1
00:00:02,562 --> 00:00:06,418
_
2
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,999
Fantastico.
3
00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:29,378
- Are you checking my pulse?
- You were very still.
4
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,327
(both laugh)
5
00:00:32,503 --> 00:00:34,812
Well, that was really fun.
6
00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:37,346
(both laugh)
7
00:00:37,476 --> 00:00:40,314
I don't know what to
say here. Um...
8
00:00:40,979 --> 00:00:43,216
- I got an idea. Stay right here, okay?
- Okay.
9
00:00:43,235 --> 00:00:45,910
- Let me do something. Stay right here.
- Okay.
10
00:00:46,622 --> 00:00:48,879
(door opens, closes)
11
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,358
We need some dessert.
12
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,982
That's too much.
13
00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:18,201
Nah, definitely not doing that.
14
00:01:22,503 --> 00:01:23,797
Bob!
15
00:01:23,914 --> 00:01:26,386
You. It's... you.
16
00:01:26,405 --> 00:01:28,861
- Nick.
- Right. Nick. How could I forget that?
17
00:01:28,873 --> 00:01:32,176
Sorry to interrupt you.
Wilson let me in.
18
00:01:32,195 --> 00:01:32,817
(chuckles)
19
00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:34,231
Well, what are you
doing with that?
20
00:01:34,256 --> 00:01:36,637
That, uh, looks like lady food.
21
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:37,966
This is for Wilson.
22
00:01:37,996 --> 00:01:40,052
Yeah, Wilson,
here's your grapefruit,
23
00:01:40,073 --> 00:01:42,417
pie and eggs,
just like you like.
24
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,160
- Is it because it's my birthday?
- It's your birthday?
25
00:01:45,421 --> 00:01:47,837
That's why I made it,
'cause it's your birthday.
26
00:01:47,863 --> 00:01:50,248
I know you're lying,
and I'm hurt,
27
00:01:50,664 --> 00:01:53,538
- but I'm gonna eat this anyway.
- See you later, Wilson.
28
00:01:53,985 --> 00:01:56,073
- What are you doing here, Bob?
- The wedding!
29
00:01:56,092 --> 00:01:58,835
I wouldn't miss Cece's
wedding. Where's Jess?
30
00:01:58,879 --> 00:02:01,515
Hey, Nick, what's our la...?
31
00:02:01,528 --> 00:02:02,884
Look who I bumped into--
your dad!
32
00:02:02,898 --> 00:02:04,823
- Dad! (mouthing)
- Your dad is here today, Jess!
33
00:02:05,256 --> 00:02:07,612
♪ Who's that girl?
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
34
00:02:07,624 --> 00:02:09,242
♪ It's Jess.
35
00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:13,260
Sync and corrections by Norther
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,324
(sighs)
37
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,422
(both laugh)
38
00:02:17,521 --> 00:02:19,107
Well?
39
00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:21,014
Are the reviews in?
40
00:02:21,026 --> 00:02:23,357
- The reviews for what?
- My new body.
41
00:02:23,390 --> 00:02:24,878
How it moves.
42
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,347
Its pitch, its yaw.
43
00:02:26,359 --> 00:02:28,480
My perfectly sculpted
pubic topiary.
44
00:02:28,498 --> 00:02:30,916
I liked how your body moved
45
00:02:30,982 --> 00:02:32,850
before you knew
what to do with it.
46
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,587
(upbeat reggae music playing)
47
00:02:38,015 --> 00:02:40,068
- Want to dance?
- Yeah, right.
48
00:02:40,111 --> 00:02:42,674
Fat kid wants to dance
at the cool college party.
49
00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:44,424
- Nice joke, stranger.
- Come on.
50
00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:47,571
If they make fun of you,
I'll punch them in the penis.
51
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:49,711
♪
52
00:02:56,891 --> 00:02:58,736
(grunting)
53
00:03:00,885 --> 00:03:03,323
You never cared about
what people thought.
54
00:03:03,347 --> 00:03:06,766
I mean, even last night, with the
window open and the woof howls.
55
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,506
MAN (through wall):
It was very uncomfortable.
56
00:03:08,524 --> 00:03:12,227
Stop threatening to move,
Bernie, and just move!
57
00:03:12,245 --> 00:03:14,275
I love that about you.
58
00:03:14,414 --> 00:03:17,166
I'm gonna go to work. Do you
want to have lunch later?
59
00:03:21,470 --> 00:03:23,313
It's still impressive,
60
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,025
but did you
lose weight down...?
61
00:03:25,056 --> 00:03:26,229
It's slightly smaller.
62
00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:27,953
Doctors--
no explanation.
63
00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:29,134
BERNIE:
That's not normal.
64
00:03:29,152 --> 00:03:32,127
- Shut up, Bernie!
- Shut up, Bernie!
65
00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:36,431
(quietly): He can never find out about
this, because he will kill you.
66
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:39,108
When I was ten, he caught
me kissing Glenn Ely.
67
00:03:39,207 --> 00:03:41,799
He got some guys from the club
to put the fear of God in him.
68
00:03:41,957 --> 00:03:45,159
(screaming)
69
00:03:47,676 --> 00:03:49,454
Help!
70
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:52,597
- So, let me deal with him.
- BOB: Smile!
71
00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:55,894
- I got to get some new flash cubes.
- (quietly): Dude,
72
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,014
- keep your mouth shut. Okay?
- Great, fantastic.
73
00:03:58,026 --> 00:03:59,457
- Hey, Dad?
- BOB: Yeah?
74
00:03:59,469 --> 00:04:02,475
Why don't we take a walk?
Oh, it's Peg. (phone ringing)
75
00:04:03,402 --> 00:04:04,958
- Peg.
- Hi, Jess.
76
00:04:04,988 --> 00:04:07,633
Guess what? I'm at a new school, and
there's an opening for a new teacher,
77
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:10,241
and you'd be perfect.
Can you come in today?
78
00:04:10,288 --> 00:04:13,700
Yeah, I would love to. I just--
um, my dad's in town, so...
79
00:04:13,725 --> 00:04:16,497
I'm kind of out on a limb here. I
really talked you up to the principal.
80
00:04:16,521 --> 00:04:19,176
Guess what. Spoiler alert.
He's perking me.
81
00:04:19,851 --> 00:04:23,048
- Can you be here in 30 minutes?
- Okay, I'll figure it out.
82
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,904
Amy! Put those back
in your shirt, both of them.
83
00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:28,961
Oh, my God. I have the
chance to teach kids again.
84
00:04:28,973 --> 00:04:30,650
You got to go.
85
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,070
Oh... Dad, you should
come with me.
86
00:04:33,088 --> 00:04:34,476
Yes, you should go
with your daughter!
87
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:36,857
What am I gonna do, sit in
your car and get mugged?
88
00:04:36,882 --> 00:04:40,544
I mean, I didn't gay my way out of
Vietnam just to be killed by some punk.
89
00:04:40,562 --> 00:04:42,118
No, no. No, I'll stay with him.
90
00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:44,093
- Oh, no, no, that, uh, that doesn't work.
- That's a bad idea.
91
00:04:44,099 --> 00:04:46,297
That's-- I've-I've got stuff
I got to do, so...
92
00:04:46,315 --> 00:04:47,378
- Stuff?
- Yeah.
93
00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:50,044
You don't have any stuff.
Name one stuff.
94
00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:52,118
(quietly):
Documents.
95
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,891
- Documents?
- Yeah, I got documents.
96
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:56,270
Okay, I get it.
97
00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:58,543
You know, I'm always alone, so,
98
00:04:58,568 --> 00:05:00,184
I'll just, uh... be alone.
99
00:05:00,196 --> 00:05:02,009
- (whispering): Do not fall for it.
- I am falling for it.
100
00:05:02,026 --> 00:05:04,469
- Do not fall for it. - I am falling for
it right this second. I'm feeling bad.
101
00:05:04,482 --> 00:05:06,238
- (loud): I'll stay!
- BOB: That's terrific.
102
00:05:06,259 --> 00:05:07,509
(laughter)
103
00:05:07,831 --> 00:05:09,131
Jess... Jess.
104
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,961
Hi! Yay, tomorrow's
your big day! Hooray!
105
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,350
Listen, I'm gonna be a little bit
later than I thought I would be,
106
00:05:14,362 --> 00:05:16,503
but it's gonna be worth it,
because last night...
107
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,105
Just hang on. I can't hear you.
I can't hear you.
108
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:21,091
Guys, it's too loud
in here, okay?!
109
00:05:21,118 --> 00:05:22,343
Uncle Shishir!
110
00:05:22,368 --> 00:05:23,835
(laughter)
111
00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:26,322
He had one scene with
Salman Khan in Dabangg 2,
112
00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:28,940
and all of the sudden he thinks he's
Amitabh Bachchan in Jhoom Barabar Jhoom.
113
00:05:28,956 --> 00:05:30,225
I could just tell you later.
114
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:33,338
I am exhausted, and I still have
to go pick up my wedding sari,
115
00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:34,909
and I still have to
get my hands henna'd.
116
00:05:34,927 --> 00:05:37,289
Okay, look, just send
everybody to their hotels.
117
00:05:37,322 --> 00:05:39,075
I'll have Winston
pick up your sari,
118
00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:42,408
and then after you're done having
your hands tattooed, take a nap.
119
00:05:42,427 --> 00:05:44,578
Now hand the phone to Shishir.
120
00:05:45,025 --> 00:05:47,153
Uncle. Jess.
121
00:05:47,469 --> 00:05:50,806
Shishir, you son of a bitch.
You little son of a bitch.
122
00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:52,616
It is not your day!
123
00:05:54,951 --> 00:05:56,870
- Hey, Winston.
- What's up?
124
00:05:56,885 --> 00:05:58,970
- Anything you want to wish me?
- Look, Winston,
125
00:05:58,995 --> 00:06:02,449
I need you to pick up Cece's wedding
sari and take it to her house.
126
00:06:02,642 --> 00:06:05,442
- You want me to take it to her house?
- Yeah. Just go pick it up.
127
00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:09,181
Ah, wedding sari, for the
celebration of the wedding.
128
00:06:09,205 --> 00:06:11,474
- Yes, nothing else.
- Yeah, I don't know what you're doing,
129
00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:14,158
but just do it, okay?
Um, I have to go.
130
00:06:14,196 --> 00:06:16,265
It's happening!
131
00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:17,467
(grunts)
132
00:06:17,493 --> 00:06:19,652
Peg, hi. Thank you so much
for the interview.
133
00:06:19,677 --> 00:06:21,952
- Sorry I'm late.
- Uh, no interview.
134
00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:23,669
You're getting right in
the soup; you're subbing.
135
00:06:23,681 --> 00:06:25,737
- I need Al to see you in action.
- What? Subbing?
136
00:06:25,755 --> 00:06:28,407
It's a really busy day; I
don't think I could sub...
137
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:29,811
- Oh, yes you can.
- ...right now.
138
00:06:29,817 --> 00:06:31,448
- What? No.
- This is your chance.
139
00:06:31,496 --> 00:06:33,028
Oh, my...
140
00:06:33,034 --> 00:06:34,384
(kids clamoring)
141
00:06:34,398 --> 00:06:36,977
Ah, stop! You have to stop!
142
00:06:40,746 --> 00:06:41,646
(kids clamoring)
143
00:06:41,658 --> 00:06:43,162
Hey, guys.
144
00:06:43,187 --> 00:06:44,375
All right.
145
00:06:44,406 --> 00:06:46,106
Okay, listen!
146
00:06:47,722 --> 00:06:49,667
Or don't!
147
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,307
But the hell if I'm
not gonna teach!
148
00:06:52,389 --> 00:06:55,341
I'm gonna bring the words
of Mark Twain alive
149
00:06:55,366 --> 00:06:59,399
with only the human voice.
150
00:06:59,529 --> 00:07:00,779
What about you?
You got a girl?
151
00:07:00,802 --> 00:07:02,565
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
- No, really?
152
00:07:02,577 --> 00:07:05,205
- No, no, no, no. No girls for me. No.
- Seriously? A good-looking guy like you?
153
00:07:05,211 --> 00:07:07,598
- It'd seem like women would just
flock to you. - No, no, it's not like that.
154
00:07:07,623 --> 00:07:10,385
- Let's talk about you and girls! I don't want
to talk about this. - ...and a young guy.
155
00:07:10,411 --> 00:07:14,880
- This isn't something we should talk about,
Bob, trust me! - Okay, gee whiz, I'm sorry.
156
00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:18,539
- Just freakin' back off.
- I'm sorry I brought it up.
157
00:07:22,406 --> 00:07:24,194
All right.
158
00:07:24,864 --> 00:07:26,331
What?
159
00:07:29,636 --> 00:07:31,154
What?
160
00:07:33,165 --> 00:07:34,957
- There's a girl. Yes.
- There is, see? I told you.
161
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,757
- I knew-- There's always a girl.
- There-- you're right.
162
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:38,864
- Come on, what's she like?
- She's, uh, not quirky.
163
00:07:38,882 --> 00:07:41,313
- No?
- She's got no bangs.
164
00:07:41,341 --> 00:07:43,306
- No bangs.
- Uh, tall and fat.
165
00:07:43,324 --> 00:07:44,812
- Really?
- Yeah. Really ugly eyes.
166
00:07:44,824 --> 00:07:46,826
- Small, tiny little beady eyes.
- Yeah. Yeah.
167
00:07:46,843 --> 00:07:49,571
Her name is, uh,
Yolanda Winston.
168
00:07:49,701 --> 00:07:51,218
Yolanda Winston.
169
00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:57,606
Just wallpaper! I have fancy
athletic shoe wallpaper.
170
00:07:57,881 --> 00:07:59,604
Elizabeth, what are you
doing here?
171
00:07:59,616 --> 00:08:01,701
I got here early,
so I wanted to come up.
172
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,657
That shirt is, uh...
173
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:05,032
12 years old.
174
00:08:05,061 --> 00:08:07,809
- It's the shirt I met you in.
- Oh, yeah, I remember that.
175
00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:09,053
Y2 Kitty Kat.
176
00:08:09,078 --> 00:08:10,801
As relevant today
as it was then.
177
00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,770
Schmidt, do you have a moment?
178
00:08:12,819 --> 00:08:16,047
- I have unlimited moments.
- I was reviewing the numbers...
179
00:08:16,642 --> 00:08:19,801
(quietly): Custodial keeps sending us
these spooky Eastern European girls.
180
00:08:19,817 --> 00:08:22,042
You want to see spooky?
Call me spooky again.
181
00:08:22,054 --> 00:08:23,753
I'll spook the ass fat
right out of your lips.
182
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:24,935
Do you know her?
183
00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:27,303
Mm... no...
184
00:08:27,366 --> 00:08:29,192
- No?
- I...
185
00:08:29,541 --> 00:08:32,376
I feel like I'm trap...
I'm being trapped, am I not?
186
00:08:33,217 --> 00:08:35,527
Then I'll do you a favor
and set you free.
187
00:08:35,823 --> 00:08:37,694
Idiot.
188
00:08:38,211 --> 00:08:40,548
Wait, don't leave.
Elizabeth!
189
00:08:40,578 --> 00:08:43,172
- I don't know why I just did that!
- I knew you couldn't change back!
190
00:08:43,191 --> 00:08:45,512
- But why are you wearing that shirt?!
- I'm not gonna let you make me feel
191
00:08:45,532 --> 00:08:47,689
bad about myself!
I love this shirt!
192
00:08:47,713 --> 00:08:49,563
Y2 Kitty Kat?
193
00:08:49,725 --> 00:08:51,338
I don't need this.
194
00:08:51,393 --> 00:08:53,070
I was fine before
you showed up.
195
00:08:53,085 --> 00:08:57,426
In fact, I said no to a date
tonight to be with you!
196
00:08:58,062 --> 00:08:59,899
I'm gonna
text him "Yes."
197
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,461
And guess what.
198
00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:03,192
I don't care what you think.
199
00:09:03,329 --> 00:09:05,106
See ya, Schmidt.
200
00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:08,256
Without validation, the
parking rates are absurd.
201
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,637
(kids clamoring)
202
00:09:13,184 --> 00:09:16,260
Jamie, enough with the globes.
We get it. You're angry.
203
00:09:16,296 --> 00:09:19,757
(school bell ringing)
Okay, that's lunch. Be back in an hour.
204
00:09:20,907 --> 00:09:22,907
_
205
00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:24,165
- Jess!
- (gasps)
206
00:09:24,202 --> 00:09:26,031
- I'm Dr. Foster.
- Oh.
207
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:32,073
Peg has gone on and on and
on and on and on about you.
208
00:09:32,091 --> 00:09:34,216
So nice to meet you. I'm just
running out for lunch...
209
00:09:34,234 --> 00:09:36,812
- Uh! No, no, need. No need.
- During the lunch that I...
210
00:09:36,824 --> 00:09:38,800
But you don't need.
211
00:09:38,825 --> 00:09:40,596
We can have lunch here.
212
00:09:40,615 --> 00:09:44,184
My secretary is bringing food.
213
00:09:44,427 --> 00:09:46,676
So we'll have a
214
00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:49,542
chitchat, tête-à-tête,
215
00:09:49,585 --> 00:09:52,285
exchange-ideas
216
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,841
kind of lunch.
217
00:09:53,853 --> 00:09:57,227
To see how you'll fit in
to the Coolidge culture.
218
00:09:57,249 --> 00:09:59,993
Um, well, long story short,
I really would love this job,
219
00:10:00,005 --> 00:10:01,830
- I love teaching kids...
- Ha!
220
00:10:01,928 --> 00:10:05,722
Now, what if you weren't
referring to children...
221
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,808
Oh. Uh-huh?
222
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,732
- ...but to baby goats?
- Huh.
223
00:10:10,764 --> 00:10:12,773
That's an interesting question.
224
00:10:12,791 --> 00:10:13,837
Well,
225
00:10:13,861 --> 00:10:16,491
we used to have a school goat
226
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,014
- named Melvin.
- Uh...
227
00:10:18,026 --> 00:10:19,853
He hanged himself,
228
00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:21,648
tragically, on the swing set.
229
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:22,407
(groans)
230
00:10:22,439 --> 00:10:23,895
So...
231
00:10:23,926 --> 00:10:26,354
we bought another goat.
232
00:10:26,466 --> 00:10:29,346
Also named Melvin.
233
00:10:30,877 --> 00:10:32,430
Surprise!
234
00:10:32,461 --> 00:10:34,427
(chuckles)
235
00:10:35,185 --> 00:10:37,160
Yeah, you can come out now!
236
00:10:37,185 --> 00:10:40,360
I see some-some food over here.
Where my cake at?
237
00:10:40,802 --> 00:10:42,598
- Hey, where my cake at?!
- (yawns)
238
00:10:42,637 --> 00:10:45,566
I can hear you giggling,
I can see the...
239
00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:48,100
- Where's my sari?
- Something on your face. What's that,
240
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:51,320
- like, a wedding tattoo? - What do you
mean there's something on my face?
241
00:10:52,875 --> 00:10:56,177
(screaming)
242
00:10:56,417 --> 00:10:59,091
Wait-wait a minute. Hold-hold on,
hold on. What are you doing?
243
00:10:59,555 --> 00:11:01,549
Lettuce, tomato, lettuce,
244
00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:04,013
meat-meat-meat-meat-meat-
meat-meat-meat-meat,
245
00:11:04,139 --> 00:11:06,514
- cheese, lettuce.
- You're a sandwich genius.
246
00:11:06,605 --> 00:11:09,086
Is there anything you don't
know everything about?
247
00:11:09,098 --> 00:11:10,205
Try me.
248
00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:13,208
All right, I will try you.
I've got a question about
249
00:11:13,278 --> 00:11:14,609
- Yolanda Winston.
- Sure.
250
00:11:14,621 --> 00:11:16,983
Well, we've only slept
together once, but,
251
00:11:17,004 --> 00:11:18,528
Bob, I don't know
what she wants.
252
00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,881
Well, the first thing you got to
figure out is what do you want.
253
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,170
Well, I don't know how you get a
podcast, but you should look into it.
254
00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:26,786
(phone ringing)
255
00:11:26,942 --> 00:11:27,742
Bob here.
256
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,952
Hey, Dad, new plan.
Headed over to Cece's.
257
00:11:29,977 --> 00:11:32,643
- How's it going over there?
- Great. We're making sandwiches,
258
00:11:32,662 --> 00:11:34,068
we're talking about girls.
259
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:36,044
Interesting. Could you hand
the phone to Nick?
260
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,594
- Jess. Yeah, she wants to talk to you.
- Oh, cool. Jess!
261
00:11:38,612 --> 00:11:41,423
- What is going on over there, Nick?!
- Hanging out with my boy Bobby D.
262
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,133
- Bobby D! I love that!
- Talking about girls?!
263
00:11:44,158 --> 00:11:46,182
That's the one thing you
should not be talking about!
264
00:11:46,192 --> 00:11:48,659
- You are freaking out about noth...
- Hey, you know what?
265
00:11:48,678 --> 00:11:51,091
I don't like what's happening here.
I am coming home.
266
00:11:51,130 --> 00:11:53,348
(tires screech, horns blaring)
267
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:54,832
Just relax.
I think he really likes me.
268
00:11:54,857 --> 00:11:57,012
Oh, it's Cece.
I have to take this.
269
00:11:57,043 --> 00:11:58,102
Cece, hi.
270
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,421
(Cece screaming)
271
00:11:59,442 --> 00:12:02,973
- What's going on?
- I fell asleep on my hand!
272
00:12:03,038 --> 00:12:05,036
(tires screech)
273
00:12:07,054 --> 00:12:08,267
(screams):
Oh!
274
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,686
It's not as bad as I thought.
275
00:12:10,716 --> 00:12:11,832
(groans)
276
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,915
I'm getting married tomorrow,
and I look like Mike Tyson!
277
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:16,656
Okay, nothing a little cotton
balls and olive oil can't fix.
278
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:20,408
In a few minutes, we are gonna
laugh about this. We will laugh.
279
00:12:20,452 --> 00:12:21,651
Okay.
280
00:12:22,844 --> 00:12:25,345
- This is funny later.
- Okay.
281
00:12:25,398 --> 00:12:26,704
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, see?
282
00:12:26,732 --> 00:12:27,949
It's coming right off.
283
00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:29,452
(chuckles)
284
00:12:34,632 --> 00:12:35,582
Um...
285
00:12:35,618 --> 00:12:37,169
(clears throat)
286
00:12:39,756 --> 00:12:41,751
All gone?
287
00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,605
Burkas isn't you guys, is it?
288
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:51,288
This girl really means
a lot to me, Bob.
289
00:12:51,384 --> 00:12:54,122
- And I just don't want to screw it up.
- Why would you screw it up?
290
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,503
I don't want to make excuses,
291
00:12:55,521 --> 00:12:57,492
but my dad was kind of a...
292
00:12:57,517 --> 00:12:59,517
a piece of...
293
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:02,854
You know, truth be told, Bob,
I'm afraid I'm a lot like him.
294
00:13:02,873 --> 00:13:05,321
The mere fact that
you just said that
295
00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:07,528
means that you're nothing
like your old man.
296
00:13:07,964 --> 00:13:10,626
Any girl would be lucky
297
00:13:10,649 --> 00:13:12,380
- to have a guy like you.
- You mean that?
298
00:13:12,386 --> 00:13:13,892
Yes, I do.
299
00:13:15,611 --> 00:13:18,775
Think I'm gonna say something
that might make you real happy.
300
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:21,668
That little girl I was
talking about,
301
00:13:21,693 --> 00:13:23,252
Yolanda?
302
00:13:23,897 --> 00:13:26,188
Her name isn't Yolanda.
303
00:13:27,005 --> 00:13:28,574
It's Jess.
304
00:13:28,704 --> 00:13:30,629
She's your daughter.
305
00:13:31,536 --> 00:13:33,186
- I'll kill you!
- (shrieking)
306
00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:35,316
You're dead! You're dead!
307
00:13:37,561 --> 00:13:40,916
Hi, you-you tattooed my friend
this morning for her wedding.
308
00:13:40,947 --> 00:13:43,054
Is there a quick way
of getting it off?
309
00:13:43,132 --> 00:13:45,213
Uh-huh. Okay!
310
00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:48,335
Um, wonderful. Thank
you so much, Dipti.
311
00:13:48,354 --> 00:13:50,087
That's awesome. Thanks.
312
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:51,746
- It's not coming off.
- Nope, it's not.
313
00:13:51,771 --> 00:13:53,158
Absolutely not.
314
00:13:53,186 --> 00:13:54,805
Okay, look, um, Cece,
315
00:13:54,829 --> 00:13:56,569
I think maybe you
should call Shivrang.
316
00:13:56,725 --> 00:13:59,135
I don't want him to
see me like this, Jess!
317
00:13:59,147 --> 00:14:00,590
- Like, what have you done?!
- What I've done?
318
00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:02,257
You're the dummy who fell
asleep on your hands!
319
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,779
I'm so sorry. That shouldn't
have come out of my mouth.
320
00:14:04,798 --> 00:14:08,292
That was really uncool. I've just
had a crazy 24 hours, and...
321
00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:10,394
I slept with Nick last night.
322
00:14:10,419 --> 00:14:11,958
- You slept with Nick?
- I don't know.
323
00:14:11,971 --> 00:14:14,002
I think it might be the start of
something, like, really amazing.
324
00:14:14,014 --> 00:14:16,146
- Mm-hmm, sure. - I don't want to get my
hopes up, but it could be something.
325
00:14:16,167 --> 00:14:17,340
- Could not be something.
- Makes sense.
326
00:14:17,359 --> 00:14:19,615
- I don't know.
- I have a full beard!
327
00:14:19,655 --> 00:14:21,022
(groaning):
No.
328
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,027
Oh, no, no.
329
00:14:23,059 --> 00:14:25,404
- I'm not scared of you, dude.
- What are you doing with that?
330
00:14:25,428 --> 00:14:27,992
Put that down;
I'm not gonna hurt you.
331
00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:39,111
JESS:
Okay.
332
00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:40,619
Okay, conversation's over.
333
00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:43,049
Nick, hands up, back away.
What is this?
334
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:45,417
- Dad, you're coming with me now.
- You want to get rid of me?
335
00:14:45,436 --> 00:14:47,922
- So you two can do it again?
- What?!
336
00:14:48,251 --> 00:14:51,182
You told him?! God, I knew
you would blurt it out.
337
00:14:51,207 --> 00:14:53,252
Shows how much you know;
I didn't blurt it out.
338
00:14:53,276 --> 00:14:55,675
- I told him on purpose.
- Why would you do that?!
339
00:14:55,681 --> 00:14:57,944
- What is wrong with you?!
- I wanted him to like me--
340
00:14:57,963 --> 00:15:00,387
in fact, I want all
fathers to like me.
341
00:15:00,406 --> 00:15:01,748
I wonder what that's about.
342
00:15:01,773 --> 00:15:03,397
W-What, do you owe
money on the rent?
343
00:15:03,415 --> 00:15:06,246
- I mean, what-what is going on here?
- Dad, I don't know what's going on.
344
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:08,146
We haven't had a chance
to talk it out yet.
345
00:15:08,164 --> 00:15:09,602
- Well, when did this happen?
- Last night.
346
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:10,908
- Nick!
- Why am I telling you this?
347
00:15:10,933 --> 00:15:14,655
Jess, why are you picking him?
He's a lazy, drunken cable thief.
348
00:15:14,674 --> 00:15:17,343
- Wh-What's wrong with Wilson?
- Dad, there's nothing wrong with Nick.
349
00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:19,837
- You don't even know him.
- I do know him.
350
00:15:19,893 --> 00:15:21,332
I know him.
351
00:15:21,402 --> 00:15:24,477
When I was young,
I was confused, I was lost,
352
00:15:24,495 --> 00:15:25,652
I had no plan.
353
00:15:25,683 --> 00:15:28,163
But I went ahead
and got married anyway.
354
00:15:28,209 --> 00:15:30,372
And if I had figured things out
before I got married,
355
00:15:30,390 --> 00:15:32,516
I might still be
with your mother.
356
00:15:32,685 --> 00:15:34,453
So I do know you.
357
00:15:34,961 --> 00:15:36,617
You're not your father.
358
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,171
You're me.
359
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:42,833
And I'm not good enough
for my little girl.
360
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,481
Yeah I got my own damn cake,
361
00:15:46,515 --> 00:15:48,374
and you can't have none!
362
00:15:50,682 --> 00:15:53,654
- I got to... No, I really...
- Nick, wait, Nick...
363
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,434
Damn it, Dad!
(door closes)
364
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:57,232
You know I'm right.
365
00:15:59,579 --> 00:16:00,410
(cell phone chimes)
366
00:16:00,435 --> 00:16:02,307
Oh, I have to go.
367
00:16:02,324 --> 00:16:04,443
I have to go back to school now.
368
00:16:09,867 --> 00:16:13,537
You sure you want to be eating so
much cake with a body like that?
369
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,833
(school bell ringing,
kids clamoring)
370
00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:24,221
Guys?
371
00:16:24,757 --> 00:16:26,507
Guys?
372
00:16:29,719 --> 00:16:31,350
I've had a bad day!
373
00:16:31,393 --> 00:16:32,213
(clamoring stops)
374
00:16:32,244 --> 00:16:33,682
Sit down!
375
00:16:33,734 --> 00:16:35,665
All of you!
376
00:16:36,557 --> 00:16:38,636
What is with everyone today?
377
00:16:38,656 --> 00:16:41,449
Everything started so good.
378
00:16:42,285 --> 00:16:43,848
Boy.
379
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,371
My roommate.
380
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,475
(chuckles)
381
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,667
It was good, I'm not gonna lie.
382
00:16:48,685 --> 00:16:49,765
It was very good.
383
00:16:49,783 --> 00:16:52,527
But I can't date my dad.
384
00:16:56,568 --> 00:16:58,206
Look...
385
00:16:59,037 --> 00:17:00,554
life's messy.
386
00:17:00,577 --> 00:17:01,645
It
387
00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,520
kicks you in the ass.
388
00:17:03,546 --> 00:17:06,339
That's right, I said "ass."
389
00:17:06,878 --> 00:17:08,622
But it does,
it kicks you in the ass.
390
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,647
And, um...
391
00:17:11,259 --> 00:17:14,191
the messy parts are the...
392
00:17:14,869 --> 00:17:16,830
best parts.
393
00:17:24,273 --> 00:17:25,898
Thank you, Miguel.
394
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:28,484
The gesture is very sweet.
395
00:17:28,683 --> 00:17:31,277
- These are very bad for you.
- I've got a car.
396
00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:33,019
I could take you to the movies.
397
00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,940
(chuckles): No, you don't...
You do?
398
00:17:40,311 --> 00:17:41,776
Jess called you?
399
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,577
Yeah, she said you needed me.
400
00:17:43,761 --> 00:17:47,270
She also told me to watch out for the
girl who looked like Mandy Patinkin
401
00:17:47,302 --> 00:17:49,328
We can't get married like this.
402
00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,914
Hey, look, if this is
our biggest problem,
403
00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:53,448
I'll take it.
404
00:17:53,479 --> 00:17:55,073
I'll make a call and fix it.
405
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,201
(Italian music playing)
406
00:18:02,351 --> 00:18:05,426
Now that your mom's dead, do you
do all the landlording yourself?
407
00:18:05,445 --> 00:18:06,815
(chuckles)
408
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:10,983
Uh-huh.
409
00:18:16,209 --> 00:18:17,894
You want to dance?
410
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,701
I'm wearing the shirt
that you got me.
411
00:18:23,578 --> 00:18:26,059
Did you think I threw it away?
412
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,668
Frogetaboutit.
413
00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:33,793
- Go home, Schmidt.
- I don't want to go home, Elizabeth.
414
00:18:34,143 --> 00:18:35,887
Look, I want to be with you.
415
00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:38,509
Anl-I don't care who knows it.
416
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,771
Hey, Geppetto.
417
00:18:42,966 --> 00:18:44,666
Make with the "oom pah pah."
418
00:18:44,731 --> 00:18:46,398
(Italian music playing)
419
00:19:06,614 --> 00:19:08,615
(air blowing)
420
00:19:09,609 --> 00:19:13,359
(air blowing continues)
421
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:18,027
We have a pump that can blow
that thing up in, like,
422
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,246
two seconds.
423
00:19:19,270 --> 00:19:22,546
I prefer to do this
the old-fashioned way.
424
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:26,307
I know that's not the way things
are done around here.
425
00:19:26,488 --> 00:19:28,414
So long as I'm in town,
426
00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:31,849
I am going to sleep
between you and him.
427
00:19:31,868 --> 00:19:34,353
Dad, you don't have
to worry about me.
428
00:19:34,371 --> 00:19:36,257
I know you think
this is gonna be a mess,
429
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,279
but it's my mess.
430
00:19:38,363 --> 00:19:40,033
Jess,
431
00:19:40,176 --> 00:19:42,014
I'm your father
432
00:19:42,193 --> 00:19:45,019
I'll always worry about you.
433
00:19:45,973 --> 00:19:48,035
(blowing)
434
00:19:48,542 --> 00:19:50,176
♪
435
00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:55,045
(phone chimes)
436
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,688
_
437
00:20:01,902 --> 00:20:05,388
♪ What do you say
438
00:20:05,466 --> 00:20:09,135
♪ Is this the time
439
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:12,564
♪ For one more try
440
00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:15,968
♪ At a happy life...
441
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:21,033
This was the breakfast I was
gonna give you this morning.
442
00:20:21,104 --> 00:20:24,459
♪ Is this unwise
443
00:20:25,065 --> 00:20:27,478
♪ To think my fears...
444
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:29,606
Hey, um...
445
00:20:30,621 --> 00:20:33,259
I hope my dad didn't
get in your head.
446
00:20:33,447 --> 00:20:34,188
No.
447
00:20:34,212 --> 00:20:35,658
Uh, no, uh...
448
00:20:35,677 --> 00:20:38,825
Oh, look who took
the romance spot.
449
00:20:39,018 --> 00:20:43,036
We were just gonna match up constellations
with the mole patterns on my back.
450
00:20:43,249 --> 00:20:45,778
Then we're gonna get drunk and
try to find people doing it.
451
00:20:45,797 --> 00:20:47,992
- (chuckles): Yeah.
- First come, first serve. Scram.
452
00:20:48,010 --> 00:20:50,311
Oh, is that how it is now?
453
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:52,037
You just own the roof?
454
00:20:52,056 --> 00:20:53,999
Hey, what's everybody do...?
455
00:20:55,266 --> 00:20:56,802
You guys remembered?
456
00:20:56,826 --> 00:21:00,196
(chuckles): Oh, my good... This whole
time, I thought you guys forgot.
457
00:21:00,210 --> 00:21:02,284
Is that a golden telescope?
458
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:06,282
You know how much I love
to explore space and time, man!
459
00:21:06,445 --> 00:21:08,370
- Thank you! - Happy birthday!
- I love you.
460
00:21:08,395 --> 00:21:11,020
- Happy birthday.
- Hey, happy birthday!
461
00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:13,255
It's the birthday boy.
462
00:21:13,383 --> 00:21:14,858
Come here, I'm gonna
set it up for you.
463
00:21:14,876 --> 00:21:17,314
- Why can't I have the telescope?
- SCHMIDT: But it's my telescope.
464
00:21:17,336 --> 00:21:20,254
WINSTON:
Thought it was for me.
465
00:21:27,728 --> 00:21:29,516
- Get in, get into it, man.
- Yay, the birthday boy!
466
00:21:29,541 --> 00:21:33,066
- Get into it. - Get in there, birthday boy!
- Happy birthday, Winston.
467
00:21:36,827 --> 00:21:41,827
Sync and corrections by Norther
www.addic7ed.com