1
00:00:00,075 --> 00:00:03,307
Your hair looks so different.
Well, get used to it, boys.
2
00:00:03,308 --> 00:00:05,700
'Cause we're single, we're sophisticated.
3
00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:08,210
And we just went to a
place to get blow-outs.
4
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:09,310
What's a blow-out?
5
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:10,670
You know how it's possible
6
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,180
to make your own hair look amazing?
7
00:00:12,210 --> 00:00:14,180
- Uh, I do not.
- Yeah, you know whose hair I admire?
8
00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:16,080
Jesus. Man, dude's hair get overlooked
9
00:00:16,110 --> 00:00:18,250
because of all the miracles and stuff.
10
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,890
So, there's a place that
just blows out your hair?
11
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,250
Well, they wash it first.
12
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,820
So, essentially they create a problem,
13
00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:25,890
and then charge you to fix it.
14
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,060
Here's a, a business
idea I just thought of.
15
00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:29,530
Why don't I break the heels off your shoe,
16
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,560
and then charge you to glue them back on?
17
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,930
Or, uh, take your sore back and adjust it.
18
00:00:33,970 --> 00:00:36,700
Which would, uh, just
make me a chiropractor.
19
00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:38,200
You ladies need to be very careful.
20
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,540
Blow-out can give a woman
too much confidence.
21
00:00:40,570 --> 00:00:42,010
Make them take on things
that they can't handle.
22
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,040
Hillary Clinton.
23
00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:44,110
Oh, hey, Ken. You can just
24
00:00:44,140 --> 00:00:45,410
put the beer behind the bar.
25
00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:46,610
Oh, actually I was coming over here
26
00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:48,410
to talk to the pretty ladies.
27
00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:51,220
Nice hair.
28
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,620
Hey, Jess.
29
00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:54,890
Hey, Cece.
30
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,890
Bear Claw, hello.
31
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,960
I'd offer you my hand, but it's quite wet.
32
00:00:58,990 --> 00:01:00,460
Still standing close to people.
33
00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:01,690
My building has cable Internet now.
34
00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:03,130
Did you get even prettier?
35
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,200
What?
36
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,260
No.
37
00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:06,560
What? No.
38
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,430
What... no.
39
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:10,940
You and Cece should come to
a party at our place tonight.
40
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:12,240
I live with Ken.
41
00:01:12,270 --> 00:01:13,440
Ken played football in college.
42
00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:14,810
Do a football thing, Ken!
43
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:15,940
I'm kidding, Ken.
44
00:01:15,970 --> 00:01:18,210
Nobody wants to see that garbage.
45
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,380
Anyway, gonna be some cool people there.
46
00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:21,780
We know twin architects.
47
00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:23,080
Yeah, they're... brothers.
48
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,250
Ken, what did we talk about?!
49
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,250
Huh?
50
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,320
Some people understand things
51
00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:27,420
that don't come
52
00:01:27,450 --> 00:01:29,090
quite naturally to your brain!
53
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,720
Stupid dum-dum.
54
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,420
Stay out of this. You guys want to come?
55
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,890
- Um, could you excuse us for a second?
- Yeah.
56
00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:37,930
You played that all
wrong, you stupid idiot.
57
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,060
Cece, I know these guys are weird, but
58
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,170
parties have cute guys who aren't Schmidt.
59
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,340
What did Charisma say while
he was washing our hair?
60
00:01:45,370 --> 00:01:46,640
He said he was worried about Taylor Swift
61
00:01:46,670 --> 00:01:48,510
living in New York all alone.
62
00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:50,310
Well, yeah, we all are, but he also said
63
00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:52,180
that we need to embrace our freedom.
64
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,080
We're single. We can do whatever we want!
65
00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:56,580
The only thing stopping us is us.
66
00:01:56,620 --> 00:02:00,320
And Charisma made us promise
not to waste these blow-outs.
67
00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:02,850
Our hair does look so good right now.
68
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,460
Let's do this! Let's go to this party!
69
00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:07,360
Let's see where this journey takes us!
70
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,660
Good morning.
71
00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:15,530
Hi.
72
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,970
Do you want to hear a funny story?
73
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,770
This green pillow over here,
74
00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:23,310
I always use it in between my legs
75
00:02:23,340 --> 00:02:26,340
like a... like a second person.
