1
00:00:01,225 --> 00:00:03,077
Thanks for helping me
with my school dance.

2
00:00:06,489 --> 00:00:11,036
"Love is forever,
and ever, and ever, and..."

3
00:00:11,304 --> 00:00:14,937
- How many "and ever"s?
- Technically infinity, but...

4
00:00:14,997 --> 00:00:16,517
I could only fit 12.

5
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,147
Well, this is going to be
tough for you, huh?

6
00:00:20,182 --> 00:00:22,443
Yes! Foster said
we couldn't afford it,

7
00:00:22,444 --> 00:00:24,450
but I really stuck my neck out
for this dance.

8
00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:28,567
No, I-I mean because the theme
of the dance is "Love is forever" and...

9
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,777
Nick, and the breakup...

10
00:00:30,956 --> 00:00:34,481
What? No, Cece, look, you remember
what school dances were like for me.

11
00:00:34,671 --> 00:00:36,573
They were miserable.
I was just waiting in the bathroom

12
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:39,505
for *** to magically appear
and ask me out.

13
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,256
I remember. I was smoking
in the stall next to you.

14
00:00:42,257 --> 00:00:44,129
We get it, you were bad.

15
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:46,591
I just don't want it to be
like it was for me.

16
00:00:46,773 --> 00:00:50,451
I want them to have an incredible time.
My life is a bit of a mess right now,

17
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:55,083
but the one thing I can do
is throw an amazing dance for them.

18
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:58,263
"Love is forever,
and ever, and ever..."

19
00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:01,719
- What is this?
- The theme of Jess's school dance.

20
00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:03,245
- It's pretty ironic, huh?
- Jess, you poor thing.

21
00:01:03,246 --> 00:01:04,439
- Come-come here. Come here.
- What?

22
00:01:04,474 --> 00:01:05,336
What?

23
00:01:05,371 --> 00:01:06,604
Just... there.

24
00:01:06,638 --> 00:01:07,839
- What are you doing?
- All right.

25
00:01:07,873 --> 00:01:10,174
Uh-huh. Okay.

26
00:01:10,209 --> 00:01:11,709
Oh, I know. I know.

27
00:01:11,744 --> 00:01:13,878
- I know.
- What's happening?

28
00:01:13,912 --> 00:01:15,780
I got hug number two
locked and loaded.

29
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,949
Soft or hard, it's up to you.

30
00:01:17,983 --> 00:01:19,384
- I know.
- Schmidt...

31
00:01:24,178 --> 00:01:28,519
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com

32
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,496
Ay-ay-ay, I needed a shvitz.

33
00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:33,089
Ech, me, too.

34
00:01:33,277 --> 00:01:36,012
My arms are so sore
from doing so many push-ups.

35
00:01:36,358 --> 00:01:37,215
That seems like a lie.

36
00:01:37,216 --> 00:01:39,000
No, I'm trying to stay fit
after the breakup.

37
00:01:39,177 --> 00:01:42,027
I've been eating salads,
yeah, no dressing,

38
00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:44,776
- mostly just the protein.
- What kind of salad you've been eating?

39
00:01:44,935 --> 00:01:47,789
- The little chopped of pieces of ham.
- Just the ham?

40
00:01:47,969 --> 00:01:48,826
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

41
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,803
I don't like the lettuce. I think it's
gross to eat stuff on earth that's green.

42
00:01:51,949 --> 00:01:53,383
- Well, look, you know baby steps...
- Not baby steps,

43
00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,367
- there were some pretty big pieces of ham.
- Okay.

44
00:01:55,402 --> 00:01:59,742
It's still not as good.
I genuinely miss goofing around with Jess.

45
00:01:59,905 --> 00:02:01,970
Breakups aren't
supposed to be easy, so...

46
00:02:02,151 --> 00:02:03,633
Well, it's really mature of you, man.

47
00:02:03,635 --> 00:02:04,623
We're doing something where we are...

48
00:02:04,803 --> 00:02:08,173
we are not allowed to be in the room
alone together without Winston.

49
00:02:08,485 --> 00:02:11,140
'Cause he just naturally takes
the sexual tension out of a room.

50
00:02:14,478 --> 00:02:16,179
What'd you guys want?

51
00:02:16,213 --> 00:02:17,914
You see? I'm proud of you.

52
00:02:17,948 --> 00:02:19,415
That's what I'm talking
about. We're men.

53
00:02:19,450 --> 00:02:20,683
We've felt pain, we've survived it.

54
00:02:20,717 --> 00:02:22,218
Look at me.

55
00:02:22,252 --> 00:02:23,686
I'm watching Cece drool
over some 20-year-old.

56
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,788
How could she be interested in a boy

57
00:02:25,823 --> 00:02:27,290
when she could have these ripe berries?

58
00:02:27,324 --> 00:02:28,591
Look at these, Nick.

59
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:29,859
Put your towel down.

60
00:02:29,893 --> 00:02:32,128
Oh, God, I need a shvitz.

61
00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:34,697
Why does my sweat smell like asparagus?

62
00:02:34,731 --> 00:02:36,699
He does take all the sexual tension
out of a room.

63
00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:38,634
Man, I heat up every room I walk into.

