1
00:00:08,512 --> 00:00:09,291
Hey.
2
00:00:09,292 --> 00:00:12,016
You're a big girl. You can watch
The Walking Dead alone.
3
00:00:12,017 --> 00:00:13,060
Sam booty-called me.
4
00:00:13,061 --> 00:00:14,088
Ooh, Sam, he's so hot.
5
00:00:14,089 --> 00:00:16,062
- I don't care. Good night.
- Don't!
6
00:00:16,065 --> 00:00:18,029
- What?
- I need your help.
7
00:00:18,030 --> 00:00:20,033
I don't know what to do.
I'm terrible at casual sex.
8
00:00:20,034 --> 00:00:22,032
I left him in there
with crayons
9
00:00:22,033 --> 00:00:23,050
and paper, like he's a kid
10
00:00:23,051 --> 00:00:25,061
in a restaurant,
and I told him I had to check
11
00:00:25,062 --> 00:00:27,033
- my fantasy football.
- You don't even know what that is.
12
00:00:27,036 --> 00:00:29,082
No, sir, I do not know
what that is.
13
00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:31,011
I panicked. Help me.
14
00:00:31,012 --> 00:00:33,041
Look, you can't separate
your feelings from sex?
15
00:00:33,042 --> 00:00:35,028
So what? You're a girl.
16
00:00:35,029 --> 00:00:37,032
I deserve to have a shorty
on the side.
17
00:00:37,033 --> 00:00:39,012
Okay, a shorty is not... that's
the wrong use of "shorty."
18
00:00:39,013 --> 00:00:40,016
(Door opens)
19
00:00:40,017 --> 00:00:42,025
- Hey, I drew a cat.
- Uh, sorry, man.
20
00:00:42,026 --> 00:00:44,027
She's, uh, checking her
fantasy football 'cause she...
21
00:00:44,028 --> 00:00:46,050
Yeah, I'm not gonna do this,
so I-I don't even...
22
00:00:46,051 --> 00:00:49,079
- ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
- ♪Who's that girl?♪
23
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,017
♪ It's Jess. ♪
24
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:55,087
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:58,016
WINSTON: Are we gonna
talk about it?
26
00:00:58,017 --> 00:00:59,075
Talk about what, Winston?
27
00:00:59,076 --> 00:01:02,032
The belt, Schmidt.
Please explain the belt.
28
00:01:02,033 --> 00:01:04,082
It's after Labor Day.
I'm wearing whales.
29
00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:06,017
- The dumbest thing ever.
- NICK: You look like the bad guy
30
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:08,045
in an '80s high school movie.
31
00:01:08,046 --> 00:01:11,020
I'll have you guys know
that Kanye wore this belt, okay?
32
00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:13,062
- Let me just say that word one more time: Kanye.
- Kanye?
33
00:01:13,063 --> 00:01:14,079
Yeah, and he looked
beautiful in it.
34
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,011
His whole
midsection lit up.
35
00:01:16,012 --> 00:01:17,023
What is your obsession
with Kanye?
36
00:01:17,024 --> 00:01:19,019
Befriending Kanye
is the most efficient way
37
00:01:19,020 --> 00:01:20,058
for me to jump
social strata.
38
00:01:20,059 --> 00:01:22,020
Now all I have to
do is meet him,
39
00:01:22,021 --> 00:01:23,998
and then dazzle him
to the point that we're
40
00:01:23,999 --> 00:01:25,023
each other's last call
before bed.
41
00:01:25,024 --> 00:01:26,044
"Yo, what up, K?
42
00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:27,096
"Yeah, I'm just going to sleep.
43
00:01:27,097 --> 00:01:29,053
"You watching Fallon?
44
00:01:29,054 --> 00:01:31,021
- "That brother's crazy."
- WINSTON: Hey, Tagg Romney.
45
00:01:31,022 --> 00:01:33,006
You know if your dad's
gonna win the election?
46
00:01:33,007 --> 00:01:34,010
(Laughing): He does
look like a Romney.
47
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,056
Telling me
that I look like one
48
00:01:35,057 --> 00:01:37,019
of the most handsome
men in politics
49
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,079
does not hurt my feelings,
Winston.
50
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,003
Last night was horrible.
51
00:01:41,004 --> 00:01:42,028
Sam came over,
52
00:01:42,029 --> 00:01:44,023
we tried to make out,
I stopped it,
53
00:01:44,024 --> 00:01:45,025
and then we just
54
00:01:45,026 --> 00:01:46,057
laid there
55
00:01:46,058 --> 00:01:50,011
like two old couple
in The Notebook waiting to die.
56
00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:52,021
Jess, I get it-- you're
the type of person that...
57
00:01:52,022 --> 00:01:54,041
you need to ease
into these kind of things.
58
00:01:54,042 --> 00:01:56,004
- Let us take you out tonight, okay?
- Uh-uh.
59
00:01:56,005 --> 00:01:57,056
And that way, you...
you can feel like,
60
00:01:57,057 --> 00:01:59,025
you know, you're going
on a date first.
61
00:01:59,026 --> 00:02:01,037
Yes! Like we're all dating
62
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,096
in a large, nonsexual
friend group.
63
00:02:02,097 --> 00:02:04,087
My nightmare.
Have fun. I'm out.
64
00:02:04,088 --> 00:02:06,053
Come on, Nick. Please?
65
00:02:06,054 --> 00:02:07,071
Why are you doing
this, Jess?
66
00:02:07,072 --> 00:02:09,087
Why don't you just
date a guy that--
67
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:11,016
I don't know--
you like?
68
00:02:11,017 --> 00:02:12,027
This is good for me.
69
00:02:12,028 --> 00:02:13,046
I always jump
into relationships.
70
00:02:13,047 --> 00:02:15,016
Plus, Sam's not
the kind of guy
71
00:02:15,017 --> 00:02:17,070
you spend Saturdays
in your sweatpants with.
72
00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,007
He's the kind of guy...
73
00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:20,060
(Quietly):
You bone.
74
00:02:20,061 --> 00:02:22,058
I can't help. I'm at a crucial
point in my zombie novel.