76
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,510
But it found its proper home
77
00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:30,550
underneath your head today.
78
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,999
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
79
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,370
Hey, hey... mamma Mia!
80
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,530
He slipped in the sauce. Bookmark this one.
81
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,170
Coach, get in here! We're watching videos
82
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,210
of Italians falling down.
83
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,810
Oh, he's on a jog with May.
You know, I think
84
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,480
he might've met his match with that one.
85
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,240
Rumor has it they haven't even kissed yet.
86
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,910
What was all that noise in their room
87
00:03:00,950 --> 00:03:02,410
- if they haven't kissed yet?
- That's weird.
88
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,420
Stop listening by everybody's rooms
89
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:06,550
for sex sounds, Winston.
90
00:03:06,590 --> 00:03:08,220
Listen, if I'm not getting it, Hey! Hey!
91
00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,890
I want to make sure
everybody else is getting it.
92
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,420
Winston, I mean it, man.
93
00:03:11,460 --> 00:03:13,520
Good morning!
94
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,260
I, uh, I believe you all know May.
95
00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:17,360
- Hi.
- If you'd like to exchange pleasantries,
96
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,030
please do so now, as she as on her way out.
97
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,400
Why are you talking like
98
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:22,730
you're high and I'm your dad?
99
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,770
Sorry I can't stay. I'm
performing at a benefit today.
100
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:25,670
Oh. I'm playing
101
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,370
Bach's "Cello Suite No. 1,"
102
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:29,240
and all I have left to learn is
103
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:31,240
the cadenza movement, so it's...
104
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,080
Well, at least it's not the saraband.
105
00:03:33,110 --> 00:03:34,450
Oh! Oh, my God!
106
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,780
Right? I get this.
107
00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:38,780
That's crazy.
108
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,450
Hey, you guys should come.
109
00:03:40,490 --> 00:03:43,120
Yeah, it's at an art gallery.
110
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,960
Yeah, yeah. I-I think I speak for everyone
111
00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:46,860
when I say absolutmont.
112
00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:53,060
Something about Italians
on their asses, man.
113
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,940
Oh, my God!
114
00:03:58,970 --> 00:04:02,140
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
115
00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:03,640
You have stickers
116
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,640
on your neck.
117
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:06,980
Ow!
118
00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:08,810
"The man, the legend"?
119
00:04:08,850 --> 00:04:10,250
Wouldn't that mean he has no penis at all?
120
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,280
Look, I had no choice, okay?
121
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,320
He's sleeping on my shirt.
122
00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:14,390
We need to go! Walk of shame!
123
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,990
Let's make a move...
124
00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:18,260
Wait, a minute. Why do
women have to have a label
125
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,460
for going home in the morning
126
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:22,760
when for men it's just... going home.
127
00:04:22,790 --> 00:04:24,130
Why don't we just call
ourselves what we are?
128
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,930
Two respectable women...
129
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,170
rushing to their car.
130
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,230
Great.
131
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,940
- Aah!
- Aah!
132
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,270
Oh!
133
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,940
The sun! Hellfire!
134
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,740
Where's the car? Where's my car?
135
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:40,610
- No, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- No! No! No, no, no, no!
136
00:04:40,650 --> 00:04:41,980
- No, no, no, no, no!
- No, no, no!
137
00:04:42,010 --> 00:04:43,110
What are we gonna do?
138
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,820
My phone's dead.
139
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:46,650
My phone is dead, too.
140
00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:48,320
I have no cash. Now, what are we gonna do?
141
00:04:48,350 --> 00:04:49,350
Are we gonna walk?
142
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,160
My feet are wrecked, okay?
143
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,490
And carrying shoes?
144
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,990
That's legit walk of shame.
145
00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:56,260
Please stop saying "walk of shame."
146
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:57,460
Also "legit."
147
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,700
Not crazy about that word, either.
148
00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:02,100
If that South African runner
who killed his girlfriend
149
00:05:02,130 --> 00:05:04,340
can run with no legs,
150
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,970
we can walk in heels.
151
00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:08,640
Excuse you!
152
00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:10,940
Those little bitches
throwing us shade? Hey!
