1
00:00:00,504 --> 00:00:03,067
- Here you guys go. Some cookies.
- Wow.
2
00:00:03,068 --> 00:00:04,075
Okay, great. Um,
3
00:00:04,076 --> 00:00:06,057
as you guys know, I'm moving in
4
00:00:06,058 --> 00:00:08,006
with Caroline,
and I'm glad we can
5
00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:09,038
talk about this like adults.
6
00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:12,020
Caroline is, uh,
quite the baker.
7
00:00:12,021 --> 00:00:13,010
Anything else, anyone?
8
00:00:13,011 --> 00:00:14,050
You're making a huge,
9
00:00:14,051 --> 00:00:16,066
life-ruining mistake
by moving in
10
00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:18,016
with a woman who turned you
11
00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:19,073
into an agoraphobic,
12
00:00:19,074 --> 00:00:21,058
turtle-faced,
borderline alcoholic.
13
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,037
I'm going to start over,
14
00:00:24,038 --> 00:00:26,053
'cause this did not go
the way I had planned.
15
00:00:26,554 --> 00:00:28,992
As you guys know, I'm leaving,
so there are some things
16
00:00:28,993 --> 00:00:31,012
- we need to work out.
- Yeah, like, what am I going to do
17
00:00:31,013 --> 00:00:33,038
with all that extra money I have
now that I don't
18
00:00:33,039 --> 00:00:35,038
- have to cover for you any more?
- Okay.
19
00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:37,050
- Maybe I'll buy a city.
- Oh, and you can open a mall
20
00:00:37,053 --> 00:00:39,012
- And call it Winston's Corners.
- What are you guys doing?
21
00:00:39,013 --> 00:00:40,092
You're just sitting here
and letting this happen?
22
00:00:40,093 --> 00:00:42,016
What else are we going to do?
23
00:00:42,017 --> 00:00:44,000
The guy obviously
knows what he wants.
24
00:00:44,001 --> 00:00:45,025
- I do.
- When Nick leaves,
25
00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:47,032
I'm going to call a plumber
and just
26
00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:48,079
throw cash at him
while he works.
27
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,087
Fitties and hunnits,
hunnits, hunnits.
28
00:00:50,088 --> 00:00:52,056
Look, while you're at it, can
you please call an exterminator
29
00:00:52,057 --> 00:00:54,036
so we can get rid
of that crime against nature?
30
00:00:54,037 --> 00:00:55,079
Yeah, he's not fooling anyone.
31
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,074
You think, just 'cause he's
32
00:00:57,075 --> 00:00:59,031
a snappy dresser,
the mice don't see the hammer?
33
00:00:59,032 --> 00:01:00,075
Mice come
from all over the building
34
00:01:00,076 --> 00:01:02,041
to laugh at that dummy witch.
35
00:01:02,042 --> 00:01:04,007
Is this a freaking carob chip?
36
00:01:04,008 --> 00:01:05,015
What, are you trying
to buy our love
37
00:01:05,016 --> 00:01:06,079
with hippie chocolate?
38
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,020
You idiot.
39
00:01:08,021 --> 00:01:10,082
Aren't you going to
miss this, Nick?
40
00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:13,046
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪Who's that girl?♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:13,047 --> 00:01:15,507
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl?
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:16,088
♪ It's Jess. ♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:18,025 --> 00:01:20,021
Winston, can you take me
to the doctor tomorrow?
44
00:01:20,022 --> 00:01:22,012
- He's taking the bandages off.
- Wow.
45
00:01:22,013 --> 00:01:23,083
The old Washington Monument.
46
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:26,016
Ready to serve this
great nation once again.
47
00:01:26,017 --> 00:01:27,067
- Can you stop?
- What?
48
00:01:27,068 --> 00:01:29,052
It's time to make this
horse into a unicorn.
49
00:01:29,053 --> 00:01:31,036
Can we save this talk
until after we're done
50
00:01:31,037 --> 00:01:32,998
interviewing Neil here
to take Nick's room?
51
00:01:32,999 --> 00:01:34,088
Hey, don't worry about me.
52
00:01:34,089 --> 00:01:37,020
I could talk about my dingus
all night long.
53
00:01:37,021 --> 00:01:39,060
Neil, tell us about yourself--
you know, uh, anything
54
00:01:39,061 --> 00:01:41,002
we should know,
aside from the fact
55
00:01:41,003 --> 00:01:43,096
that you responded
to our Craigslist ad with a fax?
56
00:01:43,097 --> 00:01:46,003
Well, um, yeah, my name is Neil.
57
00:01:46,004 --> 00:01:49,074
Um, just coming out
of a pretty hairy divorce.
58
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:51,020
I am in human resources.
59
00:01:51,021 --> 00:01:52,054
Well, I used to be.
60
00:01:52,055 --> 00:01:54,003
I had the unique, uh, experience
61
00:01:54,004 --> 00:01:56,053
of having to let myself go.
62
00:01:56,054 --> 00:01:59,067
- I did not take it well.
- Let me ask you a question.
63
00:01:59,068 --> 00:02:01,094
I would love for you to save
your questions till the end.
