1 00:00:01,828 --> 00:00:03,496 - Here we go. - Peter. 2 00:00:03,563 --> 00:00:04,897 That's Sam's favorite male nurse. 3 00:00:04,965 --> 00:00:06,365 He's gotten him two years in a row 4 00:00:06,433 --> 00:00:09,502 for secret Santa, and last year, he got him $500, 5 00:00:09,569 --> 00:00:11,036 and this year, he got him crayons. 6 00:00:11,104 --> 00:00:12,838 All over the map, that Peter. 7 00:00:12,906 --> 00:00:15,341 So, when you get to Sam's birthday party, is the goal 8 00:00:15,408 --> 00:00:18,344 to impress his friends with how much you know about them 9 00:00:18,411 --> 00:00:19,411 or to terrify them? 10 00:00:19,446 --> 00:00:20,846 I just want them to like me. 11 00:00:20,914 --> 00:00:21,714 Finally, 12 00:00:21,781 --> 00:00:23,082 I feel like I'm in 13 00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:24,984 an adult relationship. He's a grown-up. 14 00:00:25,051 --> 00:00:26,652 Hey, Jess, heads up, I borrowed your towel. 15 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:27,987 Use your own towel if you're gonna shower. 16 00:00:28,054 --> 00:00:29,889 No, I didn't shower, I just sponged off. 17 00:00:29,956 --> 00:00:32,091 Ew. Ugh! That's even worse. 18 00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:34,860 You didn't even get clean before you used the towel. 19 00:00:34,928 --> 00:00:36,495 It's called a French whore's bath. 20 00:00:36,563 --> 00:00:38,197 You wouldn't make a dime as a French whore. 21 00:00:38,265 --> 00:00:39,331 You would make zero dollars. 22 00:00:39,399 --> 00:00:41,500 I'd make millions, millions. 23 00:00:41,568 --> 00:00:43,936 Bonjour. Croissant. Millions. 24 00:00:44,004 --> 00:00:45,604 - Definitely not. - No. 25 00:00:45,672 --> 00:00:46,752 That's disrespectful. Here. 26 00:00:47,941 --> 00:00:50,342 Happy Bird Day, Dr. Sam. 27 00:00:50,410 --> 00:00:52,778 Wow, you didn't have to do that. 28 00:00:52,846 --> 00:00:54,213 Did you say, "Bird Day"? 29 00:00:54,281 --> 00:00:55,881 You heard me. Well, you know, I figured 30 00:00:55,949 --> 00:00:57,883 Jess likes you, so I like you, too, man. 31 00:00:57,951 --> 00:00:59,118 Welcome to the family. 32 00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:00,819 H-Hey, look at that. 33 00:01:00,887 --> 00:01:03,289 It's a shirt with a whole lot of birds on it. 34 00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:05,024 That's a bird shirt. Bird shirt. 35 00:01:05,091 --> 00:01:06,725 What? Why? What-what's the...? 36 00:01:06,793 --> 00:01:08,327 Ah, you know why. 37 00:01:08,395 --> 00:01:10,062 Cool shirt, dude. 38 00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:16,368 We're bird bros now. 39 00:01:16,436 --> 00:01:18,370 And check it out, you can wear it to the party. 40 00:01:18,438 --> 00:01:20,839 You know, nothing says, "This dude is dope," 41 00:01:20,907 --> 00:01:23,142 like a motherflippin' finch, am I right? 42 00:01:24,277 --> 00:01:25,311 Sam, I'm so sorry 43 00:01:25,378 --> 00:01:27,313 I won't be able to attend your party. 44 00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:28,380 I have wedding stuff. 45 00:01:28,448 --> 00:01:29,381 "Stuff"? 46 00:01:29,449 --> 00:01:30,716 Define "stuff." 47 00:01:30,784 --> 00:01:31,717 Things. 48 00:01:31,785 --> 00:01:33,319 Thank you. 49 00:01:34,487 --> 00:01:36,255 I'm so excited to meet your friends, 50 00:01:36,323 --> 00:01:38,657 including Dr. Garfinkel... 51 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,594 Sam, I love the way you laugh. 52 00:01:41,661 --> 00:01:43,028 You never open your mouth. 53 00:01:43,096 --> 00:01:44,096 You're always like... 54 00:01:45,732 --> 00:01:47,099 I don't sound like that. 55 00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:48,534 No, you do. You just did it. 56 00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:52,171 Hey, you got to add a flash card. 57 00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:53,706 My friend Diane's coming. 58 00:01:53,773 --> 00:01:55,608 She's in town for a podiatry conference. 59 00:01:55,675 --> 00:01:57,209 She's a friend from med school. 60 00:01:57,277 --> 00:01:58,711 Oh, I've never heard you mention her. 61 00:01:58,778 --> 00:02:00,045 You guys close? 62 00:02:00,113 --> 00:02:01,647 - Diane! - Hi. 63 00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:05,050 They look... close. 64 00:02:05,118 --> 00:02:07,219 - Hi! - It's so good to see you. 65 00:02:07,287 --> 00:02:09,021 So good to see you. 66 00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:11,056 Way too close. 67 00:02:19,299 --> 00:02:21,867 Hey, Schmidt, how many robots are too many robots? 68 00:02:21,935 --> 00:02:22,835 Hi, Nick. 69 00:02:22,902 --> 00:02:24,536 Gavin. 70 00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:26,639 What are you doing here? 71 00:02:26,706 --> 00:02:28,140 I thought you'd be at Sam's party. 