, you don't have to take care of her... 316 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,355 Okay. 317 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,090 Yes. 318 00:10:57,158 --> 00:10:58,624 - What are you doing? - What are you doing? 319 00:10:58,692 --> 00:10:59,792 I'm sorry, I'm just checking... 320 00:10:59,861 --> 00:11:00,827 I just want to make sure... 321 00:11:00,895 --> 00:11:01,995 If I insulted you, I'm sorry. 322 00:11:02,063 --> 00:11:03,230 But what are you doing right now? 323 00:11:03,297 --> 00:11:04,297 Everything's in its place. 324 00:11:04,365 --> 00:11:05,797 - What does that mean? - Okay. 325 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,566 I'm just walking like a friend. 326 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:09,434 Okay, you know what, forget this. 327 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,203 Let's get out of here. Last on the list... 328 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,204 toilet paper. 329 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,539 Um, I don't use it. 330 00:11:15,607 --> 00:11:16,775 You don't use toilet paper? 331 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,912 I mean... That's not what I meant. 332 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,847 That's what your mother meant. 333 00:11:23,915 --> 00:11:25,316 What, did my mother call? What did she say? 334 00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:27,418 No, Jess, I was... Jess, 335 00:11:27,986 --> 00:11:29,387 I was joking. 336 00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:35,860 Look at her. 337 00:11:36,928 --> 00:11:38,595 Go for it, man. You know, go do your thing. 338 00:11:38,662 --> 00:11:41,164 I don't like the roof, man. There's a cat up here. 339 00:11:41,232 --> 00:11:43,166 It's crazy. It was raised by birds. 340 00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:44,935 You mean to tell me you're going to let a cat 341 00:11:45,003 --> 00:11:47,371 - stop you from all that? - It's a bird-cat, man. 342 00:11:47,438 --> 00:11:48,738 It's very dangerous. Look it up. Double rabies. 343 00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:50,840 Right. You can't close. 344 00:11:54,344 --> 00:11:57,179 You just said the magic words, son. 345 00:11:57,747 --> 00:11:59,114 Baby, baby, don't cry. 346 00:11:59,182 --> 00:12:00,616 Look, I get it. 347 00:12:00,683 --> 00:12:02,919 I was the best lover you ever had. 348 00:12:02,986 --> 00:12:07,055 Yeah. A 90-minute session's pretty standard for me. 349 00:12:10,025 --> 00:12:11,259 It was god what? 350 00:12:11,827 --> 00:12:13,194 Oh, it was godlike. 351 00:12:14,262 --> 00:12:15,495 That's very sweet of you to say. 352 00:12:18,533 --> 00:12:19,833 My bad. 353 00:12:20,168 --> 00:12:21,501 Pocket dialed you. 354 00:12:21,569 --> 00:12:24,372 I got dropped calls, then Winston calls. It's crazy. 355 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,507 Uh, the roof, you know what I mean? 356 00:12:29,977 --> 00:12:31,344 Hey, look, if he's ever bothering you... 357 00:12:31,412 --> 00:12:33,280 - You both are. - Cool, that's cool. 358 00:12:39,886 --> 00:12:41,020 Okay, what's going on with you, Jess? 359 00:12:41,088 --> 00:12:42,788 - Why do you have to do that? - Do what? 360 00:12:42,856 --> 00:12:44,790 Why do you have to say my name like that? "Jess." 361 00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:47,660 And why do you have to wear old man clothes all the time? 362 00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:50,529 I don't wear old man clothes. You don't like the way I dress? 363 00:12:50,597 --> 00:12:51,297 No, I just... 364 00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:52,765 Did I do something to you? 365 00:12:52,833 --> 00:12:55,068 No, I just need air. 366 00:12:55,935 --> 00:12:56,769 - Rose for the lady? - No. 367 00:12:56,837 --> 00:12:59,237 Okay, I'll buy you one. Or two... they come as two? - No, no. 368 00:12:59,238 --> 00:13:01,139 I'll buy two. - No, no. Great. Thank you. 369 00:13:01,207 --> 00:13:02,474 Wait, what do you mean no? Here, take some roses. 370 00:13:02,541 --> 00:13:04,376 Want 'em? It's two dollars, it's not a big deal. 371 00:13:04,444 --> 00:13:05,744 - I want them to go, no. - They're nice roses... 372 00:13:05,745 --> 00:13:07,946 Hey, what are you doing?! Where are you going? 373 00:13:08,514 --> 00:13:09,547 Jess, it was a joke. 374 00:13:09,615 --> 00:13:12,917 What are you doing? Get back in the car. 375 00:13:12,985 --> 00:13:14,818 Where are you going? 