1 00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,412 -Hey, Vanessa. -Hmm? 2 00:00:05,489 --> 00:00:07,456 Do I look hot? 3 00:00:07,532 --> 00:00:11,084 -You look cute as a button, as always, Jen. -(sighs) 4 00:00:11,161 --> 00:00:14,588 Great compliment if I was a kitten. 5 00:00:14,664 --> 00:00:17,132 You packing Mr. Baxter's lunch? 6 00:00:17,209 --> 00:00:21,178 (laughs) I am getting Sarah's diaper bag ready. 7 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:24,023 Mandy's on her way to pick her up. She's still napping. 8 00:00:24,099 --> 00:00:26,016 Hmm, kids sure need a lot of stuff 9 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,860 considering they don't do anything. 10 00:00:27,936 --> 00:00:31,363 What they really need is their gwammy-gwam 11 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,442 (baby talk): who lubs 'em so very, very much. Mwah. 12 00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:38,361 I've been talking to toddlers all day. Hard to break. 13 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,581 Harder to listen to. 14 00:00:41,233 --> 00:00:44,701 Well, after they leave, I am going on a training run. 15 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,496 I'm doing a half-triathlon for my birthday. 16 00:00:47,572 --> 00:00:50,049 It's, uh, it's a big one. (laughs) 17 00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:51,550 Kind of a milestone. 18 00:00:51,627 --> 00:00:54,377 Oh, that's right. How old will you be? 19 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,554 Well, there's three parts. 20 00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:58,548 Uh, running, swimming and biking. 21 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,175 It's gonna be a lot of work, 22 00:01:00,252 --> 00:01:02,394 but we got to prove to 'em we still got it. 23 00:01:02,471 --> 00:01:04,346 But which birthday is it? 24 00:01:04,422 --> 00:01:05,597 Yeah, that's right. Sounds fun. 25 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,224 MANDY: Oh, Mom. 26 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,017 -Thank you, thank you, thank you. -Hey. Hi. 27 00:01:09,094 --> 00:01:11,311 -I'm so sorry that I'm late. -Oh, that's fine. 28 00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:14,356 -It's more time for Sarah and Gwammy. -(chuckles) 29 00:01:14,432 --> 00:01:15,982 Okay, well, I'm sorry to ask, 30 00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,984 but I have to pick up some fabrics tomorrow 31 00:01:18,061 --> 00:01:19,986 for a freelance job. Could you...? 32 00:01:20,063 --> 00:01:22,197 Of course. You know what, bring her for breakfast. 33 00:01:22,274 --> 00:01:24,574 She loves my famous mashed bananas. 34 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,910 -Mmm. Who doesn't? Nummy. (laughs) -Yeah. 35 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,537 Also, the job may take till Friday, 36 00:01:28,613 --> 00:01:31,090 -so... -So, bring her every day. Look, I wub it. 37 00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:33,083 -Well, Kyle's waiting in the car. -Okay. 38 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:35,377 -You're the best. I love you. -Bye. Love you. Love you. 39 00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:37,513 You look hot, Jen. 40 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:40,090 Thank you, 41 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,184 Mandy. 42 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,095 -(exhales) Hi, guys. What... Hey. -EVELYN: Mommy! 43 00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,389 Yes, sweetie. Yes, I see you in the sandbox. 44 00:01:47,465 --> 00:01:49,516 Mwah! (chuckles) 45 00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:51,944 That's the greatest thing Dad ever made. 46 00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:55,397 I mean, besides me, obviously. (chuckles) 47 00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:57,399 Whoa, Mom. 48 00:01:57,475 --> 00:01:59,442 Uh, you working on a road crew? 49 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,194 No, I'm training 50 00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:03,446 to do a half-triathlon for my birthday. 51 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,198 Don't ask which one. 52 00:02:05,275 --> 00:02:07,242 KRISTIN: Sweet. Uh, 53 00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:08,785 listen, I hate to ask, but, uh, 54 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,537 can you watch Evelyn for a couple hours? 55 00:02:10,614 --> 00:02:12,205 -I've got a management course, and... -You go, 56 00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:15,175 go, go. Gwammy loves the sandbox. 57 00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:16,543 -You're the best. Okay, I'll be home by dinner. -Mwah. 58 00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:18,461 Oh! Actually, wait. Uh, Wednesday night, 59 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,139 Ryan and I have this thing if... 60 00:02:20,215 --> 00:02:21,631 Uh, oh, no, done. You know what? 61 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,135 I-I will just, uh, work out tomorrow. (chuckles) 62 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,928 -Love you. Okay. -Love you, too. 63 00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:28,430 Whoa. 64 00:02:28,506 --> 00:02:30,524 Jen, you look hot. 65 00:02:33,729 --> 00:02:35,571 How do you not see it? 66 00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:40,159 ♪ ♪ 67 00:02:41,686 --> 00:02:44,663 (alarm beeping) 68 00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:48,709 Mm. Turn off your alarm. Mm. 69 00:02:50,528 --> 00:02:52,329 It's not my alarm. It's your alarm. 