1 00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,800 Why do you have to open the door with your hanky? 2 00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:16,167 It's cold and flu season. 3 00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:18,000 (Haskell) Gentlemen, would you be so kind 4 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,967 as to join me in the bedroom? 5 00:00:20,067 --> 00:00:22,000 Now, you know if we were in a movie, 6 00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,900 the audience would be screaming, "Don't you do it. 7 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,000 Don't you go in that bedroom." 8 00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:29,833 Don't be so melodramatic. 9 00:00:29,933 --> 00:00:32,300 You go first. 10 00:00:34,833 --> 00:00:37,867 Hello, gentlemen. 11 00:00:37,967 --> 00:00:39,967 Haskell, what the hell are you doing with all this money? 12 00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:41,933 Lying in it. 13 00:00:42,033 --> 00:00:43,567 Swimming in it. 14 00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:44,800 Lovin' it! 15 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,633 Come here, you. The hundies are the softest. 16 00:00:47,733 --> 00:00:49,167 Oh. [laughs] 17 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:52,067 It's horrifying, but I can't look away. 18 00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:54,100 So, I went to the bank 19 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,400 and I took out every dollar I made on that app 20 00:00:57,500 --> 00:01:00,067 and the other dollar that was there before. 21 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,900 I am going to take pictures and post them online 22 00:01:03,067 --> 00:01:06,933 to throw my success in the face of everyone who doubted me: 23 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,300 the teachers, the clergy, mother, 24 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,867 all the haters. 25 00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:13,200 Haskell, don't you think this is all a bit petty? 26 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:16,067 Petty? It's gauche, vindictive, and offensive. 27 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:17,200 Phil, do you mind? 28 00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:18,800 Oh, I don't mind at all. Get on the bed, baby. 29 00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:21,067 Get on that bed, baby! Yeah! 30 00:01:21,133 --> 00:01:23,133 (Phil) Yeah, flaunt that money! 31 00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,667 Yeah, you rich. You're rich! 32 00:01:25,767 --> 00:01:26,933 Oh... 33 00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:29,133 now the nudies. 34 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,533 [upbeat music] 35 00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:36,067 * De-do de-do 36 00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:37,067 * De-do de-do 37 00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,467 * De-do de-do 38 00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:39,800 * De-do de-do 39 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,633 * 40 00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:42,633 * De-do de-do 41 00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:43,967 * Do-do-do 42 00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:45,067 * Do-do-do-do 43 00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:53,067 Whoo! Look who's here checking out the talent. 44 00:01:53,133 --> 00:01:54,267 Please. 45 00:01:54,367 --> 00:01:56,067 Can't a woman come to a bar for a drink 46 00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:57,933 and a little self-reflection? 47 00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,333 Of course she can. 48 00:01:59,433 --> 00:02:01,567 So, hey, Holly, I'm redoing my bedroom 49 00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:04,600 and I could use your opinion on bedside tables. 50 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,133 Do you like, um... 51 00:02:07,233 --> 00:02:09,967 eclectic or matchy-matchy? 52 00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,867 Forget it, Stuart, all she's thinking about is 53 00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:15,333 back that ass up and let Mama smack it. 54 00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:17,867 All right, maybe it's been a little while 55 00:02:17,967 --> 00:02:21,367 since I've been on the receiving end of male companionship. 56 00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:23,067 Oh, my God, it's been so long, 57 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:25,333 you don't even know what it's called. 58 00:02:25,433 --> 00:02:27,533 Look, it's just that everything's going so great 59 00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:30,067 in my life, but the second I like a guy, 60 00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:32,467 it all turns into drama, you know? 61 00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:34,067 It doesn't have to. 62 00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:35,667 You should just down-date. 63 00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:37,367 I have no idea what that is, 64 00:02:37,467 --> 00:02:41,400 and yet I already find it repugnant. 65 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,500 When I got divorced, I was afraid of getting hurt, 66 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,667 so I hooked up with women who weren't necessarily my type 67 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,900 and I didn't care if I ever saw again. 68 00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:51,600 Well, forget it. 69 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,400 Holly has way too much class to demean herself-- 70 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:56,667 Can it, Matchy-Matchy. 71 00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:59,067 What you're saying is, I should sleep with a guy 72 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:02,267 I'm not interested in so I don't get attached? 73 00:03:02,367 --> 00:03:03,633 Exactly. 