1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:03,135
♪ I wish I had a river ♪
2
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:08,605
♪ I could skate away on ♪
3
00:00:09,173 --> 00:00:10,273
Hey, Jess.
4
00:00:10,341 --> 00:00:11,608
I brought you some tea.
5
00:00:11,676 --> 00:00:13,877
Just gonna leave it
right here, okay?
6
00:00:13,945 --> 00:00:15,079
There you go.
7
00:00:15,146 --> 00:00:16,847
So, Russell...
8
00:00:17,415 --> 00:00:18,148
Ouch.
9
00:00:18,216 --> 00:00:19,683
Right? I mean, who
saw that coming?
10
00:00:19,751 --> 00:00:21,218
Not me.
11
00:00:21,285 --> 00:00:23,652
Certainly not Russell.
12
00:00:23,721 --> 00:00:25,454
I guess, I guess
you saw it coming.
13
00:00:25,522 --> 00:00:27,223
I mean, 'cause you're
the one who broke up with him.
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00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:28,557
- Leave, Schmidt.
- All right, fine.
15
00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:29,726
I'll leave. But
you know what?
16
00:00:29,793 --> 00:00:31,194
Know this: you're not
17
00:00:31,261 --> 00:00:32,361
the only one
that's hurting here,
18
00:00:32,429 --> 00:00:34,230
Jessica Day.
The economy stinks,
19
00:00:34,297 --> 00:00:36,599
bees are dying, movies are
pretty much all sequels now,
20
00:00:36,666 --> 00:00:37,633
and I...
21
00:00:37,701 --> 00:00:39,201
Don't say "broken penis."
22
00:00:39,268 --> 00:00:40,335
...have a broken penis.
23
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Don't pretend to know my pain.
24
00:00:45,507 --> 00:00:46,775
Hey, Jess.
25
00:00:46,843 --> 00:00:48,877
- Hi.
- What's this song called?
26
00:00:48,945 --> 00:00:50,445
- "The River."
- Hmm.
27
00:00:50,512 --> 00:00:52,114
- Do you like it?
- Yeah, yeah, I liked the way
28
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you played it for the first time
at 10:00 last night.
29
00:00:54,449 --> 00:00:56,650
I liked it a little bit less
at 2:00 a.m.
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And now I'm kind of hoping that
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the sun comes up,
thaws that river
32
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and that woman drowns.
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Get out!
34
00:01:09,030 --> 00:01:10,396
Russell was perfect.
35
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What's wrong with me?
36
00:01:11,899 --> 00:01:13,066
Am I self-sabotaging?
37
00:01:13,134 --> 00:01:14,734
Am I secretly a Cylon?
38
00:01:14,802 --> 00:01:16,502
You just didn't love him.
39
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But what if it's me?
40
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What if I have some idea
of love in my head
41
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and it's just totally wrong?
42
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Do not second-guess
yourself, okay?
43
00:01:23,811 --> 00:01:27,246
It was a tough choice,
but it was the right choice.
44
00:01:27,613 --> 00:01:29,114
Yeah, mm-hmm.
45
00:01:30,082 --> 00:01:32,584
So what do you think
about turning off that song?
46
00:01:32,652 --> 00:01:33,986
- I just feel like I should...
- Off. Turn it off.
47
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Ow.
48
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:39,124
♪ It's coming on Christmas... ♪
49
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,027
- Oh, my God, she's dead!
- Oh, no, no, come on!
50
00:01:43,095 --> 00:01:45,229
80 more times!
I get it now! It's a river!
51
00:01:45,297 --> 00:01:48,166
All right, now let's
go and get a drink,
52
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,567
because you really need
to get out of this room.
53
00:01:50,635 --> 00:01:51,568
I'm not ready.
54
00:01:51,636 --> 00:01:53,171
Turn that song back on!
55
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,472
Caroline and I made up
a dance routine to cheer you up.
56
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- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, well, I'm gonna dance,
57
00:01:57,342 --> 00:01:58,474
- and Nick's gonna clap.
- Okay. I'll just clap.
58
00:01:59,542 --> 00:02:00,944
You about ready now?
59
00:02:01,012 --> 00:02:02,412
- Yeah, I'm ready now.
- Yeah, let's go.
60
00:02:02,479 --> 00:02:03,814
Uh, feel it.
Uh, uh.
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00:02:03,881 --> 00:02:05,081
Get it, Caroline!
Get it, Caroline!
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00:02:05,149 --> 00:02:06,582
Born to dance.
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Dance the bump.
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♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
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♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
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♪ It's Jess. ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
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I'm gonna end up alone.
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00:02:19,029 --> 00:02:20,595
I'm gonna be a single old lady
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00:02:20,663 --> 00:02:22,231
flashing people on the subway.
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00:02:22,299 --> 00:02:24,533
Jess, first of all,
you're never gonna be old,
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00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,536
because humans--
we're gonna be immortal by 2026.
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And second of all,
give me your phone.
73
00:02:29,206 --> 00:02:30,138
Why?
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00:02:30,206 --> 00:02:31,840
Do you want to drunkenly call
75
00:02:31,907 --> 00:02:34,008
Russell tonight and tell him
what a huge mistake you made?
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00:02:34,076 --> 00:02:36,010
- You don't want to backslide, trust me.
- Be quiet.
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00:02:36,078 --> 00:02:37,578
Your life is
too perfect to talk to
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00:02:37,646 --> 00:02:38,713
anyone in Jess's condition
right now.
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00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:40,614
Look, Jess, backsliding is
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00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,416
what happens
after a clean break.
