1
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:02,718
Ye!

2
00:00:03,731 --> 00:00:04,420
Tran.

3
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:07,620
Great lasagna, it was fantastic.

4
00:00:07,655 --> 00:00:08,654
Now you're fishing.

5
00:00:08,689 --> 00:00:10,723
It was just good, and you know it.

6
00:00:10,758 --> 00:00:13,526
You used the cheap cheese,
and that was your mistake.

7
00:00:13,561 --> 00:00:14,693
Great noodles, though.

8
00:00:14,729 --> 00:00:16,429
Thank you. Bye.

9
00:00:16,464 --> 00:00:17,430
We care about you.

10
00:00:17,465 --> 00:00:18,831
- Mm-hmm.
- We did it!

11
00:00:18,866 --> 00:00:20,132
- Yes, we did it!
- We did it.

12
00:00:20,168 --> 00:00:21,200
Best rehearsal dinner ever.

13
00:00:21,235 --> 00:00:22,435
You guys are a good team.

14
00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:23,869
We haven't slept all week, but thanks.

15
00:00:23,905 --> 00:00:25,504
I work in hospitality, it's what I do.

16
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:26,539
I've got some cools things

17
00:00:26,574 --> 00:00:28,274
- for tomorrow I want to show you.
- Right on.

18
00:00:28,309 --> 00:00:30,142
Maid of honor.

19
00:00:30,178 --> 00:00:31,343
Best Man.

20
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:32,912
Mayday J-Day.

21
00:00:32,947 --> 00:00:34,180
What's up, Nick-knack.

22
00:00:34,215 --> 00:00:36,015
We're gonna need some more
hotties on the dance floor.

23
00:00:36,050 --> 00:00:36,820
Copy that.

24
00:00:36,821 --> 00:00:39,091
I'll get those hotties
right over to you.

25
00:00:40,925 --> 00:00:41,332
Awesome.

26
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,865
Thank you for letting us
stay in your room.

27
00:00:42,899 --> 00:00:43,831
Of course.

28
00:00:43,867 --> 00:00:45,466
I'm sorry your mother's
not coming, Cece.

29
00:00:45,502 --> 00:00:48,770
Her disapproval of my son
fills me with a hot rage.

30
00:00:48,805 --> 00:00:50,671
I've repressed into a cyst on my back.

31
00:00:50,707 --> 00:00:52,573
- It's grotesque. 
- Sweet dreams, kid.

32
00:00:52,609 --> 00:00:53,608
Night, Mom.

33
00:00:53,643 --> 00:00:54,776
Good night, my mom's friend Susan.

34
00:00:56,613 --> 00:00:58,446
Are you guys sure that you don't
want to use the air mattress?

35
00:00:58,481 --> 00:00:59,447
We sleep together.

36
00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:01,015
We've been lovers since 1998.

37
00:01:03,784 --> 00:01:05,095
I want to thank everyone

38
00:01:05,096 --> 00:01:07,218
for an amazing rehearsal dinner.

39
00:01:07,219 --> 00:01:08,750
Special shout out to Winston

40
00:01:08,786 --> 00:01:10,419
For a shockingly good toast.

41
00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:11,485
Winston!

42
00:01:11,486 --> 00:01:14,049
- Insanely good.
- Dipping in and out of French.

43
00:01:14,050 --> 00:01:14,916
Powerful stuff, man.

44
00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:16,184
- Yay!
- No.

45
00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:17,919
Blessings, blessings
on all your households.

46
00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:19,828
All right, I think it's time
to get the bride and the groom

47
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:21,707
to sleep in separate
beds like boy cousins.

48
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:24,220
Wait, wait, can we just
say good night first?

49
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,439
We'll allow it.

50
00:01:25,465 --> 00:01:27,147
We'll allow it.

51
00:01:30,906 --> 00:01:31,630
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

52
00:01:31,631 --> 00:01:33,296
I'm gonna do the dishes. Dishes.

53
00:01:34,933 --> 00:01:36,399
- Break it up!
- What is this?

54
00:01:36,435 --> 00:01:37,908
The last night of drama camp?

55
00:01:37,934 --> 00:01:39,834
Enjoy it while you can
because it gets boring.

56
00:01:39,869 --> 00:01:43,512
Same old lips year after year

57
00:01:43,513 --> 00:01:45,001
with no spark,

58
00:01:45,002 --> 00:01:47,303
just dead tongues touching,

59
00:01:47,338 --> 00:01:49,138
like decayed salmon.

60
00:01:49,173 --> 00:01:50,606
Oh, my god, Winston!

61
00:01:50,641 --> 00:01:52,007
I did it!

62
00:01:55,913 --> 00:01:57,429
The night before the wedding,

63
00:01:57,430 --> 00:02:00,896
A bride is bound to feel
a little bit emotional,

64
00:02:00,931 --> 00:02:02,859
so nervous? I got Xanax.

65
00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:03,880
- Delicious.
- Mm-hmm.

66
00:02:03,881 --> 00:02:07,200
Sad, I have a picture of a cat
riding a dog like a horse.

67
00:02:08,982 --> 00:02:09,982
Is that for me or for you?

68
00:02:10,017 --> 00:02:11,884
- What?
- Hmm.