74 00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:05,433 It's like driving a crappy rent-a-car. 75 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:07,167 You don't want to be seen in it, 76 00:03:07,267 --> 00:03:10,367 but it gets you where you need to go. 77 00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:12,100 Okay, I'm gonna call it. 78 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,333 Romance, time of death: 6:55 pm. 79 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:19,067 All right, I'm intrigued. 80 00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:20,833 So, how do I down-date, huh? 81 00:03:20,933 --> 00:03:22,267 Look around the bar. 82 00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:23,633 Mm-hmm. 83 00:03:23,733 --> 00:03:25,667 Do you see anything you don't like? 84 00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:27,200 Okay, let's see. 85 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:28,833 Oh, way too hot, huh? 86 00:03:28,933 --> 00:03:29,833 [chuckles] 87 00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:31,667 Oh, he's a heartbreaker, right? 88 00:03:31,767 --> 00:03:34,867 Oh, this is hopeless. 89 00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:36,433 What about that guy? 90 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,067 The schlub at the bar? 91 00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,967 He does nothing for me. 92 00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:45,333 I'm going in. 93 00:03:49,067 --> 00:03:51,067 Hey, buy you a drink? 94 00:03:51,167 --> 00:03:52,233 You want to buy me a drink? 95 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,167 - Uh-huh. - There's a switcheroo. 96 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,167 Just roll with it. Hey, two beers. 97 00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:57,900 - I'm Holly. - Fred. 98 00:03:58,067 --> 00:04:00,800 Hmm, perfect. 99 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,467 So, Fred, what you do? 100 00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:04,667 I'm assistant manager at Cell Phone Hut. 101 00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:05,967 Lovin' it. 102 00:04:06,067 --> 00:04:06,967 How about you? 103 00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:08,333 Mm, I'm a divorce attorney. 104 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:10,533 A lot of school for that, huh? 105 00:04:10,633 --> 00:04:12,100 Yeah, a lot of school. 106 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,767 Hey, so--thanks. 107 00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:15,567 Hey, Fred, so what do you do in your spare time? 108 00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:16,867 Oh, I don't know. I watch TV. 109 00:04:16,967 --> 00:04:18,800 I eat. 110 00:04:18,900 --> 00:04:20,167 I like sandwiches. 111 00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:21,967 [gasps] 112 00:04:22,067 --> 00:04:23,133 Who doesn't? 113 00:04:23,233 --> 00:04:24,667 [chuckles] 114 00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:25,767 You know what? I'll be right back. 115 00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:26,767 Just one second, okay? 116 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,467 Mm-hmm. 117 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,200 So? 118 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,567 Well, I might have just met 119 00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:36,333 the dullest human being on the planet. 120 00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:39,367 Don't wait up. 121 00:04:44,233 --> 00:04:47,167 [snoring] 122 00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:52,567 I can't listen to that all night. 123 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,867 Shove a wad of twenties in his mouth. 124 00:04:56,967 --> 00:05:00,100 Haskell, wake up. You're drooling on your cash. 125 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,833 Oh, I must have dozed off for a second. 126 00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:04,233 Oh, I got to get this money back to the bank. 127 00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:06,400 It's 10:00 at night, man. The banks are closed. 128 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:07,900 No! It can't be closed. 129 00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:09,467 Guess it'll have to wait till Monday. 130 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:10,500 It can't wait. 131 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,900 I just told everyone I know on Facebook 132 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,833 that--that I'm sitting on a pile of cash. 133 00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:15,400 So? They're all your friends. 134 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:18,067 My friends are lowlifes, con artists, and thieves. 135 00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:21,200 One of them is actually a working pirate. 136 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,233 Well, it's your fault for flaunting it. 137 00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,600 This is no time for the blame game! 138 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,400 They're coming for my dough 139 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,433 by land and sea. 140 00:05:39,967 --> 00:05:40,933 All right, Phil... [clears throat] 141 00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:42,067 For my bedroom, 142 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,867 what do you think, man-to-man? 143 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:45,567 Should I go with a reading chair 144 00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:48,100 or a fainting couch? 145 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,833 [clears throat] 146 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,067 I think you should think about it 147 00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:54,100 while you're sitting down to pee. 148 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:58,767 Hey, Haskell. What's up? 149 00:05:58,867 --> 00:06:01,367 What? Who's there? 150 00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:02,800 Have you been up all night? 151 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:05,167 How could I sleep when every lowlife I've ever met 152 00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:06,567 is on his way to rob me? 153 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,833 I'm not letting this out of my sight 154 00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:10,800 until I can get it back to the-- the place 155 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,733 where you keep the money. 