64
00:02:38,669 --> 00:02:41,604
Put me next to a dozen eggs.
They hatching. You know why?

65
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:43,373
'Cause I got the heat of a mother hen.

66
00:02:43,407 --> 00:02:45,241
There was no sexual tension
in here before he got here.

67
00:02:45,276 --> 00:02:46,342
Keep telling yourself that, Nick.

68
00:02:47,678 --> 00:02:49,379
Congrats, chaperones!

69
00:02:49,413 --> 00:02:50,780
With your help, tonight
is going to be...

70
00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,048
unforgettable.

71
00:02:52,082 --> 00:02:53,416
I didn't sign up for this.

72
00:02:53,450 --> 00:02:55,318
No, you didn't. None of you did.

73
00:02:55,352 --> 00:02:56,986
In fact, none of you have ever, ever

74
00:02:57,021 --> 00:02:59,222
signed up for any school event, ever.

75
00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:01,758
Which means you've never felt the joy

76
00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:03,159
of exchanging your free time

77
00:03:03,193 --> 00:03:04,827
for a child's smile.

78
00:03:04,862 --> 00:03:07,297
I never volunteer because
of my Munchausen syndrome.

79
00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:08,264
Are we getting paid?

80
00:03:08,299 --> 00:03:09,666
You will get paid, um, actually,

81
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,569
in attractive hats that I made.

82
00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:14,604
They say "chaperone."

83
00:03:15,706 --> 00:03:16,773
And Gary the Janitor has one

84
00:03:16,807 --> 00:03:17,907
that says "clean up crew."

85
00:03:17,942 --> 00:03:19,576
You call me Gary the Janitor

86
00:03:19,610 --> 00:03:21,477
as if me being a janitor

87
00:03:21,512 --> 00:03:22,745
is my whole identity.

88
00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:24,314
It's like someone calling you

89
00:03:24,348 --> 00:03:26,816
Jess the Third-Hottest White Teacher.

90
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:27,817
Okay.

91
00:03:27,851 --> 00:03:28,818
Are we done?

92
00:03:28,852 --> 00:03:29,819
I'm gonna say we're done.

93
00:03:29,853 --> 00:03:31,287
Yeah. Okay.

94
00:03:31,322 --> 00:03:32,989
Thank-thanks, guys.
Good-good meeting.

95
00:03:33,023 --> 00:03:35,258
I don't know
where I'm supposed to be right now.

96
00:03:35,292 --> 00:03:36,626
Thanks, guys.

97
00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,595
It's gonna be great!

98
00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:40,663
You don't have to wear that, Coach.

99
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:41,931
As far as I'm concerned,

100
00:03:41,966 --> 00:03:43,166
this dance starts now.

101
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,134
I know how important
this dance is to you.

102
00:03:45,169 --> 00:03:46,893
Those kids won't get away with anything.

103
00:03:47,071 --> 00:03:49,808
They want to bang, they're gonna
have to bang through me.

104
00:03:49,842 --> 00:03:50,842
Wait.

105
00:03:51,711 --> 00:03:53,178
If they want to bang,

106
00:03:53,212 --> 00:03:55,147
they're gonna have to bang through me!

107
00:03:55,181 --> 00:03:56,515
Wait.

108
00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:58,984
Hey, Wendy.

109
00:04:00,186 --> 00:04:01,520
Whoa!

110
00:04:01,554 --> 00:04:04,222
That shirt's scary! Whoa.

111
00:04:06,859 --> 00:04:08,059
You going to the dance tonight?

112
00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:09,294
My mom's making me go.

113
00:04:09,328 --> 00:04:10,529
Making you go

114
00:04:10,563 --> 00:04:12,130
to the best night of your life?

115
00:04:12,165 --> 00:04:13,865
Your mom sounds really cool.

116
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:17,102
Come one, at your age, love
is forever and ever and ever.

117
00:04:18,504 --> 00:04:19,704
What are you gonna wear?

118
00:04:19,739 --> 00:04:20,739
This shirt.

119
00:04:20,773 --> 00:04:21,840
Oh.

120
00:04:21,874 --> 00:04:23,075
Oh!

121
00:04:23,109 --> 00:04:24,476
That is

122
00:04:24,510 --> 00:04:26,945
the best idea I've heard all week.

123
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,315
Whoa! Scary shirt!

124
00:04:30,349 --> 00:04:31,716
We all think that you're an idiot

125
00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:32,984
for dating this 14-year-old.

126
00:04:33,019 --> 00:04:34,219
He's 20.

127
00:04:34,253 --> 00:04:35,487
That means he was seven

128
00:04:35,521 --> 00:04:36,855
when Good Will Hunting came out.

129
00:04:36,889 --> 00:04:38,523
Seven, Cece.
Good Will Hunting.

130
00:04:38,558 --> 00:04:40,192
You know what? Let me go,
let me go, let me go.

131
00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:42,094
Um, check this out.
Cece's boyfriend

132
00:04:42,128 --> 00:04:45,764
is so young that...

133
00:04:45,798 --> 00:04:47,866
It'll come back to me.

134
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:49,534
Buster is more of a man than all of you.