69
00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:13,852
You freak out, you want
to escape to Canada?

70
00:02:13,898 --> 00:02:16,698
I've got our passports and...

71
00:02:16,724 --> 00:02:18,659
Trudeau pics.

72
00:02:19,059 --> 00:02:20,859
I'm good, you know?
I don't need anything.

73
00:02:20,895 --> 00:02:22,895
Really? 'Cause you can ask for anything.

74
00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:24,830
After tomorrow, you're not gonna be able

75
00:02:24,865 --> 00:02:26,665
to use the bride card anymore.

76
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:27,866
You've got power.

77
00:02:27,902 --> 00:02:29,168
Wield it.

78
00:02:30,271 --> 00:02:32,037
I'm gonna go crazy doing this

79
00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:32,938
For you one day.

80
00:02:32,973 --> 00:02:34,540
Well, Sam is the most

81
00:02:34,575 --> 00:02:37,510
objectively marry-able
guy I've ever dated.

82
00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:39,538
He's out there washing dishes right now.

83
00:02:39,539 --> 00:02:40,300
Mm.

84
00:02:40,301 --> 00:02:41,632
- And he's so tall.
- So tall.

85
00:02:41,668 --> 00:02:43,904
His jacket on me looks
like a garbage bag.

86
00:02:43,905 --> 00:02:44,936
Check it out.

87
00:02:47,774 --> 00:02:49,107
Oh.

88
00:02:49,142 --> 00:02:50,709
Uh...

89
00:02:50,744 --> 00:02:52,477
What is this?

90
00:02:56,215 --> 00:02:57,514
What? What? What?

91
00:03:00,998 --> 00:03:02,566
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.

92
00:03:02,592 --> 00:03:03,995
Is Sam gonna propose?

93
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,336
Oh, my god.

94
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:10,472
Oh, my god!

95
00:03:10,508 --> 00:03:12,674
Nick, let me tell you something.
It has been a pleasure

96
00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:15,477
watching you blossom into the best man.

97
00:03:15,513 --> 00:03:17,111
Well, thank you for giving
me the soil to grow.

98
00:03:17,112 --> 00:03:18,344
Good night.

99
00:03:21,904 --> 00:03:23,274
My flash drive is gone!

100
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:24,810
The flash drive your vows are on?!

101
00:03:24,811 --> 00:03:26,878
No, a different flash drive!

102
00:03:26,879 --> 00:03:27,688
Then what's the problem?

103
00:03:27,689 --> 00:03:28,647
I was being sarcastic!

104
00:03:28,648 --> 00:03:30,722
Of course the flash drive
that my vows are on!

105
00:03:30,723 --> 00:03:32,723
Ah...

106
00:03:32,758 --> 00:03:34,592
There's my poet's fuel.

107
00:03:34,627 --> 00:03:36,594
Mm, I might still be drunk

108
00:03:36,629 --> 00:03:39,765
from my own toast, but my god,

109
00:03:39,766 --> 00:03:42,434
you are gonna make a
beautiful bride someday.

110
00:03:44,184 --> 00:03:45,784
Bye.

111
00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:49,290
Uh...

112
00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:51,369
I'm here. I heard it.

113
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:54,071
Let's acknowledge that and, uh,

114
00:03:54,106 --> 00:03:56,440
you know where to find me.

115
00:03:58,012 --> 00:03:59,444
It's not here. I can't find it.

116
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,579
I told Aly she'd make

117
00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:01,847
a beautiful bride someday,

118
00:04:01,882 --> 00:04:03,448
and then she just bounced.

119
00:04:03,484 --> 00:04:04,850
I mean, why'd I say that?

120
00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:05,918
We've been dating a month.

121
00:04:05,953 --> 00:04:08,620
Dude, Schmidt lost his vows!

122
00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:09,788
For the wedding?!

123
00:04:09,823 --> 00:04:12,057
No, different vows.

124
00:04:12,092 --> 00:04:13,325
Oh, so then what's the big deal?

125
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,560
What is wrong with you people?!

126
00:04:14,595 --> 00:04:15,928
How'd I lose it?

127
00:04:15,963 --> 00:04:17,362
I wear it around my neck. I even we...

128
00:04:17,398 --> 00:04:18,497
I even wear it when I got a spray tan.

129
00:04:18,532 --> 00:04:19,498
Ooh.

130
00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:20,599
I think I know what happened.

131
00:04:20,634 --> 00:04:21,900
What?

132
00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:26,038
- Is that a piece of my flash drive?
- Yes, it is.

133
00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:28,173
You see, earlier tonight, when
we were practicing the hora...

134
00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:30,475
Winston, stop trying
to throw me off the chair!

135
00:04:30,511 --> 00:04:32,144
That's not the game!

136
00:04:33,747 --> 00:04:36,548
I don't mean this anti-jewish at all,

137
00:04:36,584 --> 00:04:39,084
But that insane Jew dance
has ruined our lives.

138
00:04:39,119 --> 00:04:40,151
I'm freaking out.

139
00:04:40,152 --> 00:04:41,951
It took me nine months
to write those vows.

140
00:04:41,987 --> 00:04:42,986
What do you remember?

141
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,687
Cece...

142
00:04:45,106 --> 00:04:46,605
I can't believe this
day is finally here.