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00:02:42,484 --> 00:02:45,086
When you, when you freak out
and you go crawling back
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00:02:45,154 --> 00:02:47,487
and you just make everything
messy and horrible.
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- I'm not gonna do that.
- You have backslider
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00:02:49,123 --> 00:02:50,958
written all over you.
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00:02:51,025 --> 00:02:52,592
Did I tell you
guys that my boss
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00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,427
invited me to play poker
with him tonight?
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00:02:54,495 --> 00:02:56,363
Crazy thing, he never invites
anybody to play poker with him.
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I mean, come on, I'm in
the prime of my life, baby.
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00:02:58,532 --> 00:02:59,699
- Winston, shut up!
- Shut up!
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00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:00,834
Schmidt, I actually
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00:03:00,902 --> 00:03:01,868
- need my phone back.
- No.
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00:03:01,935 --> 00:03:03,336
I need to call Russell to just
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00:03:03,403 --> 00:03:04,703
tell him I left
my pajamas there.
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00:03:04,771 --> 00:03:06,405
The fact that you were
wearing pajamas
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00:03:06,473 --> 00:03:08,407
in the presence of your lover
tells me that that relationship
96
00:03:08,475 --> 00:03:09,675
was doomed from the start.
No way.
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00:03:09,743 --> 00:03:10,977
Disgusting.
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00:03:11,044 --> 00:03:12,578
Don't fake me--
don't fake me out.
99
00:03:12,645 --> 00:03:13,946
Are you guys playing a game?
100
00:03:14,014 --> 00:03:14,947
No. No. Just chillin'.
101
00:03:15,015 --> 00:03:16,182
Hey, good-lookin'.
102
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:17,649
- Hey.
- What can I get you?
103
00:03:17,717 --> 00:03:19,617
How about one of those
Nick Miller Manhattans?
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00:03:19,685 --> 00:03:21,486
Ah, straight bourbon
in a plastic cup.
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00:03:22,588 --> 00:03:24,322
Come with me.
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00:03:26,558 --> 00:03:27,625
Think we should
show him the DVD?
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00:03:27,693 --> 00:03:29,761
What DVD?
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00:03:29,828 --> 00:03:33,265
Nick made a DVD after the last
time Caroline broke up with him.
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It's all the reasons why they
shouldn't get back together.
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We hid it somewhere in the loft.
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00:03:36,734 --> 00:03:38,535
Ooh. Intrigue.
112
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- Mama like.
- I don't know that we should...
113
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Cece's here.
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00:03:42,941 --> 00:03:44,541
Why is she dressed like
a women's studies major?
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It's precautionary.
116
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Just until my junk heals.
117
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Ow. Owie.
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Damn it.
119
00:03:49,714 --> 00:03:50,613
You okay?
120
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:51,747
No, I'm not okay.
121
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,449
What is going on, Jess?
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00:03:53,517 --> 00:03:55,218
I was just thinking
about this word
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that I learned from Schmidt.
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Backsliding.
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00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,990
Oh, so you're saying
I'm a backslider.
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00:04:01,058 --> 00:04:02,658
I don't know what we're supposed
to do together any more.
127
00:04:02,726 --> 00:04:04,894
Everything seems
to turn you on.
128
00:04:04,962 --> 00:04:07,729
Oh, look, Cece, a bird.
Ow. Ah, damn it!
129
00:04:07,797 --> 00:04:10,799
Schmidt, it's a mother bird
in her nest!
130
00:04:10,866 --> 00:04:12,167
Must I say it, Cece?
131
00:04:12,235 --> 00:04:13,335
What?
132
00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:14,702
- Eggs.
- Okay.
133
00:04:16,705 --> 00:04:18,473
Okay, sure, look, did Caroline
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00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:22,243
physically, mentally and
emotionally abuse me for years?
135
00:04:22,611 --> 00:04:23,644
Yes!
136
00:04:24,211 --> 00:04:25,679
But she changed.
137
00:04:25,747 --> 00:04:27,548
It's about timing.
138
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,951
And the first time around,
we weren't ready to work at it,
139
00:04:30,018 --> 00:04:31,419
and now we are.
140
00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:32,519
And besides,
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00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:34,488
Caroline is way hotter than
142
00:04:34,556 --> 00:04:37,724
that voice in my head,
who sounds like Tom Waits
143
00:04:37,792 --> 00:04:40,526
and tells me I'm a failure
and that I look bad in hats.
144
00:04:40,594 --> 00:04:42,628
I don't want to spend
my whole life with him.
145
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:44,297
You know what I mean?
146
00:04:44,365 --> 00:04:46,066
Okay.
147
00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:47,867
At least you'll get
a break from me tomorrow.
148
00:04:47,935 --> 00:04:49,336
I've got to go visit my dadi.
149
00:04:49,403 --> 00:04:50,236
What?
150
00:04:50,304 --> 00:04:51,637
It's my grandmother.
151
00:04:51,705 --> 00:04:53,139
- Oh, your bubbe?
- Yes, my...
152
00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:54,906
Oh, I have a bubbe.
153
00:04:54,975 --> 00:04:56,775
- Uh, my bubbe is in a home.
- Yeah.
154
00:04:56,843 --> 00:04:58,344
Old people freak me out.
155
00:04:58,411 --> 00:05:01,113
With their hands
and their legs.
156
00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:04,083
Just, they're like the human
version of pleated pants.
157
00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:05,817
- Really?
- Not for me.
158
00:05:05,885 --> 00:05:06,818
- Hey, Schmidt.
- Hey.
159
00:05:06,886 --> 00:05:07,686
Can I borrow your jacket?
160
00:05:07,753 --> 00:05:08,854
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.
