1 00:00:08,567 --> 00:00:12,200 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:14,467 [door unlocks] 3 00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:19,000 - [exhales] 4 00:00:19,033 --> 00:00:20,667 - EVERYTHING OKAY, STUART? 5 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:24,233 - [clears throat] I'M HOLDING. 6 00:00:24,267 --> 00:00:26,133 I'M CARRYING! 7 00:00:26,167 --> 00:00:29,233 - YOU TRYING TO TELL US YOU'RE PREGNANT? 8 00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:32,767 'CAUSE IF ANY GUY COULD DO IT-- - NO. NO, NO. 9 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:37,133 I SCORED SOME MARIJUANA. - OH! HO-HO-HO! 10 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,967 SO WHO'S YOUR CONNECTION? - UH, MY PATIENT, 11 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,233 OLD MAN FINKLESTEIN. HE TAKES IT FOR HIS GLAUCOMA. 12 00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:43,633 - MM. 13 00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:46,467 - NICE! CALIFORNIA KUSH. 14 00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:52,867 THAT OLD POTHEAD FINKLESTEIN REALLY KNOWS HIS YUM-YUM. 15 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:56,700 - YOU SEEM TO KNOW IT TOO, CHEECH. 16 00:00:56,733 --> 00:01:02,300 - WELL, BACK IN THE DAY, I ENJOYED THE OCCASIONAL TOKE. 17 00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:05,933 POT WAS A STAPLE ON THE PRO BOWLER'S TOUR, 18 00:01:05,967 --> 00:01:10,433 ALONG WITH MILKY WAYS AND PLUS-SIZED WOMEN. 19 00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:14,900 - WELL, LISTEN, I'VE, UH-- I'VE NEVER DONE POT BEFORE. 20 00:01:14,933 --> 00:01:19,200 YOU THINK IT'S TIME FOR STU-DOG TO, UH--[inhales] 21 00:01:19,233 --> 00:01:23,700 PUFF THE DRAGON? - I THINK IT'S WAY OVERDUE. 22 00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:26,933 - SO WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? 23 00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:30,733 LET'S SPARK UP A FATTY! - EH, HOLD IT--HOLD IT. 24 00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:32,400 THE SMOKE TICKLES MY NOSE, AND THE SMELL WILL STAY 25 00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:34,300 IN THE THROW CUSHIONS FOR MONTHS. 26 00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:39,100 - IT'S LIKE GETTING HIGH WITH MARTHA STEWART. 27 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,567 - FINE. WE'LL MAKE POT BROWNIES. 28 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:45,367 - OH, GOOD IDEA! WE'LL INGEST IT. 29 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,100 ALTHOUGH BROWNIES ARE A LITTLE PEDESTRIAN. 30 00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:48,600 OH! I GOT IT! I GOT IT. 31 00:01:48,633 --> 00:01:50,133 THERE'S A SPINACH FRITTATA RECIPE 32 00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:51,167 I'VE BEEN DYING TO TRY. 33 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,267 MMM. PARTY ON. 34 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:56,900 [upbeat music] 35 00:01:56,933 --> 00:02:00,600 - * JUST CALL US THE EXES 36 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:05,067 - GOOD MORNING! 37 00:02:05,067 --> 00:02:06,700 - AH, HOLLY, THANKS AGAIN 38 00:02:06,733 --> 00:02:09,100 FOR INSISTING I STAY HERE UNTIL I HAVE THE BABY. 39 00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:12,800 - ANYTHING FOR YOU, MY PREGGY LITTLE ROOMMATE. 40 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:16,667 EDEN, IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU WANT, JUST ASK FOR IT 41 00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:18,400 BECAUSE I AM IN A GREAT MOOD. 42 00:02:18,433 --> 00:02:20,467 MY SISTER JILL IS COMING FOR A VISIT. 43 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,867 - UGH! LITTLE MISS PERFECT? 44 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,667 THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS SHOVING HER INCREDIBLE LIFE 45 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,567 IN YOUR FACE? - MM-HMM. 46 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:27,900 THAT'S THE ONE. 47 00:02:27,933 --> 00:02:31,067 SHE'S IN TOWN TO SEE THE FLOWER SHOW. 48 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:33,400 OH, AND SHE ALWAYS GIVES ME THIS LOOK THAT SAYS, 49 00:02:33,433 --> 00:02:36,900 "POOR HOLLY, YOUR LIFE IS SO SAD AND EMPTY." 50 00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:41,800 - AND IT'S NOT, RIGHT? 51 00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:44,267 - OF COURSE IT'S NOT! 52 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,133 I HAVE AN AWESOME NEW BOYFRIEND. 53 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,800 SO FOR ONCE, SHE WON'T BE GIVING ME THE "POOR HOLLY" LOOK. 54 00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:50,267 [laughs] [phone chimes] 55 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:53,200 OOH! MY BOYFRIEND PAUL JUST TEXTED. 56 00:02:53,233 --> 00:02:54,667 OH, I CAN'T-- I DON'T HAVE MY GLASSES. 57 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,067 CAN YOU READ IT FOR ME? - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 58 00:02:56,067 --> 00:02:59,700 - THANKS. 59 00:02:59,733 --> 00:03:01,433 READ IT OUT LOUD. 60 00:03:01,467 --> 00:03:04,733 - UM, I DON'T WANT TO. 61 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,200 - EDEN, WHAT DOES IT SAY? 62 00:03:07,233 --> 00:03:09,400 - PAUL HAD TO RUSH OUT OF TOWN. 63 00:03:09,433 --> 00:03:11,767 - WHAT? WHY? 64 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,733 - HIS 103-YEAR-OLD AUNT JUST DIED. 65 00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:17,200 PLEASE DON'T HURT ME. I'M SMALL AND PREGNANT. 66 00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:19,367 - SO I CAN'T SHOW OFF MY NEW BOYFRIEND 67 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,267 JUST BECAUSE SOME SELFISH BAG OF BONES PICKS THIS WEEKEND 68 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,067 TO HAVE A DIRT NAP? 69 00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:26,700 - I WOULD LOVE TO STAY AND BE SUPPORTIVE, 70 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:30,333 BUT THE BABY WANTS TO GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE. 71 00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:34,900 - [groans] 72 00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:37,933 [knock on door] 73 00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:44,400 - [gasps] - JILL! 74 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:48,667 - HOLLY! SO GREAT TO SEE YOU! - MM-HMM. 75 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,100 - AW, I'VE INTERRUPTED YOUR BREAKFAST. 76 00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:53,767 YOUR GREAT, BIG ONE. - [sighs] 77 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,767 JILL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET 78 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,200 AT YOUR HOTEL LATER. 79 00:03:57,233 --> 00:03:59,300 - WELL, I GOT AN EARLY START. 80 00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:01,700 DID MY POWER WALK, HAD A PROTEIN SMOOTHIE, 81 00:04:01,733 --> 00:04:03,333 PICKED UP SOME CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. 82 00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:05,067 YOU KNOW, IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY. 83 00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:06,733 - MM. - AND [clears throat] I THOUGHT, 84 00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:09,633 WELL, "HOLLY MUST BE UP BY NOW." 85 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,867 AND YOU KINDA ARE. 86 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:17,233 SO, HOLLY, TELL ME, HOW ARE YOU? 87 00:04:17,267 --> 00:04:20,400 - I'M GREAT. FABULOUS. NEVER BEEN BETTER. 88 00:04:20,433 --> 00:04:23,400 - NO, REALLY. 89 00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:25,133 HOW ARE YOU? 90 00:04:25,167 --> 00:04:27,633 EVER SINCE MOM TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR EX-FIANCE CHEATING 91 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:32,100 ON YOU, ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS "POOR HOLLY." 92 00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:34,467 - NO, NO, NO, NO. HAPPY HOLLY. 93 00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:37,400 I-I TOLD YOU ON THE PHONE I HAVE AN AWESOME NEW BOYFRIEND. 94 00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:40,267 - RIGHT! CAN'T WAIT TO MEET HIM! 95 00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:41,400 - ABOUT THAT... 96 00:04:41,433 --> 00:04:43,833 UM, UNFORTUNATELY, HE HAD TO DASH 97 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,400 OUT OF TOWN UNEXPECTEDLY. 98 00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:50,400 - OF COURSE HE DID. HUG? 99 00:04:50,433 --> 00:04:54,600 - NO HUG. I'M TELLING YOU, I HAVE SOMEONE IN MY LIFE. 100 00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:58,600 - HOLLY, WE'RE OUT OF BODY WASH. 101 00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:01,567 - EDEN, THIS IS MY SISTER JILL. - HI, HI. 102 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,733 I HAVE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU. 103 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,067 - AND I HAVE HEARD NOTHING 104 00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:07,633 ABOUT YOU, EDEN. 105 00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:09,067 YOU LIVE HERE? 106 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,533 - YEAH, YEAH. HOLLY INSISTED, ME BEING KNOCKED UP AND ALL. 107 00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:15,233 OH, HOLLY, THAT REMINDS ME: 108 00:05:15,267 --> 00:05:17,400 I WAS ABLE TO BOOK THAT LAMAZE CLASS ON SUNDAY. 109 00:05:17,433 --> 00:05:19,200 IT'S IN THE WEST VILLAGE, SO I'M SURE 110 00:05:19,233 --> 00:05:21,067 WE WON'T BE THE ONLY GIRL-GIRL TEAM. 111 00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,900 - [laughs] 112 00:05:22,933 --> 00:05:26,267 - OH, MY GOD. 113 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,933 HOLLY, YOU'RE GAY. 114 00:05:27,967 --> 00:05:33,333 - WHAT? - HELLO! 115 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,767 - IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. 116 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:36,900 WHEN WE WERE KIDS, 117 00:05:36,933 --> 00:05:40,533 ALL OF THE MARTINA NAVRATILOVA POSTERS. 118 00:05:40,567 --> 00:05:44,367 - SHE WAS A WORLD-CLASS ATHLETE. - MM. 119 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,733 - LISTEN, JILL-- - HOLLS. 120 00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:52,333 I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD OF YOU. 121 00:05:52,367 --> 00:05:53,900 - WAIT--WAIT, WHAT? 122 00:05:53,933 --> 00:05:57,100 - YOU'RE LIVING YOUR LIFE OPENLY, ON YOUR OWN TERMS. 123 00:05:57,133 --> 00:06:02,267 AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU'RE HAVING A BABY! 124 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,667 HOLLY, I'M IN AWE OF YOU. 125 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:06,067 - YOU'RE IN AWE OF ME? 126 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,800 - UH, JILL, I THINK 127 00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:13,633 THERE'S SOMETHING HOLLS NEEDS TO TELL YOU. [laughs] 128 00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:15,833 - SHE'S RIGHT, JILL. 129 00:06:15,867 --> 00:06:17,567 EDEN AND I ARE... 130 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,367 CRAZY STUPID IN LOVE. 131 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,533 - UM... [giggles] 132 00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:31,967 [upbeat music] 133 00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:33,900 - YEAH. [snickering] 134 00:06:33,933 --> 00:06:37,067 - YEAH, YOU REALIZE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 135 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:40,300 THAT WE'RE ALL GETTING HIGH TOGETHER. 136 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,967 MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD SAY A FEW WORDS. 137 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:46,333 - OH, I WILL! I WILL! STOP TALKING. 138 00:06:46,367 --> 00:06:50,333 - SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE. 139 00:06:50,367 --> 00:06:52,800 [knocks on door] 140 00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:55,667 SWEET CHRISTMAS! IS THAT THE PO-PO? 141 00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:01,667 - LISTEN, I'M ONLY GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS ONCE. 142 00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:04,367 EDEN AND I ARE LOVERS, AND MY SISTER IS TAKING US 143 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,833 OUT TO DINNER TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF OUR LOVE CHILD. 144 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,300 - THIS STUFF IS AWESOME. 145 00:07:17,767 --> 00:07:21,433 - I GOT CAUGHT IN THIS STUPID LIE WITH MY SISTER, 146 00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:23,100 AND I-I'M GOING TO TELL HER THE TRUTH TONIGHT, 147 00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:25,500 BUT I NEED YOU GUYS THERE FOR MORAL SUPPORT. 148 00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:27,067 - YOU GOT IT. - YEAH, WE'LL BE THERE! 149 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:28,733 - ALL RIGHT, GREAT. WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 150 00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:31,800 - NOT POT! 151 00:07:31,833 --> 00:07:35,600 [upbeat music] 152 00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:38,233 - WOW! LOOK AT ALL THE WOMEN HERE! 153 00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:40,167 IT MUST BE LADIES' NIGHT! 154 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,667 - I THINK EVERY NIGHT HERE IS LADIES' NIGHT. 155 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:47,400 THIS IS A LESBIAN BAR. - OH! 156 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:51,100 THAT EXPLAINS THE NEON VAGINA OUT FRONT. 157 00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:53,500 - THERE'S MY AWESOME SISTER. - OH! 158 00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:55,400 - YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY MAMA. 159 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,500 - THAT'S US! [giggles] 160 00:07:57,533 --> 00:07:59,500 - HOPE YOU GUYS HAVEN'T BEEN HERE BEFORE. 161 00:07:59,533 --> 00:08:00,900 CONCIERGE AT MY HOTEL SAID 162 00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:02,833 THIS IS THE HIPPEST KITTY-CAT SHACK IN TOWN. 163 00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:05,433 CHECK ME OUT WITH THE JARGON. - YEAH. 164 00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:07,967 - LOOK, I GOT US A TABLE. - OKAY. 165 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,300 - [clears throat] UH, DEAR? - OH, YES, OF COURSE. 166 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,200 - THIS ONE. 167 00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:13,567 LUCKILY, WHAT SHE LACKS IN ETIQUETTE, 168 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,267 SHE MAKES UP IN OTHER DEPARTMENTS. [snickers] 169 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:19,533 - [gasps] 170 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:24,233 - [laughs] 171 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:25,667 WHERE ARE WE, MAN? 172 00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:29,600 - WELL, CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT IT'S ALL WOMEN, 173 00:08:29,633 --> 00:08:31,800 AND WE'RE THE ONLY GUYS HERE, 174 00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:36,733 I WOULD SAY THAT THIS IS THE GREATEST BAR IN THE WORLD. 175 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:41,167 - YEAH, JACKPOT. 176 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,800 - HEY. HEY. 177 00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:46,467 HOW AMAZING WAS THAT TAXI RIDE? 178 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,567 WE STARTED IN ONE PLACE AND ENDED UP IN ANOTHER! 179 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,633 WE WERE THERE, AND NOW WE'RE HERE! 180 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:55,467 - [laughs] 181 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,200 YEAH, THIS POND IS STOCKED. IT'S GONNA BE EASY. 182 00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,700 CHECK ME OUT. 183 00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:02,400 HEY, GIRL. 184 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:05,667 HEY, SWEETHEART, WHAT'S GOING ON? 185 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:07,500 - YOU'RE SERIOUSLY HITTING ON ME? 186 00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:08,500 - MM-HMM. 187 00:09:08,533 --> 00:09:10,500 - TRUST ME, THERE ARE NO WOMEN HERE 188 00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:13,500 THAT ARE INTERESTED IN YOU. 189 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:16,200 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? 190 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,667 - HI. - YES, I AM. 191 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:26,100 - [giggles] I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 192 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,800 NOTHING BUT LIPSTICKS OUT TONIGHT. 193 00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:31,567 - YEAH, THE ONLY WOMAN I SEE IS THE ONE STANDING 194 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,467 RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. 195 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,100 - RIGHT BACK AT YA. 196 00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:39,267 - HMM. 197 00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:42,267 PFFT! [giggles] 198 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:45,700 [laughter] 199 00:09:45,733 --> 00:09:48,667 - WOW, HOW COOL IS THIS? 200 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:51,600 IF I WERE HOME RIGHT NOW, I'D BE IN BED PLAYING SUDOKU 201 00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,700 AND POKING BARRY TO STOP SNORING. 202 00:09:53,733 --> 00:09:57,367 - SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT MY LIFE IS MORE EXCITING THAN YOURS? 203 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,833 - COME ON, LOOK AT YOU TWO. 204 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:03,033 I ALMOST FORGOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO BE IN LOVE. 205 00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:04,667 I'M SO JEALOUS. 206 00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:07,167 - YOU'RE JEALOUS OF ME? 207 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,500 - HOLLY, ISN'T THERE SOMETHING YOU WANTED TO TELL JILL? 208 00:10:09,533 --> 00:10:13,500 - NO, I'M GOOD. 209 00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:17,533 - HEY, UH, CUTE STUFF, YOU WANNA--CHIK-CHIKA--DANCE? 210 00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:22,900 - ME? UH, NO, I'M WITH MY LADY. [chuckles] 211 00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,367 - OH, NOW, DON'T BE SILLY. GO, HAVE FUN-- 212 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,633 - OH, I DON'T KNOW. - YOU HEARD HER. 213 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:27,633 LET'S DO THIS. - OH, MY--OW! 214 00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:32,700 - COME ON! 215 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,867 - MMM, I LIKE YOUR BURLY ARMS. 216 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:40,300 - I GET THAT FROM MY MOTHER'S SIDE. 217 00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,700 - WHOA! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT AGAINST MY HIP? 218 00:10:42,733 --> 00:10:44,600 - I GET THAT FROM MY FATHER'S SIDE. 219 00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:47,833 - OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE A GUY? 220 00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:50,200 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING AT A LESBIAN CLUB? 221 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:54,400 - LESBIAN CLUB? 222 00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:01,067 - HOW'S IT GOING? I'M STACEY. 223 00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:05,067 - I'M...HAZEL. 224 00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,800 - MM. - [laughs] 225 00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:17,900 - OH, LOOK AT HER OUT THERE. SO FREE! 226 00:11:17,933 --> 00:11:22,100 PLAYING BY HER OWN RULES. 227 00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:26,333 ME, I'VE ALWAYS LIVED IN A STIFLING LITTLE BOX. 228 00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:28,400 LATELY, IT'S BEEN MORE LIKE A PRISON. 229 00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,900 - YOU OKAY THERE, JILL? 230 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:36,167 - NO, I'VE GOT TO STOP KIDDING MYSELF. 231 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,067 BARRY AND I AREN'T A REAL COUPLE, 232 00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,467 NOT LIKE YOU AND HOLLY. 233 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:42,500 I MEAN, WE HAVEN'T BEEN A REAL COUPLE FOR YEARS. 234 00:11:42,533 --> 00:11:45,200 WE'RE JUST TWO PEOPLE SHARING THE SAME HOUSE. 235 00:11:45,233 --> 00:11:49,200 - OOH, AH! GEE. 236 00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:51,967 AH. 237 00:11:54,967 --> 00:11:57,867 WELL, THAT WAS UNSETTLING. 238 00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:00,300 [sighs] SO HOW ARE THINGS OVER HERE? 239 00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:03,433 - HOLLY, WATCHING YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE 240 00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:07,867 HAS MADE ME REALIZE I'VE GOT TO START LIVING MINE. 241 00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,833 WHEN I GET HOME, I'M TELLING BARRY 242 00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:11,600 OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER. 243 00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:13,633 - WHAT? 244 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,800 [upbeat music] 245 00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:28,567 - LISTEN, JILL, NOW THAT YOU'VE SLEPT ON IT, 246 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,900 YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING A DIVORCE. 247 00:12:30,933 --> 00:12:34,067 - HOLLY, I TOLD YOU, MY MARRIAGE IS OVER. 248 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:35,833 I FINALLY HAVE THE COURAGE TO END IT, 249 00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:37,367 AND I OWE IT TO YOU. 250 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,967 - LOOK, JILL, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW. 251 00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:41,767 EDEN AND I ARE JUST-- [knocks on door] 252 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:46,667 WHO IS IT? - IT'S YOUR MOTHER! 253 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,700 - UGH, WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE? 254 00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:51,200 DID YOU CALL HER? - OF COURSE I DIDN'T CALL HER. 255 00:12:51,233 --> 00:12:52,833 - DO NOT TELL HER I'M GETTING DIVORCED. 256 00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:55,800 - DON'T TELL HER I'M A LESBIAN. 257 00:12:55,833 --> 00:12:57,233 HI. 258 00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:59,267 - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO GET TO THE DOOR? 259 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,600 THIS PLACE ISN'T EXACTLY VERSAILLES. 260 00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:04,300 [gasps] THERE'S MY JILLY. 261 00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:06,700 [gasps] I LOVE THAT COLOR ON YOU. 262 00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:08,300 - OH, THANKS, MOM. - OOH. 263 00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:12,700 AND, HOLLY, THAT EYE SHADOW MAKES YOU LOOK ANGRY. 264 00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:16,333 - THANKS, MOM. SO WHAT YOU DOING HERE? 265 00:13:16,367 --> 00:13:18,833 - WELL, HOW OFTEN DO MY TWO GIRLS GET TOGETHER? 266 00:13:18,867 --> 00:13:23,867 I CASHED IN SOME MILES, AND NOW IT'S A THREESOME. 267 00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:25,800 I MISSED YOU, JILL. 268 00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,833 - I MISSED YOU TOO, MOM. 269 00:13:27,867 --> 00:13:31,700 - SERIOUSLY? Y-YOU SEE HER EVERY DAY. 270 00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:33,167 YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME IN, LIKE, FOUR MONTHS. 271 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,633 - DON'T BE SO SENSITIVE! 272 00:13:35,667 --> 00:13:36,967 I MISSED YOU TOO. 273 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,933 I'M JUST USED TO HAVING JILL AROUND. 274 00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:44,133 OH, JILL, BEFORE I FORGET, THE CLUB NEWSLETTER CAME, AND-- 275 00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:45,900 [sighs] - [gasps] 276 00:13:45,933 --> 00:13:48,167 - SHE AND BARRY WON THE MIXED DOUBLES 277 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,400 TENNIS TOURNAMENT. 278 00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:52,200 HOW AMAZING IS THAT? 279 00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:54,533 - YOU DO REALIZE THAT I'M A PARTNER 280 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,233 IN A LAW FIRM THIS YEAR. 281 00:13:56,267 --> 00:14:01,233 - HONEY, WHY MUST EVERYTHING BE A COMPETITION? 282 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,767 - MY POINT IS IT'S IMPRESSIVE 283 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,633 HOW JILL JUGGLES THE KIDS, THE GARDEN CLUB, 284 00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:11,500 HER CHARITY WORK, AND A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE. 285 00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:13,133 HINT, HINT. - MM. 286 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:16,067 - I'VE FOUND THE KEY IS TIME MANAGEMENT. 287 00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:18,067 HOLLY, I'D BE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU SOME TIPS. 288 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:22,267 - JILL'S GETTING A DIVORCE. - WHAT? 289 00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:26,200 - HOLLY'S A LESBIAN, AND SHE'S HAVING A BABY! 290 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,867 - OH, MY GOD! 291 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:32,167 YOU'RE GETTING A DIVORCE? 292 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,300 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 293 00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:34,567 YOU JUST FOUND OUT THAT I'M GAY, 294 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,567 AND I'M HAVING A BABY. 295 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,367 WHERE'S MY "OH, MY GOD"? 296 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,600 - LET'S DEAL WITH THE SHOCKING NEWS FIRST. 297 00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:43,333 JILL? 298 00:14:43,367 --> 00:14:47,967 - MOM, I'M NOT GETTING A DIVORCE. 299 00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:49,867 I DO NOT KNOW WHERE SHE GOT THAT IDEA. 300 00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:51,200 - WHAT? 301 00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:53,967 - OH, WOW, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT TIME. 302 00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,500 I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE FLOWER SHOW. 303 00:14:56,533 --> 00:15:00,400 CATCH YOU LATER, BYE. 304 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,700 - WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU MAKE UP A STORY 305 00:15:02,733 --> 00:15:03,967 LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER? 306 00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:05,600 - I'M NOT MAKING ANYTHING UP, MOM. 307 00:15:05,633 --> 00:15:07,667 OKAY, I'M NOT A LESBIAN, I'M NOT A LIAR, 308 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:09,167 AND I'M NOT HAVING A BABY. 309 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:13,633 - HOLLY, THE GAY BAR CALLED. 310 00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:16,400 YOU LEFT YOUR JACKET ON THE DANCE FLOOR. 311 00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:24,667 [upbeat music] 312 00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:27,133 - HI, JILL. 313 00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:30,067 - HOLLY, THE FLOWER SHOW WAS AMAZING. 314 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:32,067 I PICKED UP SOME INCREDIBLE AZALEAS 315 00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,100 FOR BARRY TO PLANT AROUND THE GAZEBO. 316 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,633 - WHAT'S WITH THE ACT? 317 00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:37,067 I MEAN, WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID? 318 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:40,133 UNTIL MOM GOT HERE, YOU WERE GETTING A DIVORCE. 319 00:15:40,167 --> 00:15:43,133 YOU'RE JUST AFRAID TO TELL HER. 320 00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:45,767 - AND YOU'RE AFRAID TO TELL HER YOU'RE GAY. 321 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,767 - I'M NOT GAY. - AND I'M NOT GETTING DIVORCED. 322 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:49,767 - NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 323 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,267 I LOVE MEN. - AND I LOVE BARRY. 324 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,600 - STOP IT. 325 00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:55,067 EDEN AND I ARE NOT A COUPLE. 326 00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:57,700 EDEN IS MY ASSISTANT, AND SHE'S STAYING AT MY APARTMENT 327 00:15:57,733 --> 00:15:59,300 UNTIL SHE HAS HER BABY. 328 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:01,233 - WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME? 329 00:16:01,267 --> 00:16:03,267 - BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE EVER LOOKED AT ME 330 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,433 WITH ADMIRATION. - THAT'S NOT TRUE. 331 00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:06,433 - YEAH, IT IS. 332 00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:09,533 [chuckles] WHEN IT COMES TO MOM, 333 00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:11,633 YOU ARE THE PRINCESS WHO COULD DO NO WRONG, 334 00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:14,533 AND I WAS... SHREK. 335 00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:18,167 - WELL, YOU THINK IT'S BEEN EASY FOR ME TRYING TO LIVE UP 336 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,433 TO MOM'S EXPECTATIONS? 337 00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:21,967 THE MORE OF A TRAIN WRECK YOU ARE, 338 00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,233 THE MORE SHE DUMPED HER HOPES ON ME. 339 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:28,600 - CAN WE GET SOME ALCOHOL OVER HERE? 340 00:16:28,633 --> 00:16:30,267 JILL, YOU HAVE TO TELL HER THE TRUTH. 341 00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:31,567 - I CAN'T. 342 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,633 - YOU'RE GONNA GO UP THERE, 343 00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:33,867 AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL HER THE TRUTH, 344 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,467 AND I'M GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU. 345 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,367 - REALLY? - MM-HMM. 346 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:38,700 - YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF MOM? 347 00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:40,400 - PLEASE. 348 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,467 I'M A GROWN WOMAN, PARTNER IN A LAW FIRM. 349 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,333 YOU THINK I'M AFRAID OF MY MOMMY? 350 00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:49,233 WHAT'S KEEPING THE ALCOHOL? 351 00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:52,233 [upbeat music] 352 00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:53,433 * 353 00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,867 - GOOD AFTERNOON, GENTS. 354 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,933 I WOULD LOVE TO STAY AND CHAT, 355 00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:11,333 BUT I HAVE A DATE WITH MY NEW LADY FRIEND. 356 00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,800 - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THE ONE FROM LAST NIGHT? 357 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,267 SHE THINKS YOU'RE A WOMAN. 358 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,733 - THAT SHE DOES. 359 00:17:18,767 --> 00:17:19,867 SO IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 360 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:22,100 HAZEL'S OFF TO MEET HER NEW GAL PAL 361 00:17:22,133 --> 00:17:25,167 AT THE BATTING CAGES. 362 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,133 [husky voice] TA-TA, BOYS. 363 00:17:28,167 --> 00:17:29,733 [door shuts] 364 00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:33,133 - IF THAT'S NOT AN ANTI-DRUG MESSAGE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS. 365 00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:36,100 [knocks on door] - I GOT IT. 366 00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:42,100 HEY, MRS. FRANKLIN. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN TOWN. 367 00:17:42,133 --> 00:17:44,333 HELLO, PHIL. THANK YOU. 368 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:46,067 HAVE YOU SEEN MY DAUGHTERS? 369 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:49,967 - UH, NO, I HAVEN'T. SORRY. - UGH. 370 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:53,133 - SO HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? 371 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,667 - HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? 372 00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,967 - I'VE BEEN BETTER. 373 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,433 - I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE. 374 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,900 - REALLY? 375 00:18:10,933 --> 00:18:14,233 - OH, YEAH. REALLY. 376 00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,533 - ALL RIGHT. 377 00:18:15,567 --> 00:18:16,900 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT. 378 00:18:16,933 --> 00:18:18,933 - OKAY, THEN. - OKAY. 379 00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:22,067 - MOM, WHAT'S GOING ON? - NOTHING. 380 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:25,267 - AW, I WOULDN'T CALL IT NOTHING. [laughs] 381 00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,467 I'M BACK, BABY. 382 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:29,767 [laughs] THANKS, MISS FRANKLIN. 383 00:18:31,533 --> 00:18:32,700 - MOM? 384 00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:35,067 MOM, JILL HAS SOMETHING SHE'D LIKE TO TELL YOU. 385 00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:36,433 - UGH. 386 00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:39,067 - WHAT IS IT, JILL? - [clears throat] 387 00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,500 MOM... 388 00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:46,400 I BOUGHT A BONSAI TREE AT THE FLOWER SHOW 389 00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:50,233 THAT I AM GOING TO SCULPT INTO YOUR LIKENESS. 390 00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:52,300 - OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. SHE'S GETTING A DIVORCE. 391 00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:54,833 - NO, SHE'S NOT. WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? 392 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,867 WHY DOES SHE KEEP SAYING THAT? 393 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,500 - BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. 394 00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:01,967 - WHAT? 395 00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:04,233 YOU AND BARRY ARE REALLY GETTING DIVORCED? 396 00:19:04,267 --> 00:19:07,067 - YES. 397 00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:10,167 - WHAT DID YOU DO? - ME? 398 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,533 - ALL I KNOW IS MY DAUGHTER CAME HERE 399 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,933 A HAPPILY MARRIED, MIXED DOUBLES CHAMPION. 400 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:15,467 WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED? 401 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:16,867 - NOTHING HAPPENED. 402 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,467 SHE'S BEEN MISERABLE FOR YEARS. 403 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,233 SHE'S JUST BEEN TO AFRAID TO TELL YOU. 404 00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:25,100 - WH--I SEE YOU EVERY DAY. 405 00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:27,800 HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME YOU WERE SO UNHAPPY? 406 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,567 - BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M PERFECT, 407 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,900 AND I DIDN'T WANNA DISAPPOINT YOU. 408 00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:34,367 - YEAH, THAT'S MY JOB. 409 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,800 - OH, I SEE. 410 00:19:35,833 --> 00:19:37,467 SO THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. 411 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:40,067 WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, BLAME THE MOTHER. 412 00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,100 DID YOU EVER SEE ME 413 00:19:41,133 --> 00:19:43,767 BLAMING MY MOTHER FOR ANY OF MY PROBLEMS? 414 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,167 - WELL, YOU DIDN'T GO TO HER FUNERAL. 415 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,733 - THAT WAS DIFFERENT. IT WAS OVER MONEY. 416 00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:50,233 I-I DON'T GET IT. 417 00:19:50,267 --> 00:19:52,367 THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE, YOU WERE TOO AFRAID 418 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,967 TO TELL ME YOUR ENGAGEMENT WAS OVER, 419 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,700 AND NOW, YOU'RE TOO AFRAID TO TELL ME YOUR MARRIAGE IS. 420 00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:58,967 - WELL, STARTING TO SEE A PATTERN HERE, MOM? 421 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,400 - YEAH, YOU TWO STINK AT RELATIONSHIPS. 422 00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:06,933 AND MAYBE... 423 00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:10,933 I'M NOT SO EASY TO TALK TO. 424 00:20:10,967 --> 00:20:13,033 WHAT DO YOU SAY I TAKE MY DAUGHTERS TO DINNER 425 00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:15,467 AND DO A LITTLE LISTENING? 426 00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:19,233 - MM, I'D LIKE THAT. [sighs] 427 00:20:19,267 --> 00:20:22,300 - ME TOO. 428 00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:24,433 AND, MOM, YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW 429 00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:26,400 I HAVE AN INCREDIBLE NEW BOYFRIEND. 430 00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:27,833 GOOD FOR YOU, HONEY. 431 00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:31,267 YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. 432 00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:35,233 IF YOU REALLY WANNA KEEP HIM, LOSE THE EYE SHADOW. 433 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,167 - YEAH. 434 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,800 - * ACME 435 00:21:10,833 --> 00:21:11,833 - [whistles]