143
00:04:46,641 --> 00:04:47,873
And then...

144
00:04:47,909 --> 00:04:50,609
Rick Santorum said it best when...

145
00:04:51,019 --> 00:04:52,901
I don't... that's all I got.
That's all I remember.

146
00:04:52,902 --> 00:04:54,035
That's all you remember?!

147
00:04:54,070 --> 00:04:55,569
My vows were like a novel.

148
00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:57,273
How much of your zombie
novel do you remember?

149
00:04:57,274 --> 00:04:58,240
Chapter one...

150
00:04:58,276 --> 00:04:59,617
"on Jack Granger's

151
00:04:59,618 --> 00:05:02,185
41st birthday, he was shot
in the face by his dog Ed."

152
00:05:02,222 --> 00:05:03,755
Understand the situation that I'm in.

153
00:05:03,790 --> 00:05:06,391
You are so lucky.

154
00:05:06,653 --> 00:05:07,952
How-how am I lucky, Nick?

155
00:05:07,988 --> 00:05:09,687
'Cause one of the greatest writers

156
00:05:09,715 --> 00:05:12,471
of our time is about to enter this room.

157
00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:13,333
Would you like to meet him?

158
00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:14,599
All right.

159
00:05:14,634 --> 00:05:16,968
I'll go get him.

160
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,673
There's no way it's not him, right?

161
00:05:21,708 --> 00:05:23,441
You think it's him?

162
00:05:23,476 --> 00:05:25,810
It's me.

163
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:30,226
You know what, just 'cause he has a ring

164
00:05:30,227 --> 00:05:33,121
doesn't mean he's gonna propose
to me tonight or right now.

165
00:05:33,429 --> 00:05:35,162
Hey, guys. I'm so sorry to interrupt.

166
00:05:35,197 --> 00:05:37,427
Uh, Jess, I have something important

167
00:05:37,428 --> 00:05:40,895
I want to talk to you about
when you get a chance.

168
00:05:44,501 --> 00:05:45,795
Okay, yeah.

169
00:05:45,796 --> 00:05:47,629
I'll be right there.

170
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:49,666
Cool PJ's.

171
00:05:49,701 --> 00:05:51,291
I look like the sky.

172
00:05:54,542 --> 00:05:55,967
Okay.

173
00:06:02,398 --> 00:06:05,366
This is happening now.
He is going to propose.

174
00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:07,802
I totally didn't see this coming.

175
00:06:07,803 --> 00:06:09,502
- This is great, right?
- Yeah.

176
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:13,139
What was that?

177
00:06:13,175 --> 00:06:14,541
What was what?

178
00:06:14,576 --> 00:06:16,176
You paused.

179
00:06:16,211 --> 00:06:17,744
I didn't pause.

180
00:06:17,779 --> 00:06:19,679
You took like a huge pause.

181
00:06:19,714 --> 00:06:21,281
You were like...

182
00:06:28,023 --> 00:06:29,788
- Longer than that!
- Jess...

183
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,954
What aren't you saying?
That's what I'm asking.

184
00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:33,856
Nothing... if you want
to marry Sam, I want you to!

185
00:06:33,892 --> 00:06:35,791
You think this is a horrible idea!

186
00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:36,635
You know what the truth is?

187
00:06:36,636 --> 00:06:40,335
I think that you paused on the inside.

188
00:06:41,655 --> 00:06:43,455
- Boom.
- Don't you boom me.

189
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:44,564
I boom.

190
00:06:44,859 --> 00:06:46,516
First of all, neither of us
should want to say boom.

191
00:06:46,517 --> 00:06:47,547
That's not ever a cool thing to say.

192
00:06:47,548 --> 00:06:49,113
I'll decide who says boom!

193
00:06:49,150 --> 00:06:50,949
To write anything, you need to start

194
00:06:50,985 --> 00:06:52,451
with a big idea.

195
00:06:52,486 --> 00:06:53,418
In my last

196
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,220
Zombie novel, Uh-oh Guts,

197
00:06:55,256 --> 00:06:57,589
the big idea was that
there were too many guts.

198
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,358
Schmidt, you're gonna say

199
00:06:59,393 --> 00:07:01,304
the first thing that comes to mind

200
00:07:01,336 --> 00:07:03,637
- when you think of Cece.
- Okay.

201
00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:07,733
Cece...

202
00:07:07,768 --> 00:07:09,813
Uh, what a...

203
00:07:09,814 --> 00:07:11,845
You're too inside the thing.
I-it's not that hard.

204
00:07:11,871 --> 00:07:12,298
Watch me do it.

205
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,698
Ooh, now we getting somewhere.

206
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:14,156
Here we go. Winnie the Bish,

207
00:07:14,157 --> 00:07:16,082
when you feel ready just say her name.

208
00:07:16,108 --> 00:07:16,786
Her name.

209
00:07:16,787 --> 00:07:17,985
I'm gonna need you to say, "Cece."

210
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,586
- Okay, this is not working.
- Cece.

211
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:21,388
Cece... Average worker.

212
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,057
Uneducated, but kind.

213
00:07:23,092 --> 00:07:24,858
Wears shoes, boyish...

214
00:07:24,894 --> 00:07:26,126
Never really talked to her.

