1
00:00:05,569 --> 00:00:08,695
Now, I-I've seen
a few 1943 Jeeps over the years,
2
00:00:08,846 --> 00:00:10,864
but a '42 is pretty rare,
3
00:00:11,057 --> 00:00:12,389
-isn't it?
-Yeah.
4
00:00:12,409 --> 00:00:15,851
Rarer than
a fiscally responsible Democrat.
5
00:00:15,912 --> 00:00:19,522
(chuckles)
I can't believe
we get to restore this.
6
00:00:19,583 --> 00:00:21,599
I don't want you wiping
the dirt off.
7
00:00:21,618 --> 00:00:23,117
That dirt could be
from Normandy.
8
00:00:23,211 --> 00:00:24,860
That's D-Day dirt.
9
00:00:26,256 --> 00:00:28,973
I for one am glad
there was an old guy out there
10
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,034
with a ton of money willing
to pay for this restoration.
11
00:00:32,095 --> 00:00:34,537
-Oh, this is gonna be fun.
-Yeah.
12
00:00:34,598 --> 00:00:36,781
Just remember,
when we get this finished,
13
00:00:36,841 --> 00:00:41,019
I'm the first guy that gets
to shoot the machine gun.
14
00:00:42,622 --> 00:00:45,123
Having served in a war, Baxter,
shooting a machine gun
15
00:00:45,183 --> 00:00:47,809
-isn't my idea of fun.
-No?
16
00:00:47,944 --> 00:00:51,887
Now, a rocket launcher, that'll
put some lead in your pencil.
17
00:00:51,948 --> 00:00:53,907
Bad news, boys.
18
00:00:55,026 --> 00:00:56,467
The restoration is off.
19
00:00:56,528 --> 00:00:58,561
What do you mean
the restoration's off?
20
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,805
I saw Arnold yesterday-- he was
over the moon over this thing.
21
00:01:00,865 --> 00:01:03,157
No, it's Albert.
That was yesterday.
22
00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:05,418
Sadly enough,
things have changed.
23
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,328
If it's about money,
let me at him.
24
00:01:07,422 --> 00:01:09,923
I can persuade anybody
to do anything.
25
00:01:10,074 --> 00:01:12,741
He's dead, Baxter.
26
00:01:12,844 --> 00:01:14,743
He passed away
last night, Mikey.
27
00:01:14,846 --> 00:01:16,096
CHUCK:
That's gonna make it
28
00:01:16,289 --> 00:01:18,840
a bit of a challenge
to persuade him.
29
00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:21,083
Not so fast.
30
00:01:21,144 --> 00:01:23,603
What funeral home?
31
00:01:24,815 --> 00:01:27,107
♪
32
00:01:32,772 --> 00:01:34,280
(groans softly)
Hey.
33
00:01:34,473 --> 00:01:35,506
Hey.
34
00:01:35,608 --> 00:01:37,433
Everything okay?
35
00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:38,860
My old guy died.
36
00:01:38,954 --> 00:01:39,953
Oh, God. Ed?
37
00:01:40,146 --> 00:01:41,454
No, no, no.
38
00:01:42,457 --> 00:01:46,459
Ed's still doing one-armed
push-ups in the parking lot.
39
00:01:46,652 --> 00:01:49,963
No, I'm talking about Arnold--
uh... Albert...
40
00:01:50,156 --> 00:01:52,023
"A," it's got an "A," "A."
41
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:53,691
Arn... Andy, Andy...
42
00:01:53,751 --> 00:01:55,468
Ar... I think it's an "A."
43
00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:58,471
I'm not getting the sense that
you guys were really that close.
44
00:01:58,664 --> 00:02:01,307
Anyway, it was the guy
that I was gonna restore that...
45
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,310
Jeep with the 50-caliber
machine gun in it.
46
00:02:04,503 --> 00:02:08,373
That killed more Nazis
than Indiana Jones.
47
00:02:08,474 --> 00:02:10,057
Well, you know what,
I'm sorry, Mike.
48
00:02:10,152 --> 00:02:11,392
I know how long it took you
49
00:02:11,544 --> 00:02:12,710
-to find that Jeep.
-No, honey,
50
00:02:12,812 --> 00:02:14,803
I was really looking forward
51
00:02:14,906 --> 00:02:17,382
to restoring that Jeep,
52
00:02:17,442 --> 00:02:20,568
and then the guy goes and dies.
53
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,888
Why does this
always have to happen to me?
54
00:02:23,907 --> 00:02:27,167
Yep, the universe
obviously hates you,
55
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,228
said his beautiful wife
in his lovely home.
56
00:02:30,288 --> 00:02:31,337
Yeah.
57
00:02:32,399 --> 00:02:34,007
What are we having for dinner?
58
00:02:34,176 --> 00:02:35,708
Lobster.
Oh, wait. You know what?
59
00:02:35,844 --> 00:02:38,736
Tell me again
how crappy your life is.
60
00:02:38,796 --> 00:02:42,407
You know, they call the Jeep
the "Savior of World War II."
61
00:02:42,508 --> 00:02:44,833
Man, if it was a character
in a movie,
62
00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:47,036
it would be played by Tom Hanks.
63
00:02:47,105 --> 00:02:51,249
You know, I don't understand
this Arthur or Albert...