161
00:05:08,921 --> 00:05:10,421
Like, aren't into old people?
162
00:05:10,489 --> 00:05:11,522
Not at all.
163
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:12,991
I mean, just-just horr...
164
00:05:13,058 --> 00:05:14,359
like giant walking raisins.
165
00:05:14,426 --> 00:05:15,326
They're in a home...
166
00:05:15,394 --> 00:05:17,328
It's me.
167
00:05:17,396 --> 00:05:19,697
I've been thinking
a lot about you.
168
00:05:19,764 --> 00:05:20,598
Jess.
169
00:05:20,665 --> 00:05:21,899
Hmm?
170
00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:25,003
I can't feel my arm.
171
00:05:27,338 --> 00:05:28,905
Oh.
172
00:05:28,973 --> 00:05:30,673
Whoa.
173
00:05:30,741 --> 00:05:33,010
I really can't feel it at all.
174
00:05:33,077 --> 00:05:34,344
Wake up, fella.
175
00:05:34,412 --> 00:05:36,446
You're gonna be late for school.
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00:05:38,149 --> 00:05:39,449
Genzlinger.
177
00:05:42,524 --> 00:05:44,792
What is that?
178
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:46,727
It's an earring, man.
What does it look like?
179
00:05:47,195 --> 00:05:48,596
Got kind of wasted
last night with Joe,
180
00:05:48,664 --> 00:05:50,098
and so, you know,
I got my ear pierced.
181
00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:52,999
This is the perfect moment.
182
00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,668
Wait, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
183
00:05:55,736 --> 00:05:56,670
- Wait, what?
- I'm gonna do.
184
00:05:56,737 --> 00:05:58,572
See, this is when
it gets weird between us.
185
00:05:58,606 --> 00:05:59,439
One, two, three.
186
00:06:00,808 --> 00:06:02,208
You know,
traditionally, the male
187
00:06:02,276 --> 00:06:03,376
of the species is
more glamorous.
188
00:06:03,944 --> 00:06:05,579
When's it coming out,
by the way?
189
00:06:05,646 --> 00:06:06,597
- The earring?
- No, no,
190
00:06:06,598 --> 00:06:08,181
the smooth jazz album
you're dropping.
191
00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:13,887
Hey, guys. You
remember, um, Paul.
192
00:06:13,955 --> 00:06:15,521
Mercedes-Genz!
193
00:06:15,555 --> 00:06:17,055
Genzel Washington.
194
00:06:17,156 --> 00:06:19,658
It's the Genz of the world
as we know it.
195
00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:22,427
All right, everybody, put down
your Genz and your Genzils.
196
00:06:22,529 --> 00:06:23,896
Hey, Schmidt.
What's up, Washington?
197
00:06:25,365 --> 00:06:26,799
- Um hey.
- Hey.
198
00:06:26,867 --> 00:06:28,567
- So maybe--
- Okay.
199
00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:30,402
- We definitely--
- Oh yeah, that sounds...
200
00:06:30,503 --> 00:06:32,470
Okay.
201
00:06:32,505 --> 00:06:33,538
Okay.
202
00:06:33,606 --> 00:06:35,339
- Okay
- All right.
203
00:06:37,576 --> 00:06:38,877
- Backslider!
- Don't.
204
00:06:38,944 --> 00:06:39,911
- You backslid.
- Come on.
205
00:06:39,979 --> 00:06:41,980
You backslid all the way
206
00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:44,516
down the hill and back
into the parking lot.
207
00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:46,183
Take off your skis and wait
208
00:06:46,251 --> 00:06:48,084
for your family in the lodge,
Jessica Day.
209
00:06:48,152 --> 00:06:49,653
Look, I think
this could be good.
210
00:06:49,721 --> 00:06:51,855
Paul and I had
really bad timing before,
211
00:06:51,923 --> 00:06:54,357
and maybe I should just
give it another shot.
212
00:06:54,425 --> 00:06:55,492
Such an ugly crier.
213
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,293
He is the all-time worst crier.
214
00:07:05,502 --> 00:07:07,837
It's like
he's a slow-motion sneeze.
215
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:08,838
Winston,
216
00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:10,139
what is in your ear?
217
00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:11,040
It's hot and I love it.
218
00:07:11,107 --> 00:07:12,909
Does that feed information
219
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:14,610
back to Shelby to keep track
of your migration patterns?
220
00:07:14,678 --> 00:07:15,578
- Drop it.
- Please, Jess.
221
00:07:15,646 --> 00:07:16,979
He just got back from Carnival.
222
00:07:17,047 --> 00:07:18,213
Know what?
223
00:07:20,550 --> 00:07:22,450
These people are disgusting.
224
00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:24,019
I've never been more
flaccid in my life.
225
00:07:25,054 --> 00:07:25,987
Thank God.
226
00:07:26,055 --> 00:07:27,656
I mean, this place
227
00:07:27,723 --> 00:07:29,390
is a cardigan gold mine.
228
00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:30,391
Can I get you anything, Dadi?
229
00:07:30,459 --> 00:07:32,427
A hot-blooded man
230
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,262
and a hotel room would be nice.
231
00:07:35,396 --> 00:07:37,031
Oh, just get me a puzzle.
232
00:07:39,267 --> 00:07:40,534
Yeah?
233
00:07:40,602 --> 00:07:42,302
I raised that girl.
234
00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:44,404
She is my life.
235
00:07:44,472 --> 00:07:46,373
And she's not
as tough as she looks.
236
00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:48,842
If you hurt her,
237
00:07:48,910 --> 00:07:52,411
I will let myself die
and then I will haunt you.
238
00:07:53,981 --> 00:07:55,214
Whoa, look at this fireplace.