215
00:07:26,162 --> 00:07:28,495
I don't know why I'm listening to you
In the first place.

216
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,098
You're terrible at talking to women.

217
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:33,033
Case in point: You and Reagan.

218
00:07:34,670 --> 00:07:36,670
Hey, did you clean everywhere?

219
00:07:37,538 --> 00:07:38,864
Are you happy?

220
00:07:38,865 --> 00:07:40,498
Are you happy that you said that?

221
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:43,167
I'd like to smell your towel.

222
00:07:43,202 --> 00:07:44,024
Back to the basics, Schmidt.

223
00:07:44,025 --> 00:07:46,258
Okay, there's only
seven types of stories.

224
00:07:46,293 --> 00:07:48,093
- Please, don't list them.
- I'm gonna list them.

225
00:07:48,128 --> 00:07:50,328
Man vs. Man, Man vs. Dog,

226
00:07:50,364 --> 00:07:52,898
Dog vs. Zombie, James bond,

227
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:55,946
stories of kings and
lords, women over 50

228
00:07:55,947 --> 00:07:59,191
finding themselves after
divorce, and car commercial.

229
00:07:59,192 --> 00:08:01,524
My favorite is, uh, that Toyota,

230
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,828
Uh... Ev-every...
the family's in the car...

231
00:08:04,863 --> 00:08:06,162
You're thinking of the food commercial.

232
00:08:06,198 --> 00:08:07,430
Really? Fat boy talks to idiot.

233
00:08:07,466 --> 00:08:09,365
Okay, eight, fat boy talks to idiot.

234
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:11,167
We're getting nowhere. Winston,

235
00:08:11,203 --> 00:08:12,836
I need some of that toast magic.

236
00:08:12,871 --> 00:08:13,837
What do you got?

237
00:08:13,872 --> 00:08:14,926
I'm sorry, but I'm done

238
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,160
speaking from the heart. I...

239
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:18,746
Basically ruined my love life today.

240
00:08:18,747 --> 00:08:20,146
- Here's my advice to you.
- Okay.

241
00:08:20,182 --> 00:08:21,314
Keep your guard up.

242
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:23,249
- Don't be too vulnerable around her.
- What?

243
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:25,318
Be standoff-ish, close yourself.

244
00:08:25,354 --> 00:08:26,853
When she looks at you, cross your arms.

245
00:08:26,888 --> 00:08:28,355
- Turn your back on her.
- Whoa, whoa.

246
00:08:28,390 --> 00:08:30,156
For wedding vows,
that's terrible advice.

247
00:08:30,192 --> 00:08:32,359
Yeah... I get it,

248
00:08:32,394 --> 00:08:34,227
But you don't really,
like, know how she feels.

249
00:08:35,756 --> 00:08:37,957
Did I do it?

250
00:08:40,602 --> 00:08:42,635
Did he do it?

251
00:08:44,706 --> 00:08:45,705
Okay...

252
00:08:45,741 --> 00:08:47,607
- All right.
- You're welcome.

253
00:08:54,383 --> 00:08:57,550
That was terrible, Winston!

254
00:08:57,586 --> 00:08:59,753
Slow down, take a breath,

255
00:08:59,788 --> 00:09:02,889
Why don't we just talk about it
and figure out what you want?

256
00:09:02,924 --> 00:09:04,391
No, that's what I always do.

257
00:09:04,426 --> 00:09:06,226
I talk and I talk.

258
00:09:06,261 --> 00:09:07,427
Not this time.

259
00:09:07,462 --> 00:09:08,461
I'm gonna, I'm gonna...

260
00:09:08,497 --> 00:09:10,330
Push through the panic

261
00:09:10,365 --> 00:09:11,731
And I'm gonna...

262
00:09:12,868 --> 00:09:14,801
Say yes.

263
00:09:14,836 --> 00:09:16,403
Really?

264
00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:17,504
I'm gonna go get proposed to.

265
00:09:17,539 --> 00:09:19,205
Okay, look, well, if
you start freaking out

266
00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:20,707
and you need anything,
just holler, okay?

267
00:09:20,742 --> 00:09:23,076
I will not need anything from you!

268
00:09:23,111 --> 00:09:26,246
If you get chilly, here's
a blanket that I knitted you.

269
00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:27,614
It took me all year.

270
00:09:33,555 --> 00:09:34,687
Sam?

271
00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:37,626
You left your jacket in my room.

272
00:09:37,726 --> 00:09:38,725
Oh, thanks.

273
00:09:39,594 --> 00:09:41,194
So, uh, we finally, get a...

274
00:09:41,229 --> 00:09:43,163
Moment alone here.

275
00:09:43,198 --> 00:09:44,597
Yes. One moment.

276
00:09:44,633 --> 00:09:46,278
One momentous moment.

277
00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:47,278
I, uh...

278
00:09:47,313 --> 00:09:49,246
Know the timing of this is...

279
00:09:49,281 --> 00:09:51,848
Really crazy...

280
00:09:52,888 --> 00:09:53,854
and, uh...

281
00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:55,785
Jess...

282
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:57,854
God, I'm so nervous.

283
00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:58,922
Um.

284
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,568
Jess, would you...

285
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,408
- True American!
- What?

