1
00:00:01,573 --> 00:00:03,375
You know, maybe
I found out too early.
2
00:00:03,409 --> 00:00:06,928
I was five years old when "Santa"
gave me my own fire truck
3
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,463
and a teddy bear that smelled
4
00:00:08,514 --> 00:00:09,631
like my dad's cigarettes.
5
00:00:09,682 --> 00:00:11,433
That's not Santa.
6
00:00:11,467 --> 00:00:13,769
I just believe things
and go on believing them.
7
00:00:13,803 --> 00:00:16,054
If someone tells me a fat man's
bringing me dolls every year,
8
00:00:16,088 --> 00:00:18,329
- I just don't question it.
- You would've been my nightmare.
9
00:00:18,358 --> 00:00:20,442
We were on very strict
instructions from Rabbi Schmulie
10
00:00:20,476 --> 00:00:22,144
not to say a word until the last
11
00:00:22,195 --> 00:00:23,729
Christian kid found out
about Santa Claus.
12
00:00:23,763 --> 00:00:26,264
Ruining Christmas,
very bad for our brand.
13
00:00:26,299 --> 00:00:27,816
Well, whether or not
Santa's real, it's just
14
00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,401
nice to have something
to believe in.
15
00:00:29,835 --> 00:00:32,304
Did you just say
"Whether or not Santa's real"?
16
00:00:32,338 --> 00:00:33,938
- You don't believe in Santa Claus, do you?
- No.
17
00:00:34,256 --> 00:00:35,657
Do I wish Santa was real?
18
00:00:36,208 --> 00:00:37,726
- I mean, yeah.
- Santa's not real, Winston.
19
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,044
Shut up, stupid!
You're a dummy!
20
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,815
So... and...
I don't even c...
21
00:00:43,850 --> 00:00:45,884
Like, you're the...
Okay, aw, here we go.
22
00:00:45,918 --> 00:00:47,769
You know what, look who's talking.
You're the same guy
23
00:00:47,804 --> 00:00:49,337
who only eats mayonnaise
on game days.
24
00:00:49,389 --> 00:00:50,955
That's how you makee
the Chicago Bears win.
25
00:00:50,973 --> 00:00:52,657
Hey, Winnie,
were you a good boy this year?
26
00:00:53,676 --> 00:00:54,643
Oh, really?
27
00:00:54,677 --> 00:00:55,977
Stop, guys, stop!
28
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:57,095
Don't throw the cranberries!
29
00:00:57,129 --> 00:00:58,013
- Get him!
- Stop!
30
00:00:58,064 --> 00:00:59,147
- I don't mess around!
- No!
31
00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:03,185
- Truce! Truce! Truce!
- Go for the eyes!
32
00:01:03,236 --> 00:01:04,269
Truce! Truce!
33
00:01:04,303 --> 00:01:05,303
One got stuck in my ear.
34
00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:06,938
We got a cranberry in his ear.
35
00:01:06,972 --> 00:01:08,607
How is that even possible?
36
00:01:08,641 --> 00:01:09,974
Why don't you ask
Santa Claus to take
37
00:01:09,992 --> 00:01:11,343
- the cranberry out of your ear?
- Huh?!
38
00:01:11,377 --> 00:01:13,645
I said it got stuck in my ear!
39
00:01:13,663 --> 00:01:15,297
Truce! Truce! Truce! Truce!
40
00:01:16,031 --> 00:01:17,532
♪ Who's that girl?
41
00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:20,252
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess.
42
00:01:20,253 --> 00:01:24,189
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:26,908
These pieces don't
make a full berry.
44
00:01:27,009 --> 00:01:28,969
There's definitely something
still stuck in there.
45
00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:32,214
Hey, would anybody mind giving me
a ride to the airport tomorrow?
46
00:01:32,265 --> 00:01:33,348
Full disclosure:
47
00:01:33,382 --> 00:01:35,500
It's out of San Diego
at 3:00 a.m.
48
00:01:35,518 --> 00:01:38,002
So tonight's our last chance
for a holiday hang-together?
49
00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:40,055
A group hang on the
Saturday before Christmas?
50
00:01:40,106 --> 00:01:42,307
No, sorry, I can't
tonight, Jess. Office party.
51
00:01:42,341 --> 00:01:44,226
There are literally millions
of parties. It's a puzzle as...
52
00:01:44,277 --> 00:01:45,811
That's what you guys
are talking about, right?
53
00:01:45,845 --> 00:01:47,485
I mean, it's not like
I can hear anything,
54
00:01:47,513 --> 00:01:49,481
because I got a cranberry
stuck in my ear!
55
00:01:49,515 --> 00:01:51,066
- You're yelling.
- Huh?
56
00:01:51,117 --> 00:01:52,701
Slade and Sienna
are having a house thing.
57
00:01:52,735 --> 00:01:54,920
Oshiro-San is serving
whale meat after midnight.
58
00:01:54,954 --> 00:01:56,538
- Huh? What y'all talking about?
- Shut up.
59
00:01:56,572 --> 00:01:58,657
Sadie is having
a cookie-decorating party.
60
00:01:58,691 --> 00:02:00,542
The gorilla twins
are having a thump-thump.
61
00:02:00,576 --> 00:02:02,494
Let's try to hit all
the parties we can.
62
00:02:02,528 --> 00:02:05,831
Otherwise, I'm just gonna stay
home and try not to call Sam.
63
00:02:05,865 --> 00:02:07,426
- What'd you say?
- I'm gonna die alone.
64
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,534
And merry Christmas.
65
00:02:09,552 --> 00:02:12,087
- We have to hang out together.
- I hate that idea.
66
00:02:12,138 --> 00:02:13,221
I'll be designated driver.
67
00:02:13,256 --> 00:02:14,539
- I'm in.
- Okay, yeah, let's do it.
68
00:02:14,557 --> 00:02:16,038
The only we make this work
69
00:02:16,042 --> 00:02:17,709
is if we do the Irish good-bye.
70
00:02:17,727 --> 00:02:19,845
We leave the parties
without saying good-bye.
71
00:02:19,879 --> 00:02:21,263
And I'm asking you guys
as my friends to not be
72
00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:24,015
so damn awkward around
my stripper girlfriend,
73
00:02:24,049 --> 00:02:25,267
just 'cause she's a stripper.
74
00:02:25,318 --> 00:02:26,568
You are the most awkward.
75
00:02:26,602 --> 00:02:27,719
You should probably stop calling
her your "stripper girlfriend."
76
00:02:27,737 --> 00:02:29,887
She's unpredictable
and exciting,
77
00:02:29,905 --> 00:02:30,772
and I love that!
78
00:02:30,823 --> 00:02:32,223
Ol' Nick Miller
79
00:02:32,241 --> 00:02:34,576
lives on the edge now.
Vroom! Vroom!
80
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:35,727
And plus,
81
00:02:35,745 --> 00:02:37,729
we haven't had sex yet,
and we might tonight.
82
00:02:39,749 --> 00:02:40,782
I understood that!
83
00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:42,367
Oh, yeah!
84
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,005
What'd you say, though?
85
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,600
♪ On the first day
of Christmas ♪
86
00:02:45,621 --> 00:02:48,123
♪ My true love gave to me
a partridge... ♪
87
00:02:48,174 --> 00:02:50,041
Merry Christmas!
88
00:02:50,475 --> 00:02:51,576
Am I talking too loud?
89
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:52,794
- Schmidt?
- What?
90
00:02:52,845 --> 00:02:54,379
- A word?
- What?
91
00:02:54,413 --> 00:02:57,215
You haven't said one word to
Cece since she got in the car.
92
00:02:57,249 --> 00:02:58,550
I cannot believe
that you invited her.
93
00:02:58,584 --> 00:02:59,885
She's my best friend.
94
00:02:59,919 --> 00:03:01,920
- Hey, can I talk to you a little later?
- Oh, were you hoping that
95
00:03:01,938 --> 00:03:03,305
I still had some soul left
for you to crush?
96
00:03:03,356 --> 00:03:05,190
I'm glad we're gonna be
mature about this.
97
00:03:06,192 --> 00:03:07,258
Whoa, what happened there?
98
00:03:07,276 --> 00:03:09,945
Nothing. He told her
that he loved her...
99
00:03:09,979 --> 00:03:11,262
Okay, I just want
to spend the night
100
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,281
making it with some fatty
in an elf costume.
101
00:03:13,316 --> 00:03:14,899
Is that too much to ask for?
102
00:03:15,617 --> 00:03:16,691
Instead I'm stuck here
103
00:03:16,702 --> 00:03:18,403
at this Lesbian cookie party.
104
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:20,989
It's all wreaths, no trees.
105
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:22,640
All right, Jess,
106
00:03:22,641 --> 00:03:23,491
you're on the clock;
107
00:03:23,543 --> 00:03:25,610
You have five minutes
in this party black hole.
108
00:03:26,128 --> 00:03:28,208
- Your friends are cool.
- Yeah, no, no, I like them.
109
00:03:28,213 --> 00:03:29,397
- Yeah, they...
- I live with them.
110
00:03:29,448 --> 00:03:31,416
But being serious,
it's been really fun.
111
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:34,830
I'm glad we're hanging out and spending
time together and all that good stuff.
112
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,121
You know,
to be completely honest,
113
00:03:36,155 --> 00:03:37,305
when I first met you,
114
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:39,290
I didn't think that
you could handle this.
115
00:03:39,308 --> 00:03:41,476
Handle what? The fact
that you're a stripper?
116
00:03:41,510 --> 00:03:42,961
- Me being... Yeah.
- Are you kidding?
117
00:03:42,979 --> 00:03:44,512
- Me?
- Yeah.
118
00:03:44,564 --> 00:03:46,764
Is it good?
You're sweating a little bit.
119
00:03:46,798 --> 00:03:49,318
You know what, lady, I was born
on the wrong side of the tracks.
120
00:03:49,352 --> 00:03:51,186
I've had tetanus
thrice in my life.
121
00:03:51,637 --> 00:03:54,105
- Ew.
- And look at what a badass cookie I made.
122
00:03:54,139 --> 00:03:55,991
That's the kind of cookie
Nick Miller makes.
123
00:03:56,025 --> 00:03:57,475
- Fine, look at my cookie.
- What?
124
00:04:00,663 --> 00:04:02,814
Yeah, but there
are people here.
125
00:04:02,832 --> 00:04:05,033
Are you not into having
sex around people?
126
00:04:05,484 --> 00:04:06,551
Who are you talking to?
127
00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:08,703
- Yeah?
- I'm so open with sex, it's ridiculous.
128
00:04:10,339 --> 00:04:12,290
You could at least
take your coat off.
129
00:04:12,324 --> 00:04:13,491
Oh, but I can't.
130
00:04:13,809 --> 00:04:15,510
Pastel walls
give me the chills.
131
00:04:15,544 --> 00:04:17,212
- Hey.
- Hey.
132
00:04:18,497 --> 00:04:19,714
- Oh, my God!
- What?
133
00:04:19,765 --> 00:04:21,182
- What...
- It's Sam! It's Sam! Put your coats on.
134
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,877
- We're leaving.
- Sam Sam? Where?
135
00:04:22,885 --> 00:04:23,501
Yes, he's right over there.
136
00:04:23,536 --> 00:04:25,020
He's talking to a woman
whose sexuality
137
00:04:25,054 --> 00:04:26,471
I won't jump to
conclusions about.
138
00:04:26,505 --> 00:04:27,689
What a situation, huh, Jess?
139
00:04:27,723 --> 00:04:29,007
Forced to spend time
with someone
140
00:04:29,025 --> 00:04:30,392
who ruthlessly rejected you
141
00:04:30,843 --> 00:04:32,644
after you told him
how much you cared about him.
142
00:04:32,678 --> 00:04:34,479
- Maybe...
- Damn, he looks good.
143
00:04:34,513 --> 00:04:36,414
Just wants everyone
to get along.
144
00:04:36,732 --> 00:04:38,066
Okay, if he wanted
everybody to get along...
145
00:04:38,117 --> 00:04:40,018
I'm seriously freaking out
right now.
146
00:04:40,036 --> 00:04:41,486
...then he wouldn't have acted
like such a callous lady jerk.
147
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,520
- Lady jerk?
- Lady jerk.
148
00:04:42,538 --> 00:04:43,989
I'm seriously
freaking out right now.
149
00:04:44,023 --> 00:04:45,907
- Duck! He's gonna see you.
- Ow. We have to get out
150
00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:47,592
of here, you guys.
Where is everybody?
151
00:04:47,627 --> 00:04:50,211
Yeah, man, see,
when a cranberry gets lodged
152
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:52,196
in the ear, it hurts.
Look.
153
00:04:52,214 --> 00:04:53,381
- Psst, Winston.
- Hey!
154
00:04:53,716 --> 00:04:55,300
Do you guys know Sam's here?
155
00:04:57,536 --> 00:04:59,604
- Jess?
- We're Irish good-bye-ing. Go! Go!
156
00:04:59,639 --> 00:05:01,723
- Go?
- Go, go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
157
00:05:01,757 --> 00:05:03,341
Go! Go! Go!
158
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:05,360
All right, Schmidt,
what's the address?
159
00:05:05,394 --> 00:05:07,162
Get ready, last year
this party had acrobats
160
00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:08,363
and caged snow leopards.
161
00:05:08,897 --> 00:05:09,764
What?!
162
00:05:13,986 --> 00:05:16,404
We're all here together.
No drama.
163
00:05:16,439 --> 00:05:17,939
- Not bad, Schmidt.
- Thank you.
164
00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:19,774
Are they just gonna play
computer music all night?
165
00:05:19,825 --> 00:05:21,943
What are you talking about?
That's a really respected deejay,
166
00:05:21,994 --> 00:05:23,611
who was also an actor
on Boy Meets World.
167
00:05:23,663 --> 00:05:25,063
- Hey, Jess. Whoa, Sam.
- What?!
168
00:05:25,081 --> 00:05:26,081
No!
169
00:05:26,115 --> 00:05:27,282
Why is this happening? No.
170
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:28,283
Please, I need to talk...
Oh, God.
171
00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:29,284
No. Oh, my...
172
00:05:29,335 --> 00:05:30,869
Oh, I feel like a bird.
173
00:05:30,903 --> 00:05:32,037
Aw, that's just sad.
174
00:05:32,071 --> 00:05:33,588
- How are you here?
- Winston told me
175
00:05:33,622 --> 00:05:35,740
where the party was in
exchange for an ear exam.
176
00:05:35,758 --> 00:05:37,125
Winston told you what?!
177
00:05:37,876 --> 00:05:38,209
What?
178
00:05:38,243 --> 00:05:39,794
Jess, listen to me.
179
00:05:40,145 --> 00:05:41,980
I want you back, Jess.
180
00:05:44,016 --> 00:05:45,416
Oh.
181
00:05:46,418 --> 00:05:47,519
Oh!
182
00:05:49,088 --> 00:05:50,972
Are none of these doors?
183
00:05:51,023 --> 00:05:52,273
Oh!
184
00:05:53,326 --> 00:05:56,293
What, he just wants a relationship
now, out of the blue?
185
00:05:56,328 --> 00:05:58,479
You never just dreamed
about him crawling back to you?
186
00:05:58,513 --> 00:06:00,614
Anybody who's ever been dumped
187
00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:02,983
has dreamed about
that special someone
188
00:06:03,034 --> 00:06:04,652
crawling their way back to them.
189
00:06:05,203 --> 00:06:06,737
I mean, come on, right?
It's the dump fantasy.
190
00:06:06,771 --> 00:06:08,572
Let's workshop that term.
191
00:06:08,606 --> 00:06:09,573
Of course I have.
192
00:06:09,607 --> 00:06:10,658
We meet
193
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:13,077
in a hospital, during wartime.
194
00:06:13,811 --> 00:06:15,829
You can forgive a lot
during wartime.
195
00:06:15,881 --> 00:06:17,331
That is a fantasy, Jess.
196
00:06:17,382 --> 00:06:18,832
Okay, people don't change.
197
00:06:19,284 --> 00:06:20,584
They just think that they do.
198
00:06:20,618 --> 00:06:22,502
He's a player.
Think about it.
199
00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,338
Why would a good-looking
person ever become a doctor?
200
00:06:24,389 --> 00:06:25,973
Jess?
201
00:06:26,007 --> 00:06:27,758
Oh, my God!
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
202
00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:28,893
Go, go, go.
203
00:06:29,627 --> 00:06:31,228
- Door...
- Jess?
204
00:06:33,514 --> 00:06:35,599
Jess, uh, I don't know
if you're in here.
205
00:06:35,633 --> 00:06:37,484
I just wanted to
tell you that...
206
00:06:37,519 --> 00:06:39,153
I messed up.
207
00:06:40,187 --> 00:06:42,189
You know, I-I went
to that party to see you.
208
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,108
I knew you were gonna
be there, 'cause I saw
209
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:46,476
the comments on the Evite.
210
00:06:47,294 --> 00:06:49,597
"Amazeballs, can't wait."
211
00:06:49,631 --> 00:06:51,815
If you are here, I'm sorry if
this sounds a little rehearsed.
212
00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:53,317
This is the third room
I've done this in.
213
00:06:53,335 --> 00:06:54,668
Hey, what's he saying?
214
00:06:54,993 --> 00:06:56,064
- I want to hear...
- Shut up, Winston.
215
00:06:56,087 --> 00:06:57,004
Jess?
216
00:06:57,538 --> 00:06:58,923
- Jess?
- Yep.
217
00:07:04,445 --> 00:07:05,045
No.
218
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,347
You just think
you can come back
219
00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:07,798
and I'm just gonna be
waiting for you?
220
00:07:07,832 --> 00:07:10,000
No, of course not.
I mean...
221
00:07:11,018 --> 00:07:12,169
I had to at least try.
222
00:07:12,187 --> 00:07:14,188
You're too late.
223
00:07:14,722 --> 00:07:15,806
I'm in love.
224
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,374
What?
225
00:07:17,409 --> 00:07:18,726
With Winston.
226
00:07:21,613 --> 00:07:22,512
What?
227
00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:24,214
We've lain together.
228
00:07:24,215 --> 00:07:25,935
No, yeah, I don't know
how it happened.
229
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:29,737
It just got stuck up there
so far, so quickly.
230
00:07:30,288 --> 00:07:31,739
The relationship.
231
00:07:31,790 --> 00:07:32,823
You know, sometimes
when we're hanging out,
232
00:07:32,857 --> 00:07:33,824
it can get a little rough.
233
00:07:33,858 --> 00:07:35,993
- Oh, boy, does it.
- Yeah.
234
00:07:36,027 --> 00:07:37,378
All right. Well, I didn't
know that, so...
235
00:07:37,412 --> 00:07:39,412
What's going on? I feel like
I'm missing something.
236
00:07:42,866 --> 00:07:44,001
Snow time.
237
00:07:45,035 --> 00:07:46,435
Hey, what are you doing?
No, no, no.
238
00:07:46,921 --> 00:07:48,505
Hey, everything is so expensive
here, Angie.
239
00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:49,873
Don't. Get off that thing.
240
00:07:49,891 --> 00:07:51,725
Why don't you get on?
241
00:07:53,711 --> 00:07:55,062
You know what?
242
00:07:55,096 --> 00:07:57,097
Get in the sleigh, girl.
243
00:07:59,717 --> 00:08:00,934
What happens in the sleigh?
244
00:08:01,986 --> 00:08:03,220
What happens in the sleigh
245
00:08:03,238 --> 00:08:05,906
- is I'll be your reindeer...
- Uh-huh.
246
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:09,360
And take your toys
up in the sky.
247
00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:12,546
Sexy.
248
00:08:16,618 --> 00:08:18,902
Ooh! Ho ho ho!
249
00:08:19,420 --> 00:08:21,372
Here comes the
chubby Santa boy!
250
00:08:21,406 --> 00:08:22,556
Get in here.
251
00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:25,075
This is real.
252
00:08:25,093 --> 00:08:26,877
We are...
This is...
253
00:08:26,911 --> 00:08:28,462
You are quick to the belt.
254
00:08:28,513 --> 00:08:29,596
Let's do this.
255
00:08:29,631 --> 00:08:31,415
You have been Taken.
256
00:08:32,133 --> 00:08:32,883
What's that?
257
00:08:32,917 --> 00:08:35,052
A nearly perfect Liam Neeson.
258
00:08:35,486 --> 00:08:36,753
Whoa!
259
00:08:36,771 --> 00:08:37,938
Oh, no!
260
00:08:44,612 --> 00:08:45,696
No! This isn't...
261
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:50,701
This is my nightmare!
262
00:08:54,989 --> 00:08:56,106
Merry Christmas!
263
00:08:56,141 --> 00:08:57,791
Oh.
264
00:09:05,133 --> 00:09:07,617
Hey. I know... I know
you're trying to avoid me,
265
00:09:07,635 --> 00:09:11,088
but just take this gift
I got you and I will walk away.
266
00:09:11,122 --> 00:09:13,757
I don't celebrate Christmas,
okay? Or as I like to call it,
267
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:16,310
White Anglo-Saxon Winter
Privilege Night.
268
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:17,627
I really want us to be friends.
269
00:09:17,645 --> 00:09:19,463
Whenever you're ready.
270
00:09:19,481 --> 00:09:21,098
Because I really do
care about you.
271
00:09:21,132 --> 00:09:22,483
Thank you so much for this.
272
00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:25,135
'Cause this
makes it so much better.
273
00:09:27,805 --> 00:09:30,307
Here. This is for you.
274
00:09:30,825 --> 00:09:32,860
What if you came
home with me tonight?
275
00:09:32,911 --> 00:09:35,362
You look like a hot elf.
276
00:09:37,365 --> 00:09:38,532
- Hold still.
- Uh-huh.
277
00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:40,617
Got it.
278
00:09:40,651 --> 00:09:42,870
Oh, thank you, thank
you, thank you, man.
279
00:09:42,921 --> 00:09:44,671
Now that I think about it,
I mean, I'm not really
280
00:09:44,706 --> 00:09:46,206
surprised by you and...
you know.
281
00:09:46,257 --> 00:09:48,125
I mean, three guy roommates.
282
00:09:48,659 --> 00:09:50,210
If I really am being honest
with you,
283
00:09:50,261 --> 00:09:52,381
you were the only one
that I was really threatened by.
284
00:09:52,863 --> 00:09:54,515
I mean, you got
Metrosexual Jones
285
00:09:54,549 --> 00:09:56,300
and Sweatshirt Guy over there.
286
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,001
What are we talking about here?
287
00:09:58,019 --> 00:10:00,354
Yeah, I would trade places
with you in a heartbeat.
288
00:10:00,388 --> 00:10:02,172
You know,
except for the mustache.
289
00:10:02,190 --> 00:10:05,592
Can I ask you something?
How did you get her?
290
00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:09,730
Oh...
291
00:10:10,581 --> 00:10:11,731
Hmm.
292
00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:13,400
Jess.
293
00:10:14,451 --> 00:10:16,537
Yes.
Yes, my love.
294
00:10:16,831 --> 00:10:21,041
Honey, we both know we have been
unhappy for far too long.
295
00:10:21,575 --> 00:10:24,694
I am not just a vehicle you get
to ride to Pleasure Town.
296
00:10:25,713 --> 00:10:28,415
Be gone, honky!
297
00:10:28,466 --> 00:10:30,717
This is for your own good.
298
00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:33,137
Say good-bye
to paradise, honey!
299
00:10:38,926 --> 00:10:40,344
We were never going out.
300
00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:41,897
Yeah, I got that.
301
00:10:43,431 --> 00:10:48,352
I mean, Sam, what am
I supposed to think?
302
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:50,570
So what? I'm just
supposed to believe you
303
00:10:50,604 --> 00:10:52,555
when all of a sudden
you come back to me,
304
00:10:52,557 --> 00:10:54,241
and you tell me you
want to make it work?
305
00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:56,893
I-I want to believe you,
but I just feel so...
306
00:11:00,214 --> 00:11:01,415
No!
307
00:11:01,449 --> 00:11:05,402
No! Why do you think
you can just kiss me?
308
00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:06,787
I thought that was the right...
309
00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:08,205
That's all this ever was to you.
310
00:11:08,239 --> 00:11:09,923
- That's not true, Jess.
- No.
311
00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:12,576
No. I'm always so gullible,
and I'm not doing it.
312
00:11:13,094 --> 00:11:14,294
I'm not doing it anymore.
313
00:11:15,595 --> 00:11:16,546
I'm done.
314
00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:17,965
Oh, I mean, I get it.
315
00:11:18,016 --> 00:11:20,584
I'm... I'm too late.
I messed up.
316
00:11:20,602 --> 00:11:22,102
Yeah, you did.
You messed up.
317
00:11:22,636 --> 00:11:24,137
Well, I'll leave you alone.
Merry Christmas.
318
00:11:24,189 --> 00:11:25,439
No!
319
00:11:25,473 --> 00:11:28,025
I'm leaving you alone.
320
00:11:31,262 --> 00:11:33,480
I know... I know you do this
kind of thing all the time,
321
00:11:33,531 --> 00:11:35,649
but believe it or not, I don't.
322
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:37,317
What? What does that mean?
323
00:11:37,368 --> 00:11:40,070
Look, I know for you,
this kind of stuff is normal.
324
00:11:40,104 --> 00:11:41,672
- Oh.
- Doing it in sleds.
325
00:11:41,706 --> 00:11:43,407
- And...
- Oh, this is because I'm a stripper.
326
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:44,625
Yeah.
327
00:11:44,659 --> 00:11:46,076
- Are you laughing at me?
- No.
328
00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:50,080
I'm laughing into me.
329
00:11:50,114 --> 00:11:52,432
- Maybe you just can't handle this.
- No. It's great.
330
00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:54,635
You're a stripper for now.
I'm a bartender for now.
331
00:11:54,669 --> 00:11:57,804
- For now?
- We're not gonna be that for...
332
00:11:57,839 --> 00:11:59,423
Okay, well, for now,
I'm just gonna walk away.
333
00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:01,791
For now, you can kiss my ass.
334
00:12:01,809 --> 00:12:06,230
Nick Miller-- turning lemonade
into lemons since 1981.
335
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,196
Up on the housetop.
336
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,014
Click, click, click.
337
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:14,533
You know, I just want
to say what's up to all
338
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,652
my girls in the county
looking so lovely,
339
00:12:16,686 --> 00:12:19,538
like you always sometimes do.
340
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,207
♪ Ho, ho, ho,
who wouldn't go? ♪
341
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,826
♪ Ho, ho, ho...
342
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:25,911
- Hey.
- Hey.
343
00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:27,992
What are you doing
in this place?
344
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:30,031
Um...
345
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:36,088
And we're back,
and I'm Dr. Gavin Daytona.
346
00:12:36,139 --> 00:12:38,874
You are live on the radio.
We got a caller Wendy.
347
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,093
You are on the phone with
the doctor. What have you got?
348
00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:43,428
Hey. Hey, Doctor.
349
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,682
This is Dr. Gavin. You're live
to five million people.
350
00:12:46,716 --> 00:12:48,750
- I actually, I-I had a guy...
- Oh, yeah, you did.
351
00:12:48,785 --> 00:12:51,703
- I really liked him.
- Wah, wah!
352
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,275
I'm right not to
believe him, right?
353
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:58,861
I don't know, actually.
354
00:13:00,295 --> 00:13:02,576
I think you're the kind of girl
a guy would come back for.
355
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:06,418
Buh, buh, buh.
356
00:13:14,926 --> 00:13:15,761
It was a bracelet.
357
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,196
I don't even know
what you're talking about.
358
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,731
Tungsten carbide,
because you said
359
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,567
that was the most baller metal.
360
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,352
That's what Statham wore
in all the Transporter movies.
361
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,738
I just wanted to try
to find a way to say thank you
362
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,124
for telling me
that you loved me.
363
00:13:30,527 --> 00:13:32,878
Even if I was the wrong person.
364
00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:37,432
You're welcome, Cece.
365
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,819
But love is stupid, okay?
366
00:13:40,870 --> 00:13:42,621
It is a lie.
367
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:45,908
So, bah humbug to you, Cecilia.
368
00:13:46,442 --> 00:13:47,626
Bah humbug.
369
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,995
Bah...
370
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:51,747
humbug.
371
00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:54,249
♪ Up on the housetop,
click, click, click... ♪
372
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,051
Where is your girlfriend?
373
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,769
I blew it.
374
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:01,056
She's so out there
and adventurous,
375
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,374
and not afraid, and...
376
00:14:03,392 --> 00:14:04,609
She's probably bored
of me already.
377
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,044
I mean, she doesn't
want to be here.
378
00:14:06,162 --> 00:14:08,479
Does Angie ever do anything
379
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,597
she doesn't want to do?
380
00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:11,766
No.
381
00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:14,735
What's wrong with a girl that's
fearless? I think that could
382
00:14:14,736 --> 00:14:17,572
be good for you, especially
since you're such a chicken.
383
00:14:18,806 --> 00:14:19,908
Don't.
384
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,265
Go get her.
385
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,704
Is this on?
386
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:34,422
It's on.
387
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,940
Right on. Cool.
388
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:38,810
Um... Angie?
389
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:42,380
I just want to say publicly
that I'm an idiot.
390
00:14:42,431 --> 00:14:45,717
I couldn't just put myself
out there all the time.
391
00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:47,469
It's too scary.
392
00:14:47,503 --> 00:14:50,688
I'm not as brave as you,
but here goes.
393
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,390
I'm very poor.
394
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:55,176
Having a checking account
would be an honor.
395
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,845
I'm a writer.
396
00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:59,330
I've written a zombie book.
It's terrible.
397
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,916
I'm a slow runner.
398
00:15:01,951 --> 00:15:04,519
I'm obsessed with karate.
399
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,322
Yeah, yeah.
400
00:15:07,356 --> 00:15:09,240
You are the scariest thing
in the world.
401
00:15:09,291 --> 00:15:12,877
And you're so goofy
to be going out with me.
402
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,412
And I don't want to...
403
00:15:14,963 --> 00:15:17,031
Thank you for...
404
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:20,051
Winston?
405
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,771
Why don't you do me
a favor, homeboy?
406
00:15:22,805 --> 00:15:24,372
Sorry I called you homeboy.
407
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,508
But turn that damn music up.
408
00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:28,777
'Cause I'm about
to get sexy up in here.
409
00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:33,932
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
410
00:15:33,983 --> 00:15:37,435
♪ Fa la-la la-la,
la, la, la, la ♪
411
00:15:37,486 --> 00:15:39,521
- ♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly...♪
- Sexy?
412
00:15:39,555 --> 00:15:41,489
- No.
- Weird choice, but I'm going for it.
413
00:15:41,923 --> 00:15:43,691
♪ Don we now
our gay apparel... ♪
414
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,510
- Would you give me a second chance?
- ♪ Fa la-la la-la, la, la, la, la ♪
415
00:15:46,544 --> 00:15:47,745
Yeah.
416
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,714
Good. See, I know
what sexy is.
417
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,749
- What's happening?
- And I'm gonna show you
418
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,851
what kind of...
419
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,786
Huh? Oh.
420
00:15:55,337 --> 00:15:58,405
Oh, no, no. Oh, okay.
421
00:15:58,423 --> 00:15:59,907
Is this, is this a lap dance?
422
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,241
This...
423
00:16:01,259 --> 00:16:04,545
This isn't happening.
424
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:08,115
♪ Follow me
in merry measure... ♪
425
00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:10,601
Oh, yeah, that-that's
the stuff.
426
00:16:10,635 --> 00:16:12,920
That-That's kind of the stuff.
427
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:15,439
Sexy.
428
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,658
♪ Fast away
the old year passes ♪
429
00:16:17,693 --> 00:16:19,276
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la... ♪
430
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,812
Let me show you how to do it.
431
00:16:21,863 --> 00:16:22,980
♪ Ye lads and lasses
432
00:16:23,031 --> 00:16:25,449
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
433
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,501
♪ Sing we joyous all together
434
00:16:27,536 --> 00:16:31,238
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
435
00:16:31,272 --> 00:16:34,274
♪ Heedless of the wind
and weather ♪
436
00:16:34,292 --> 00:16:36,627
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la... ♪
437
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,863
Okay, Angie, Angie,
you're doing it all wrong.
438
00:16:38,881 --> 00:16:39,864
Okay, honey?
439
00:16:39,882 --> 00:16:41,082
Let me just...
440
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,418
Eye contact.
441
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:47,555
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la... ♪
442
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:50,040
What are you doing?
You are as dumb as it gets.
443
00:16:50,058 --> 00:16:52,844
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
444
00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:54,762
♪ Don we now our gay a...
445
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,732
- What the hell?
- What are you doing?
446
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,352
I just... I-I'm sorry, I think
I made a mistake about Sam.
447
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,437
- I think I need to turn around.
- No, you didn't, Jess.
448
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:04,689
- You did the right thing.
- You're right, you're right.
449
00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:08,059
- Aah, no!
- Oh, come on.
450
00:17:08,077 --> 00:17:10,061
No, no, no.
451
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,271
- No, no, no, no.
- We are so busted.
452
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,066
Oh, Jess, you reek of booze.
453
00:17:15,084 --> 00:17:17,369
Winston threw a drink on me.
454
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,903
- Turn on the waterworks.
- Just take the jacket off.
455
00:17:18,921 --> 00:17:20,588
We are so busted.
456
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,123
There's two of you?
Come on, I thought we were
457
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,458
in the middle
of a budget crisis.
458
00:17:23,492 --> 00:17:24,575
Officer, I understand
459
00:17:24,593 --> 00:17:26,628
how this looks and smells,
460
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,714
but I assure you, I would not
ever get behind the wheel
461
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:33,134
of a vehicle if I had had
even a drop to drink.
462
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,637
This has just been
the most crazy night.
463
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,755
And I'm not going to cry
464
00:17:37,773 --> 00:17:40,392
because I believe
in traffic violations
465
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,144
and paying your debt to society,
but you have
466
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:45,280
- to believe...
- I believe you.
467
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,649
You do?
468
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,318
- Why?
- Jess, be cool.
469
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,404
Sometimes people tell the truth.
470
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,072
You drive safely,
471
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,607
and happy holidays.
472
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:03,631
- Was that...?
- Santa.
473
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:04,949
- Black Santa.
- We saw Santa.
474
00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:07,001
It was Black Santa.
475
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,619
Santa Claus isn't even real.
476
00:18:08,637 --> 00:18:10,255
We got a black president,
we got a black Santa Claus.
477
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,173
It was not Black Santa Claus!
478
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:14,642
What a-- that's ludicrous.
479
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,010
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
480
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,312
Now, what is he doing?
481
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,147
He should be at home
getting ready.
482
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,482
I believe.
483
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,318
I believe Sam
484
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,853
and I want to go see him.
485
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,304
To the Black North Pole!
486
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:27,822
We saw Black Santa.
487
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,807
Black Santa Claus?!
488
00:18:29,825 --> 00:18:31,476
I am so sick of hanging out
with Christians.
489
00:18:31,494 --> 00:18:33,644
This is my last
Christian Christmas.
490
00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:37,530
- Hi, um, I'm here to see, um...
- Do you have
491
00:18:37,564 --> 00:18:39,582
- family members in the hospital?
- Uh, no, uh...
492
00:18:39,616 --> 00:18:41,117
Then, you're not here
to see anyone.
493
00:18:41,168 --> 00:18:43,569
- Visiting hours are over.
- It's Christmas!
494
00:18:47,924 --> 00:18:49,308
Okay, new plan.
495
00:18:49,426 --> 00:18:51,877
We're carolers.
496
00:18:52,611 --> 00:18:53,245
Gum?
497
00:18:56,182 --> 00:18:57,883
Boobs?
498
00:18:57,917 --> 00:18:59,152
Thank you.
499
00:19:00,086 --> 00:19:02,587
FYI, I'm totally fine
with what just happened.
500
00:19:04,307 --> 00:19:05,590
Schmidt, let's go, let's go.
501
00:19:05,608 --> 00:19:07,609
Look.
502
00:19:11,781 --> 00:19:13,615
Jess, I still think
this is a mistake.
503
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:15,401
I mean, what if
he hurts you again?
504
00:19:15,435 --> 00:19:16,819
Sometimes people tell
the truth, Schmidt.
505
00:19:16,870 --> 00:19:18,404
Oh, thank you, Professor Cliché,
506
00:19:18,438 --> 00:19:19,805
just in time for the holidays.
507
00:19:19,839 --> 00:19:22,658
Hold it. Oh, okay,
well, we should...
508
00:19:22,709 --> 00:19:23,992
Um, madrigals.
509
00:19:25,128 --> 00:19:28,964
♪ O come, all ye faithful
510
00:19:28,998 --> 00:19:32,751
♪ Joyful and triumphant
511
00:19:35,288 --> 00:19:38,974
♪ Matzo ball, Star of
David, Hanukkah ♪
512
00:19:39,008 --> 00:19:41,169
♪ Gotta do what you wanna do
when you do it ♪ ♪ Menorah
513
00:19:42,628 --> 00:19:43,812
♪ Come
514
00:19:46,348 --> 00:19:49,251
♪ I don't know the words
515
00:19:49,285 --> 00:19:51,987
♪ I don't know
the words... ♪
516
00:19:55,992 --> 00:20:00,861
♪ I don't...
517
00:20:00,996 --> 00:20:02,481
♪ Know
518
00:20:02,515 --> 00:20:04,483
♪ The
519
00:20:04,501 --> 00:20:08,045
♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-o-r...
520
00:20:11,207 --> 00:20:12,708
♪ ...rds-ah!
521
00:20:14,494 --> 00:20:15,794
Good stuff.
522
00:20:15,828 --> 00:20:17,496
Yeah, thanks so much.
Thank you very much.
523
00:20:17,514 --> 00:20:19,014
Okay, okay, everyone,
back in your rooms.
524
00:20:19,048 --> 00:20:21,216
It's okay, I know these people.
525
00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:22,227
- It's okay.
- All right.
526
00:20:22,268 --> 00:20:24,002
Thank you.
527
00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:25,554
You came back.
528
00:20:25,605 --> 00:20:27,573
Yeah, um...
529
00:20:27,607 --> 00:20:29,174
Jess, I know that
you don't believe me,
530
00:20:29,192 --> 00:20:31,727
but when we met, I...
531
00:20:31,778 --> 00:20:33,729
this girl had screwed me up.
532
00:20:40,703 --> 00:20:41,887
I believe you.
533
00:20:43,122 --> 00:20:48,160
♪ My friends wanna know how it
came to be that, ooh ♪
534
00:20:48,194 --> 00:20:50,329
All right, you're
in a hospital, so...
535
00:20:50,363 --> 00:20:51,497
A lot of hands.
536
00:20:51,531 --> 00:20:53,415
All right, Doctor,
ease up, ease up.
537
00:20:53,466 --> 00:20:56,335
♪ 'Cause I caught Santa
under my tree... ♪
538
00:20:56,369 --> 00:20:57,553
Cab it to the next party?
539
00:20:57,587 --> 00:20:59,204
Yes.
540
00:20:59,222 --> 00:21:01,056
Cece, do you want to come?
541
00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:03,559
I mean, I think there's
a cab stand, uh...
542
00:21:03,593 --> 00:21:05,594
Uh, maybe it's down that way.
543
00:21:05,645 --> 00:21:08,397
Could be over there,
I don't know.
544
00:21:08,431 --> 00:21:10,732
I didn't really give it away,
you know.
545
00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:11,900
I'd never do that.
546
00:21:11,935 --> 00:21:13,702
Happy Hanukkah.
547
00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:14,903
Happy Moon Festival, Cece.
548
00:21:14,938 --> 00:21:15,921
Nope, not a thing.
549
00:21:15,955 --> 00:21:17,188
Happy Carnaval.
550
00:21:17,223 --> 00:21:18,457
You should stop
while you're ahead.
551
00:21:18,525 --> 00:21:20,961
Uh, where are Nick and Angie?
552
00:21:22,629 --> 00:21:24,763
Ugh, in a children's hospital.
553
00:21:24,831 --> 00:21:26,431
Sexual animals, sexual animals.
554
00:21:26,498 --> 00:21:30,166
Shameless, just shameless.
555
00:21:30,334 --> 00:21:35,168
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com