75
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,025
- You selfish bastard.
- I'm not a selfish bastard.
76
00:02:24,028 --> 00:02:26,083
- I just have to... I have to get through...
- You're a selfish bastard.
77
00:02:26,086 --> 00:02:29,033
- I'm so sick of this zombie novel nonsense.
- Not nonsense.
78
00:02:29,034 --> 00:02:30,998
Friends help friends
have meaningless sex, okay?
79
00:02:30,999 --> 00:02:32,021
Now, you're going.
80
00:02:32,022 --> 00:02:34,000
- End of story.
- You got it.
81
00:02:34,003 --> 00:02:36,049
Where are you, Schmidt?
This place is fancy,
82
00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:38,078
and I don't know which fork
to kill myself with.
83
00:02:38,079 --> 00:02:41,024
I got to bail!
Kanye's at this club tonight.
84
00:02:41,025 --> 00:02:43,037
What are you talking about?
This was your idea.
85
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,015
Can't miss this, Nick.
I got the belt on.
86
00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:47,048
I took Winston with me
to prove that I can be friends
87
00:02:47,049 --> 00:02:48,081
with black people,
even oddly shaped ones.
88
00:02:48,082 --> 00:02:49,096
Just shut up, Schmidt!
89
00:02:49,097 --> 00:02:51,028
Shut up! This is ridiculous.
90
00:02:51,029 --> 00:02:52,062
I'm leaving right now.
Good-bye.
91
00:02:54,029 --> 00:02:55,999
Whoa. (Chuckles)
92
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,999
Wow. I forgot what you look like
93
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,096
when you're not dressed
like the Loft Troll.
94
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,083
- Pardon?
- Sorry, I didn't...
95
00:03:02,086 --> 00:03:07,041
What I mean to say is
you look va-va-va-vavooms!
96
00:03:07,042 --> 00:03:09,050
- (Snickers)
- Hello, nurse!
97
00:03:09,053 --> 00:03:13,003
Hubba-bubba! Meow! Zing!
You can stop me at any time.
98
00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:14,038
- Are the guys coming, or...?
- No.
99
00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:16,015
It's just us-- they bailed--
so if you want to go
100
00:03:16,016 --> 00:03:18,017
back to the loft, or we can both
go back to the loft.
101
00:03:18,018 --> 00:03:20,062
- We're already here.
- But we're already here, so...
102
00:03:21,096 --> 00:03:23,057
Can I get you a chair, milady?
103
00:03:23,058 --> 00:03:25,000
- So weird.
- Yeah.
104
00:03:25,001 --> 00:03:26,096
(Loud, gruff voice):
Loft Troll
105
00:03:26,097 --> 00:03:28,053
not used
to fancy gentleman!
106
00:03:28,054 --> 00:03:30,062
- Shut up.
- That was so loud.
107
00:03:30,063 --> 00:03:31,088
(Chuckling):
Why are you yelling?
108
00:03:31,089 --> 00:03:32,088
(Chuckles)
109
00:03:33,189 --> 00:03:34,488
On the list.
110
00:03:36,579 --> 00:03:39,545
Winston! You've been staring at
this girl for five minutes.
111
00:03:39,546 --> 00:03:41,011
I hope you're
checking her out.
112
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,036
Otherwise, you're
a serial killer,
113
00:03:42,037 --> 00:03:43,077
which would
explain a lot.
114
00:03:43,078 --> 00:03:44,096
No. Checking her out?
115
00:03:44,097 --> 00:03:46,050
- No, dude, I'm in a relationship.
- I know.
116
00:03:46,053 --> 00:03:48,078
Like, happily.
Shelby, we're...
117
00:03:48,079 --> 00:03:50,078
Shelby and I haven't
had sex in three weeks.
118
00:03:50,079 --> 00:03:52,062
- For real?
- We're in a bit of a rut.
119
00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:57,033
Not now. I have to
go to the bathroom.
120
00:04:02,038 --> 00:04:03,596
- I'm cheating on Shelby.
- What?
121
00:04:03,599 --> 00:04:05,779
- No, no, in my mind.
- In your mind...?
122
00:04:05,832 --> 00:04:08,054
- I'm cheating on Shelby in my mind, man.
- So what? So what?
123
00:04:08,055 --> 00:04:10,040
What do you mean, "So what?"
I'm doing it all the time.
124
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,015
Like, I'm doing it a lot.
I can't control myself, man.
125
00:04:12,016 --> 00:04:13,792
Listen, everybody does it
every minute all the time.
126
00:04:13,843 --> 00:04:16,007
How do you think I get
through the day, man?
127
00:04:16,008 --> 00:04:18,003
(Chuckles) Okay. Wow.
128
00:04:18,004 --> 00:04:20,999
Um, in that case...
129
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,074
Hey, lady, can I
introduce you to...
130
00:04:24,075 --> 00:04:27,016
this lady?
131
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,079
- This place is crazy expensive.
- Schmidt picked it.
132
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,588
I can afford the valet
charge and the "Add onions."
133
00:04:32,089 --> 00:04:36,587
Then you'll be happy to meet
my little Scottish friend.
134
00:04:36,588 --> 00:04:40,507
You unexpected genius.
135
00:04:40,508 --> 00:04:41,558
- Is that whiskey?
- White wine.
136
00:04:41,561 --> 00:04:43,553
White wine?!
137
00:04:43,554 --> 00:04:45,588
Why would you do wine?
138
00:04:47,525 --> 00:04:50,517
- Nope.
- All right, my man.
139
00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:51,588
- Not gonna happen.
- Schmidt?
140
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,503
It's the belt, man.
141
00:04:53,504 --> 00:04:54,567
- Take off the belt.
- Okay, the only thing
142
00:04:54,570 --> 00:04:56,570
I know in this world
is this belt is amazing.
143
00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:58,533
Look, if you're gonna
wear that thing, just...
144
00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:00,554
- just make it work for us, okay?
- You got a plan?
145
00:05:00,557 --> 00:05:02,499
Yeah, I got a plan,
of course.
146
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,554
All right, go talk
to your peeps.
147
00:05:03,555 --> 00:05:05,583
- It's not my peeps.
- It's your peeps, man. Go talk to them.
148
00:05:05,586 --> 00:05:07,542
- Don't say... don't do this.
- Yeah, man, come on.
149
00:05:07,543 --> 00:05:08,562
- I mean, come on. Really?
- Yeah, word.
150
00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:12,511
We got Tagg Romney out here.
151
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:13,558
We're gonna need you
to sweep the the perimeter.
152
00:05:13,559 --> 00:05:16,520
What the hell
you talking about?
153
00:05:16,521 --> 00:05:18,549
Tagg Romney.
Pleasure to meet you, sir.
154
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:20,553
Romney. Like,
Mitt Romney's your dad?
155
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:21,596
Let's get America back to work.
156
00:05:23,588 --> 00:05:27,517
- Here's the thermos.
- Thanks.
157
00:05:27,518 --> 00:05:28,594
You know, the drunker you get,
158
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,592
the more obvious you're being
with the thermos.
159
00:05:30,593 --> 00:05:32,578
"Thermose?" "Thermas?"
160
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:34,516
I'm sorry.
I don't understand.
161
00:05:34,517 --> 00:05:35,519
What's a "thermoos?"
162
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,583
That one right there
in your hand.
163
00:05:36,584 --> 00:05:39,541
Oh, the "thermase?"
(Chuckles)
164
00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:41,550
- This is fun.
- This is really fun.
165
00:05:41,553 --> 00:05:43,532
(Cell phone ringing)
166
00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:44,566
It's Sam.
167
00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:47,049
He's done with work,
and he wants to "hang out."
168
00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:49,774
He's got a job, too?
Poke a hole in that condom.
169
00:05:50,075 --> 00:05:52,016
Thank you, Nick.
170
00:05:52,017 --> 00:05:54,498
I now feel ready
to have meaningless sex.
171
00:05:54,499 --> 00:05:55,983
- I do what I can, so...
- Hey, do you need money for the...?
172
00:05:55,984 --> 00:05:57,579
Half the soup? No,
I think I got it.
173
00:05:57,580 --> 00:05:59,578
Loft Troll eats fancy soup.
174
00:05:59,579 --> 00:06:01,529
Get out of here,
would you?
175
00:06:02,546 --> 00:06:03,558
Go have fun.
176
00:06:07,012 --> 00:06:09,049
Excuse me.
177
00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:11,057
Can I get an ice bucket
for this bad boy?
178
00:06:11,058 --> 00:06:14,096
And more than your normal amount
'cause this is a thermos, so...
179
00:06:17,017 --> 00:06:18,096
(Sighs)
180
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,066
♪ ♪
181
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:27,016
WINSTON:
Ah...
182
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:28,086
I see what we're
doing here.
183
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,054
We're stalking your
ex-girlfriend.
184
00:06:30,055 --> 00:06:32,057
Oh, is Cece here?
185
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,032
Schmidt.
186
00:06:34,033 --> 00:06:36,032
Cece, what up?
187
00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:37,077
So, where's, uh, Blobby?
188
00:06:37,078 --> 00:06:39,071
Where's... where's Blobby?
Where's that dude?
189
00:06:39,072 --> 00:06:42,061
Oh, you mean my boyfriend?
His name's Robby.
190
00:06:42,062 --> 00:06:46,007
Excuse me. My friend is too
embarrassed to come over here,
191
00:06:46,008 --> 00:06:48,037
but she said she heard
from someone in line
192
00:06:48,038 --> 00:06:50,033
- that you're a Romney.
- (Cece laughs)
193
00:06:50,036 --> 00:06:52,008
- I am...
- She's right over there.
194
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:54,092
Oh, yeah, I'm a Romney.
195
00:06:54,093 --> 00:06:56,071
- Hell, yeah, I'm a Romney.
- CECE: Oh, come on!
196
00:06:56,074 --> 00:07:00,008
- Security, remove the threat. Remove the threat. Code red.
- Is that how bad it is?
197
00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:02,008
- Right this way, ma'am. Come on!
- Hey, that woman is stupid enough to believe...
198
00:07:02,009 --> 00:07:03,036
Remove the obstruction, please.
Code red. Code red.
199
00:07:03,037 --> 00:07:05,010
Winston, I thought
you were better than this.
200
00:07:05,011 --> 00:07:06,042
SCHMIDT:
I'm so sorry.
201
00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:07,999
I am a huge supporter.
202
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,023
In '08, I was the national
cochair of Kappas for Romney.
203
00:07:10,024 --> 00:07:11,083
You caught me. I'm a Romney.
204
00:07:11,084 --> 00:07:15,003
I'm trying to be
incognito, so just...
205
00:07:15,004 --> 00:07:16,008
You're... Tagg?
206
00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:17,075
- Tugg.
- Tugg?
207
00:07:17,078 --> 00:07:19,016
Tugg Romney, yeah.
208
00:07:19,017 --> 00:07:20,048
I'm Tugg Romney.
209
00:07:20,049 --> 00:07:22,046
Tagg's everywhere.
Too much Tagg for me.
210
00:07:22,047 --> 00:07:23,079
Tugg.
211
00:07:26,017 --> 00:07:28,045
Whoo! What a night.
212
00:07:28,046 --> 00:07:29,096
What a crazy night.
213
00:07:29,097 --> 00:07:32,045
Yeah, me, too.
I found a dollar on my way out
214
00:07:32,046 --> 00:07:34,999
of the restaurant. I used it
to buy a slice of pizza.
215
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,017
One day closer to death!
216
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:38,061
Winston, what is
wrong with you?
217
00:07:38,062 --> 00:07:41,057
No. Nothing wrong with me, girl.
I'm just brushing my hair.
218
00:07:41,058 --> 00:07:44,016
I just want to say
that I had meaningless,
219
00:07:44,017 --> 00:07:45,050
wonderful sex
last night with Sam.
220
00:07:45,051 --> 00:07:48,037
And that sex would
not have been possible
221
00:07:48,038 --> 00:07:50,082
without the efforts
of a one Nick Miller.
222
00:07:50,083 --> 00:07:52,028
Ugh! But okay.
223
00:07:52,029 --> 00:07:54,003
I don't want to kiss and tell,
224
00:07:54,004 --> 00:07:55,079
but he did ruin my dresser
during intercourse.
225
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,045
Come on!
Why are you saying that?
226
00:07:57,046 --> 00:08:00,029
- Will you go to Ikea with me?
- Sure, I'm not doing anything.
227
00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:02,052
But don't let me lay my eyes
on the Malm collection.
228
00:08:02,053 --> 00:08:04,088
I can't afford it, and I'm
a sucker for it every time.
229
00:08:04,089 --> 00:08:06,037
I'll go get my golf pencils.
230
00:08:06,038 --> 00:08:07,999
WINSTON:
Mm-hmm.
231
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,033
If you got something to say,
my man, just say it.
232
00:08:10,034 --> 00:08:12,049
Hey, look, a man can only
sit back and observe
233
00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:15,011
but for so long
before he has to speak his mind.
234
00:08:15,012 --> 00:08:16,012
Then speak your mind.
235
00:08:16,013 --> 00:08:18,020
A line has been crossed,
all right?
236
00:08:18,021 --> 00:08:20,024
You, my friend,
have become her fluffer.
237
00:08:20,025 --> 00:08:21,082
Like in porn?
238
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:23,024
An emotional fluffer.
239
00:08:23,025 --> 00:08:24,040
I'm an emotional fluffer?
240
00:08:24,041 --> 00:08:25,088
You got to set
some boundaries, all right?
241
00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:27,032
You're gonna
start fulfilling
242
00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:29,053
ever single need of hers,
all right?
243
00:08:29,054 --> 00:08:31,050
Doing all the things
that a boyfriend would do...
244
00:08:31,051 --> 00:08:34,033
- Winston...
- ...for some other dude who ain't doing nothing.
245
00:08:34,036 --> 00:08:36,000
- And I'm her friend.
- You're her boyfriend.
246
00:08:36,003 --> 00:08:38,000
- No, I'm not her boyfriend.
- You're a boyfriend without the rewards.
247
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:39,033
How about this?
Why don't you just shut up?
248
00:08:39,034 --> 00:08:41,088
- Hey, Nick, you ready?
- Yeah.
249
00:08:41,089 --> 00:08:43,083
So it's not available
at the closest Ikea,
250
00:08:43,084 --> 00:08:45,095
but it is available at
the second-closest Ikea,
251
00:08:45,096 --> 00:08:47,066
which is about
45 minutes...
252
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:49,033
if we could drive
over the reservoir.
253
00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:51,061
But we can't, so...
254
00:08:51,062 --> 00:08:53,079
- it's about an hour and a half.
- Cool.
255
00:08:53,082 --> 00:08:57,021
I had so much sex
last night. (Chuckles)
256
00:08:58,096 --> 00:09:00,008
Fluffer.
257
00:09:01,017 --> 00:09:03,054
- You're gonna get caught.
- Impossible.
258
00:09:03,055 --> 00:09:05,038
I've been studying
Romney trivia all day long.
259
00:09:05,039 --> 00:09:08,007
Memorizing Dad's gestures
so I can mimic him.
260
00:09:08,008 --> 00:09:09,592
You're calling Mitt Romney "Dad"
now? That's where we're at?
261
00:09:09,593 --> 00:09:11,096
- Mm-hmm.
- Schmidt, we get it.
262
00:09:11,099 --> 00:09:13,070
He's the dad
you never had.
263
00:09:13,071 --> 00:09:16,049
Okay, all-knowing
Indian god Ganesha,
264
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:18,016
this is about sex.
265
00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:19,075
You know they have
Romney Olympics
266
00:09:19,076 --> 00:09:21,011
every summer at the lake house?
267
00:09:21,012 --> 00:09:22,579
I bet that's a hoot.
I'm sure it's like
268
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:25,038
the real Olympics, only the
white people win the sprints.
269
00:09:28,008 --> 00:09:29,083
- Okay, so you good?
- Okay.
270
00:09:29,086 --> 00:09:31,037
Yeah.
271
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,056
Hey, Nick, any chance
272
00:09:32,057 --> 00:09:34,029
you understand
how to put this together?
273
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:36,032
I think it looks
pretty easy, actually.
274
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:39,020
No, you know, I'm
actually busy. I'm, uh...
275
00:09:39,021 --> 00:09:40,054
I'm moving money around.
276
00:09:40,055 --> 00:09:42,016
I'm-I'm diversifying.
I've got...
277
00:09:42,017 --> 00:09:44,010
And I'm not your
fluffer, by the way.
278
00:09:44,011 --> 00:09:45,036
What's a fluffer?
279
00:09:45,037 --> 00:09:46,094
In pornography,
280
00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:48,092
it's the person who
keeps the actor...
281
00:09:48,093 --> 00:09:50,091
motivated, aroused,
you know?
282
00:09:50,092 --> 00:09:52,037
Ew! That's a job?
283
00:09:52,038 --> 00:09:55,061
And that's what I am.
I'm your emotional fluffer.
284
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:58,032
I'm there whenever
you need a guy.
285
00:09:58,033 --> 00:09:59,092
You want a cup of tea,
I'll make it.
286
00:09:59,093 --> 00:10:01,016
You lose your phone,
I'll call.
287
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,020
You're my friend.
That's what friends do.
288
00:10:03,021 --> 00:10:05,024
I'm you boyfriend
without the rewards.
289
00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,045
Oh?
290
00:10:06,046 --> 00:10:08,038
Yeah.
291
00:10:10,038 --> 00:10:12,074
You're saying you want the...?
292
00:10:12,075 --> 00:10:16,032
No! No, no, no, no, no.
Not with you. Blecch!
293
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:18,096
- Don't say "blecch!"
- I don't want it.
294
00:10:18,099 --> 00:10:21,024
I'm not disgusting.
It's not an unheard of thought.
295
00:10:21,025 --> 00:10:23,088
- Blecch!
- Come on. Admit it, you've thought about it.
296
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:24,094
You and me, sexually?
Nope.
297
00:10:24,095 --> 00:10:26,017
Blecch!
Never thought about it once.
298
00:10:26,018 --> 00:10:28,029
- Don't lie.
- Not on purpose.
299
00:10:28,032 --> 00:10:31,007
Sleeping Nick is a totally
different guy.
300
00:10:31,008 --> 00:10:33,086
You know you did when you walked
in on me doing deep lunges.
301
00:10:33,087 --> 00:10:35,079
Yeah, check my Google
history, Jess.
302
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,028
It's filled with girls
doing deep lunges.
303
00:10:38,029 --> 00:10:39,596
I mean, I'll admit
I've thought about it.
304
00:10:40,096 --> 00:10:43,029
- Yeah.
- When was this?
305
00:10:43,032 --> 00:10:45,037
Last year. Just once.
306
00:10:45,038 --> 00:10:47,074
(English accent):
Would you like to eat me?
307
00:10:47,075 --> 00:10:50,016
What do you mean?
Aren't you a little small?
308
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,074
What, are you nuts?!
(Laughs)
309
00:10:52,075 --> 00:10:54,028
(Sobbing):
What happened?
310
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,078
Why am I doing this?
311
00:10:56,079 --> 00:10:58,028
That's what does it for you?
312
00:10:58,029 --> 00:10:59,998
Yeah, I thought about it
for five minutes,
313
00:10:59,999 --> 00:11:02,083
and then I realized it would
never, ever work between us.
314
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:05,011
Yeah, I agree.
That's how I see it.
315
00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:06,067
- Great. I'm glad we agree on something.
- Me, too!
316
00:11:06,070 --> 00:11:09,017
- Great.
- Out of curiosity, why do you think that, though?
317
00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:11,095
Because you drive
me nuts, Miller!
318
00:11:11,096 --> 00:11:13,091
Because you're
always sighing,
319
00:11:13,092 --> 00:11:15,091
like you're the president
of the United States
320
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:17,999
and you have to decide whether
we're going to war or not.
321
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,057
I sigh because you
sing about everything.
322
00:11:20,058 --> 00:11:21,061
I do not.
323
00:11:21,062 --> 00:11:22,094
♪ And I hate it. ♪
324
00:11:22,095 --> 00:11:24,025
♪ You sing and dance
about nothing. ♪
325
00:11:24,026 --> 00:11:25,074
You're cheap!
326
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:27,033
- You are so cheap.
- I'm not cheap.
327
00:11:27,036 --> 00:11:30,045
You never, ever put money
in any tip jar, ever.
328
00:11:30,046 --> 00:11:32,029
- What are you talking about?
- I've never seen you ever do that.
329
00:11:32,030 --> 00:11:33,079
Last week, when we
went to the coffee shop.
330
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,062
- You put nickels in the tip jar!
- You know what
331
00:11:35,065 --> 00:11:37,050
- a jar is in my business?
- Nickels! Nickels are worse
332
00:11:37,053 --> 00:11:40,075
- than no money; it's an insult.
- It's just a little boy saying, "Love me!"
333
00:11:40,078 --> 00:11:42,012
- "Give me attention!"
- You're a bartender.
334
00:11:42,013 --> 00:11:43,092
- You live on tips. You should know better.
- The nickel?
335
00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:45,075
- The only American currency...
- You can't not give someone a tip
336
00:11:45,078 --> 00:11:47,075
- Because you don't like tip jars!
- ...graced with the face of Thomas Jefferson.
337
00:11:47,078 --> 00:11:49,075
- Well, I think that's rude, Nick!
- I didn't realize you were on the fence
338
00:11:49,078 --> 00:11:51,042
- about the Louisiana Purchase...
- You hate everything!
339
00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:53,004
- ...Jessica!
- And I could never live with that.
340
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,088
I barely live with it now!
341
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:57,579
But you need me
to have sex.
342
00:12:00,817 --> 00:12:02,567
Oh, that's what you think?
343
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:05,092
I'm calling Sam,
344
00:12:05,093 --> 00:12:07,041
and we're gonna go on a date.
345
00:12:07,042 --> 00:12:09,033
And we're gonna
talk our faces off.
346
00:12:09,034 --> 00:12:11,058
- Okay?
- Good luck. Good luck with that.
347
00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:13,029
- Can't find your phone, Jess?
- No, I'll find it.
348
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,042
- 'Cause I'm not calling you this time.
- Are you happy now?
349
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:17,042
Now I have to get to know
the guy I'm sleeping with.
350
00:12:18,042 --> 00:12:20,042
(Cell phone ringing)
351
00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:23,090
NICK:
That was a pocket dial!
352
00:12:23,091 --> 00:12:25,015
That was an ill-timed
pocket dial!
353
00:12:25,016 --> 00:12:26,029
I will not
explain myself!
354
00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:27,029
(Door slams)
355
00:12:27,562 --> 00:12:30,178
I just wish I had a lot
more solo Tugg time.
356
00:12:30,829 --> 00:12:31,832
You know?
357
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,791
Well, you can be
Tugg with me.
358
00:12:34,042 --> 00:12:37,032
Sometimes I think that
I'm just a riddle that,
359
00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:39,033
well, even I can't solve.
360
00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:43,079
Yeah, see? I tried
to solve it again.
361
00:12:45,533 --> 00:12:46,592
(Knocking at door)
362
00:12:46,593 --> 00:12:47,592
- Hi.
- Hi.
363
00:12:47,595 --> 00:12:49,003
I hope it's okay,
364
00:12:49,004 --> 00:12:50,562
I invited over some of
the Kappas For Romney.
365
00:12:50,563 --> 00:12:52,554
- Kappas For Romney!
- Courtney.
366
00:12:52,557 --> 00:12:54,554
- Such a pleasure. - Courtney.
- I'm April.
367
00:12:54,555 --> 00:12:56,029
- April.
- They just got so excited when I said
368
00:12:56,030 --> 00:12:57,038
I met one of the Romney boys.
369
00:12:57,039 --> 00:12:59,029
- Oh, no, who wouldn't be?
- Did you ask him?
370
00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:01,004
I think April's in love
with your brothers.
371
00:13:01,005 --> 00:13:02,058
- Who isn't?
- Who's the shy one?
372
00:13:02,059 --> 00:13:03,594
Who's the joker?
Who's tried coffee?
373
00:13:03,595 --> 00:13:05,517
COURTNEY:
April, you're such a spaz.
374
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,024
Yeah, no, nobody gets rowdy
like us Romney boys.
375
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,592
Just a bunch of alphas,
you know what I mean?
376
00:13:08,593 --> 00:13:09,592
- Yeah.
- (Giggling)
377
00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:11,541
That is, of course,
378
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:14,507
unless we're fishing
on Lake Winnipesauke.
379
00:13:14,508 --> 00:13:15,575
There's nothing that
I love more than just
380
00:13:15,576 --> 00:13:17,591
getting out on
the water with Dad,
381
00:13:17,592 --> 00:13:19,553
the freezing cold dawn,
382
00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:21,520
a couple of cold beers in hand.
383
00:13:21,521 --> 00:13:22,577
Having that one
quick moment...
384
00:13:22,578 --> 00:13:24,525
Your dad doesn't drink.
He's a Mormon.
385
00:13:24,526 --> 00:13:27,537
Well, we don't drink
the beers, Courtney.
386
00:13:27,538 --> 00:13:30,507
You know, we just buy them
to support American breweries.
387
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:31,558
Then we dump them
in the lake.
388
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,558
'Cause we're Americans.
389
00:13:35,512 --> 00:13:38,578
So... um...
390
00:13:38,579 --> 00:13:40,579
I want a casual sex affair,
just like in the movies.
391
00:13:40,580 --> 00:13:43,504
- Nice.
- But it turns out...
392
00:13:43,507 --> 00:13:45,503
I need some conversation first.
393
00:13:45,504 --> 00:13:46,549
So...
394
00:13:46,550 --> 00:13:47,575
- If you want to hang...
- No.
395
00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:49,525
- ...Hang out more...
- I don't...
396
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,517
- I don't want to hang out more.
- Okay.
397
00:13:51,518 --> 00:13:52,586
Because, if I hang
out with you,
398
00:13:52,587 --> 00:13:54,575
it's just the truth, I'm
gonna fall in love with you.
399
00:13:54,576 --> 00:13:56,575
It's just how I am.
I can't separate things out.
400
00:13:56,576 --> 00:13:58,595
Question:
Under what circumstances
401
00:13:58,596 --> 00:14:01,578
would you build a
dresser for a woman?
402
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,516
And this is, like...
403
00:14:03,517 --> 00:14:05,520
and I'm not interested
in sleeping with her?
404
00:14:05,521 --> 00:14:06,529
Um...
405
00:14:07,533 --> 00:14:09,533
- Am I being blackmailed?
- No.
406
00:14:09,534 --> 00:14:10,544
Oh, is it like a...
407
00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,583
it's like a Make-A-Wish
Foundation type thing?
408
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:15,512
- No.
- I mean... Yeah. Marriage.
409
00:14:15,513 --> 00:14:16,583
You know, anything
besides marriage is a...
410
00:14:16,584 --> 00:14:18,507
you know, an abuse.
411
00:14:18,508 --> 00:14:19,545
An abuse?
412
00:14:19,546 --> 00:14:22,511
Yeah, you can't
do that to a friend.
413
00:14:22,512 --> 00:14:24,503
Unless your friend's a chump.
414
00:14:24,504 --> 00:14:26,561
Or a certified carpenter--
that would work.
415
00:14:26,562 --> 00:14:29,511
Wait a minute.
This isn't a sex thing, is it?
416
00:14:29,512 --> 00:14:30,558
Because I... you know,
417
00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:32,566
I can't pleasure a woman
418
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,587
and build a dresser
at the same time, you know?
419
00:14:34,588 --> 00:14:35,596
I'm not God.
420
00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:39,583
(Muffled moans)
421
00:14:41,592 --> 00:14:44,546
- Hey.
- (Grunting)
422
00:14:44,549 --> 00:14:45,582
Hey!
423
00:14:45,583 --> 00:14:47,548
Hey! Hey, hey, hey,
what's going on, man?
424
00:14:47,549 --> 00:14:48,565
Are you going
to the dark place?
425
00:14:48,566 --> 00:14:50,508
I'm not going to
the dark place, okay?
426
00:14:50,509 --> 00:14:52,506
I did what you said,
I told her I didn't want
427
00:14:52,507 --> 00:14:53,548
to be her fluffer,
and it went great.
428
00:14:53,549 --> 00:14:54,556
Then what is wrong
with you? Get up, man.
429
00:14:54,557 --> 00:14:56,554
Look, I did what you said,
and I feel terrible.
430
00:14:56,555 --> 00:14:58,574
Because you didn't
set boundaries.
431
00:14:58,575 --> 00:14:59,594
I don't know what
that means, Winston.
432
00:14:59,595 --> 00:15:01,581
As a friend, you can
lift a heavy object,
433
00:15:01,582 --> 00:15:03,569
but you can't drive her
to the airport, okay?
434
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,565
You can hold the
elevator, but only
435
00:15:05,566 --> 00:15:07,502
if you see her running
down the hallway
436
00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:08,542
saying, "Hey, man, please
can you hold the elevator?"
437
00:15:08,543 --> 00:15:10,532
No picnics,
no mini-muffins
438
00:15:10,533 --> 00:15:11,550
and never Adele.
439
00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:12,588
- Adele?
- Never Adele.
440
00:15:12,591 --> 00:15:14,550
- Adele's amazing.
- No Adele.
441
00:15:14,551 --> 00:15:16,515
No concerts, no music,
no T-shirts, no nothing.
442
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:17,596
- But guys and girls...
- Never Adele!
443
00:15:17,599 --> 00:15:20,558
- A little Adele.
- (Chuckles)
444
00:15:20,561 --> 00:15:23,499
Hey. Hey. Hey!
Hey! Hey!
445
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,545
Nick! You're gonna
calm down, okay?
446
00:15:25,546 --> 00:15:26,575
You want my help
or what, man?
447
00:15:26,576 --> 00:15:28,511
Yes.
448
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:29,512
Don't be so intense.
449
00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:31,570
Most importantly...
450
00:15:31,571 --> 00:15:33,570
you will not build
her that dresser.
451
00:15:33,571 --> 00:15:35,507
It's furniture.
452
00:15:35,508 --> 00:15:36,538
It implies that one day,
453
00:15:36,539 --> 00:15:38,570
you will share it with her.
454
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,516
And that's not gonna happen.
455
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:43,512
You're right.
You're right.
456
00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:50,587
Are-are you spelling it right?
457
00:15:50,588 --> 00:15:52,582
Two "G"s, silent "B."
458
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:53,583
Here's a picture
459
00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:55,499
of the whole family.
460
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:56,565
And you are not in it.
461
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:58,519
Yeah, well, somebody had
to take the picture, Megan.
462
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,498
Just admit it.
You're not a Romney.
463
00:16:00,499 --> 00:16:02,550
Oh, I'm not a Romney?
Would a non-Romney know this?
464
00:16:02,551 --> 00:16:04,595
That Ma and Pa
never go to bed angry.
465
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,587
That there are 16 grandchildren,
466
00:16:06,588 --> 00:16:09,537
Allie, Joe, Thomas, Gracie,
Wyatt, Parker, Miles, Jonathan,
467
00:16:09,538 --> 00:16:12,516
Sawyer, Nate, Nash, Mia, Owen,
Soleil, Nick and Chloe.
468
00:16:12,517 --> 00:16:13,544
Those are just facts
469
00:16:13,545 --> 00:16:14,575
you got from the Internet.
470
00:16:14,576 --> 00:16:17,561
I'm proud to be a Romney.
471
00:16:17,562 --> 00:16:20,549
Okay? I'm proud to have had
a dad that was around
472
00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:21,558
when I was growing up.
473
00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:23,549
A dad that took me camping,
474
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,549
a dad that spent
Saturdays with me,
475
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,582
throwing...
throwing the football.
476
00:16:27,583 --> 00:16:29,545
A dad that gave me a wink
477
00:16:29,546 --> 00:16:31,507
when I left for prom night
478
00:16:31,508 --> 00:16:33,516
and said, "Be safe, son."
479
00:16:33,517 --> 00:16:35,557
When I think of a dad like that,
480
00:16:35,558 --> 00:16:36,581
I'm proud not only
481
00:16:36,582 --> 00:16:38,575
of the Romney name,
but of this country.
482
00:16:38,576 --> 00:16:41,511
God bless Mitt Romney.
483
00:16:41,512 --> 00:16:43,554
God bless America.
484
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,525
It's a candid shot from
the governor's biography.
485
00:16:47,526 --> 00:16:49,525
The caption says,
"The whole family."
486
00:16:51,579 --> 00:16:53,574
Nitpicking turns me off.
487
00:16:53,575 --> 00:16:55,529
You're all horribly
unattractive to me.
488
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:57,546
Tugg Romney, out.
489
00:17:01,325 --> 00:17:02,261
Hey.
490
00:17:02,512 --> 00:17:03,594
I got your text.
491
00:17:03,595 --> 00:17:05,579
When you're going through
a Taylor Swift-like
492
00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:08,553
range of emotions,
I should come over, right?
493
00:17:08,554 --> 00:17:10,561
You were the only one
that I could talk to.
494
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:13,587
Being brown, you have
the wisdom of 1,000 white women.
495
00:17:14,338 --> 00:17:15,345
All right.
496
00:17:15,346 --> 00:17:17,346
What happened
with that girl?
497
00:17:20,292 --> 00:17:21,321
Winston.
498
00:17:22,338 --> 00:17:23,345
Winston.
499
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,346
- Hey.
- Hmm?
500
00:17:25,349 --> 00:17:27,308
- Are you serious right now?
- Well, I...
501
00:17:27,311 --> 00:17:29,312
- He-he said it was okay.
- She is off limits.
502
00:17:29,313 --> 00:17:30,338
Go call your girlfriend.
503
00:17:30,339 --> 00:17:33,278
You obviously have things
you need to work out.
504
00:17:33,279 --> 00:17:34,320
Fine. Fine.
505
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,337
But for the record,
it was loving and tender
506
00:17:37,338 --> 00:17:39,273
and you squeezed
my hand at the end.
507
00:17:39,274 --> 00:17:40,342
Get out of here!
508
00:17:40,343 --> 00:17:41,342
Deviant.
509
00:17:41,343 --> 00:17:44,261
Okay, so...
510
00:17:44,262 --> 00:17:45,333
tell me what happened.
511
00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:47,320
Well, I'm back
to being Schmidt.
512
00:17:47,321 --> 00:17:48,749
I'm gonna miss it, though.
513
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:49,819
Being a Romney.
514
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:51,758
Schmidt, your life
would not have been better
515
00:17:51,759 --> 00:17:53,757
if you were a Romney.
516
00:17:53,758 --> 00:17:56,774
Cece, look, my dad left
517
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:57,817
when I was eight.
518
00:17:57,818 --> 00:17:59,761
Okay?
519
00:17:59,762 --> 00:18:01,779
And then he went and had
three kids with his new wife,
520
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,791
and me and my mom
were just these two weirdos
521
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:04,844
who belonged to nobody.
522
00:18:04,845 --> 00:18:06,833
Until she started
spending all this time
523
00:18:06,834 --> 00:18:08,766
with this woman from work who...
524
00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:09,846
who she still lives with today.
525
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:12,841
Schmidt.
526
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,795
He's your dad. All right?
527
00:18:14,796 --> 00:18:15,825
Find a way to forgive him
528
00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:18,837
for not being a presidential
candidate with great hair.
529
00:18:18,838 --> 00:18:20,766
Forget it.
530
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,792
No one understands.
531
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:26,796
- There, I thought you needed that, okay?
- (Sighs)
532
00:18:26,799 --> 00:18:28,825
- Just take a breath, and it will...
- Shh.
533
00:18:28,828 --> 00:18:31,761
Shh, shh, shh.
534
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:33,762
It's like memory foam.
535
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,771
Call your dad.
536
00:18:41,771 --> 00:18:43,820
You've been cheating
on me in your mind?
537
00:18:43,821 --> 00:18:45,841
Yes, but, like, to be
fair, you were there.
538
00:18:45,842 --> 00:18:48,778
A lot of times, you would just
pop up mad, but you were there.
539
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,774
Winston, come on, it's fine.
Look, you can think about
540
00:18:51,775 --> 00:18:52,833
whatever you want
to think about.
541
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:55,757
I know I'm the one
you want to be with.
542
00:18:55,758 --> 00:18:57,800
Come on, want to come
upstairs and watch some SVU?
543
00:18:57,801 --> 00:19:00,778
You want to watch
SVU right now?
544
00:19:00,779 --> 00:19:01,802
Well, I'm too wound up
to watch Raymond.
545
00:19:01,803 --> 00:19:03,792
Look, sometimes after
a big fight,
546
00:19:03,793 --> 00:19:05,766
I like to cool off
with some TV.
547
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:06,812
What do you mean,
big fight?
548
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,817
- We just had a fight.
- We hardly talked.
549
00:19:08,818 --> 00:19:10,838
Like, I want to talk, I want to
fight, I want to do something!
550
00:19:10,839 --> 00:19:13,842
Well, maybe we can fight
in your mind.
551
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:21,091
Hey.
552
00:19:21,092 --> 00:19:23,016
Stop.
553
00:19:23,017 --> 00:19:25,025
- Jess...
- Stop. Do not... Come on, Nick.
554
00:19:25,026 --> 00:19:26,090
Don't build
that dresser, please.
555
00:19:26,091 --> 00:19:28,036
Jess, it's fine.
I have another one.
556
00:19:28,037 --> 00:19:29,071
I need, like, three
to build this thing.
557
00:19:29,072 --> 00:19:31,011
I can't let you fluff me.
558
00:19:31,012 --> 00:19:33,045
I can't let you work
in emotional porn.
559
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:34,077
You have too much to offer.
560
00:19:34,078 --> 00:19:35,088
Forget it, Jess.
561
00:19:35,089 --> 00:19:36,999
I'm building you the dresser.
562
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,065
I love this stuff.
563
00:19:38,066 --> 00:19:39,067
It's like high-stakes Legos.
564
00:19:39,068 --> 00:19:42,011
Okay, but...
565
00:19:42,012 --> 00:19:44,057
I didn't know what
I was doing to you.
566
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:47,049
I've always had relationships
in different boxes.
567
00:19:47,050 --> 00:19:48,088
Friends in one box,
568
00:19:48,089 --> 00:19:50,087
boyfriends in another.
569
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:52,074
But now...
570
00:19:52,075 --> 00:19:55,037
it's messy, and...
571
00:19:55,038 --> 00:19:57,049
I don't want to screw up
what I have with you.
572
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:59,050
- You're too important to me.
- It's different with us.
573
00:19:59,053 --> 00:20:03,045
We're just two people
who want to be friends,
574
00:20:03,046 --> 00:20:05,021
but are sometimes
attracted to each other.
575
00:20:05,022 --> 00:20:06,079
- Ha!
- No, no...
576
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,008
You have thought
about the reward.
577
00:20:08,009 --> 00:20:10,053
That's not what I said.
578
00:20:10,054 --> 00:20:11,071
My calculations were correct.
579
00:20:11,072 --> 00:20:13,016
I love deep lunges.
580
00:20:13,017 --> 00:20:15,029
- (Laughs)
- Just don't make a big deal of it.
581
00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:16,092
I just don't need
582
00:20:16,093 --> 00:20:18,057
a bunch of people
583
00:20:18,058 --> 00:20:20,057
telling me what we can
and can't do together.
584
00:20:20,058 --> 00:20:22,074
That pisses me off.
585
00:20:22,075 --> 00:20:24,041
If I want to build
you a dresser,
586
00:20:24,042 --> 00:20:25,088
I'm gonna build you
a damn dresser.
587
00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:29,053
But if you want to
have dates before sex,
588
00:20:29,054 --> 00:20:31,082
just do me a favor
589
00:20:31,083 --> 00:20:33,092
and have them with the guy
you're having sex with.
590
00:20:33,093 --> 00:20:36,062
- Agreed.
- Good.
591
00:20:36,065 --> 00:20:38,066
Maybe I should just
stop trying with Sam.
592
00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:40,045
I'm old-fashioned
below the belt.
593
00:20:40,046 --> 00:20:42,045
I've got a Civil War-era
piece of equipment,
594
00:20:42,046 --> 00:20:43,067
and that's all she wrote.
595
00:20:45,071 --> 00:20:47,007
All right.
596
00:20:47,008 --> 00:20:49,008
I got to give you
something now.
597
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:53,092
Something... really
close to my heart.
598
00:20:54,096 --> 00:20:57,007
That's Nick's Sexy Mix.
599
00:20:57,008 --> 00:20:59,041
AKA the original fluffer.
600
00:20:59,042 --> 00:21:01,066
"The Humpty Dance"
does it for you, Nick?
601
00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:03,095
Do your thing, girl.
602
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,037
Get crazy.
603
00:21:05,038 --> 00:21:08,004
♪ ♪
604
00:21:09,088 --> 00:21:11,045
When we're done,
605
00:21:11,046 --> 00:21:13,087
I want you to immediately
turn this off.
606
00:21:13,588 --> 00:21:15,088
Yes.
607
00:21:16,088 --> 00:21:18,088
(Muffled song continues)
608
00:21:21,075 --> 00:21:24,075
- (Upbeat song begins)
- Ooh... (Chuckles)
609
00:21:30,075 --> 00:21:35,075
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com