64
00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:52,750
He's at the end of his life,
65
00:02:52,769 --> 00:02:54,677
and the one thing he wants
is some old Jeep?
66
00:02:54,779 --> 00:02:57,346
It's not "some old Jeep."
67
00:02:57,407 --> 00:02:59,106
It's a GPW.
68
00:02:59,242 --> 00:03:01,426
Government-issued,
and it worked.
69
00:03:01,444 --> 00:03:04,762
That's the last time
that has ever happened.
70
00:03:04,781 --> 00:03:06,021
I know, but what's the point?
71
00:03:06,041 --> 00:03:07,356
I mean,
he could have used that money
72
00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:09,267
to do some good in the world.
73
00:03:09,285 --> 00:03:11,044
Or he could make himself happy.
That's what guys do.
74
00:03:11,237 --> 00:03:13,195
When I'm 90,
I'm gonna buy that Trans Am
75
00:03:13,215 --> 00:03:15,030
from Smokey and the Bandit.
76
00:03:15,091 --> 00:03:16,549
And that cool hat.
77
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,626
Well, you knock yourself out.
78
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,369
I will be in Spain.
79
00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:25,283
And I don't think all guys are
that frivolous with money.
80
00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:27,285
Yeah, car guys are,
81
00:03:27,345 --> 00:03:29,145
he said proudly.
82
00:03:30,106 --> 00:03:31,213
Oh, yeah? Look at Joe.
83
00:03:31,274 --> 00:03:32,807
I mean, his mother died
84
00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:34,809
and left him
quite a nice inheritance,
85
00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:36,811
and he hasn't bought
a bunch of cars.
86
00:03:36,947 --> 00:03:38,721
That's right,
he has that mom money.
87
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,298
Yeah, which he's saving.
88
00:03:40,358 --> 00:03:42,316
I mean, he and I,
we've talked a lot about it.
89
00:03:42,410 --> 00:03:43,743
Is he still coming
to the book club
90
00:03:43,894 --> 00:03:44,819
of yours
and pretending he can read?
91
00:03:44,913 --> 00:03:47,138
We have actual conversations.
92
00:03:47,198 --> 00:03:49,974
You know, it's when...
when one person actually listens
93
00:03:49,993 --> 00:03:51,400
to the other?
94
00:03:51,419 --> 00:03:52,827
I'm listening.
I heard everything you said.
95
00:03:52,921 --> 00:03:54,570
-Okay.
-You gave me a good idea.
96
00:03:54,589 --> 00:03:56,330
I think Joe
should buy that Jeep.
97
00:03:56,483 --> 00:03:59,259
No, Mike, I just told you, he
is not frivolous with his money.
98
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:03,805
Frivolous? It has
a 50-caliber machine gun on it.
99
00:04:07,102 --> 00:04:08,768
-(speaking quietly)
-JEN: Hi.
100
00:04:08,919 --> 00:04:10,270
-Hi.
-Oh, hey. Oh, wow,
101
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:11,938
you already put Sarah to bed--
that was fast.
102
00:04:12,107 --> 00:04:13,982
Well, most people make
the mistake
103
00:04:14,109 --> 00:04:16,776
of reading fun children's books
before bed.
104
00:04:16,945 --> 00:04:19,445
I read her
an air conditioning manual.
105
00:04:21,274 --> 00:04:23,508
She went out like that.
106
00:04:23,609 --> 00:04:27,603
Wow, you're like a, uh,
boring Mary Poppins.
107
00:04:27,664 --> 00:04:29,122
Oh, and she said
the cutest thing
108
00:04:29,315 --> 00:04:31,182
right before she fell asleep.
109
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,609
She said,
"Can you pull up my blankie?
110
00:04:33,670 --> 00:04:36,004
I want to cover my butt."
111
00:04:39,676 --> 00:04:40,875
I'm sorry.
112
00:04:40,969 --> 00:04:43,285
She said what?
113
00:04:44,139 --> 00:04:46,973
"Butt." I think
it's short for "buttocks."
114
00:04:49,144 --> 00:04:50,459
Um...
115
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,370
yeah, so,
w-we don't use that word.
116
00:04:52,472 --> 00:04:53,721
We say "bottom."
117
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,631
KYLE:
Yeah, so, uh,
118
00:04:55,650 --> 00:04:57,875
"B" is a gateway swear.
119
00:04:57,935 --> 00:05:00,878
You know?
First she says "B,"
120
00:05:00,938 --> 00:05:02,713
then she says "B-head"
121
00:05:02,774 --> 00:05:05,074
and then "B-f-face."
122
00:05:06,944 --> 00:05:09,236
And before you know it, she's
working at a tattoo parlor,
123
00:05:09,331 --> 00:05:11,331
smoking non-filter cigarettes.
124
00:05:12,575 --> 00:05:15,418
Where did Sarah
even hear that word?
125
00:05:19,049 --> 00:05:21,090
It wasn't me.
126
00:05:21,885 --> 00:05:23,401
Okay. Just...
127
00:05:23,461 --> 00:05:25,470
just please watch your language
around her.
128
00:05:26,631 --> 00:05:27,905
Yeah, Jen...
129
00:05:27,965 --> 00:05:30,183
my father, he swore a lot.