70 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:55,340 Hmm? Oh. 71 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,626 -Sorry. Oh, gosh. -(beeping stops) 72 00:02:57,702 --> 00:03:00,003 Old habits. (sighs) 73 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,464 I was having a great dream. 74 00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:05,175 It was all about a federal flat tax 75 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:09,679 and a cap-free interest on mortgage deductions. 76 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,357 You were in it, too. 77 00:03:12,434 --> 00:03:14,309 My God, you're romantic. 78 00:03:14,386 --> 00:03:16,186 (grunts) 79 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,312 You know, uh... 80 00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:19,198 God, honey, it's 4:00 a.m. 81 00:03:19,274 --> 00:03:21,033 Yeah. I got a swim workout. 82 00:03:21,109 --> 00:03:23,109 Yeah, I heard all that. But the important thing I just said: 83 00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:26,529 -it's-it's 4:00 a.m. -(laughs) Yeah. 84 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,949 Well, uh, I have a jam-packed day. 85 00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,533 I mean, I'm taking Evelyn and Sarah 86 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,036 -to Tumbling Tots graduation. -Oh. 87 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,121 And then I have a training session 88 00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:36,998 with the HTTG. 89 00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:39,209 -It's too early for acronyms. -Yeah. 90 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:42,721 I got into the Half-Triathlon Training Group, 91 00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:45,891 and if you miss one session, they kick you out. 92 00:03:45,968 --> 00:03:48,343 Well, a competition's kind of a strange way to celebrate 93 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,427 -your fif... -Hey. 94 00:03:49,504 --> 00:03:51,221 F-Fitness goals. 95 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:54,474 Exactly. There's only so many hours in a day, 96 00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,685 so that's why I got to stretch the clock 97 00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:58,645 -and my hamstrings. -Well, 98 00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:00,072 when I turned f... 99 00:04:00,148 --> 00:04:01,564 -Hey. -That age, 100 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,192 I just got myself a case of good Scotch. 101 00:04:04,269 --> 00:04:06,912 And a chain saw and a crossbow. 102 00:04:06,989 --> 00:04:08,530 Because I wanted safe toys to play with 103 00:04:08,606 --> 00:04:10,407 when I was hammered. 104 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,409 Well, I think it's sweet 105 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,920 -that you are so worried about me. -I am worried 106 00:04:14,997 --> 00:04:17,247 about you. You need more rest. 107 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,540 No, no, no. Not at all. Look, 108 00:04:18,616 --> 00:04:21,251 I am in the Open Division with 25-year-olds. 109 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,336 You think those Pilates bodies 110 00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:25,931 that I'm competing against are sleeping right now? 111 00:04:26,008 --> 00:04:28,433 I'm sure their husbands are. 112 00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:30,385 Look, I can handle this. 113 00:04:30,462 --> 00:04:32,012 Don't you remember in grad school, I would... 114 00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:34,472 I would go to class, then work all night 115 00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,182 and then study until the morning? 116 00:04:36,259 --> 00:04:39,436 That's when we thought Jolt Cola was a health drink. 117 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,280 (chuckles) All right, relax. 118 00:04:41,356 --> 00:04:43,106 I got this. 119 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,117 All right, okay. So, 120 00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:48,036 you're gonna swim in your PJs, right? 121 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,874 What year did they introduce the tail fins? 122 00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:03,084 Come on, that's easy. 1948. 123 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:05,253 -Give me a hard one. -Okay. Okay, hotshot. 124 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,255 Um... (chuckles) 125 00:05:07,332 --> 00:05:11,343 The taillights on the '68 Shelby Mustang 126 00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:12,594 were previously used 127 00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:14,637 -on what other car? -Oh, I think I know... 128 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,189 Silence! I know this one. 129 00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,559 '66 T-Bird. 130 00:05:19,636 --> 00:05:21,486 -(exhales) Damn, Baxter. -I totally knew that. 131 00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:23,104 -(both chuckle) -All right, how about this? 132 00:05:23,181 --> 00:05:25,815 What year was the AMC Rebel introduced? 133 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,067 (scoffs) 1967. 134 00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:30,820 -Yeah, but it ended in 1970. -You know, Joe, 135 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,238 we're in the middle of something right now. 136 00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:35,167 Namely, me becoming the baron of car trivia. Okay? 137 00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:36,409 Somebody give me a question. I could be 138 00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:39,129 the car trivia baroness. 