1
00:00:00,023 --> 00:00:02,694
I am so excited about
this glamping trip.

2
00:00:02,719 --> 00:00:05,403
Sleeping bags are for
hobos and children.

3
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:06,971
I am so pumped for this trip.

4
00:00:07,023 --> 00:00:10,107
Aly and I figured out how many
times we would have had sex

5
00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:12,727
since we've been apart,
and it's a whole bunch.

6
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:15,196
And we're gonna play
catch-up on all of it.

7
00:00:15,231 --> 00:00:16,731
All 52 times.

8
00:00:16,733 --> 00:00:20,655
I am about to take
Aly to Mount Smushmore.

9
00:00:21,252 --> 00:00:22,918
Know what I'm saying?

10
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,305
Aw. That's lovely.

11
00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:28,173
We need to invite other people.

12
00:00:28,225 --> 00:00:29,591
- What about Nick?
- No, he can't.

13
00:00:29,593 --> 00:00:31,260
He has some big writing weekend.

14
00:00:31,262 --> 00:00:32,823
Wants me to give him notes on his novel.

15
00:00:32,847 --> 00:00:35,714
He has all the pages in
some large freezer bag.

16
00:00:35,749 --> 00:00:38,016
It's a hard presentation
to get excited about.

17
00:00:38,068 --> 00:00:39,651
You know who would really want to come?

18
00:00:40,821 --> 00:00:42,771
I am in!

19
00:00:42,773 --> 00:00:44,940
Do you want me to bring my
retractable s'mores pole?

20
00:00:45,595 --> 00:00:48,446
Is that the car antenna that you've
been putting in the dishwasher?

21
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:50,958
That is a low-level mystery
that is driving me insane.

22
00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:53,182
- Making him crazy.
- It's really handy.

23
00:00:53,212 --> 00:00:55,213
All right, Jess. So just
a quick warning, okay?

24
00:00:55,273 --> 00:00:57,674
This is a pretty couple-y's trip, and...

25
00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:00,183
you know, we just don't want
you to feel like a third wheel.

26
00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:01,656
- Yeah.
- Oh. I have people I can bring.

27
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:02,645
You...

28
00:01:02,681 --> 00:01:03,813
I joined a singles group.

29
00:01:03,848 --> 00:01:04,888
You're meeting new people.

30
00:01:04,916 --> 00:01:06,127
- I think that's great.
- Oh, my.

31
00:01:06,151 --> 00:01:07,317
It's actually...

32
00:01:07,352 --> 00:01:09,852
a group of all singles dedicated

33
00:01:09,888 --> 00:01:12,510
- to keeping each other single.
- Wow.

34
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,135
I think they could
probably come on the trip.

35
00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:16,125
Emotionally, they may not be available,

36
00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:18,728
but socially, they're available as hell.

37
00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:20,241
Just talk to her really quickly.

38
00:01:20,265 --> 00:01:21,509
- You know what?
- Oh, you're already texting people.

39
00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:22,665
They're probably not...

40
00:01:22,701 --> 00:01:23,800
- They're in!
- Oh!

41
00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:25,768
All of them!

42
00:01:25,804 --> 00:01:28,109
Honestly, they would have
gone to the DMV with you,

43
00:01:28,139 --> 00:01:29,465
if you had asked.

44
00:01:32,285 --> 00:01:36,317
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com

45
00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:43,358
How long have you been standing there?

46
00:01:44,761 --> 00:01:46,528
What happened to you?

47
00:01:46,563 --> 00:01:49,231
The Pepperwood Chronicles,
that's what happened to me.

48
00:01:49,266 --> 00:01:51,155
- So it's really that bad.
- Nick.

49
00:01:51,294 --> 00:01:53,869
This book...

50
00:01:53,904 --> 00:01:55,737
is magnificent.

51
00:01:55,772 --> 00:01:57,539
What?

52
00:01:57,574 --> 00:01:59,608
Julius Pepperwood?

53
00:01:59,643 --> 00:02:03,411
A hard-boiled Chicago cop
turned New Orleans detective,

54
00:02:03,447 --> 00:02:05,013
racing around on fan-boats,

55
00:02:05,048 --> 00:02:08,850
drowning that two-faced DA
in a bucket of jambalaya.

56
00:02:08,886 --> 00:02:09,718
Yeah. Right in the jambalaya.

57
00:02:09,753 --> 00:02:12,988
Finding John F. Kennedy...

58
00:02:13,023 --> 00:02:14,256
alive?

59
00:02:14,324 --> 00:02:15,423
That wasn't too far?

60
00:02:15,459 --> 00:02:17,292
It's a masterpiece, Nick.

61
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:19,461
Is that my whiteboard?

62
00:02:19,496 --> 00:02:21,374
- You said I could have it.
- Well, we both know that's not true,

63
00:02:21,398 --> 00:02:23,076
but if it helps you get
more of this story out,

64
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,866
then, yes, you are welcome to it.

65
00:02:24,902 --> 00:02:27,836
Well, all right, Schmidt,
hit me; I want your notes.

66
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:30,972
No notes!

67
00:02:31,008 --> 00:02:32,941
- No notes?
- No notes.

68
00:02:32,976 --> 00:02:34,709
- No notes?!
- No notes.

69
00:02:34,745 --> 00:02:36,011
- No notes!
- No notes.

70
00:02:36,046 --> 00:02:37,078
No notes!

71
00:02:37,114 --> 00:02:38,547
No notes. It's perfect, Nick.

72
00:02:38,582 --> 00:02:40,760
I want another chapter by
the time I get back on Sunday.

73
00:02:40,784 --> 00:02:42,951
Then I guess it's time
for me to get to work.

74
00:02:42,986 --> 00:02:45,053
My little wobbly-nosed Michael Chabon.

75
00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:47,923
- Hey, congratulations.
- Thank you, man.

76
00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,624
I, uh... Thank you. I needed it.

77
00:02:53,163 --> 00:02:55,063
I'm a writer.

78
00:02:55,098 --> 00:02:56,765
'Sup?

79
00:02:58,402 --> 00:03:00,446
I love you. I miss you.
I love you. I miss you.

80
00:03:00,470 --> 00:03:01,770
You clearly didn't get my text,

81
00:03:01,805 --> 00:03:03,672
because your pants are still on.

82
00:03:04,741 --> 00:03:05,952
So excited about this.

83
00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:07,576
Hey, Aly! Oh!

84
00:03:07,611 --> 00:03:09,611
Your bra's already off. Okay.

85
00:03:09,646 --> 00:03:10,779
We're out the door.

86
00:03:10,814 --> 00:03:12,214
None of this in my car, please.

87
00:03:12,249 --> 00:03:13,481
I just had it shampooed.

88
00:03:13,517 --> 00:03:14,649
Jess.

89
00:03:14,677 --> 00:03:16,777
I called ahead and got
us an early yurt check-in.

90
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:18,186
- Oh. -
Beep-beep.

91
00:03:18,222 --> 00:03:19,699
People about to have sex coming through.

92
00:03:19,723 --> 00:03:21,067
Look out. Aren't you coming?

93
00:03:21,091 --> 00:03:23,925
Actually, I'm gonna go with my group.

94
00:03:23,961 --> 00:03:26,261
We rented a van. It has
a built-in microwave.

95
00:03:26,296 --> 00:03:27,963
We're all really stoked about it.

96
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:29,175
You're not making me feel any better

97
00:03:29,199 --> 00:03:30,699
about this group of strangers.

98
00:03:30,734 --> 00:03:32,334
Well, it's not all strangers.

99
00:03:32,369 --> 00:03:33,868
Some of them are friends!

100
00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:35,415
- Robby?
- My Robby?

101
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,873
Yeah. I got here way too early,
so I've just been standing outside,

102
00:03:38,909 --> 00:03:40,775
kind of waiting for my
opportunity to enter.

103
00:03:40,811 --> 00:03:41,843
How'd I do?

104
00:03:41,878 --> 00:03:43,044
Robby, are you in this group?

105
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,813
Is he in the group?

106
00:03:44,848 --> 00:03:46,781
Robby is the founder, president,

107
00:03:46,817 --> 00:03:48,016
and secretary of the group.

108
00:03:48,051 --> 00:03:49,718
I formed the group
after Nadia dumped me.

109
00:03:49,753 --> 00:03:50,986
I always use two sugars.

110
00:03:51,021 --> 00:03:54,322
My mom says 'cause
I'm so sweet, you know.

111
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:55,523
Oh, whoa!

112
00:03:55,559 --> 00:03:56,725
I didn't want to be alone,

113
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,371
but I also didn't want
to be in a relationship.

114
00:03:58,395 --> 00:04:00,695
And that's when he got the
idea to bring people together

115
00:04:00,731 --> 00:04:02,230
to help each other stay single.

116
00:04:02,266 --> 00:04:03,398
Yeah, we meet weekly

117
00:04:03,433 --> 00:04:05,233
for non-romantic companionship.

118
00:04:05,269 --> 00:04:06,846
- But most of all, we just have fun.
- Yeah.

119
00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:09,204
Like last week, we shut
down this Korean barbecue.

120
00:04:09,239 --> 00:04:10,805
We paid with 13 different credit cards,

121
00:04:10,841 --> 00:04:12,841
and we were asked to
never come back again.

122
00:04:12,876 --> 00:04:14,409
It was epic!

123
00:04:14,444 --> 00:04:15,722
- That sounds awesome.
- Oh, man.

124
00:04:15,746 --> 00:04:17,946
It's a really cool group,
and we have our own motto.

125
00:04:17,981 --> 00:04:20,682
"I'm single and I'm sufficient."

126
00:04:24,021 --> 00:04:26,821
- That's I-S-I-S. That's ISIS.
- Th-that's ISIS.

127
00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,783
- Oh, my God.
- You're asking people to join ISIS.

128
00:04:28,807 --> 00:04:30,345
- No, n-n-n-n-n-n-no.
- As communication czar

129
00:04:30,369 --> 00:04:31,960
- I should have caught that.
- Yeah.

130
00:04:32,029 --> 00:04:33,361
Isn't this group

131
00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:36,598
just a painfully transparent
stall until you meet someone?

132
00:04:36,633 --> 00:04:37,844
- Being single is a choice.
- Yeah.

133
00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:39,212
- Don't single-shame.
- What is single-shame?

134
00:04:39,236 --> 00:04:40,780
- No, honey. He was not single-shaming you.
- I-I wasn't...

135
00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:42,348
- That was not his intention at all.
- I don't even know what that is.

136
00:04:42,372 --> 00:04:44,806
Couples always try to
talk down to singles.

137
00:04:44,841 --> 00:04:47,309
We can do everything
that you guys can do.

138
00:04:47,344 --> 00:04:49,377
I take myself out for a
dessert date every Sunday.

139
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:50,790
Yeah, and yesterday, I had a backache,

140
00:04:50,814 --> 00:04:52,681
and I rubbed it myself, in a doorjamb.

141
00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:54,115
This is bummin' me out.

142
00:04:54,151 --> 00:04:56,551
Is this group gonna
be a bummer? Be honest.

143
00:04:56,586 --> 00:04:57,952
Absolutely not.

144
00:04:57,988 --> 00:04:58,820
There's Brenda.

145
00:04:58,855 --> 00:05:01,022
She's a circuit court judge

146
00:05:01,058 --> 00:05:03,858
who also teaches
taxidermy class for kids.

147
00:05:03,894 --> 00:05:06,895
And Hugh. He grows his own onions.

148
00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,463
My former boss and current friend,

149
00:05:08,498 --> 00:05:09,798
Principal Foster.

150
00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,467
His hip surgeon has okayed him for sex,

151
00:05:12,502 --> 00:05:13,902
but he hasn't okayed himself.

152
00:05:13,937 --> 00:05:16,705
And of course, Robby, our leader.

153
00:05:16,740 --> 00:05:18,573
Have you ever seen a group more ready

154
00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:20,608
to have fun with themselves?

155
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,834
Just look at this view;
we needed this so badly.

156
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,657
It's-it's perfect.

157
00:05:34,930 --> 00:05:35,930
Is it, though?

158
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:39,566
Can you stop hogging the vista?

159
00:05:39,602 --> 00:05:41,480
There are other people who
would like to take a photo.

160
00:05:41,504 --> 00:05:42,547
I don't want to lose this light.

161
00:05:42,571 --> 00:05:43,937
It's a traditional high-noon.

162
00:05:43,973 --> 00:05:45,911
Don't couple-splain light to us.

163
00:05:45,941 --> 00:05:47,608
It just seems like it would be easier

164
00:05:47,643 --> 00:05:49,676
- if you guys took a group photo.
- We actually need

165
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:51,359
- a picture for our web site,
- Oh, yeah.

166
00:05:51,389 --> 00:05:52,991
So, all right, you
can take a group photo.

167
00:05:53,015 --> 00:05:54,314
All right, let's do this.

168
00:05:54,350 --> 00:05:56,050
Now, I'm only taking one shot,

169
00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:56,917
so if the first one's

170
00:05:56,952 --> 00:05:57,918
a silly one, you're gonna have

171
00:05:57,953 --> 00:05:59,319
to live with a silly one.

172
00:05:59,355 --> 00:06:01,055
Okay. One,

173
00:06:01,123 --> 00:06:02,923
two, three. There we go. Great photo.

174
00:06:02,958 --> 00:06:03,924
I'm gonna need one, too.

175
00:06:03,959 --> 00:06:04,925
Actually, we're all gonna need one.

176
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:05,826
- What?
- Yeah, we don't share phones

177
00:06:05,861 --> 00:06:07,294
like you people.

178
00:06:07,329 --> 00:06:08,729
Who shares phones?

179
00:06:08,764 --> 00:06:10,798
- How would we call each other?
- I don't know.

180
00:06:11,934 --> 00:06:14,635
I can't do this. This
is... Take these back.

181
00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:16,403
You guys are ruining

182
00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:17,938
a perfectly good vista moment.

183
00:06:17,973 --> 00:06:21,475
Can't you go someplace else
and "enjoy being single"?

184
00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:26,780
Did you just quote-hands
"enjoy being single" to us?

185
00:06:26,816 --> 00:06:30,584
You guys are telling each other
that you're happy being this,

186
00:06:30,619 --> 00:06:34,154
when we all know that
you would rather be this.

187
00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:36,523
No. This is jazz hands,

188
00:06:36,559 --> 00:06:39,093
the end of an explosive musical number.

189
00:06:39,128 --> 00:06:42,863
This is O.J. trying to
put on the bloody glove.

190
00:06:42,898 --> 00:06:44,031
This is freedom!

191
00:06:44,066 --> 00:06:45,566
This is flying!

192
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:47,701
This is praying that
you can go back to this!

193
00:06:47,736 --> 00:06:49,870
This is high fives for everybody!

194
00:06:49,905 --> 00:06:52,306
All around! Yes!

195
00:06:52,341 --> 00:06:55,676
Let's go to the lake, guys. Bye.

196
00:06:55,711 --> 00:06:56,844
I call dibs

197
00:06:56,879 --> 00:06:59,713
- on the slime-free part.
- Okay.

198
00:06:59,748 --> 00:07:01,248
Just enjoy the view. I mean...

199
00:07:01,283 --> 00:07:04,118
This is O.J. putting back on the glove.

200
00:07:06,589 --> 00:07:08,555
No notes.

201
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,695
Okay, just...

202
00:07:14,730 --> 00:07:17,764
just start and see what...
Just start. No notes.

203
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,334
All me.

204
00:07:22,238 --> 00:07:24,771
No notes. What does
"no notes" even mean?!

205
00:07:24,807 --> 00:07:26,039
No notes.

206
00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:27,407
No notes?

207
00:07:27,443 --> 00:07:29,943
Come on.

208
00:07:33,616 --> 00:07:36,416
Nick, I'm communing with
nature, and I'm almost at peace.

209
00:07:36,452 --> 00:07:37,384
What do you want?

210
00:07:37,419 --> 00:07:38,318
No notes?

211
00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:40,320
- Seriously?
- It is just so nice

212
00:07:40,356 --> 00:07:43,190
to get out of the city and watch TV.

213
00:07:43,225 --> 00:07:45,526
What about this dumb thing?
When Pepperwood just watches

214
00:07:45,561 --> 00:07:47,661
- a block of local news.
- Oh, I found that part

215
00:07:47,696 --> 00:07:50,197
to be gutting, Nick. I mean, the irony

216
00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:52,666
that Pepperwood's violent
world is being translated

217
00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:55,202
into sound bites for mass consumption...

218
00:07:55,237 --> 00:07:57,371
That's just me
transcribing Channel 3 News!

219
00:07:57,406 --> 00:07:59,239
I didn't even change the anchors' names!

220
00:07:59,275 --> 00:08:00,941
- It's called realism, Nick.
- No.

221
00:08:00,976 --> 00:08:02,176
- Good-bye,
genius. - No!

222
00:08:03,546 --> 00:08:06,246
Ooh, that was... Ooh.

223
00:08:06,282 --> 00:08:07,848
Oh, my gosh.

224
00:08:07,883 --> 00:08:09,183
13 times.

225
00:08:09,218 --> 00:08:11,518
Yeah. It's a lot of times.

226
00:08:11,554 --> 00:08:13,620
- A lot of times.
- I had a good time.

227
00:08:13,656 --> 00:08:15,100
- I had a great time.
- I could've gone

228
00:08:15,124 --> 00:08:16,823
so many more times than that.

229
00:08:16,859 --> 00:08:18,059
Yeah, that's actually nothing.

230
00:08:19,128 --> 00:08:20,894
- I could go all night, girl.
- I could go

231
00:08:20,930 --> 00:08:23,897
- tens of... so many more times.
- Tens of... Ten... Yeah.

232
00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:26,867
- Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
- Cool, cool, cool, cool.

233
00:08:26,902 --> 00:08:28,446
That's what's up. That's what's up.

234
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:30,971
- That's what's up.
- Oh, it's the phone.

235
00:08:33,475 --> 00:08:35,909
- Hella?
- Winston, are you...

236
00:08:35,945 --> 00:08:37,244
Hey, Winnie, are you okay?

237
00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:38,590
You sound like you're
being chased up a hill.

238
00:08:38,614 --> 00:08:41,048
Oh, no. Aly and I are just
breaking each other off

239
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:43,283
basically nonstop. It's Nick.

240
00:08:43,319 --> 00:08:45,209
I told him we were
breaking each other off

241
00:08:45,239 --> 00:08:46,555
- basically nonstop.
- I know. I can hear you, honey.

242
00:08:46,579 --> 00:08:48,633
- Oh, you heard everything? Okay.
- What does he want?

243
00:08:48,657 --> 00:08:49,901
I'm in crisis right now.
Could you read my book

244
00:08:49,925 --> 00:08:50,936
and give me notes, please?

245
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,427
Oh, man. I don't want to take a break.

246
00:08:53,462 --> 00:08:54,761
Mmm. Mm-mm.

247
00:08:54,797 --> 00:08:56,396
I'm like a freight train right now.

248
00:08:56,432 --> 00:08:57,798
I can't slow down.

249
00:08:57,833 --> 00:08:58,599
Me either.

250
00:08:58,634 --> 00:08:59,499
This is crisis!

251
00:08:59,535 --> 00:09:01,168
- But...
- Guys,

252
00:09:01,203 --> 00:09:03,170
supporting our friend's
artistic endeavors

253
00:09:03,205 --> 00:09:05,372
- is also insanely...
- Hey, guys. Guys, pay attention.

254
00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:06,974
- It's sexy.
- This is crisis.

255
00:09:07,009 --> 00:09:08,987
- But I was thinking the same thing.
- Oh, thank God.

256
00:09:09,011 --> 00:09:11,712
- Hello? Winston! Winston,
- We could easily just both read the book

257
00:09:11,747 --> 00:09:13,694
- you're supposed to be my friend.
- At the same time,

258
00:09:13,718 --> 00:09:16,316
and then when we're done,
just get right back at it.

259
00:09:16,352 --> 00:09:17,529
- Right?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

260
00:09:17,553 --> 00:09:19,064
Great. Now, do y...
do you guys want a PDF

261
00:09:19,088 --> 00:09:21,121
or do you want 100 individual JPEGs?

262
00:09:21,156 --> 00:09:24,791
- JPEGs, JPEGs, J... JPEGs.
- Uh, 100 individual JPEGs, please.

263
00:09:24,827 --> 00:09:28,028
Yeah! This is gonna take forever.

264
00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:34,501
Five-three.

265
00:09:35,537 --> 00:09:37,671
Hey. Oh, I was just...

266
00:09:37,706 --> 00:09:40,674
just playing a little single
and sufficient badminton.

267
00:09:40,709 --> 00:09:41,920
Well, I hope you worked up an appetite,

268
00:09:41,944 --> 00:09:44,044
because I'm gonna make
my Singles Sliders.

269
00:09:44,079 --> 00:09:45,857
- Oh, yeah?
- Okay, so what I do is I take the meat

270
00:09:45,881 --> 00:09:47,959
from three different sliders,
and then I just sort of mash 'em

271
00:09:47,983 --> 00:09:49,683
into one big boy that stands on his own.

272
00:09:49,718 --> 00:09:51,885
Oh. So, like a burger.

273
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:52,964
Yeah, it's like a burger
except it's bigger.

274
00:09:52,988 --> 00:09:55,889
Oh. Well, if it isn't Schmidt.

275
00:09:55,924 --> 00:09:57,457
Or should I call you Schmidt-tata

276
00:09:57,493 --> 00:09:59,226
'cause you have so
much egg on your face?

277
00:09:59,261 --> 00:10:02,229
- You little Italian egg omelet.
- Nice.

278
00:10:02,264 --> 00:10:04,398
Jess, what's happening
in the lake over there?

279
00:10:04,433 --> 00:10:06,011
- Wait, is that a jellyfish?
- Come over here.

280
00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:08,001
Oh, please, that's so much less sexual

281
00:10:08,037 --> 00:10:10,871
than the stuff that you and
Nick do on a regular basis.

282
00:10:10,906 --> 00:10:12,406
Ow.

283
00:10:12,441 --> 00:10:14,341
It's happening.

284
00:10:14,376 --> 00:10:15,475
Okay, Robby...

285
00:10:15,511 --> 00:10:16,743
I'm on it.

286
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:20,480
Guys, guys.

287
00:10:20,516 --> 00:10:21,926
No, no, no, no, no. What are you doing?

288
00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:23,361
You guys know that you
can only be in this group

289
00:10:23,385 --> 00:10:24,651
if you're single, right?

290
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:25,986
It's tough.

291
00:10:26,021 --> 00:10:27,321
I'm very horny.

292
00:10:27,356 --> 00:10:29,089
I want you guys to be strong.

293
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:31,024
Let's do the motto.

294
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:33,226
- "I'm single
- "I'm single

295
00:10:33,262 --> 00:10:35,073
- "and I'm sufficient."
- "and I'm sufficient".

296
00:10:35,097 --> 00:10:36,408
Didn't sound like you
meant it. One more.

297
00:10:36,432 --> 00:10:38,598
- "I'm single and I'm sufficient."
- Yes.

298
00:10:38,634 --> 00:10:41,168
- One last time.
- "I'm single and I'm sufficient!"

299
00:10:41,203 --> 00:10:43,170
- Yes!
- Well, I just hope

300
00:10:43,205 --> 00:10:45,172
we don't see a repeat
of that kind of behavior

301
00:10:45,207 --> 00:10:46,707
with me later on.

302
00:10:46,742 --> 00:10:48,775
You were amazing out there. Your ability

303
00:10:48,811 --> 00:10:52,144
to dampen sexual
chemistry is astounding.

304
00:11:00,556 --> 00:11:02,389
Uh... Thanks.

305
00:11:08,997 --> 00:11:10,931
Hey, guys!

306
00:11:10,966 --> 00:11:13,695
I just caught a fish with my hand!

307
00:11:15,515 --> 00:11:18,437
Wow. Nick's book is astonishing.

308
00:11:18,467 --> 00:11:22,035
I thought it was gonna take
forever, but... it was perfect.

309
00:11:22,071 --> 00:11:23,637
He really brings you into the world.

310
00:11:23,672 --> 00:11:26,440
Every minor character
is so well thought out.

311
00:11:26,475 --> 00:11:28,675
The newsboy? You could
see his whole life.

312
00:11:28,710 --> 00:11:30,622
And am I the only one who
thought that the murderer's name

313
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,657
- was in the song?
- The murderer's song was in the song!

314
00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:33,814
Ah. So good.

315
00:11:33,849 --> 00:11:34,781
No notes.

316
00:11:34,817 --> 00:11:36,016
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

317
00:11:36,051 --> 00:11:39,019
Well...

318
00:11:39,054 --> 00:11:40,987
sex?

319
00:11:41,023 --> 00:11:42,322
- Yes!
- Yeah?

320
00:11:42,357 --> 00:11:43,729
- Sex.
- I'm ready if you're ready.

321
00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:45,926
- Yeah. Yeah.
- All right.

322
00:11:45,961 --> 00:11:48,028
Just a short walk to our yurt.

323
00:11:48,063 --> 00:11:50,230
Unless we take the scenic route.

324
00:11:50,265 --> 00:11:53,567
Oh. Nothing gets me in
the mood like scenery.

325
00:11:53,602 --> 00:11:54,501
- Mmm?
- Let's do that.

326
00:11:54,536 --> 00:11:55,769
Yeah, let's go that way.

327
00:11:55,804 --> 00:11:57,244
Yeah, let's do that. The scenic way.

328
00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:03,009
Perhaps you could find the perfect bun

329
00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:04,622
if... I don't know...
You had your glasses.

330
00:12:04,646 --> 00:12:07,280
Oh. Oh, you know... you
know who else has glasses?

331
00:12:07,316 --> 00:12:09,449
Six out of ten people
in the developed world,

332
00:12:09,485 --> 00:12:11,318
including Robby and I?

333
00:12:11,353 --> 00:12:14,421
Jess, just give over to
it. We're happy for you.

334
00:12:14,456 --> 00:12:16,957
Use your yurt. You
have a world-class yurt.

335
00:12:16,992 --> 00:12:18,592
Yeah, and if this is about me and Robby

336
00:12:18,627 --> 00:12:20,594
dating years ago, trust me,

337
00:12:20,629 --> 00:12:22,262
- it doesn't matter.
- Mm-mm.

338
00:12:22,292 --> 00:12:23,757
We only did hand
stuff, per his neurosis,

339
00:12:23,781 --> 00:12:25,510
so you totally have my blessing.

340
00:12:25,534 --> 00:12:26,433
Blessing for what?

341
00:12:26,468 --> 00:12:27,701
- This.
- That.

342
00:12:27,736 --> 00:12:29,870
Guys, I am not into Robby.

343
00:12:29,905 --> 00:12:31,872
And I could never date
a guy who wears glasses

344
00:12:31,907 --> 00:12:34,374
because of the clown from my dreams.

345
00:12:34,409 --> 00:12:36,309
The clown who wears glasses.

346
00:12:37,446 --> 00:12:40,347
Oh, my God, that clown is me.

347
00:12:40,382 --> 00:12:42,349
I'm not dating Robby, okay?

348
00:12:42,384 --> 00:12:43,350
Hey.

349
00:12:43,385 --> 00:12:44,618
- Oh, Robby.
- Oh, hey, Robby.

350
00:12:44,653 --> 00:12:45,964
I heard my name a bunch of
times. I mean, I could tell

351
00:12:45,988 --> 00:12:47,832
that you weren't trying to
call me in here, but, uh,

352
00:12:47,856 --> 00:12:49,689
my curiosity kicked
in, so... A couple of us

353
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:51,970
are gonna wander down and,
uh, you know, tell some stories

354
00:12:51,994 --> 00:12:55,095
and, uh...

355
00:12:55,130 --> 00:12:56,630
sing a few songs.

356
00:12:56,665 --> 00:12:59,432
That sounds great. Actually,
you know who loves to sing?

357
00:12:59,468 --> 00:13:01,925
Actually, I've really
been hating music lately.

358
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,771
Come on, Jess, you're a
whore for singin'. Please.

359
00:13:10,658 --> 00:13:14,360
♪ I hear the drums echoing tonight ♪

360
00:13:14,395 --> 00:13:16,262
♪ but she hears only ♪

361
00:13:16,297 --> 00:13:20,599
♪ whispers of some quiet conversation ♪

362
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,941
♪ She's coming in, 12:30 flight ♪

363
00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:28,644
♪ The moonlit wings reflect the stars ♪

364
00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:32,047
♪ that guide me towards salvation... ♪

365
00:13:32,083 --> 00:13:34,450
Damn it!

366
00:13:34,485 --> 00:13:36,906
Nick, if this is about
notes, so help me God.

367
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,966
I'm sorry, but I'm not
gonna stop bugging you

368
00:13:39,002 --> 00:13:40,101
until you note me, Schmidt.

369
00:13:40,136 --> 00:13:41,536
All right, Nick. Here's a note.

370
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,205
Stop cutting yourself off at
the knees like a selfish coward.

371
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,941
Okay, great, great. I love
the direction we're going.

372
00:13:46,976 --> 00:13:48,888
We're getting more critical, but
can you refocus to the writing?

373
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,245
No, Nick, I cannot, and
you want to know why?

374
00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:52,580
Because you are a writer.

375
00:13:52,649 --> 00:13:54,148
And a damn good one at that.

376
00:13:54,184 --> 00:13:56,784
But you're just too scared
to admit it to yourself.

377
00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,419
Goodbye, sir.

378
00:13:58,454 --> 00:14:01,622
No! Damn, you raven-haired dandy boy.

379
00:14:01,658 --> 00:14:03,658
Yeah, thought carving our names

380
00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:06,060
- in the trees would have taken longer.
- Yeah.

381
00:14:07,463 --> 00:14:10,598
So... do you want... want to have sex?

382
00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:12,800
Yeah. I think that's... Yeah, let's...

383
00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:17,305
Listen, Aly, I got to
admit, I'm pretty tapped out.

384
00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:18,950
I-I'm sorry to say it like
that, but, you know, I'm...

385
00:14:18,974 --> 00:14:22,343
- No. Me, too! I know!
- We've had too much sex too fast!

386
00:14:22,378 --> 00:14:24,045
Why didn't we pace ourselves?

387
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,446
I'm so exhausted.

388
00:14:25,481 --> 00:14:27,815
Oh, my gosh, I think this
whole ordeal just illustrates

389
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:30,017
why three months isn't three days.

390
00:14:30,053 --> 00:14:32,453
So happy you said that.

391
00:14:32,488 --> 00:14:34,608
I'm just happy to be in
the same place as you.

392
00:14:34,638 --> 00:14:36,089
Me, too.

393
00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:48,236
And, you know, we did do it 13 times.

394
00:14:48,271 --> 00:14:51,138
- That's a lot.
- That's a lot of times.

395
00:14:51,174 --> 00:14:52,417
But you know what my favorite time was?

396
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:55,276
- 11?
- 11. You knew.

397
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,777
Oh, I knew. 11 was great.

398
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,546
Mm. Maybe we should do 11 again.

399
00:14:58,581 --> 00:15:01,816
But this time... I'm the mermaid.

400
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:04,385
Okay. I'm the mermaid.

401
00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:06,053
No, I'm the mermaid.

402
00:15:06,089 --> 00:15:08,923
- Kind of, uh... Yeah, right there.
- Perfect.

403
00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:10,169
Get your butt down there.

404
00:15:10,193 --> 00:15:11,792
Come here!

405
00:15:11,822 --> 00:15:13,127
Ooh!

406
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:18,799
♪ It's gonna take a lot
to drag me away from you ♪

407
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:24,372
♪ There's nothing that a hundred
men or more could ever do ♪

408
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:28,075
♪ I bless the rains down in Africa... ♪

409
00:15:28,111 --> 00:15:29,143
This is electric.

410
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,112
♪ I bless the rains ♪

411
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:33,414
♪ down in Africa ♪

412
00:15:33,449 --> 00:15:34,649
♪ I bless the rain ♪

413
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,517
♪ I bless the rains ♪

414
00:15:36,552 --> 00:15:39,553
♪ down in Africa ♪

415
00:15:39,589 --> 00:15:41,689
♪ Gonna take some time ♪

416
00:15:41,724 --> 00:15:45,860
♪ to do the things we never had ♪

417
00:15:45,895 --> 00:15:49,096
- ♪ Had. ♪
- Wait! Stop!

418
00:15:49,132 --> 00:15:50,331
I can't!

419
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:54,068
You can't what?

420
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:58,939
I can't ignore what's going
on with Brenda and Hugh!

421
00:15:58,975 --> 00:16:00,908
We weren't doing anything!

422
00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:02,321
I hope you guys were
behaving, all right?

423
00:16:02,345 --> 00:16:03,756
Because you know what
happens on strike two.

424
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,313
Strike two and...

425
00:16:05,348 --> 00:16:07,014
Strike... You're not out on strike two,

426
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,861
but, you know, strike
two, you're on thin ice.

427
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,718
- Jess should be on thin ice.
- Ugh!

428
00:16:10,753 --> 00:16:11,953
She took us on a couples trip!

429
00:16:11,988 --> 00:16:15,289
Yeah, that's like taking
alcoholics to a brewery!

430
00:16:15,325 --> 00:16:17,591
Nobody here wants to
hear from you, Hugh.

431
00:16:17,627 --> 00:16:19,794
You Hugh.

432
00:16:19,829 --> 00:16:21,729
You... Hugh.

433
00:16:21,764 --> 00:16:24,565
You made us hang out with
your lame couples friends!

434
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,578
- How are we lame?
- There is no reason to attack us.

435
00:16:26,602 --> 00:16:29,570
And when singing Toto,
why is it always "Africa"?

436
00:16:29,605 --> 00:16:31,472
- They've got a deep catalog!
- Okay.

437
00:16:31,507 --> 00:16:33,107
Look, I think we can all agree

438
00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:34,920
that Jess is a very important
member of this group.

439
00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:36,277
You hypocrite.

440
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:38,879
Before you cast
aspersions on anyone else,

441
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,282
you need to take a good
long look at yourself, Robby!

442
00:16:41,317 --> 00:16:43,250
- The emperor
- I don't even know

443
00:16:43,286 --> 00:16:45,166
- has no clothes!
- why we bothered coming here!

444
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,122
And you sexualized Toto.

445
00:16:48,157 --> 00:16:49,256
No, you make a good...

446
00:16:49,292 --> 00:16:51,325
I know those guys. They're good guys!

447
00:16:51,361 --> 00:16:52,793
Know what? Enough!

448
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,530
Okay, I'm not, uh...

449
00:16:56,566 --> 00:16:58,599
Guys, I'm not actually
gonna smash my guitar

450
00:16:58,634 --> 00:17:00,034
to get your attention.

451
00:17:00,069 --> 00:17:02,147
But listen, I don't want you
to lose faith in this group.

452
00:17:02,171 --> 00:17:03,938
Okay? Just...

453
00:17:03,973 --> 00:17:05,840
lose faith in me.

454
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:09,543
Because you're right. I
have been a hypocrite. Uh...

455
00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:13,247
I do have feelings for Jess.

456
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,316
Ooh.

457
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,353
Just... he didn't say
what kind of feelings.

458
00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:21,255
They're sexual and romantic feelings.

459
00:17:22,024 --> 00:17:23,124
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, boy.

460
00:17:23,159 --> 00:17:24,558
Well, what do you know?

461
00:17:26,576 --> 00:17:29,618
I'm really sorry about last
night. Where's the group?

462
00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:32,849
The group is kind of permanently done.

463
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,618
Robby sent out a final e-mail.

464
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:36,453
It was in Latin, uh,

465
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,121
and it was in this gothic font.

466
00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:39,522
I'm kind of worried about him.

467
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,458
Why don't you give
the guy a chance, Jess?

468
00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:43,793
I'm not interested right now.

469
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:46,229
So, what, are you just
gonna give up on love,

470
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:47,942
- be alone forever? Like...
- No, you know me.

471
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,532
I love love!

472
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,469
Anything in pairs makes me choked up.

473
00:17:52,504 --> 00:17:56,740
Shoes, socks, chopsticks.

474
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:59,776
I'm just in kind of a
confusing place right now,

475
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:02,712
and I think you guys know why.

476
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,648
It's about Nick, right?

477
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:06,655
Yes, of course we are
talking about Nick.

478
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:08,263
- I knew it.
- Yes, I'm talking about Nick.

479
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:10,153
- I knew it.
- I knew it.

480
00:18:10,188 --> 00:18:11,532
But, look, I want you to know something.

481
00:18:11,556 --> 00:18:14,124
I'm really, really happy
being single right now.

482
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:17,060
I'm sorry if my group
ruined your weekend.

483
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:19,095
They're really cool people
if you get to know them.

484
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:20,263
I'm sure.

485
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:21,931
Yeah. Oh, my God, I have to go.

486
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:23,400
Foster got a corn chip in his eye.

487
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,801
Okay, you know what?

488
00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:26,136
We need to make a pact

489
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,838
to befriend at least
one other married couple.

490
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,407
Yeah, but how are we gonna do that?

491
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,720
We don't have a kid, and I
refuse to take cooking classes.

492
00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:35,111
I don't know. Maybe we just
go to a Norah Jones concert,

493
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:37,580
stand outside and look lost.

494
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:40,784
Well, Schmidty, you pulled a real

495
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:44,521
Mr. Miyagi on the whole "no
notes, tough love" routine.

496
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:46,122
Let me see it.

497
00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:49,426
Ooh! Nick, there's a
whole nother chapter here!

498
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:50,627
How did you make this happen?

499
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,862
I worked... because of you. And...

500
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:56,366
who is this wise,

501
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:58,501
denim-clad Jewish chaplain?

502
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,303
Sch-Schmith?

503
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,205
That was the big thing.

504
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,709
You helped me realize that
Pepperwood needed a Schmith.

505
00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:08,078
Okay. While it's an honor

506
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:11,047
to be included in the world
that you've created here,

507
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,516
um...

508
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:16,986
the Schmith character
seems, uh, grotesque.

509
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:18,299
- Yeah, he's unlikeable.
- I don't understand why,

510
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,691
when we meet this character,
he-he's kicking a puppy.

511
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:24,127
He's the bad guy...
in Pepperwood's life.

512
00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:25,395
He's mean, he's...

513
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:28,164
He's not somebody you want
to introduce to Mom and Dad.

514
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,139
- The cha... the character.
- Schmith is a dirt bag.

515
00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:32,235
I have no respect for Schmith,

516
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:33,514
- and neither should anybody else.
- I think that's

517
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:35,805
a mistake to say those
things about the character.

518
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,375
I appreciate what you're saying,
but I'm happy with what I have.

519
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,477
- I don't need any notes.
- Oh, now it's no notes?!

520
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,912
Nick? Nick?!

521
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:45,548
Sit anywhere?

522
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,193
What's up, Robby?

523
00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:58,773
Hey, sorry. I'll leave.
I was almost done..

524
00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:00,397
No! You'll ruin your food!

525
00:20:00,432 --> 00:20:01,898
Yeah, just like I ruined the group.

526
00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:04,033
You didn't ruin anything. We're...

527
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:06,369
- We're still hanging out.
- Really?

528
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:08,938
Okay, so could you guys
vote me back in maybe?

529
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,874
We voted to get rid of voting.

530
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:13,042
It's the same, just,
uh, without the rules.

531
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,581
Jess, I don't really know what to say.

532
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:19,849
Don't say anything.

533
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,851
It's fine. I'm just gonna read.

534
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:25,221
Um, Winston gave me
a copy of Nick's book.

535
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,223
It's actually pretty good.

536
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:28,858
Um...

537
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,460
Except the foreword says,

538
00:20:30,495 --> 00:20:33,062
"Best enjoyed with shrimp cocktail."

539
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:35,365
You can go back to
your crossword puzzle.

540
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,867
- It's a word search.
- Oh.

541
00:20:44,063 --> 00:20:45,575
Hey, Robby?

542
00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:47,544
Hmm?

543
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,279
Should... should we just share a table?

544
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,713
Is that crazy?

545
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,715
I don't think it's crazy at all. Do you?

546
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,685
- No. I mean, I suggested it, so, no.
- Yeah.

547
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,887
- Okay.
- Oh, thanks.

548
00:21:10,635 --> 00:21:12,936
Hey, Jess?

549
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,206
Um...

550
00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:19,042
I just found the word "locomotive,"

551
00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:20,944
backwards and diagonal.

552
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,484
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com