130
00:05:30,376 --> 00:05:32,743
Do you know where he is now?
131
00:05:32,804 --> 00:05:33,744
Where?
132
00:05:33,805 --> 00:05:36,764
No one knows!
133
00:05:36,916 --> 00:05:39,609
He swore and then disappeared.
134
00:05:43,648 --> 00:05:45,365
You wanted to see me?
135
00:05:45,558 --> 00:05:47,258
Yeah. I'd like
to take you to lunch.
136
00:05:47,318 --> 00:05:49,427
We've never had lunch together.
137
00:05:49,445 --> 00:05:51,262
You said you hate
watching me chew.
138
00:05:51,322 --> 00:05:53,114
What are you up to, Baxter?
139
00:05:54,084 --> 00:05:56,692
I want you to buy
the dead man's Jeep.
140
00:05:56,711 --> 00:05:58,193
Why me?
141
00:05:58,213 --> 00:05:59,545
'Cause you have the money,
you have the space
142
00:05:59,697 --> 00:06:01,047
to keep it
after we finish restoring it,
143
00:06:01,198 --> 00:06:02,289
and since we're
restoring it here,
144
00:06:02,442 --> 00:06:04,700
we won't have time
to eat together.
145
00:06:04,761 --> 00:06:06,460
Not that I could afford it,
146
00:06:06,554 --> 00:06:08,462
but, I don't know,
maybe you heard,
147
00:06:08,556 --> 00:06:12,116
my boss,
he's kind of a cheap bastard.
148
00:06:12,176 --> 00:06:14,969
Whatever it is you're making,
Joe, you're overpaid.
149
00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:19,214
-You've got that inheritance
from your mom.
-I'm not touching that money.
150
00:06:19,275 --> 00:06:21,292
What are you gonna do, wait
till you get a little older?
151
00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:23,069
News flash...
(whistles)
152
00:06:24,072 --> 00:06:26,239
That's my mom's money,
and I don't feel right
153
00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:28,466
-spending it on me, okay?
-You love cars,
154
00:06:28,526 --> 00:06:31,911
and this is a vehicle
that kicked Hitler's ass.
155
00:06:32,062 --> 00:06:33,804
-I don't know.
-Come on.
156
00:06:33,823 --> 00:06:36,474
Like, I bet your mom's looking
right down at you right now,
157
00:06:36,534 --> 00:06:38,233
right this minute,
and she's going,
158
00:06:38,253 --> 00:06:40,420
"Come on,
you're a good boy, Joe.
159
00:06:40,613 --> 00:06:42,163
Treat yourself."
160
00:06:42,315 --> 00:06:45,216
Actually, she used to call me
"Joey Bear."
161
00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:52,765
Treat yourself...
162
00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:54,750
Joey Bear.
163
00:06:55,603 --> 00:06:57,178
-Let me think about it.
-No, wait.
164
00:06:57,272 --> 00:06:59,588
No, no, when has thinking
ever got you anywhere?
165
00:06:59,649 --> 00:07:01,274
This is time for action.
166
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:04,444
(whispering):
You got to take action, action,
167
00:07:04,612 --> 00:07:05,853
take action.
168
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,280
-Okay, let's do it!
-Yeah!
169
00:07:07,473 --> 00:07:09,006
-Yes! Great decision.
-Yeah. All right.
170
00:07:09,025 --> 00:07:10,675
And we're gonna do this right.
171
00:07:10,693 --> 00:07:12,285
-Yeah.
-I'll order
all the best parts, right?
172
00:07:12,478 --> 00:07:14,528
I'll bet you, General Patton,
he's looking down at me
173
00:07:14,681 --> 00:07:15,938
and saluting-- not me--
174
00:07:15,999 --> 00:07:18,532
he's looking down at us
right now and...
175
00:07:18,685 --> 00:07:20,351
Look, since it's my Jeep,
I get to call the shots.
176
00:07:20,411 --> 00:07:23,020
Right. Let's just pretend
that's the case.
177
00:07:23,039 --> 00:07:24,371
First to go, the machine gun.
178
00:07:24,524 --> 00:07:27,024
Uh-huh. In all
the excitement of the moment,
179
00:07:27,043 --> 00:07:31,119
I swear I heard you say the
stupidest thing I've ever heard.
180
00:07:31,139 --> 00:07:32,805
Machine gun's got to go.
181
00:07:32,998 --> 00:07:34,715
And let's get
some oversized tires.
182
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:36,809
Oversized tires?
183
00:07:37,002 --> 00:07:39,312
Make it like a off-road vehicle,
you know?
184
00:07:39,505 --> 00:07:41,038
It's a Jeep!
185
00:07:41,057 --> 00:07:42,389
It is an off-road vehicle.
186
00:07:42,484 --> 00:07:45,818
They didn't win World War II
in a strip mall.
187
00:07:46,011 --> 00:07:47,987
I want some paint
that really pops.
188
00:07:48,138 --> 00:07:50,472
Maybe, like, school bus yellow,
you know?
189
00:07:50,575 --> 00:07:53,493
Have you lost
what's left of your mind?
190
00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:55,886
Look, I'm sure I'll have
more ideas as we go along,
191
00:07:55,905 --> 00:07:57,221
but this is enough
to get started.