153
00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:12,880
Keep it moving!
154
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:15,180
This is a middle school vice principal
155
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:17,320
and can give both of you detention.
156
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:18,550
Hey, would one of you let us
157
00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:21,020
use your phone in exchange for...
158
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:22,220
- Cece?
- What? Mm-hmm.
159
00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:23,890
Cheese and a condom?
160
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,390
It's for emergencies.
161
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,200
Do you think Nick and Winston
should come to May's thing?
162
00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:30,230
No.
163
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:31,360
I mean, I'm so freaked out
164
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,630
that they're gonna embarrass me.
165
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:33,700
I'm barely holding my own
166
00:05:33,730 --> 00:05:34,850
with May's friends as it is.
167
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:36,870
It's always Neo-romanticism
168
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:38,370
with that guy... like Rihm,
169
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,340
Rochberg, Zwilich.
170
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:41,970
You know what song I find Neo-romantic?
171
00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:49,550
It's Monday Night Football?
172
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:51,050
Uh...
173
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,720
Why is it, like, weird right now?
174
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,850
It's a good thing that I'm coming with you.
175
00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:57,860
I know a ton about classical music.
176
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,060
I played the ghost of
Rachmaninoff in a loosely based
177
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,060
high school production of Shine.
178
00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:04,371
Now, do you think I'm crazy
for, like, thinking like that?
179
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,520
Like, what do you think about
Nick and Winston coming?
180
00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:08,370
You know, I brought Nick
to a work dinner once.
181
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,000
That was fun!
182
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,840
Now, that place was fancy.
183
00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:16,010
Vest without a shirt?
184
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,710
I mean, it's a clean look.
185
00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:19,710
It's just not for that
occasion. You-you don't think
186
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,610
we should tell them not
to come, though, right?
187
00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:22,880
I think we can tell them whatever we want.
188
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,250
Oh, hey, hey. And then...
189
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,250
so, that's, it's his side.
190
00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:27,390
Hey, Nick!
191
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,390
What's up, man?
192
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,770
Nick, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up!
193
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,240
The voice mailbox for...
194
00:06:47,270 --> 00:06:48,540
Penis Wilson.
195
00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,370
Is full. Good-bye.
196
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,080
And there it is.
197
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:54,810
All the numbers I know by heart.
198
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:56,280
That's more than me.
199
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,620
Learn from us.
200
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,820
Also, never open a line of credit
201
00:06:59,850 --> 00:07:02,990
for your boyfriend no matter
how talented of an artist he is.
202
00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:05,590
Uh, we are walking.
203
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:07,430
We're walking.
204
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,330
All right.
205
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,400
This is a legit walk of shame.
206
00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:14,000
Oh, yeah.
207
00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:15,770
Rough start, ladies!
208
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,030
It was the blow-out.
209
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,800
It was the blow-out.
210
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,010
It's gonna be okay. Come on, let's go.
211
00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:25,290
Oh, my God, they look so comfy.
212
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,060
Okay, you got it, okay? You got it.
213
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:29,590
Just give it a good...
214
00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:31,560
Oh, God, I need those sneakers.
215
00:07:31,590 --> 00:07:32,790
Ooh!
216
00:07:32,830 --> 00:07:34,230
So close, so close.
217
00:07:34,260 --> 00:07:35,460
You got it on this one,
you got it, you got it.
218
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:36,730
Yeah.
219
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,440
No! No!
220
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,970
Let's follow that train.
221
00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:50,080
Look at it, just sitting
there, so full and so watery.
222
00:07:50,110 --> 00:07:51,350
If we steal that water,
223
00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:52,610
are we criminals?
224
00:07:52,650 --> 00:07:53,920
If we cross this fence,
225
00:07:53,950 --> 00:07:55,450
are we crossing a line
that we can never...?
226
00:07:55,490 --> 00:07:57,020
Shut up, we are going in.
227
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:01,260
Makes sense.
228
00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:02,660
Ugh, I can't believe we have to go
229
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,130
to that stupid music thing.
230
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,330
I just found these two-for-one
231
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,800
coupons to the water park.
232
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:08,660
- Wow.
- They reopened the wave pool
233
00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:10,770
because it's been two years to
the day since that guy died.
234
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,630
- R.I.P. Mike Beakman.