286
00:10:04,409 --> 00:10:05,742
Um, hey, guys, everybody out here!

287
00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:07,544
We're playing true American!

288
00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:09,680
Cece, I'm hollering! I'm hollering!

289
00:10:09,715 --> 00:10:11,181
- We can't play true American.
- It's so late already.

290
00:10:11,217 --> 00:10:12,483
No, we can't play... There's no time.

291
00:10:12,518 --> 00:10:13,517
Help me.

292
00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:17,763
We're gonna play true American

293
00:10:17,764 --> 00:10:19,096
because I want to.

294
00:10:19,131 --> 00:10:22,099
I'm using my bride card!

295
00:10:23,302 --> 00:10:24,808
The bride has spoken.

296
00:10:25,874 --> 00:10:27,569
Tonight we celebrate the brides!

297
00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:29,538
It's True America First ladies edition!

298
00:10:29,564 --> 00:10:30,914
We can't play true American.

299
00:10:30,915 --> 00:10:32,581
- We have to, it's for Cece.
- Fine.

300
00:10:32,616 --> 00:10:35,016
We play fast, sober, then back to work.

301
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,516
- Who the hell have I become?!
- Let's do it.

302
00:10:36,517 --> 00:10:37,449
Okay!

303
00:10:37,484 --> 00:10:39,348
The kitchen is Michelle's garden,

304
00:10:39,374 --> 00:10:41,694
the bathroom is Mary Todd
Lincoln's sanitarium,

305
00:10:41,695 --> 00:10:42,673
and as always...

306
00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:44,673
The floor is lava! Let's go!
One, two, three, four!

307
00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:46,475
- Jackie O!
- Eleanor!

308
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:51,250
John cheated, so I'm
redecorating the white house!

309
00:10:51,481 --> 00:10:52,669
Everybody drink!

310
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:54,503
- Even John John?
- Yes!

311
00:10:54,547 --> 00:10:56,305
- Lava!
- All right, all right.

312
00:10:56,306 --> 00:10:58,305
I thought this was Nancy
Reagan's gun closet.

313
00:10:58,339 --> 00:10:59,205
Lava!

314
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,640
Just someone explain to me the rules.

315
00:11:00,675 --> 00:11:01,908
Camelot, Bay of Pigs.

316
00:11:01,943 --> 00:11:03,376
You got to redecorate! Redecorate!

317
00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:05,111
Redecorate! No, redecorate!

318
00:11:05,307 --> 00:11:07,608
Hey, Jess, can I just
talk to you real quick?

319
00:11:07,644 --> 00:11:11,012
- Lesbian road trip. Bye, FDR!
- FDR!

320
00:11:11,047 --> 00:11:12,647
Drink, drink, drink, drink!

321
00:11:12,682 --> 00:11:13,681
Drink, drink!

322
00:11:13,717 --> 00:11:14,682
Rushmore!

323
00:11:17,311 --> 00:11:19,111
Hillary headband hot potato!

324
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,322
Congress has her healthcare bill!

325
00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:23,046
Nice and easy.

326
00:11:23,112 --> 00:11:24,611
- Oh! Oh!
- Terrible toss!

327
00:11:25,195 --> 00:11:26,085
Drink, drink! Drink, drink!

328
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,018
I know we're guests In this house,

329
00:11:28,053 --> 00:11:29,186
but it's awfully loud.

330
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,554
Mom!

331
00:11:30,589 --> 00:11:32,823
We're trying to play a game, god!

332
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,424
Jenna goes to a Yale party!

333
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,792
- No, no...
- Skull and Bones!

334
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,094
- He's had enough, no more.
- Skull and Bones!

335
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,428
- No more, no more.
- Skull and Bones!

336
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,796
- Drink, drink!
- Hey... Oh.

337
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:41,131
Seneca Falls Convention!

338
00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:42,199
Women only!

339
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:43,433
That means you, Cece.

340
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:44,134
Sorry.

341
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:45,135
Sam was reaching

342
00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:46,603
for the ring and I freaked out.

343
00:11:46,638 --> 00:11:47,504
How do you know if you want to spend

344
00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:48,939
the rest of your life with someone?

345
00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:50,774
You just know.

346
00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:52,476
I don't know. I can't put it into words.

347
00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:54,444
Try! There are a lot of words out there,

348
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,646
just pick some of them.

349
00:11:56,682 --> 00:12:00,550
Everything inside
of me just said, "yes."

350
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,719
I just looked at him.

351
00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:04,888
You know, I just had this
feeling that I was home.

352
00:12:04,923 --> 00:12:06,957
That is very beautiful...

353
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,926
And very, very vague
and not helpful at all.

354
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:12,162
I do know you can't avoid Sam all night.

355
00:12:12,197 --> 00:12:14,598
- Guess who's back?
- Coach!

356
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:16,032
It's me.

357
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,400
- Coach!
- Yeah.

358
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:18,835
I thought you got in tomorrow.

359
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:19,970
I got on a plane,

360
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,004
Dropped may off at the hotel

361
00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:23,039
And now I'm ready to party!

362
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,808
I had six wines on the plane!

363
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,476
- I call Coach on my team!
- Coach on our team!

364
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:27,944
There's only one way to solve this.

365
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:30,113
Go behind the iron curtain.