239
00:07:55,282 --> 00:07:56,950
It's huge.
240
00:07:57,017 --> 00:07:59,052
Caroline, that is not a
fireplace, that is, like,
241
00:07:59,119 --> 00:08:01,187
a room you could
safely set on fire.
242
00:08:02,289 --> 00:08:03,656
Yeah, this is really nice.
243
00:08:03,724 --> 00:08:05,524
- It is.
- So grown up.
244
00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,125
But where's all your stuff
gonna go?
245
00:08:07,193 --> 00:08:10,361
Like, where will
the Grateful Dead bears dance?
246
00:08:10,429 --> 00:08:12,064
Oh, I didn't realize
I lived here, too.
247
00:08:12,131 --> 00:08:14,666
Seriously though, what do
you think about moving in?
248
00:08:14,734 --> 00:08:16,802
Wait, you want to
move in together?
249
00:08:16,869 --> 00:08:19,537
Yeah, I mean, I feel like
if we're gonna do this again,
250
00:08:19,606 --> 00:08:21,372
we should do it
for real this time, you know?
251
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:22,340
Right.
252
00:08:22,408 --> 00:08:24,374
I mean, I'm 33 years old.
253
00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:26,443
You're 30 years old; we're the
same age, you knucklehead.
254
00:08:26,511 --> 00:08:29,780
No, I lied about that.
I'm 33.
255
00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:31,849
I don't want to start
at the beginning again with you.
256
00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:37,922
I mean, you're not...
not making sense.
257
00:08:39,156 --> 00:08:40,189
Knock-knock.
258
00:08:40,257 --> 00:08:41,190
Hi.
259
00:08:41,258 --> 00:08:42,692
Hi back.
260
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,293
- Um...
- Hey...
261
00:08:44,361 --> 00:08:45,962
- I want to tell you...
- I have something to tell you.
262
00:08:46,030 --> 00:08:47,396
- Oh, sorry, you go first.
- Oh, I'll go first.
263
00:08:47,464 --> 00:08:52,068
Um, I was thinking
a lot about, um...
264
00:08:52,136 --> 00:08:54,870
you and last night.
265
00:08:54,938 --> 00:08:57,072
Right.
266
00:08:57,140 --> 00:08:59,608
And we have something good.
267
00:08:59,676 --> 00:09:02,511
Jess, I have a girlfriend.
268
00:09:02,578 --> 00:09:04,046
- What?
- Yeah.
269
00:09:04,114 --> 00:09:06,615
Very serious girlfriend.
270
00:09:06,683 --> 00:09:07,716
Oh, my God.
271
00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:09,351
Why didn't you tell me?
272
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:11,686
When you called me
last night, we had just gotten
273
00:09:11,754 --> 00:09:14,221
into this huge fight,
and I was really confused.
274
00:09:14,289 --> 00:09:16,190
You cheating on her with me?
275
00:09:16,258 --> 00:09:17,558
Is that bad?
That's bad.
276
00:09:17,626 --> 00:09:18,926
It's really bad.
277
00:09:18,994 --> 00:09:21,095
Oh, no, that's really bad.
278
00:09:21,163 --> 00:09:23,064
Why would you do that?!
279
00:09:23,132 --> 00:09:24,598
Now I know what Bill Clinton
feels like.
280
00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:26,767
Now I know
how Monica Lewinsky feels!
281
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:28,902
I'm sorry I made you
feel like Monica Lewinsky.
282
00:09:28,970 --> 00:09:29,670
Stop crying!
283
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,437
You are literally
284
00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,506
the ugliest crier
I have ever seen!
285
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,642
You cry smile.
286
00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:36,943
Hey, babe, I'm here for lunch.
287
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:38,645
- Oh!
- Oh.
288
00:09:38,713 --> 00:09:40,280
Oh, no, are you crying?
289
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,282
Is everything okay?
290
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:46,251
There's-there's...
291
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,453
I'm sorry to have to
break it to you,
292
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,922
but that is the way
293
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,791
the electoral college works,
man.
294
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,493
It-it seems so unfair.
295
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,528
So votes don't mean as much.
296
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,429
It upsets me, too.
297
00:10:02,996 --> 00:10:04,031
I'm gonna miss you, Winston.
298
00:10:04,349 --> 00:10:05,733
- What do you mean?
- I'm gonna miss you
299
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,701
when your caravan moves on
to the next village.
300
00:10:09,238 --> 00:10:10,704
Oh, my God!
301
00:10:11,272 --> 00:10:13,007
He has a girlfriend!
302
00:10:13,074 --> 00:10:14,641
He cheated on his girlfriend
303
00:10:14,709 --> 00:10:15,776
with me.
304
00:10:15,844 --> 00:10:16,843
I'm a cheater.
305
00:10:16,910 --> 00:10:18,311
P. Genz played you?
306
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:19,312
I saw her.
307
00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:22,081
She looks like an Asian me.
308
00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:25,251
Asian Jess. Wo-- Ow.
309
00:10:25,318 --> 00:10:26,652
I can't even backslide right.
310
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,720
I've been her.
311
00:10:27,788 --> 00:10:29,622
I've been Asian me before.
312
00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:31,190
Are you gonna keep calling her
"Asian me,"
313
00:10:31,258 --> 00:10:32,458
because it's becoming
a problem for me.
314
00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:34,126
I don't know her name, Schmidt.
315
00:10:34,193 --> 00:10:36,194
But I do know
that if I were her,
316
00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:38,830
I would want to know what kind
of person I was dating.
317
00:10:38,898 --> 00:10:40,598
And that's why
I have to tell her.
