1
00:00:00,932 --> 00:00:02,532
Just come, Nick. Why not?
2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,468
Angie and I are not
romantic weekend types.
3
00:00:05,536 --> 00:00:07,970
Sounds like you need
some fresh air in a cabin
4
00:00:08,938 --> 00:00:10,405
(Blows raspberry)
You're dating a stripper.
5
00:00:10,473 --> 00:00:12,106
I'm dating a tall,
handsome doctor.
6
00:00:12,174 --> 00:00:13,775
We're both kind
of living the dream.
7
00:00:13,842 --> 00:00:14,809
We're not "dating."
8
00:00:14,877 --> 00:00:15,843
What Angie and I have together
9
00:00:15,911 --> 00:00:17,946
is pure anarchy
10
00:00:18,013 --> 00:00:19,747
in like, a sexy, cool way.
11
00:00:19,815 --> 00:00:21,855
- Oh, yeah? - Look at what she
did while I was sleeping.
12
00:00:21,884 --> 00:00:23,217
Look at how cool that is.
13
00:00:23,285 --> 00:00:24,953
She doodled on your armpit?
14
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:27,054
- It's not a doodle, it's a tat.
- Of poodle hair?
15
00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:28,455
It's not poodle hair.
It's like the, uh...
16
00:00:29,522 --> 00:00:30,458
Anyway, no to the cabin.
17
00:00:31,525 --> 00:00:32,793
- All right.
- And why do you want us to come
18
00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:34,461
on your romantic weekend anyhow?
19
00:00:34,528 --> 00:00:36,162
I thought it was just supposed
to be you and the doctor.
20
00:00:36,230 --> 00:00:37,631
Okay, I'm a little nervous.
21
00:00:37,699 --> 00:00:39,099
I just need backup.
22
00:00:39,166 --> 00:00:40,200
I want this weekend to be fun
23
00:00:40,267 --> 00:00:42,535
and perfect
24
00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:45,371
and lovely, and I want him
to look at me at the end and go,
25
00:00:45,439 --> 00:00:47,773
"Jess, that was the best weekend
I ever had."
26
00:00:47,841 --> 00:00:49,875
I'm glad you're keeping your
expectations at a reasonable level.
27
00:00:49,943 --> 00:00:51,544
Come on, it'll be fun.
28
00:00:51,612 --> 00:00:53,179
- Roast marshmallows,
- Yeah.
29
00:00:53,247 --> 00:00:54,780
- Make a fire,
- Oh, yeah.
30
00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:56,149
And sleep on a bear rug.
31
00:00:56,217 --> 00:00:58,218
- You in?
- Ooh, no.
32
00:00:58,285 --> 00:00:59,585
Jess, I'm sorry.
We're not going
33
00:00:59,652 --> 00:01:00,685
- this weekend.
- All right.
34
00:01:00,753 --> 00:01:02,187
But it's free.
35
00:01:02,255 --> 00:01:03,188
- You say free?
- Yep.
36
00:01:03,256 --> 00:01:04,456
Yeah, we're 100% in.
37
00:01:04,524 --> 00:01:06,158
- I'll go pack now.
- Okay.
38
00:01:06,226 --> 00:01:08,227
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
39
00:01:08,294 --> 00:01:09,828
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪
40
00:01:10,832 --> 00:01:14,832
Sync & corrections by Alice
==special thanks to err0001==
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:17,701
Oh, wait, wait, wait,
keep this in mind, right?
42
00:01:17,769 --> 00:01:19,537
Now, I have a spatula in
my hand the entire time,
43
00:01:19,605 --> 00:01:21,805
and I'm looking her directly
in the eye, and I say,
44
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,313
"You're damn right
I want some cake."
45
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,243
(Laughter)
Kind of weird.
46
00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:26,810
Hey, what's up?
Guys, this is Schmidt.
47
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:27,512
SCHMIDT:
Hey.
48
00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:28,679
Ready to go?
49
00:01:28,747 --> 00:01:29,847
Yeah, no, let's do it.
50
00:01:29,914 --> 00:01:31,181
It's nice meeting you all.
51
00:01:31,249 --> 00:01:33,250
Hey, uh, Winston,
52
00:01:34,317 --> 00:01:35,018
who are those guys?
53
00:01:35,085 --> 00:01:36,586
I don't know, I just met them
on the way to the bathroom.
54
00:01:36,654 --> 00:01:37,854
But you were so light
and charming.
55
00:01:37,921 --> 00:01:39,042
You were like Pixar Winston.
56
00:01:39,089 --> 00:01:40,490
Yeah, we were
just chilling, man,
57
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:41,858
just having a conversation.
58
00:01:41,925 --> 00:01:42,925
We can stay, if you want.
59
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,093
No, Schmidt,
I don't want to stay.
60
00:01:44,162 --> 00:01:45,328
I want to eat.
61
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,263
Come on, man.
62
00:01:49,999 --> 00:01:52,100
White Nick, brown Cece.
63
00:01:52,169 --> 00:01:54,570
I'd like to have
a frank discussion about race.
64
00:01:54,638 --> 00:01:56,472
(Groans)
Do you think that we're
65
00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:58,574
allowing Winston
to be his blackest self?
66
00:01:58,642 --> 00:02:00,609
- I'm not gonna do this. - Okay,
make sure Jess gets these, okay?
67
00:02:00,677 --> 00:02:01,610
Guys, please, I'm being serious.
68
00:02:01,678 --> 00:02:03,078
Okay, Schmidty,
69
00:02:03,146 --> 00:02:04,445
I know that you're
being serious,
70
00:02:04,513 --> 00:02:07,815
but look, Winston has been black
his entire life.
71
00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:09,617
I think he knows how
to handle it.
72
00:02:09,685 --> 00:02:11,319
We were out
the other night for drinks,
73
00:02:11,387 --> 00:02:14,720
and well, he encountered
some members of his own,
74
00:02:15,291 --> 00:02:17,758
and you should have seen
the way that he lit up.
75
00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:19,959
I mean, he was like
a glow stick.
76
00:02:20,027 --> 00:02:21,928
- This is terrible. - Whatever you
were gonna do, please do not.
77
00:02:21,996 --> 00:02:23,664
- Just don't do it.
