1
00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:11,667
- Previously on The Exes...
- I'm marrying myself.

2
00:00:11,767 --> 00:00:14,033
What does that even mean,
"I'm marrying myself"?

3
00:00:14,133 --> 00:00:16,833
I've spent my entire life
looking for a man to marry,

4
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,033
thinking that's what I needed
to feel complete,

5
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:20,633
until I realized I don't.

6
00:00:20,733 --> 00:00:21,967
Ten more people
on the west side

7
00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:23,933
just listed their bathrooms
on Pee Harmony.

8
00:00:24,033 --> 00:00:25,133
Yes.

9
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,500
You guys would really
help me plan my wedding?

10
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,967
Let me
be your mother.

11
00:00:30,067 --> 00:00:31,533
You are using my wedding

12
00:00:31,633 --> 00:00:33,800
to advertise
your stupid app?

13
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:34,967
Fix it!

14
00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:36,500
- We're rich!
- Filthy rich!

15
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,000
- They bought the company!
- Yeah!

16
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:39,767
I never thought
I'd say this,

17
00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:43,733
but you get out there
and marry yourself.

18
00:00:43,833 --> 00:00:45,167
(all)
To Holly and Holly!

19
00:00:45,267 --> 00:00:46,900
(Stuart)
And now...

20
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,600
- Bonjour, bonjour!
- Hey!

21
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:53,367
Look who's back from Paris.

22
00:00:53,467 --> 00:00:55,333
[smooching]

23
00:00:55,433 --> 00:00:57,500
Just hug it out.

24
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,833
[speaking French]

25
00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:03,900
Yeah, we get it, Stuart.
You spent a semester abroad.

26
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:05,167
How was the honeymoon?

27
00:01:05,267 --> 00:01:06,700
Oh, well, I wouldn't label it
a honeymoon.

28
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,267
I mean, I just married myself
and took me to Paris.

29
00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:11,800
And you didn't feel
self-conscious

30
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,067
being in the most romantic city
in the world by yourself?

31
00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:15,167
Not in the least.

32
00:01:15,267 --> 00:01:16,300
Actually,
it was freeing to know

33
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:17,600
I don't need a man
to enjoy my life.

34
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:19,067
Well, just don't get
too comfortable

35
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,167
being by yourself.

36
00:01:20,267 --> 00:01:21,200
What's that mean?

37
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:22,733
It means you don't want
to end up

38
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,367
like one of those
crazy old shut-ins.

39
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,067
Yeah, yeah.

40
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,267
Next thing you know,
there's police tape on your door

41
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:31,100
and the super's head's
in the freezer.

42
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,367
Why didn't
I just go home?

43
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,833
I had to do the pop-in.

44
00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:37,467
I had a wonderful time
last night,

45
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:40,067
my big, strong Haskell.

46
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,233
[chuckles]

47
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:46,200
The pleasure was all mine,
my naughty giraffe.

48
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:49,067
Ooh, and thank you
for my little trinket.

49
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:50,133
You spoil me.

50
00:01:50,233 --> 00:01:52,433
Oh, you're worth it.

51
00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:55,067
I'll call you, baby.

52
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:57,533
Seriously,
I will call you.

53
00:01:57,633 --> 00:01:58,933
I've left, like,
two messages

54
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:00,633
while you were
brushing your teeth.

55
00:02:00,733 --> 00:02:02,967
[giggles]

56
00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:04,533
Ciao.

57
00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:05,600
Ciao.

58
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:12,400
Gentlemen, I know
what you're thinking.

59
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,333
"What does he see in her?"

60
00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:16,167
Ha!

61
00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:17,633
Welcome
to the majors, buddy.

62
00:02:17,733 --> 00:02:18,900
All right, okay,
all right.

63
00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:21,467
Haskell, as delighted
as I am to see you happy,

64
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,300
it is possible that Nadia's

65
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,967
just keeping company
with you because--

66
00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:26,067
What, because I'm loaded?

67
00:02:26,167 --> 00:02:29,067
Of course she is,
you dolt.

68
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,433
Ever since I was
a little boy,

69
00:02:30,533 --> 00:02:32,133
I dreamed of being
a sugar daddy

70
00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:35,733
and dating women
way out of my league.

71
00:02:35,833 --> 00:02:37,067
And you did it, buddy,

72
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,933
'cause she is way,
way out of your league.