318
00:10:40,666 --> 00:10:42,200
- What? No, don't do that.
- Please don't do that.
319
00:10:42,268 --> 00:10:43,635
Mm-mm. Sometimes, when
you make a mistake,
320
00:10:43,702 --> 00:10:46,404
all you can do is own up to it,
all right?
321
00:10:46,472 --> 00:10:48,106
Because it's something
you can't fix.
322
00:10:48,174 --> 00:10:49,640
Knowledge.
323
00:10:49,707 --> 00:10:50,674
Take it easy,
black George Michael.
324
00:10:50,742 --> 00:10:51,675
I have to do it.
325
00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:53,710
I have to tell her.
326
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,913
61 years we've been together.
327
00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:56,914
14 presidents
328
00:10:56,982 --> 00:10:59,316
and four different Batmen.
329
00:10:59,384 --> 00:11:01,218
Why don't we go for a walk?
330
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,653
I'm just gonna go get
your sweater.
331
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:03,821
- I'll be back in a second.
- Oh, thanks, sweetie.
332
00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:05,822
- Give me one second.
- Wow,
333
00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:07,556
so you guys are like
real live Yodas, huh?
334
00:11:07,624 --> 00:11:09,725
Can I ask you a question?
335
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,694
- Yeah.
- Shoot, cowboy.
336
00:11:11,762 --> 00:11:12,929
How do you build a relationship?
337
00:11:12,997 --> 00:11:14,563
How 'bout Viagra?
338
00:11:14,631 --> 00:11:16,632
I use it just to keep
from falling out of bed.
339
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,567
How does a guy like me
have a chance
340
00:11:18,635 --> 00:11:20,469
at making someone
like Cece happy?
341
00:11:20,537 --> 00:11:23,038
You don't. Not with all those
moles on your face.
342
00:11:23,106 --> 00:11:25,507
- I should just give up, huh?
- That's crazy!
343
00:11:25,574 --> 00:11:26,508
She needs you!
344
00:11:28,512 --> 00:11:30,512
You are exactly what she needs.
345
00:11:34,317 --> 00:11:35,517
Here's your sweater, Dadi.
346
00:11:35,584 --> 00:11:37,118
Oh, thank you.
347
00:11:37,186 --> 00:11:38,920
Um, I'll meet you out there
in a second, okay?
348
00:11:38,987 --> 00:11:40,221
Okay.
349
00:11:41,289 --> 00:11:42,723
Take it easy, Burt.
350
00:11:45,592 --> 00:11:47,294
You know, for the first
time in my life
351
00:11:47,362 --> 00:11:50,698
I actually feel like I want
something that lasts.
352
00:11:53,134 --> 00:11:54,635
And I want it with you.
353
00:11:54,703 --> 00:11:58,739
I feel... the same way.
354
00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:00,740
You do?
355
00:12:00,808 --> 00:12:02,742
Oh!
356
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:04,477
- It hurts so bad, because...
- What's turning you on?
357
00:12:04,545 --> 00:12:05,712
- Oh...
- The queen of diamonds?
358
00:12:05,779 --> 00:12:07,380
- The bow?
- Oh, my God.
359
00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:08,748
The teeth in the glass?
360
00:12:08,816 --> 00:12:10,249
I care about you so much.
361
00:12:10,317 --> 00:12:12,218
- The leaf painting?
- But...
362
00:12:12,285 --> 00:12:14,654
Is emotional intimacy
turning you on?
363
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:18,623
Are you in that much pain?
364
00:12:19,191 --> 00:12:20,158
Uh, he passed out.
365
00:12:20,226 --> 00:12:21,493
We need help!
366
00:12:21,561 --> 00:12:23,495
Yo. What's up, man?
367
00:12:23,563 --> 00:12:24,996
- How'd the audition go?
- What?
368
00:12:25,064 --> 00:12:27,131
- For the Disney pirate movie?
- Ha-ha.
369
00:12:27,199 --> 00:12:28,700
Hey, Mr. T called.
370
00:12:28,768 --> 00:12:30,369
He wants to punch you because
that earring looks stupid.
371
00:12:30,436 --> 00:12:32,470
I mean, Lil' Wayne
wears it, so...
372
00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:33,971
Oh, Little Wayne Gonzales
from Brazil?
373
00:12:34,038 --> 00:12:36,240
Who came to the United States
to dance and be free!
374
00:12:36,307 --> 00:12:38,108
You can't touch me, baby.
I'm in the prime of my life.
375
00:12:38,176 --> 00:12:40,378
Tell me, what are you doing?
What you been doing all day?
376
00:12:40,445 --> 00:12:42,747
Oh, I'm actually looking for
an apartment. It's for Caroline.
377
00:12:42,814 --> 00:12:44,482
She's looking for a new
apartment, and she asked me if
378
00:12:44,549 --> 00:12:46,250
I wanted to move in with her,
and I'm thinking about it.
379
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:49,386
Cool! Cool, cool,
sounds like so much fun.
380
00:12:49,453 --> 00:12:50,820
I'm really glad that's your
reaction, because I thought
381
00:12:50,888 --> 00:12:52,989
you were going to tell me
I was making a huge mistake.
382
00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:54,290
Honestly, I didn't
want to hear that.
383
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,559
Wouldn't do that,
that'd be silly.
384
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:03,700
What are you doing? Huh? What?
385
00:13:03,768 --> 00:13:05,401
No, Nick...
No, no, no! No!
386
00:13:05,468 --> 00:13:07,168
Nick. Nick. Nick, Nick!
Nick! Don't!
387
00:13:07,236 --> 00:13:09,170
It's for your own good.