- All right, you know what?
235
00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:14,270
I'll... I'll take one for the team.
236
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,870
You guys go to the water park,
237
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:17,310
- and I'll go with Coach.
- Really?
238
00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:18,540
My eyes react poorly
239
00:08:18,570 --> 00:08:20,040
to children's urine anyway.
240
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,440
- Don't ask me how I know that.
- Sweet.
241
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,850
You guys are gonna have
so much fun without us.
242
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,380
- Yeah, come on, Coach.
- Man...
243
00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:27,280
Let's go put on our most
scrotum-crushing trousers.
244
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,950
Thanks a lot, guys.
245
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:31,620
Those lousy serpents.
246
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:33,390
They don't want us to come.
247
00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:35,520
Damn lousy serpents.
248
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:38,060
They must think we're stupid.
249
00:08:38,090 --> 00:08:39,690
- I don't want to go...
- Mm-hmm.
250
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,130
But I don't like the idea of not going
251
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,000
because they don't want us to go,
252
00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:45,330
rather than not going
because we don't want to go.
253
00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:46,970
That's right, 'cause if we
don't go, then who gonna go
254
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,540
when we don't want to, 'cause we go.
255
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,570
Right? Rewind.
256
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:53,080
- Come on, I'm being very clear here.
- Where are we going and why?
257
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:55,080
We're going everywhere for both reasons.
258
00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:58,480
How do you do it so smooth?
259
00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:00,380
Just... exhale.
260
00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:07,060
I just can't do it. I
don't even care about it.
261
00:09:07,090 --> 00:09:08,990
Just gonna...
262
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:10,230
Oh, that's heavy.
263
00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:11,890
- Yeah.
- Okay.
264
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:13,530
Let's just knock it over.
Push it ov... push it.
265
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,160
- Push, push...
- Go.
266
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,400
Oh! Fall back,
267
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,930
fall back, fall back, fall back.
268
00:09:19,940 --> 00:09:21,400
We're trapped.
269
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,940
Now what? Wait until the
kid's party's over?
270
00:09:23,970 --> 00:09:27,210
Kids unwrap presents so slowly.
271
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,780
I know. Kids are so slow.
272
00:09:28,810 --> 00:09:30,380
I think this is rock bottom.
273
00:09:30,410 --> 00:09:31,750
Cece...
274
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:35,250
I have to tell you something embarrassing.
275
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,220
What?
276
00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:37,790
I didn't sleep
277
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:39,920
with Bear Claw last night.
278
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,490
I did something even worse.
279
00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:44,690
We made up a musical
280
00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:45,890
about woodland creatures.
281
00:09:45,930 --> 00:09:47,960
♪ Owls and squirrels and deer ♪
282
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,930
- ♪ Raccoon and caribou ♪
- ♪ And otters ♪
283
00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:52,530
♪ Get out of here, you're not welcome ♪
284
00:09:52,570 --> 00:09:54,300
- ♪ Get out of here ♪
- ♪ Get out of here ♪
285
00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:55,870
♪ Caribou, caribou... ♪
286
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,370
It's true.
287
00:09:57,410 --> 00:09:58,640
Heh.
288
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,240
Why did you make it seem like...
289
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,940
Because I didn't have a one-night stand
290
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:03,280
like a normal woman.
291
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,480
I stayed up all night
292
00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:06,380
pretending to be a singing tree.
293
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:08,750
♪ I'm just a dumb old tree ♪
294
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:10,990
♪ You're not, take it back ♪
295
00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:13,920
♪ Nobody ever pets me-e-e-e ♪
296
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,420
♪ 'Cause you're just a tree ♪
297
00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:17,290
♪ They just eat my nuts ♪
298
00:10:17,330 --> 00:10:23,470
♪ Eat my nuts, eat my nuts. ♪
299
00:10:26,470 --> 00:10:29,600
You're right. That is way more shameful.
300
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:30,940
All right.
301
00:10:30,970 --> 00:10:32,740
Confession.
302
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,880
I did not sleep with Ken, either.
303
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:36,980
Yeah, we started hooking up
304
00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:38,250
and then I called him... Schmidt.
305
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:39,280
That's okay. It happens.
306
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:40,420
- Twice.