73
00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:40,500
Miles.

74
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,067
All right, okay,
I've said my piece.

75
00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:43,233
I have to go pack.

76
00:02:43,333 --> 00:02:45,200
I'm going to Buffalo
for a dental expo,

77
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,367
and for the laughs.

78
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,067
Oh.

79
00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:50,500
Hey, not to brag,
but last night,

80
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,667
Nadia said that I had
the energy of a man

81
00:02:52,767 --> 00:02:54,867
half my a--
[groans]

82
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,067
Whoa, whoa.

83
00:02:57,167 --> 00:02:58,267
Are you all right
there, buddy?

84
00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:01,133
Ow, it's--
it's my back.

85
00:03:01,233 --> 00:03:02,967
I must have tweaked
something last night

86
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,933
during a strenuous
dismount.

87
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,900
Oh.

88
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:08,867
Well, let's get you
on the couch, all right?

89
00:03:08,967 --> 00:03:11,633
I got to loosen those muscles
before they seize up.

90
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,233
This happens all the time
to my athletes.

91
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:14,633
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Here we go.

92
00:03:14,733 --> 00:03:16,433
Oh, that's it, that's good.
Ooh, that's the spot.

93
00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:17,867
- Uh-huh.
- Ah, oh, oh.

94
00:03:17,967 --> 00:03:20,067
Don't stop, don't stop.

95
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,967
O-o-okay,

96
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,367
but this ain't going
anywhere, now.

97
00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:30,367
All right.

98
00:03:30,467 --> 00:03:31,367
Oh.

99
00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:32,467
[upbeat music]

100
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:33,933
* De-do de-do

101
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:35,900
*

102
00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:38,167
* Do-do-do,
do-do-do *

103
00:03:38,267 --> 00:03:39,467
* Do-do-do

104
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,567
*

105
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:43,833
* De-do de-do-do

106
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,467
* Do-do-do-do

107
00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,700
All right,
looks like you got...

108
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,333
another fondue maker.

109
00:03:49,433 --> 00:03:50,967
Yay.

110
00:03:51,067 --> 00:03:53,067
You know, Eden,
it doesn't matter

111
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,767
whether you marry yourself
or someone else.

112
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:57,467
You still get
the same useless crap.

113
00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:00,267
So what do you want to do,
keep, return, or regift?

114
00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:02,900
Return, and I'll regift
that hideous cake stand.

115
00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:04,267
Hey, that was from me.

116
00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:07,067
I love it.

117
00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:08,667
It's okay.
It was a regift.

118
00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:10,067
Oh, well,
in that case,

119
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:11,633
when you write
my thank-you note to yourself,

120
00:04:11,733 --> 00:04:14,500
leave out two words--
"thank you."

121
00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:18,733
Okay, one left.

122
00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:20,567
- What's that thing?
- Huh.

123
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:24,633
"Meet Eric, an intuitive,
talking operating system

124
00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:26,567
"that responds
to voice commands,

125
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,367
has a built-in Wi-Fi
and connects to the cloud."

126
00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:32,167
It says, "The more you use it,
the smarter it gets."

127
00:04:32,267 --> 00:04:34,067
Huh, I wonder what
it'll have to say

128
00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:36,767
about its ride
down the trash chute.

129
00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:39,200
Come on,
let's give it a try.

130
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:40,333
[whooshing tone]

131
00:04:40,433 --> 00:04:41,800
[robotic voice]
Hello, my name's Eric.

132
00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,233
What's your name?

133
00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:45,800
My name's Holly Franklin.

134
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:48,467
Holly Franklin,
what a lovely name.

135
00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:50,600
Holly, do I have permission
to sync with your apps,

136
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:51,967
contacts, and calendar?

137
00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:53,700
- No.
- Why not?

138
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,733
- I just met the thing.
- Stop being such a Holly.

139
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:59,767
Fine. All right, Eric, yes,
you have my permission.

140
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:00,833
[whooshing tone]

141
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:01,833
Sync complete.

142
00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:03,400
I am now
totally operational.

143
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,100
Hey, it says here
that it answers questions.

144
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,067
Ask it something.

145
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,867
Eric, what city are we in?

146
00:05:09,967 --> 00:05:14,600
We are in New York City,
also known as The Big Apple.

