1 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,066 Excited about the food fair? 2 00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:10,325 Honey, bourbon, sausage-- 3 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,826 three great ingredients on their own, 4 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:13,887 but together, it's like the-the Reagan of meats. 5 00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:17,090 Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. 6 00:00:17,243 --> 00:00:18,425 I got to take a rain check. 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,760 What do you mean, a rain check? 8 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:21,520 We've been planning this for weeks. 9 00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,188 I've been fasting. You know... 10 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,916 Well, for not that long. 11 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:27,860 I know, but I don't want to take Sarah away. 12 00:00:28,053 --> 00:00:31,363 She's having too much fun in the sandbox right now. 13 00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:32,865 Oh, oh, sweetheart, um, 14 00:00:33,058 --> 00:00:34,366 n-no sand in the shoes. 15 00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:36,702 Y... 16 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,595 You put the sand in the shoes. Okay. 17 00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:41,431 What do you mean? I thought Kris was going to watch her. 18 00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:44,785 Uh, Sarah and Evelyn are taking some time apart from each other. 19 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:48,121 What, are they seeing other babies? 20 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:52,217 Evelyn has become really bossy, and it's really annoying. 21 00:00:52,410 --> 00:00:54,035 What's going on? 22 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,612 You don't want to hear about my problems. 23 00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:57,114 I don't want to hear about anybody's problems, 24 00:00:57,174 --> 00:00:59,950 but d-d-damn it, you're my kid. 25 00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:01,285 You sure? 26 00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:02,728 Yeah, yeah. Uh... 27 00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:04,955 Listen, I'll-I'll text the sausage guy. 28 00:01:05,015 --> 00:01:06,648 I don't want him worrying. 29 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,194 ♪ 30 00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:17,892 Well, every game the girls play, Evelyn has to be the leader. 31 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,061 If they're playing Moana, Evelyn is always Moana. 32 00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,472 If they're playing Frozen, Evelyn's always Elsa. 33 00:01:22,491 --> 00:01:24,141 Right, I get it. 34 00:01:24,159 --> 00:01:27,586 'Cause when we play Toy Story I gotta be Woody. 35 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,981 Even when they pretend Floor Is Lava, 36 00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:32,499 Kristin's always in charge of the countdown. 37 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,151 (chuckles) You mean Evelyn. 38 00:01:34,169 --> 00:01:35,652 Yeah, that's what I said. Evelyn. 39 00:01:35,712 --> 00:01:37,170 She's always bossing Sarah around. 40 00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,747 Which is not uncommon for the older one. 41 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,749 -It's like Kris used to do to you. -Exactly. 42 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,919 So the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 43 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,331 You and your old-timey sayings. 44 00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:49,516 Shouldn't you be whittling? 45 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,185 Let me put it so you'll understand it. 46 00:01:52,338 --> 00:01:53,687 You're just pissed because 47 00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:57,282 Kris used to do the same thing to you, dawg. 48 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,952 (laughing): Don't be ridiculous. 49 00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:01,453 (Mike laughs) 50 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,364 Oh, my God, that's totally what's happening. 51 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,126 By the way, you did the same thing to Eve. 52 00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:08,702 Yeah, I don't care if I did it, okay? 53 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,687 I don't like it when Kristin does it. 54 00:02:10,789 --> 00:02:12,131 And I don't want Sarah to have to go through the same thing. 55 00:02:12,324 --> 00:02:14,358 It's always bad to be bossy. 56 00:02:14,418 --> 00:02:15,709 Yeah, so bad. 57 00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:17,194 -Always. -Always. 58 00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:19,696 Where are you going with this? 59 00:02:19,715 --> 00:02:20,973 Give me a minute. 60 00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:23,367 Let me, um, let me set the scene here, 61 00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:25,051 -all right? -Okay. 62 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,888 So it was, um, during the pandemic. 63 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,131 Ugh, oh, boy, you and Kyle had just got those 64 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,818 new air filtration space helmets. 65 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:34,653 Hey, those helmets were better than the masks. 66 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,822 -Were they? -Yeah. People were depressed. 67 00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:39,408 They needed to see this. 68 00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:43,662 Anyhow, you guys barged into the office 69 00:02:43,855 --> 00:02:45,889 and I thought it was being invaded 70 00:02:45,949 --> 00:02:48,000 by really goofy space aliens. 