- Whatever.
307
00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:42,420
- Four times.
- Okay, that's bad.
308
00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:43,920
I know, I felt so bad afterwards,
309
00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:45,390
I straightened up his room.
310
00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:47,920
I am a grown woman
311
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,090
that is in love with her ex-boyfriend
312
00:10:50,130 --> 00:10:52,960
that has a girlfriend.
313
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,600
And I've been stealing my neighbor's Wi-Fi.
314
00:10:55,630 --> 00:10:57,370
I mean, what have I become?
315
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,470
This day is about to turn around.
316
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:08,840
Wait.
317
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,180
Coach.
318
00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:16,450
What?
319
00:11:16,490 --> 00:11:17,790
Just-just put it in your pocket.
320
00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:19,050
No, dude. It had pork belly on it.
321
00:11:19,090 --> 00:11:21,020
Just put it in your pocket. Do it.
322
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:23,030
I used to play the violin.
323
00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:24,990
Then I became a real musician.
324
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:28,630
Because your instrument's bigger, right?
325
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,830
Cello knowledge.
326
00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:32,030
Yeah.
327
00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,800
The cello is bigger.
328
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,840
Nice.
329
00:11:37,340 --> 00:11:39,640
- The hell are they doing here?
- I don't know.
330
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,580
They're drinking at a normal pace.
331
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:43,880
There's nothing stuck to them.
332
00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:45,380
Exactly.
333
00:11:45,420 --> 00:11:46,780
The hell are they up to?
334
00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:51,020
You are a genius.
335
00:11:51,050 --> 00:11:52,720
Sweet, sweet city water.
336
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,360
Okay. You know how today's been
337
00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:56,760
kind of like a-a crappy day?
338
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:57,560
Mm-hmm.
339
00:11:57,590 --> 00:11:59,060
Well, how would you feel
340
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,560
if that hose belonged to your ex-boyfriend?
341
00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:04,100
Jess?
342
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,770
Genzlinger!
343
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,110
Hey! Uh...
344
00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:13,580
Blast from the past!
345
00:12:13,610 --> 00:12:14,880
How's that ass?
346
00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:17,380
That ass is good.
347
00:12:17,410 --> 00:12:18,580
I don't know if that's
an expression, but...
348
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:20,350
How the heck are you?
349
00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:22,680
Good. How... Oop.
350
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,390
Heh. Don't know why I did that.
351
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:26,660
Did it again. I don't know why.
352
00:12:39,530 --> 00:12:41,400
Why you guys dressed up all nice? Huh?
353
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:43,670
Talking all polite and
stuff. What-What's going on?
354
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:46,140
Oh, we're just here for the culture
355
00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:48,170
- and, uh, the spectacle of it all.
- Really?
356
00:12:48,210 --> 00:12:50,410
And to make you look like
a stupid piece of crap
357
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,980
for thinking we'd be an
embarrassment to you.
358
00:12:53,010 --> 00:12:54,110
I'm patting you down.
359
00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:55,510
- Hey.
- I'm an American citizen.
360
00:12:55,550 --> 00:12:56,910
I request a female if you're gonna do that.
361
00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,520
Stop it. Stop.
362
00:12:58,550 --> 00:12:59,750
- Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
- Ah, ah.
363
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,150
- Get your paws off of me.
- I feel something!
364
00:13:01,190 --> 00:13:02,520
- I feel something!
- Show some class, Coach.
365
00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:03,490
Get your paws
366
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,590
- off of me!
- Ow!
367
00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:07,930
Toothpick in my leg!
368
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,960
Oh, dip.
369
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,500
Ernie!
370
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,030
Please apologize to Frondi.
371
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:17,870
The flautist.
372
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,200
Uh...
373
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,340
The flute player.
374
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:21,540
Oh.
375
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,380
Sorry, Frondi.
376
00:13:25,510 --> 00:13:28,010
I should go.
377
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,120
We'll take care of the
charges and the damages.
378
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:35,020
- We'll spare no expense.
- No, we will not. No, we will not.
379
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:37,020
- We will spare no expense.
- No, we will not.
380
00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:39,220
So, yeah, I got promoted to Vice Principal.
381
00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:40,520
- VP.
- Great.