192
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,572
You know,
this is a classic vehicle.
193
00:07:58,725 --> 00:08:01,058
You can't desecrate
something like this.
194
00:08:01,118 --> 00:08:02,243
I can do whatever I want, okay?
195
00:08:02,337 --> 00:08:03,836
I bought it, and we shook on it!
196
00:08:03,988 --> 00:08:05,505
Yeah? Yeah?
197
00:08:05,656 --> 00:08:09,050
Your mom just said, "Don't
screw this up, Joey Bear."
198
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:19,501
What kind of a madman would take
a 50-caliber machine gun
199
00:08:19,562 --> 00:08:21,837
off of a Jeep?
200
00:08:21,898 --> 00:08:23,689
I don't know
what to tell you, Mike.
201
00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:26,901
I just came in here
to get some paper towels.
202
00:08:28,196 --> 00:08:29,511
It's a piece
of American history.
203
00:08:29,531 --> 00:08:31,346
It doesn't need modifications.
204
00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:33,941
(scoffs):
I mean, you're not
gonna give the Mona Lisa
205
00:08:34,077 --> 00:08:36,594
a boob job, are you?
206
00:08:36,654 --> 00:08:38,186
Well, you might.
207
00:08:38,248 --> 00:08:41,123
I mean, you do have a type.
208
00:08:44,379 --> 00:08:48,455
He wants to paint flames
on the side of the Jeep.
209
00:08:48,608 --> 00:08:50,365
All right.
Well, sounds like fun.
210
00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:52,960
I'm not gonna let
that nincompoop
211
00:08:53,112 --> 00:08:55,203
destroy an American classic,
you know?
212
00:08:55,265 --> 00:08:57,464
I'm just gonna buy
the Jeep myself.
213
00:08:57,559 --> 00:08:59,600
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
214
00:09:01,287 --> 00:09:03,137
Where do you think
you're gonna keep it?
215
00:09:03,231 --> 00:09:05,380
(chuckles)
In the driveway.
216
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,215
Okay, uh,
you know what, I-I just,
217
00:09:07,277 --> 00:09:09,068
I have two problems with that.
218
00:09:09,219 --> 00:09:10,811
-Yeah?
-(chuckles): Um, one...
219
00:09:10,963 --> 00:09:13,130
-I don't want a machine gun
in the driveway.
-Okay.
220
00:09:13,149 --> 00:09:17,134
And two, I don't want
a machine gun in the driveway!
221
00:09:18,195 --> 00:09:20,705
They won't check the meter
as often.
222
00:09:21,808 --> 00:09:23,490
All right, you want the Jeep?
223
00:09:23,585 --> 00:09:26,401
Okay, you can keep it in here
and just, uh, sell your truck.
224
00:09:26,462 --> 00:09:29,589
I'm not selling the truck.
I can't. I-It's my truck.
225
00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:30,998
Well, then, no Jeep.
226
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,407
Look, besides,
Joe might not even sell it.
227
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,501
It sounds like
he's having a lot of fun.
228
00:09:34,654 --> 00:09:36,078
I don't get it.
229
00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:38,155
He usually has such respect
for the classics.
230
00:09:38,174 --> 00:09:40,007
He won't even work on a car
from the '60s
231
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:42,827
with a wrench from the '80s.
232
00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:45,605
You know, when somebody acts
out of character like that,
233
00:09:45,756 --> 00:09:47,923
it could be... could be
kind of a cry for help.
234
00:09:47,984 --> 00:09:50,592
(chuckles):
Why doesn't he cry
like the rest of us--
235
00:09:50,653 --> 00:09:52,903
alone in the shower.
236
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,115
You know I can hear you.
237
00:09:57,952 --> 00:10:00,786
Maybe Joe
is going through something.
238
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:03,364
Look, one thing I know about
being in book club with him
239
00:10:03,458 --> 00:10:06,684
is that... that he is
a very sensitive, emotional man.
240
00:10:06,702 --> 00:10:08,628
Mm-hmm, who chews
with his mouth open.
241
00:10:08,821 --> 00:10:10,296
-(grunting)
-You know what?
242
00:10:10,447 --> 00:10:13,023
I... I'm gonna have
a talk with him, okay? I will.
243
00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:15,025
And maybe I can help him
get in touch with...
244
00:10:15,044 --> 00:10:16,785
whatever it is
he's going through.
245
00:10:16,804 --> 00:10:18,696
Yeah, that's what I was gonna
do, but you go ahead first,
246
00:10:18,714 --> 00:10:19,930
you know, and no takebacks.
247
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,203
Anyway, you may want
to keep an eye on Jen
248
00:10:26,263 --> 00:10:27,963
when she's babysitting.
249
00:10:27,982 --> 00:10:30,724
She may be using some words
you don't want Evelyn to hear.
250
00:10:30,877 --> 00:10:32,376
Yeah, she's like a sailor.
251
00:10:32,478 --> 00:10:34,044
Just, you know,
without the tattoos
252
00:10:34,105 --> 00:10:36,046
or bell-bottoms or...
253
00:10:36,107 --> 00:10:37,948
love of spinach.
254
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,327
Wow. Well, uh,
thanks for the heads-up.
255
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,645
You have to be so vigilant
raising kids these days.