139 00:05:39,748 --> 00:05:42,248 Baroness is a woman. This... And come on, Joe. 140 00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:44,334 This is just a game Chuck and I are playing right now, okay? 141 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:45,919 Oh, right. 'Cause you guys are friends. 142 00:05:45,995 --> 00:05:47,587 And once again, Little Joey's stuck outside 143 00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:50,298 with his nose pressed against the glass. 144 00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:52,342 "L-Little... Little Joey"? 145 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,186 (chuckles): Hey, Joe, you're our friend. 146 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:56,471 Tell you what. If you want to be a part of this, 147 00:05:56,548 --> 00:05:58,014 how about you come up 148 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,525 with the trivia questions next time to ask us. 149 00:06:00,602 --> 00:06:02,310 Okay, you're gonna make me the stupid host. 150 00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:04,604 He's just a boring guy that gets to introduce 151 00:06:04,681 --> 00:06:07,023 the interesting guests. 152 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,859 Kind of a job you were made for, Joe. 153 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,986 Y-You're looking at this the wrong way. 154 00:06:12,063 --> 00:06:14,864 It's your show. You have the power. 155 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,157 -That's right. -JOE: Huh. 156 00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:17,367 You can ask us any question you want. 157 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,119 -We got to answer it. -Oh. 158 00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:21,546 Well, if that's the case, I'll do it. 159 00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:23,331 -Okay. -Hey, here's a preview question. 160 00:06:23,408 --> 00:06:25,083 Uh, do I get a band? 161 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,043 No. 162 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,179 You asked. I had to answer. 163 00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,258 JEN: Come on, 164 00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:34,226 punk, work! 165 00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:35,969 Don't you want to eat lightning 166 00:06:36,045 --> 00:06:38,063 and crap thunder? 167 00:06:39,591 --> 00:06:41,182 I thought I was doing pretty good. 168 00:06:41,259 --> 00:06:43,568 Oh, you are. But I just watched Rocky, 169 00:06:43,645 --> 00:06:45,562 and his coach was very mean. 170 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,571 Although, I read 171 00:06:46,648 --> 00:06:48,314 that the actor, Burgess Meredith, 172 00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:50,409 -was a lovely man. -Aw. 173 00:06:50,485 --> 00:06:54,320 -Oh, Mom, you are crushing it. -Yeah. 174 00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:57,574 Yeah, Mom. That sports bra is really earning its keep. 175 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,033 (all laugh) 176 00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:01,703 Ooh, and the baby monitor is quiet. 177 00:07:01,779 --> 00:07:03,246 Oh, our girls must be out. 178 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,498 They hit the wall after Vanessa took them running 179 00:07:05,575 --> 00:07:07,000 in the tandem stroller. 180 00:07:07,076 --> 00:07:10,170 Yep. Not to brag, but uphill. 181 00:07:10,246 --> 00:07:11,337 JEN: Mm-hmm. 182 00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:13,089 And that was after a four-mile swim 183 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,508 -at 4:00 this morning. -(grunts) There you go. 184 00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:18,928 You know, there was a thin layer of ice on the surface, 185 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,557 but I just plowed through. (chuckles) No biggie. 186 00:07:22,634 --> 00:07:25,185 -(chuckles) -My God, you are incredible. 187 00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:26,519 You have more energy than we do. 188 00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:30,064 Yeah, you're like super Grandma. 189 00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,025 -Yeah! Vanessa! -(whoops) 190 00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:35,403 -(all chanting): Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa! -Oh, yeah! 191 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,031 Vanessa? Vanessa? 192 00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:40,625 Vanessa? 193 00:07:40,702 --> 00:07:43,587 What? Crap thunder? 194 00:07:45,323 --> 00:07:46,623 -I just got home. -(groans) 195 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,458 Were you asleep this whole time? 196 00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:50,251 I don't know. 197 00:07:50,328 --> 00:07:52,462 (gasps) Oh, no. Oh, no. 198 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,089 Oh. Oh, God. I missed my training group. 199 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,091 Well, it's okay. I-I can watch the girls 200 00:07:57,168 --> 00:07:59,135 -if you want to go catch up with your group. -No. 201 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,596 No, no, I blew it. This is the one where they teach 202 00:08:01,673 --> 00:08:04,390 all the best training methods to women over... 203 00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:07,319 the moon to run. 204 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,230 -Sorry, Vanessa. -EVELYN: Grandma, 205 00:08:10,306 --> 00:08:12,649 -where are you? Grandma! -Oh. 206 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,443 I already feel bad enough. Get off my back. 207 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,245 Grandma? 