382
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,160
I have a bottle of soy sauce on my desk,
383
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:43,730
so no more packets for me.
384
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,640
Hey, you got a little
roly poly bug on you, hmm?
385
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:47,400
Oh...
386
00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:49,830
- I get it.
- What?
387
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,340
I wasn't born yesterday!
388
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:53,070
You think we're on a walk of shame.
389
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,470
Didn't, but...
390
00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:56,240
Congratulations.
391
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,740
You spend your Sundays
having cupcake parties
392
00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:00,380
at your beautiful house
with your cute little
393
00:14:00,410 --> 00:14:02,710
half-Asian kid and your daddy diaper bag...
394
00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:04,980
I think someone might need a
visit from the "rest police."
395
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:06,220
Just because I don't have a husband
396
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:07,690
or a baby or a house
397
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,350
doesn't mean I'm not living right.
398
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,220
We're still growing and changing.
399
00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:12,660
- Yeah.
- And that's a good thing.
400
00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:14,260
Look at this hair.
401
00:14:14,290 --> 00:14:15,990
This is single-girl hair.
402
00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:17,730
This is adventure hair.
403
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:21,370
This isn't boring, married, settled hair.
404
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,370
This is... this is fun.
405
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,440
We're fun.
406
00:14:24,470 --> 00:14:26,240
You know what I did last night?
407
00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:28,410
I got totally obliterated,
408
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,040
and I made up a musical fable
with a guy named Bear Claw,
409
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,040
and it was better than sex.
410
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,450
♪ I'm a little fox,
but I'm not that sly ♪
411
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:37,880
♪ What can I say? ♪
412
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,420
♪ I'm an honest little guy. ♪
413
00:14:40,650 --> 00:14:42,850
Well, I'm glad things are good...
414
00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:44,050
You know what, Genzlinger?
415
00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:45,690
I don't care what you think of me.
416
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:46,890
'Cause this is my journey.
417
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:48,890
Welcome to my freaking journey.
418
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,630
Great, I wish you luck...
419
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:51,630
You ready?
420
00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:53,730
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
421
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,970
That's not Jenn.
422
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,240
Nope.
423
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:02,910
This is not my house, okay?
424
00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:04,740
This is not a daddy diaper bag,
425
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:07,380
This is a bag of sadness.
426
00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:10,380
Because I am a party clown.
427
00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:12,420
I'm actually a musical party clown, okay?
428
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:17,390
So no one's had a more shameful
walk this morning than me.
429
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:22,990
What happened to Jenn?
430
00:15:23,030 --> 00:15:24,150
Thanks for bringing that up.
431
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,130
Salt in the wound.
432
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,130
She left me.
433
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,300
You know what I did last night?
434
00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:28,470
I'm gonna tell you.
435
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,330
I masturbated to pornography
436
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:33,800
that I had to draw on
the back of an envelope.
437
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,070
Mmm.
438
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:37,480
- He's great with kids.
- Who are you?
439
00:15:37,510 --> 00:15:39,480
I'm a Liza Minnelli impersonator.
440
00:15:39,510 --> 00:15:41,310
♪ Ah... ♪
441
00:15:41,350 --> 00:15:42,480
So...
442
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:48,190
Ah, guys, look, I don't see much
443
00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:49,850
of the toothpick coming out.
444
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:51,460
So, best move...
445
00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:53,790
Push it all the way in, and
get it from the other side.
446
00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,030
Am I right? You guys agree?
447
00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:56,690
How could you guys do this to me?
448
00:15:56,730 --> 00:15:57,930
We didn't do anything.
449
00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,000
You embarrassed yourself.
450
00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:00,430
Actually, you embarrassed us.
451
00:16:00,470 --> 00:16:02,100
And you do it all the time, Coach.
452
00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:04,540
Like how you sit on the hood of your car
453
00:16:04,570 --> 00:16:06,770
when you pump gas into it.
454
00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:08,610
I mean, what, are you in
Dukes of Hazzard, you idiot?
455
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,380
I saw Isaiah Thomas do it on a
poster once, and it was cool.
456
00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:12,880
And what are you laughing at, all right?
457
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,950
- What?
- You put ChapStick on like a little girl
458
00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:16,550
putting on lipstick for the first time.