256
00:10:43,706 --> 00:10:45,247
It's really a pain in the butt.
257
00:10:47,894 --> 00:10:51,153
You don't happen to use
that word in front of Sarah,
258
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,505
do you?
259
00:10:52,698 --> 00:10:54,882
What, "butt"?
I-I don't know, probably.
260
00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:57,343
-Oh, God.
-All right.
261
00:10:57,512 --> 00:10:59,420
Apparently we need
to apologize to Jen,
262
00:10:59,572 --> 00:11:01,997
because we accused
the wrong potty mouth.
263
00:11:02,967 --> 00:11:05,743
You're upset about
the word "butt"?
264
00:11:05,845 --> 00:11:07,019
Oh! Okay, she said it again.
265
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,146
It's like we're in
a Scorsese movie.
266
00:11:10,108 --> 00:11:12,416
Guys, what's going on?
267
00:11:12,435 --> 00:11:15,602
Uh, well, Kyle is upset
'cause I may have said "butt"
268
00:11:15,755 --> 00:11:16,862
in front of Sarah.
269
00:11:17,055 --> 00:11:18,346
Yeah, you're darn tootin'.
270
00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:21,258
Great. Great, now I'm swearing.
271
00:11:21,318 --> 00:11:23,185
Okay, look,
we're just very sensitive
272
00:11:23,246 --> 00:11:25,687
to Sarah being exposed
to that word.
273
00:11:25,707 --> 00:11:27,114
Come on, it's part of the body.
274
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,949
I mean, let's not let society
make us ashamed
275
00:11:29,043 --> 00:11:30,768
of our own biology, man.
276
00:11:30,828 --> 00:11:33,087
You know?
Let... let butts be butts.
277
00:11:34,924 --> 00:11:36,790
Okay, that's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
278
00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:39,109
BOTH:
Whoa.
279
00:11:39,170 --> 00:11:41,703
Okay, we-we don't use
the S-word here.
280
00:11:41,806 --> 00:11:43,447
"Stupid"?
281
00:11:43,507 --> 00:11:46,208
I hope you don't say that word
in front of Evelyn.
282
00:11:46,269 --> 00:11:48,619
We don't like to use negative
labels that might inhibit
283
00:11:48,637 --> 00:11:50,471
our child's intellectual growth.
284
00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:53,791
(laughs) That's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
285
00:11:54,944 --> 00:11:57,903
Yeah, come on, man.
Let stupid be stupid.
286
00:12:00,191 --> 00:12:02,132
Okay, you know what?
Maybe let's just watch a movie.
287
00:12:02,193 --> 00:12:04,151
Uh, how about
that Steve Carell movie
288
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,804
-Crazy, Stupid, Love?
-Yeah.
289
00:12:06,864 --> 00:12:10,082
-Or you know what? We could
watch The Butt-erfly Effect.
-(chuckles)
290
00:12:10,275 --> 00:12:12,084
Oh, yeah, I like that movie.
291
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:13,753
(whispers indistinctly)
292
00:12:13,946 --> 00:12:16,088
Oh, I see what you did.
293
00:12:19,969 --> 00:12:23,003
-Hey.
-Oh, hey.
294
00:12:23,097 --> 00:12:25,839
So I just had
a long conversation with Joe
295
00:12:25,992 --> 00:12:27,266
after book club.
296
00:12:27,459 --> 00:12:30,019
Well, you probably need this
more than me.
297
00:12:31,481 --> 00:12:34,106
I don't, uh, I don't have
an appetite right now.
298
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,441
Great.
299
00:12:36,944 --> 00:12:38,110
So, what'd you find out?
300
00:12:39,304 --> 00:12:41,280
He thinks he killed his mother.
301
00:12:54,912 --> 00:12:56,703
Killed his mom?
302
00:12:56,856 --> 00:12:59,131
I should've noticed that,
he's got that Norman Bates look
303
00:12:59,324 --> 00:13:00,966
-about him.
-No, Mike.
304
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:02,635
I don't want this. Here.
305
00:13:02,828 --> 00:13:04,711
He didn't kill his mom. Come on.
306
00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:07,714
You remember the story.
She got really ill, right?
307
00:13:07,809 --> 00:13:09,533
He put her in the hospital
and she passed away.
308
00:13:09,593 --> 00:13:11,310
Yeah, well, the problem
is she hated hospitals
309
00:13:11,503 --> 00:13:13,203
and she begged him
not to let them admit her,
310
00:13:13,264 --> 00:13:14,538
but Joe sided with the doctors.
311
00:13:14,598 --> 00:13:16,649
But that was
the right thing to do.
312
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,375
I mean, he's guilty of a lot of
stuff-- eating the first donut,
313
00:13:18,435 --> 00:13:21,378
the last donut,
the one in the middle--
314
00:13:21,397 --> 00:13:23,856
-but Joe had nothing to do
with the passing of his mom.
-I...
315
00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:26,808
I know that, you know that,
but Joe has been blaming himself
316
00:13:26,911 --> 00:13:28,643
ever since it happened.
317
00:13:28,663 --> 00:13:30,404
Well, did you talk to him?
318
00:13:30,556 --> 00:13:32,331
-No.
-Did you slap him and just say,
"Hey, snap out of it"?