135
00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:51,603
Okay? He's been to, like, 40 countries,

136
00:04:51,637 --> 00:04:53,038
he builds boats,

137
00:04:53,072 --> 00:04:54,578
he used to train snakes with his uncle.

138
00:04:54,608 --> 00:04:56,171
Earning a respectable wage,

139
00:04:56,274 --> 00:04:58,509
wearing a proper-hanging
pair of slacks,

140
00:04:58,543 --> 00:05:01,011
ordering sushi like a sick-ass boss...

141
00:05:01,046 --> 00:05:04,365
- These things a man maketh.
- So stupid stuff that you do.

142
00:05:04,549 --> 00:05:06,301
I know that technically
you guys are men,

143
00:05:06,341 --> 00:05:09,733
but all you do is hang out
with each other, like you're 12.

144
00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:11,221
What do you know?
You're just a stupid girl.

145
00:05:11,256 --> 00:05:13,057
Okay, I got it, I got it.

146
00:05:13,091 --> 00:05:16,126
Okay, Cece's boyfriend
is so young that...

147
00:05:16,161 --> 00:05:18,629
- How-how young is he?
- Winston.

148
00:05:18,663 --> 00:05:20,898
It's not working, man.
I'm serious.

149
00:05:20,932 --> 00:05:23,567
- I'm at my wit's end with you.
- What?

150
00:05:23,601 --> 00:05:25,035
Wait a minute.

151
00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:26,770
Why's the door locked?

152
00:05:26,805 --> 00:05:28,539
The dance starts in five minutes.

153
00:05:28,573 --> 00:05:30,474
- Okay.
- Gary!

154
00:05:30,508 --> 00:05:32,376
Thank God you're here.
Can you unlock the door?

155
00:05:32,410 --> 00:05:34,211
No. I didn't put that there.

156
00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:35,379
What?

157
00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:36,714
Who else could have done it?

158
00:05:36,748 --> 00:05:37,948
We can't start the dance

159
00:05:37,982 --> 00:05:39,316
if the door's locked.

160
00:05:39,351 --> 00:05:41,151
Don't tell me I wore my raw denim

161
00:05:41,186 --> 00:05:43,921
for no reason.
Don't you dare tell me that!

162
00:05:43,955 --> 00:05:44,922
I am not telling you that.

163
00:05:44,956 --> 00:05:46,423
So the dance is cancelled, then?

164
00:05:46,458 --> 00:05:47,624
No, no, no. There is gonna be a dance.

165
00:05:47,659 --> 00:05:48,625
It's gonna be great and perfect

166
00:05:48,660 --> 00:05:49,927
and lovely and it will celebrate

167
00:05:49,961 --> 00:05:51,395
love is forever and ever and ever.

168
00:05:51,429 --> 00:05:52,496
Where are you guys going?

169
00:05:52,530 --> 00:05:54,431
In life, nowhere.

170
00:05:54,466 --> 00:05:56,600
But I know I don't want to be here.

171
00:05:56,634 --> 00:05:59,470
Guys, please stay. It would
really mean a lot to me.

172
00:05:59,504 --> 00:06:00,671
Boring.

173
00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:04,174
It's Jess. All of her
chaperones just bailed,

174
00:06:04,209 --> 00:06:05,642
and she needs help.

175
00:06:05,677 --> 00:06:06,744
A lady needs help?

176
00:06:06,778 --> 00:06:08,812
Is that a job for a boy?

177
00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:09,813
- No.
- Or a...

178
00:06:09,848 --> 00:06:11,148
- Man!
- man?

179
00:06:11,182 --> 00:06:13,484
Men! Men! Men!

180
00:06:13,518 --> 00:06:16,420
Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!

181
00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:17,855
Well, the dummy patrol is ready.

182
00:06:17,889 --> 00:06:19,590
- Men! Men! Men!
- Aah!

183
00:06:19,624 --> 00:06:21,458
Men. Man!

184
00:06:21,493 --> 00:06:23,794
- So stupid.
- Seriously, are you okay for real?

185
00:06:23,828 --> 00:06:26,096
- You got any ice?
- Dude, rub his shoulder. Rub his shoulder.

186
00:06:26,131 --> 00:06:28,098
- I'll get ice. I'll get ice.
- My shoulder go into his. You all right?

187
00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:30,134
- Ow, man!
- Okay, all right, just sit back.

188
00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:32,036
Nick, get the ice!

189
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:37,820
- How do you know how to do that?
- Well, a tire iron is

190
00:06:37,854 --> 00:06:40,589
actually strong enough to break through
a high-carbon steel steering wheel lock,

191
00:06:40,624 --> 00:06:42,558
so, you ow, I figured
I'd work with this.

192
00:06:42,592 --> 00:06:43,959
Cece scares me sometimes.

193
00:06:43,994 --> 00:06:45,561
It's just the tip
of the iceberg, my friend.

194
00:06:45,595 --> 00:06:50,445
- Got it. There we go.
- Oh! Yes!

195
00:06:50,479 --> 00:06:52,881
Everything's back on track, guys!

196
00:06:52,915 --> 00:06:54,883
This bike lock was a real punk move.

197
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:57,652
Seems like there's a lot of
punks here. Did you do this?