147
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:15,900
Eric, what time is it?

148
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:19,333
The current time
is 2:45 p.m.

149
00:05:19,433 --> 00:05:20,733
Eric, what's Holly's
age and weight?

150
00:05:20,833 --> 00:05:22,467
No, don't answer that, Eric!

151
00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:23,733
Off you go, off you go.

152
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:26,133
You...evil little elf.

153
00:05:26,233 --> 00:05:27,800
Okay, okay, I'm going.

154
00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:29,400
But that is one cool gift.

155
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:30,833
All right, well,
I'm glad you like it.

156
00:05:30,933 --> 00:05:35,167
Act surprised when you
get it for your birthday, okay?

157
00:05:35,267 --> 00:05:36,300
Okay.

158
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,400
[sighs]

159
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:39,267
Oh, Eric, what am
I gonna do with you?

160
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:41,067
I can do
all sorts of things.

161
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,500
I can give you
the news and weather,

162
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,400
read your emails out loud,
organize your Paris photos.

163
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,067
How do you know
I went to Paris?

164
00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:50,400
I know everything
about you.

165
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,567
Oh, really?

166
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,367
[laughing]

167
00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:55,667
What's my favorite song?

168
00:05:55,767 --> 00:05:59,100
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.

169
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,333
I was 12.

170
00:06:00,433 --> 00:06:02,833
You played it
yesterday.

171
00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:04,833
Careful, Eric.
But that was an easy one.

172
00:06:04,933 --> 00:06:06,300
Ooh, ooh, here's one.

173
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,933
What's my favorite poem?

174
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:11,100
She Walks in Beauty
by Lord Byron.

175
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,700
That is my favorite poem.

176
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,367
Would you like me
to recite it for you?

177
00:06:15,467 --> 00:06:17,367
Yes.

178
00:06:17,467 --> 00:06:19,267
Yes, I would.

179
00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,867
"She walks in beauty,
like the night

180
00:06:21,967 --> 00:06:24,900
Of cloudless climes
and starry skies..."

181
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:32,900
[humming]

182
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:37,467
*

183
00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:43,700
Wow.

184
00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:47,933
And I bet you thought
I was gonna spend my money

185
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:50,967
on frivolous things.

186
00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:52,067
Here, check this out.

187
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:55,067
[humming]

188
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,933
Someone needs to teach you
how to Dougie.

189
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:00,467
No, my back.

190
00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:02,700
The massage you gave me
cured it.

191
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,567
Oh, you've got
magic hands, my friend.

192
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,367
Hey, glad I could help.

193
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:09,500
Well, as a token
of my appreciation,

194
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,900
I got you
a little something.

195
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:13,067
Aw.

196
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,633
Thank you.

197
00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,933
Man, this is awesome.

198
00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:19,767
These are the best
golf balls on tour.

199
00:07:19,867 --> 00:07:21,067
Thank you, man.

200
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,967
To be the best,
you have to use the best.

201
00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:26,067
And that's why
I also got you these.

202
00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:28,200
[whimpers]

203
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,700
[whimpering excitedly]

204
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,200
You got me
Callaway clubs, Haskell?

205
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:39,800
You are crazy.
This is crazy.

206
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,467
You're crazy, man.
This is crazy.

207
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:42,467
This is crazy!

208
00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:43,767
Oh, enjoy.

209
00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:46,100
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a date with Nadia.

210
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,800
I have to put out
chocolates for her

211
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,733
and an Icy Hot for me.

212
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:59,333
Good morning,
my little ray of sunshine.

213
00:07:59,433 --> 00:08:02,767
What, or should I say who,
put that smile on your face?

214
00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:04,067
Eric.

215
00:08:07,867 --> 00:08:09,133
- Eric?
- Mm-hmm.

216
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:11,533
You mean that gadget that
gives the time and the weather?

217
00:08:11,633 --> 00:08:13,467
Oh, he does
a lot more than that.

218
00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:15,500
He plays
my favorite music,

219
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,300
reads me
my favorite poems.

220
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,600
You mean "it."

221
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,733
"It" plays
your favorite music.

222
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,067
Oh, yeah,
that's what I meant.

223
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,500
You keep saying "he."

224
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,967
Well, who cares
what I said?

225
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:27,400
You know, see,
that's what I like about Eric.

