1
00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,412
-Hey, Vanessa.
-Hmm?
2
00:00:05,489 --> 00:00:07,456
Do I look hot?
3
00:00:07,532 --> 00:00:11,084
-You look cute as a button,
as always, Jen.
-(sighs)
4
00:00:11,161 --> 00:00:14,588
Great compliment
if I was a kitten.
5
00:00:14,664 --> 00:00:17,132
You packing Mr. Baxter's lunch?
6
00:00:17,209 --> 00:00:21,178
(laughs) I am getting
Sarah's diaper bag ready.
7
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:24,023
Mandy's on her way to pick
her up. She's still napping.
8
00:00:24,099 --> 00:00:26,016
Hmm, kids sure need
a lot of stuff
9
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,860
considering
they don't do anything.
10
00:00:27,936 --> 00:00:31,363
What they really need
is their gwammy-gwam
11
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,442
(baby talk): who lubs 'em
so very, very much. Mwah.
12
00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:38,361
I've been talking to toddlers
all day. Hard to break.
13
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,581
Harder to listen to.
14
00:00:41,233 --> 00:00:44,701
Well, after they leave,
I am going on a training run.
15
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,496
I'm doing a half-triathlon
for my birthday.
16
00:00:47,572 --> 00:00:50,049
It's, uh, it's a big one.
(laughs)
17
00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:51,550
Kind of a milestone.
18
00:00:51,627 --> 00:00:54,377
Oh, that's right.
How old will you be?
19
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,554
Well, there's three parts.
20
00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:58,548
Uh, running,
swimming and biking.
21
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,175
It's gonna be a lot of work,
22
00:01:00,252 --> 00:01:02,394
but we got to prove to 'em
we still got it.
23
00:01:02,471 --> 00:01:04,346
But which birthday is it?
24
00:01:04,422 --> 00:01:05,597
Yeah, that's right. Sounds fun.
25
00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,224
MANDY:
Oh, Mom.
26
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,017
-Thank you,
thank you, thank you.
-Hey. Hi.
27
00:01:09,094 --> 00:01:11,311
-I'm so sorry that I'm late.
-Oh, that's fine.
28
00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:14,356
-It's more time
for Sarah and Gwammy.
-(chuckles)
29
00:01:14,432 --> 00:01:15,982
Okay, well, I'm sorry to ask,
30
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,984
but I have to pick up
some fabrics tomorrow
31
00:01:18,061 --> 00:01:19,986
for a freelance job.
Could you...?
32
00:01:20,063 --> 00:01:22,197
Of course. You know what,
bring her for breakfast.
33
00:01:22,274 --> 00:01:24,574
She loves
my famous mashed bananas.
34
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,910
-Mmm. Who doesn't?
Nummy. (laughs)
-Yeah.
35
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,537
Also, the job may take
till Friday,
36
00:01:28,613 --> 00:01:31,090
-so...
-So, bring her every day.
Look, I wub it.
37
00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:33,083
-Well,
Kyle's waiting in the car.
-Okay.
38
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:35,377
-You're the best. I love you.
-Bye. Love you. Love you.
39
00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:37,513
You look hot, Jen.
40
00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:40,090
Thank you,
41
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,184
Mandy.
42
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,095
-(exhales)
Hi, guys. What... Hey.
-EVELYN: Mommy!
43
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,389
Yes, sweetie.
Yes, I see you in the sandbox.
44
00:01:47,465 --> 00:01:49,516
Mwah!
(chuckles)
45
00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:51,944
That's the greatest thing
Dad ever made.
46
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:55,397
I mean, besides me, obviously.
(chuckles)
47
00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:57,399
Whoa, Mom.
48
00:01:57,475 --> 00:01:59,442
Uh, you working on a road crew?
49
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,194
No, I'm training
50
00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:03,446
to do a half-triathlon
for my birthday.
51
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,198
Don't ask which one.
52
00:02:05,275 --> 00:02:07,242
KRISTIN:
Sweet. Uh,
53
00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:08,785
listen, I hate to ask, but, uh,
54
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,537
can you watch Evelyn
for a couple hours?
55
00:02:10,614 --> 00:02:12,205
-I've got
a management course, and...
-You go,
56
00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:15,175
go, go.
Gwammy loves the sandbox.
57
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:16,543
-You're the best.
Okay, I'll be home by dinner.
-Mwah.
58
00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:18,461
Oh! Actually, wait.
Uh, Wednesday night,
59
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,139
Ryan and I have this thing if...
60
00:02:20,215 --> 00:02:21,631
Uh, oh, no, done. You know what?
61
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,135
I-I will just, uh,
work out tomorrow. (chuckles)
62
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,928
-Love you. Okay.
