1
00:00:00,398 --> 00:00:02,065
Schmidt? Schmidt.

2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,258
Nah, it's me.

3
00:00:05,259 --> 00:00:07,343
Easier to clean myself off this way.

4
00:00:07,343 --> 00:00:09,043
Aly told me she loved me last night.

5
00:00:09,111 --> 00:00:10,611
Then she yakked on my pants,

6
00:00:10,679 --> 00:00:12,413
and then I yakked on my pants.

7
00:00:12,481 --> 00:00:13,481
I picked the wrong day

8
00:00:13,549 --> 00:00:15,083
to start cuffing my pants.

9
00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:18,539
Yeah, she ain't going
to make it to the wedding.

10
00:00:18,539 --> 00:00:20,440
Have you seen Schmidt?
This is very important.

11
00:00:20,466 --> 00:00:21,099
What?

12
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:23,610
The best man has lost the
groom, or something?

13
00:00:23,678 --> 00:00:25,913
In what world would that happen in?

14
00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:27,414
In what world?

15
00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:29,950
In what world would that happen in?

16
00:00:30,018 --> 00:00:32,695
It's one thing for Sam to
dump me on your wedding day,

17
00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:33,619
but then to be like,

18
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,420
"You have feelings for Nick."

19
00:00:35,488 --> 00:00:38,345
Yeah, nice diagnosis, Dr. Dick.

20
00:00:39,096 --> 00:00:40,358
- Is he that off-base?
- Yes.

21
00:00:40,426 --> 00:00:41,660
Now, we're not devoting any more

22
00:00:41,727 --> 00:00:43,749
of your wedding day to this subject.

23
00:00:43,775 --> 00:00:45,691
Nick for Jess. Incoming knocking.

24
00:00:45,717 --> 00:00:46,850
Jess, have you seen...

25
00:00:47,913 --> 00:00:50,214
uh, uh, cherries?

26
00:00:50,282 --> 00:00:52,817
I'm so confused by your question,

27
00:00:52,884 --> 00:00:54,885
that I'm just going to
answer it, uh, directly.

28
00:00:54,953 --> 00:00:56,387
Yes, I've seen them.

29
00:00:56,455 --> 00:00:58,155
Hmm...

30
00:00:58,223 --> 00:01:00,925
but have you seen the cherry
that I'm talking about?

31
00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:01,789
What do you mean?

32
00:01:01,790 --> 00:01:03,990
I... the... I was with it,

33
00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:06,017
and then the cherry's gone.

34
00:01:08,918 --> 00:01:11,020
This is cherries. This is cherries.

35
00:01:11,087 --> 00:01:12,087
Yes!

36
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,023
Yeah, I'm counting down the minutes

37
00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:15,691
till I can get in that guy's pants.

38
00:01:17,093 --> 00:01:20,262
Ah. Thank God, Schmidt. Where are you?

39
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,464
I'm flying to Portland
to try to get Cece's mom

40
00:01:22,532 --> 00:01:23,660
to come to the wedding.

41
00:01:23,661 --> 00:01:24,894
Hold on, one second, okay?

42
00:01:24,962 --> 00:01:26,162
No!

43
00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:27,697
It was my job.

44
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:29,515
You still there?

45
00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:34,799
I-I don't know if you remember this,

46
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,130
but w-we have plans today.

47
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,007
It'll be fine, okay?

48
00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:39,357
I have return tickets for
1:00, 2:00 and 3:00 p.m.

49
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,069
on this ultra low cost,
no-frills, disgusting airline.

50
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,758
Tray tables, $12.

51
00:01:44,784 --> 00:01:47,416
Cece is crushed that
her mom is not coming,

52
00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:49,670
and I can't take a vow that all
I care about is her happiness

53
00:01:49,671 --> 00:01:51,072
and not try to do something about it.

54
00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:53,975
I know you're a terrible liar,
but I need you to lie to Cece.

55
00:01:54,043 --> 00:01:55,944
You can handle this, Nick.

56
00:01:56,011 --> 00:01:58,112
- Schmidt's on a plane?!
- You said you weren't going to yell.

57
00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:01,082
You said, and I quote, "It's no biggie."

58
00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:02,450
Hey, um, I think

59
00:02:02,518 --> 00:02:03,952
I did something wrong with my bangs.

60
00:02:04,019 --> 00:02:05,086
I'll be right there.

61
00:02:05,154 --> 00:02:06,387
- So will Schmidt.
- Oh, my God.

62
00:02:06,455 --> 00:02:07,922
- What?
- Uh, no, he won't.

63
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:10,777
It's bad luck for the bride to see
the groom on the wedding day, Nick.

64
00:02:10,778 --> 00:02:11,785
Uh, that's just dumb superstition.

65
00:02:11,786 --> 00:02:12,836
He'll be right in.