319
00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:33,390
(stammers)
320
00:13:33,409 --> 00:13:34,834
I didn't know what to say.
321
00:13:35,027 --> 00:13:36,894
No, he was going on and on
about his guilt.
322
00:13:36,912 --> 00:13:38,896
And I-I tried to relate,
but you know
323
00:13:38,956 --> 00:13:40,414
I only feel guilty
about one thing.
324
00:13:40,508 --> 00:13:42,007
Oh, please not the story
about the newspaper.
325
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,301
-Please.
-It was 1984.
326
00:13:45,179 --> 00:13:46,494
Feels like yesterday.
327
00:13:46,556 --> 00:13:47,996
I put a quarter
in the vending machine,
328
00:13:48,057 --> 00:13:49,998
I opened the door,
and suddenly, I...
329
00:13:50,017 --> 00:13:51,241
I thought to myself...
330
00:13:51,343 --> 00:13:53,352
"Hey, why not take
two newspapers?"
331
00:13:53,503 --> 00:13:55,503
"Why not take two newspapers?"
332
00:13:55,565 --> 00:13:57,414
You know,
333
00:13:57,433 --> 00:14:00,417
the newspaper ink
was easy to wash off,
334
00:14:00,477 --> 00:14:04,530
but I could never wash away
the guilt.
335
00:14:04,723 --> 00:14:06,090
Take it easy on yourself.
336
00:14:06,108 --> 00:14:07,591
You were doing the best
you could to survive
337
00:14:07,610 --> 00:14:09,426
those mean streets
of Greenwich, Connecticut.
338
00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:10,928
Oh, stop it.
339
00:14:10,988 --> 00:14:12,613
Please tell me
you didn't use this story
340
00:14:12,707 --> 00:14:14,039
-to try to cheer Joe up.
-No.
341
00:14:14,232 --> 00:14:15,766
Of course not. No.
342
00:14:15,826 --> 00:14:17,101
No, he was hurting, Mike.
343
00:14:17,202 --> 00:14:18,785
I-- Really, it's so sad.
344
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,695
What? Please don't say that.
345
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,272
What? Why?
346
00:14:22,374 --> 00:14:24,032
Because...
347
00:14:24,093 --> 00:14:26,610
Joe fills a specific role
in my life.
348
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:30,781
I don't want to know
that that doofus is sad.
349
00:14:30,799 --> 00:14:33,041
Honey, he could really use
a friend right now.
350
00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:34,876
Well, I could really use
a friend right now.
351
00:14:34,896 --> 00:14:36,303
Uh, maybe a friend
that would allow me to have
352
00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:37,971
-a machine gun in the driveway.
-Oh, okay.
353
00:14:38,124 --> 00:14:39,973
Talk to him. Talk to him.
354
00:14:40,109 --> 00:14:42,643
-He needs you.
-You know who used to need me,
355
00:14:42,778 --> 00:14:44,236
was this Bundt cake.
356
00:14:46,073 --> 00:14:49,224
-Does it need me?
-Well, I'll take it.
357
00:14:49,285 --> 00:14:50,801
Why don't you get another slice?
358
00:14:50,861 --> 00:14:53,078
Take two, like the newspaper?
359
00:15:01,297 --> 00:15:04,256
Okay, so Jen is reading
The New England Journal
360
00:15:04,449 --> 00:15:08,669
of Medicine to the girls,
so I think we've got some time.
361
00:15:08,763 --> 00:15:11,096
We have to come to an agreement
about what words
362
00:15:11,248 --> 00:15:12,839
we're gonna say
around the girls.
363
00:15:12,934 --> 00:15:14,992
Agreed. Uh, babe,
did you bring our list?
364
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:16,843
Yeah. Okay.
(clears throat)
365
00:15:16,938 --> 00:15:19,438
All right, item number one
is "butt"
366
00:15:19,589 --> 00:15:23,275
will now be referred to
as now "bottom."
367
00:15:23,468 --> 00:15:24,610
Agreed.
368
00:15:24,779 --> 00:15:27,262
Reluctantly.
369
00:15:27,281 --> 00:15:28,930
And, uh, other body parts,
we have, uh, "willie"
370
00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:30,432
and "downstairs."
371
00:15:30,493 --> 00:15:34,102
Uh, boys have a willie,
girls have a downstairs.
372
00:15:34,163 --> 00:15:37,289
Are you kidd-- wh--
"Downstairs"?
373
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:40,200
Y-Yeah, it's polite
and location-correct.
374
00:15:40,294 --> 00:15:42,294
-Oh, my...
-Okay, yeah, it's fine.
375
00:15:42,487 --> 00:15:45,689
We will give you "willie"
and "downstairs,"
376
00:15:45,749 --> 00:15:47,800
but in return,
we don't want Evelyn to hear
377
00:15:47,993 --> 00:15:49,193
"stupid" or "bad."
378
00:15:49,253 --> 00:15:51,136
How do you not say "bad"?
379
00:15:51,305 --> 00:15:54,381
What are they,
The-The Good News Bears?
380
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,475
Well, instead,
Kristin and I like to say,
381
00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:57,977
"Your behavior is concerning,"
and "How do we address this
382
00:15:58,145 --> 00:15:59,720
in a more positive way?"
383
00:15:59,872 --> 00:16:02,206
She's a child, not a lawyer.
384
00:16:02,307 --> 00:16:05,042
We tell Evelyn she can
be whatever she wants to be.
385
00:16:05,144 --> 00:16:07,044
We say the same thing to Sarah.
386
00:16:07,146 --> 00:16:08,879
Oh, well, I hope she's not
becoming a doctor.
387
00:16:08,939 --> 00:16:10,380
"We got your results back,
Mr. Jones.
388
00:16:10,441 --> 00:16:12,574
-You have a willie infection."
-Oh...
389
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:14,660
Hey.
390
00:16:14,853 --> 00:16:17,037
(speaking Cantonese)
391
00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:20,057
Yeah, I know what
you're saying, Jen,
392
00:16:20,117 --> 00:16:22,001
but explain it to the others.
393
00:16:22,194 --> 00:16:24,578
I said that you guys
are great parents
394
00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:26,488
and this conversation shows
how much you care
395
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:27,822
about your children.
396
00:16:27,883 --> 00:16:29,883
Eh, that's not what
it sounded like.
397
00:16:31,036 --> 00:16:32,994
The words aren't the problem.
398
00:16:33,014 --> 00:16:34,905
It's how you say them.
399
00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:36,932
(sighs):
Ay, ay, ay.
400
00:16:39,303 --> 00:16:42,913
I'm sorry. I-I guess
I just got carried away
401
00:16:42,973 --> 00:16:45,340
'cause it's our first kid.
402
00:16:45,359 --> 00:16:49,511
Maybe we should all just be
a little more sensitive, okay?
403
00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:51,012
Anyone else need
a glass of wine?
404
00:16:51,073 --> 00:16:53,365
I think we have a case
of pinot downstairs.
405
00:16:53,517 --> 00:16:54,758
BOTH:
Whoa!
406
00:16:54,777 --> 00:16:56,869
Basement. Base--
I mean basement. We...
407
00:16:57,062 --> 00:16:59,121
We just learned these.
408
00:17:03,068 --> 00:17:05,068
What you up to, Joe?
409
00:17:05,070 --> 00:17:06,453
Oh, just pulling this carb off.
410
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:07,862
That rebuild kit you ordered
just came in.
411
00:17:07,923 --> 00:17:09,364
Ah. Need any help?
412
00:17:09,425 --> 00:17:12,109
"Need any help"?
413
00:17:12,169 --> 00:17:15,445
Usually you say,
"Move over, jackass."
414
00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:19,058
I am fluent
in several languages, Joe.
415
00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:22,394
You know, when I was
driving over here, uh,
416
00:17:22,546 --> 00:17:24,454
I was thinking about that,
uh, '53 Corvette
417
00:17:24,515 --> 00:17:27,474
that that buddy of Ed's
brought by to get an estimate.
418
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:30,294
-And I was just thinking
about Donuts.
-Huh.
419
00:17:30,312 --> 00:17:32,237
That-that's my new cat.
420
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,465
Do you remember that, uh,
Corvette owner's reaction
421
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:37,785
when we told him
the repair included
422
00:17:37,912 --> 00:17:40,137
rebuilding his entire engine?
423
00:17:40,197 --> 00:17:41,938
Oh, yeah. He had
the same reaction a guy has
424
00:17:42,032 --> 00:17:44,324
when you tell him
his wife is ugly.
425
00:17:44,418 --> 00:17:47,753
I'll take your word for that.
426
00:17:47,946 --> 00:17:49,830
The guy was pissed, though.
Remember?
427
00:17:49,924 --> 00:17:51,256
Oh, yeah, yeah.
428
00:17:51,449 --> 00:17:53,333
Drove off calling us
a bunch of idiots.
429
00:17:53,427 --> 00:17:55,836
Well, maybe we were idiots,
but a week later, what happened?
430
00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:57,337
His engine blew up.
431
00:17:57,431 --> 00:17:59,005
What a dope.
432
00:17:59,158 --> 00:18:01,174
You know, I remember
how cute he looked
433
00:18:01,268 --> 00:18:04,085
climbing that cat tower. Ah...
434
00:18:04,146 --> 00:18:06,346
I don't, I don't, I don't think
the Corvette owner
435
00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:08,774
was climbing a cat tower.
436
00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:10,275
No, my cat Donuts.
437
00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:12,018
Oh.
438
00:18:12,113 --> 00:18:13,779
The way your mind wanders,
439
00:18:13,972 --> 00:18:16,156
it's surprising
you get anywhere.
440
00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:19,509
The point I'm making
is that the...
441
00:18:19,528 --> 00:18:22,679
the Corvette owner's
car was sick,
442
00:18:22,739 --> 00:18:24,289
you know, and he didn't want
to take it someplace
443
00:18:24,482 --> 00:18:26,291
that, you know,
might have fixed it.
444
00:18:27,703 --> 00:18:29,777
You know, I think I'm gonna
work on my Jeep alone.
445
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,631
-I want to talk about this.
-Fine.
446
00:18:32,824 --> 00:18:34,541
What if the Corvette didn't
want to go someplace?
447
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,376
What if it just wanted
to be left alone?
448
00:18:36,512 --> 00:18:38,028
Well, that's what happened,
right?
449
00:18:38,088 --> 00:18:39,954
And then the engine blew up.
450
00:18:39,974 --> 00:18:41,473
Yeah, but what if the guy
who brought it in
451
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:42,975
didn't want to go
and it blew up anyway?
452
00:18:43,144 --> 00:18:44,384
What's the difference?
453
00:18:44,536 --> 00:18:47,220
The difference is
you did your best.
454
00:18:47,373 --> 00:18:50,607
You took care of your mom, you
did what you thought was right.
455
00:18:51,643 --> 00:18:53,819
My mom?
456
00:18:54,012 --> 00:18:56,572
I thought we were talking
about a Corvette.
457
00:18:57,491 --> 00:18:59,199
You bastard.
458
00:19:00,494 --> 00:19:02,143
You know, it's weird
with her gone,
459
00:19:02,246 --> 00:19:04,663
I mean, every night
I'd make her a martini
460
00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:08,725
and she'd talk about
the "pretty Walter Cronkite."
461
00:19:08,744 --> 00:19:10,669
Well, in the right light...
(whistles)
462
00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:12,654
...he was a looker.
463
00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:16,258
Not the newsman.
That was o-one of my cats.
464
00:19:17,736 --> 00:19:19,344
I spent two years
465
00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:21,680
pretending like I didn't miss
my dad after he passed away.
466
00:19:21,831 --> 00:19:23,498
It's a waste of time.
467
00:19:23,559 --> 00:19:26,018
-You know, I, uh,
I miss her, Mike. You know?
-Yeah.
468
00:19:26,211 --> 00:19:29,837
Well, that's because you were
a good son, Joey Bear.
469
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:32,357
-Thanks for saying that.
-Yeah.
470
00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:35,677
Um... we don't have to hug
or anything, right?
471
00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:37,845
No, I don't...
472
00:19:39,575 --> 00:19:42,517
Actually, you got a little time
to, uh, help me with something?
473
00:19:42,578 --> 00:19:46,279
Sure, unless it's putting
a calliope on the back of this.
474
00:19:46,432 --> 00:19:49,374
No, I'm thinking of putting
that .50 caliber back on.
475
00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:51,601
Seriously?
476
00:19:51,662 --> 00:19:53,937
Yeah. You know,
this Jeep was in its prime
477
00:19:53,997 --> 00:19:55,105
about the same time as my mom.
478
00:19:55,207 --> 00:19:57,365
Who also carried a weapon daily.
479
00:19:57,384 --> 00:19:59,033
Exactly.
480
00:19:59,094 --> 00:20:00,702
I want to remember
Mom at her best,
481
00:20:00,763 --> 00:20:03,371
and I think this Jeep
deserves the same respect.
482
00:20:03,432 --> 00:20:06,374
Well, I think you can stop
your mind from wandering, Joe.
483
00:20:06,435 --> 00:20:08,042
You found a home.
484
00:20:08,103 --> 00:20:11,121
So you want to help?
485
00:20:11,181 --> 00:20:13,440
Move over, jackass.
486
00:20:20,407 --> 00:20:22,299
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.
487
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:25,986
One of my favorite philosophers,
Charlie Brown,
488
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,397
said it best, "Good grief."
489
00:20:29,416 --> 00:20:32,918
Because as lousy as it feels,
grief is good.
490
00:20:33,069 --> 00:20:35,069
It means you loved somebody.
491
00:20:35,130 --> 00:20:38,406
And even if the rest of us
can't figure out why,
492
00:20:38,467 --> 00:20:40,575
they loved you, too.
493
00:20:40,678 --> 00:20:42,410
If somebody in your family
passed away
494
00:20:42,513 --> 00:20:46,265
and you didn't feel anything,
that would be sad.
495
00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:50,677
They say two things in life
are inevitable, death and taxes.
496
00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:52,437
One of those, of course,
deprives you of something
497
00:20:52,606 --> 00:20:56,775
you love, cherish and need,
the other one is death.
498
00:20:56,944 --> 00:21:00,520
But let's face it, we're all
heading to the celestial shore.
499
00:21:00,614 --> 00:21:02,188
Well, not all of us.
500
00:21:02,341 --> 00:21:03,523
If you drive 55
in the passing lane
501
00:21:03,675 --> 00:21:05,509
you're headed
to eternal damnation.
502
00:21:05,527 --> 00:21:07,577
Move over!
503
00:21:10,032 --> 00:21:11,531
(imitates horn honk)
504
00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:14,367
But once we cast off
into the great beyond,
505
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,871
how do we want the people
we leave behind to feel?
506
00:21:18,023 --> 00:21:19,298
Hmm.
507
00:21:19,491 --> 00:21:22,116
Well, we don't want them
dancing in the street.
508
00:21:22,136 --> 00:21:23,618
Okay? We all know that.
509
00:21:23,637 --> 00:21:25,879
So when you're grieving
the loss of a loved one,
510
00:21:25,973 --> 00:21:27,697
you know what they'd want
from you?
511
00:21:27,758 --> 00:21:30,475
They'd want you to be
the kind of person
512
00:21:30,627 --> 00:21:35,463
that people will miss as much
as you miss them. Baxter out.
513
00:21:35,482 --> 00:21:36,565
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
514
00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:38,984
(chicken clucks)