71 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,153 I'm sorry, if you want me to take you to my leader, 72 00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:53,547 you're looking at him. 73 00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:57,083 Dad, we have a problem. 74 00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,251 Condensation? 75 00:02:58,387 --> 00:02:59,845 No. That's not it. 76 00:03:00,038 --> 00:03:03,590 Well-- well, it kind of is, but not at the moment. 77 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,092 We just got off the phone with our OB. 78 00:03:06,245 --> 00:03:07,853 And because of COVID, 79 00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,689 there are all these new and stupid rules at the hospital. 80 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,767 Well, the hospital is a perfect place for stupid rules. 81 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:15,510 Otherwise, it's just a well-lit building 82 00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:18,179 with a bunch of half-naked people walking around 83 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,698 who are kind of sick. 84 00:03:19,891 --> 00:03:22,016 That's the problem. What if our baby gets sick? 85 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,851 Or one of us? It's getting really scary. 86 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,687 -Okay. All right. -Yeah. What do you think we should do? 87 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:26,947 I think you should calm down. 88 00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:28,281 I think everything's gonna be fine. 89 00:03:28,434 --> 00:03:29,783 (exhales) Somehow, when you say it, 90 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,693 I believe it. 91 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,287 You might want to check with another family member 92 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,215 who had a baby during a pandemic. 93 00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:37,624 Oh! Kristin had Evelyn 94 00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:38,959 right at the beginning of the pandemic. 95 00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,777 We should've just talked to her first. 96 00:03:40,837 --> 00:03:42,221 No, it's good to come to me. 97 00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:43,722 I know a lot about a lot of things-- 98 00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:46,283 parenting, tank warfare, Steve McQueen movies... 99 00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,118 Whoa, easy, Dad. Nobody likes a know-it-all. 100 00:03:48,178 --> 00:03:51,288 ...motorcycles, Don Knotts movies, 101 00:03:51,348 --> 00:03:53,649 why Don Lemon wears that weird outfit. 102 00:03:57,479 --> 00:03:58,295 (laughing) 103 00:03:58,355 --> 00:04:00,572 -Hey. -Stop! 104 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,135 Okay, you're negative. Come on in. 105 00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:06,912 (Ed chuckling) 106 00:04:07,063 --> 00:04:09,581 It may be a pain in the ass getting tested all the time, 107 00:04:09,774 --> 00:04:11,416 but it's worth it. 108 00:04:11,568 --> 00:04:14,586 And the nurse says I have the nostrils of a 20-year-old. 109 00:04:14,738 --> 00:04:17,238 (sighs) Finally picked this thing up. 110 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,741 Only took me three hours. Curbside. 111 00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:22,910 It's not like I made an appointment or anything. 112 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,078 Well, it's for a good cause. 113 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,006 Mandy and Kyle's baby gift. 114 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,415 Hey, I thought you were going to let me 115 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,175 put a few bucks in on this, Ed. 116 00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,344 -ED: Oh, come on... -Unless you think I already did. 117 00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:33,330 In which case, I'm glad I contributed. 118 00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:34,773 It doesn't matter who paid for it. 119 00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:36,666 We agreed it would come from all of us. 120 00:04:36,727 --> 00:04:38,351 -Just like we bought for you guys. -Yeah. 121 00:04:38,504 --> 00:04:40,520 Oh, actually, this is the Rock-A-Tot Two. 122 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,355 So it's got even more features than ours. 123 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,949 I mean, you can control this sucker 124 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,342 from, like, two blocks away with your phone. 125 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,452 Oh. They don't recommend that, though. 126 00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:49,788 Uh, Ryan, would you please just load that in my car 127 00:04:49,939 --> 00:04:51,439 and I'll drive it over later? 128 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,184 Yeah. So glad I dragged it all the way upstairs. 129 00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:55,852 Oh, come on, stop. 130 00:04:55,871 --> 00:04:58,613 Hey, um, why don't we, uh, put it together for them 131 00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,132 before we take it over? 132 00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:02,025 I mean, they're going to have a new baby. 133 00:05:02,085 --> 00:05:04,027 They don't have time to build furniture. 134 00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:05,804 -They're not Amish. -Mm. 135 00:05:05,997 --> 00:05:07,531 Good. Good, then it's settled. 136 00:05:07,549 --> 00:05:09,215 -We build it. -CHUCK: Right. 137 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,868 -And by "we," I mean you two. -(chuckling) 138 00:05:11,887 --> 00:05:13,312 No problem. 