459
00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:19,280
It's way too much puckering.
460
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,400
- Winston, you know what, you shut up.
- Cold busted.
461
00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:23,220
You're the most embarrassing
one of our friends by far.
462
00:16:23,260 --> 00:16:24,820
- With your singing.
- Outfits. - And the crystals.
463
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,360
- Your mural.
- The mustache. - Your fauxhawk.
464
00:16:26,390 --> 00:16:27,990
- Your bell.
- Puzzles. - Cat.
465
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:31,000
FYI... you guys live with the cat, too.
466
00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:33,130
But at least I get to reap the benefits.
467
00:16:34,370 --> 00:16:35,770
That...
468
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,640
- Ah.
- Oh, oh.
469
00:16:39,670 --> 00:16:41,640
Look, it's not what it looks like, my man.
470
00:16:41,670 --> 00:16:44,040
Um, we're just trying to squeeze
something out of my buddy.
471
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,360
We'll be done when it comes out.
472
00:16:48,350 --> 00:16:49,880
Well, maybe it's
not gonna work with May.
473
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,880
She's too good for me.
474
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,880
I should just go back
to having soulless sex
475
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,820
with beautiful women I share
no emotional connection...
476
00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:57,250
Oh!
477
00:16:57,290 --> 00:16:58,390
All my hard work.
478
00:16:58,420 --> 00:16:59,690
May didn't start liking you
479
00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:01,690
because you play some dumb instrument.
480
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:04,060
She started liking you
because you're cocky.
481
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:05,560
And you're funny.
482
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,030
What, you're afraid of her
483
00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:08,830
because she plays the standing-up guitar?
484
00:17:08,870 --> 00:17:10,740
He's right, Coach, I don't
know why we're trying so hard
485
00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:12,000
to make you fit in here.
486
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,040
You're Coach,
487
00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:14,940
- sex in a sweat suit.
- Yeah.
488
00:17:14,970 --> 00:17:17,510
If I've tought you one thing,
it's lead out with confidence.
489
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:19,910
Follow up with comedy.
490
00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:22,910
And number trey, your
home run, your triple...
491
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:24,550
Have great looks.
492
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:26,850
I got 'em, and I passed them on to you.
493
00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:29,420
So get out there, you beautiful peacock.
494
00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:31,760
Shake your tail feathers.
495
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:34,190
I mean, I'd rather not get these
compliments with my pants down,
496
00:17:34,230 --> 00:17:35,930
but appreciate it.
497
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,560
Paul, you don't have to do
this if you don't want to.
498
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,400
You don't have to clown for these people.
499
00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:41,430
Yes, you do.
500
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:42,530
She said...
501
00:17:42,570 --> 00:17:44,370
Open yourself up to the journey.
502
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,770
Look, if Taylor Swift can
live alone in New York,
503
00:17:46,810 --> 00:17:48,110
just think what you can do.
504
00:17:50,010 --> 00:17:51,740
The only thing stopping you is you.
505
00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:55,780
Yeah.
506
00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:57,620
Ma'am, I will not clown for you today.
507
00:17:57,650 --> 00:17:59,150
Or any day thereafter.
508
00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:02,150
What are you doing?
509
00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:04,790
I am going on a journey.
510
00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:06,760
This is my freaking journey.
511
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,830
We're taking back the morning.
512
00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:12,860
Happy birthday to your little one.
513
00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:21,510
May, we run in different circles.
514
00:18:21,550 --> 00:18:23,350
My circle's not even really a circle.
515
00:18:23,380 --> 00:18:26,490
It's more of a swirling mass of idiots.
516
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,490
But, uh, that's me.
517
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,990
Yeah, you didn't have to come back in here
518
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:31,020
to tell me you were an idiot.
519
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,460
No.
520
00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:35,090
What I need to tell you is I like you.
521
00:18:35,130 --> 00:18:38,000
And that, um...
522
00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:40,000
and that I hate classical music.
523
00:18:40,030 --> 00:18:41,630
I'm sorry, I do... I hate it.
524
00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,500
I mean, there's so many better
kinds of music now, it's...
525
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,100
- Okay.
- Yeah.
526
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:48,010
But if you're playing it, I want to listen.
527
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,040
- 'Cause you mean a lot to me.