72 00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:29,141 What's he doing here? 73 00:02:29,209 --> 00:02:30,376 Well, after the incident 74 00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:32,211 where my dad kissed... 75 00:02:32,278 --> 00:02:34,146 If you're gonna barf, just barf. It's not healthy to hold it in. 76 00:02:34,214 --> 00:02:37,149 Where my dad kissed Jess, 77 00:02:37,217 --> 00:02:38,984 there was an accidental pocket dial 78 00:02:39,052 --> 00:02:40,586 that actually went pretty well. 79 00:02:40,654 --> 00:02:41,654 He suggested 80 00:02:41,688 --> 00:02:43,188 some wine tasting for the wedding, 81 00:02:43,256 --> 00:02:44,890 and I said, "Why not?" 82 00:02:44,958 --> 00:02:46,992 You're just gonna drink alone with your dad? 83 00:02:47,060 --> 00:02:49,094 Join us, Nick, the Pinot from my vineyard 84 00:02:49,162 --> 00:02:50,329 is dynamite this year. 85 00:02:50,397 --> 00:02:51,664 It's gonna taste fantastic 86 00:02:51,731 --> 00:02:53,399 at my son's wedding in a factory. 87 00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:55,734 Gavin, it's actually a slaughterhouse, 88 00:02:55,802 --> 00:02:58,270 and you would know that if you were around more. 89 00:02:58,338 --> 00:02:59,672 Can I see you in my room 90 00:02:59,739 --> 00:03:00,739 for a second, please? 91 00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:03,475 Look, I know you don't trust my dad, 92 00:03:03,543 --> 00:03:04,610 but I'm happy that he's here. 93 00:03:04,678 --> 00:03:05,811 We're working through stuff. 94 00:03:05,879 --> 00:03:07,199 Wait, Schmidt, I want you to have 95 00:03:07,247 --> 00:03:08,347 a relationship with your father. 96 00:03:08,415 --> 00:03:09,648 I really do, but I've been 97 00:03:09,716 --> 00:03:13,152 down this road so many times. 98 00:03:13,219 --> 00:03:15,521 He just shows up out of the boo, 99 00:03:15,588 --> 00:03:16,689 and then all of a sudden expects... 100 00:03:16,756 --> 00:03:17,790 It's "blue," it's "blue." 101 00:03:17,857 --> 00:03:19,491 Well, thanks, Eye-stein. 102 00:03:19,559 --> 00:03:23,696 He shows you a great time, you get sucked in, 103 00:03:23,763 --> 00:03:25,998 then he disappears and breaks your heart, 104 00:03:26,066 --> 00:03:28,233 and I'm left to pick up the pieces. 105 00:03:28,301 --> 00:03:30,636 My dad's taking me to... 106 00:03:30,704 --> 00:03:32,571 Miss Saigon tonight! 107 00:03:33,573 --> 00:03:34,707 And I'm not gonna get hurt. 108 00:03:34,774 --> 00:03:36,408 My dad never showed up. 109 00:03:36,476 --> 00:03:37,342 He didn't? 110 00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:39,044 It hurts so bad! 111 00:03:39,112 --> 00:03:40,412 You want a milkshake, cowboy? 112 00:03:42,148 --> 00:03:43,382 It's different now. 113 00:03:43,450 --> 00:03:44,650 I've heard that before. 114 00:03:44,718 --> 00:03:46,185 We're seeing Jersey Boys! 115 00:03:46,252 --> 00:03:47,932 Wait, this is your dad we're talking about! 116 00:03:47,987 --> 00:03:49,388 And he's different now, Nick. 117 00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:52,057 He's the same! 118 00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:53,192 I didn't have ice cream, 119 00:03:53,259 --> 00:03:54,727 so I just really shook up some milk. 120 00:03:54,794 --> 00:03:58,330 I'm older and I'm wiser, and I'm not gonna get sucked in. 121 00:03:58,398 --> 00:03:59,518 We're gonna taste some wine, 122 00:03:59,566 --> 00:04:00,833 and then I'm gonna send him on his way. 123 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:03,869 But, Nick, I'm plead... I'm asking you... 124 00:04:03,937 --> 00:04:06,672 just be nice to him. 125 00:04:06,740 --> 00:04:09,374 All right, man. I will. 126 00:04:09,442 --> 00:04:12,111 If it means that much to you, of course, I'll do it. 127 00:04:12,178 --> 00:04:13,011 Thank you. 128 00:04:13,079 --> 00:04:14,613 But if it goes poorly, 129 00:04:14,681 --> 00:04:16,281 I'm not putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. 130 00:04:16,349 --> 00:04:17,349 Am I Humpty Dumpty? 131 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,851 Yeah. I'm just not 132 00:04:18,918 --> 00:04:20,552 - doing it again. - You won't have to. 133 00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:23,288 Also, nowhere in that rhyme does it say he's an egg. 134 00:04:23,356 --> 00:04:25,157 He's most definitely an egg, Nick. 135 00:04:25,225 --> 00:04:28,861 So, what kind of king uses all those resources 136 00:04:28,928 --> 00:04:31,530 to put together one egg? 137 00:04:31,598 --> 00:04:32,531 It's a parable. 