-Love you, too.
63
00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:28,430
Whoa.
64
00:02:28,506 --> 00:02:30,524
Jen, you look hot.
65
00:02:33,729 --> 00:02:35,571
How do you not see it?
66
00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:40,159
♪ ♪
67
00:02:41,686 --> 00:02:44,663
(alarm beeping)
68
00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:48,709
Mm. Turn off your alarm. Mm.
69
00:02:50,528 --> 00:02:52,329
It's not my alarm.
It's your alarm.
70
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:55,340
Hmm? Oh.
71
00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,626
-Sorry. Oh, gosh.
-(beeping stops)
72
00:02:57,702 --> 00:03:00,003
Old habits.
(sighs)
73
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,464
I was having a great dream.
74
00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:05,175
It was all about
a federal flat tax
75
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:09,679
and a cap-free interest
on mortgage deductions.
76
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,357
You were in it, too.
77
00:03:12,434 --> 00:03:14,309
My God, you're romantic.
78
00:03:14,386 --> 00:03:16,186
(grunts)
79
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,312
You know, uh...
80
00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:19,198
God, honey, it's 4:00 a.m.
81
00:03:19,274 --> 00:03:21,033
Yeah. I got a swim workout.
82
00:03:21,109 --> 00:03:23,109
Yeah, I heard all that. But
the important thing I just said:
83
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:26,529
-it's-it's 4:00 a.m.
-(laughs) Yeah.
84
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,949
Well, uh,
I have a jam-packed day.
85
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,533
I mean,
I'm taking Evelyn and Sarah
86
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,036
-to Tumbling Tots graduation.
-Oh.
87
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,121
And then I have
a training session
88
00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:36,998
with the HTTG.
89
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:39,209
-It's too early for acronyms.
-Yeah.
90
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:42,721
I got into the Half-Triathlon
Training Group,
91
00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:45,891
and if you miss one session,
they kick you out.
92
00:03:45,968 --> 00:03:48,343
Well, a competition's kind of
a strange way to celebrate
93
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,427
-your fif...
-Hey.
94
00:03:49,504 --> 00:03:51,221
F-Fitness goals.
95
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:54,474
Exactly. There's only
so many hours in a day,
96
00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,685
so that's why
I got to stretch the clock
97
00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:58,645
-and my hamstrings.
-Well,
98
00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:00,072
when I turned f...
99
00:04:00,148 --> 00:04:01,564
-Hey.
-That age,
100
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,192
I just got myself a case
of good Scotch.
101
00:04:04,269 --> 00:04:06,912
And a chain saw and a crossbow.
102
00:04:06,989 --> 00:04:08,530
Because I wanted
safe toys to play with
103
00:04:08,606 --> 00:04:10,407
when I was hammered.
104
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,409
Well, I think it's sweet
105
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,920
-that you are
so worried about me.
-I am worried
106
00:04:14,997 --> 00:04:17,247
about you. You need more rest.
107
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,540
No, no, no. Not at all. Look,
108
00:04:18,616 --> 00:04:21,251
I am in the Open Division
with 25-year-olds.
109
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,336
You think those Pilates bodies
110
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:25,931
that I'm competing against
are sleeping right now?
111
00:04:26,008 --> 00:04:28,433
I'm sure their husbands are.
112
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:30,385
Look, I can handle this.
113
00:04:30,462 --> 00:04:32,012
Don't you remember
in grad school, I would...
114
00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:34,472
I would go to class,
then work all night
115
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,182
and then study
until the morning?
116
00:04:36,259 --> 00:04:39,436
That's when we thought
Jolt Cola was a health drink.
117
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,280
(chuckles)
All right, relax.
118
00:04:41,356 --> 00:04:43,106
I got this.
119
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,117
All right, okay. So,
120
00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:48,036
you're gonna swim
in your PJs, right?
121
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,874
What year did they introduce
the tail fins?
122
00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:03,084
Come on, that's easy. 1948.
123
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:05,253
-Give me a hard one.
-Okay. Okay, hotshot.
124
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,255
Um...
(chuckles)
125
00:05:07,332 --> 00:05:11,343
The taillights
on the '68 Shelby Mustang
126
00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:12,594
were previously used
127
00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:14,637
-on what other car?
-Oh, I think I know...
128
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,189
Silence! I know this one.
129
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,559
'66 T-Bird.
130
00:05:19,636 --> 00:05:21,486
-(exhales) Damn, Baxter.
-I totally knew that.
131
00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:23,104
-(both chuckle)
-All right, how about this?
132
00:05:23,181 --> 00:05:25,815
What year
was the AMC Rebel introduced?