366
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:32,516
You guys ready? One, two, three.

367
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,217
We got the same number!

368
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,519
That probably means something, right?

369
00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:38,355
No, no, no, no, no.

370
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:39,990
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

371
00:12:43,607 --> 00:12:45,407
I feel like...

372
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:48,043
Like you've been avoiding me.

373
00:12:48,578 --> 00:12:51,079
Good to have you back, Coach!

374
00:12:51,148 --> 00:12:52,647
What are you doing?

375
00:12:52,673 --> 00:12:53,261
Here I am.

376
00:12:53,262 --> 00:12:55,227
- Oh, I'm gonna throw up!
- Where y'all going?

377
00:12:55,263 --> 00:12:56,962
I'm gonna throw up!

378
00:12:57,756 --> 00:12:58,588
Hi.

379
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,233
You gonna barf?

380
00:13:01,441 --> 00:13:02,747
I muffed us!

381
00:13:03,705 --> 00:13:05,853
I muffed us straight to the moon!

382
00:13:06,314 --> 00:13:07,747
I can never write my vows right now,

383
00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:09,916
I can barely even spell my own name.

384
00:13:09,951 --> 00:13:13,319
"S", jeans...

385
00:13:13,354 --> 00:13:14,720
Is that right?

386
00:13:14,756 --> 00:13:15,988
Is "jeans" not a letter?

387
00:13:16,024 --> 00:13:16,989
It feels like a letter to me.

388
00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:17,700
Schmidt, this is...

389
00:13:17,701 --> 00:13:19,522
I-I know it's something,
is it not a letter?

390
00:13:19,577 --> 00:13:21,443
This is all my fault.

391
00:13:21,479 --> 00:13:23,378
I'm supposed to be your best man.

392
00:13:23,414 --> 00:13:25,047
I screwed you, Schmidt.

393
00:13:25,082 --> 00:13:27,516
I screwed you!

394
00:13:27,551 --> 00:13:29,551
I was just trying to make Cece happy.

395
00:13:29,587 --> 00:13:31,019
It's all I want.

396
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,286
It's all I ever want to do

397
00:13:33,321 --> 00:13:34,754
is just to make her happy.

398
00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:36,723
Wait a second, say that again.

399
00:13:36,758 --> 00:13:37,891
I screwed you.

400
00:13:37,926 --> 00:13:38,925
Why would you go to that?

401
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,226
No, about making her happy.

402
00:13:40,262 --> 00:13:41,995
All I want to do is make Cece happy?

403
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,396
There it is.

404
00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,765
There's your big idea.

405
00:13:45,801 --> 00:13:47,100
There's my big idea.

406
00:13:47,135 --> 00:13:48,768
Yeah. To make her happy.

407
00:13:48,804 --> 00:13:49,769
That's it, that's it.

408
00:13:49,805 --> 00:13:51,638
There's my big idea!

409
00:13:51,673 --> 00:13:53,106
All I want to do is make Cece happy!

410
00:13:53,141 --> 00:13:54,174
There it is!

411
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,675
"Jeans" isn't a letter!

412
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,810
Jeans is pants!

413
00:13:56,845 --> 00:13:58,144
Yeah.

414
00:13:58,180 --> 00:14:00,380
Okay, Winnie, you said,
"bride," to a girl

415
00:14:00,415 --> 00:14:01,815
you've been dating for a month?

416
00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:03,750
I think it's sweet, shut up, Cece.

417
00:14:03,785 --> 00:14:04,818
- Shut up!
- You shut up!

418
00:14:04,853 --> 00:14:05,852
I miss you so much.

419
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:06,920
Oh, my god, I missed you.

420
00:14:06,955 --> 00:14:07,887
Like, for real, missed you.

421
00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:09,222
It's crazy being in New York

422
00:14:09,257 --> 00:14:10,390
'cause I'm like, "Where's Cece?"

423
00:14:10,425 --> 00:14:11,791
- Right?!
- Like I was saying,

424
00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:13,426
I don't know why I said
it, it just came out,

425
00:14:13,462 --> 00:14:15,829
And I went from the happiest
to the saddest person

426
00:14:15,864 --> 00:14:17,764
I've ever been in 15 seconds.

427
00:14:17,799 --> 00:14:19,766
I just need to be cooler around her.

428
00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:21,634
Coach, this is where you come into play.

429
00:14:21,670 --> 00:14:22,969
I need your help, man.

430
00:14:23,004 --> 00:14:24,437
I'm tired of being a sweetie pie.

431
00:14:26,107 --> 00:14:27,607
No more talking.

432
00:14:27,642 --> 00:14:29,609
- This part of the game, Coach?
- Heavy.

433
00:14:29,644 --> 00:14:31,845
- Why are we out here?
- This is nice.

434
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:32,846
Oh!

435
00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:35,048
- Dude.
- Hey, man.

436
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,916
How are you gonna ask me to help
you play games with Aly, man?

437
00:14:36,952 --> 00:14:38,952
You don't want that.

438
00:14:38,987 --> 00:14:40,386
Be who you are.

439
00:14:41,342 --> 00:14:43,442
Now, the only way to
find out why she left,

440
00:14:43,477 --> 00:14:45,499
Is to go over there and ask her.

441
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:46,798
Now.