138 00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:33,866 Humpty Dumpty is the king. 139 00:04:38,071 --> 00:04:40,572 Who told you that? 140 00:04:42,942 --> 00:04:44,409 I've never seen him laugh like that. 141 00:04:44,477 --> 00:04:45,677 What do I do? 142 00:04:45,745 --> 00:04:47,412 You're a dog, 143 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,048 he's a fire hydrant, you pee on him, girl. 144 00:04:50,116 --> 00:04:51,416 - Yeah. - There you go. 145 00:04:51,484 --> 00:04:52,918 I'm gonna go lift a leg on him. 146 00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:54,219 There you go! 147 00:04:54,287 --> 00:04:56,255 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 148 00:04:56,322 --> 00:04:58,223 So, Sam said he spilled on the bird shirt 149 00:04:58,291 --> 00:04:59,691 and he had to take it off. 150 00:04:59,759 --> 00:05:01,326 He's putting on a brave face, 151 00:05:01,394 --> 00:05:04,496 but, poor thing, I know he is just crushed. 152 00:05:04,564 --> 00:05:05,430 - Babe. - What, babe? 153 00:05:05,498 --> 00:05:06,698 He doesn't like the shirt. 154 00:05:06,766 --> 00:05:07,866 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 155 00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:09,034 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 156 00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:11,036 No... babe. 157 00:05:11,104 --> 00:05:12,037 Yeah... babe. 158 00:05:12,105 --> 00:05:13,172 - No, babe. - Yeah, babe. 159 00:05:13,239 --> 00:05:14,640 No... babe. 160 00:05:14,707 --> 00:05:16,208 Yeah... babe. 161 00:05:16,276 --> 00:05:17,543 No. 162 00:05:17,610 --> 00:05:18,710 Yeah. 163 00:05:18,778 --> 00:05:20,279 Babe. 164 00:05:20,346 --> 00:05:21,647 Sam, do you remember in med school 165 00:05:21,714 --> 00:05:23,674 when we got drunk and sewed fins on that dead guy? 166 00:05:24,851 --> 00:05:25,851 We made a merman! 167 00:05:26,886 --> 00:05:28,554 Hey, Sam, remember the other night 168 00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:31,857 when you ate all that bad crab and, uh, you said, 169 00:05:31,925 --> 00:05:34,626 "Not tonight," and I said, "Yeah, tonight," 170 00:05:34,694 --> 00:05:36,728 and then you said, "No, not tonight," 171 00:05:36,796 --> 00:05:39,498 and then the next night, when you were feeling better, 172 00:05:39,566 --> 00:05:41,300 remember what we did? 173 00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:43,735 We... we had sex? 174 00:05:43,803 --> 00:05:44,837 Had sex! 175 00:05:46,105 --> 00:05:47,706 The kind where you need a snack after. 176 00:05:47,774 --> 00:05:48,774 Hey-o! 177 00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:57,583 Whoa. 178 00:06:00,153 --> 00:06:01,854 So, Jess, 179 00:06:01,921 --> 00:06:03,455 you're from Portland. Do you, do you miss it? 180 00:06:03,523 --> 00:06:04,756 Do you miss Portland? 181 00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:06,384 I mean, I feel like you never really... 182 00:06:07,594 --> 00:06:08,994 - You... are you okay? - Oh, my God, are you choking? 183 00:06:09,062 --> 00:06:10,362 Is that what this is? Oh, my God, stand up! 184 00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:11,363 Stand up, stand up! 185 00:06:11,431 --> 00:06:12,831 Get up, come here. 186 00:06:12,899 --> 00:06:14,099 Oh! 187 00:06:15,201 --> 00:06:16,468 Here, sit down. 188 00:06:19,205 --> 00:06:20,606 Thank you, Diane. 189 00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:22,040 You saved me. 190 00:06:22,108 --> 00:06:23,375 Any time. 191 00:06:25,745 --> 00:06:27,946 Um, hey, Diane, um, 192 00:06:28,014 --> 00:06:32,284 would you like to go to the ladies' room and freshen up? 193 00:06:32,352 --> 00:06:35,821 Yes, Jess, I would love to. 194 00:06:38,558 --> 00:06:39,858 I am so sorry. 195 00:06:39,926 --> 00:06:42,194 I'm really... I'm-I'm embarrassed. 196 00:06:42,262 --> 00:06:43,695 - Please, for what? - No, I am. 197 00:06:43,763 --> 00:06:45,030 For marking your territory? Look, I get it. 198 00:06:45,098 --> 00:06:47,699 But I was acting childish and dumb and jealous, 199 00:06:47,767 --> 00:06:48,834 and-and I... 200 00:06:48,902 --> 00:06:50,669 I see why Sam likes you. 201 00:06:50,737 --> 00:06:52,537 Well, I see why he likes you, too. 202 00:06:52,605 --> 00:06:53,972 Will you forgive me? 203 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,074 I have guy friends, and I don't know why 204 00:06:56,142 --> 00:06:59,544 I would just assume that you're wildly in love with him. 205 00:06:59,612 --> 00:07:00,812 Oh, no, I am. 206 00:07:02,982 --> 00:07:04,116 No, really, I am. 207 00:07:06,386 --> 00:07:07,386 Seriously, I am. 208 00:07:09,422 --> 00:07:11,490 Jess, I'm-I'm in love with Sam. 209 00:07:12,692 --> 00:07:14,126 Oh, balls. 210 00:07:15,190 --> 00:07:17,190 Now this varietal gained prominence 211 00:07:17,216 --> 00:07:20,131 in the '30s as an Italian driving wine. 212 00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:22,243 Now they call it a picnic wine, 213 00:07:22,312 --> 00:07:24,146 but we know what they're up to. 214 00:07:24,214 --> 00:07:25,281 But as they say, 215 00:07:25,348 --> 00:07:26,916 "Wine is fine, 216 00:07:26,983 --> 00:07:28,651 but bourbon is schwervin'." 217 00:07:31,054 --> 00:07:32,454 I think I got a buzz. 218 00:07:32,522 --> 00:07:33,522 Yeah, me too. 219 00:07:34,057 --> 00:07:35,090 Hang on. 220 00:07:35,158 --> 00:07:37,092 Uh, you're gonna like this. 221 00:07:41,464 --> 00:07:44,266 How much hooch do you have stored in this place, 222 00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:45,734 you mountain person? 223 00:07:45,802 --> 00:07:47,002 Prohibition happened once. 224 00:07:47,070 --> 00:07:48,137 It can happen again. 225 00:07:48,205 --> 00:07:49,205 Yeah. 226 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,341 It was pretty easy to see where you were going with that. 227 00:07:52,409 --> 00:07:53,843 Look at the two of you. 228 00:07:53,910 --> 00:07:56,679 Bonding over the thing that numbs you. 229 00:07:58,515 --> 00:08:00,749 Smell this. Smell this. 230 00:08:00,817 --> 00:08:01,309 Oh! 231 00:08:01,335 --> 00:08:02,810 Let me get a whiff. Let me get a whiff. 232 00:08:02,853 --> 00:08:03,853 Oh! 233 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:04,920 Hurts so good. 234 00:08:07,591 --> 00:08:08,724 Sam. 235 00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:09,859 Guess who 236 00:08:09,926 --> 00:08:11,246 the luckiest boy in the world is? 237 00:08:11,294 --> 00:08:12,294 It's you. 238 00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:15,531 It's an extra bird shirt, huh? 239 00:08:15,599 --> 00:08:17,132 I keep an extra one in my car, 240 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,235 just in case I get interviewed on television. 241 00:08:19,302 --> 00:08:20,936 Oh. Thank you. 242 00:08:27,310 --> 00:08:29,078 Put on the bird shirt, Sam. 243 00:08:29,145 --> 00:08:30,379 I will. 244 00:08:30,447 --> 00:08:31,547 When? 245 00:08:31,615 --> 00:08:33,482 When I don't have to 246 00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:37,286 take my other shirt off in a bar full of people. 247 00:09:00,343 --> 00:09:01,877 - Ten years?! - Yeah. 248 00:09:01,945 --> 00:09:03,178 You didn't tell him for ten years? 249 00:09:03,246 --> 00:09:04,179 I did. 250 00:09:04,247 --> 00:09:05,381 Well, I tried to. 251 00:09:05,448 --> 00:09:07,383 Um, our second year of med school, 252 00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:09,251 he went to work with Doctors Without Borders. 253 00:09:09,319 --> 00:09:11,239 Well, so I didn't, I didn't know when I was gonna 254 00:09:11,288 --> 00:09:12,888 see him again, and, um, 255 00:09:12,956 --> 00:09:14,996 one night, I-I just sat down and wrote him a letter. 256 00:09:15,025 --> 00:09:16,392 And everything came out, you know, 257 00:09:16,459 --> 00:09:18,127 everything that I was feeling, everything that 258 00:09:18,194 --> 00:09:19,361 I had been holding back. 259 00:09:19,429 --> 00:09:21,230 Yeah. I love letters. 260 00:09:21,298 --> 00:09:22,064 I know, me too. 261 00:09:22,132 --> 00:09:23,465 We have so much in common. 262 00:09:23,533 --> 00:09:25,267 Arguably too much. 263 00:09:25,335 --> 00:09:26,635 - Mm. - But keep going. 264 00:09:26,703 --> 00:09:29,939 Well... Sam never responded. 265 00:09:32,108 --> 00:09:34,310 I just figured he didn't want to embarrass me, you know? 266 00:09:34,377 --> 00:09:36,979 I mean, I-it's hard when you're friends with a guy first. 267 00:09:37,047 --> 00:09:38,113 So... 268 00:09:38,181 --> 00:09:39,648 he came home, and we just 269 00:09:39,716 --> 00:09:42,217 kept on like normal, and it was really painful, 270 00:09:42,285 --> 00:09:44,420 but I-I couldn't lose him as a friend. 271 00:09:44,487 --> 00:09:46,822 Of course you couldn't. 272 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:51,126 Then... last week, this came in the mail. 273 00:09:52,062 --> 00:09:54,830 "Return to sender." 274 00:09:56,132 --> 00:09:58,000 He never got it. 275 00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:00,135 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. 276 00:10:00,203 --> 00:10:02,004 He never knew how you felt. 277 00:10:02,072 --> 00:10:06,475 No, and I-I came here tonight to give him this letter and then... 278 00:10:06,543 --> 00:10:08,310 What happened? 279 00:10:08,378 --> 00:10:09,845 I met you. 280 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,013 Oh, right. 281 00:10:11,081 --> 00:10:12,181 - Me. - Mm. 282 00:10:12,248 --> 00:10:13,983 Here. 283 00:10:14,050 --> 00:10:16,752 I can't throw it away, but I can't give it to him. 284 00:10:16,820 --> 00:10:20,522 Don't worry, Jess, you... you didn't do anything wrong. 285 00:10:20,590 --> 00:10:23,025 I'm not the one for Sam. 286 00:10:23,093 --> 00:10:24,360 You are. 287 00:10:24,427 --> 00:10:26,929 I'm gonna be really honest. 288 00:10:26,997 --> 00:10:31,133 Um, I'm having a-a very hard time 289 00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:33,469 rooting for myself right now. 290 00:10:38,717 --> 00:10:42,386 That was the most romantic story I've ever heard. 291 00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:43,888 And I don't want to get between them. 292 00:10:43,956 --> 00:10:45,089 Or do I? 293 00:10:45,157 --> 00:10:46,357 I love Sam, 294 00:10:46,425 --> 00:10:47,419 and I don't want to throw it all away 295 00:10:47,445 --> 00:10:51,682 because she couldn't figure out how to buy a Forever stamp. 296 00:10:51,708 --> 00:10:53,910 Just because you give Sam this letter, it does not mean 297 00:10:53,911 --> 00:10:55,942 that he's automatically gonna choose Diane. 298 00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:57,610 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 299 00:10:57,678 --> 00:11:01,180 Damn it. 300 00:11:01,248 --> 00:11:02,348 Look at them. 301 00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:15,128 This song isn't even on our jukebox. 302 00:11:15,195 --> 00:11:16,629 You know what, that's it. 303 00:11:16,697 --> 00:11:20,299 I'm-I'm not losing Sam because I'm some dumb romantic. 304 00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:22,902 Cece, get rid of this letter. 305 00:11:22,970 --> 00:11:23,970 Lett'r done. 306 00:11:24,037 --> 00:11:25,371 Good-bye, Diane. 307 00:11:25,439 --> 00:11:29,008 Go back to fixing feet, you sweet saint of a woman. 308 00:11:29,076 --> 00:11:30,243 You must be so proud of me. 309 00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:33,312 I'm finally being practical and realistic, 310 00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:35,715 and not some moony-eyed freak 311 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,483 who's seen too many romantic comedies. 312 00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:38,751 I'm basically being you. 313 00:11:38,819 --> 00:11:40,686 Not anymore, pal. 314 00:11:40,754 --> 00:11:43,523 Schmidt's made me weak in my stupid knees. 315 00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:44,991 I don't know. 316 00:11:45,058 --> 00:11:47,527 This past year with Schmidt's changed me. 317 00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:50,196 It's made me believe in love stories. 318 00:11:50,264 --> 00:11:52,431 Is that why you were crying during the bank commercial 319 00:11:52,499 --> 00:11:54,200 where the two old people were texting each other? 320 00:11:54,268 --> 00:11:55,701 - Jessica... - I know. 321 00:11:55,769 --> 00:11:57,870 They now have the money that they need... 322 00:11:57,938 --> 00:12:00,891 No, I know... to be buried together. 323 00:12:02,176 --> 00:12:04,277 We both know that you're not gonna be able 324 00:12:04,344 --> 00:12:06,979 to live with yourself if you don't give this letter to Sam. 325 00:12:07,047 --> 00:12:08,814 Yeah. 326 00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:12,218 What if I lose him? 327 00:12:12,286 --> 00:12:14,353 Well, then you'll at least know, babe. 328 00:12:14,421 --> 00:12:15,888 It's not your love story. 329 00:12:17,558 --> 00:12:19,125 Oh. 330 00:12:19,193 --> 00:12:21,194 I have something to tell you. 331 00:12:21,261 --> 00:12:23,296 The old man in the bank commercial, 332 00:12:23,363 --> 00:12:26,799 um, played a Nazi in Schindler's List. 333 00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,568 Does that change anything? 334 00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:33,172 I made a model of our wedding venue. 335 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,407 Wow. 336 00:12:34,474 --> 00:12:37,176 Your wine is so good, I really want to showcase it 337 00:12:37,244 --> 00:12:38,878 and-and put the bar here. 338 00:12:38,946 --> 00:12:41,681 It's where they store the drums of wild chemicals, 339 00:12:41,748 --> 00:12:43,549 but I'm pretty sure they're empty now. 340 00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,718 Yeah, it's empty except for the big puddle that never dries. 341 00:12:45,786 --> 00:12:46,719 Oh, it'll be fine. 342 00:12:46,787 --> 00:12:47,887 With your mother there, 343 00:12:47,955 --> 00:12:49,722 that puddle will get drunk. 344 00:12:49,790 --> 00:12:51,424 How about we grab some dinner? 345 00:12:51,491 --> 00:12:53,759 Together? 346 00:12:53,827 --> 00:12:55,661 You... 347 00:12:55,729 --> 00:12:57,263 Yeah, no, I'd like that very much. 348 00:12:57,331 --> 00:12:58,531 I'm gonna run home. 349 00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:00,433 Obviously, I can't wear these shoes to dinner. 350 00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:01,701 Ha, can you imagine? 351 00:13:01,768 --> 00:13:04,370 I'll see you. 352 00:13:06,607 --> 00:13:08,874 I'm going to dinner with my dad. 353 00:13:09,843 --> 00:13:10,843 This is so great, man. 354 00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:11,944 Yeah, it's great. 355 00:13:12,012 --> 00:13:13,412 You guys are finally getting along. 356 00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:14,780 You were like, "We've been down this road." 357 00:13:14,848 --> 00:13:16,782 It's great. I just want to check in. 358 00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,184 Y-You said you weren't gonna get sucked in, 359 00:13:18,252 --> 00:13:19,885 and it seems like you're getting sucked in. 360 00:13:19,953 --> 00:13:20,987 Sucked in? I'm not getting sucked in. 361 00:13:21,054 --> 00:13:22,054 If anybody's getting sucked, 362 00:13:22,122 --> 00:13:23,623 it's just me sucking myself in. 363 00:13:25,025 --> 00:13:26,325 - No, I know how that sounded. - Yeah. 364 00:13:26,393 --> 00:13:27,526 - But you, I mean you... - You good? 365 00:13:27,594 --> 00:13:28,828 - Yeah. - Yeah. 366 00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:34,200 Hey, uh, Gavin, hold up. 367 00:13:34,268 --> 00:13:38,304 Um... I feel like I can say this to you because, well, 368 00:13:38,372 --> 00:13:40,239 you know, we shared a cup. 369 00:13:41,481 --> 00:13:43,649 You really live by a specific code. 370 00:13:43,675 --> 00:13:44,942 Look, we both know 371 00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:45,958 how this is gonna go down, Gavin. 372 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,792 You're gonna get Schmidt's expectations up, 373 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,461 and then you're gonna bail. 374 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,565 I know. 375 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,233 Just be better. 376 00:13:55,749 --> 00:13:57,416 Be his dad. 377 00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:00,939 Just be there for him, even when it's not fun, 378 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,241 and sometimes it's really not fun. 379 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,843 I know. 380 00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:08,180 I've been doing it for 15 years. 381 00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:10,148 - Thank you. - Don't thank me. 382 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,451 Just promise me if you show up for dinner tonight, 383 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,787 you'll show up tomorrow and the day after and the week after, 384 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,856 and basically forever. 385 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:20,692 I will be there. 386 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,160 Will you, Gavin? 387 00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,196 Will you? 388 00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,430 Will you, Gavin? 389 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,499 I will. 390 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,867 Will you? 391 00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:32,371 Will you, Gavin? 392 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,106 You're really dragging this out. 393 00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:35,974 No, I've already gone through everything I had rehearsed. 394 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,042 I really thought the elevator would be here by now. 395 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,711 We could talk about other stuff. 396 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,305 Can we, Gavin? 397 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:43,749 Can we? 398 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,350 Yeah. 399 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,019 Can we, Gavin? Oh, thank God. 400 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:52,002 I'm getting my birthday present at an airport hotel? 401 00:14:52,549 --> 00:14:56,512 Oh, my God, are you taking me on a trip to meet my birth mother? 402 00:14:56,661 --> 00:14:56,930 Oh. 403 00:14:56,957 --> 00:14:58,386 No, wait. 404 00:14:58,449 --> 00:14:59,883 Um, no. 405 00:14:59,951 --> 00:15:02,686 Uh, it's, uh... I have a surprise for you, 406 00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:04,821 but it's not exactly a present. 407 00:15:04,889 --> 00:15:06,523 Um, just wait here. 408 00:15:06,591 --> 00:15:07,857 Okay. 409 00:15:07,925 --> 00:15:10,660 Look, I want you to know that no matter what happens, 410 00:15:10,728 --> 00:15:12,829 no-no matter how this turns out... 411 00:15:12,897 --> 00:15:16,366 and by "this," you'll-you'll see what I'm talking about... 412 00:15:16,434 --> 00:15:19,703 I want you to be happy. 413 00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:23,139 And I want you to be happy. 