198
00:06:57,686 --> 00:07:00,722
- Hey. You did this? Huh? You did this?
- Hey, easy, easy.

199
00:07:00,756 --> 00:07:02,457
If anyone's messing
with this dance, it's one

200
00:07:02,491 --> 00:07:04,826
of those teachers...
Those hats were begging for payback.

201
00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:05,793
- Let's do this.
- Hey.

202
00:07:05,828 --> 00:07:07,795
Listen up, chaperones.

203
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,330
You will obey all of my instructions.

204
00:07:09,365 --> 00:07:11,332
This means everything to Jess.

205
00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:13,234
Your asses belong to me now.

206
00:07:13,269 --> 00:07:14,936
Which means I currently have

207
00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:16,437
four asses.

208
00:07:16,472 --> 00:07:19,007
The three of yours and mine.

209
00:07:19,041 --> 00:07:20,175
I think we're capable of handling

210
00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:22,177
a bunch of prepubescent kids.

211
00:07:22,211 --> 00:07:24,012
Do you think you are tough, Winston?

212
00:07:24,046 --> 00:07:25,013
You have no idea

213
00:07:25,047 --> 00:07:26,447
what these little bastards

214
00:07:26,482 --> 00:07:27,615
are capable of.

215
00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:28,783
I mean, I love them.

216
00:07:28,817 --> 00:07:30,318
I love them with all my heart.

217
00:07:30,806 --> 00:07:34,601
But they will hurt
your feelings sometimes.

218
00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:38,293
He's right. I remember sticks and
stones may break your bones,

219
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:41,329
but not if you're a fat
kid with calcium deficiency.

220
00:07:41,363 --> 00:07:44,365
Schmidt, you're on snack table
duty. Keep the chip bowls full.

221
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,767
Don't let the kids spike the punch.

222
00:07:45,801 --> 00:07:47,001
And make sure Diabetic Amy

223
00:07:47,036 --> 00:07:49,037
only has four cookies.

224
00:07:49,071 --> 00:07:51,940
Diabetic Amy ain't gonna
get no cookies on my watch.

225
00:07:51,974 --> 00:07:54,175
No, she-she has to have
at least two or she'll pass out.

226
00:07:54,210 --> 00:07:55,844
She's getting nothing
as far as I'm concerned.

227
00:07:55,878 --> 00:07:58,012
At least two, at least two
or she'll pass out.

228
00:07:58,047 --> 00:08:00,548
- All right, Winston? Dance floor duty.
- Yes, sir.

229
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:02,617
Ooh, you shouldn't have
said that, man, that is

230
00:08:02,651 --> 00:08:03,685
the perfect place for
me right now. I got

231
00:08:03,719 --> 00:08:05,053
- so much heat coming off me, man.
- No.

232
00:08:05,087 --> 00:08:06,888
No, no, no, no, no, no. No heat.

233
00:08:06,922 --> 00:08:08,323
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- No heat. Hey, hey, hey.

234
00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,391
None. Hey, look at me. No heat.

235
00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:13,328
The opposite of heat. Six inches
separation at all times.

236
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,530
Nobody's getting pregnant tonight.

237
00:08:15,564 --> 00:08:17,632
That's the same thing I say on my dates.

238
00:08:17,666 --> 00:08:20,201
Not cool.

239
00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:23,538
- Let's hit it.
- Hey, hey.

240
00:08:23,572 --> 00:08:25,240
Saving the best for last?

241
00:08:25,274 --> 00:08:26,741
Oh, I'm sorry, Nick, uh,

242
00:08:26,775 --> 00:08:28,209
you're not chaperone material.

243
00:08:28,244 --> 00:08:30,345
I've been at this job
for a few weeks now

244
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,247
and I know the stink of a bad kid.

245
00:08:32,281 --> 00:08:35,203
That makes me the perfect
candidate to be a chaperone, Coach.

246
00:08:35,243 --> 00:08:36,351
Just think about it.

247
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:39,053
I can get in the mind of a bad kid.

248
00:08:39,055 --> 00:08:41,656
Think like 'em, go deep.
I can go too deep.

249
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,992
I'm gonna put you in the parking lot
to sweep for stragglers.

250
00:08:44,026 --> 00:08:46,094
- You want me on the streets.
- It's not that important of a job.

251
00:08:48,063 --> 00:08:50,064
I won't let you down.

252
00:08:50,099 --> 00:08:52,100
I'm not gonna let you down!

253
00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:57,105
You taking a... a break right now?

254
00:09:09,218 --> 00:09:10,718
When the heat moves
you, you got to move...

255
00:09:10,753 --> 00:09:12,220
Okay, no heat. No heat.

256
00:09:12,254 --> 00:09:14,122
No heat, Bishop, no heat.

257
00:09:14,156 --> 00:09:15,623
Keep that heat locked up.

258
00:09:15,658 --> 00:09:17,559
Keep that heat...

259
00:09:17,593 --> 00:09:19,894
Think you're going, baby

260
00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:22,063
I, this is...

261
00:09:22,097 --> 00:09:23,398
Crazy.

262
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:25,033
Put that heat away, Bishop.

263
00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:27,468
Huh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You got that, man.

264
00:09:27,503 --> 00:09:28,770
You got...

265
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,639
What are you looking at?

266
00:09:31,674 --> 00:09:34,142
Cool mustache.

267
00:09:35,411 --> 00:09:37,612
Too much heat.

268
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:39,647
Too much heat.

269
00:09:39,682 --> 00:09:41,749
All right, kids, let's
use the serving tongs.

270
00:09:41,784 --> 00:09:43,318
This isn't Appalachia.

271
00:09:43,352 --> 00:09:46,354
Hurry up, everybody,
before Justin eats everything.

272
00:09:48,591 --> 00:09:50,091
Son, I...

273
00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:51,159
don't think you meant to hurt

274
00:09:51,193 --> 00:09:52,894
Justin's feelings, there.

275
00:09:52,928 --> 00:09:55,230
What's going on, really?

276
00:09:55,264 --> 00:09:57,131
Are the parents fighting at home?

277
00:09:57,166 --> 00:09:58,333
Leave me alone, flamer.

278
00:09:58,367 --> 00:10:00,468
Flamer?

279
00:10:00,503 --> 00:10:01,970
You're the... You're the flamer, pal.

280
00:10:02,004 --> 00:10:04,105
- You're the flamer.
- You're the flamer.

281
00:10:04,139 --> 00:10:05,907
- Flamer.
- Stop saying that word, it's probably

282
00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:07,642
- offensive to some people, you flamer.
- Flamer, flamer.

283
00:10:07,676 --> 00:10:09,511
- Yeah, take a doughnut, there, you flamer.
- Flamer.

284
00:10:09,545 --> 00:10:12,013
Schmidt. I got a bit
of a situation here.

285
00:10:12,047 --> 00:10:14,749
Um, thoughts? Advice?

286
00:10:14,783 --> 00:10:16,084
What now?

287
00:10:16,118 --> 00:10:19,687
Aw, son of a b... penis.

288
00:10:19,722 --> 00:10:21,523
Ah, that wasn't better.

289
00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:23,291
Sorry, everyone.

290
00:10:23,325 --> 00:10:24,993
You were right.

291
00:10:25,027 --> 00:10:27,495
Someone's trying to mess with my dance.

292
00:10:27,530 --> 00:10:29,797
Hmm. It's paste.

293
00:10:29,832 --> 00:10:31,166
And it's fresh.

294
00:10:35,371 --> 00:10:38,239
Banana in the dark.

295
00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:42,977
Uh-oh.

296
00:10:43,012 --> 00:10:45,439
You ruined my dance.
I can smell the paste.

297
00:10:46,048 --> 00:10:47,244
Perpetrator!

298
00:10:50,299 --> 00:10:51,700
He's in there.

299
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,702
Okay, when we get in there,

300
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,004
I'm going to be good cop,
you be bad cop, okay?

301
00:10:56,038 --> 00:10:58,940
Got it.

302
00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:00,308
There are two ways this can go.

303
00:11:00,343 --> 00:11:01,710
Number one:

304
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,045
you tell us why you ruined the dance.

305
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:08,483
Number two: I bash
your skull in with a carburetor!

306
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:11,987
- I thought I was bad cop.
- You are the bad cop.

307
00:11:12,021 --> 00:11:15,123
I'm the tough, competent cop,
who's good at her job,

308
00:11:15,158 --> 00:11:17,359
you're the kind of fumbly, dumb cop

309
00:11:17,393 --> 00:11:19,966
- who's nice and...
- Yeah, that's not how it works, though.

310
00:11:20,116 --> 00:11:21,994
I mean, the good cop is nice
and the bad cop is mean.

311
00:11:22,044 --> 00:11:23,398
- That would be nice cop, mean cop.
- It's how it works

312
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:26,334
- on every cop show, when you watch it.
- I watch cop shows.

313
00:11:26,369 --> 00:11:28,069
- You need to pay more attention.
- I do pay attention...

314
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:31,840
- What do you awful women want?
- We want to know...

315
00:11:31,874 --> 00:11:35,644
why you locked the door and
poured glue in the breaker.

316
00:11:35,678 --> 00:11:37,179
I didn't do any of that.

317
00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:39,881
Why would anybody

318
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,917
want to ruin such a magical night?

319
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,454
Uh, you're the only one who
wanted to have this stupid dance.

320
00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:46,955
Revenge would be my guess.

321
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,591
What do you know?

322
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,360
Well, you have the grip
of a much taller woman.

323
00:11:52,395 --> 00:11:55,597
And I don't not like that.

324
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,898
Ugh.

325
00:12:00,703 --> 00:12:01,770
...some fireworks or something.

326
00:12:03,773 --> 00:12:05,207
What's up, gentlemen?

327
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:07,108
Just hanging out outside
in the parking lot?

328
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,110
We're not doing anything.
We don't need a chaperone.

329
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,746
Calling me a 'rone?

330
00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:15,584
I'm not a 'rone. I'm
basically the same guy as you.

331
00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:17,719
We're wearing the same shirt.

332
00:12:17,753 --> 00:12:20,789
I'm a good guy, I'm
having fun. I'm just...

333
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,691
I'm bored in there,
I'm looking to hang out.

334
00:12:22,725 --> 00:12:24,493
Is that a crime, officers?

335
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,362
Say, you guys got any Billy Whizz?

336
00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:30,265
Any juice, any sweet
Mary Jane? I'm looking.

337
00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:32,434
Okay, if you're really
not a chaperone...

338
00:12:32,468 --> 00:12:34,536
why don't you take a sip of this?

339
00:12:34,570 --> 00:12:37,439
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
I got nothing to prove.

340
00:12:37,473 --> 00:12:38,640
Are you a 'rone or not?

341
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:40,942
Give me that.

342
00:12:51,654 --> 00:12:54,456
What is that? Is that a suicide?

343
00:12:54,458 --> 00:12:56,958
- The soda flavors all mix together.
- You know it, bro.

344
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:59,728
That was super intense.

345
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:01,463
Sorry, I spit some of it up.

346
00:13:01,497 --> 00:13:02,931
He's cool.

347
00:13:09,806 --> 00:13:11,440
Hey, buddy, uh,

348
00:13:11,474 --> 00:13:14,509
Tommy, is it? I just...
I just wanted to apologize

349
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,178
for what happened before, kiddo.

350
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,246
What, are you gonna propose to me, now?

351
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,785
That's funny. No, I... I
get it. You know, when I...

352
00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:26,855
when I was young, I too found
that humor can be a useful tool.

353
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,490
Dude, get up, I'm not gonna marry you.

354
00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:32,794
I,, found that humor can be a...

355
00:13:32,829 --> 00:13:34,129
...a useful tool.

356
00:13:34,163 --> 00:13:36,198
And then you grow up
and you become a man.

357
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,266
Well, you smell like a woman.

358
00:13:38,301 --> 00:13:40,035
That's it, enough is enough with you.

359
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,370
You think you're a tough guy, tough guy?

360
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,972
Prove it, man.

361
00:13:44,006 --> 00:13:45,440
Name the time and place.

362
00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:47,642
15 minutes. Parking lot.

363
00:13:47,677 --> 00:13:49,111
- Fist fight?
- Foot race.

364
00:13:49,145 --> 00:13:50,946
- A what?
- Yeah,

365
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,814
you heard me...
foot race, man.

366
00:13:52,849 --> 00:13:55,750
I'll run circles around
you and all your pals.

367
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:03,458
Oh. You girls are
multiplying like bunnies.

368
00:14:03,493 --> 00:14:05,260
That's weird.

369
00:14:05,294 --> 00:14:07,796
Lot more of you than there is of me.

370
00:14:13,669 --> 00:14:15,137
We should lock all the doors.

371
00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:17,072
No one gets in, no one gets out.

372
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,174
The culprit's inside.
It's frickin' Gosford Park!

373
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:21,042
You need to just calm
down a little, Jess.

374
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:24,379
I can't calm down!
I want this to be perfect.

375
00:14:24,413 --> 00:14:26,348
I know, but it's too
late for that, okay?

376
00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:27,983
There are kids doing
their homework in there.

377
00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,251
It's bleak.

378
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,685
I know after what happened with Nick

379
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,321
you wanted this to go great, but

380
00:14:33,356 --> 00:14:35,991
it's not your fault that the
dance got messed up, all right?

381
00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:38,266
You'll get 'em next time.

382
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,834
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

383
00:14:39,868 --> 00:14:41,536
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

384
00:14:41,570 --> 00:14:45,273
Oh, that was a sugar rush, man.
That's a buzz in the brain!

385
00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:49,410
Ooh, ooh!

386
00:14:49,444 --> 00:14:51,779
You guys see how high I just got?

387
00:14:56,285 --> 00:14:57,785
I'm good.

388
00:14:57,819 --> 00:14:59,287
He ain't a 'rone. Too dumb.

389
00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,389
Aw, this is fun, man! I miss this!

390
00:15:01,423 --> 00:15:02,957
I really do, man. Let's keep going.

391
00:15:02,991 --> 00:15:04,926
Let's get burgers. Meet some girls.

392
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,794
Different ages, man. It's so early!

393
00:15:06,828 --> 00:15:09,931
Hey, we got something to show you.

394
00:15:12,968 --> 00:15:15,236
Look, guys, we had a lot of fun, but...

395
00:15:15,270 --> 00:15:18,873
we can get in a lot of
trouble for doing this.

396
00:15:18,907 --> 00:15:22,944
Which is why you gotta run
really fast when it goes off.

397
00:15:22,978 --> 00:15:23,711
Like now!

398
00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:25,446
- Oh, dude!
- Go! I mean it! Go!

399
00:15:28,584 --> 00:15:30,284
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah!

400
00:15:30,319 --> 00:15:31,919
Yeah!

401
00:15:31,954 --> 00:15:33,955
What are we gonna do now?

402
00:15:35,691 --> 00:15:36,691
Let's ride.

403
00:15:36,725 --> 00:15:37,792
Oh, hell yeah!

404
00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:42,063
Wendy?

405
00:15:42,097 --> 00:15:44,465
Busted.

406
00:15:51,128 --> 00:15:52,495
Well, you really did
come prepared, Wendy.

407
00:15:52,529 --> 00:15:54,230
A wrench...