66
00:02:12,836 --> 00:02:14,067
Cece. Two minutes.

67
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:15,769
Okay, I'm timing you.

68
00:02:15,837 --> 00:02:18,796
I need you to pull it together,
and just say something simple.

69
00:02:18,859 --> 00:02:19,640
Schmidt's asleep.

70
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,508
- Schmidt is asleep.
- That's...

71
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,180
Schmidt's asl... What-what
rhythm are we doing?

72
00:02:23,181 --> 00:02:24,647
The normal human rhythm.

73
00:02:24,715 --> 00:02:26,249
Okay. Schmidt is asleep.

74
00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:27,516
Schmidt is asleep.

75
00:02:27,584 --> 00:02:29,585
- Nick.
- Did I say it, or no?

76
00:02:29,653 --> 00:02:30,347
- You said it,
- But it wasn't right.

77
00:02:30,347 --> 00:02:32,093
But it sounded very weird.

78
00:02:32,094 --> 00:02:33,361
- But it wasn't right.
- Just say it like

79
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,256
all one. In all one.

80
00:02:34,282 --> 00:02:36,149
Yeah, Schmidt is asleep.

81
00:02:36,433 --> 00:02:37,566
- You could just say, Schmidt's asleep.
- Got it.

82
00:02:37,634 --> 00:02:39,001
Schmidt's asleep. Got it.

83
00:02:39,069 --> 00:02:40,402
No, you're putting weird emphasis

84
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:41,837
on weird syllables.

85
00:02:41,905 --> 00:02:43,239
- You do it.
- Schmidt's asleep.

86
00:02:43,306 --> 00:02:44,673
Hey, Cece, Schmidt's sleeping, slip.

87
00:02:45,746 --> 00:02:47,769
I'm so nervous, I'm
going to screw this up.

88
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:50,788
You're always so ready to
believe the worst in yourself,

89
00:02:50,789 --> 00:02:52,922
and right now, I need you
to believe the best, okay?

90
00:02:53,488 --> 00:02:55,324
I just need you to tell one lie.

91
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,527
- Okay.
- I believe in you.

92
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,463
- Here comes Schmidt!
- What?

93
00:03:05,302 --> 00:03:06,869
Yo, Winnie.

94
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,070
Hey.

95
00:03:08,138 --> 00:03:09,839
How you going to prank the wedding, bro?

96
00:03:09,907 --> 00:03:12,408
You always prank weddings,
that's what you do.

97
00:03:12,476 --> 00:03:14,343
You've never gone along with
one of my pranks before.

98
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,012
This is exciting.

99
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,922
Coach, I've lived many lives.

100
00:03:25,989 --> 00:03:27,356
The Winston that you used to know

101
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:28,858
is gone.

102
00:03:28,926 --> 00:03:30,927
A few hours ago, Aly
told me she loves me,

103
00:03:30,994 --> 00:03:33,074
and that made me a serious man,

104
00:03:33,121 --> 00:03:34,788
in a serious relationship.

105
00:03:34,856 --> 00:03:36,156
The Winston Bishop

106
00:03:36,224 --> 00:03:37,591
that you see here today

107
00:03:37,658 --> 00:03:40,260
is about one thing and one thing only:

108
00:03:40,328 --> 00:03:42,309
and that is organizational excellence.

109
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:44,037
You forgot to make an aisle.

110
00:03:44,778 --> 00:03:47,447
Aw, shoot. This is a full redo.

111
00:03:48,582 --> 00:03:50,349
Incoming knocking. Incoming kn...

112
00:03:51,518 --> 00:03:53,853
Oh, hello, Cece.

113
00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:56,222
Schmidt is asleep.

114
00:03:57,648 --> 00:03:59,549
Oh, my God. I'm so proud of you.

115
00:03:59,617 --> 00:04:00,984
I know, I'm an incredible liar.

116
00:04:01,051 --> 00:04:02,665
Yeah, pace yourself,
'cause that was one lie.

117
00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:04,256
We're going to need about 40 more.

118
00:04:04,256 --> 00:04:05,859
Or one big one.

119
00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:09,562
Okay, we tell Cece we're
giving her a bridal vitamin,

120
00:04:09,562 --> 00:04:13,799
but secretly we give her a sleeping
pill that we take from Dr. Sam.

121
00:04:16,169 --> 00:04:18,971
Dr. Sam dumped me. Last night.

122
00:04:19,963 --> 00:04:22,184
He was in love with his best friend, so.

123
00:04:22,185 --> 00:04:23,752
Predictable.

124
00:04:23,752 --> 00:04:25,019
He's out of his mind.

125
00:04:25,087 --> 00:04:26,287
Thanks.

126
00:04:26,355 --> 00:04:27,488
You okay?