442
00:14:47,613 --> 00:14:48,950
- Yeah, but...
- Just do it!

443
00:14:48,951 --> 00:14:50,918
I don't yell in New York
because everyone yells there

444
00:14:50,954 --> 00:14:52,921
And it's less meaningful,
but I will yell here.

445
00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:54,089
Now push the button.

446
00:14:54,992 --> 00:14:55,991
God.

447
00:14:56,026 --> 00:14:58,226
You really don't yell in New York?

448
00:14:58,262 --> 00:14:59,728
Dude, I'm always in a museum.

449
00:14:59,763 --> 00:15:01,896
- Oh, my goodness.
- I'm always in a museum.

450
00:15:01,932 --> 00:15:04,132
So that's basically how
you play true American.

451
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,405
- Yeah, it makes no sense whatsoever.
- Oh.

452
00:15:06,436 --> 00:15:08,270
Look, I'm just gonna get this over with.

453
00:15:08,305 --> 00:15:09,871
Um...

454
00:15:09,907 --> 00:15:11,873
- Jess, I want to break up...
- I can't marry you.

455
00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:12,974
With you.

456
00:15:13,010 --> 00:15:15,243
Oh.

457
00:15:15,279 --> 00:15:17,012
What?

458
00:15:17,047 --> 00:15:20,815
So...

459
00:15:20,851 --> 00:15:22,851
I really can't marry you.

460
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:27,473
No, I get it. You're in love with Diane.

461
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:31,128
She's beautiful, she's your best
friend, you're both doctors.

462
00:15:31,129 --> 00:15:34,097
This morning, I... I went
to drop her off at the airport,

463
00:15:34,132 --> 00:15:36,432
and I just... I just
couldn't let her go,

464
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:39,435
and it made me realize that I...

465
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:41,838
I just... I want to spend
the rest of my life with her,

466
00:15:41,873 --> 00:15:46,175
and, you know, uh, it's hard to
express the feelings in words.

467
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:47,510
Really?! Really?

468
00:15:47,545 --> 00:15:49,712
Why can no one put this into words?

469
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,714
I'm-i'm so sorry about the timing.

470
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,716
I just... I didn't want you
to have to cut my photo

471
00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:56,719
out of all the, you
know, wedding pictures.

472
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:58,421
And then with Winston's toast,

473
00:15:58,456 --> 00:16:01,424
with the... All the talk
about honor and integrity

474
00:16:01,459 --> 00:16:03,660
and the gig economy, I just...

475
00:16:03,695 --> 00:16:06,663
Can we just wait to tell people?

476
00:16:06,698 --> 00:16:09,699
I... I don't want to make it
about me before the wedding.

477
00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:11,401
Of course.

478
00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:12,635
Thanks.

479
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:15,171
Hey, I hope...

480
00:16:15,206 --> 00:16:17,674
I hope Diane really likes the ring.

481
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:19,943
What ring?

482
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,011
The ring in your jacket pocket.

483
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:25,548
I don't have a ring in my jacket pocket.

484
00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:27,417
I have a ring in my jacket pocket.

485
00:16:27,452 --> 00:16:29,319
- Yeah.
- This isn't mine.

486
00:16:31,456 --> 00:16:33,087
"To Susan. Love Louise."

487
00:16:33,088 --> 00:16:35,722
Oh, my god, it's engraved?

488
00:16:35,757 --> 00:16:38,591
How did I miss this?

489
00:16:38,627 --> 00:16:40,994
And the font is huge.

490
00:16:41,029 --> 00:16:43,512
So Schmidt's mom and her
girlfriend are getting married.

491
00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:47,000
They're what?

492
00:16:47,035 --> 00:16:48,134
Ma?

493
00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:49,469
Ma?!

494
00:16:49,504 --> 00:16:52,205
Are you proposing to your friend Susan?

495
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,373
Ma?!

496
00:16:56,845 --> 00:17:00,046
Oh, Winston, now's
really not a good time.

497
00:17:00,082 --> 00:17:03,083
I know saying the word "bride"
to you was a little crazy,

498
00:17:03,118 --> 00:17:04,751
But let me just explain myself, okay?

499
00:17:04,786 --> 00:17:06,820
What I meant to say
is that you're beautiful.

500
00:17:06,855 --> 00:17:09,355
Every day with you is so much better.

501
00:17:09,391 --> 00:17:10,857
Your brain is banging.

502
00:17:10,892 --> 00:17:12,659
The skin-bag it comes in
ain't too bad either.

503
00:17:12,694 --> 00:17:14,661
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

504
00:17:14,696 --> 00:17:17,297
You know what, except
that I'm not sorry, okay?

505
00:17:17,332 --> 00:17:18,631
Because this is who I am.

506
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:21,534
No, Winston, I have food poisoning.

507
00:17:22,671 --> 00:17:23,903
Yeah, I don't know who let

508
00:17:23,938 --> 00:17:26,472
Nick's mute park friend
cook dinner for 20,

509
00:17:26,508 --> 00:17:30,343
but I want to find and throw up on them.

510
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,593
That's why you left.

511
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,018
Why didn't you just tell me?

512
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:37,956
Because I don't like being vulnerable.

513
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,991
It was stupid of me. I'm sorry.