64
00:02:01,095 --> 00:02:03,075
Are you going to be
a wuss about things
65
00:02:03,076 --> 00:02:06,017
- like crabs and bedbugs?
- Like, crabs from Maine?
66
00:02:06,018 --> 00:02:08,062
I hope you like feminist rants,
'cause that's kind of my thing.
67
00:02:08,063 --> 00:02:10,095
Neil, she's just saying this
to scare you.
68
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:12,062
What are you...
69
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,021
- What are you doing?
- Shut up.
70
00:02:14,024 --> 00:02:16,007
I'm a cutter.
71
00:02:16,008 --> 00:02:18,016
Neil, uh, I want you
to give us a minute, okay?
72
00:02:18,017 --> 00:02:19,054
I got to go talk
to my roommates
73
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,012
- in the bathroom. Guys?
- Okay. Yeah.
74
00:02:21,013 --> 00:02:22,046
You're acting insane.
75
00:02:22,047 --> 00:02:25,016
I'm acting insane?
That guy's insane.
76
00:02:25,017 --> 00:02:27,054
Look, Jess, when you moved in,
we all had to roll with it.
77
00:02:27,055 --> 00:02:30,011
To be fair, you do some
pretty weird stuff.
78
00:02:30,012 --> 00:02:31,998
You know, I still can't
get used to the way
79
00:02:31,999 --> 00:02:33,092
you let us know
when you're using the toilet.
80
00:02:37,029 --> 00:02:39,011
I'm good with Neil.
81
00:02:39,012 --> 00:02:41,033
- I am, too.
- What are you guys doing?
82
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,011
Nick's leaving.
83
00:02:43,012 --> 00:02:44,083
You're his friends.
84
00:02:44,084 --> 00:02:47,011
Aren't you going to fight
for him to stay?
85
00:02:47,012 --> 00:02:48,070
You're in.
86
00:02:48,071 --> 00:02:50,011
Ah, yes! Okay.
87
00:02:50,012 --> 00:02:51,092
And get ready for songs,
88
00:02:51,093 --> 00:02:54,045
'cause I am kind of
a troubadour.
89
00:02:54,046 --> 00:02:57,007
This is happening, Nick.
This is happening.
90
00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:58,983
Whoa, whoa! Why you
taking back your lamp?
91
00:02:58,984 --> 00:03:00,024
I think you just answered that
92
00:03:00,025 --> 00:03:02,020
when you called it my lamp.
93
00:03:02,021 --> 00:03:04,016
No, man.
Squatters' rights.
94
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,083
What's wrong?
You still afraid of the dark?
95
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,016
What? No. Dude.
96
00:03:07,017 --> 00:03:08,021
'Cause, if you are,
97
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,003
I'll leave this behind.
98
00:03:10,004 --> 00:03:11,998
Nick, first of all,
I'm not afraid of the dark.
99
00:03:11,999 --> 00:03:13,054
But if I were afraid
of the dark,
100
00:03:13,055 --> 00:03:14,999
that would be a
totally rational,
101
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,016
adaptive evolutionary response.
102
00:03:17,017 --> 00:03:18,038
- Good night, Winston.
- That's ridiculous.
103
00:03:18,039 --> 00:03:19,096
I'm not afraid of the dark.
104
00:03:19,097 --> 00:03:21,082
Good night, sweetheart.
105
00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:24,057
Unless the monsters get you.
106
00:03:29,058 --> 00:03:31,041
Hey.
107
00:03:31,042 --> 00:03:33,049
You came.
108
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,053
Whoa.
109
00:03:36,054 --> 00:03:37,999
What you got in there?
110
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,008
It's a hard cast.
111
00:03:39,009 --> 00:03:41,016
Yeah, things didn't go
112
00:03:41,017 --> 00:03:43,016
quite like we had hoped
at the doctor.
113
00:03:43,017 --> 00:03:45,019
Yeah, so I told the guy
I had never been snowmobiling
114
00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:46,033
in my life, you know, and...
115
00:03:46,034 --> 00:03:48,999
Oh, God!
116
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,008
That's not my penis.
117
00:03:50,009 --> 00:03:52,007
But look, on the bright side,
118
00:03:52,008 --> 00:03:54,015
it is impossible for me
to get aroused in this thing.
119
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,071
Here, watch--
say something hot to me.
120
00:03:57,075 --> 00:04:01,017
Fresh-pressed linens.
121
00:04:02,071 --> 00:04:04,087
Nope, nothing.
122
00:04:04,088 --> 00:04:06,020
Not an inch.
123
00:04:06,021 --> 00:04:08,017
- Like a swaddled baby.
- Hey, Cece.
124
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:10,008
- They're ready for us.
- Oh, okay.
125
00:04:10,011 --> 00:04:12,000
Just hang out, okay?
Have fun.
126
00:04:16,083 --> 00:04:18,025
That's right. Ride that missile.
127
00:04:18,026 --> 00:04:19,087
Grip it. Yeah.
128
00:04:19,088 --> 00:04:21,060
You've got a whole
tank full of jet fuel.
129
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:23,008
You're heading
straight for the sun.
130
00:04:23,009 --> 00:04:25,011
What the hell war is this?
131
00:04:25,012 --> 00:04:27,004
- All right, turn around and face him.