139 00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:16,373 I rebuilt a 1970 Plymouth Barracuda last week. 140 00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:18,132 I think I can handle a crib. 141 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,560 And I replaced the batteries in the remote control. 142 00:05:20,712 --> 00:05:22,154 So I guess we are both pretty handy. 143 00:05:22,347 --> 00:05:24,230 Yeah. We'll knock this out over lunch. 144 00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:25,882 ED: Oh, that's perfect. 145 00:05:25,984 --> 00:05:27,809 But I'm available if-if you need me. 146 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:29,661 Just... don't need me. 147 00:05:29,854 --> 00:05:31,888 -Okay. All right. -All right. 148 00:05:31,907 --> 00:05:33,557 Let's see what we are dealing with here. 149 00:05:33,575 --> 00:05:35,149 -Hold that part right there... -Doesn't look too bad. 150 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,377 ...and I will... 151 00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:44,551 BOTH: Oh, hell no. 152 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,516 You know, it just breaks my heart 153 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,593 to hear how scared our little girl is. 154 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,687 How scared our little girl was. 155 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,598 Yeah. Well, hopefully, Kristin can calm her down. 156 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,192 That was a good idea, honey. 157 00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:02,102 Yeah. I wonder what it's like to have a bad idea. 158 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,862 I mean, having no frame of reference, 159 00:06:04,055 --> 00:06:06,089 it's just difficult to know that. 160 00:06:06,149 --> 00:06:09,016 It just, it kills me that I am not going to be 161 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,869 in the room with Mandy when she gives birth. 162 00:06:11,062 --> 00:06:12,946 Well, the hospital's the right place to do it. They're... 163 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,022 -they're taking the necessary precautions, honey. -Yeah. 164 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,951 You know, I... I do have a PhD. 165 00:06:18,103 --> 00:06:19,861 What-what if I tell them I'm a doctor? 166 00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,788 Vanessa. 167 00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:23,364 I just want to be with her. 168 00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,291 You know, just pat her arm when she's nervous, 169 00:06:25,444 --> 00:06:26,793 tell her she's doing great, 170 00:06:26,945 --> 00:06:28,387 or just... just brush her hair. 171 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,056 Damn it, that's what you do to me when I'm drunk. 172 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,950 -Hello, parents. -Hey, guys. 173 00:06:33,969 --> 00:06:35,635 Hi. How's it going, hon? 174 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,045 -Hi. -Good. I am, I am feeling much better. 175 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,472 And Kris has been so amazing. 176 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,307 She helped me realize 177 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,718 that I can have a safe and natural birth. 178 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,629 Well, that's great, since Kris helped you do that, 179 00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:48,073 but I helped you figure out Kris was the right person. 180 00:06:48,266 --> 00:06:50,224 So who's the real hero? Really? 181 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,059 Says the only one in the room 182 00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:53,970 who will never push a head through a cervix. 183 00:06:53,989 --> 00:06:54,988 (Kristin stammering) 184 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,398 Mandy hasn't, either... yet. 185 00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,233 -Sorry. -Sorry. You know what, honey? 186 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,994 I'm sure the hospital will do everything they can 187 00:07:01,146 --> 00:07:02,812 to make you feel comfortable. 188 00:07:02,831 --> 00:07:05,740 Well, I-I'm not going to have the baby at the hospital. 189 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,834 I'm gonna have a home birth. 190 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,203 Huh. Wow, that's... 191 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,505 that's awfully generous of Kristin and Ryan. 192 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,840 (scoffs) 193 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,416 Well, no, Dad, here's the best part: 194 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,661 I'm... I'm gonna give birth here. 195 00:07:17,679 --> 00:07:18,920 (chuckles) 196 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,088 I-Is it too late for me to suggest 197 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,316 you might wait to have this child? 198 00:07:30,025 --> 00:07:32,117 So you're gonna give birth at home? (gasps) 199 00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:33,434 This home? I mean, our hom-- 200 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,178 I mean, my home? 201 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,123 -Home births are completely safe. -(stammering) 202 00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,016 And lots of couples are doing them. 203 00:07:40,118 --> 00:07:41,851 And for thousands of years, 204 00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:43,353 nobody ever gave birth in a hospital. 205 00:07:43,455 --> 00:07:45,038 They also didn't have motor vehicles. 206 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:48,115 Why don't you just pop one out in a pickup truck? 207 00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:51,044 No, we... we are here for you, honey. 