127
00:04:27,556 --> 00:04:29,857
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

128
00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:32,651
Ah, so we're both going
solo to the wedding.

129
00:04:32,718 --> 00:04:35,320
- Yeah.
- We're both going drag.

130
00:04:35,388 --> 00:04:37,289
I think it's stag.

131
00:04:37,356 --> 00:04:39,228
- Hmm?
- Never mind.

132
00:04:39,229 --> 00:04:41,363
Let's go together. For old times' sake.

133
00:04:41,431 --> 00:04:42,460
Let's go together. Have some fun.

134
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:43,460
You're going to need
someone to dance with.

135
00:04:43,527 --> 00:04:44,561
You know I'm a good dancer.

136
00:04:44,629 --> 00:04:45,729
Okay, but I'm not dancing

137
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:46,896
- to "Single Ladies."
- All right.

138
00:04:46,964 --> 00:04:48,164
We won't dance to "Single Ladies."

139
00:04:48,232 --> 00:04:51,067
- Okay.
- I might dance to "Single Ladies."

140
00:04:52,303 --> 00:04:53,790
Hey, guys.

141
00:04:53,791 --> 00:04:55,024
Ferguson is on the elevator.

142
00:04:55,092 --> 00:04:56,893
Is that okay?

143
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:57,894
Reagan's here.

144
00:04:57,961 --> 00:04:58,995
- Hi.
- Hi.

145
00:04:59,062 --> 00:05:00,863
Jess, Reagan's here.

146
00:05:00,931 --> 00:05:03,852
My Reagan's here. Our Reagan's here.

147
00:05:03,853 --> 00:05:04,904
Your Reagan.

148
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,229
- Our Reagan.
- Your Reagan.

149
00:05:06,229 --> 00:05:07,362
- The Reagan.
- Jess.

150
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:09,030
- Reagan's here.
- Hi.

151
00:05:09,098 --> 00:05:10,771
You asked me to be your
date to the wedding,

152
00:05:10,796 --> 00:05:12,796
and I had to be in town anyway, so

153
00:05:12,821 --> 00:05:13,502
here I am.

154
00:05:13,503 --> 00:05:14,669
Excuse me one second, Reagan.

155
00:05:14,737 --> 00:05:16,263
It's cherries on the phone.

156
00:05:16,303 --> 00:05:17,437
Wedding stuff.
Kitchen's still the kitchen,

157
00:05:17,504 --> 00:05:19,413
bathroom's still the bathroom,
and Winston's married.

158
00:05:19,414 --> 00:05:21,047
Oh, I know. He texts me every day.

159
00:05:21,115 --> 00:05:23,282
Schmidt, are you calling
me from the sky?

160
00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:25,674
This Chinatown bus
doesn't have a sky-phone,

161
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:28,008
or working landing gear, apparently.

162
00:05:28,165 --> 00:05:30,266
They said we're going to be
stuck on the tarmac for hours.

163
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:31,668
You're screaming in my ear.
That's motherhood, lady.

164
00:05:31,737 --> 00:05:32,804
Get used to it.

165
00:05:32,871 --> 00:05:35,206
Schmidt, you are getting off that plane

166
00:05:35,274 --> 00:05:36,507
in time for your wedding.

167
00:05:36,575 --> 00:05:37,842
Schmidt's on an airplane?

168
00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:38,687
Cece?

169
00:05:38,812 --> 00:05:40,809
Oh, my God. Are you
sitting on your walkie?

170
00:05:40,877 --> 00:05:42,044
Oh, no.

171
00:05:43,546 --> 00:05:45,848
Cece.

172
00:05:45,915 --> 00:05:47,182
Schmidt's asleep?

173
00:05:49,005 --> 00:05:51,328
This is by far the most romantic thing

174
00:05:51,329 --> 00:05:53,088
that anyone has ever done for me.

175
00:05:53,114 --> 00:05:53,874
I love you so much.

176
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:56,045
This is why I'm marrying you,
because you do stuff like this.

177
00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:57,148
This is the happiest day of my life.

178
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,015
It's also so dumb. So dumb.
Like, so dumb.

179
00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:00,108
Just the dumbest.

180
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:03,310
I want to take all your clothes off
and kiss every single part of your body.

181
00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:05,932
I want to do stuff that makes us
feel ashamed about what we've done,

182
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,175
- but we won't have to...
- Babe. Hey, babe. Babe.

183
00:06:08,176 --> 00:06:08,828
I want to make love,

184
00:06:08,853 --> 00:06:10,469
- fall asleep while we're making love,
- Okay, you're on speaker.

185
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:11,400
You're on speaker, so...

186
00:06:11,426 --> 00:06:11,962
Dream of making love and
wake up still making love.

187
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,134
- Hey.
- Hey, Schmidt.

188
00:06:13,159 --> 00:06:13,951
I'm also here.

189
00:06:13,952 --> 00:06:14,479
Cece.

190
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,452
Listen to me.

191
00:06:15,453 --> 00:06:17,104
I'm not going to miss this wedding.

192
00:06:17,104 --> 00:06:18,931
I'm going to get off this
plane no matter what.

193
00:06:18,931 --> 00:06:20,231
You just need to buy me an hour.

194
00:06:20,761 --> 00:06:21,592
We got this.

195
00:06:21,592 --> 00:06:23,893
There's been a minor delay.

196
00:06:23,961 --> 00:06:26,963
The vineyard dog is giving birth.

197
00:06:27,031 --> 00:06:29,065
Get them drinky so they
don't get thinky, over.

198
00:06:33,003 --> 00:06:34,804
So do you know the bride or the groom?

199
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:35,972
The bride destroyed my heart.

200
00:06:37,441 --> 00:06:40,276
I destroyed the groom's Jew penis.

201
00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:42,578
Mm. I hope you guys are giving a toast.

202
00:06:42,866 --> 00:06:44,403
Ladies and gentleman,

203
00:06:44,429 --> 00:06:45,596
I'm afraid it's going
to be another hour,

204
00:06:45,663 --> 00:06:47,865
and we are out of snacks.

205
00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:49,232
Damn it!

206
00:06:49,299 --> 00:06:50,566
I'm getting married today!

207
00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:51,745
Somebody get me off of this plane!

208
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,712
People are getting hammered, over.

209
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,016
Look at this goddess.

210
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,117
Don't do this to her.

211
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,119
I swear to God, I will scream sing

212
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,888
every last word to Les Mis.

213
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,123
Sir, if you don't sit down,
I'll have you removed.

214
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,325
- Perfect!
- And placed in FBI custody.

215
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,835
I suppose I'll just have a tomato juice.

216
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,069
Hi.

217
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,504
- Hi.
- How are you?

218
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,506
- I'm good. How are you?
- Good, yeah.

219
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:21,974
Great, look at this.

220
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,976
What is that, a towel?

221
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,611
- I think it's a pashmina.
- "Pashomina"?

222
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,779
Pashmina.

223
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,447
I'm sorry, I just can't
believe you came.

224
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:29,228
I did.

225
00:07:29,228 --> 00:07:30,629
Things I'm feeling:

226
00:07:31,157 --> 00:07:32,091
excited.

227
00:07:32,574 --> 00:07:34,065
Number two: scared.

228
00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:36,353
I mean, are we gonna do this?
You and me?

229
00:07:36,424 --> 00:07:37,169
Take it home.

230
00:07:37,169 --> 00:07:38,136
Take it to the mat.

231
00:07:38,204 --> 00:07:39,070
I don't know what that means.

232
00:07:39,138 --> 00:07:41,473
You know, like, the big "R."

233
00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:45,243
Oh, a relationship?

234
00:07:48,547 --> 00:07:49,881
No.

235
00:07:49,949 --> 00:07:51,748
No, no.

236
00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:53,575
See when I say, The big "R,"

237
00:07:53,575 --> 00:07:55,576
I'm, of course, talking about, uh,

238
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,977
rasslin'.

239
00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,912
Yeah, I think that's a "W," "W-R."

240
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,516
Do you ever feel, deep down,
that you know at some point

241
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:06,052
you're gonna have a stroke
and it's gonna be really bad?

242
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,539
Jess...

243
00:08:07,539 --> 00:08:09,674
I have some Honduran
matrimony beads for my son.

244
00:08:09,743 --> 00:08:11,310
Where's Schmidt?

245
00:08:11,378 --> 00:08:12,611
Winston.

246
00:08:13,123 --> 00:08:14,456
Winston.

247
00:08:14,652 --> 00:08:16,315
I cannot believe I'm asking this...

248
00:08:16,383 --> 00:08:19,837
but I need you to prank this wedding.

249
00:08:19,868 --> 00:08:20,686
Please.

250
00:08:20,754 --> 00:08:22,921
Please, we need to distract people.

251
00:08:22,989 --> 00:08:24,022
He's a serious man now.

252
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:25,023
He doesn't prank anymore.

253
00:08:25,091 --> 00:08:26,692
Just look at his eyes.

254
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:27,926
All the mischief's gone.

255
00:08:27,994 --> 00:08:30,412
If this were another time, another day,

256
00:08:30,413 --> 00:08:32,302
hell, even six hours ago...

257
00:08:32,328 --> 00:08:35,218
Listen to me, you
bird-shirted, puzzle baby.

258
00:08:35,218 --> 00:08:36,342
You get out there

259
00:08:36,343 --> 00:08:39,211
and you do something
totally idiotic right now!