- Am-am I...
132
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,067
Am I supposed
to want to buy a missile?
133
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,041
I don't understand.
134
00:04:30,042 --> 00:04:32,003
Just pounding the drum of war.
135
00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:34,083
What-what, did no one
listen to Eisenhower?
136
00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:37,065
All right,
so that's everything.
137
00:04:37,066 --> 00:04:39,046
I took my fair share
of rubber bands,
138
00:04:39,047 --> 00:04:41,028
so I don't want
to hear about it.
139
00:04:41,029 --> 00:04:43,049
In my room,
you will find a shoe box.
140
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,007
In that box,
there is a guinea pig
141
00:04:46,008 --> 00:04:47,999
that I said I would bury,
142
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,008
- so please deal with it.
- There's a corpse in your room?
143
00:04:50,009 --> 00:04:51,069
All right, guys, well,
thanks for helping me move.
144
00:04:51,070 --> 00:04:53,006
What are we standing
in a circle for,
145
00:04:53,007 --> 00:04:54,017
like a bunch
of weirdos? Let's go.
146
00:04:54,018 --> 00:04:55,020
Hey, Nick?
147
00:04:55,021 --> 00:04:56,091
Yeah.
148
00:04:56,092 --> 00:04:58,024
Why are you rushing this?
149
00:04:58,025 --> 00:04:59,071
You have so much time.
150
00:04:59,072 --> 00:05:01,011
Why not just...
151
00:05:01,012 --> 00:05:03,028
take a second and
think about this?
152
00:05:03,029 --> 00:05:04,073
I feel confident.
153
00:05:04,074 --> 00:05:06,038
I-I couldn't be
more confident, Jess.
154
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,050
- Are you?
- Yeah.
155
00:05:09,053 --> 00:05:11,046
- Are you?
- Yes.
156
00:05:11,047 --> 00:05:12,075
Are you really?
157
00:05:12,576 --> 00:05:14,067
Thanks for helping me move.
158
00:05:27,096 --> 00:05:31,003
I love the way he smelled.
159
00:05:31,004 --> 00:05:33,999
Caroline and I are starting
a whole new life together.
160
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,050
Right now, we're
trying to decide
161
00:05:35,051 --> 00:05:38,057
between eggshell and
soft mint for the walls.
162
00:05:38,058 --> 00:05:41,091
My gut says that eggshell
is trying too hard,
163
00:05:41,092 --> 00:05:45,011
but soft mint is really
tricky to match.
164
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,071
Have I told you guys about the
bay windows I'm going to have?
165
00:05:46,072 --> 00:05:48,021
- Yes, you have.
- Yeah, you just did.
166
00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:49,096
They are stunning, right?
167
00:05:49,097 --> 00:05:54,003
I'm going to curl up
in those like a damn cat.
168
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:56,092
- That's the place.
- That's-that's the place right there?
169
00:05:56,095 --> 00:05:57,999
Right there, yeah.
170
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,054
Aren't you going to stop?
171
00:05:59,055 --> 00:06:01,016
Yeah, seems like I should.
172
00:06:01,017 --> 00:06:02,067
Um, hey-hey, Nick.
173
00:06:02,068 --> 00:06:04,000
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
174
00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:07,046
- I'm freaking out! Yeah!
- What are you...?
175
00:06:07,049 --> 00:06:09,007
Oh, no.
176
00:06:09,008 --> 00:06:10,075
Oh, Nick Miller's
freaking out again!
177
00:06:10,076 --> 00:06:12,003
Whoop-de-whoo.
178
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,000
What's new?
179
00:06:20,021 --> 00:06:21,582
Come on!
180
00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:22,560
What the hell?
You think he's okay, man?
181
00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:24,510
Oh, no, no, no,
he's totally fine.
182
00:06:24,511 --> 00:06:25,544
We do this every day.
183
00:06:25,545 --> 00:06:27,504
We just never invite
you, Winston.
184
00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:29,515
What have I done?!
185
00:06:29,516 --> 00:06:31,504
Hey, Nick, I'm pretty sure
186
00:06:31,505 --> 00:06:34,524
you overshot the apartment
by like 140 miles!
187
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:35,567
Let's just hop
back in the truck,
188
00:06:35,568 --> 00:06:37,532
turn around and go home.
189
00:06:37,533 --> 00:06:39,429
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
190
00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:40,567
- Okay?
- Okay.
191
00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:43,504
- This is crazy that I drove out here.
- Yeah, it is.
192
00:06:43,505 --> 00:06:45,546
Give me the keys.
I'll drive you back to Caroline.
193
00:06:45,547 --> 00:06:47,587
Caroline... no!
194
00:06:48,988 --> 00:06:51,520
Well, that was unexpected.
195
00:06:51,521 --> 00:06:54,503
♪ I like to move in, move in,
I like to move in, move in ♪
196
00:06:54,504 --> 00:06:56,503
♪ I like to ♪
197
00:06:56,504 --> 00:06:57,524
♪ Move in. ♪
198
00:06:57,525 --> 00:07:00,504
I like it quiet, quiet.
199
00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:03,550
Okay, I rode up
200
00:07:03,551 --> 00:07:05,511
in the elevator with that guy,
201
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,532
and something growled
in that box.