133
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,067
(scoffs)
1967.
134
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:30,820
-Yeah, but it ended in 1970.
-You know, Joe,
135
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,238
we're in the middle
of something right now.
136
00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:35,167
Namely, me becoming
the baron of car trivia. Okay?
137
00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:36,409
Somebody give me a question.
I could be
138
00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:39,129
the car trivia baroness.
139
00:05:39,748 --> 00:05:42,248
Baroness is a woman. This...
And come on, Joe.
140
00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:44,334
This is just a game Chuck and I
are playing right now, okay?
141
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:45,919
Oh, right.
'Cause you guys are friends.
142
00:05:45,995 --> 00:05:47,587
And once again,
Little Joey's stuck outside
143
00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:50,298
with his nose
pressed against the glass.
144
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:52,342
"L-Little... Little Joey"?
145
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,186
(chuckles):
Hey, Joe, you're our friend.
146
00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:56,471
Tell you what. If you want
to be a part of this,
147
00:05:56,548 --> 00:05:58,014
how about you come up
148
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,525
with the trivia questions
next time to ask us.
149
00:06:00,602 --> 00:06:02,310
Okay, you're gonna make me
the stupid host.
150
00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:04,604
He's just a boring guy
that gets to introduce
151
00:06:04,681 --> 00:06:07,023
the interesting guests.
152
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,859
Kind of a job
you were made for, Joe.
153
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,986
Y-You're looking at this
the wrong way.
154
00:06:12,063 --> 00:06:14,864
It's your show.
You have the power.
155
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,157
-That's right.
-JOE: Huh.
156
00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:17,367
You can ask us
any question you want.
157
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,119
-We got to answer it.
-Oh.
158
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:21,546
Well, if that's the case,
I'll do it.
159
00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:23,331
-Okay.
-Hey, here's a preview question.
160
00:06:23,408 --> 00:06:25,083
Uh, do I get a band?
161
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,043
No.
162
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,179
You asked. I had to answer.
163
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,258
JEN:
Come on,
164
00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:34,226
punk, work!
165
00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:35,969
Don't you want to eat lightning
166
00:06:36,045 --> 00:06:38,063
and crap thunder?
167
00:06:39,591 --> 00:06:41,182
I thought
I was doing pretty good.
168
00:06:41,259 --> 00:06:43,568
Oh, you are.
But I just watched Rocky,
169
00:06:43,645 --> 00:06:45,562
and his coach was very mean.
170
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,571
Although, I read
171
00:06:46,648 --> 00:06:48,314
that the actor,
Burgess Meredith,
172
00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:50,409
-was a lovely man.
-Aw.
173
00:06:50,485 --> 00:06:54,320
-Oh, Mom, you are crushing it.
-Yeah.
174
00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:57,574
Yeah, Mom. That sports bra
is really earning its keep.
175
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,033
(all laugh)
176
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:01,703
Ooh, and the baby monitor
is quiet.
177
00:07:01,779 --> 00:07:03,246
Oh, our girls must be out.
178
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,498
They hit the wall
after Vanessa took them running
179
00:07:05,575 --> 00:07:07,000
in the tandem stroller.
180
00:07:07,076 --> 00:07:10,170
Yep. Not to brag, but uphill.
181
00:07:10,246 --> 00:07:11,337
JEN:
Mm-hmm.
182
00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:13,089
And that was after
a four-mile swim
183
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,508
-at 4:00 this morning.
-(grunts) There you go.
184
00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:18,928
You know, there was a thin layer
of ice on the surface,
185
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,557
but I just plowed through.
(chuckles) No biggie.
186
00:07:22,634 --> 00:07:25,185
-(chuckles)
-My God, you are incredible.
187
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:26,519
You have more energy than we do.
188
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:30,064
Yeah, you're like super Grandma.
189
00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,025
-Yeah! Vanessa!
-(whoops)
190
00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:35,403
-(all chanting):
Vanessa! Vanessa! Vanessa!
-Oh, yeah!
191
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,031
Vanessa? Vanessa?
192
00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:40,625
Vanessa?
193
00:07:40,702 --> 00:07:43,587
What? Crap thunder?
194
00:07:45,323 --> 00:07:46,623
-I just got home.
-(groans)
195
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,458
Were you asleep this whole time?
196
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:50,251
I don't know.
197
00:07:50,328 --> 00:07:52,462
(gasps)
Oh, no. Oh, no.
198
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,089
Oh. Oh, God.
I missed my training group.
199
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,091
Well, it's okay.
I-I can watch the girls
200
00:07:57,168 --> 00:07:59,135
-if you want to go catch up
with your group.
-No.
201
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,596
No, no, I blew it.
This is the one where they teach
202
00:08:01,673 --> 00:08:04,390
all the best training methods
to women over...
203
00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:07,319
the moon to run.
204
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,230
-Sorry, Vanessa.
-EVELYN: Grandma,
205
00:08:10,306 --> 00:08:12,649
-where are you? Grandma!
-Oh.
206
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,443
I already feel bad enough.
Get off my back.
207
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,245
Grandma?
208
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,247
Well, thank you
for grabbing these.
209
00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:28,507
Changes the whole vibe in here.
210
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:30,500
Yeah. Well,
we'll start with the sconces,
211
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,336
and then we'll get
to everything else later.
212
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,013
(knock on door)
213
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,182
Come in.
214
00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:39,551
Oh, Jen!
Ooh, ooh, hit the lights.
215
00:08:39,627 --> 00:08:41,094
Let's see
what these babies can do.
216
00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:43,188
Hands are a little full.
217
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:44,347
Oh, let me help you.
218
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,849
Oh. That is so sweet.
219
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,601
Got us a housewarming gift.
220
00:08:48,678 --> 00:08:51,145
No. It's some toys
for the girls.
221
00:08:51,222 --> 00:08:52,438
Oh. Still very sweet.
222
00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:54,983
Not sure about the attitude.
223
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:57,151
Wait, th-these are
224
00:08:57,228 --> 00:08:58,528
the girls' toys
that we keep at Mom's
225
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,029
since they're over so much.
226
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,249
So, so much.
227
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:05,451
Vanessa won't tell you this,
so I will.
228
00:09:05,528 --> 00:09:07,370
You're exploiting your mother.
229
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,122
She's not your nanny.
230
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:12,092
Tiny girl, big attitude.
231
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:14,553
But Mom loves watching
the girls.
232
00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:16,629
She's always so happy
when we pick them up.
233
00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:19,132
Of course she's happy
when you pick them up.
234
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:21,301
You're picking them up.
235
00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:23,061
Wait, hold on. Last week,
236
00:09:23,138 --> 00:09:25,346
Sarah was only over there
Monday and Thursday.
237
00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,015
Yeah, and Evelyn
was only there Tuesday
238
00:09:27,091 --> 00:09:30,026
and Wednesday and Fri...
Okay, yeah, now I hear it.
239
00:09:30,478 --> 00:09:32,645
She has no time for herself.
240
00:09:32,722 --> 00:09:34,230
She missed
her triathlon training group
241
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,409
because she was so exhausted
from watching the girls.
242
00:09:37,485 --> 00:09:41,237
I'm talking
drool-on-the-couch exhausted.
243
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,364
Well, why didn't she
just say something?
244
00:09:43,441 --> 00:09:44,991
She's too loving.
245
00:09:45,109 --> 00:09:46,576
There's an ancient Chinese tale
246
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,203
about a tree
that gives its branches
247
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,331
and apples
and even its very trunk
248
00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:53,166
to the child it loves.
249
00:09:53,242 --> 00:09:55,376
Eventually, there's
nothing left but a stump.
250
00:09:55,453 --> 00:09:58,171
Um, that's not
an ancient Chinese tale.
251
00:09:58,247 --> 00:10:00,974
That's The Giving Tree
by Shel Silverstein.
252
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,553
I don't want
to chop down Vanessa.
253
00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:07,105
Me, either.
254
00:10:07,182 --> 00:10:08,389
Thanks, guys.
255
00:10:08,466 --> 00:10:10,692
I'll see you.
256
00:10:11,803 --> 00:10:14,354
-Bye.
-Bye.
-Bye.
257
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,239
I feel terrible.
258
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,201
Are you okay?
259
00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:22,120
(voice breaking):
He loves the tree.
260
00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:24,205
He just doesn't know how
to love it.
261
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:28,293
God, being alive is so hard.
262
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:32,246
JOE:
All right,
263
00:10:32,323 --> 00:10:34,591
-who wants to read my intro?
-Not it.
264
00:10:39,381 --> 00:10:40,639
"Welcome to Car Sharks.
265
00:10:40,715 --> 00:10:42,090
Now here's your host,
Joe Leonard."
266
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,049
Thank you, Johnny!
267
00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:44,550
All right, here we go.
268
00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:46,219
Ring in when you have
the answer.
269
00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:48,471
The correct answer is
worth ten points.
270
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,224
In the movie
Back to the Future...
271
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,976
Uh, it's a 1981 DeLorean DMC-12.
272
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,145
-Mm-hmm.
-That is the correct answer.
273
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,440
For ten points, the split
rear window on this coupe...
274
00:10:59,517 --> 00:11:01,150
-'63 Stingray.
-That's correct.
275
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,069
Man, give us a hard one.
These are too easy.
276
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:06,072
The first model to feature
a seven-slot grill...
277
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:07,907
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
278
00:11:07,984 --> 00:11:09,450
1945 CJ.
279
00:11:09,527 --> 00:11:11,327
It's a Willys Jeep, my friend.
280
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,829
(chuckling)
281
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,997
All right, it's time
for round two.
282
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,126
For 20 points,
what was Joe's mom's name?
283
00:11:18,202 --> 00:11:20,503
-What?
-Oh...
284
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,255
I'm looking
for Joe's mom's name.
285
00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:24,006
Oh, man, I know this.
286
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,675
It's something old-timey,
like, um,
287
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:28,177
like Thelma or Louise.
288
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,470
(imitates buzzer)
289
00:11:29,547 --> 00:11:31,431
Grace-- her name was Grace.
290
00:11:31,507 --> 00:11:33,516
I've said it a million times.
291
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,810
Grace, damn it!
Give us another one.
292
00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:38,104
-I don't want another one.
-You have to answer any question
293
00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:40,273
-I ask. You have to answer.
-You did say that.
294
00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:41,774
We're playing a car trivia game.
295
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,484
I thought we'd have
questions about cars.
296
00:11:43,561 --> 00:11:45,319
Oh, yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you? 'Cause you know
297
00:11:45,396 --> 00:11:47,613
everything about cars, but
nothing about your friend Joe.
298
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:49,365
Hey, hey, hey, come on, Baxter.
299
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,534
-Rules are rules.
-Oh, okay.
300
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,327
-Next question.
-(clears throat)
301
00:11:53,404 --> 00:11:55,371
In 1968, Joe got his first cat,
302
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,373
Nigel Tickletail.
303
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:58,875
What breed was Nigel?
304
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,334
Listen, if we're not gonna
talk about cars,
305
00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:02,128
I got other stuff
I could be doing.
306
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:04,338
So do I, but thanks
for playing Car Sharks, okay?
307
00:12:04,373 --> 00:12:07,049
The show that shows you
who your friends really are.
308
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,177
Good night!
309
00:12:09,253 --> 00:12:11,679
You know, if I had said yes
to a band,
310
00:12:11,756 --> 00:12:13,556
it could have played him off
right now.
311
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,693
(imitating fanfare)
312
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:21,573
Ooh, pancakes.
313
00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,232
Next time I'll show you
how to make them
314
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,409
into fun little shapes.
315
00:12:24,486 --> 00:12:26,652
These are shapes.
316
00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:29,247
This one's the Earth,
this one's Mars.
317
00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:31,157
Really?
318
00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:35,077
The diameter of Mars is
about half that of Earth's.
319
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,206
Well, the surface of Mars
wouldn't absorb any syrup.
320
00:12:38,282 --> 00:12:41,334
-You want accuracy
or deliciousness?
-Oh... okay.
321
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,044
Ooh, good morning.
322
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,429
Hey, good morning.
323
00:12:44,506 --> 00:12:45,588
We're just sitting down
to breakfast.
324
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,506
You guys want to join?
325
00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:48,174
Yeah, I have enough batter
326
00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:51,844
for two and a half Neptunes
or one Saturn.
327
00:12:51,921 --> 00:12:55,014
We forget how fun breakfast is
over here.
328
00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:57,225
We're just,
we're on our way to work.
329
00:12:57,301 --> 00:12:59,852
We just wanted to stop by
and give you this gift basket
330
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:02,230
-as a thank-you.
-Uh, for what?
331
00:13:02,306 --> 00:13:04,273
And where are those other
two little adorable gifts
332
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,067
you guys usually bring?
333
00:13:06,143 --> 00:13:08,620
Oh, uh, Mandy and Ryan are
dropping them off at day care.
334
00:13:08,696 --> 00:13:10,571
We decided it was time
to let you off the hook
335
00:13:10,648 --> 00:13:12,240
with being a nanny and let you
336
00:13:12,316 --> 00:13:14,200
get back to being a granny.
337
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:18,079
Uh, but, you know, I don't mind
taking care of the girls, I...
338
00:13:18,155 --> 00:13:19,413
We found a great place.
339
00:13:19,490 --> 00:13:20,873
It's got a playground.
It's great.
340
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:22,959
Yeah, and-and the slide,
the jungle gym
341
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,545
and that whirly thing can
all handle a fully grown adult.
342
00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:28,765
-Hmm.
-I checked.
343
00:13:29,551 --> 00:13:31,592
Hmm. Uh, okay, well,
344
00:13:31,669 --> 00:13:33,386
uh, thank you. Oh!
345
00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:35,304
This has a hot bath soak
with, uh,
346
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,223
with 84 trace minerals.
347
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,891
Most of those are just for show.
348
00:13:38,968 --> 00:13:42,195
The Epsom salt does
all the heavy lifting.
349
00:13:42,972 --> 00:13:46,649
What we're showing you is
that we appreciate you, Mom.
350
00:13:46,684 --> 00:13:47,900
-Well...
-That's right.
351
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,327
Now go soak
those tired old bones
352
00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:51,246
in those useless minerals.
353
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:54,999
(door opens)
354
00:13:57,245 --> 00:13:58,336
(door closes)
355
00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:01,247
What the actual hell was that?
356
00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:02,665
What?
357
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,417
It's a good thing.
Isn't it?
358
00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:06,085
Where did they get the idea
359
00:14:06,162 --> 00:14:08,012
that I'm not up to watching
the girl-- You know what,
360
00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:09,848
I'm gonna kill Mike.
I am gonna kill him.
361
00:14:09,924 --> 00:14:11,498
Wait. It was me.
362
00:14:11,576 --> 00:14:15,094
I-I was the one who told them
you needed more time for you.
363
00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:16,170
You did what?
364
00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:17,597
Yeah!
Because you're too selfless.
365
00:14:17,673 --> 00:14:19,932
I told them
you were like that Giving Tree.
366
00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:22,435
No. (sighs)
I am not a stump!
367
00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:27,115
I'm-I'm a big strong... tree!
368
00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:29,534
I'm sorry.
I was just trying to help.
369
00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:34,205
I was doing fine until everyone
decided that I need help.
370
00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:35,781
So, you know what,
371
00:14:35,858 --> 00:14:37,533
from now on, just, please,
372
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,711
mind your own business.
373
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,456
You know what,
I'm-I'm taking these salts.
374
00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:45,091
I need a bath.
375
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,467
-(knocking)
-Yeah.
376
00:14:54,543 --> 00:14:55,509
Oh. Hey, Ed.
377
00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:57,511
-Uh, have you seen Kris?
-Yeah.
378
00:14:57,588 --> 00:14:59,472
She and I are gonna have lunch.
She'll be up here
379
00:14:59,548 --> 00:15:01,349
in a few minutes.
You care to sit down?
380
00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:03,976
Why? Because I'm so old?
381
00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:07,855
Oh. And I thought the minefields
in Normandy were scary.
382
00:15:07,932 --> 00:15:09,357
(chuckles):
Ooh.
383
00:15:09,433 --> 00:15:11,409
I'm sorry.
E-Everyone is just so focused
384
00:15:11,486 --> 00:15:12,985
-on my age recently.
-Ah.
385
00:15:13,062 --> 00:15:15,363
I mean,
Kris thinks I need a break
386
00:15:15,439 --> 00:15:18,416
-from taking care
of my granddaughters.
-Hmm.
387
00:15:18,493 --> 00:15:20,159
I see. All right, well...
388
00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:21,410
Well, do you?
389
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,204
No. I-I didn't have any trouble
390
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,040
-when I was taking care of Boyd
when he was little.
-Mm.
391
00:15:26,117 --> 00:15:27,667
How old is Boyd now?
392
00:15:27,743 --> 00:15:30,044
-That's not important.
-Uh...
393
00:15:30,121 --> 00:15:31,420
(chuckles):
I think it is.
394
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,139
You were like a second mother
to him.
395
00:15:33,749 --> 00:15:35,383
Can you imagine
having a kid now?
396
00:15:35,459 --> 00:15:38,094
-Ugh. God forbid.
-(chuckles)
397
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:41,389
Also, Mike had a vasectomy,
so... (clicks tongue)
398
00:15:41,465 --> 00:15:43,099
I mean,
crawling around on the floor,
399
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,226
-chasing after them, picking up.
-Mm.
400
00:15:45,302 --> 00:15:46,894
I don't know about you,
401
00:15:46,971 --> 00:15:48,562
but I'd be falling asleep
in the middle of the day.
402
00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:51,491
That-that would be embarrassing.
403
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:55,861
You're at a different stage now.
Just embrace it.
404
00:15:55,938 --> 00:15:57,697
(sighs)
What does that even mean? What?
405
00:15:57,773 --> 00:15:59,457
What, am I supposed to go out
and buy hard candies
406
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:01,626
and-and take up knitting?
407
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:05,246
Come on. I-I'm not ready
to be put out to pasture.
408
00:16:05,322 --> 00:16:06,872
Oh. I understand.
409
00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:09,542
Inside,
I feel like I'm 16 or 17.
410
00:16:09,618 --> 00:16:11,419
And every time
I look in the mirror,
411
00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:13,471
I'm shocked to see
my Uncle Ernesto.
412
00:16:13,548 --> 00:16:14,472
(groans)
413
00:16:14,549 --> 00:16:16,474
(laughs)
414
00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:19,301
Well, I hope I never see
my Aunt Florence.
415
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,144
(Ed chuckles)
416
00:16:20,221 --> 00:16:21,595
Come on, now.
417
00:16:21,672 --> 00:16:23,305
Life is changing,
whether you like it or not.
418
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,025
My suggestion: like it.
419
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,894
Well, that is easy to say, Ed.
420
00:16:28,971 --> 00:16:30,604
No, it's a good thing
to do though.
421
00:16:30,681 --> 00:16:34,659
Mark Twain said, "Age is
an issue of mind over matter.
422
00:16:34,736 --> 00:16:37,611
If you don't mind,
it doesn't matter."
423
00:16:37,688 --> 00:16:39,405
All right. I like that.
424
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:40,281
I'll remember it.
425
00:16:40,357 --> 00:16:41,666
Yeah, but write it down,
426
00:16:41,743 --> 00:16:43,710
because memory's
the first thing to go.
427
00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:51,000
Listen, I was gonna have
this bear claw,
428
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,585
but it's the last one. It's
your favorite. You want that?
429
00:16:52,661 --> 00:16:55,513
Wrong. You know nothing of me.
430
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:57,923
Are we still talking about this?
431
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,009
Yeah, 'cause I'm the kind of
guy, when I get deeply wounded,
432
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,335
it takes me a long time
to get over it.
433
00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:04,472
But, uh, why would I expect you
to know that?
434
00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:07,183
Listen, you don't know anything
about me.
435
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,976
What-What's my mother's name?
436
00:17:09,053 --> 00:17:10,478
Jean. She was a schoolteacher.
437
00:17:10,554 --> 00:17:12,697
Once bowled a 300.
438
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,525
Okay, this is just weird.
439
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,869
No, I'm just a good friend.
440
00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:20,196
Well, then how come
my skin is crawling?
441
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,114
This isn't what I'd call
friendship.
442
00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:25,868
So how does the great
Mike Baxter define friendship?
443
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:29,205
Mm. Somebody who doesn't make me
jump through hoops.
444
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,165
Maybe accepts me the way I am.
445
00:17:31,242 --> 00:17:33,334
Sarcastic, distant,
doesn't give a damn?
446
00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:35,044
Nailed it.
447
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:37,171
So you're like a cat.
448
00:17:37,248 --> 00:17:40,216
Sure, but I'm not gonna rub
against your leg.
449
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,468
Yeah, like a cat. I mean,
your cats like you, right?
450
00:17:42,545 --> 00:17:43,886
Yeah, of course.
451
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,563
All right. But sometimes
they walk up to you,
452
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,515
look at you, you say hi
and they just ignore you.
453
00:17:47,591 --> 00:17:49,275
Well, duh, they're cats.
454
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:50,226
So am I.
455
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,236
You know, you're right.
456
00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:54,572
You know, I remember
one time Nigel Tickletail,
457
00:17:54,649 --> 00:17:55,564
you know, we would get--
458
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,701
Not-not funny, Baxter!
459
00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:02,246
And stay off the furniture!
460
00:18:06,944 --> 00:18:08,577
Oh, good.
You're home.
461
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,538
Don't worry.
I'll leave you alone.
462
00:18:10,614 --> 00:18:13,591
Also known
as "minding my own beeswax."
463
00:18:13,668 --> 00:18:16,260
No, Jen. Please, just--
Come-come sit down.
464
00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:17,670
Um...
465
00:18:17,746 --> 00:18:20,098
This is for you.
(chuckles)
466
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,184
(chuckles softly)
467
00:18:26,848 --> 00:18:30,525
Wow. A bag of dirt?
468
00:18:31,468 --> 00:18:32,893
Well, it's soil. Um...
469
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:34,395
You know, I read on the Internet
470
00:18:34,471 --> 00:18:36,063
there's
this ancient Chinese custom
471
00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:39,108
where you give soil
to someone you've wronged.
472
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:42,120
You know, so for-forgiveness
can grow. (chuckles)
473
00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:45,248
Yeah, I think
that's an ancient Chinese joke.
474
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:49,577
Besides, I'm the one at fault.
475
00:18:49,653 --> 00:18:51,078
I overstepped.
476
00:18:51,155 --> 00:18:54,123
(stammers)
Sit. Look...
477
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,457
You were only doing
478
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,585
what everyone else
in this family does.
479
00:18:57,661 --> 00:18:59,962
When someone has a problem,
we all come together
480
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,473
and-and we help each other out.
481
00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:04,142
What are you saying?
482
00:19:04,218 --> 00:19:07,094
Sorry to tell you this, Jen,
but you are a Baxter.
483
00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:08,095
(chuckles)
484
00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,139
Look, I-I was lashing out at you
485
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:14,310
because I wasn't being honest
with myself.
486
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,063
The truth is, I'm turning f...
487
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,232
55.
488
00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:22,276
(exhales, scoffs)
489
00:19:22,353 --> 00:19:24,328
I'm turning 55?
490
00:19:24,405 --> 00:19:27,331
Yeah, I'm-I'm turning 55.
491
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,450
Really?
492
00:19:29,526 --> 00:19:31,243
The way you were freaking out,
493
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,671
I thought you were way older
than that.
494
00:19:35,917 --> 00:19:38,000
(chuckles)
495
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,253
Yeah. No, you know what, it
was silly of me not to own it.
496
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:42,963
I was so focused
on what I was losing
497
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,841
that I kind of lost sight
of what I was gaining.
498
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,093
Mm. You know,
it's true what they say--
499
00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:51,022
people do get wiser
as they get ol--
500
00:19:51,098 --> 00:19:52,765
-Uh-oh.
-No, no, no. It's okay.
501
00:19:52,841 --> 00:19:54,525
Go. You say it. Say it.
502
00:19:54,602 --> 00:19:56,435
...der.
503
00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,145
Yes. I am older.
504
00:19:58,222 --> 00:20:00,856
But, you know,
in a lot of ways... (exhales)
505
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,484
-I like myself even better.
-Hmm.
506
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,277
In fact, I think
I'm gonna go for a training run.
507
00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:06,278
You want to join me?
508
00:20:06,355 --> 00:20:07,371
Yeah, of course.
509
00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:09,323
I'm a Baxter.
510
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,500
I'm a Baxter?
511
00:20:12,736 --> 00:20:14,045
-I'm a Baxter.
-Mm!
512
00:20:14,121 --> 00:20:16,964
-You're a Baxter.
-(chuckles)
513
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,055
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man,
514
00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:26,131
talking about friendship.
515
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:29,176
It's a compound word made up of
one of the most beautiful things
516
00:20:29,253 --> 00:20:30,895
humans have ever created.
517
00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:33,055
And the other word is "friend."
518
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,182
Man, oh, man,
ships are awesome, aren't they?
519
00:20:35,259 --> 00:20:37,059
The Mayflower, Old Ironsides,
520
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:40,354
and my favorite,
the badass USS Missouri.
521
00:20:40,431 --> 00:20:42,022
Friends?
522
00:20:42,099 --> 00:20:43,524
Kind of funny,
but there was a funnier show on
523
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,234
on another network.
524
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,070
Sure, I know we're living
in the golden age of bromance.
525
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,822
Men can't stop hugging
each other,
526
00:20:49,898 --> 00:20:51,573
telling each other
how they feel.
527
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,252
I'd say,
"Oh, for crying out loud."
528
00:20:54,328 --> 00:20:55,586
But is crying out loud
529
00:20:55,663 --> 00:20:58,256
something men can't wait to do
with each other?
530
00:20:58,332 --> 00:20:59,581
Listen, when we were kids,
531
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,001
to communicate with each other
was implied.
532
00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:04,169
All you had to do
was share a glance
533
00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:06,338
and be willing to ride our bikes
off a roof
534
00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:08,266
and land in a pile of leaves.
535
00:21:08,342 --> 00:21:10,092
Or just miss the pile of leaves.
536
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,594
The nod was good enough.
Just...
537
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,097
Huh? We were pals. Pals.
538
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,016
Nothing needed to be said
for pals,
539
00:21:17,092 --> 00:21:20,602
except "Should we call
an ambulance or just run away?"
540
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,104
When we were kids,
541
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,023
being pals was enough.
542
00:21:24,099 --> 00:21:26,275
But adults have to have
friendships.
543
00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:29,862
To make matters worse, we have
to talk about those friendships.
544
00:21:29,938 --> 00:21:31,780
No, thanks. Battleships?
545
00:21:31,815 --> 00:21:34,458
I'll talk about them
all day long.
546
00:21:34,535 --> 00:21:36,294
Baxter out.
547
00:21:37,446 --> 00:21:39,246
(chicken clucks)
548
00:21:39,323 --> 00:21:40,372
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
549
00:21:40,449 --> 00:21:41,507
and TOYOTA.