208 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,247 Well, thank you for grabbing these. 209 00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:28,507 Changes the whole vibe in here. 210 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:30,500 Yeah. Well, we'll start with the sconces, 211 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,336 and then we'll get to everything else later. 212 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,013 (knock on door) 213 00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,182 Come in. 214 00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:39,551 Oh, Jen! Ooh, ooh, hit the lights. 215 00:08:39,627 --> 00:08:41,094 Let's see what these babies can do. 216 00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:43,188 Hands are a little full. 217 00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:44,347 Oh, let me help you. 218 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,849 Oh. That is so sweet. 219 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,601 Got us a housewarming gift. 220 00:08:48,678 --> 00:08:51,145 No. It's some toys for the girls. 221 00:08:51,222 --> 00:08:52,438 Oh. Still very sweet. 222 00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:54,983 Not sure about the attitude. 223 00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:57,151 Wait, th-these are 224 00:08:57,228 --> 00:08:58,528 the girls' toys that we keep at Mom's 225 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,029 since they're over so much. 226 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,249 So, so much. 227 00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:05,451 Vanessa won't tell you this, so I will. 228 00:09:05,528 --> 00:09:07,370 You're exploiting your mother. 229 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,122 She's not your nanny. 230 00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:12,092 Tiny girl, big attitude. 231 00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:14,553 But Mom loves watching the girls. 232 00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:16,629 She's always so happy when we pick them up. 233 00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:19,132 Of course she's happy when you pick them up. 234 00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:21,301 You're picking them up. 235 00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:23,061 Wait, hold on. Last week, 236 00:09:23,138 --> 00:09:25,346 Sarah was only over there Monday and Thursday. 237 00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,015 Yeah, and Evelyn was only there Tuesday 238 00:09:27,091 --> 00:09:30,026 and Wednesday and Fri... Okay, yeah, now I hear it. 239 00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:32,645 She has no time for herself. 240 00:09:32,722 --> 00:09:34,230 She missed her triathlon training group 241 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,409 because she was so exhausted from watching the girls. 242 00:09:37,485 --> 00:09:41,237 I'm talking drool-on-the-couch exhausted. 243 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,364 Well, why didn't she just say something? 244 00:09:43,441 --> 00:09:44,991 She's too loving. 245 00:09:45,109 --> 00:09:46,576 There's an ancient Chinese tale 246 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,203 about a tree that gives its branches 247 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,331 and apples and even its very trunk 248 00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:53,166 to the child it loves. 249 00:09:53,242 --> 00:09:55,376 Eventually, there's nothing left but a stump. 250 00:09:55,453 --> 00:09:58,171 Um, that's not an ancient Chinese tale. 251 00:09:58,247 --> 00:10:00,974 That's The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. 252 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,553 I don't want to chop down Vanessa. 253 00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,105 Me, either. 254 00:10:07,182 --> 00:10:08,389 Thanks, guys. 255 00:10:08,466 --> 00:10:10,692 I'll see you. 256 00:10:11,803 --> 00:10:14,354 -Bye. -Bye. -Bye. 257 00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,239 I feel terrible. 258 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,201 Are you okay? 259 00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:22,120 (voice breaking): He loves the tree. 260 00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:24,205 He just doesn't know how to love it. 261 00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:28,293 God, being alive is so hard. 262 00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:32,246 JOE: All right, 263 00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:34,591 -who wants to read my intro? -Not it. 264 00:10:39,381 --> 00:10:40,639 "Welcome to Car Sharks. 265 00:10:40,715 --> 00:10:42,090 Now here's your host, Joe Leonard." 266 00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,049 Thank you, Johnny! 267 00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:44,550 All right, here we go. 268 00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:46,219 Ring in when you have the answer. 269 00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:48,471 The correct answer is worth ten points. 270 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,224 In the movie Back to the Future... 271 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,976 Uh, it's a 1981 DeLorean DMC-12. 272 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,145 -Mm-hmm. -That is the correct answer. 