388
00:13:09,238 --> 00:13:11,006
- Get out of there!
- What are you...? No, Schmidt!
389
00:13:11,073 --> 00:13:12,173
Grab him!
Okay, grab him.
390
00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:13,475
You got him?
391
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,543
- Watch the television.
- You got him?
392
00:13:14,611 --> 00:13:16,077
Watch it. Watch it.
393
00:13:16,145 --> 00:13:17,345
Watch the television.
Watch the TV...
394
00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:18,781
All right, all right,
watch the TV.
395
00:13:18,848 --> 00:13:20,015
- Hello, Nick...
- No!
396
00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:21,516
In all its glory, watch it.
397
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:23,751
- You magnificent dumb-ass.
- Come on.
398
00:13:23,819 --> 00:13:25,520
If you're watching this,
399
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,655
it's because you decided
to get back with Caroline.
400
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,323
Yes, Nick. I did.
401
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,158
Well, congratulations,
you idiot.
402
00:13:31,226 --> 00:13:33,861
- She destroyed you.
- You don't know me, you jerk!
403
00:13:33,929 --> 00:13:35,930
These, my dumb friend,
are your tears.
404
00:13:35,997 --> 00:13:38,164
- And you saved them all.
- I got him, I got him.
405
00:13:38,232 --> 00:13:39,599
Think back, Nick, Stay still.
406
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:40,500
Or whatever they call you
in your time.
407
00:13:40,568 --> 00:13:42,536
Who dumped you three times?
408
00:13:42,603 --> 00:13:44,938
Once before you had to speak
at your brother's wedding.
409
00:13:45,005 --> 00:13:46,740
Well, he's divorced now,
so I'll get another shot.
410
00:13:46,808 --> 00:13:47,475
This is a poem you
wrote about Caroline...
411
00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:48,141
I don't want the poem.
412
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,609
- I don't want the poem.
- You're getting the poem.
413
00:13:49,677 --> 00:13:51,478
...But you're too emotional
to read it right now.
414
00:13:51,546 --> 00:13:53,679
You're going to give it
to Schmidt for safekeeping.
415
00:13:57,584 --> 00:13:59,184
This is your doing, Caroline.
416
00:13:59,252 --> 00:14:00,753
You were right to
have trusted me.
417
00:14:00,821 --> 00:14:02,888
Two years I held this thing.
418
00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:04,857
- Read it.
- Here they come.
419
00:14:04,925 --> 00:14:06,358
Okay.
420
00:14:06,426 --> 00:14:09,527
"Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?
421
00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:12,363
No, a summer's day
is not a bitch."
422
00:14:12,431 --> 00:14:14,499
Really, Nick?
423
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:15,834
That's how you want
to talk about Caroline?
424
00:14:15,901 --> 00:14:17,234
I can't move, my
earring is stuck.
425
00:14:17,302 --> 00:14:19,170
But there's something
I want to do to you, then.
426
00:14:19,237 --> 00:14:21,305
Don't move, don't move.
Don't move, Nick, don't move!
427
00:14:21,373 --> 00:14:22,774
Let's have a conversation like men!
Let's act like men, Nick! Ah!
428
00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:24,008
You want to act like men,
let's act like men.
429
00:14:24,076 --> 00:14:27,010
Look at how far
you've come, Nick.
430
00:14:27,078 --> 00:14:29,245
- Want to be a bartender forever, pal?
- I'm still a bartender.
431
00:14:29,313 --> 00:14:31,014
You want to be a grown man
432
00:14:31,082 --> 00:14:33,884
who dresses like an unsponsored
professional skateboarder?
433
00:14:33,952 --> 00:14:36,353
You don't want to live like
this. You're moving on.
434
00:14:36,420 --> 00:14:37,955
I'm here to tell you
you're doing the right thing,
435
00:14:38,022 --> 00:14:39,523
so just keep going.
436
00:14:39,591 --> 00:14:42,458
Can I talk to you Nick-to-Nick
for a second?
437
00:14:42,526 --> 00:14:45,027
I respect you, man.
You're rocking the hell
438
00:14:45,095 --> 00:14:47,363
out of that beard,
and the long hair looks good,
439
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:49,031
despite what other people
are gonna say.
440
00:14:49,099 --> 00:14:50,967
Look, the Caroline
that broke your heart,
441
00:14:51,034 --> 00:14:54,003
I get why you don't like her.
442
00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:55,671
But it's a different Caroline
that's picking me up
443
00:14:55,739 --> 00:14:57,572
in five minutes, Nick.
444
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,740
Do you want me to live alone
in this loft
445
00:14:58,808 --> 00:15:00,542
for the rest of my life?
446
00:15:00,610 --> 00:15:03,879
Hey, what's the difference
between me and Bill Cosby?
447
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,547
Well, thanks, guys. You helped
me figure something out.
448
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,749
All right, well, look,
449
00:15:07,817 --> 00:15:09,951
I think this was a really
nice talk, Future Nick.
450
00:15:10,019 --> 00:15:12,186
I hope you got something from
it, 'cause I know that I did.
451
00:15:14,188 --> 00:15:15,890
I'm gonna call her.
452
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:18,125
- I have to call..
- No! Damn it, give me the phone.
453
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:19,894
Please get out of here, I have to call...
Coach! He's calling her again.
454
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,531
- We lost him.
- We sure did, Captain Black Sparrow.
455
00:15:23,598 --> 00:15:25,065
- Hey, Paul.
- Hey.
456
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,167
I'm not going to let you
lie to your girlfriend.
457
00:15:27,235 --> 00:15:29,268
Okay? It's not fair to her.