- All right.
528
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:57,050
I'm gonna play you a song,
and if you can name it...
529
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,020
then we can give this another shot.
530
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:01,490
If you don't want to do this,
just... it's... I'm fine.
531
00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:18,540
That's Monday Night Football!
532
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:20,740
Yeah, I learned it for you.
533
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,040
All right.
534
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,040
Oh.
535
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,050
Oh, sorry.
536
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,080
That poked me.
537
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,350
Okay.
538
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:31,750
No, just don't touch it, don't touch it.
539
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:32,780
Okay, okay, okay.
540
00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:34,520
- But okay.
- Okay.
541
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,670
Los Angeles!
542
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:48,670
We are sluts and we are clowns!
543
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,600
But we are not losers!
544
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,040
- We are not losers!
- Yes!
545
00:19:52,070 --> 00:19:53,440
No, we're adventurers!
546
00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:55,610
Shame, shame, I know your name.
547
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,680
Ah... yo, Nicholas!
548
00:19:57,710 --> 00:19:59,080
Hey, Genzlinger!
549
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,110
I miss you, man!
550
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:01,350
Great shoes!
551
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:02,950
Guess what, guys, I'm still here.
552
00:20:02,980 --> 00:20:04,420
Take that, Lyme's disease!
553
00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:05,850
Cecilia, what is that shirt?
554
00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:07,020
"The man, the legend"?
555
00:20:07,050 --> 00:20:08,750
Oh, I think you've met the legend.
556
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:10,460
Hey, you guys want a ride?!
557
00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:11,460
- Yeah!
- Nah!
558
00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:12,890
No.
559
00:20:12,930 --> 00:20:14,730
No, we've made it this far.
560
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,430
We're just gonna carry on through.
561
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:18,060
- Yeah, that's right, that's right.
- Yeah.
562
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:19,400
Take that, City of Angels!
563
00:20:19,430 --> 00:20:21,400
For the true angels are we!
564
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:22,730
Yes!
565
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:24,600
Charisma, we didn't waste your blow-out!
566
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,310
I know we are having a moment here.
567
00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:28,110
Just take it down a notch.
568
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,440
Oh, thank God we made it.
569
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,640
Uh, Jess.
570
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,380
You forgot your purse.
571
00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:34,650
I didn't look inside.
572
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,420
But I did feel around.
573
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,250
Thanks, Bear Claw.
574
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:44,990
♪ The forest is very lonely
for a thing like he ♪
575
00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:46,890
♪ I'm a gay wolf ♪
576
00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:48,730
♪ He's a gay wolf ♪
577
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,800
♪ The creatures of the forest ♪
578
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:53,400
N-N-N-No, don't go out there, don't.
- ♪ Are set in their ways ♪
579
00:20:53,430 --> 00:20:55,970
- Oh.
- ♪ It's very hard to be ♪
580
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,600
♪ An animal gay ♪
581
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,800
♪ Today ♪
582
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,610
This is super embarrassing.
583
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:01,610
Yeah.
584
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,640
♪ Today ♪
585
00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:07,910
It's why I didn't want to come out here.
586
00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:09,280
We should go to a minor next
587
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,280
to really feel the sadness
588
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:11,450
- and isolation.
- No.
589
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,178
Yeah, he just wants to be accepted, May.
590
00:21:13,179 --> 00:21:15,179
Yeah, I got it. Love that.
591
00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:17,339
♪ He runs with the pack ♪
592
00:21:17,340 --> 00:21:18,849
♪ All day long ♪
593
00:21:18,850 --> 00:21:23,155
- Uhh, this is embarrassing.
- ♪ Inside of him is a sad sad song ♪
594
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:27,689
♪ And he's a gay wolf all along ♪
595
00:21:27,690 --> 00:21:29,319
♪ But, wait ♪
596
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,869
♪ I'm a gay wolf too ♪
597
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:36,039
♪ Would you like to eat
some wolf Chinese food ♪
598
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,969
♪ Only if it's gay ♪
599
00:21:38,970 --> 00:21:40,819
Clap, now.
600
00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:42,229
Clap. Now.
601
00:21:42,230 --> 00:21:43,023
Thank you.
602
00:21:43,024 --> 00:21:45,064
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