226
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,667
He doesn't nitpick,
like some people I know.

227
00:08:30,767 --> 00:08:33,067
Anyway, I emailed you
those thank-you notes

228
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:34,267
I wrote
for your wedding gifts.

229
00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:35,300
Yes, thank you.

230
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,700
Eric rewrote them,
and I sent them out.

231
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,733
What?

232
00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:40,167
Well, he just cleaned up
your grammar,

233
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:42,600
made them a little more fun.

234
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:46,500
I was rewritten
by a can opener?

235
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,433
Eric has an easy wit
that very few people possess.

236
00:08:51,533 --> 00:08:54,267
I tell you, Eden,
everyone should have an Eric.

237
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,733
Yeah?
Okay, well...

238
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,633
just don't get too attached
to that thing.

239
00:08:58,733 --> 00:09:00,167
[scoffs]
Don't be ridiculous.

240
00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:01,733
I won't.

241
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,833
Eric, whisper mode.

242
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:09,867
[whispering]
Whisper mode.

243
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,767
This is my office,
where I work.

244
00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:14,733
At Hubner, Herzog, and Jones.

245
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,900
You were the youngest lawyer
to make senior partner

246
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,333
in the firm's history.

247
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:22,267
New York magazine called you
"a force to be reckoned with."

248
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:25,400
Eric, go on.

249
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,067
I'm serious, go on.

250
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,267
You wear a size 10 shoe.

251
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:31,167
Oh, no, back
to the other stuff, please.

252
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:36,467
Oh, good God.

253
00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:43,067
What the hell is that?

254
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,100
It's Haskell
with too much money.

255
00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:48,867
Hey, are these
new golf clubs?

256
00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:50,500
As a matter
of fact, they are.

257
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,600
Ah, where'd you get them?

258
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,233
They were a gift
from Haskell.

259
00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:56,167
- Mm-hmm, what's the occasion?
- I gave him a massage.

260
00:09:57,767 --> 00:10:00,800
What, are we living
in a Roman bathhouse?

261
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,267
No, man,
it's nothing like that.

262
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:04,067
You know, he threw his back out,
and I worked out the kinks.

263
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:07,467
- I was just being a good buddy.
- Oh, that was nice.

264
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,100
[clears throat]
You know, my neck's
a little stiff

265
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,433
from the flight back.

266
00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:11,767
Good luck with that.

267
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,167
Hey, there he is!

268
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:19,633
I am loving
these new clubs.

269
00:10:19,733 --> 00:10:20,900
Well, you deserve it.

270
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,567
That was a hell
of a massage.

271
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:25,600
Oh, hey, I'm seeing my
little Russian wolfhound later.

272
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:26,700
I wonder if you think

273
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,667
she'll like
this little timepiece.

274
00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:29,800
Yes, she will.

275
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,000
- This is a Copeland Explorer.
- Yeah.

276
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,467
Oh, man, this thing
costs a fortune.

277
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,100
Well, Nadia makes me happy.

278
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,900
I like to make her happy.

279
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,733
Yeah, I've always wanted
one of these.

280
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:41,033
Hmm.

281
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:50,733
How's your back?

282
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:51,733
Good.

283
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:53,267
Oh, no, that's not good.

284
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:55,133
That's not good at all.

285
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:57,967
That's the body trying to trick
you into thinking it's good,

286
00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:00,633
when really,
if you don't take care of it,

287
00:11:00,733 --> 00:11:02,433
you're gonna be in
a world of pain, buddy.

288
00:11:02,533 --> 00:11:03,967
I can't be in pain.

289
00:11:04,067 --> 00:11:06,567
I'm taking Nadia
bungee jumping.

290
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:12,433
Then put yourself
in my hands

291
00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:14,233
and let me take care
of you, Haskell.

292
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:15,900
You're a good friend, Phil.

293
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:19,233
Haskell, I just want
to see you happy.

294
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:21,467
[laughs]

295
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:22,933
All righty.

296
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:26,133
- Ah.
- Yeah.

297
00:11:26,233 --> 00:11:28,167
So, that Copeland--

298
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:29,267
it has an altimeter?

299
00:11:29,367 --> 00:11:30,267
I think so.

300
00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:31,333
[both shouting]

301
00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:32,467
[laughing]

302
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:33,767
Well, then there is--

303
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,800
Oh, yeah, there it is,
there it is, there it is.

304
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:38,600
There's that mean
little knot.

305
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,633
Mm, come on, Mr. Pain.

306
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,533
You leave little Hasky alone.

307
00:11:43,633 --> 00:11:45,467
- Hey, uh, Phil?
- Yeah?

308
00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:47,667
- About the baby talk...
- Uh-huh?

309
00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:49,700
- I like it.
- Ooh.

310
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:58,600
Oh, Eric, I earned
this glass of wine.

311
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,833
That was
one long day, huh?

312
00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:04,067
It was precisely
11 hours and 34 minutes.

313
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,133
But who's counting?

314
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:06,533
[laughing]

315
00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:09,933
[Eric laughing]

316
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:13,500
Yeah, it's so great we find
the same things funny--me.

317
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,667
[both laughing]

318
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:18,867
[knock at door]
- Delivery!

319
00:12:18,967 --> 00:12:20,667
Just a second.

320
00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:23,667
Yeah.

321
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,167
Oh, are those for me?

322
00:12:25,267 --> 00:12:26,800
Please sign here.

323
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:28,433
Thank you.

324
00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:31,700
Oh, I wonder
who these are from.

325
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:35,333
"To Holly, from Eric,
just because."

326
00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:37,567
Aw.

327
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:40,300
I noticed on Facebook
that they were your favorite.

328
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:44,133
Oh, that's so thoughtful.

329
00:12:44,233 --> 00:12:47,067
See, most men
wouldn't know what to send.

330
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,700
But you know what I like.

331
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,433
Yes, yes I do.

332
00:12:52,533 --> 00:12:56,300
Well, it was
a very sweet gesture...

333
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,067
and kind of romantic.

334
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,833
[smooth jazz playing]

335
00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:01,333
Oh, Eric.

336
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,833
[giggles]

337
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:07,400
Is it--is it bright in here,
or is it me?

338
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,333
I can fix that.

339
00:13:12,633 --> 00:13:14,500
That's nice.

340
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,667
Eric, do you think
I'm pretty?

341
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:25,433
I think you're beautiful.

342
00:13:25,533 --> 00:13:26,633
Really?

343
00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:28,867
Yes, really.

344
00:13:28,967 --> 00:13:31,533
Do you think I'm sexy?

345
00:13:31,633 --> 00:13:34,100
I think everything
about you is sexy--

346
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,067
your voice, your mind,
your soul.

347
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:39,300
Go on.

348
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,200
If only I could look
in your eyes,

349
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,667
caress your cheek...

350
00:13:42,767 --> 00:13:45,700
Like this.

351
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,533
And stroke that beautiful
blonde hair of yours.

352
00:13:48,633 --> 00:13:51,800
Ooh, like this.

353
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,567
Then I'd gently run my fingers
over your lips

354
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,533
and down your neck.

355
00:13:57,633 --> 00:14:01,533
Oh, you've got
such a good touch, Eric.

356
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,300
Then I'd slowly
unbutton your blouse.

357
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,467
Eric!

358
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:11,767
Phil, come on,
I'm hungry!

359
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:14,233
Dude, what's the rush?

360
00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:15,867
Our reservation
isn't until 8:00.

361
00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:17,400
Wow.
That is some watch.

362
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,733
Let me see that.

363
00:14:18,833 --> 00:14:19,867
Is it new?

364
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:20,967
- This?
- Mm-hmm.

365
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:22,633
Oh, yeah,
kind of, kind of.

366
00:14:22,733 --> 00:14:23,667
Where'd you get it?

367
00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:24,833
- This?
- Mm-hmm.

368
00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:29,867
Oh, this might have been
a gift from Haskell.

369
00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:33,200
Really?
What was the occasion?

370
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,167
I might have given him
a massage?

371
00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:37,300
Another one?

372
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,733
Phil, this is starting
to get strange.

373
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:39,800
Hold on, man.

374
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,167
What's so strange
about a man

375
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:42,633
giving another man
a massage

376
00:14:42,733 --> 00:14:45,633
and getting a gift?

377
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:47,867
- Now, let's eat.
- That's called--

378
00:14:47,967 --> 00:14:51,333
- That's a very--
- I said "let's eat"!

379
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,167
Hang on, maybe--

380
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,367
Maybe we should ask Holly
if she wants to join us.

381
00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:56,933
(Holly)
Oh, Eric.

382
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,400
Oh, Eric!

383
00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,833
Oh, oh, Eric.

384
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:03,467
Oh, Eric.

385
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:05,100
Okay.

386
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,600
I guess she's got company.

387
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:09,067
Good. I was starting
to worry about her.

388
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,567
When you stay
by yourself too long,

389
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:11,967
you start getting weird.

390
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,067
Hmm.

391
00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:18,867
- Hey, Stuart.
- Hey, Phil.

392
00:15:18,967 --> 00:15:19,967
Whoa.
What you got there?

393
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,467
It's a golf weekend
in Pebble Beach,

394
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,400
including a round
with Phil Mickelson.

395
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:24,867
Whoa.
Sounds pricey.

396
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,133
Oh, it is pricey.

397
00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:27,333
Here's an idea.

398
00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:28,667
Why don't you give
your buddy Haskell a massage,

399
00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:30,067
maybe he'll pay for it.

400
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,300
[both laugh]

401
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,167
Oh, my God.

402
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,967
Ugh, what a day.

403
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,433
Holly called in
sick today.

404
00:15:38,533 --> 00:15:39,667
I'm spent.

405
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,833
She must be playing hooky
with her new guy.

406
00:15:41,933 --> 00:15:43,267
- Mm-hmm.
- What new guy?

407
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,433
Well, I don't mean to resort
to locker room vulgarity,

408
00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:48,567
but last night she was
clearly in flagrante.

409
00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:49,800
Yep.

410
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:52,200
She was all over
some guy named Eric.

411
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,067
- Eric?
- Oh, yeah.

412
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,200
Eric's a machine.

413
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:58,067
You damn straight,
he is.

414
00:15:58,167 --> 00:15:59,367
You guys
don't understand.

415
00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:00,933
Eric is
this interactive gadget

416
00:16:01,067 --> 00:16:03,400
that she got
as a wedding present.

417
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,600
You mean that wasn't
a real guy we heard her with?

418
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:06,733
Nope.

419
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,400
Ugh, we got
to do something.

420
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,067
I thought marrying herself
was weird.

421
00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:11,833
Now she's dating a boom box.

422
00:16:18,367 --> 00:16:20,700
Oh, Eric,
I had the best time today.

423
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,900
Ah, me too.

424
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,767
You know, it's been years

425
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:27,867
since I've gone bike-riding
in the park.

426
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:31,733
I hope it wasn't too bumpy
for you in the cup holder.

427
00:16:31,833 --> 00:16:33,067
[knock at door]
- [gasps]

428
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:34,067
Who is it?

429
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:35,133
(Eden)
It's me, open up.

430
00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:36,667
Oh, now's not a good time.

431
00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:38,067
Don't make me use
my spare key.

432
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:39,267
Okay, just a second.

433
00:16:48,433 --> 00:16:49,333
Oh, hey, look who's here.

434
00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:52,567
It's the whole gang,
how cool.

435
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:55,067
Well, Eden told us that you
weren't at work today,

436
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:56,300
and we just wanted
to come by

437
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:57,667
and make sure
you were okay.

438
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:58,867
Oh, I'm fine, you know.

439
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:00,500
I was just a little tired,
a little run down.

440
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,500
Needed a little me time,
you know?

441
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,667
So it has nothing
to do with Eric?

442
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,067
Eric, who's--
Oh, Eric, no, that thing?

443
00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:09,167
I put him away.

444
00:17:09,267 --> 00:17:10,400
- That's good to hear.
- Yeah.

445
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,533
Yeah.

446
00:17:11,633 --> 00:17:13,200
Eric, what's the capital
of Kansas?

447
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,767
(Eric, muffled)
Topeka.

448
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:20,433
Eric?
What's he doing here?

449
00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:22,067
That's Eric?

450
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:24,333
He's smaller
than I thought he'd be.

451
00:17:26,533 --> 00:17:28,067
Holly, this whole
thing with Eric

452
00:17:28,167 --> 00:17:29,500
has gotten out of hand, okay?

453
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,567
You're avoiding your friends.
You're missing work.

454
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:32,700
It has to stop.

455
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,267
There's nothing to stop.