408
00:15:54,264 --> 00:15:57,500
some glue...

409
00:15:57,534 --> 00:15:59,902
a box of tampons?

410
00:15:59,937 --> 00:16:01,504
What were you gonna do with this?

411
00:16:01,538 --> 00:16:02,538
Um...

412
00:16:02,573 --> 00:16:04,907
Oh. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

413
00:16:06,377 --> 00:16:08,745
So you really didn't
want the dance to happen?

414
00:16:08,779 --> 00:16:10,747
None of the boys want to dance with me.

415
00:16:10,781 --> 00:16:12,048
Jess?

416
00:16:12,082 --> 00:16:13,016
Hey, Cece.

417
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,684
Hey. This is Wendy.

418
00:16:14,718 --> 00:16:16,019
She was just telling
me how she doesn't like

419
00:16:16,053 --> 00:16:17,253
to dance with boys.

420
00:16:18,389 --> 00:16:21,691
Oh.

421
00:16:21,725 --> 00:16:25,695
Yeah. Well... that makes sense

422
00:16:25,729 --> 00:16:27,864
because boys are the dumbest.

423
00:16:27,898 --> 00:16:29,065
You're just saying that.

424
00:16:29,099 --> 00:16:30,366
No. No, no. No.

425
00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:32,769
Cece and I have met so many boys,

426
00:16:32,803 --> 00:16:34,270
and they are all so dumb.

427
00:16:34,305 --> 00:16:36,606
Yeah, and I've met more than her, so...

428
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,375
Yeah, and Cece has met more
than me because she is...

429
00:16:39,410 --> 00:16:41,210
nicer than me.

430
00:16:41,245 --> 00:16:43,546
- Nicer?
- I just mean you've met...

431
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,248
'cause you're well-traveled.

432
00:16:45,282 --> 00:16:47,884
- "Well-traveled" is how we're gonna say it?
- I mean...

433
00:16:47,918 --> 00:16:49,552
- You better tread lightly.
- I will... Travel...

434
00:16:49,586 --> 00:16:50,787
You travel a lot.

435
00:16:50,821 --> 00:16:53,056
Mm-hmm.

436
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:55,291
I don't think I'm ever
gonna dance with a boy.

437
00:16:55,326 --> 00:16:58,127
Listen, are boys dumb?

438
00:16:58,162 --> 00:17:01,464
Yes. Yes!

439
00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:05,301
Do they do disappointing,
stupid, stupid things

440
00:17:05,336 --> 00:17:09,806
that really...
hurt your feelings? Yes.

441
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,775
Sometimes things don't work
out the way you plan them...

442
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:15,645
actually, they never work
out the way you plan them...

443
00:17:15,679 --> 00:17:19,415
but, in the end, it's all worth it,

444
00:17:19,450 --> 00:17:23,019
and that's why you have to try.

445
00:17:26,357 --> 00:17:28,057
Are you talking about sex or dancing?

446
00:17:28,092 --> 00:17:30,059
- Dancing.
- Dancing. Oh, God. Dancing, dancing.

447
00:17:30,094 --> 00:17:31,561
- We're talking about dancing.
- Upright dancing.

448
00:17:31,595 --> 00:17:33,796
Okay. I'll try.

449
00:17:33,831 --> 00:17:35,231
So let's get back out there.

450
00:17:35,265 --> 00:17:36,599
Oh, Cece, it's okay.

451
00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:38,401
There's no light, no music.

452
00:17:38,435 --> 00:17:39,669
The dance is over.

453
00:17:39,703 --> 00:17:41,337
Oh, no, this dance is not over.

454
00:17:41,372 --> 00:17:45,375
We just need to find some stupid boys.

455
00:17:46,677 --> 00:17:48,244
You look so slow.

456
00:17:48,279 --> 00:17:49,345
Like a s... like a s...

457
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:51,781
super... dumb, slow turtle.

458
00:17:51,815 --> 00:17:53,816
- I'm so fast, and you're so old.
- So much like a...

459
00:17:53,851 --> 00:17:55,952
like a turtle, it's crazy to me.

460
00:17:55,986 --> 00:17:57,153
Are we gonna do this or what?

461
00:17:57,187 --> 00:17:58,254
Oh, yeah, we're gonna do this.

462
00:17:58,289 --> 00:18:00,323
I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.

463
00:18:00,357 --> 00:18:02,258
On the count of three.

464
00:18:02,293 --> 00:18:03,693
One...

465
00:18:03,727 --> 00:18:04,961
two...

466
00:18:04,995 --> 00:18:07,063
thr... Flo-Jo!

467
00:18:12,536 --> 00:18:14,938
Flo-Jo!

468
00:18:17,741 --> 00:18:19,475
What are you doing?

469
00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:31,921
Hello?!

470
00:18:33,857 --> 00:18:36,125
Yeah! Yeah!

471
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,127
Man!

472
00:18:38,162 --> 00:18:40,830
- What is your problem, man?!
- I wasn't driving!

473
00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:44,534
Are you kidding me?!

474
00:18:46,537 --> 00:18:48,871
All students inside now!

475
00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:50,840
Go, go, go, go, go, go.