208 00:07:51,196 --> 00:07:53,621 This, uh-- It's gonna be the best home birth ever. 209 00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:54,714 Thank you, Mom. 210 00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,216 Oh, this is so cool. 211 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,993 Mandy will be able to manage her birth plan, 212 00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,886 and the whole family will get to be there. 213 00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,930 Oh, I love this. 214 00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,315 You know, we-we can use the photo 215 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:04,966 for the Christmas newsletter. 216 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,944 What? Christmas is not about the birth of a baby. 217 00:08:09,047 --> 00:08:10,471 It's the perfect solution, okay? 218 00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,382 Hospitals aren't allowing visitors these days, 219 00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:13,992 but this way we get to all be together. 220 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,327 Why don't we just do it at a hotel? 221 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,221 The mattresses couldn't get any worse. 222 00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:20,223 -Thank you, thank you, thank you. -Oh, yeah. Mwah. 223 00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:21,983 -I love you. -Love you. Bye. -Okay. 224 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,409 Let's go e-mail that midwife. We want to book her 225 00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:24,986 before some other preggo gets your spot. 226 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,896 We-We're not gonna even look at other options? 227 00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:28,006 What if we rent an RV? 228 00:08:28,157 --> 00:08:29,566 Wait a minute, I own a tent store. 229 00:08:29,626 --> 00:08:30,750 Okay, wait, wait. Wait. 230 00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:33,753 You-you need to be a good father, okay, 231 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:36,422 and support your daughter when she needs her mother the most. 232 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,241 If she was gonna have the baby in the hospital, 233 00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:40,243 then I wouldn't get to be there, and now I will. 234 00:08:40,262 --> 00:08:42,078 But why-why does everybody want to be at a birth? 235 00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:43,747 I mean, it's just a birthday without the cake 236 00:08:43,765 --> 00:08:45,357 -and the presents. -I know. 237 00:08:45,550 --> 00:08:46,916 Mandy wants this. 238 00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:48,860 So do I, and you, 239 00:08:49,053 --> 00:08:50,862 you are gonna be fully supportive. 240 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,531 -Okay? -I can't. Can't. 241 00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:53,990 I don't have a cervix. 242 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,613 It still doesn't fit. 243 00:09:00,766 --> 00:09:03,208 See, you have to line up part D with the other part D. 244 00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:05,026 -Yes, I know that, Chuck. -Uh-huh. 245 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,694 Your method of saying it over and over again 246 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,955 -doesn't seem to be helping. -Hey, man. 247 00:09:09,107 --> 00:09:10,215 Hey, man, you want to try to make sense out of this? 248 00:09:10,408 --> 00:09:11,866 -I can barely read it. -Well, yeah. 249 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,109 That's 'cause you won't wear your glasses, 250 00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:14,294 which is a little vain. 251 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,612 (scoffs) 252 00:09:15,672 --> 00:09:17,113 -I'll wear my glasses. -Okay. 253 00:09:17,132 --> 00:09:18,557 I am not vain. 254 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,617 -It's not gonna make a difference. -Mm-hmm. 255 00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:21,560 It's still gonna be a... 256 00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:23,395 Oh, that's a "B," not a "D." 257 00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:25,230 -My bad. -Will you just give me the instructions, please? 258 00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,214 -No, no, I got the instructions now. -Chuck. 259 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,050 I got the glasses. I can see now. 260 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,476 (stammering) 261 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,146 I thought this thing would be built by now. 262 00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,323 -(sighs) -I mean, didn't you read the instructions? 263 00:09:36,802 --> 00:09:39,060 Yes, Ed. We read the instructions. 264 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,062 Ryan isn't much of a builder. 265 00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:42,229 -Oh, me? -Yeah, you. 266 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,807 What ever happened to Mister... 267 00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:44,991 (deep voice): "I rebuilt a '70 Barracuda"? 268 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,159 (sighs) 269 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,586 (stammers) 270 00:09:47,779 --> 00:09:49,087 This is way more complicated 271 00:09:49,238 --> 00:09:50,496 than the one we built for Evelyn. 272 00:09:50,649 --> 00:09:53,741 I mean, it's got, uh, touch screen, Wi-Fi. 273 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,001 She's an infant. 274 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,487 She's sitting in her own poop. 275 00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:59,823 I'm sorry, I just... I just don't get it. 276 00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:02,416 I slept in a dresser drawer till I was three. 277 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,186 How did you breathe? 278 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,255 It wasn't closed. 279 00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,850 Unless my parents were having a party. 280 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,004 Well, don't worry, Ed. We'll... we'll-we'll get this. 281 00:10:15,065 --> 00:10:17,507 Yeah, all we have to do is, uh, install the second motor 282 00:10:17,525 --> 00:10:19,284 -and the rocker arm. -Yeah. 283 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:22,362 All right, I guess I'll get tested again. 284 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,622 Clear out the old nostrils. 285 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,749 It beats blowing your nose. 286 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,461 ♪ 287 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,206 So, we had a great virtual meeting with Sunshine, 288 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,691 the midwife Kris found. 289 00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:36,693 Sunshine? What do they call her at night? 290 00:10:36,753 --> 00:10:38,470 Oh. Moonbeam. 291 00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:41,030 She said that Mandy was the perfect candidate 292 00:10:41,091 --> 00:10:45,051 for home birth, and she's, like, the most soothing human being 293 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,794 I have ever met. 294 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,554 Oh, yeah. She put me right at ease. 295 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,965 And I know this isn't the most modern thing to say, 296 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,134 but I wouldn't have been as comfortable 297 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,395 with a mid-husband. 298 00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:57,213 Well, this is great, guys. 299 00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:59,807 And you know what, we are a hundred percent supportive. 300 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,384 -Right, Mike? -Oh, yeah, I'm really into it. 301 00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,052 I'm actually thinking of using the house 302 00:11:03,113 --> 00:11:04,721 for other medical procedures. 303 00:11:04,781 --> 00:11:06,814 Using that big old garden hose out front 304 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,917 for my next colonoscopy. 305 00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:12,653 So, tell us more. How's this gonna work? 306 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:16,157 -Well, I guess you put a GoPro on the nozzle, then... -Kyle! 307 00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,492 No, no, no. Honey, I think she's talking about the home birth. 308 00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:20,086 It's very important 309 00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:22,088 to keep the energy around the birth nice and calm. 310 00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:25,258 Sunshine has some great music ideas for the labor: 311 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,352 Enya, harp solos, Kenny G. 312 00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:29,854 -Oh. -I thought she wanted the baby to come out. 313 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,690 Uh, and I'm gonna have a natural birth, 314 00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,191 -so no drugs. -VANESSA: Mm-hmm. 315 00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:34,842 You will be fine. I didn't have any drugs, either. 316 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,844 I just dug my nails into your father's forearm. 317 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,846 Yep, and I still have the... still have the scars there: 318 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,365 Eve, Mandy and Kris. 319 00:11:40,516 --> 00:11:43,368 I was hoping one day you guys would sign them. 320 00:11:43,519 --> 00:11:45,870 And to help Mandy relax, she'll spend most of the labor 321 00:11:46,063 --> 00:11:48,264 in a shallow blow-up pool. 322 00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:49,782 Yeah, you're gonna look beautiful, 323 00:11:49,935 --> 00:11:52,544 -like a big, pregnant mermaid. -Oh, I love that. 324 00:11:52,737 --> 00:11:54,787 Fishy kiss. 325 00:11:55,774 --> 00:11:57,081 And then, and then when it's time to push, 326 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,942 we're gonna wrap her up in warm towels 327 00:11:59,002 --> 00:12:01,052 -and move her to the bed. -Yeah. Sunshine said we... 328 00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:03,112 we should find the biggest, most comfortable bed in the house. 329 00:12:03,173 --> 00:12:05,114 Ha! That'd be the m... the-the master bed? 330 00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,725 -You-You're gonna do this in our bed? -Yes! 331 00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:08,801 Of course, of course our bed. 332 00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:10,787 Our granddaughter's gonna be born in our bed. 333 00:12:10,889 --> 00:12:13,565 -Oh, it's such an honor. -Oh, it's an honor 334 00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:16,142 to break water in the bed but not wind? 335 00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:17,627 Okay. 336 00:12:17,687 --> 00:12:19,295 Thank you guys for letting us do this. 337 00:12:19,355 --> 00:12:21,631 It feels so much better than going to a hospital. 338 00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,800 No, honey, this is fantastic. You guys, you're gonna have 339 00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:26,302 this beautiful experience in our home, 340 00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:29,396 a-and you'll be surrounded by everybody who loves you. 341 00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,157 Oh, uh, not quite everyone. 342 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,901 Uh, Sunshine has this rule: only two people are allowed 343 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,979 in the actual birthing room. 344 00:12:36,039 --> 00:12:37,647 Oh. Well, you know, that's smart. 345 00:12:37,665 --> 00:12:39,165 I mean, safety should be the first consideration, 346 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,259 and really, really, you only need two. 347 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,002 Yeah, and I'm gonna be the birth coach. 348 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,579 Perfect, since I already have the whistle. 349 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,174 Well, just don't blow that whistle in my ear. 350 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,843 Well, you won't have to worry about that, 351 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,497 because the other person in the room is gonna be Kris. 352 00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:57,091 -Wait, hold on a minute. Mandy, wait a second. Wait... -What? 353 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,519 Wait, no, wait, no, let her... let her finish. 354 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,613 Yeah. She just had a baby, and... 355 00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,948 and she's been helping me so much, and I... 356 00:13:04,141 --> 00:13:06,493 I can't imagine doing this without my sister. 357 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,529 I love you so much! Oh! 358 00:13:09,681 --> 00:13:11,623 Oh, boy. Somebody better blow up that pool, 359 00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:14,083 'cause I'm about to fill it with tears. 360 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,521 Uh, M-Mom, are-are... 361 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:21,615 -are you okay with this? -Oh. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 362 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:22,634 Are you sure? 363 00:13:22,827 --> 00:13:25,136 (nervous giggling) 364 00:13:25,329 --> 00:13:27,046 Okay. Uh, great. 365 00:13:27,198 --> 00:13:30,141 Let's go to Dad's closet and find a belt for you to bite on. 366 00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:32,869 -I love you both so much. -Yes, yes. 367 00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:34,479 -Love you. Yep, yep. -Yeah. That's great. 368 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:36,222 Hey, hey, I'm proud of you. 369 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,275 You said you'd support her and you did... (pained groan) 370 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:43,571 I think you actually drew a little blood. 371 00:13:50,572 --> 00:13:53,147 All right, here. 372 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,834 Whew! I can't believe it's finally done. 373 00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:59,729 Don't tell Ed, but that's the hardest I've worked in years. 374 00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:01,397 I'm sorry I got snippy with you. 375 00:14:01,457 --> 00:14:03,232 I had caffeine a few days ago, 376 00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,234 -and it's still buzzing around the old dome. -Yeah. 377 00:14:05,295 --> 00:14:09,013 Yeah, and I'm sorry I called you all those names. 378 00:14:09,206 --> 00:14:12,258 It was just in my head, but I still feel bad. 379 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,185 All right, let's try this thing out. 380 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,688 -Okay. -Voice activation is on. 381 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:20,066 -Yeah. -Rock-A-Tot, rock. 382 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,529 Let me try. (clears throat) 383 00:14:24,722 --> 00:14:27,156 Rock-A-Tot, rock. 384 00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:32,704 Rock-A-Tot, rock. 385 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,039 (sighs) What the hell? 386 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,875 What kind of Rock-A-Tot doesn't rock? 387 00:14:37,068 --> 00:14:40,044 -Oh, whoa, whoa, hey, there we go. -Oh, hey. 388 00:14:40,196 --> 00:14:41,954 -Oh, that's nice. -Okay. That is nice. 389 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,549 -Yeah, that's very nice. -Okay. All right. 390 00:14:44,742 --> 00:14:46,384 -Uh, uh... -Whoa. 391 00:14:46,577 --> 00:14:48,553 That's how the robot uprising begins. 392 00:14:48,704 --> 00:14:50,796 -(clattering) -Uh, Rock-A-Tot, stop! 393 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,782 Rock-A-Tot, calm the hell down! 394 00:14:52,842 --> 00:14:54,300 -Do something! -Well, I can't... 395 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,043 -I don't know what to do. -You... 396 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,120 You, get on the other... 397 00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:58,955 First... Okay, get this... 398 00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,139 (grunting) 399 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,958 Maybe there's a-a cross... 400 00:15:02,018 --> 00:15:03,926 Oh. Oh. 401 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:06,154 Oh. Okay, Rock... 402 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,315 -We killed it. -Yeah. 403 00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:12,076 All right. No baby should ever be in one of those, 404 00:15:12,269 --> 00:15:15,972 unless it gets a trophy for staying on for eight seconds. 405 00:15:16,032 --> 00:15:16,989 Gentlemen. 406 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,234 (sighs): I'm sorry, Ed. 407 00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,328 I saw the horror. 408 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,422 I think I have something that might help. 409 00:15:24,615 --> 00:15:27,333 -Excuse me. Here you go. -Oh. 410 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,427 Now, it won't win any tech awards, 411 00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:31,170 but I was drawn to the simplicity. 412 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,172 Oh, it's just a basinet. 413 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,507 ED: Mm-hmm. 414 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,176 No touch screen, no Wi-Fi. 415 00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:39,495 No demonic possession. 416 00:15:39,555 --> 00:15:41,664 We can return this damn machine 417 00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:43,516 and give the cash to Kyle and Mandy. 418 00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:44,943 -Yeah. -That is a great idea. 419 00:15:45,094 --> 00:15:46,502 They are gonna love this. 420 00:15:46,562 --> 00:15:48,971 In this thing, she'll sleep like a rock. 421 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:49,948 Mm. 422 00:15:50,141 --> 00:15:52,867 Oh, why'd you say that, Ed? 423 00:15:55,646 --> 00:15:57,847 It's not even plugged in! 424 00:15:57,865 --> 00:16:00,959 Go back to hell where you came from! 425 00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:03,336 (loud clattering) 426 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,798 ♪ 427 00:16:06,991 --> 00:16:08,541 -Hey. -Hi. 428 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,193 Got you a little gift. 429 00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:11,785 Oh, thank you. 430 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,729 Gosh, what do you get the woman who has everything 431 00:16:13,756 --> 00:16:17,976 except a place in the room where her daughter's giving birth? 432 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,554 It's, uh, merlot. 433 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,816 We can enjoy this bottle when Mandy and Kris 434 00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:28,635 and the witch doctor are done destroying our bedroom. 435 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,804 I know you're just trying to make me feel better. 436 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,306 Yeah, I'm the worst husband ever. 437 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,016 You know what, honey, don't patronize me. 438 00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:36,719 -What? -As the mother, I really should be in there. 439 00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:40,056 Everybody knows the order goes: the father and then the mother 440 00:16:40,158 --> 00:16:42,575 and then-- who gives a crap, because I would be in there. 441 00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:44,335 You know what I think? 442 00:16:44,528 --> 00:16:46,579 I think you and the merlot need to breathe. 443 00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:49,656 No, look, I was there when Kristin had her babies. 444 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:53,327 I kept her calm, I soothed her when she was nervous, 445 00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,513 and I should be there for Mandy, too. 446 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:56,848 You know, well, I think Kris is doing 447 00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,424 a lot of that stuff for Mandy. 448 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,260 Mandy feels, uh, protected when Kris is there. 449 00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:03,095 Yeah, but I would protect her. 450 00:17:03,248 --> 00:17:06,024 (sighs) You know what, you're better at the loving support. 451 00:17:06,217 --> 00:17:08,860 Kris-- she's more like a... 452 00:17:09,053 --> 00:17:11,029 like a biker. 453 00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:14,681 (sighs) Well, she has made her decision, 454 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:16,701 and I just have to live with it, so... 455 00:17:16,852 --> 00:17:18,761 Do you have to live with it? 456 00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:21,188 -I mean, you can keep it all inside, or... -I know, I know. 457 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,599 -KRISTIN: Mom? Dad? -BOTH: In here. 458 00:17:23,618 --> 00:17:24,934 Hey, uh, do you guys mind 459 00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:26,544 if I take some pictures of your bedroom? 460 00:17:26,737 --> 00:17:30,122 Sunshine wants to start preparing her vibe. 461 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,698 Hey, you want to mess with her head? 462 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,551 Take pictures of the bomb shelter downstairs. 463 00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:35,628 And actually, that's not a bad option, 464 00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:38,222 'cause you can't hear people screaming if you shut that door. 465 00:17:38,415 --> 00:17:40,541 Uh, sure, honey. A-And then, you know, 466 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,893 maybe we-we could talk a little bit about... 467 00:17:42,086 --> 00:17:44,620 -(phone ringing) -Oh. Uh, what a shock. Sunshine. 468 00:17:44,639 --> 00:17:46,564 -(laughs) Hang on. Sorry, Mom. -MIKE: Uh... 469 00:17:46,757 --> 00:17:48,316 Yeah? 470 00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:52,219 Oh, no, no, absolutely not. 471 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,647 Yes, I know, you're the midwife, 472 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,982 but Mandy-- you know, the woman having the baby-- 473 00:17:57,135 --> 00:17:59,468 she doesn't like your playlist, so we'll be going with hers. 474 00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:01,470 -Yeah. -Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 475 00:18:01,531 --> 00:18:04,340 No, no. You don't need to call her and talk it over. 476 00:18:04,342 --> 00:18:06,918 I am her big sister, and I say no. 477 00:18:07,111 --> 00:18:08,202 (whispers): Yeah. 478 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,797 Blessings to you as well. 479 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,908 Oh, throw a little shade on Sunshine. 480 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,744 No, no, no, she's okay. She just needs to be sorted out 481 00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,338 every now and again. 482 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,582 (sighs) I still can't believe I get to be 483 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,750 by Mandy's side when she has her baby. 484 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,494 Ah, I'm sorry, you were saying, Mom? 485 00:18:25,513 --> 00:18:26,938 You wanted to talk about what? 486 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:31,517 I think it is amazing... 487 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,353 amazing how you're taking care of your sister 488 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,355 and you are keeping her safe. It really... 489 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,524 really is wonderful. 490 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:42,286 Mm, I'm just trying to give her what you gave me, lady. 491 00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:44,455 You know what, that, that was an experience 492 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,458 that I will treasure forever. 493 00:18:47,651 --> 00:18:50,777 And... if I can't be in the room with Mandy, 494 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,874 then I, I am really glad that she gets to share this with you. 495 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,134 (laughs) 496 00:18:56,327 --> 00:18:58,619 Thank you. 497 00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,971 Oh. 498 00:19:00,164 --> 00:19:01,139 Dad? 499 00:19:01,332 --> 00:19:02,789 You okay? 500 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,142 (hoarse voice): Yeah. 501 00:19:04,335 --> 00:19:08,187 I was just thinking about that mattress. 502 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,632 You take good care of my little girl. 503 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:15,695 Oh, don't worry, there is no ass I will not kick for Mandy. 504 00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:20,716 And she made a New Age witch cry. 505 00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:23,052 Kristin said she'd kick ass for me? 506 00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:25,888 She sure did. I had to clean up the language a little bit. 507 00:19:25,948 --> 00:19:28,315 Them bikers are salty. 508 00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,393 Hey, guys. Hey, I know we didn't have 509 00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:32,336 a playdate scheduled, but something came up. 510 00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:34,505 Can Evelyn stay and play with Sarah for a bit? 511 00:19:34,657 --> 00:19:36,007 Is that all right with you? 512 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,917 Of course. 513 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:40,569 I want those angels to play together 514 00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:44,223 the rest of their lives, just like me and you did. 515 00:19:47,578 --> 00:19:50,104 I'm not telling that story again. 516 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,422 Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man, 517 00:19:59,482 --> 00:20:01,440 where we offer free courses on hunter safety, 518 00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:03,367 mountain climbing safety, boater safety. 519 00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:04,702 I'm sure you're thinking, 520 00:20:04,895 --> 00:20:07,038 "That's pretty generous of Outdoor Man." 521 00:20:07,231 --> 00:20:09,615 But you know what, truth is, we've learned over the years, 522 00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:12,192 dead customers tend to buy a lot less gear. 523 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,453 -(bear growls) -So we do our best to make sure 524 00:20:14,605 --> 00:20:16,288 everyone who ventures into the outdoors 525 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,457 makes it back indoors. 526 00:20:18,609 --> 00:20:20,051 -Preferably with good credit. -(coins jingle) 527 00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,944 And just like our store is committed 528 00:20:21,963 --> 00:20:23,537 to protecting its customers, 529 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,723 as parents, our number-one job is to protect our kids. 530 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,451 From the moment they're born, we spring into high alert, 531 00:20:28,511 --> 00:20:30,377 on the lookout for choking hazards, 532 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,956 sharp corners and, oof, public television. 533 00:20:34,016 --> 00:20:35,882 Man, it's exhausting. 534 00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,718 But if you raise your kids right, 535 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,904 you'll get to enjoy the passing of the baton 536 00:20:40,097 --> 00:20:42,798 as they start taking care of each other. 537 00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:44,633 If you raise them wrong, 538 00:20:44,652 --> 00:20:47,470 they'll be striking each other over the head with that baton. 539 00:20:47,488 --> 00:20:49,488 Now, it can be a little bittersweet 540 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,732 when your kids take on responsibilities 541 00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:53,492 you've always fulfilled. 542 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,662 Like, "Hey, maybe they don't need us anymore." 543 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,740 Or you could look at it like this. 544 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,760 (chuckles): "Hey, they don't need us anymore!" 545 00:21:02,911 --> 00:21:04,503 Baxter out. 546 00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:05,671 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 547 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,098 and TOYOTA. 548 00:21:07,249 --> 00:21:09,008 (chicken clucks) 549 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,768 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org