458
00:15:29,336 --> 00:15:31,804
So you have to tell her
what happened between us.
459
00:15:31,872 --> 00:15:33,072
Or I will.
460
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,207
All right.
You're right.
461
00:15:35,275 --> 00:15:37,510
- I have to tell her.
- Yeah.
462
00:15:37,578 --> 00:15:39,078
I'm so scared, though.
I don't want to lose her, Jess.
463
00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:41,047
She's my soul mate.
464
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,249
For someone with a soul mate,
you sure did have sex with me.
465
00:15:43,316 --> 00:15:45,584
I know. I know, and I don't
expect you to believe me--
466
00:15:45,652 --> 00:15:47,352
I wouldn't believe me
if I were you--
467
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:49,721
but check it out.
468
00:15:49,789 --> 00:15:51,890
I even bought her
an engagement ring.
469
00:15:53,358 --> 00:15:54,427
Oh...
470
00:15:55,494 --> 00:15:57,829
That's... that's
really beautiful.
471
00:15:57,897 --> 00:15:59,197
I've been carrying it around
in my pocket for two weeks,
472
00:15:59,265 --> 00:16:00,831
trying to find the right way
to propose to her.
473
00:16:00,899 --> 00:16:03,400
And I just started panicking,
and I got...
474
00:16:03,468 --> 00:16:06,336
I don't know, I got scared,
and-and-and really confused,
475
00:16:06,404 --> 00:16:08,205
and I'm so sorry
to drag you into this,
476
00:16:08,273 --> 00:16:09,707
but this was the biggest
mistake of my life.
477
00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:11,776
God, Paul, don't make me
feel sorry for you.
478
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:13,044
I know. I messed up.
479
00:16:13,111 --> 00:16:14,812
Big-time.
480
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,013
And I'm going to lose her.
481
00:16:16,081 --> 00:16:17,981
Oh, God, I can't lose her!
482
00:16:18,049 --> 00:16:20,383
Hey, babe, you left
your tuner in my car.
483
00:16:20,451 --> 00:16:23,019
Oh. Hi!
You're Jess, right?
484
00:16:23,087 --> 00:16:24,253
I'm Jenn.
485
00:16:24,321 --> 00:16:26,056
Jenn.
486
00:16:28,993 --> 00:16:30,760
Well, I was just leaving.
487
00:16:30,828 --> 00:16:33,562
- Jess and I slept together.
- Oh, God.
488
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:35,363
- What?
- I want to be completely honest with you.
489
00:16:35,431 --> 00:16:37,232
It happened two days ago,
and we did lots of stuff.
490
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,401
There was talking,
and there were hands,
491
00:16:39,469 --> 00:16:41,536
- and I think we ruined a throw pillow.
- He's making it sound
492
00:16:41,605 --> 00:16:43,138
a lot more erotic than it was.
493
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:45,841
It was just, like,
lying there and... blah.
494
00:16:45,909 --> 00:16:47,710
I am so sorry.
495
00:16:47,777 --> 00:16:49,477
I'm... I'm begging you
to forgive me.
496
00:16:49,544 --> 00:16:51,445
I thought you loved me.
497
00:16:51,513 --> 00:16:52,814
I'm so sorry.
498
00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:54,649
I'm an idiot!
499
00:16:56,485 --> 00:16:59,020
- I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, my God. No...
500
00:16:59,088 --> 00:17:01,823
Yeah, I'm such an idiot.
501
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,357
Good-bye, Paul.
502
00:17:03,425 --> 00:17:05,558
Oh, no.
Wait. Wait. Jenn?
503
00:17:05,627 --> 00:17:07,193
Haven't you done enough?
504
00:17:07,261 --> 00:17:10,631
Yeah, I have.
I have done enough, but...
505
00:17:12,634 --> 00:17:15,368
I know how you feel.
506
00:17:15,436 --> 00:17:17,938
I've been there.
I've been cheated on before,
507
00:17:18,006 --> 00:17:19,673
and it feels like someone
508
00:17:19,741 --> 00:17:21,473
dropped an anvil on your heart.
509
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,976
Um, but...
510
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,779
That guy wasn't right for me.
511
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,014
You guys...
512
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,815
You guys are perfect together.
513
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,885
I thought you were Asian me,
514
00:17:32,953 --> 00:17:35,988
but now I realize
I'm just Caucasian you.
515
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,321
- What?
- What?
516
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,857
Paul was scared.
517
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:40,091
And when you're scared,
518
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,093
you do stupid things.
519
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,095
He made a really
terrible mistake.
520
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:46,031
Really terrible.
521
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:48,667
The things that we did
48 hours ago were so dark...
522
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,368
- I'm handling this.
- Sorry.
523
00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:52,803
Jenn...
524
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,271
you love Paul.
525
00:17:54,838 --> 00:17:55,839
I know that
526
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:57,340
because you're still
standing here.
527
00:17:57,408 --> 00:17:59,777
What you guys have...
528
00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:01,378
it's way bigger than me.
529
00:18:02,195 --> 00:18:03,847
And I think...
530
00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:05,683
I think Paul has something
to ask you.
531
00:18:07,185 --> 00:18:09,318
I know this is not
the right time to do this,
532
00:18:09,386 --> 00:18:11,821
in fact, this is
a terrible time to do this,
533
00:18:11,889 --> 00:18:13,723
but I don't care.
534
00:18:13,791 --> 00:18:15,725
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you,
535
00:18:15,793 --> 00:18:18,194
Jennifer Ruth Toyogi.
536
00:18:18,261 --> 00:18:20,863
- I know that now more than ever.
- Now that you slept with her.
537
00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:23,900
Happy to help.