514
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,726
I...

515
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,798
I...

516
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:50,168
I love you, you maniac.

517
00:17:51,972 --> 00:17:55,640
You love... You love me?

518
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:56,674
I love you.

519
00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:58,643
I love you, too.

520
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:02,780
Wow, that feels so good to say.

521
00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:04,415
- I love you.
- I love you.

522
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,417
- I love you.
- I love you.

523
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:07,652
I... Love... You.

524
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,988
How is there anything left?

525
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,583
You okay?

526
00:18:15,633 --> 00:18:17,489
So sorry for ruining your engagement.

527
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:19,724
I'm sure you didn't plan a joint
celebration with a man wearing

528
00:18:19,759 --> 00:18:20,758
a beer can crown

529
00:18:20,794 --> 00:18:23,261
and pillows on his shoes.

530
00:18:23,296 --> 00:18:24,796
Jealous 'cause I'm the true American.

531
00:18:24,831 --> 00:18:26,531
We're sorry we left
the ring in your room.

532
00:18:26,566 --> 00:18:28,566
That's what we get for
fooling around in your bed.

533
00:18:29,069 --> 00:18:30,862
Something about those high ceilings.

534
00:18:30,888 --> 00:18:33,555
We just like tossing each other around.

535
00:18:33,591 --> 00:18:34,768
- Hello! Hey, quick show of hands,
- god.

536
00:18:34,769 --> 00:18:36,623
Who's had sex in Winston's room?

537
00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:39,329
- Well, I've had sex in your room.
- I know.

538
00:18:40,922 --> 00:18:41,621
What?!

539
00:18:43,013 --> 00:18:44,846
Everyone's had sex in my room?

540
00:18:44,882 --> 00:18:46,314
I got weird in there.

541
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:47,582
I've gotten weirder
in there than you have.

542
00:18:47,618 --> 00:18:48,383
Really?

543
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,751
Those pillows.

544
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,832
There's just, Like, extra, like...

545
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,793
Pressure.

546
00:18:55,794 --> 00:18:58,153
If you don't mind, I'd
like to say A few words

547
00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,525
about my mom and my mom's...

548
00:18:59,526 --> 00:19:00,959
- My mom's friend Susan.
- My mom's friend Susan.

549
00:19:00,994 --> 00:19:02,561
God, you guys, let me talk.

550
00:19:04,123 --> 00:19:06,098
Look, Susan, I know I
never fully accepted you.

551
00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:08,467
I just... I didn't know how
long you were gonna be around.

552
00:19:08,502 --> 00:19:10,908
And, also, you used to call my mom

553
00:19:10,909 --> 00:19:12,876
the Big Ragoo and me the Little Ragoo,

554
00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:15,011
and I couldn't make any sense of it.

555
00:19:15,047 --> 00:19:17,948
But... You're a part of our family now.

556
00:19:19,645 --> 00:19:22,613
To my mom... And my mom.

557
00:19:22,648 --> 00:19:23,647
- Yeah!
- Cheers! Cheers.

558
00:19:23,683 --> 00:19:25,749
- Cheers. Yeah, cheers.
- Cheers.

559
00:19:25,785 --> 00:19:27,284
- Opa.
- Yeah!

560
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,320
- Aw.
- Mwah.

561
00:19:32,391 --> 00:19:34,792
Mmm.

562
00:19:36,411 --> 00:19:37,590
Cece?

563
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:43,334
Babe, what's wrong?

564
00:19:43,369 --> 00:19:46,337
It's just that you're gonna have
two moms at the wedding,

565
00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:48,372
and I'm not even gonna have one.

566
00:19:48,407 --> 00:19:51,875
I really thought that...
I really thought that

567
00:19:51,911 --> 00:19:53,410
She would just show up last-minute

568
00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:56,347
'cause she would know how
happy it would make me.

569
00:19:57,869 --> 00:19:59,822
I don't know why I'm crying in here.

570
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,489
Jess' room is meant for sex.

571
00:20:02,524 --> 00:20:05,025
I know. Come here.

572
00:20:12,468 --> 00:20:14,668
So,

573
00:20:14,703 --> 00:20:18,071
Just-just hit lobby and
let technology do its thing.

574
00:20:18,107 --> 00:20:21,875
Yeah, cool. When-when I get
in there, I'll just hit lobby.

575
00:20:21,910 --> 00:20:23,910
Cool.

576
00:20:27,249 --> 00:20:29,400
Just out of curiosity, Jess,

577
00:20:29,401 --> 00:20:32,035
why couldn't you marry me?

578
00:20:32,070 --> 00:20:34,304
Oh, I don't know.

579
00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:39,676
Come on, Jess. You know.

580
00:20:39,711 --> 00:20:40,701
No, I don't.

581
00:20:40,702 --> 00:20:42,502
Yes, you do. I mean, I know.

582
00:20:42,537 --> 00:20:44,671
You do? Then what is it?

583
00:20:44,706 --> 00:20:46,072
You know.

584
00:20:46,108 --> 00:20:47,540
No, I-I don't know.

585
00:20:47,576 --> 00:20:49,175
What-what is it?

586
00:20:49,211 --> 00:20:52,212
It's Nick.

587
00:21:33,172 --> 00:21:36,387
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