1
00:00:03,429 --> 00:00:06,328
- Hello?
- Hello, "Dog," it's Principal Foster.
2
00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:08,523
Oh, hey. Did you just call me "Dog"?
3
00:00:08,525 --> 00:00:10,523
You're Vice Principal now. We're peers.
4
00:00:10,525 --> 00:00:12,273
- Oh.
- Good news... I have
5
00:00:12,275 --> 00:00:14,343
a replacement for your science class.
6
00:00:14,345 --> 00:00:16,313
It's about time, you old son of a bitch.
7
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:17,582
What?!
8
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,276
- Too casual?
- Uh, what?
9
00:00:19,278 --> 00:00:20,974
- Hello?
- Sorry, what? You're breaking up.
10
00:00:20,976 --> 00:00:21,913
- Hello?
- Dog?
11
00:00:21,915 --> 00:00:24,081
- Hello? Sorry, hello?
- I can't hear you.
12
00:00:24,083 --> 00:00:26,742
- Bad reception, sorry. Hold on.
- Breaking up...
13
00:00:26,744 --> 00:00:28,773
I'm so sorry. They're building
a new building next door
14
00:00:28,775 --> 00:00:30,476
and I have terrible reception.
15
00:00:30,478 --> 00:00:32,880
Hey, no more phone
calls! Get out of my room!
16
00:00:32,882 --> 00:00:34,054
It's the only place I
can get a signal, dude...
17
00:00:34,056 --> 00:00:34,953
- You know that.
- Out!
18
00:00:34,955 --> 00:00:36,961
- Look at the stick... Is it red or blue?
- Uh, yeah...
19
00:00:36,963 --> 00:00:38,265
- Well, sir, I...
- Get out of my room.
20
00:00:38,267 --> 00:00:40,333
- Hello? Hello? Hello
- Hello? Hello... Stop.
21
00:00:40,335 --> 00:00:42,668
- Is it red or blue?
- Hey, ow, Schmidt!
22
00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:44,046
- The Scarf has been backordered a month.
- Wait, hello?
23
00:00:44,048 --> 00:00:45,671
- Meanwhile the hat is just sitting here.
- Yeah, hello.
24
00:00:45,673 --> 00:00:47,451
- This is not a business center.
- Hello?
25
00:00:47,453 --> 00:00:48,552
- Get out of my room.
- Hello? Hello?
26
00:00:48,554 --> 00:00:49,707
- It's my man time.
- Mama?
27
00:00:49,709 --> 00:00:51,951
- Mama, unplug it, okay?
- Hello? Hello.
28
00:00:51,953 --> 00:00:53,875
If you unplug it, it
cannot electrocute you.
29
00:00:53,877 --> 00:00:55,554
- It's blue? Oh, yes!
- Mr. Foster...
30
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,215
- No, I don't want blue. With a bisque hat?
- Hello, Dog. Dog?
31
00:00:58,217 --> 00:01:00,671
- I'll look insane!
- Why do you have an electric guitar?
32
00:01:00,673 --> 00:01:02,908
- Aah!
- Hello?
33
00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:05,677
This phone situation
has me really jazzed up!
34
00:01:05,679 --> 00:01:07,025
Excuse my language.
35
00:01:07,027 --> 00:01:08,394
Now, I'm gonna propose something.
36
00:01:08,396 --> 00:01:10,273
Something insane.
37
00:01:10,275 --> 00:01:12,109
Now you just all have to stay calm
38
00:01:12,111 --> 00:01:13,878
and trust me.
39
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,341
Fascinating.
40
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,875
- Where do you put your music?
- Why is there a rope?
41
00:01:18,877 --> 00:01:20,437
It's ringing.
42
00:01:20,439 --> 00:01:22,671
- Whoa, that's cool.
- Just like the movies.
43
00:01:22,675 --> 00:01:24,509
We should answer it with,
like, really funny voices.
44
00:01:24,511 --> 00:01:26,716
- Yeah.
- We don't know who it is.
45
00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:29,349
- It could be anybody.
- Could be Tanya from sixth grade.
46
00:01:29,351 --> 00:01:31,000
Yeah.
47
00:01:31,002 --> 00:01:32,603
Oh... oh.
48
00:01:32,605 --> 00:01:34,609
Next time it rings, we should answer it.
49
00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:37,580
- ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
- ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
50
00:01:37,582 --> 00:01:39,016
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
51
00:01:39,018 --> 00:01:41,132
- ♪ Who's that girl? ♪
- ♪ It's Jess. ♪
52
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:42,406
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:01:43,016 --> 00:01:44,320
Just can't stop looking at this thing.
54
00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:46,625
Man, I used to be so great
at talking on the phone, man.
55
00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:48,560
You know, something about the cord
56
00:01:48,562 --> 00:01:51,085
and the handset that just
really set me at ease.
57
00:01:51,087 --> 00:01:54,000
- You were weirdly smooth.
- If you slow dance with Nick,
58
00:01:54,002 --> 00:01:55,606
I'll hold hands with Amy.
59
00:01:55,608 --> 00:01:57,709
Just make sure she cut
her fingernails, though.
60
00:01:57,711 --> 00:01:59,015
Tell her I'll make her a mix tape.
61
00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:01,875
- I'm just being stupid.
- Tell her I'll make her a mix tape.
62
00:02:01,877 --> 00:02:03,833
It was going great, by the way.
63
00:02:03,835 --> 00:02:06,093
If this isn't sexy, I
don't know what the heck is.
64
00:02:06,095 --> 00:02:07,862
Something just came over him.
65
00:02:07,864 --> 00:02:10,588
- He was amazing.
- I'm just excited to add a third number:
66
00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:12,625
Home, work and cell.
67
00:02:12,627 --> 00:02:14,062
Damn, I'm reachable.
68
00:02:14,064 --> 00:02:16,984
I'm definitely gonna mention that in
my profile in Business, Man! Magazine.
69
00:02:16,986 --> 00:02:18,156
- Businessman Magazine?
- No, no, no.
70
00:02:18,158 --> 00:02:20,529
Business, Man! Magazine.
71
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,874
I've gotten a lot of heat from
working on the sponge account.
72
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,670
I'm telling you, this is
the first step in my quest
73
00:02:25,672 --> 00:02:27,794
- to becoming a millionaire.
- Well, I think that's a weird plan,
74
00:02:27,796 --> 00:02:29,062
but let's drink to it... Who's in?
75
00:02:29,064 --> 00:02:30,675
No, come on, I got to
study for my interview.
76
00:02:30,677 --> 00:02:33,757
Oh, I would, man, but I got a
lot of police stuff to study.
77
00:02:33,759 --> 00:02:36,181
You know, like, roads, laws, bullets...
78
00:02:36,205 --> 00:02:38,435
Be really nice if you guys spent some time
79
00:02:38,437 --> 00:02:41,779
and studied your friend
Nick. Pop quiz, hotshots.
80
00:02:41,781 --> 00:02:43,505
- I miss you guys.
- I don't understand
81
00:02:43,507 --> 00:02:44,874
what you're saying, man.
Are you asking me a question?
82
00:02:44,876 --> 00:02:46,326
For real, though, I miss you.
83
00:02:46,328 --> 00:02:48,031
So we would just sit
around and drink all day?
84
00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:49,974
Aw, forget it, man! I'm storming off.
85
00:02:51,265 --> 00:02:52,492
Oh!
86
00:02:52,927 --> 00:02:55,969
Good morning, Vice Principal Day speaking.
87
00:02:55,971 --> 00:02:58,035
What...? Calm down!
88
00:02:58,037 --> 00:02:59,796
What?! Coach?!
89
00:02:59,798 --> 00:03:01,261
Coach...
90
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:03,257
Are you sleeping with the school nurse?
91
00:03:03,259 --> 00:03:04,351
Jess, are you crazy?
92
00:03:04,353 --> 00:03:05,749
Of course I'm sleeping
with the school nurse.
93
00:03:05,751 --> 00:03:07,419
- What?
- Mazel tov.
94
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,638
- My man. Much respect.
- Look at you getting up in there.
95
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,406
- Yeah. Living the dream.
- Great.
96
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:13,570
- That's really hot, dude.
- That's really great. For me.
97
00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:17,124
We have to fill out a form
declaring our relationship?
98
00:03:17,126 --> 00:03:18,921
Yes, it's a legal thing.
99
00:03:18,923 --> 00:03:20,874
We're just covering our asses.
100
00:03:21,512 --> 00:03:23,531
While you uncover yours.
101
00:03:25,358 --> 00:03:27,177
Sorry, that was an unfortunate joke.
102
00:03:27,968 --> 00:03:30,242
Um, anyway, uh, how did this start?
103
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,740
Uh, fine. A couple of
weeks ago I got a cut.
104
00:03:32,757 --> 00:03:33,966
- Mm-hmm. - And I
went to the nurse.
105
00:03:33,968 --> 00:03:36,791
- Okay.
- And when I saw her, I was like, "damn."
106
00:03:36,793 --> 00:03:39,585
And I was, like, "you frickin' got a cut."
107
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,624
And I was like, "you
frickin' better fix it."
108
00:03:41,626 --> 00:03:43,802
And she was like, "no. Cuts are gross."
109
00:03:43,804 --> 00:03:45,406
- Yeah.
- And then we had sex.
110
00:03:45,408 --> 00:03:46,508
Yeah.
111
00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:47,477
That's disturbing
112
00:03:47,479 --> 00:03:48,946
on so many levels.
113
00:03:48,948 --> 00:03:50,888
Um, I'm sorry, but your outfit
114
00:03:50,890 --> 00:03:52,695
looks like you got it at a Halloween store.
115
00:03:52,697 --> 00:03:54,998
Thank you. Coach got it for me.
116
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,374
It's a child's medium.
117
00:03:57,376 --> 00:03:59,804
What'd you put for "nature of
relationship"... "Girlfriend"?
118
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,896
Well, that's what I actually
wanted to talk to you about.
119
00:04:01,898 --> 00:04:03,171
- 'Cause, uh, we hadn't...
- Question mark?
120
00:04:03,173 --> 00:04:05,236
Um, it didn't feel like
a question mark when
121
00:04:05,238 --> 00:04:08,156
you put a calamari on my
finger like an engagement ring.
122
00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:09,725
That didn't seem like
a question mark to you?
123
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:12,007
Jess, someone's in my parking spot again.
124
00:04:12,009 --> 00:04:14,109
- Not now, Rose.
- Hey, Ernie.
125
00:04:14,111 --> 00:04:16,083
- Hey.
- Last night was really fun.
126
00:04:16,085 --> 00:04:17,710
I found your swim trunks.
127
00:04:17,712 --> 00:04:21,037
- They're ruined. Really fun.
- Ah, come on. Yeah?
128
00:04:21,039 --> 00:04:23,101
I thought you ditched this bitch.
129
00:04:23,103 --> 00:04:25,312
I will send your weave
right back to the loom!
130
00:04:25,314 --> 00:04:26,421
- Oh, no, no. Excuse me?
- Guys...
131
00:04:26,423 --> 00:04:28,042
- Oh, yeah!
- Ladies, stop.
132
00:04:28,044 --> 00:04:29,511
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
133
00:04:29,513 --> 00:04:32,884
- See what you did?
- This is a different form.
134
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:42,839
All right.
135
00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:45,085
Settle down, I'm coming.
136
00:04:46,616 --> 00:04:47,916
Hello?
137
00:04:47,918 --> 00:04:49,952
No, Schmidt's not here.
138
00:04:49,954 --> 00:04:51,867
No one's here. I'm here by myself.
139
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:54,747
Because I work at night,
which means I'm probably
140
00:04:54,749 --> 00:04:56,688
the one who should answer
the phone during the day.
141
00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:58,398
Great, yeah, I'll tell him.
142
00:05:02,892 --> 00:05:05,718
Great, she get a phone
so Nick can answer it.
143
00:05:17,911 --> 00:05:20,218
What? I'm busy.
144
00:05:20,549 --> 00:05:22,550
Winston's not here.
145
00:05:24,297 --> 00:05:25,820
Really?
146
00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:28,019
Uh-huh. Okay, I'll pass it on.
147
00:05:28,021 --> 00:05:28,987
Okay, you too.
148
00:05:28,989 --> 00:05:31,265
My gentlemen, I'm glad you're home.
149
00:05:31,267 --> 00:05:32,796
I got your messages.
150
00:05:33,999 --> 00:05:35,624
All right, here you go.
151
00:05:37,353 --> 00:05:39,918
- Wow. Are these alphabetized?
- Yeah, you're welcome.
152
00:05:39,929 --> 00:05:42,015
I felt like a secretary.
It was pretty awesome.
153
00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:45,531
Some auto body shop called, Schmidt...
Apparently you're getting a spoiler?
154
00:05:45,533 --> 00:05:46,866
I'm not getting a sp...
155
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,734
I just wanted a quote. Yeah, I get a quote
156
00:05:48,736 --> 00:05:50,441
just in case I do want to actually buy one.
157
00:05:50,443 --> 00:05:52,429
And it's nice to have a price before
158
00:05:52,431 --> 00:05:55,320
you get emotionally invested.
It's called predicting desires.
159
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:57,690
What I wish I would have said
is when I first said it...
160
00:05:57,692 --> 00:05:59,460
"Spoiler alert."
161
00:06:00,457 --> 00:06:03,093
I wish it... when I... I
wish I would have said, um,
162
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,388
"you're getting a spoiler.
163
00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:06,849
- Spoiler alert."
- I don't think that would have helped.
164
00:06:06,851 --> 00:06:08,648
I just... I'm just getting a quote,
okay? It's really none of your business.
165
00:06:08,650 --> 00:06:10,084
Definitely noted. Thanks, my man.
166
00:06:10,086 --> 00:06:12,629
For the... Winston, uh...
167
00:06:12,631 --> 00:06:14,124
Who's this Gal Judy?
168
00:06:14,126 --> 00:06:15,827
I've never heard of her. She called twice.
169
00:06:15,829 --> 00:06:17,697
- Who is this woman?
- She's nobody.
170
00:06:17,699 --> 00:06:20,301
Doesn't sound like nobody.
Where'd you guys meet?
171
00:06:20,303 --> 00:06:22,076
- At the driving range.
- The driving range?
172
00:06:22,078 --> 00:06:24,443
- But you don't golf.
- Uh, I like to watch?
173
00:06:24,445 --> 00:06:27,539
Winston, you go to the
driving range just to watch?
174
00:06:27,541 --> 00:06:29,247
- Yeah.
- Very strange, very strange.
175
00:06:29,249 --> 00:06:32,765
Let's get back to this Judy
character, because I am interested.
176
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,490
- You made love to her yet?
- I don't know.
177
00:06:35,492 --> 00:06:37,326
Leave me alone, dude. Honestly, stop.
178
00:06:37,328 --> 00:06:39,740
That's not even a big d... I don't
even like her that much, all right?
179
00:06:39,742 --> 00:06:42,060
- Just, ugh. I'm probably gonna dump her.
- Do you want to talk about it?
180
00:06:42,062 --> 00:06:44,281
Just kidding. I'm messing with you.
181
00:06:44,283 --> 00:06:46,890
Are you guys having as much
fun as I'm having right now?
182
00:06:46,892 --> 00:06:50,128
This landline has really brought
us together in a great way.
183
00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:51,476
I miss this.
184
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:54,351
Hey, if I cooked up a whole
chicken, would you guys have some?
185
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,178
Those look like two hungry faces...
186
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,904
Wow. That was intrusive.
187
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:05,710
Winston, how do you not know
if you'd made love to someone?
188
00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:07,148
I'm mad at you, Jess.
189
00:07:07,150 --> 00:07:08,920
Why'd you put me on blast like that?
190
00:07:08,922 --> 00:07:11,976
Because you shouldn't be sleeping
with other teachers, Coach,
191
00:07:11,978 --> 00:07:13,211
let alone two.
192
00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,359
Who are you, Blanche from Golden Girls?
193
00:07:15,361 --> 00:07:17,095
Honestly, it took me a while to figure out
194
00:07:17,097 --> 00:07:19,197
who I was in that
school, but I finally did.
195
00:07:19,199 --> 00:07:21,374
- Who?
- I'm the guy who has sex with everyone.
196
00:07:21,376 --> 00:07:23,344
Why can't you be the
guy who loves recycling?!
197
00:07:23,346 --> 00:07:25,671
Everyone loves that guy. This is a school.
198
00:07:25,673 --> 00:07:27,472
It's a sexy place, Jess.
199
00:07:27,474 --> 00:07:29,898
Look at that CPR poster. It's hot as crap.
200
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:30,773
What the...?
201
00:07:30,775 --> 00:07:33,650
Why aren't they wearing
shirts? Are they drinking wine?
202
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,169
Mm... That's it!
203
00:07:35,171 --> 00:07:37,429
I'm gonna need to talk
to all these teachers.
204
00:07:37,431 --> 00:07:39,866
You're just jealous because
you're not gettin' any.
205
00:07:40,353 --> 00:07:42,187
When's the last time someone gave you CPR?
206
00:07:42,189 --> 00:07:44,140
Well, I give it to myself
at least once a month...
207
00:07:44,142 --> 00:07:45,708
To refresh.
208
00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:47,826
I'm talking about real CPR!
209
00:07:47,828 --> 00:07:49,851
Look, you work in a school.
210
00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:51,843
You need to have boundaries.
211
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,113
You have to be a professional.
212
00:07:54,115 --> 00:07:55,958
Ah, Miss Day.
213
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,335
There's someone here I'd like you to meet.
214
00:07:57,337 --> 00:07:58,990
This is Ryan.
215
00:07:58,992 --> 00:08:00,872
He's gonna be taking
over the science class.
216
00:08:00,874 --> 00:08:02,554
Now, don't be alarmed,
217
00:08:02,556 --> 00:08:05,021
but his voice is gonna sound kind of funny.
218
00:08:05,023 --> 00:08:07,146
It's because he's British.
219
00:08:07,148 --> 00:08:09,218
Say something to her.
220
00:08:10,648 --> 00:08:12,255
Hello. Pleased to meet you.
221
00:08:12,257 --> 00:08:14,887
Ah. Oh, charming. Hi.
222
00:08:14,889 --> 00:08:16,957
It's a... How do you do?
223
00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:19,335
You must be, um... Mister...
224
00:08:23,265 --> 00:08:26,281
- "Gos... Gosin-Yure." -
It's pronounced "Goes-In-You."
225
00:08:26,283 --> 00:08:28,819
- Goes-In-Who? - It
"goes in you," Jess.
226
00:08:28,821 --> 00:08:31,623
Goes in me. Goes in... Jess. What!?
227
00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:34,561
I'm sorry, I'm gonna make a
note of how to pronounce it.
228
00:08:34,563 --> 00:08:37,560
It's really nice to
meet you, Mr. Goes-In...
229
00:08:37,562 --> 00:08:38,664
Ryan.
230
00:08:39,578 --> 00:08:43,374
Hey, Jess, where you going? You
forgot to tell him about boundaries!
231
00:08:43,983 --> 00:08:45,984
It's great having you
here, Mr. Goes-In-You.
232
00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:47,653
Geauxinue. Yeah. Goes-In-You, Goes-In-You.
233
00:08:47,655 --> 00:08:49,389
No... goes in all of us.
234
00:08:49,391 --> 00:08:50,958
- Yeah.
- Sooner or later.
235
00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:54,043
This is Schmidt.
236
00:08:54,052 --> 00:08:56,109
Hey, it's Nick. Let me get Winston.
237
00:08:58,396 --> 00:09:01,265
- Winnie the bish, you on?
- What is happening right now?
238
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:03,739
I'm just giving you
guys your midday update.
239
00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:05,919
Schmidt, dry-cleaner company called.
240
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,912
- Your socks are ready.
- Oh, great.
241
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:10,013
Not quite sure why we need to
be on a conference call for this.
242
00:09:10,015 --> 00:09:12,349
Not quite sure why you need
to dry-clean your socks,
243
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:14,966
you weirdo, but we'll get back to that.
244
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:17,599
Winston, Judy called again.
245
00:09:17,601 --> 00:09:19,201
And so, I told her you weren't feeling it.
246
00:09:19,203 --> 00:09:21,824
Now why would you do that?
247
00:09:21,859 --> 00:09:23,443
You said you were gonna dump her.
248
00:09:23,445 --> 00:09:25,755
It was a very difficult
conversation for you.
249
00:09:25,757 --> 00:09:28,974
We all know how you are, so I
just handled it. You're welcome.
250
00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:30,766
Hey, Nick, do I need to be
on for this? Can I get off?
251
00:09:30,768 --> 00:09:32,654
Greta, great, great. You know what?
Now she's gonna do something crazy.
252
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,492
You know, this is a very emotional
woman we're dealing with, all right?
253
00:09:35,494 --> 00:09:37,171
- That bitch a leo!
- Can I go now?
254
00:09:37,173 --> 00:09:38,640
You should have thought of
that before you dumped her.
255
00:09:38,642 --> 00:09:40,781
- I didn't! You did!
- Because that's what you wanted.
256
00:09:40,783 --> 00:09:42,250
I don't know what I want!
257
00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:43,952
Judy didn't know what you wanted, either!
258
00:09:43,954 --> 00:09:46,171
Oh, and Schmidt, the magazine called.
259
00:09:46,173 --> 00:09:48,429
And they need a picture. But
don't worry. I handled it.
260
00:09:48,431 --> 00:09:51,437
- What do you mean, you handled it?