376 00:13:19,823 --> 00:13:21,224 That's not the way home. 377 00:13:26,318 --> 00:13:27,719 Just working on Saturday. 378 00:13:27,787 --> 00:13:29,987 Pulling in them ducats. It's crazy. 379 00:13:30,055 --> 00:13:31,790 It's like golden handcuffs, you know what I mean? 380 00:13:31,857 --> 00:13:33,224 It's like, on one hand 381 00:13:33,292 --> 00:13:35,059 I'm killing myself, and on the other hand, 382 00:13:35,127 --> 00:13:36,694 I'm making all this baller dough. 383 00:13:36,762 --> 00:13:38,129 Ow! 384 00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:40,031 Sunburn. 385 00:13:40,998 --> 00:13:42,599 I told you to take that oil off. 386 00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:44,100 It's cool, man. It's just a little color. 387 00:13:44,168 --> 00:13:47,571 In a couple days I'll be brown just like you, Cece. 388 00:13:48,139 --> 00:13:49,640 Because... because your culture is... 389 00:13:49,707 --> 00:13:50,641 What is my culture? 390 00:13:50,708 --> 00:13:54,311 It's, um... you're... Fff... 391 00:13:54,378 --> 00:13:57,147 Um... Jjj... Jaflan... 392 00:13:57,714 --> 00:13:59,014 Jafanese? 393 00:13:59,082 --> 00:14:00,983 Uh, Sa-Saudi... 394 00:14:01,051 --> 00:14:01,851 Saudiboo... 395 00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:03,385 Um... 396 00:14:04,854 --> 00:14:05,755 Monga... 397 00:14:05,823 --> 00:14:07,523 My parents were born in India. 398 00:14:07,591 --> 00:14:09,024 India... totally. Love India. 399 00:14:09,092 --> 00:14:10,560 He really does. 400 00:14:10,627 --> 00:14:12,495 Hey, Schmidt, why don't you tell her about 401 00:14:12,563 --> 00:14:14,329 all the things you love about India. 402 00:14:16,766 --> 00:14:19,868 Uh, sure. I love, you know, uh, I love Slumdog. 403 00:14:19,936 --> 00:14:21,937 I love naan, 404 00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:23,805 uh, pepper, Ben Kingsley, 405 00:14:23,873 --> 00:14:25,540 the stories of Rudyard Kipling. 406 00:14:25,608 --> 00:14:27,843 I have respect for cows, of course. 407 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:31,779 I love, uh, the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, 408 00:14:31,847 --> 00:14:33,848 anyone named Patel. 409 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,816 I love monsoons. 410 00:14:35,884 --> 00:14:37,751 I love... I love cobras and baskets, 411 00:14:37,819 --> 00:14:39,854 Naveen Andrews. 412 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:43,357 I love mango chutney, uh, really, any type of chutney. 413 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,859 - Teepees... - Hey, Schmidt, take a lap. Refresh. 414 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,526 Yep. 415 00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:50,829 - That was pretty good. - I know. 416 00:14:50,897 --> 00:14:51,931 You're working a little too hard, though. 417 00:14:51,999 --> 00:14:53,566 Watch this. Schmidt! 418 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:55,668 - Yo. - Go up to the roof. 419 00:14:56,236 --> 00:14:57,770 Yeah, I'm going to go up to the roof. 420 00:14:57,838 --> 00:15:00,840 - I'll be there in ten minutes. - Cool. See you in, like, ten. 421 00:15:01,408 --> 00:15:03,008 - That was absolutely... - Make me a sandwich. 422 00:15:03,075 --> 00:15:04,142 Sandwich. 423 00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:08,880 I walked home. 424 00:15:09,347 --> 00:15:10,883 I got out of the car and I walked home. 425 00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:12,350 Why, what happened? 426 00:15:12,418 --> 00:15:15,320 His feet were pointed directly at me the whole time. 427 00:15:15,388 --> 00:15:17,122 Did I do this? Am I dressing 428 00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:19,857 too provocatively? Do I need to get thicker pajamas? 429 00:15:19,925 --> 00:15:21,926 Maybe it's my posture. I have really sexy posture. 430 00:15:21,994 --> 00:15:23,460 Don't worry about it. 431 00:15:23,529 --> 00:15:25,162 I will talk to him for you. 432 00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:27,131 No, you won't. That would be the worst, 433 00:15:27,198 --> 00:15:28,132 most life-ruining thing you could possibly... 434 00:15:28,199 --> 00:15:30,034 - Hi, Nick. - Seriously, Jess, 435 00:15:30,101 --> 00:15:32,202 what the hell happened? I've been driving around 436 00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:33,837 for the last hour looking for you. 437 00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:36,105 Everything is okay, and we were hoping to get 438 00:15:36,173 --> 00:15:37,874 - everything out... - on the table. 439 00:15:37,942 --> 00:15:39,976 The table which is not a table, it doesn't exist. 440 00:15:40,044 --> 00:15:41,277 Don't worry about the table. 441 00:15:41,345 --> 00:15:42,846 We were in the middle of traffic 442 00:15:42,914 --> 00:15:44,414 and you just got out and ran away. 443 00:15:44,481 --> 00:15:45,782 I was hot. 444 00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:47,517 You were so hot that you 445 00:15:47,585 --> 00:15:50,252 had to jump out of my car and run? 446 00:15:50,319 --> 00:15:51,420 Why are you standing like that? 447 00:15:51,487 --> 00:15:52,888 This is how I stand. 448 00:15:52,956 --> 00:15:53,989 I've never seen you stand like that. 449 00:15:54,057 --> 00:15:55,791 I was really worried 450 00:15:55,859 --> 00:15:57,292 something had happened to you, okay? 451 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,294 And you can't just walk around this neighborhood 452 00:15:59,362 --> 00:16:03,098 with bags full of toilet paper, that you don't even use. 453 00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:04,233 What? 454 00:16:04,266 --> 00:16:06,233 I told him I don't use toilet paper. 455 00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:09,336 Okay, do you hear what he is saying to you? 456 00:16:09,404 --> 00:16:10,503 Yes, I hear what he's saying-- 457 00:16:10,504 --> 00:16:12,506 He's trying to tell you he cares about you. 458 00:16:12,575 --> 00:16:13,575 No, he doesn't care about me. 459 00:16:13,576 --> 00:16:14,775 So I'm going to make this happen for you. 460 00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:16,544 - He cares about me as a friend. - This is so on, Jess. 461 00:16:16,612 --> 00:16:18,580 - No, it is not. - No, on it is not. 462 00:16:18,647 --> 00:16:20,481 - I'm trying to help you... - No. 463 00:16:20,549 --> 00:16:22,282 - No. - Okay, my face is my job. 464 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,017 My face is my job. 465 00:16:24,085 --> 00:16:25,118 Okay... 466 00:16:26,921 --> 00:16:29,322 No! No! 467 00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:31,191 - My earring. - Okay. 468 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:32,425 It is stuck in your hair. 469 00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:34,962 - Can you get it out? - No. 470 00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:37,030 Okay, we'll do it on the floor. We can do it on the floor. - Ow... 471 00:16:37,098 --> 00:16:38,631 We're going to get it on the floor, don't worry. Okay. 472 00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:40,700 - Ow. - It'll be okay. All right, here we go. 473 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,335 - What is wrong with you? - I'm trying to help you. 474 00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,335 No, what is wrong with you? 475 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,536 No. I don't need your help. 476 00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:46,072 You don't know... Nick and I are friends. 477 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,674 You don't know, 'cause you don't have guy friends at all. 478 00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:50,442 You just hang out with jerks like Gavin. 479 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,812 Oh, I'm sorry... DJ Diabeat It. 480 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:55,847 - He has diabetes. - Oh, he does? Boo-hoo. 481 00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:59,050 I'm sorry. Is it really bad? I feel really bad. 482 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:00,885 He's fine. He takes medication. 483 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,121 Why do you just come in and you take over? 484 00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:05,824 It's like you're playing mind games with people. 485 00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:09,160 Don't put this on me, Jess. Ok, I'm trying to help you. You never make a move... 486 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:10,595 Well, I don't need your help. 487 00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:13,230 I like moving slow. I like being weird and taking my time. 488 00:17:13,297 --> 00:17:14,632 I'm not like you. 489 00:17:14,699 --> 00:17:16,299 I don't just jump in the potato sack 490 00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:19,603 with the first potato that I meet with diabetes. 491 00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:22,640 - Okay, what did you just say? - You heard me, bitch. 492 00:17:26,877 --> 00:17:28,845 Oh... 493 00:17:28,912 --> 00:17:30,479 - What is that? - Oh, no. 494 00:17:30,547 --> 00:17:31,815 - What, what did you do? - Oh, no, no, no, no. 495 00:17:31,816 --> 00:17:33,115 What did you do? 496 00:17:46,531 --> 00:17:49,433 Hey, Schmidt. How you doing? 497 00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:52,536 Can I sit with you on your cooler here? 498 00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:54,538 Yeah. Just chillin', hanging with the cat. 499 00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,107 Hola. 500 00:17:57,175 --> 00:17:59,009 I'm sorry that Cece did this to you. 501 00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:02,179 That's okay. I'm used to it. 502 00:18:02,246 --> 00:18:04,781 I guess I'll just always be the fat kid with the big dreams. 503 00:18:04,849 --> 00:18:05,982 It's not you. 504 00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:08,451 I love Cece, but she's not ready for you. 505 00:18:08,519 --> 00:18:10,753 You're a good guy, 506 00:18:10,822 --> 00:18:13,823 You know, if you ignore everything that you do on purpose, 507 00:18:13,857 --> 00:18:16,725 and concentrate on all of the things that you do by accident. 508 00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:18,861 Thank you. 509 00:18:20,163 --> 00:18:21,864 She'd eat you up. 510 00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,301 You really think she'd eat me up? 511 00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:26,803 Yeah. 512 00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:28,737 Like buffet style? 513 00:18:28,805 --> 00:18:29,938 You know, all you can eat? 514 00:18:30,105 --> 00:18:32,440 'cause I got that prime rib, yo. 515 00:18:33,007 --> 00:18:34,343 Carving station, 516 00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:36,411 plates are warm, sneeze guard, 517 00:18:36,479 --> 00:18:39,147 kids eat for free. I mean, except for the... 518 00:18:39,215 --> 00:18:41,182 Except for the last... 519 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,785 All right, let's go. Let's go, Schmidt, okay? 520 00:18:43,853 --> 00:18:44,852 Okay. 521 00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:52,159 Hey, Cece. Um... 522 00:18:52,727 --> 00:18:57,064 Look, I get it. This isn't going to happen. 523 00:18:57,631 --> 00:18:59,500 But the couch is super uncomfortable, 524 00:19:00,268 --> 00:19:02,168 my sunburn's starting to blister, and 525 00:19:02,736 --> 00:19:04,704 I just want to sleep in my own bed. 526 00:19:05,472 --> 00:19:06,538 Okay. 527 00:19:24,389 --> 00:19:26,390 I'm sorry for everything. 528 00:19:28,027 --> 00:19:30,295 I can be a jerk sometimes. 529 00:19:38,271 --> 00:19:40,204 I hate sleeping alone. 530 00:19:42,239 --> 00:19:43,607 Me too. 531 00:19:44,174 --> 00:19:45,242 Sweet. 532 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,081 Sch-weet... 533 00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,149 Better when you don't talk. 534 00:19:52,217 --> 00:19:54,084 Yeah. 535 00:20:02,726 --> 00:20:04,260 If you tell anyone we held hands, 536 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,495 I have two people in my phone that will kill you. 537 00:20:07,263 --> 00:20:08,564 Literally. 538 00:20:23,947 --> 00:20:25,948 - Hmm... - Oh. 539 00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:45,665 Hey. 540 00:20:46,232 --> 00:20:50,203 I'm sorry I acted so weird today. Weird! 541 00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:52,204 It's okay. 542 00:21:07,819 --> 00:21:08,988 - Yo. - I did it, man. 543 00:21:09,055 --> 00:21:10,722 I'm holding her hand right now. She's in my bed 544 00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:12,324 and she's asleep. 545 00:21:12,392 --> 00:21:14,960 Wait, so you're in... you're in the room right now? 546 00:21:15,028 --> 00:21:18,162 What is wrong with you? Hang up the phone. 547 00:21:18,230 --> 00:21:19,797 I did it. I closed. 548 00:21:19,865 --> 00:21:22,033 We could have this conversation at any time. 549 00:21:22,101 --> 00:21:25,136 Shh. Please, shh. 550 00:21:25,904 --> 00:21:26,937 Okay, we're good. 551 00:21:27,006 --> 00:21:28,473 And just so we're clear, when I say "closing," 552 00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:29,974 this is not what I'm talking about. 553 00:21:30,042 --> 00:21:31,609 You need to define your terms. 554 00:21:31,676 --> 00:21:35,979 Because what I'm doing right now feels an awful lot like closing. 555 00:21:36,047 --> 00:21:40,882 Sync by Alice | Corrections by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com