476
00:18:50,874 --> 00:18:51,874
You three

477
00:18:51,909 --> 00:18:53,209
are the worst

478
00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:56,145
chaperones possible on earth.

479
00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:57,547
A dog would be better than you.

480
00:18:57,581 --> 00:18:59,682
A plant wearing underwear

481
00:18:59,717 --> 00:19:01,217
would be better than you.

482
00:19:01,251 --> 00:19:04,921
Ray Charles' ghost
would be better than you!

483
00:19:04,955 --> 00:19:06,889
Wh...

484
00:19:06,924 --> 00:19:08,291
what kind of men are you?

485
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:10,760
Hey!

486
00:19:11,462 --> 00:19:13,129
Stupid boys!

487
00:19:14,198 --> 00:19:16,199
We need ya.

488
00:19:16,233 --> 00:19:18,568
Who's ready to have a good time?

489
00:19:18,602 --> 00:19:20,770
The lights went out, and
you made your own light.

490
00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:24,540
The music went out, and we're
gonna make our own music.

491
00:19:24,575 --> 00:19:26,442
We have

492
00:19:26,477 --> 00:19:28,878
a very special guest for you
tonight. Please give a big

493
00:19:28,913 --> 00:19:30,880
Coolidge Middle School welcome

494
00:19:30,915 --> 00:19:33,750
to the Dumbest Boys in School!

495
00:19:35,552 --> 00:19:37,687
I ought we were going
with Sweet Surrender.

496
00:19:37,721 --> 00:19:39,022
This won't be good.

497
00:19:40,491 --> 00:19:41,691
Calm down, girls. Don't get crazy.

498
00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:43,559
Just calm down.

499
00:19:43,594 --> 00:19:45,528
Okay, Coolidge, get ready
to hit the dance floor

500
00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:48,932
in three, two, one!

501
00:19:48,966 --> 00:19:51,634
Aw, yeah. All right.

502
00:19:54,738 --> 00:19:57,473
Rap battle. 8 Mile.

503
00:19:57,508 --> 00:19:59,142
This one goes out to
your vice principal,

504
00:19:59,176 --> 00:20:01,144
my friend, Jessica Day.

505
00:20:01,178 --> 00:20:03,146
♪ I don't wear indigo,
I don't wear teal ♪

506
00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:05,148
♪ You better look out,
you know that's right ♪

507
00:20:05,182 --> 00:20:07,784
♪ That's right 'cause...
'cause Schmidt is for real, mmm ♪

508
00:20:07,818 --> 00:20:09,585
♪ I take that back, actually ♪

509
00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:11,554
♪ I do wear teal sometimes ♪

510
00:20:11,588 --> 00:20:13,456
When I say "sometimes,"

511
00:20:13,490 --> 00:20:15,491
you say "teal." Sometimes!

512
00:20:15,526 --> 00:20:16,593
- Teal!
- Sometimes!

513
00:20:16,627 --> 00:20:17,594
- Teal!
- Sometimes!

514
00:20:17,628 --> 00:20:18,995
- Teal!
- Mic drop.

515
00:20:21,198 --> 00:20:23,633
What's up, what's up, what's up?

516
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,401
Anybody here from Chicago?
Chicago, Illinois?

517
00:20:25,436 --> 00:20:27,136
City of Big Shoulders, Big Dreams!

518
00:20:27,171 --> 00:20:29,539
That would make sense. You guys go

519
00:20:29,573 --> 00:20:32,275
to school here. You're just
kids, so you're all from here.

520
00:20:32,843 --> 00:20:34,277
- Somebody else, go.
- That was it?

521
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:35,498
Yeah.

522
00:20:37,214 --> 00:20:39,349
♪ Gonna be a cop,
straight walking a beat ♪

523
00:20:39,383 --> 00:20:41,351
♪ Role model, out on the street ♪

524
00:20:41,385 --> 00:20:44,053
♪ Unless I get assigned to
a desk, which is also vital ♪

525
00:20:44,088 --> 00:20:46,356
♪ Because when paperwork slides,
that's how you get a mistrial ♪

526
00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:48,324
When I say "miss," you say "trial."

527
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,226
- Miss.
- Trial.

528
00:20:50,261 --> 00:20:51,761
I said, when I say
"miss," you say "trial."

529
00:20:51,795 --> 00:20:53,396
Miss, unless you trying to die.

530
00:20:53,430 --> 00:20:55,565
What, are you nuts?
Then know who you are.

531
00:20:55,599 --> 00:20:58,034
- A whole carton of dumbasses.
- Ruin them khakis you got on.

532
00:20:58,068 --> 00:20:59,769
- Thank you all very much! Thank you!
- I'm just saying, they're wearing light...

533
00:20:59,803 --> 00:21:01,404
Hey, they're kids.

534
00:21:01,438 --> 00:21:02,905
Good idea, Todd.

535
00:21:02,940 --> 00:21:04,173
...also got to die.

536
00:21:04,208 --> 00:21:05,642
Ow...!

537
00:21:05,676 --> 00:21:07,277
One, two, one, two.

538
00:21:07,311 --> 00:21:08,844
Here we go.

539
00:21:32,821 --> 00:21:37,062
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