260
00:08:41,708 --> 00:08:43,565
Funston, we have a pranklem.

261
00:08:44,634 --> 00:08:45,567
I'm not good at these.

262
00:08:45,635 --> 00:08:46,568
It's a weird one.

263
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,406
Okay... update.

264
00:08:48,407 --> 00:08:50,149
The vibe's getting ugly.

265
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,606
People are getting dangerously drunk.

266
00:08:51,606 --> 00:08:54,560
I found a loose EpiPen on the
floor, which can't be good.

267
00:08:54,561 --> 00:08:56,664
I think we're gonna have to start
telling people that Schmidt's...

268
00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:57,922
on a plane.

269
00:08:57,924 --> 00:08:59,915
Or not. Don't freak out.

270
00:08:59,916 --> 00:09:01,583
Mom?

271
00:09:01,651 --> 00:09:03,418
Schmidt's on a plane?

272
00:09:05,405 --> 00:09:07,405
Mom, what are you doing here?

273
00:09:07,431 --> 00:09:09,551
If you've come to object
to this wedding,

274
00:09:09,551 --> 00:09:10,584
you are too late,

275
00:09:10,652 --> 00:09:12,019
and in another sense,

276
00:09:12,087 --> 00:09:13,454
because it's delayed,

277
00:09:13,522 --> 00:09:15,596
you're... too early.

278
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,378
That's not at all why I'm here.

279
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:20,147
Mama P. Schmidt with the latest,

280
00:09:20,215 --> 00:09:21,983
"Why I Love Cece." Today's episode:

281
00:09:22,050 --> 00:09:23,351
Honesty with a Capital

282
00:09:23,418 --> 00:09:25,262
Ouch. He called you?

283
00:09:25,263 --> 00:09:27,331
Every Monday for the past year.

284
00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:32,594
Your daughter is the best thing...

285
00:09:32,641 --> 00:09:34,338
I just lost a fight
in the desert, but...

286
00:09:34,406 --> 00:09:36,140
And I want her to
be the last thing I see

287
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:37,174
when she pulls the plug.

288
00:09:37,242 --> 00:09:40,078
But it's not an A-plus
unless we both finish.

289
00:09:40,078 --> 00:09:41,378
She's so beautiful.

290
00:09:41,446 --> 00:09:42,913
The odds are really stacked
against our children.

291
00:09:42,981 --> 00:09:44,448
They're not all winners.

292
00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:46,016
I just know that if you
miss your daughter's wedding,

293
00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:48,752
you're going to regret it
for the rest of your life.

294
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,321
I am delighted

295
00:09:50,388 --> 00:09:52,022
for you to marry this man.

296
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:56,603
For those keeping score with row five,

297
00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:58,429
Cece's mom is at the wedding!

298
00:10:05,403 --> 00:10:07,037
Just get here when you can, okay?

299
00:10:07,424 --> 00:10:09,158
We'll wait until you do.

300
00:10:10,997 --> 00:10:13,365
You know what?
Have the party without me.

301
00:10:13,524 --> 00:10:14,173
Babe.

302
00:10:14,174 --> 00:10:15,607
No. Okay, no.

303
00:10:15,675 --> 00:10:17,242
Have the party. We'll...

304
00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:19,845
We'll get married at City Hall
with all the immigrants

305
00:10:19,913 --> 00:10:21,914
and liberals and first cousins.

306
00:10:21,981 --> 00:10:24,216
Your whole life has
been about this party.

307
00:10:24,284 --> 00:10:26,251
My whole life is you.

308
00:10:26,319 --> 00:10:28,854
Plus, my cousin Nathan is just
dying for something to go wrong.

309
00:10:28,922 --> 00:10:30,789
I'm so happy.

310
00:10:30,857 --> 00:10:33,091
I have an idea.

311
00:10:33,159 --> 00:10:34,459
Conga!

312
00:10:43,336 --> 00:10:45,304
Whoa, whoa, running out of room here.

313
00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:48,073
Let's back it up.

314
00:10:56,182 --> 00:10:57,849
Shut up.

315
00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:59,184
Winston, you don't have

316
00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:00,252
to prank the wedding anymore.

317
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,054
Okay, cool, cool, cool.

318
00:11:02,121 --> 00:11:05,424
You know, FYI, I was gonna go
with a simple, classic streak.

319
00:11:05,491 --> 00:11:07,092
Cece's mom showed up.
Come out to the party.

320
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,728
Oh! No! Oh! Oh!

321
00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:17,135
Oh! Oh, no!

322
00:11:17,203 --> 00:11:18,670
No! No!

323
00:11:18,738 --> 00:11:20,238
Sounds like you're under water.

324
00:11:22,075 --> 00:11:24,509
Oh.

325
00:11:36,723 --> 00:11:39,157
As we all know, marriage is about

326
00:11:39,225 --> 00:11:41,159
sex and property.

327
00:11:41,227 --> 00:11:43,128
Everybody say that with me once.

328
00:11:43,196 --> 00:11:45,664
Marriage is about s...

329
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,702
I imagined that differently.

330
00:11:50,770 --> 00:11:52,337
You're okay. You're okay.
Pull it together.

331
00:11:52,405 --> 00:11:54,139
Just let the index cards go.

332
00:11:54,207 --> 00:11:55,307
Speak from the heart.

333
00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:56,942
You know who I'm talking to when I say

334
00:11:57,010 --> 00:11:58,510
you were rude to me earlier at the bar.

335
00:11:58,578 --> 00:12:00,846
And now who's in control?
I could point to you

336
00:12:00,913 --> 00:12:02,347
and call you out, but I won't.

337
00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:05,417
When I first met this guy,

338
00:12:05,485 --> 00:12:10,756
Schmidt, I thought, "I'm not
gonna be friends with him."

339
00:12:11,182 --> 00:12:13,550
I don't like his personality."

340
00:12:15,028 --> 00:12:16,294
Magic's fake.

341
00:12:19,159 --> 00:12:20,132
Believe what you want,

342
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:22,134
but I want you guys to
think about something,

343
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:23,969
and now this is off the jack.

344
00:12:24,037 --> 00:12:25,537
In a couple generations,

345
00:12:25,605 --> 00:12:26,741
we're all gonna be dead,

346
00:12:26,741 --> 00:12:28,741
and no one's gonna remember any of us.

347
00:12:28,741 --> 00:12:29,842
I mean, think about it. Do you remember

348
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,965
your great-great grandparents or...

349
00:12:31,965 --> 00:12:34,227
or their parents, or what
they did day to day?

350
00:12:34,227 --> 00:12:35,660
The point is, it doesn't matter.

351
00:12:35,728 --> 00:12:39,757
Everyone you know will be dead.

352
00:12:39,783 --> 00:12:40,817
That's right.

353
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,475
Congratulations, man. I love you.

354
00:12:42,902 --> 00:12:43,916
Best friends.

355
00:12:43,916 --> 00:12:45,516
That's my time, everybody. Thank you.

356
00:12:45,583 --> 00:12:47,884
Look, if it made sense,
it wouldn't be my wedding.

357
00:12:47,952 --> 00:12:51,087
Your speech wasn't that bad.

358
00:12:51,155 --> 00:12:52,389
My speech was fantastic.

359
00:12:52,456 --> 00:12:54,057
It's the best 17 minutes of my life.

360
00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:56,693
- I really opened up my heart.
- I was gonna say.

361
00:12:56,761 --> 00:12:58,862
Nah, I'm just feeling bad about Reagan.

362
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:01,510
I think I came on too strong, or-or...

363
00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:03,868
I don't know. She told me she's
leaving tonight on a train.

364
00:13:03,935 --> 00:13:06,002
On a train? Where's she going, Hogwarts?

365
00:13:06,070 --> 00:13:07,304
No, San Diego.

366
00:13:07,831 --> 00:13:10,148
I don't know if "Hog-warts"
is near San Diego.

367
00:13:10,174 --> 00:13:11,675
- I've never heard of it.
- Never mind.

368
00:13:11,675 --> 00:13:13,993
But, I mean, it's okay. I just,
I feel like I, you know...

369
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,391
I just got excited for a second.

370
00:13:15,417 --> 00:13:18,930
Nick, she came here to see you.

371
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:21,132
I bet you're reading into it.
What if I go talk to her?

372
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,967
Talk me up a little bit?

373
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:25,637
- Woman to woman?
- That's implied.

374
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:26,971
Winston.

375
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:30,196
No hay Weenstons. It's ocupados.

376
00:13:30,259 --> 00:13:31,809
Winston, I know you're in there

377
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:34,178
'cause I'm looking at a picture
of your butt cheeks right now.

378
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:36,869
Oh, that's a working class butt.

379
00:13:36,895 --> 00:13:38,647
- Nothing wrong with that!
- Mm.

380
00:13:38,648 --> 00:13:39,544
Give me...

381
00:13:39,544 --> 00:13:41,212
- Give me those.
- That's a fatty. You got a fatty.

382
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,713
This is not Winnie's day.

383
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,181
Ernie, give him your jacket.

384
00:13:44,249 --> 00:13:45,416
- What?
- Give me the damn jacket.

385
00:13:45,483 --> 00:13:48,986
All right, here, dude.

386
00:13:49,054 --> 00:13:52,189
I jabbed my giblets in the breast
pocket. Tie it around your waist.

387
00:13:52,257 --> 00:13:54,325
Then that leaves the
front porch open or the back.

388
00:13:54,392 --> 00:13:55,593
I don't think this is gonna work.

389
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,295
I'll just sit here cold and naked

390
00:13:58,363 --> 00:13:59,997
while my best friend gets married.

391
00:14:00,065 --> 00:14:01,198
Look, you were right, Coach.

392
00:14:01,266 --> 00:14:03,634
I'm not a serious man. I'm a nude,

393
00:14:03,702 --> 00:14:07,004
apple bottom, long-fronted dumb-ass.

394
00:14:07,072 --> 00:14:09,807
Ooh, look. At least you can
change the background. Look.

395
00:14:09,875 --> 00:14:11,208
Now I'm in the Oval Office. That's
crazy.

396
00:14:11,276 --> 00:14:14,178
Winston, you're a groomsman
and a bridesman.

397
00:14:14,246 --> 00:14:15,846
It doesn't get more serious than that.

398
00:14:15,914 --> 00:14:18,015
You can't miss this wedding.

399
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,350
But what am I supposed to wear?

400
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:20,885
I am looking

401
00:14:20,952 --> 00:14:23,187
for the groom.

402
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:28,192
Schmidt. What's up, man?

403
00:14:28,260 --> 00:14:30,661
I know I'm wearing
a photo booth curtain right now.

404
00:14:30,729 --> 00:14:33,197
That does not take away
from how incredibly happy I am

405
00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:34,665
for the both of you.

406
00:14:34,733 --> 00:14:35,499
Thank you.

407
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:36,567
Winston, I'm going

408
00:14:36,635 --> 00:14:38,435
to get off this plane soon.

409
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,304
Oh, dear Lord! Winston!

410
00:14:40,372 --> 00:14:41,605
Pick it up!

411
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,641
Don't squat!

412
00:14:46,278 --> 00:14:48,812
So, I mean, I feel like I really
put myself out there, right?

413
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,281
I got on a plane, and I flew across

414
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,983
the country to see him.

415
00:14:53,051 --> 00:14:56,020
I couldn't get him
out of my head, you know?

416
00:14:56,087 --> 00:14:58,155
Yeah. Yeah.

417
00:14:58,223 --> 00:15:00,824
And then he says
the word "relationship,"

418
00:15:00,892 --> 00:15:03,594
and I freaked out, because...

419
00:15:03,662 --> 00:15:07,097
You know what, I don't know. Am I crazy
to want a relationship with Nick?

420
00:15:07,165 --> 00:15:09,266
I mean, you guys were
together. What happened?

421
00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:11,135
We were kind of a mess.

422
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:13,437
I wanted him to have a plan for his life

423
00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:16,307
and not keep his money
in a box in his closet.

424
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:21,211
And... he wanted me
to not care about those things.

425
00:15:21,279 --> 00:15:23,213
That's not so bad. I mean,

426
00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:24,976
who really has a plan for their life?

427
00:15:24,976 --> 00:15:27,223
Who does that?

428
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,579
Me.

429
00:15:29,342 --> 00:15:31,243
Me. I d... I did it.

430
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:33,511
I do it. I'm sure there
are plenty of guys

431
00:15:33,579 --> 00:15:36,848
out there who keep a very
traditional banking account. Yeah.

432
00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:39,017
There are. And I just dated one of 'em.

433
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:42,334
And I...

434
00:15:42,622 --> 00:15:45,790
I don't think any of that stuff matters.

435
00:15:45,858 --> 00:15:47,792
Thank you.

436
00:15:47,860 --> 00:15:49,661
You are awesome.

437
00:15:49,729 --> 00:15:51,763
Thanks.

438
00:15:52,832 --> 00:15:55,231
I'm gonna go do this.

439
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,645
- Hey.
- Hey.

440
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,390
I...

441
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:24,325
Yeah, I know.

442
00:16:24,399 --> 00:16:26,694
You don't have to say it.

443
00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:35,517
Cece, Schmidt wants to talk to you.

444
00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:37,120
- Thank you.
- Babe, the plane's moving. Oh, okay.

445
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,828
Maybe they're going back to
the gate. Maybe I can get there

446
00:16:38,829 --> 00:16:40,264
before they release
the monarch butterflies.

447
00:16:40,331 --> 00:16:42,281
Oh, my God, that is so great, babe!

448
00:16:42,307 --> 00:16:46,060
Ladies and gentlemen, we
are finally bound for Portland.

449
00:16:46,061 --> 00:16:49,497
Aah! No!

450
00:16:58,448 --> 00:16:59,709
What are you guys doing here?

451
00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:01,256
It's the middle of the night.

452
00:17:02,361 --> 00:17:03,681
Ow! Winston!

453
00:17:03,768 --> 00:17:05,224
The hell is wrong with you?

454
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,258
We use that stuff to revive
passed-out derelicts.

455
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:08,793
Come on, buddy. We got to get you ready.

456
00:17:09,181 --> 00:17:10,314
What?

457
00:17:20,442 --> 00:17:21,973
You already sprayed that.

458
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:25,642
- Yes...
- You don't have to spray it again.

459
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:28,879
- Honestly, dude, you're ruining it.
- Relax.

460
00:17:40,825 --> 00:17:42,659
You want to get married?

461
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:45,762
I don't think that I can
wait another second.

462
00:18:16,661 --> 00:18:18,428
May this couple be blessed

463
00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:21,098
and be helpful to one
another in all ways.

464
00:18:21,165 --> 00:18:25,002
Just when I thought you
couldn't make me any happier,

465
00:18:25,069 --> 00:18:27,604
look what you did today.

466
00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:29,773
You're amazing.

467
00:18:29,825 --> 00:18:32,463
I hope for as long as we stay together,

468
00:18:32,489 --> 00:18:35,445
that I always remain someone that

469
00:18:35,513 --> 00:18:38,081
you want to hollah at.

470
00:18:38,149 --> 00:18:41,585
I look forward to a
lifetime of joy, growth

471
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,754
and constant mispronunciation

472
00:18:43,821 --> 00:18:45,455
of common words.

473
00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:49,893
For the first time,

474
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:52,963
I see what the rest
of my life looks like.

475
00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:56,733
I now pronounce you

476
00:18:56,801 --> 00:18:59,836
husband and...

477
00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:02,239
Oh, wait, uh, we need the glass.

478
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,573
What...?

479
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,432
Hey.

480
00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:47,317
I'm just getting Cece
some leggings for the hora.

481
00:19:47,385 --> 00:19:49,453
Can't have everybody
seeing the bridal bouquet.

482
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:50,620
I don't know what you said

483
00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:52,656
to Reagan, but I want to say thank you,

484
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:54,291
because she wants

485
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,625
to go for it with me.

486
00:19:55,693 --> 00:19:56,960
She wants to do this.

487
00:19:57,028 --> 00:19:58,829
Well, that's awesome. Congratulations.

488
00:19:58,896 --> 00:20:00,831
Yeah, I'm freaking out.
I can't believe it.

489
00:20:00,898 --> 00:20:02,833
I mean, why does she want to be with me?

490
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,167
It doesn't make any sense.

491
00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:05,969
You of all people

492
00:20:06,037 --> 00:20:08,536
know that I'm just the
weird detour you take

493
00:20:08,818 --> 00:20:11,208
before you find the guy
you want to be with.

494
00:20:11,275 --> 00:20:13,577
I basically just help women realize

495
00:20:13,644 --> 00:20:15,345
that they could do a lot better...

496
00:20:15,413 --> 00:20:16,880
Stop it, Nick!

497
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:19,349
I'm tired of you

498
00:20:19,417 --> 00:20:20,751
being the only person

499
00:20:20,818 --> 00:20:23,553
who doesn't see how incredible you are.

500
00:20:30,836 --> 00:20:32,771
Okay.

501
00:20:32,963 --> 00:20:34,898
I'm, uh, I'm incredible.

502
00:20:34,924 --> 00:20:36,473
Yes, you're incredible.

503
00:20:36,538 --> 00:20:38,703
All right, thanks.

504
00:20:39,903 --> 00:20:42,605
All right, I'm booking a ticket.

505
00:20:42,673 --> 00:20:43,525
A ticket...?

506
00:20:43,526 --> 00:20:45,717
Yeah, Reagan is going to New Orleans

507
00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:47,349
for work for three months

508
00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:48,698
and she asked me to go with her,

509
00:20:48,698 --> 00:20:51,600
and... I'm gonna do it.

510
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:57,140
Don't make this about you!

511
00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:58,374
Get in line and hora!

512
00:20:58,442 --> 00:21:00,276
All right, let's do it.

513
00:21:35,546 --> 00:21:37,847
So nice of your mom to get us this trip.

514
00:21:37,915 --> 00:21:40,650
Much better than my dad's
gift of weed gummy bears.

515
00:21:45,689 --> 00:21:47,323
Aah! What the hell is happening?!

516
00:21:47,391 --> 00:21:49,392
- What?! What is happening?!
- No! No!

517
00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:52,095
Ha-ha! Happy honeymoon!

518
00:21:52,163 --> 00:21:53,062
Winston!

519
00:21:56,267 --> 00:21:57,934
How long has he been in there?

520
00:21:58,002 --> 00:21:59,302
It's gonna ruin the whole
freaking vacation!

521
00:21:59,370 --> 00:22:00,370
Honeymoon prank!

522
00:22:00,437 --> 00:22:02,372
What are you all drinking?

523
00:22:02,397 --> 00:22:04,397
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -