1
00:00:00,718 --> 00:00:02,605
$50 in the douche bag jar?
2
00:00:02,699 --> 00:00:04,664
- Absolutely, man.
- Yes, absolutely.
3
00:00:04,667 --> 00:00:06,656
- Why so much?
- I feel like it should actually be
4
00:00:06,657 --> 00:00:08,706
more in the 100, 200 range,
so that's a discount.
5
00:00:08,707 --> 00:00:11,668
Think about what
you did, Schmidt.
6
00:00:12,748 --> 00:00:14,747
I lost it.
7
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,697
I lost the party bus.
8
00:00:16,698 --> 00:00:18,668
The party bus for
your birthday party?
9
00:00:18,669 --> 00:00:19,722
Yeah.
10
00:00:19,723 --> 00:00:20,743
Apparently,
11
00:00:20,744 --> 00:00:22,705
my business isn't as important
12
00:00:22,706 --> 00:00:25,676
as Frankie Muniz's.
13
00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:26,696
They canceled my rez.
14
00:00:26,697 --> 00:00:27,746
There's nothing I can do;
The party's off.
15
00:00:27,747 --> 00:00:28,748
You should torch them
16
00:00:28,749 --> 00:00:29,748
on Yelp.
17
00:00:29,749 --> 00:00:31,688
Actually, I can do it.
18
00:00:31,689 --> 00:00:33,662
I have an account under the name
Fantastic Jacques.
19
00:00:33,663 --> 00:00:34,744
He's a French diplomat
20
00:00:34,745 --> 00:00:36,672
with very little patience.
21
00:00:36,673 --> 00:00:38,722
Or you could just get
another bus.
22
00:00:38,723 --> 00:00:39,747
In two days?
23
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,701
Okay, yeah, sure, Winston.
24
00:00:41,702 --> 00:00:43,718
W-Why don't I just go down
to the party bus store,
25
00:00:43,719 --> 00:00:47,667
where all the party buses have
a state-of-the-art sound system,
26
00:00:47,668 --> 00:00:49,701
a stripper pole, a love grotto,
27
00:00:49,702 --> 00:00:51,710
and a steering wheel
in the shape of a boob.
28
00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:53,748
You honk the nipple.
29
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,676
It's pretty awesome.
30
00:00:55,677 --> 00:00:56,700
Just have the party at a bar.
31
00:00:56,701 --> 00:00:57,723
Nick, this is it.
32
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,667
This is my 29th birthday party.
33
00:01:00,668 --> 00:01:01,694
This is the year.
After this,
34
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:05,689
I don't know, it's just...
just all darkness.
35
00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:13,655
Was he crying a little?
36
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:16,667
♪ Hey, girl ♪
37
00:01:16,668 --> 00:01:18,684
♪ What you doing? ♪
38
00:01:18,685 --> 00:01:21,684
♪ Hey, girl ♪
39
00:01:21,685 --> 00:01:24,655
♪ Where you going? ♪
40
00:01:24,656 --> 00:01:26,739
- ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
- ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
41
00:01:26,742 --> 00:01:28,667
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
42
00:01:28,668 --> 00:01:29,668
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
43
00:01:29,669 --> 00:01:30,718
♪ It's Jess. ♪
44
00:01:30,777 --> 00:01:34,478
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru
45
00:01:39,051 --> 00:01:41,063
Hey, I just came
to make sure you're okay.
46
00:01:42,122 --> 00:01:44,091
I'm not okay, Jess.
47
00:01:44,092 --> 00:01:46,051
I had to cancel
my birthday party.
48
00:01:46,052 --> 00:01:48,029
It's social suicide.
49
00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:49,124
I can feel my it
factor going away.
50
00:01:49,125 --> 00:01:51,120
And then what am I
gonna tell Benjamin?
51
00:01:51,121 --> 00:01:53,028
Why are you so worried
about Benjamin?
52
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,068
He's your friend.
53
00:01:54,069 --> 00:01:57,062
We have a very weird,
girl-style friendship
54
00:01:57,063 --> 00:01:59,046
where we kind of
hate each other.
55
00:01:59,047 --> 00:02:01,029
We're bronemies.
56
00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:02,088
He's my fremesis.
57
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:04,029
I'm so confused right now.
58
00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:06,036
Okay, look, Benjamin and I...
we were suitemates in college.
59
00:02:06,037 --> 00:02:07,109
Benjamin, I can't wait
to get to L.A.
60
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,050
We're going to have
so much sex...
61
00:02:09,051 --> 00:02:10,086
in the morning,
62
00:02:10,087 --> 00:02:11,072
in the afternoon,
63
00:02:11,073 --> 00:02:12,072
at bedtime.
64
00:02:12,073 --> 00:02:14,037
Mmm, peanuts.
65
00:02:14,038 --> 00:02:15,107
I'm telling you, man,
I'm gonna run that town
66
00:02:15,108 --> 00:02:16,118
one day...
You'll see.
67
00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:18,037
I'm gonna write you a check
68
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:19,086
right now for $100 million.
69
00:02:19,087 --> 00:02:20,088
How do you like that?
70
00:02:20,089 --> 00:02:21,117
Damn, dude.
71
00:02:21,118 --> 00:02:23,087
And this is a real check.
72
00:02:23,088 --> 00:02:25,076
You can cash it
when I'm rich and awesome.
73
00:02:25,077 --> 00:02:26,533
Give me about four years.
74
00:02:26,573 --> 00:02:28,652
- Do the song.
- ♪ We built this Schmidty ♪
75
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:33,118
♪ We built this Schmidty
on Tootsie Rolls. ♪
76
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,122
If it wasn't for Benjamin,
I, I never would have become
77
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:40,037
a Los Angeles baller.
78
00:02:40,038 --> 00:02:41,054
Holla.