Uh-huh.
538
00:18:23,967 --> 00:18:27,602
If... if you still love me,
at all...
539
00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:29,504
Of course I still do. I...
540
00:18:30,873 --> 00:18:32,607
Oh, yeah.
541
00:18:32,675 --> 00:18:33,742
Um...
542
00:18:35,311 --> 00:18:36,477
Ooh...
543
00:18:36,545 --> 00:18:38,113
Will you... will you...
544
00:18:38,181 --> 00:18:40,248
will you, will you marry him?
545
00:18:40,316 --> 00:18:42,549
Yeah.
546
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:49,924
- Is that a "yes"?
- Yes.
547
00:19:02,714 --> 00:19:04,682
So you and Cece are staying
away from each other.
548
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,400
Only until my penis
stops looking
549
00:19:06,467 --> 00:19:08,269
like a knotted wizard's staff.
550
00:19:08,336 --> 00:19:10,536
- That sounds tough, man.
- Guys like us--
551
00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:13,239
Nick, too--
we're warriors.
552
00:19:13,307 --> 00:19:15,474
We just keep on fighting,
and holding on,
553
00:19:15,542 --> 00:19:17,911
even when we know we're
just making a big mistake.
554
00:19:17,978 --> 00:19:19,412
Like Nick and Caroline.
555
00:19:19,479 --> 00:19:21,547
- And that earring.
- I'm not giving this thing up.
556
00:19:21,615 --> 00:19:23,116
You look like you were caught
by a fly fisherman.
557
00:19:23,183 --> 00:19:24,483
Dude, I've had it with
the earring jokes.
558
00:19:24,551 --> 00:19:25,984
You look like you should be
standing in line
559
00:19:26,052 --> 00:19:27,719
to get into Shaquille O'Neal's
birthday party.
560
00:19:27,787 --> 00:19:28,820
Oh, my God, you guys.
561
00:19:28,888 --> 00:19:30,855
The most exciting thing
just happened.
562
00:19:30,924 --> 00:19:33,725
I helped Paul propose to his
girlfriend. They are engaged.
563
00:19:33,793 --> 00:19:34,870
- Awesome.
- I feel like you're leaving out
564
00:19:34,871 --> 00:19:35,360
part of that story.
565
00:19:35,428 --> 00:19:37,662
Where's Nick?
I want to tell him.
566
00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:39,264
This should be fun. Um...
567
00:19:39,332 --> 00:19:40,966
yeah, Nick has something
to tell you, too.
568
00:19:41,034 --> 00:19:43,000
- He's in the bathroom.
- Oh, great.
569
00:19:44,269 --> 00:19:46,503
- Really?
- She's gonna find out anyway.
570
00:19:46,571 --> 00:19:48,505
Nick! Nick!
571
00:19:48,573 --> 00:19:50,174
- Hey.
- What, Jess?
572
00:19:50,742 --> 00:19:54,245
Um, Paul proposed to his
girlfriend in front of me.
573
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:56,280
That sounds pretty awkward.
574
00:19:56,348 --> 00:19:58,481
She said yes, and it
was... it was really...
575
00:19:58,549 --> 00:19:59,849
it was really beautiful.
576
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:01,985
And it made me
realize something.
577
00:20:02,053 --> 00:20:04,587
You're wrong. All the stuff
you said about Caroline,
578
00:20:04,655 --> 00:20:06,889
being about timing,
579
00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,459
and it just making sense?
580
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:11,361
No.
581
00:20:11,429 --> 00:20:15,064
Because if you really
love someone, it's simple.
582
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,967
Okay. Well, I understand
what you're saying, but...
583
00:20:18,034 --> 00:20:20,302
You deserve something amazing.
584
00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:22,704
And... you deserve love.
585
00:20:23,772 --> 00:20:25,274
I know you don't
want to be alone,
586
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,542
but I'm going to be there,
587
00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:31,245
and I'll tell that Tom Waits
voice in your head to shut up.
588
00:20:33,415 --> 00:20:35,516
We don't have to settle...
589
00:20:35,584 --> 00:20:37,618
Nick.
590
00:20:37,686 --> 00:20:39,687
You're the best.
591
00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:42,990
I'm moving in with Caroline.
592
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,195
We signed a lease this morning.
593
00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:52,165
Thanks for saying
all that stuff.
594
00:21:01,425 --> 00:21:03,160
Now that I got your attention,
Future Nick,
595
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:06,695
there's a few things
I'd like to talk to you about.
596
00:21:06,813 --> 00:21:08,481
Be nicer to your mom
when she calls.
597
00:21:08,548 --> 00:21:10,149
Stop giving yourself high fives.
598
00:21:10,217 --> 00:21:12,251
Put your head underwater,
you two-year-old.
599
00:21:12,319 --> 00:21:14,686
Be nicer to Coach,
or he's gonna take off,
600
00:21:15,054 --> 00:21:16,622
live with a bunch
of other white people.
601
00:21:16,689 --> 00:21:17,823
I no fake karate.
602
00:21:17,891 --> 00:21:19,457
I'm Nick, I'm grumpy.
603
00:21:19,525 --> 00:21:20,958
I'm going to put
my baby hood on.
604
00:21:21,027 --> 00:21:23,028
Sex is a sprint,
not a marathon.
605
00:21:23,095 --> 00:21:24,962
♪ You are special,
you are special ♪
606
00:21:25,031 --> 00:21:27,098
♪ You... ♪
607
00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:29,200
We'll see each other
in the future...
608
00:21:29,268 --> 00:21:31,469
unless I see you first.
Nick Miller!
609
00:21:31,537 --> 00:21:36,671
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