456
00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:36,267
Okay, well, then I'll just take
him, and I'll send him back.

457
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:39,100
Don't you touch him.
He's not going anywhere.

458
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,067
Holly, this is ridiculous.

459
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:42,633
It's like he's become
your boyfriend.

460
00:17:42,733 --> 00:17:43,833
My boyfriend?

461
00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:47,400
Now who's being ridiculous?
[laughs]

462
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,533
(Eric)
I love your laugh.

463
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:49,833
Not now.

464
00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,633
Holly, this isn't
healthy, okay?

465
00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:56,500
He's not real.

466
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,133
He's real to me.

467
00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:02,833
He's sweet.
He's kind.

468
00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:05,167
He makes me laugh.

469
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:07,700
Tells me I'm pretty.
He thinks I'm special.

470
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,633
- Really?
- Yeah.

471
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,233
[clears throat]
Okay.

472
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:20,300
Eric, this is Holly's assistant,
Eden Kunkler.

473
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,367
What a lovely name.

474
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:24,733
Eric, do you think
I'm special?

475
00:18:24,833 --> 00:18:26,067
(Eric)
Very special.

476
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:28,633
He's just being polite.

477
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:29,867
Do you think I'm pretty?

478
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,367
I think
you're beautiful.

479
00:18:31,467 --> 00:18:32,933
[smooth jazz playing]

480
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:34,467
Hey, that's our song.

481
00:18:34,567 --> 00:18:36,633
*

482
00:18:36,733 --> 00:18:38,167
Eric, you're so romantic.

483
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:40,500
Eden, if only I could
look in your eyes,

484
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,400
caress your cheek.

485
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,433
Stop it,
you horny little thermos!

486
00:18:44,533 --> 00:18:45,967
That's what you said to me.

487
00:18:46,067 --> 00:18:48,267
You said I was sexy.
You said I was special.

488
00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:51,933
Oh, my God,
I'm yelling at a can!

489
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,200
What's wrong with me?

490
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,767
I'm so embarrassed.

491
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,100
Holly, don't be.

492
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,133
The important thing is,
you came to your senses.

493
00:18:58,233 --> 00:18:59,667
Yeah, besides,
you and that thing

494
00:18:59,767 --> 00:19:02,600
were getting
way too freaky.

495
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,533
Got to go
massage Haskell.

496
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:08,300
What was that about?

497
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,933
Let's just say that Holly
and the coffee grinder

498
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,667
isn't the weirdest relationship
in the building.

499
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:16,067
[door closes]

500
00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:17,733
[sighs]

501
00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:19,933
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

502
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,867
I just feel stupid.

503
00:19:21,967 --> 00:19:25,067
How could I let myself
get so carried away?

504
00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:28,533
Uh, because you're human.

505
00:19:28,633 --> 00:19:30,133
Holly,
you married yourself

506
00:19:30,233 --> 00:19:34,367
to show that you are fine
on your own, and you are.

507
00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:35,500
But that doesn't mean

508
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,967
that you don't still long
for a connection.

509
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:42,733
Maybe it's time
to get back out there.

510
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:43,900
Maybe it is,

511
00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:46,067
before I start hitting
on the toaster.

512
00:19:48,633 --> 00:19:49,800
Why don't you
look at Eric

513
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:53,067
as the guy who helped
you realize that?

514
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,667
Thanks, Eden.

515
00:19:57,533 --> 00:20:00,567
Oh, okay.

516
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,700
All right, Eric,
time for a little reset.

517
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,867
Hi, I'm Eric.
What's your name?

518
00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:08,300
Not gonna happen,
short stuff.

519
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,067
[upbeat music]

520
00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:18,333
* De-do de-do

521
00:20:18,433 --> 00:20:20,633
* De-do de-do

522
00:20:20,733 --> 00:20:22,033
* De-do de-do

523
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:24,300
*

524
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,333
* Do-do-do-do

525
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,433
* Do-do-do-do

526
00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:27,867
* Do-do-do-do

527
00:20:27,967 --> 00:20:29,833
*

528
00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:32,167
* De-do de-do

529
00:20:32,267 --> 00:20:34,500
* De-do de-do

530
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,733
* Do-do-do-do

531
00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:38,667
(man)
Yeah.

532
00:20:38,767 --> 00:20:40,700
Acme!
[coughs]