1
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,066
Excited about the food fair?
2
00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:10,325
Honey, bourbon, sausage--
3
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,826
three great ingredients
on their own,
4
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:13,887
but together, it's like
the-the Reagan of meats.
5
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:17,090
Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.
6
00:00:17,243 --> 00:00:18,425
I got to take a rain check.
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,760
What do you mean, a rain check?
8
00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:21,520
We've been planning this
for weeks.
9
00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,188
I've been fasting.
You know...
10
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,916
Well, for not that long.
11
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:27,860
I know, but I don't want
to take Sarah away.
12
00:00:28,053 --> 00:00:31,363
She's having too much fun
in the sandbox right now.
13
00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:32,865
Oh, oh, sweetheart, um,
14
00:00:33,058 --> 00:00:34,366
n-no sand in the shoes.
15
00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:36,702
Y...
16
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,595
You put the sand
in the shoes. Okay.
17
00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:41,431
What do you mean? I thought Kris
was going to watch her.
18
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:44,785
Uh, Sarah and Evelyn are taking
some time apart from each other.
19
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:48,121
What, are they seeing
other babies?
20
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:52,217
Evelyn has become really bossy,
and it's really annoying.
21
00:00:52,410 --> 00:00:54,035
What's going on?
22
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,612
You don't want to hear
about my problems.
23
00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:57,114
I don't want to hear
about anybody's problems,
24
00:00:57,174 --> 00:00:59,950
but d-d-damn it, you're my kid.
25
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:01,285
You sure?
26
00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:02,728
Yeah, yeah. Uh...
27
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:04,955
Listen,
I'll-I'll text the sausage guy.
28
00:01:05,015 --> 00:01:06,648
I don't want him worrying.
29
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,194
♪
30
00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:17,892
Well, every game the girls play,
Evelyn has to be the leader.
31
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,061
If they're playing Moana,
Evelyn is always Moana.
32
00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,472
If they're playing Frozen,
Evelyn's always Elsa.
33
00:01:22,491 --> 00:01:24,141
Right, I get it.
34
00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:27,586
'Cause when we play Toy Story
I gotta be Woody.
35
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,981
Even when they pretend
Floor Is Lava,
36
00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:32,499
Kristin's always in charge
of the countdown.
37
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,151
(chuckles) You mean Evelyn.
38
00:01:34,169 --> 00:01:35,652
Yeah, that's what I said.
Evelyn.
39
00:01:35,712 --> 00:01:37,170
She's always bossing
Sarah around.
40
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,747
Which is not uncommon
for the older one.
41
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,749
-It's like Kris
used to do to you.
-Exactly.
42
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,919
So the apple doesn't fall
far from the tree.
43
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,331
You and your old-timey sayings.
44
00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:49,516
Shouldn't you be whittling?
45
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,185
Let me put it
so you'll understand it.
46
00:01:52,338 --> 00:01:53,687
You're just pissed because
47
00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:57,282
Kris used to do the same thing
to you, dawg.
48
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,952
(laughing):
Don't be ridiculous.
49
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:01,453
(Mike laughs)
50
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,364
Oh, my God, that's totally
what's happening.
51
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,126
By the way, you did
the same thing to Eve.
52
00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:08,702
Yeah, I don't care if I did it,
okay?
53
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,687
I don't like it when
Kristin does it.
54
00:02:10,789 --> 00:02:12,131
And I don't want Sarah to have
to go through the same thing.
55
00:02:12,324 --> 00:02:14,358
It's always bad to be bossy.
56
00:02:14,418 --> 00:02:15,709
Yeah, so bad.
57
00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:17,194
-Always.
-Always.
58
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:19,696
Where are you going with this?
59
00:02:19,715 --> 00:02:20,973
Give me a minute.
60
00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:23,367
Let me, um,
let me set the scene here,
61
00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:25,051
-all right?
-Okay.
62
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,888
So it was, um,
during the pandemic.
63
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,131
Ugh, oh, boy,
you and Kyle had just got those
64
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,818
new air filtration
space helmets.
65
00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,653
Hey, those helmets were better
than the masks.
66
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,822
-Were they?
-Yeah. People were depressed.
67
00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:39,408
They needed to see this.
68
00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:43,662
Anyhow, you guys barged
into the office
69
00:02:43,855 --> 00:02:45,889
and I thought
it was being invaded
70
00:02:45,949 --> 00:02:48,000
by really goofy space aliens.
71
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,153
I'm sorry, if you want me
to take you to my leader,
72
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:53,547
you're looking at him.
73
00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:57,083
Dad, we have a problem.
74
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,251
Condensation?
75
00:02:58,387 --> 00:02:59,845
No. That's not it.
76
00:03:00,038 --> 00:03:03,590
Well-- well, it kind of is,
but not at the moment.
77
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,092
We just got off the phone
with our OB.
78
00:03:06,245 --> 00:03:07,853
And because of COVID,
79
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,689
there are all these new and
stupid rules at the hospital.
80
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,767
Well, the hospital is a perfect
place for stupid rules.
81
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:15,510
Otherwise, it's just
a well-lit building
82
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:18,179
with a bunch of half-naked
people walking around
83
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,698
who are kind of sick.
84
00:03:19,891 --> 00:03:22,016
That's the problem.
What if our baby gets sick?
85
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,851
Or one of us?
It's getting really scary.
86
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,687
-Okay. All right.
-Yeah. What do you think
we should do?
87
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:26,947
I think you should calm down.
88
00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:28,281
I think everything's
gonna be fine.
89
00:03:28,434 --> 00:03:29,783
(exhales)
Somehow, when you say it,
90
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,693
I believe it.
91
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,287
You might want to check
with another family member
92
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,215
who had a baby
during a pandemic.
93
00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:37,624
Oh! Kristin had Evelyn
94
00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:38,959
right at the beginning
of the pandemic.
95
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,777
We should've just talked
to her first.
96
00:03:40,837 --> 00:03:42,221
No, it's good to come to me.
97
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:43,722
I know a lot
about a lot of things--
98
00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:46,283
parenting, tank warfare,
Steve McQueen movies...
99
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,118
Whoa, easy, Dad.
Nobody likes a know-it-all.
100
00:03:48,178 --> 00:03:51,288
...motorcycles,
Don Knotts movies,
101
00:03:51,348 --> 00:03:53,649
why Don Lemon wears
that weird outfit.
102
00:03:57,479 --> 00:03:58,295
(laughing)
103
00:03:58,355 --> 00:04:00,572
-Hey.
-Stop!
104
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,135
Okay, you're negative.
Come on in.
105
00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:06,912
(Ed chuckling)
106
00:04:07,063 --> 00:04:09,581
It may be a pain in the ass
getting tested all the time,
107
00:04:09,774 --> 00:04:11,416
but it's worth it.
108
00:04:11,568 --> 00:04:14,586
And the nurse says I have
the nostrils of a 20-year-old.
109
00:04:14,738 --> 00:04:17,238
(sighs) Finally picked
this thing up.
110
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,741
Only took me three hours.
Curbside.
111
00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:22,910
It's not like I made
an appointment or anything.
112
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,078
Well, it's for a good cause.
113
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,006
Mandy and Kyle's baby gift.
114
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,415
Hey, I thought you were
going to let me
115
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,175
put a few bucks in on this, Ed.
116
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,344
-ED: Oh, come on...
-Unless you think I already did.
117
00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:33,330
In which case,
I'm glad I contributed.
118
00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:34,773
It doesn't matter
who paid for it.
119
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:36,666
We agreed it would come
from all of us.
120
00:04:36,727 --> 00:04:38,351
-Just like we bought
for you guys.
-Yeah.
121
00:04:38,504 --> 00:04:40,520
Oh, actually,
this is the Rock-A-Tot Two.
122
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,355
So it's got even
more features than ours.
123
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,949
I mean, you can control
this sucker
124
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,342
from, like, two blocks away
with your phone.
125
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,452
Oh. They don't recommend that,
though.
126
00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:49,788
Uh, Ryan, would you please
just load that in my car
127
00:04:49,939 --> 00:04:51,439
and I'll drive it over later?
128
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,184
Yeah. So glad I dragged it
all the way upstairs.
129
00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:55,852
Oh, come on, stop.
130
00:04:55,871 --> 00:04:58,613
Hey, um, why don't we, uh,
put it together for them
131
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,132
before we take it over?
132
00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:02,025
I mean, they're going
to have a new baby.
133
00:05:02,085 --> 00:05:04,027
They don't have time
to build furniture.
134
00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:05,804
-They're not Amish.
-Mm.
135
00:05:05,997 --> 00:05:07,531
Good. Good, then it's settled.
136
00:05:07,549 --> 00:05:09,215
-We build it.
-CHUCK: Right.
137
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,868
-And by "we," I mean you two.
-(chuckling)
138
00:05:11,887 --> 00:05:13,312
No problem.
139
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:16,373
I rebuilt a 1970 Plymouth
Barracuda last week.
140
00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:18,132
I think I can handle a crib.
141
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,560
And I replaced the batteries
in the remote control.
142
00:05:20,712 --> 00:05:22,154
So I guess
we are both pretty handy.
143
00:05:22,347 --> 00:05:24,230
Yeah.
We'll knock this out over lunch.
144
00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:25,882
ED:
Oh, that's perfect.
145
00:05:25,984 --> 00:05:27,809
But I'm available
if-if you need me.
146
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:29,661
Just... don't need me.
147
00:05:29,854 --> 00:05:31,888
-Okay. All right.
-All right.
148
00:05:31,907 --> 00:05:33,557
Let's see what
we are dealing with here.
149
00:05:33,575 --> 00:05:35,149
-Hold that part right there...
-Doesn't look too bad.
150
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,377
...and I will...
151
00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:44,551
BOTH:
Oh, hell no.
152
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,516
You know,
it just breaks my heart
153
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,593
to hear how scared
our little girl is.
154
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,687
How scared our little girl was.
155
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,598
Yeah. Well, hopefully,
Kristin can calm her down.
156
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,192
That was a good idea, honey.
157
00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:02,102
Yeah. I wonder what it's like
to have a bad idea.
158
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,862
I mean,
having no frame of reference,
159
00:06:04,055 --> 00:06:06,089
it's just difficult
to know that.
160
00:06:06,149 --> 00:06:09,016
It just, it kills me
that I am not going to be
161
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,869
in the room with Mandy
when she gives birth.
162
00:06:11,062 --> 00:06:12,946
Well, the hospital's the right
place to do it. They're...
163
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,022
-they're taking the necessary
precautions, honey.
-Yeah.
164
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,951
You know, I...
I do have a PhD.
165
00:06:18,103 --> 00:06:19,861
What-what if I tell them
I'm a doctor?
166
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,788
Vanessa.
167
00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:23,364
I just want to be with her.
168
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,291
You know, just pat her arm
when she's nervous,
169
00:06:25,444 --> 00:06:26,793
tell her she's doing great,
170
00:06:26,945 --> 00:06:28,387
or just... just brush her hair.
171
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,056
Damn it, that's what you do
to me when I'm drunk.
172
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,950
-Hello, parents.
-Hey, guys.
173
00:06:33,969 --> 00:06:35,635
Hi. How's it going, hon?
174
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,045
-Hi.
-Good. I am,
I am feeling much better.
175
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,472
And Kris has been so amazing.
176
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,307
She helped me realize
177
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,718
that I can have
a safe and natural birth.
178
00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,629
Well, that's great,
since Kris helped you do that,
179
00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:48,073
but I helped you figure out
Kris was the right person.
180
00:06:48,266 --> 00:06:50,224
So who's the real hero? Really?
181
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,059
Says the only one in the room
182
00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:53,970
who will never push a head
through a cervix.
183
00:06:53,989 --> 00:06:54,988
(Kristin stammering)
184
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,398
Mandy hasn't, either... yet.
185
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,233
-Sorry.
-Sorry. You know what, honey?
186
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,994
I'm sure the hospital will
do everything they can
187
00:07:01,146 --> 00:07:02,812
to make you feel comfortable.
188
00:07:02,831 --> 00:07:05,740
Well, I-I'm not going to have
the baby at the hospital.
189
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,834
I'm gonna have a home birth.
190
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,203
Huh. Wow, that's...
191
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,505
that's awfully generous
of Kristin and Ryan.
192
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,840
(scoffs)
193
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,416
Well, no, Dad,
here's the best part:
194
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,661
I'm...
I'm gonna give birth here.
195
00:07:17,679 --> 00:07:18,920
(chuckles)
196
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,088
I-Is it too late
for me to suggest
197
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,316
you might wait
to have this child?
198
00:07:30,025 --> 00:07:32,117
So you're gonna give birth
at home? (gasps)
199
00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:33,434
This home?
I mean, our hom--
200
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,178
I mean, my home?
201
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,123
-Home births are
completely safe.
-(stammering)
202
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,016
And lots of couples
are doing them.
203
00:07:40,118 --> 00:07:41,851
And for thousands of years,
204
00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:43,353
nobody ever gave birth
in a hospital.
205
00:07:43,455 --> 00:07:45,038
They also didn't have
motor vehicles.
206
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:48,115
Why don't you just pop one out
in a pickup truck?
207
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:51,044
No, we... we are here
for you, honey.
208
00:07:51,196 --> 00:07:53,621
This, uh-- It's gonna be
the best home birth ever.
209
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:54,714
Thank you, Mom.
210
00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,216
Oh, this is so cool.
211
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,993
Mandy will be able
to manage her birth plan,
212
00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,886
and the whole family
will get to be there.
213
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,930
Oh, I love this.
214
00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,315
You know, we-we can
use the photo
215
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:04,966
for the Christmas newsletter.
216
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,944
What? Christmas is not
about the birth of a baby.
217
00:08:09,047 --> 00:08:10,471
It's the perfect solution, okay?
218
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,382
Hospitals aren't allowing
visitors these days,
219
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:13,992
but this way we get
to all be together.
220
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,327
Why don't we just do it
at a hotel?
221
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,221
The mattresses couldn't
get any worse.
222
00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:20,223
-Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
-Oh, yeah. Mwah.
223
00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:21,983
-I love you.
-Love you. Bye.
-Okay.
224
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,409
Let's go e-mail that midwife.
We want to book her
225
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:24,986
before some other preggo
gets your spot.
226
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,896
We-We're not gonna even look
at other options?
227
00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:28,006
What if we rent an RV?
228
00:08:28,157 --> 00:08:29,566
Wait a minute,
I own a tent store.
229
00:08:29,626 --> 00:08:30,750
Okay, wait, wait. Wait.
230
00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:33,753
You-you need to be
a good father, okay,
231
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:36,422
and support your daughter when
she needs her mother the most.
232
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,241
If she was gonna have the baby
in the hospital,
233
00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:40,243
then I wouldn't get to be there,
and now I will.
234
00:08:40,262 --> 00:08:42,078
But why-why does everybody
want to be at a birth?
235
00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:43,747
I mean, it's just a birthday
without the cake
236
00:08:43,765 --> 00:08:45,357
-and the presents.
-I know.
237
00:08:45,550 --> 00:08:46,916
Mandy wants this.
238
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:48,860
So do I, and you,
239
00:08:49,053 --> 00:08:50,862
you are gonna be
fully supportive.
240
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,531
-Okay?
-I can't. Can't.
241
00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:53,990
I don't have a cervix.
242
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,613
It still doesn't fit.
243
00:09:00,766 --> 00:09:03,208
See, you have to line up
part D with the other part D.
244
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:05,026
-Yes, I know that, Chuck.
-Uh-huh.
245
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,694
Your method of saying it
over and over again
246
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,955
-doesn't seem to be helping.
-Hey, man.
247
00:09:09,107 --> 00:09:10,215
Hey, man, you want to try
to make sense out of this?
248
00:09:10,408 --> 00:09:11,866
-I can barely read it.
-Well, yeah.
249
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,109
That's 'cause you won't
wear your glasses,
250
00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:14,294
which is a little vain.
251
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,612
(scoffs)
252
00:09:15,672 --> 00:09:17,113
-I'll wear my glasses.
-Okay.
253
00:09:17,132 --> 00:09:18,557
I am not vain.
254
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,617
-It's not gonna make
a difference.
-Mm-hmm.
255
00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:21,560
It's still gonna be a...
256
00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:23,395
Oh, that's a "B," not a "D."
257
00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:25,230
-My bad.
-Will you just give me
the instructions, please?
258
00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,214
-No, no, I got
the instructions now.
-Chuck.
259
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,050
I got the glasses.
I can see now.
260
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,476
(stammering)
261
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,146
I thought this thing
would be built by now.
262
00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,323
-(sighs)
-I mean, didn't you read
the instructions?
263
00:09:36,802 --> 00:09:39,060
Yes, Ed.
We read the instructions.
264
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,062
Ryan isn't much of a builder.
265
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,229
-Oh, me?
-Yeah, you.
266
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,807
What ever happened to Mister...
267
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:44,991
(deep voice):
"I rebuilt a '70 Barracuda"?
268
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,159
(sighs)
269
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,586
(stammers)
270
00:09:47,779 --> 00:09:49,087
This is way more complicated
271
00:09:49,238 --> 00:09:50,496
than the one we built
for Evelyn.
272
00:09:50,649 --> 00:09:53,741
I mean, it's got,
uh, touch screen, Wi-Fi.
273
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,001
She's an infant.
274
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,487
She's sitting in her own poop.
275
00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:59,823
I'm sorry, I just...
I just don't get it.
276
00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:02,416
I slept in a dresser drawer
till I was three.
277
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,186
How did you breathe?
278
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,255
It wasn't closed.
279
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,850
Unless my parents
were having a party.
280
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,004
Well, don't worry, Ed.
We'll... we'll-we'll get this.
281
00:10:15,065 --> 00:10:17,507
Yeah, all we have to do is, uh,
install the second motor
282
00:10:17,525 --> 00:10:19,284
-and the rocker arm.
-Yeah.
283
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:22,362
All right, I guess
I'll get tested again.
284
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,622
Clear out the old nostrils.
285
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,749
It beats blowing your nose.
286
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,461
♪
287
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,206
So, we had a great
virtual meeting with Sunshine,
288
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,691
the midwife Kris found.
289
00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:36,693
Sunshine?
What do they call her at night?
290
00:10:36,753 --> 00:10:38,470
Oh. Moonbeam.
291
00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:41,030
She said that Mandy was
the perfect candidate
292
00:10:41,091 --> 00:10:45,051
for home birth, and she's, like,
the most soothing human being
293
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,794
I have ever met.
294
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,554
Oh, yeah.
She put me right at ease.
295
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,965
And I know this isn't
the most modern thing to say,
296
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,134
but I wouldn't have been
as comfortable
297
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,395
with a mid-husband.
298
00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:57,213
Well, this is great, guys.
299
00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:59,807
And you know what, we are
a hundred percent supportive.
300
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,384
-Right, Mike?
-Oh, yeah, I'm really into it.
301
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,052
I'm actually thinking
of using the house
302
00:11:03,113 --> 00:11:04,721
for other medical procedures.
303
00:11:04,781 --> 00:11:06,814
Using that big old garden hose
out front
304
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,917
for my next colonoscopy.
305
00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:12,653
So, tell us more.
How's this gonna work?
306
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:16,157
-Well, I guess you put a GoPro
on the nozzle, then...
-Kyle!
307
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,492
No, no, no. Honey, I think she's
talking about the home birth.
308
00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:20,086
It's very important
309
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:22,088
to keep the energy
around the birth nice and calm.
310
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:25,258
Sunshine has some
great music ideas for the labor:
311
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,352
Enya, harp solos, Kenny G.
312
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:29,854
-Oh.
-I thought she wanted
the baby to come out.
313
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,690
Uh, and I'm gonna have
a natural birth,
314
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,191
-so no drugs.
-VANESSA: Mm-hmm.
315
00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:34,842
You will be fine.
I didn't have any drugs, either.
316
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,844
I just dug my nails
into your father's forearm.
317
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,846
Yep, and I still have the...
still have the scars there:
318
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,365
Eve, Mandy and Kris.
319
00:11:40,516 --> 00:11:43,368
I was hoping one day
you guys would sign them.
320
00:11:43,519 --> 00:11:45,870
And to help Mandy relax,
she'll spend most of the labor
321
00:11:46,063 --> 00:11:48,264
in a shallow blow-up pool.
322
00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:49,782
Yeah, you're gonna look
beautiful,
323
00:11:49,935 --> 00:11:52,544
-like a big, pregnant mermaid.
-Oh, I love that.
324
00:11:52,737 --> 00:11:54,787
Fishy kiss.
325
00:11:55,774 --> 00:11:57,081
And then,
and then when it's time to push,
326
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,942
we're gonna wrap her up
in warm towels
327
00:11:59,002 --> 00:12:01,052
-and move her to the bed.
-Yeah. Sunshine said we...
328
00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:03,112
we should find the biggest, most
comfortable bed in the house.
329
00:12:03,173 --> 00:12:05,114
Ha! That'd be the m...
the-the master bed?
330
00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,725
-You-You're gonna do this
in our bed?
-Yes!
331
00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:08,801
Of course, of course our bed.
332
00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:10,787
Our granddaughter's
gonna be born in our bed.
333
00:12:10,889 --> 00:12:13,565
-Oh, it's such an honor.
-Oh, it's an honor
334
00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:16,142
to break water in the bed
but not wind?
335
00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:17,627
Okay.
336
00:12:17,687 --> 00:12:19,295
Thank you guys
for letting us do this.
337
00:12:19,355 --> 00:12:21,631
It feels so much better
than going to a hospital.
338
00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,800
No, honey, this is fantastic.
You guys, you're gonna have
339
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:26,302
this beautiful experience
in our home,
340
00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:29,396
a-and you'll be surrounded
by everybody who loves you.
341
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,157
Oh, uh, not quite everyone.
342
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,901
Uh, Sunshine has this rule:
only two people are allowed
343
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,979
in the actual birthing room.
344
00:12:36,039 --> 00:12:37,647
Oh. Well, you know,
that's smart.
345
00:12:37,665 --> 00:12:39,165
I mean, safety should be
the first consideration,
346
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,259
and really, really,
you only need two.
347
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,002
Yeah, and I'm gonna be
the birth coach.
348
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,579
Perfect, since I
already have the whistle.
349
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,174
Well, just don't blow
that whistle in my ear.
350
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,843
Well, you won't have to worry
about that,
351
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,497
because the other person
in the room is gonna be Kris.
352
00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:57,091
-Wait, hold on a minute.
Mandy, wait a second. Wait...
-What?
353
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,519
Wait, no, wait, no, let her...
let her finish.
354
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,613
Yeah. She just had a baby,
and...
355
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,948
and she's been helping me
so much, and I...
356
00:13:04,141 --> 00:13:06,493
I can't imagine doing this
without my sister.
357
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,529
I love you so much! Oh!
358
00:13:09,681 --> 00:13:11,623
Oh, boy. Somebody
better blow up that pool,
359
00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:14,083
'cause I'm about to fill it
with tears.
360
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,521
Uh, M-Mom, are-are...
361
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:21,615
-are you okay with this?
-Oh. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
362
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:22,634
Are you sure?
363
00:13:22,827 --> 00:13:25,136
(nervous giggling)
364
00:13:25,329 --> 00:13:27,046
Okay. Uh, great.
365
00:13:27,198 --> 00:13:30,141
Let's go to Dad's closet and
find a belt for you to bite on.
366
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:32,869
-I love you both so much.
-Yes, yes.
367
00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:34,479
-Love you. Yep, yep.
-Yeah. That's great.
368
00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:36,222
Hey, hey, I'm proud of you.
369
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,275
You said you'd support her
and you did... (pained groan)
370
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:43,571
I think you actually drew
a little blood.
371
00:13:50,572 --> 00:13:53,147
All right, here.
372
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,834
Whew! I can't believe
it's finally done.
373
00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:59,729
Don't tell Ed, but that's the
hardest I've worked in years.
374
00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:01,397
I'm sorry I got snippy with you.
375
00:14:01,457 --> 00:14:03,232
I had caffeine a few days ago,
376
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,234
-and it's still buzzing
around the old dome.
-Yeah.
377
00:14:05,295 --> 00:14:09,013
Yeah, and I'm sorry
I called you all those names.
378
00:14:09,206 --> 00:14:12,258
It was just in my head,
but I still feel bad.
379
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,185
All right,
let's try this thing out.
380
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,688
-Okay.
-Voice activation is on.
381
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:20,066
-Yeah.
-Rock-A-Tot, rock.
382
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,529
Let me try.
(clears throat)
383
00:14:24,722 --> 00:14:27,156
Rock-A-Tot, rock.
384
00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:32,704
Rock-A-Tot, rock.
385
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,039
(sighs)
What the hell?
386
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,875
What kind of Rock-A-Tot
doesn't rock?
387
00:14:37,068 --> 00:14:40,044
-Oh, whoa, whoa, hey,
there we go.
-Oh, hey.
388
00:14:40,196 --> 00:14:41,954
-Oh, that's nice.
-Okay. That is nice.
389
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,549
-Yeah, that's very nice.
-Okay. All right.
390
00:14:44,742 --> 00:14:46,384
-Uh, uh...
-Whoa.
391
00:14:46,577 --> 00:14:48,553
That's how
the robot uprising begins.
392
00:14:48,704 --> 00:14:50,796
-(clattering)
-Uh, Rock-A-Tot, stop!
393
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,782
Rock-A-Tot, calm the hell down!
394
00:14:52,842 --> 00:14:54,300
-Do something!
-Well, I can't...
395
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,043
-I don't know what to do.
-You...
396
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,120
You, get on the other...
397
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:58,955
First... Okay, get this...
398
00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,139
(grunting)
399
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,958
Maybe there's a-a cross...
400
00:15:02,018 --> 00:15:03,926
Oh. Oh.
401
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:06,154
Oh. Okay, Rock...
402
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,315
-We killed it.
-Yeah.
403
00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:12,076
All right. No baby
should ever be in one of those,
404
00:15:12,269 --> 00:15:15,972
unless it gets a trophy for
staying on for eight seconds.
405
00:15:16,032 --> 00:15:16,989
Gentlemen.
406
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,234
(sighs):
I'm sorry, Ed.
407
00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,328
I saw the horror.
408
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,422
I think I have something
that might help.
409
00:15:24,615 --> 00:15:27,333
-Excuse me. Here you go.
-Oh.
410
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,427
Now, it won't win
any tech awards,
411
00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:31,170
but I was drawn
to the simplicity.
412
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,172
Oh, it's just a basinet.
413
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,507
ED:
Mm-hmm.
414
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,176
No touch screen, no Wi-Fi.
415
00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:39,495
No demonic possession.
416
00:15:39,555 --> 00:15:41,664
We can return this damn machine
417
00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:43,516
and give the cash
to Kyle and Mandy.
418
00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:44,943
-Yeah.
-That is a great idea.
419
00:15:45,094 --> 00:15:46,502
They are gonna love this.
420
00:15:46,562 --> 00:15:48,971
In this thing,
she'll sleep like a rock.
421
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:49,948
Mm.
422
00:15:50,141 --> 00:15:52,867
Oh, why'd you say that, Ed?
423
00:15:55,646 --> 00:15:57,847
It's not even plugged in!
424
00:15:57,865 --> 00:16:00,959
Go back to hell
where you came from!
425
00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:03,336
(loud clattering)
426
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,798
♪
427
00:16:06,991 --> 00:16:08,541
-Hey.
-Hi.
428
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,193
Got you a little gift.
429
00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:11,785
Oh, thank you.
430
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,729
Gosh, what do you get
the woman who has everything
431
00:16:13,756 --> 00:16:17,976
except a place in the room where
her daughter's giving birth?
432
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,554
It's, uh, merlot.
433
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,816
We can enjoy this bottle
when Mandy and Kris
434
00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:28,635
and the witch doctor
are done destroying our bedroom.
435
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,804
I know you're just trying
to make me feel better.
436
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,306
Yeah, I'm
the worst husband ever.
437
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,016
You know what, honey,
don't patronize me.
438
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:36,719
-What?
-As the mother,
I really should be in there.
439
00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:40,056
Everybody knows the order goes:
the father and then the mother
440
00:16:40,158 --> 00:16:42,575
and then-- who gives a crap,
because I would be in there.
441
00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:44,335
You know what I think?
442
00:16:44,528 --> 00:16:46,579
I think you and the merlot need
to breathe.
443
00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:49,656
No, look, I was there
when Kristin had her babies.
444
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:53,327
I kept her calm, I soothed her
when she was nervous,
445
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,513
and I should be there
for Mandy, too.
446
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:56,848
You know, well,
I think Kris is doing
447
00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,424
a lot of that stuff for Mandy.
448
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,260
Mandy feels, uh,
protected when Kris is there.
449
00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:03,095
Yeah, but I would protect her.
450
00:17:03,248 --> 00:17:06,024
(sighs) You know what, you're
better at the loving support.
451
00:17:06,217 --> 00:17:08,860
Kris-- she's more like a...
452
00:17:09,053 --> 00:17:11,029
like a biker.
453
00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:14,681
(sighs)
Well, she has made her decision,
454
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:16,701
and I just have to live
with it, so...
455
00:17:16,852 --> 00:17:18,761
Do you have to live with it?
456
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:21,188
-I mean, you can
keep it all inside, or...
-I know, I know.
457
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,599
-KRISTIN: Mom? Dad?
-BOTH: In here.
458
00:17:23,618 --> 00:17:24,934
Hey, uh, do you guys mind
459
00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:26,544
if I take some pictures
of your bedroom?
460
00:17:26,737 --> 00:17:30,122
Sunshine wants
to start preparing her vibe.
461
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,698
Hey, you want to mess
with her head?
462
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,551
Take pictures
of the bomb shelter downstairs.
463
00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:35,628
And actually,
that's not a bad option,
464
00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:38,222
'cause you can't hear people
screaming if you shut that door.
465
00:17:38,415 --> 00:17:40,541
Uh, sure, honey.
A-And then, you know,
466
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,893
maybe we-we could talk
a little bit about...
467
00:17:42,086 --> 00:17:44,620
-(phone ringing)
-Oh. Uh, what a shock. Sunshine.
468
00:17:44,639 --> 00:17:46,564
-(laughs) Hang on. Sorry, Mom.
-MIKE: Uh...
469
00:17:46,757 --> 00:17:48,316
Yeah?
470
00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:52,219
Oh, no, no, absolutely not.
471
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,647
Yes, I know, you're the midwife,
472
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,982
but Mandy-- you know,
the woman having the baby--
473
00:17:57,135 --> 00:17:59,468
she doesn't like your playlist,
so we'll be going with hers.
474
00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:01,470
-Yeah.
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
475
00:18:01,531 --> 00:18:04,340
No, no. You don't need
to call her and talk it over.
476
00:18:04,342 --> 00:18:06,918
I am her big sister,
and I say no.
477
00:18:07,111 --> 00:18:08,202
(whispers):
Yeah.
478
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,797
Blessings to you as well.
479
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,908
Oh, throw a little shade
on Sunshine.
480
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,744
No, no, no, she's okay.
She just needs to be sorted out
481
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,338
every now and again.
482
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,582
(sighs)
I still can't believe
I get to be
483
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,750
by Mandy's side
when she has her baby.
484
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,494
Ah, I'm sorry,
you were saying, Mom?
485
00:18:25,513 --> 00:18:26,938
You wanted to talk about what?
486
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:31,517
I think it is amazing...
487
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,353
amazing how you're taking care
of your sister
488
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,355
and you are keeping her safe.
It really...
489
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,524
really is wonderful.
490
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:42,286
Mm, I'm just trying to give her
what you gave me, lady.
491
00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:44,455
You know what, that,
that was an experience
492
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,458
that I will treasure forever.
493
00:18:47,651 --> 00:18:50,777
And... if I can't be
in the room with Mandy,
494
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,874
then I, I am really glad that
she gets to share this with you.
495
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,134
(laughs)
496
00:18:56,327 --> 00:18:58,619
Thank you.
497
00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,971
Oh.
498
00:19:00,164 --> 00:19:01,139
Dad?
499
00:19:01,332 --> 00:19:02,789
You okay?
500
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,142
(hoarse voice):
Yeah.
501
00:19:04,335 --> 00:19:08,187
I was just thinking
about that mattress.
502
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,632
You take good care
of my little girl.
503
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:15,695
Oh, don't worry, there is no ass
I will not kick for Mandy.
504
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:20,716
And she made
a New Age witch cry.
505
00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:23,052
Kristin said
she'd kick ass for me?
506
00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:25,888
She sure did. I had to clean up
the language a little bit.
507
00:19:25,948 --> 00:19:28,315
Them bikers are salty.
508
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,393
Hey, guys.
Hey, I know we didn't have
509
00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:32,336
a playdate scheduled,
but something came up.
510
00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:34,505
Can Evelyn stay
and play with Sarah for a bit?
511
00:19:34,657 --> 00:19:36,007
Is that all right with you?
512
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,917
Of course.
513
00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:40,569
I want those angels
to play together
514
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:44,223
the rest of their lives,
just like me and you did.
515
00:19:47,578 --> 00:19:50,104
I'm not telling
that story again.
516
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,422
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man,
517
00:19:59,482 --> 00:20:01,440
where we offer free courses
on hunter safety,
518
00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:03,367
mountain climbing safety,
boater safety.
519
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:04,702
I'm sure you're thinking,
520
00:20:04,895 --> 00:20:07,038
"That's pretty generous
of Outdoor Man."
521
00:20:07,231 --> 00:20:09,615
But you know what, truth is,
we've learned over the years,
522
00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:12,192
dead customers tend to buy
a lot less gear.
523
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,453
-(bear growls)
-So we do our best to make sure
524
00:20:14,605 --> 00:20:16,288
everyone who ventures
into the outdoors
525
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,457
makes it back indoors.
526
00:20:18,609 --> 00:20:20,051
-Preferably with good credit.
-(coins jingle)
527
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,944
And just like our store
is committed
528
00:20:21,963 --> 00:20:23,537
to protecting its customers,
529
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,723
as parents, our number-one job
is to protect our kids.
530
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,451
From the moment they're born,
we spring into high alert,
531
00:20:28,511 --> 00:20:30,377
on the lookout
for choking hazards,
532
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,956
sharp corners and, oof,
public television.
533
00:20:34,016 --> 00:20:35,882
Man, it's exhausting.
534
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,718
But if you raise
your kids right,
535
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,904
you'll get to enjoy
the passing of the baton
536
00:20:40,097 --> 00:20:42,798
as they start taking care
of each other.
537
00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:44,633
If you raise them wrong,
538
00:20:44,652 --> 00:20:47,470
they'll be striking each other
over the head with that baton.
539
00:20:47,488 --> 00:20:49,488
Now, it can be
a little bittersweet
540
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,732
when your kids take on
responsibilities
541
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:53,492
you've always fulfilled.
542
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,662
Like, "Hey, maybe they
don't need us anymore."
543
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,740
Or you could look at it
like this.
544
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,760
(chuckles): "Hey,
they don't need us anymore!"
545
00:21:02,911 --> 00:21:04,503
Baxter out.
546
00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:05,671
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
547
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,098
and TOYOTA.
548
00:21:07,249 --> 00:21:09,008
(chicken clucks)
549
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,768
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org