202
00:07:07,533 --> 00:07:09,553
I hope he has a pet.
That would cheer me up.
203
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,511
Um, is Schmidt here?
204
00:07:11,512 --> 00:07:13,520
No, he's helping Nick
move-- but, uh, Neil is.
205
00:07:13,521 --> 00:07:15,566
Do you want to do a
sex-only thing with him?
206
00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:19,591
He came by my shoot earlier
and was so jealous.
207
00:07:19,592 --> 00:07:22,553
He was freaking out
the entire time.
208
00:07:22,554 --> 00:07:24,512
Oh.
209
00:07:24,513 --> 00:07:25,583
It's him, so...
210
00:07:26,584 --> 00:07:27,574
Hi, Schmidt.
211
00:07:27,575 --> 00:07:29,507
How's it going?
212
00:07:29,508 --> 00:07:30,573
How's the new apartment?
213
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:32,588
Does it smell like, uh,
new paint and compromise?
214
00:07:33,089 --> 00:07:34,499
What?
215
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:35,566
Where?
216
00:07:35,567 --> 00:07:37,533
- There's not much sunlight left.
- What are you
217
00:07:37,536 --> 00:07:39,596
- afraid of, the dark?
- No, I'm not afraid of the dark.
218
00:07:39,597 --> 00:07:41,596
Worried about Schmidt.
He's a Jew in the desert.
219
00:07:41,597 --> 00:07:43,554
I don't want him to wander.
220
00:07:43,557 --> 00:07:45,570
That's Caroline.
Now, what do I tell her?
221
00:07:45,571 --> 00:07:47,591
Tell her there's
freaking fire ants everywhere.
222
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,511
Give me a sec.
223
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:50,566
Hey.
224
00:07:50,567 --> 00:07:51,567
Nick, where are you?
225
00:07:51,568 --> 00:07:52,591
In the desert.
226
00:07:52,592 --> 00:07:54,499
The what?
227
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:55,521
Yeah, I kind of...
228
00:07:55,522 --> 00:07:57,570
I kind of freaked out.
229
00:07:57,571 --> 00:08:00,578
Look, I know it's a lot.
230
00:08:00,579 --> 00:08:02,520
Just get back here
231
00:08:02,521 --> 00:08:04,532
as soon as you can,
and we'll...
232
00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:06,499
we'll figure it out.
233
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:07,562
Really?
234
00:08:08,063 --> 00:08:10,511
I love you.
235
00:08:10,512 --> 00:08:11,596
I love you, too.
236
00:08:17,575 --> 00:08:19,591
Think I overreacted
by throwing my keys earlier.
237
00:08:19,592 --> 00:08:21,521
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. I don't know why
238
00:08:21,524 --> 00:08:23,537
I ever doubted Caroline.
She's the best.
239
00:08:23,538 --> 00:08:25,771
So, why the hell would you throw
your damn keys away?!
240
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:26,571
I deserve this.
241
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:29,504
- I'm going to kill you!
- Hey, Winston, no.
242
00:08:29,507 --> 00:08:31,550
- The sun is going down!
- All right, all right.
243
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,529
- Calm down. Nick!
- I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
244
00:08:33,532 --> 00:08:35,521
Enough!
245
00:08:35,522 --> 00:08:37,515
Would you stop it?
There's violence everywhere!
246
00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:38,596
Why are we fighting?
Why are we fighting?
247
00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:42,516
Oh, good.
248
00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:43,570
Oh, thank God.
249
00:08:43,571 --> 00:08:45,511
Hey, Jess!
250
00:08:45,512 --> 00:08:46,540
What took you so long?
251
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:47,592
Let me tell you something--
you never want
252
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,520
to lose a race
against the night.
253
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:51,511
Nice new place, Nick.
254
00:08:51,512 --> 00:08:52,579
- It's very spacious.
- Yes, I'm an idiot, Jess.
255
00:08:52,582 --> 00:08:54,517
- Really nice.
- Hey.
256
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,516
That's for you.
257
00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:57,519
What happened at the shoot?
258
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:58,552
You... you kind of left
259
00:08:58,553 --> 00:09:00,510
before I had a chance
to say good-bye.
260
00:09:00,511 --> 00:09:01,536
Good stuff, sure.
261
00:09:01,537 --> 00:09:03,521
It was hard to tell
where you stopped
262
00:09:03,522 --> 00:09:05,561
and Goggles McHardBody began.
263
00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:07,520
That's my job.
264
00:09:07,521 --> 00:09:09,583
Gino is just some guy
that I see around the office,
265
00:09:09,584 --> 00:09:11,587
except for, in my office,
they rub us down
266
00:09:11,588 --> 00:09:14,508
- with baby oil before we start.
- Yeah, I-I get that.
267
00:09:14,511 --> 00:09:16,541
Look, your business
is selling sex.
268
00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:19,499
Sure, you're a sex worker.
269
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:20,571
You're an idiot.
270
00:09:20,572 --> 00:09:22,507
If we leave right now,
271
00:09:22,508 --> 00:09:23,558
I can get back
to Caroline by 8:00.
272
00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,520
Caroline?