79
00:02:41,055 --> 00:02:42,097
I changed everything
about myself, Jess.
80
00:02:42,098 --> 00:02:45,108
I lost all the weight,
I changed my clothes,
81
00:02:45,109 --> 00:02:47,034
I even dropped my
voice half an octave,
82
00:02:47,035 --> 00:02:49,096
but it wasn't enough.
83
00:02:49,097 --> 00:02:51,101
I guess I'll just never
be cool enough, Jess.
84
00:02:54,118 --> 00:02:57,050
Okay, I've got it.
85
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,076
- We are going to throw Schmidt
a birthday party. - No.
86
00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:00,101
Yes, 'cause it's
his 29th birthday
87
00:03:00,102 --> 00:03:02,062
and we care.
88
00:03:02,063 --> 00:03:04,055
Jess, Schmidt's world
is different than ours.
89
00:03:04,056 --> 00:03:06,029
They speak
a different language.
90
00:03:06,030 --> 00:03:08,058
They shorten every word
to one syllable.
91
00:03:08,059 --> 00:03:11,041
Okay, he once called
an oven an "ovs."
92
00:03:11,042 --> 00:03:14,038
- He calls an airport "airp."
- He called ketchup "ketch."
93
00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:15,122
Last month he went
to a party called
94
00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:18,075
Bros before Hos on the Moon.
95
00:03:18,076 --> 00:03:19,120
What does that even mean?
96
00:03:19,121 --> 00:03:21,068
And the dress code
was "yacht flair."
97
00:03:21,069 --> 00:03:22,105
- What?
- Schmidt has a friend
98
00:03:22,108 --> 00:03:25,046
who legally changed
his middle name to Doin' It.
99
00:03:25,047 --> 00:03:27,047
- Yeah, Doin' It.
- Just one word: Doinit.
100
00:03:27,050 --> 00:03:30,046
You are not
emotionally, mentally,
101
00:03:30,047 --> 00:03:34,054
and spiritually prepared
to throw these d-bags a party.
102
00:03:34,055 --> 00:03:35,082
I'm gonna do some research.
103
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:37,047
Actually, I'm sorry,
I do have to go.
104
00:03:37,048 --> 00:03:38,080
- I apologize.
- Where are you going?
105
00:03:38,081 --> 00:03:40,055
And why are you wearing
your jury duty pants?
106
00:03:40,056 --> 00:03:42,121
I'm not, man, I'm just...
mumble, mumble, mumble.
107
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,046
Come on, lawyer party...
108
00:03:44,047 --> 00:03:45,057
the classic fifth date.
109
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,109
What are you talking about?
110
00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:48,041
I'm not gonna apologize for it.
111
00:03:48,042 --> 00:03:49,105
I got nothing to apologize for.
112
00:03:49,106 --> 00:03:51,076
- I owe you nothing.
- No, I'm having a really fun time.
113
00:03:51,079 --> 00:03:53,096
I love wearing
a Bill Cosby sweater
114
00:03:53,097 --> 00:03:55,101
in front of a bunch of lawyers
who are younger than me.
115
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,104
Hello, I'm Bill Cosby,
do you like pudding?
116
00:03:57,105 --> 00:04:00,121
My son's name is Theo and
his best friend is Cockroach.
117
00:04:00,122 --> 00:04:02,050
That supposed to be Bill Cosby?
118
00:04:02,051 --> 00:04:03,109
That's as good as I can do.
119
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,034
- Let's see yours.
- Would you like to hear
120
00:04:05,035 --> 00:04:06,088
- How he really sounds?
- Yes.
121
00:04:06,091 --> 00:04:08,029
I want to
get some more pudding.
122
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:10,050
That's the worst Bill Co...
How about this?
123
00:04:10,051 --> 00:04:12,047
I got a daughter
named Rudy Huxtable,
124
00:04:12,048 --> 00:04:14,087
and she's the cutest
of all my daughters.
125
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:17,033
I'm really glad that
you're here with me.
126
00:04:17,034 --> 00:04:18,105
Yeah, I'm happy you let me
be here with you.
127
00:04:18,106 --> 00:04:20,033
No, I really am because
128
00:04:20,034 --> 00:04:21,072
I got to, like, kiss
all the asses
129
00:04:21,073 --> 00:04:23,091
of these 24-year-
old law students
130
00:04:23,092 --> 00:04:25,050
to try to get 'em to work here.
131
00:04:25,051 --> 00:04:26,051
I went to law school.
132
00:04:26,052 --> 00:04:28,034
- You went to law school?
- Yes.
133
00:04:28,037 --> 00:04:30,088
- I quit. Yes.
- Quit law school... why?
134
00:04:30,089 --> 00:04:32,030
Because I realized
I hated lawyers.
135
00:04:32,031 --> 00:04:34,047
He says to the lawyer.
136
00:04:35,051 --> 00:04:36,068
And for some reason I find you
137
00:04:36,069 --> 00:04:38,104
ridiculously attractive
for saying that.
138
00:04:38,105 --> 00:04:41,047
Why don't you kiss
my ass, then?
139
00:04:42,055 --> 00:04:45,046
Look, Julia,
I got turned around.
140
00:04:45,047 --> 00:04:47,049
I thought we were doing
a flirty back-and-forth...
141
00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:48,032
I'm actually just kidding.
142
00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:49,047
I really do want to do that.
143
00:04:49,048 --> 00:04:50,050
Oh, you would?
144
00:04:50,051 --> 00:04:52,037
Well, we can make that happen.
145
00:04:52,038 --> 00:04:53,034
- Great.
- Let's go.
146
00:04:53,035 --> 00:04:54,049
Let's go to your place.
147
00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:55,051
Want to go to your place?
148
00:04:55,052 --> 00:04:56,125
Do you mind?