273 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,440 For ten points, the split rear window on this coupe... 274 00:10:59,517 --> 00:11:01,150 -'63 Stingray. -That's correct. 275 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,069 Man, give us a hard one. These are too easy. 276 00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:06,072 The first model to feature a seven-slot grill... 277 00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:07,907 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 278 00:11:07,984 --> 00:11:09,450 1945 CJ. 279 00:11:09,527 --> 00:11:11,327 It's a Willys Jeep, my friend. 280 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,829 (chuckling) 281 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,997 All right, it's time for round two. 282 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,126 For 20 points, what was Joe's mom's name? 283 00:11:18,202 --> 00:11:20,503 -What? -Oh... 284 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,255 I'm looking for Joe's mom's name. 285 00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:24,006 Oh, man, I know this. 286 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,675 It's something old-timey, like, um, 287 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:28,177 like Thelma or Louise. 288 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,470 (imitates buzzer) 289 00:11:29,547 --> 00:11:31,431 Grace-- her name was Grace. 290 00:11:31,507 --> 00:11:33,516 I've said it a million times. 291 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,810 Grace, damn it! Give us another one. 292 00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:38,104 -I don't want another one. -You have to answer any question 293 00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:40,273 -I ask. You have to answer. -You did say that. 294 00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:41,774 We're playing a car trivia game. 295 00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,484 I thought we'd have questions about cars. 296 00:11:43,561 --> 00:11:45,319 Oh, yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 'Cause you know 297 00:11:45,396 --> 00:11:47,613 everything about cars, but nothing about your friend Joe. 298 00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:49,365 Hey, hey, hey, come on, Baxter. 299 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,534 -Rules are rules. -Oh, okay. 300 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,327 -Next question. -(clears throat) 301 00:11:53,404 --> 00:11:55,371 In 1968, Joe got his first cat, 302 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,373 Nigel Tickletail. 303 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,875 What breed was Nigel? 304 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,334 Listen, if we're not gonna talk about cars, 305 00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:02,128 I got other stuff I could be doing. 306 00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:04,338 So do I, but thanks for playing Car Sharks, okay? 307 00:12:04,373 --> 00:12:07,049 The show that shows you who your friends really are. 308 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,177 Good night! 309 00:12:09,253 --> 00:12:11,679 You know, if I had said yes to a band, 310 00:12:11,756 --> 00:12:13,556 it could have played him off right now. 311 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,693 (imitating fanfare) 312 00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:21,573 Ooh, pancakes. 313 00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,232 Next time I'll show you how to make them 314 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,409 into fun little shapes. 315 00:12:24,486 --> 00:12:26,652 These are shapes. 316 00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:29,247 This one's the Earth, this one's Mars. 317 00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:31,157 Really? 318 00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:35,077 The diameter of Mars is about half that of Earth's. 319 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,206 Well, the surface of Mars wouldn't absorb any syrup. 320 00:12:38,282 --> 00:12:41,334 -You want accuracy or deliciousness? -Oh... okay. 321 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,044 Ooh, good morning. 322 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,429 Hey, good morning. 323 00:12:44,506 --> 00:12:45,588 We're just sitting down to breakfast. 324 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,506 You guys want to join? 325 00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:48,174 Yeah, I have enough batter 326 00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:51,844 for two and a half Neptunes or one Saturn. 327 00:12:51,921 --> 00:12:55,014 We forget how fun breakfast is over here. 328 00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:57,225 We're just, we're on our way to work. 329 00:12:57,301 --> 00:12:59,852 We just wanted to stop by and give you this gift basket 330 00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:02,230 -as a thank-you. -Uh, for what? 331 00:13:02,306 --> 00:13:04,273 And where are those other two little adorable gifts 332 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,067 you guys usually bring? 333 00:13:06,143 --> 00:13:08,620 Oh, uh, Mandy and Ryan are dropping them off at day care. 334 00:13:08,696 --> 00:13:10,571 We decided it was time to let you off the hook 335 00:13:10,648 --> 00:13:12,240 with being a nanny and let you 336 00:13:12,316 --> 00:13:14,200 get back to being a granny. 337 00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:18,079 Uh, but, you know, I don't mind taking care of the girls, I... 338 00:13:18,155 --> 00:13:19,413 We found a great place. 339 00:13:19,490 --> 00:13:20,873 It's got a playground. It's great. 