273
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:27,566
Yeah, I-I changed my mind.
Gonna move in.
274
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,519
Yeah, and I actually don't
even care about this truck.
275
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:30,540
I'll come back
and get it tomorrow.
276
00:09:30,541 --> 00:09:31,571
I say we just leave now,
277
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,504
- get out of the desert.
- Sounds good.
278
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:34,567
- Sounds good.
- Here's my question.
279
00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:36,546
- What's that?
- How are you going to get there?
280
00:09:36,547 --> 00:09:38,498
Uh, I think you're
going to drive me.
281
00:09:38,499 --> 00:09:39,588
- Oh, I don't think so.
- Wait. What?
282
00:09:39,589 --> 00:09:41,546
- Then why'd you come out to the desert?
- What?!
283
00:09:41,549 --> 00:09:43,508
- What? What are you doing?
- Jess.
284
00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:44,546
- Jess!
- No!
285
00:09:44,549 --> 00:09:46,507
Come on!
286
00:09:46,508 --> 00:09:47,562
People, just please
listen to me.
287
00:09:47,563 --> 00:09:50,520
Stop throwing your damn keys!
288
00:09:50,521 --> 00:09:52,510
The werewolves
come out at night, man.
289
00:09:52,511 --> 00:09:53,592
I don't want nobody to eat me!
290
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,538
- I got big thighs. I got a fat ass.
- Relax.
291
00:09:56,539 --> 00:09:58,498
We are in the middle
of the desert, and nobody
292
00:09:58,499 --> 00:09:59,571
- is going to find our bodies!
- Come here.
293
00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:01,508
- What?
- You're having a nervous breakdown.
294
00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:02,525
You're having a nervous breakdown.
295
00:10:04,079 --> 00:10:05,565
The tow truck can't come
until tomorrow.
296
00:10:05,566 --> 00:10:07,525
Aren't you glad
I stole all this beer?
297
00:10:07,526 --> 00:10:10,521
- Hello. Look what I found.
- Don't. Put that away.
298
00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,071
- No, I have to hear it.
- I-I'm begging you
299
00:10:12,072 --> 00:10:14,056
to put that away.
It's humiliating.
300
00:10:14,057 --> 00:10:15,088
I made that when I was 14.
301
00:10:15,089 --> 00:10:17,049
Nick, I have to hear this.
302
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:20,008
- This next song
- Turn it up. No, please...
303
00:10:20,011 --> 00:10:22,020
Goes out to a very special girl,
Gwen Bressler.
304
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:24,083
I know you like breakfast,
but how do you feel about...
305
00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:26,025
- "Breakfast at Tiffany's"?
- "Breakfast at Tiffany's."
306
00:10:26,028 --> 00:10:28,007
Oh, that is a terrible song.
307
00:10:28,008 --> 00:10:30,012
This is a great song.
308
00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:31,079
You guys are crazy.
Listen to the lyrics.
309
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,024
Oh, man.
I feel it in my body.
310
00:10:34,025 --> 00:10:36,003
Oh...
311
00:10:36,004 --> 00:10:39,066
Are you kidding me?
This is in my bones.
312
00:10:39,067 --> 00:10:41,999
♪ I said, "What about
Breakfast at Tiffany's"? ♪
313
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,021
- No!
- ♪ Something, something ♪
314
00:10:44,024 --> 00:10:47,012
♪ Da da-da da-ta ♪
315
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:50,507
Gwen, you don't even
316
00:10:50,508 --> 00:10:51,562
know my name, do you?
317
00:10:52,063 --> 00:10:53,520
"How Bizarre."
318
00:10:53,521 --> 00:10:57,499
Oh, yes, this is where Nick
got cool again.
319
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,558
Oh, not you, too.
320
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,566
God, I'm like, I'm back.
321
00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:06,596
Thank you for doing
this, actually.
322
00:11:06,597 --> 00:11:08,595
Make fun of me all you want.
323
00:11:08,596 --> 00:11:10,516
I'm back!
I'm back!
324
00:11:10,517 --> 00:11:12,532
Thank you for doing this.
325
00:11:14,579 --> 00:11:16,566
♪ In the hot, hot sun ♪
326
00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:20,507
♪ Suddenly, red-blue lights
flash us from behind ♪
327
00:11:20,508 --> 00:11:21,579
♪ Loud voice booming... ♪
328
00:11:24,046 --> 00:11:26,499
I'm gonna miss this, you guys.
329
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,591
Just all of us, together,
330
00:11:28,592 --> 00:11:30,504
making fun of Nick.
331
00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:33,554
Okay.
332
00:11:37,338 --> 00:11:38,566
All right, I did it.
333
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,499
I'm an idiot.
334
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,554
I see what you guys are doing.
335
00:11:41,555 --> 00:11:43,528
I get it.
336
00:11:43,529 --> 00:11:45,506
You're trying to force me
to remember how great it is
337
00:11:45,507 --> 00:11:46,592
when we're all hanging out
so I don't want to leave.
338
00:11:46,593 --> 00:11:48,533
- We're just having fun.
- I get it.
339
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,502
You guys think I'm dumb
and I make bad decisions,
340
00:11:50,503 --> 00:11:51,525
- but this isn't that.
- No.
341
00:11:51,528 --> 00:11:52,578
What? Come on.
342
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,502
You're being crazy.
Where are you going?
343
00:11:54,503 --> 00:11:55,533
- To get my keys.
- Dude, where you going?
344
00:11:55,534 --> 00:11:56,592
You're never gonna
find your keys.
345
00:12:00,575 --> 00:12:03,499
What's wrong with you?
346
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:04,567
You're stress-eating meat.
347
00:12:04,568 --> 00:12:06,524
Hey, Jess.
348
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:07,567
How many have you had?
349
00:12:07,568 --> 00:12:08,587
Like, three.
350
00:12:08,588 --> 00:12:10,520
That's a lot of pig parts.
351
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,540
It's just Cece.
352
00:12:11,541 --> 00:12:13,567
I thought it was going
so well between you guys.
353
00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:14,595
Yeah.
354
00:12:14,596 --> 00:12:16,579
You know, she's a good egg.
355
00:12:18,588 --> 00:12:20,567
She's never gonna be happy
with somebody like me, Jess.
356
00:12:20,568 --> 00:12:22,532
What? That's crazy.
357
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,498
That's why I'm gonna
have to White Fang her.
358
00:12:24,499 --> 00:12:25,554
Schmidt, come on!
359
00:12:25,555 --> 00:12:27,561
Look, I try not to
judge what you guys do,
360
00:12:27,562 --> 00:12:29,542
but please don't tell
me things like that.
361
00:12:29,543 --> 00:12:31,545
No, no, Jess, Jess.
362
00:12:31,546 --> 00:12:33,566
The book: White Fang.
363
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:35,504
- Oh.
- This guy
364
00:12:35,507 --> 00:12:37,532
Befriends a wild creature.
365
00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:39,541
But he must, he must
set the animal free
366
00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:41,498
because that's
what's best for it.
367
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,523
I know the plot of White Fang.
368
00:12:42,524 --> 00:12:43,523
But the animal won't go.
369
00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:44,583
So with a breaking heart,
370
00:12:44,584 --> 00:12:47,503
he throws stones at it
until it runs away.
371
00:12:47,504 --> 00:12:49,524
You-you want
Cece to go away?
372
00:12:49,525 --> 00:12:52,503
No.
373
00:12:52,504 --> 00:12:54,587
I want her to be happy.
374
00:12:54,588 --> 00:12:57,511
'Cause when-when you care
about somebody,
375
00:12:57,512 --> 00:12:59,528
you do what's-what's best
for them.
376
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,529
Even if it sucks for you.
377
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,566
Even if they're just a "woof."
378
00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:07,591
A wolf?
379
00:13:07,592 --> 00:13:09,521
- A "woof."
- A wolf.
380
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,548
Yeah, that's what I said,
a "woof."
381
00:13:10,549 --> 00:13:11,596
A wolf.
382
00:13:11,597 --> 00:13:13,511
A "woof."
383
00:13:13,512 --> 00:13:14,541
Come on, keys.
384
00:13:14,542 --> 00:13:15,565
Hey, Nick?
385
00:13:15,566 --> 00:13:16,573
Come on, they could be anywhere.
386
00:13:16,574 --> 00:13:17,583
Let's come back in the morning.
387
00:13:17,584 --> 00:13:19,999
I don't want to come back
in the morning, Jess.
388
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:20,992
Okay, I want to be
389
00:13:20,993 --> 00:13:23,545
in my new bed,
in my new apartment,
390
00:13:23,546 --> 00:13:25,511
with my new old girlfriend.
391
00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:27,541
Okay, just-- look,
I know I've been--
392
00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:29,503
What?
393
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,507
Oh, my God.
394
00:13:31,508 --> 00:13:33,591
Shh-shh. Shh.
395
00:13:37,029 --> 00:13:38,091
Oh, my God.
396
00:13:38,592 --> 00:13:39,507
Okay, just be cool.
397
00:13:39,508 --> 00:13:40,565
What do we do?
What do we do?
398
00:13:40,566 --> 00:13:42,502
I don't know, I don't
know what to do!
399
00:13:42,503 --> 00:13:44,141
Okay, but, Jess, we
have to do something!
400
00:13:44,142 --> 00:13:44,942
Shh.
401
00:13:47,025 --> 00:13:48,070
Meep-meep!
402
00:13:48,071 --> 00:13:49,567
- What are you doing?
- Like the Road Runner.
403
00:13:49,568 --> 00:13:50,583
I know it's like
the Road Runner.
404
00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:52,507
Why would you
do the Road Runner?
405
00:13:52,508 --> 00:13:53,554
- Because he's...
- Don't do that, Jess.
406
00:13:53,557 --> 00:13:55,500
- Meep-meep!
- Jess, honestly,
407
00:13:55,503 --> 00:13:57,516
Don't do the Road Runner
to a coyote!
408
00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:58,575
That's how you
deal with coyotes.
409
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,516
Coyotes hate roadrunners!
410
00:14:00,517 --> 00:14:01,506
That's how you deal with them.
411
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:02,538
Coyotes want to
kill roadrunners!
412
00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:05,520
Meep-meep!
413
00:14:05,521 --> 00:14:06,520
Oh, you...
414
00:14:08,562 --> 00:14:10,520
No disrespect.
415
00:14:10,521 --> 00:14:13,550
It's watching us.
It's watching us.
416
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:21,562
We need to talk.
417
00:14:21,563 --> 00:14:22,582
All right.
418
00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:24,541
This is not another
one of those
419
00:14:24,542 --> 00:14:26,500
"merlot is the whore of the
vineyard" talks, is it?
420
00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:28,516
This isn't working out.
421
00:14:29,517 --> 00:14:32,516
Are you kidding... right now?
422
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:34,521
Are you trying
to end this with me?
423
00:14:45,529 --> 00:14:47,550
Now go on!
424
00:14:49,504 --> 00:14:50,507
You heard me!
425
00:14:50,508 --> 00:14:51,511
Go on!
426
00:14:51,512 --> 00:14:52,557
Go on, scram!
427
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,570
Go!
428
00:14:53,571 --> 00:14:55,541
I hate you! Go!
429
00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,503
Go back to your kind!
430
00:15:01,504 --> 00:15:02,546
Are you White Fanging me?
431
00:15:02,547 --> 00:15:03,549
Sorry, what?
432
00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:06,541
White Fang, Schmidt.
433
00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:08,528
The only book on your Kindle.
434
00:15:08,529 --> 00:15:10,502
The one that you wouldn't
stop talking about.
435
00:15:10,503 --> 00:15:11,542
Remember, I said, "Please,"
436
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:13,520
stop talking about White Fang."
437
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:16,524
And you said, "Someday,
I'm gonna do this to somebody."
438
00:15:16,525 --> 00:15:18,503
That White Fang. Uh-huh.
439
00:15:19,504 --> 00:15:21,521
Why are you trying
to push me away?
440
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,570
I saw your phone, Cece.
441
00:15:25,571 --> 00:15:28,524
I saw the text message
from Gino.
442
00:15:28,525 --> 00:15:30,507
Your colleague.
443
00:15:30,508 --> 00:15:31,542
You went through my phone?
444
00:15:31,543 --> 00:15:32,591
What? No.
445
00:15:32,592 --> 00:15:34,571
Winston... Winston
went through your phone.
446
00:15:34,572 --> 00:15:37,549
That is not okay.
447
00:15:37,550 --> 00:15:41,507
This is about trust,
Schmidt, okay?
448
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:42,548
It's about trust.
449
00:15:42,549 --> 00:15:44,527
And I told you how
this was gonna be,
450
00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:46,498
and I asked you to
get okay with it.
451
00:15:46,499 --> 00:15:47,562
How am I supposed
to trust you, Cece?
452
00:15:47,563 --> 00:15:49,524
You slept with me.
453
00:15:49,525 --> 00:15:51,525
I mean, that doesn't say much
about your taste in men.
454
00:16:02,533 --> 00:16:05,532
And I have more than one book
on my Kindle.
455
00:16:05,533 --> 00:16:08,503
And a subscription to Cricket.
456
00:16:08,504 --> 00:16:10,516
And a lot of PDFs!
457
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,507
Doesn't he have
somewhere to be?
458
00:16:13,508 --> 00:16:15,499
Well, this is a disaster.
459
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,029
Why did you keep driving?
460
00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:18,527
I don't want to talk
to you about this, Jess.
461
00:16:18,528 --> 00:16:20,567
I know what you're gonna say,
and I don't want to hear it.
462
00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:22,566
No.
463
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:25,512
No, you don't know
what I'm gonna say.
464
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:29,516
I want you to be happy.
465
00:16:29,517 --> 00:16:32,516
And if that means
moving in with Caroline,
466
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:34,517
then I think you should do it.
467
00:16:37,054 --> 00:16:38,554
That's what you think?
468
00:16:40,512 --> 00:16:41,575
I think you need me too much.
469
00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:43,537
No, I'm gonna be fine. I am.
470
00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:44,529
I don't think so.
471
00:16:44,530 --> 00:16:47,525
- You know why?
- Why?
472
00:16:48,028 --> 00:16:49,525
'Cause I met you.
473
00:16:52,938 --> 00:16:54,592
That's why I'm okay.
474
00:16:58,575 --> 00:16:59,524
That's why
475
00:16:59,995 --> 00:17:02,016
I can do this.
476
00:17:02,017 --> 00:17:03,503
What are you doing?
477
00:17:03,504 --> 00:17:06,937
To beat the coyote,
you have to be the coyote.
478
00:17:07,038 --> 00:17:08,537
That's what I thought
you were gonna say.
479
00:17:08,538 --> 00:17:09,588
That's a very dumb idea.
Don't do this.
480
00:17:09,589 --> 00:17:11,524
I'm not with her on this.
481
00:17:11,525 --> 00:17:12,554
This is her move, not mine, sir.
482
00:17:15,526 --> 00:17:16,524
No.
483
00:17:23,538 --> 00:17:25,504
- Oh, my God.
- I did it!
484
00:17:25,507 --> 00:17:27,499
Oh, my God.
485
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,502
I did it! I have so much dirt
in my mouth, and I did it!