156 00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:13,733 You mean the bank? 157 00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,467 Yes, that's the word. 158 00:06:15,567 --> 00:06:18,800 I must be a little punchy. 159 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:22,467 White roommate. 160 00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:24,100 You start calling me black roommate, 161 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,167 we gonna have a problem, man. 162 00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:28,233 I gotta figure out what to do with it. 163 00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:30,367 If I stay here, I'm a sitting duck. 164 00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:33,533 If I leave, I'm a walking duck. 165 00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:35,367 Haskell, until you figure it out, 166 00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:36,500 just go get some rest, okay? 167 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,067 - We'll watch the money for you. - Yeah. 168 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:41,767 Oh, that rolled off your tongue awfully easy. 169 00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,333 You don't trust me? 170 00:06:45,433 --> 00:06:47,500 How dare you. 171 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,900 I'll be waiting for an apology. 172 00:06:50,067 --> 00:06:52,233 And if you're smart, there will be candy. 173 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:55,700 Are you happy? 174 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,900 You just hurt white roommate's feelings. 175 00:07:03,833 --> 00:07:05,567 Hi, hi. 176 00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:08,800 What is with that giant bag? 177 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:11,867 Did you have to climb up a beanstalk to get it? 178 00:07:11,967 --> 00:07:13,600 It's cute, huh? 179 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,700 A friend of mine makes them, and I'm helping her sell them 180 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,067 to make some extra money. 181 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,500 Not that you don't pay me enough. 182 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:23,167 It's just so I could go to a movie or, you know, eat. 183 00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:25,067 So, are you trying to guilt me into buying one? 184 00:07:25,133 --> 00:07:27,367 - No, two. - Hmm. 185 00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:28,700 You got it. 186 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,267 Wow. That was easy. 187 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,933 I thought I was gonna have to grab a step stool 188 00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,400 and kiss your butt. 189 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:37,300 You happened to catch me in a very good mood this morning. 190 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:38,567 Wait. 191 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:42,133 I know that coy, girlish, I-got-me-some smile. 192 00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:44,067 [chuckles] Guilty. 193 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,133 So tell me, is he cute? 194 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,867 Completely average. 195 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,833 But he's got a great personality, right? 196 00:07:49,933 --> 00:07:52,400 Dull as a doorknob. 197 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,967 But the sex, the sex must have been awesome. 198 00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:58,133 Perfectly adequate. 199 00:07:58,233 --> 00:08:00,067 I don't get it. Why would you-- 200 00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:01,767 Oh, my gosh, you're down-dating! 201 00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:03,833 How does everyone know about this but me? 202 00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:06,233 Because you're a hopeless up-dater. 203 00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,933 You're always going for the handsome prince, 204 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,233 when you could be getting your freak on with the village idiot. 205 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,700 I know! God, I could kick myself. 206 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,800 You know what? It is so fantastic, Eden. 207 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,867 And the best part is, I don't care if I ever see Fred again, 208 00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:19,300 so there won't be any drama. 209 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,067 Oh, now that is great. 210 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,200 Yep. 211 00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:23,367 You mean, no, "Eden, why didn't he call? 212 00:08:23,467 --> 00:08:25,433 "What did I do wrong? Did he lose my number? 213 00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:28,633 Who am I kidding? It's me. It's always me! Aah!" 214 00:08:28,733 --> 00:08:31,633 Whew. 215 00:08:31,733 --> 00:08:33,333 Yeah. That's funny. 216 00:08:33,433 --> 00:08:36,767 Bet it'll be a hoot in the unemployment office. 217 00:08:36,867 --> 00:08:37,833 [cell phone chimes] 218 00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:39,467 Oh, that's your phone. 219 00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:41,267 - Oh, I know. - Maybe it's Fred. 220 00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:42,900 Maybe it is. 221 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,567 Wow. 222 00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:46,800 The old you would have trampled me to get it. 223 00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,533 I know. See, that is the beauty of down-dating, Eden. 224 00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:51,367 I just don't care. 225 00:08:51,467 --> 00:08:53,367 [cell phone chimes] 226 00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:56,233 Okay, now I'm curious. 227 00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:57,933 - It is Fred. - Ah. 228 00:08:58,067 --> 00:09:01,833 "What ya doing? Lol." 229 00:09:01,933 --> 00:09:04,267 Why "lol"? What's funny about that? 230 00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:06,400 Nothing. He puts it after everything. 231 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,433 Sometimes he even says it in person. 232 00:09:11,933 --> 00:09:13,200 - Yikes. - Mm. 233 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:15,067 "You bus-ay tonight? Lol." 234 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:16,067 Oh, he's annoying. 235 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,333 Yeah. 236 00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,067 He's a total doofus. 237 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,967 Tell him I'll meet him at 7:00. 238 00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:29,767 So, what do you think? 239 00:09:29,867 --> 00:09:31,200 About what? 240 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:35,133 How could you not notice? 241 00:09:35,233 --> 00:09:36,600 I'm sorry, man. That's a nice haircut. 242 00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:37,600 No. 243 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,900 No, no. No, the couch. 244 00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:41,367 I bought a new couch. 245 00:09:41,467 --> 00:09:42,433 Oh. 246 00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:43,733 I was at the furniture store 247 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,533 checking out accent pieces for my bedroom 248 00:09:45,633 --> 00:09:49,567 when I saw this beauty, and I couldn't stop staring. 249 00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:52,367 So you were eye-banging a sofa? 250 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,733 I'm not gonna lie to you, yes. 251 00:09:57,833 --> 00:09:58,800 Have a seat. Have a seat. 252 00:09:58,900 --> 00:09:59,867 - Oh, man, why do I-- - Come on. 253 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,567 Why did we have to get a new couch? 254 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,533 The old one was just fine, man. 255 00:10:03,633 --> 00:10:04,967 Oh, that's nice. 256 00:10:05,067 --> 00:10:06,300 Yeah. 257 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,367 [Haskell yawns] 258 00:10:07,467 --> 00:10:08,967 Boy, I needed that. 259 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:12,667 It's amazing what a 12-hour catnap will do for you. 260 00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:16,200 Ah. Ah. 261 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:19,067 What's this? 262 00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:20,400 Where's the couch? 263 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,767 What'd you do with the couch?! 264 00:10:21,867 --> 00:10:23,967 I-I bought a new one. It's nice, right? 265 00:10:24,067 --> 00:10:26,767 You idiot! My money was in that couch! 266 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,067 What? 267 00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:32,733 That's where I hid it. I stuffed it in the cushions. 268 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,700 Every penny I had in the world was in that couch! 269 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,100 That ain't good. 270 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,500 What'd you do with it? Where'd you put it? 271 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,100 Where'd you put the couch? Where is it? 272 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,767 Haskell, Haskell. Hands, hands, hands. 273 00:10:42,867 --> 00:10:46,633 I will tell you when we're calm. 274 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,133 All right, we're calm. 275 00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:49,433 - Calm. - Where's the couch? 276 00:10:49,533 --> 00:10:50,567 I don't know. 277 00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:51,700 - Here come the hands. - No! 278 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,733 Come on, stop it. Come on, come on. 279 00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:56,300 Look, what I mean is, Goodwill came to pick it up. 280 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,800 I just don't know which one they took it to. 281 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,467 All right, here's what we're gonna do. 282 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:01,133 We're gonna call them and track it down. 283 00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:02,733 How many Goodwills could there be? 284 00:11:02,833 --> 00:11:04,500 - In the metropolitan area? - Uh-huh. 285 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,133 128. 286 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,133 Haskell, the journey of a thousand miles 287 00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,700 begins with the first step. 288 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,367 It'll be home before you know it. 289 00:11:12,467 --> 00:11:13,733 - Okay. - [chuckles] 290 00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:15,767 They're closed. 291 00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:26,500 - Hi, Eden. - Hey. 292 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,900 How are you liking the new bag? 293 00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:29,300 I love it. [laughs] 294 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,900 Although it did take me 45 minutes 295 00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:33,967 to find my keys this morning. 296 00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:37,633 So how's it going with Fred? Lol. 297 00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:40,300 Fantastic. We have zero chemistry. Hm. 298 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,533 Not only do we not finish each other's sentences, 299 00:11:42,633 --> 00:11:45,233 he barely finishes his own. 300 00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:48,133 Sounds like you hit the down-dating jackpot. 301 00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:50,167 I have to be very careful, Eden. 302 00:11:50,267 --> 00:11:53,667 He's dating at a level he never has before. 303 00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:56,433 I just--I don't want him falling for me, you know? 304 00:11:56,533 --> 00:11:58,533 So that's why we're not seeing each other tonight. 305 00:11:58,633 --> 00:12:00,833 I think it's best if he has me in small doses. 306 00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:02,500 I found that works best. 307 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,100 Yeah. 308 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,767 Hey, what do you know? There's Fred. 309 00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:06,767 - Where? - At the bar. 310 00:12:06,867 --> 00:12:09,333 (Eden) Oh. 311 00:12:09,433 --> 00:12:11,067 Holly, you've got yourself a winner. 312 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,767 That is one unremarkable man. 313 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:14,900 Yeah, I like to think so. 314 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,067 [chuckles] 315 00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:17,333 (Holly) Huh. 316 00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:19,300 (Eden) Huh, what? 317 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,700 He appears to be with that woman. 318 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,233 But you don't care, right? 319 00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:25,067 Of course not. Ha! 320 00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:27,200 That's the beauty of down-dating: do not care. 321 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:28,867 Yep. Good for you. 322 00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:31,067 Mm-hmm-hm. 323 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,067 (Holly) Hmm. 324 00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:34,400 Still, it's a little odd. 325 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,400 I mean, why would he be with another woman 326 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,300 when I'm all he thinks and dreams about? 327 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:40,733 Oh, well, you know, he-- 328 00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,733 he's probably just protecting himself 329 00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:45,200 from the inevitable heartbreak when you dump him. 330 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,067 That's it. That's it right there. 331 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,500 Lol, right? 332 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,067 Lol, baby! 333 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,067 [laughter] 334 00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,067 It's killing you, isn't it? 335 00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:55,100 That cheating son of a bitch! 336 00:12:59,867 --> 00:13:01,667 Come on, hurry up. 337 00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:03,133 Dude, we're coming. Calm down. 338 00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:05,200 I'll calm down when I get my couch. 339 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,900 This is it, 7H. 340 00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:08,833 Stay cool, all right? 341 00:13:08,933 --> 00:13:10,200 You don't want to seem too desperate, 342 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:11,800 or they'll think something's up. 343 00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:13,833 Yeah, just offer them twice what they paid, and then we're out. 344 00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:16,567 Twice? Do I look like Jay Z? 345 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,600 No, you do not. 346 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:22,667 Hello, can I help you? 347 00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:24,800 So sorry to intrude. I'm Haskell. 348 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:28,067 This is my dear friend, Phil, and the other one is Stuart. 349 00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:30,700 We donated the couch to Goodwill. 350 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,367 Oh, come in. Come in. 351 00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:34,167 What if they don't want to sell? 352 00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:35,233 They've only had it for one night. 353 00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,067 How attached to it could they be? 354 00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:43,433 Honey, kids, these are the wonderful people 355 00:13:43,533 --> 00:13:44,900 who donated our couch. 356 00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:48,200 You gave us Big Brownie? 357 00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:51,067 They love it so much, they already named it. 358 00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:53,133 I can't thank you enough. 359 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,500 This couch has really brought our family together. 360 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,700 It's made our little house a home. 361 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,600 Well, it does tie the room together beautifully. 362 00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,067 Things have been tough. Between Jim getting laid off 363 00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:06,067 and my hours being reduced at the hospital, 364 00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:07,933 we could barely make ends meet. 365 00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:10,400 Finding this couch was a godsend. 366 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,067 It's even a good luck charm. 367 00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:14,700 I got a job interview today, first one in weeks. 368 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,633 Oh! How about that? 369 00:14:16,733 --> 00:14:18,233 So, what can we do for you? 370 00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,267 I want the couch back. 371 00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:21,700 What? 372 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,067 What he means is, the couch was donated by mistake, 373 00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:27,667 so unfortunately, we do kind of need Big Brownie back. 374 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,467 That's why I'm willing to reimburse you 375 00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:32,133 for everything you spent, plus a sizable bonus. 376 00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:33,233 20 bucks! 377 00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:34,233 $20? 378 00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:35,433 $2,000. 379 00:14:35,533 --> 00:14:37,633 Why would you give us $2,000 for the couch? 380 00:14:37,733 --> 00:14:39,933 Yeah. I don't know what's going on here, guys, 381 00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:42,600 but we bought this couch, and we're keeping it. 382 00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,100 All right, all right. 383 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,067 I'll tell you what's going on. 384 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,100 I built this couch 385 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,133 with my dad. 386 00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:56,933 We cut down a Douglas fir for the frame. 387 00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,900 Tanned the leather, 388 00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:02,133 even sewed every stitch by hand. 389 00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:04,233 Get off there. 390 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,700 We weren't close when it started. 391 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,333 But when we finished, 392 00:15:09,433 --> 00:15:12,300 we were father and son. 393 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,167 And now, this is all I have 394 00:15:16,267 --> 00:15:18,700 to remember him by. 395 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:22,200 Everything I love in life-- 396 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:25,233 yes-- is stuffed in that couch. 397 00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:28,567 That is so moving. 398 00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,567 Yes, it is. Phil, grab an end. 399 00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:34,767 Hold it. 400 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,833 I miss my dad, too. 401 00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:39,367 Bring it in! 402 00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:42,433 [mumbling indistinctly] 403 00:15:42,533 --> 00:15:44,900 [breathing heavily] 404 00:15:45,067 --> 00:15:46,567 The couch is yours. 405 00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:49,067 But we'll only accept the $80 we paid for it, not a penny more. 406 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,500 Done, done, and done. 407 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,300 Here you go. [laughs] 408 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,800 There--there you go. There you go! 409 00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:57,700 All right, let's go, let's go, let's go. 410 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,100 Mom, does Big Brownie really have to go? 411 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,100 It's the right thing to do, sweetie. 412 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,367 Don't worry, son. 413 00:16:04,467 --> 00:16:05,533 If this job works out, 414 00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:07,800 maybe we'll have enough money for a new couch. 415 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:11,767 Haskell, give them something. 416 00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:13,267 Okay. 417 00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:14,900 You're right. 418 00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:17,167 Every cloud has a silver lining. 419 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,500 Haskell. 420 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,667 All right! 421 00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:23,733 All right. All right. 422 00:16:23,833 --> 00:16:25,400 What's this? 423 00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,467 Your silver lining. 424 00:16:27,567 --> 00:16:28,667 Check inside. 425 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,700 All right, angle it. Angle it. 426 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,500 - I am angling it. - Watch the door. 427 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,833 Watch it. Watch it. Coming around. Coming around. 428 00:16:33,933 --> 00:16:35,867 There you go. 429 00:16:37,733 --> 00:16:39,067 - Oh, my God! - What? 430 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:40,700 [all yelling] 431 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,333 Haskell, you did a nice thing. 432 00:16:43,433 --> 00:16:45,467 Your father is smiling down on you from above. 433 00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:46,733 What? 434 00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:49,933 My father is a gigolo in a rest home in Phoenix. 435 00:17:06,133 --> 00:17:07,333 Hey, Fred. 436 00:17:07,433 --> 00:17:08,833 Holly, what are you doing here? 437 00:17:08,933 --> 00:17:10,833 Well, texted, called you a few times, never heard back, 438 00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:13,167 so thought I'd do a little drop-by. 439 00:17:13,267 --> 00:17:16,233 Well, I've just been super-duper busy 440 00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:17,967 and hadn't had a chance to call. 441 00:17:18,067 --> 00:17:19,400 Oh. 442 00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:22,233 That's odd, considering you're surrounded by cell phones. 443 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,733 [laughs] 444 00:17:23,833 --> 00:17:26,100 Yeah, listen, Holly, I gotta get back to work. 445 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,067 A new operating system came out, 446 00:17:28,167 --> 00:17:30,167 a lot of people are confused. 447 00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,067 Yeah, I'm a little confused myself. 448 00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:34,467 You know, I happened to be at the bar today 449 00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:36,400 and noticed you were with another woman. 450 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:37,567 [clears throat] 451 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:40,067 Oh, that was Debbie 452 00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:42,833 from Build-A-Bear. 453 00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:44,833 Look, Holly, you know, 454 00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,767 much like our new Take It and Go plan, 455 00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:50,067 it's not like you and I were on any sort of long-term contract. 456 00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:51,700 Oh. 457 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,467 Of course, that makes perfect sense, 458 00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,733 except for the part that makes no sense. 459 00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:58,067 Why would you be with Debbie from Build-A-Bear 460 00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,300 when you have me? 461 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,333 I'm a bright, attractive partner at a top law firm. 462 00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:03,833 I'm a force to be reckoned with 463 00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:05,200 in the courtroom and, as you well know, 464 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,633 in the bedroom. 465 00:18:07,733 --> 00:18:10,067 So wake up, Fred. 466 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,900 Oh, boy. 467 00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:14,700 Um, Holly, I'm sorry. 468 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:15,967 Apology accepted. 469 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:18,367 This is what I get for down-dating. 470 00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:24,433 What the--wha--? 471 00:18:24,533 --> 00:18:26,233 You think you're down-dating me? Oh, no, no, no. 472 00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:27,500 I'm down-dating you. 473 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,933 If that's what you need to tell yourself. 474 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,967 No, no, no, no, no. I am the catch, okay? 475 00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:32,467 I'm the up-date, okay? 476 00:18:32,567 --> 00:18:34,400 I was just dating you so I wouldn't get attached. 477 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:35,733 Which is why you're in here 478 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,500 making this whole whoop-de-doo. 479 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,867 Whoop-de-do? 480 00:18:38,967 --> 00:18:40,833 I'm so not interested in you. [chuckles] 481 00:18:40,933 --> 00:18:44,700 It looks like somebody's got a bad case of the Freds. 482 00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:50,533 But don't worry. 483 00:18:50,633 --> 00:18:52,067 You'll find another one. 484 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,500 I don't even want this one! 485 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,367 Sure. Lol. 486 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,267 No, no, no. No, lol. No one says "lol," all right? 487 00:18:58,367 --> 00:18:59,633 If you find something funny, you just laugh. 488 00:18:59,733 --> 00:19:01,833 Ha-ha-ha. 489 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:03,667 Holly, you should probably go. 490 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,167 It's over. 491 00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:06,700 [sighs] 492 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,600 See, the down-date does not say it's over. 493 00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:10,133 The up-date says it's over. 494 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,833 And it is over! 495 00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,333 Okay. Bye, Holly. 496 00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:16,367 I said it's over. Don't beg. You're embarrassing yourself. 497 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,267 Okay, money's in the bank. 498 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,467 Cushions are restuffed. 499 00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:31,133 There's only one thing left to do. 500 00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:32,433 Break her in. 501 00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:33,433 Mm. 502 00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:35,067 Gentlemen, 503 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,267 positions. 504 00:19:37,367 --> 00:19:41,533 [all groaning] 505 00:19:41,633 --> 00:19:43,067 - Ah. - Yeah! 506 00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:44,600 Oh. 507 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,267 Well, Phil, hope you're happy. 508 00:19:47,367 --> 00:19:48,633 Tried your down-dating thing, 509 00:19:48,733 --> 00:19:50,700 and it was a disaster. 510 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,733 He got obsessed. The calls, the texts. 511 00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:57,367 He even showed up at my work like a lunatic. 512 00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:58,367 He dumped you, didn't he? 513 00:19:58,467 --> 00:20:00,733 On my ass. 514 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,200 What's wrong with me, you guys? 515 00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:03,667 What'd I do wrong, huh? 516 00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:05,200 I mean, did I sleep with him too soon? 517 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:07,533 Did--did I give too much? Did I not give enough? 518 00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,200 Oh, come on. It's me. It's me, right? 519 00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:11,233 It's always me. 520 00:20:15,167 --> 00:20:16,600 [upbeat music] 521 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,967 * De-do de-do 522 00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,167 * De-do de-do 523 00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:24,733 * De-do de-do 524 00:20:24,833 --> 00:20:27,033 * Do-do-do do-do-do 525 00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:30,367 * Do-do-do 526 00:20:30,467 --> 00:20:32,733 * De-do de-do 527 00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:34,933 * De-do de-do 528 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,067 * Do-do-do-do 529 00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,067 Yeah. 530 00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:41,067 Acme! [coughs]