- I want to create
78
00:02:23,731 --> 00:02:26,200
an environment within this loft
where Winston feels free,
79
00:02:26,267 --> 00:02:28,202
where the gates are open.
Let's let Winston
80
00:02:28,269 --> 00:02:30,404
turn on his-his black switch
81
00:02:30,971 --> 00:02:32,406
and let his black light shine.
82
00:02:34,674 --> 00:02:35,541
JESS:
This is perfect.
83
00:02:35,609 --> 00:02:37,610
Yes, it is a weekend
in the woods.
84
00:02:37,678 --> 00:02:40,178
I'm just glad that we get
to spend some time together.
85
00:02:40,246 --> 00:02:41,346
Yeah.
86
00:02:43,148 --> 00:02:44,049
Hey.
87
00:02:44,117 --> 00:02:45,251
Yeah!
88
00:02:45,319 --> 00:02:46,686
Oh, look, it's Jackie O.
89
00:02:46,753 --> 00:02:48,654
- Me? All right, thanks.
- Yeah, you.
90
00:02:48,722 --> 00:02:51,256
Sorry we're late. I had to stop
and buy this bitch-ass a helmet.
91
00:02:51,324 --> 00:02:53,004
Because he wouldn't
stop being a bitch-ass.
92
00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:54,593
The helmet we got
at a rest stop,
93
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,127
the shades are mine.
94
00:02:56,195 --> 00:02:57,229
(Laughter)
Yeah.
95
00:02:57,296 --> 00:02:59,464
Free cabin! Whoo!
96
00:02:59,532 --> 00:03:01,065
It's actually
my boss's cabin.
97
00:03:01,133 --> 00:03:03,602
- That's great! Whoo!
- Yeah! USA, USA!
98
00:03:06,605 --> 00:03:08,105
Indian food, dinner? You down?
99
00:03:08,172 --> 00:03:09,640
I thought maybe
we'd eat at a place
100
00:03:09,708 --> 00:03:11,428
where you wanted to eat
at tonight, Winston.
101
00:03:11,993 --> 00:03:14,245
As a strong black man.
102
00:03:14,812 --> 00:03:15,512
What?
103
00:03:15,580 --> 00:03:16,947
- What are you talking about?
- Hey, man, I get it.
104
00:03:17,014 --> 00:03:18,654
There are just some nights
where I'm dying
105
00:03:18,717 --> 00:03:20,150
for my zadie's egg salad,
106
00:03:21,218 --> 00:03:22,953
pastrami piled a mile high,
107
00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:24,887
some matzo, kreplach...
108
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,856
Let's eat some soul food.
109
00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:28,524
Schmidt, I want Indian,
southern Indian.
110
00:03:28,592 --> 00:03:30,025
Also, I got you something.
111
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:39,034
- Jah rastafari. - Take this
damn thing off my head.
112
00:03:39,102 --> 00:03:41,536
Okay, I'm sorry.
You're right.
113
00:03:41,604 --> 00:03:42,904
Forget the hat.
Just, I made a mistake.
114
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:43,905
I just...
115
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,474
(Sighs)
116
00:03:45,541 --> 00:03:47,376
Winston, tonight is about you.
117
00:03:47,443 --> 00:03:49,578
I want to be the black friend
that you never had.
118
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,112
I have black friends, Schmidt.
119
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:52,340
I want you to feel supported.
120
00:03:52,348 --> 00:03:53,982
I want you to be able
to do
121
00:03:54,049 --> 00:03:55,969
the things that you don't feel
like I understand.
122
00:03:58,754 --> 00:04:00,821
Okay. So that means
you're gonna do
123
00:04:00,889 --> 00:04:03,758
- whatever I say?
- I mean, as long as it's gangster.
124
00:04:03,825 --> 00:04:05,726
- Or not. It doesn't have to be gangster.
- Well, Schmidt,
125
00:04:05,794 --> 00:04:07,428
I want to say thank you
for allowing me to be me
126
00:04:07,496 --> 00:04:08,896
and I look forward to sharing
127
00:04:08,963 --> 00:04:10,403
my people's culture
with you tonight.
128
00:04:12,566 --> 00:04:15,134
I've never played
sexy Boggle before.
129
00:04:15,202 --> 00:04:18,535
I'm gonna get into that later.
130
00:04:18,706 --> 00:04:19,639
Ow-ooh!
131
00:04:19,707 --> 00:04:21,808
Oops. Okay.
132
00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:23,176
Hey, guys.
133
00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:25,878
Sorry, we were just unpacking.
134
00:04:25,946 --> 00:04:27,913
We could hear very clearly.
Very clearly.
135
00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:29,541
Hey, you got
a high-pitched scream, man.
136
00:04:29,549 --> 00:04:31,016
Yeah, I do.
137
00:04:31,083 --> 00:04:33,118
So, you guys, we are
playing best of 35,
138
00:04:33,186 --> 00:04:35,454
um, 'cause I thought you guys
139
00:04:35,522 --> 00:04:36,822
were gonna hang out with us.
140
00:04:36,889 --> 00:04:38,624
Oh. SAM: Oh, Angie,
141
00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:39,958
this is my boss's cabin.
142
00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:41,293
(Yelling)
143
00:04:41,361 --> 00:04:42,894
Oh! This is it!
144
00:04:42,962 --> 00:04:44,796
Where were these
when we were having sex?
145
00:04:44,863 --> 00:04:47,064
That's how I feel. What?
146
00:04:47,132 --> 00:04:48,265
- Let's go shoot things.
- Yeah.
147
00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:50,234
- Okay.
- Not scared.
148
00:04:50,302 --> 00:04:53,137
- Just be careful, please.
- Good, yep.
149
00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:54,339
(Outside, yelling happily)
(Muffled): Yeah!
150
00:04:54,406 --> 00:04:55,973
All right, well...
(Clears throat)
151
00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:57,975
- That's all right.
- Sam, are you having fun?
152
00:04:58,043 --> 00:05:00,510
'Cause I really, really
want you to have fun.
153
00:05:00,578 --> 00:05:02,078
- Course I am. I'm here with you.
- Good.
154
00:05:02,146 --> 00:05:03,046
- You know?