- I know you have a lot on your plate,
261
00:09:51,439 --> 00:09:52,718
so don't worry...
262
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,695
I sent them the most recent picture I had.
263
00:09:54,697 --> 00:09:56,031
- The most recent one?
- Did Judy sound...?
264
00:09:56,033 --> 00:09:58,372
Winston, enough! Nick,
what, what do you mean by
265
00:09:58,374 --> 00:10:00,179
"the most recent"? I don't...
I don't understand what that...
266
00:10:00,181 --> 00:10:01,851
- The latest picture.
- It's the most accurate.
267
00:10:01,853 --> 00:10:04,546
It's just good marketing. You
know that. Check your e-mail.
268
00:10:04,548 --> 00:10:05,718
You'll be happy.
269
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,492
Did you check it? Is it loaded?
270
00:10:09,753 --> 00:10:12,355
Oh, no, no, no!
271
00:10:12,357 --> 00:10:14,442
And that's all I got. You guys good?
272
00:10:15,392 --> 00:10:17,106
Okay, I'll check back in five.
273
00:10:17,108 --> 00:10:20,007
What? Five... Five what?
Nick? Five minutes?!
274
00:10:24,385 --> 00:10:27,053
Hello.
275
00:10:27,055 --> 00:10:28,489
- Yeah.
- Hello.
276
00:10:30,661 --> 00:10:32,794
- Yo!
- Hello.
277
00:10:32,796 --> 00:10:35,210
- Yo...
- Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
278
00:10:35,212 --> 00:10:36,906
- Yo!
- What up? What up? What up?
279
00:10:36,908 --> 00:10:38,351
- Winston!
- Hello.
280
00:10:38,353 --> 00:10:39,901
I said... Winston I said "yo."
281
00:10:39,903 --> 00:10:41,531
Wait. Who's this?
282
00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:43,867
It's Schmidt! We got to
do something about Nick.
283
00:10:43,869 --> 00:10:46,810
We're here to address the school policies
284
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,676
on interfaculty relations.
285
00:10:48,678 --> 00:10:51,313
Some forms of touching, say,
286
00:10:51,315 --> 00:10:53,483
a... a friendly handshake,
287
00:10:53,485 --> 00:10:56,810
or a spirited pat, are
completely appropriate.
288
00:10:56,812 --> 00:10:59,460
What if you spill coffee on your
pants, and you're very burnt,
289
00:10:59,462 --> 00:11:03,249
and upon getting your pants cut off
by paramedics, you become aroused?
290
00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:04,781
I'm truly hoping that didn't happen.
291
00:11:04,804 --> 00:11:07,495
What if you're in a situation
where you either have to um...
292
00:11:07,497 --> 00:11:09,498
Grab a teacher's crotch,
293
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:12,101
or give narcotics to a student?
294
00:11:12,103 --> 00:11:13,734
- That's a great question, man.
- Thanks, friend.
295
00:11:13,736 --> 00:11:15,562
- Not a great question.
- And what if you...?
296
00:11:15,564 --> 00:11:18,820
I'm done with you. If you
feel things getting sexual...
297
00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,781
Just say, "shut it down!"
298
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:27,218
Followed by a sweeping gesture
with your hands, like such.
299
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,194
Everyone do it with me. Shut it down!
300
00:11:30,196 --> 00:11:32,624
- No, thanks.
- It's kind of fun. Shut it down.
301
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:34,927
Shut it... Down.
302
00:11:34,929 --> 00:11:37,130
Thank... Thank you, new guy.
303
00:11:39,662 --> 00:11:42,062
- Yes, Coach.
- See, I'm more of a visual learner.
304
00:11:42,064 --> 00:11:43,742
Oh, yeah, you are.
- Do you think you could
305
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,539
maybe demonstrate that move in context?
306
00:11:45,541 --> 00:11:47,624
- Really, Coach?
- I think we'd all like that.
307
00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:48,871
It's kind of like a...
308
00:11:48,872 --> 00:11:49,593
- Like a skit.
- What?!
309
00:11:49,595 --> 00:11:50,773
- No idea.
- Visual learning.
310
00:11:50,775 --> 00:11:54,023
- Like a skit.
- Visual learning.
311
00:11:54,025 --> 00:11:56,171
- Show us! Do it!
- Visual learning!
312
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,506
Okay, Coach, do you want
to come up and help me?
313
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,718
How about the new guy?
314
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,484
British people love doing stuff, right?
315
00:12:04,632 --> 00:12:05,921
No, I don't think...
316
00:12:05,923 --> 00:12:07,791
- British guy... doing stuff!
- Yeah.
317
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,624
British guy doing stuff!
318
00:12:09,626 --> 00:12:11,382
I'm telling you they
don't like to do things.
319
00:12:11,384 --> 00:12:14,720
- Doing stuff!
- The British are coming!
320
00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:16,765
- Okay, okay.
- Happy to help.
321
00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:26,679
Mr... "Guzinya" and I will
now act out a sexual scenario.
322
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,149
It's
"Goes-In-You."
323
00:12:28,151 --> 00:12:29,765
Yeah. I know.
324
00:12:32,262 --> 00:12:34,578
- Okay, let's try it again.
- All right, all right.
325
00:12:35,335 --> 00:12:39,098
- Hello. You've reached the loft.
- Oh, my God!
326
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:40,724
- What?
- Too sexy!
327
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:41,749
- Sounds good to me.
- Are you out of your mind?
328
00:12:41,751 --> 00:12:42,999
I'm on fire right now.
329
00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:44,867
This is a home. We're
not selling lubricant.
330
00:12:44,869 --> 00:12:46,249
Why aren't one of you doing this?
331
00:12:46,251 --> 00:12:48,820
Because we couldn't decide which of
us to do it, and this way, it's fair.
332
00:12:48,822 --> 00:12:50,843
Put nothing on it. Flat as can be.
333
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,664
All right, here we go. Flat as can be.
334
00:12:52,666 --> 00:12:54,601
Just say the words.
335
00:12:55,482 --> 00:12:58,499
- Hello. You've reached the loft.
- Oh, my God!
336
00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:01,203
Will you not stop until
the whole world is aroused?!
337
00:13:01,205 --> 00:13:02,781
- Okay.
- Hey.
338
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,109
- Nick, my man, looking good.
- There he is.
339
00:13:05,111 --> 00:13:07,101
- New set of PJs?
- I know what you're doing.
340
00:13:07,103 --> 00:13:09,897
You're blowing hot air up
in between my butt cheeks.
341
00:13:09,899 --> 00:13:13,374
And I'm no idiot. I know
I was let go 'cause of
342
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:16,437
the dang old machine. Story as old as time.
343
00:13:16,439 --> 00:13:18,685
A new piece of technology comes around,
344
00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,833
and all the peasants freak out.
345
00:13:20,835 --> 00:13:23,349
But one prince knows what's going on,
346
00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:26,060
"Don't trust the technology!"
347
00:13:26,062 --> 00:13:27,883
And all you peasants trust it,
348
00:13:27,885 --> 00:13:30,466
and then the machine becomes self-aware
349
00:13:30,468 --> 00:13:33,099
and destroys you all.
350
00:13:33,101 --> 00:13:36,341
And then, I become the
loneliest prince of all,
351
00:13:36,343 --> 00:13:38,255
laughing in my golden tower.
352
00:13:38,257 --> 00:13:40,505
Isn't that a movie?
353
00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:42,697
- Maybe I stole that from war games, yeah.
- Short Circuit.
354
00:13:42,699 --> 00:13:43,851
- No, it isn't.
- Man, you know
355
00:13:43,853 --> 00:13:45,414
what's a good movie? Splash.
356
00:13:45,416 --> 00:13:47,320
I don't know what is happening.
357
00:13:47,322 --> 00:13:49,138
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
358
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:50,880
Let's see what she can do.
359
00:13:50,882 --> 00:13:52,390
Hello. You've reached the loft.
360
00:13:52,392 --> 00:13:56,380
Oh, my God. Will you not stop
until the whole world is aro...?
361
00:13:56,647 --> 00:13:58,412
Hey, this message is for Nick.
362
00:13:58,414 --> 00:14:01,328
You responded to my ad about
a custom secretary headset.
363
00:14:01,330 --> 00:14:03,665
Please give me a call back.
364
00:14:04,169 --> 00:14:06,938
How do they know my name?
It's a stinking old prank.
365
00:14:07,963 --> 00:14:09,304
I don't even care.
366
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,774
I got a lot going on today, so...
367
00:14:11,776 --> 00:14:13,388
Are you just eating a bowl of jelly?
368
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:15,263
- What does it look like?
- It looks like a bowl of jelly.
369
00:14:15,265 --> 00:14:17,050
It's a bowl of jelly, yeah.
370
00:14:17,052 --> 00:14:19,263
Okay, so say I'm in the library
371
00:14:19,265 --> 00:14:22,396
and I feel Mr. G.'S hands on my shoulders.
372
00:14:22,398 --> 00:14:23,708
I'm not interested.
373
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:24,841
So what do I do?
374
00:14:24,843 --> 00:14:27,195
I say, "shut it down."
375
00:14:28,515 --> 00:14:29,945
Does that make things more clear for you?
376
00:14:29,947 --> 00:14:32,015
I feel like it needs to be a little
more real, you know what I mean?
377
00:14:32,017 --> 00:14:34,886
I feel like if he were to touch
her, that would help, am I right?
378
00:14:34,888 --> 00:14:37,249
Am I crazy for thinking that? No, right?
379
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:37,719
Yeah. Just...
380
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,437
It'll be more helpful if he were
to touch her. Just touch her, man.
381
00:14:40,439 --> 00:14:42,787
- I don't think so.
- Yeah, he should touch her. Touch her!
382
00:14:42,789 --> 00:14:45,616
- Get in there! Touch her.
- Okay, fine. Um...
383
00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:50,460
So I'm in the library
and, uh, Ryan approaches...
384
00:14:51,366 --> 00:14:53,919
Hello. You look tense.
385
00:14:53,921 --> 00:14:55,370
With that accent.
386
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,880
Sha, na, na.
387
00:15:00,882 --> 00:15:02,960
Mmm... Day-o.
388
00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:07,152
A little lower. Right in the wolf patch.
389
00:15:07,154 --> 00:15:09,789
- Huh? What?
- Should I shut it down?
390
00:15:09,791 --> 00:15:11,898
What? Yes. Yes!
391
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:14,468
Shut it down!
392
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:16,958
- I touched your... I... thatwas...
- That's fine. It's-it's cool.
393
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,583
Nice to meet you, too.
394
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,963
That was an accident. And when
an accident happens, shut it down.
395
00:15:25,484 --> 00:15:28,257
- I did it again.
- That's what I'm talking about!
396
00:15:30,043 --> 00:15:33,038
I think we need to fill out some forms.
397
00:15:35,844 --> 00:15:37,927
Why won't these messages play, Winston?
398
00:15:37,929 --> 00:15:39,815
- The machine's on the Fritz.
- Just don't tell Nick.
399
00:15:39,817 --> 00:15:42,551
The magazine was supposed to call
today and set up my interview.
400
00:15:42,553 --> 00:15:44,020
I'm as mad as a dad in traffic!
401
00:15:44,022 --> 00:15:46,169
You probably burnt it
out. I mean, you listened
402
00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:47,656
to Cece's message 100 times.
403
00:15:47,658 --> 00:15:49,392
I know. Then I touched my peen.
404
00:15:51,892 --> 00:15:53,025
There he is.
405
00:15:53,027 --> 00:15:56,044
All right, Nick, hey,
uh, you were home today.
406
00:15:56,046 --> 00:15:58,263
Did anybody leave any messages
about my interview for tomorrow?
407
00:15:58,265 --> 00:16:01,263
I don't know. Why don't you ask the
machine? Isn't that what you wanted?
408
00:16:01,265 --> 00:16:02,504
Uh, the machine's not working.
409
00:16:02,506 --> 00:16:05,177
Isn't that funny? I feel
like I'm working perfectly.
410
00:16:05,179 --> 00:16:09,010
I'm gonna go take this machine
back to 1993 and exchange it.
411
00:16:11,547 --> 00:16:12,958
Knock, knock.
412
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,015
- Who's there?
- The magazine. They called.
413
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,484
They left a message. They
want to do the interview today.
414
00:16:18,486 --> 00:16:19,825
Why didn't you say anything?
415
00:16:19,827 --> 00:16:21,794
That thing is super important to him.
416
00:16:21,796 --> 00:16:23,577
You know how much this
interview meant to him.
417
00:16:23,579 --> 00:16:24,460
Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah.
418
00:16:24,462 --> 00:16:26,694
First you break up with Judy and now this?
419
00:16:26,696 --> 00:16:29,234
Why are you so obsessed
with answering the phone?
420
00:16:30,093 --> 00:16:31,153
Man.
421
00:16:31,155 --> 00:16:33,568
We're just peeling the onion all
the way to the middle, aren't we?
422
00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:34,670
What's going on?
423
00:16:34,672 --> 00:16:36,732
Just because I miss you guys.
424
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,774
And I didn't know what was
going on with your lives
425
00:16:38,776 --> 00:16:41,905
and now I do, and it-it made
me feel connected to you.
426
00:16:43,038 --> 00:16:44,952
I'm not gonna lie to you, man, that got me.
427
00:16:47,988 --> 00:16:49,622
Hello? This is Nick.
428
00:16:49,624 --> 00:16:51,843
No, I'm sorry. Schmidt isn't here.
429
00:16:54,116 --> 00:16:57,271
No, he didn't... Pl... H...
Can you hold on one second?
430
00:16:57,273 --> 00:16:58,872
It's the magazine.
431
00:16:58,874 --> 00:17:00,499
- They want to cancel the interview.
- What?
432
00:17:00,501 --> 00:17:02,280
They want to do it right now or not at all.
433
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:05,333
Yeah, this is Nick again.
No, he-he did... He might...
434
00:17:05,335 --> 00:17:08,052
Hold on one second. I hear something.
That might be him. Please hold.
435
00:17:08,054 --> 00:17:09,905
- You've got to talk to 'em.
- Why do I have to talk?
436
00:17:09,907 --> 00:17:11,950
Because even though you're the
most awkward person I've ever met,
437
00:17:11,952 --> 00:17:13,466
you're magic on the phone and you know it.
438
00:17:13,468 --> 00:17:16,679
- You know, I put those days behind me...
- Schmidt's right here. Hold one sec.
439
00:17:16,681 --> 00:17:19,016
You have to do it. For Schmidt.
440
00:17:20,966 --> 00:17:22,800
I need a soda, I need a straw
441
00:17:22,802 --> 00:17:25,320
and I need to get horizontal,
so get out of my way.
442
00:17:32,453 --> 00:17:34,827
Yeah, this is Schmidt. What up?
443
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:40,866
I read. The last book I read.
Good question, good question.
444
00:17:40,868 --> 00:17:44,685
Uh, some biography with, uh, Carson
Daly. The one with the red cover.
445
00:17:44,687 --> 00:17:46,729
Yes, that Carson Daly Joint.
446
00:17:46,731 --> 00:17:48,335
You know, I respect that dude.
447
00:17:48,337 --> 00:17:50,241
Yeah, he's just like me. He's always on.
448
00:17:50,258 --> 00:17:52,202
There's not a lot of good
white role models out there,
449
00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,593
and I say that as a white man.
450
00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:57,968
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah,
you got it, Business, Man!
451
00:17:57,970 --> 00:17:59,904
Is that the magazine?
What are you boobs do...
452
00:17:59,906 --> 00:18:01,982
- What are you. Winston, get off the phone.
- Stop, stop, stop. Stop.
453
00:18:01,984 --> 00:18:02,813
Shh!
454
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:03,945
Trust us.
455
00:18:03,947 --> 00:18:06,952
What does marketing mean to Schmidt?
456
00:18:06,954 --> 00:18:09,515
This was the spoiler.
What did it say? Uh...
457
00:18:09,517 --> 00:18:11,485
- Predicting desires.
- Predicting desires.
458
00:18:11,487 --> 00:18:14,864
Well, to me, it's all
about predicting desires
459
00:18:14,866 --> 00:18:18,546
and finding buyers, you feel me?
460
00:18:18,548 --> 00:18:21,491
- He's really good on the phone.
- Did you know that my name was an acronym?
461
00:18:21,493 --> 00:18:23,343
Uh-huh. Schmidt:
462
00:18:23,345 --> 00:18:24,968
Some can have money,
463
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,067
I desire thoughtfulness.
464
00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:31,341
Schmidt don't quit!
465
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,476
Hey, Coach.
466
00:18:33,478 --> 00:18:36,113
- Hey.
- I just came in here to say I'm sorry.
467
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,648
Sometimes it's...
468
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,484
Hard to control your feelings.
469
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,788
Which I demonstrated by...
470
00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:45,364
Grabbing a man's "Dujeels" in
front of the entire faculty.
471
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:49,796
Well, I'm sorry for putting you in a
position to grab that man's "Dujeels."
472
00:18:49,798 --> 00:18:52,491
I don't like saying "Dujeels." It's weird.
473
00:18:52,493 --> 00:18:55,999
I call mine my Sam Jackson
'cause he's in everything.
474
00:18:56,001 --> 00:19:00,249
I just don't know how to face Ryan
again. I was so unprofessional.
475
00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:03,272
Jess, you're the Vice Principal,
and you're a great Vice Principal.
476
00:19:03,274 --> 00:19:05,175
Doesn't mean you're not a human being.
477
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:06,343
Thanks.
478
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,712
Oh... And you'll be happy to
know I've repealed the policy.
479
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:13,082
You have?
480
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:15,536
That's frickin' awesome.
481
00:19:15,538 --> 00:19:18,804
- Ruth.
- Hi. It's hot under there.
482
00:19:18,806 --> 00:19:21,742
Happy to know you two
have patched things up.
483
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,593
- Yeah, we have.
- Oh, they've been patched.
484
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,733
Two times.
485
00:19:25,735 --> 00:19:29,171
I see your hand moving, and I...
Wish you'd wait till I left the room.
486
00:19:29,173 --> 00:19:30,616
My bad.
487
00:19:32,077 --> 00:19:33,811
Hey.
488
00:19:33,813 --> 00:19:34,913
Hi.
489
00:19:34,915 --> 00:19:37,305
Hi. Sorry. Um, my hands are...
490
00:19:37,307 --> 00:19:39,577
Staying behind my back, don't worry.
491
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,726
I won't even look at it.
492
00:19:41,728 --> 00:19:44,463
I mean, I-I looked at it just
'cause I said it, but I...
493
00:19:44,465 --> 00:19:46,213
Uh... hmm, yeah.
494
00:19:46,215 --> 00:19:48,017
I was gonna ask you...
495
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:50,179
Vice Principal? A moment, please?
496
00:19:50,181 --> 00:19:51,554
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
497
00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:52,687
- Um, my boss.
- Good seeing you.
498
00:19:52,689 --> 00:19:54,823
- I'll, uh, see you around.
- I hope so.
499
00:19:56,365 --> 00:19:59,796
Principal Foster, I am so
sorry. I went overboard.
500
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:02,444
- First off, it's "Dog."
- Dog.
501
00:20:02,446 --> 00:20:04,334
Secondly, do not apologize.
502
00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:08,044
I have tried to corral
these animals myself.
503
00:20:08,046 --> 00:20:09,694
- It's impossible.
- Word.
504
00:20:09,696 --> 00:20:12,952
These teachers are straight-up ho's, Dog.
505
00:20:12,954 --> 00:20:16,226
Sometimes you just got to
let people follow their urges.
506
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,851
Yes.
507
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:23,132
- I completely agree.
- It's too bad we can't.
508
00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:27,123
- We can't?
- Absolutely not. We're administrators, B.
509
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,522
This is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
510
00:20:29,524 --> 00:20:32,195
Two administrators? Perfectly fine.
511
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:35,699
But, unfortunately, as
I've repeatedly told you,
512
00:20:36,077 --> 00:20:37,911
- I'm not attracted to you.
- Right.
513
00:20:37,913 --> 00:20:39,757
- You like asians.
- So... Exactly.
514
00:20:39,759 --> 00:20:41,694
- So that's off the table.
- Yeah.
515
00:20:41,696 --> 00:20:43,569
So, do us both a favor...
516
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,951
Lock up that lobster.
517
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,952
I still can't believe it. Look
at that. "Bringing nasty back."
518
00:20:56,954 --> 00:20:58,454
"The bad boy of marketing."
519
00:20:58,456 --> 00:21:00,201
- That is cool.
- So great for my brand.
520
00:21:00,203 --> 00:21:02,459
I mean, I always knew I was a
bad boy, but now it's in print
521
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,014
- and it's official.
- Don't call yourself a bad boy.
522
00:21:04,016 --> 00:21:05,920
- Am I a bad boy?
- You're not a bad boy.
523
00:21:08,553 --> 00:21:09,600
Winston!
524
00:21:12,342 --> 00:21:14,077
Winston!
525
00:21:14,749 --> 00:21:16,883
Winston!
526
00:21:18,045 --> 00:21:19,154
Yep.
527
00:21:19,156 --> 00:21:20,506
It's Judy.
528
00:21:20,508 --> 00:21:23,037
Hey, it's Nick! We talked on the phone!
529
00:21:23,039 --> 00:21:24,339
'Sup?
530
00:21:24,341 --> 00:21:25,967
Thanks, Nick.
531
00:21:26,918 --> 00:21:31,149
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
532
00:21:31,151 --> 00:21:33,242
Winston!