486
00:17:29,503 --> 00:17:30,596
- Come here, come here.
- I did it!
487
00:17:30,597 --> 00:17:31,596
Nice job!
488
00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:32,596
I did it!
489
00:17:36,579 --> 00:17:39,520
Oh, my God. Schmidt?
490
00:17:39,521 --> 00:17:40,520
Hello?
491
00:17:40,521 --> 00:17:41,531
Winston?
492
00:17:41,532 --> 00:17:42,552
Oh, my goodness!
493
00:17:42,553 --> 00:17:43,588
Oh, my goodness!
494
00:17:43,589 --> 00:17:46,533
- Oh... my goodness!
- He'll be fine.
495
00:17:49,504 --> 00:17:50,587
I don't know.
496
00:17:50,588 --> 00:17:52,523
You guys want
some candy or something?
497
00:17:52,524 --> 00:17:53,546
Found it in the truck.
498
00:17:53,547 --> 00:17:54,561
No.
499
00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:56,503
I don't want your dirty lolly.
500
00:17:56,504 --> 00:17:57,521
Guys!
501
00:17:57,522 --> 00:17:58,562
- Ah!
- Whoo!
502
00:17:58,563 --> 00:17:59,567
I survived, man.
503
00:18:00,568 --> 00:18:02,516
I made it out alive.
504
00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:03,588
- Wait, wait, don't touch me.
- Don't touch...
505
00:18:03,589 --> 00:18:04,596
There's, uh,
there's pee everywhere.
506
00:18:04,597 --> 00:18:07,499
Like... everywhere.
507
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,519
It's everywhere?
508
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,552
Well, I didn't just pee on me.
509
00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:10,590
I peed-- well, I peed on me,
510
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,588
but other-other things
peed on me, too.
511
00:18:12,589 --> 00:18:14,566
I saw things, man.
512
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:16,587
I had an experience.
513
00:18:16,588 --> 00:18:19,511
I think I made out with
the side of a dune.
514
00:18:19,512 --> 00:18:20,574
Hey!
515
00:18:20,575 --> 00:18:22,503
Look, I found my keys!
516
00:18:22,504 --> 00:18:23,542
Ah! Thank God!
517
00:18:30,583 --> 00:18:32,520
We still on for brunch?
518
00:18:32,521 --> 00:18:34,502
Gonna come help me
unload my stuff tomorrow?
519
00:18:34,503 --> 00:18:35,512
No, not a chance.
520
00:18:35,513 --> 00:18:37,512
No, yeah, so we can't do brunch.
521
00:18:48,554 --> 00:18:50,503
Just go.
522
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:51,512
Get in the car.
523
00:18:53,521 --> 00:18:55,520
Unacceptable.
524
00:18:55,521 --> 00:18:57,529
Good luck.
525
00:19:04,092 --> 00:19:05,557
Well...
526
00:19:05,558 --> 00:19:07,592
Well...
527
00:19:10,096 --> 00:19:12,500
All right, I'll see you.
528
00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:17,571
See ya.
529
00:19:29,517 --> 00:19:30,591
Wow.
530
00:19:30,592 --> 00:19:33,557
Look how pronounced
Nick's couch hole got.
531
00:19:33,558 --> 00:19:35,520
All this time
532
00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:36,562
I thought he was
just sitting here
533
00:19:36,563 --> 00:19:38,537
drinking beer and complaining,
534
00:19:38,538 --> 00:19:39,583
he was making something.
535
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,041
Hey.
536
00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,521
What do you think?
537
00:20:21,950 --> 00:20:23,999
Hey, WNICK listeners,
538
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,583
this one is going out
to all the ladies
539
00:20:25,584 --> 00:20:27,532
I'm gonna meet when I grow up.
540
00:20:27,533 --> 00:20:29,511
Not.
541
00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:45,554
Hey.
542
00:20:48,558 --> 00:20:52,504
Welcome back, you clown.
543
00:20:59,512 --> 00:21:02,549
♪ She was a fast machine,
she kept her motor clean ♪
544
00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:07,499
♪ She was the best damn woman
that I ever seen ♪
545
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:11,528
♪ She had the sightless eyes,
telling me no lies ♪
546
00:21:11,529 --> 00:21:14,582
♪ Knocking me out
with those American thighs ♪
547
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:18,582
♪ Taking more than her share,
had me fighting for air ♪
548
00:21:18,583 --> 00:21:22,541
♪ She told me to come,
but I was already there ♪
549
00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:24,557
♪ 'Cause the walls
start shaking ♪
550
00:21:24,558 --> 00:21:27,557
♪ The earth was quaking,
my mind was aching ♪
551
00:21:27,558 --> 00:21:28,567
Nick, turn it off!
552
00:21:28,568 --> 00:21:30,516
♪ And we were making it ♪
553
00:21:30,517 --> 00:21:35,545
♪ And you shook me
all night long ♪
554
00:21:35,546 --> 00:21:38,529
♪ Yeah, you shook me ♪
555
00:21:39,538 --> 00:21:43,520
♪ Yeah, you shook me ♪
556
00:21:43,521 --> 00:21:46,503
♪ All night long. ♪
557
00:21:47,004 --> 00:21:52,504
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