- Okay, good.
155
00:05:03,113 --> 00:05:04,147
(Gunshot)
Drink hot cocoa.
156
00:05:04,215 --> 00:05:05,215
It's not much fun
157
00:05:05,282 --> 00:05:06,403
without someone firing back.
158
00:05:07,151 --> 00:05:09,118
You're amazing!
159
00:05:09,186 --> 00:05:10,821
Wow!
160
00:05:10,888 --> 00:05:12,389
That is not safe.
161
00:05:12,457 --> 00:05:15,491
(Gunfire continues)
That is really reckless.
162
00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:18,728
You want to shoot guns,
don't you?
163
00:05:18,795 --> 00:05:20,463
(Gunfire continues)
164
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:22,264
Go on.
165
00:05:22,832 --> 00:05:24,266
Guys, guys!
Save a bullet!
166
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,572
Could be a little bit closer.
167
00:05:33,342 --> 00:05:34,876
Got to be kidding me.
168
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,010
How do you keep missing?
169
00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:38,179
Come on!
170
00:05:38,247 --> 00:05:39,347
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
171
00:05:39,415 --> 00:05:41,383
- Hey.
- No gun safety for us, right?
172
00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:43,117
- Want to shoot?
- No, no, no, do not
173
00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:45,426
give her a gun. She cannot
handle having a gun, trust me.
174
00:05:45,454 --> 00:05:48,321
All right, you know what,
yeah, give me the boom stick.
175
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:49,923
The what? It's not called a boom stick.
It's a rifle. So...
176
00:05:49,991 --> 00:05:51,291
What? Give me the rifle.
177
00:05:51,359 --> 00:05:52,292
Oh, right.
178
00:05:53,695 --> 00:05:56,229
Whoa, yeah, you know what?
179
00:05:56,297 --> 00:05:57,898
I feel powerful.
180
00:05:57,965 --> 00:05:59,199
Whoa! Come on now!
181
00:05:59,267 --> 00:06:00,534
Come on! Hey!
182
00:06:00,602 --> 00:06:01,668
Okay, all right.
183
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:02,969
- Nobody better...
- Hey! Jess!
184
00:06:03,037 --> 00:06:04,036
- Hey!
- Jess, thanks.
185
00:06:04,104 --> 00:06:05,638
Are you nuts?
186
00:06:05,706 --> 00:06:07,139
ANGIE: Here, all right, see that can?
JESS: Yep.
187
00:06:07,207 --> 00:06:08,541
- All right.
- But I need like, a back story.
188
00:06:08,609 --> 00:06:10,676
Like, why am I mad at the can?
189
00:06:10,744 --> 00:06:13,546
That can is your
ex-boyfriend, and, uh,
190
00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:16,215
he did not
respect your space
191
00:06:16,283 --> 00:06:19,251
and, um, thought that
your arts and crafts
192
00:06:19,319 --> 00:06:21,052
- section of your house was ridiculous.
NICK: What??
193
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,954
- And, right, done? Enough?
- Yeah. No. Yeah.
194
00:06:23,022 --> 00:06:25,624
- Yeah. - Let me just square
your hips right there.
195
00:06:25,691 --> 00:06:27,125
All right,
196
00:06:27,192 --> 00:06:28,192
center your... there you go.
197
00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:30,028
Now let me just move your hair.
198
00:06:30,095 --> 00:06:32,196
- It's so pretty, really curly.
- Thanks.
199
00:06:32,264 --> 00:06:33,732
Fantasy
and nightmare colliding.
200
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:35,633
Take a deep breath.
201
00:06:40,037 --> 00:06:41,104
Congrats.
202
00:06:41,172 --> 00:06:42,239
We have no power.
203
00:06:42,307 --> 00:06:43,340
Uh...
204
00:06:43,408 --> 00:06:44,975
I'm just gonna...
205
00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:46,723
Whoa! Jess, that's it.
Let go of the rifle.
206
00:06:46,778 --> 00:06:48,178
I mean it; You're done.
You're done.
207
00:06:50,262 --> 00:06:51,211
SAM:
Jess, I'm having a great time.
208
00:06:51,379 --> 00:06:52,680
Oh, yeah, I'm so mad
at you right now.
209
00:06:52,748 --> 00:06:54,782
Guys, I think that this
just turned into an adventure.
210
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:56,584
Look what I found
in the owner's closet.
211
00:06:56,652 --> 00:06:57,318
Yes!
212
00:06:57,386 --> 00:06:58,553
Thank you so much.
213
00:06:58,620 --> 00:06:59,821
- You rule.
- This is good stuff.
214
00:06:59,888 --> 00:07:01,723
See, making the best
of the night. Sweaters.
215
00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:03,658
A little mothy.
216
00:07:03,726 --> 00:07:05,759
- Look what else I found in
the owner's closet.- What?
217
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:07,828
Crème de menthe, guys.
218
00:07:08,646 --> 00:07:09,779
Oh, get in here, girl.
219
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:10,847
Oh, body warmth.
220
00:07:10,915 --> 00:07:12,482
Take a pull.
221
00:07:12,549 --> 00:07:14,417
- Ooh, yeah.
- pass her over.
222
00:07:14,485 --> 00:07:16,086
- Ooh, that's...
- Yeah.
223
00:07:16,153 --> 00:07:17,553
That is not
crème de menthe.
224
00:07:17,622 --> 00:07:19,923
That is, uh, the green fairy
right there.
225
00:07:19,991 --> 00:07:20,690
It's absinthe.
226
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:21,924
Yeah, it's absinthe.
227
00:07:21,992 --> 00:07:23,126
Absinthe?
228
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,160
- Absinthe...
- Nice.
229
00:07:24,228 --> 00:07:26,095
Has killed so many
230
00:07:26,163 --> 00:07:27,497
of our most famous painters.
231
00:07:27,564 --> 00:07:28,764
Last time I tried absinthe,
232
00:07:28,832 --> 00:07:30,533
I tried to put my car
in my pocket.
233
00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:32,268
ANGIE:
Come on.
234
00:07:32,336 --> 00:07:34,337
Let's get crazy.
235
00:07:34,404 --> 00:07:35,505
SAM:
Come on, babe.