414 00:15:23,207 --> 00:15:26,309 But what did you want me to be before this moment? 415 00:15:26,377 --> 00:15:28,345 Don't let me get a ticket, okay? 416 00:15:34,085 --> 00:15:35,251 Jess? 417 00:15:36,287 --> 00:15:37,387 Tell Sam. 418 00:15:39,256 --> 00:15:42,192 He-he deserves to know how you feel. 419 00:15:44,395 --> 00:15:48,698 Wow, you are either really cool or really cocky. 420 00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:51,935 You are either really cool or really cocky. 421 00:15:52,003 --> 00:15:53,370 Thank you. 422 00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:09,119 I should've been more clear. He's downstairs. 423 00:16:12,857 --> 00:16:15,725 I just want to let you know, my shift is up, so Jason will 424 00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:17,994 be getting bummed out by you for the rest of the night. 425 00:16:22,466 --> 00:16:24,334 Somebody order a milkshake, cowboy? 426 00:16:26,404 --> 00:16:27,971 Well, Nick, you were right. 427 00:16:28,039 --> 00:16:29,873 I got sucked in. 428 00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:31,641 He was a car wash vacuum, 429 00:16:31,709 --> 00:16:33,977 and I was just a stray pistachio. 430 00:16:34,045 --> 00:16:36,246 Listen, Schmidt, it's my fault. 431 00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:39,549 I got real with him and he split. 432 00:16:39,617 --> 00:16:42,052 It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. 433 00:16:42,119 --> 00:16:43,253 And, Nick? 434 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,320 Yeah? 435 00:16:46,123 --> 00:16:48,024 Thank you. 436 00:16:48,092 --> 00:16:49,259 Thanks for what? 437 00:16:49,326 --> 00:16:50,994 For being there. 438 00:16:53,497 --> 00:16:55,665 What are you doing right now? 439 00:16:59,403 --> 00:17:00,770 - Yeah, man. - I like red meat. 440 00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:02,105 Yeah, yeah, no, beef. 441 00:17:02,173 --> 00:17:03,506 - Sexy ladies. - Boobs. 442 00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:04,808 - Moobs. - B-Boobs. 443 00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:06,376 - Big boobs. - Yeah. 444 00:17:06,444 --> 00:17:07,811 Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. 445 00:17:07,878 --> 00:17:09,345 Oh, don't, don't, don't! 446 00:17:09,413 --> 00:17:11,815 Wait! Wait, guys, wait. 447 00:17:12,455 --> 00:17:14,290 I know I should have been here an hour ago, 448 00:17:14,357 --> 00:17:15,557 but I was at the warehouse 449 00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:16,936 getting your security deposit back. 450 00:17:16,937 --> 00:17:17,838 Why would you... 451 00:17:17,905 --> 00:17:19,072 Let me finish, trust me. 452 00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:21,041 That slumlord wouldn't give it to me 453 00:17:21,109 --> 00:17:24,678 unless I cleaned the place, and once I started... 454 00:17:24,746 --> 00:17:26,747 I don't know if you know, but I'm a little OCD. 455 00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:28,482 - Me, too. - Yeah, it runs in the family. 456 00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:30,884 Your grandfather had to touch every lamppost he passed. 457 00:17:30,952 --> 00:17:31,852 He couldn't hold a job. 458 00:17:31,919 --> 00:17:33,019 Until he got a job 459 00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:34,221 as a lamppost repair man. 460 00:17:34,288 --> 00:17:35,422 Why wouldn't you just call? 461 00:17:35,490 --> 00:17:37,090 Oh, I got kicked in the back of the head 462 00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:39,025 by some kids who were using that dump as a place 463 00:17:39,093 --> 00:17:40,393 to practice their urban dancing. 464 00:17:40,461 --> 00:17:42,262 They-they were honestly pretty good, 465 00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:45,165 until they beat me and took my phone. 466 00:17:45,233 --> 00:17:47,567 And my wallet and my watch. 467 00:17:47,635 --> 00:17:49,903 I had to run over here... well, actually 468 00:17:49,971 --> 00:17:53,039 it was... it was more of a... a walk-jog. 469 00:17:53,107 --> 00:17:54,107 I threw up once. 470 00:17:57,411 --> 00:17:59,980 I'm not very good at doing the right thing 471 00:18:00,047 --> 00:18:01,815 when it comes to you. 472 00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:06,520 But I wanted to start tonight. 473 00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,823 You are not getting married 474 00:18:09,891 --> 00:18:11,391 at that slaughterhouse. 475 00:18:11,459 --> 00:18:14,194 Okay, well, then where am I getting married? 476 00:18:14,262 --> 00:18:15,262 At my vineyard. 477 00:18:17,265 --> 00:18:19,399 If you want. 478 00:18:19,467 --> 00:18:21,868 It'll be beautiful. 479 00:18:21,936 --> 00:18:23,203 I talked to Cece. 480 00:18:23,271 --> 00:18:24,638 She said it's up to you. 481 00:18:24,705 --> 00:18:26,973 I just want you to know, either way, 482 00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:30,076 I'm all in from here on out. 483 00:18:37,118 --> 00:18:39,986 We're getting married at a vineyard. 484 00:18:40,054 --> 00:18:42,923 Yes! Yes. 485 00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:43,857 Getting married at a vineyard. 486 00:18:43,925 --> 00:18:44,758 Yes. 487 00:18:44,826 --> 00:18:46,827 Yes, yes. 488 00:18:48,729 --> 00:18:50,330 So, you just left him there to talk? 489 00:18:50,398 --> 00:18:53,667 Yep, I abandoned my own car, 490 00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:57,437 and now, for all I know, Sam and Diane are tearing apart 491 00:18:57,505 --> 00:18:59,606 a business-friendly hotel room together. 492 00:18:59,674 --> 00:19:01,007 Well, I'm really proud of you. 493 00:19:01,075 --> 00:19:02,976 I know that it was hard, but it's the only way 494 00:19:03,044 --> 00:19:04,764 you're gonna find out what you need to know. 495 00:19:05,713 --> 00:19:07,514 Thanks. 496 00:19:07,582 --> 00:19:09,182 This might sound like a cry for help, 497 00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:10,951 but I promise you it's not. 498 00:19:11,018 --> 00:19:13,220 Um, I'm gonna go to my room and I'm gonna watch videos 499 00:19:13,287 --> 00:19:15,722 of dogs waiting for their dead owners to come back. 500 00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:17,057 Mm-hmm. 501 00:19:18,726 --> 00:19:20,493 Cece, you want to know what I think? 502 00:19:20,561 --> 00:19:21,962 Mm, not really. 503 00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:23,797 I think there are people who get bird shirts, 504 00:19:23,865 --> 00:19:26,132 and there are people who don't. 505 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,703 Jessica Day needs to be with a bird shirt person. 506 00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:32,505 Am I a bird shirt person? 507 00:19:32,573 --> 00:19:36,009 Oh, Cece, why do you always have to make things about you? 508 00:19:41,415 --> 00:19:43,884 Sam, hello. 509 00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:49,990 I forgive you. 510 00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:52,325 Okay. Okay. 511 00:19:52,393 --> 00:19:53,493 Is Jess here? 512 00:19:54,562 --> 00:19:56,029 She is. 513 00:20:07,408 --> 00:20:08,174 Hey. 514 00:20:08,242 --> 00:20:09,709 - Hey. - Hey. 515 00:20:10,611 --> 00:20:13,179 I'm just, uh... 516 00:20:13,247 --> 00:20:14,848 Yeah, I'm really nervous, 517 00:20:14,916 --> 00:20:17,083 so I'm just gonna ask you an innocuous question. 518 00:20:17,151 --> 00:20:19,853 Um... did you bring my car back? 519 00:20:19,921 --> 00:20:22,722 Yes, I have got your keys right here. 520 00:20:22,790 --> 00:20:24,090 Thanks. 521 00:20:25,826 --> 00:20:29,729 Look, what you did for me today was... 522 00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:33,700 the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. 523 00:20:36,671 --> 00:20:38,905 Whatever... 524 00:20:38,973 --> 00:20:43,376 if there was ever a time for me and Diane, it's passed. 525 00:20:43,444 --> 00:20:45,979 And when I read the letter, it just reminded me 526 00:20:46,047 --> 00:20:48,882 how much that's true. 527 00:20:57,091 --> 00:20:59,592 Now that I know you like letters, watch out. 528 00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:02,495 I have to say, that was the strangest birthday surprise 529 00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:04,064 I have ever been given. 530 00:21:04,131 --> 00:21:06,232 Well, Winston took my bird shirt idea, so... 531 00:21:07,735 --> 00:21:09,102 You know what, one of these days, 532 00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:10,570 I'm gonna get you to laugh with your mouth open. 533 00:21:10,638 --> 00:21:12,205 I know you will. That's what she said. 534 00:21:12,273 --> 00:21:13,606 No, that's not gonna do it. 535 00:21:13,674 --> 00:21:14,574 That's what she said. 536 00:21:14,642 --> 00:21:15,842 You just said the same thing. 537 00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,510 Now that's what she said. 538 00:21:17,578 --> 00:21:18,545 That's... What accent is that? 539 00:21:18,612 --> 00:21:19,879 - It's Italian. - Oh, really? 540 00:21:19,947 --> 00:21:22,115 - That's what she said! - Nope, that didn't 541 00:21:22,183 --> 00:21:23,183 - do it, either. - That's what she said. 542 00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:24,617 Now you're just changing the stress. 543 00:21:24,685 --> 00:21:26,052 That's what she said? 544 00:21:26,127 --> 00:21:28,128 Maybe you should stop. 545 00:21:29,281 --> 00:21:31,761 - That's what she said. Ooh. - Ooh. That was closer. 546 00:21:31,815 --> 00:21:33,555 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com -