340 00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:22,959 Yeah, and-and the slide, the jungle gym 341 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,545 and that whirly thing can all handle a fully grown adult. 342 00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:28,765 -Hmm. -I checked. 343 00:13:29,551 --> 00:13:31,592 Hmm. Uh, okay, well, 344 00:13:31,669 --> 00:13:33,386 uh, thank you. Oh! 345 00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:35,304 This has a hot bath soak with, uh, 346 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,223 with 84 trace minerals. 347 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,891 Most of those are just for show. 348 00:13:38,968 --> 00:13:42,195 The Epsom salt does all the heavy lifting. 349 00:13:42,972 --> 00:13:46,649 What we're showing you is that we appreciate you, Mom. 350 00:13:46,684 --> 00:13:47,900 -Well... -That's right. 351 00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,327 Now go soak those tired old bones 352 00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:51,246 in those useless minerals. 353 00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:54,999 (door opens) 354 00:13:57,245 --> 00:13:58,336 (door closes) 355 00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:01,247 What the actual hell was that? 356 00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:02,665 What? 357 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,417 It's a good thing. Isn't it? 358 00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:06,085 Where did they get the idea 359 00:14:06,162 --> 00:14:08,012 that I'm not up to watching the girl-- You know what, 360 00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:09,848 I'm gonna kill Mike. I am gonna kill him. 361 00:14:09,924 --> 00:14:11,498 Wait. It was me. 362 00:14:11,576 --> 00:14:15,094 I-I was the one who told them you needed more time for you. 363 00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:16,170 You did what? 364 00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:17,597 Yeah! Because you're too selfless. 365 00:14:17,673 --> 00:14:19,932 I told them you were like that Giving Tree. 366 00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:22,435 No. (sighs) I am not a stump! 367 00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:27,115 I'm-I'm a big strong... tree! 368 00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:29,534 I'm sorry. I was just trying to help. 369 00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:34,205 I was doing fine until everyone decided that I need help. 370 00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:35,781 So, you know what, 371 00:14:35,858 --> 00:14:37,533 from now on, just, please, 372 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,711 mind your own business. 373 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,456 You know what, I'm-I'm taking these salts. 374 00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:45,091 I need a bath. 375 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,467 -(knocking) -Yeah. 376 00:14:54,543 --> 00:14:55,509 Oh. Hey, Ed. 377 00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:57,511 -Uh, have you seen Kris? -Yeah. 378 00:14:57,588 --> 00:14:59,472 She and I are gonna have lunch. She'll be up here 379 00:14:59,548 --> 00:15:01,349 in a few minutes. You care to sit down? 380 00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:03,976 Why? Because I'm so old? 381 00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:07,855 Oh. And I thought the minefields in Normandy were scary. 382 00:15:07,932 --> 00:15:09,357 (chuckles): Ooh. 383 00:15:09,433 --> 00:15:11,409 I'm sorry. E-Everyone is just so focused 384 00:15:11,486 --> 00:15:12,985 -on my age recently. -Ah. 385 00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:15,363 I mean, Kris thinks I need a break 386 00:15:15,439 --> 00:15:18,416 -from taking care of my granddaughters. -Hmm. 387 00:15:18,493 --> 00:15:20,159 I see. All right, well... 388 00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:21,410 Well, do you? 389 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,204 No. I-I didn't have any trouble 390 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,040 -when I was taking care of Boyd when he was little. -Mm. 391 00:15:26,117 --> 00:15:27,667 How old is Boyd now? 392 00:15:27,743 --> 00:15:30,044 -That's not important. -Uh... 393 00:15:30,121 --> 00:15:31,420 (chuckles): I think it is. 394 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,139 You were like a second mother to him. 395 00:15:33,749 --> 00:15:35,383 Can you imagine having a kid now? 396 00:15:35,459 --> 00:15:38,094 -Ugh. God forbid. -(chuckles) 397 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:41,389 Also, Mike had a vasectomy, so... (clicks tongue) 398 00:15:41,465 --> 00:15:43,099 I mean, crawling around on the floor, 399 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,226 -chasing after them, picking up. -Mm. 400 00:15:45,302 --> 00:15:46,894 I don't know about you, 401 00:15:46,971 --> 00:15:48,562 but I'd be falling asleep in the middle of the day. 402 00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:51,491 That-that would be embarrassing. 403 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:55,861 You're at a different stage now. Just embrace it. 404 00:15:55,938 --> 00:15:57,697 (sighs) What does that even mean? What? 405 00:15:57,773 --> 00:15:59,457 What, am I supposed to go out and buy hard candies 406 00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:01,626 and-and take up knitting? 407 00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:05,246 Come on. I-I'm not ready to be put out to pasture. 408 00:16:05,322 --> 00:16:06,872 Oh. I understand. 409 00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:09,542 Inside, I feel like I'm 16 or 17. 410 00:16:09,618 --> 00:16:11,419 And every time I look in the mirror, 411 00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:13,471 I'm shocked to see my Uncle Ernesto. 412 00:16:13,548 --> 00:16:14,472 (groans) 413 00:16:14,549 --> 00:16:16,474 (laughs) 414 00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:19,301 Well, I hope I never see my Aunt Florence. 415 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,144 (Ed chuckles) 416 00:16:20,221 --> 00:16:21,595 Come on, now. 417 00:16:21,672 --> 00:16:23,305 Life is changing, whether you like it or not. 418 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,025 My suggestion: like it. 419 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,894 Well, that is easy to say, Ed. 420 00:16:28,971 --> 00:16:30,604 No, it's a good thing to do though. 421 00:16:30,681 --> 00:16:34,659 Mark Twain said, "Age is an issue of mind over matter. 422 00:16:34,736 --> 00:16:37,611 If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." 423 00:16:37,688 --> 00:16:39,405 All right. I like that. 424 00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:40,281 I'll remember it. 425 00:16:40,357 --> 00:16:41,666 Yeah, but write it down, 426 00:16:41,743 --> 00:16:43,710 because memory's the first thing to go. 427 00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:51,000 Listen, I was gonna have this bear claw, 428 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,585 but it's the last one. It's your favorite. You want that? 429 00:16:52,661 --> 00:16:55,513 Wrong. You know nothing of me. 430 00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:57,923 Are we still talking about this? 431 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,009 Yeah, 'cause I'm the kind of guy, when I get deeply wounded, 432 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,335 it takes me a long time to get over it. 433 00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:04,472 But, uh, why would I expect you to know that? 434 00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:07,183 Listen, you don't know anything about me. 435 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,976 What-What's my mother's name? 436 00:17:09,053 --> 00:17:10,478 Jean. She was a schoolteacher. 437 00:17:10,554 --> 00:17:12,697 Once bowled a 300. 438 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,525 Okay, this is just weird. 439 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,869 No, I'm just a good friend. 440 00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:20,196 Well, then how come my skin is crawling? 441 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,114 This isn't what I'd call friendship. 442 00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:25,868 So how does the great Mike Baxter define friendship? 443 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:29,205 Mm. Somebody who doesn't make me jump through hoops. 444 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,165 Maybe accepts me the way I am. 445 00:17:31,242 --> 00:17:33,334 Sarcastic, distant, doesn't give a damn? 446 00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:35,044 Nailed it. 447 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:37,171 So you're like a cat. 448 00:17:37,248 --> 00:17:40,216 Sure, but I'm not gonna rub against your leg. 449 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,468 Yeah, like a cat. I mean, your cats like you, right? 450 00:17:42,545 --> 00:17:43,886 Yeah, of course. 451 00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,563 All right. But sometimes they walk up to you, 452 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,515 look at you, you say hi and they just ignore you. 453 00:17:47,591 --> 00:17:49,275 Well, duh, they're cats. 454 00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:50,226 So am I. 455 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,236 You know, you're right. 456 00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:54,572 You know, I remember one time Nigel Tickletail, 457 00:17:54,649 --> 00:17:55,564 you know, we would get-- 458 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,701 Not-not funny, Baxter! 459 00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:02,246 And stay off the furniture! 460 00:18:06,944 --> 00:18:08,577 Oh, good. You're home. 461 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,538 Don't worry. I'll leave you alone. 462 00:18:10,614 --> 00:18:13,591 Also known as "minding my own beeswax." 463 00:18:13,668 --> 00:18:16,260 No, Jen. Please, just-- Come-come sit down. 464 00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:17,670 Um... 465 00:18:17,746 --> 00:18:20,098 This is for you. (chuckles) 466 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,184 (chuckles softly) 467 00:18:26,848 --> 00:18:30,525 Wow. A bag of dirt? 468 00:18:31,468 --> 00:18:32,893 Well, it's soil. Um... 469 00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:34,395 You know, I read on the Internet 470 00:18:34,471 --> 00:18:36,063 there's this ancient Chinese custom 471 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:39,108 where you give soil to someone you've wronged. 472 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,120 You know, so for-forgiveness can grow. (chuckles) 473 00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:45,248 Yeah, I think that's an ancient Chinese joke. 474 00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:49,577 Besides, I'm the one at fault. 475 00:18:49,653 --> 00:18:51,078 I overstepped. 476 00:18:51,155 --> 00:18:54,123 (stammers) Sit. Look... 477 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,457 You were only doing 478 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,585 what everyone else in this family does. 479 00:18:57,661 --> 00:18:59,962 When someone has a problem, we all come together 480 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,473 and-and we help each other out. 481 00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:04,142 What are you saying? 482 00:19:04,218 --> 00:19:07,094 Sorry to tell you this, Jen, but you are a Baxter. 483 00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:08,095 (chuckles) 484 00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,139 Look, I-I was lashing out at you 485 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:14,310 because I wasn't being honest with myself. 486 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,063 The truth is, I'm turning f... 487 00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,232 55. 488 00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:22,276 (exhales, scoffs) 489 00:19:22,353 --> 00:19:24,328 I'm turning 55? 490 00:19:24,405 --> 00:19:27,331 Yeah, I'm-I'm turning 55. 491 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,450 Really? 492 00:19:29,526 --> 00:19:31,243 The way you were freaking out, 493 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,671 I thought you were way older than that. 494 00:19:35,917 --> 00:19:38,000 (chuckles) 495 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,253 Yeah. No, you know what, it was silly of me not to own it. 496 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:42,963 I was so focused on what I was losing 497 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,841 that I kind of lost sight of what I was gaining. 498 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,093 Mm. You know, it's true what they say-- 499 00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:51,022 people do get wiser as they get ol-- 500 00:19:51,098 --> 00:19:52,765 -Uh-oh. -No, no, no. It's okay. 501 00:19:52,841 --> 00:19:54,525 Go. You say it. Say it. 502 00:19:54,602 --> 00:19:56,435 ...der. 503 00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,145 Yes. I am older. 504 00:19:58,222 --> 00:20:00,856 But, you know, in a lot of ways... (exhales) 505 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,484 -I like myself even better. -Hmm. 506 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,277 In fact, I think I'm gonna go for a training run. 507 00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:06,278 You want to join me? 508 00:20:06,355 --> 00:20:07,371 Yeah, of course. 509 00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:09,323 I'm a Baxter. 510 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,500 I'm a Baxter? 511 00:20:12,736 --> 00:20:14,045 -I'm a Baxter. -Mm! 512 00:20:14,121 --> 00:20:16,964 -You're a Baxter. -(chuckles) 513 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,055 Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man, 514 00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:26,131 talking about friendship. 515 00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:29,176 It's a compound word made up of one of the most beautiful things 516 00:20:29,253 --> 00:20:30,895 humans have ever created. 517 00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:33,055 And the other word is "friend." 518 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,182 Man, oh, man, ships are awesome, aren't they? 519 00:20:35,259 --> 00:20:37,059 The Mayflower, Old Ironsides, 520 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:40,354 and my favorite, the badass USS Missouri. 521 00:20:40,431 --> 00:20:42,022 Friends? 522 00:20:42,099 --> 00:20:43,524 Kind of funny, but there was a funnier show on 523 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,234 on another network. 524 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,070 Sure, I know we're living in the golden age of bromance. 525 00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,822 Men can't stop hugging each other, 526 00:20:49,898 --> 00:20:51,573 telling each other how they feel. 527 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,252 I'd say, "Oh, for crying out loud." 528 00:20:54,328 --> 00:20:55,586 But is crying out loud 529 00:20:55,663 --> 00:20:58,256 something men can't wait to do with each other? 530 00:20:58,332 --> 00:20:59,581 Listen, when we were kids, 531 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,001 to communicate with each other was implied. 532 00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:04,169 All you had to do was share a glance 533 00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:06,338 and be willing to ride our bikes off a roof 534 00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:08,266 and land in a pile of leaves. 535 00:21:08,342 --> 00:21:10,092 Or just miss the pile of leaves. 536 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,594 The nod was good enough. Just... 537 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,097 Huh? We were pals. Pals. 538 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,016 Nothing needed to be said for pals, 539 00:21:17,092 --> 00:21:20,602 except "Should we call an ambulance or just run away?" 540 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,104 When we were kids, 541 00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,023 being pals was enough. 542 00:21:24,099 --> 00:21:26,275 But adults have to have friendships. 543 00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:29,862 To make matters worse, we have to talk about those friendships. 544 00:21:29,938 --> 00:21:31,780 No, thanks. Battleships? 545 00:21:31,815 --> 00:21:34,458 I'll talk about them all day long. 546 00:21:34,535 --> 00:21:36,294 Baxter out. 547 00:21:37,446 --> 00:21:39,246 (chicken clucks) 548 00:21:39,323 --> 00:21:40,372 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 549 00:21:40,449 --> 00:21:41,507 and TOYOTA.