236
00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:37,039
(Squeals)
237
00:07:37,107 --> 00:07:38,940
Yeah.
238
00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:40,208
Okay, yeah, yeah.
239
00:07:40,276 --> 00:07:41,276
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
240
00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:43,612
Perfect weekend!
241
00:07:43,679 --> 00:07:45,013
(Yelling)
242
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,080
- No, no!
- No!
243
00:07:46,149 --> 00:07:47,882
Whoa, too much.
244
00:07:47,950 --> 00:07:49,017
Oh, guys.
245
00:07:49,084 --> 00:07:51,453
I don't feel anything.
246
00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:52,554
SCHMIDT:
Well, those were just the best
247
00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:54,321
ribs that I've ever had.
248
00:07:54,389 --> 00:07:56,524
Ooh, you ain't lying, child.
249
00:07:56,591 --> 00:07:57,991
Thanks for dinner, Schmidt.
250
00:07:58,059 --> 00:07:59,460
You know,
I really appreciate it, man.
251
00:07:59,528 --> 00:08:01,195
- I do feel supported.
- So what's next?
252
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:02,530
There is this one thing
that I miss.
253
00:08:02,597 --> 00:08:04,131
I probably shouldn't say, man.
254
00:08:04,199 --> 00:08:05,332
- I can't.
- No, come on.
255
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,467
It's us, man.
256
00:08:06,535 --> 00:08:08,035
(Sighs)
257
00:08:08,702 --> 00:08:11,404
Schmidt, I could really go
for some crack.
258
00:08:11,472 --> 00:08:12,905
What?
259
00:08:14,308 --> 00:08:15,208
Crack cocaine?
260
00:08:15,276 --> 00:08:17,143
I remember when I was a kid,
261
00:08:17,211 --> 00:08:18,478
me, my mom,
262
00:08:18,546 --> 00:08:20,580
and her mom, and well, her mom,
263
00:08:20,648 --> 00:08:23,149
and then her mom,
and then of course her mom,
264
00:08:23,217 --> 00:08:24,617
and then my little cousin,
Peanut,
265
00:08:24,685 --> 00:08:26,952
they'd all rush back
to that flaming trash can
266
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:29,021
where we'd sit around
and harmonize
267
00:08:29,089 --> 00:08:31,356
and just... ♪ shoo-op. ♪
268
00:08:31,424 --> 00:08:32,324
One of those
nights I remember,
269
00:08:32,392 --> 00:08:33,793
well, we ran out of crack.
270
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,795
I'd grab my scarf,
and I would run on down
271
00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:37,429
to the liquor store
where the thugs hang out,
272
00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:40,232
and I would try to get
a good deal on some crack.
273
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:42,901
Whoo! They never would give me
a good price, man,
274
00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:45,804
but, uh,
I tell you what,
275
00:08:45,871 --> 00:08:49,174
there's nothing like the...
the feel of a fire,
276
00:08:49,241 --> 00:08:51,375
a fresh-baked cookie,
277
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:54,776
and that sweet, sweet taste
of crack in your lungs.
278
00:08:57,516 --> 00:08:59,083
Okay.
279
00:08:59,150 --> 00:09:00,483
Okay, Winston, yeah.
280
00:09:00,551 --> 00:09:03,153
Sure, I mean, if...
281
00:09:03,221 --> 00:09:06,554
If that is something
that you want to do...
282
00:09:07,425 --> 00:09:08,525
See, I knew you were
gonna judge me.
283
00:09:08,593 --> 00:09:09,459
I knew it.
284
00:09:09,527 --> 00:09:10,994
No, Winston.
285
00:09:11,062 --> 00:09:13,396
I knew you were gonna judge me
and just...
286
00:09:14,664 --> 00:09:15,998
Winston, listen to me.
287
00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:17,600
Look...
288
00:09:17,701 --> 00:09:19,568
if crack cocaine
is what you want
289
00:09:19,636 --> 00:09:22,004
then crack cocaine is what
we are going to get.
290
00:09:22,072 --> 00:09:24,073
(Muffled laughing)
How do we do this?
291
00:09:24,141 --> 00:09:26,109
Here's what we do, Schmidt.
We go to the projects, okay?
292
00:09:26,176 --> 00:09:27,844
We knock on some doors.
293
00:09:27,911 --> 00:09:29,112
I'll wait in the car
and take lookout
294
00:09:29,179 --> 00:09:30,812
while you do all the legwork.
295
00:09:30,913 --> 00:09:33,348
Because as you say, you are
in much better shape than I am.
296
00:09:33,415 --> 00:09:34,783
You do have
the body of a Smurf.
297
00:09:34,851 --> 00:09:36,384
We could... We could just
get frozen yogurt.
298
00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:37,953
It's not a big deal.
299
00:09:38,020 --> 00:09:39,354
Schmidt isn't about
no frozen yogurt.
300
00:09:39,421 --> 00:09:41,923
I want to go score
some crack cocaine.
301
00:09:41,991 --> 00:09:43,291
Really?
302
00:09:43,359 --> 00:09:44,525
We're gonna do this.
303
00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:56,503
Look at them.
This is a cabin, guys.
304
00:09:56,571 --> 00:09:58,205
Getting wasted on a couple
of shots of absinthe.
305
00:09:58,273 --> 00:09:59,673
Word games, word games,
306
00:09:59,741 --> 00:10:00,941
word games, word games,
word games.
307
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,743
Doctor! I was saying...
308
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,979
(Jess squeaking)
309
00:10:06,046 --> 00:10:07,981
I don't think I feel it.
310
00:10:08,048 --> 00:10:09,549
I can't believe
I'm the sober one.
311
00:10:09,617 --> 00:10:12,452
That's actually never
happened in my life.
312
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:13,887
(Goofy accent):
Who wants to play Charades?
313
00:10:13,954 --> 00:10:15,589
(Muttering)
JESSE: Me.
314
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,056
One syllable,
one syllable.
315
00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,791
(Raspy laughter)
Movie.
316
00:10:18,858 --> 00:10:19,892
Gattaca.
317
00:10:19,959 --> 00:10:22,027
Oh, I want to be them.
318
00:10:22,095 --> 00:10:23,663
I have to run
upstairs for a sec.