149
00:04:56,126 --> 00:04:58,067
Are you married or what?
150
00:04:58,068 --> 00:05:01,071
No, no, no, n-no, no, no, n-no,
I'm not married.
151
00:05:01,072 --> 00:05:03,054
I am the opposite of married.
152
00:05:03,055 --> 00:05:04,126
Before you, there was like,
there was like nothing.
153
00:05:04,127 --> 00:05:07,112
I've got, like,
no girls on the horizon.
154
00:05:07,113 --> 00:05:09,054
In a hot way.
155
00:05:09,055 --> 00:05:12,100
Why don't you ever
invite me to your place
156
00:05:12,101 --> 00:05:15,029
or, like, tell me all
that much about yourself?
157
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,079
It's weird... I don't
even know where you live.
158
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,118
I'm 30 years old,
159
00:05:18,119 --> 00:05:21,059
and I live in a loft
with three roommates.
160
00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:25,041
In a hot way.
161
00:05:25,042 --> 00:05:28,050
But maybe you can kiss my butt
when I talk like Bill Cosby.
162
00:05:28,051 --> 00:05:30,058
All right, let's go.
163
00:05:30,059 --> 00:05:31,113
- Is that going to work?
- Uh-huh.
164
00:05:31,116 --> 00:05:33,075
Wow, weird stuff
works with you.
165
00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:38,058
Hi, yes, I'd like to order
a last-minute stripper.
166
00:05:38,059 --> 00:05:42,033
Oh, um, preferably
of Asian heritage,
167
00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:44,100
very bendy,
with a heart of gold
168
00:05:44,101 --> 00:05:48,062
and a crotch of gold.
169
00:05:48,063 --> 00:05:49,120
Mm-hmm, yeah,
I'll hold.
170
00:05:49,121 --> 00:05:51,047
- Hey, Jess, Winston, this is Julia.
- Oh.
171
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:52,063
- Hi.
- We're just saying hi.
172
00:05:52,066 --> 00:05:54,037
Nice to meet you guys.
173
00:05:54,038 --> 00:05:55,034
Welcome to our home.
Hold on one second.
174
00:05:55,035 --> 00:05:56,071
We're doing
175
00:05:56,072 --> 00:05:57,105
a surprise party for Schmidt.
176
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,538
- Who is that?
- Oh, I didn't tell you
177
00:05:58,554 --> 00:05:59,276
about Schmidt?
- No.
178
00:05:59,366 --> 00:06:01,011
That's our other roommate.
179
00:06:01,363 --> 00:06:02,330
- Other roommate.
- You know what? You should come.
180
00:06:02,342 --> 00:06:03,635
- It's on Saturday.
- Yes.
181
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:04,358
Cool, yeah.
182
00:06:04,372 --> 00:06:06,357
You should stay as far
from that party as possible.
183
00:06:06,358 --> 00:06:07,393
Is it like a presents thing
184
00:06:07,394 --> 00:06:11,371
or more like a donations
to charity situation?
185
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,393
- No?
- Just bring yourself.
186
00:06:13,394 --> 00:06:15,370
Do you want to head
to my room for a little bit?
187
00:06:15,371 --> 00:06:16,438
Give you the rest of the tour
around the place.
188
00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:18,234
- Great, yeah.
- Great.
189
00:06:18,258 --> 00:06:19,362
Bye.
190
00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:21,392
Hold on one second.
191
00:06:21,393 --> 00:06:23,408
Hey, Winston,
why'd you do that?
192
00:06:23,409 --> 00:06:24,445
Are you hiding her from us?
193
00:06:24,446 --> 00:06:26,428
Like, are you ashamed
of your friends?
194
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,370
100%, and you're not
my friend right now.
195
00:06:28,371 --> 00:06:29,391
You're my enemy,
Winston, my enemy.
196
00:06:29,392 --> 00:06:30,434
Give me a kiss, give me a kiss.
197
00:06:30,435 --> 00:06:33,375
No, that's the problem.
198
00:06:33,376 --> 00:06:35,367
Thank you, Ms. Phatbooty,
you're the best.
199
00:06:37,367 --> 00:06:39,387
Yes, I just hired
my first stripper.
200
00:06:39,388 --> 00:06:41,367
Anything else I should get?
201
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:57,426
Do you like jazz cigarettes?
202
00:06:58,426 --> 00:07:00,405
Hi, Tanya.
203
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:03,362
Patti told me that...
204
00:07:03,363 --> 00:07:05,380
Patti told you to break
in my office to look for drugs?
205
00:07:08,359 --> 00:07:10,383
Hey, JK kidding, JK kidding.
206
00:07:10,384 --> 00:07:11,417
You can do whatever you want.
207
00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:13,443
I didn't know you liked to shop
208
00:07:13,444 --> 00:07:15,359
at the Confiscation Station.
209
00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:19,362
So what are you looking
for... grass?
210
00:07:19,363 --> 00:07:21,357
'Cause I can do
a locker search on Monday.
211
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,380
Monday's too late because...
212
00:07:22,381 --> 00:07:27,354
Oh, so what do you got
cooking this weekend, huh?
213
00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:28,359
You have to tell me;
I'm your boss.
214
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,412
What is it, a list thing,
Paperless Post?
215
00:07:30,413 --> 00:07:32,354
I'm free Friday,
216
00:07:32,355 --> 00:07:35,359
but I can also make
Saturday or Sunday work.
217
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,374
Jess, what are you doing?
218
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:38,415
I'm making
an egg yellows omelet.
219
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,374
The shallots and gouda
are going to congeal.
220
00:07:40,375 --> 00:07:41,384
I can't...
what is this?
221
00:07:41,385 --> 00:07:44,379
Happy birthday!
222
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,416
It's a party bus.
223
00:07:46,417 --> 00:07:48,384
I'm so excited.
224
00:07:54,355 --> 00:07:57,355
Whoa, Jess, you really did
all this for me?
225
00:07:59,355 --> 00:08:01,362
Okay, so...
226
00:08:01,363 --> 00:08:03,400
over here is kosher
yogurt and honey.
227
00:08:03,401 --> 00:08:04,430
- Kosher yoge?
- We got some condoms
228
00:08:04,431 --> 00:08:05,447
Over here... small,
medium, large,
229
00:08:05,448 --> 00:08:07,371
whatever your preference.
230
00:08:07,372 --> 00:08:08,430
- Well, I would use...
- I don't want to know.
231
00:08:08,433 --> 00:08:10,446
And the R-rated section
in the back
232
00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:12,446
with the stripper pole.
233
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:14,408
It's normally used
for stability,
234
00:08:14,409 --> 00:08:16,392
but tonight it's
going to be used
235
00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:18,400
for $50 worth of seminudity.
236
00:08:18,401 --> 00:08:19,430
Coincidentally,
237
00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:21,404
I'm wearing my lap dance pants.
238
00:08:21,405 --> 00:08:22,226
This is, like, your world, huh?
239
00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:23,193
- No...
- It is.
240
00:08:23,239 --> 00:08:25,514
It's you in your natural
habitat, it's fascinating.
241
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,577
I'm just here for Schmidt. I
don't know any of these people.
242
00:08:27,578 --> 00:08:28,629
Nicholas, what's up, N-word?
243
00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:30,612
Don't call me "N-word."
244
00:08:30,613 --> 00:08:31,648
I don't know this guy.
245
00:08:31,649 --> 00:08:32,671
How's your family in Chicago?
246
00:08:32,672 --> 00:08:34,591
Really good, thanks for asking,
247
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:35,592
they're all healthy.
248
00:08:35,593 --> 00:08:37,641
That's good.
249
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,633
Oh, look at this big old pile
of birthday Schmidt.
250
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:43,644
Hey, do you mind if I get
a ride on your school bus?
251
00:08:43,645 --> 00:08:45,608
I don't want to be late
for first period.
252
00:08:47,671 --> 00:08:50,579
Why you got to do me
like that, Been-ja-meen?
253
00:08:51,625 --> 00:08:53,583
- What's up, boys?
- What up?
254
00:08:53,584 --> 00:08:54,644
Why don't you sing us
your birthday song?
255
00:08:54,645 --> 00:08:55,661
Oh, you have a birthday song?
256
00:08:55,662 --> 00:08:57,625
All right, all right,
guys, come on.
257
00:08:57,626 --> 00:08:59,616
Sing it, come on.
258
00:08:59,617 --> 00:09:00,654
♪ We built this Schmidty ♪
259
00:09:00,655 --> 00:09:03,574
♪ We built this Schmidty ♪
260
00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:07,583
- ♪ On rock... ♪
- ♪ On Tootsie Rolls. ♪
261
00:09:07,584 --> 00:09:08,573
Is that the lyrics?
262
00:09:08,574 --> 00:09:09,611
Yeah, we used
to make him sing that
263
00:09:09,612 --> 00:09:10,671
because he was fat.
264
00:09:10,672 --> 00:09:13,595
You know I'm just
playing at you.
265
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:14,596
Yeah, hilarity,
my man, hilarity.
266
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,632
Yeah, come on, man.
267
00:09:16,633 --> 00:09:17,654
You really live
with that guy, huh?
268
00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:19,595
Yeah, I really do.
269
00:09:19,596 --> 00:09:21,628
Does he, like, tuck his
shiny jeans into boots
270
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,595
when he goes out at night?
271
00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:25,606
You know, the truth is,
I met Schmidt a long time ago
272
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,663
when we were in college
273
00:09:26,664 --> 00:09:29,599
and he was this sweet,
chubby communications major
274
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,654
who wore cargo shorts and...
- Yeah.
275
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:32,577
I'm actually just
messing with you.
276
00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:33,663
Seriously, I think all
of your friends seem
277
00:09:33,664 --> 00:09:37,574
completely awesome and
nice and fun, so relax.
278
00:09:37,575 --> 00:09:39,586
You don't have to say that.
279
00:09:39,587 --> 00:09:41,579
- They're my friends, you can tease 'em.
- I don't want to tease them.
280
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:42,631
I tease them all the time,
they don't care.
281
00:09:42,632 --> 00:09:43,652
Schmidt's a d-bag,
282
00:09:43,653 --> 00:09:45,573
you know, but, like,
not in a bad way,
283
00:09:45,574 --> 00:09:46,671
and, like, Jess is a total nut.
284
00:09:46,672 --> 00:09:48,654
- Oh...
- And Winston is like this
285
00:09:48,657 --> 00:09:50,653
competitive maniac
286
00:09:50,654 --> 00:09:53,586
who loves Sister, Sister and
he's, like, afraid of thunder.
287
00:09:53,587 --> 00:09:54,654
- But I'm the voice of re...
- Behind you, he's behind you,
288
00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:55,671
- He's behind you.
- Right now he is?
289
00:09:55,674 --> 00:09:57,653
Currently.
290
00:09:57,654 --> 00:09:59,611
And he's also one
of my best friends.
291
00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:00,642
Oh, no, keep going.
292
00:10:01,658 --> 00:10:02,671
You want to go on the bus?
293
00:10:02,672 --> 00:10:04,653
Yeah, let's go on the bus.
294
00:10:04,654 --> 00:10:06,635
I'm really sorry, man,
I was just saying that
295
00:10:06,636 --> 00:10:07,650
to show off for her.
- Oh, no,
296
00:10:07,653 --> 00:10:09,574
man, I am bringing you down.
297
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,596
Don't bring me down.
298
00:10:12,774 --> 00:10:13,688
Bro juice?
299
00:10:13,705 --> 00:10:15,246
Vodka pom, right?
300
00:10:15,298 --> 00:10:17,314
Winston said it was a tradish.
301
00:10:17,315 --> 00:10:18,356
Look, Benjamin's smiling.
302
00:10:18,357 --> 00:10:20,294
Jess, you did so good.
303
00:10:21,315 --> 00:10:23,372
Is this stripper pole
weight-bearing?
304
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:27,314
Looks like some pretty shoddy
workmanship on the cap flange.
305
00:10:27,315 --> 00:10:29,294
- Can I help you?
- Martin Fuller, GrindPalace.com.
306
00:10:29,297 --> 00:10:31,314
Hi, I'm Jessica Day.
307
00:10:31,315 --> 00:10:33,330
I spoke with your supervisor
on the telephone.
308
00:10:33,331 --> 00:10:36,334
Um, are you bringing
the stripper?
309
00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:39,276
'Cause I really wanted
to see her jugs first,
310
00:10:39,277 --> 00:10:43,293
you know, just so... um,
I do right by my bro.
311
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:44,296
We have a little
miscommunicado.
312
00:10:44,297 --> 00:10:45,360
Did you make the call?
313
00:10:45,361 --> 00:10:48,334
Because if they hear a woman's
voice, then they send me.
314
00:10:48,335 --> 00:10:50,276
I'm your stripper, folks.
315
00:10:50,277 --> 00:10:52,288
Hey, need to clear this aisle.
316
00:10:52,289 --> 00:10:54,315
- I got to have a perimeter.
- It's a joke... no.
317
00:10:54,318 --> 00:10:56,323
- Please, please, please, no, you can't.
- Are you the birthday boy?
318
00:10:56,324 --> 00:10:57,339
You are going to love it.
319
00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:59,288
I do wet towel tricks.
320
00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:01,348
- Nobody likes wet towel tricks.
- No, he does not love wet towel tricks.
321
00:11:01,351 --> 00:11:02,352
I don't judge, pal.
I just want to have fun.
322
00:11:02,353 --> 00:11:03,352
We're not... No.
Sir, you are not gonna...
323
00:11:03,355 --> 00:11:06,330
I don't want to be rude,
but, uh, times are hard.
324
00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,280
It is Saturday night,
325
00:11:08,281 --> 00:11:09,365
so if I get hired
to take my clothes off,
326
00:11:09,366 --> 00:11:11,288
I'm gonna get naked.
327
00:11:11,289 --> 00:11:13,279
So, I'll just put
my gym bag down,
328
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:14,310
and I'll take my pants off.
329
00:11:14,311 --> 00:11:16,280
No, no, I'll handle it.
330
00:11:16,281 --> 00:11:18,305
Hey.
331
00:11:18,306 --> 00:11:20,343
Hey, Mr. Fuller.
332
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:22,280
Mr. Fuller.
333
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:23,327
- Mr. Fuller?
- Oh, no.
334
00:11:23,330 --> 00:11:25,347
It's getting
a little nippy out.
335
00:11:25,348 --> 00:11:27,359
Not a good time to start
turtling.
336
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,360
- Come on.
- Jess, make it stop.
337
00:11:28,363 --> 00:11:31,284
I'm gonna pay you...
338
00:11:31,285 --> 00:11:35,276
$50 to never show
us your penis.
339
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,327
But what about tips?
340
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:38,293
I make my living on tips.
341
00:11:38,294 --> 00:11:40,318
Well, can you do anything
else for the money?
342
00:11:40,319 --> 00:11:43,293
I'm a baritone
at my gospel choir
343
00:11:43,294 --> 00:11:45,289
at First Presbyterian.
344
00:11:46,348 --> 00:11:49,347
Everybody, everybody...
345
00:11:49,348 --> 00:11:51,280
hey!
346
00:11:51,281 --> 00:11:52,344
Welcome to Schmidt's 29th!
347
00:11:56,285 --> 00:11:57,339
Safety is of
the utmost importance,
348
00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,297
so the person
sitting next to you
349
00:11:59,298 --> 00:12:01,314
is gonna be your bus buddy
for the night.
350
00:12:01,315 --> 00:12:03,288
Any time you're up and about,
351
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,293
please wear one
of these fashion helmets.
352
00:12:05,294 --> 00:12:07,289
- And I brought drugs.
- Tanya has
353
00:12:07,292 --> 00:12:10,293
half a pot cookie,
so maybe she'll share.
354
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,351
Okay, everybody, have fun!
355
00:12:12,352 --> 00:12:14,288
Martin, sing us out.
356
00:12:14,289 --> 00:12:16,330
♪ Oh, when he comes ♪
357
00:12:16,331 --> 00:12:18,372
♪ Oh, when he comes ♪
358
00:12:18,373 --> 00:12:20,309
♪ He's gonna come for you ♪
359
00:12:20,310 --> 00:12:22,276
No stripping!
360
00:12:22,277 --> 00:12:23,285
♪ Oh, sweet salvation! ♪
361
00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:25,294
♪ Oh, when he comes... ♪
362
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:31,097
$50. I've never put $50
in the douche bag jar.
363
00:12:31,135 --> 00:12:33,172
Well, that's really impressive,
Schmidt, considering.
364
00:12:34,929 --> 00:12:37,298
Someone's personalized condoms
just came in the mail.
365
00:12:37,386 --> 00:12:39,436
Hey! Jar! $20.
366
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:42,411
Winston, did you know
367
00:12:42,412 --> 00:12:44,427
that NWA didn't stand
for "Never Walk Alone"?
368
00:12:44,428 --> 00:12:46,410
$30. Jar.
369
00:12:46,411 --> 00:12:49,356
Hey, man.
370
00:12:49,357 --> 00:12:52,356
No! Jar, Schmidt.
371
00:12:52,357 --> 00:12:54,369
- Jar!
- For what?
372
00:12:54,372 --> 00:12:57,444
Somehow, Schmidt, you've outdone
yourself this time.
373
00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,418
It was my birthday.
374
00:12:59,419 --> 00:13:02,381
I was very drunk.
375
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:06,448
All right, everybody,
I think we need to take shots.
376
00:13:06,449 --> 00:13:10,360
A little bro-juice shot
for Benjamin!
377
00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:11,398
What?
378
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:12,419
For Benjamin is a true...
379
00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:14,377
I'm the king!
380
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:18,398
Winston and Nick, come and get
your bro juice!
381
00:13:18,399 --> 00:13:19,448
Bro juice!
382
00:13:19,449 --> 00:13:21,377
Bro juice! Bro juice!
383
00:13:21,378 --> 00:13:22,385
Bro juice?
384
00:13:22,386 --> 00:13:23,382
I have no idea.
385
00:13:23,383 --> 00:13:24,365
- Really?
- Yeah.
386
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,439
Nick Miller invented bro juice
387
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,381
on Schmidt's
twenty-second
388
00:13:28,382 --> 00:13:30,415
birthday. Remember that?
- Bro juice.
389
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,435
Bro juice! Bro juice!
390
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:35,428
Get over here
for your bro juice!
391
00:13:39,428 --> 00:13:42,399
This is not gonna
be attractive.
392
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,377
Oh, yeah!
393
00:13:46,378 --> 00:13:47,859
You know, we're way too
old for this, don't you?
394
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,160
Oh, definitely.
395
00:13:49,403 --> 00:13:51,449
Happy birthday, brother.
396
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,374
- Yeah!
- Happy birthday, Schmidty!
397
00:14:00,365 --> 00:14:01,389
Yeah!
398
00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:02,444
Bro juice!
399
00:14:02,445 --> 00:14:04,406
Bro juice!
400
00:14:04,407 --> 00:14:06,452
When I say "Par," you say "Tay."
401
00:14:07,364 --> 00:14:08,688
- Par.
- Tay!
402
00:14:08,785 --> 00:14:09,432
- Par.
- Tay!
403
00:14:09,435 --> 00:14:11,378
Holla!
404
00:14:12,411 --> 00:14:14,423
What am I doing?
405
00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:17,364
It makes you think, huh?
406
00:14:17,365 --> 00:14:18,403
Twenties... they're almost over,
man. It's crazy.
407
00:14:18,404 --> 00:14:20,373
Are you hitting that?
408
00:14:20,374 --> 00:14:21,803
- Jess?
- Yeah.
409
00:14:21,886 --> 00:14:22,734
No.
410
00:14:22,803 --> 00:14:24,365
Well, then I think
I'll help myself.
411
00:14:24,366 --> 00:14:26,389
To sex... with
your friend.
412
00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:28,368
No, no, no,
Benjamin, you can't.
413
00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:29,424
Not with Jess.
Please don't.
414
00:14:29,425 --> 00:14:31,424
Well, I can.
I can, and I will.
415
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,389
Good evening, night owls.
416
00:14:37,390 --> 00:14:39,452
It's about to get bubonic
in here,
417
00:14:39,453 --> 00:14:42,389
for tonight, we're going to...
418
00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:44,368
The Plague.
419
00:14:44,369 --> 00:14:46,389
Sorry. Just...
It's just Plague.
420
00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:48,373
It's a discotheque.
421
00:14:48,374 --> 00:14:51,373
We'll be going there next.
422
00:14:51,374 --> 00:14:52,384
Whose list are you on?
Tristan's?
423
00:14:52,385 --> 00:14:53,428
Isn't it just like a bar
424
00:14:53,429 --> 00:14:55,365
or something?
425
00:14:57,369 --> 00:14:59,389
What do you pull down
a year in the game?
426
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:01,374
Ever since I started
doing full frontal,
427
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:03,381
I pull down
seven K a year easy.
428
00:15:03,382 --> 00:15:05,435
Why? You interested
in the life?
429
00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:08,377
Me? A male stripper?
Come on. You're too kind.
430
00:15:08,378 --> 00:15:11,373
But you know, theoretically,
if I were to get into the game,
431
00:15:11,374 --> 00:15:13,445
you know, what are they looking
for in the gator department?
432
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,410
You know what I mean?
433
00:15:15,411 --> 00:15:18,431
Or is it just moving so fast
that it doesn't really matter?
434
00:15:18,432 --> 00:15:22,377
It's all about storytelling,
taking 'em on a journey.
435
00:15:22,378 --> 00:15:24,414
Let me ask you some basics.
436
00:15:24,415 --> 00:15:27,452
When you thrust, what's your
range of motion, side-to-side?
437
00:15:27,453 --> 00:15:30,377
Well, left... right-right.
438
00:15:30,378 --> 00:15:31,430
What about your testicles?
439
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,378
Are they more or
less symmetrical?
440
00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:37,398
Size... yes, location... no.
441
00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:38,445
What about your persona?
442
00:15:38,446 --> 00:15:41,360
What? Fireman or a cop?
443
00:15:41,361 --> 00:15:42,403
I didn't ask you
your character.
444
00:15:42,404 --> 00:15:44,356
Your persona.
445
00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:45,419
I'm a Wolf-Hawk.
What are you?
446
00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:48,368
Luxury. Dessert.
447
00:15:48,369 --> 00:15:49,440
I'm a warrior poet, man.
448
00:15:49,441 --> 00:15:51,414
That's it.
449
00:15:51,415 --> 00:15:54,373
Got a number for you to call.
450
00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:55,445
You ever hook up
with the ladies?
451
00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:57,398
It's ladies,
452
00:15:57,399 --> 00:16:00,360
like, one out of
ten times at most.
453
00:16:00,361 --> 00:16:01,411
You're dancing for dudes?
454
00:16:01,412 --> 00:16:04,377
Yeah, I'm dancing for dudes.
455
00:16:04,378 --> 00:16:06,368
All right, I'm sorry, okay?
456
00:16:06,369 --> 00:16:08,357
You're so quiet. You're
having a terrible time.
457
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:11,368
I don't mean to be.
I'm probably just intimidated.
458
00:16:11,369 --> 00:16:13,386
I'm sitting right next
to the inventor of bro juice.
459
00:16:13,387 --> 00:16:15,382
- I get it, okay?
- That's... I'm gonna brag about that.
460
00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:18,360
I did. I invented
bro juice, okay?
461
00:16:18,361 --> 00:16:20,365
- And now you want... You're done.
- What?!
462
00:16:20,368 --> 00:16:23,364
I get it. When we get off
the bus, it's over, I blew it.
463
00:16:23,365 --> 00:16:25,385
It's ridiculous.
I don't care about any of it.
464
00:16:25,386 --> 00:16:27,382
I really don't. Everyone's got
embarrassing stuff.
465
00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:30,364
I mean, I have stuff
that you don't know about.
466
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,418
Like what?
467
00:16:31,419 --> 00:16:33,427
Just don't lie
to me about stuff,
468
00:16:33,428 --> 00:16:36,369
and we'll be fine.
- Fine.
469
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,361
- When I work out, which isn't often,
- Uh-huh.
470
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:40,364
I listen to Huey Lewis
because it pumps me up.
471
00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:42,406
Not ironically. Want
to hear something else?
472
00:16:42,407 --> 00:16:44,428
- Okay.
- I don't believe dinosaurs existed.
473
00:16:44,429 --> 00:16:46,390
I've seen the science.
I don't believe it.
474
00:16:46,391 --> 00:16:48,378
- Want to hear something else?
- No, I think I'm good.
475
00:16:48,379 --> 00:16:49,405
And I believe you,
476
00:16:49,406 --> 00:16:50,449
and I appreciate all
of this truth-telling.
477
00:16:50,450 --> 00:16:53,360
I don't think you have stuff.
478
00:16:53,361 --> 00:16:54,418
All right.
479
00:16:54,419 --> 00:16:56,381
You're just perfect.
480
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:58,385
Uh... yeah.
481
00:16:58,386 --> 00:17:00,411
- Hey. Scootch.
- Oh.
482
00:17:00,414 --> 00:17:02,432
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
483
00:17:02,435 --> 00:17:04,356
So, I texted Tristan.
484
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,410
Oh, o-okay.
485
00:17:05,411 --> 00:17:07,407
He said he could get us
into Plague.
486
00:17:07,408 --> 00:17:09,415
- Oh, that's-that's terrific.
- Yeah.
487
00:17:09,418 --> 00:17:11,453
- Thank you.
- Well, just you and me, of course.
488
00:17:11,456 --> 00:17:15,418
So why don't you ditch that zero
and get with the hero?
489
00:17:15,419 --> 00:17:17,373
The hero is my penis.
490
00:17:17,374 --> 00:17:20,368
Oh. Uh... no.
491
00:17:20,369 --> 00:17:21,728
- Am I bad?
- No.
492
00:17:21,757 --> 00:17:22,896
Hey, Benjamin.
493
00:17:22,928 --> 00:17:24,890
Just leave her alone.
494
00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:30,377
Schmidt, your party
is slugs, bro.
495
00:17:31,408 --> 00:17:32,540
All right, you know what?
496
00:17:32,627 --> 00:17:35,648
- Schmidt, this party... is the worst.
- No, man.
497
00:17:35,651 --> 00:17:37,610
This party is
badass, all right?
498
00:17:37,611 --> 00:17:39,583
Don't act like I didn't
see you over there
499
00:17:39,584 --> 00:17:41,573
eating on the charcut...
the charcut... the charcut?
500
00:17:41,574 --> 00:17:42,635
- Charcuterie.
- Charcuterie.
501
00:17:42,636 --> 00:17:44,571
Charcuterie. Don't act
like I didn't see you
502
00:17:44,572 --> 00:17:45,590
eating the charcut...
- Charcuterie.
503
00:17:45,593 --> 00:17:46,626
Charcuterie...
504
00:17:46,627 --> 00:17:48,593
Hey, you know what, Curly?
505
00:17:48,594 --> 00:17:49,644
You don't like the bus,
then get off it, pal.
506
00:17:49,645 --> 00:17:52,577
- Schmidty's birthday, bud.
- You guys suck.
507
00:17:52,578 --> 00:17:53,577
Let me talk to him for a sec.
508
00:17:53,578 --> 00:17:54,584
I'm a lawyer.
509
00:17:54,585 --> 00:17:55,627
- Please.
- She's a lawyer.
510
00:17:55,628 --> 00:17:57,571
Hi. Why don't you just
say that one more time?
511
00:17:57,572 --> 00:17:58,590
What? You guys suck?
512
00:18:03,590 --> 00:18:04,594
Look out!
Look out!
513
00:18:04,595 --> 00:18:05,601
Oh!
514
00:18:05,602 --> 00:18:06,644
- Whoa!
- Oh!
515
00:18:08,573 --> 00:18:09,619
Is everyone okay?
516
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:11,572
Yes. No
worries, Jess.
517
00:18:11,573 --> 00:18:12,590
Is everybody okay?
518
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:13,639
I'm so sorry.
519
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:14,661
What, are you nuts?
520
00:18:14,662 --> 00:18:16,581
Oh, God.
521
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:21,573
Who are you?
522
00:18:26,615 --> 00:18:28,651
Whoo!
523
00:18:28,652 --> 00:18:31,618
Tanya, please stop
flashing the driver.
524
00:18:31,619 --> 00:18:33,655
What, are you like
the Bourne Identity person?
525
00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:36,572
I've got these iss...
526
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,572
like, these anger
management issues.
527
00:18:38,573 --> 00:18:39,631
Anger management?
528
00:18:39,632 --> 00:18:41,580
But I'm trying to fix it.
529
00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:42,633
I go to all these class...
530
00:18:42,634 --> 00:18:44,583
They're court-ordered
classes, but...
531
00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:45,644
And what was, like,
all this stuff you...?
532
00:18:45,645 --> 00:18:47,572
It's martial arts.
533
00:18:47,573 --> 00:18:48,631
I started doing martial arts,
534
00:18:48,632 --> 00:18:50,597
ironically, because I thought
535
00:18:50,598 --> 00:18:53,651
it would give me a little
bit more Zen in my life.
536
00:18:53,652 --> 00:18:56,576
You must be really
freaked out right now.
537
00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:57,665
Yes, I am really freaked out.
538
00:18:57,666 --> 00:19:00,585
I'm so sorry.
539
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,576
I hate that I'm so turned on
by your craziness, but I, um...
540
00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:10,623
- Go with it.
- I'm going with it.
541
00:19:10,624 --> 00:19:12,609
You guys sure you're cool
waiting for the tow truck?
542
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,571
Yeah, it's fine.
I'll see you back at the loft.
543
00:19:14,572 --> 00:19:15,598
Bye, guys.
Happy birthday.
544
00:19:15,599 --> 00:19:16,647
Thank you.
545
00:19:16,648 --> 00:19:18,580
- Bye, Julia.
- Bye, Bro Juice.
546
00:19:18,581 --> 00:19:19,652
- Thank you for that.
- Bro-J, my man.
547
00:19:19,655 --> 00:19:22,593
So, it's my birthday.
548
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,581
- Right now?
- Right now.
549
00:19:24,582 --> 00:19:25,665
- Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday, Schmidt.
550
00:19:25,668 --> 00:19:27,664
I'm 29, folks.
What's up?
551
00:19:27,665 --> 00:19:29,611
29!
552
00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:32,618
29!
553
00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:35,597
Can you please not tell
anybody I just did that?
554
00:19:35,598 --> 00:19:37,589
That feels embarrassing.
555
00:19:37,590 --> 00:19:39,611
Actually, you know what?
I don't care what people think.
556
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,684
Do you think I care too much
about what people think, Jess?
557
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:43,526
- Maybe a little bit.
- Maybe.
558
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,115
What? Did you have fun tonight?
559
00:19:45,116 --> 00:19:49,047
'Cause I know it was
a little bit... flawed.
560
00:19:49,048 --> 00:19:50,090
Jess, are you kidding me?
561
00:19:50,091 --> 00:19:54,056
Tonight was...
tens across the board.
562
00:19:54,057 --> 00:19:57,093
No splash.
563
00:19:57,094 --> 00:20:00,073
- Good.
- No. For real, I had...
564
00:20:00,076 --> 00:20:02,085
Nobody's ever done
that for me before.
565
00:20:02,086 --> 00:20:06,057
Any time, Schmidt. Any time.
566
00:20:10,098 --> 00:20:13,111
Schmidt, why are you looking
at me like that?
567
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,090
Shh.
568
00:20:23,061 --> 00:20:25,050
'Cause you had... you
had fuzz on your face.
569
00:20:25,051 --> 00:20:26,119
- No, no, because I thought...
- Oh, my God.
570
00:20:26,122 --> 00:20:28,052
- You had a piece of fuzz on...
- Oh, my God! Jar.
571
00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,094
- Schmidt!
- You had a piece of fuzz, and...
572
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:31,073
- It was a little piece of fuzz.
- You tried to kiss her?!
573
00:20:31,074 --> 00:20:32,128
It was right there and just...
574
00:20:32,129 --> 00:20:35,069
- Just put it in the jar, Schmidt.
- Yeah, come on. No excuses, Schmidt.
575
00:20:35,072 --> 00:20:39,090
Okay. For you...
for you guys.
576
00:20:44,136 --> 00:20:46,135
Happy birthday.
577
00:20:46,136 --> 00:20:48,135
29!
578
00:20:48,136 --> 00:20:50,106
Ten more.
579
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:52,060
Sorry about that.
580
00:20:52,061 --> 00:20:54,078
Ah, Frankie Muniz.
581
00:20:58,044 --> 00:21:00,115
Ooh, Jess, I just found
a Groupon for hypnosis lessons.
582
00:21:00,116 --> 00:21:03,114
Think about what you can do
with that.
583
00:21:03,115 --> 00:21:06,082
- Sex stuff.
- Jar.
584
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:08,061
Look, guys, has anyone seen
my good pea coat?
585
00:21:08,062 --> 00:21:10,060
Jar!
586
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,461
Have you seen my
sharkskin laptop sleeve?
587
00:21:12,462 --> 00:21:13,061
Jar!
588
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:17,043
Darn it! Has anyone seen
my croquet cleats?
589
00:21:17,044 --> 00:21:21,043
Hey, Jess, have you seen
my other timepiece?
590
00:21:21,044 --> 00:21:24,043
Nick, I came up with the best
name for an uncircumcised penis.
591
00:21:24,044 --> 00:21:27,082
- Bishop in a turtleneck.
- Ugh! Jar!
592
00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:30,040
Damn it! I can't find
my driving moccasins anywhere.
593
00:21:30,065 --> 00:21:35,365
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru