- HASKELL, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY PHONE.
MY EMAILS ARE BLURRY.
- LET ME HAVE A LOOK-SEE.
AH, I FOUND THE PROBLEM.
YOU'RE OLD.
YOU NEED GLASSES.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
MY EYES ARE PERFECT. THEY'RE JUST TIRED.
- PHIL, THERE'S NO NEED TO GET DEFENSIVE.
WE'RE ALL GETTING OLDER.
- SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!
SHOOT, I'M THE SAME GUY I WAS 20 YEARS AGO.
HELLO. CHECK HER OUT.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HER HERE BEFORE.
- MAYBE SHE'S ON A FIELD TRIP, AND SHE STOPPED IN
TO USE THE POTTY.
- SOMEONE'S OVERCOMPENSATING.
COME ON, PHIL, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE OLD FOR HER?
- WHY DON'T WE LET HER BE THE JUDGE OF THAT?
- OKAY, BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO BACK OFF
IF SHE YELLS "STRANGER DANGER!"
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR DINNER?
- SURPRISE ME.
- DO YOU HEAR US, HASKELL?
IT'S THE SAME CONVERSATION EVERY NIGHT.
I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY MIND.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SCREAM OR JUMP OFF A BRIDGE.
- SURPRISE ME.
- HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- I'M FEELING UNAPPRECIATED AND IGNORED.
- ADD "FELT UP ON THE SUBWAY," AND YOU GOT MY DAY.
- CAN I GET A GLASS OF CABERNET, PLEASE?
- UH, I'M GONNA NEED TO SEE SOME I.D., PUMPKIN.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE IS QUESTIONING YOUR AGE!
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- YOU MIND IF I SEE THAT?
[whispers] THANK YOU.
HOW YOU DOING? I'M PHIL.
- CHLOE. - IT'S A PLEASURE.
- UH, BARKEEP?
I'D LIKE TO ORDER A LIBATION, IF I MAY.
- LIBATE THIS. - OW.
- I'M SORRY, I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH TOMMY.
WE AGREED TO USE A MEDIATOR FOR OUR DIVORCE,
AND THEN HE WENT AND HIRED SOME BOZO LAWYER!
NOW I NEED A BOZO!
- YOU'VE GOT ONE OF THE BIGGEST RIGHT HERE!
OW!
I JUST MEANT THAT YOU'RE A GREAT LAWYER.
- HOLLY IS THE BEST.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR HER, I WOULDN'T BE WHERE I AM TODAY.
- YEAH, LET'S NOT PIN ALL THAT ON HOLLY.
- NO, I KNOW SHE'S GREAT.
THERE'S JUST NO WAY I CAN AFFORD SUCH A PRICEY LAWYER.
- THE FIRM HAS ENCOURAGED US TO DO SOME PRO BONO WORK, YOU KNOW?
REPRESENT THE NEEDY, THE DOWNTRODDEN,
THE REALLY, REALLY SAD CASE--
- YEAH, FORGET IT. I'M NO CHARITY CASE.
- I CHARGE $500 AN HOUR.
- LET'S GO BACK TO THE BONO THING.
- I'D BE HAPPY TO HELP YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU COME BY MY OFFICE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
AND WE'LL GET STARTED?
- THANK YOU, HOLLY. I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
- NO, DON'T THANK ME-- FEELS GOOD TO GIVE BACK
TO THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN THROUGH THE CRACKS OF SOCIETY.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M BROKE. I GET IT.
- HEY, GUYS. I'LL CHECK YOU LATER.
TURNS OUT CHLOE DOESN'T THINK I'M TOO OLD.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHE'S TAKING ME
TO SOME OF HER FAVORITE HANGS.
- I DIDN'T KNOW CHUCK E. CHEESE STAYED OPEN THIS LATE.
- HA HA HA, THAT'S FUNNY. ANYONE ELSE?
- DON'T FORGET HER SIPPY CUP.
- OH HO HO HO HO HO HO! STUART?
- AH. OH. IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE!
[grunts]
SOMETHING WITH GYMBOREE!
[upbeat music]
- * DE-DO DE-DO
*
* DO-DO-DO-DO
- AH, LOOK AT YOU, BEHIND A DESK,
ALL DRESSED UP AND PROFESSIONAL.
- EDEN, YOU PUT TOO MUCH MILK IN MY COFFEE.
NOW I'M BLOATED.
- YEP, I GOT THE WORLD ON A STRING.
HERE, I'LL WALK YOU IN. HER MAJESTY LIKES IT THAT WAY.
HOLLY, YOUR 10:00 IS HERE. - AH!
DID YOU OFFER OUR CLIENT ANY COFFEE OR TEA?
- YOU SAID THE PRO BONOS JUST GET WATER.
- THAT'LL BE ALL, EDEN.
[clears throat]
- WOW, FANCY SCHMANCY OFFICE.
LOOK, YOU CAN ALMOST SEE STATEN ISLAND,
WHERE MY LIFE FELL APART.
- AND THAT'S WHY THOSE WINDOWS DON'T OPEN.
YOUR HUSBAND'S ATTORNEY SENT OVER THE INITIAL PROPOSAL
FOR THE DISTRIBUTION OF ASSETS.
- OKAY, SO ACCORDING TO THIS, WE SPLIT THE BANK ACCOUNTS,
PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF THE HOUSE, THE CAR--
WHOA. - WHOA WHAT?
- HE WANTS THE SALTWATER AQUARIUM?
NO WAY.
I'M THE ONE WHO SCRAPED THE ALGAE,
CHANGED THE GRAVEL, CREATED THE WHOLE PIRATE THEME.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT HAVING SEX.
- NICKI, LET ME GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE.
A DIVORCE CAN BECOME LIKE A BATTLEFIELD.
MY JOB IS TO TAKE ALL THE EMOTIONS OUT OF IT
SO THAT YOU GUYS CAN WORK OUT A REASONABLE SETTLEMENT
AND BOTH MOVE ON.
- YEAH, BUT STILL-- - NO BUTS, OKAY?
IT'S JUST ABOUT STAYING CALM, RATIONAL,
NOT LOSING IT OVER LITTLE THINGS.
I MEAN, THEY'RE JUST OBJECTS-- WHERE'S MY PEN?
IT'S MY FAVORITE PEN.
EDEN, DID YOU TAKE MY FAVORITE PEN AGAIN?
DAMN IT!
EDEN, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE HELL MY--
WHAT IS THAT?
- JUNK MAIL. YOU HATE JUNK MAIL.
- I HATE IT MORE WHEN YOU HIDE THINGS FROM ME.
LET ME SEE IT. - YOU DON'T WANT TO.
- GIMME. - NO.
- DON'T MAKE ME HOLD YOU UPSIDE DOWN AGAIN.
IT'S FROM THE CENTRAL PARK LAKE HOUSE.
"DEAR MS. FRANKLIN, A LITTLE REMINDER TO PUT IN YOUR EAR.
IN JUST SIX MONTHS, YOUR WEDDING DAY'S HERE."
[gasps]
OH, MY GOD, I FORGOT TO CANCEL MY WEDDING.
- BUT YOU AND BRAD BROKE UP TWO YEARS AGO.
YOU WOULD JUST BE GETTING MARRIED NOW?
- THE LAKE HOUSE WAS MY DREAM PLACE, SO WE AGREED TO WAIT.
BESIDES, I NEEDED TIME TO MAKE ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS,
AND BRAD NEEDED TIME TO SLEEP WITH EVERY WOMAN IN MANHATTAN.
- YOU OKAY?
- YES, OF COURSE.
WHY WOULDN'T I BE?
- WELL, IT'S KIND OF A REMINDER THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
MARRIED IN SIX MONTHS, AND NOW YOU'RE, YOU KNOW...
NOT?
- HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW ME.
WHO NEEDS TO BE MARRIED? I HAVE A VERY FULL LIFE.
- YES, YOU DO. IT'S OVERFLOWING.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR CAREER, YOUR FRIENDS--
[gasps] OH, HEY, LOOK!
HERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PEN!
- THANKS.
I'LL USE IT TO MAKE A NOTE TO REMIND MYSELF
TO GO DOWN THERE AND PICK UP MY DEPOSIT.
IT'S FOUND MONEY.
- IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY. LUCKY HOLLY!
I ENVY YOU! AAH!
IT'S GONNA BE A ROUGH WEEK.
- I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID, AND YOU'RE RIGHT.
IF TOMMY WANTS THE AQUARIUM, HE CAN HAVE IT.
WHO NEEDS A LEOPARD SHARK IN A STUDIO APARTMENT?
- YOU DO.
- WHAT? BUT YOU SAID THAT--
- NO BUTS. I WAS REMISS BEFORE.
I WASN'T LISTENING TO MY CLIENT.
SOMETHING'S GOTTA MAKE UP
FOR ALL YOUR DASHED HOPES AND DREAMS.
I MEAN, YOU THOUGHT YOU'D STILL BE MARRIED BY NOW,
AND YOU'RE NOT.
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
- BECAUSE TOMMY'S GAY?
- WELL, THAT'S THE "WHY,"
BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE UP FOR ALL THE PAIN HE'S PUT YOU THROUGH.
- YEAH, BUT YOU SAID TO KEEP THE EMOTIONS OUT
AND JUST TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.
- WHAT LIFE? HE'S FOUND SOMEONE.
WHO DO YOU HAVE?
- I GUESS NO ONE.
- EXACTLY.
NO HUSBAND, NO PROSPECTS.
A FRIGHTENED WOMAN ALONE IN A COLD, UNCARING CITY,
WONDERING IF SHE'LL EVER MEET SOMEONE OR JUST DIE ALONE.
- I DON'T WANNA DIE ALONE. - YOU'RE SCARED, AREN'T YOU?
- WELL, I WASN'T UNTIL A FEW MINUTES AGO.
NOW I'M TERRIFIED!
- AND WHO MADE YOU THAT WAY? - I THINK YOU.
- NO, TOMMY DID. - YOU'RE RIGHT, TOMMY DID!
- SO WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR IT?
- HE IS. - WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
- WE'RE GONNA SQUEEZE HIM FOR EVERY LAST DIME HE'S GOT!
- OR IN LEGAL TERMS, WE'RE GONNA GUT THE SON OF A BITCH!
- AAH!
[chuckles]
- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE HAT?
I FOUND IT IN MY CLOSET.
IT BELONGED TO MY LATE UNCLE LOU.
HE WANTED TO BE BURIED IN IT.
BUT HEY,
YOU CHOOSE AN OPEN CASKET, YOU TAKE YOUR CHANCES.
- WELL, IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS.
- THERE IS NO PLEASING YOU!
YOU SAID WE WERE IN A RUT. I'M TRYING TO SHAKE THINGS UP.
- MORNING, BOYS!
UH, DO YOU SAY "GOOD MORNING" WHEN YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT?
- YOU'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT? - THAT'S RIGHT.
CHLOE AND I WENT CLUB HOPPING LAST NIGHT.
CHECK THIS OUT: HAND STAMP,
HAND STAMP.
- WELL, TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME.
MOLE, SKIN TAG, WART.
- I TOLD Y'ALL, I'M NO DIFFERENT THAN I WAS 20 YEARS AGO.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, AFTER WORK,
I'M GOING DIRECTLY TO CHLOE'S HOUSE
FOR A PARTY. HA!
- WHAT'S THE THEME, THE LITTLE MERMAID?
[laughs]
- THANKS, HOLLY. YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES.
I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS GONNA ROLL OVER
AND GIVE HIM EVERYTHING.
- OH, WE'RE NOT GONNA GIVE. WE'RE GONNA TAKE.
TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE!
EDEN, COULD YOU FAX THIS TO OPPOSING COUNSEL, PLEASE?
- UH, THAT REMINDS ME. I WANT HIS FAX MACHINE TOO.
- THAT'S MY GIRL. - [laughs]
- HEY, I'VE BEEN WATCHING
THE WAY YOU'RE HANDLING NICKI'S DIVORCE.
- OH, NO NEED TO PRAISE ME NOW.
JUST SAVE ONE BIG ONE FOR THE END OF THE DAY.
OH, WHAT THE HECK? GIVE ME A TASTE.
- I THINK IT STINKS. - EXCUSE ME?
- YOU KNOW, HOLLY, I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO YOU.
- WHAT CHOICE DO YOU HAVE?
- BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE,
I'M ASHAMED TO BE WORKING FOR YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- THE LAKE HOUSE? THE LETTER?
YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE IN LIFE,
AND YOU'RE TAKING IT OUT ON NICKI'S DIVORCE.
- YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG.
I AM MERELY REPRESENTING MY CLIENT AND GETTING HER
EVERYTHING SHE'S ENTITLED TO UNDER THE LAW.
ALL, MIGHT I ADD, PRO BONO.
- OH, SHE'S GETTING BONO'D, ALL RIGHT.
[cell phone vibrating]
- IT'S PHIL'S.
I'D ANSWER IT, BUT THAT WOULD BE AN INVASION OF--
- HELLO?
UH, NO, THIS IS HIS ROOMMATE HASKELL.
OH, CHLOE!
UH, YEAH, PHIL MUST HAVE LEFT HIS PHONE.
HE'S ON HIS WAY TO YOUR PARTY.
- OH, WELL, ISN'T THAT SWEET?
- IS SHE INVITING US? SAY YES, SAY YES, SAY YES!
- UH, NO, NO, NO, WE'RE ALREADY IN FOR THE NIGHT.
NO, NO. THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S AWFULLY NICE. NO, NO, NO, THANK YOU.
- WHAT? WHY DID YOU SAY NO? WHY CAN'T WE GO?
- IT'S 9:00 ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
WHAT ARE WE, VAMPIRES?
- SO HAVING FUN? - YEAH, IT'S A GREAT PARTY.
JUST OVER HERE GETTING MY SNACK ON.
- MM. - THESE CHIPS ARE AMAZING.
- OH, I KNOW. MY ROOMMATE BRENDAN'S A FREEGAN.
HE JUST PICKED THEM OUT OF THE DUMPSTER THIS AFTERNOON.
[inaudible dialogue]
COME ON. I WANT YOU TO MEET HIM. - MM-HMM.
- BRENDAN, THIS IS PHIL.
- HEY, MAN. - [unenthusiastically] HEY.
- BRENDAN'S KIND OF THE REASON WE'RE HAVING THE PARTY.
HE JUST WENT ON UNEMPLOYMENT.
- OH, DUDE, I'M SO SORRY.
I'VE BEEN THERE MYSELF.
BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS JUST TO GET BACK OUT THERE
AND POUND THE PAVEMENT.
- WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
I'M GETTING A FREE RIDE FOR SIX MONTHS!
- WHOO! - OH, YEAH, FREE RIDE!
- [gasps] OH, LOOK, THE PIZZA'S HERE!
SCORE!
[doorbell rings]
- SOMEBODY'S GAY DADS ARE HERE!
- YOU HEAR THAT? THAT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR HAT.
- YEAH, I'M SURE THE CARDIGAN AND HOSTESS GIFT
HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
- UH, YOU LEFT THIS HOME.
CHLOE WAS NICE ENOUGH TO CALL AND INVITE US.
- OH, WELL, THIS DOESN'T REALLY LOOK LIKE YOUR SCENE.
- OH, I DRESSED FOR A PARTY, AND A PARTY I WILL HAVE.
- ALL RIGHT, FINE, BUT LOOK, THIS IS A YOUNG, HIP CROWD,
SO DON'T DO ANYTHING TO EMBARRASS ME.
- OH, OF COURSE NOT.
IS THERE DANCING?
[knocking on door]
- TAKE THE CLUBS. TAKE THE CLUBS.
- OH, MY GOD, WHAT'S GOING ON, NICKI?
- YOU ARE GONNA BE SO PROUD OF ME.
I WAS AT MY OLD HOUSE, PICKING UP SOME CLOTHES,
AND I STARTED THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID,
ABOUT HOW TOMMY DASHED MY HOPES AND DREAMS.
THEN I JUST STARTED GRABBING HIS STUFF.
- NO, NICKI, THERE'S A LEGAL PROCESS--
- YEAH, LOOK, LOOK, I GOT HIS BASEBALL GLOVE, HIS XBOX,
HIS FAVORITE MOVIE, 300--
A BUNCH OF RIPPED, SWEATY SPARTANS.
HOW DID I NOT KNOW HE WAS GAY?
ANYWAY, REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME DYING ALONE?
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, BECAUSE I GOT DARLA AND FANCY!
- YOU STOLE HIS FISH? - YEAH.
I TRIED FOR THE SHARK, BUT IT BIT THROUGH THE NET.
- SIT DOWN, NICKI. - OKAY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- UM, THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT I MAY HAVE,
HOWEVER UNINTENTIONALLY AND WITH NO MALICE AFORETHOUGHT,
- SPEAK ENGLISH!
- I SCREWED UP.
I GOT A LETTER FROM THE PLACE I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED.
AND IT FILLED ME WITH ALL THIS RAGE AND DISAPPOINTMENT,
AND I TOOK IT OUT ON YOUR DIVORCE.
- AND YOU COULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE I FISHNAPPED
DARLA AND FANCY?
- I'M SORRY. I'M A LOUSY LAWYER.
LOOK, I PROMISE I'LL CALL HIS ATTORNEY
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
I'LL FIX ALL OF THIS.
- AH, LOOK, I SUPPOSE YOU DID ME A FAVOR.
I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW ANGRY I WAS,
AND IT KIND OF FELT GOOD TO GET IT OUT.
- I GUESS WE BOTH NEED TO ACCEPT WHERE WE ARE AND MOVE ON.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
LOOK AT US. TWO WOMEN.
TWO FISH.
NOT A MAN IN SIGHT.
- HOW LONG CAN FISH LIVE IN THOSE BAGS, BY THE WAY?
- FILL THE TUB. FILL THE TUB.
- I'M FILLING IT. I'M FILLING IT.
- [grunting]
- SO, UH, DOOGIE.
WHO DO YOU HAVE TO BURP TO GET THE WI-FI PASSWORD?
- WE'RE GETTING IT FREE FROM THE COFFEEHOUSE DOWNSTAIRS,
BUT IT HAS A TIME LIMIT.
- NOT IF YOU BYPASS THE ROUTER CODE.
- AWESOME.
SWEET LID. VINTAGE?
- DEAD UNCLE.
- MMM, WHAT A DELIGHTFULLY ECLECTIC DISH.
MMM, I'M SENSING MEXICAN
MIXED WITH INDIAN.
AND WHAT IS THAT CRUNCH? IT'S ALMOST LIKE A WAFFLE CONE.
YOU MUST TELL ME WHERE YOU GOT IT.
- UH, I FOUND THIS GREAT SPOT DOWN AN ALLEY IN CHELSEA.
- YOU SEE, YOU SEE? THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS CITY.
THERE'S A HIDDEN GASTRONOMIC GEM ON EVERY CORNER.
MMM, MMM! I CAN'T GET ENOUGH.
IF I'M NOT CAREFUL, I'LL MAKE MYSELF SICK.
- OH, HEY, MAN. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
PHIL. - JAMES. WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WHAT'S GOING ON IS WE NEED TO GET THIS PARTY STARTED.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? IT'S TIME TO PUMP SOME TUNES!
- I HEAR YOU. - YEAH.
[plays mandolin]
- WOW, YOU'RE LIKE A MEDIEVAL HENDRIX.
HEY, BY ANY CHANCE DID YOU GUYS HAPPEN TO CATCH THE SCORE
OF THE KNICK GAME?
- NO. - NOT REALLY.
- I ONLY ASK BECAUSE I REPRESENT ONE OF THE PLAYERS ON THE TEAM.
OKAY, YOU DRAGGED IT OUT OF ME!
I'M A SPORTS AGENT.
- OKAY.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- YEAH, IT IS GOOD FOR ME.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
- WHAT I DO IS NOT DEFINE MYSELF BY WHAT I DO.
- OKAY, WELL, THEN, HOW DO YOU PAY FOR THINGS?
- WHAT, IS MONEY YOUR ONLY BENCHMARK FOR JUDGING
A PERSON'S VALUE IN SOCIETY?
- NO, THAT'S THE LANDLORD'S BENCHMARK.
- YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN US BECAUSE YOU HAVE A "JOB"?
- UH, "YEAH."
- ALL RIGHT, SO YOU'RE A SPORTS AGENT?
- YEP.
- BROTHER, YOU'RE JUST A COG IN THIS CORRUPT SYSTEM,
PIMPING FOR OVERPAID ATHLETES
PUTTING ON A SHOW STAGED BY THE 1% TO DIVERT US
FROM THE REAL PROBLEMS IN THIS COUNTRY.
- MM-HMM.
- WELL, BROTHER,
THIS COG PAYS HIS TAXES, SO SKINNY-JEANS OVER HERE
CAN HAVE AN UNEMPLOYMENT PARTY.
- YOU SOUND LIKE MY DAD, BRO.
- YOUR DAD SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY SMART MAN.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO HIM.
DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME?
DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME.
- HEY, MAN, JUST DIAL IT DOWN.
- DON'T TELL ME TO DIAL IT DOWN!
I WAS BUSTING MY ASS, DELIVERING NEWSPAPERS
WHEN YOU WERE JUST A GLEAM IN YOUR DADDY'S EYE!
- PHIL. - WHAT?
- WHAT'S WRONG? - NOTHING.
- GRANDPA BOYFRIEND'S HAVING A MELTDOWN.
- WELL, STOP YELLING. YOU'RE GONNA RUIN THE PARTY.
- WHAT PARTY?
THERE'S NO DANCING. THERE'S NO MUSIC.
HELL, YOU'RE SERVING FOOD OUT OF THE DUMPSTER!
- [gagging]
- YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL, PHIL,
BUT NOW I THINK YOU BETTER LEAVE.
- I AM COOL, AND I AM LEAVING.
STUART, HASKELL, LET'S GO.
- I HAD THE SUSHI. I HAD THE SUSHI!
- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR HAIR?
PICK A LENGTH AND GO WITH IT!
ALL RIGHT? AND, BROTHER?
DUMP THE BABY GUITAR, AND BUST A BEAT, ALL RIGHT?
AND YOU NEED TO TAKE OFF THAT SKI CAP.
IT'S 95 DEGREES OUTSIDE.
- SOMEBODY GIVE BILL COSBY SOME PUDDING.
[laughs] YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
- HELLO?
- IF YOU'RE HERE FOR THE WEDDING,
IT'S DOWN THE HALLWAY.
- OH, NO, NO, ACTUALLY, I BOOKED THE LAKE HOUSE
FOR MY WEDDING, BUT IT WAS CALLED OFF,
SO I JUST CAME TO GET MY DEPOSIT BACK.
- OH, I'M SO SORRY.
WELL, HOPEFULLY WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE NEAR FUTURE.
- OH, I DON'T THINK MARRIAGE IS IN THE CARDS FOR ME.
- CATS, MAYBE?
I'LL GET YOUR CHECK.
- OH, SORRY IF I STARTLED YOU.
I JUST--I DIDN'T WANT THE GROOM TO SEE ME IN MY DRESS.
YOU KNOW, BAD LUCK.
- OH, I'M FAMILIAR WITH THAT.
CONGRATULATIONS. MY GOD, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- THANK YOU.
WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING THIS FOR A SECOND?
- OH, SURE.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED.
A YEAR AGO, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A GUY.
- REALLY?
- YEAH. I'D ALMOST GIVEN UP HOPE.
IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH YOUR LIFE CAN CHANGE.
I MEAN, HERE I AM!
- HERE YOU ARE. - [gasps]
WELL, THE COAST IS CLEAR. I'M GONNA NEED THOSE BACK.
- OF COURSE.
- I MEAN NOW.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
- [anxious panting]
[gargling]
- YOU'RE GARGLING WITH VODKA? - YEAH.
I HAVE TO KILL THE GERMS. I ATE DUMPSTER FISH.
- YOU HAPPY, STUART?
YOU GOT OUT OF YOUR RUT. YOU SHOOK THINGS UP.
YOU ATE GARBAGE.
- HEY.
- HEY, THERE HE IS, GRANDPA BOYFRIEND!
- HA! YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT, HUH?
WELL, I LEARNED SOMETHING TONIGHT.
FROM NOW ON, PHIL CHASE IS ONLY DATING AGE-APPROPRIATE WOMEN
UNTIL I'M 70, AND THEN I'M GOING FULL HEFNER.
- HEY, GUYS.
- HEY. - HEY, I TALKED TO NICKI.
I AM PROUD OF YOU. THAT'S THE HOLLY I KNOW.
- YEAH, I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.
- A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY?
HONEY, YOU TOOK A DAY TRIP TO CRAZY LAND.
- OKAY, BUT I DID GO DOWN TO THE LAKE HOUSE.
- HEY, AND YOU GOT YOUR DEPOSIT BACK?
- NO, I KEPT THE DATE.
- WHAT?
- CONGRATULATE ME.
IN SIX MONTHS, I'M GETTING MARRIED!
- YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED? - THAT'S RIGHT!
- TO WHOM?
- THE GREATEST GUY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!
- WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T MET HIM YET!
[upbeat music]
- * DE-DO DE-DO
- * DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO
* DO-DO-DO
- * DE-DO DE-DO
- * DO-DO-DO-DO
- YEAH.
- ACME! [coughs]