319
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:26,098
I have it on good authority
my bed has disappeared.
320
00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:28,301
I need to go check it out.
321
00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:32,438
I got to head up there
and take care of that.
322
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:34,872
Oh, you-you're gonna
go upstairs?
323
00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:37,008
- Yeah, yeah.
- Now?
324
00:10:37,075 --> 00:10:37,942
Yeah.
325
00:10:38,010 --> 00:10:40,144
Oh, ho-ho-ho, yeah.
326
00:10:40,712 --> 00:10:42,113
Okay.
327
00:10:42,181 --> 00:10:43,281
Have fun.
328
00:10:43,349 --> 00:10:44,316
I will, I guess.
329
00:10:44,383 --> 00:10:45,483
(Sighs)
330
00:10:45,551 --> 00:10:47,985
(Chuckles)
331
00:10:48,553 --> 00:10:50,387
Up.
332
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,056
Doesn't sound good.
333
00:10:53,124 --> 00:10:55,359
(Coughing)
Oh, Jess.
334
00:10:55,427 --> 00:10:57,361
- That sounded terrible.
- The absinthe
335
00:10:57,429 --> 00:10:58,796
has found a new host.
336
00:10:59,363 --> 00:11:00,531
The toilet.
337
00:11:00,598 --> 00:11:01,198
(Groans):
Oh...
338
00:11:01,265 --> 00:11:03,667
I like Angie.
339
00:11:03,735 --> 00:11:05,902
She's cool.
It's kind of like
340
00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:08,003
riding a poorly maintained
carnival ride.
341
00:11:08,071 --> 00:11:09,872
I'm glad you get it.
342
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,374
I think she
really likes you.
343
00:11:13,076 --> 00:11:15,545
All right.
344
00:11:15,612 --> 00:11:17,279
Jeth... I'm not...
I'm-I'm with Jeth.
345
00:11:17,348 --> 00:11:18,314
What? ANGIE: Hey, Nick,
346
00:11:18,382 --> 00:11:19,982
look, we switched.
347
00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:22,218
SAM (Muttering): And look...
middle of the night...
348
00:11:23,762 --> 00:11:25,795
What is the big deal?
349
00:11:25,863 --> 00:11:29,532
I... why else did we all
go to a cabin together?
350
00:11:29,599 --> 00:11:31,166
To hike?
(Scoffs)
351
00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:33,101
Guys, I'm still
really feeling it.
352
00:11:33,169 --> 00:11:34,970
I just can't believe
you'd do that to Nick.
353
00:11:35,038 --> 00:11:36,672
She didn't do
anything to me.
354
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:37,573
We have an open
relationship.
355
00:11:37,641 --> 00:11:38,774
She can do whatever
356
00:11:38,842 --> 00:11:39,875
she wants.
I don't care.
357
00:11:39,943 --> 00:11:41,544
Enough. I'm tired of you
358
00:11:41,611 --> 00:11:43,478
acting like this cool guy
359
00:11:43,547 --> 00:11:45,479
with an "open relationship."
360
00:11:45,548 --> 00:11:46,748
That is not you.
361
00:11:46,815 --> 00:11:48,215
Yes, it is, Jess.
362
00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:50,484
Why won't you just
let me be me? This is me!
363
00:11:50,553 --> 00:11:52,219
I'm sorry.
I just don't believe you.
364
00:11:52,287 --> 00:11:53,688
You're not this guy.
365
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,723
No, no, no, I'm not
feeling good...
366
00:11:55,791 --> 00:11:57,759
At least we don't pretend
to be this perfect couple.
367
00:11:57,826 --> 00:12:00,261
I do not pretend
to be a perfect couple.
368
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:01,728
The only reason that we're here
369
00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:02,996
is 'cause you
asked us to come,
370
00:12:02,997 --> 00:12:03,931
'cause you didn't want
371
00:12:03,998 --> 00:12:05,832
to be alone with Dr. Sam.
372
00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:07,580
'Cause then you'd
have to be real with him.
373
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,202
Jess? Is that true?
374
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,404
Yes, but no...
it's out of context.
375
00:12:11,472 --> 00:12:12,839
It's out of context, Nick.
376
00:12:12,907 --> 00:12:14,975
You think you know
everything about me.
377
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:17,209
- I'm a rock and roll guy.
- You are the guy
378
00:12:17,277 --> 00:12:19,178
who asks me to light
matches for you
379
00:12:19,245 --> 00:12:21,681
'cause you're afraid your
fingers are gonna get too hot.
380
00:12:21,748 --> 00:12:23,248
- I did that one time.
- Multiple times.
381
00:12:23,316 --> 00:12:25,284
I was on the back of
a motorcycle earlier,
382
00:12:25,351 --> 00:12:27,019
and I wasn't even that scared.
383
00:12:27,087 --> 00:12:28,754
- You don't think I'm crazy?
- No.
384
00:12:28,822 --> 00:12:30,923
Would a sane
man do this?
385
00:12:30,991 --> 00:12:32,924
(Gasps)
Oh!
386
00:12:32,992 --> 00:12:35,760
Oh!
(Clapping)
387
00:12:35,828 --> 00:12:37,361
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold on.
388
00:12:37,429 --> 00:12:38,863
You're doing it.
You're doing a lot of it.
389
00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,364
You need to just pace
it a little bit...
390
00:12:40,432 --> 00:12:41,733
Oh, whoa,
that...
391
00:12:41,801 --> 00:12:43,001
you're really
doing it.
392
00:12:43,069 --> 00:12:44,268
(Retches)
Whoa!
393
00:12:44,336 --> 00:12:45,904
(Sighs)
394
00:12:51,741 --> 00:12:52,409
Well?
395
00:12:52,477 --> 00:12:55,378
I suppose we could just get out and
ask any of these street youths.
396
00:12:55,446 --> 00:12:56,446
WINSTON: I'll let you get
out the car first.
397
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:57,681
Go ahead, do your thing, man.
398
00:12:57,749 --> 00:12:58,983
I don't want to ask
the wrong person
399
00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:00,283
and end up with
some sub-par crack.
400
00:13:00,351 --> 00:13:01,952
I want the fresh
crack, you know?
401
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:04,687
Not some crack that's been
laying around all day.
402
00:13:05,455 --> 00:13:07,857
Ooh... I'm really
starting to schvitz.
403
00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:09,645
We don't have to do this.
Man, we could just
404
00:13:09,693 --> 00:13:10,859
turn this car around,
forget this ever happened,
405
00:13:10,927 --> 00:13:12,393
and get you some
frozen yogurt.
406
00:13:12,461 --> 00:13:14,302
I will not let you deny
who you are any longer.
407
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:15,396
Not on my watch.
408
00:13:16,565 --> 00:13:18,100
- Schmidt...
- Hey, psst!
409
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:20,401
- Schmidt, no.
- Yes. Skee-you!
410
00:13:20,469 --> 00:13:21,937
- Skee-you!
- Schmidt!
411
00:13:22,005 --> 00:13:23,171
You, dude.
412
00:13:23,239 --> 00:13:24,372
Don't call that man
to this car.
413
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:25,600
Hi, how are you this evening?
414
00:13:26,108 --> 00:13:27,307
What do you
guys need?
415
00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:28,676
It's cool,
just get in the car, man.
416
00:13:28,744 --> 00:13:30,544
- What cool?
- Yeah, we're cool.
417
00:13:30,612 --> 00:13:32,079
Schmidt, you did not invite
this guy in this car.
418
00:13:32,147 --> 00:13:33,481
He could be crazy,
could have a gun.
419
00:13:33,549 --> 00:13:35,616
- That's a racist thing to say, Winston, that he...
- Stop it, Schmidt...
420
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,051
Just assuming that
this man has a pistol.
421
00:13:37,619 --> 00:13:38,385
Hi, sir.
422
00:13:38,453 --> 00:13:39,754
How are you
this evening?
423
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:43,154
Um, the two of us
are very interested
424
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:44,537
in purchasing
some crack cocaine.
425
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:45,925
You guys cops?
426
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,426
- What?
- Okay, let me out.
427
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,995
Schmidt, Schmidt... I was
just messing with you, man.
428
00:13:49,063 --> 00:13:50,396
Okay? I was just
trying to see
429
00:13:50,464 --> 00:13:51,931
how far your stupid white
guilt would take you.
430
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:53,767
Have you ever
done crack?
431
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,434
Hell, no, I've never
done crack, man.
432
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,936
Why do you think I've done
crack? Because I'm black?
433
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,104
I thought you'd done crack
'cause you told me
434
00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,652
- the whole story about you doing crack.
- I though you guys
435
00:13:59,653 --> 00:14:00,572
just needed directions, okay?
436
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,141
- Let me out!
- Okay, sir,
437
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,848
- just calm down, all right?
- Oh, please, man.
438
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,911
- Be cool.- Fine, okay, look, you want it?
You want it? Look!
439
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:06,912
- Whoa! No!
- Oh my God, no!
440
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,047
- Look, my wallet.
- No! No!
441
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,447
Take my wallet!
Here's my wallet, okay?
442
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:10,916
Shoot the white dude!
Just let me out...
443
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,105
Shoot him! No, don't shoot me!
444
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:14,186
Shoot him, man!
But that's...
445
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,920
- That's your wallet.
- That's your wallet.
446
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,955
- Are you not robbing us?
- You're not robbing me?
447
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,557
- I don't want to rob you, man.
- I thought you were gonna...
448
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:21,125
I totally misread
the situation.
449
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,694
- I thought you was robbing me.
- Oh, no, man.
450
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,295
- Oh, hey, man, I'm Schmidt.
- Robert, man.
451
00:14:24,362 --> 00:14:25,496
- Robert. Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure, man.
452
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,598
Robert, man, hey, man,
nice to meet you, man.
453
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,133
- What a nice smile he has. All right, guys.
- I'm just...
454
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,434
Okay. Here, I'll...
they're the child locks.
455
00:14:31,502 --> 00:14:32,836
- I don't even have kids, but...
- You guys have a great night, okay?
456
00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:34,604
- You, too, man. Be safe.
- Take care, Robert.
457
00:14:34,672 --> 00:14:36,339
- Take it easy, man. - You guys have
a good night, man, all right.
458
00:14:36,407 --> 00:14:37,774
That was insane.
459
00:14:37,842 --> 00:14:39,176
- I was terrified. That...
- Oh, my goodness.
460
00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:41,578
I judged...
(Screaming)
461
00:14:41,645 --> 00:14:43,313
- God, Robert!
- Robert...
462
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:44,781
I just...
the wallet?
463
00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:46,382
- Oh, your wallet...
- Oh, your wallet.
464
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,150
- Just give him the wallet.
- I'm really sorry.
465
00:14:48,218 --> 00:14:49,318
- Yeah, it's kind of...
- No, yeah, I get it.
466
00:14:49,385 --> 00:14:50,920
I'd want my wallet back, too.
467
00:14:50,987 --> 00:14:52,088
- Thank you.
- All right. Thanks, Robert.
468
00:14:52,155 --> 00:14:53,689
- I wouldn't thank him.
- Whoa, man.
469
00:14:53,757 --> 00:14:55,357
What a hilarious
misunderstanding.
470
00:14:55,425 --> 00:14:57,259
- Schmidt, drive the damn car.
- No, you're right.
471
00:14:57,327 --> 00:14:58,627
(Owl hooting)
472
00:15:16,378 --> 00:15:17,979
You know, I feel
so much better
473
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,947
after throwing up
into the fire.
474
00:15:22,851 --> 00:15:24,818
Uh, Sam, can you pass the bread?
475
00:15:24,886 --> 00:15:27,487
- Oh, sure thing.
- No, I'll pass the bread, Angie.
476
00:15:27,555 --> 00:15:30,035
Just keep your hands to yourself
and let the bread come to you.
477
00:15:36,863 --> 00:15:38,497
- Why do you keep taking my bread?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
478
00:15:38,565 --> 00:15:40,666
I thought you and the bread
had an open relationship.
479
00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:43,269
I said I was sorry.
I thought this was an agreement.
480
00:15:43,336 --> 00:15:45,271
I thought we were all cool
with this. I don't...
481
00:15:45,338 --> 00:15:47,539
Absinthe!
482
00:15:48,997 --> 00:15:50,742
Fun dinner.
Fun dinner.
483
00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:52,644
I always have fun at the cabin.
484
00:15:52,711 --> 00:15:54,005
You guys want to
pick my brain?
485
00:15:54,013 --> 00:15:55,513
You guys want to know
what I'm thinking about?
486
00:15:55,581 --> 00:15:57,348
I like dogs more than cats.
487
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,917
I like chipmunks
more than squirrels.
488
00:16:00,820 --> 00:16:02,654
I believe in UFOs.
489
00:16:02,721 --> 00:16:04,455
I once had a bass teacher,
490
00:16:04,523 --> 00:16:06,357
when I was younger,
who did the standing bass.
491
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:09,093
And he had a very weird smell,
and I still think about it.
492
00:16:09,161 --> 00:16:11,361
His name was Mr. Hilton.
493
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,898
I don't like the fact that
you tried to kiss Sam.
494
00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:15,232
(Sighs)
495
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,868
Because I have feelings
for you, Angie.
496
00:16:19,671 --> 00:16:23,004
I'm... I had no idea, I'm sorry.
497
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,374
I know.
We said it was open, but...
498
00:16:27,011 --> 00:16:28,544
I'm proud of you
for saying that.
499
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,880
Dr. Sam?
500
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,448
If you were a hat,
you'd be a top hat.
501
00:16:32,516 --> 00:16:34,117
(Snorts)
502
00:16:34,185 --> 00:16:36,452
But like a really
big Monopoly one.
503
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:39,853
And I say that
of the deepest compliments.
504
00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:41,223
Appreciate it.
505
00:16:42,638 --> 00:16:44,704
Winston, I'm sorry.
I was just trying to help.
506
00:16:44,772 --> 00:16:46,073
What, help me realize
that I'm black?
507
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,074
Schmidt, believe it
or not, man,
508
00:16:47,141 --> 00:16:48,641
I've known that
for a while now.
509
00:16:48,709 --> 00:16:50,643
I just feel bad you're forced
to live here with Jess and Nick.
510
00:16:50,711 --> 00:16:52,712
- Oh, wow.
- I mean, they're honky as hell.
511
00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:54,948
And look at our people. Look what
we've given to this country.
512
00:16:55,016 --> 00:16:56,450
Jazz...
513
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:58,251
The management of
jazz musicians.
514
00:16:58,319 --> 00:17:00,786
But, look, Schmidt,
being black means
515
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,421
whatever I want it to mean.
516
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:03,689
You know, the fact
of the matter is
517
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,557
I live in a loft
with three people
518
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,193
who happen to be white.
519
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,461
But believe you me,
520
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,728
there is so much more
521
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,130
that I find annoying about you
522
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,466
that I haven't even
gotten to race.
523
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,267
Now, I'm gonna get
some frozen yogurt.
524
00:17:15,585 --> 00:17:17,267
Would you like anything?
525
00:17:17,385 --> 00:17:18,370
Yeah.
526
00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:20,571
I'll have
a vanilla chocolate swirl.
527
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:22,507
- No.
- What, no...
528
00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:25,776
No. I'll have
strawberry with jimmies.
529
00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:27,645
Did you get that?
530
00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:31,048
Hey.
531
00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:32,182
How you doing?
532
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:33,750
(Exhales)
533
00:17:33,818 --> 00:17:35,952
Much better.
534
00:17:37,021 --> 00:17:39,056
That alcohol got on top of me.
535
00:17:39,624 --> 00:17:41,157
Oh... I'm a little
embarrassed by that.
536
00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:43,527
I'm sorry about Sam.
537
00:17:43,594 --> 00:17:45,629
I... I thought it was cool.
538
00:17:45,696 --> 00:17:48,064
- Right. - And I try to
ruin things as soon as
539
00:17:48,132 --> 00:17:49,431
they get good.
540
00:17:49,499 --> 00:17:51,099
I'm working on it.
541
00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:54,003
Believe it or not,
I'm working on stuff, too.
542
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,872
You know, I just wish I was
working on less stuff.
543
00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,774
You know, I've been arrested
three times.
544
00:17:58,842 --> 00:18:00,009
Four times.
545
00:18:00,076 --> 00:18:01,276
Four to five times.
546
00:18:01,344 --> 00:18:03,311
I have tattoos
547
00:18:03,379 --> 00:18:05,079
of bands that I don't
even like anymore.
548
00:18:05,147 --> 00:18:06,548
By the way,
you've been really cool
549
00:18:06,615 --> 00:18:07,715
about the "Jamiroquai"
tattoo on my butt.
550
00:18:07,783 --> 00:18:10,018
I'm not asking you to change.
551
00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:13,254
Just how about meet me
in the middle a little bit?
552
00:18:13,321 --> 00:18:15,823
What do you want me to do?
Go to brunch?
553
00:18:15,891 --> 00:18:17,458
Are we supposed to,
like, read articles
554
00:18:17,526 --> 00:18:18,626
and then talk
about them together?
555
00:18:18,694 --> 00:18:19,694
Okay, I'm never
556
00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:20,962
going to be that kind of girl.
557
00:18:21,029 --> 00:18:22,829
I just want to do
something normal.
558
00:18:22,897 --> 00:18:24,031
How about not
559
00:18:24,098 --> 00:18:26,466
drawing pubes on my armpit
560
00:18:26,534 --> 00:18:28,001
while I'm sleeping?
561
00:18:28,069 --> 00:18:28,802
(Giggles) You think you could
562
00:18:28,870 --> 00:18:30,003
do something like that?
563
00:18:30,071 --> 00:18:32,839
Yeah. Yeah.
564
00:18:32,907 --> 00:18:34,541
'Cause I would really like
565
00:18:34,609 --> 00:18:36,742
to keep this going.
566
00:18:36,810 --> 00:18:39,344
Want to move your
twin bed over here?
567
00:18:39,412 --> 00:18:41,313
Sexy, sexy, sexy.
568
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:42,782
(Laughs)
569
00:18:42,849 --> 00:18:44,283
Bird! Bird! Bird!
570
00:18:44,350 --> 00:18:45,585
- Bird!
- Oh.
571
00:18:45,652 --> 00:18:46,986
- Help! Help!
- Oh, my God.
572
00:18:47,054 --> 00:18:48,253
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
573
00:18:48,321 --> 00:18:49,922
No big, I got it!
I'm on it.
574
00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,991
Just a...
it was a painting.
575
00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:54,810
That's not really how
I wanted the weekend to go.
576
00:18:54,877 --> 00:18:56,645
I thought the worst
thing that could happen
577
00:18:56,713 --> 00:18:59,247
was someone wouldn't like
the cheese I brought.
578
00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:02,250
I wanted it to be perfect.
579
00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:04,820
Jess, when Nick said
that you invited them
580
00:19:04,887 --> 00:19:06,455
because you were nervous...
581
00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:08,922
- No, don't worry about that.
- Jess,
582
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:11,291
we're not perfect.
583
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,093
Like the first time
we slept together,
584
00:19:13,161 --> 00:19:14,928
like, I didn't even
know your real name.
585
00:19:14,996 --> 00:19:16,564
Kind of a pretty sassy detail.
586
00:19:16,631 --> 00:19:19,933
Can we just concentrate
on the fact that, like,
587
00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:22,970
I was tripping pretty
hard on absinthe
588
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,371
and I said, "No"?
589
00:19:24,438 --> 00:19:25,972
To a stripper?
590
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,907
I mean, a stripper was
like rubbing my leg...
591
00:19:27,975 --> 00:19:29,709
That's weirdly...
592
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:32,111
the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.
593
00:19:33,481 --> 00:19:34,381
(Laughs)
594
00:19:38,519 --> 00:19:40,753
(Birds chirping)
595
00:19:52,698 --> 00:19:55,166
- Got it.
- I left a Post-it note
596
00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:56,601
on the transformer
that said "Broken."
597
00:19:56,668 --> 00:19:58,603
SAM: Is there any way that
we could make it look
598
00:19:58,670 --> 00:20:00,037
- like it was raccoon bites?
- A few announcements.
599
00:20:00,105 --> 00:20:01,439
Uh...
600
00:20:01,507 --> 00:20:03,875
Angie left. Me.
601
00:20:03,942 --> 00:20:06,477
- What?
- She took the motorcycle,
602
00:20:06,545 --> 00:20:08,078
and, uh, a few of my belongings,
603
00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:09,647
but I'm still wearing
my underwear,
604
00:20:09,715 --> 00:20:11,582
so she comes up short-handed
in that treasure hunt.
605
00:20:11,650 --> 00:20:12,549
- Seriously?
- Oh, I'm so sorry, Nick.
606
00:20:12,617 --> 00:20:13,750
I'm sorry, man.
607
00:20:13,818 --> 00:20:15,051
It's fine; I'm a grown man.
608
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:16,386
I will need a ride home.
609
00:20:16,454 --> 00:20:17,687
- Yeah.
- Obviously.
610
00:20:17,755 --> 00:20:19,489
I would love to pitch
in with gas,
611
00:20:19,557 --> 00:20:21,157
but I don't have any money,
so I could pay in "Nick Bucks,"
612
00:20:21,225 --> 00:20:22,426
fully redeemable
613
00:20:22,493 --> 00:20:24,127
for smiles
614
00:20:24,194 --> 00:20:25,962
and any one item from my bureau.
615
00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:27,196
We'll hold you to that.
616
00:20:27,264 --> 00:20:28,597
Thank you, Doctor.
617
00:20:28,665 --> 00:20:30,060
(Whimpers)
618
00:20:30,165 --> 00:20:31,500
Don't, I-I'm good.
619
00:20:31,568 --> 00:20:33,536
- I know you don't want to be hugged.
- I don't want to be hugged.
620
00:20:33,603 --> 00:20:34,703
- And I respect that. So...
- Okay. 'Cause I'm fine.
621
00:20:34,771 --> 00:20:36,504
Jess, no,
I'm good, I'm good.
622
00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:38,306
I promise you, I'm good. Just...
623
00:20:38,373 --> 00:20:39,674
Actually, this is
very weird for me.
624
00:20:39,742 --> 00:20:41,208
- I'm not hugging you.
- I know.
625
00:20:41,276 --> 00:20:44,111
- I'm sorry.
- I promise you I'm okay.
626
00:20:44,179 --> 00:20:46,013
Stop making this a thing,
because I'm not sad.
627
00:20:46,081 --> 00:20:48,450
- This is for the best.
- Yeah. (Grunts)
628
00:20:48,517 --> 00:20:50,084
- I'm fine.
- She didn't deserve you.
629
00:20:51,253 --> 00:20:53,353
Whatever that means.
630
00:20:53,421 --> 00:20:54,788
- Thank you.
SAM: Okay, almost there.
631
00:20:54,856 --> 00:20:56,256
- Hey, let's go!
- All right.
632
00:20:56,824 --> 00:20:58,091
Hey, the potato salad's
633
00:20:58,159 --> 00:20:59,326
accidentally
in the garbage.
634
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:01,394
Look at that.
635
00:21:01,462 --> 00:21:03,330
You guys mind if I eat
this in the back seat?
636
00:21:03,397 --> 00:21:05,298
You can eat salad
in my back seat anytime.
637
00:21:07,884 --> 00:21:09,234
Didn't mean that to be sexual.
638
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,770
(Chuckles)
SAM: All right, guys.
639
00:21:10,838 --> 00:21:12,071
It's a little bit gamey.
640
00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:13,806
Okay.
641
00:21:13,874 --> 00:21:15,040
I'll get the garbage, here.
642
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,909
Hold on, hold on.
643
00:21:16,977 --> 00:21:18,243
The absinthe.
644
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,245
You almost screwed
that up by accident.
645
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:21,747
Wow.
646
00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:23,649
SAM: We're ready.
You all right?
647
00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:25,016
Yep, I'll be right
with you guys.
648
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,420
That was a mistake! Whoo!
649
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,420
I am gonna poop weird tonight!
650
00:21:31,489 --> 00:21:34,489
Yeah...
Oooh, that was a mistake.
651
00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:39,489
Sync & corrections by Alice
==special thanks to err0001==
www.addic7ed.com